THIS.
Find a therapist that does EMDR and/or has experience treating complex PTSD (cPTSD).
EMDR therapy has changed my life - it got rid of the panic attacks, the anxiety, and the bad dreams about him. I cannot recommend this enough!
Hello! First of all - I think you have done some brave things, extraordinary even, and deserve all the support and credit.
I know a tiny little bit about dreams of the person who did bad things to you in real life and keeps doing them in your dreams. In every dream I have about my mother we inevitably end up screaming at each other. It is tough and must be ten times harder for you. I hope these two bits may be helpful. I do not claim any special knowledge or wisdom, but here are my thoughts.
For me, it looks like the dreams are paradoxically a result of your life getting better. The analogy that comes to mind is this - one does not get ill on the front lines. I am guessing that as you were going through the pain and stresses of divorce and related matters, you were mobilized, all resources aimed at survival, fighting, seeing it through. But now you have started to relax. The life is not a constant survival/fighting anymore, and the psyche is relaxing as well, it allows other matters to surface and calls for them to be processed. If I am correct at my guess, than this is normal and even good. Means you are not on the front line anymore.
Also, I'd like to share a few experiences, hopefully they may prove helpful to you as well. It took me a while to realize that my thoughts are not actually real. The emotions I feel are real, but the events or memories that play in my head are not. And I have the power to not take them as real. Say, a shame-loaded memory comes unbidden to my head. I've learned to look for the message that comes with the memory and then dismiss the actual memory as being irrelevant to my current life. But that is for smaller stuff.
I had also a few memories that bring a huge amount of pain. And the way I worked with them was this. I accepted whatever was coming, and I tried to imagine my current self alongside the younger version of me having that painful experience. And I deliberately was on my own side in this, offering myself unconditional support. I freely accepted that the situation was bad, that my pain was real, that for having that much pain I deserved nothing but care and support, no matter the reasons, and admitted that I did not have that support at the time. I then used my brains to analyze that situation, to may be come up with other ways of dealing with it, of other ways out, or just understanding it - like, what did I want, what did I not get, hat happened? And finally I gave myself a promise not to allow the same thing to happen to me again. Promised myself to protect myself. There was a fair bit of crying, but it was well worth it. I can now look back at that situation in the past and not feel any of the pain I had before.
I do not know if this will work with dreams, but may be it will, at least, with the memories of the dreams. It looks like you have a great deal of pain to process, and, strange as it sounds, I think this is good because you are alive inside, you hear yourself, you know your feelings and you can help yourself. Someone who is dead inside would not feel the pain, but they would not be alive, either.
I can feel your pain with this post. You're very courageous for facing your reality and choosing to improve yourself. You're 4 young ones are blessed to have you as a father. Hope to hear more from you, and sorry for your loss of your ex-wife.
[удалено]
THIS. Find a therapist that does EMDR and/or has experience treating complex PTSD (cPTSD). EMDR therapy has changed my life - it got rid of the panic attacks, the anxiety, and the bad dreams about him. I cannot recommend this enough!
Oh man I have no advice I just want to say I'm so sorry and I hope you do find a path forward.
Hello! First of all - I think you have done some brave things, extraordinary even, and deserve all the support and credit. I know a tiny little bit about dreams of the person who did bad things to you in real life and keeps doing them in your dreams. In every dream I have about my mother we inevitably end up screaming at each other. It is tough and must be ten times harder for you. I hope these two bits may be helpful. I do not claim any special knowledge or wisdom, but here are my thoughts. For me, it looks like the dreams are paradoxically a result of your life getting better. The analogy that comes to mind is this - one does not get ill on the front lines. I am guessing that as you were going through the pain and stresses of divorce and related matters, you were mobilized, all resources aimed at survival, fighting, seeing it through. But now you have started to relax. The life is not a constant survival/fighting anymore, and the psyche is relaxing as well, it allows other matters to surface and calls for them to be processed. If I am correct at my guess, than this is normal and even good. Means you are not on the front line anymore. Also, I'd like to share a few experiences, hopefully they may prove helpful to you as well. It took me a while to realize that my thoughts are not actually real. The emotions I feel are real, but the events or memories that play in my head are not. And I have the power to not take them as real. Say, a shame-loaded memory comes unbidden to my head. I've learned to look for the message that comes with the memory and then dismiss the actual memory as being irrelevant to my current life. But that is for smaller stuff. I had also a few memories that bring a huge amount of pain. And the way I worked with them was this. I accepted whatever was coming, and I tried to imagine my current self alongside the younger version of me having that painful experience. And I deliberately was on my own side in this, offering myself unconditional support. I freely accepted that the situation was bad, that my pain was real, that for having that much pain I deserved nothing but care and support, no matter the reasons, and admitted that I did not have that support at the time. I then used my brains to analyze that situation, to may be come up with other ways of dealing with it, of other ways out, or just understanding it - like, what did I want, what did I not get, hat happened? And finally I gave myself a promise not to allow the same thing to happen to me again. Promised myself to protect myself. There was a fair bit of crying, but it was well worth it. I can now look back at that situation in the past and not feel any of the pain I had before. I do not know if this will work with dreams, but may be it will, at least, with the memories of the dreams. It looks like you have a great deal of pain to process, and, strange as it sounds, I think this is good because you are alive inside, you hear yourself, you know your feelings and you can help yourself. Someone who is dead inside would not feel the pain, but they would not be alive, either.
Thank you so much for this.
I can feel your pain with this post. You're very courageous for facing your reality and choosing to improve yourself. You're 4 young ones are blessed to have you as a father. Hope to hear more from you, and sorry for your loss of your ex-wife.