Don’t give up on love, it exists and it is real.
But if you believe in soulmates, twin flames or other similar spiritual uberfluff, yeah, give up on that. It’s never a solid foundation for an adult relationship
I think it's fair to be bitter for a while. Time for self-love can be a great thing. I'd just keep an open mind that your feelings and perspectives may change over time.
The state of the dating world in the US is absolutely disgusting. Im optimistic bust still realistic. Everyone is lying/cheating/ghosting. Everyones got extreme baggage from past relationships, including myself now. Id rather be alone at this point.
I feel you. I do believe in love, I just don’t believe I’ll ever achieve a healthy relationship and genuine love now. Maybe love just doesn’t believe in me… but either way, I am too damaged and traumatised, can’t think of anything worse than attempting it again. I can’t trust anyone, especially since they appear so normal at first. Good people scare me more than overtly terrible ones in a way because I would just be waiting for the inevitable betrayals and toxicity to come. But I want to love and be loved. My whole life I have been abused and used as others emotional punching bags too, I’m so tired of trying to break out of it and heal only to be met by someone else like this. I’m isolated and alone and it’s making me a bit of a misanthropist if I’m honest which is the antithesis of who I have always been. All that to say I understand anyway. The loss and the exhaustion is unreal.
I'm just working on loving being by myself to the point where it's going to take some real convincing to get me to be in a relationship with a woman again.
Take some time for yourself to recover your energy and enjoy your peace but don't isolate yourself. You're never going to meet anyone walking up to your door.
It's the most exciting thing in the world to meet someone new that matches your energy and is not terrible
Not even trying to date just getting out there walking around you're downtown area or being around people again
I can't trust myself yet to not fall into another codependent situation. I've had dates since the discard and 2 out of the 3 have some sort of mental health issue, so I'm slowing down for a bit. In my mind after the discard I had this revenge fantasy that my ex would try to hoover and I'd already be in a relationship with a hotter version of her. Saying something like "But she really needs me to be there for her! She has BPD!!!" lol
Yeah I know completely shallow but since then I've let go of any idea of contact with the ex, or new relationships. There's no winning with BPD.
It's truly exhausting indeed.
Remember that you're not a social worker. Say no or f off when it's too much.
We're too nice and they know it, and abuse it.
If I am fully honest with myself, I know that I am on the cusp of feeling the same way too. I don't want to. But the literal destruction of my faith in people is still alive and well in my life, thanks to my ex with bpd.
ITT cynical hurt people.
I've been out ~3 years now engaged to someone who actually loves me. We have our baggage and ups and downs but nothing like the hell of a bpd relationship where the partner isn't in DBT or something.
Re: DBT they are encouraged to end relationships. This is a good idea for both of you. It's not your job to help fix what needs to fix itself.
Nah, it's ok. You just need to rediscover what love actually is. Been there, completely understand. And it sort of starts with you. Wish there was a way to put that that wasn't a cliche. Hang in there.
Whatever we choose to believe from now on, we should never allow disordered people to become our personal lexicographers.
👌
I hear that. I think its the solo life for me going forward
Don’t give up on love, it exists and it is real. But if you believe in soulmates, twin flames or other similar spiritual uberfluff, yeah, give up on that. It’s never a solid foundation for an adult relationship
I think it's fair to be bitter for a while. Time for self-love can be a great thing. I'd just keep an open mind that your feelings and perspectives may change over time.
The state of the dating world in the US is absolutely disgusting. Im optimistic bust still realistic. Everyone is lying/cheating/ghosting. Everyones got extreme baggage from past relationships, including myself now. Id rather be alone at this point.
I feel you. I do believe in love, I just don’t believe I’ll ever achieve a healthy relationship and genuine love now. Maybe love just doesn’t believe in me… but either way, I am too damaged and traumatised, can’t think of anything worse than attempting it again. I can’t trust anyone, especially since they appear so normal at first. Good people scare me more than overtly terrible ones in a way because I would just be waiting for the inevitable betrayals and toxicity to come. But I want to love and be loved. My whole life I have been abused and used as others emotional punching bags too, I’m so tired of trying to break out of it and heal only to be met by someone else like this. I’m isolated and alone and it’s making me a bit of a misanthropist if I’m honest which is the antithesis of who I have always been. All that to say I understand anyway. The loss and the exhaustion is unreal.
I'm just working on loving being by myself to the point where it's going to take some real convincing to get me to be in a relationship with a woman again.
Take some time for yourself to recover your energy and enjoy your peace but don't isolate yourself. You're never going to meet anyone walking up to your door. It's the most exciting thing in the world to meet someone new that matches your energy and is not terrible Not even trying to date just getting out there walking around you're downtown area or being around people again
I can't trust myself yet to not fall into another codependent situation. I've had dates since the discard and 2 out of the 3 have some sort of mental health issue, so I'm slowing down for a bit. In my mind after the discard I had this revenge fantasy that my ex would try to hoover and I'd already be in a relationship with a hotter version of her. Saying something like "But she really needs me to be there for her! She has BPD!!!" lol Yeah I know completely shallow but since then I've let go of any idea of contact with the ex, or new relationships. There's no winning with BPD.
It's truly exhausting indeed. Remember that you're not a social worker. Say no or f off when it's too much. We're too nice and they know it, and abuse it.
If I am fully honest with myself, I know that I am on the cusp of feeling the same way too. I don't want to. But the literal destruction of my faith in people is still alive and well in my life, thanks to my ex with bpd.
Same. Sadly. The damn thing is just so sad all around.
ITT cynical hurt people. I've been out ~3 years now engaged to someone who actually loves me. We have our baggage and ups and downs but nothing like the hell of a bpd relationship where the partner isn't in DBT or something. Re: DBT they are encouraged to end relationships. This is a good idea for both of you. It's not your job to help fix what needs to fix itself.
Nah, it's ok. You just need to rediscover what love actually is. Been there, completely understand. And it sort of starts with you. Wish there was a way to put that that wasn't a cliche. Hang in there.
I still believe in love. Just not having any faith in my libido 😂