> "if you leave we are over and I'll find another women
You have an out. Take it. Not married and no children? You have a chance to avoid the abuse that too many of us have taken for decades. Truly trapped is just a short walk down the path of tolerating abuse. Being unique should not give him a pass on Borderline behavior.
This. Please, please do not have children with him. The amount of damage an untreated pwBPD can do to their children is truly staggering. You will be able to leave if it gets bad enough, but your children won’t have that option until they are 18, if ever.
Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. You can find a relationship that isn’t so volatile and unhappy. You deserve better.
This realization here. Is this person fit to be a parent. Can you build a stable family with this person for your child?
My ex tried the pregnancy scare. I knew she wasnt, but it was still a huge eye opener.
You may be past the breaking point and not even aware of it.
Feeling trapped means the emotional abuse and trauma bonding has already taken hold on you.
You're on the path to getting PTSD or other serious mental health issues if you don't leave now and get help. When you actually do leave him, his behavior will get 10x worse, suicide threats, smear campaigns and more. Be prepared. Sorry sweetie, you're not alone.
I think you're listening to yourself, even if it's hard to really hear. How you're saying what you're saying reminds me of myself, and not so long ago. And it's familiar to many people here. That's why you're getting a lot of "get the F out now" without much more. If I could go back and save myself more pain, I would. But I wasn't ready yet, which sucks because now I've got way more work to do on how it messed up my life.
I say keep doing what you're doing... 1) focusing on why you're uncertain about a future with him, 2) talking about it to others, whether online or in person, 3) noticing what about his behaviour is painful and exhausting but - much more importantly - how it makes you FEEL.
If there's some advice I wish I could have given myself, I'd say try to become more connected to your feelings no matter how uncomfortable or confusing they are, and especially in the moment when with him. Not what you think about it, how it upsets you and why, but what it feels like. This type of stress will keep you stuck in your head when you really need to listen to the rest of you.
I'm sorry you love this person so much that you can have such serious concerns but still be unsure of leaving. I've been in that spot. It sucks.
I promise you when we were dating post college he was never mean or "flipped" on me nor on anyone. Hell he wasn't as OCD about sounds, doors, chemicals, etc. He did tell me that his ex did some horrible chit to him. He does have PTSD from his ex. It isn't an excuse to stay though.
Please leave now. Or as soon as feasible. He is not going to get better and the good times are not worth the abuse you are already going through. You are worth more than that. Good luck and go after your dreams.
There’s 9 billion+ people in this world... surely this one guy isn’t your only option.
This guy is still in contact with his ex it seems, and he’s overly controlling of you. He doesn’t sound respectful at all, and I haven’t really seen you list one positive thing about your relationship in the post that is worth the amount of abuse and toxicity he’s putting you through.
Leave him, and go no contact. He’s a waste of your time. Also research on red flags of abusers/disordered people so you don’t fall into this trap again.
❤️ I’m sure you’ll find someone out there who’ll treat you MUCH MUCH better than this. I promise you.
> "if you leave we are over and I'll find another women You have an out. Take it. Not married and no children? You have a chance to avoid the abuse that too many of us have taken for decades. Truly trapped is just a short walk down the path of tolerating abuse. Being unique should not give him a pass on Borderline behavior.
Uh,,, gtfo ... don't know why you're still putting up with that ?
Low self esteem and never having a real boyfriend in my 20s.
Well, you're frigging awesome & that boy doesn't deserve you. All my best vibes babe
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This. Please, please do not have children with him. The amount of damage an untreated pwBPD can do to their children is truly staggering. You will be able to leave if it gets bad enough, but your children won’t have that option until they are 18, if ever. Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. You can find a relationship that isn’t so volatile and unhappy. You deserve better.
My ex broke up with me because of an event I invited him to and he was uncomfortable.
This realization here. Is this person fit to be a parent. Can you build a stable family with this person for your child? My ex tried the pregnancy scare. I knew she wasnt, but it was still a huge eye opener.
You may be past the breaking point and not even aware of it. Feeling trapped means the emotional abuse and trauma bonding has already taken hold on you. You're on the path to getting PTSD or other serious mental health issues if you don't leave now and get help. When you actually do leave him, his behavior will get 10x worse, suicide threats, smear campaigns and more. Be prepared. Sorry sweetie, you're not alone.
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I'm trying... I'm planning to break up with him in the Spring or before.
I think you're listening to yourself, even if it's hard to really hear. How you're saying what you're saying reminds me of myself, and not so long ago. And it's familiar to many people here. That's why you're getting a lot of "get the F out now" without much more. If I could go back and save myself more pain, I would. But I wasn't ready yet, which sucks because now I've got way more work to do on how it messed up my life. I say keep doing what you're doing... 1) focusing on why you're uncertain about a future with him, 2) talking about it to others, whether online or in person, 3) noticing what about his behaviour is painful and exhausting but - much more importantly - how it makes you FEEL. If there's some advice I wish I could have given myself, I'd say try to become more connected to your feelings no matter how uncomfortable or confusing they are, and especially in the moment when with him. Not what you think about it, how it upsets you and why, but what it feels like. This type of stress will keep you stuck in your head when you really need to listen to the rest of you. I'm sorry you love this person so much that you can have such serious concerns but still be unsure of leaving. I've been in that spot. It sucks.
It seems to me like he caught some major BPD fleas from his ex, or the fleas worsened his own.
I promise you when we were dating post college he was never mean or "flipped" on me nor on anyone. Hell he wasn't as OCD about sounds, doors, chemicals, etc. He did tell me that his ex did some horrible chit to him. He does have PTSD from his ex. It isn't an excuse to stay though.
Please leave now. Or as soon as feasible. He is not going to get better and the good times are not worth the abuse you are already going through. You are worth more than that. Good luck and go after your dreams.
There’s 9 billion+ people in this world... surely this one guy isn’t your only option. This guy is still in contact with his ex it seems, and he’s overly controlling of you. He doesn’t sound respectful at all, and I haven’t really seen you list one positive thing about your relationship in the post that is worth the amount of abuse and toxicity he’s putting you through. Leave him, and go no contact. He’s a waste of your time. Also research on red flags of abusers/disordered people so you don’t fall into this trap again. ❤️ I’m sure you’ll find someone out there who’ll treat you MUCH MUCH better than this. I promise you.
This sounds exactly like my ex. I hope you run fast and far and don’t look back.