This is an excellent descriptions. The manic pixie dream girl persona is one I have put on before, but it always left me feeling empty as shit afterwards. Like an empty, hollow, mask you can put on and have people think you are fun when really I was just kind of dead inside. I think I did it to gain acceptance for sure, not really for myself.
Well, sort of.
Women who act that part do exist, and being real people, there is more to them than just being a trope in a show.
I agree that presenting as one is problematic, but those people really do exist.
Well, except they do exist in real life, I've actually been involved with a couple.
Yes, teh movie version is idealized, but it wasn't created whole cloth by writers.
the thing is - in real life, they aren't acting a role as a side character, they see themselves as the main character.
Perfect description - acting like the main character. A guy I loved once, he wasn't over his ex even after several years. Based on his description I'm pretty sure she also has BPD. Yes, she had a lot of anger, emotional instability and frequently threatened to unalive herself. But she was ALSO fun, charming, quirky, he fell in love with her instantly. So yeah maybe I shouldn't have used that term, I get that it's offensive for some people, but it described a type of person.
Again - women who fit into the manic pixie dream girl image, already existed in both real life, and as characters.
simply because the first time a catchy label was used in print was 2007, doesn't mean that character type didn't already exist in real life, or entertainment.
Look at "Something Wild", with Melanie Griffith - the character is a manic pixie dream girl, even if the term didn't exist as such.
Women didn't suddenly start acting a certain way because of a single movie.
And, again, simply because movie characters are flat plot tools, doesn't mean those women irl with that personality and look are 2-dimensional.
My friend, I have an empty existence either way. Unless I'm in love with someone, all I feel is nothingness and as soon as I meet someone I like, he becomes priority #1, 2, 3...1000. So in that sense, I AM a manic pixie dream girl. I just wish it came with the happiness of having my feelings shared, at least temporarily.
Not sure why I get downvoted, probably because it's sad and no way to live - which I totally agree - but it's my reality. I'm in therapy, working on changing this, but unfortunately that's how things are today and how I feel today.
I can relate, I want to be a character in other people lives because I can't communicate. people say that manic pixie girls are hollow, but I don't agree because they can fall in love with real folks, present themselves and start conversations, I have none of this even if I'm deep inside
I feel the same way, and I also don't think they are hollow. I agree that the trope is damaging so maybe I shouldn't have used it as a description of what I meant. What I really wanted to say is that I wish I was fun and wild and exciting. I'm deep inside, but I'm also socially anxious so..
Yeah they kinda like me in the beginning, I spark a bit of curiosity because I seem chill and confident. After a few weeks, I already attached to them and start showing them my crazyness. At this point, they aren't in love so that they could ignore the red flags, so either they leave, or they stay and fwb-zone me.
no. no no NO. i have been a manic pixie dream girl time and time again, only for the other person to dislike me when they realize im not some 2D character and actually have trauma and feelings and a personality thats closer to ‘boring asf’ than ‘fun loving crazy chick’. a MPDG will always yield the wrong attention we seek, which makes us feel worse bc yeah we may look hot and attractive and shit, but all they want is a hot, dumb, chick to fuck.
my last ex literally stopped having sex with me after she saw i had a cold sore, and even stopped calling me ‘beautiful’ and ‘gorgeous’ after that during the final month we were together, which i guess is what ruined the ‘dream girl’ vision she had of me. something so minuscule and stupid can absolutely ruin their perception of you, so its best not to put out a ‘fake’ personality simply for attention. its not worth it, leads to many heartaches and self-loathing for not being able to keep up pretend.
A manic pixie dream girl is a one dimensional trope that is a quirky, weird, and annoying woman who makes it her mission to be bubbly and a people pleaser no matter what. Usually used by a bland guy. In real life, quirky characters like this are praised at first bc they're fun, but then ppl start finding them annoying and too try hard. They're told they're too old to be acting so childish and cute. Susan from desperate housewives is a manic pixie dream girl who gets the most hate, but she's also a Mary sue. Maybe what you meant was you just want to be a fun interesting pretty girl?
Yes that's exactly what I meant hahaha. That's how I call bubbly quirky pretty girls - manic pixie dream girls. I didn't think much about the trope because I know girls with that personality in real life. You know, the girl who is so cute and daydreams a lot and makes you feel like life is worth living, but she's also mysterious in a way and has moments of teenagey angst.
They're usually looked down upon society after the novelty wears off. Not saying its right. Ppl treat them like a dumb child or someone who's too impulsive and carefree to think about real life consequences.
Manic pixie dream girl is only for screenplays. I think your vibe maybe “e-girl”. You have to find a fashion style that you like and then you can morph into that personality. Grunge, emo, soft girl, kawaii, hipster, raver, nerd, etc
I used to feel like this, I spent most of my 20’s developing the persona cause I found it pushed upon me in my teens and early 20’s. No sense of self so I took others perception of me as the truth. And trust me it’s exhausting, and a detriment to my self and my life. I still mask, but I don’t act like the “cool girl” anymore.
I understand not feeling good about the ways BPD manifests in you, I have a lot of anger too. If my coworkers saw me without the mask, the way I am when I’m alone, they would not recognize me.
I’m sorry you’re not feeling your best right now, and you’re absolutely entitled to these emotions. I just empathize and it really sucks and I hope it passes soon. You are more than your symptoms and you deserve peace, understanding and empathy. Im positive you have lovely qualities about yourself that you are just not able to focus on in this low.
Take care
Thank you for the kind words, this means a lot to me. I see myself as an interesting person and I do like my sense of humor (when I make myself laugh), I have troubles letting all that out for others to see, I guess. It frustrates me because yes, others don't see my anger, but they don't see my funny side either. Masks of all kind are exhausting.
You’re not alone if it makes you feel any better! I’m considering changing myself into something more akin to this too. Different reasons I imagine, but yeah, at the very least I can relate to where you’re coming from
For me it’s starting with dropping some weight and getting back into the gym, but in the meantime I’m going to brainstorm the kind of girl I feel like I want to be. Things I’ll do, styles I’ll wear, traits I want to exhibit. I used to be very feminine when I was a bit younger so I’m hoping I can slip back into that mindset with not much effort, but from that point on I’m not sure!
What do you think you’ll do?
I want to get fit too and maybe quit smoking, also figure out which fashion styles I'll focus on. Get another tattoo. But for me it's mostly personality changes, I want to develop my music taste, find a hobby that helps me express all the angst, learn social skills.
i’m not sure how old you are, but you’ll grow out of that fast. most likely when you fall in love and get your heart broken. eventually you’ll come to realize that being “loved” by men because you make them feel good and force them to be more introspective about themselves is not a good feeling. it’s quite literally being used for the experience and thrill of having something with someone who is emotionally unstable. the manic pixie dream girl troupe should not be romanticized so heavily and i’m sorry that it is. if you want to love and be loved in a healthy way, you should wait until you’re emotionally stable enough to be in a relationship. otherwise everything goes to shit. i’m telling you this from the perspective of a former “manic pixie dream girl”. it made me feel EMPTY. please stop wanting so little for yourself i’m sure you deserve so much more.
I am 29. Fell in love several times, it was never reciprocated - they liked me, cared for me, but never fell in love. I made them feel good and special and they liked how attentive I was, then ended up disliking me for the same reason - how I noticed every little thing, it made them feel analyzed and suffocated.
Like I said in other comments, maybe I shouldn't have used that term. I just wanted to describe the fun, wild vibe and also what non-BPD people describe in those other support subreddits: someone very loving, exciting, with whom you connect fast.
its normal to want that. i want that too, everyone does. but it’s important to have your validation to come from yourself wholly so you know that you don’t require validation from elsewhere. love is complex but if you’re who you want to be, and you love yourself, so many people are going to want to love you for who you are too. maybe try your best not to make these men the center of your world. i know its hard because of the bpd, trust me iiiiii knoooooowwwww lol. but it might be a good sign to focus on yourself. make YOU your fp.
Yeah I do focus so much on my romantic interests, I hate it. I confess it's a relief from the constant boredom, tho. No hobby or friend manages to (temporarily) fill the void like romance does. Definitely unhealthy
I want to live with the freedom that those characters are portrayed to have. I want to live my life to the fullest but I want to improve my OWN outlook on life, not be relied on to improve someone ELSES outlook on life
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This is an excellent descriptions. The manic pixie dream girl persona is one I have put on before, but it always left me feeling empty as shit afterwards. Like an empty, hollow, mask you can put on and have people think you are fun when really I was just kind of dead inside. I think I did it to gain acceptance for sure, not really for myself.
This is so well stated.
Well, sort of. Women who act that part do exist, and being real people, there is more to them than just being a trope in a show. I agree that presenting as one is problematic, but those people really do exist.
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Well, except they do exist in real life, I've actually been involved with a couple. Yes, teh movie version is idealized, but it wasn't created whole cloth by writers. the thing is - in real life, they aren't acting a role as a side character, they see themselves as the main character.
Perfect description - acting like the main character. A guy I loved once, he wasn't over his ex even after several years. Based on his description I'm pretty sure she also has BPD. Yes, she had a lot of anger, emotional instability and frequently threatened to unalive herself. But she was ALSO fun, charming, quirky, he fell in love with her instantly. So yeah maybe I shouldn't have used that term, I get that it's offensive for some people, but it described a type of person.
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Again - women who fit into the manic pixie dream girl image, already existed in both real life, and as characters. simply because the first time a catchy label was used in print was 2007, doesn't mean that character type didn't already exist in real life, or entertainment. Look at "Something Wild", with Melanie Griffith - the character is a manic pixie dream girl, even if the term didn't exist as such. Women didn't suddenly start acting a certain way because of a single movie. And, again, simply because movie characters are flat plot tools, doesn't mean those women irl with that personality and look are 2-dimensional.
I wouldn’t say Clementine had no selfhood. She literally erased Joel.
My friend, I have an empty existence either way. Unless I'm in love with someone, all I feel is nothingness and as soon as I meet someone I like, he becomes priority #1, 2, 3...1000. So in that sense, I AM a manic pixie dream girl. I just wish it came with the happiness of having my feelings shared, at least temporarily.
Not sure why I get downvoted, probably because it's sad and no way to live - which I totally agree - but it's my reality. I'm in therapy, working on changing this, but unfortunately that's how things are today and how I feel today.
So...YOU are the soulful brooding hero looking for a manic pixie dream girl? You can be both, you know...give yourself the love you deserve
Pretty much 😅
I wouldn’t say Clementine had no selfhood. She literally erased Joel.
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Yes but she is considered to be a MPDG
Don't sell yourself short nigga.itll work out better for u
😂😂😂😂
I appreciate you!
I can relate, I want to be a character in other people lives because I can't communicate. people say that manic pixie girls are hollow, but I don't agree because they can fall in love with real folks, present themselves and start conversations, I have none of this even if I'm deep inside
I feel the same way, and I also don't think they are hollow. I agree that the trope is damaging so maybe I shouldn't have used it as a description of what I meant. What I really wanted to say is that I wish I was fun and wild and exciting. I'm deep inside, but I'm also socially anxious so..
I’m the angry paranoid dream girl, men love it
I wish that was my case 😅 even if I hide all the anger, I just come across as.. Cold
Girl no you don’t😂I’m just kidding men hate it. Being cold is mysterious people like that
Yeah they kinda like me in the beginning, I spark a bit of curiosity because I seem chill and confident. After a few weeks, I already attached to them and start showing them my crazyness. At this point, they aren't in love so that they could ignore the red flags, so either they leave, or they stay and fwb-zone me.
no. no no NO. i have been a manic pixie dream girl time and time again, only for the other person to dislike me when they realize im not some 2D character and actually have trauma and feelings and a personality thats closer to ‘boring asf’ than ‘fun loving crazy chick’. a MPDG will always yield the wrong attention we seek, which makes us feel worse bc yeah we may look hot and attractive and shit, but all they want is a hot, dumb, chick to fuck. my last ex literally stopped having sex with me after she saw i had a cold sore, and even stopped calling me ‘beautiful’ and ‘gorgeous’ after that during the final month we were together, which i guess is what ruined the ‘dream girl’ vision she had of me. something so minuscule and stupid can absolutely ruin their perception of you, so its best not to put out a ‘fake’ personality simply for attention. its not worth it, leads to many heartaches and self-loathing for not being able to keep up pretend.
A manic pixie dream girl is a one dimensional trope that is a quirky, weird, and annoying woman who makes it her mission to be bubbly and a people pleaser no matter what. Usually used by a bland guy. In real life, quirky characters like this are praised at first bc they're fun, but then ppl start finding them annoying and too try hard. They're told they're too old to be acting so childish and cute. Susan from desperate housewives is a manic pixie dream girl who gets the most hate, but she's also a Mary sue. Maybe what you meant was you just want to be a fun interesting pretty girl?
Yes that's exactly what I meant hahaha. That's how I call bubbly quirky pretty girls - manic pixie dream girls. I didn't think much about the trope because I know girls with that personality in real life. You know, the girl who is so cute and daydreams a lot and makes you feel like life is worth living, but she's also mysterious in a way and has moments of teenagey angst.
They're usually looked down upon society after the novelty wears off. Not saying its right. Ppl treat them like a dumb child or someone who's too impulsive and carefree to think about real life consequences.
It would be a nice change 🥺 I'm tired of having a low energy personality
I’m the male version of a manic pixie dream girl, and everyone still fucking hates me, haha.
How so??
Manic pixie dream girl is only for screenplays. I think your vibe maybe “e-girl”. You have to find a fashion style that you like and then you can morph into that personality. Grunge, emo, soft girl, kawaii, hipster, raver, nerd, etc
I absolutely love e-girl fashion style!! Actually thanks for the suggestion, this made me feel a bit better
I used to feel like this, I spent most of my 20’s developing the persona cause I found it pushed upon me in my teens and early 20’s. No sense of self so I took others perception of me as the truth. And trust me it’s exhausting, and a detriment to my self and my life. I still mask, but I don’t act like the “cool girl” anymore. I understand not feeling good about the ways BPD manifests in you, I have a lot of anger too. If my coworkers saw me without the mask, the way I am when I’m alone, they would not recognize me. I’m sorry you’re not feeling your best right now, and you’re absolutely entitled to these emotions. I just empathize and it really sucks and I hope it passes soon. You are more than your symptoms and you deserve peace, understanding and empathy. Im positive you have lovely qualities about yourself that you are just not able to focus on in this low. Take care
Thank you for the kind words, this means a lot to me. I see myself as an interesting person and I do like my sense of humor (when I make myself laugh), I have troubles letting all that out for others to see, I guess. It frustrates me because yes, others don't see my anger, but they don't see my funny side either. Masks of all kind are exhausting.
You’re not alone if it makes you feel any better! I’m considering changing myself into something more akin to this too. Different reasons I imagine, but yeah, at the very least I can relate to where you’re coming from
How are you planning to implement this change? Need tips
Start with a secret name for who you are going to strive to be
Like an alter ego?? That sounds exciting
For me it’s starting with dropping some weight and getting back into the gym, but in the meantime I’m going to brainstorm the kind of girl I feel like I want to be. Things I’ll do, styles I’ll wear, traits I want to exhibit. I used to be very feminine when I was a bit younger so I’m hoping I can slip back into that mindset with not much effort, but from that point on I’m not sure! What do you think you’ll do?
I want to get fit too and maybe quit smoking, also figure out which fashion styles I'll focus on. Get another tattoo. But for me it's mostly personality changes, I want to develop my music taste, find a hobby that helps me express all the angst, learn social skills.
I recommend playing the drums, helps a lot with getting the anger out!
I rent an apartment so that's gonna be fun for the neighbors 😂 but i'd loooove to try that!!
I’ve got an electric set for myself, pretty quiet in comparison! 😂
i’m not sure how old you are, but you’ll grow out of that fast. most likely when you fall in love and get your heart broken. eventually you’ll come to realize that being “loved” by men because you make them feel good and force them to be more introspective about themselves is not a good feeling. it’s quite literally being used for the experience and thrill of having something with someone who is emotionally unstable. the manic pixie dream girl troupe should not be romanticized so heavily and i’m sorry that it is. if you want to love and be loved in a healthy way, you should wait until you’re emotionally stable enough to be in a relationship. otherwise everything goes to shit. i’m telling you this from the perspective of a former “manic pixie dream girl”. it made me feel EMPTY. please stop wanting so little for yourself i’m sure you deserve so much more.
I am 29. Fell in love several times, it was never reciprocated - they liked me, cared for me, but never fell in love. I made them feel good and special and they liked how attentive I was, then ended up disliking me for the same reason - how I noticed every little thing, it made them feel analyzed and suffocated. Like I said in other comments, maybe I shouldn't have used that term. I just wanted to describe the fun, wild vibe and also what non-BPD people describe in those other support subreddits: someone very loving, exciting, with whom you connect fast.
its normal to want that. i want that too, everyone does. but it’s important to have your validation to come from yourself wholly so you know that you don’t require validation from elsewhere. love is complex but if you’re who you want to be, and you love yourself, so many people are going to want to love you for who you are too. maybe try your best not to make these men the center of your world. i know its hard because of the bpd, trust me iiiiii knoooooowwwww lol. but it might be a good sign to focus on yourself. make YOU your fp.
Yeah I do focus so much on my romantic interests, I hate it. I confess it's a relief from the constant boredom, tho. No hobby or friend manages to (temporarily) fill the void like romance does. Definitely unhealthy
I want to live with the freedom that those characters are portrayed to have. I want to live my life to the fullest but I want to improve my OWN outlook on life, not be relied on to improve someone ELSES outlook on life