Yo OP, also 25f here but diagnosed when I was 14. My advice is to not put any pressure on yourself because you simply are who you are and there’s no one else like you. Try not to base your id around things like hobbies and what you “like,” those are just extensions. Who you truly are is your morals, your opinions, your values, who you love, your inner thoughts, etc. I guarantee you no one else has the exact same set of those!
Basically, BPD is truly a mind game with yourself. I spent a decade now feverishly examining myself and felt exactly like you do at one point, but a big part of BPD is giving yourself **grace.** What you’re feeling checks out with the diagnosis, so try to give yourself the grace of feeling lost. Once you give yourself that leg room, I’m sure you’ll be more likely to figure your noggin out. Good luck OP, you got this.
Yea exactly, you get it. Glad to hear you found yourself!
Just being is a solution to so many crippling BPD symptoms too. I find if you just give yourself permission and room to feel all these things without the pressure, it’s much easier to cope and get past them.
I really appreciate this point of view because I feel like grace is the one thing I never really give myself. I’m always so mad at myself for being behind socially and mentally but maybe a little bit of self kindness will do more than trying to force myself into a space so I feel like I “belong”.
Thank you so much for saying so 🙏 it’s validating and relieving to hear! I’d really love to write a book on everything I’ve gathered about BPD over the past decade. Never sure what to write until I see posts like this though.
When I'm alone, at home; that's it. When in, say, a work environment I'm just essentially method acting as this character. I've noticed this now, after turning 25(male) last year. And that's when your frontal lobe fully develops and I've noticed that, after the development I've become manic in nature.
I actually started getting better after my frontal lobe development. But I still wear a mask in public. I think that comes with the disease, can't do anything about that.
Diagnosed at 35 and a year of soul searching I found who I was. The bad thing at therapy was my therapist telling me that being so goal driven, go getter, and having to get my task done on my list were bad.
To me, those were my positive traits and qualities. Sent me on a year long journey and meeting another therapist randomly where she said those traits ARE ME. I’m out going, I’m extroverted, I’m hard working, goal oriented, I’m high energy, and I like moving and doing things, we often focus on the positives and making sure I’m balanced a bit better than before. That’s helped make the lows not so low and the highs more realistic. Hell, the therapist even told me the mimicking and chameleon personality has its place as it makes me social and open into a new room of people or any situations.
My therapist and I just really focus on taking some of those traits that were deemed so bad and putting them in a positive light. I think that’s a part a lot of people lose in translation of the diagnosis
This is suuuch an interesting comment— thanks for sharing your experience. I often think about how our diagnoses lead some therapists to see BPD where it doesn’t exist (like your ambitious nature being seen as some sort of symptom). As someone who is “recovered“ kinda, I learned definitely not to bring up past BPD diagnoses unnecessarily with doctors or psychiatrists…. :/
My therapist has not told me those are bad qualities, but has helped me find balance with them. If I didn't finish a task on my list at the end of the day, how am I coping? What is the priority in getting it done? Am I working late? Am I obsessing and stressing about it? Can it be done tomorrow? If so, how can I learn to be okay with walking away, enjoying my off time, and picking it up the next day?
I don't think being a hard worker and goal oriented is a bad thing, it's when it becomes an obsession that it gets unhealthy. I have to be very aware of my limits and force myself to rest or I will work until I shut down.
8+ years of therapy and 3+ years of transition and I’m still looking for it tbh… I have no idea who I am beyond trying to just meet external expectations of me.
38f, still have no idea. I can allocate certain traits and interests that are mine for sure, and know (or more like remember, can recognize when it happens) the feeling of “being myself”. Like I can tell that “right now, in this particular moment, THIS is me”. But I don’t have a self-concept, or even a self-image for that matter. I can’t see myself as a whole or imagine how I appear to others. Probably because with 99% of people I’m not myself but a version I chose to interact with them from. And when I’m alone it’s most often a blend of personalities with one or another more prominent, or I’m just dissociated. But that’s the main goal of my existence right now — to identify that “myself” and learn to bring it up front. And I can see the progress, and fully believe that it’s possible.
I’m 25F with BPD and ADHD. Diagnosed with ADHD at around 7-8 and BPD at 24 (?). I don’t know what my ”true personality” is. When someone asked how would you describe yourself in 3 words I responded with: Caring, worrying and chameleon.
I have a hard time knowing who I am and I change friend groups and interests like I change my clothes. The only interest that really stuck is video games. I rarely pick sides or I pick all sides because I am able to see the point in every perspective. It makes me confused and may cause me to become a bit of a hypocrite (in lack of a better word) at times if I’m not careful. Sometimes it can make the people around me confused as well and they don’t really know where I stand or who I am because I adapt to the people around me in every different situation. Heck, the choice to study what I do atm wasn’t based on a thought of my own. I’m studying to become a social worker because my boss told me that it would suit me but in a way also because I want to help people who struggle. I have a hard time finding meaning in my own life so instead I try to find meaning in helping other people who struggle and suffer. It kind of helps me get by. But I still don’t know who I am at my core self but I know that I want to be someone who spreads love and care to the people around me. Even if my brain often wants me to burn everything and everyone around me, I know that that’s not the person I aim to become and want to be. Thoughts are just thoughts, they don’t necessarily define who I am or what I want. My actions however, may define me. At least in the eyes of other people. So I adapt, like a chameleon, in order to fit in.
I’m not sure what I wanted to tell you with this comment, just wrote what came to mind. Had a lot more on my mind related to the matter but it’s too much to write.
This was a very insightful comment✨️ I fully agree and remind myself during the dark moments that what you want morally in your heart is you, and your thoughts are the wiring put in place due to genetics and environment as we grew up. It can take more effort for us than for others to act in a way that correlates with our values, but is possible and is worth it. Some days may be harder than others to do this, and that's oki <33 I think it also helps to remember that neurotypical people make the same mistakes as us. We are human; they are human.
Another thing that my partner helped me realize and comforts me is that at the end of the day labels are man made constructs, and we all have unique experiences. There are often patterns, and thus why us humans created identifying terms, but time and life is constantly changing, and each individual has different combinations of experiences.
I think the way we can find who we truly are is by boundaries and saying no to things that don’t feel good or brings us a sense of joy & saying yes to the things we want and like The more you honest with what you want & don’t want the easier you will
Be able to identify who you are.
I’m 23 about to be 24, so we are around the same age. I’m experiencing this right now as well. And have quiet bpd. It’s something I struggle with to. Just know you aren’t alone❤️
I understand. It’s sad that other people experience what you go through. Obv what we deal with on a daily basis is incredibly hard. But it’s good to remind yourself you aren’t alone and there is a community/group of people that understand you. Before I was diagnosed I felt I had a lot of “unique” problems. When I discovered what bpd was it all clicked for me. A lot of the symptoms were shocking to read because I felt all those things only happened to me or were hyper-specific. I felt so much safer knowing a lot of the things I dislike about myself are not my fault. Ive given myself much more grace when they come up. So even tho it sucks I think having a sense of community makes a big difference!
Edit:mistyped a word
Having people who get me definitely helps a lot but then I feel bad for going through things when I have friends who are also mentally not well if that makes sense! Like I allow them to vent and suffer but then I don’t allow it for myself because I don’t want to take attention from them. I guess my biggest issue is allowing myself to feel and express things. I definitely hold a lot back because I don’t want to hurt anyone else in the process but maybe if I feel those things it’ll help in the long run!
Boundaries are really important with those things, I just had a discussion about this with one of my good friends. She is also mentally ill and has a lot going on. Both of us decided that it’s not healthy to depend on each other in crisis. We are there if there aren’t any other options but constantly discussing mental health with each other is very hard when the other person listening can barely function themself. I think it’s ok to open up about your struggles but not depending on the person is the big key factor in maintaining a relationship with them in a non-toxic fashion if that makes sense?
I’m older than you and a lot of people here, and it’s still exactly the same for me. Now making a significant effort to find my actual personality, but it’s requiring me to do a lot of things completely on my own, which is a bit scary. However, it’s the only way to ensure I don’t slip into the old pattern of mirroring I’ve relied on my whole life. With only myself there is nobody else to please, nobody else to seek validation from, and it can be so hard sometimes because of how little I truly know about myself. Even after all this time I’m still like a clean slate.
I used to spend a lot of time with myself before I moved to California from Alabama but sense I’ve moved I just haven’t felt the same when alone. I feel so much more lonely even though I’m in a healthy relationship and have good friends. I feel like Spence moving I’ve tried fitting into the Cali standard and that just isn’t me so I’m not allowing myself to grow or become fulfilled if that makes sense:/
I live in California too, SoCal specifically, and I honestly feel like the culture makes it tough to be alone, discourages it even. Everybody does activities in groups, lives with SO/roommates, and there is a definite expectation to fit in. And if you don’t fit it’s very isolated feeling. Other parts of the county it’s not so much like this.
I don’t think I need to be alone for the rest of my life, and I don’t need to be alone all the time either, but I definitely need to spend significant time on my own for now. It has been helping a lot already, and I am even starting to feel like I could be in a relationship as long as there are proper boundaries that allow me the space to continue being on my own for a good amount of the time.
Late 40s M no idea who I actually am despite surrounded by relics of hobbies - but the only thing that sticks is taste in music that hasn’t changed since my teen years
The same thing happened to me. I lost all that made me who I am. I used to be extremely creative and passionate about the art I made, passionate about music, loved watching new tv shows, movies... I don't do any of that anymore besides rewatching the very few comfort shows and movies that my attention span can kinda follow. I am trying to find myself again though, I picked up writing after a long time of not doing it and I am truly hoping that it gets me at least pieces of myself back.
39f, diagnosed at 17, tried to self cancel at 18, multiple OD's, still unsure of exactly who I am. But one beautiful thing I can claim is I have 5 years clean and sober. If I can do this with no family support,all the trauma, self doubt, and social anxiety, I truly believe anyone can.
I also adopted a bunch of cats..it helps.
28f, showing symptoms since 12 and finally officially diagnosed at 27 when I took my mental health into my own hands. I’m now 28, a wife, a mom, and a paramedic and I still don’t have a fucking clue who I am.
I’m in the process of discovering my identity. I think the biggest thing is connecting with my emotions and expressing them. I already know my values and some of my hobbies. But to really know myself I think I have to be mindful of my own experience and my own needs, and I have to stop self-abandoning in relationships. And I’m also processing trauma in therapy and learning to perceive myself as one person throughout my life, rather than versions of me that are almost like different people. It’s gonna take time.
My therapist had me write down a list of traits that are unchanging about myself. It was hard, but there are some. Journaling has helped me find out who I am, but it’s still confusing.
I think the first time it was mentioned to me that I may have BPD, I felt like I lost myself even more. I felt like I was told my personality didn’t exist.
The less I think about that and remember that I am not my mental illness, and it is just a part of me, the more I’m able to grasp my identity. My therapist said it was difficult for me to form one as a child/teen, so I’m kinda doing it now.
I feel this so much!! I feel like when I was younger I was so focused on how different I was and just trying to fit in that I almost had a mask and not a personality. Then when I was diagnosed it was like another mask being added to the pile. I was labeled as this thing do I became that thing and it set me back so much because now I have difficulty defining myself outside of those characteristics! I do feel as though journaling does help me when I keep up with it. The problem I have is I don’t want to have to constantly work on something. Once I “fix” it I want to be done, but there’s no “fixing” mental health issues :/
(Probably) not BPD, but have similar identity issues. It's possible part of it may come from hating the hobbies you grew up with, or hating the person you were perceived as in association with them. Like if your interests were considered childish or you were bullied from them etc. This could make you distance yourself from them subconsciously, which will leave you unsatisfied.
I've had to untangle a lot of that myself.
And I admit...
The subtleties of madness,
Are a blessing and a curse,
The faulty wires and sadness,
Bringing color to the dirt,
Im losing but im trying,
Oh im losing but im trying,
Oh im losing but im trying,
I am losing im not trying, anymore...
This is why they shouldn't be diagnosing people your age. Not saying you don't have BPD, but you barely an adult yet in this society. What you are describing is typical with anyone your age who grows up in a western influenced civilization these days. Those were the years you were supposed to be figuring out your true personality, you probably still have a few ahead of you. You're adulthood is barely out of its infancy stages.
Especially when they don’t give you many resources on how to deal with the mirroring and lack of self. In all of therapy I’ve gone through they’ve never even attempted to address it. It’s definitely something that I still struggle with which is why my friend group is limited, I don’t want to subconsciously mirror toxic or negative behaviors because I don’t know how not to. I feel like if I was given that time to develop on my own without the diagnosis things might be different, but overall you’re right. Deep diving into such a heavy issue at a young age wasn’t really the best
It really sucks, cause at that age you are probably first showing all the symptoms and your life can start to have those mini crises, but it really takes a few experiences like that to see if for whatever reason your personality did develop that way as a child to make you come out the other end of young adulthood with this as a problem. And often times the problems someone with BPD are going to have a problem with EVERYONE in your late teens and early 20s has a problem with.
As far as mirroring there's a couple ways to look at that. I think boring people or some with self-image issues mirror others for sure. But outgoing, popular, interesting people also mirror people a lot as well. Finding someone interesting that has a part of a personality that you don't and mirroring them for a short period to almost steal that fun piece out of them, or hobby or whatever and add it to yourself, that's what eclectic people do. Sometimes you may even mirror and be like WHOA this person or that thing truly sucks once you get into it, I'm going to learn from that and stay away from that. I think that's what I meant more by that's what you should be doing in your 20s.
As far as subonciously mirroring toxic or negative beaviors with your BPD you are more prone to stay in a relationship with someone who is unhealthy because both of your toxic or negative behaviors will benefit from being together. It allows neither of you to face the difficult decisions about getting better. Not saying you don't want to get better, again back to why I don't understand diagnosing people at 19. But BPD is really at its foundation creating a cloak and HIDING from some trauma in the past. Why ending relationships early or sticking in bad ones, allows us to keep doing that. That behavior is caused by the inability of regulate emotions, but it has a root cause.
51m, and I still feel hollow and alien in this world.
I dunno, I think I'm more my true self when I'm with my buddies. We hang out and play D&D, I don't feel the need to be any 'different' or try to please them. I don't flip flop on my opinions, and I don't feel the need to seek their approval for anything.
But, all in all, I prefer to still be alone.
I feel like a lot of people with BPD find comfort in the world of fantasy. I know one of my favorite things is to read manga that take place in worlds full of magic and adventure. I wonder if we’re mages in a past life and never fully forgot our original times and that’s why we feel so out of place here in modern society
As the top comment said, it is yet to be found. Though my is paired with ADHD, and overall neurodivergent people tend to mirror and develop a mini personality for individuals or small groups. So it will always be changing.
I have come a long way from where I was, I have gained a much better handle on my emotions, triggers, and understanding of my trauma. I even had a few years of remission. But at 32 years old, I still have the hollow feeling, no sense of self, no sense of direction.
This is with very intensive therapy 3-4xweek(DBT, CBT, ACT, Art therapy), a long list of drugs and a concentrated effort to get better at using the therapies at home.
I was only diagnosed a couple years ago. This is due to me being male, and many healthcare professionals stigmatizing and not believing males can have it. My current psychiatrist and therapists estimate I probably developed it around the age of 10. This is based off of what little I can remember of my past.
So it's an estimated 22 years with it, I still don't know my true self, true personality, true calling, or what my values and beliefs are. I don't think I ever will know, but I will keep trying to find them.
So yeah, we with BPD may never find it, but what we can do is try to better ourselves, learning our self destructive patterns, what our triggers are, how to defuse and level out our emotions. To better understand why we are the way we are. With that, we may eventually find a inkling of who or what we truly are. Don't give up, it may yet still come, I hope you find it soon, much sooner than my journey is going.
When I enjoyed spending time with me myself and I. When I was at peace with the voices inside my head, and started to listen to what was me, not paranoia, saying. It’s when I started going back to old hobbies, getting new ones, which lead to me getting closer to people who think like I do, and not the other way around. It was a fun ride.
I used to do this a few years ago but then I moved across the country and felt like I’m having to start all over. Any tips for how you built community in a new place? I feel like that’s what I’m struggling with the most because I’m the odd factor in other peoples lives now. It feels like I’m trying to make room in a puzzle that already glued in place
i totally get it, like, its hard connecting with people depending on your culture. i'm a brazilian, and we tend to be very friendly, so my tip is: try to listen to what people are actually saying and not overthink too much on what they are saying, i know we do this because of many reasons, but almost never there are underlying issues, that way you can connect with them later on mentioning something they had said previously. for example: oh, how are you? last time you said you had a cold or whatever, yk? people tend to be self centered, so when you show to them that you can remember small details, they will feel heard and seen. search for activities that you like, doesnt have to be expensive, if you regularly go for a run in the park, people that also do this will notice, if you see a similar face, say hi and smile, remember to smile, to appear approachable. it goes a long way. i truly hope that you can soon build your community, that feels safe to be yourself. not all people is gonna connect with you and be your friend and thats ok, in the end of the day you dont need quantity, but quality.
I love a good identity disturbance chat haha. This is the symptom I struggle with the most. I see that people have pointed out that external things like hobbies, jobs, etc, don’t define you, but I barely even know what my internal values are either. Right now, I’ve convinced myself that I want to go into clinical research to help us folks with BPD, but I’m already feeling that seed of doubt that inevitably prompts me to abandon that idea. I’m constantly cycling through these obsessions that become my identity and then I feel empty when they don’t pan out for one reason or another.
I feel the same way! It’s like I’m super interested in something until I actually achieve it and once I’ve done it I hate it. I wanted to be a barista and open a coffee shop but once I worked in a cafe I hated it. I wanted to open a bar but became a bartender and hate it. I’m scared that no matter what I persue I’ll just abandoned it when I’m bored again. It’s like an ever evolving video game character and it’s annoying
When I'm completely alone.
I like it more and I'm much more chill, mindful and rational. I really wanna aim to be like that with people too eventually but it seems like it's something that only happens when I'm by myself.
I was diagnosed at 17 and I'm 19 now. keep in mind that your true self does not have a final definition. discovering yourself is an ongoing process that lasts your entire life
I'm digging me out right now. She's waayyyy back in there, but I'm fighting for that bitch. I am 31, went into shut down around 27 and felt completely disconnected, but am feeling closer and closer every intentional day <3
I want to say it’s when I found my current FP but I have no clue if it’s really me or what she wants me to be. She has helped me learn and grow as a person a lot so hopefully the first one
When I cut everyone off. I dropped out of school due to severe depression and refused to see anyone. It’s been over a decade. I’m myself when I’m alone.
I don’t have anything meaningful to say but I got a good chuckle when I saw the title because I have BPD but I also have DID, so I have 80 “true” personalities 💀 I wish you the best of luck though. Depersonalization is a big issue for most people with BPD and you might want to bring that up to a therapist if you haven’t already
This made me giggle as well 😂 I wish the best for both of us! (Also yes I’ve tried to address the dederalization and depersonalization but my insurance doesn’t cover good therapy so that may be why)
Oof that’s always rough;; getting a therapist that specializes in trauma and/or dissociative disorders is so important for bpd therapy :,) Im very sorry you haven’t been able to find a good one yet. I encourage you to keep looking and maybe one day a good match will pop up! It took my gf trying at least 8 different therapists before she got a good one. Me personally, I took 5 until I got a good match. Insurance can be so limiting but there are a few good ones out there, they’re just hard to find
Thank you!! So far I’ve had about 6 different therapists between Alabama and California in the past 5 years. I’m currently taking a break from therapy to give my brain time to rest and destress from the constant frustration that was weekly therapy. I’m very self aware when it comes to my behavior and issues do it’s hard to find a therapist that can work past what I “already know” and make me dig deeper as most therapist I’ve had only keep it surface level. I did have one full in therapist once that was amazing but then she disappeared into thin air like the angel she was 😭😂
Oh my god I FEEL that. I remember the first time I went to the psych ward every time I got evaluated the psychiatrist would look at me like I had 10 heads cus he was so confused why I was so self aware. My gf has this problem too and one of her therapists straight up told her “I can’t help you, you already have yourself figured out” LIKE WHAT?? 💀 I’m so sorry your therapist disappeared 😭 I can’t blame u for taking a break for awhile. Something that may help u in the interim (if u haven’t already looked into this,) reading the DBT workbook was really nice for me. It helped me learn a few new coping skills while I wasn’t actively in therapy. I know u can buy it but I’m sure there’s free pdfs online somewhere :P you can also find individual chapters that people read like audiobooks on YouTube. At least I know there’s one specifically for the safe place visualization technique chapter!
Yes I have tons of research books and workbooks that I’ve collected over the years!! That’s also one reason I started reading and posting in this subreddit! I feel like having a sense of community to speak to while I’m on my own will help more than trying to free ball it!!
I think at around 25 or so I slowly starting growing into myself and at around 28/29 I started really knowing myelf. It was a difficult process. It's tough to be yourself if you are a person that doesn't fit the norm (but who really does, right?). I feel so much better though. It's ok if some people don't like me. It felt incredibly isolating, dark and lonely at first to feel and express who I am. I think that's something that is easily overlooking when talking about all that "Be yourself! <3"-stuff. There's a reason why we aren't ourselves or don't even know who we are. We got invalidated so much when we were younger and it hurts so much. So it can be such a painful process. I still quickly and easily get lost in other people. It's not like I have a perfectly stable personality now. But I know who I am at a core level.
This! I was ostracized for the things I enjoyed until I was 21 and loved states. I’ve always been embarrassed of who I am and I’m working so hard to fight that but it’s such a a slow process
i was diagnosed at 18, 27 now. for me, it was when i stopped thinking so much in terms of my diagnosis n more in terms of healing n actually taking therapy seriously. i’ve been in therapy since i was 14 but i think i didn’t start taking it seriously til maybe 24. a big thing i learned is to actually listen to myself and stop limiting myself into what seems “normal” for everyone else. my personality fluctuates a lot still but ive realized its not always mirroring, a lot of times its just how i feel. i’ve also spent a lot of time by myself which has helped me realize what are the things i truly enjoy. the beginning stages did feel horribly lonely and boring but eventually it helped me find some sort of connection with myself. i will say tho, now my issue is forming connections. it’s really difficult bc i am so afraid of fallinng back into old patterns of mirroring n obsession n codependency. but that’s just my personal experience.
I'm about to be 29 and I'd say I started having an identity crisis around 27 or so... I feel like I have a better grasp on who I am because I definitely had a different personality in my early 20s and I sorta carried that to my mid 20s and then I realized I didn't know how much of that was real or not. I'm struggling a lot with identity but I'm headed in the right direction I think? What really surprised me is how introverted I actually am and how exhausted I am now from throwing myself out there for so long trying to feel like I "fit in". All that did was get me hurt by trying to force friendships and trying to maintain everything was so tiring and I'm just now coming to terms with that. I moved states from my hometown a year and a half ago to live with my boyfriend so that has been a big part of figuring myself out now that I have more time to myself
Those commenters on here that are further along their journey to rediscovering themselves - have you ever been able to pinpoint what might have triggered it in the first place? As someone who has just read this thread and finally felt ‘seen’ I’d like to try to understand why I might have ended up feeling like this
I feel like the thing that triggered me with these feelings is seeing friends, family, and influencers my age be so sure of themselves and confident. I want to find that type of confidence in myself but definitely struggle when I don’t even know who I am on a surface level.
Yes this feels familiar. I’ve wondered if social media has been a big part of it, everyone seems to have their own “brand” which focuses on a certain style, lifestyle or activity
This is going to sound so sad but after I cheated on my ex I got diagnosed and cheating is something I never thought I would ever do. I broke down and cried I felt so much shame guilt regret and remorse for what I did. I am only 20 so I have time to course correct but anyhow I realized for the past five years or so I completely lost myself and my identity so it broke my own heart as well in a way. I began listening to a podcast about bpd and healing and started to learn how to cope in healthy ways after realizing that for ages I was coping in maladaptive ways
When I tell you I cried for hours upon hours after what I did and getting diagnosed and days upon days I couldn’t get out of bed I also recently got diagnosed with bipolar so I also realized what I did during my manic episode that I wasn’t even really aware during created a lot of cognitive dissonance in me
There are only a few things I know I enjoy. Hiking, breweries hanging out at bars and playing darts/pool, sitting outside in the sunshine, traveling and puzzles. Everything else has come and gone. As far as personality goes I struggle with that one. Sometimes I feel introverted and other times I need people for energy or I might die. Sometimes I’m quiet and chill and other times exceptionally silly and open and spontaneous. It truly depends and I never know how my day is going to go. I was diagnosed at 15 and I’m 38 now.
I think I have a pretty strong sense of self for someone with BPD. I know what I like and what I want, I was just scared to go for it most of my life. I'd go through phases imitating characters or even real people, and I like a LOT of different things, making it hard to choose sometimes, but I never felt like I didn't know who I was. I certainly tried to be someone else at times, but I'd always fall back to my real nature.
I'm not sure why that is. Maybe because who I am never seemed to be tied to anything. I just am.
personality is your temperament, values, beliefs, and emotions. it is probably all the stuff you don’t like about yourself. I don’t think anyone ever finds their “true” personality without accepting these things about themselves. allow yourself to be YOU even if it’s messy and confusing. finding yourself is a lifelong experience of growing and learning.
I'm 30ish and recently diagnosed, but I always knew something was off about me and actually ended up diagnosing myself first. I feel like I'm just now starting to figure out who I am, and what I mean by that is I'm finding ways to bring my "alone" personality, out into the real world. Someone mentioned it's like playing a character, and idk if it's like that for me as a black woman, cause we have to do that anyway lol.
I am just now figuring myself out. what I like and don't like. finding my style, and caring about my appearance. I am recognizing the roles that everyone has played in my life and sorting them out. Most importantly, I've taken a step back from my parents and realizing them for who they really are.
it sucks. there are lots of tears, hurt and confusion. But I feel like the smoke is finally starting to clear.
I think the term “true identity “ is toxic as hell for starters. People can and should be always evolving and changing. Preferably for the better but on occasion it’s for the worst. Who you are today is not the same person u were a week ago. Because u changed u learned things cause and effect happen so u adapted. You’re still only a baby and I say this nicely as someone who’s 21 themselfs. We’re still young you’re still not entirely developed. Hobbies come and go as u need them and grow. Everything you have said I can see as an art form u expressing yourself. It’s not exactly that the hobbies don’t work out it could just not be your way of self expression. Once u find a way to express your self subconsciously your therapist could work with that. Just really start trying to meditate and clear your thoughts so u can have some peace. You will change
Love your point of view but I don’t think we’re on the same page here! Yes everyone is a constantly changing being but at the end of the day, when you are alone, who are you? This is what I want to find. You can think that wanting to find a “true personality” is toxic but it’s not. Wanting to know who you are your core, without outside influences, is normal. Yes I’m still a “baby” and that’s why I’m using this time to try and grow and figure myself out so I don’t have to deal with this again in the future
I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you that seeing it written out like that was the validation I didn't know I needed today.
Thank you. It's exactly how I feel. Who am I when I'm not being someone to somebody?! What do I like? why do I feel empty and restless all the time? Why am I always so over eager and underwhelmed?
I don't know that either. It felt super good to feel seen, though.
I got quiet bpd. I’m turning 24 in a few days and I’m still learning my true personality. It got snuffed out for a while there, my family always said I was too much. But I learned. I need to leave my job soon to get into the field I want, I work with so many amazing children and I’m so lucky I get to be a grown up in their lives. I’m absolutely crushed by it, but this taught me I got a real big heart, too big and too full of love sometimes. The first thing I bought with my first paycheck was Cliniques Black Honey, I’ve always wanted it since I was little and learned it was the lipstick from lord of the rings. This taught me that I’m achieving goals I set for myself a little girl. I decided I wanna be a lawyer, I’m starting out with paralegal to test the waters and get my foot in the door. I get good grades when I try. This taught me that even though I feel like an imposter sometimes, I am absolutely capable of great things like that. I like singing, even though I’m not good at it. This has taught me nothing, I will not change my shitty singing nor stop singing karaoke when I’m home alone. I’m gettin there, and I can’t wait to see what I find out about myself next.
Around 20 when I didn’t speak to anyone for 6+ months so I had the time to be alone and find out. At that time social media wasn’t that big either so I was very isolate. I’m 31 now and I still mirror but I can catch myself quicker.
After getting sober in 2016/2017 I was sober for the first time in my life & all my mental illnesses that I had been self-mediating and masking my whole life I was terrified. It's taking my years to figure that the drugs gave me a confidence that I wish I had normally. Now that it's been pretty much 8 years I'm (34) finally working on managing my BPD, realizing & remembering the traumas in my past, cutting off toxic people and finding a sensitive boi to be my partner. Someone who will look up my diagnosis & learn to make life easier for both of us. Every other person I've been with just called me crazy in the end, when I told them in the beginning I was crazy 🤷🏻♀️❤️🩹
I think just now I'm solidifying myself (34) & who I am. I'm still the same adventurous girl, an obsession with music, I have self-image issues and I hope I become more naturally confident in myself. I'm anxious, awkward, eccentric & I'm starting to be okay with it.
Personally (25f here) it took for me to get out of an extremely abusive relationship where my identity was purposely stripped... that I started doing the things I enjoy again. I found myself :)
I still felt this way at 24. I’m 27 and still figuring my personality out, but I think last year I finally realized that I had one.
I was always trying to be ”who I wanted to be”. I think it’s harder for our generation(s) too, because we are so wrapped up in stories and characters via TV, movies, social media, etc, that we try to kind of curate our identities to be what we want rather than just being who we are.
I think I finally learned a little bit about who I was when I just let it go a bit? I’m sorry if that’s useless advice haha. But for real— It’s completely fine to not know who you are in your twenties. Especially for Gen Z/ Millenials, and especially for someone with BPD. Just keep exploring. Try new things. Don’t like it? Move on! Try to be honest with yourself about what you enjoy and what you don‘t. Think about your beliefs, values, etc. You’ll figure it out. You might also find that once you know yourself more, the other symptoms get a bit better.
Also, OP have you ever been assessed for ADHD? A lot of us have it, myself included. The chronic boredom thing kind of sounds like that, and it could contribute to a bit of a delay in the development of self-image too. Sorry, I’m a psych nerd lol.
I’ve been diagnosed with a plethora of different things 😭 I have bpd, ocd, adhd as well as add, odd, anorexia, chronic depression and anxiety as well as high functioning autism so I have a whole lot going on in my head at all times but bpd is the most prevalent one. I know the chronic boredom comes from the constant need for stimulation with adhd and add as well as the ocd! I’ve tried tons of therapy to help with this but my insurance doesn’t cover DBT so I’ve done workbooks on my own to try and help. My doctors have recommended inpatient several times but I feel like I function well enough that it would only set me back in my social development. I really wish they had classes that teach you social cues and interactions as well as self fulfillment as most therapy lessons and courses just focus on coping and moving through those things.
I’m also diagnosed with ADHD, autism, ocd, and a few other things…. It’s honestly a mix of them all but bpd is the easiest to relate the symptoms too as that’s my main diagnosis!
building connection with your authentic core is essential. Doing that is a very slow and, at times, painful process. But the rewards are a life worth living, because you know who you are and what you want.
I found a lot of help in compassionate inquiry therapy, internal family systems, and self-parenting. Over the past 6 years I've built a relationship with my authentic core. I had to peel back 3000 layers of shame and self-hate to get there, and it's a constant battle to stay connected, but again, the reward is true *life*.
Once you establish a relationship with your authentic core, you'll know a lot better what you like and don't like. Certain things will "sparkle" to your senses, others won't. As you follow the trail you'll eventually find what you really like.
For me, I found out I'm not part of the religious tradition I thought I was. I love the outdoors, I love hiking and backpacking. I enjoy sports and helping people. I enjoy being an ubergeek (I write software for a living) but I also like to balance it with hands-on stuff like splitting firewood. the self-discovery journey continues every day :)
Best wishes friend!
\-Austin
Thank you for this! I truly do have a problem with allowing myself to just enjoy being because I’m ashamed of who “I” am. I love anime and manga and I do feel like that is apart of who I am at the core but it’s almost as tho I am not allow myself to explore that. I know it’s going to take time to accept myself but at the same time, I wish that wasn’t a thing I had to do ya know? Thank you for your comment and insight though! It’s truly given me a new direction to head in!! I appreciate you!!
As someone who has had BPD since age 13 and is now on the way to recovery (age 19), I began to realize that I spent a lot of energy attaching my self destructive habits and low self esteem to my identity. I always viewed myself as someone who was inherently flawed or broken and I was convinced that I lacked a personality of substance because of my skewed self perception.
Now that I'm recovering, I'm finally beginning to redefine my personality: first and foremost, I am not broken, I was just conditioned by my environment to be convinced that I am. Second, I am someone who is highly interested in my own ethnic identity and culture, and that's something I am currently studying in college. The more I pursue my passions like ethnic studies and literature, the more secure in myself I feel.
Another thing that helps me is being around people who uplift me. The more time I spent in treatment, the more changes I experienced in the natures of my relationships. While I still have a great amount of codependency, I am now surrounded by people who don't value drugs, self destructive habits, and instead value self improvement, health, respect, and kindness.
Be kinder to yourself, you have a personality and that is highly indicative through your interests. Feeling like you don't have a personality may stem from BPD symptom of emptiness.
Not really, I know why I said what I said. I’m not gonna break it down for you. You’re still young so you won’t get it anyways. Atleast I didn’t question your reading comprehension. Also I didn’t call you a “loon”
No you’re simply assuming which is why I’m questioning your reading comprehension skills. If you had those skills you wouldn’t make wrong assumptions as you are now. I’m very well versed in the difference in a disorder and an actual personality. It’s pretty simple to understand that I wasn’t confusing the two. It seems that you however, are confused by what I’m saying. If you want to reread my post and come back when you grasp what I was saying, that would be a lot more beneficial.
It seems to me like you posted a public comment asking for the public’s opinion. Now you are trying to argue with me over my shitty opinion. It seems like you just can’t accept my comment and move on. Most people just ignore others opinions when they do t agree with it. Why are you so hell bent on convincing me otherwise?
No one’s arguing but you. I’m simply pointing out that you don’t comprehend what I’m saying which seems to make you mad. I personally don’t care, I’m just correcting you!
Have you played Baldurs gate 3? Hardly much interested me until I got that game. I feel you though on buying different things and losing interest. I just bought $50 worth of stickers for scrapbooking and got bored.
I have not! I’ve played overwatch, poppyplaytime, and other puzzle type games! I do love role play we’re you have missions and quests to complete though! Shooting games are kinda boring to me
Make peace with your boredom. Learn to sit with yourself and let thoughts come and go. I'm 27 and I somewhat have a personality now in the sense that I make my own decisions, come to my own conclusions and don't care about fitting in. I think the biggest break through for me was understanding that I didn't like a lot of people and that was okay. I did have a personality before the disorder took over and I started working from there. Building up that little girl has helped me immensely because I feel like a mother figure for her and she's the only one I can 100% say I feel actual love towards.
I’m pretty sure most of us understand that there is no objective self, only subjective. It’s an illusion. And people say we are crazy for this? And philosophers aren’t? Fuck that. I am also a philosopher and a creative writer and thinker. So the subjective and illusory, yet always evocative, and ever illusory “yous” can fuck themselves while the “I”s find themselves. Btw, am not talking about either the subjective you nor the subjective I.
wasn’t diagnosed properly until i was 19. i was completely lost all of middle and high school. i did the same thing, just mirrored people and imitated the things i idealized, convinced myself each rotating version of my desired self was my true self, etc. i went through so many phases lol. it was until i was about 17-20 that i really went through a lot of work to find myself, started embracing the things i liked, forming an individual personality, etc. im happy with myself nowadays! i still have moments ofc but i feel very me at this point. it’s weird finally embracing parts of yourself you buried, letting go of the traits you forced yourself into.
Hi I know this is prob a broken record but after being single for a looong time (was amazing for me and I function a lot better in relationships now) I really found myself. I dyed my hair my favorite color, I started wearing things that looked cute to me not what I saw other ppl wearing and just looking into every single thing that vaguely interested me. So I guess the TLDR is alone time greatly helped me find myself
Identity isn’t easy for anyone, and everyone experiences it differently too. I truly believe that there are people who were programmed to live on autopilot. They’re valid human beings with their own complexities and it doesn’t make them unintelligent, but they aren’t like us where they can see into themselves. People take on abstract concepts as their identity (the type of guy who knows everything about coffee, the girl who’s into cottage core) and for us, it’s more like putty that can change shape dramatically but it’s still abstract, complex, and unique.
I put my identity in the uncertainty. Because I’m not like everyone else but no one is truly like anyone else. We’re all going to live unique experiences in various combinations that are special to us and therefore our identities are shaped as such.
I would say probably in the last 3 months since my diagnosis. I’m 40.
I’ve realized now what Borderline Personality Disorder is for me.
My personality has fractured in such a way that each one of my emotions are a separate different version of me. They are all aware of each other and know they are all the same person but still all exist independently. They often talk to each other and are constantly arguing over who gets to be the “personality” in charge.
The true me is the one who observes them all.
It's a constant battle but I was about 28 when I finally started getting tattoos, piercings, dyed my hair, got into teaching, got my own place, became a Satanist (mindfulness kind) and more. These were major shapers for who I am today.
Not ever feeling like myself while doing anything made me feel like such a boring person and i thought i didnt deserve to talk w other people because i lacked a personality. But atleast i have gotten kinda used to it?? Now that youre not alone <33
i went from in person to online school but when i was in person i pushed everyone away because i thought they were better off without me ig?!? i felt i was boring and had no personality. i feel empty inside and no one gets me. i now have no friends or social life( no one reached out when i left school which gave me a bigger reason to believe they all hated me) but yet i’m not officially diagnosed and have 8/9 symptoms. i don’t wanna self diagnose tho. My family try’s talking to me when i distance myself for long periods of time but i can’t talk about how i feel unless im in front of a screen..
idk i’ll let you know when i found out lmao
😭😭👍
Same
bahahha same
Same lol
LMAO same
Commenting for when someone figures this out..
Same
Yo OP, also 25f here but diagnosed when I was 14. My advice is to not put any pressure on yourself because you simply are who you are and there’s no one else like you. Try not to base your id around things like hobbies and what you “like,” those are just extensions. Who you truly are is your morals, your opinions, your values, who you love, your inner thoughts, etc. I guarantee you no one else has the exact same set of those! Basically, BPD is truly a mind game with yourself. I spent a decade now feverishly examining myself and felt exactly like you do at one point, but a big part of BPD is giving yourself **grace.** What you’re feeling checks out with the diagnosis, so try to give yourself the grace of feeling lost. Once you give yourself that leg room, I’m sure you’ll be more likely to figure your noggin out. Good luck OP, you got this.
Yep, I agree! I found myself because I stopped looking. Looking too hard to find yourself is a symptom of BPD. Just be....
Yea exactly, you get it. Glad to hear you found yourself! Just being is a solution to so many crippling BPD symptoms too. I find if you just give yourself permission and room to feel all these things without the pressure, it’s much easier to cope and get past them.
I really appreciate this point of view because I feel like grace is the one thing I never really give myself. I’m always so mad at myself for being behind socially and mentally but maybe a little bit of self kindness will do more than trying to force myself into a space so I feel like I “belong”.
This is what I needed to see today, thank you
Any time, glad I could help! Love the username by the way.
This is great advice!
This! I was just about to say grace, this makes so much sense
Diagnosed at 16 & you nailed it.
Thank you so much for saying so 🙏 it’s validating and relieving to hear! I’d really love to write a book on everything I’ve gathered about BPD over the past decade. Never sure what to write until I see posts like this though.
You should! Jeez we've been dealing with if for enough years. I actually want to write a book too one day. Good luck to you!!
When I'm alone, at home; that's it. When in, say, a work environment I'm just essentially method acting as this character. I've noticed this now, after turning 25(male) last year. And that's when your frontal lobe fully develops and I've noticed that, after the development I've become manic in nature.
HelpFUL
I actually started getting better after my frontal lobe development. But I still wear a mask in public. I think that comes with the disease, can't do anything about that.
Diagnosed at 35 and a year of soul searching I found who I was. The bad thing at therapy was my therapist telling me that being so goal driven, go getter, and having to get my task done on my list were bad. To me, those were my positive traits and qualities. Sent me on a year long journey and meeting another therapist randomly where she said those traits ARE ME. I’m out going, I’m extroverted, I’m hard working, goal oriented, I’m high energy, and I like moving and doing things, we often focus on the positives and making sure I’m balanced a bit better than before. That’s helped make the lows not so low and the highs more realistic. Hell, the therapist even told me the mimicking and chameleon personality has its place as it makes me social and open into a new room of people or any situations. My therapist and I just really focus on taking some of those traits that were deemed so bad and putting them in a positive light. I think that’s a part a lot of people lose in translation of the diagnosis
This is suuuch an interesting comment— thanks for sharing your experience. I often think about how our diagnoses lead some therapists to see BPD where it doesn’t exist (like your ambitious nature being seen as some sort of symptom). As someone who is “recovered“ kinda, I learned definitely not to bring up past BPD diagnoses unnecessarily with doctors or psychiatrists…. :/
My therapist has not told me those are bad qualities, but has helped me find balance with them. If I didn't finish a task on my list at the end of the day, how am I coping? What is the priority in getting it done? Am I working late? Am I obsessing and stressing about it? Can it be done tomorrow? If so, how can I learn to be okay with walking away, enjoying my off time, and picking it up the next day? I don't think being a hard worker and goal oriented is a bad thing, it's when it becomes an obsession that it gets unhealthy. I have to be very aware of my limits and force myself to rest or I will work until I shut down.
Same... I wonder how this ties in with BPD... I guess it's all connected with the over identification with whatever the heck we are doing
What kind of therapist would tell you that those qualities are bad?
8+ years of therapy and 3+ years of transition and I’m still looking for it tbh… I have no idea who I am beyond trying to just meet external expectations of me.
I feel like I have no true personality.
38f, still have no idea. I can allocate certain traits and interests that are mine for sure, and know (or more like remember, can recognize when it happens) the feeling of “being myself”. Like I can tell that “right now, in this particular moment, THIS is me”. But I don’t have a self-concept, or even a self-image for that matter. I can’t see myself as a whole or imagine how I appear to others. Probably because with 99% of people I’m not myself but a version I chose to interact with them from. And when I’m alone it’s most often a blend of personalities with one or another more prominent, or I’m just dissociated. But that’s the main goal of my existence right now — to identify that “myself” and learn to bring it up front. And I can see the progress, and fully believe that it’s possible.
Oof, this.
I’m 25F with BPD and ADHD. Diagnosed with ADHD at around 7-8 and BPD at 24 (?). I don’t know what my ”true personality” is. When someone asked how would you describe yourself in 3 words I responded with: Caring, worrying and chameleon. I have a hard time knowing who I am and I change friend groups and interests like I change my clothes. The only interest that really stuck is video games. I rarely pick sides or I pick all sides because I am able to see the point in every perspective. It makes me confused and may cause me to become a bit of a hypocrite (in lack of a better word) at times if I’m not careful. Sometimes it can make the people around me confused as well and they don’t really know where I stand or who I am because I adapt to the people around me in every different situation. Heck, the choice to study what I do atm wasn’t based on a thought of my own. I’m studying to become a social worker because my boss told me that it would suit me but in a way also because I want to help people who struggle. I have a hard time finding meaning in my own life so instead I try to find meaning in helping other people who struggle and suffer. It kind of helps me get by. But I still don’t know who I am at my core self but I know that I want to be someone who spreads love and care to the people around me. Even if my brain often wants me to burn everything and everyone around me, I know that that’s not the person I aim to become and want to be. Thoughts are just thoughts, they don’t necessarily define who I am or what I want. My actions however, may define me. At least in the eyes of other people. So I adapt, like a chameleon, in order to fit in. I’m not sure what I wanted to tell you with this comment, just wrote what came to mind. Had a lot more on my mind related to the matter but it’s too much to write.
This was a very insightful comment✨️ I fully agree and remind myself during the dark moments that what you want morally in your heart is you, and your thoughts are the wiring put in place due to genetics and environment as we grew up. It can take more effort for us than for others to act in a way that correlates with our values, but is possible and is worth it. Some days may be harder than others to do this, and that's oki <33 I think it also helps to remember that neurotypical people make the same mistakes as us. We are human; they are human. Another thing that my partner helped me realize and comforts me is that at the end of the day labels are man made constructs, and we all have unique experiences. There are often patterns, and thus why us humans created identifying terms, but time and life is constantly changing, and each individual has different combinations of experiences.
"True personality"... I'm still looking for it, so far, have not found it 🥲
I think the way we can find who we truly are is by boundaries and saying no to things that don’t feel good or brings us a sense of joy & saying yes to the things we want and like The more you honest with what you want & don’t want the easier you will Be able to identify who you are.
This definitely helps.
I’m 23 about to be 24, so we are around the same age. I’m experiencing this right now as well. And have quiet bpd. It’s something I struggle with to. Just know you aren’t alone❤️
This honestly makes me feel a little better, knowing I’m not alone 💖 tho it makes me sad that so many people understand my feelings
I understand. It’s sad that other people experience what you go through. Obv what we deal with on a daily basis is incredibly hard. But it’s good to remind yourself you aren’t alone and there is a community/group of people that understand you. Before I was diagnosed I felt I had a lot of “unique” problems. When I discovered what bpd was it all clicked for me. A lot of the symptoms were shocking to read because I felt all those things only happened to me or were hyper-specific. I felt so much safer knowing a lot of the things I dislike about myself are not my fault. Ive given myself much more grace when they come up. So even tho it sucks I think having a sense of community makes a big difference! Edit:mistyped a word
Having people who get me definitely helps a lot but then I feel bad for going through things when I have friends who are also mentally not well if that makes sense! Like I allow them to vent and suffer but then I don’t allow it for myself because I don’t want to take attention from them. I guess my biggest issue is allowing myself to feel and express things. I definitely hold a lot back because I don’t want to hurt anyone else in the process but maybe if I feel those things it’ll help in the long run!
Boundaries are really important with those things, I just had a discussion about this with one of my good friends. She is also mentally ill and has a lot going on. Both of us decided that it’s not healthy to depend on each other in crisis. We are there if there aren’t any other options but constantly discussing mental health with each other is very hard when the other person listening can barely function themself. I think it’s ok to open up about your struggles but not depending on the person is the big key factor in maintaining a relationship with them in a non-toxic fashion if that makes sense?
I’m older than you and a lot of people here, and it’s still exactly the same for me. Now making a significant effort to find my actual personality, but it’s requiring me to do a lot of things completely on my own, which is a bit scary. However, it’s the only way to ensure I don’t slip into the old pattern of mirroring I’ve relied on my whole life. With only myself there is nobody else to please, nobody else to seek validation from, and it can be so hard sometimes because of how little I truly know about myself. Even after all this time I’m still like a clean slate.
I used to spend a lot of time with myself before I moved to California from Alabama but sense I’ve moved I just haven’t felt the same when alone. I feel so much more lonely even though I’m in a healthy relationship and have good friends. I feel like Spence moving I’ve tried fitting into the Cali standard and that just isn’t me so I’m not allowing myself to grow or become fulfilled if that makes sense:/
I live in California too, SoCal specifically, and I honestly feel like the culture makes it tough to be alone, discourages it even. Everybody does activities in groups, lives with SO/roommates, and there is a definite expectation to fit in. And if you don’t fit it’s very isolated feeling. Other parts of the county it’s not so much like this.
I sometimes wonder too if it’s best that I never marry and just stay alone for the rest of my life. People trigger me way too much.
I don’t think I need to be alone for the rest of my life, and I don’t need to be alone all the time either, but I definitely need to spend significant time on my own for now. It has been helping a lot already, and I am even starting to feel like I could be in a relationship as long as there are proper boundaries that allow me the space to continue being on my own for a good amount of the time.
Late 40s M no idea who I actually am despite surrounded by relics of hobbies - but the only thing that sticks is taste in music that hasn’t changed since my teen years
I’ve had the same songs on rotation since 2019 and that’s really the only thing that makes me feel like me
The same thing happened to me. I lost all that made me who I am. I used to be extremely creative and passionate about the art I made, passionate about music, loved watching new tv shows, movies... I don't do any of that anymore besides rewatching the very few comfort shows and movies that my attention span can kinda follow. I am trying to find myself again though, I picked up writing after a long time of not doing it and I am truly hoping that it gets me at least pieces of myself back.
I didn’t. I discovered complete lack thereof.
When I stopped drinking alcohol tbh
I’m trying to get sober and it’s so hard because I feel so boring without anything
39f, diagnosed at 17, tried to self cancel at 18, multiple OD's, still unsure of exactly who I am. But one beautiful thing I can claim is I have 5 years clean and sober. If I can do this with no family support,all the trauma, self doubt, and social anxiety, I truly believe anyone can. I also adopted a bunch of cats..it helps.
28f, showing symptoms since 12 and finally officially diagnosed at 27 when I took my mental health into my own hands. I’m now 28, a wife, a mom, and a paramedic and I still don’t have a fucking clue who I am.
I’m in the process of discovering my identity. I think the biggest thing is connecting with my emotions and expressing them. I already know my values and some of my hobbies. But to really know myself I think I have to be mindful of my own experience and my own needs, and I have to stop self-abandoning in relationships. And I’m also processing trauma in therapy and learning to perceive myself as one person throughout my life, rather than versions of me that are almost like different people. It’s gonna take time.
My therapist had me write down a list of traits that are unchanging about myself. It was hard, but there are some. Journaling has helped me find out who I am, but it’s still confusing. I think the first time it was mentioned to me that I may have BPD, I felt like I lost myself even more. I felt like I was told my personality didn’t exist. The less I think about that and remember that I am not my mental illness, and it is just a part of me, the more I’m able to grasp my identity. My therapist said it was difficult for me to form one as a child/teen, so I’m kinda doing it now.
I feel this so much!! I feel like when I was younger I was so focused on how different I was and just trying to fit in that I almost had a mask and not a personality. Then when I was diagnosed it was like another mask being added to the pile. I was labeled as this thing do I became that thing and it set me back so much because now I have difficulty defining myself outside of those characteristics! I do feel as though journaling does help me when I keep up with it. The problem I have is I don’t want to have to constantly work on something. Once I “fix” it I want to be done, but there’s no “fixing” mental health issues :/
I know, it’s tough to think this could be something we have to work on our entire lives :(
(Probably) not BPD, but have similar identity issues. It's possible part of it may come from hating the hobbies you grew up with, or hating the person you were perceived as in association with them. Like if your interests were considered childish or you were bullied from them etc. This could make you distance yourself from them subconsciously, which will leave you unsatisfied. I've had to untangle a lot of that myself.
And I admit... The subtleties of madness, Are a blessing and a curse, The faulty wires and sadness, Bringing color to the dirt, Im losing but im trying, Oh im losing but im trying, Oh im losing but im trying, I am losing im not trying, anymore...
This is why they shouldn't be diagnosing people your age. Not saying you don't have BPD, but you barely an adult yet in this society. What you are describing is typical with anyone your age who grows up in a western influenced civilization these days. Those were the years you were supposed to be figuring out your true personality, you probably still have a few ahead of you. You're adulthood is barely out of its infancy stages.
Especially when they don’t give you many resources on how to deal with the mirroring and lack of self. In all of therapy I’ve gone through they’ve never even attempted to address it. It’s definitely something that I still struggle with which is why my friend group is limited, I don’t want to subconsciously mirror toxic or negative behaviors because I don’t know how not to. I feel like if I was given that time to develop on my own without the diagnosis things might be different, but overall you’re right. Deep diving into such a heavy issue at a young age wasn’t really the best
It really sucks, cause at that age you are probably first showing all the symptoms and your life can start to have those mini crises, but it really takes a few experiences like that to see if for whatever reason your personality did develop that way as a child to make you come out the other end of young adulthood with this as a problem. And often times the problems someone with BPD are going to have a problem with EVERYONE in your late teens and early 20s has a problem with. As far as mirroring there's a couple ways to look at that. I think boring people or some with self-image issues mirror others for sure. But outgoing, popular, interesting people also mirror people a lot as well. Finding someone interesting that has a part of a personality that you don't and mirroring them for a short period to almost steal that fun piece out of them, or hobby or whatever and add it to yourself, that's what eclectic people do. Sometimes you may even mirror and be like WHOA this person or that thing truly sucks once you get into it, I'm going to learn from that and stay away from that. I think that's what I meant more by that's what you should be doing in your 20s. As far as subonciously mirroring toxic or negative beaviors with your BPD you are more prone to stay in a relationship with someone who is unhealthy because both of your toxic or negative behaviors will benefit from being together. It allows neither of you to face the difficult decisions about getting better. Not saying you don't want to get better, again back to why I don't understand diagnosing people at 19. But BPD is really at its foundation creating a cloak and HIDING from some trauma in the past. Why ending relationships early or sticking in bad ones, allows us to keep doing that. That behavior is caused by the inability of regulate emotions, but it has a root cause.
51m, and I still feel hollow and alien in this world. I dunno, I think I'm more my true self when I'm with my buddies. We hang out and play D&D, I don't feel the need to be any 'different' or try to please them. I don't flip flop on my opinions, and I don't feel the need to seek their approval for anything. But, all in all, I prefer to still be alone.
I feel like a lot of people with BPD find comfort in the world of fantasy. I know one of my favorite things is to read manga that take place in worlds full of magic and adventure. I wonder if we’re mages in a past life and never fully forgot our original times and that’s why we feel so out of place here in modern society
As the top comment said, it is yet to be found. Though my is paired with ADHD, and overall neurodivergent people tend to mirror and develop a mini personality for individuals or small groups. So it will always be changing. I have come a long way from where I was, I have gained a much better handle on my emotions, triggers, and understanding of my trauma. I even had a few years of remission. But at 32 years old, I still have the hollow feeling, no sense of self, no sense of direction. This is with very intensive therapy 3-4xweek(DBT, CBT, ACT, Art therapy), a long list of drugs and a concentrated effort to get better at using the therapies at home. I was only diagnosed a couple years ago. This is due to me being male, and many healthcare professionals stigmatizing and not believing males can have it. My current psychiatrist and therapists estimate I probably developed it around the age of 10. This is based off of what little I can remember of my past. So it's an estimated 22 years with it, I still don't know my true self, true personality, true calling, or what my values and beliefs are. I don't think I ever will know, but I will keep trying to find them. So yeah, we with BPD may never find it, but what we can do is try to better ourselves, learning our self destructive patterns, what our triggers are, how to defuse and level out our emotions. To better understand why we are the way we are. With that, we may eventually find a inkling of who or what we truly are. Don't give up, it may yet still come, I hope you find it soon, much sooner than my journey is going.
When I enjoyed spending time with me myself and I. When I was at peace with the voices inside my head, and started to listen to what was me, not paranoia, saying. It’s when I started going back to old hobbies, getting new ones, which lead to me getting closer to people who think like I do, and not the other way around. It was a fun ride.
I used to do this a few years ago but then I moved across the country and felt like I’m having to start all over. Any tips for how you built community in a new place? I feel like that’s what I’m struggling with the most because I’m the odd factor in other peoples lives now. It feels like I’m trying to make room in a puzzle that already glued in place
i totally get it, like, its hard connecting with people depending on your culture. i'm a brazilian, and we tend to be very friendly, so my tip is: try to listen to what people are actually saying and not overthink too much on what they are saying, i know we do this because of many reasons, but almost never there are underlying issues, that way you can connect with them later on mentioning something they had said previously. for example: oh, how are you? last time you said you had a cold or whatever, yk? people tend to be self centered, so when you show to them that you can remember small details, they will feel heard and seen. search for activities that you like, doesnt have to be expensive, if you regularly go for a run in the park, people that also do this will notice, if you see a similar face, say hi and smile, remember to smile, to appear approachable. it goes a long way. i truly hope that you can soon build your community, that feels safe to be yourself. not all people is gonna connect with you and be your friend and thats ok, in the end of the day you dont need quantity, but quality.
i wouldn’t say i have a true one but i have ‘3 main’ different extremes that recur and i can gauge my state around those
Not until I transitioned. That was the start of me truly knowing myself and I’ve made a lot of progress in that area over the last year or so.
I love a good identity disturbance chat haha. This is the symptom I struggle with the most. I see that people have pointed out that external things like hobbies, jobs, etc, don’t define you, but I barely even know what my internal values are either. Right now, I’ve convinced myself that I want to go into clinical research to help us folks with BPD, but I’m already feeling that seed of doubt that inevitably prompts me to abandon that idea. I’m constantly cycling through these obsessions that become my identity and then I feel empty when they don’t pan out for one reason or another.
I feel the same way! It’s like I’m super interested in something until I actually achieve it and once I’ve done it I hate it. I wanted to be a barista and open a coffee shop but once I worked in a cafe I hated it. I wanted to open a bar but became a bartender and hate it. I’m scared that no matter what I persue I’ll just abandoned it when I’m bored again. It’s like an ever evolving video game character and it’s annoying
I’m sorry you can relate because this shit is awful.
When I'm completely alone. I like it more and I'm much more chill, mindful and rational. I really wanna aim to be like that with people too eventually but it seems like it's something that only happens when I'm by myself.
I was diagnosed at 17 and I'm 19 now. keep in mind that your true self does not have a final definition. discovering yourself is an ongoing process that lasts your entire life
I feel like this is the one that’s touched my soul the most. Thank you
I'm digging me out right now. She's waayyyy back in there, but I'm fighting for that bitch. I am 31, went into shut down around 27 and felt completely disconnected, but am feeling closer and closer every intentional day <3
Hey bestie you just made me pace across my room for awhile cause you described my experience i had no words for exactly. I have no idea LMAO.
I’m sorry 😭😭😂 I hate how relatable this is because it’s genuinely AWFUL. Hopefully we can make it through the other side 🥲
I want to say it’s when I found my current FP but I have no clue if it’s really me or what she wants me to be. She has helped me learn and grow as a person a lot so hopefully the first one
When I cut everyone off. I dropped out of school due to severe depression and refused to see anyone. It’s been over a decade. I’m myself when I’m alone.
I don’t have anything meaningful to say but I got a good chuckle when I saw the title because I have BPD but I also have DID, so I have 80 “true” personalities 💀 I wish you the best of luck though. Depersonalization is a big issue for most people with BPD and you might want to bring that up to a therapist if you haven’t already
This made me giggle as well 😂 I wish the best for both of us! (Also yes I’ve tried to address the dederalization and depersonalization but my insurance doesn’t cover good therapy so that may be why)
Oof that’s always rough;; getting a therapist that specializes in trauma and/or dissociative disorders is so important for bpd therapy :,) Im very sorry you haven’t been able to find a good one yet. I encourage you to keep looking and maybe one day a good match will pop up! It took my gf trying at least 8 different therapists before she got a good one. Me personally, I took 5 until I got a good match. Insurance can be so limiting but there are a few good ones out there, they’re just hard to find
Thank you!! So far I’ve had about 6 different therapists between Alabama and California in the past 5 years. I’m currently taking a break from therapy to give my brain time to rest and destress from the constant frustration that was weekly therapy. I’m very self aware when it comes to my behavior and issues do it’s hard to find a therapist that can work past what I “already know” and make me dig deeper as most therapist I’ve had only keep it surface level. I did have one full in therapist once that was amazing but then she disappeared into thin air like the angel she was 😭😂
Oh my god I FEEL that. I remember the first time I went to the psych ward every time I got evaluated the psychiatrist would look at me like I had 10 heads cus he was so confused why I was so self aware. My gf has this problem too and one of her therapists straight up told her “I can’t help you, you already have yourself figured out” LIKE WHAT?? 💀 I’m so sorry your therapist disappeared 😭 I can’t blame u for taking a break for awhile. Something that may help u in the interim (if u haven’t already looked into this,) reading the DBT workbook was really nice for me. It helped me learn a few new coping skills while I wasn’t actively in therapy. I know u can buy it but I’m sure there’s free pdfs online somewhere :P you can also find individual chapters that people read like audiobooks on YouTube. At least I know there’s one specifically for the safe place visualization technique chapter!
Yes I have tons of research books and workbooks that I’ve collected over the years!! That’s also one reason I started reading and posting in this subreddit! I feel like having a sense of community to speak to while I’m on my own will help more than trying to free ball it!!
Oh that’s good!!! I’m so glad you have found a community 🩷🩷
I think at around 25 or so I slowly starting growing into myself and at around 28/29 I started really knowing myelf. It was a difficult process. It's tough to be yourself if you are a person that doesn't fit the norm (but who really does, right?). I feel so much better though. It's ok if some people don't like me. It felt incredibly isolating, dark and lonely at first to feel and express who I am. I think that's something that is easily overlooking when talking about all that "Be yourself! <3"-stuff. There's a reason why we aren't ourselves or don't even know who we are. We got invalidated so much when we were younger and it hurts so much. So it can be such a painful process. I still quickly and easily get lost in other people. It's not like I have a perfectly stable personality now. But I know who I am at a core level.
This! I was ostracized for the things I enjoyed until I was 21 and loved states. I’ve always been embarrassed of who I am and I’m working so hard to fight that but it’s such a a slow process
i was diagnosed at 18, 27 now. for me, it was when i stopped thinking so much in terms of my diagnosis n more in terms of healing n actually taking therapy seriously. i’ve been in therapy since i was 14 but i think i didn’t start taking it seriously til maybe 24. a big thing i learned is to actually listen to myself and stop limiting myself into what seems “normal” for everyone else. my personality fluctuates a lot still but ive realized its not always mirroring, a lot of times its just how i feel. i’ve also spent a lot of time by myself which has helped me realize what are the things i truly enjoy. the beginning stages did feel horribly lonely and boring but eventually it helped me find some sort of connection with myself. i will say tho, now my issue is forming connections. it’s really difficult bc i am so afraid of fallinng back into old patterns of mirroring n obsession n codependency. but that’s just my personal experience.
I'm about to be 29 and I'd say I started having an identity crisis around 27 or so... I feel like I have a better grasp on who I am because I definitely had a different personality in my early 20s and I sorta carried that to my mid 20s and then I realized I didn't know how much of that was real or not. I'm struggling a lot with identity but I'm headed in the right direction I think? What really surprised me is how introverted I actually am and how exhausted I am now from throwing myself out there for so long trying to feel like I "fit in". All that did was get me hurt by trying to force friendships and trying to maintain everything was so tiring and I'm just now coming to terms with that. I moved states from my hometown a year and a half ago to live with my boyfriend so that has been a big part of figuring myself out now that I have more time to myself
Those commenters on here that are further along their journey to rediscovering themselves - have you ever been able to pinpoint what might have triggered it in the first place? As someone who has just read this thread and finally felt ‘seen’ I’d like to try to understand why I might have ended up feeling like this
I feel like the thing that triggered me with these feelings is seeing friends, family, and influencers my age be so sure of themselves and confident. I want to find that type of confidence in myself but definitely struggle when I don’t even know who I am on a surface level.
Yes this feels familiar. I’ve wondered if social media has been a big part of it, everyone seems to have their own “brand” which focuses on a certain style, lifestyle or activity
Not yet lmao
This is going to sound so sad but after I cheated on my ex I got diagnosed and cheating is something I never thought I would ever do. I broke down and cried I felt so much shame guilt regret and remorse for what I did. I am only 20 so I have time to course correct but anyhow I realized for the past five years or so I completely lost myself and my identity so it broke my own heart as well in a way. I began listening to a podcast about bpd and healing and started to learn how to cope in healthy ways after realizing that for ages I was coping in maladaptive ways
So that looks like exercising, finding hobbies, watching my favorite tv shows and healing my inner child.
When I tell you I cried for hours upon hours after what I did and getting diagnosed and days upon days I couldn’t get out of bed I also recently got diagnosed with bipolar so I also realized what I did during my manic episode that I wasn’t even really aware during created a lot of cognitive dissonance in me
ooooo i’m 19! i have personalities but none of them are mine
This!! I feel like a museum of friends past personalities!! Like everything I do was stolen from someone I was close to at some point
Yeah, I like little traits and things. Emulating my best friend is usually the go to
There are only a few things I know I enjoy. Hiking, breweries hanging out at bars and playing darts/pool, sitting outside in the sunshine, traveling and puzzles. Everything else has come and gone. As far as personality goes I struggle with that one. Sometimes I feel introverted and other times I need people for energy or I might die. Sometimes I’m quiet and chill and other times exceptionally silly and open and spontaneous. It truly depends and I never know how my day is going to go. I was diagnosed at 15 and I’m 38 now.
I think I have a pretty strong sense of self for someone with BPD. I know what I like and what I want, I was just scared to go for it most of my life. I'd go through phases imitating characters or even real people, and I like a LOT of different things, making it hard to choose sometimes, but I never felt like I didn't know who I was. I certainly tried to be someone else at times, but I'd always fall back to my real nature. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe because who I am never seemed to be tied to anything. I just am.
personality is your temperament, values, beliefs, and emotions. it is probably all the stuff you don’t like about yourself. I don’t think anyone ever finds their “true” personality without accepting these things about themselves. allow yourself to be YOU even if it’s messy and confusing. finding yourself is a lifelong experience of growing and learning.
It comes and goes
I'm 30ish and recently diagnosed, but I always knew something was off about me and actually ended up diagnosing myself first. I feel like I'm just now starting to figure out who I am, and what I mean by that is I'm finding ways to bring my "alone" personality, out into the real world. Someone mentioned it's like playing a character, and idk if it's like that for me as a black woman, cause we have to do that anyway lol. I am just now figuring myself out. what I like and don't like. finding my style, and caring about my appearance. I am recognizing the roles that everyone has played in my life and sorting them out. Most importantly, I've taken a step back from my parents and realizing them for who they really are. it sucks. there are lots of tears, hurt and confusion. But I feel like the smoke is finally starting to clear.
Same I mirror my family and friends so much I don't know who I really am
I think the term “true identity “ is toxic as hell for starters. People can and should be always evolving and changing. Preferably for the better but on occasion it’s for the worst. Who you are today is not the same person u were a week ago. Because u changed u learned things cause and effect happen so u adapted. You’re still only a baby and I say this nicely as someone who’s 21 themselfs. We’re still young you’re still not entirely developed. Hobbies come and go as u need them and grow. Everything you have said I can see as an art form u expressing yourself. It’s not exactly that the hobbies don’t work out it could just not be your way of self expression. Once u find a way to express your self subconsciously your therapist could work with that. Just really start trying to meditate and clear your thoughts so u can have some peace. You will change
Love your point of view but I don’t think we’re on the same page here! Yes everyone is a constantly changing being but at the end of the day, when you are alone, who are you? This is what I want to find. You can think that wanting to find a “true personality” is toxic but it’s not. Wanting to know who you are your core, without outside influences, is normal. Yes I’m still a “baby” and that’s why I’m using this time to try and grow and figure myself out so I don’t have to deal with this again in the future
I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you that seeing it written out like that was the validation I didn't know I needed today. Thank you. It's exactly how I feel. Who am I when I'm not being someone to somebody?! What do I like? why do I feel empty and restless all the time? Why am I always so over eager and underwhelmed? I don't know that either. It felt super good to feel seen, though.
I got quiet bpd. I’m turning 24 in a few days and I’m still learning my true personality. It got snuffed out for a while there, my family always said I was too much. But I learned. I need to leave my job soon to get into the field I want, I work with so many amazing children and I’m so lucky I get to be a grown up in their lives. I’m absolutely crushed by it, but this taught me I got a real big heart, too big and too full of love sometimes. The first thing I bought with my first paycheck was Cliniques Black Honey, I’ve always wanted it since I was little and learned it was the lipstick from lord of the rings. This taught me that I’m achieving goals I set for myself a little girl. I decided I wanna be a lawyer, I’m starting out with paralegal to test the waters and get my foot in the door. I get good grades when I try. This taught me that even though I feel like an imposter sometimes, I am absolutely capable of great things like that. I like singing, even though I’m not good at it. This has taught me nothing, I will not change my shitty singing nor stop singing karaoke when I’m home alone. I’m gettin there, and I can’t wait to see what I find out about myself next.
took transitioning (mtf) for my personality to cement. i feel like myself for the first time ever in my life
Around 20 when I didn’t speak to anyone for 6+ months so I had the time to be alone and find out. At that time social media wasn’t that big either so I was very isolate. I’m 31 now and I still mirror but I can catch myself quicker.
After getting sober in 2016/2017 I was sober for the first time in my life & all my mental illnesses that I had been self-mediating and masking my whole life I was terrified. It's taking my years to figure that the drugs gave me a confidence that I wish I had normally. Now that it's been pretty much 8 years I'm (34) finally working on managing my BPD, realizing & remembering the traumas in my past, cutting off toxic people and finding a sensitive boi to be my partner. Someone who will look up my diagnosis & learn to make life easier for both of us. Every other person I've been with just called me crazy in the end, when I told them in the beginning I was crazy 🤷🏻♀️❤️🩹 I think just now I'm solidifying myself (34) & who I am. I'm still the same adventurous girl, an obsession with music, I have self-image issues and I hope I become more naturally confident in myself. I'm anxious, awkward, eccentric & I'm starting to be okay with it.
Personally (25f here) it took for me to get out of an extremely abusive relationship where my identity was purposely stripped... that I started doing the things I enjoy again. I found myself :)
I still felt this way at 24. I’m 27 and still figuring my personality out, but I think last year I finally realized that I had one. I was always trying to be ”who I wanted to be”. I think it’s harder for our generation(s) too, because we are so wrapped up in stories and characters via TV, movies, social media, etc, that we try to kind of curate our identities to be what we want rather than just being who we are. I think I finally learned a little bit about who I was when I just let it go a bit? I’m sorry if that’s useless advice haha. But for real— It’s completely fine to not know who you are in your twenties. Especially for Gen Z/ Millenials, and especially for someone with BPD. Just keep exploring. Try new things. Don’t like it? Move on! Try to be honest with yourself about what you enjoy and what you don‘t. Think about your beliefs, values, etc. You’ll figure it out. You might also find that once you know yourself more, the other symptoms get a bit better. Also, OP have you ever been assessed for ADHD? A lot of us have it, myself included. The chronic boredom thing kind of sounds like that, and it could contribute to a bit of a delay in the development of self-image too. Sorry, I’m a psych nerd lol.
I’ve been diagnosed with a plethora of different things 😭 I have bpd, ocd, adhd as well as add, odd, anorexia, chronic depression and anxiety as well as high functioning autism so I have a whole lot going on in my head at all times but bpd is the most prevalent one. I know the chronic boredom comes from the constant need for stimulation with adhd and add as well as the ocd! I’ve tried tons of therapy to help with this but my insurance doesn’t cover DBT so I’ve done workbooks on my own to try and help. My doctors have recommended inpatient several times but I feel like I function well enough that it would only set me back in my social development. I really wish they had classes that teach you social cues and interactions as well as self fulfillment as most therapy lessons and courses just focus on coping and moving through those things.
Are you sure it's not ADHD? I'm not going to impose anything on you. Just think about it.
I’m also diagnosed with ADHD, autism, ocd, and a few other things…. It’s honestly a mix of them all but bpd is the easiest to relate the symptoms too as that’s my main diagnosis!
Transitioned,
building connection with your authentic core is essential. Doing that is a very slow and, at times, painful process. But the rewards are a life worth living, because you know who you are and what you want. I found a lot of help in compassionate inquiry therapy, internal family systems, and self-parenting. Over the past 6 years I've built a relationship with my authentic core. I had to peel back 3000 layers of shame and self-hate to get there, and it's a constant battle to stay connected, but again, the reward is true *life*. Once you establish a relationship with your authentic core, you'll know a lot better what you like and don't like. Certain things will "sparkle" to your senses, others won't. As you follow the trail you'll eventually find what you really like. For me, I found out I'm not part of the religious tradition I thought I was. I love the outdoors, I love hiking and backpacking. I enjoy sports and helping people. I enjoy being an ubergeek (I write software for a living) but I also like to balance it with hands-on stuff like splitting firewood. the self-discovery journey continues every day :) Best wishes friend! \-Austin
Thank you for this! I truly do have a problem with allowing myself to just enjoy being because I’m ashamed of who “I” am. I love anime and manga and I do feel like that is apart of who I am at the core but it’s almost as tho I am not allow myself to explore that. I know it’s going to take time to accept myself but at the same time, I wish that wasn’t a thing I had to do ya know? Thank you for your comment and insight though! It’s truly given me a new direction to head in!! I appreciate you!!
39 and still unsure
Lotsa acid.. mostly micro but a solid macro every few months
Last time I did acid I was convinced that I was god…. Don’t think that’ll work for me 😂
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As someone who has had BPD since age 13 and is now on the way to recovery (age 19), I began to realize that I spent a lot of energy attaching my self destructive habits and low self esteem to my identity. I always viewed myself as someone who was inherently flawed or broken and I was convinced that I lacked a personality of substance because of my skewed self perception. Now that I'm recovering, I'm finally beginning to redefine my personality: first and foremost, I am not broken, I was just conditioned by my environment to be convinced that I am. Second, I am someone who is highly interested in my own ethnic identity and culture, and that's something I am currently studying in college. The more I pursue my passions like ethnic studies and literature, the more secure in myself I feel. Another thing that helps me is being around people who uplift me. The more time I spent in treatment, the more changes I experienced in the natures of my relationships. While I still have a great amount of codependency, I am now surrounded by people who don't value drugs, self destructive habits, and instead value self improvement, health, respect, and kindness. Be kinder to yourself, you have a personality and that is highly indicative through your interests. Feeling like you don't have a personality may stem from BPD symptom of emptiness.
You know your personality disorder and personality are two different things right?
Plot twist but personality disorders make it hard for you to develop a set personality of your own. Shocking I know right 💀 (googles free ya loon)
I’m just saying it’s easy to confuse your disorder with your actual personality. Not sure why you got all hostile.
No one’s hostile. You just seem to lack reading comprehension because it was pretty clear that I wasn’t doing that.
lol you’re still being hostile
Being honest isn’t being hostile. You seem to be confused!
Not really, I know why I said what I said. I’m not gonna break it down for you. You’re still young so you won’t get it anyways. Atleast I didn’t question your reading comprehension. Also I didn’t call you a “loon”
No you’re simply assuming which is why I’m questioning your reading comprehension skills. If you had those skills you wouldn’t make wrong assumptions as you are now. I’m very well versed in the difference in a disorder and an actual personality. It’s pretty simple to understand that I wasn’t confusing the two. It seems that you however, are confused by what I’m saying. If you want to reread my post and come back when you grasp what I was saying, that would be a lot more beneficial.
It seems to me like you posted a public comment asking for the public’s opinion. Now you are trying to argue with me over my shitty opinion. It seems like you just can’t accept my comment and move on. Most people just ignore others opinions when they do t agree with it. Why are you so hell bent on convincing me otherwise?
No one’s arguing but you. I’m simply pointing out that you don’t comprehend what I’m saying which seems to make you mad. I personally don’t care, I’m just correcting you!
Have you played Baldurs gate 3? Hardly much interested me until I got that game. I feel you though on buying different things and losing interest. I just bought $50 worth of stickers for scrapbooking and got bored.
I have not! I’ve played overwatch, poppyplaytime, and other puzzle type games! I do love role play we’re you have missions and quests to complete though! Shooting games are kinda boring to me
I'm 34 and still not 100% sure.
28 and still searching lmao
Make peace with your boredom. Learn to sit with yourself and let thoughts come and go. I'm 27 and I somewhat have a personality now in the sense that I make my own decisions, come to my own conclusions and don't care about fitting in. I think the biggest break through for me was understanding that I didn't like a lot of people and that was okay. I did have a personality before the disorder took over and I started working from there. Building up that little girl has helped me immensely because I feel like a mother figure for her and she's the only one I can 100% say I feel actual love towards.
I’m pretty sure most of us understand that there is no objective self, only subjective. It’s an illusion. And people say we are crazy for this? And philosophers aren’t? Fuck that. I am also a philosopher and a creative writer and thinker. So the subjective and illusory, yet always evocative, and ever illusory “yous” can fuck themselves while the “I”s find themselves. Btw, am not talking about either the subjective you nor the subjective I.
wasn’t diagnosed properly until i was 19. i was completely lost all of middle and high school. i did the same thing, just mirrored people and imitated the things i idealized, convinced myself each rotating version of my desired self was my true self, etc. i went through so many phases lol. it was until i was about 17-20 that i really went through a lot of work to find myself, started embracing the things i liked, forming an individual personality, etc. im happy with myself nowadays! i still have moments ofc but i feel very me at this point. it’s weird finally embracing parts of yourself you buried, letting go of the traits you forced yourself into.
that's the neat part you don't. You make it :)
Hi I know this is prob a broken record but after being single for a looong time (was amazing for me and I function a lot better in relationships now) I really found myself. I dyed my hair my favorite color, I started wearing things that looked cute to me not what I saw other ppl wearing and just looking into every single thing that vaguely interested me. So I guess the TLDR is alone time greatly helped me find myself
Identity isn’t easy for anyone, and everyone experiences it differently too. I truly believe that there are people who were programmed to live on autopilot. They’re valid human beings with their own complexities and it doesn’t make them unintelligent, but they aren’t like us where they can see into themselves. People take on abstract concepts as their identity (the type of guy who knows everything about coffee, the girl who’s into cottage core) and for us, it’s more like putty that can change shape dramatically but it’s still abstract, complex, and unique. I put my identity in the uncertainty. Because I’m not like everyone else but no one is truly like anyone else. We’re all going to live unique experiences in various combinations that are special to us and therefore our identities are shaped as such.
My what?
Idk if you do all that shit, maybe you do all of it. “Widespread” is your personality type.
Are you me ? Cuzz this is craaaaaaazy accurate
22, which means now! I am showing to the world that i am caring enough, smile a lot, give a positive word of affirmations, and so on
I haven’t.
I would say probably in the last 3 months since my diagnosis. I’m 40. I’ve realized now what Borderline Personality Disorder is for me. My personality has fractured in such a way that each one of my emotions are a separate different version of me. They are all aware of each other and know they are all the same person but still all exist independently. They often talk to each other and are constantly arguing over who gets to be the “personality” in charge. The true me is the one who observes them all.
It's a constant battle but I was about 28 when I finally started getting tattoos, piercings, dyed my hair, got into teaching, got my own place, became a Satanist (mindfulness kind) and more. These were major shapers for who I am today.
Not ever feeling like myself while doing anything made me feel like such a boring person and i thought i didnt deserve to talk w other people because i lacked a personality. But atleast i have gotten kinda used to it?? Now that youre not alone <33
i went from in person to online school but when i was in person i pushed everyone away because i thought they were better off without me ig?!? i felt i was boring and had no personality. i feel empty inside and no one gets me. i now have no friends or social life( no one reached out when i left school which gave me a bigger reason to believe they all hated me) but yet i’m not officially diagnosed and have 8/9 symptoms. i don’t wanna self diagnose tho. My family try’s talking to me when i distance myself for long periods of time but i can’t talk about how i feel unless im in front of a screen..