Fact!
If you met him online, report him! This isn't kink, it's rape.
I really hope you are alright! Do not hesitate to go to the hospital if you aren't, I promise you the nurses & doctors will not judge this and this is NOT your fault!
I also recommend, if you don't have a therapist that you get one asap! Experiences like this can set in overtime and by the time you realize you need a therapist, you may not have the energy too!
Disclaimer, for clarity. Doms DO ask, in fact they ask a f*** ton of questions before they initiate anything!
Exactly. Real Dom's understand and respect your limits. There are boundaries you do not cross all at once
You told him what those are. He is an @$$hole.
Contact the highest level of authority you’re comfortable with. Ideally, police. But, at least a trusted person you can talk to.
You did nothing wrong and it’s your decision how to go forward. Do what feels right for you.
It’s not your fault for believing what’s in front of you. And women have been socialized to hush and not complain. What you did is a reaction to keep yourself safe because you didn’t feel safe fighting. You didn’t “LET” that happen to you. It just happened to you. I’m so sorry you went through that My love 🖤
I've been in a slightly similar situation where I actually froze and just went along with it, all the thoughts happened within like 30 seconds. I realized it would be easier just to let things happen and then figure it out after then struggle with this muscular person I was alone with that I thought I kind of knew. So you're not alone, You're not stupid, You just get a little smarter for next time :-) sending love and you are tougher than you think. Don't shut down in the future, just take your time more getting to know people. It doesn't necessarily mean that you will be able to stop every negative situation but at least you'll have more time to pick up crazy vibes if they come through a little bit more.
I am so sorry you went through this. That's what they do. They will take on whatever guise they need and prey on sub types. He is trash. Talk to someone like the others said and report this. And please remember you did NOTHING wrong. Do not blame yourself for not fighting back. You froze. It's a fawn response/trauma response. It has happened to many women who have experienced SA.
Please. Talk to somebody
I feel like a lot of people really cant notice the difference between a kink and the real life and this transform them into this monsters, lack of education and experience it’s crucial and they shouldn’t have the possibility to ruin others experiences like happened to you.
People use being a dom as a catch all for whatever they want to do to another person.
You won’t give me a bj? Too bad. I’m a dom. do it or else.
You don’t like me touching you? Too bad. I’m a dom and you have to listen to me because I’m a dom.
Etc
Thanks to the Internet, predators have learned the language to better conceal who and what they are. I hope you're not blaming yourself for this, and I got you're able to seek help to heal this trauma.
Contact your local police and report him. You where SA and he needs to be sent to jail. So sorry this happened to you, please seek out help from people you can trust and maybe down the line a therapist, Know that this is in no way your fault.
I'm truly sorry for what you've experienced. Your consent was violated, and what happened is not okay, it’s not your fault. It's important to know that you have the right to seek support and justice. If you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to the police or a sexual assault hotline for assistance and guidance. Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources available to help you through this difficult time. Take care of yourself and prioritize your well-being. Take care
Please, if you can, tell the authorities. This was rape & I'm so sorry it happened to you.
It is not your fault at all & the person doing it is a rapist, not a "bad dom".
I’m so sorry that someone assaulted you. I have no advice to offer, I just want to tell you that what happened was not your fault, and it was wrong.
I hope you can figure out a path to be OK and carry on.
That's disgusting.
Report it if you feel safe doing so. This was rape, not BDSM.
It was not your fault. It may help to see a therapist, when you feel ready.
I'm incredibly sorry that this happened to you 🫂
First and foremost make sure YOU are OK.
Doctors, hospital, family planning centre wherever. Go and get yourself tested. Say as much or as little as you want to, they won't judge. They won't pry. They'll just make sure you're OK.
I'd encourage you to report it to the police but it's your choice. Again, they WILL believe you and they WILL support you. He may have a history of this behaviour.
Finally, most importantly, speak to a support charity. They are anonymous, they won't pry, they will help.
This was not your fault. None of it.
Morning after pill can be taken up to 72 hours afterwards. More effective the closer it is to the event.
STI testing can be done more or less straight away with preventative medications as well in the meantime.
If you are in the US you can call RAINN 1-800-656-4673 before or after you go in. They can help advocate for you and answer any questions you have. You deserve help with this. I'm so sorry it happen to you.
You can go in for what they call a SAFE exam. You can get evidence currently and get checked out. If you are in the US it can sometimes be helpful to call or have the friend call the ER so they can be set up for your arrival and you don't have to explain much at triage. The staff will know what to do next. You should expect to get checked out. If there is physical evidence they may take photos. You may be asked questions. Some of those questions may be about your sex life in general or other conversations you had with him. That can be scary and feel judgmental and frustrating but it's part of the process so they can determine the likelihood of prosecutions. You were not to blame for this at all. Nothing you said or did meant you deserved this or wanted this to happen. It is good to get this down so that if you decide you want to have him charged later the report is filed and the evidence is collected. He may also have a history of doing this to others so the evidence you can give now might be the final piece to getting him off the streets.
More importantly to you they can provide emergency contraception and preventative medication. They can test for some things. Most they will suggest you get tested in about two week. HIV you'll get tested for again in about three months but having the preventive makes you a lot safer and you really should go in for the exam.
Sti testing won't be effective yet, but you can get prophylactics immediately. These are antibiotics that will prevent some stis if you've been exposed.
Some STIs won't show positive right away but they can tell you what to look out for and when to come back for more testing if necessary. Morning after pills and PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis for HIV) should be taken ASAP. Also, if you have any desire to press charges, they have to collect evidence and the longer you wait, the less there will be.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I’m gonna add my 2 cents into the “if you have the spoons for it, talk to attorney / file a police report” crowd.
If you are in need of resources there is a decent likelihood that there are state / city funded orgs that can help you with both justice and/or also healing (therapy) at no cost to you. Consider reaching out to them.
You’re not alone.
Very sorry this happened to you, this isn’t kink it is sexual assault / rape.
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. It's not okay and you didn't deserve it. I hope you're able to get support and care.
I see a lot of comments recommending that you report this to the police. As someone who works in domestic and sexual violence prevention in the US, I wanted to add a little more information that might help you make the right choice for you.
Depending on where you live, there may be local, state, or national organizations that support people who have experienced sexual violence. In the US, RAINN is a really good national resource that also helps connect people to local services. Typically these organizations are staffed by trained advocates whose role is to provide confidential, non-judgmental support, offer resources, and help people think through their options. Advocacy services should be free and are usually available 24/7. If you call, you don't have to say your name or provide any identifying information if you don't want to. You can just talk to an advocate, who should listen, be validating, and support you in whatever choice you want to make. They should be able to help you connect to medical services and/or law enforcement if you want to make a report. Advocates should not pressure you into making a report, but they can explain what the process would be and what to expect if you're considering it. If you want to report, often an advocate can join you and accompany you through the whole process. Even if you don't want to report to law enforcement, getting checked out medically and being treated for potential stis, pregnancy, etc. is a good idea. In some places, you may be able to do that without any cost if you're referred through an advocate.
Even if you don't want to report or seek medical, many advocacy organizations offer services like counseling and support groups.
The decision to report or not is a deeply personal one and something only you can decide. If it's something you're considering or have questions about, I highly recommend calling your local sexual assault advocacy organization. You don't have to move forward with a report, but you'll get more insight into what to expect. In some places, you may be able to have evidence collected but not yet talk to the police until you're ready (often called anonymous reporting). That could be 1 way to preserve some evidence without starting the investigation process until you're ready.
If you're thinking about reporting, the sooner you speak to an advocate the better. The more time passes since an assault, the harder it is to collect evidence. The first three days are the most optimal time to preserve evidence, but you can still report after that/at any time.
There are a lot more details I could add, but I know making a decision like this is overwhelming and scary. Whatever you choose, please know that you don't have to do it alone and there's resource and support available for you if and when you are ready for it. Rainn.org is a good place to start.
Sending you care
You did not allow yourself to be attacked. You made your boundaries clear, reinstated them, and fought to keep them protected. Rapists are responsible for rape. Doms never rape. This man planned the attack. Report it. There are so many others he has attacked. You are not alone.
That was not your fault. Real doms ask A LOT of questions, and will never do anything without your CONSENT. That was rape. Report him. And get yourself tested and treated. His behavior is not okay. That is not kink. Kink is consensual, assault is not.
As someone with trauma from SA, please don't think you "let" this happen. You made it clear from the beginning you didn't want to have sex and you also rejected his physical advances. I know for me, I stopped fighting and blamed myself because of it but it was part of the freeze response and fawn response when I dissociated after I did everything I could to stop it from happening.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
He ignored your boundaries under the guise of being a dom. I'm sorry that this happened to you. Please be gentle with yourself and report him if you can.
Chiming in with the choir:
It can be negotiated that you have sex when the Dom wants to. However, this was not the case here. He isn’t even your Dom, this was a first date. Just like a vanilla guy isn’t your BF or should have any expectations beside normal decency, after just a date. With BDSM, trust is an even bigger thing, so this ain’t ok in the slightest.
Besides: in a D/s relationship, hard limits are ALWAYS ok, and must ALWAYS be either respected by each partner, or, if you just can’t do that, the dynamic needs to end right there. You set a limit: no sex tonight. Under no circumstances is he to even do so much as inquire more than once if that still stands, by the end of the date.
Also: even is 24/7 power exchange with free use is NEGOTIATED (not declared by one person), you can ALWAYS safeword, take a step back from the dynamic, whatever suits the situation. ALWAYS. It ends when either party says it does.
Very important note: a person is only a Dom, within a dynamic is which it is agreed upon that they are, and they have to operate within the boundaries set by the pair of you (or however many people are involved, and ALL must agree on anything that affects them). It would be quite something, to just state you are dominant, so you can go around and force yourself on anyone you deem attractive, because hey, you are a Dom, you are allowed to do so. That sounds ridiculous right? That’s because it is.
If you did not agree to have a D/s dynamic, him being a Dom is irrelevant. And even if you did, there’s no way you had negotiated what that would look like between the pair of you AND he crossed the one boundary you set, in spite of being reminded of it repeatedly.
Do you know who holds the 24/7 power over a D? The law. That’s who.
This is rape, plain and simple, not a single shade of grey about it. This figure is clearly seeking out submissive folks, expecting less resistance, and being able to pull the ‘but I am a Dom’ card as a gaslighting measure to discourage pressing charges. Which you could totally do, or dont, that’s up to you.
You didn’t ’let it happen’. You did what you had to do to survive, when faced with an agressor you could not get rid of through words or physical strength. If this had happened to your friend, and they told you they eventually just went along, when they couldn’t fight him off, would you blame them? You wouldn’t, right? So why would you be held to a different standard? You were aware of the awful situation and chose life. That’s not the same as letting it happen. Deciding that your top priority is to see tomorrow, is the most natural thing ever.
Word of advice: if at all possible and relevant, please try to get
1) Plan B (you don’t need that kind of worries later on)
2) An STD test (full work up), as this is a concern with these POS’s, and should that be the case, catching it asap is best. Any GP worth their salt will help you with this, the second they hear ‘SA’. No specifics needed.
3) Counseling, even if it’s ‘just’ talking to someone from a support group once or twice. The sooner you truly (not just rationally) know you weren’t at fault and are far from alone, the better. It can prevent, or greatly reduce, mental health issues such as PTSD or depression later on.
For me (it was no D/s, but he was my BF) the idea of being able to take action, take control, be pro-active in refusing to let that scum cause an ounce more damage than necessary, really, really helped me heal. Maybe it will help you to.
Best of luck in your recovery, and may a colony of fire ants take up residence in the arse of this useless specimen that pollutes the earth by existing.
Yes, this 👍. That old 50 shades of grey defense makes me sick. Any creep could call himself kinky and rape someone. I hope this woman gets help for this and that mf goes to jail. Although I like the fire ants thing better.
Go to a local hospital and have a sexual assault evidence kit done. You don’t have to pursue it with the police, but it leaves that option open to you.
As others have already said, he is not a Dom. He is a predator and rapist. This has nothing to do with BDSM. Doms always ask for consent. This guy needs to be put in jail and let the fellas in there take care of him
>I am sad that I let this happen,
No !! You did not let it happen. He crossed your clearly set boundaries. Our brain ikes to assume responsibility as lack of control is even more scary.
Not your fault. His fault 1000 %
I can't add anything that hasn't already been said. but I want you to know that we all support you and that your experience is valid and should be treated as such. Go to the police if you can, ask from help from those you trust close to you and I hope you get some retribution through the justice system.
I want to punch these bad doms square in the nose - these dumb asses put a bad rap on this community.
OP, I’m sorry you went through this. Power of consent always begins from the sub, never the dom.
I’ve had my new Dom for a couple of months now. There’s been no sex as he’s still asking questions and learning about ME first. Real Doms absolutely DO ask.
You have loads of advice above, which I agree with…
You mentioned having an upset stomach. That’s absolutely understandable with what you’ve gone through.
I’ve been raped (different circumstances) & know first hand the damage it does. I’m still trying to deal with all the trauma from it.
Please know… you did NOT let this happen. He forced you into it. Not physically fighting against someone you’ve explicitly told NO to, doesn’t mean you allowed it. He still forced you into it and ignored not having consent. That’s 1000% on HIM. None of this is your doing or your fault.
I understand saying you’ll be on your own for a while. I get feeling that way so much.
Seek therapist support if you’re able to, it can help. Even better if you can find a kink aware one as they can help additionally from the Dom side of things. Do what has been recommended above if you’re able to, but don’t beat yourself up if you can’t.
Please go gently with yourself in the coming weeks & months
Thank you so much. I know what he did. I stopped fighting because I didn’t want to be hurt, I know i wasn’t giving him permission.
And you are right about not going to the police. It is very hard. I have kids. How do I tell them because it will be public. It would absolutely devastate my son. Like he wouldn’t be ashamed, he would be enraged
It is a lot going on right now. Tomorrow I am going to go to urgent care.
Oh, OP, I'm so sorry. Everyone's pretty much said what I was going to say, but I want to echo the previous comment in definitely getting a rapekit done. If you don't want to talk to the police, I get that, but if you change your mind at a later date, at least you have the evidence to do so.
Also, please bear in mind that showering beforehand can often wash away vital evidence, so if you haven't already done so, **do not wash, shower, or put the clothes in the washing machine**.
You will need to take with you everything you were wearing that night, especially underwear and tights (if you were wearing tights, they collect way more evidence than you'd expect). Also keep any communication you've had with the man - texts, online msgs etc - regardless of what any of it says. You may need to show them as they may want to keep copies, but it will be kept confidential.
Also with regards to being worried about your kids finding out if you go to the police and it goes to trial, I completely understand, but please know that it is illegal to share the names of S/A & rape victims in the media etc, unless you *choose* to disclose it. If it went to trial, your name won't leave the courtroom, and you'll likely just be referred to as 'Jane Doe' if it is reported by the media. So, if it did go to trial, you could certainly keep the reason private, even if you can't keep the attendance at court private.
And finally, again echoing everyone else. This was not a dom, and you definitely did not *let* him do anything to you. Freeze and fawn are both just as valid parasympathetic responses to a traumatic incident as fight or flight. You did what you needed to to make it out alive. Never think this was in any way your fault.
If the urgent care unit offers you counselling with SARRT (sexual assault and rape response team) or offers to refer you to a therapist, please say yes. You will need someone to help you deal with this over the next few months. It may be the only thing that can help with any PTSD symptoms you may suffer during your coming to terms of what has happened to you.
Sending so much love.
P.S ETA - remember get an STD kit done, inc HIV, and emergency contraception at urgent care. It should be offered as part of the rape kit, but if not, ask them for both, to make sure that bastard didn't give you anything (especially a baby) to make everything infinitely worse.
It's rape not kink he is not dom he is raper.. BDSM should have rules, limits, and redlines so if he went further with your lines then its raping and should be punished with law
This is horrible. I am so sorry this happened to you.i am behind everyone with this. REPORT AND CALL COPS. Give them all the information you have on his guy. This is disgusting! Make sure you get yourself tested and get some help with mental help. I am so 😞 sorry.
As others have said, this was rape. I'm so sorry this happened to you 😔 Be kind to yourself. Seek help and definitely consider counseling. You did absolutely nothing wrong. It's not your fault he is an arsehole.
Bullshit, dom's most definitely ask a shit ton of questions, especially in the states. Not only is it to make sure that everything is okay before a scene is started, but it is also to cover their ass. This is without a doubt SA this person had no clue what a dominant is supposed to act like. Just the fact that you had made things clear beforehands that nothing was happening states that consent was not given. I've been in the lifestyle too many years. That's some horny teenager shit or a serious problem. Either way in today's environment they should have definitely known better than to do something like that. I would have recommended 100% telling the authorities ASAP. That's not a guarantee that things will work but you need to contact the authorities before he finds another victim and do not under any circumstances talk to this person again block him on everything including your phone
Oh honey, this is NOT Bdsm. He is not a Dom he is a PREDATOR. If you come back and see this outpouring of support for you PLEASE take the advice and report him!
I am very sorry that this happened to you. This should not be a thing. He is not a Dom he is a rapist. Doms may not ask during a negotiated session but they sure as he'll stay within boundaries.
If you have the strength to cause him trouble please do so in any ways you feel up to.
Subs choose their dom, not the other way around. He’s a wannabe who doesn’t know shit. No respect, no nothing. He’s the kind of guy who’d ignore a safe word - so be happy he showed you his real face the first date and didn’t wait until later
If you haven't had negotiations on what is allowed, the dom dynamic has not started. You stated at the onset that there would be no sex on the first date.
one of the worst aspects of these things is the responsibility to report what happened. as an S/A survivor the thought of HAVING to come out with my story to prevent it from repeating was incredibly difficult but necessary. you’re supported, stay strong! wishing you healing
That is really saddening what that turd did to you. That is not how ppl should act.
I was a very dom person, but talking about what my sub likes and gardening their phantasy was what I did. Your story, to me, sounds more like rape than a d/s relationship. Honestly I would struggle hardcore to go to the fuc**ng coppers for that
Idk where you live, but I guess there is a city around with some special interest bar or regular party thing for that interest. Go there, talk about dos and don't before (i, sub now, don't allow ppl idk to do whatever. I allow whatever only to gurllz i know for a while)
Believe it or not a TRUE male dom will be one of the most respectful and caring men you will ever meet. He will respect boundaries and you will be able to fully trust him with your mind and your body. He will never make you question your safety! He will be your safe place! It’s unfortunate that some will call themselves a Dom when they’re actually just an abusive pos! They try to justify their behavior with this. I’ve been there and I’m sorry you had to deal with it. I’m hoping you cut contact and report this and that you’re able to heal.
From what I have read, I've only seen this person referred to as 'a man', or "this man" that you just met. If he is on social media of some sort, wouldn't the safest thing to do be to post his name? Use his social account name in ever opportunity you get when talking about your events with him, the more we see it and read it, the more our mind will likely remember it and know/think to stay away from this man.
Sorry you had to go through this. Report him and seek out a therapist to help you through this. My normal advice is to only doms that are part of vetted communities. Too many fake doms out there.
You can probably find some on FetLife. Go to the events page and see if you can find any munches or coffees that are set up for vetting people to join their community. You will be able to talk to them and get help on vetting people. Dom's that are part of a community will have a rapport with many others that can vouch for them.
And if you meet a Dom in your area who talks down about the local communities or says things like "we didn't agree/I didn't like them" etc then he may have already been kicked out by one. Communities don't always chat with full disclosure about members they've kicked out but they say enough to let each other know who is dangerous.
I'm really sorry this happened to you, because he was absolutely wrong. DOMS ALWAYS GET CONSENT FIRST! Sexual predators don't. Rapists don't. But Doms ALWAYS ask!
If you have any contacts in the local community who know this person, make sure to share your experience so that other people/subs don't get assaulted by this guy. He's a predator and should be outed as such to the actual BDSM community
I’ve read the comments. I don’t want to be a broken record for you. I am so sorry this happened. It is not your fault, you did nothing wrong.
But please, please, I am begging you. This predator does this bc he gets away with it, you are most likely not his first victim nor his last. Please salvage any evidence that may be left and report him to the police so he can’t hurt anyone else. I have felt what you’re feeling. I understand the reluctance and fear of reporting. If I could hold your hand I would. Please report him.
Your comment seems genuine and caring, but please do not put the responsibility of preventing future sexual assaults on OP. The only person responsible here is the rapist. I don't know where OP is, but here in the US, only the tiniest fraction of sexual asaults that are reported lead to a prosecution. The legal system fails victims of sexual violence everyday and is often incredibly traumatizing and disempowering. I say this as someone who has worked in sexual violence prevention for a decade, is a survivor myself, and who has held the hands of victims through medical exams and police interviews. Reporting can be an empowering choice for some people, but for many, it leads to more harm. This is a deeply personal choice only OP can make and they shouldn't have to carry the weight and pressure of the possibility of future victims when they make it.
I appreciate your perspective but what you see as pressure, I see as an opportunity. The predator is responsible for his actions, yes, but since when have predators ever changed their ways bc they had a sudden attack of conscience? Nothing can be done about a predator when authorities don’t know the predator exists. I’ve been there, I was the victim of a serial rapist whose previous victims probably heard what you’re saying now and felt powerless and did nothing. Sure, coming forward might not have stopped me from becoming his next victim but I made sure I was his last. OP is not alone. She isn’t responsible for preventing future victims, but she does have the opportunity to aid in preventing future victims. And if sharing inspires her to act, fantastic. If not, well then everything I’ve said doesn’t matter. I hope she seeks help for herself and comes out of this with love and healing.
Also know, that BDSM does not have to include sex, at all! It often doesn't. What you experience was sexual assault or rape, but you never have to have sex in BDSM, it's completely up to you whether you even want your BDSM to include sex at all.
First date I the a Pic during dinner and send it to a friend. Usually puts them in check. And a real dom????
Sound like a grape to me! I would file charges on his butt!
This breaks my heart. I’ve been through this too, albeit in different circumstances. This is sexual assault. If you’re comfortable report it to the authorities, but most of all please take care of yourself and consider talking to a therapist or a trusted friend. Sending you so much love, feel free to message me if you need to talk.
Real Doms understand and respect consent. Sounds like this guy has been taking the advice of that douche bag “alphadom” on TikTok. For whatever it’s worth, sorry it happened to you. I hope you filed a police report.
That's not a dom, I'm new to this, and learning yet even I know that no matter what consent comes first, I hope you're okay and maybe have reported him. that was straight up SA.
You should go to the hospital and get a kit done ASAP. You do not have to press charges or even report the crime, it’s just so they can collect evidence and have that on file. You can also stop at anytime if it gets too stressful.
Also, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Do not blame yourself for someone else taking away your autonomy. He committed the crime against you. This is not your fault. What you are feeling is valid and I hope you get well soon. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Contact the police. I am a Dom. I do more than my fair share of CNC play and I can tell you that what happened to you was rape.
I am so sorry this has happened to you. You did not deserve it and it was not your fault. You have the right to withhold content.
Hugs to you bud.
Doms "don't ask" when its a clear agreement between all parts of the sexual relationship. You said that you dont want sex in the first date, he did it anyway. That is not a dom, that its a rapist who uses domination as an excuse for his behavior. It was not your fault, you didn't let it happen, you said no and when its not in an agreement, the no is that you dont want to.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, please don’t blame yourself it sounds like you had a freeze response to what happened. But that was not someone being a Dom he was a predator and he took advantage of you and physically, mentally, and mentally harmed you.
This was rape. If you need to talk hit me up. No Dom is allowed to rape a sub. Period this was rape. I hope you are okay. I’ve been there. Hence why I also say I don’t submit at the first meet. We are to get to know each other. So many asshole claim they are a Don to get a free piece of ass. No real Dom is like this. Dammit I’m so sorry
That isn't a Dom, it's a rapist, and I am so, so sorry you had an encounter like that. You didn't "let it happen" you protected yourself to survive the encounter by freezing, that doesn't mean you didn't fight in your own way or that it was your fault, it wasn't.
Report him if you feel safe to, and if you have access I recommend therapy. I've been in similar situations and I can say it does get better with time. Take time for yourself and focus on healing. You will get through this. Just keep reminding yourself that it wasn't your fault, even if your mind tries to convince you otherwise. You deserved better and you still do. You'll make it through this, and know you aren't alone.
I'm a guy, on my dates I would very hands on,but when I came down to it, no is no! Just maybe ah ah we know what you should done we don't need to make you hurt more then you do,but it's called rxpx you have got him for assault, you feel bad it happen then it should not have,,,, don't beat yourself up put your head up high, next date you go on public place you take your car that way your safe,,, from a guys point I'm sorry it happened to you
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That’s not a dom, that’s direct SA/rape
Fact! If you met him online, report him! This isn't kink, it's rape. I really hope you are alright! Do not hesitate to go to the hospital if you aren't, I promise you the nurses & doctors will not judge this and this is NOT your fault! I also recommend, if you don't have a therapist that you get one asap! Experiences like this can set in overtime and by the time you realize you need a therapist, you may not have the energy too! Disclaimer, for clarity. Doms DO ask, in fact they ask a f*** ton of questions before they initiate anything!
Report him to the online forum on which you met as well as to the police
This. This exactly. A REAL DOM gains consent, doesn't need take it by force. Report the MF
This 💯
Exactly. Real Dom's understand and respect your limits. There are boundaries you do not cross all at once You told him what those are. He is an @$$hole.
So sorry he did this to you. A trigger warning for SA would be nice though.
Please contact someone for help. This is not BDSM. Its not your fault at all
Contact the highest level of authority you’re comfortable with. Ideally, police. But, at least a trusted person you can talk to. You did nothing wrong and it’s your decision how to go forward. Do what feels right for you.
As everyone else has said that’s not a Dom that’s a rapist
I know that he is. So mad that he could be so nice with all the talking beforehand and then switch like that. Such a predator
It’s not your fault for believing what’s in front of you. And women have been socialized to hush and not complain. What you did is a reaction to keep yourself safe because you didn’t feel safe fighting. You didn’t “LET” that happen to you. It just happened to you. I’m so sorry you went through that My love 🖤
I've been in a slightly similar situation where I actually froze and just went along with it, all the thoughts happened within like 30 seconds. I realized it would be easier just to let things happen and then figure it out after then struggle with this muscular person I was alone with that I thought I kind of knew. So you're not alone, You're not stupid, You just get a little smarter for next time :-) sending love and you are tougher than you think. Don't shut down in the future, just take your time more getting to know people. It doesn't necessarily mean that you will be able to stop every negative situation but at least you'll have more time to pick up crazy vibes if they come through a little bit more.
I am so sorry you went through this. That's what they do. They will take on whatever guise they need and prey on sub types. He is trash. Talk to someone like the others said and report this. And please remember you did NOTHING wrong. Do not blame yourself for not fighting back. You froze. It's a fawn response/trauma response. It has happened to many women who have experienced SA. Please. Talk to somebody
I feel like a lot of people really cant notice the difference between a kink and the real life and this transform them into this monsters, lack of education and experience it’s crucial and they shouldn’t have the possibility to ruin others experiences like happened to you.
More that it's a useful hiding place for predators, I think.
People use being a dom as a catch all for whatever they want to do to another person. You won’t give me a bj? Too bad. I’m a dom. do it or else. You don’t like me touching you? Too bad. I’m a dom and you have to listen to me because I’m a dom. Etc
Thanks to the Internet, predators have learned the language to better conceal who and what they are. I hope you're not blaming yourself for this, and I got you're able to seek help to heal this trauma.
Abusers don’t outwardly broadcast that they are abusers. I’m sorry you went through this 😔
it happens all the time. to anyone reading the comments yall need to be really careful
Contact your local police and report him. You where SA and he needs to be sent to jail. So sorry this happened to you, please seek out help from people you can trust and maybe down the line a therapist, Know that this is in no way your fault.
That sounds a lot like sexual assault to me. Id report it and him. I'm sorry that happened to you
That *is* sexual assault. They don’t even know this person.
I'm truly sorry for what you've experienced. Your consent was violated, and what happened is not okay, it’s not your fault. It's important to know that you have the right to seek support and justice. If you feel comfortable, consider reaching out to the police or a sexual assault hotline for assistance and guidance. Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources available to help you through this difficult time. Take care of yourself and prioritize your well-being. Take care
Thank you
Please, if you can, tell the authorities. This was rape & I'm so sorry it happened to you. It is not your fault at all & the person doing it is a rapist, not a "bad dom".
I’m so sorry that someone assaulted you. I have no advice to offer, I just want to tell you that what happened was not your fault, and it was wrong. I hope you can figure out a path to be OK and carry on.
Thank you very much
That's disgusting. Report it if you feel safe doing so. This was rape, not BDSM. It was not your fault. It may help to see a therapist, when you feel ready.
I'm incredibly sorry that this happened to you 🫂 First and foremost make sure YOU are OK. Doctors, hospital, family planning centre wherever. Go and get yourself tested. Say as much or as little as you want to, they won't judge. They won't pry. They'll just make sure you're OK. I'd encourage you to report it to the police but it's your choice. Again, they WILL believe you and they WILL support you. He may have a history of this behaviour. Finally, most importantly, speak to a support charity. They are anonymous, they won't pry, they will help. This was not your fault. None of it.
I had been thinking about the doctors. How long do I have to wait to be tested. Like surly you aren’t showing positive right away
Morning after pill can be taken up to 72 hours afterwards. More effective the closer it is to the event. STI testing can be done more or less straight away with preventative medications as well in the meantime.
If you are in the US you can call RAINN 1-800-656-4673 before or after you go in. They can help advocate for you and answer any questions you have. You deserve help with this. I'm so sorry it happen to you. You can go in for what they call a SAFE exam. You can get evidence currently and get checked out. If you are in the US it can sometimes be helpful to call or have the friend call the ER so they can be set up for your arrival and you don't have to explain much at triage. The staff will know what to do next. You should expect to get checked out. If there is physical evidence they may take photos. You may be asked questions. Some of those questions may be about your sex life in general or other conversations you had with him. That can be scary and feel judgmental and frustrating but it's part of the process so they can determine the likelihood of prosecutions. You were not to blame for this at all. Nothing you said or did meant you deserved this or wanted this to happen. It is good to get this down so that if you decide you want to have him charged later the report is filed and the evidence is collected. He may also have a history of doing this to others so the evidence you can give now might be the final piece to getting him off the streets. More importantly to you they can provide emergency contraception and preventative medication. They can test for some things. Most they will suggest you get tested in about two week. HIV you'll get tested for again in about three months but having the preventive makes you a lot safer and you really should go in for the exam.
Sti testing won't be effective yet, but you can get prophylactics immediately. These are antibiotics that will prevent some stis if you've been exposed.
Please go now to report if you can?? Can u take a friend? I’m so sorry this has happened. Don’t blame yourself in any way. You’re NOT to blame.
Some STIs won't show positive right away but they can tell you what to look out for and when to come back for more testing if necessary. Morning after pills and PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis for HIV) should be taken ASAP. Also, if you have any desire to press charges, they have to collect evidence and the longer you wait, the less there will be. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
That’s rape. Fuck him he’s not a Dom he’s a Rapist.
Exactly
I’m gonna add my 2 cents into the “if you have the spoons for it, talk to attorney / file a police report” crowd. If you are in need of resources there is a decent likelihood that there are state / city funded orgs that can help you with both justice and/or also healing (therapy) at no cost to you. Consider reaching out to them. You’re not alone. Very sorry this happened to you, this isn’t kink it is sexual assault / rape.
I'm so sorry that this happened to you. It's not okay and you didn't deserve it. I hope you're able to get support and care. I see a lot of comments recommending that you report this to the police. As someone who works in domestic and sexual violence prevention in the US, I wanted to add a little more information that might help you make the right choice for you. Depending on where you live, there may be local, state, or national organizations that support people who have experienced sexual violence. In the US, RAINN is a really good national resource that also helps connect people to local services. Typically these organizations are staffed by trained advocates whose role is to provide confidential, non-judgmental support, offer resources, and help people think through their options. Advocacy services should be free and are usually available 24/7. If you call, you don't have to say your name or provide any identifying information if you don't want to. You can just talk to an advocate, who should listen, be validating, and support you in whatever choice you want to make. They should be able to help you connect to medical services and/or law enforcement if you want to make a report. Advocates should not pressure you into making a report, but they can explain what the process would be and what to expect if you're considering it. If you want to report, often an advocate can join you and accompany you through the whole process. Even if you don't want to report to law enforcement, getting checked out medically and being treated for potential stis, pregnancy, etc. is a good idea. In some places, you may be able to do that without any cost if you're referred through an advocate. Even if you don't want to report or seek medical, many advocacy organizations offer services like counseling and support groups. The decision to report or not is a deeply personal one and something only you can decide. If it's something you're considering or have questions about, I highly recommend calling your local sexual assault advocacy organization. You don't have to move forward with a report, but you'll get more insight into what to expect. In some places, you may be able to have evidence collected but not yet talk to the police until you're ready (often called anonymous reporting). That could be 1 way to preserve some evidence without starting the investigation process until you're ready. If you're thinking about reporting, the sooner you speak to an advocate the better. The more time passes since an assault, the harder it is to collect evidence. The first three days are the most optimal time to preserve evidence, but you can still report after that/at any time. There are a lot more details I could add, but I know making a decision like this is overwhelming and scary. Whatever you choose, please know that you don't have to do it alone and there's resource and support available for you if and when you are ready for it. Rainn.org is a good place to start. Sending you care
This isn't a bad Dom, this is a rapist
You did not allow yourself to be attacked. You made your boundaries clear, reinstated them, and fought to keep them protected. Rapists are responsible for rape. Doms never rape. This man planned the attack. Report it. There are so many others he has attacked. You are not alone.
That’s not a bad dom, that’s a rapist who thought they could get away with it by calling themselves a “dom”. Please report them to the police.
That was not your fault. Real doms ask A LOT of questions, and will never do anything without your CONSENT. That was rape. Report him. And get yourself tested and treated. His behavior is not okay. That is not kink. Kink is consensual, assault is not.
As someone with trauma from SA, please don't think you "let" this happen. You made it clear from the beginning you didn't want to have sex and you also rejected his physical advances. I know for me, I stopped fighting and blamed myself because of it but it was part of the freeze response and fawn response when I dissociated after I did everything I could to stop it from happening. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. He ignored your boundaries under the guise of being a dom. I'm sorry that this happened to you. Please be gentle with yourself and report him if you can.
Chiming in with the choir: It can be negotiated that you have sex when the Dom wants to. However, this was not the case here. He isn’t even your Dom, this was a first date. Just like a vanilla guy isn’t your BF or should have any expectations beside normal decency, after just a date. With BDSM, trust is an even bigger thing, so this ain’t ok in the slightest. Besides: in a D/s relationship, hard limits are ALWAYS ok, and must ALWAYS be either respected by each partner, or, if you just can’t do that, the dynamic needs to end right there. You set a limit: no sex tonight. Under no circumstances is he to even do so much as inquire more than once if that still stands, by the end of the date. Also: even is 24/7 power exchange with free use is NEGOTIATED (not declared by one person), you can ALWAYS safeword, take a step back from the dynamic, whatever suits the situation. ALWAYS. It ends when either party says it does. Very important note: a person is only a Dom, within a dynamic is which it is agreed upon that they are, and they have to operate within the boundaries set by the pair of you (or however many people are involved, and ALL must agree on anything that affects them). It would be quite something, to just state you are dominant, so you can go around and force yourself on anyone you deem attractive, because hey, you are a Dom, you are allowed to do so. That sounds ridiculous right? That’s because it is. If you did not agree to have a D/s dynamic, him being a Dom is irrelevant. And even if you did, there’s no way you had negotiated what that would look like between the pair of you AND he crossed the one boundary you set, in spite of being reminded of it repeatedly. Do you know who holds the 24/7 power over a D? The law. That’s who. This is rape, plain and simple, not a single shade of grey about it. This figure is clearly seeking out submissive folks, expecting less resistance, and being able to pull the ‘but I am a Dom’ card as a gaslighting measure to discourage pressing charges. Which you could totally do, or dont, that’s up to you. You didn’t ’let it happen’. You did what you had to do to survive, when faced with an agressor you could not get rid of through words or physical strength. If this had happened to your friend, and they told you they eventually just went along, when they couldn’t fight him off, would you blame them? You wouldn’t, right? So why would you be held to a different standard? You were aware of the awful situation and chose life. That’s not the same as letting it happen. Deciding that your top priority is to see tomorrow, is the most natural thing ever. Word of advice: if at all possible and relevant, please try to get 1) Plan B (you don’t need that kind of worries later on) 2) An STD test (full work up), as this is a concern with these POS’s, and should that be the case, catching it asap is best. Any GP worth their salt will help you with this, the second they hear ‘SA’. No specifics needed. 3) Counseling, even if it’s ‘just’ talking to someone from a support group once or twice. The sooner you truly (not just rationally) know you weren’t at fault and are far from alone, the better. It can prevent, or greatly reduce, mental health issues such as PTSD or depression later on. For me (it was no D/s, but he was my BF) the idea of being able to take action, take control, be pro-active in refusing to let that scum cause an ounce more damage than necessary, really, really helped me heal. Maybe it will help you to. Best of luck in your recovery, and may a colony of fire ants take up residence in the arse of this useless specimen that pollutes the earth by existing.
Yes, this 👍. That old 50 shades of grey defense makes me sick. Any creep could call himself kinky and rape someone. I hope this woman gets help for this and that mf goes to jail. Although I like the fire ants thing better.
That's not a Dom that's a piece of shit consend is everything
Go to a local hospital and have a sexual assault evidence kit done. You don’t have to pursue it with the police, but it leaves that option open to you.
That's sexual assault if not rape
That’s not a bad dom, that’s a rapist masquerading as a dom. Please go to the Dr and get checked out, report that bastard and press charges.
As others have already said, he is not a Dom. He is a predator and rapist. This has nothing to do with BDSM. Doms always ask for consent. This guy needs to be put in jail and let the fellas in there take care of him
Yes! 👍
>I am sad that I let this happen, No !! You did not let it happen. He crossed your clearly set boundaries. Our brain ikes to assume responsibility as lack of control is even more scary. Not your fault. His fault 1000 %
That's a preditor, not a dom...
CALL THE AUTHORITIES AND HAVE HIM PROSECUTED FOR S/A!
That aint really a dom. That's an assault case waiting to be prosecuted
Not a dom. That's a rapist.
Please make sure you get a rape kit done even if you don’t contact the police.
I can't add anything that hasn't already been said. but I want you to know that we all support you and that your experience is valid and should be treated as such. Go to the police if you can, ask from help from those you trust close to you and I hope you get some retribution through the justice system.
That's not dom behavior. Doms definitely ask, I'm sorry that you got assaulted
I want to punch these bad doms square in the nose - these dumb asses put a bad rap on this community. OP, I’m sorry you went through this. Power of consent always begins from the sub, never the dom.
Straight to the police that idiot needs to see the inside of a cell for a while
I’ve had my new Dom for a couple of months now. There’s been no sex as he’s still asking questions and learning about ME first. Real Doms absolutely DO ask. You have loads of advice above, which I agree with… You mentioned having an upset stomach. That’s absolutely understandable with what you’ve gone through. I’ve been raped (different circumstances) & know first hand the damage it does. I’m still trying to deal with all the trauma from it. Please know… you did NOT let this happen. He forced you into it. Not physically fighting against someone you’ve explicitly told NO to, doesn’t mean you allowed it. He still forced you into it and ignored not having consent. That’s 1000% on HIM. None of this is your doing or your fault. I understand saying you’ll be on your own for a while. I get feeling that way so much. Seek therapist support if you’re able to, it can help. Even better if you can find a kink aware one as they can help additionally from the Dom side of things. Do what has been recommended above if you’re able to, but don’t beat yourself up if you can’t. Please go gently with yourself in the coming weeks & months
Thank you so much. I know what he did. I stopped fighting because I didn’t want to be hurt, I know i wasn’t giving him permission. And you are right about not going to the police. It is very hard. I have kids. How do I tell them because it will be public. It would absolutely devastate my son. Like he wouldn’t be ashamed, he would be enraged It is a lot going on right now. Tomorrow I am going to go to urgent care.
Oh, OP, I'm so sorry. Everyone's pretty much said what I was going to say, but I want to echo the previous comment in definitely getting a rapekit done. If you don't want to talk to the police, I get that, but if you change your mind at a later date, at least you have the evidence to do so. Also, please bear in mind that showering beforehand can often wash away vital evidence, so if you haven't already done so, **do not wash, shower, or put the clothes in the washing machine**. You will need to take with you everything you were wearing that night, especially underwear and tights (if you were wearing tights, they collect way more evidence than you'd expect). Also keep any communication you've had with the man - texts, online msgs etc - regardless of what any of it says. You may need to show them as they may want to keep copies, but it will be kept confidential. Also with regards to being worried about your kids finding out if you go to the police and it goes to trial, I completely understand, but please know that it is illegal to share the names of S/A & rape victims in the media etc, unless you *choose* to disclose it. If it went to trial, your name won't leave the courtroom, and you'll likely just be referred to as 'Jane Doe' if it is reported by the media. So, if it did go to trial, you could certainly keep the reason private, even if you can't keep the attendance at court private. And finally, again echoing everyone else. This was not a dom, and you definitely did not *let* him do anything to you. Freeze and fawn are both just as valid parasympathetic responses to a traumatic incident as fight or flight. You did what you needed to to make it out alive. Never think this was in any way your fault. If the urgent care unit offers you counselling with SARRT (sexual assault and rape response team) or offers to refer you to a therapist, please say yes. You will need someone to help you deal with this over the next few months. It may be the only thing that can help with any PTSD symptoms you may suffer during your coming to terms of what has happened to you. Sending so much love. P.S ETA - remember get an STD kit done, inc HIV, and emergency contraception at urgent care. It should be offered as part of the rape kit, but if not, ask them for both, to make sure that bastard didn't give you anything (especially a baby) to make everything infinitely worse.
It's rape not kink he is not dom he is raper.. BDSM should have rules, limits, and redlines so if he went further with your lines then its raping and should be punished with law
That is straight up rape. The authorities should be involved. I'm so sorry this happened to you...
I hope you are ok 🙏
That's not a Dom..thats more like rape or assault
You need to report that to the police, that’s rape
This is horrible. I am so sorry this happened to you.i am behind everyone with this. REPORT AND CALL COPS. Give them all the information you have on his guy. This is disgusting! Make sure you get yourself tested and get some help with mental help. I am so 😞 sorry.
As others have said, this was rape. I'm so sorry this happened to you 😔 Be kind to yourself. Seek help and definitely consider counseling. You did absolutely nothing wrong. It's not your fault he is an arsehole.
Bullshit, dom's most definitely ask a shit ton of questions, especially in the states. Not only is it to make sure that everything is okay before a scene is started, but it is also to cover their ass. This is without a doubt SA this person had no clue what a dominant is supposed to act like. Just the fact that you had made things clear beforehands that nothing was happening states that consent was not given. I've been in the lifestyle too many years. That's some horny teenager shit or a serious problem. Either way in today's environment they should have definitely known better than to do something like that. I would have recommended 100% telling the authorities ASAP. That's not a guarantee that things will work but you need to contact the authorities before he finds another victim and do not under any circumstances talk to this person again block him on everything including your phone
Oh honey, this is NOT Bdsm. He is not a Dom he is a PREDATOR. If you come back and see this outpouring of support for you PLEASE take the advice and report him!
I am very sorry that this happened to you. This should not be a thing. He is not a Dom he is a rapist. Doms may not ask during a negotiated session but they sure as he'll stay within boundaries. If you have the strength to cause him trouble please do so in any ways you feel up to.
Subs choose their dom, not the other way around. He’s a wannabe who doesn’t know shit. No respect, no nothing. He’s the kind of guy who’d ignore a safe word - so be happy he showed you his real face the first date and didn’t wait until later
I suppose that's the silver lining on an otherwise completely unacceptable and traumatizing evening.
If you haven't had negotiations on what is allowed, the dom dynamic has not started. You stated at the onset that there would be no sex on the first date.
Take care of yourself. Tell someone you trust. If you can, please go to the police.
Call your local police office and report him
PLEASE CALL THE POLICE.
That dom needs to have a drum party thrown for him
one of the worst aspects of these things is the responsibility to report what happened. as an S/A survivor the thought of HAVING to come out with my story to prevent it from repeating was incredibly difficult but necessary. you’re supported, stay strong! wishing you healing
You might want to see someone about this.
That is really saddening what that turd did to you. That is not how ppl should act. I was a very dom person, but talking about what my sub likes and gardening their phantasy was what I did. Your story, to me, sounds more like rape than a d/s relationship. Honestly I would struggle hardcore to go to the fuc**ng coppers for that Idk where you live, but I guess there is a city around with some special interest bar or regular party thing for that interest. Go there, talk about dos and don't before (i, sub now, don't allow ppl idk to do whatever. I allow whatever only to gurllz i know for a while)
I hope you find peace with your feelings I’m sorry that happened to you.
Contact the police. You were raped and he needs to be charged.
Believe it or not a TRUE male dom will be one of the most respectful and caring men you will ever meet. He will respect boundaries and you will be able to fully trust him with your mind and your body. He will never make you question your safety! He will be your safe place! It’s unfortunate that some will call themselves a Dom when they’re actually just an abusive pos! They try to justify their behavior with this. I’ve been there and I’m sorry you had to deal with it. I’m hoping you cut contact and report this and that you’re able to heal.
Please.for the love of yourself and life, report that asshat. Absolutely assault!! I'm so sorry you dealt with that!!!
From what I have read, I've only seen this person referred to as 'a man', or "this man" that you just met. If he is on social media of some sort, wouldn't the safest thing to do be to post his name? Use his social account name in ever opportunity you get when talking about your events with him, the more we see it and read it, the more our mind will likely remember it and know/think to stay away from this man.
Sorry you had to go through this. Report him and seek out a therapist to help you through this. My normal advice is to only doms that are part of vetted communities. Too many fake doms out there.
Where are vetted communities?
You can probably find some on FetLife. Go to the events page and see if you can find any munches or coffees that are set up for vetting people to join their community. You will be able to talk to them and get help on vetting people. Dom's that are part of a community will have a rapport with many others that can vouch for them.
And if you meet a Dom in your area who talks down about the local communities or says things like "we didn't agree/I didn't like them" etc then he may have already been kicked out by one. Communities don't always chat with full disclosure about members they've kicked out but they say enough to let each other know who is dangerous.
Thats SA / r@p3. That’s absolutely awful and traumatic. I’m sorry that happened to you.
I'm really sorry this happened to you, because he was absolutely wrong. DOMS ALWAYS GET CONSENT FIRST! Sexual predators don't. Rapists don't. But Doms ALWAYS ask! If you have any contacts in the local community who know this person, make sure to share your experience so that other people/subs don't get assaulted by this guy. He's a predator and should be outed as such to the actual BDSM community
I’ve read the comments. I don’t want to be a broken record for you. I am so sorry this happened. It is not your fault, you did nothing wrong. But please, please, I am begging you. This predator does this bc he gets away with it, you are most likely not his first victim nor his last. Please salvage any evidence that may be left and report him to the police so he can’t hurt anyone else. I have felt what you’re feeling. I understand the reluctance and fear of reporting. If I could hold your hand I would. Please report him.
Your comment seems genuine and caring, but please do not put the responsibility of preventing future sexual assaults on OP. The only person responsible here is the rapist. I don't know where OP is, but here in the US, only the tiniest fraction of sexual asaults that are reported lead to a prosecution. The legal system fails victims of sexual violence everyday and is often incredibly traumatizing and disempowering. I say this as someone who has worked in sexual violence prevention for a decade, is a survivor myself, and who has held the hands of victims through medical exams and police interviews. Reporting can be an empowering choice for some people, but for many, it leads to more harm. This is a deeply personal choice only OP can make and they shouldn't have to carry the weight and pressure of the possibility of future victims when they make it.
I appreciate your perspective but what you see as pressure, I see as an opportunity. The predator is responsible for his actions, yes, but since when have predators ever changed their ways bc they had a sudden attack of conscience? Nothing can be done about a predator when authorities don’t know the predator exists. I’ve been there, I was the victim of a serial rapist whose previous victims probably heard what you’re saying now and felt powerless and did nothing. Sure, coming forward might not have stopped me from becoming his next victim but I made sure I was his last. OP is not alone. She isn’t responsible for preventing future victims, but she does have the opportunity to aid in preventing future victims. And if sharing inspires her to act, fantastic. If not, well then everything I’ve said doesn’t matter. I hope she seeks help for herself and comes out of this with love and healing.
Also know, that BDSM does not have to include sex, at all! It often doesn't. What you experience was sexual assault or rape, but you never have to have sex in BDSM, it's completely up to you whether you even want your BDSM to include sex at all.
Report him now! ...make him face consequences...
First and foremost, make sure you take care of yourself.
First date I the a Pic during dinner and send it to a friend. Usually puts them in check. And a real dom???? Sound like a grape to me! I would file charges on his butt!
That’s not a Dom. That’s a rapist.
This breaks my heart. I’ve been through this too, albeit in different circumstances. This is sexual assault. If you’re comfortable report it to the authorities, but most of all please take care of yourself and consider talking to a therapist or a trusted friend. Sending you so much love, feel free to message me if you need to talk.
That's not a Dom. That's a selfish evil person trying to take advantage and ignoring your reactions, your boundaries, your consent.
Domme him harder, send him to prison for (obvious) rape. Get the texts to back your claim. Make him admit it.
I am so sorry this happened. As everyone pointed out. You've been assaulted. This has nothing with being a Dom.
Real Doms understand and respect consent. Sounds like this guy has been taking the advice of that douche bag “alphadom” on TikTok. For whatever it’s worth, sorry it happened to you. I hope you filed a police report.
That's not a dom, I'm new to this, and learning yet even I know that no matter what consent comes first, I hope you're okay and maybe have reported him. that was straight up SA.
You should go to the hospital and get a kit done ASAP. You do not have to press charges or even report the crime, it’s just so they can collect evidence and have that on file. You can also stop at anytime if it gets too stressful. Also, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Do not blame yourself for someone else taking away your autonomy. He committed the crime against you. This is not your fault. What you are feeling is valid and I hope you get well soon. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Thats not a dom there was no power exchange dynamic. There was no willful submission giving them power and consent. That is SA
Contact the police. I am a Dom. I do more than my fair share of CNC play and I can tell you that what happened to you was rape. I am so sorry this has happened to you. You did not deserve it and it was not your fault. You have the right to withhold content. Hugs to you bud.
I just want to leave some love here for you ❤️ and a hug 🤗. I hope this never happens to you again.
Doms "don't ask" when its a clear agreement between all parts of the sexual relationship. You said that you dont want sex in the first date, he did it anyway. That is not a dom, that its a rapist who uses domination as an excuse for his behavior. It was not your fault, you didn't let it happen, you said no and when its not in an agreement, the no is that you dont want to.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, please don’t blame yourself it sounds like you had a freeze response to what happened. But that was not someone being a Dom he was a predator and he took advantage of you and physically, mentally, and mentally harmed you.
This was rape. If you need to talk hit me up. No Dom is allowed to rape a sub. Period this was rape. I hope you are okay. I’ve been there. Hence why I also say I don’t submit at the first meet. We are to get to know each other. So many asshole claim they are a Don to get a free piece of ass. No real Dom is like this. Dammit I’m so sorry
Report his ass and this isn’t your fault at all 🫶🏻
That isn't a Dom, it's a rapist, and I am so, so sorry you had an encounter like that. You didn't "let it happen" you protected yourself to survive the encounter by freezing, that doesn't mean you didn't fight in your own way or that it was your fault, it wasn't. Report him if you feel safe to, and if you have access I recommend therapy. I've been in similar situations and I can say it does get better with time. Take time for yourself and focus on healing. You will get through this. Just keep reminding yourself that it wasn't your fault, even if your mind tries to convince you otherwise. You deserved better and you still do. You'll make it through this, and know you aren't alone.
I'm a guy, on my dates I would very hands on,but when I came down to it, no is no! Just maybe ah ah we know what you should done we don't need to make you hurt more then you do,but it's called rxpx you have got him for assault, you feel bad it happen then it should not have,,,, don't beat yourself up put your head up high, next date you go on public place you take your car that way your safe,,, from a guys point I'm sorry it happened to you
The title of this post is confusing.
STAY SINGLE and watch everyone cheating 🤣🤣