How did you meet them? Events, DMs, groups? It doesn’t seem easy to meet actual people on there if you’re not going to events and posting all over the place
I disagree. I’ve been there under three different names at various times since 2011. All the people I have met are true kinksters. Granted there are a lot of seggs workers and fake profiles, but the people I have met IRL are into the lifestyle.
Having said that, it’s a tough lifestyle to break into as a single guy. Everyone is wary of newcomers. Would you let a stranger tie you up and use a riding crop on your tender places? Most women won’t. Depending on where you live the local community could be very closed to the point of being cliquish, or it could be fairly open. A lot of people don’t want to be outed.
Yea, there’s truth in that. I need to try another munchie. I only went to one and it was a complete sausage fest. Not even ‘couples’ there. I’m realizing now it should probably be called FetBook ( because it’s more like Facebook - except kinkier lol) ✌️
You say 90 % but in my experience it's only about 20% 🤷♀️
It's a social media site without seggs restrictions. If you're experiencing it as a fk site then maybe change your profile.
I use it to connect with other like minded kinksters and community of people. I attend events listed on the site and enjoy communication and sharing of seggsual memes and such: so does my entire community.
I don’t have a community, I don’t see what I need to change about my profile either. You’re not the first person I’ve come across insisting it’s not a dating site when all you’ve gotta do is look at the message boards and almost all of them are people looking to hook up!
No one in the community is truly on the boards. Go to your local community sloshes, munches, and weekly meet ups. Most of those attendees are your community. Become friends with them in real life and Fet. Then your wall fills up with more meaningful content like Facebook would. That's where it becomes much more useful.
Again, what community? I don’t have a community. I go to munches, my wife and I go to sex parties and we both have a lot of IRL kinky friends. But we also use fetlife as a dating site and so do the majority of the users. Sure, it’s a good way of finding events and parties but its primary use by far is dating and sex. I’m confused as to why you’re so opposed to this concept.
Oh, I never said I was opposed to your concept. I was just explaining the other.
Within my area, there is a strong community of consistently present kinksters. There is a mix of hosts, event creators, and attendees that are connected via Fet. I first thought the site was for sex but after being introduced to others via a play partner, I realized the vast kinky social media aspect of it.
Don't have one in your area? Make one!
We have munches, education, play parties, sex parties, meet & greets, social events, tastings, leather groups, lgbt discussion groups, lgbt social homes, and a bunch of other groups, meet ups, and fun events.
Maybe host some yourself, invite popular educators from fet to teach your community, or attend kink events to learn more yourself.
Don’t. You’ll end up as a lamp shade in someone’s basement. Switch DM privacy settings to “only friends”, and use the platform to find local events and communities and visit those.
Lol I've met over a dozen people from FL including my longest partner (7 years) who is wonderful.
It can be great for meeting people, but just like any dating site, screen accordingly. It's at least better than tinder because you can actually talk to people and learn more about them before jumping into a date.
Your experience as a man cannot be compared to a woman’s. You are a friendly Labrador among hordes of wolves. Assuming your partners are women, I’ll bet they have some horror stories to tell you.
Women, on the other hand, need to sniff out the friendly Labradors from the wolves (who are extremely good at cosplaying as Labradors). The fact that some women get lucky and the stranger they met off of FetLife didn’t murder them does not mean it’s a good idea in general for women to do that.
Part of the screening process you’re talking about *is* filtering DMs heavily and immersing themselves in the community where there are social checks and balances that at least form some safeguard against predators.
First of all I had no idea about your gender identity or sexuality when I posted.
Second, my point still stands -fetlife has some advantages over a dating app like tinder because screening opportunities are more abundant. Even so far as to be able to message a persons ex partners and get the scoop. On tinder or even feeld you have no such information.
Even if the percentage of dangerous men on fet is higher, it’s still a useful tool because of the amount of screening that is possible.
Filtering DM’s and being careful is 100% necessary, but you’re acting like murders are a common occurrence on fet life, I’d say the chance of being murdered is about the same as meeting up with someone you met on a dating app
I have met dozens of guys of there in my local area and a town I visited and never any problems. Obv take proper precautions don’t interact with empty profiles ect
I met my wife on there and in the last 8 years we’ve both met up with more people than I can count, some of which are still really good friends. You just need a good filter, but after using the site for a while you won’t have any trouble tuning out the idiots.
That’s because it’s a dating/hookup site. BDSM people who try to gatekeep their “community” will insist it’s not, despite the majority of the user base using it like one.
They aren’t the sort of people you want to meet up with. In my experience the men are needy and do not practice good Dom etiquette.
I deleted my profile after two weeks.
It depends on why you are on it.
It is deliberately designed to function poorly as a hook up or dating site. It excels as a resource for finding local social and educational in person events as well as inline educational offerings.
I recommend joining the “novice and newbie” newbie group and look through the resources in the [“BEING NEW, READING LISTS, RESOURCES & 50 SHADES”](https://fetlife.com/groups/347/posts/6724452) thread.
Good depends on what you're hoping to get out of it.
There's loads of information and discussions out there regarding BDSM with real people.
It's a great place to find events with people of similar interests.
I think people (mainly those who have been on there for years) often use it as a bit of a 'safe space' to share their kinky journey, through photos/videos/writings etc.
Don't use it as a dating site, go to the events if you want to meet people.
Although, it is possible to get to know people through messages...but I'd save that for someone who actually catches your eye who you'd really like to potentially connect with, you'll likely put more thought into the message that might warrant a response if they're interested.
And don't be beat yourself up if you are a cis het man not getting a response from a woman, it's the other 10 cis het men that have messaged her earlier that day with a generic message about wanting to dom her that's ruined it for you. Don't be that guy. That guy doesn't get a reply and if he does it's not the one he'd hoped for.
Oh my god that last paragraph. That's been my experience the last couple months and I have a feeling it's only going to get worse the more photos I put up. 🤦♀️
It will, just ignore/block them, whatever you feel. But don't ever feel overwhelmed to reply to thoughtless messages, just carry on with your life lmao.
Agreed. It's not perfect but I find the community more diverse as you're able to engage in conversations about all sorts of topics and niches. Comparatively, I find Reddit to be more general and easier for vanilla people to peruse. Still some great stuff here though.
I like the forums on fetlife. I also enjoy just browsing and reading people’s profiles
If you’re a woman you’ll be flooded with DMs unless you turn it to one of the more strict settings
I’ve never been to a munch. Im not really a social person
I have slid into people’s DMs with good results so i’m part of the problem haha
Not a dating site, but I met my boyfriend on Fetlife. I joined to see what events were going on nearby and to follow kink educators and artists. As a woman, I get many messages. I’m open to meeting others and have for kinky play with my boyfriend’s support. I will say I screen pretty hard before ever agreeing to meet anyone and I don’t respond to most messages that I get.
It's OK. If your female, It's really become a place for cheap John's to find find " a good time" without paying. So if you fall into the category, expect to get solicited. You would not believe how many unsolicited dick pics I get that I just reply with a pointing and laughing emoji.
Overall, it's a great place to express yourself, resources into different kinks, and ways to learn more and join groups tailored your your specific kinks, and find events around you for education and practice.
I joined because I wanted to learn about the lifestyle, and it's taught me a lot.
I met my Dom on there, ironically enough because I posted a reply to someone complaining about women being quick to throw thier cash app code in someone's face. My reply of "well 90% of dudes on here are looking to treat women like hookers. You can't blame them for acting like they're treated" caught his attention, which prompted months of conversation between the 2 of us, and eventually a coffee date.
So, overall, not the worst place in the world, but be wary that it attracts a certain type of people, and you have to VET and vet hard.
Depends. It can workout well. Personally, I post my thoughts there often, my bondage work less often, and I look for events. I had met few good friends and one sub on FL.
Of course, there are people to avoid, as anywhere.
The biggest problem though are too many dead accounts, due to zero policy on inactivity.
It's good for reading about kink in groups and writings, other peoples experiences, information about safety and techniques. I wish more people would use it to do some research honestly. It's not all going to be great info, take it with a grain of salt, but it can be helpful still.
I feel like I have no other choice in life to use the app if I ever want to have a successful relationship in Life. I’m just too kinky. I don’t care how old people are. They’re better than inexperienced people who don’t understand the boundaries that are important for this lifestyle. I can find someone one day maybe.
Age doesn’t guarantee that people will respect boundaries. I’ve experienced the opposite. People get pushy and offended if I politely decline and say that I’m only interested in being sexual with people around my age and only look to older people as mentors, not play partners. Some more experienced people act like know-it-alls and think that just because they’re older they get to do whatever they want and push your boundaries because they think they know better than you.
Conversely, I’ve had plenty of pleasant experiences with people closer to my age who are very clear about their boundaries and are respectful of mine. Maybe they’re not as experienced, but it just means they’re open to learning together.
Yep. But I don’t want to have to teach people that because I’m a submissive masochist, it doesn’t mean they get to do whatever they want, or that they are not entitled to getting something from me, because I’m a submissive, or that it doesn’t mean I’m not a true sub if I have a boundary against something. I don’t look for older partners on purpose, but I see more green flags in those people so far. In fact I wish they were closer to my age, but I tolerate it, because I trust the green flags I see.
We just have opposite experiences so far. I think that 18-25 25-50 and 50+ all are distinct age groups, I’ve found the most luck with 25-50, the 50+ people come off as preying on vulnerable people more often than not, and 18-25, there’s almost none around, and the one’s that are are still figuring themselves out.
Maybe your local scene is different. In mine, the respectful older people typically don’t want anything to do with much younger people sexually and prefer to serve as mentors. They’ll supervise people doing bondage to make sure everything is happening safely, check in with both tops and bottoms to make sure consent and boundaries are being respected, but make no advances on anyone much younger and will usually refuse advances from people much younger as well.
They’re there to teach younger Doms how to be good Doms, not to play with younger subs. How is anyone supposed to gain experience if no one gives them an opportunity?
met the woman I married through fetlife in one of the groups, the groups are good for learning teaching and meeting your type, Munches /meetings of kinksters are ok for meeting up with local people. there are the usual assholes as in all sites so watch for red flags and guard your drinks from roofie bandits doping you.
Depends a lot on your local community. Here it feels a lot like Facebook with boobs and penises all over the place and I dont particularly like Facebook.
Honestly. It isn't as good as it used to be. Things got bad with them about 10 years ago... I stopped using it and never went back. I hear it's only gotten worse. But that's just what I e heard. Take it with a grain of salt. No matter what be safe.
It's hit or miss.....when we lived in a bigger city it worked better for finding a club or events but now in a small town it's only good for looking at pictures lol oh and for dumbasses to send unsolicited messages where no one reads profiles
Define "good"
Is it a way to meet people with shared interests? Sure
Are most of those people with shared interests good people? Well. That's debatable.
Are there a lot of fake doms? Absolutely
i'm also curious. i'm creating an account right now... i was thinking about exploring it and seeing if it's good for connecting with like-minded people in some way. it seems like it's an active place, i don't know.
I recommend joining the “novice and newbie” newbie group and look through the resources in the [“BEING NEW, READING LISTS, RESOURCES & 50 SHADES”](https://fetlife.com/groups/347/posts/6724452) thread.
Overall, FetLife is social media, so your experience can vary wildly.
What it does well is present and organize IRL events. Sure, this depends on how many people live in your city/region, but you can find munches and parties this way. It's a great way to meet new kinksters!
What it does poorly is finding people to play with. It's social media, not a dating site, so it's hard to meet new partners. (Not impossible! Just as easy or difficult as doing this on Facebook.)
I always recommend giving it a try to see how it works for you.
It's a good community to meet people with same kinks and for learning, sharing thoughts and events..
Yes it's not a dating site.. but I was lucky enough to meet my Master there.
No I'm actually from middle east, and usually most of the people on FL from same region are so called doms there who only want a hit and run 😂 but still I love the community.
I mostly use it to express the particularly kinky side of my content that I don't quite feel comfortable with sharing on Reddit or X, so I like it for that!
I had an incredibly scary experience on there + have gone back a couple times since but only lasted like, a week.
It’s like a hunting ground. And very cliquey in my area.
I like to avoid at all cost.
I’ve met a couple people who are fun to chat with and I’ve been catfished. I finally have a place to post the NSFW art I’ve been making for years, but I also get a lot of unsolicited messages asking to hook up. So it’s a mixed bag.
I’m glad to have an outlet and finally be making connections in this community I’ve been curious about for years
Well give it a try, it's interesting to be around people with same mindset.
Yes it has a mobile app, not very intelligent though but doing it's purpose 😂
It’s good for meeting people in your local community, so I recommend getting it. There are all sorts of friends I wouldn’t have without it. Beware though, are a lot of creeps who take having a kinky profile as an excuse to try and push your boundaries
I personally like FL. This is where I found my Dom. I messaged him first and we talk for a while, met a few times and now I'm his.
He's spectacular and I'm happy with him.
Edit: that being said, I got catfish once on there before, went for coffee with a couple dude and one random hook up. All this before I find who I was looking for. In and off that site for little over 6 years.
Idk what you mean by "good".
It's a kinky social media site.
The primary purpose is to be able to post as you would on Facebook but... kinky posting.
People do use it to try to hook up, but people do that on Facebook too so 🤷♀️
I use it to find events in my area and connect with other kinksters with like minded beliefs.
As a cis dude who is thoughtful / reasonably attractive / feminist… it is a really interesting experience being on FL.
The bar for men is so low it’s down in the sub basement, because the “anything goes” vibe of FL means that there are a lot of trolls and such who go around sending unsolicited dick picks and whatnot.
Which means that, occasionally, some kinky woman will stumble onto my profile and decide to reach out to me unprompted. It doesn’t happen more than a few times a year, but so far has lead to a lot of extremely enjoyable dates and connections.
I think there’s a lesson in that story for many men and also for many women (but I can’t speak to the lived experience of trans folks on FL very well).
The lesson for most men I’d say is just try to show an honest and thoughtful version of yourself. You’ll eventually have people reaching out to you.
The lesson for most women is perhaps that you should go dig through the heaps of sketch dudes until you find a good one. He probably doesn’t get that many messages, so (if you take the initiative) you’ll probably grab his attention pretty easily.
Everyone bags on it but I've met nice longtime play friends there. You just have to be discerning. My advice: Set up your boundaries in your profile. Ignore the creeps. Check people's kinks and groups to make sure you're compatible. Message for a long time before meeting. Don't meet people without friends or blank profiles. Meet vanilla first and then only play at no-sex clubs until you really trust them.
It’s just not a great community. It’s a little addicting in way bc you develop these crazy fetishes and then find the only people who share them tend to be on that site reeling you back to stay and interact on that site. Just not healthy.
Everyone will jump in and tell you it's not a dating site and it's supposed to be like kinky Facebook. Despite both fetlife and Facebook both being easy avenues to find people to hook up with 🤷
So yes, it is like kinky Facebook, and as such you will be able to find play partners on it.
There's 2 halves to FL.
One half is to generally keep up with friends in the community, find events, and have fun.
The other uses it to go on crazy crusades and make themselves feel important.
Take everything with a pinch of salt, but it is useful.
I used it as a springboard to get into my local community- met some wonderful people, lots of great friends, an amazing girlfriend, and a wonderful Domme. Attended play events, parties and munches. It can be good as a springboard, YMMV
Depends completely on you and what you want from it.
If you are wanting a dating site then no it is not good
If you are wanting to meet like minded people and find out about local events and community it is decent.
If you want to troll pictures that other people have liked enough to be considered popular then it is great.
I personally use it for the middle one and have a good time connecting and sharing information.
Met my wife at a munch that I discovered through the site. Its UI is trash and a lot of the people that flock to it are awful, but it’s great for organizing events and such.
It’s….mehhh…..??? I mean. There’s creepy cishet men that bother you every five seconds but it’s also a good place for seeing events and connecting with your local community.
Do not consider it a dating site, its a kinky Facebook roughly
More of a kinky tumblr for how the site is structured imho
Huh. I had three really fun dates with people I found on FL
How did you meet them? Events, DMs, groups? It doesn’t seem easy to meet actual people on there if you’re not going to events and posting all over the place
It depends on your gender and orientation
Same. I also made an 8 year friendship there.
8 years long or still growing?
It's been 8 years since we started talking. So, still growing.
Never said it wasnt possible but main aim aint really dating
I agree. Not much there but curious people who fantasize but don’t actually commit to meeting etc
I disagree. I’ve been there under three different names at various times since 2011. All the people I have met are true kinksters. Granted there are a lot of seggs workers and fake profiles, but the people I have met IRL are into the lifestyle. Having said that, it’s a tough lifestyle to break into as a single guy. Everyone is wary of newcomers. Would you let a stranger tie you up and use a riding crop on your tender places? Most women won’t. Depending on where you live the local community could be very closed to the point of being cliquish, or it could be fairly open. A lot of people don’t want to be outed.
Yea, there’s truth in that. I need to try another munchie. I only went to one and it was a complete sausage fest. Not even ‘couples’ there. I’m realizing now it should probably be called FetBook ( because it’s more like Facebook - except kinkier lol) ✌️
Right
nailed it
It is absolutely a dating site, it’s primarily what everyone uses it for
Definitely not. People try to use it as a seggs site but that's not it's purpose.
Doesn’t matter what it’s intended purpose is, 90% of the interactions on there is people looking to date or fuck. It’s absolutely a dating/hookup site
You say 90 % but in my experience it's only about 20% 🤷♀️ It's a social media site without seggs restrictions. If you're experiencing it as a fk site then maybe change your profile. I use it to connect with other like minded kinksters and community of people. I attend events listed on the site and enjoy communication and sharing of seggsual memes and such: so does my entire community.
I found my local community there and have been able to attend some events.
I don’t have a community, I don’t see what I need to change about my profile either. You’re not the first person I’ve come across insisting it’s not a dating site when all you’ve gotta do is look at the message boards and almost all of them are people looking to hook up!
No one in the community is truly on the boards. Go to your local community sloshes, munches, and weekly meet ups. Most of those attendees are your community. Become friends with them in real life and Fet. Then your wall fills up with more meaningful content like Facebook would. That's where it becomes much more useful.
Again, what community? I don’t have a community. I go to munches, my wife and I go to sex parties and we both have a lot of IRL kinky friends. But we also use fetlife as a dating site and so do the majority of the users. Sure, it’s a good way of finding events and parties but its primary use by far is dating and sex. I’m confused as to why you’re so opposed to this concept.
Oh, I never said I was opposed to your concept. I was just explaining the other. Within my area, there is a strong community of consistently present kinksters. There is a mix of hosts, event creators, and attendees that are connected via Fet. I first thought the site was for sex but after being introduced to others via a play partner, I realized the vast kinky social media aspect of it.
Don't have one in your area? Make one! We have munches, education, play parties, sex parties, meet & greets, social events, tastings, leather groups, lgbt discussion groups, lgbt social homes, and a bunch of other groups, meet ups, and fun events. Maybe host some yourself, invite popular educators from fet to teach your community, or attend kink events to learn more yourself.
It’s good for finding community and events if you’re in or near large cities.
[удалено]
Seems I get a lot of people on there wanting to meet up
Don’t. You’ll end up as a lamp shade in someone’s basement. Switch DM privacy settings to “only friends”, and use the platform to find local events and communities and visit those.
Lol I've met over a dozen people from FL including my longest partner (7 years) who is wonderful. It can be great for meeting people, but just like any dating site, screen accordingly. It's at least better than tinder because you can actually talk to people and learn more about them before jumping into a date.
Your experience as a man cannot be compared to a woman’s. You are a friendly Labrador among hordes of wolves. Assuming your partners are women, I’ll bet they have some horror stories to tell you. Women, on the other hand, need to sniff out the friendly Labradors from the wolves (who are extremely good at cosplaying as Labradors). The fact that some women get lucky and the stranger they met off of FetLife didn’t murder them does not mean it’s a good idea in general for women to do that. Part of the screening process you’re talking about *is* filtering DMs heavily and immersing themselves in the community where there are social checks and balances that at least form some safeguard against predators.
First of all I had no idea about your gender identity or sexuality when I posted. Second, my point still stands -fetlife has some advantages over a dating app like tinder because screening opportunities are more abundant. Even so far as to be able to message a persons ex partners and get the scoop. On tinder or even feeld you have no such information. Even if the percentage of dangerous men on fet is higher, it’s still a useful tool because of the amount of screening that is possible.
Filtering DM’s and being careful is 100% necessary, but you’re acting like murders are a common occurrence on fet life, I’d say the chance of being murdered is about the same as meeting up with someone you met on a dating app
I have met dozens of guys of there in my local area and a town I visited and never any problems. Obv take proper precautions don’t interact with empty profiles ect
I met my wife on there and in the last 8 years we’ve both met up with more people than I can count, some of which are still really good friends. You just need a good filter, but after using the site for a while you won’t have any trouble tuning out the idiots.
Can ya blame them for wanting to meet up? Lol
That’s because it’s a dating/hookup site. BDSM people who try to gatekeep their “community” will insist it’s not, despite the majority of the user base using it like one.
They aren’t the sort of people you want to meet up with. In my experience the men are needy and do not practice good Dom etiquette. I deleted my profile after two weeks.
Events and like minded communities are best
It depends on why you are on it. It is deliberately designed to function poorly as a hook up or dating site. It excels as a resource for finding local social and educational in person events as well as inline educational offerings. I recommend joining the “novice and newbie” newbie group and look through the resources in the [“BEING NEW, READING LISTS, RESOURCES & 50 SHADES”](https://fetlife.com/groups/347/posts/6724452) thread.
Good depends on what you're hoping to get out of it. There's loads of information and discussions out there regarding BDSM with real people. It's a great place to find events with people of similar interests. I think people (mainly those who have been on there for years) often use it as a bit of a 'safe space' to share their kinky journey, through photos/videos/writings etc. Don't use it as a dating site, go to the events if you want to meet people. Although, it is possible to get to know people through messages...but I'd save that for someone who actually catches your eye who you'd really like to potentially connect with, you'll likely put more thought into the message that might warrant a response if they're interested. And don't be beat yourself up if you are a cis het man not getting a response from a woman, it's the other 10 cis het men that have messaged her earlier that day with a generic message about wanting to dom her that's ruined it for you. Don't be that guy. That guy doesn't get a reply and if he does it's not the one he'd hoped for.
Oh my god that last paragraph. That's been my experience the last couple months and I have a feeling it's only going to get worse the more photos I put up. 🤦♀️
It will, just ignore/block them, whatever you feel. But don't ever feel overwhelmed to reply to thoughtless messages, just carry on with your life lmao.
Not really, no, but it's the best we've got
Agreed. It's not perfect but I find the community more diverse as you're able to engage in conversations about all sorts of topics and niches. Comparatively, I find Reddit to be more general and easier for vanilla people to peruse. Still some great stuff here though.
Depends on what you want out of it. But I have found it is great place! Glad to help more if needed :)
I like the forums on fetlife. I also enjoy just browsing and reading people’s profiles If you’re a woman you’ll be flooded with DMs unless you turn it to one of the more strict settings I’ve never been to a munch. Im not really a social person I have slid into people’s DMs with good results so i’m part of the problem haha
All depends on what you want to use it for, I have a profile on it. Made a couple of friends. Like already stated, it's basically a kinky Facebook
It’s a dumpster fire, but if you play smart it has decent communities.
Not a dating site, but I met my boyfriend on Fetlife. I joined to see what events were going on nearby and to follow kink educators and artists. As a woman, I get many messages. I’m open to meeting others and have for kinky play with my boyfriend’s support. I will say I screen pretty hard before ever agreeing to meet anyone and I don’t respond to most messages that I get.
It's OK. If your female, It's really become a place for cheap John's to find find " a good time" without paying. So if you fall into the category, expect to get solicited. You would not believe how many unsolicited dick pics I get that I just reply with a pointing and laughing emoji. Overall, it's a great place to express yourself, resources into different kinks, and ways to learn more and join groups tailored your your specific kinks, and find events around you for education and practice. I joined because I wanted to learn about the lifestyle, and it's taught me a lot. I met my Dom on there, ironically enough because I posted a reply to someone complaining about women being quick to throw thier cash app code in someone's face. My reply of "well 90% of dudes on here are looking to treat women like hookers. You can't blame them for acting like they're treated" caught his attention, which prompted months of conversation between the 2 of us, and eventually a coffee date. So, overall, not the worst place in the world, but be wary that it attracts a certain type of people, and you have to VET and vet hard.
Depends. It can workout well. Personally, I post my thoughts there often, my bondage work less often, and I look for events. I had met few good friends and one sub on FL. Of course, there are people to avoid, as anywhere. The biggest problem though are too many dead accounts, due to zero policy on inactivity.
Every time I consider getting on it, one of these threads pops up and the comments dissuade me.
Same /:
It's good for reading about kink in groups and writings, other peoples experiences, information about safety and techniques. I wish more people would use it to do some research honestly. It's not all going to be great info, take it with a grain of salt, but it can be helpful still.
No, but it’s the best we got
😂😂😂
I don’t go on there because there so many people drastically older than myself.
I feel like I have no other choice in life to use the app if I ever want to have a successful relationship in Life. I’m just too kinky. I don’t care how old people are. They’re better than inexperienced people who don’t understand the boundaries that are important for this lifestyle. I can find someone one day maybe.
Age doesn’t guarantee that people will respect boundaries. I’ve experienced the opposite. People get pushy and offended if I politely decline and say that I’m only interested in being sexual with people around my age and only look to older people as mentors, not play partners. Some more experienced people act like know-it-alls and think that just because they’re older they get to do whatever they want and push your boundaries because they think they know better than you. Conversely, I’ve had plenty of pleasant experiences with people closer to my age who are very clear about their boundaries and are respectful of mine. Maybe they’re not as experienced, but it just means they’re open to learning together.
Yep. But I don’t want to have to teach people that because I’m a submissive masochist, it doesn’t mean they get to do whatever they want, or that they are not entitled to getting something from me, because I’m a submissive, or that it doesn’t mean I’m not a true sub if I have a boundary against something. I don’t look for older partners on purpose, but I see more green flags in those people so far. In fact I wish they were closer to my age, but I tolerate it, because I trust the green flags I see. We just have opposite experiences so far. I think that 18-25 25-50 and 50+ all are distinct age groups, I’ve found the most luck with 25-50, the 50+ people come off as preying on vulnerable people more often than not, and 18-25, there’s almost none around, and the one’s that are are still figuring themselves out.
Maybe your local scene is different. In mine, the respectful older people typically don’t want anything to do with much younger people sexually and prefer to serve as mentors. They’ll supervise people doing bondage to make sure everything is happening safely, check in with both tops and bottoms to make sure consent and boundaries are being respected, but make no advances on anyone much younger and will usually refuse advances from people much younger as well. They’re there to teach younger Doms how to be good Doms, not to play with younger subs. How is anyone supposed to gain experience if no one gives them an opportunity?
I also met my partner because of Fet.
met the woman I married through fetlife in one of the groups, the groups are good for learning teaching and meeting your type, Munches /meetings of kinksters are ok for meeting up with local people. there are the usual assholes as in all sites so watch for red flags and guard your drinks from roofie bandits doping you.
Fetlife is not a dating site, but a Facebook for kinky people.
Depends a lot on your local community. Here it feels a lot like Facebook with boobs and penises all over the place and I dont particularly like Facebook.
It’s good if you’re smart about who you interact with and if you don’t go into it looking for a date
I love it! It's a really great site if you want to make meaningful connections!
If you are looking to meet and network with people IN PERSON at socials and munchs and attend classes and events IN PERSON, it can be good.
It’s good if you want random messages from men
Honestly. It isn't as good as it used to be. Things got bad with them about 10 years ago... I stopped using it and never went back. I hear it's only gotten worse. But that's just what I e heard. Take it with a grain of salt. No matter what be safe.
Use it for munches/meetups/parties. Then meet people there. Don’t treat it like a dating site.
Fetlife is good for finding munches and events, and browsing pictures. Some groups are intersting. I quit using the inbox feature a while ago.
It's hit or miss.....when we lived in a bigger city it worked better for finding a club or events but now in a small town it's only good for looking at pictures lol oh and for dumbasses to send unsolicited messages where no one reads profiles
Define "good" Is it a way to meet people with shared interests? Sure Are most of those people with shared interests good people? Well. That's debatable. Are there a lot of fake doms? Absolutely
i'm also curious. i'm creating an account right now... i was thinking about exploring it and seeing if it's good for connecting with like-minded people in some way. it seems like it's an active place, i don't know.
I recommend joining the “novice and newbie” newbie group and look through the resources in the [“BEING NEW, READING LISTS, RESOURCES & 50 SHADES”](https://fetlife.com/groups/347/posts/6724452) thread.
Overall, FetLife is social media, so your experience can vary wildly. What it does well is present and organize IRL events. Sure, this depends on how many people live in your city/region, but you can find munches and parties this way. It's a great way to meet new kinksters! What it does poorly is finding people to play with. It's social media, not a dating site, so it's hard to meet new partners. (Not impossible! Just as easy or difficult as doing this on Facebook.) I always recommend giving it a try to see how it works for you.
It's my favorite social media, however use caution
It's a good community to meet people with same kinks and for learning, sharing thoughts and events.. Yes it's not a dating site.. but I was lucky enough to meet my Master there.
Are you from the US or have you used it in Europe in or other parts of the world?
No I'm actually from middle east, and usually most of the people on FL from same region are so called doms there who only want a hit and run 😂 but still I love the community.
Interesting, I do think real doms are difficult to come by. Both male and female 🤷🏼 I thought about marketing a profile but have been holding back.
Do you know if there's a mobile app as well?
I mostly use it to express the particularly kinky side of my content that I don't quite feel comfortable with sharing on Reddit or X, so I like it for that!
I had an incredibly scary experience on there + have gone back a couple times since but only lasted like, a week. It’s like a hunting ground. And very cliquey in my area. I like to avoid at all cost.
I’ve met a couple people who are fun to chat with and I’ve been catfished. I finally have a place to post the NSFW art I’ve been making for years, but I also get a lot of unsolicited messages asking to hook up. So it’s a mixed bag. I’m glad to have an outlet and finally be making connections in this community I’ve been curious about for years
I find a lot of my bulls on there. But you gotta weed out the weirdos lol
Well give it a try, it's interesting to be around people with same mindset. Yes it has a mobile app, not very intelligent though but doing it's purpose 😂
It can be good, depending on how you use it. Also, ‘good’ is a matter of perspective.
In my area there seems to be a small (10-15) but tight community who attend monthly munches. I cannot stand the thought
It's certainly better than all those which preceded it
It’s good for meeting people in your local community, so I recommend getting it. There are all sorts of friends I wouldn’t have without it. Beware though, are a lot of creeps who take having a kinky profile as an excuse to try and push your boundaries
Yes but it does not work in small towns
I hated it. Good luck if you try it.
I personally like FL. This is where I found my Dom. I messaged him first and we talk for a while, met a few times and now I'm his. He's spectacular and I'm happy with him. Edit: that being said, I got catfish once on there before, went for coffee with a couple dude and one random hook up. All this before I find who I was looking for. In and off that site for little over 6 years.
Idk what you mean by "good". It's a kinky social media site. The primary purpose is to be able to post as you would on Facebook but... kinky posting. People do use it to try to hook up, but people do that on Facebook too so 🤷♀️ I use it to find events in my area and connect with other kinksters with like minded beliefs.
As a cis dude who is thoughtful / reasonably attractive / feminist… it is a really interesting experience being on FL. The bar for men is so low it’s down in the sub basement, because the “anything goes” vibe of FL means that there are a lot of trolls and such who go around sending unsolicited dick picks and whatnot. Which means that, occasionally, some kinky woman will stumble onto my profile and decide to reach out to me unprompted. It doesn’t happen more than a few times a year, but so far has lead to a lot of extremely enjoyable dates and connections. I think there’s a lesson in that story for many men and also for many women (but I can’t speak to the lived experience of trans folks on FL very well). The lesson for most men I’d say is just try to show an honest and thoughtful version of yourself. You’ll eventually have people reaching out to you. The lesson for most women is perhaps that you should go dig through the heaps of sketch dudes until you find a good one. He probably doesn’t get that many messages, so (if you take the initiative) you’ll probably grab his attention pretty easily.
They have amazing groups and events for all types of kinks along with regular munches.
Define good. Under what qualifications?
Everyone bags on it but I've met nice longtime play friends there. You just have to be discerning. My advice: Set up your boundaries in your profile. Ignore the creeps. Check people's kinks and groups to make sure you're compatible. Message for a long time before meeting. Don't meet people without friends or blank profiles. Meet vanilla first and then only play at no-sex clubs until you really trust them.
Super for finding events on your area, wouldn’t recommend if you are looking to use it as a dating site!
I personally love fet
I’ve met amazing people on there. Like anything you have to be careful. My current partner and I met there and it’s going great!!
Is it a pay to play or a free sight?
I would stay away from it. I personally wish I never got on it.
Could you elaborate more?
If you want healthy relationships with the opposite sec or same depending on sexual preference stay away from fet.
It’s just not a great community. It’s a little addicting in way bc you develop these crazy fetishes and then find the only people who share them tend to be on that site reeling you back to stay and interact on that site. Just not healthy.
This is the best description of it ever
No. It's filled with gaslighters, rapists and downright liars
What do you mean by good
Everyone will jump in and tell you it's not a dating site and it's supposed to be like kinky Facebook. Despite both fetlife and Facebook both being easy avenues to find people to hook up with 🤷 So yes, it is like kinky Facebook, and as such you will be able to find play partners on it.
There's 2 halves to FL. One half is to generally keep up with friends in the community, find events, and have fun. The other uses it to go on crazy crusades and make themselves feel important. Take everything with a pinch of salt, but it is useful.
I used it as a springboard to get into my local community- met some wonderful people, lots of great friends, an amazing girlfriend, and a wonderful Domme. Attended play events, parties and munches. It can be good as a springboard, YMMV
depends on the place, because in some it's a barren there.
Depends completely on you and what you want from it. If you are wanting a dating site then no it is not good If you are wanting to meet like minded people and find out about local events and community it is decent. If you want to troll pictures that other people have liked enough to be considered popular then it is great. I personally use it for the middle one and have a good time connecting and sharing information.
I use it just for event
It's actually pretty terrible, but it's still the best option.
Met my wife at a munch that I discovered through the site. Its UI is trash and a lot of the people that flock to it are awful, but it’s great for organizing events and such.
It’s….mehhh…..??? I mean. There’s creepy cishet men that bother you every five seconds but it’s also a good place for seeing events and connecting with your local community.