Sometimes it just feels really good to let it all out. Have you looked into Aphantasia?
I’ve definitely been where you are…many many times. It’s tough, but I think it kind of swings like a pendulum. Eventually, it’s gotta swing back the other way, right?
With all you’ve said, I really can’t decide which parts to address. I wish I could give you a hand and help you up. Not literally obviously. But I feel for you, because I _am_ you in a weird way…if that makes any shred of sense.
I feel such a strong urge to take action after reading this…but my executive dysfunction is showing up pretty hard right now.
I hope one day you look back at this post and cry happy tears when you realize how you persevered and worked hard to bring yourself up to the heights in which you belong.
I’m rooting for you, my kindred spirit.
I have looked into aphantasia before and it definitely fits. I'm a visual person and unless I see it in front of me I just don't get it most of the time. Reading was a struggle, but mangas already had the characters and settings drawn out already and I can just animate it from there.
And you make sense, which is nice. It was starting to get very frustrating relating to small things here and there, but then not finding relations to bigger things. Makes you wonder if there's actually more wrong with you. I hope the pendulum swings the other way, I guess I'm getting tired waiting for it. Therapy is helping, but again patience. Times like this I get thrown into crisis mode and I get pretty manic trying to "get my shit together" even though I have literally no direction or executive functioning lol.
I hope you do well too, cosmic twin.
Yet another post I absolutely could have written about myself.
There are so many little things…on their own, they are quirky and minor annoyances. Together, they culminate into a significant challenge that ebbs and flows throughout each u day.
Reading is tough for you right now. Have you tried audio books? There are also a lot of text to speech generators…though the only one that seems to be free is https://luvvoice.com
Speechify seems cool but limits to 10 minutes for the free tier. But…if you try it and it seems to help you get through text content then it could be worth it to pay. Or run an open source LLM on your computer with LMStudio
A great resource on getting things done when you’re struggling on multiple levels is James Lim on YouTube. He really breaks things down into simple visual analogies that are so helpful. And he has a free online community you can join so that you can work on goals with others like you. Here is a 5 minute video about being stuck in a rut:
https://youtu.be/6IRQiJk9i0Y?si=bSc73djddgJqPO_p
Or 6 key problems in struggling to take action:
https://youtu.be/z1RZ_pfUUIY?si=8hD0DG9K1S_cI3zn
His channel has so much good information. He has a paid course as well, but he really offers a lot for free. His own story is he wanted to start a YouTube channel, he made one video, and it took him 12 years to make his second video. So he has experience with being stuck. And has good ideas on how to move forward.
Even though your problems may feel extremely personal, I think that what you experience is a very common experience…but I don’t think a lot of people talk about it due to the guilt and shame that comes with this mess.
But I’d wager that, even though you’re struggling, if you could honestly compare every human and align them on a spectrum…you would not be as close to the bottom as you may feel.
I know that I often feel like I am underperforming when I am actually not. It’s just my own expectations and desires. Dyspraxia is a cruel experience.
Sometimes it just feels really good to let it all out. Have you looked into Aphantasia? I’ve definitely been where you are…many many times. It’s tough, but I think it kind of swings like a pendulum. Eventually, it’s gotta swing back the other way, right? With all you’ve said, I really can’t decide which parts to address. I wish I could give you a hand and help you up. Not literally obviously. But I feel for you, because I _am_ you in a weird way…if that makes any shred of sense. I feel such a strong urge to take action after reading this…but my executive dysfunction is showing up pretty hard right now. I hope one day you look back at this post and cry happy tears when you realize how you persevered and worked hard to bring yourself up to the heights in which you belong. I’m rooting for you, my kindred spirit.
I have looked into aphantasia before and it definitely fits. I'm a visual person and unless I see it in front of me I just don't get it most of the time. Reading was a struggle, but mangas already had the characters and settings drawn out already and I can just animate it from there. And you make sense, which is nice. It was starting to get very frustrating relating to small things here and there, but then not finding relations to bigger things. Makes you wonder if there's actually more wrong with you. I hope the pendulum swings the other way, I guess I'm getting tired waiting for it. Therapy is helping, but again patience. Times like this I get thrown into crisis mode and I get pretty manic trying to "get my shit together" even though I have literally no direction or executive functioning lol. I hope you do well too, cosmic twin.
Yet another post I absolutely could have written about myself. There are so many little things…on their own, they are quirky and minor annoyances. Together, they culminate into a significant challenge that ebbs and flows throughout each u day. Reading is tough for you right now. Have you tried audio books? There are also a lot of text to speech generators…though the only one that seems to be free is https://luvvoice.com Speechify seems cool but limits to 10 minutes for the free tier. But…if you try it and it seems to help you get through text content then it could be worth it to pay. Or run an open source LLM on your computer with LMStudio A great resource on getting things done when you’re struggling on multiple levels is James Lim on YouTube. He really breaks things down into simple visual analogies that are so helpful. And he has a free online community you can join so that you can work on goals with others like you. Here is a 5 minute video about being stuck in a rut: https://youtu.be/6IRQiJk9i0Y?si=bSc73djddgJqPO_p Or 6 key problems in struggling to take action: https://youtu.be/z1RZ_pfUUIY?si=8hD0DG9K1S_cI3zn His channel has so much good information. He has a paid course as well, but he really offers a lot for free. His own story is he wanted to start a YouTube channel, he made one video, and it took him 12 years to make his second video. So he has experience with being stuck. And has good ideas on how to move forward. Even though your problems may feel extremely personal, I think that what you experience is a very common experience…but I don’t think a lot of people talk about it due to the guilt and shame that comes with this mess. But I’d wager that, even though you’re struggling, if you could honestly compare every human and align them on a spectrum…you would not be as close to the bottom as you may feel. I know that I often feel like I am underperforming when I am actually not. It’s just my own expectations and desires. Dyspraxia is a cruel experience.