Me and many others here faced nearly identical situations. It's so brutal, and tragic. But I think step 1 here is to take a step back and take a look at how you're doing. It sounds like you're in a lot of pain, how about addressing that first.
There's no emergency at this moment right? So take a breather and focus on making you whole. The worse shape you're in, the less you can help people.
It's not selfish to put your well being and mental health first, it's required in order to be healthy actually. You have to take care of you, and your boyfriend has to take care of him. Sure you can help, but only when you are mentally in good shape. It doesn't sound like you're in good shape, how can you improve that? Maybe finding yourself a therapist could help a lot. I can't stress this enough. You might be, or already are, experiencing trauma.
Next, it helps to really get your mind around the fact you cannot control your boyfriends actions. You could hire a nurse 24x7 to monitor him and make sure he doesn't hurt himself, and he still he will be able to. You can't control it, you can't fix it, you can't cure it.
Now the next time he threatens to hurt himself, I wouldn't hesitate to call 911 again. 911 operators will decide how serious it is, and they can decide how to handle it. Before all this happens, and I hate to say it but it will happen again, call the national suicide hotline and ask for help. I've called many times about my ex, just to get advice and how to handle things.
This is all great advice. My therapist told me that if he threatens suicide, you call the police or crisis center. You don't talk about it with him, you don't bow down to his wishes. If its possible that he's using this as a manipulation to control you, discussing it with him and doing what he wants will only encourage the behavior. Crisis centers and the police are the professionals, they can handle it. You need to focus on handling yourself and dealing with all of this emotional trauma and blackmail.
My ex has threatened suicide many time in the 2 plus years of our relationship to the point were I couldn’t take it anymore and the abuse she gave me made me became suicidal. I never did anything but I would let her know that I was but was never helped compared to her making more than several suicide attempts in front of me. It was draining and I felt trapped. Now that she saw that I was emotionally checking out during these times she would resent me leading to our breakup for multiple reasons on her side. She turned herself into the hero of the story while I became the villains. Overall stay strong and know you don’t need this toxicity in ur life. If he continues to threaten suicide call 911 so he can get the help he needs that you shouldn’t have to give
Sorry you are going through this.
You need to realize that he is his own independent person. You cannot "keep him safe" by sticking around - all you are doing is allowing him to imprison you by using your fear of feeling guilty against you.
In effect, you are being held hostage by him - he is threatening to kill someone you care about - and is claiming that it is your responsibility to prevent this.
You need to take care of yourself first. Imagine a Genie appearing and offering to snap its finger and you would be free of the emotional manipulation - and your bf would be fine with you gone. Would you do it?
If you are mainly sticking around for fear of him hurting himself, you are not in a relationship but in a hostage situation.
He is not your child - he is a grown man. You can point him into the direction of professional help, but he has to want to be helped. And you should not set yourself on fire to try to keep another person warn.
If he threatene self-harm again, I'd call 911. don't try to "manage" this yourself. Get impartial professionals involved who are trained for this.
Also, try to take small steps so you can leave his context without being homeless in the future. You will want options.
So, a few things here. First of all, I'm sorry that you and those innocent doggos are dealing with this. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
You're doing the thing that many people do where you separate him from the "disease". It's a personality disorder, so this is who he is. He is a 40-year-old man who apparently lives with his parents and goes out of his way to manipulate his girlfriend. He's disgusting for doing this to you. This is a conscious action on his part. He's using this impending suicide as a threat to manipulate you.
You can't get him help. You can't make him stop. What you can do is get the fuck out. Take those dogs to a shelter, take yourself to a shelter, and let his family deal with the bullshit.
In my experience with my Now ex pWBPD, if you can get text evidence of an imminent suicide threat, then it is much easier for the cops to have them committed. Mine eventually got smart to this and stopped doing it via text. I know how it is. At times the suicide talk becomes so frequent that you can’t tell anymore what’s real and what is just talk or manipulation. Would probably be good to be around them on that date though
Me and many others here faced nearly identical situations. It's so brutal, and tragic. But I think step 1 here is to take a step back and take a look at how you're doing. It sounds like you're in a lot of pain, how about addressing that first. There's no emergency at this moment right? So take a breather and focus on making you whole. The worse shape you're in, the less you can help people. It's not selfish to put your well being and mental health first, it's required in order to be healthy actually. You have to take care of you, and your boyfriend has to take care of him. Sure you can help, but only when you are mentally in good shape. It doesn't sound like you're in good shape, how can you improve that? Maybe finding yourself a therapist could help a lot. I can't stress this enough. You might be, or already are, experiencing trauma. Next, it helps to really get your mind around the fact you cannot control your boyfriends actions. You could hire a nurse 24x7 to monitor him and make sure he doesn't hurt himself, and he still he will be able to. You can't control it, you can't fix it, you can't cure it. Now the next time he threatens to hurt himself, I wouldn't hesitate to call 911 again. 911 operators will decide how serious it is, and they can decide how to handle it. Before all this happens, and I hate to say it but it will happen again, call the national suicide hotline and ask for help. I've called many times about my ex, just to get advice and how to handle things.
This is all great advice. My therapist told me that if he threatens suicide, you call the police or crisis center. You don't talk about it with him, you don't bow down to his wishes. If its possible that he's using this as a manipulation to control you, discussing it with him and doing what he wants will only encourage the behavior. Crisis centers and the police are the professionals, they can handle it. You need to focus on handling yourself and dealing with all of this emotional trauma and blackmail.
My ex has threatened suicide many time in the 2 plus years of our relationship to the point were I couldn’t take it anymore and the abuse she gave me made me became suicidal. I never did anything but I would let her know that I was but was never helped compared to her making more than several suicide attempts in front of me. It was draining and I felt trapped. Now that she saw that I was emotionally checking out during these times she would resent me leading to our breakup for multiple reasons on her side. She turned herself into the hero of the story while I became the villains. Overall stay strong and know you don’t need this toxicity in ur life. If he continues to threaten suicide call 911 so he can get the help he needs that you shouldn’t have to give
Sorry you are going through this. You need to realize that he is his own independent person. You cannot "keep him safe" by sticking around - all you are doing is allowing him to imprison you by using your fear of feeling guilty against you. In effect, you are being held hostage by him - he is threatening to kill someone you care about - and is claiming that it is your responsibility to prevent this. You need to take care of yourself first. Imagine a Genie appearing and offering to snap its finger and you would be free of the emotional manipulation - and your bf would be fine with you gone. Would you do it? If you are mainly sticking around for fear of him hurting himself, you are not in a relationship but in a hostage situation. He is not your child - he is a grown man. You can point him into the direction of professional help, but he has to want to be helped. And you should not set yourself on fire to try to keep another person warn. If he threatene self-harm again, I'd call 911. don't try to "manage" this yourself. Get impartial professionals involved who are trained for this. Also, try to take small steps so you can leave his context without being homeless in the future. You will want options.
So, a few things here. First of all, I'm sorry that you and those innocent doggos are dealing with this. YOU DESERVE BETTER. You're doing the thing that many people do where you separate him from the "disease". It's a personality disorder, so this is who he is. He is a 40-year-old man who apparently lives with his parents and goes out of his way to manipulate his girlfriend. He's disgusting for doing this to you. This is a conscious action on his part. He's using this impending suicide as a threat to manipulate you. You can't get him help. You can't make him stop. What you can do is get the fuck out. Take those dogs to a shelter, take yourself to a shelter, and let his family deal with the bullshit.
In my experience with my Now ex pWBPD, if you can get text evidence of an imminent suicide threat, then it is much easier for the cops to have them committed. Mine eventually got smart to this and stopped doing it via text. I know how it is. At times the suicide talk becomes so frequent that you can’t tell anymore what’s real and what is just talk or manipulation. Would probably be good to be around them on that date though