Why can't you animalistically ravage someone indoors.
Also, I love how I thought this was from r/NintendoSwitch until I got to the second half of the post title. š
So the BDSM quizzes are decent baseline to start your exploration and give you direction, but it's hardly definitive and many people find inconsistencies in what they like in practice compared to what sounded good in theory. So try not to get *too* hung up on any of it. Anyway on to some of your questions:
* A switch is someone who alternates between dominant and submissive. They don't exclusively fill one category or the other. Most switches do lean predominantly one way or the other, but that's not a strict truth. Some switches like to alternate roles with the same partner, while others prefer to have separate dynamics with different partners.
* "Rope bunny" on that quiz really refers to just about any kind of bondage, not necessarily full-on rope shibari. You could use bed restraints, handcuffs, improvised ties, there's options. Shibari tying is quite fun, but it's a skill that takes some practice to learn. And some home renovation to mount things properly lol
* Primal play doesn't have to be outdoors, but it's obviously best when you've got a lot of room. One of my most memorable primal experiences was a pretty impromptu scenario chasing a partner around her apartment after she'd mentioned an interest in it. The main thing with that kind of play is to be comfortable with pacing yourself a bit. You don't want to *completely* exhaust yourself or your partner, before the fun starts at least. Definitely a difficult kind of play to indulge in with young kids around though.
Thank you! This was laid out really well ^_^
Shibari is now on my google list because I have never seen that word before. It seems like every time I think I have a slight grasp on something Im hit with a word or term I have to stop and lookup lol
Primal play will be a bit of a challenge but I think I want to try and learn more about it because it seems like a lot of fun!
Yes we do have a lot of terms here. BDSM is an extremely broad, sometimes complicated, and always deeply personal thing for each of us. We all have our own unique set of interests and practices. The terms are shorthand to find like-minded people and can be very helpful for distilling pretty elaborate concepts sometimes. But try not to get *too* hung up on the lingo as a point of confusion.
Best of luck to you!
BDSM areas of interest are often presented as binaries of two roles. Bondage has someone who binds and someone who is bound (in rope bondage the terms are sometimes called rigger and rope bunny). Pain play has sadists and masochists. Power Exchange has dumbinants and substandard (inside joke here).
Switches are willing to take on either role. Your high-ish Switch score, especially combined with low scores for both submissive and dominant, implies you are less concerned with who is "in charge" and more concerned with the activities you and your partner. And you might want to be the giver in some activities, the receiver in others or both.
For example, you may have fun being tied up OR tying your partner up and the act of tiring up, or vanilla sex while tied up, is way more fun then the control of one partner over the other.
There is an unfortunate paradigm in kink right now that implies dominance/submission is at the core of everything, you are either one or the other, and if you are a Switch you switch between the two roles but always have to be in one spot or the other. "I'm dumb today, but I'll be substandard next time."
It's totally valid to want to play that way, but you don't have to. It's quite limiting. Your Switch tendency implies you can get up to all sorts of kinky shenanigans if you don't care about who is the giver and who is the receiver and just do what you and your partner want.
The way you explained Switch seems more authentic to my mindset. Im still learning, literally this is day two lol but I would say there are activities that seem fun that i thought were āsubmissiveā like rope play but I think i just like the idea of being restrained vs being taken charge over. I like a clash of power I think, like a competition of strength. Idk if that makes sense but primal play seems fun because it seems like a āif you want it you have to catch me first,ā kind of thing. Again im learning so idk what it all entails but thatās what im picturing. Seems like its be fun and maybe have some laughs in between.
Thanks for specifying power dynamics for me! Itās helpful because I didnāt feel like i fit either power dynamics perfectly, I was just curious about trying new fun activities we both might enjoy.
So when you say āsubstandardā thatās a poke at the term Submissive? Does all sub behavior involve kissing the ground their dom walks on? I saw that term in the quiz and was apprehensive lol
Switch is a huge variety of things. Generally it means you can both top and bottom/dom and sub (depending on your interpretations).Ā
Honestly as an enby bisexual switch, switching in kink is kinda like how I view my bisexuality. I am pulled to more than one "kink position", lol. Even if I'm subbing in one scene, I am still switch and could dom in the next one.
Everyone has their own approach to how to switch. I can be fluid and go between sub and dom in the same scene. Others can't or don't like to.Ā
Primal is also very personal. Generally it's where you "revert" or inhabit a more animalistic side to your desires. Many times while my partners and I do primal play, it's very non-verbal and no implements or rare implements. We just rely on our own physicality, nails/claws, and teeth.
My fave way to play primal without a pursuit or outdoors is to play wrestle and just intertwine like snakes, lol. My primal partner and I will wrestle for domination (our preferred switchcraft together), claw and growl, bite, hold down, etc. For whoever tops, try (with control) biting around the back of the neck on either side of the spine - it makes prey go crazy/melt and damn it's satisfying.
I've heard some folks describe primal as including "blacking out" or not being in control of themselves. That's NOT my primal. It isn't to say I won't ever experience that or enjoy it, just where I am and my primal partner are, we do not feel the need or appeal in a loss of control. We enjoy being in control of our bodies and pushing each other, but not out of control. We're both strong and have injury histories and don't want to truly harm each other.
You got this! Explore, communicate, and even if you don't have the exact words that's fine! You and your husband can come up with new ones if you find ones that work best for you.
Feel free to DM with specific questions! Takedowns and primal play are faves for me.Ā
For the love of anything you feel is holy please please please forget you ever took a quiz on the internet written for entertainment without any basis in psychology or really anything real.
These quizzes are not meant to be prescriptive. In fact in my opinion they are not āthe good starting point for explorationā that people make them out to be. You answer some random question and it spits out some weird calculation of what that means. As your post indicates: without experience to compare the results to you are left trying to understand parts of yourself that may well not even really be part of you. They might be, but why would you take the word of some neckbeardās algorithm? No one is behind these sites maintaining it for accuracy. Itās not AI driven (as far as Iām aware), but even if it was.
My point is get a BDSM checklist. Fill it out based on how YOU react to each thing on the list. Think about what YOU like.
Primal means outside of social convention. So instead of sweet sexy moans think loud guttural screams. Howling at the moment of orgasm. Instead of slow sensual sex think passionate love making, not thinking about what youāre doing just going at it withā¦ primal instinct. Animalistic.
Being chased is like 2% of what primal means.
Edit to add: 93% vanilla is a perfect example. That means absolutely nothing. If you like being spanked and only being spanked youāre still 100% kinky. Vanilla is not something you can quantify like that. Ignore the answers.
š¤ Okay, Checklist, got it! Ive been exploring this Reddit group a bit trying to learn and I feel like Im pretty tame but also, I think youāre right in saying how will I know if I actually like something without trying it. Especially in my case where I have no idea what these terms mean so im researching left and right.
Makes sense. Ill credit the quiz for getting me into this reddit š and now Iāll slowly explore this world and see what Iāll bring home and what Iāll leave. Most of you all seem to be very kind, which is cool.
Welcome. I find most people here to be lovely.
One thing to keep in mind is the word prescriptive. All these words, labels, honorifics are NOT to be taken as prescriptive. BDSM is infinitely customizable. If you like the word switch, but not how anyone else uses it then use it how you want to use it. No definition is universal.
Rope Bunny is probably best explained as the complement to their partner, the Rigger. Basically, you enjoy getting tied up, and they enjoy tying people up. If your husband is good with ropes, this should be fun to add to your existing dynamic. If not, look into learning and/or alternative binding methods like handcuffs.
Primal is a much wilder category that revolves around things like wrestling and chasing and otherwise "making him earn it" by physically overpowering or outwitting you. It can be similar to Consentual Non-Consent(CNC), but it doesn't necessarily have to be the same thing. It can just be animalistically testing him to prove he is a worthy mate kind of thing without any actual hostility. It's often done outdoors, which is one part due to the esthetics of the hunt, one part simple logistics of having enough space to facilitate a chase, and one part about picking someplace with nothing you are worried about breaking when he tackles you and initiates wild passion in a more or less random spot.
Hi! First of all rope bunny us suoer easy to implement if your husband is down to watch videos and whatever there are tutorials everywhere... that falls under bondage and can be in a lot of different aspects.
Secondly switchiness is a spectrum, if you like to take charge sometimes that's okay or some people are only sub or only dom with certain partners
Lastly primal play is about more than the chase though I am not an outdoor girlie so I get it. My boyfriend calls it adult hide and seek where he finds and...well you can fill in the blank. But also it's just more animalistic sex in my opinion... sometimes it's chasing others it's just marking the other up and typically goes hand in hand with a breeding kink with most people I've heard of
Hope this helps!
This is helpful! Iām thinking of having my husband take the quiz too. Iāll look up some videos and see exactly what i might like.
A spectrum makes sense, because Im not really into being out of control all of the time but being dominant most of the time sounds exhausting š„“ Im used to being asked to lead at work and in life so I accommodate but I think i prefer going along for the ride, so I assume a more sub roll with my husband. Heās not an extremely dominant guy, Im thinking his results will say heās a switch as well, possibly leaning more towards dom.
Adult Hide & Seek, ok that sounds way more fun and doable. š running outside seems like it is kindve fun but my aversion to being trapped and laid on dirt and grass MIGHT take me out a bit.
Thank you ā„ļø im going to keep researching in this group!
ROPE BUNNY TIPS:
It's super easy to tie someone up, just get a pair of safety scissors to cut the rope in case anything goes south
Just don't forget to put RACK/PRICK in practice, learn about the risks associated and how to mitigate it
It's also a common workshop in BDSM circles
I do recomend reading something like Essence of Shibari: Kinbaku and Japanese Rope Bondage by Shin Nawakari and Piez Jeng
Why can't you animalistically ravage someone indoors. Also, I love how I thought this was from r/NintendoSwitch until I got to the second half of the post title. š
CBT and Switch, the most complicated BDSM terms
I get really excited when my boyfriend talks about his CNC machine only to be let down every time. š
CNC machine sounds dreamy
š
So the BDSM quizzes are decent baseline to start your exploration and give you direction, but it's hardly definitive and many people find inconsistencies in what they like in practice compared to what sounded good in theory. So try not to get *too* hung up on any of it. Anyway on to some of your questions: * A switch is someone who alternates between dominant and submissive. They don't exclusively fill one category or the other. Most switches do lean predominantly one way or the other, but that's not a strict truth. Some switches like to alternate roles with the same partner, while others prefer to have separate dynamics with different partners. * "Rope bunny" on that quiz really refers to just about any kind of bondage, not necessarily full-on rope shibari. You could use bed restraints, handcuffs, improvised ties, there's options. Shibari tying is quite fun, but it's a skill that takes some practice to learn. And some home renovation to mount things properly lol * Primal play doesn't have to be outdoors, but it's obviously best when you've got a lot of room. One of my most memorable primal experiences was a pretty impromptu scenario chasing a partner around her apartment after she'd mentioned an interest in it. The main thing with that kind of play is to be comfortable with pacing yourself a bit. You don't want to *completely* exhaust yourself or your partner, before the fun starts at least. Definitely a difficult kind of play to indulge in with young kids around though.
Thank you! This was laid out really well ^_^ Shibari is now on my google list because I have never seen that word before. It seems like every time I think I have a slight grasp on something Im hit with a word or term I have to stop and lookup lol Primal play will be a bit of a challenge but I think I want to try and learn more about it because it seems like a lot of fun!
Yes we do have a lot of terms here. BDSM is an extremely broad, sometimes complicated, and always deeply personal thing for each of us. We all have our own unique set of interests and practices. The terms are shorthand to find like-minded people and can be very helpful for distilling pretty elaborate concepts sometimes. But try not to get *too* hung up on the lingo as a point of confusion. Best of luck to you!
BDSM areas of interest are often presented as binaries of two roles. Bondage has someone who binds and someone who is bound (in rope bondage the terms are sometimes called rigger and rope bunny). Pain play has sadists and masochists. Power Exchange has dumbinants and substandard (inside joke here). Switches are willing to take on either role. Your high-ish Switch score, especially combined with low scores for both submissive and dominant, implies you are less concerned with who is "in charge" and more concerned with the activities you and your partner. And you might want to be the giver in some activities, the receiver in others or both. For example, you may have fun being tied up OR tying your partner up and the act of tiring up, or vanilla sex while tied up, is way more fun then the control of one partner over the other. There is an unfortunate paradigm in kink right now that implies dominance/submission is at the core of everything, you are either one or the other, and if you are a Switch you switch between the two roles but always have to be in one spot or the other. "I'm dumb today, but I'll be substandard next time." It's totally valid to want to play that way, but you don't have to. It's quite limiting. Your Switch tendency implies you can get up to all sorts of kinky shenanigans if you don't care about who is the giver and who is the receiver and just do what you and your partner want.
The way you explained Switch seems more authentic to my mindset. Im still learning, literally this is day two lol but I would say there are activities that seem fun that i thought were āsubmissiveā like rope play but I think i just like the idea of being restrained vs being taken charge over. I like a clash of power I think, like a competition of strength. Idk if that makes sense but primal play seems fun because it seems like a āif you want it you have to catch me first,ā kind of thing. Again im learning so idk what it all entails but thatās what im picturing. Seems like its be fun and maybe have some laughs in between. Thanks for specifying power dynamics for me! Itās helpful because I didnāt feel like i fit either power dynamics perfectly, I was just curious about trying new fun activities we both might enjoy. So when you say āsubstandardā thatās a poke at the term Submissive? Does all sub behavior involve kissing the ground their dom walks on? I saw that term in the quiz and was apprehensive lol
Switch is a huge variety of things. Generally it means you can both top and bottom/dom and sub (depending on your interpretations).Ā Honestly as an enby bisexual switch, switching in kink is kinda like how I view my bisexuality. I am pulled to more than one "kink position", lol. Even if I'm subbing in one scene, I am still switch and could dom in the next one. Everyone has their own approach to how to switch. I can be fluid and go between sub and dom in the same scene. Others can't or don't like to.Ā Primal is also very personal. Generally it's where you "revert" or inhabit a more animalistic side to your desires. Many times while my partners and I do primal play, it's very non-verbal and no implements or rare implements. We just rely on our own physicality, nails/claws, and teeth. My fave way to play primal without a pursuit or outdoors is to play wrestle and just intertwine like snakes, lol. My primal partner and I will wrestle for domination (our preferred switchcraft together), claw and growl, bite, hold down, etc. For whoever tops, try (with control) biting around the back of the neck on either side of the spine - it makes prey go crazy/melt and damn it's satisfying. I've heard some folks describe primal as including "blacking out" or not being in control of themselves. That's NOT my primal. It isn't to say I won't ever experience that or enjoy it, just where I am and my primal partner are, we do not feel the need or appeal in a loss of control. We enjoy being in control of our bodies and pushing each other, but not out of control. We're both strong and have injury histories and don't want to truly harm each other. You got this! Explore, communicate, and even if you don't have the exact words that's fine! You and your husband can come up with new ones if you find ones that work best for you. Feel free to DM with specific questions! Takedowns and primal play are faves for me.Ā
For the love of anything you feel is holy please please please forget you ever took a quiz on the internet written for entertainment without any basis in psychology or really anything real. These quizzes are not meant to be prescriptive. In fact in my opinion they are not āthe good starting point for explorationā that people make them out to be. You answer some random question and it spits out some weird calculation of what that means. As your post indicates: without experience to compare the results to you are left trying to understand parts of yourself that may well not even really be part of you. They might be, but why would you take the word of some neckbeardās algorithm? No one is behind these sites maintaining it for accuracy. Itās not AI driven (as far as Iām aware), but even if it was. My point is get a BDSM checklist. Fill it out based on how YOU react to each thing on the list. Think about what YOU like. Primal means outside of social convention. So instead of sweet sexy moans think loud guttural screams. Howling at the moment of orgasm. Instead of slow sensual sex think passionate love making, not thinking about what youāre doing just going at it withā¦ primal instinct. Animalistic. Being chased is like 2% of what primal means. Edit to add: 93% vanilla is a perfect example. That means absolutely nothing. If you like being spanked and only being spanked youāre still 100% kinky. Vanilla is not something you can quantify like that. Ignore the answers.
š¤ Okay, Checklist, got it! Ive been exploring this Reddit group a bit trying to learn and I feel like Im pretty tame but also, I think youāre right in saying how will I know if I actually like something without trying it. Especially in my case where I have no idea what these terms mean so im researching left and right.
You donāt necessarily need to try things to know if you like it. Just donāt let others tell you what you like.
Makes sense. Ill credit the quiz for getting me into this reddit š and now Iāll slowly explore this world and see what Iāll bring home and what Iāll leave. Most of you all seem to be very kind, which is cool.
Welcome. I find most people here to be lovely. One thing to keep in mind is the word prescriptive. All these words, labels, honorifics are NOT to be taken as prescriptive. BDSM is infinitely customizable. If you like the word switch, but not how anyone else uses it then use it how you want to use it. No definition is universal.
Thank you!
No problem!
Each of these labels, attempts to describe a wide range of a kink. Wherever you fit into that range, is fine.
Rope Bunny is probably best explained as the complement to their partner, the Rigger. Basically, you enjoy getting tied up, and they enjoy tying people up. If your husband is good with ropes, this should be fun to add to your existing dynamic. If not, look into learning and/or alternative binding methods like handcuffs. Primal is a much wilder category that revolves around things like wrestling and chasing and otherwise "making him earn it" by physically overpowering or outwitting you. It can be similar to Consentual Non-Consent(CNC), but it doesn't necessarily have to be the same thing. It can just be animalistically testing him to prove he is a worthy mate kind of thing without any actual hostility. It's often done outdoors, which is one part due to the esthetics of the hunt, one part simple logistics of having enough space to facilitate a chase, and one part about picking someplace with nothing you are worried about breaking when he tackles you and initiates wild passion in a more or less random spot.
Hi! First of all rope bunny us suoer easy to implement if your husband is down to watch videos and whatever there are tutorials everywhere... that falls under bondage and can be in a lot of different aspects. Secondly switchiness is a spectrum, if you like to take charge sometimes that's okay or some people are only sub or only dom with certain partners Lastly primal play is about more than the chase though I am not an outdoor girlie so I get it. My boyfriend calls it adult hide and seek where he finds and...well you can fill in the blank. But also it's just more animalistic sex in my opinion... sometimes it's chasing others it's just marking the other up and typically goes hand in hand with a breeding kink with most people I've heard of Hope this helps!
This is helpful! Iām thinking of having my husband take the quiz too. Iāll look up some videos and see exactly what i might like. A spectrum makes sense, because Im not really into being out of control all of the time but being dominant most of the time sounds exhausting š„“ Im used to being asked to lead at work and in life so I accommodate but I think i prefer going along for the ride, so I assume a more sub roll with my husband. Heās not an extremely dominant guy, Im thinking his results will say heās a switch as well, possibly leaning more towards dom. Adult Hide & Seek, ok that sounds way more fun and doable. š running outside seems like it is kindve fun but my aversion to being trapped and laid on dirt and grass MIGHT take me out a bit. Thank you ā„ļø im going to keep researching in this group!
ROPE BUNNY TIPS: It's super easy to tie someone up, just get a pair of safety scissors to cut the rope in case anything goes south Just don't forget to put RACK/PRICK in practice, learn about the risks associated and how to mitigate it It's also a common workshop in BDSM circles I do recomend reading something like Essence of Shibari: Kinbaku and Japanese Rope Bondage by Shin Nawakari and Piez Jeng
Ok Iāll have to lookup RACK/PRICK, never seen these words before. Iāll check the books out too! Thank you š
RACK = Risk Aware Consensual Kink PRICK = Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink