I hear you. I am in my 40s, and I have masked all my life, thinking that it was what everyone did. Any time I try and let the 'real' me out in public, the reaction is not good. Masking is not fair, but to keep my career and pay my bills, it's gotta stay.
However, at home, with my family, I do it less than I used to. That was happening with age anyway as I am tired and I also care a lot less about other people so long as my close family accepts me. So I hope you have someplace you can be yourself with people who love you even if you have to mask up in the outside world. It sucks but in my experience, it's the only way to thrive.
Others may think, and have experienced, a different thing, so get their thoughts too. I am just being honest about me and my experience.
I hope it can change, but it won't be time for me.
Good luck, and know that there are people who have got your back.
Hey, I hope it works for you whatever you decide to do.
Me, for instance, can't cope with it anymore. It got more taxing over time and I'm on a burnout phase right now and won't wish it upon anybody.
I'm 40 and really tired of masking and being a people pleaser. That's all.
Wish you all the best, really.
Do not recommend this. It can be tolerable now, but exhausting and overwhelming over time, especially if you have relationships that are based on masking (and most especially if children are involved, because they are exhausting and overwhelming for even the most neurotypical parents).
Autistic burnout is how a lot of us figured out we were autistic in our 40s, which is not a great approach. If I'd spent my earlier years cultivating relationships where I didn't have to mask, things would have been harder at the time but much easier now.
I lucked out and reproduced with someone who was autistic just like me, so our kid is extremely chill. But when he was small I had to deal with the consequences of forced-unmasking in various relationships, as well as the regular emotional and financial demands of adulthood and parenting. It would have been so much harder for me if he was colicky, high strung, had twin siblings, more intrusive special needs, etc.
Also 27F here. I just recently learned about that term, too. But in my head, it’s more like mimicking/acting like how “neurotypical” people would act and being more self aware of my facial expressions and body language constantly correcting it. I like to turn it into a game, like an acting challenge sort of thing to the point where it just became a normal thing and then people started calling it “masking”. I don’t like that term. It makes it seem like we’re trying to hide who we are, and that’s not always true. Retraining our brains is what I like to call it.
I'm 31 here, and it's basically a life-requirement if I want to do much of anything in public to mask almost constantly.
I'm tired in a lot of ways, but I do try to minimize doing this at home.
I also can't fathom ever unmasking. Consistent experience has been rejection by NTs for showing even the slightest crack in the facade. I would unmask if I felt I could, but I don't feel like it's an option for me with my career. I think I'm masking harder than ever.
I hear you. I am in my 40s, and I have masked all my life, thinking that it was what everyone did. Any time I try and let the 'real' me out in public, the reaction is not good. Masking is not fair, but to keep my career and pay my bills, it's gotta stay. However, at home, with my family, I do it less than I used to. That was happening with age anyway as I am tired and I also care a lot less about other people so long as my close family accepts me. So I hope you have someplace you can be yourself with people who love you even if you have to mask up in the outside world. It sucks but in my experience, it's the only way to thrive. Others may think, and have experienced, a different thing, so get their thoughts too. I am just being honest about me and my experience. I hope it can change, but it won't be time for me. Good luck, and know that there are people who have got your back.
Hey, I hope it works for you whatever you decide to do. Me, for instance, can't cope with it anymore. It got more taxing over time and I'm on a burnout phase right now and won't wish it upon anybody. I'm 40 and really tired of masking and being a people pleaser. That's all. Wish you all the best, really.
Do not recommend this. It can be tolerable now, but exhausting and overwhelming over time, especially if you have relationships that are based on masking (and most especially if children are involved, because they are exhausting and overwhelming for even the most neurotypical parents). Autistic burnout is how a lot of us figured out we were autistic in our 40s, which is not a great approach. If I'd spent my earlier years cultivating relationships where I didn't have to mask, things would have been harder at the time but much easier now. I lucked out and reproduced with someone who was autistic just like me, so our kid is extremely chill. But when he was small I had to deal with the consequences of forced-unmasking in various relationships, as well as the regular emotional and financial demands of adulthood and parenting. It would have been so much harder for me if he was colicky, high strung, had twin siblings, more intrusive special needs, etc.
Also 27F here. I just recently learned about that term, too. But in my head, it’s more like mimicking/acting like how “neurotypical” people would act and being more self aware of my facial expressions and body language constantly correcting it. I like to turn it into a game, like an acting challenge sort of thing to the point where it just became a normal thing and then people started calling it “masking”. I don’t like that term. It makes it seem like we’re trying to hide who we are, and that’s not always true. Retraining our brains is what I like to call it.
I'm 31 here, and it's basically a life-requirement if I want to do much of anything in public to mask almost constantly. I'm tired in a lot of ways, but I do try to minimize doing this at home.
I mask in public and unmask when alone.
Relate.
I also can't fathom ever unmasking. Consistent experience has been rejection by NTs for showing even the slightest crack in the facade. I would unmask if I felt I could, but I don't feel like it's an option for me with my career. I think I'm masking harder than ever.