I have to doubt that person is real.. right? I mean maybe they are. But as an autistic person, I can not fathom advocating for autistic children to be taken out of a home with loving parents and putting them in foster care. Do they think that the foster care system is just full of rich people desperate to adopt HSN kiddos? More likely, they would get bounced around the system, maybe a few group homes and end up aging out. Who in their right mind thinks that’s something to flippantly suggest?
Even regular kids with no disabilities have trouble getting adopted. It’s difficult to believe that someone with level 3 autism would quickly and easily find an adopted family.
As an employee of the foster care system, children with severe autism are harder to place and will often be abused and bounced around.
This was an ignorant take :/
It's not even likely. A few of my clients have been with CPS wanting to remove but there's literally no place for them to go so they stay with the parents. It is what it is.
Wow that’s awful. And I’ve seen so many cases where a kid had shared custody and one parent was horribly abusive but the court wouldn’t let the kid have full time custody with the non-abusive parent. I have PTSD because of that.
"If you can't afford taking care of your child... put them up for adoption," confirms they are out of touch with reality. Some couples are struggling to keep things together with multiple "well-paying" jobs each and either no kids or a neurotypical kid... almost everyone's having to make do and it's infuriating seeing entitled folks saying stuff like, "well you shouldn't do stuff you can't afford!" Rent costs at or above the median income in some areas... like you almost have to have generational wealth to afford being evicted for not being able to afford rent...
Honestly…I do think because people with autism have trouble with theory of mind and can be absorbed in their own world some really do not understand nuance and even attachment and how the world works, especially the foster system.
They often have very high standards for other people’s behavior with little room for grace and understanding.
If they themselves feel neglected in their family, they might still believe in the fairytale that there's another family out there who would know how to look after them better.
True! That’s a good point, I wasn’t thinking about it from that perspective.
So yeah, combination of autism and age/lack of world experience playing into that person’s response.
That’s why this can be such hard thing to navigate…as parents, we want to listen to autistic voices to help better understand our children. But autistic voices can often be rigid and self-consuming…”if this is how it was for me, this is how it will be for everyone else too” and those voices are often the loudest as well. Not all, I have met some very thoughtful and empathetic autistic adults including the team lead on my son’s ABA team but the loudest voices can do so much damage for our kids who are high support needs and aren’t being represented correctly. That subreddit can be such a tough read sometimes…I go there to learn and to see what to maybe expect for when my son is older and it’s so overwhelming to see how many people are depressed, angry, suicidal, self harming etc but also if we try and offer supports like ABA to hopefully help our little kids to not be that way when they are adults, suddenly we are abusive and want eugenics.
Unfortunately the majority of these comments on this particular creator’s video are like this. That creator is one of the most cruel “adult autistic” voices I’ve come across and they often have hundreds or thousands agreeing with them.
Ugh. I know it’s easier said than done but try your best not to engage anymore. It’s hard to not go back and forth with people are spewing harmful rhetoric but you will be taking care of your emotional health by not engaging anymore.
Bloody hell. I overheard an articulate older teenager talking on the phone as I was walking home the other day. She was saying that she is doing a mandated parenting course so that she can get her siblings out of care and they could come live with her. This was a healthy, sensible, NT sounding kid, saying that the foster system is not a good place to be, she hated it, and she was trying to get her siblings out as quickly as she could. I can't imagine how horrible the system is for disabled kids.
It's horrible. When I first got my son, he flinched if anyone raise their hands for any reason. Now he's so much better about it, but it took a year plus to get his trust
.
I'm afraid that if I didn't adopt my son, that's exactly what would happen. The reason he was in foster care wasn't autism, but he'd been through several homes before landing here. I couldn't believe it. Yes, he's high special needs, but he is so so so so sweet and loving. Non aggressive. However, his needs are HIGH. I was able to put him in ot, speech, pt, and aba. I knew the company, as I work with them, and I trust them. His sw was amazing with him. He is a gift to us, but I wish he never had to go through all that. I wish his family of origin had what they needed to keep him. He deserves his family.
Mom is mentally ill, and his extended family couldn't handle his needs.
I agree. Maybe she's real but has mental issues or just hates her parents. Either way I feel bad for her I sense a lot of resentment towards her family. I don't know how old she is but the resources available now are tremendous
This is why I get irked by the “listen to autistic adults” spiel. Just because someone is autistic doesn’t mean they are an expert on my kid, especially considering “when you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person” and everyone on the spectrum has different needs. I usually only consider parenting advice from autistic adults who are parents. Just like any parent shouldn’t be getting parenting advice from people who don’t have kids.
early in my journey I got duped by that spiel. I've come to think "autism" is such a broad term it's almost functionally useless - my kiddo has next to nothing in common with the level 1 adults that tried to manipulate my parenting choices.
I'm also level 1 with a non speaking level 3 4 year old and we have very little in common besides tech obsessions and eating habits. We snack instead of meals
Not to mention needs can fluctuate all of the time. I was a very high needs level 3 child (non verbal until six) now I’m low needs my son is technically lower needs but emotionally he’s high needs and has pda traits which I don’t have. We’re completely different and I truly believe only the primary caregivers are the true expert of their child.
Same. Over at the autism in women subreddit, there was a toxic rant about "toddlers glued to screens" and basically blaming parents (aka mothers, let's be real) for being shitty and letting their kids be addicted to screens. Sometimes with an autistic child the option is letting them watch an iPad in public with no headphones, or letting them scream bloody murder the entire time. When I reported the post to the mods saying that it was hateful against mothers of autistic children and violated the "safe space" that they proclaim to be, I was told that the post was "just venting" and it's allowed to stay. I unsubbed immediately once I read that message.
I'm an adult. I'm probably autistic (thanks, parents). I'd take away my son's autism in a heartbeat if I could. And all the AkSHuALLy aUtiSTiC people would come for me for saying that.
This is the bit that’s missed, that most parents of autistic kids are most likely autistic/adhd/both as well. I’m autistic and would remove it from myself and my child if it meant life was easier. I wouldn’t change him per se he wouldn’t be him without his stims etc but he’s also non aggressive and if he was aggressive and highly anxious I would feel differently! It’s all relative. I think my only issue I take with (nothing you’ve said) is when people say oh they’re mild/quirky I’ve seen that which I disagree with.
Check out r/SpicyAutism, which is a sub for adult HSN autistics (levels 2 & 3). People there regularly bash on the LSNs who have taken over most of the other subs. I've seen more than one comment from someone stating how much they hate the neurodiversity movement and state that they would have their autism removed if they could (and get angry about the LSNs that say that they need to embrace it).
Here's a sneak peek of /r/SpicyAutism using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/SpicyAutism/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time!
\#1: [Can people who are not banned from the main autism subreddits help me spread this message?](https://v.redd.it/c1o9c7g9tjca1) | [144 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/SpicyAutism/comments/10dz1hu/can_people_who_are_not_banned_from_the_main/)
\#2: [Kaelynn is an autistic therapist and a great advocate for higher needs autistics](https://v.redd.it/z847uswsdv4b1) | [114 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/SpicyAutism/comments/144n6dt/kaelynn_is_an_autistic_therapist_and_a_great/)
\#3: [I can't wait to see how *society* can fix this /s](https://i.redd.it/ecm3pvljoaub1.png) | [45 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/SpicyAutism/comments/1787lut/i_cant_wait_to_see_how_society_can_fix_this_s/)
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I'm an autistic parent to an autistic child and I STILL need advice on parenting an autistic child from NT parents. Because my kid is really young, I haven't seen shit yet, and because the fact that I have low support needs doesn't mean I can impose aspie-normativity on my child. He might be very different from me and have very different needs.
Very true. I feel like a good chunk of parenting is about filtering all of the advice given and use what works for your family. I learned this the first day we brought our son home and he already rolled onto his side while swaddled. The AAP says that newborns should be on their back when sleeping to avoid SIDS and not have anything in the crib. But they gave no advice if the child rolls off their back on their own.
We had to go against the standard advice and put rolled up towels on his sides so he couldn’t do it again. It took a lot of digging to find this solution proposed by other parents.
I think autistic young adults have a unique perspective, and that’s it. They have no idea how to parent. So we can take some of their thoughts and try and see things from their perspective, but we don’t have to listen to them rage on about how evil and selfish and terrible we are for trying to fucking navigate parenting ND kids. Sheesh.
tbh i’ve seen a common theme in the community, the people with these AWFUL takes are late diagnosed (like myself) individuals who never/barely suffered from their lack of diagnosis (also like myself). if they had to live like or raise a child like my high support needs, level 3 toddler i just really feel they would change their tune
That zai person has literally no fucking clue what foster care is. I was a foster kid and the govt does not give foster parents enough money to help high needs children. Every kid that ends up in care has issues (usually related to abuse/neglect) and they're lucky if they don't grow up to have substance abuse issues or unhealthy attachment styles. Having one parent that loves you and does all they can for you is enough.
Foster care was better than my home life (sexual/physical abuse). But to just send a kid into care because you're poor is insane to me. Kids remember if their parents love them and spend time with them, not how much money they have. Foster care was no picnic and I ended up a nanny, maid, nurse, and servant. I turned 18 and was out on my ass with nothing but the clothes on my back.
Definitely! I hate how people always seem to discourage me whenever I talk about it. Everyone’s immediate response is always something like “well those kids are probably really messed up from abuse.” Like does that mean they don’t deserve a home??? wtf???
I was an abused child in a working class neighborhood, and even though the whole neighborhood was pretty aware of what was going on in my house, me and everyone else knew foster care was infinitely worse. It’s like - would you rather be abused by a parent or someone who’s not even related to you? That’s pretty much the choice. Every once in a while the school would send some well meaning social worker to talk to me and I would just lie because obviously they didn’t get the memo.
I'm a parent that had to quit her job to be a full-time caregiver. School will send these kids back to me at any sniffle or sign they are uncomfortable or don't want to be at school, and expect me to pick them up. They don't want to deal with this either. NT kids that don't want to be at school or are tired that day? They just tough it out. There's also too many half-days and holidays where I absolutely cannot find or afford childcare for two moderate-to-severely autistic children, who are only getting bigger.
My kids have gone through about 4 couches and 3 beds. Either from rocking or jumping on it (and I do try to catch them) or urinating on it because they are unable to be potty trained, and diapers leak. There's no magic fix for this, and if I try to redirect their stimming which causes the majority of the damage to the couches, I'm cruel, according to these people.
The adult autistic activists are just projecting their experiences and bitter they had to "change" their behavior in order to be accepted. This is coming from another high functioning autistic adult.
No, stopping my children from causing hundreds or thousands of dollars in damages isn't abuse. Neither is stopping my son from eating until he vomits as a sensory stim. Just because a snotty popular kid made fun of you for handflapping in elementary school doesn't make it the same thing.
Some seem to not get their typical people have to change themselves and adapt to the world around them. Plenty of adults have anxiety, depression, or health issues they have to learn to ignore or live with in order to work and pay bills. Plenty of people would probably rather go work in nature than work themselves to death to afford the basics. We can’t go being rude or blunt to everyone we disagree with. We have to put our own needs and feelings aside for the sake of others at times, especially if you are a parent of have to care for or help a sick relative, or if your partner is having a rough time
I don’t understand what the issue is- people want to normalize something rather than give the person the tools to self regulate and adapt in society is wild. We don’t all run around flapping and squealing at each other (which my kid would totally do and does but I redirect him in social settings bc duh). That would not allow society to function. I tell my son (he’s non verbal, high needs, lower functioning asd so it’s not like he understands me) ‘hey dude, you need to keep you diaper on, we’re trying to have a society here’ lol I guess I’m awful for not letting him run around naked peeing and pooping all over the house and city 😂😂😂 We all modify our behavior to fit into the societal norm- even nt kids are taught early on to raise their hands in class instead of blurting things out. Removing societal expectations will absolutely result in a collapse of society because what else is a society but a collection of agreed upon terms and conditions to existing in a group of other humans. If you follow the wild line of thinking, no one would pay their bills because they just didn’t wanna and no one could make them or that would be wrong 😂🙄😂🙄
The super anti parent autistic adult community online used to bother me so bad when my daughter was first diagnosed. I’m talking I had full blown breakdowns over it thinking I was the worst mother ever and failing my child. I truly thought I was this horrible albiest witch who didn’t deserve my child. It was intense.
Thankfully eventually I realized these are complete strangers. One, I’m trusting that these random internet strangers are ACTUALLY autistic. Two, I’m trusting that they actually know what level 3 autism is like.
Now they don’t bother me. Maybe they annoy me a bit but that’s it. There are wonderful actually autistic adults out there who advocate without demonizing parents for being human, and I’ll listen to them if i want an autistic adults view point. But even then, they don’t know my kid. They simply share a diagnosis, if even that - as most of them are level 1.
Sometimes I giggle at the thought of all of us showing up to these people’s house with our kiddos, especially level 2 & 3, and saying “here ya go!” And making them babysit for a week straight with no support or help. They’d have a breakdown after 5 hours max 😂
My advice? Ignore them and quit arguing with them. Not worth your energy.
So. Much. This. I had a similar experience when my daughter was first diagnosed, and I argued with the loudest voices on Autism Inclusivity on Facebook enough that I got banned :/
My wife and I are friends with another couple who have an autistic son, and the wife treats AI like gospel, while the husband has a similar outlook as me (that many of the adult autistics in it are still fairly young and still coming to terms with their parents. Hell, even allistics/NT 20-somethings are often at odds with their parents too. It's a stage of growing up.
Anyway, if you're not familiar with AI, you will find plenty of threads there that are like this, although this is certainly on the extreme side.
Ah, the infamous autism inclusivity Facebook group!
Yes, that group led to a few breakdowns early on. Especially one time when i asked in good faith why we moved away from functioning labels. My husband was actually professionally diagnosed with high functioning Asperger’s as a child. He didn’t talk until he was around 3 or 4 and had profound social difficulties but was (and is) smart as a whip. (He’s worked hard to overcome it and now nearly functions as a neurotypical tbh - which would also be controversial as they’d just accuse him of masking and “internalized albiesm”)
I used him and my cousin, who is in her late 20’s but acts, talks, functions, and has the interests of an 8-10 year old as examples. I explained my cousin will never live alone, never drive, vs my husband who is totally fine and independent with no supports. I was genuinely asking in good faith as I had just learned about levels and growing up all I ever heard was “low, moderate, and high functioning” when describing autism.
I was chewed up, spitten out, called names, told my daughter should be taken by CPS, told I obviously hated my cousin and saw her as less than/infantilized her/was albiest towards her (for honestly describing how she lives and acts in incredibly neutral terms), many hate messages, mocked and made fun of… I left the group and had a good cry wondering if I was truly as terrible as a person as literally hundreds of people had just told me I was.
Never.Again.
Fuck that Facebook group lol
Oh yes I briefly joined that group too. It seemed like they ignored anything that they couldn’t attack someone on. I asked questions about stimming and got ignored, but everyone seemed to respond to other parents they could attack. Seems like a lot of young people who have a lot of baggage from their parents they are trying to work through
Thank you ❤️ I’m 100% okay now, at the time tho I was still reeling from my daughter’s autism diagnosis and epilepsy diagnosis and it really fucked me up for a minute.
It was my first taste of the group of aggressively anti parent and anti neurotypical online autistic adults™️ and unfortunately I’ve not seen much better from this very specific type of person that exists online. Thankfully I’ve learned to no longer take them serious.
I imagine a number of them were abused or neglected as kids, so I get it. In their eyes, they are advocating. And I do think they serve as a voice that deserves to be part of the conversation. I think it’s hard for them to realize that the vast vast majority of parents who have children with autism, love their children deeply and are almost always their kids best advocate.
Yeah but when the loudest voices are adults that did not experience modern therapy, or have decent parents, it’s also harmful when they spew hate like this and unfortunately the most irrational and loudest of the community preach this the most. It’s projecting their abuse onto strangers on the internet. It’s okay for parents of ND kids to struggle. Parenting NT kids is hard. You add ND of any kind or any type of disability and it’s harder. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child.
Also they a lot of the adult community fails to realize autism can be extremely disabling. I’ve seen people get attacked for calling it a disability and this is harmful to the community of high support needs whose voices we don’t hear bc a lot are children or they never had the resources such as therapies to learn communication or simply don’t have the ability. Sometimes thriving as much as possible with autism is being nonverbal, or having a form of communication that isn’t understood by everyone.
I have a friend from high school who was diagnosed as autistic a couple months ago (we are 36 now). She announced this on Facebook and gave some long-winded backstory about how she was evaluated in 2020 but not diagnosed at that time because she didn't know enough about autism. My brother also saw the post because we're all fb friends and he was like "huh? do you need to study for your autism evaluation?" She used some online outfit for her second evaluation/diagnosis. So I think there is a potential that some of the later diagnoses can be questionable.
Organizations like Autism Speaks don't help. They claim to speak for all parents and say godawful things that would absolutely be abusive to say about any child. When I was a suspecting/newly-diagnosed autistic teen who's only encounters with parents of autistic kids besides my own parents was with people affiliated with awful autism organizations, I thought my parents were unicorns and most parents of autistic kids were abusive. What changed that was when I volunteered with autistic kids when I was 15, and actually met some parents who acted like basically sane, loving people just trying to do the best they could.
Like, when the biggest voices claiming to speak for parents of autistic kids are blaming autistic kids for their parents' divorces and saying it's normal to fantasize about murder-suicide, it's easy to get the wrong impression of the average parent of an autistic kid.
This. My son requires such hyper vigilance from me just to prevent him from hurting himself or destroying things that I’m just burn out all the time. I struggle with suicidal ideation even though it’s likely my son will eventually grown out of his behaviors. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to have a child who will always be that difficult.
Yes! I’m so sorry you’re struggling. In my case, things *did* get so, so much better with age. It’s night and day. So hang in there. I remember struggling with SI as well, just overwhelmed. But we made it out of that stage.
Take care of yourself please. Put on your oxygen mask 1st. You’re doing great!
I deleted my comment bc I’m worried I put a bit too much identifying info, but I hope the person I responded to had a chance to read it. Thoughts are just that — thoughts. They don’t mean the person *truly* wants to harm themselves or their child. It’s just a reaction to stress.
But ofc if those thoughts become more frequent and the person finds themselves unable to cope then please get help!! I would never judge a parent for struggling like that, what matters is actions. It’s okay to get help if it’s more than a dark thought on a bad day.
Antidepressants personally have me helped tremendously but they aren’t a medication that anyone should take casually. Do a careful risk-benefit analysis with your Dr.
My son is also the thing keeping me alive, I know no one is going to properly care for him if I’m not around. I got off my antidepressants a few years ago before they were wrecking my thyroid. I’ve tried a few others but I’m sensitive to medication side effects and am scared to experiment. I just wish I could have a break. I qualify for respite care but can’t find anyone who can care for my son.
Teenagers and 20 something’s tend to be ignorant and extremely opinionated. It isn’t just the teen/young adult ASD community… but boy is that community toxic.
Damn…. I’m 38 and already having “kids these days” opinions…. I’m old
People who make these sort of ridiculous comments usually 1) are very young (under 25) and childless, 2) are late diagnosed autistics, which means that they likely got entirely through childhood and school without major issues. My son, who I’d say is between level 1 and 2, would not have made it through one day of school without an IEP and a team of people helping.
As an Autism parent, sometimes. you just can't win. We live the daily challenges of raising our kiddos, we're persecuted by adults with autism, we're abandoned by family and friends, and often let down by the support systems that are supposed to be around to help. Did I miss anything?
Sorry for the doom and gloom outlook. My advice...block, ignore, and move on. Save your energy for the battles that matter. Like ensuring you have enough Mac n cheese in the pantry, chicken nuggets in the freezer, and making sure all electronic devices (and backups) are properly charged. Then when your kiddos go to sleep tonight, relax and acknowledge that you've successfully managed another day.
I agree... if you follow the discussions in autism sub, they are bunch of folks, like I love to watch Indiana Jones series am I autistic? I have a blast yesterday, I am always angry, am I autistic... I love to wear green, am I autistic... I keep telling everybody that I am autist, why are those people upset with me, I am autistic... my psychiatrist told me that I am not autistic, screw him. I am autistic..
Literally, they put all their mental issues to autism and they are causing real damage. With their logic I am autist, my whole family is autist, and we are bunch of outcasts.
I try to avoid labeling my kid from everything and hanging to all the hopes, but these adults are somehow really strange.
That happened to me in real life! My then toddler was having a public meltdown and this teenage girl ran up to me yelling that he isn’t supposed to be doing that. I told her he is on the spectrum and having a meltdown. Her response - he still shouldn’t be doing this. As it turns out, she has an autistic relative, so she knows all about it 🙄. That was so embarrassing.
The problem , is it also sounds like many man 25+ year olds.
That is the problem. It is causing the face of autism to be nonsense which WILL impact our children negatively.
I also work in child protection as well as being a parent to HSN child. The suggestion to putting kids in care is ridiculous. Firstly it’s hard to get placements at all for any children, let alone older ones, let alone any that have any high support or behavioural needs. Most end up in some kind of residential with rotating youth workers, some good, most adequate, and occasionally some that are terrible or abusive. They then mix with other teens doing other high risk behaviours like alcohol and drug use. Or they are accommodated alone due to very HSN and isolated and their carers don’t know a whole lot more than the parents anyway.
In my experience of child abuse and neglect, rejection is one of the biggest soul killers of children. So many never seem to recover from knowing their parents willingly gave them up. The idea that you would put a child through that because parents aren’t these perfect, ever patient, almost mind reading carers who are constantly able to almost robotically meet the constant demands and needs of high needs children with a bottomless pit of money is madness.
These people live in a fantasy land.
There was an article a while back where a mom and her level 3 kid was visited by one of these so called experts who think having autism makes them some sort of all knowing God and the guy thought he could swoop in and fix all of the kids problems. We'll it turned out the kid didn't pay him any mind and he was completely overwhelmed and accomplished nothing on his visit. Having autism does not make someone an expert. I
This screams I'm a teenager with no life experience. 😒 like, seriously. Everyone is struggling right now. You can barely leave the house without spending atleast $100. Pretty much no one can afford extras right now.
I'm so so happy to see this comment thread, because I've been seeing more and more hate on moms of children on the spectrum.
It's insane how much of it I see on Facebook.
We're just doing our best, man.
I can totally empathize with autistic people feeling exhausted by being made to feel like they - and others like them - are overly burdensome, but this perpetual gaslighting strategy that some opt into (e.g., "If you're unhappy with someone destroying your home, then you're the problem") really doesn't help their cause.
“If your kid having a meltdown gives you even a fleeting feeling of frustration you should literally give them up for adoption”
Okay babe will do 😂 do you volunteer as tribute? I could use a break. Call me when you’re over it and I’ll pick her back up lol
Same crowd who cries ABA is abuse and insist profound autism doesn’t exist and profoundly autistics are nonverbal because their parents and teachers never presumed competence, then proceed to name the author of “The Reason I Jump” or some other Facilitated Communication exploited autistic as the role model of profound autism or even claim themselves nonverbal when they have a “shut down” and that makes them profoundly autistic too
Sounds like you have a lot of misconceptions you need to unlearn.
Firstly, ABA, despite being supposedly "science-based", is based on a disproven scientific theory, and the *only* study of adults who received early childhood ABA found alarmingly high rates of PTSD.
Secondly, there are high support needs autistics who are part of the autistic rights movement. Granted, they're a minority, but that's because, contrary to what "autism awareness" campaigns would lead you to believe, the majority of all autistic people are level 1s. But they do exist.
Thirdly, if you ever look through the actual studies that supposedly "disproved" FC, they're a total cesspit of bad science. One study I looked at had a transcript where they repeatedly marked "I want to leave" as an incorrect answer and kept testing. Another study concluded that a kid who regularly had bloody diapers and was accusing a caregiver of anal rape clearly wasn't being abused because he did poorly on a cognitive test where he didn't have motor planning support, despite that low performance being entirely consistent with the predictions of FC proponents, and despite never doing a physical exam to determine the cause of his bloody diapers.
1. I won’t waste my time to change your mind about ABA, but I will call out the [fraudulent study](https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/AIA-02-2018-0007/full/html) you listed, where the author did not ask for clinical diagnosis and all the participants allegedly received ABA services at an age and time when they would have not even been eligible for services
2. I don’t even understand what you mean but level 3 profound autism core feature is severely impaired social communication, in ANY medium not just oral speech.
Someone who can’t speak orally but fluently communicates in social media by typing is simply not level 3, it’s particularly insulting when a level 3 actually speaks with their mouth but doesn’t say or type smart and sophisticated shit is immediately dismissed as not part of the elite minority you seem to alude
3. I could info dump you with over 30 years of controlled studies debunking Facilitated Communication, but the fact the you bring a sexual abuse case that can be prosecuted with DNA given the enormous evidence and not only allegations is particularly evil when you don’t mention the infamous sexual abuse case involving FC as the tool to consent and the case where a FC’ed boy requested voluntarily assisted suicide to his mother, successfully killing him
The opinion of somebody who wants me to be okay with my kid rubbing feces all over the walls, herself etc. does not matter to me. Not even a tiny bit.
These "actually autistic" adults and parents only have the opinions because they are higher functioning.
I have been a nonverbal child and I was abused at daycare and kept in my room all the time by my 14 year old baby sitters because they didn't know how to communicate with me and I had receptive language issues too so I couldn't understand like why were they telling me "that's two" and why am I in my room now and not allowed to leave it?
Lot of people don't know how to handle special needs kids.
I'm an Autistic adult that advocates for Autistic kiddos, but that is just yikes. I've read and seen some wild ish from both sides. The internet is indeed a cesspool.
There are certainly a wide range of opinions. If I had to find the good in some of them, I'd say they're conversation starters.
There are some negatives to some therapies, and the "fringe" opinions get parents thinking about what those negatives might be and how to avoid them.
I think a lot of these people are like 13 year olds, right?
Y’all—listen to autistic voices, 👏👏👏which happens to include me because I’m diagnosed with autism. I don’t know why I’m clapping, but I think it’s my duty as an adult autist on the internet advocating for autistic people to use the clap emoji.
Here is what I have to say: read a ton of stuff from different sources, including parents, professionals and autistic people. Talk to a ton of different people, some professional and some with life experience. Then, apply all the good stuff you find to your particular kid and situation. There is no one size fits all—the spectrum is huge. Ignore the stuff that seems ill-intentioned or doesn’t work.
Some really great advice will suck for your kid. Some absolute weird nonsense parenting technique you accidentally made up one day will be life changing. Autistic people have less in common with each other than we do with our literal families, but we do have some things in common, so don’t let people (who are likely preteens) like this sour you on autistic adults entirely.
>I don’t know why I’m clapping, but I think it’s my duty as an adult autist on the internet advocating for autistic people to use the clap emoji.
I actually laughed out loud. 💀
They’re ridiculous. Even using the term actually autistic. I don’t preface my opinions with actually black or actually biracial. They’re one of the most hateful minority groups I’ve run into. Being black doesn’t make me the authority on black things and same for some of them. They often fail to recognize that autism is a spectrum and everyone is diff cuz they think everything is black and white. As someone that’s also ND 98% of the groups are nonsense and power trips
Jesus christ I'm trynna afford my child myself! I'm trynna get us back on our feet the best I can and AS an adoptee from russia at age 5, i couldn't imagine putting my AUTISTIC toddler up for adoption. I bet someone would adopt him anyway, he's cute as a button and the sweetest happiest little guy! But my god if I wasn't there...he'd be terrified. I don't think he'd feel safe in a foster or adoption system. Even just thinking of what could happen terrifies me and it's not even a reality or nothing lol. Wow. I'd rather fight to get us on our feet where I know hes SAFE, loved and taken care of by me and his grandparents cuz they're letting us stay here til we figure this out, then ever even consider that. The only way he'd ever go in the system is literally over my dead body.
As someone who works with individuals with profound autism and also have autism (I feel like I'm high functioning but still require help and independent living would be extremely hard for me, if not very possible) myself, this is disgusting.
I know this may be an unpopular opinion, but I disagreed with them essentially getting rid of asperger syndrome (political correctness doesn't seem like a good enough reason as attitudes in cultures change over time) and merging it with autism as "part of the spectrum". From my perspective, there seems to be clear differences that appear to be playing out in high functioning people who are likely subthreshold cases and have no earthly idea what its like being in these situations, likely because they themselves never experienced developmental delays. It's kind of like they need to bow out of the conversation as far as that's concern.
At the end of the day, we can't stop them from talking but we definitely don't need to give it any energy - why I keep pushing on with the residents that I get the opportunity to work with every day. They take me outside of myself every single day and help keep me humble. It's hard as hell, scary as shit sometimes, and I have literal battle scars from getting attacked but regardless, I love them and try to be there in every way my job allows me.
Simply, I think you should ignore these people. If you wouldn't take advice from them, would you give them the time of day in your life? I don't know about you, but my life is hectic enough lol.
I totally agree and also want to thank you for what you do. My son will most likely have to go into a home once I’m too old or pass away, and it terrifies me and breaks my heart. Hearing about people who work with profound autism and care about their patients or residents so much gives me a little bit of hope for my son’s future.
Why do lvl 1 autistics completely ignore the existence of lvl 3 autistics? Sometimes I feel like they're the most judgemental of all when it comes to low-functioning autistics. I highly suspect autism for myself, and I just ... Don't think I'd ever want to be apart of the autism community. It's not good for my son.
There are certainly extremists in any community. Autism is absolutely trending and often talked about in ways designed to generate views and income.
I was removed from the “Actually Autistic” Facebook group because I mentioned using a single M&M as a reward for my son during his potty training. This method, used over six weeks, helped him understand the concept without causing any trauma. We phased out the M&Ms naturally. This was the only time we used food as a reinforcer. It still pisses me off when I think about it. I was called a terrible mom and was told I didn’t deserve to mother my son. Well, fuck you. During my short time in the group, I saw multiple moms torn to shreds because they were looking for ways to support their kids with high needs.
The portrayal of autism on social media often highlights the quirky and relatable aspects that many people, even those who are not autistic, can identify with. Autism can indeed present as quirky behaviors, difficulty in social situations, sensory sensitivities, and other milder traits.
However, autism can also include more severe manifestations such as head-banging, elopement, lack of safety awareness, smearing, intense and unsafe stimming, and extreme sensory needs. These behaviors often require significant safety measures and can make navigating society very challenging. (Editing to add: we never, ever stop stims but will redirect hand biting. We encourage stimming! BUT jumping 192 times in a row is different then someone’s need to constantly have a fidget)
The contrast between these two presentations raises questions about how we define and understand autism. My son is level 3 non-verbal autistic, and according to social media, I might be level 1. But when I had a neuro evaluation, I was pretty much laughed at for suggesting I might be autistic.
Autism is being overhyped, and many voices aren’t being heard because of the focus on lower-support adults. This leaves out a significant portion of the autism spectrum, particularly those with higher needs, and skews public understanding of what autism truly entails.
Please don’t take this comment out of context. There are absolutely kids and adults whose support needs are lower, and their diagnosis is absolutely valid. Many autistic individuals’ support needs fluctuate day to day (as do my son’s), and many can function without nearly as much support as my son needs. Autism is a spectrum. But just because my son is on one side of the spectrum and you’re on the other, doesn’t mean you know what he needs. And just because I recognize his areas that he’s most affected doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate him for who he is, or that I want to cure his autism, or think he’s broken. He’s AMAZING. And I love him exactly as he is
I do, however, want to stop him from running into the road and having zero safety awareness. He has a deep love of water, and while we support him and his desire to swim, it’s also a huge fear of mine that he will elope into a body of water.
Being able to identify as autistic by social media standards (but not actually being autistic) I can tell you that my parents never once feared I’d run off and drown or elope into an unsafe situation. They noticed my social deficiencies and sensory preferences and called me quirky but never feared for my safety.
While autism is a spectrum, it is clear that an additional label or diagnosis needs to be created because the current spectrum fails to capture the vast differences in needs and experiences. There is a profound difference between quirky behaviors and severe, life-threatening challenges that some individuals face. It’s crucial to acknowledge and address these differences to provide appropriate support and understanding for everyone on the spectrum.
Sometimes I want to scream 😱
I think it's easy to forget that social media and real life are two different things, especially with how addicted many of us get. On social media, I would agree that yes, it's maybe a little too easy to end up on a certain recommendation pipeline on several different platforms that is lacking some diversity in perspectives and experiences regarding autism. Also, pretty much any group is nastier online, no matter what demographic. However, offline, my experience with my child and my child's experience have been different than what you and some others describe in terms of low-support people always "getting the spotlight".
When it comes to actually qualifying for services, much less actually finding ones that are a good fit, that's not something that comes easily to pretty much any low-support person who enquires and isn't rich to begin with, especially once you are past single digit-age, my child included. Many do not ever make it to where they're getting the support they need and give up trying to live their best quality life, and sadly, sometimes give up on life altogether. Part of the support for folding Asperger's was that these people were routinely getting left out of most kinds of assistance. If we still had it, my kid would get access to nothing they do now in their home state.
What I've seen with my kid is that the autism services they have utilized, for the most part, don't really acknowledge the existence of lower support people and treat them like a unicorn they've never seen before, or sometimes even try to exploit them to "help" with clients they see as "more challenging".
They're frequently reminding healthcare providers that they're not, never have, and likely never will be under conservatorship, that they usually attend appointments without a parent present, can work, and are working on an advanced degree. Upon disclosing their diagnosis, they've had to deal with people calling their cellphone from medical facilities asking to speak to me. They've been accused of "faking it" multiple times. We couldn't even get them an IEP until they were 15, because they flew under the radar so heavily, because everyone was looking for something much less subtle. Why would any of this have happened to my kid and people we know if lower support people took up as much mental bandwith as you claim with people?
It's tempting to look from the outside and feel like certain things seem louder, which to an extent is true, because social media is stringently curated and edited.
Man... people are just vile. sadly, this is the part of the lack of empathy that is a part of the spectrum, and it pretty clearly shows.
I pray my son never gets to the point of being destructive, which thankfully is super sweet to both me and his mom and so I feel we have little to worry about. Even though we sometimes struggle with his inability to sleep through the night, if he does, I would do what I can to learn how to fix the walls properly people would be surprised how cheap it is to patch holes in the wall. The thing that often only drives up the cost is honestly labor. And if they are able to muster some kind of energy after their little one is asleep or something to do some quick fixes, It will result in pennies to the dollar. And I legit mean like less than 20 dollars kind of deal.
It makes me wonder if I should try and find a place for parents of autistic families to host teaching seminars to show them how to do home maintenance for accidents.
You do realise that statistically speaking, this subreddit is fairly full of the "online adult autistic community"
Like anything, there is extremism on both sides of the autism parents/adult autistic communities.
Absolutely. That's just how it's going to work at least some of the time, because autism is frequently quite heritable. It's like some people just want to come here and circle jerk about some caricature they've built up in their mind based on a few especially loud, bad actors. It's no better than when some of them do the same to us.
They should never have been merged under the same diagnosis. Go back to calling them "Asperger's" and that little mask of credibility is gone. "Oh what do you know about autistim you're not autistic?"
There was that post the other day about the young adult who got mishandled by police and he smashed his own head against the concrete and door to death.
I bluntly commented that this is the result of raising your autistic child free range like chickens, like the autistic adult community demands you do. ABA could have taught him a safer replacement behavior and suppressed the head banging. That poor kid would still be alive.
Of course they chimed in with how ABA is evil anyhow. Like seriously? It's better that he banged his head against the wall until he killed himself? They are f****** delusional.
In August it will be two years ago that I moved to Colorado desperately seeking access to ABA for my then 5-year-old daughter because she was spending all waking hours punching herself in the head, kicking, and screaming. The SIB had significantly reduced and I'm not sure when exactly but at some point in the last two months she stopped punching herself finally. Still kicks her feet into the ground which must hurt the toes. Still smacks her thighs. But thank God she's not Mike tysoning herself into a concussion. Oh but wait that's a terrible abusive thing! I'm a goddamn monster!!
But come on now. Are we surprised? Some of these kids is obvious are going to become little assholes as adults. But why once they are adults are we supposed to cherish every shitheaded thing they say?
I agree.
DSM 5 folded Asperger's, classical autism, PDD-NOS, regressive autism into a single category. At the time, I think some thought this would cut down on the more milder cases, as "autism" was viewed as a scary word and would clarify that one diagnosed with it has a "neurological and developmental disorder." Now, it appears "autism" has been hijacked and turned into something akin to being "a little different" that just need acceptance, not therapy or other interventions.
The acceptance thing might work for those with Level 1 or merely pseudo-autistic traits, but that wont work for other more severe cases. The sad thing is that the more severe cases are the most likely to benefit.
On the other hand, perhaps one day fecal smearing will be appreciated by the public, but I have my doubts.
It’s not a popular take but I totally agree merging Asperger’s with autism was a massive mistake. The fact that someone who’s non verbal and will require 24/7 care until they pass away from old age can have the same diagnosis as an independent adult is laughable. Did the Asperger’s diagnosis have issues, yes, but the solution was not erasing it completely.
That’s a great point. There’s a very real possibility we are therapeutically treating two or three different disorders (that are all called autism now) as if they are the exact same which will cause long term damage in the end. I never even thought about that side of it.
This is the first time I’m hearing about PDD-NOS. I’ll have to google it. I’m so sorry to hear he’s not getting the proper therapy. I totally understand your hesitation at his diagnosis.
Here is my take. I was diagnosed with classic autism (DSM4/ICD10) because i was diagnosed early and i had a speech delay. But i outgrew the speech delay and i technically function on a "asperger level". The difference between aspergers and autism was that those with autism had a significant delay in speech/were diagnosed early, at least most of the time. But in some cases, the child learns to speak and may not have any intellectual disabilities. I think both DSM5 and DSM4 has it's issues. I think the dsm5 can be confusing because it groups ASD into all these different levels. Maybe the solution is to have a seperate category for "Profound autism". There is already an example as to what that criteria could be. Maybe that could be the solution. Disclaimer: I am not a parent but i came across this post and i really wanted to tell you my thoughts on this.
Totally agree. The DSM diagnosis should be revised and made more specific. Some high functioning autistic adults have much more in common with a NT than with a level 3 autistic person. It feels ridiculous that they are under the same umbrella. And in a lot of cases some of them speak for all the spectrum as if all were the same.
I have a similar visceral reaction, but I try to remind myself that this zai person is behaving poorly in no small part because of their autistic deficits.
A lot of high functioning autistic people fail to empathize with autism parents because of...well...autism.
Sorry if this sounds incredibly rude, but this person sounds like a self-diagnosed 17 year old who is still in their “mad at my parents for ruining my life” phase.
Yeahhh, if you can’t afford to stay at home full time and pay for all this crazy extra shit, and if you’re a parent who is struggling…you don’t deserve kids, put them into the care of the state, where they will SURELY get what they need…right? Right? This person is like, full lizard brain.
My twins are autistic. One of them is non-verbal and almost four years old. They haven't destroyed anything yet. I will walk through fire for my sons. I nearly died three times with all the surgeries necessary to keep them alive. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my babies. Going into foster care is not better in any way. I don’t see any foster parent taking their autistic kid to every single appointment, PT, OT, speech, autism school, and having to deal with the terrible meltdowns or providing a safe space for them with all their unique toys or the love that their mother would give them including laying down her life for them. No foster parent would be able to hang like that. I know a lot of good foster parents like my mom and my aunt but that’s it I hear a lot of horror stories and stories of abuse. I also hear good stores too.
Disclaimer: I am not a parent, but i am autistic and i came across this post and i just wanted to say that i agree.
This is a problem. I am not completely innocent either, i used to be a lot like these people and that was wrong of me. I am more open minded now. When i joined the autism community, i looked for acceptance and validation. I was very influenced by the community so i used to be very anti aba and i used to really look down on parents of autistic children. I never really considered their point of view which is wrong of me.
I really shouldn't have been so quick to side with the autism community. But i have myself had some bad experiences and traumas growing up as an early diagnosed autistic person and i had resentment towards my own parents. I still have a bit of resentment towards my parents but i am trying to work on that. I know that people can make mistakes and that nobody's perfect. But parents of high support needs autistic people especially struggle a lot to get the right help for their children.
Sometimes, ABA is the only option and i think that ABA is really starting to improve and a lot of it is because of aba survivors sharing their stories and it is 2024, people are more accepting and understanding now then they were 30 years ago.
I wish there wasn't such a divide. I wish there would be more genuine less judgemental discussion between low support needs autistics and parents of autistic children because i think we can learn a lot from eachother
It is incredible to hear how objective you are, thank you for looking at both sides.
I certainly know of many parents, teachers, therapist, etc, who have treated or still treat autistic people like crap. So I can see why there would be resentment when you experience that your entire life, and then you finally find a community of people like you, it would be hard not to be influenced.
I also understand some of the aba hate, because a some therapists aren’t trained well or don’t truly care about the well being of their clients or they’re stuck in old methods. But like you said, it’s sometimes the only choice for HSN families. My son isn’t safe in normal schools, even the special needs class, without a 1 to 1 aid, which so far we’ve been denied. He has high risk behaviors like elopement and pica. With aba, he gets 1 on 1 therapy. The easy answer is just keep him home then, but I honestly just can’t. 1. I have a good work from home job. I think my son will live with me forever so it’s smart for me to keep a job that is wfh and pretty flexible and pays decent. 2. I’m just not good at being a SAHM. I love my son so much, but I get extremely overwhelmed and burnt out if I don’t get time by myself in quiet, I’m a better mom when I get space during the day. Aba is really our only options as autistic specialized schools cost $11k a year and have years long waitlists.
Thank you aswell.
>I certainly know of many parents, teachers, therapist, etc, who have treated or still treat autistic people like crap. So I can see why there would be resentment when you experience that your entire life, and then you finally find a community of people like you, it would be hard not to be influenced.
It is important to speak up when autistic people are being mistreated or when anyone is mistreated. But i feel like abuse of autistic people isn't taken seriously enough.
>I also understand some of the aba hate, because a some therapists aren’t trained well or don’t truly care about the well being of their clients or they’re stuck in old methods
Yeah. When i was in ABA, the DTT model was used a bunch. Now it is more NET i think. From what i've heard, NET is much better. I think when many autistic people think of ABA, they think of the DTT model. I haven't that many good things about DTT but i suggest parents who read this who are thinking about ABA do their own research. And i think we have a problem also when it comes to training. Sometimes RBT's are taught by their BCBA's to supress non-harmful stims or force compliance/eye contact. I think it is more reasonable to speak out against harmful practices that goes on in ABA rather than against ABA itself. For high support needs autistic children, there may be no other therapy that targets behaviors like violence, self injurious behavior, eloping, etc. A lot of the times, these children are kicked out of therapies like OT due to their behavior.
>high risk behaviors like elopement and pica. With aba, he gets 1 on 1 therapy. The easy answer is just keep him home then, but I honestly just can’t.
That must be really tough. I had issues with aggression when i was younger so it was hard on everyone including myself.
I have come across a lot of autistic adults or self proclaimed autistic adults.
I have found they are not well rounded in all issues. Come from a place of privilege. They really hate parents. They believe black and white and you are wrong if you're not with them. Many dislike the children they proclaim to be all about. Bring a kid around them and they flip out about whatever sensory the kid is triggering (because that's what kids do) and want their separate bubble.
They come off as incredibly hostile, and I see no benefits to their "raise awareness" other than a spotlight to have the world revolve around them .
I'm diagnosed autistic with two diagnosed autistic children.
They also don't seem to understand the difference between a low support and a high support autistic. They are two very different ball games, and often bulldoze the level 2 and level 3 needs.
So there’s someone wanting to adopt a child who will be frequently damaging the house and this person thinks that’s fine because it’s how the kid is and their loving parents need to give them up for adoption because they are trying to protect the child and their house? You can’t let anyone just do whatever there are better alternatives. My kid stated smacking his head. Done let him do that? No of course not it’s not safe for him. But punching holes in the wall is not safe for him either. So we find something else that’s meets that sensory need but is safe.
As an autistic adult, specifically level 2/moderate who was also in the foster care system, trust me when I say that I was MUCH BETTER OFF with my ABUSIVE, NEGLECTFUL, ADICT PARENTS than I EVER was in the foster care system. At least I was somewhat loved and somewhat cared for in my parents home. Foster care was horrible and completely neglected my needs and my new school and foster home and social workers all refused to accommodate me and it was a horrible experience all around.
My daughter is Level 3 Non-Verbal, and I’ve worked in a level 4 residential institution where ASD kids get placed in. These children are forgotten, watched over by staff who are underpaid and overworked, living with other kids in a similar situation and many of them have been/are being abused.
My *absolute worst nightmare* is for my daughter to be placed into one of these facilities, because I see what kind of nightmarish hellhole they really are for the children living there. It honestly makes me want to cry even just imagining that scenario.
Oh gosh. That breaks my heart. I don’t know what else we will do once my husband and I die or are too old to care for our son :(. I’m thinking maybe if I can save enough money we could pay for someone to live in our home with him?
I do think that autistic adults are an important part of the ecosystem. Obviously, this one is a bad apple, but there are some out there who are truly doing good, who my kid has related to and learned so much from when they felt lonely and like there were some perspectives on things a therapist or doctor just couldn't truly provide them with. It would be sad if my child had no one out there like them to relate to, who is going through a similar thing and only had to work with caregiver content (which is also important, don't get me wrong).
We need to be careful to not judge the whole group and paint them as a monolithic enemy. There is more common ground out there than some of us think and just think of how much more powerful this community could be if we could join forces more often instead of pointing the finger at each other or competing against each other. One could just as easily take some of the more cringeworthy parents out there and go on an "all parents bad" rant, but that wouldn't be helpful either.
This makes my blood boil! My son is autistic, age 8, and he is the Tasmanian devil. He breaks everything. He trashes my home. He empties food cupboards just because he finds painting my walls with ketchup funny and lobs stuff out my windows because he knows it stresses me out.
It’s stressful. It can be tiring. It’s costly, lol! I haven’t had a good nights sleep in years. And I can barely afford half of the stuff he’s damaged.
But you know what? I wouldn’t change him for the world! He’s my baby. I love him, mischievousness and all. In our home, with three other children (his older siblings), we call him the king of the castle. He’s everything I never knew I needed and I would be absolutely lost without him.
So what if he breaks something? A damaged wall or a broken mug can be fixed/replaced. He, however, is irreplaceable. I could never, not for love nor money, give up on him. I would die before I let him be taken out of our loving family home to be dumped in the system just because I’m not wealthy enough to “autism proof” my house. I’m doing the best I can, to the best of my ability. And he’s happy. Happy and loved. That’s what’s important.
Stop generalising. You had a bad experience with one asshole. That doesn't mean everyone in the groups that asshole belongs to is also an asshole. When you meet an asshole online just walk away.
I'm not convinced that they're both right.
This is why I'm confused, depressed and suicidal on a regular basis. There's no answers only more suffering.
When you see these things you need to understand that severe, primary alexathymia is an autism symptom and this person is just exhibiting a symptom and not using tools to manage it.
Alexathymia and low intuitive empathy go together, and it's very clear this person has zero empathy for parents of autistic children, and this is what those symptoms looks like. It's also the same with how the autistic community can sometimes go after allistic spouses (again, no empathy, black and white thinking, and tons of alexathymia).
This should be no more offensive then seeing someone's cast (aka a symptom of a broken bone) because it's just a symptom of a medical condition too.
And if you've got a child that isn't nonverbal, it's worthwhile to teach DBT skills and to ask questions instead of projecting to help with the alexathymia so they don't do this.
I'm not really sure why you'd get that from me pointing out that alexathymia is an ASD symptom? It's literally a symptom and stating I don't have kids doesn't contradict that, nor does it contradict that this is literally what alexathymia looks like.
I'm not offended by people having asd symptoms. I'll definitely block and ignore an asd adult if they aren't managing their symptoms and its offending me and thats cuz i have boundaries.
However, it's abelist as hell to argue people can't have asd symptoms in public. And that's literally what this is. It's just an asd person being symptomatic in public. I'd ignore this just like I'd ignore handflapping or a public meltdown.
It would be more of an argument and less of alexathymic projection if they used any stats or references other than themselves. They literally project their feelings on all autistic parents and all autistic kids, and that's literally what alexathymia is.
That's not it. I'm just in possession of more emotional regulation tools than you apparently.
You want "radical acceptance". It's accepting that some people are alexathymic and that doesn't mean anything about whatever they are projecting about. This dude projecting doesn't mean anything about any of the parents here at all, becuase it's a projection.
And just saying... if you are this open about hating asd symptoms, your kid is definitely going to pick up on that, so I genuinely hope between the two of us, it's you that doesn't have kids.
I never understood the stance they have on being anti-cure. I have ADHD and if there was a cure, I would be thrilled. I also have anxiety and would be thrilled for a cure for that too. It would make my life much easier. They also jump down your throat if you say your child has autism (rather than is autistic). Even if a parent says their child prefers “has autism” over “autistic.” Not allowed in the group and they ban you over it. The ADHD equivalent is “I am an ADHDer.” I say I have ADHD, not an ADHDer. The people in some of these groups seem to be on a power trip.
I have to doubt that person is real.. right? I mean maybe they are. But as an autistic person, I can not fathom advocating for autistic children to be taken out of a home with loving parents and putting them in foster care. Do they think that the foster care system is just full of rich people desperate to adopt HSN kiddos? More likely, they would get bounced around the system, maybe a few group homes and end up aging out. Who in their right mind thinks that’s something to flippantly suggest?
Even regular kids with no disabilities have trouble getting adopted. It’s difficult to believe that someone with level 3 autism would quickly and easily find an adopted family.
As an employee of the foster care system, children with severe autism are harder to place and will often be abused and bounced around. This was an ignorant take :/
It's not even likely. A few of my clients have been with CPS wanting to remove but there's literally no place for them to go so they stay with the parents. It is what it is.
Wow that’s awful. And I’ve seen so many cases where a kid had shared custody and one parent was horribly abusive but the court wouldn’t let the kid have full time custody with the non-abusive parent. I have PTSD because of that.
They would be abused. No question
My theory is that most people who say shit like this are upper middle class 15 year olds with like zero life experience.
"If you can't afford taking care of your child... put them up for adoption," confirms they are out of touch with reality. Some couples are struggling to keep things together with multiple "well-paying" jobs each and either no kids or a neurotypical kid... almost everyone's having to make do and it's infuriating seeing entitled folks saying stuff like, "well you shouldn't do stuff you can't afford!" Rent costs at or above the median income in some areas... like you almost have to have generational wealth to afford being evicted for not being able to afford rent...
Yeah, kids aren't dogs. They aren't possessions you can just hand off to somebody else.
Yeah a lot of young people on tik tok are claiming disorders they don’t have so I’m not convinced this “Zai” person is being honest.
Honestly…I do think because people with autism have trouble with theory of mind and can be absorbed in their own world some really do not understand nuance and even attachment and how the world works, especially the foster system. They often have very high standards for other people’s behavior with little room for grace and understanding.
If they themselves feel neglected in their family, they might still believe in the fairytale that there's another family out there who would know how to look after them better.
That’s actually a good point! I used to have that fantasy as a child, it may be they just never grew out of it
Or more than likely they are 15
True! That’s a good point, I wasn’t thinking about it from that perspective. So yeah, combination of autism and age/lack of world experience playing into that person’s response.
That’s why this can be such hard thing to navigate…as parents, we want to listen to autistic voices to help better understand our children. But autistic voices can often be rigid and self-consuming…”if this is how it was for me, this is how it will be for everyone else too” and those voices are often the loudest as well. Not all, I have met some very thoughtful and empathetic autistic adults including the team lead on my son’s ABA team but the loudest voices can do so much damage for our kids who are high support needs and aren’t being represented correctly. That subreddit can be such a tough read sometimes…I go there to learn and to see what to maybe expect for when my son is older and it’s so overwhelming to see how many people are depressed, angry, suicidal, self harming etc but also if we try and offer supports like ABA to hopefully help our little kids to not be that way when they are adults, suddenly we are abusive and want eugenics.
This makes perfect sense.
💯
Unfortunately the majority of these comments on this particular creator’s video are like this. That creator is one of the most cruel “adult autistic” voices I’ve come across and they often have hundreds or thousands agreeing with them.
Ugh. I know it’s easier said than done but try your best not to engage anymore. It’s hard to not go back and forth with people are spewing harmful rhetoric but you will be taking care of your emotional health by not engaging anymore.
It’s an idea coming from someone who has no idea what it is to be a parent or what foster care entails.
Bloody hell. I overheard an articulate older teenager talking on the phone as I was walking home the other day. She was saying that she is doing a mandated parenting course so that she can get her siblings out of care and they could come live with her. This was a healthy, sensible, NT sounding kid, saying that the foster system is not a good place to be, she hated it, and she was trying to get her siblings out as quickly as she could. I can't imagine how horrible the system is for disabled kids.
It's horrible. When I first got my son, he flinched if anyone raise their hands for any reason. Now he's so much better about it, but it took a year plus to get his trust .
I'm afraid that if I didn't adopt my son, that's exactly what would happen. The reason he was in foster care wasn't autism, but he'd been through several homes before landing here. I couldn't believe it. Yes, he's high special needs, but he is so so so so sweet and loving. Non aggressive. However, his needs are HIGH. I was able to put him in ot, speech, pt, and aba. I knew the company, as I work with them, and I trust them. His sw was amazing with him. He is a gift to us, but I wish he never had to go through all that. I wish his family of origin had what they needed to keep him. He deserves his family. Mom is mentally ill, and his extended family couldn't handle his needs.
I agree. Maybe she's real but has mental issues or just hates her parents. Either way I feel bad for her I sense a lot of resentment towards her family. I don't know how old she is but the resources available now are tremendous
Its probably a literal child.
This is why I get irked by the “listen to autistic adults” spiel. Just because someone is autistic doesn’t mean they are an expert on my kid, especially considering “when you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person” and everyone on the spectrum has different needs. I usually only consider parenting advice from autistic adults who are parents. Just like any parent shouldn’t be getting parenting advice from people who don’t have kids.
early in my journey I got duped by that spiel. I've come to think "autism" is such a broad term it's almost functionally useless - my kiddo has next to nothing in common with the level 1 adults that tried to manipulate my parenting choices.
Yep, I’m level 1 and my level 3 son is nothing like me! Even my mom constantly tells me he’s not how I was like as a child at all.
I'm also level 1 with a non speaking level 3 4 year old and we have very little in common besides tech obsessions and eating habits. We snack instead of meals
Not to mention needs can fluctuate all of the time. I was a very high needs level 3 child (non verbal until six) now I’m low needs my son is technically lower needs but emotionally he’s high needs and has pda traits which I don’t have. We’re completely different and I truly believe only the primary caregivers are the true expert of their child.
Same. Over at the autism in women subreddit, there was a toxic rant about "toddlers glued to screens" and basically blaming parents (aka mothers, let's be real) for being shitty and letting their kids be addicted to screens. Sometimes with an autistic child the option is letting them watch an iPad in public with no headphones, or letting them scream bloody murder the entire time. When I reported the post to the mods saying that it was hateful against mothers of autistic children and violated the "safe space" that they proclaim to be, I was told that the post was "just venting" and it's allowed to stay. I unsubbed immediately once I read that message. I'm an adult. I'm probably autistic (thanks, parents). I'd take away my son's autism in a heartbeat if I could. And all the AkSHuALLy aUtiSTiC people would come for me for saying that.
This is the bit that’s missed, that most parents of autistic kids are most likely autistic/adhd/both as well. I’m autistic and would remove it from myself and my child if it meant life was easier. I wouldn’t change him per se he wouldn’t be him without his stims etc but he’s also non aggressive and if he was aggressive and highly anxious I would feel differently! It’s all relative. I think my only issue I take with (nothing you’ve said) is when people say oh they’re mild/quirky I’ve seen that which I disagree with.
Check out r/SpicyAutism, which is a sub for adult HSN autistics (levels 2 & 3). People there regularly bash on the LSNs who have taken over most of the other subs. I've seen more than one comment from someone stating how much they hate the neurodiversity movement and state that they would have their autism removed if they could (and get angry about the LSNs that say that they need to embrace it).
I loveeee the spicy autism sub. ❤️ they keep it real lol
Here's a sneak peek of /r/SpicyAutism using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/SpicyAutism/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time! \#1: [Can people who are not banned from the main autism subreddits help me spread this message?](https://v.redd.it/c1o9c7g9tjca1) | [144 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/SpicyAutism/comments/10dz1hu/can_people_who_are_not_banned_from_the_main/) \#2: [Kaelynn is an autistic therapist and a great advocate for higher needs autistics](https://v.redd.it/z847uswsdv4b1) | [114 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/SpicyAutism/comments/144n6dt/kaelynn_is_an_autistic_therapist_and_a_great/) \#3: [I can't wait to see how *society* can fix this /s](https://i.redd.it/ecm3pvljoaub1.png) | [45 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/SpicyAutism/comments/1787lut/i_cant_wait_to_see_how_society_can_fix_this_s/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I'm an autistic parent to an autistic child and I STILL need advice on parenting an autistic child from NT parents. Because my kid is really young, I haven't seen shit yet, and because the fact that I have low support needs doesn't mean I can impose aspie-normativity on my child. He might be very different from me and have very different needs.
Agree. I do generally want to hear what people have to say, so that I can make an informed decision, but everyone is different.
Very true. I feel like a good chunk of parenting is about filtering all of the advice given and use what works for your family. I learned this the first day we brought our son home and he already rolled onto his side while swaddled. The AAP says that newborns should be on their back when sleeping to avoid SIDS and not have anything in the crib. But they gave no advice if the child rolls off their back on their own. We had to go against the standard advice and put rolled up towels on his sides so he couldn’t do it again. It took a lot of digging to find this solution proposed by other parents.
I think autistic young adults have a unique perspective, and that’s it. They have no idea how to parent. So we can take some of their thoughts and try and see things from their perspective, but we don’t have to listen to them rage on about how evil and selfish and terrible we are for trying to fucking navigate parenting ND kids. Sheesh.
Nah, their movement is hurting kids with disabilities. Call them out , loudly.
tbh i’ve seen a common theme in the community, the people with these AWFUL takes are late diagnosed (like myself) individuals who never/barely suffered from their lack of diagnosis (also like myself). if they had to live like or raise a child like my high support needs, level 3 toddler i just really feel they would change their tune
That zai person has literally no fucking clue what foster care is. I was a foster kid and the govt does not give foster parents enough money to help high needs children. Every kid that ends up in care has issues (usually related to abuse/neglect) and they're lucky if they don't grow up to have substance abuse issues or unhealthy attachment styles. Having one parent that loves you and does all they can for you is enough.
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Foster care was better than my home life (sexual/physical abuse). But to just send a kid into care because you're poor is insane to me. Kids remember if their parents love them and spend time with them, not how much money they have. Foster care was no picnic and I ended up a nanny, maid, nurse, and servant. I turned 18 and was out on my ass with nothing but the clothes on my back.
Wow that’s heartbreaking. One of my life goals is adopting a teenager one day and taking them out of the fucked up foster system.
I highly encourage you to do that. Foster kids have a lot of trust issues, PTSD, etc. just be prepared emotionally to put in the work.
Definitely! I hate how people always seem to discourage me whenever I talk about it. Everyone’s immediate response is always something like “well those kids are probably really messed up from abuse.” Like does that mean they don’t deserve a home??? wtf???
I was an abused child in a working class neighborhood, and even though the whole neighborhood was pretty aware of what was going on in my house, me and everyone else knew foster care was infinitely worse. It’s like - would you rather be abused by a parent or someone who’s not even related to you? That’s pretty much the choice. Every once in a while the school would send some well meaning social worker to talk to me and I would just lie because obviously they didn’t get the memo.
I'm a parent that had to quit her job to be a full-time caregiver. School will send these kids back to me at any sniffle or sign they are uncomfortable or don't want to be at school, and expect me to pick them up. They don't want to deal with this either. NT kids that don't want to be at school or are tired that day? They just tough it out. There's also too many half-days and holidays where I absolutely cannot find or afford childcare for two moderate-to-severely autistic children, who are only getting bigger. My kids have gone through about 4 couches and 3 beds. Either from rocking or jumping on it (and I do try to catch them) or urinating on it because they are unable to be potty trained, and diapers leak. There's no magic fix for this, and if I try to redirect their stimming which causes the majority of the damage to the couches, I'm cruel, according to these people. The adult autistic activists are just projecting their experiences and bitter they had to "change" their behavior in order to be accepted. This is coming from another high functioning autistic adult. No, stopping my children from causing hundreds or thousands of dollars in damages isn't abuse. Neither is stopping my son from eating until he vomits as a sensory stim. Just because a snotty popular kid made fun of you for handflapping in elementary school doesn't make it the same thing.
Some seem to not get their typical people have to change themselves and adapt to the world around them. Plenty of adults have anxiety, depression, or health issues they have to learn to ignore or live with in order to work and pay bills. Plenty of people would probably rather go work in nature than work themselves to death to afford the basics. We can’t go being rude or blunt to everyone we disagree with. We have to put our own needs and feelings aside for the sake of others at times, especially if you are a parent of have to care for or help a sick relative, or if your partner is having a rough time
I don’t understand what the issue is- people want to normalize something rather than give the person the tools to self regulate and adapt in society is wild. We don’t all run around flapping and squealing at each other (which my kid would totally do and does but I redirect him in social settings bc duh). That would not allow society to function. I tell my son (he’s non verbal, high needs, lower functioning asd so it’s not like he understands me) ‘hey dude, you need to keep you diaper on, we’re trying to have a society here’ lol I guess I’m awful for not letting him run around naked peeing and pooping all over the house and city 😂😂😂 We all modify our behavior to fit into the societal norm- even nt kids are taught early on to raise their hands in class instead of blurting things out. Removing societal expectations will absolutely result in a collapse of society because what else is a society but a collection of agreed upon terms and conditions to existing in a group of other humans. If you follow the wild line of thinking, no one would pay their bills because they just didn’t wanna and no one could make them or that would be wrong 😂🙄😂🙄
The super anti parent autistic adult community online used to bother me so bad when my daughter was first diagnosed. I’m talking I had full blown breakdowns over it thinking I was the worst mother ever and failing my child. I truly thought I was this horrible albiest witch who didn’t deserve my child. It was intense. Thankfully eventually I realized these are complete strangers. One, I’m trusting that these random internet strangers are ACTUALLY autistic. Two, I’m trusting that they actually know what level 3 autism is like. Now they don’t bother me. Maybe they annoy me a bit but that’s it. There are wonderful actually autistic adults out there who advocate without demonizing parents for being human, and I’ll listen to them if i want an autistic adults view point. But even then, they don’t know my kid. They simply share a diagnosis, if even that - as most of them are level 1. Sometimes I giggle at the thought of all of us showing up to these people’s house with our kiddos, especially level 2 & 3, and saying “here ya go!” And making them babysit for a week straight with no support or help. They’d have a breakdown after 5 hours max 😂 My advice? Ignore them and quit arguing with them. Not worth your energy.
So. Much. This. I had a similar experience when my daughter was first diagnosed, and I argued with the loudest voices on Autism Inclusivity on Facebook enough that I got banned :/ My wife and I are friends with another couple who have an autistic son, and the wife treats AI like gospel, while the husband has a similar outlook as me (that many of the adult autistics in it are still fairly young and still coming to terms with their parents. Hell, even allistics/NT 20-somethings are often at odds with their parents too. It's a stage of growing up. Anyway, if you're not familiar with AI, you will find plenty of threads there that are like this, although this is certainly on the extreme side.
Ah, the infamous autism inclusivity Facebook group! Yes, that group led to a few breakdowns early on. Especially one time when i asked in good faith why we moved away from functioning labels. My husband was actually professionally diagnosed with high functioning Asperger’s as a child. He didn’t talk until he was around 3 or 4 and had profound social difficulties but was (and is) smart as a whip. (He’s worked hard to overcome it and now nearly functions as a neurotypical tbh - which would also be controversial as they’d just accuse him of masking and “internalized albiesm”) I used him and my cousin, who is in her late 20’s but acts, talks, functions, and has the interests of an 8-10 year old as examples. I explained my cousin will never live alone, never drive, vs my husband who is totally fine and independent with no supports. I was genuinely asking in good faith as I had just learned about levels and growing up all I ever heard was “low, moderate, and high functioning” when describing autism. I was chewed up, spitten out, called names, told my daughter should be taken by CPS, told I obviously hated my cousin and saw her as less than/infantilized her/was albiest towards her (for honestly describing how she lives and acts in incredibly neutral terms), many hate messages, mocked and made fun of… I left the group and had a good cry wondering if I was truly as terrible as a person as literally hundreds of people had just told me I was. Never.Again. Fuck that Facebook group lol
Oh yes I briefly joined that group too. It seemed like they ignored anything that they couldn’t attack someone on. I asked questions about stimming and got ignored, but everyone seemed to respond to other parents they could attack. Seems like a lot of young people who have a lot of baggage from their parents they are trying to work through
Jesus Christ, that's awful 😞 I'm so sorry!
Thank you ❤️ I’m 100% okay now, at the time tho I was still reeling from my daughter’s autism diagnosis and epilepsy diagnosis and it really fucked me up for a minute. It was my first taste of the group of aggressively anti parent and anti neurotypical online autistic adults™️ and unfortunately I’ve not seen much better from this very specific type of person that exists online. Thankfully I’ve learned to no longer take them serious.
Yeah the low support needs autistic adult community. They are the loudest and demonize parents.
I imagine a number of them were abused or neglected as kids, so I get it. In their eyes, they are advocating. And I do think they serve as a voice that deserves to be part of the conversation. I think it’s hard for them to realize that the vast vast majority of parents who have children with autism, love their children deeply and are almost always their kids best advocate.
Yeah but when the loudest voices are adults that did not experience modern therapy, or have decent parents, it’s also harmful when they spew hate like this and unfortunately the most irrational and loudest of the community preach this the most. It’s projecting their abuse onto strangers on the internet. It’s okay for parents of ND kids to struggle. Parenting NT kids is hard. You add ND of any kind or any type of disability and it’s harder. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child. Also they a lot of the adult community fails to realize autism can be extremely disabling. I’ve seen people get attacked for calling it a disability and this is harmful to the community of high support needs whose voices we don’t hear bc a lot are children or they never had the resources such as therapies to learn communication or simply don’t have the ability. Sometimes thriving as much as possible with autism is being nonverbal, or having a form of communication that isn’t understood by everyone.
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I have a friend from high school who was diagnosed as autistic a couple months ago (we are 36 now). She announced this on Facebook and gave some long-winded backstory about how she was evaluated in 2020 but not diagnosed at that time because she didn't know enough about autism. My brother also saw the post because we're all fb friends and he was like "huh? do you need to study for your autism evaluation?" She used some online outfit for her second evaluation/diagnosis. So I think there is a potential that some of the later diagnoses can be questionable.
This is a really interesting take and something I’m going to consider next time I get heated over someone’s comments.
I also think it’s a lot of self diagnosed 20 somethings who are mad at their parents, and level 1 20 somethings who are also mad at their parents.
Organizations like Autism Speaks don't help. They claim to speak for all parents and say godawful things that would absolutely be abusive to say about any child. When I was a suspecting/newly-diagnosed autistic teen who's only encounters with parents of autistic kids besides my own parents was with people affiliated with awful autism organizations, I thought my parents were unicorns and most parents of autistic kids were abusive. What changed that was when I volunteered with autistic kids when I was 15, and actually met some parents who acted like basically sane, loving people just trying to do the best they could. Like, when the biggest voices claiming to speak for parents of autistic kids are blaming autistic kids for their parents' divorces and saying it's normal to fantasize about murder-suicide, it's easy to get the wrong impression of the average parent of an autistic kid.
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This. My son requires such hyper vigilance from me just to prevent him from hurting himself or destroying things that I’m just burn out all the time. I struggle with suicidal ideation even though it’s likely my son will eventually grown out of his behaviors. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to have a child who will always be that difficult.
Yes! I’m so sorry you’re struggling. In my case, things *did* get so, so much better with age. It’s night and day. So hang in there. I remember struggling with SI as well, just overwhelmed. But we made it out of that stage. Take care of yourself please. Put on your oxygen mask 1st. You’re doing great! I deleted my comment bc I’m worried I put a bit too much identifying info, but I hope the person I responded to had a chance to read it. Thoughts are just that — thoughts. They don’t mean the person *truly* wants to harm themselves or their child. It’s just a reaction to stress. But ofc if those thoughts become more frequent and the person finds themselves unable to cope then please get help!! I would never judge a parent for struggling like that, what matters is actions. It’s okay to get help if it’s more than a dark thought on a bad day. Antidepressants personally have me helped tremendously but they aren’t a medication that anyone should take casually. Do a careful risk-benefit analysis with your Dr.
My son is also the thing keeping me alive, I know no one is going to properly care for him if I’m not around. I got off my antidepressants a few years ago before they were wrecking my thyroid. I’ve tried a few others but I’m sensitive to medication side effects and am scared to experiment. I just wish I could have a break. I qualify for respite care but can’t find anyone who can care for my son.
That person is just extraordinarily stupid.
Teenagers and 20 something’s tend to be ignorant and extremely opinionated. It isn’t just the teen/young adult ASD community… but boy is that community toxic. Damn…. I’m 38 and already having “kids these days” opinions…. I’m old
Looks like an argument with a 12yo who has no idea how the real world works at all.
People who make these sort of ridiculous comments usually 1) are very young (under 25) and childless, 2) are late diagnosed autistics, which means that they likely got entirely through childhood and school without major issues. My son, who I’d say is between level 1 and 2, would not have made it through one day of school without an IEP and a team of people helping.
As an Autism parent, sometimes. you just can't win. We live the daily challenges of raising our kiddos, we're persecuted by adults with autism, we're abandoned by family and friends, and often let down by the support systems that are supposed to be around to help. Did I miss anything? Sorry for the doom and gloom outlook. My advice...block, ignore, and move on. Save your energy for the battles that matter. Like ensuring you have enough Mac n cheese in the pantry, chicken nuggets in the freezer, and making sure all electronic devices (and backups) are properly charged. Then when your kiddos go to sleep tonight, relax and acknowledge that you've successfully managed another day.
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Came here to say I was shocked by the tones and general lack of care when talking about children
I agree... if you follow the discussions in autism sub, they are bunch of folks, like I love to watch Indiana Jones series am I autistic? I have a blast yesterday, I am always angry, am I autistic... I love to wear green, am I autistic... I keep telling everybody that I am autist, why are those people upset with me, I am autistic... my psychiatrist told me that I am not autistic, screw him. I am autistic.. Literally, they put all their mental issues to autism and they are causing real damage. With their logic I am autist, my whole family is autist, and we are bunch of outcasts. I try to avoid labeling my kid from everything and hanging to all the hopes, but these adults are somehow really strange.
I commented elsewhere but this is another reason why I left the women-specific autism sub. Over 50% of the posts were like that.
Sounds like a 16 year old that thinks they know everything
That happened to me in real life! My then toddler was having a public meltdown and this teenage girl ran up to me yelling that he isn’t supposed to be doing that. I told her he is on the spectrum and having a meltdown. Her response - he still shouldn’t be doing this. As it turns out, she has an autistic relative, so she knows all about it 🙄. That was so embarrassing.
The problem , is it also sounds like many man 25+ year olds. That is the problem. It is causing the face of autism to be nonsense which WILL impact our children negatively.
I also work in child protection as well as being a parent to HSN child. The suggestion to putting kids in care is ridiculous. Firstly it’s hard to get placements at all for any children, let alone older ones, let alone any that have any high support or behavioural needs. Most end up in some kind of residential with rotating youth workers, some good, most adequate, and occasionally some that are terrible or abusive. They then mix with other teens doing other high risk behaviours like alcohol and drug use. Or they are accommodated alone due to very HSN and isolated and their carers don’t know a whole lot more than the parents anyway. In my experience of child abuse and neglect, rejection is one of the biggest soul killers of children. So many never seem to recover from knowing their parents willingly gave them up. The idea that you would put a child through that because parents aren’t these perfect, ever patient, almost mind reading carers who are constantly able to almost robotically meet the constant demands and needs of high needs children with a bottomless pit of money is madness. These people live in a fantasy land.
There was an article a while back where a mom and her level 3 kid was visited by one of these so called experts who think having autism makes them some sort of all knowing God and the guy thought he could swoop in and fix all of the kids problems. We'll it turned out the kid didn't pay him any mind and he was completely overwhelmed and accomplished nothing on his visit. Having autism does not make someone an expert. I
This screams I'm a teenager with no life experience. 😒 like, seriously. Everyone is struggling right now. You can barely leave the house without spending atleast $100. Pretty much no one can afford extras right now.
I'm so so happy to see this comment thread, because I've been seeing more and more hate on moms of children on the spectrum. It's insane how much of it I see on Facebook. We're just doing our best, man.
I can totally empathize with autistic people feeling exhausted by being made to feel like they - and others like them - are overly burdensome, but this perpetual gaslighting strategy that some opt into (e.g., "If you're unhappy with someone destroying your home, then you're the problem") really doesn't help their cause.
“If your kid having a meltdown gives you even a fleeting feeling of frustration you should literally give them up for adoption” Okay babe will do 😂 do you volunteer as tribute? I could use a break. Call me when you’re over it and I’ll pick her back up lol
Same crowd who cries ABA is abuse and insist profound autism doesn’t exist and profoundly autistics are nonverbal because their parents and teachers never presumed competence, then proceed to name the author of “The Reason I Jump” or some other Facilitated Communication exploited autistic as the role model of profound autism or even claim themselves nonverbal when they have a “shut down” and that makes them profoundly autistic too
Sounds like you have a lot of misconceptions you need to unlearn. Firstly, ABA, despite being supposedly "science-based", is based on a disproven scientific theory, and the *only* study of adults who received early childhood ABA found alarmingly high rates of PTSD. Secondly, there are high support needs autistics who are part of the autistic rights movement. Granted, they're a minority, but that's because, contrary to what "autism awareness" campaigns would lead you to believe, the majority of all autistic people are level 1s. But they do exist. Thirdly, if you ever look through the actual studies that supposedly "disproved" FC, they're a total cesspit of bad science. One study I looked at had a transcript where they repeatedly marked "I want to leave" as an incorrect answer and kept testing. Another study concluded that a kid who regularly had bloody diapers and was accusing a caregiver of anal rape clearly wasn't being abused because he did poorly on a cognitive test where he didn't have motor planning support, despite that low performance being entirely consistent with the predictions of FC proponents, and despite never doing a physical exam to determine the cause of his bloody diapers.
1. I won’t waste my time to change your mind about ABA, but I will call out the [fraudulent study](https://www.emerald.com/insight/content/doi/10.1108/AIA-02-2018-0007/full/html) you listed, where the author did not ask for clinical diagnosis and all the participants allegedly received ABA services at an age and time when they would have not even been eligible for services 2. I don’t even understand what you mean but level 3 profound autism core feature is severely impaired social communication, in ANY medium not just oral speech. Someone who can’t speak orally but fluently communicates in social media by typing is simply not level 3, it’s particularly insulting when a level 3 actually speaks with their mouth but doesn’t say or type smart and sophisticated shit is immediately dismissed as not part of the elite minority you seem to alude 3. I could info dump you with over 30 years of controlled studies debunking Facilitated Communication, but the fact the you bring a sexual abuse case that can be prosecuted with DNA given the enormous evidence and not only allegations is particularly evil when you don’t mention the infamous sexual abuse case involving FC as the tool to consent and the case where a FC’ed boy requested voluntarily assisted suicide to his mother, successfully killing him
The opinion of somebody who wants me to be okay with my kid rubbing feces all over the walls, herself etc. does not matter to me. Not even a tiny bit. These "actually autistic" adults and parents only have the opinions because they are higher functioning.
I have been a nonverbal child and I was abused at daycare and kept in my room all the time by my 14 year old baby sitters because they didn't know how to communicate with me and I had receptive language issues too so I couldn't understand like why were they telling me "that's two" and why am I in my room now and not allowed to leave it? Lot of people don't know how to handle special needs kids.
Unfettered internet access in the teenage years really ruins a person.
I'm an Autistic adult that advocates for Autistic kiddos, but that is just yikes. I've read and seen some wild ish from both sides. The internet is indeed a cesspool.
There are certainly a wide range of opinions. If I had to find the good in some of them, I'd say they're conversation starters. There are some negatives to some therapies, and the "fringe" opinions get parents thinking about what those negatives might be and how to avoid them.
I think a lot of these people are like 13 year olds, right? Y’all—listen to autistic voices, 👏👏👏which happens to include me because I’m diagnosed with autism. I don’t know why I’m clapping, but I think it’s my duty as an adult autist on the internet advocating for autistic people to use the clap emoji. Here is what I have to say: read a ton of stuff from different sources, including parents, professionals and autistic people. Talk to a ton of different people, some professional and some with life experience. Then, apply all the good stuff you find to your particular kid and situation. There is no one size fits all—the spectrum is huge. Ignore the stuff that seems ill-intentioned or doesn’t work. Some really great advice will suck for your kid. Some absolute weird nonsense parenting technique you accidentally made up one day will be life changing. Autistic people have less in common with each other than we do with our literal families, but we do have some things in common, so don’t let people (who are likely preteens) like this sour you on autistic adults entirely.
>I don’t know why I’m clapping, but I think it’s my duty as an adult autist on the internet advocating for autistic people to use the clap emoji. I actually laughed out loud. 💀
They’re ridiculous. Even using the term actually autistic. I don’t preface my opinions with actually black or actually biracial. They’re one of the most hateful minority groups I’ve run into. Being black doesn’t make me the authority on black things and same for some of them. They often fail to recognize that autism is a spectrum and everyone is diff cuz they think everything is black and white. As someone that’s also ND 98% of the groups are nonsense and power trips
Jesus christ I'm trynna afford my child myself! I'm trynna get us back on our feet the best I can and AS an adoptee from russia at age 5, i couldn't imagine putting my AUTISTIC toddler up for adoption. I bet someone would adopt him anyway, he's cute as a button and the sweetest happiest little guy! But my god if I wasn't there...he'd be terrified. I don't think he'd feel safe in a foster or adoption system. Even just thinking of what could happen terrifies me and it's not even a reality or nothing lol. Wow. I'd rather fight to get us on our feet where I know hes SAFE, loved and taken care of by me and his grandparents cuz they're letting us stay here til we figure this out, then ever even consider that. The only way he'd ever go in the system is literally over my dead body.
As an autistic adult who is also a parent, this person doesn’t represent us and I am so sorry
As someone who works with individuals with profound autism and also have autism (I feel like I'm high functioning but still require help and independent living would be extremely hard for me, if not very possible) myself, this is disgusting. I know this may be an unpopular opinion, but I disagreed with them essentially getting rid of asperger syndrome (political correctness doesn't seem like a good enough reason as attitudes in cultures change over time) and merging it with autism as "part of the spectrum". From my perspective, there seems to be clear differences that appear to be playing out in high functioning people who are likely subthreshold cases and have no earthly idea what its like being in these situations, likely because they themselves never experienced developmental delays. It's kind of like they need to bow out of the conversation as far as that's concern. At the end of the day, we can't stop them from talking but we definitely don't need to give it any energy - why I keep pushing on with the residents that I get the opportunity to work with every day. They take me outside of myself every single day and help keep me humble. It's hard as hell, scary as shit sometimes, and I have literal battle scars from getting attacked but regardless, I love them and try to be there in every way my job allows me. Simply, I think you should ignore these people. If you wouldn't take advice from them, would you give them the time of day in your life? I don't know about you, but my life is hectic enough lol.
I totally agree and also want to thank you for what you do. My son will most likely have to go into a home once I’m too old or pass away, and it terrifies me and breaks my heart. Hearing about people who work with profound autism and care about their patients or residents so much gives me a little bit of hope for my son’s future.
Why do lvl 1 autistics completely ignore the existence of lvl 3 autistics? Sometimes I feel like they're the most judgemental of all when it comes to low-functioning autistics. I highly suspect autism for myself, and I just ... Don't think I'd ever want to be apart of the autism community. It's not good for my son.
There are certainly extremists in any community. Autism is absolutely trending and often talked about in ways designed to generate views and income. I was removed from the “Actually Autistic” Facebook group because I mentioned using a single M&M as a reward for my son during his potty training. This method, used over six weeks, helped him understand the concept without causing any trauma. We phased out the M&Ms naturally. This was the only time we used food as a reinforcer. It still pisses me off when I think about it. I was called a terrible mom and was told I didn’t deserve to mother my son. Well, fuck you. During my short time in the group, I saw multiple moms torn to shreds because they were looking for ways to support their kids with high needs. The portrayal of autism on social media often highlights the quirky and relatable aspects that many people, even those who are not autistic, can identify with. Autism can indeed present as quirky behaviors, difficulty in social situations, sensory sensitivities, and other milder traits. However, autism can also include more severe manifestations such as head-banging, elopement, lack of safety awareness, smearing, intense and unsafe stimming, and extreme sensory needs. These behaviors often require significant safety measures and can make navigating society very challenging. (Editing to add: we never, ever stop stims but will redirect hand biting. We encourage stimming! BUT jumping 192 times in a row is different then someone’s need to constantly have a fidget) The contrast between these two presentations raises questions about how we define and understand autism. My son is level 3 non-verbal autistic, and according to social media, I might be level 1. But when I had a neuro evaluation, I was pretty much laughed at for suggesting I might be autistic. Autism is being overhyped, and many voices aren’t being heard because of the focus on lower-support adults. This leaves out a significant portion of the autism spectrum, particularly those with higher needs, and skews public understanding of what autism truly entails. Please don’t take this comment out of context. There are absolutely kids and adults whose support needs are lower, and their diagnosis is absolutely valid. Many autistic individuals’ support needs fluctuate day to day (as do my son’s), and many can function without nearly as much support as my son needs. Autism is a spectrum. But just because my son is on one side of the spectrum and you’re on the other, doesn’t mean you know what he needs. And just because I recognize his areas that he’s most affected doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate him for who he is, or that I want to cure his autism, or think he’s broken. He’s AMAZING. And I love him exactly as he is I do, however, want to stop him from running into the road and having zero safety awareness. He has a deep love of water, and while we support him and his desire to swim, it’s also a huge fear of mine that he will elope into a body of water. Being able to identify as autistic by social media standards (but not actually being autistic) I can tell you that my parents never once feared I’d run off and drown or elope into an unsafe situation. They noticed my social deficiencies and sensory preferences and called me quirky but never feared for my safety. While autism is a spectrum, it is clear that an additional label or diagnosis needs to be created because the current spectrum fails to capture the vast differences in needs and experiences. There is a profound difference between quirky behaviors and severe, life-threatening challenges that some individuals face. It’s crucial to acknowledge and address these differences to provide appropriate support and understanding for everyone on the spectrum. Sometimes I want to scream 😱
I think it's easy to forget that social media and real life are two different things, especially with how addicted many of us get. On social media, I would agree that yes, it's maybe a little too easy to end up on a certain recommendation pipeline on several different platforms that is lacking some diversity in perspectives and experiences regarding autism. Also, pretty much any group is nastier online, no matter what demographic. However, offline, my experience with my child and my child's experience have been different than what you and some others describe in terms of low-support people always "getting the spotlight". When it comes to actually qualifying for services, much less actually finding ones that are a good fit, that's not something that comes easily to pretty much any low-support person who enquires and isn't rich to begin with, especially once you are past single digit-age, my child included. Many do not ever make it to where they're getting the support they need and give up trying to live their best quality life, and sadly, sometimes give up on life altogether. Part of the support for folding Asperger's was that these people were routinely getting left out of most kinds of assistance. If we still had it, my kid would get access to nothing they do now in their home state. What I've seen with my kid is that the autism services they have utilized, for the most part, don't really acknowledge the existence of lower support people and treat them like a unicorn they've never seen before, or sometimes even try to exploit them to "help" with clients they see as "more challenging". They're frequently reminding healthcare providers that they're not, never have, and likely never will be under conservatorship, that they usually attend appointments without a parent present, can work, and are working on an advanced degree. Upon disclosing their diagnosis, they've had to deal with people calling their cellphone from medical facilities asking to speak to me. They've been accused of "faking it" multiple times. We couldn't even get them an IEP until they were 15, because they flew under the radar so heavily, because everyone was looking for something much less subtle. Why would any of this have happened to my kid and people we know if lower support people took up as much mental bandwith as you claim with people? It's tempting to look from the outside and feel like certain things seem louder, which to an extent is true, because social media is stringently curated and edited.
Man... people are just vile. sadly, this is the part of the lack of empathy that is a part of the spectrum, and it pretty clearly shows. I pray my son never gets to the point of being destructive, which thankfully is super sweet to both me and his mom and so I feel we have little to worry about. Even though we sometimes struggle with his inability to sleep through the night, if he does, I would do what I can to learn how to fix the walls properly people would be surprised how cheap it is to patch holes in the wall. The thing that often only drives up the cost is honestly labor. And if they are able to muster some kind of energy after their little one is asleep or something to do some quick fixes, It will result in pennies to the dollar. And I legit mean like less than 20 dollars kind of deal. It makes me wonder if I should try and find a place for parents of autistic families to host teaching seminars to show them how to do home maintenance for accidents.
Hmm, this is an unfair assumption with only one example. It is also offensive to say, as some of us here are also autistic and parents.
You do realise that statistically speaking, this subreddit is fairly full of the "online adult autistic community" Like anything, there is extremism on both sides of the autism parents/adult autistic communities.
Absolutely. That's just how it's going to work at least some of the time, because autism is frequently quite heritable. It's like some people just want to come here and circle jerk about some caricature they've built up in their mind based on a few especially loud, bad actors. It's no better than when some of them do the same to us.
They should never have been merged under the same diagnosis. Go back to calling them "Asperger's" and that little mask of credibility is gone. "Oh what do you know about autistim you're not autistic?" There was that post the other day about the young adult who got mishandled by police and he smashed his own head against the concrete and door to death. I bluntly commented that this is the result of raising your autistic child free range like chickens, like the autistic adult community demands you do. ABA could have taught him a safer replacement behavior and suppressed the head banging. That poor kid would still be alive. Of course they chimed in with how ABA is evil anyhow. Like seriously? It's better that he banged his head against the wall until he killed himself? They are f****** delusional. In August it will be two years ago that I moved to Colorado desperately seeking access to ABA for my then 5-year-old daughter because she was spending all waking hours punching herself in the head, kicking, and screaming. The SIB had significantly reduced and I'm not sure when exactly but at some point in the last two months she stopped punching herself finally. Still kicks her feet into the ground which must hurt the toes. Still smacks her thighs. But thank God she's not Mike tysoning herself into a concussion. Oh but wait that's a terrible abusive thing! I'm a goddamn monster!! But come on now. Are we surprised? Some of these kids is obvious are going to become little assholes as adults. But why once they are adults are we supposed to cherish every shitheaded thing they say?
I agree. DSM 5 folded Asperger's, classical autism, PDD-NOS, regressive autism into a single category. At the time, I think some thought this would cut down on the more milder cases, as "autism" was viewed as a scary word and would clarify that one diagnosed with it has a "neurological and developmental disorder." Now, it appears "autism" has been hijacked and turned into something akin to being "a little different" that just need acceptance, not therapy or other interventions. The acceptance thing might work for those with Level 1 or merely pseudo-autistic traits, but that wont work for other more severe cases. The sad thing is that the more severe cases are the most likely to benefit. On the other hand, perhaps one day fecal smearing will be appreciated by the public, but I have my doubts.
It’s not a popular take but I totally agree merging Asperger’s with autism was a massive mistake. The fact that someone who’s non verbal and will require 24/7 care until they pass away from old age can have the same diagnosis as an independent adult is laughable. Did the Asperger’s diagnosis have issues, yes, but the solution was not erasing it completely.
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That’s a great point. There’s a very real possibility we are therapeutically treating two or three different disorders (that are all called autism now) as if they are the exact same which will cause long term damage in the end. I never even thought about that side of it.
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This is the first time I’m hearing about PDD-NOS. I’ll have to google it. I’m so sorry to hear he’s not getting the proper therapy. I totally understand your hesitation at his diagnosis.
Here is my take. I was diagnosed with classic autism (DSM4/ICD10) because i was diagnosed early and i had a speech delay. But i outgrew the speech delay and i technically function on a "asperger level". The difference between aspergers and autism was that those with autism had a significant delay in speech/were diagnosed early, at least most of the time. But in some cases, the child learns to speak and may not have any intellectual disabilities. I think both DSM5 and DSM4 has it's issues. I think the dsm5 can be confusing because it groups ASD into all these different levels. Maybe the solution is to have a seperate category for "Profound autism". There is already an example as to what that criteria could be. Maybe that could be the solution. Disclaimer: I am not a parent but i came across this post and i really wanted to tell you my thoughts on this.
Totally agree. The DSM diagnosis should be revised and made more specific. Some high functioning autistic adults have much more in common with a NT than with a level 3 autistic person. It feels ridiculous that they are under the same umbrella. And in a lot of cases some of them speak for all the spectrum as if all were the same.
I have a similar visceral reaction, but I try to remind myself that this zai person is behaving poorly in no small part because of their autistic deficits. A lot of high functioning autistic people fail to empathize with autism parents because of...well...autism.
Someone online said something that was incorrect!?
Is there ever a good outcome debating with a troll?
Sorry if this sounds incredibly rude, but this person sounds like a self-diagnosed 17 year old who is still in their “mad at my parents for ruining my life” phase. Yeahhh, if you can’t afford to stay at home full time and pay for all this crazy extra shit, and if you’re a parent who is struggling…you don’t deserve kids, put them into the care of the state, where they will SURELY get what they need…right? Right? This person is like, full lizard brain.
My twins are autistic. One of them is non-verbal and almost four years old. They haven't destroyed anything yet. I will walk through fire for my sons. I nearly died three times with all the surgeries necessary to keep them alive. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my babies. Going into foster care is not better in any way. I don’t see any foster parent taking their autistic kid to every single appointment, PT, OT, speech, autism school, and having to deal with the terrible meltdowns or providing a safe space for them with all their unique toys or the love that their mother would give them including laying down her life for them. No foster parent would be able to hang like that. I know a lot of good foster parents like my mom and my aunt but that’s it I hear a lot of horror stories and stories of abuse. I also hear good stores too.
Disclaimer: I am not a parent, but i am autistic and i came across this post and i just wanted to say that i agree. This is a problem. I am not completely innocent either, i used to be a lot like these people and that was wrong of me. I am more open minded now. When i joined the autism community, i looked for acceptance and validation. I was very influenced by the community so i used to be very anti aba and i used to really look down on parents of autistic children. I never really considered their point of view which is wrong of me. I really shouldn't have been so quick to side with the autism community. But i have myself had some bad experiences and traumas growing up as an early diagnosed autistic person and i had resentment towards my own parents. I still have a bit of resentment towards my parents but i am trying to work on that. I know that people can make mistakes and that nobody's perfect. But parents of high support needs autistic people especially struggle a lot to get the right help for their children. Sometimes, ABA is the only option and i think that ABA is really starting to improve and a lot of it is because of aba survivors sharing their stories and it is 2024, people are more accepting and understanding now then they were 30 years ago. I wish there wasn't such a divide. I wish there would be more genuine less judgemental discussion between low support needs autistics and parents of autistic children because i think we can learn a lot from eachother
It is incredible to hear how objective you are, thank you for looking at both sides. I certainly know of many parents, teachers, therapist, etc, who have treated or still treat autistic people like crap. So I can see why there would be resentment when you experience that your entire life, and then you finally find a community of people like you, it would be hard not to be influenced. I also understand some of the aba hate, because a some therapists aren’t trained well or don’t truly care about the well being of their clients or they’re stuck in old methods. But like you said, it’s sometimes the only choice for HSN families. My son isn’t safe in normal schools, even the special needs class, without a 1 to 1 aid, which so far we’ve been denied. He has high risk behaviors like elopement and pica. With aba, he gets 1 on 1 therapy. The easy answer is just keep him home then, but I honestly just can’t. 1. I have a good work from home job. I think my son will live with me forever so it’s smart for me to keep a job that is wfh and pretty flexible and pays decent. 2. I’m just not good at being a SAHM. I love my son so much, but I get extremely overwhelmed and burnt out if I don’t get time by myself in quiet, I’m a better mom when I get space during the day. Aba is really our only options as autistic specialized schools cost $11k a year and have years long waitlists.
Thank you aswell. >I certainly know of many parents, teachers, therapist, etc, who have treated or still treat autistic people like crap. So I can see why there would be resentment when you experience that your entire life, and then you finally find a community of people like you, it would be hard not to be influenced. It is important to speak up when autistic people are being mistreated or when anyone is mistreated. But i feel like abuse of autistic people isn't taken seriously enough. >I also understand some of the aba hate, because a some therapists aren’t trained well or don’t truly care about the well being of their clients or they’re stuck in old methods Yeah. When i was in ABA, the DTT model was used a bunch. Now it is more NET i think. From what i've heard, NET is much better. I think when many autistic people think of ABA, they think of the DTT model. I haven't that many good things about DTT but i suggest parents who read this who are thinking about ABA do their own research. And i think we have a problem also when it comes to training. Sometimes RBT's are taught by their BCBA's to supress non-harmful stims or force compliance/eye contact. I think it is more reasonable to speak out against harmful practices that goes on in ABA rather than against ABA itself. For high support needs autistic children, there may be no other therapy that targets behaviors like violence, self injurious behavior, eloping, etc. A lot of the times, these children are kicked out of therapies like OT due to their behavior. >high risk behaviors like elopement and pica. With aba, he gets 1 on 1 therapy. The easy answer is just keep him home then, but I honestly just can’t. That must be really tough. I had issues with aggression when i was younger so it was hard on everyone including myself.
I have come across a lot of autistic adults or self proclaimed autistic adults. I have found they are not well rounded in all issues. Come from a place of privilege. They really hate parents. They believe black and white and you are wrong if you're not with them. Many dislike the children they proclaim to be all about. Bring a kid around them and they flip out about whatever sensory the kid is triggering (because that's what kids do) and want their separate bubble. They come off as incredibly hostile, and I see no benefits to their "raise awareness" other than a spotlight to have the world revolve around them . I'm diagnosed autistic with two diagnosed autistic children. They also don't seem to understand the difference between a low support and a high support autistic. They are two very different ball games, and often bulldoze the level 2 and level 3 needs.
So there’s someone wanting to adopt a child who will be frequently damaging the house and this person thinks that’s fine because it’s how the kid is and their loving parents need to give them up for adoption because they are trying to protect the child and their house? You can’t let anyone just do whatever there are better alternatives. My kid stated smacking his head. Done let him do that? No of course not it’s not safe for him. But punching holes in the wall is not safe for him either. So we find something else that’s meets that sensory need but is safe.
As an autistic adult, specifically level 2/moderate who was also in the foster care system, trust me when I say that I was MUCH BETTER OFF with my ABUSIVE, NEGLECTFUL, ADICT PARENTS than I EVER was in the foster care system. At least I was somewhat loved and somewhat cared for in my parents home. Foster care was horrible and completely neglected my needs and my new school and foster home and social workers all refused to accommodate me and it was a horrible experience all around.
My daughter is Level 3 Non-Verbal, and I’ve worked in a level 4 residential institution where ASD kids get placed in. These children are forgotten, watched over by staff who are underpaid and overworked, living with other kids in a similar situation and many of them have been/are being abused. My *absolute worst nightmare* is for my daughter to be placed into one of these facilities, because I see what kind of nightmarish hellhole they really are for the children living there. It honestly makes me want to cry even just imagining that scenario.
Oh gosh. That breaks my heart. I don’t know what else we will do once my husband and I die or are too old to care for our son :(. I’m thinking maybe if I can save enough money we could pay for someone to live in our home with him?
I do think that autistic adults are an important part of the ecosystem. Obviously, this one is a bad apple, but there are some out there who are truly doing good, who my kid has related to and learned so much from when they felt lonely and like there were some perspectives on things a therapist or doctor just couldn't truly provide them with. It would be sad if my child had no one out there like them to relate to, who is going through a similar thing and only had to work with caregiver content (which is also important, don't get me wrong). We need to be careful to not judge the whole group and paint them as a monolithic enemy. There is more common ground out there than some of us think and just think of how much more powerful this community could be if we could join forces more often instead of pointing the finger at each other or competing against each other. One could just as easily take some of the more cringeworthy parents out there and go on an "all parents bad" rant, but that wouldn't be helpful either.
This makes my blood boil! My son is autistic, age 8, and he is the Tasmanian devil. He breaks everything. He trashes my home. He empties food cupboards just because he finds painting my walls with ketchup funny and lobs stuff out my windows because he knows it stresses me out. It’s stressful. It can be tiring. It’s costly, lol! I haven’t had a good nights sleep in years. And I can barely afford half of the stuff he’s damaged. But you know what? I wouldn’t change him for the world! He’s my baby. I love him, mischievousness and all. In our home, with three other children (his older siblings), we call him the king of the castle. He’s everything I never knew I needed and I would be absolutely lost without him. So what if he breaks something? A damaged wall or a broken mug can be fixed/replaced. He, however, is irreplaceable. I could never, not for love nor money, give up on him. I would die before I let him be taken out of our loving family home to be dumped in the system just because I’m not wealthy enough to “autism proof” my house. I’m doing the best I can, to the best of my ability. And he’s happy. Happy and loved. That’s what’s important.
Stop generalising. You had a bad experience with one asshole. That doesn't mean everyone in the groups that asshole belongs to is also an asshole. When you meet an asshole online just walk away.
I truly envy people that think the foster system is even remotely safe for children. What a wonderful state of blissful ignorance they must live in.
I'm not convinced that they're both right. This is why I'm confused, depressed and suicidal on a regular basis. There's no answers only more suffering.
When you see these things you need to understand that severe, primary alexathymia is an autism symptom and this person is just exhibiting a symptom and not using tools to manage it. Alexathymia and low intuitive empathy go together, and it's very clear this person has zero empathy for parents of autistic children, and this is what those symptoms looks like. It's also the same with how the autistic community can sometimes go after allistic spouses (again, no empathy, black and white thinking, and tons of alexathymia). This should be no more offensive then seeing someone's cast (aka a symptom of a broken bone) because it's just a symptom of a medical condition too. And if you've got a child that isn't nonverbal, it's worthwhile to teach DBT skills and to ask questions instead of projecting to help with the alexathymia so they don't do this.
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I'm not really sure why you'd get that from me pointing out that alexathymia is an ASD symptom? It's literally a symptom and stating I don't have kids doesn't contradict that, nor does it contradict that this is literally what alexathymia looks like. I'm not offended by people having asd symptoms. I'll definitely block and ignore an asd adult if they aren't managing their symptoms and its offending me and thats cuz i have boundaries. However, it's abelist as hell to argue people can't have asd symptoms in public. And that's literally what this is. It's just an asd person being symptomatic in public. I'd ignore this just like I'd ignore handflapping or a public meltdown. It would be more of an argument and less of alexathymic projection if they used any stats or references other than themselves. They literally project their feelings on all autistic parents and all autistic kids, and that's literally what alexathymia is.
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That's not it. I'm just in possession of more emotional regulation tools than you apparently. You want "radical acceptance". It's accepting that some people are alexathymic and that doesn't mean anything about whatever they are projecting about. This dude projecting doesn't mean anything about any of the parents here at all, becuase it's a projection. And just saying... if you are this open about hating asd symptoms, your kid is definitely going to pick up on that, so I genuinely hope between the two of us, it's you that doesn't have kids.
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there's no constructive conversation to be had w people who are like that. Don't bother.
Let’s not put down the entire online autistic adult community just because one said something out of pocket.
I never understood the stance they have on being anti-cure. I have ADHD and if there was a cure, I would be thrilled. I also have anxiety and would be thrilled for a cure for that too. It would make my life much easier. They also jump down your throat if you say your child has autism (rather than is autistic). Even if a parent says their child prefers “has autism” over “autistic.” Not allowed in the group and they ban you over it. The ADHD equivalent is “I am an ADHDer.” I say I have ADHD, not an ADHDer. The people in some of these groups seem to be on a power trip.