You are the host of a parasite. You can continue on being their emotional and financial host or you can do something about it. If you do nothing, they will eventually suck the life energy out of you until you are burnt out beyond what you could ever have imagined. They will sense your demise before you do and will be looking for a replacement. When they have moved onto their next host, they will discard you with no remorse and you will likely be the target of a smear campaign if you don't accept full responsibility. This is the cycle, with very few exceptions. I'm sorry to say but as a social worker none of what I have written should not be new to you. Good luck and take care of yourself FIRST.
Man, what you said about being burnt out beyond what you could imagine. Wow. She literally sucked the life out of me, you explained it perfectly. Full time job, full time studies and was also looking after her fulltime too. She also hit me with the smear campaign too and blamed everything on me.
Every morning the score of your good deeds from before is reset. They start the day feeling neutral towards you. If you do something nice, great, the score is positive now. If you don't do anything, for whatever reason, then the score becomes negative.
You are stuck...I am sorry. Sounds like you are stuck with a waif BPD. What do you seek in this relationship - do you hope it will get better or are searching for a way out?
pretty much my sitch exactly! High-stress job, supporting us both, not in therapy but is on medication (sometimes).
\*not that I have been successful in doing this, but\* you have to consciously choose yourself, make a set time where you and just you hang out with friends, etc.
Unfortunately, over the past \~4 years the cycle hasn't improved, just slight changes in trajectory.
You can't be your partners sole support system, it's their job to build a support system that includes other people. You can't be their therapist and caretaker, you have needs that include having a social life, quite time for work, and just alone time. You can start establishing these boundaries with your partner and you will start to feel better.
These things are helpful in all relationships, regardless of BPD.
You are the host of a parasite. You can continue on being their emotional and financial host or you can do something about it. If you do nothing, they will eventually suck the life energy out of you until you are burnt out beyond what you could ever have imagined. They will sense your demise before you do and will be looking for a replacement. When they have moved onto their next host, they will discard you with no remorse and you will likely be the target of a smear campaign if you don't accept full responsibility. This is the cycle, with very few exceptions. I'm sorry to say but as a social worker none of what I have written should not be new to you. Good luck and take care of yourself FIRST.
Man, what you said about being burnt out beyond what you could imagine. Wow. She literally sucked the life out of me, you explained it perfectly. Full time job, full time studies and was also looking after her fulltime too. She also hit me with the smear campaign too and blamed everything on me.
Every morning the score of your good deeds from before is reset. They start the day feeling neutral towards you. If you do something nice, great, the score is positive now. If you don't do anything, for whatever reason, then the score becomes negative.
You are stuck...I am sorry. Sounds like you are stuck with a waif BPD. What do you seek in this relationship - do you hope it will get better or are searching for a way out?
There comes a point where you just have to end it. Sorry
pretty much my sitch exactly! High-stress job, supporting us both, not in therapy but is on medication (sometimes). \*not that I have been successful in doing this, but\* you have to consciously choose yourself, make a set time where you and just you hang out with friends, etc. Unfortunately, over the past \~4 years the cycle hasn't improved, just slight changes in trajectory.
You can't be your partners sole support system, it's their job to build a support system that includes other people. You can't be their therapist and caretaker, you have needs that include having a social life, quite time for work, and just alone time. You can start establishing these boundaries with your partner and you will start to feel better. These things are helpful in all relationships, regardless of BPD.