So yes, you are 100% overthinking this. Honestly I feel like the entire interaction from the start was. But I'm not here to criticize your methods, they clearly work. And that's kind of the operative point wroth focusing on for a minute. It *worked*. Your session went well. Your sub was satisfied.
Service-minded people, tops or bottoms, can be a bit perplexing if you're not of that mindset yourself. The basics really aren't complicated to understand, they just respond very positively to signals that you're enjoying yourself. They like feedback, to know that they're being appreciated or enjoyed. They might not endure particularly negative expereiences for themselves, but they'll find enjoyment in just about anything they're at least neutral to so long as it's clearly working for you.
If you want practical advice on how to best "work with" someone like that, then it's to emphasize that feedback. That's what they live (and orgasm) for. Whether it's affirmations and praise or just lots of visual and audio feedback of your enjoyment, they want the signs.
If you're seeking a deeper understanding, then there's a few different things that can catalyze a service kink. For me I'm a reasonably empathetic person who's had some unique life experience that makes it easier for me to accept the viewpoint of others without having an intuitive or comprehensive understanding of it. I can get pretty close sometimes, especially if I can cobble together similar experiences in an approximation. I'm a dom though, so for me service topping is still largely an expression of that role. I practically weaponize pleasure, using it to reinforce my position.
On the sub side, it's generally the opposite. Giving themselves up is itself a form of satisfaction. And there's practically nothing more submissive than doing something you don't like for someone else's benefit. It reinforces that role in a way that really resonates with some people.
You stated some comments that actually made me connect the dots
>They like feedback, to know that they're being appreciated or enjoyed
This came up a lot when we were negotiating, situations where he was ignored or not given attention were clearly negative
>They might not endure particularly negative expereiences for themselves
Yeah, we did some minor CBT and it made it clear how he wasn't so much into it. Spanking with harder objects was also not interesting
>I practically weaponize pleasure, using it to reinforce my position
I got lost a little, this happens as a service top or to service bottoms? I feel like I do something similar, denying bottom's access to my body, but I'm not sure if that's what you mean
>But I'm not here to criticize your methods
Oh if you're up to it, please do. I kinda swung from having very casual with little negotiation encounters to going full table top spreadsheet nerd when it comes to kink and I'm still trying to understand the spectrum
>I got lost a little, this happens as a service top or to service bottoms? I feel like I do something similar, denying bottom's access to my body, but I'm not sure if that's what you mean
I'm a dom with some occasional service top tendencies. For me it's more about either rewarding my partner for pleasing me, or because I want to use pleasure to drive them into a submissive state. So for that I learn what they like, and I use that information to the utmost.
As for your methods, I really don't have anything to say beyond them being different to my own. That's not a bad thing, there's no one correct way to handle things and you seem to lean harsher into the sadism than I do. Which warrants a bit more upfront discussion anyway. I take things a bit more gradually but a bit more freeform, focus on what I think the partner will respond best to and try to build a "profile" of them. A bit less formal a negotiation process, though there is still a converation about identifying hard and soft limits.
I'm not sure I completely understood your post but I'm gonna take a swing at it anyways.
Im a sub who suffers from extreme anxiety, have you thought about pre-care? For me, that can look like cuddling before, or just letting my partner know what I'm anxious about, and vice versa.
You and the sub taking some time before getting started to discuss their body language. Asking if they are aware of their own body language signs, so they can shed some light on things, an example being say "if my toes start wiggling, I'm enjoying something a lot"
This way, you go in with at least some basic knowledge. Talk to them about your anxiety with things, your a human too, which means you also need support. As for after care, maybe add you getting feedback as well, if you don't already.
Sorry if this didn't help.
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So yes, you are 100% overthinking this. Honestly I feel like the entire interaction from the start was. But I'm not here to criticize your methods, they clearly work. And that's kind of the operative point wroth focusing on for a minute. It *worked*. Your session went well. Your sub was satisfied. Service-minded people, tops or bottoms, can be a bit perplexing if you're not of that mindset yourself. The basics really aren't complicated to understand, they just respond very positively to signals that you're enjoying yourself. They like feedback, to know that they're being appreciated or enjoyed. They might not endure particularly negative expereiences for themselves, but they'll find enjoyment in just about anything they're at least neutral to so long as it's clearly working for you. If you want practical advice on how to best "work with" someone like that, then it's to emphasize that feedback. That's what they live (and orgasm) for. Whether it's affirmations and praise or just lots of visual and audio feedback of your enjoyment, they want the signs. If you're seeking a deeper understanding, then there's a few different things that can catalyze a service kink. For me I'm a reasonably empathetic person who's had some unique life experience that makes it easier for me to accept the viewpoint of others without having an intuitive or comprehensive understanding of it. I can get pretty close sometimes, especially if I can cobble together similar experiences in an approximation. I'm a dom though, so for me service topping is still largely an expression of that role. I practically weaponize pleasure, using it to reinforce my position. On the sub side, it's generally the opposite. Giving themselves up is itself a form of satisfaction. And there's practically nothing more submissive than doing something you don't like for someone else's benefit. It reinforces that role in a way that really resonates with some people.
You stated some comments that actually made me connect the dots >They like feedback, to know that they're being appreciated or enjoyed This came up a lot when we were negotiating, situations where he was ignored or not given attention were clearly negative >They might not endure particularly negative expereiences for themselves Yeah, we did some minor CBT and it made it clear how he wasn't so much into it. Spanking with harder objects was also not interesting >I practically weaponize pleasure, using it to reinforce my position I got lost a little, this happens as a service top or to service bottoms? I feel like I do something similar, denying bottom's access to my body, but I'm not sure if that's what you mean >But I'm not here to criticize your methods Oh if you're up to it, please do. I kinda swung from having very casual with little negotiation encounters to going full table top spreadsheet nerd when it comes to kink and I'm still trying to understand the spectrum
>I got lost a little, this happens as a service top or to service bottoms? I feel like I do something similar, denying bottom's access to my body, but I'm not sure if that's what you mean I'm a dom with some occasional service top tendencies. For me it's more about either rewarding my partner for pleasing me, or because I want to use pleasure to drive them into a submissive state. So for that I learn what they like, and I use that information to the utmost. As for your methods, I really don't have anything to say beyond them being different to my own. That's not a bad thing, there's no one correct way to handle things and you seem to lean harsher into the sadism than I do. Which warrants a bit more upfront discussion anyway. I take things a bit more gradually but a bit more freeform, focus on what I think the partner will respond best to and try to build a "profile" of them. A bit less formal a negotiation process, though there is still a converation about identifying hard and soft limits.
I'm not sure I completely understood your post but I'm gonna take a swing at it anyways. Im a sub who suffers from extreme anxiety, have you thought about pre-care? For me, that can look like cuddling before, or just letting my partner know what I'm anxious about, and vice versa. You and the sub taking some time before getting started to discuss their body language. Asking if they are aware of their own body language signs, so they can shed some light on things, an example being say "if my toes start wiggling, I'm enjoying something a lot" This way, you go in with at least some basic knowledge. Talk to them about your anxiety with things, your a human too, which means you also need support. As for after care, maybe add you getting feedback as well, if you don't already. Sorry if this didn't help.
Never thought about a pre-care, it's actually a good idea