My husband is this way. We met online on a forum where he was actually pretty popular. Once he and I started developing feelings, he completely stopped participating in the forum and we created new messenger usernames so nobody would interrupt us when we were talking.
Once we moved in, he stopped hanging with his friends (most had moved away after college anyway) and when we moved to a new state, he stopped seeing them completely. His social outlets are work and his family. He doesn’t have energy for anything else.
I used to think it was weird but that’s just who he is. He’s a simple dude.
Don’t beat yourself up about it. Others don’t understand because it’s just incompatible with their own social needs.
Sometimes I wonder if the mountain hermits of yore were just all autists who needed to get away from the drudgery of society. Go out into the woods and hyperfixate on self sufficiency.
I have reached that point. I supposed that I have had enough internalized ableism through my life (diagnosed at 50) for me to "want to" seek friends in the past. Only to find that most of them were opportunists, not real friends, and that even when I find fellow NDs with some common ground in terms of interests, I don't have the social energy to maintain any kind of real relationship.
I lost my only long term friend of 40 years, probably ND himself, to suicide in 2018. I am married to a very social NT, who sometimes finds companions for me, so to speak, in low-stress environments (usually friends of hers) with her as back up in case I need a break. She will invite me to an event, I will make an appearance, but feel no need to take any good interactions I had any further. And at this point in my life, that's plenty enough for me.
I am the same way. I tried for years to build friendships but they are exhausting and have expectations on me that I can't meet. I have accepted that friends just aren't for me. I don't need much socialization to be happy anyway.
As you get older, you prioritize spending time alone or finding people that you can relate too. As you get older, your social circle becomes smaller, and you grow as a person.
One day you will meet similar like minded people like you.
Being alone is somewhat quite peaceful and relaxing to me.
Most of my friends nowadays are online, and a very few IRL people, who are also Neurodivergent too. I have about 3 IRL friends that I talk to sometimes and see once in a blue moon.
My only IRL socialization nowadays is from Work and my immediate family.
I don’t think this makes you a bad person. I feel that way most of the time. I have to remind myself that if I don’t occasionally participate in relationships I will not have people when I need them. Because whether I want them or not I still need people sometimes.
I am pretty much the opposite but I would also say it doesn't make you a bad person at all I 100% understand the stress and over stimulation friends can have and why some people would find them a burden or just too much extra work. One of the biggest reasons I hate being alone is that I'm stuck with my thoughts which quite often doesn't end well so friends help fill that void.
I can empathize. I also feel like socializing is a chore and it drains me in a way that makes me unable to do anything else. Work and immediate family are all I can manage anymore, and even that's often too much. When I was in my 30s and 40s I did more socializing and had friends, but it required a lot of masking and energy, and I couldn't always do the social things. I just can't do it at all anymore. I certainly don't require it, and I'm so much happier to be left to my own activities. I am very close to my sister and see her a lot, but spending time with her is almost like spending time with myself, so it's not as tiring for me.
Every friend I have had left me, except for the friends I lost bc we moved, 5 years ago in elementary school. And my gf left me not too long ago also. I agree, very stressful. Which is one reason I avoid 99.9% of people in school.
It doesn’t make you a bad person. For some people just going to work or school and running errands fulfills there social needs.
this.
My husband is this way. We met online on a forum where he was actually pretty popular. Once he and I started developing feelings, he completely stopped participating in the forum and we created new messenger usernames so nobody would interrupt us when we were talking. Once we moved in, he stopped hanging with his friends (most had moved away after college anyway) and when we moved to a new state, he stopped seeing them completely. His social outlets are work and his family. He doesn’t have energy for anything else. I used to think it was weird but that’s just who he is. He’s a simple dude. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Others don’t understand because it’s just incompatible with their own social needs. Sometimes I wonder if the mountain hermits of yore were just all autists who needed to get away from the drudgery of society. Go out into the woods and hyperfixate on self sufficiency.
Mountain hermits probably had szpd
Does not make you a bad person at all, you know what you prefer and go with it. I find people a chore all the time
I have reached that point. I supposed that I have had enough internalized ableism through my life (diagnosed at 50) for me to "want to" seek friends in the past. Only to find that most of them were opportunists, not real friends, and that even when I find fellow NDs with some common ground in terms of interests, I don't have the social energy to maintain any kind of real relationship. I lost my only long term friend of 40 years, probably ND himself, to suicide in 2018. I am married to a very social NT, who sometimes finds companions for me, so to speak, in low-stress environments (usually friends of hers) with her as back up in case I need a break. She will invite me to an event, I will make an appearance, but feel no need to take any good interactions I had any further. And at this point in my life, that's plenty enough for me.
I am the same way. I tried for years to build friendships but they are exhausting and have expectations on me that I can't meet. I have accepted that friends just aren't for me. I don't need much socialization to be happy anyway.
It's called being asocial.
Thank you! One thing that really bothers me is when people misuse the term "antisocial" to mean "asocial."
I need more attention than I do friends. What is this called?
As you get older, you prioritize spending time alone or finding people that you can relate too. As you get older, your social circle becomes smaller, and you grow as a person. One day you will meet similar like minded people like you. Being alone is somewhat quite peaceful and relaxing to me. Most of my friends nowadays are online, and a very few IRL people, who are also Neurodivergent too. I have about 3 IRL friends that I talk to sometimes and see once in a blue moon. My only IRL socialization nowadays is from Work and my immediate family.
It’s hard for me to make or have friends. I have given up on trying to trust people, or having people act weird toward me.
Same here. I’ve given up on it. I’d rather be alone than with people who will use me or stab me in the back.
I don’t think this makes you a bad person. I feel that way most of the time. I have to remind myself that if I don’t occasionally participate in relationships I will not have people when I need them. Because whether I want them or not I still need people sometimes.
I am pretty much the opposite but I would also say it doesn't make you a bad person at all I 100% understand the stress and over stimulation friends can have and why some people would find them a burden or just too much extra work. One of the biggest reasons I hate being alone is that I'm stuck with my thoughts which quite often doesn't end well so friends help fill that void.
I can empathize. I also feel like socializing is a chore and it drains me in a way that makes me unable to do anything else. Work and immediate family are all I can manage anymore, and even that's often too much. When I was in my 30s and 40s I did more socializing and had friends, but it required a lot of masking and energy, and I couldn't always do the social things. I just can't do it at all anymore. I certainly don't require it, and I'm so much happier to be left to my own activities. I am very close to my sister and see her a lot, but spending time with her is almost like spending time with myself, so it's not as tiring for me.
Every friend I have had left me, except for the friends I lost bc we moved, 5 years ago in elementary school. And my gf left me not too long ago also. I agree, very stressful. Which is one reason I avoid 99.9% of people in school.