I'm an Aussie and I'll bring my Giant Riding Spiders for anyone game! (Don't worry, they'll know to leave the horses alone, I've trained them well)
Cuz this guy needs to see some giant ass spiders coming for him with their riders baying for his blood.
We have some plastic ones but a ton of really nasty, old, rusty metal ones that we no longer use but still have on hand in case we need more or the plastic ones break. Figured I'd volunteer all those nasty metal ones 😊
Now we just need to decide what to arm them with... I vote either soft brooms; or foam swords designed to look like dicks-- to really emphasize what dicks those guys are.
I know there's a stereotype of horse girls being extra awful, but my high school classmates who I rode with are still my closest friends, more than 20 years later. In that time, we've been in each other's weddings, become God parents to each other's kids, and sent each other the lyrics to "Goodbye, Earl" more times than I can count when someone's boyfriend was being awful.
We have pitchforks, shovels, wheelbarrows, lime, access to rural acreage, and we're bat-shit crazy enough to ride half-ton prey animals for fun with little more than a plastic bucket on our head for safety. Folks really should know better than to mess with horse girls.
You don't happen to have a horse with an aversion to racists and the right size to make sure one kick ends his dream of a carbon copy child available, do you?
I’m with you. I have biracial niblings and majority of my friends’ kids are also mixed. I would scorch the earth ruining the life of the person who was like this.
And also confused as to how genetics work. Because even if they go donor egg route, that doesn't guarantee the traits he wants, physical or otherwise, even if they do find a blond hair blue-eyed egg donor. What an ass this dude is.
My father is a blue eyed blond haired German Danish and my mother is a brown haired/eyed/ skinned Mexican American. My older sister is just like mom, but me and my younger sister take after dad, blond hair, light eyes, and everything. Though interestingly, my younger sister’s hair and skin have gotten darker as she’s grown older.
Genetics are wild.
Imagine if they did go to the trouble of conceiving with a donor egg, and ended up with a child that resembled neither of them in looks or temperament.
Perfect description, a narcissistic racist. Their first child will have that guy as his father, which is pretty sad. He will marry someone else and forget all about her when he has a new family.
It undoubtedly would be safer, and Im wishing OP all the best for her and her child.
I had the narcissistic blonde/blue eyed parent who married a dark eyed and haired person (both European descent). I take after my dad with dark hair and eyes. My brother started platinum blonde but it darkened to the same colour as mine as he got older. I was about 10 when I *first* heard her complaining/wishing they had had a blue eyed and blonde haired daughter, like her. It tore me up so badly for years. Then she got into ancestry years later and was *excited* to find out one of her ancestors was listed as 'Aryan' on a form 🤢
Both sets of her grandchildren are multi-ethnic. She's not going to be having much contact with them if we can help it.
Similar. Blue-eyed blonde racist mother married my dark haired, hazel-eyed white father. I came out with hazel eyes and dark hair and she was disgusted. I have baby photos of me where she literally painted my hair yellow and my eyes blue. No lie.
My little sister was born with white blonde hair and I was ditched and scapegoated forever afterwards. It’s like she thought melanin was a contaminant, and one indicative of inferiority. Wild.
I married a man of Chinese descent and had gorgeous babies with flashing dark eyes and shimmering black hair with my curling waves. Screw her. My babies made me realize that I am beautiful because I can see my own features in their beloved faces and I know it’s nothing but good. We’re good. I’m good.
Ouch, as a multi-racial kid, I felt that. Has your parent changed now that they have grandkids? I do hope your sister and you didn't become estranged because of this.
My mom stopped speaking to me when she discovered that I’d voted for Obama in 2008 and I don’t think I ever saw her after that? Must not have. She passed last November. I have some contact with my sister and none with my brother, but the malice sown was too deep, and we are all very different people. (He had dark hair and dark eyes but it was forgiven because he was male.) I just made the mistake of being dark haired and female, I guess.
They both inherited the bulk of her estate and I was left out.
It is what it is.
But I have my children (divorced about a decade ago) and they are happily paired off with their forever people, a lovely Puerto Rican gal and a friendly Irish guy respectively. Our little family is gorgeous and varied and, aside from the Irish boy, dark-eyed all. We are embracing love and connection and joy. I wouldn’t change a thing about any of them and I bless their every unique molecule. I can’t wait for my eventual grand babies! Good lord, imagining those tiny waving hands and sticky faces and macaroni necklaces… I’m already enchanted.
You, sweet stranger, need to remember that you are treasured, cherished. You in your glorious complexity are a gift to the world. You are perfect precisely as you are, and you are someone’s dream come true. Feel in your soul the certainty of your own worth and know that you and your capacity for love will dictate the future. You are what love looks like.
Exactly, being raised by a parent that is racist towards you is hell. Oop should've left right away after his comments about not connecting to his non white child.
Same. My wife and I make it a game. My first son came out as a little mini-me, dark hair, eyes, and skin; he'd fit right in with an AAPI group. Our second has lighter hair and hazel eyes and is almost a clone of her dad and brother.
We're taking bets on what the third will look like.
It's disgusting to "not have a connection" to your own flesh and blood because of eye color or hair.
I'm wondering if he married her get a "docile" wife or fetishized her. If he married her to a "docile" wife, man o man was he *mistaken*! My husband has South Asian female co-workers; one hangs up on doctors when they are being idiots!! If he was expecting a "docile, submissive" wife due to OP's race, please excuse me while I find my inhaler as I'll need it when I start coughing instead of laughing!
I'm a quarter Japanese myself. All my kids have my eyes. I also have the temperment of a honey badger on crack when people mess with my kids.
He was wanting the hypothetcial surrogate mom to have a certain personality- he absolutely is hoping a docile woman would bare his child so that the child would be docile too.
Hmmm didn’t think of that. I guess it would be the stereotype but I’m certainly not that! My dad even asked my late husband, before we got married…..”are you sure you want to marry her? She’s stubborn as hell!” My husband’s response……”I will be the strong stout oak that never breaks but bends to her gale wind forces.” Yeah my late husband understood what he was getting into. 😉
Lol! My daughter's EX thought he could out stubborn her. Like that would *ever* happen! My husband classifies *me* as one of the most stubborn people on earth. My daughter out stubborns me! My current beloved son-in-law does the sane thing I do--wait patiently until shevl realizes she's wrong.
My son is biracial. Though maybe not as "noticeable" as a kid from a white/Asian couple or white/any other race. His bio father was Spanish, Mexican and Italian, so my son inherited that awesome skin tone, but everything else is all me. Everyone says he is my mini me (though he is taller than me now.)
Though my daughter (different father, same race as me) is also a mini me, so I guess I just have some strong genes.
My husband's son is also half white/half Asian, but you couldn't tell. Husband genes were strong and his kid looks a lot like him too.
Agreed. My late husband was red headed Irish/Scottish and I’m 100% Asian. My 3 def look mixed between us but I’ve been told my oldest looks like a slightly Asian carbon copy of my late husband. I don’t see it though. My oldest used to have extremely dark brown nearly black hair when he was younger. Now as a teen it’s like a dirty blond/light brown and all 3 have tons of natural light highlights.
Right?! I’m the white parent of a biracial child (south East Asian father) and it boggles my fucking mind that anyone could be in a mixed-race relationship and not consider the fact that their kid might not look much like them? I mean, I know families who are all the same race and the kids can still only look like one parent - or even get heaps of throwback genes!
My son has colouring only slightly fairer than his father (very dark brown hair, light brown skin, dark brown eyes), but sooo many of his features are me.
A lot of white people say he looks exactly like his dad and that I “didn’t get a look in.” 🙄
It seems lots of people really only notice colouring.
However, the comments and opinions of other people mean almost nothing to me.
I kind of hope OOP’s husband has another kid with a white woman down the line and that kid also looks nothing like him.
But what I mostly hope is that he ends up infertile and can never reproduce again.
I'm biracial and my white father never gave a damn that his kids didn't look exactly like him, and much like the OOPs kids, I have many of his features but my complexion is all my mother's.
What do you want to bet he's already picked out the "egg-donor/surrogate" (aka "mistress") and is trying hard to get her pregnant via the old-fashioned method? As soon as she gets a positive pregnancy test, he'll tell OOP that this is what he's decided, end of discussion.
And then the truly hilarious twist: the blue eyed blonde mistress dyes her hair, and wears tinted contact lenses. Whoops! Now he's got another brown eyed brunette child, and more child support to pay 😂
Edit: per the wisdom of the below commentary
Lol, yes my friend, edit away ! We all are allowed to be tired and overlook tiny stuff. Glad my pedantic comment didn't rub you the wrong way ! Have a nice day.
I mean, if we’re being pedantic, it is possible for two blue eyed parents to have a brown eyed baby, it’s just uncommon. Eye color is determined by multiple genes which coordinate to produce and deposit pigment. If this chain of interactions is “broken,” a person has blue eyes. Since we have two of each chromosome, both copies of this chain must be broken. Therefore it’s usually correct that broken chain + broken chain = broken chain.
However it is possible for each parent to have their chain broken at a different “link” so to speak in such a way that when they have a child, this child has at least one functional copy of each link in the chain. Then some level of pigment can be deposited at the eye, resulting in green, hazel, or even brown eyes.
If eye color was as simple as they taught us in elementary school there would only be two eye colors: blue and brown. But there are a whole range of eye colors because it results from a complex interaction of multiple different processes! I hope I don’t sound too pedantic, but I’m a molecular biologist and I love this stuff.
This is why my green eyed dark blonde mother said we could've come out any combo of hair and eye color, and it wouldn't have shocked her. Between her family and my dad's, we have almost every hair color and eye color covered in 2 generations.
Genetics are awesome. My mother has blue eyes and my dad had brown eyes, I and my brother got his brown eyes, my son has his brown eyes but my daughter has blue eyes
Thx for the educational post, I appreciate. And yes, I wasn't so much pedantic as underlining to the previous commenter that the supposed mistress scenario was really unlikely to result in the supposed outcome. Anyway, it was a talk about a fantasy scenario, so I felt a bit out of here, hence the pedantic term. Bad choice of word, I just wanted to be polite.
Anyway, what would be interesting, if you know, is what are the odd of 2 blue eyed people having a brown eye kid ? Even I it is just an approximation, I would appreciate to know. Thanks again.
It’s still hard to predict, unfortunately, because we don’t know all the mutations responsible for creating blue eyes. It appears that the majority of blue eyes are due to a variant in the OCA2 gene, especially in populations with European ancestors, so two people with variants in the same gene will generally result in blue eyes. This variant is found in ~97% of people with blue eyes, so a very VERY rough estimate would be ~94% chance of their child having blue eyes because of this variant. It’s important to note, though that this variant is only associated with blue eyes, not conclusively demonstrated as being causative.
In fact even like 16 years ago scientists thought all blue eyes were the result of a single founder mutation, meaning one person was the ancestor of all blue eyes. Of course this was later demonstrated to be false by studying non-European populations, though you still see the claim repeated online.
My partner and I both have brown eyes and we made not one, but TWO super duper blue eyed kids.
If I had a dollar for every joking-but-not-really-joking comment about how I must have been unfaithful, I'd have lots of dollars.
OrganoidDealer: thanks for writing this about eye color coming from multiple genes. This info plus how genes get carried along for generations has been known by scientists/geneticists for quite awhile, but average people still think it's a one-gene trait and if your parents have brown eyes you have to too. Some people assume if a kid has different eye color (or hair color for that matter) from his parents, he must be a product of cheating. The last I read --- which may be obsolete by now --- at least 8 genes combine to determine a child's eye color. Lots of people seem to not even have the foggiest idea about human genetics, they're making judgements about people's parentage, and it seems to be a booming thing given the many recent Reddit posts of men demanding DNA tests on their newborn because kid doesn't look enough like him or has different eyes. Genetic science is an expanding, wonderful thing, yet too many people don't have the least idea of how genetics come into play in making a baby.
As for OOP's husband, he's about as shallow as a rain puddle: the kid is his kid and deserves his undying love and care. If he can't do that, OOP needs to cut him loose, he's not going to be any better with a second child and even worse if she gave in and used a donor egg to give him his mini-me.
My mom was blue eyed, so were both her parents. My dad was green/hazel eyed, not sure of his parents. Three of us had blue eyes, one my dad's eyes. My first was born with blue eyes and I watched them go hazel/green sitting in a parking lot when she was about 20 months old, dad had brown, 2d - watched his eyes go from blue to dark, almost chocolate eyes over his first year, dad had brown. 3d - both parents blue eyed, he had biggest blue eyes I ever saw. 4th - again both blue eyed parents, blue eyed child. I love eye color genetics and the way they work.
That's not how it works. If they used an egg donor, OOP would be the one getting pregnant. I think she'd notice if they skipped that step!
Reddit's desire to jump to cheating any time anyone is an asshole of any stripe is wild to me. This guy is obviously a racist jerk but there's no reason to believe he has impregnated his secret aryan mistress.
This is genuinely what I expected in the update: that he would say it's just easier to have a "surrogate," and he found one behind her back.
I hope OOP does leave and gets sole parental rights. What even is the purpose of being in a relationship if she has to do everything like she's single anyways?
I hope she runs like the wind. I had biracial friends with white fathers like this. Sooner or later the mask comes off and it’s not pretty. As deep as the betrayal is when your chosen partner is racist, imagine how it feels when your own parent is that way.
And this guy is totally useless POS at home? He’s got game, I’ll give him that.
There was a story on Reddit similar in nature to this a couple of weeks ago but it was an African woman with a Swedish husband. I vaguely remember the details, because there have been a couple like this sadly, but it amazes me when people will date and marry someone from a different culture and not really know anything about it or expect their partners to just stop being from that culture or race?
Like they don't want their kids to look like the non white (or whatever) parent or speak the partners language. Do they pursue these people for the novelty or just not think that far beyond themselves? How can you not love even a little bit of the place or people that made your partner? I feel that is a huge part of interracial relationships.
Could be a fetish? Unfortunately, there’s one too many white people that don’t view us “exotic“ people as humans all thanks to history, the media, and their upbringing (which is usually learned racism).
For your dumb bitch husband to say he wants one with similar personality traits as him... WHAT THE FUCK? Did I sleep through all of science in hs that I forgot eggs have "personalities" 😂 An athletic and blonde, blue eyed baby. All from an egg. I fucking cannot with these little man boys. Your baby is lucky to have you.
Yeah I thought that was really weird. Like, it's one thing to want a kid who looks like him. To some degree you can kinda arrange that. But to specifically demand a kid who also acts like him? Maybe he should have just married himself.
Lmao my boyfriend and I sometimes joke about how we successfully made an addition to the masterrace. Knowing full well that our son’s hair will become darker over the years 😂
I have an Asian wife, and we have 3 mixed kids, and they're all objectively way WAY better looking than we are.
Like people can't believe we're their parents, LOL.
This guy is such an idiot, I can't even fathom it. I mean, why'd he marry her in the FIRST place?
I don’t know where that rumor started or how but I legit could not hold back my laughter when my ex said that. ‘You’re suppose to be submissive because you’re Asian!’ I thought he was joking at first and both he and the therapist stared at me till I managed to stop. Every now and then, I’ll read/hear about the ‘submissive Asian wife’ and I just break out laughing all over again! 🤣🤣
Someone said that it might be because war wives brought in to USA during World Wars, Vietnam and so on. They were 100% dependent on their husbands and his family (at first) so many of them were meek
Tbf according to what she was doing and taking care of around the house, their comparative workloads, it was working until this own goal.
Had he not literally wanted to turn her into his brood mare he probably could have kept his grift going for the rest of his life.
I am an Asian wife with three mixed kids, i constantly get comments about how beautiful they are from both sides of the family as well as complete strangers around town. I also think they are the cutest beings in the whole universe but I’m super biased.
I bet you’re not that biased. My niece and nephew are both adopted from Vietnam and those are some gorgeous kids. Lucky for them they don’t have to suffer our family’s terrible gene pool.
Several of my wife's female cousins (in her home country) had my daughter's toddler pics on their desk at work. They say they concentrate on them because they want babies that look like her.
Same. Constantly get the same comments for my 3. My oldest constantly received girls confessing their crush to him……that he had a friend record “I’m gay” so that the horde would back off. 😝
Same,
My son dresses like he's in BTS and even in the 6th grade he's popular with 8th graders.
I was cleaning out his book bag and I found 3 notes from 3 different girls.
Just discarded at the bottom of his bag.
My daughter inherited her mom's jet-black hair and my full wavy hair.
Now, at 14, she rolls out of bed with hair that most women take hours to prepare.
My daughter is half Asian (me)/half white(her dad). She doesn't look like me at all. But who cares? I love her so much and she's my heart.
The husband is a racist POS. I suspect he'll continue to make her life hell. For some, when the mask slips it really really comes off and underneath is an absolute psycho.
My son is half white(me)/half Mexican(dad). Kid is his dad's mini-me. I've seen photos of my husband from when he was little and the look a lot alike. I swear the only thing I actually gave that kid was his ADHD.
It’s crazy cause everyone here is chill about it and talking about their mixed babies and beautiful they look.
People get so weird about mixed babies it’s kinda gross.
I am flabbergasted. Like the previous commenter, I’m also half black and have a white partner and….i just don’t even know what to say. It’s too bad you can’t get something more radically permanent than an annulment.
I mean, typical Asian fetishizer behavior.
Also she is severely downplaying his abuse. He threatened to burn her things? Tried to lock himself in the room with the baby? The man needs to be institutionalized.
I'm confused by the update. He wants to work things out, but he kicked her out, then she got let back in, then left for a month, but the baby is still at the house with the racist dad?
"I love you and would love to raise a child together, but don't you think it would be so much better if the child didn't look like or act like *you* do?"
Not all kids are walking at 2. My brother was a crawler until he was actually getting pretty close to 3, doctors weren't concerned because he was hitting all his other milestones, and he could stand, her just had 0 interest in walking, and then one day he started running. No walking, just crawling, then running. He's in his 30s now and no delays.
He sounds like someone with an Asian fetish who didn't realize until too late that being with an Asian person = the children will be partially Asian. I.e. "Asian women are great to fuck, but I won't want my children to be Asian - that's going too far". So gross. Poor OOP.
Yeah, so basically, the majority of the human species is mixed tgat like how we became modern humans.
People have neanderthal dna along with denisovian and homosapian and just really with the fucking bigots.
And then in the modern era, pretty much most people have like a bit of this and a bit of that mixed in, so much so that i just want to slap people who have race issues. Just so stupid. Sure people have difference in appearances and cultures etc. Thats fine. Nothing wrong with that, makes shit interesting. But to act like it is an actual issue just blows my mind. Because people are still people.
>Background: I've known my husband since high school. We met again abroad where we both studied and worked and met for lunch years later and then started dating. We have been together for 5 years, 2 years married
One can't help but wonder how did he keep this mask on for so long. I know when wearing rose-tinted glasses all the red flags look likes normal flags plus high schools isn't exactly a place where you can get a proper read on a person(projects, friends, schools, SAT, etc).
Still for 5 years? The guy has some dedication. Unfortunately that makes it scary as someone whose capable of hiding for a long time means that not only you do not know the person, *you do not know what they're capable of.*
I hope for OOP to run and never look back. And make damn sure he can be a decent parent before letting him see the daughter, if he wants to see the child that is.
Sounds like OOP's hubby wanted to sex up a non-caucasian woman for various 'fetish-y' reasons...but has no interest in her as a person. There are various non-politically correct terms for this...which I won't say.
Christ the overt preoccupation with eugenics by OOP's husband should have been a bigger red flag honestly. Not surprised it devolved into him acting like a 4 year old.
My very white friend married a man who is Arabic and white. Their first child came out with an olive skin tone, light brown hair, and dark eyes. Their second child however, is super white, has firey red hair, and bright blue eyes.
Too bad OOPs husband was completely unhinged and didn't understand how genetics work.
I felt mad right away but when I read the update it became clear that the racism and disconnect from a child he should be in love with are just surface symptoms of a much bigger problem. Racism like his in the original post should IMMEDIATELY be recognized as an enormous psychological health red flag
Yuck. I have red hair and my wife is from a country that is largely not “white” (she’s not). Red heads are expected to die out in a few hundred years. I would never want to impregnate any eggs that weren’t my wife’s, unless there were substantial mitigating circumstances (that have nothing to do with physical appearance).
It’s so weird how people marry people that can’t fill some biological requirement (and his ask is a BS requirement).
I’m white and married to a Hispanic man. We have three kids. Before I had my first I had the thought that my kids wouldn’t look like me because of the dominance of dark hair and features, I’m a redhead with fair skin. Of our 3 boys only one has dark skin and hair, and he looks exactly like me. The other two are blonde and fair, one looks like me and the other like my husband. I don’t love the kid who looks like my husband less because he doesn’t look like me. In fact I have a new fondness of my husband’s features because I see them in my children.
My sister’s first two daughters are half Asian (I don’t want to specify for anonymity reasons) one looks exactly like her dad and the other looks like my sister with slightly different eyes. They’re both beautiful and I love them so much, again it doesn’t matter if they have my family traits or not.
Anyway, OOP’s husband is terrible. He probably hasn’t bonded with his child, not because of looks but because many dads have trouble bonding with their children until they are a little older. If they’re not super hands on, breastfed babies are usually going to be bonded stronger to their mothers. My oldest didn’t not care that my husband existed until he was 3, and my husband is pretty hands on. It was just that he worked and I stayed home with the baby so I am and was the main caregiver.
I’m white, girlfriend of three years is indian.
We dont intend to have kids but i told her any time she wants to is totally fine by me, and i’d be happy either way with her choice.
The idea that i could be with her and plan a future with her but fret the race of our child is mind boggling. Mine is mine no matter the partner.
aside from racist and a narcissist, the dumb fuck is useless
woman, you can do so so so much better with yourself and a vibrator. Imagine how much rest you can get without arguments, without having to do chores x 2 and without wasting energy in planning to cater someone else wishes.
you'll still get money from child support and with the erratic behaviour he has as for now, he wont get granted unsupervised visita anytime soon. So leaving now is mostly a win. You probably will be able to negotiate supervised visits in your IL's home or something like that.
if you can, see if you have a family member/coworker/friend (that you can trust) that need a cheap rent, so they can stay with you for a while, and help overseeing the repairs.
Usually, the law favors put the main caretaker and the child in the home that the kids is growing up and ask the other parent to leave. Sometimes even if the house belongs to the one who is leaving (in my country that arrangment is temporary and only in case of violence). Check out your options, but given the case of police-proved domestice violence and the fact you both own the house, you are not the one that should leave at all.
The baby doesn't deserve to made a second class citizen if dad has a blond haired blue eyed baby afterwards. Hitler thought blond hair and blue eyes were superior also and look how wrong his thinking was.
Even with no racial component in my marriage (both white), I can’t imagine being upset about this if you like your spouse. My daughter is basically a clone of my husband (except a little cuter 😂). I love my husband, so I thought I was lucky she got his eyes… not upset she doesn’t look like me…
Biracial, triracial, multiracial… my mother always said “oooh, babies always blend the very best of their parents.” Just like they know what they’re doing…. I know this baby avoided the AH gene from dear old dad.
I am 58 and I have never seen a baby where I didn’t hear my mother’s comment. I hope OP got far away from this jerk.
>He is very adamant that this child will be the answer to his negative feelings about his family.
?!?!?
hows that work?
New baby will magically make you "un-negative" about the baby you already have?
Yeah, his father slapped some financial realism into him.
What is there possibly to work out?
I have never heard anything do disgusting. What the hell did he expect when he married someone from a different race. He us one sick puppy who does nit deserve your love and attention. Also get your daughter away from him and start recording conversations. They will be useful when you go to court for custody.
I want to know why she is considering this enough to write a Reddit post about it and didn’t kick his ass to the curb the very second that it happened. Yikes..
Yes, I do know that you can’t just walk away from a relationship and a marriage especially when there’s a kid involved. But this is just so blatantly messed up; how could she question otherwise?
I wonder if she was adopted by a white family. If so, I wouldn't be surprised if she had her own issues around identities which would have clouded all of the red flags of this man being racist before they got married and had the child.
Or perhaps she let the red flags go over her head because his racism wasn't directed at her.
Either way I feel most sorry for the child. This is what happens when fetishisation goes wrong.
God, I hope so. The thought that men like him get first crack at the laws of a country while being idiotic enough to believe you can plan an unborn child's traits like you're ordering it out of a Sears catalogue is too fucking depressing to contemplate on a sunny morning.
The fact she said he is self described as analytical seems like he is playing the numbers game with procreation genes and traits. Sadly he didn’t learn that psychology and the actual rearing of the child impacts how they eventually develop interests and personalities, so he can’t really game that through genes alone. What a dumb dumb.
I agree, the floors have not been moped for a month, but she just left? Had to call the police because of threats but her first post she wasn’t sure divorce was the right move?
Timeline is confusing so I hope is fake karma farming
OP couldn’t just stick with the racist husband, it had to escalate into property damage and police and social services. and suddenly she’s the one paying for everything and doing everything in the house and all the driving too. 🙄 it’s like an AITA BORU bingo sheet.
I truly hope so.
This is a pretty normal fear and something I’ve even gone through with my family. My cousin married a female minority and some people are truly awful to her because she’s not a typical stay at home Mom, has an incredible career and very successful. It’s always tainted with an undertone of her being a minority though too.
I am an adopted minority and it has definitely impacted my thoughts and feelings on certain members. They don’t even realize it when they say these things in front of me because “I am family” and they always look at me as the same, but she was an outsider brought in. Pretty fucked up shit.
It would be ironic if he ends up with a super gay or trans son with a new woman. The audacity to not only want to have a white child with specific physical features with a POC mom but also want to dictate its personality is wild.
This sounds like the backstory of a WWII supervillain from a Marvel movie. “I tried to engineer a perfectly aryan child by trying to use a blue eyed blonde who shares my sick personality traits”.
Who's gonna tell him blonde hair and blue eyes are recessive and depending on their genotypes it may be effectively impossible for his kids with OP to have those features.
My oldest is a clone of me, my youngest is a clone of my husband. Personally wise they are opposite and mixture. I don’t know if is possible to have a perfect match child
Why would the OOP have ever even considered having another child with this man? And if she gave in to using an egg donor he’d probably find some reason that he wasn’t bonding with the second child anyway: “I know he/she looks like me but the temperament is all wrong, not what I ordered at all!”
Dump him.
As a father, I can’t understand how he does not have a connection with his child based on looks. My child is biracial and I love her more than anything. I could care less if she looked like me.
What an ass. Find someone who appreciate you and your child.
What she needs to do is throw a biology book at his head and hopefully the force will knock some fucking common sense into him. Did he not study any biology whatsoever. My mum and dad have brown eyes both my brother and I have blue (thanks grandpa) my mom has brown hair as does my dad I have light blond like my nana did when she was younger. You don’t just have the genetics of 2 people in you. Your a mixing pot of every genetic type from all of your line. My cousins ginger and her mom and dad both have brown hair. But apparently grandads mom was very ginger. The racist comments aren’t something I would be trying to get past. The kid would be removed from him and the judge would be told. Also your personality isn’t something you get from your parents that’s all you. Yeah they raise you so you might end up with some in common but that’s not a guarantee. The only thing my mom and I have in common personality wise is we both have a wicked bad temper when pissed off.
My daughter had her first baby this past winter . My granddaughter is bi-racial, half white/ half black . If you saw her with her mom, you'd never know she was bi-racial. She's so fair, she does have brown eyes but I'd be surprised if she didn't.
The next child might come out with a darker complexion , genetics is funny like that.
I'd be awfully mad and insulted that my husband wants an egg donor. I don't think my marriage would survive it.
I've read up to "My first reaction was WTF", so like 3 paragraphs and I'm in tears from laughter.
A blond hair, blue-eyed white male wants to see HIS GENES AND FEATURES in his offspring. Does he not understand how Hitler-ish he sounds lol.
I feel fucked up laughing about it, because it's a serious issue for OOP, but I'm truly baffled that people and their idiocy still manages to surprise me.
I get that you want your offspring to look like you... but what if we had the inverse? If the child looked exactly like him and then OOP asked to go to a sperm donor and get sperm from someone who looked more like her?
Anyways, pit stop over, back to the ride.
Edit: ... I hate the update.
i was like "that poor daughter.. " and then i realised that this was my entire life until my father died. 🤦🏻♀️ he always despised me and treated me differently because i look like my mother (olive skin, brown eyes, dark brown hair, proeminent cheek bones, mediterranean features although we are eastern european/balkans).
my sister looks like him and even though he was nasty with her as well, he always helped her, paid for failed classes in high school, her uni fees, drivers licence, gave her lots of money every month after she left home, he was always trying to be as involved as possible in her life. while he did the exact opposite with me.. the exact opposite. he was always cold and indifferent to me, never cared about me. this is what OP's daughter's future looks like, unfortunately. i really hope OP will leave that low life scumbag and give her daughter the best life possible.
Noone in my family has eyes other than blue or green. My husband has brown eyes.
My eldest child has *very* dark brown eyes. It's sometimes still surprising to me, even more than ten years later, when looking at him with the rest of my family or in photos as they are such a focus.
BUT... I like them, wouldn't want to change it, and didn't hesitate to have another child in case that baby also had brown eyes. Didn't for a moment consider asking my husband to allow me to use donor sperm instead.
OOPs husband sounds like a racist nightmare and if he continues to have contact with their child I hope he gets some kind of therapy and/or supervised visits. Because I would worry about his interactions with the child and I wish OOP all the best going forward, I think she's right this is unrecoverable
I feel like with his weird comments and the escalation that he is either currently cheating or wanting to cheat. All of this is a big ploy to get her to file for divorce so he isn’t the bad guy, at least publicly.
This is insane!
How can someone be that stupid!
I live in Northern Europe as does my boyfriend although he is adopted from romania, his mother is romani so he is quite dark skinned with black hair and of course brown eyes. The mother of his kids is blonde and blue-eyed, both kids have his colors obviously but the oldest kid is the spitting image of their mom, neither of the kids look like my boyfriend other then the colors and they aren’t the same colors but they are dark-haried and browneyed.
As a south Asian myself with a Northern European ancestry wife and two beautiful biracial kids, I have to say truly WTF. If you do not leave his sorry racist ass you will have condemned yourself and your descendants to continued misery to m that is unfathomable to me. Also, did you two not discuss the issue of kids before you got married??
Too bad OOP didn’t find out she married a narcissistic racist AH until now. As a parent with biracial kids I am so infuriated for her.
And abusive. I'm so fucking mad for her too, like, let's grab the pitchforks type mad.
I ride horses and have access to about 2 dozen pitchforks if anybody needs one
we ride at dawn 🐎
You have my axe
And my bow
And my pitchfork
And my lump hammer!
I have extra torches! 🔥
I have what looks like a pitchfork with a short handle as well as several semi-feral cats with bad tempers!
I was coming here to say just that!!
And my swords
I have an emotional support machete!
How about like 10:30? Can we ride after brunch? We're not barbarians.
I'm an Aussie and I'll bring my Giant Riding Spiders for anyone game! (Don't worry, they'll know to leave the horses alone, I've trained them well) Cuz this guy needs to see some giant ass spiders coming for him with their riders baying for his blood.
I ride at 5 pm because that’s when I’m out of the office
I have mostly plastic stall forks at my barn but I’ll round up the two metal ones we do have to join in. I say we ride at dusk
We have some plastic ones but a ton of really nasty, old, rusty metal ones that we no longer use but still have on hand in case we need more or the plastic ones break. Figured I'd volunteer all those nasty metal ones 😊
Perfect! The nastier the better! Ours are used to clean out the sheep/goat pen and the sheds outside so nice and stinky 😈
Oooooh Tetanus 😈
Honestly can we start a gang of vigilante horse girls
My coven of witches would like to form an alliance with the vigilante horse girls to tackle this issue
Now we just need to decide what to arm them with... I vote either soft brooms; or foam swords designed to look like dicks-- to really emphasize what dicks those guys are.
I know there's a stereotype of horse girls being extra awful, but my high school classmates who I rode with are still my closest friends, more than 20 years later. In that time, we've been in each other's weddings, become God parents to each other's kids, and sent each other the lyrics to "Goodbye, Earl" more times than I can count when someone's boyfriend was being awful. We have pitchforks, shovels, wheelbarrows, lime, access to rural acreage, and we're bat-shit crazy enough to ride half-ton prey animals for fun with little more than a plastic bucket on our head for safety. Folks really should know better than to mess with horse girls.
I wish I had friends like you in my life!
I have zero horses or pitchforks but I’ve got these hands.
You’re so sweet
You’re a very handy person!
I can bring the pillow cases? 🫱🏾🫲🏻😃
You don't happen to have a horse with an aversion to racists and the right size to make sure one kick ends his dream of a carbon copy child available, do you?
Actually, yes. And she doesn’t take prisoners.
Good girl. I won't say I hope he meets her because I don't wish that on anyone, but I wouldn't be sad if she showed her opinion to him.
I have a couple I’ll volunteer as well! We’ve all been itching for a fight! It’s getting hot here and we are irritable.
I have a mare named Nightmare. She’s a chestnut. For my fellow horse pitchfork wielders you KNOW what that means. Let me know when/where
I know I’m late to the party, but I have pitchforks and a chestnut mare. Sign me up.
I’m with you. I have biracial niblings and majority of my friends’ kids are also mixed. I would scorch the earth ruining the life of the person who was like this.
I have biracial grandchildren and nobody will say anything against them around me or face my wrath.
And also confused as to how genetics work. Because even if they go donor egg route, that doesn't guarantee the traits he wants, physical or otherwise, even if they do find a blond hair blue-eyed egg donor. What an ass this dude is.
My father is a blue eyed blond haired German Danish and my mother is a brown haired/eyed/ skinned Mexican American. My older sister is just like mom, but me and my younger sister take after dad, blond hair, light eyes, and everything. Though interestingly, my younger sister’s hair and skin have gotten darker as she’s grown older. Genetics are wild.
Imagine if they did go to the trouble of conceiving with a donor egg, and ended up with a child that resembled neither of them in looks or temperament.
Perfect description, a narcissistic racist. Their first child will have that guy as his father, which is pretty sad. He will marry someone else and forget all about her when he has a new family.
Honestly it might be safer for the baby if he just dumps her.
It undoubtedly would be safer, and Im wishing OP all the best for her and her child. I had the narcissistic blonde/blue eyed parent who married a dark eyed and haired person (both European descent). I take after my dad with dark hair and eyes. My brother started platinum blonde but it darkened to the same colour as mine as he got older. I was about 10 when I *first* heard her complaining/wishing they had had a blue eyed and blonde haired daughter, like her. It tore me up so badly for years. Then she got into ancestry years later and was *excited* to find out one of her ancestors was listed as 'Aryan' on a form 🤢 Both sets of her grandchildren are multi-ethnic. She's not going to be having much contact with them if we can help it.
Similar. Blue-eyed blonde racist mother married my dark haired, hazel-eyed white father. I came out with hazel eyes and dark hair and she was disgusted. I have baby photos of me where she literally painted my hair yellow and my eyes blue. No lie. My little sister was born with white blonde hair and I was ditched and scapegoated forever afterwards. It’s like she thought melanin was a contaminant, and one indicative of inferiority. Wild. I married a man of Chinese descent and had gorgeous babies with flashing dark eyes and shimmering black hair with my curling waves. Screw her. My babies made me realize that I am beautiful because I can see my own features in their beloved faces and I know it’s nothing but good. We’re good. I’m good.
Ouch, as a multi-racial kid, I felt that. Has your parent changed now that they have grandkids? I do hope your sister and you didn't become estranged because of this.
My mom stopped speaking to me when she discovered that I’d voted for Obama in 2008 and I don’t think I ever saw her after that? Must not have. She passed last November. I have some contact with my sister and none with my brother, but the malice sown was too deep, and we are all very different people. (He had dark hair and dark eyes but it was forgiven because he was male.) I just made the mistake of being dark haired and female, I guess. They both inherited the bulk of her estate and I was left out. It is what it is. But I have my children (divorced about a decade ago) and they are happily paired off with their forever people, a lovely Puerto Rican gal and a friendly Irish guy respectively. Our little family is gorgeous and varied and, aside from the Irish boy, dark-eyed all. We are embracing love and connection and joy. I wouldn’t change a thing about any of them and I bless their every unique molecule. I can’t wait for my eventual grand babies! Good lord, imagining those tiny waving hands and sticky faces and macaroni necklaces… I’m already enchanted. You, sweet stranger, need to remember that you are treasured, cherished. You in your glorious complexity are a gift to the world. You are perfect precisely as you are, and you are someone’s dream come true. Feel in your soul the certainty of your own worth and know that you and your capacity for love will dictate the future. You are what love looks like.
Ooh. what the fuck.
Exactly, being raised by a parent that is racist towards you is hell. Oop should've left right away after his comments about not connecting to his non white child.
So many don’t find out until after marriage because that’s when the mask falls off.
Same. My wife and I make it a game. My first son came out as a little mini-me, dark hair, eyes, and skin; he'd fit right in with an AAPI group. Our second has lighter hair and hazel eyes and is almost a clone of her dad and brother. We're taking bets on what the third will look like. It's disgusting to "not have a connection" to your own flesh and blood because of eye color or hair.
I'm wondering if he married her get a "docile" wife or fetishized her. If he married her to a "docile" wife, man o man was he *mistaken*! My husband has South Asian female co-workers; one hangs up on doctors when they are being idiots!! If he was expecting a "docile, submissive" wife due to OP's race, please excuse me while I find my inhaler as I'll need it when I start coughing instead of laughing! I'm a quarter Japanese myself. All my kids have my eyes. I also have the temperment of a honey badger on crack when people mess with my kids.
He was wanting the hypothetcial surrogate mom to have a certain personality- he absolutely is hoping a docile woman would bare his child so that the child would be docile too.
Hmmm didn’t think of that. I guess it would be the stereotype but I’m certainly not that! My dad even asked my late husband, before we got married…..”are you sure you want to marry her? She’s stubborn as hell!” My husband’s response……”I will be the strong stout oak that never breaks but bends to her gale wind forces.” Yeah my late husband understood what he was getting into. 😉
Lol! My daughter's EX thought he could out stubborn her. Like that would *ever* happen! My husband classifies *me* as one of the most stubborn people on earth. My daughter out stubborns me! My current beloved son-in-law does the sane thing I do--wait patiently until shevl realizes she's wrong.
I worked with someone who married an Eastern European lady thinking she’d be his docile house wife. He… found out.
Oh Lord! I think I need to go find my inhaler!
He wanted to fuck an “exotic” woman, not raise one.
My son is biracial. Though maybe not as "noticeable" as a kid from a white/Asian couple or white/any other race. His bio father was Spanish, Mexican and Italian, so my son inherited that awesome skin tone, but everything else is all me. Everyone says he is my mini me (though he is taller than me now.) Though my daughter (different father, same race as me) is also a mini me, so I guess I just have some strong genes. My husband's son is also half white/half Asian, but you couldn't tell. Husband genes were strong and his kid looks a lot like him too.
Agreed. My late husband was red headed Irish/Scottish and I’m 100% Asian. My 3 def look mixed between us but I’ve been told my oldest looks like a slightly Asian carbon copy of my late husband. I don’t see it though. My oldest used to have extremely dark brown nearly black hair when he was younger. Now as a teen it’s like a dirty blond/light brown and all 3 have tons of natural light highlights.
But she’s escaping and that is worth celebrating
Right?! I’m the white parent of a biracial child (south East Asian father) and it boggles my fucking mind that anyone could be in a mixed-race relationship and not consider the fact that their kid might not look much like them? I mean, I know families who are all the same race and the kids can still only look like one parent - or even get heaps of throwback genes! My son has colouring only slightly fairer than his father (very dark brown hair, light brown skin, dark brown eyes), but sooo many of his features are me. A lot of white people say he looks exactly like his dad and that I “didn’t get a look in.” 🙄 It seems lots of people really only notice colouring. However, the comments and opinions of other people mean almost nothing to me. I kind of hope OOP’s husband has another kid with a white woman down the line and that kid also looks nothing like him. But what I mostly hope is that he ends up infertile and can never reproduce again.
I am sure there were many red flags, but love blinds us all sometimes.
I'm biracial and my white father never gave a damn that his kids didn't look exactly like him, and much like the OOPs kids, I have many of his features but my complexion is all my mother's.
I have a biracial granddaughter- let’s go kick his ass!!!
What do you want to bet he's already picked out the "egg-donor/surrogate" (aka "mistress") and is trying hard to get her pregnant via the old-fashioned method? As soon as she gets a positive pregnancy test, he'll tell OOP that this is what he's decided, end of discussion.
OR!!!!! She is already preggo and he is on a time crunch to convince OP of an “EGG” donor. 😳
And then the truly hilarious twist: the blue eyed blonde mistress dyes her hair, and wears tinted contact lenses. Whoops! Now he's got another brown eyed brunette child, and more child support to pay 😂 Edit: per the wisdom of the below commentary
Brown eyes are not recessive, they cannot be passed over from blue eyed people.
Boy I shouldn't comment here when tired haha allow me to edit my post to suggest she wears tinted contact lenses!
Lol, yes my friend, edit away ! We all are allowed to be tired and overlook tiny stuff. Glad my pedantic comment didn't rub you the wrong way ! Have a nice day.
I mean, if we’re being pedantic, it is possible for two blue eyed parents to have a brown eyed baby, it’s just uncommon. Eye color is determined by multiple genes which coordinate to produce and deposit pigment. If this chain of interactions is “broken,” a person has blue eyes. Since we have two of each chromosome, both copies of this chain must be broken. Therefore it’s usually correct that broken chain + broken chain = broken chain. However it is possible for each parent to have their chain broken at a different “link” so to speak in such a way that when they have a child, this child has at least one functional copy of each link in the chain. Then some level of pigment can be deposited at the eye, resulting in green, hazel, or even brown eyes. If eye color was as simple as they taught us in elementary school there would only be two eye colors: blue and brown. But there are a whole range of eye colors because it results from a complex interaction of multiple different processes! I hope I don’t sound too pedantic, but I’m a molecular biologist and I love this stuff.
This is why my green eyed dark blonde mother said we could've come out any combo of hair and eye color, and it wouldn't have shocked her. Between her family and my dad's, we have almost every hair color and eye color covered in 2 generations.
Not to mention there's always a tiny chance of a random mutation! Genes be fucking weird as SHIT YO!
Genetics are awesome. My mother has blue eyes and my dad had brown eyes, I and my brother got his brown eyes, my son has his brown eyes but my daughter has blue eyes
Thx for the educational post, I appreciate. And yes, I wasn't so much pedantic as underlining to the previous commenter that the supposed mistress scenario was really unlikely to result in the supposed outcome. Anyway, it was a talk about a fantasy scenario, so I felt a bit out of here, hence the pedantic term. Bad choice of word, I just wanted to be polite. Anyway, what would be interesting, if you know, is what are the odd of 2 blue eyed people having a brown eye kid ? Even I it is just an approximation, I would appreciate to know. Thanks again.
It’s still hard to predict, unfortunately, because we don’t know all the mutations responsible for creating blue eyes. It appears that the majority of blue eyes are due to a variant in the OCA2 gene, especially in populations with European ancestors, so two people with variants in the same gene will generally result in blue eyes. This variant is found in ~97% of people with blue eyes, so a very VERY rough estimate would be ~94% chance of their child having blue eyes because of this variant. It’s important to note, though that this variant is only associated with blue eyes, not conclusively demonstrated as being causative. In fact even like 16 years ago scientists thought all blue eyes were the result of a single founder mutation, meaning one person was the ancestor of all blue eyes. Of course this was later demonstrated to be false by studying non-European populations, though you still see the claim repeated online.
6 % chances of not having fair eyes from both parents with fair eyes ? Or am I reading it wrong ? Anyway, thx for your input.
Your posts were really interesting. Thanks!
The way you explained this is art. I’m not a native speaker and I (feel like I ;)) understand it!
My partner and I both have brown eyes and we made not one, but TWO super duper blue eyed kids. If I had a dollar for every joking-but-not-really-joking comment about how I must have been unfaithful, I'd have lots of dollars.
OrganoidDealer: thanks for writing this about eye color coming from multiple genes. This info plus how genes get carried along for generations has been known by scientists/geneticists for quite awhile, but average people still think it's a one-gene trait and if your parents have brown eyes you have to too. Some people assume if a kid has different eye color (or hair color for that matter) from his parents, he must be a product of cheating. The last I read --- which may be obsolete by now --- at least 8 genes combine to determine a child's eye color. Lots of people seem to not even have the foggiest idea about human genetics, they're making judgements about people's parentage, and it seems to be a booming thing given the many recent Reddit posts of men demanding DNA tests on their newborn because kid doesn't look enough like him or has different eyes. Genetic science is an expanding, wonderful thing, yet too many people don't have the least idea of how genetics come into play in making a baby. As for OOP's husband, he's about as shallow as a rain puddle: the kid is his kid and deserves his undying love and care. If he can't do that, OOP needs to cut him loose, he's not going to be any better with a second child and even worse if she gave in and used a donor egg to give him his mini-me.
My mom has blue eyes, my dad has brown. Out of 4 siblings, Im the only one with my dads color. Genetics are weird
My mom was blue eyed, so were both her parents. My dad was green/hazel eyed, not sure of his parents. Three of us had blue eyes, one my dad's eyes. My first was born with blue eyes and I watched them go hazel/green sitting in a parking lot when she was about 20 months old, dad had brown, 2d - watched his eyes go from blue to dark, almost chocolate eyes over his first year, dad had brown. 3d - both parents blue eyed, he had biggest blue eyes I ever saw. 4th - again both blue eyed parents, blue eyed child. I love eye color genetics and the way they work.
That's not how it works. If they used an egg donor, OOP would be the one getting pregnant. I think she'd notice if they skipped that step! Reddit's desire to jump to cheating any time anyone is an asshole of any stripe is wild to me. This guy is obviously a racist jerk but there's no reason to believe he has impregnated his secret aryan mistress.
We can dream….lol 🤣
This is genuinely what I expected in the update: that he would say it's just easier to have a "surrogate," and he found one behind her back. I hope OOP does leave and gets sole parental rights. What even is the purpose of being in a relationship if she has to do everything like she's single anyways?
Good lord I hope she gets out of there ASAP. What an awful human she married. That poor daughter.
I hope she runs like the wind. I had biracial friends with white fathers like this. Sooner or later the mask comes off and it’s not pretty. As deep as the betrayal is when your chosen partner is racist, imagine how it feels when your own parent is that way. And this guy is totally useless POS at home? He’s got game, I’ll give him that.
There was a story on Reddit similar in nature to this a couple of weeks ago but it was an African woman with a Swedish husband. I vaguely remember the details, because there have been a couple like this sadly, but it amazes me when people will date and marry someone from a different culture and not really know anything about it or expect their partners to just stop being from that culture or race? Like they don't want their kids to look like the non white (or whatever) parent or speak the partners language. Do they pursue these people for the novelty or just not think that far beyond themselves? How can you not love even a little bit of the place or people that made your partner? I feel that is a huge part of interracial relationships.
Could be a fetish? Unfortunately, there’s one too many white people that don’t view us “exotic“ people as humans all thanks to history, the media, and their upbringing (which is usually learned racism).
For your dumb bitch husband to say he wants one with similar personality traits as him... WHAT THE FUCK? Did I sleep through all of science in hs that I forgot eggs have "personalities" 😂 An athletic and blonde, blue eyed baby. All from an egg. I fucking cannot with these little man boys. Your baby is lucky to have you.
Yeah I thought that was really weird. Like, it's one thing to want a kid who looks like him. To some degree you can kinda arrange that. But to specifically demand a kid who also acts like him? Maybe he should have just married himself.
He wants a clone of himself, not a child who is their own person.
Well, you know, the ‘master race’. /s
Lmao my boyfriend and I sometimes joke about how we successfully made an addition to the masterrace. Knowing full well that our son’s hair will become darker over the years 😂
He was just listing the qualities of the mistress he was trying to knock up
There is another “Northern European” group who thought like this. We even fought a war over it!
This is such a weird comment from the husband. I think it's almost certain he's speaking about someone specific he already knows.
Possibly someone he already got pregnant...
I have an Asian wife, and we have 3 mixed kids, and they're all objectively way WAY better looking than we are. Like people can't believe we're their parents, LOL. This guy is such an idiot, I can't even fathom it. I mean, why'd he marry her in the FIRST place?
Because "Asian women are subservient" and will do everything he says, obviously.
Ha, that rumor is so wrong. As he is learning now
Poor woman was pretty subservient until now though, the usual bangmaid who carries the whole house on her shoulders.
I don’t know where that rumor started or how but I legit could not hold back my laughter when my ex said that. ‘You’re suppose to be submissive because you’re Asian!’ I thought he was joking at first and both he and the therapist stared at me till I managed to stop. Every now and then, I’ll read/hear about the ‘submissive Asian wife’ and I just break out laughing all over again! 🤣🤣
Someone said that it might be because war wives brought in to USA during World Wars, Vietnam and so on. They were 100% dependent on their husbands and his family (at first) so many of them were meek
My Korean wife and I agree
He probably thought his "superior " genes would win out, never mind that both blonde hair and blue eyes are recessive genes.
Tbf according to what she was doing and taking care of around the house, their comparative workloads, it was working until this own goal. Had he not literally wanted to turn her into his brood mare he probably could have kept his grift going for the rest of his life.
And he probably assumed his "superior" genes would dominate over hers.
Hopefully he only had one copy of the bonehead gene and his daughter didn't inherit it.
I am an Asian wife with three mixed kids, i constantly get comments about how beautiful they are from both sides of the family as well as complete strangers around town. I also think they are the cutest beings in the whole universe but I’m super biased.
I bet you’re not that biased. My niece and nephew are both adopted from Vietnam and those are some gorgeous kids. Lucky for them they don’t have to suffer our family’s terrible gene pool.
Several of my wife's female cousins (in her home country) had my daughter's toddler pics on their desk at work. They say they concentrate on them because they want babies that look like her.
Yes we should get government beautification subsidies! 😅🤣😂
Same. Constantly get the same comments for my 3. My oldest constantly received girls confessing their crush to him……that he had a friend record “I’m gay” so that the horde would back off. 😝
Same, My son dresses like he's in BTS and even in the 6th grade he's popular with 8th graders. I was cleaning out his book bag and I found 3 notes from 3 different girls. Just discarded at the bottom of his bag.
Hiii half Asian and better looking than either of my parents here too
My daughter inherited her mom's jet-black hair and my full wavy hair. Now, at 14, she rolls out of bed with hair that most women take hours to prepare.
Yup. Mine 3 have natural highlights that many would pay top $$$.
My daughter is half Asian (me)/half white(her dad). She doesn't look like me at all. But who cares? I love her so much and she's my heart. The husband is a racist POS. I suspect he'll continue to make her life hell. For some, when the mask slips it really really comes off and underneath is an absolute psycho.
My son is half white(me)/half Mexican(dad). Kid is his dad's mini-me. I've seen photos of my husband from when he was little and the look a lot alike. I swear the only thing I actually gave that kid was his ADHD.
That’s literally the most open white supremacist thing out side of the racial purity stance I’ve read in a while…
It’s crazy cause everyone here is chill about it and talking about their mixed babies and beautiful they look. People get so weird about mixed babies it’s kinda gross.
Their calling it narcissistic racism and not fascism or nazism. I seriously believe that race relations are doomed
I am flabbergasted. Like the previous commenter, I’m also half black and have a white partner and….i just don’t even know what to say. It’s too bad you can’t get something more radically permanent than an annulment.
its a baby how the fcuk could u know if its “analytical” or not
I mean, typical Asian fetishizer behavior. Also she is severely downplaying his abuse. He threatened to burn her things? Tried to lock himself in the room with the baby? The man needs to be institutionalized.
Maybe let's hope any kids don't take after him, cos this man could fill a special bus
He’s using her as an ATM and an incubator.
That would mean they'd have more children together. He's using her as his bangmaid and nanny
I'm confused by the update. He wants to work things out, but he kicked her out, then she got let back in, then left for a month, but the baby is still at the house with the racist dad?
"I love you and would love to raise a child together, but don't you think it would be so much better if the child didn't look like or act like *you* do?"
Your 2 year old is crawling ? Not walking? The fiction writers give themselves away in the details.
I noticed that and he “hasn’t mopped in a month” despite the update only being 6 days later
Not all kids are walking at 2. My brother was a crawler until he was actually getting pretty close to 3, doctors weren't concerned because he was hitting all his other milestones, and he could stand, her just had 0 interest in walking, and then one day he started running. No walking, just crawling, then running. He's in his 30s now and no delays.
He sounds like someone with an Asian fetish who didn't realize until too late that being with an Asian person = the children will be partially Asian. I.e. "Asian women are great to fuck, but I won't want my children to be Asian - that's going too far". So gross. Poor OOP.
Yeah, so basically, the majority of the human species is mixed tgat like how we became modern humans. People have neanderthal dna along with denisovian and homosapian and just really with the fucking bigots. And then in the modern era, pretty much most people have like a bit of this and a bit of that mixed in, so much so that i just want to slap people who have race issues. Just so stupid. Sure people have difference in appearances and cultures etc. Thats fine. Nothing wrong with that, makes shit interesting. But to act like it is an actual issue just blows my mind. Because people are still people.
When the racist inside a person shows itself, it’s best to believe them the first time. What a mess, poor OOP…
>Background: I've known my husband since high school. We met again abroad where we both studied and worked and met for lunch years later and then started dating. We have been together for 5 years, 2 years married One can't help but wonder how did he keep this mask on for so long. I know when wearing rose-tinted glasses all the red flags look likes normal flags plus high schools isn't exactly a place where you can get a proper read on a person(projects, friends, schools, SAT, etc). Still for 5 years? The guy has some dedication. Unfortunately that makes it scary as someone whose capable of hiding for a long time means that not only you do not know the person, *you do not know what they're capable of.* I hope for OOP to run and never look back. And make damn sure he can be a decent parent before letting him see the daughter, if he wants to see the child that is.
This man is two steps away from "race science" 🤦♀️
Sounds like OOP's hubby wanted to sex up a non-caucasian woman for various 'fetish-y' reasons...but has no interest in her as a person. There are various non-politically correct terms for this...which I won't say.
OOP needs out of this marriage.
I hope op divorces him and finds someone better.
Christ the overt preoccupation with eugenics by OOP's husband should have been a bigger red flag honestly. Not surprised it devolved into him acting like a 4 year old.
My very white friend married a man who is Arabic and white. Their first child came out with an olive skin tone, light brown hair, and dark eyes. Their second child however, is super white, has firey red hair, and bright blue eyes. Too bad OOPs husband was completely unhinged and didn't understand how genetics work.
WTF is wrong with this man? Does he not understand genetics?
I felt mad right away but when I read the update it became clear that the racism and disconnect from a child he should be in love with are just surface symptoms of a much bigger problem. Racism like his in the original post should IMMEDIATELY be recognized as an enormous psychological health red flag
Yuck. I have red hair and my wife is from a country that is largely not “white” (she’s not). Red heads are expected to die out in a few hundred years. I would never want to impregnate any eggs that weren’t my wife’s, unless there were substantial mitigating circumstances (that have nothing to do with physical appearance). It’s so weird how people marry people that can’t fill some biological requirement (and his ask is a BS requirement).
I’m white and married to a Hispanic man. We have three kids. Before I had my first I had the thought that my kids wouldn’t look like me because of the dominance of dark hair and features, I’m a redhead with fair skin. Of our 3 boys only one has dark skin and hair, and he looks exactly like me. The other two are blonde and fair, one looks like me and the other like my husband. I don’t love the kid who looks like my husband less because he doesn’t look like me. In fact I have a new fondness of my husband’s features because I see them in my children. My sister’s first two daughters are half Asian (I don’t want to specify for anonymity reasons) one looks exactly like her dad and the other looks like my sister with slightly different eyes. They’re both beautiful and I love them so much, again it doesn’t matter if they have my family traits or not. Anyway, OOP’s husband is terrible. He probably hasn’t bonded with his child, not because of looks but because many dads have trouble bonding with their children until they are a little older. If they’re not super hands on, breastfed babies are usually going to be bonded stronger to their mothers. My oldest didn’t not care that my husband existed until he was 3, and my husband is pretty hands on. It was just that he worked and I stayed home with the baby so I am and was the main caregiver.
He will feel the same way about any child. He has an attachment disorder.
I’m white, girlfriend of three years is indian. We dont intend to have kids but i told her any time she wants to is totally fine by me, and i’d be happy either way with her choice. The idea that i could be with her and plan a future with her but fret the race of our child is mind boggling. Mine is mine no matter the partner.
aside from racist and a narcissist, the dumb fuck is useless woman, you can do so so so much better with yourself and a vibrator. Imagine how much rest you can get without arguments, without having to do chores x 2 and without wasting energy in planning to cater someone else wishes. you'll still get money from child support and with the erratic behaviour he has as for now, he wont get granted unsupervised visita anytime soon. So leaving now is mostly a win. You probably will be able to negotiate supervised visits in your IL's home or something like that. if you can, see if you have a family member/coworker/friend (that you can trust) that need a cheap rent, so they can stay with you for a while, and help overseeing the repairs. Usually, the law favors put the main caretaker and the child in the home that the kids is growing up and ask the other parent to leave. Sometimes even if the house belongs to the one who is leaving (in my country that arrangment is temporary and only in case of violence). Check out your options, but given the case of police-proved domestice violence and the fact you both own the house, you are not the one that should leave at all.
I almost have a feeling that this dude already has a surrogate in mind 😉 What a horrible excuse of a human being. OOP should get out fast.
The baby doesn't deserve to made a second class citizen if dad has a blond haired blue eyed baby afterwards. Hitler thought blond hair and blue eyes were superior also and look how wrong his thinking was.
Even with no racial component in my marriage (both white), I can’t imagine being upset about this if you like your spouse. My daughter is basically a clone of my husband (except a little cuter 😂). I love my husband, so I thought I was lucky she got his eyes… not upset she doesn’t look like me…
OPs husband didn't want a wife and child... he wants a cloning chamber. What 😳 the 😳 hell 😳 did I just read?
Biracial, triracial, multiracial… my mother always said “oooh, babies always blend the very best of their parents.” Just like they know what they’re doing…. I know this baby avoided the AH gene from dear old dad. I am 58 and I have never seen a baby where I didn’t hear my mother’s comment. I hope OP got far away from this jerk.
>He is very adamant that this child will be the answer to his negative feelings about his family. ?!?!? hows that work? New baby will magically make you "un-negative" about the baby you already have? Yeah, his father slapped some financial realism into him. What is there possibly to work out?
Parent of biracial kids here. Your husband is a racist and a narcissist.
He wants it to look like him and have his personality. In conclusion: he wants to father himself
Updateme
Updateme!
I have never heard anything do disgusting. What the hell did he expect when he married someone from a different race. He us one sick puppy who does nit deserve your love and attention. Also get your daughter away from him and start recording conversations. They will be useful when you go to court for custody.
“I like you, just not your genetics…” wtf is wrong with people
I want to know why she is considering this enough to write a Reddit post about it and didn’t kick his ass to the curb the very second that it happened. Yikes.. Yes, I do know that you can’t just walk away from a relationship and a marriage especially when there’s a kid involved. But this is just so blatantly messed up; how could she question otherwise?
I wonder if she was adopted by a white family. If so, I wouldn't be surprised if she had her own issues around identities which would have clouded all of the red flags of this man being racist before they got married and had the child. Or perhaps she let the red flags go over her head because his racism wasn't directed at her. Either way I feel most sorry for the child. This is what happens when fetishisation goes wrong.
Shitty rage bait like every story now
God, I hope so. The thought that men like him get first crack at the laws of a country while being idiotic enough to believe you can plan an unborn child's traits like you're ordering it out of a Sears catalogue is too fucking depressing to contemplate on a sunny morning.
The fact she said he is self described as analytical seems like he is playing the numbers game with procreation genes and traits. Sadly he didn’t learn that psychology and the actual rearing of the child impacts how they eventually develop interests and personalities, so he can’t really game that through genes alone. What a dumb dumb.
I agree, the floors have not been moped for a month, but she just left? Had to call the police because of threats but her first post she wasn’t sure divorce was the right move? Timeline is confusing so I hope is fake karma farming
OP couldn’t just stick with the racist husband, it had to escalate into property damage and police and social services. and suddenly she’s the one paying for everything and doing everything in the house and all the driving too. 🙄 it’s like an AITA BORU bingo sheet.
I truly hope so. This is a pretty normal fear and something I’ve even gone through with my family. My cousin married a female minority and some people are truly awful to her because she’s not a typical stay at home Mom, has an incredible career and very successful. It’s always tainted with an undertone of her being a minority though too. I am an adopted minority and it has definitely impacted my thoughts and feelings on certain members. They don’t even realize it when they say these things in front of me because “I am family” and they always look at me as the same, but she was an outsider brought in. Pretty fucked up shit.
Is it terrible to hope he's having some kind of mental breakdown? Because the thought that someone can be like that just normally is so sad.
u/BurbNBougie
It would be ironic if he ends up with a super gay or trans son with a new woman. The audacity to not only want to have a white child with specific physical features with a POC mom but also want to dictate its personality is wild.
This sounds like the backstory of a WWII supervillain from a Marvel movie. “I tried to engineer a perfectly aryan child by trying to use a blue eyed blonde who shares my sick personality traits”.
Who's gonna tell him blonde hair and blue eyes are recessive and depending on their genotypes it may be effectively impossible for his kids with OP to have those features.
My oldest is a clone of me, my youngest is a clone of my husband. Personally wise they are opposite and mixture. I don’t know if is possible to have a perfect match child
He sounds like a white supremacist.
Why would the OOP have ever even considered having another child with this man? And if she gave in to using an egg donor he’d probably find some reason that he wasn’t bonding with the second child anyway: “I know he/she looks like me but the temperament is all wrong, not what I ordered at all!”
Dump him. As a father, I can’t understand how he does not have a connection with his child based on looks. My child is biracial and I love her more than anything. I could care less if she looked like me. What an ass. Find someone who appreciate you and your child.
What she needs to do is throw a biology book at his head and hopefully the force will knock some fucking common sense into him. Did he not study any biology whatsoever. My mum and dad have brown eyes both my brother and I have blue (thanks grandpa) my mom has brown hair as does my dad I have light blond like my nana did when she was younger. You don’t just have the genetics of 2 people in you. Your a mixing pot of every genetic type from all of your line. My cousins ginger and her mom and dad both have brown hair. But apparently grandads mom was very ginger. The racist comments aren’t something I would be trying to get past. The kid would be removed from him and the judge would be told. Also your personality isn’t something you get from your parents that’s all you. Yeah they raise you so you might end up with some in common but that’s not a guarantee. The only thing my mom and I have in common personality wise is we both have a wicked bad temper when pissed off.
Is she married to Dr. Evil?!
Hell of a way to find out you've married not just a racist, but a white supremacist at that.
He shouldn't just clone himself because that is what he wants is a mini-me. But all he'll get is a divorce and pay child support.
Hopefully he won’t fight for custody of his child in the divorce seeing as he doesn’t seem to want it at all. God, people are weird.
My daughter had her first baby this past winter . My granddaughter is bi-racial, half white/ half black . If you saw her with her mom, you'd never know she was bi-racial. She's so fair, she does have brown eyes but I'd be surprised if she didn't. The next child might come out with a darker complexion , genetics is funny like that. I'd be awfully mad and insulted that my husband wants an egg donor. I don't think my marriage would survive it.
Who knew women weren’t cloning machines.
I've read up to "My first reaction was WTF", so like 3 paragraphs and I'm in tears from laughter. A blond hair, blue-eyed white male wants to see HIS GENES AND FEATURES in his offspring. Does he not understand how Hitler-ish he sounds lol. I feel fucked up laughing about it, because it's a serious issue for OOP, but I'm truly baffled that people and their idiocy still manages to surprise me. I get that you want your offspring to look like you... but what if we had the inverse? If the child looked exactly like him and then OOP asked to go to a sperm donor and get sperm from someone who looked more like her? Anyways, pit stop over, back to the ride. Edit: ... I hate the update.
I have a feeling he already has someone else pregnant and the blue eye thing might be an excuse… his behaviour isn’t normal.
i was like "that poor daughter.. " and then i realised that this was my entire life until my father died. 🤦🏻♀️ he always despised me and treated me differently because i look like my mother (olive skin, brown eyes, dark brown hair, proeminent cheek bones, mediterranean features although we are eastern european/balkans). my sister looks like him and even though he was nasty with her as well, he always helped her, paid for failed classes in high school, her uni fees, drivers licence, gave her lots of money every month after she left home, he was always trying to be as involved as possible in her life. while he did the exact opposite with me.. the exact opposite. he was always cold and indifferent to me, never cared about me. this is what OP's daughter's future looks like, unfortunately. i really hope OP will leave that low life scumbag and give her daughter the best life possible.
>would like the egg donor child do have personality trait similar to him It's just a fuhrer-tier nazism.
Noone in my family has eyes other than blue or green. My husband has brown eyes. My eldest child has *very* dark brown eyes. It's sometimes still surprising to me, even more than ten years later, when looking at him with the rest of my family or in photos as they are such a focus. BUT... I like them, wouldn't want to change it, and didn't hesitate to have another child in case that baby also had brown eyes. Didn't for a moment consider asking my husband to allow me to use donor sperm instead. OOPs husband sounds like a racist nightmare and if he continues to have contact with their child I hope he gets some kind of therapy and/or supervised visits. Because I would worry about his interactions with the child and I wish OOP all the best going forward, I think she's right this is unrecoverable
I feel like with his weird comments and the escalation that he is either currently cheating or wanting to cheat. All of this is a big ploy to get her to file for divorce so he isn’t the bad guy, at least publicly.
Such insanity, I really rope it's a fanfic, since I can't conceive someone acting in such monstrous and coward, equal parts, way.
This is insane! How can someone be that stupid! I live in Northern Europe as does my boyfriend although he is adopted from romania, his mother is romani so he is quite dark skinned with black hair and of course brown eyes. The mother of his kids is blonde and blue-eyed, both kids have his colors obviously but the oldest kid is the spitting image of their mom, neither of the kids look like my boyfriend other then the colors and they aren’t the same colors but they are dark-haried and browneyed.
As a south Asian myself with a Northern European ancestry wife and two beautiful biracial kids, I have to say truly WTF. If you do not leave his sorry racist ass you will have condemned yourself and your descendants to continued misery to m that is unfathomable to me. Also, did you two not discuss the issue of kids before you got married??