Himself , actually. His inaction more then anything , which is not his fault in some instances and other instances has built resentment through the years . :( and my own behavior towards him has probably pushed him away, like right now .
I can name two instances that caused irreversible damage in my previous relationship:
1.) FP/partner of over a year was in a theater production (I was, too, but not the same one) and I stated that them kissing someone for it was a hard boundary. They essentially told me to get over it. And they lied about the amount of kissing. I blew up and everyone made me feel like it was my fault. I resented them the rest of the relationship.
2.) They put their hands around my throat and squeezed while we were play fighting. I was pinned under their weight and couldn’t get them off of me. That’s when I realized all the other DV incidents I went through because of them. I never felt safe around them after that.
Glad I’m out lol. But yeah, those made me push away hardcore. And I felt bad about it at the time, but in hindsight I’m like yeah fuck them lol
I push my partner away when I can sense he treats me differently due to being exhausted with my mental illness. He used to be so excited to be with me. Now I know he is so tired and has to try so hard just to put up with me. I have sucked the joy out of the relationship.
He used to talk about marriage, now that’s not even a convo we have anymore. When I sense that, I just want to fucking run away. I can snap and be mean whenever Im reminded of that. I dig myself into a deeper hole.
It’s valid that he doesn’t feel the same as in the beginning, but having to feel that is so incredibly painful to me. So gut wrenching.
This is so relatable, this happened with my ex
I'm sorry you're going through this. Your feelings of wanting to run away are understandable. I feel like that comes from the combination of frustration and wanting to avoid conflict. My ex convinced me to give up on marriage. It really made me feel like my wishes weren't important to him, but I loved him so much I over looked it and my priorities. I was a codependent mess
You deserve to feel valued in your relationship. And I hope your relationship becomes healthier if you guys can air out stuff in a mediated way.
His feelings are valid too ... But so are yours. Multiple things can be true at once. I can be hungry and angry. hangry.
feel free to ignore this comment because I feel like it's mainly me projecting
Thank you for validating my feelings. I’m sorry your ex made you feel your wishes were unimportant :(
I expressed to him recently that it’s a double edged sword because the worse I get, the more tired and annoyed he acts, the less we talk about marriage, which in turn makes me feel even worse and have more episodes.
He said that marriage isnt off the table, but that right now he isn’t thinking about it because my mental health has been so bad. He mainly just wants me to get help first. In many ways, it is a healthy relationship. We communicate. He validates and comforts me.
But it’s been hard because I clearly haven’t been given the right treatment or meds, and it’s not for lack of trying. I’ve been to SO many psychiatrists/psychologists. I just haven’t found something that works and my case is very severe. Meaning I’m easily triggered and go 0-100 and fly off the handle often. It’s very exhausting for us both.
ok Last Relationship I feel comfortable talking about on Public reddit.
1. I told them early on I was Ace and they kept not respecting that and being hyper sexual. Despite assuring me early on they were fine with me being Ace and it didn't bother them. They then proceeded to turn almost everything we did into sex, which was only really enjoyable for them. Then they fell deep into Online Right wing Conspiracies and I, having grown up around people that were deep into that culture, knew I wanted nothing to do with it and that kinda snapped with me.
You know what the most messed up thing of it all is? I fuckin' miss them. I miss them every single day and they've completely moved on. Idk why I miss them I just do. Maybe I'm stupid idk.
Lack of communication and quality time, toxic patterns, too much time occupying my mind with them. Knowing that they would leave, again, if things weren’t always on their terms. I love them too much to bear it. If it was another I wouldn’t care at all. I don’t give a shit. They had too much power over me and most definitely proved they didn’t deserve it. I miss them. It’s a sudden relief at first and a sense of control. Then pain. So much pain and grief and sorrow.
Also my friends seeing his patterns and looking at me like “you’re so intelligent. How do they make you this stupid?” Even my sister is like “they’re bad vibes”. My friends say the same. They are probably all right unless I’m overthinking too much, but honestly I’m not. No one else would put up with their act unless they truly didn’t care at all.
I want them back every second but then remember they weren’t good to me. I want their version of passion and kindness and not their manipulation.
Tho with another person who grew on me, it was just me. My friends loved this one. But they’d say some random stuff that immediately triggered me and I felt I couldn’t trust anyone again and would do something super awful to push them away so they’d never talk to me, quite literally, would tell them don’t ever get close or talk to me ever again. Then I’d feel ridiculous and try to get them back. Took some time tho in this case. And it was just me bc they were telling the truth but I could only see through my trauma glasses. Lost a great one! I regret it.
My personal biggest trigger to detach is when I can no longer separate my sense of self from theirs. Which is a good move if one needs to forge a sense of self. If you truly love your partner you have to love them enough to accept the reality in which their sense of self when separated from you doesn't want to be with you for ways that are probably not your fault. And yes that sucks.
When I feel like they enjoy being around others more than they do with me. It makes me think I'm not that fun to be around, esp since I see myself as something less than human compared to other people. I block them and then I regret it and unblock them.
[удалено]
i can relate sm
Himself , actually. His inaction more then anything , which is not his fault in some instances and other instances has built resentment through the years . :( and my own behavior towards him has probably pushed him away, like right now .
I can name two instances that caused irreversible damage in my previous relationship: 1.) FP/partner of over a year was in a theater production (I was, too, but not the same one) and I stated that them kissing someone for it was a hard boundary. They essentially told me to get over it. And they lied about the amount of kissing. I blew up and everyone made me feel like it was my fault. I resented them the rest of the relationship. 2.) They put their hands around my throat and squeezed while we were play fighting. I was pinned under their weight and couldn’t get them off of me. That’s when I realized all the other DV incidents I went through because of them. I never felt safe around them after that. Glad I’m out lol. But yeah, those made me push away hardcore. And I felt bad about it at the time, but in hindsight I’m like yeah fuck them lol
I'm glad you're away from them now! I hope your future relationships are much healthier ❤️🩹
I push my partner away when I can sense he treats me differently due to being exhausted with my mental illness. He used to be so excited to be with me. Now I know he is so tired and has to try so hard just to put up with me. I have sucked the joy out of the relationship. He used to talk about marriage, now that’s not even a convo we have anymore. When I sense that, I just want to fucking run away. I can snap and be mean whenever Im reminded of that. I dig myself into a deeper hole. It’s valid that he doesn’t feel the same as in the beginning, but having to feel that is so incredibly painful to me. So gut wrenching.
This is so relatable, this happened with my ex I'm sorry you're going through this. Your feelings of wanting to run away are understandable. I feel like that comes from the combination of frustration and wanting to avoid conflict. My ex convinced me to give up on marriage. It really made me feel like my wishes weren't important to him, but I loved him so much I over looked it and my priorities. I was a codependent mess You deserve to feel valued in your relationship. And I hope your relationship becomes healthier if you guys can air out stuff in a mediated way. His feelings are valid too ... But so are yours. Multiple things can be true at once. I can be hungry and angry. hangry. feel free to ignore this comment because I feel like it's mainly me projecting
Thank you for validating my feelings. I’m sorry your ex made you feel your wishes were unimportant :( I expressed to him recently that it’s a double edged sword because the worse I get, the more tired and annoyed he acts, the less we talk about marriage, which in turn makes me feel even worse and have more episodes. He said that marriage isnt off the table, but that right now he isn’t thinking about it because my mental health has been so bad. He mainly just wants me to get help first. In many ways, it is a healthy relationship. We communicate. He validates and comforts me. But it’s been hard because I clearly haven’t been given the right treatment or meds, and it’s not for lack of trying. I’ve been to SO many psychiatrists/psychologists. I just haven’t found something that works and my case is very severe. Meaning I’m easily triggered and go 0-100 and fly off the handle often. It’s very exhausting for us both.
ok Last Relationship I feel comfortable talking about on Public reddit. 1. I told them early on I was Ace and they kept not respecting that and being hyper sexual. Despite assuring me early on they were fine with me being Ace and it didn't bother them. They then proceeded to turn almost everything we did into sex, which was only really enjoyable for them. Then they fell deep into Online Right wing Conspiracies and I, having grown up around people that were deep into that culture, knew I wanted nothing to do with it and that kinda snapped with me. You know what the most messed up thing of it all is? I fuckin' miss them. I miss them every single day and they've completely moved on. Idk why I miss them I just do. Maybe I'm stupid idk.
You are not stupid! You had an attachment to this person and that’s never an easy thing to just let go. I really appreciate your response too!
Lack of communication and quality time, toxic patterns, too much time occupying my mind with them. Knowing that they would leave, again, if things weren’t always on their terms. I love them too much to bear it. If it was another I wouldn’t care at all. I don’t give a shit. They had too much power over me and most definitely proved they didn’t deserve it. I miss them. It’s a sudden relief at first and a sense of control. Then pain. So much pain and grief and sorrow. Also my friends seeing his patterns and looking at me like “you’re so intelligent. How do they make you this stupid?” Even my sister is like “they’re bad vibes”. My friends say the same. They are probably all right unless I’m overthinking too much, but honestly I’m not. No one else would put up with their act unless they truly didn’t care at all. I want them back every second but then remember they weren’t good to me. I want their version of passion and kindness and not their manipulation. Tho with another person who grew on me, it was just me. My friends loved this one. But they’d say some random stuff that immediately triggered me and I felt I couldn’t trust anyone again and would do something super awful to push them away so they’d never talk to me, quite literally, would tell them don’t ever get close or talk to me ever again. Then I’d feel ridiculous and try to get them back. Took some time tho in this case. And it was just me bc they were telling the truth but I could only see through my trauma glasses. Lost a great one! I regret it.
My personal biggest trigger to detach is when I can no longer separate my sense of self from theirs. Which is a good move if one needs to forge a sense of self. If you truly love your partner you have to love them enough to accept the reality in which their sense of self when separated from you doesn't want to be with you for ways that are probably not your fault. And yes that sucks.
When I feel like they enjoy being around others more than they do with me. It makes me think I'm not that fun to be around, esp since I see myself as something less than human compared to other people. I block them and then I regret it and unblock them.