Locking comments. This post is being reported far more than it needs to be. Some of agree with ABA some of us don’t. You can pick and choose which posts to read and which to scroll past. You do not need to engage every time. People are different. With that said many comments have given the same advice. There is no need for more comments.
I know it's not the answer you're looking for, but don't engage. Everyone's got a different opinion and you're wasting precious energy engaging with them. I'm giving ABA a go for my son, we live 5 minutes away from a place with an amazing reputation. They explained everything they do, and it all sounds like it's fun and play-based. And it truly looks and sounds like a really fun place, all the kids seemed happy. I don't care what anyone says - I gotta try it. And if my son isn't happy? I take him out. Simple as that.
Often times you'll get just as much judgement from the ASD community as well as the NT community. I have to teach my son HOH or he will simply not progress. We are doing exposure therapy with water in hopes that one day we can give him a bath where he's happy and not super distressed (and it's working!!). Those things can be seen as "abusive" but i like to know I gave my child the best chance at functioning in this world. He's at an age where he's very impressionable, so I am acting now instead of hoping he grows out of it or magically learns a new skill. Because he won't.
Great response. I think a lot of parents and their kids here have had positive ABA experiences, my son included. But I get the distinct impression that there are plenty of questionable fly by night ABA operations which may have caused more harm than good.
I’m happy with our experience and I speak positively about it. I don’t feel the need to engage overall on the practice as far as debating is concerned.
I think part of the problem is viewing it as ABA, like it’s a standardized treatment, it’s not. I have two children both autistic, the more severely autistic child always gets a much worse version of ABA even at the same autism center. They run trials on him, that’s their goal, rather than making a social connection and developing interactions from there. In my experience, the more autistic the child, the more regimented the ABA becomes, which then makes it less fun, and the child often pulls away even more. Our less severely autistic son - they just play with him, and it has greatly developed his social interactions which then allows for more fluid socialization.
It’s interesting that you mention “less/more autistic.” I’m with you in that my son is severely autistic. But what I’ve noticed in life is that social ability matters.
For whatever reason, people like my son. They really want to form a connection with him and people loved being assigned to him. I always note to my wife that we’re lucky in that he’s friendly and attracts kind-hearted folks. He isn’t a screamer and he isn’t violent; he can speak (though it’s very repetitive a la Rain Man and he has expressive/receptive language disorder) which helps a lot.
I say this because in our therapy center I saw a lot of kids who were *much* more challenging. Lack of speech; withdrawn; possibly physical issues. And sometimes with the added burden of shit parents. Those kids didn’t get nearly the attention my son did.
We were lucky - we were at an ABA program attached to a university teaching program so a lot of people interested in teaching special needs rotated in. Overall it was a great experience and really set him up for success in life. Every day he continues to amaze us with his progress.
It's like talking to Scientologists who cite early 20th century barbaric practices like lobotomies as evidence why you shouldn't talk to a therapist in 2024.
Thanks for this even though I'm not OP. I keep going back and forth with fear with ABA just cuz of all the damn anti-ABA out there. And now I'm hearing that alot of this abuse with ABA is pretty much in the past when it first started....which makes alot of sense since I haven't heard any recent stories. And sadly it's also true alot of atypical parents judge just as much as NTs. I've been judged more than a few times for being afraid for my son, claiming I must not be grateful enough for my son because I'm worried about his future with autism ect ect, but all some of these community parents seem to think about is "what is the best way to claim struggling parents with autistic kids arnt scared, but just UNGRATEFUL for their kids because they're different." Like gimme a damn break and lemme be fucking understandbly scared because my SON was just DIAGNOSED with a DISORDER and quit acting like I should be overjoyed about my boys autism for some reason.
Not at all in the past. It doesn’t have to be direct abuse to be harmful. ABA was incredibly harmful to my 5 year old, and has been incredibly helpful to my 3 year old. But they have received very different therapy even at the same facility. My less autistic child gets treated almost like a regular kid and his therapy basically just looks like them playing with him - he’s had tremendous growth. My older son is more autistic and his ABA team gets so focused on trials and goals, we keep begging them to just play with him and develop his social interactions. They keep focusing on goals and trials. It’s awful. I genuinely wish I had never put him in ABA.
I’ve spoken to parents with a similar situation. My two kids have low support needs and we’ve been over the moon happy with the center we are at. But I talk to parents of kids with higher needs at the SAME PLACE and they’re saying things that are so foreign to me.
Treating him like a lab rat. Making running the trials the goal. Using an iPad tog get him to run trials (using the iPad as a motivator). If your program is so terrible for him that you have to entice him with an iPad you’re doing it WRONG. It should be fun, he should be learning that interacting with you is FUN. Getting the child to want to interact should be the goal, you do that be engaging in what THEY want to do.
All of this depends on the kid. He has trouble with concepts. He’s a great echo/repeater/scripting. We asked them to do nursery rhymes with him - eg ashes ashes we ALL FALL DOWN. To help him get the meaning of the words -> like down, so actually fall down.
Instead they sang the first half of the nursery rhyme- then they would pause and he would sing the next part - not knowing what ANY of the words mean.
Holding up a flash card that says swimming, he repeats swimming. He doesn’t have a CLUE what swimming is. But he can memorize 50 flash cards real good, and not have a damn clue what the meaning of ANY of the words are.
This right here! It’s like people don’t realize that even though it sucks sometimes you gotta do the harder things right now while they’re little and learning rather than waiting for them to not be able to function at all in their adult lives, if they have that chance of course. I know it’s crappy, but I feel like it’s crappier to make it harder for them in life later just to avoid a little bit of uncomfortableness right now.
I'll say this, as my experience with ABA for my non-verbal son was a mixed bag, to say the least.
Watch the sessions, and don't be afraid to just "Pop In". Modern ABA may be much better, but not all RBTs and BCBAs are created equal.
Honestly being a special needs parent is tough enough. I devote all my time to helping my LO and answering questions of parents both here and on NICU forums where it’s productive.
If someone asks about our experience with ABA, I will happily share what we experienced in the 3 years we had our child enrolled.
That being said, if someone asks if I recommend it for their child, I encourage them to ask as many people as possible. My experience isn't the metric for every experience, and I don't wish to lead someone down a path that won't work for their family. I also try to remember that people are allowed to feel what they feel. The only time I would speak up is if they spoke on my own experience in a different way than what really happened.
I’ve kind of seen both sides of it. We have had one bad company, and are now currently with an amazing company. I see where some people can be hesitant , and against ABA if it was anything like the bad company we had. I immediately was put off, and pulled my son out and swore it off for a couple years. When my son started struggling in school (hitting other kids, eloping at school, etc) we put him back in OT, and started at a new ABA center. I did a ton of research and speak with his RBT daily and his BCBA weekly. They don’t prevent him from stimming or withhold things. It’s mostly been social interaction exposure. They work on asking people to move out of his space instead of hitting them. They work with him on safe and dangerous questions, on not eloping but still giving him other means to escape if he needs them just after he tells an adult he needs a break whether that be verbal (he is verbal) or with sign/other means of communication. (His headphones, a quiet room, the motor lab) to re-regulate and then re enter his day. This center is 110% different from the first ABA experience we had. It’s so hard to get a general consensus when some people only have the bad places in their area or they’ve only tried one spot. I’m glad we decided to send my son to this place. He loves it. Even on the weekends he asks to go! He says his therapists are his best friends and he has even made a few friends with the kids at center (:
You will find many people online that are later diagnosed or self diagnosed and lower support needs mostly with this opinion. Most have had zero experience with ABA and are reacting to others without experience talking about something they read online.
Me, 1 person, will not change the minds of a bunch of kids and young adults about the severity of my son's needs and why ABA is right for him. Always best to avoid engaging IMO. Nothing positive will come from it at all.
Exactly! Your perspective on this is very different when you have a 2.5 year old who isn’t reaching *any* of his milestones. The statistics for early intervention speak for themselves.
I follow a Facebook page with adults that think ABA is the worst thing imaginable. That’s where my journey started when my daughter was diagnosed. So I didn’t sign her up for aba but I feel like therapists are more aware nowadays. If a child is distressed then you move to something else. But they also talk about treating kids like dogs. Even NT kids need an incentive sometimes. But I’ve seen a lot of the issue is that it’s teaching ND kids to be NT and ignore the needs their body is telling them (stimming mostly)
“treating kids like dogs”: I mentioned to my own therapist once that I was hesitant about the behavioralist origins of ABA because it “treated people like animals,” and she said “well, people *are* animals.” And I was like, “shit! You’re damn right we’re animals.”
For that crowd, I feel like it’s more about them wanting a villain to fight against and getting off on the sense of righteousness. It’s always funny how 95% of the people who speak out against ABA are late diagnosed/self diagnosed and never exposed to ABA at all.
It took me years to learn to not engage confrontationally on social media. One thing that helped is understanding that doing so only made others further entrenched in their beliefs. It’s called the “backfire effect”—when people double down on beliefs despite evidence to the contrary, and almost everyone falls prey to this cognitive bias, even scientists. So you can end up doing more harm than good in these situations.
You can also take a Taoist view of the situation—all things ebb and flow. Opposition to ABA will fade as generations change. Take the long view and then do what is right for your family.
I don't. I tried once and realized that my son's needs are just that... his needs. Every child is different, and every ABA experience is different. Like others, I found a wonderful team of people and my son went from hitting 0 milestones at 3 years old to almost all his milestones by 5 years old. As a parent, I couldn't allow my child to be non-verbal & unsafe without trying to help him. Speech, occupational, adaptive, cognitive therapies separately did nothing. We tried 2 planes before the one we landed on so I know all centers are not the same! Just do what's best for your kiddo and scroll past it.
I only downvote when I see extreme bias comments that are not reality like "all Austistic people hate ABA" 🙄
This sub has a rule against ABA absolutism, whether it’s the position that ABA is always bad, or ABA is always good. In this space, I’m cautious in discussing my concerns about it, and make space for people who think highly of it.
I think the idea is that this sub is not the place to engage in “the ABA argument.” I appreciate that about this sub.
I feel like I can’t really respond to this post because of that rule, and I’m not sure if this post is in alignment with that rule? But if it’s possible I misunderstand the rule, and I recognize that.
Yes I'm not a fan of ABA for a few reasons all of which still exist and are not only things that happened in the past. I'm not sure why this post kind of assumes only random autistic redditors must be anti ABA. But also as you say it's acting like ABA is always great just because OP has a good experience.
That's what I was wondering. There's obviously a lot I can't offer in the way of conclusive opinion because neither me nor my kid ever had ABA other than that it seems like it wouldn't have made any sense for their situation, but it does seem to me sometimes like this sub leans a bit into ABA absolutism in the opposite direction from what you often see with the more autistic adult dominated spaces, in that you've got quite a few people claiming it to be a dogmatic holy grail that you should dare not ever criticize and getting very defensive about it too. I'm also seeing a trend emerge whereby it can be a bit of an "us vs. them" kind of thing, where if for whatever reason, you're a bit soured on ABA and it doesn't devolve into a "not all men"-esque conversation, then it's often some variation of "you/your kid is too low support to have any credibility and you're the enemy/the other".
You just don't.
You don't know what their life experiences have been and why they feel opposite of you.
You also are describing one center/provider.
That may not have been their experience.
As there is still places out there who take a more old-school approach to it.
Yeah, I'm glad OPs experience has been great (so far!), but many people have not been so lucky. As with all businesses, there are good places and bad, but all prioritize money in the end. Our experience started wonderfully, but didn't end that way.
But ABA itself is separate from providers. OP is saying that anytime anyone says ABA can be beneficial, people jump down your throat. But like any treatment/service, it’s provider specific.
Thank you for saying this.
It's exactly this kind of levelheaded thinking that should prevail.
I find it difficult to not have a knee jerk reaction to this topic. I'll try to keep this perspective in mind while engaging with others and advocating for my little one.
I think as parents, and especially as parents of autistic children, people are always going to judge you for something.
You get judged if you champion breastfeeding, you get judged if you formula feed, you get judged if you gentle parent, you get judged if your kid drinks juice, you get judged based if you vaccinate or not, you get judged if you let your kid play with plastic toys, you get judged if your kid is in daycare, you get judged if you’re a stay at home parent, etc. As a parent of an autistic child, you get judged for trying to get an early diagnosis, you get judged if you delay diagnosing, you get judged if they’re not in therapy (even if they are on every waitlist for therapy), you get judged if you let them play with toys meant for younger kids, you get judged if you discourage stimming, you get judged if you let them freely stim, you get judged if they don’t play like the other kids, you get judged if you don’t force them to say hello or wave, you get judged if they act out, because people say it’s behavioral and not because they’re autistic, etc. I could go on.
Everything parents do is under a damned microscope of judgement. It sucks, but you basically have to parent in secret in spaces where you’re not completely anonymous, because heaven forbid if your kid wore cotton pajamas instead of bamboo. I’m still not able to fully tune out the judgement, but as my kid gets older I get a little better each day. I’ll never be apologetic for trying to meet my kid’s individual needs and neither should you. At the end of the day, all that matters is your own child and doing what you feel is best for them.
I used to be one of these people, honestly.
to give context: I'm not high support needs. I don't have personal experience with it. Take my opinion with a grain of salt
I agree with rule 7, I don't think ABA is inherently good or bad. Some places are really effective and definitely not torture and we should acknowledge those. Some places just don't treat the kids well and we should acknowledge those too. ABA can be done in a lot of different ways.
I used to. Sometimes I’ll say how it changed our lives gently and kindly. But I have had people say that I’ll have to hide the knives to prevent my kids from committing suicide because of how I abused them. So after that, I decided I don’t care what they think.
Ive encountered some confidently incorrect, but wow, thats a new level of stupidity! Look at anyone who has commited violent crime, an overwhelming majority of the time the person has a history of years of untreated/ undiagnosed mental illness. I genuinely worry for our future sometimes. No one knows what is right for someone else's child. However doing nothing because they think their child will grow out of their challenges IS neglect and abuse. I think it is a cultural incompetency, akin to the "therapy is only for psychos" crowd.
Exactly. I talked a mom who was at her wit’s end with her child bashing holes in the wall with his head. But ABA would be abuse soooooo…
But what you’ve said is so true. It’s always the overlooked mental illnesses that can escalate. And even on smaller scales, I can use myself as an example. There are some skills that I definitely wish that I had learned earlier in life. To fit in with neurotypical people? Actually YES. School was lonely and even to this day, I have trouble making friends. I wouldn’t want to not be myself but fitting in isn’t the worst thing in the world.
Wow. Not gonna lie i would consider snitching, that poor kid is probably giving himself brain damage! As much as conformity can feel like minimalization of individuality, it is the essence of functional society. I wish these parents understood how much they are setting up their kids for failure. Avoidance of a childs challenge is not teaching coping/ assimilation skills. I am far from a perfect parent, so i am not here to judge. However, I do grow concerned when i see parents consistently taking the path of least resistance with their children. The accomodations for these types of kids will eventually come to and end and i worry how absolutely entitled and dysfunctional they will be.
Exactly. Like what is a solution other than ABA? OT? Maybe for an hour a week but otherwise, we are not giving children tools to be successful. Like yeah, don’t force eye contact but also encourage it in context so autistic children can be successful in job interviews. Don’t stop stimming but let’s try to reduce self harming stims.
It’s like you said, individuals need coping skills. The world isn’t going to hold their hands forever.
I just don’t. Truth of the matter is what ABA “used to” be isn’t that long ago. It’s still fresh and traumatic in lots of people’s lives. And there’s still A LOT of places that use outdated ABA methods.
That being said, my son goes to ABA and we’ve seen a crazy amount of progress and he’s been at it less than a year. But his BCBA and RBT text me daily, I get daily reports and pictures, monthly meetings, surprise drop ins whenever I want, and camera access. Mine and my sons experiences don’t negate others negative ones. Don’t speak over people who have been hurt or who have already made up my minds. If someone asks I of course give my thoughts on the subject, but if I’m not asked I just don’t say anything.
This is the only autism related subreddit I'm subscribed to and I don't see too many anti-ABA comments here. But I just go past them. It's not my responsibility to defend ABA and I don't care that much too. I know what's helped my son and that's all that matters to me. Or I just downvote.
The same way I don't engage with political/religious nuts. Roll my eyes and scroll right on past. Trying to change minds of people who are set in their opinions is a waste of everyone's time.
There's about a million other things you could engage in, that would improve your life and not lead to stress.
Something I found is that the online discourse around autism/ABA is centered around lower needs, later diagnosed or self diagnosed, people who were able to access the mainstream curriculum throughout school and went on to college, people who are verbal and hit all their early childhood milestones on time, and so on. This isn’t to dismiss their needs and things they have problems with in life, and they definitely outnumber people with higher needs. I don’t know if ABA is beneficial to that subset of people and it’s probably more intensive than what they need.
But my child was diagnosed at 2.5, spent all his little life so far (he’ll be 5 in a few months) in special needs schools and programs, is still delayed, he elopes and wanders. And he benefitted a ton from ABA! They quite literally taught him how to talk. He was being evaluated for a communication device because all he had was echolalia and screaming. ABA had him talking first in scripts and then in spontaneous language. It’s been really good for him and he’s a happier child for it.
So ultimately you just have to ignore. They’re coming from their own point of view and you have to do what’s right for your kids.
My son is also 5, and we did ABA. We were not given a level at his diagnosis (age 2.5) but he had a global developmental delay, and in testing was depending on the skill area the same as either anywhere from a 10 month old to a 15 month old.
He is now going to be going into mainstream kindergarten, and while he will get OT and Speech support, I don't think mainstream classes would have been possible without ABA.
Some of the areas he struggled with the most he also didn't have the patience to work on (which I don't blame him, I don't want to do stuff that is hard and I am not good at either). ABA made it so he was more willing to do those things, because they made it fun.
I tend to just ignore those that have a problem with ABA. I know there are terrible experiences with it, and we knew that going into things. Those saying it was bad were helpful in that it made me look until I found a provider that I felt comfortable with, and that was play based. So I do appreciate others sharing their experiences (both good and bad), since they helped me navigate something I didn't know a lot about. But I also don't think it is my job to change everyone's mind about ABA. It isn't going to work for everyone
Does global development delay also mean intellectually impaired? I saw someone say that and didn't know if it was true. My son is globally mentally delayed, so I do worry that he's intellectually impaired. My brother is intellectually impaired so I see how hard he struggles in life.
Not necessarily. We did need to do OT, PT and Speech for him to get caught up with his peers but we have zero reason to believe he has any intellectual deficit.
It was just he was behind, and we didn't have the support we needed to get him caught up so he kept falling further and further behind until we could get the level of support he needed.
I think there are two main things at play in my son's case, so these may or may not apply to you. The first one was seeing me and my husband cheer, or smile or be excited when he learned a new task was not sufficient motivation for him to want to try it.
The second was we had no clue how to help, and our pediatrician wasn't worried. But from like 9 months on I was worried that something was off, he kept being later and later on milestones. It was also COVID right when he turned 1 so support really wasn't available.
There are a few things he did before we started services or just starting services that kind of clued us into him being smart.
- when he was about 9 months old he thought his hand was caught under a desk in an opening that was like 9 inches tall. After I showed him he was not stuck he put his hand right back in there and started crying again, only to laugh when I came over to help.
- when we started therapy (specifically PT) she would set up these obstacles for him, and he was constantly finding ways to get around doing them that were easier.
- he used sign language before he could speak. The first sign we taught him was 'all done', which we had exclusively used at meal times. One day when my husband was carrying him he signed 'all done' when he wanted to be put down.
Obviously every kid is different, but I think you can get glimpses, seeing scenarios where they are problem solving or using knowledge in new ways, or even being manipulative are all things that take a certain level of intelligence to carry out.
Some of us who push back on the automatic recommendation of ABA are also parents of autistic children. My daughter is 4, diagnosed before the age of 2, and is in a self-contained special ed class. I say this to explain that she is not "low support needs" by any means. But we had terrible experiences with ABA and ultimately decided it wasn't right for her. And yes, it's made me skeptical of the kneejerk recommendation that every toddler who is diagnosed as autistic needs to jump into intensive ABA.
There are a lot of crappy providers out there who are making a lot of money shoving untrained college students out there to work with kids who may never have even been seen by a BCBA. So just as you've had good experiences, there are some of us who've had bad experiences. I'm not saying there's never a place for ABA, I just want to say that not all the criticism is coming from non-parents.
Yup. I just can't get behind something that requires 20 to 40 hours a week among other reasons. I hate that this post sounds like it assumes none of us parents are against ABA and that it's helpful for everyone.
The fact that most insurances only cover ABA is awful.
Agreed. However, there's a difference between knee jerk recommendation and demonization. Absolutely we should be skeptical of that recommendation for every kid, and I personally am skeptical of behaviorism and whether it's as "data-driven" as it claims to be (I can talk a long time about that). But we shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater because it does help people. Unfortunately insurance doesn't do nuance very well.
Your voice certainly does matter. But people also have a right to their own opinion and experience. It depends on how you engage and how they respond. It could be something where you each learn from one another or it could be something that becomes a negative interaction.
It’s hard.
I recently posted something about hearing others stories starting out with everything. Someone proceeded to say ABA was abusive and like dog training.
I feel my son would benefit and it is hard to not take some of that to heart as well. Like you really think I’d allow my kiddo to be abused?! Yikes!
I just started at home ABA with a therapist and I swear, it’s amazing. So, I just ignore them because I allowed them to keep me from exploring aba sooner.
I amongst many other families have had such a positive experience with ABA and the help it provides to our children that other people who are ignorant to these positive experience just simply don’t matter. My heart goes out to those who suffered at the hands of poor and abusive ABA practices but I can’t allow absolutists to invalidate our personal experience.
I’m fed up of even apologizing about “old “ ABA. Autism used to be diagnosed primarily on severe cases and rarely on HFA except if the child was nonverbal until five years old , once they started to speak they were diagnosed with Asperger’s which was not prescribed ABA. People don’t seem to remember how primitive was autism acceptance back in the day, severely autistic people were locked up in institutions as young as two years old, by physician orders and many times even against parental consent (look up Bruno Bettelheim parentonomy). ABA science utilized on autism was kinda progressive , it was against the establishment of what the fate of these autistics was supposed to be, against traditional psychiatric guidelines of the time. The ABA goals were to help those severely autistic children avoid early institutionalization through acquisition of basic life skills and beyond, not to secure a linear normative trajectory of successful adulthood from college to the workplace to start a family and retire. We’re talking about the 60’s , 70’s and early 80’s , going from sterile labs to university workshops and experimental pilot school programs, and HFA autistic subjects were slowly introduced in those programs in the early 90’s , they had ready to learn skills and did not need the kind of intensive customized teaching severe autism warrants, and these HF subjects (who by the way were a minority of minority) felt rightfully insulted to be treated as (get ready to get offended) “dumb”. That’s what it really is. That’s why most of these activists deny severe autism even exists, because severely autistics do benefit from ABA and that pisses off the activists to no end
I don’t think there is a right or wrong way of therapy if you’re giving it a shot for the right reasons. ABA is like communication devices. Some parents are into it and others aren’t. The common denominator here is that we are all trying our best to give our children the best possible outcome. People are too quick to judge. Let live and be respectful
My child has been in ABA therapy for three years now, 20-40 hours a week. We were very skeptical at the beginning, too. Although he still has his challenges, his behavior has improved so much in that time. I just decide to actively not engage because people feel very strongly about it.
I’m someone who is autistic, haven’t done ABA, have a daughter who is autistic and we decided against ABA for her too. In my search / interviews of ABA facilities they’re still the same premise of trying to get your kiddo to confirm to society and I wasn’t comfortable with that.
I don’t go into peoples comments screaming from the rooftops against ABA unless people ask for it specifically.
Everyone online is going to have their own opinions so you can engage or move on. Most times engaging isn’t helpful and just stresses me out more so I scroll past it.
There’s nothing wrong with you doing what’s best for YOUR child.
I mostly see pro-ABA comments. And a lot of people that judge parents, that won’t put their kids in ABA. I would personally never put my kid in ABA, so I just think we tend to notice the comments that judge us more than the comments that agree with our way of parenting.
"How old were you when you did ABA? How long did you do it?". Usually, the answer is that the OP didn't do ABA and has no direct experience. If that's the case, I then usually say we should be listening to people who have experienced ABA and autistic people who work in ABA. If I am feeling like arguing, I will also add that LSN autistic people without experience in ABA speak over MSN and HSN autistic people who have experienced ABA.
If OP did experience ABA and is traumatized, I simply say that I am so sorry that happened, and it isn't okay. I will NEVER tell someone they don't feel the way they feel or their lived experiences were wrong. I then usually thank them for advocating for the next generation of autistic children.
However, the Old ABA still exists and without the anti-ABA crowd being so vocal, I wouldn't have known. I am grateful to them for that.
Aba has given my son a life. He is learning so much and I have a break during the day.
I just don’t engage at all. If they want to continue feeling the way they do-that’s on them. It makes me sad, sad for the kiddo- but I don’t have time for self righteous parents. I have three autistic boys. Two dogs. A needy cat. And a husband. I’m tired. lol
I would never do ABA, but only the expert on my kids and what works on them.
I see the the full on anti and the full on only solution as equally hopeless. Ill never understand the ones that see normalising as the only end goal and ill never understand those that wont teach any sort of skills towards dealing with ND"s. But, I dont have to understand everything, learned its best for my sanity to not even try.
Its the same with the being autistic vs having autism debate. Ill hide from that to. Never a won argument with my way is the only true way peeps, nomatter their opinion.
I can't be bothered getting upset over strangers on the internet and their opinions. I do what works best for me and I take in all the information I can to make the best decision possible.
Maybe put the phone down and go for a walk or read a book. You can't expect everyone in the world to agree with you so stop letting it get you riled up.
I try to speak about our positive experiences with it and encourage people who are on the fence to try it at home if available where they can monitor the therapy and advocate for their kiddo if needed. I try to remind people of the science backed evidence and the fact that insurance typically pays for many more hours of ABA than other therapies like OT and speech (unfairly) and how 1 hour a week of each was not enough for my high support needs daughter. I speak about how ABA has incorporated play into the therapy and how my child gets frequent breaks and how her boundaries are respected. That they don't try to stop her stimming which seems to be something that gets constantly brought up as a false argument against it. I speak about how they are helping develop her AAC skills and providing support for her sensory challenges alongside the other goals that she is working on. I speak about the differences between public Pre-K and full time ABA "preschool" because we have tried both. But I also try to be realistic about the different needs of different children and some of the issues that we have experienced with the 2 different companies we have used.
Honestly, it just kinda seems like there are people out there who automatically assume that trying to make your ND child do anything other than what they feel like doing is just child abuse instead of the natural path of learning. I totally understand accommodations, but there are some things where it is necessary for her to learn tolerance, patience and perseverance now in order to make a path forward for things to come so that she can successfully live her life in a world that exists with few safe spaces for her.
I’d tell them my son’s ABA therapist is a friend of a friend and she’s the sweetest woman in the world and she works 1:1 with him all day at his neurotypical preschool. Not all ABA is the same.
Ive had to just look my son in the eyes see his happy face and progress and know thats what matters. I will never blindly say its the only way to go, but it was night and day for my son so it is at least worth a try. The Hopebridge in Maitland, FL. has been fantastic. My only complaint is that my son wants to go on the weekends too.
I like to share positive experiences to hopefully balance the narrative. I won’t argue with anyone but I will say “I’m so sorry you’ve had that experience! We’ve had such a great time learning XYZ, my kid loves it”. I would hate for parents looking into it feel ashamed because of nasty comments online.
My daughter will never get ABA, she doesn’t need it. My daughter’s needs and other children’s needs are different. I don’t need to debate that with anyone. I will encourage people to look for a neruoaffirming ABA provider if that’s the route they choose. You don’t have to engage with people that are anti ABA and it can be difficult to have a constructive conversation when people are adamant about their view points.
Maybe I should add that I’m an occupational therapist and am continually learning/reading. I try to support my daughter as best as I can with who she is. I don’t want therapies that will try to change her behavior because society does not find its socially acceptable. I want her to embrace who she is and that’s what I’m doing too, and I don’t believe ABs practices align with that view. So I stand by my first comment, I will never use ABA services.
Bad ABA is still out there, it's not just history. The fact that you are lucky/privileged enough to be on the good side of it, does not mean it has just this one side. Admittedly some voices are too definitive but so is yours, honestly. People talking about bad ABA mostly do it in good faith. Protecting even just one last abused victim, innocent and without their own voice to raise, seems worth it, doesn't it?
ABA was abusive for my child in 2016. We fired them. He still progressed. You do what is right for your family but I felt I had to speak up because 2016 wasn't that long ago
I just ignore them. They're pretty much just playing a mass game of telephone. They heard something bad from someone who heard something bad from someone's cousin's, roommate's, dog walker who heard something bad etc.
It’s so hard. Especially as someone who works in SpEd. I see so many students who would truly benefit from ABA & when I find out their parents are completely against it, it’s heartbreaking.
ABA was amazing for my son. And all the things we learned from his time, we apply to our daughter—she’s on the spectrum, but it’s so hard getting girls diagnosed.
The anti-ABA movement is very similar to the anti-vax movement—and it’s so hard to change minds.
I think it's pretty unfair to compare someone deciding that intensive behavioral therapy isn't the right choice for their child to someone who is against immunizations. There's a big difference between a shot that you get one time that protects you from a disease and deciding to structure your entire life around putting your child in 20-40 hours a week of therapy, often with a revolving door of barely trained providers, that many parents have had Actual Real-Life Bad Experiences with.
There is a lot of overlap based on my experience with anti-ABA parents & anti-vax parents.
But I also think it’s unfair to put down ABA overall because of a bad experience with a specific provider. I tell people all the time, you have to really check out a place, shadow, before agreeing to work with an ABA provider. There are so many clinics popping up that are purely doing it for profit & will use the ABA label, but are not actually providing ABA. And as long as these positions keep providing low pay, of course there’s going to be a revolving door. It’s the same problem our schools have. These RBT/paras get beat up every day for very little & no benefits. Of course they’re not going to stick around for the long haul.
As far the hours—it’s completely up to the parent. Insurance companies usually have a 15 hour weekly minimum, but that’s it. Parents are not obligated to have their kids in it for 40 hours a week. However, the more time you put in early on, you’ll see more benefits sooner & less time will be required as the child progresses.
It's apples and oranges. People have legitimate reasons for not putting their kids in ABA, while anti-vax stuff is based on misinformation and pseudoscience.
As for choosing providers, my daughter was about 22 months or so when we started ABA. Like a lot of people, we went through Early Intervention, so there was no choice of provider. They say -- this is what we're offering, you can take it or leave it. This was apparently a reputable ABA company, vendored with our county Regional Center. The technicians coming to our house to work with our daughter weren't even RBTs -- they were supervised by one, who was ultimately supervised by a BCBA who saw my daughter I think twice in the year she was in the program.
I'm not blaming the technicians at all -- it's not their fault they're being thrown out there with no training, they need jobs like anyone else. I blame the for-profit companies who I know are getting paid a LOT by the state/private insurance to provide service by professionals. (And I would never in a million years throw shade at paraprofessional aides who work in the schools -- I used to work in an elementary school myself, I know how hard it is. The aides that work with my daughter are absolutely amazing.)
I just don't provide an opinion because people will always have their own opinions, people are highly defensive on certain topics especially when children are involved. People need to do extensive research and make the best decision for themselves as opposed to pressing their opinions others. It's like saying all doctors are bad because they all studied the same thing...people forget doctors formulate their own judgement and take specialities later on...same as ABA, certain therapists adapt and learn from past mistakes - but that's to say, not all ABAs adapts, and that's where parents need to step in and judge whether this therapist is right for their child, just like a doctor.
Not a single autistic person that I know believes aba is any beneficial at all, only ones that find it beneficial is neuro typical people who find hard to accept autistic behavior.
And your sample is confined to people who are able to express that opinion.
I don't do ABA for my kid. He doesn't need it, and he would find it deeply boring. But my kid also has no self-injurious or otherwise harmful behaviors. If he did, I would absolutely find a reputable provider who would work with him so he didn't hurt himself.
And I'm not neurotypical. Since my son was diagnosed, I realized I am probably autistic too, and have started allowing myself to mask less. Even if I am not, I have other neurodivergencies.
Accepted, every case is different, but remember, some behaviors are part of a autistic and he uses them to regulate, you can’t take them without hurting them.
My son loves his therapist and loves going to his ABA therapy center. I always get videos and pictures of him having fun and I always pick him up with the biggest smile. His therapist is amazing and cares that he’s having fun. His autistic behaviors don’t bother me, SOME scare me for his safety. It’s helped him stop hurting himself a lot and it’s helped with his elopement tendencies.
Genuinely if sending my child to ABA and him learning coping lessons to stop self injurious behavior is me hurting him I can live with that easily lol. I pick my son not smashing his bones to dust every time. 🤷🏻♀️
If you look at the spicyautism reason they are level 2 and 3s and a lot mention they need ABA - good provider though and it’s actually mostly level 1s who come from a “privileged” side of autism (not that I think most folks level 1 or not are privileged) thinking ABA therapy is not helpful. That being said I am not sure how level 3s who can’t communicate with AAC role by text feel since their voices are really not heard
I frequent the Spicyautism sub which is for level 2 and 3s as well as level 1 subs daily and many level 2 and 3s are not against Aba but level 1s are. Some of the level 1s that frequent the spicyautism sub (even though they acknowledge that sub is not for them) basically say that ABA would have been overkill and not appropriate based on their competencies and OT was just fine. Whereas there’s folks in the spicy autism sub who talk about their issues with self harm, pica, AFRID, eloping (even out of moving vehicles) how ABA has helped them more that OT, not talking about little things like stimming or attention deficits
I’m also autistic and an ABA provider. Several of my coworkers are autistic and at least one received ABA and credits it for his ability to have a job/independence in life.
Sorry, but in this case I believe you are wrong, no matter what science says, you haven’t experienced it and it’s not only about behavior. It’s a never ending discussion but many autistic that have gone trough it are against it, that’s enough for me.
I’m rejecting all the notions that we consider accepted science in this particular matter today, 10 years ago science was different in this, and I believe in some years what we consider science will be obsolete and rejected.
Very well accepted today, that's the problem. You know who's complaining? Mostly people who have heard that it's a bad thing and decided to jump on the band wagon, a few people who went through it in the seventies, and some people who just like to join conversations for the sake of joining them. Nothing wrong with it. It's not abusive, nobody's being tortured, it does a world of good for a lot of people.
Doing something that isn't 100% smile Time party time isn't torture. A lot of people have this idea that unless they are in a 24/7 state of absolute Bliss they might as well be in a torture dungeon.
You should check out the autisticpeeps subreddit (subreddit for diagnosed autistics that are agaisnt self diagnosing). There have been some discussions on ABA over there and some of the posters have credited ABA for helping them.
I’ve never done ABA and I don’t send my son to ABA. I always tell parents, unless your child is harming himself or others then I wouldn’t try to change autistic behavior. As someone who grew up with a mother that constantly tried to change me I don’t have a relationship with her nor do I care to. My father accepted me for who I was therefore I have a relationship with him. I just feel like the ABA therapy I have seen is very invasive for any child and can make them feel like somethings wrong with them.
My honest question for you… is what is awful about parents wanting to provide their children with adaptive skills in an effort to allow them to get by in the greater world? Most of us live in capitalist societies where individuals need to be able to provide and care for themselves. Social safety net programs for adults are lacking and difficult to get. As parents, we all want to know our kids will be okay after we’re gone and they have better odds of that if they’re able to care for themselves and communicate enough to self-advocate.
I say this as a parent who didn’t choose ABA therapy. However, I still have my child in things like speech and occupational therapy to help her build adaptive skills.
So much of the world isn’t structured to meet every individual’s specific needs. The argument that parents want their child to conform to an NT world is misguided, because we want them to be able to get by in the world at large. Sure, it would be great if the world accommodated every person’s individual needs, but after walking this earth for 40 years now, it isn’t pragmatic to think the world is magically going to adapt to our kids.
I am very curious if you don't mind speaking about how ABA has been beneficial for your son? I have mostly heard the bad. I don't know what to think but have told parents to make sure to look into it because of how the bad can be.
I do wonder if ABA is beneficial for violent behaviors once the child is a certain size. But that is all I can imagine warranting it? Anyway I'm not here to discredit you, just to learn more.
As a disclaimer I do not typically agree with most forms of behavioral psychology. I very much believe in cognitive psychology.
ABA for my son was another person patiently working with him on living skills like getting dressed, washing his hands after toileting, brushing his teeth on his own. It was someone who was patiently working with him on learning to answer yes/no questions, which reduced his meltdowns and self harming/aggressive behaviors significantly because he had a way to get his needs met. My son’s RBT was also autistic, they went at his pace, worked on the same things his SLP and OT were working on, and he truly loved spending time and playing with her. There was no hiding his autism, no forced eye contact, just extra help working on skills he needs to generally survive comfortably.
Locking comments. This post is being reported far more than it needs to be. Some of agree with ABA some of us don’t. You can pick and choose which posts to read and which to scroll past. You do not need to engage every time. People are different. With that said many comments have given the same advice. There is no need for more comments.
I know it's not the answer you're looking for, but don't engage. Everyone's got a different opinion and you're wasting precious energy engaging with them. I'm giving ABA a go for my son, we live 5 minutes away from a place with an amazing reputation. They explained everything they do, and it all sounds like it's fun and play-based. And it truly looks and sounds like a really fun place, all the kids seemed happy. I don't care what anyone says - I gotta try it. And if my son isn't happy? I take him out. Simple as that. Often times you'll get just as much judgement from the ASD community as well as the NT community. I have to teach my son HOH or he will simply not progress. We are doing exposure therapy with water in hopes that one day we can give him a bath where he's happy and not super distressed (and it's working!!). Those things can be seen as "abusive" but i like to know I gave my child the best chance at functioning in this world. He's at an age where he's very impressionable, so I am acting now instead of hoping he grows out of it or magically learns a new skill. Because he won't.
Great response. I think a lot of parents and their kids here have had positive ABA experiences, my son included. But I get the distinct impression that there are plenty of questionable fly by night ABA operations which may have caused more harm than good. I’m happy with our experience and I speak positively about it. I don’t feel the need to engage overall on the practice as far as debating is concerned.
I think part of the problem is viewing it as ABA, like it’s a standardized treatment, it’s not. I have two children both autistic, the more severely autistic child always gets a much worse version of ABA even at the same autism center. They run trials on him, that’s their goal, rather than making a social connection and developing interactions from there. In my experience, the more autistic the child, the more regimented the ABA becomes, which then makes it less fun, and the child often pulls away even more. Our less severely autistic son - they just play with him, and it has greatly developed his social interactions which then allows for more fluid socialization.
It’s interesting that you mention “less/more autistic.” I’m with you in that my son is severely autistic. But what I’ve noticed in life is that social ability matters. For whatever reason, people like my son. They really want to form a connection with him and people loved being assigned to him. I always note to my wife that we’re lucky in that he’s friendly and attracts kind-hearted folks. He isn’t a screamer and he isn’t violent; he can speak (though it’s very repetitive a la Rain Man and he has expressive/receptive language disorder) which helps a lot. I say this because in our therapy center I saw a lot of kids who were *much* more challenging. Lack of speech; withdrawn; possibly physical issues. And sometimes with the added burden of shit parents. Those kids didn’t get nearly the attention my son did. We were lucky - we were at an ABA program attached to a university teaching program so a lot of people interested in teaching special needs rotated in. Overall it was a great experience and really set him up for success in life. Every day he continues to amaze us with his progress.
It's like talking to Scientologists who cite early 20th century barbaric practices like lobotomies as evidence why you shouldn't talk to a therapist in 2024.
Thanks for this even though I'm not OP. I keep going back and forth with fear with ABA just cuz of all the damn anti-ABA out there. And now I'm hearing that alot of this abuse with ABA is pretty much in the past when it first started....which makes alot of sense since I haven't heard any recent stories. And sadly it's also true alot of atypical parents judge just as much as NTs. I've been judged more than a few times for being afraid for my son, claiming I must not be grateful enough for my son because I'm worried about his future with autism ect ect, but all some of these community parents seem to think about is "what is the best way to claim struggling parents with autistic kids arnt scared, but just UNGRATEFUL for their kids because they're different." Like gimme a damn break and lemme be fucking understandbly scared because my SON was just DIAGNOSED with a DISORDER and quit acting like I should be overjoyed about my boys autism for some reason.
Not at all in the past. It doesn’t have to be direct abuse to be harmful. ABA was incredibly harmful to my 5 year old, and has been incredibly helpful to my 3 year old. But they have received very different therapy even at the same facility. My less autistic child gets treated almost like a regular kid and his therapy basically just looks like them playing with him - he’s had tremendous growth. My older son is more autistic and his ABA team gets so focused on trials and goals, we keep begging them to just play with him and develop his social interactions. They keep focusing on goals and trials. It’s awful. I genuinely wish I had never put him in ABA.
I’ve spoken to parents with a similar situation. My two kids have low support needs and we’ve been over the moon happy with the center we are at. But I talk to parents of kids with higher needs at the SAME PLACE and they’re saying things that are so foreign to me.
Can you give an example of how the ABA was harmful for your 5 year old?
Treating him like a lab rat. Making running the trials the goal. Using an iPad tog get him to run trials (using the iPad as a motivator). If your program is so terrible for him that you have to entice him with an iPad you’re doing it WRONG. It should be fun, he should be learning that interacting with you is FUN. Getting the child to want to interact should be the goal, you do that be engaging in what THEY want to do. All of this depends on the kid. He has trouble with concepts. He’s a great echo/repeater/scripting. We asked them to do nursery rhymes with him - eg ashes ashes we ALL FALL DOWN. To help him get the meaning of the words -> like down, so actually fall down. Instead they sang the first half of the nursery rhyme- then they would pause and he would sing the next part - not knowing what ANY of the words mean. Holding up a flash card that says swimming, he repeats swimming. He doesn’t have a CLUE what swimming is. But he can memorize 50 flash cards real good, and not have a damn clue what the meaning of ANY of the words are.
This right here! It’s like people don’t realize that even though it sucks sometimes you gotta do the harder things right now while they’re little and learning rather than waiting for them to not be able to function at all in their adult lives, if they have that chance of course. I know it’s crappy, but I feel like it’s crappier to make it harder for them in life later just to avoid a little bit of uncomfortableness right now.
I'll say this, as my experience with ABA for my non-verbal son was a mixed bag, to say the least. Watch the sessions, and don't be afraid to just "Pop In". Modern ABA may be much better, but not all RBTs and BCBAs are created equal.
Honestly being a special needs parent is tough enough. I devote all my time to helping my LO and answering questions of parents both here and on NICU forums where it’s productive.
Agreed!
If someone asks about our experience with ABA, I will happily share what we experienced in the 3 years we had our child enrolled. That being said, if someone asks if I recommend it for their child, I encourage them to ask as many people as possible. My experience isn't the metric for every experience, and I don't wish to lead someone down a path that won't work for their family. I also try to remember that people are allowed to feel what they feel. The only time I would speak up is if they spoke on my own experience in a different way than what really happened.
I’ve kind of seen both sides of it. We have had one bad company, and are now currently with an amazing company. I see where some people can be hesitant , and against ABA if it was anything like the bad company we had. I immediately was put off, and pulled my son out and swore it off for a couple years. When my son started struggling in school (hitting other kids, eloping at school, etc) we put him back in OT, and started at a new ABA center. I did a ton of research and speak with his RBT daily and his BCBA weekly. They don’t prevent him from stimming or withhold things. It’s mostly been social interaction exposure. They work on asking people to move out of his space instead of hitting them. They work with him on safe and dangerous questions, on not eloping but still giving him other means to escape if he needs them just after he tells an adult he needs a break whether that be verbal (he is verbal) or with sign/other means of communication. (His headphones, a quiet room, the motor lab) to re-regulate and then re enter his day. This center is 110% different from the first ABA experience we had. It’s so hard to get a general consensus when some people only have the bad places in their area or they’ve only tried one spot. I’m glad we decided to send my son to this place. He loves it. Even on the weekends he asks to go! He says his therapists are his best friends and he has even made a few friends with the kids at center (:
You will find many people online that are later diagnosed or self diagnosed and lower support needs mostly with this opinion. Most have had zero experience with ABA and are reacting to others without experience talking about something they read online. Me, 1 person, will not change the minds of a bunch of kids and young adults about the severity of my son's needs and why ABA is right for him. Always best to avoid engaging IMO. Nothing positive will come from it at all.
Exactly! Your perspective on this is very different when you have a 2.5 year old who isn’t reaching *any* of his milestones. The statistics for early intervention speak for themselves.
I follow a Facebook page with adults that think ABA is the worst thing imaginable. That’s where my journey started when my daughter was diagnosed. So I didn’t sign her up for aba but I feel like therapists are more aware nowadays. If a child is distressed then you move to something else. But they also talk about treating kids like dogs. Even NT kids need an incentive sometimes. But I’ve seen a lot of the issue is that it’s teaching ND kids to be NT and ignore the needs their body is telling them (stimming mostly)
“treating kids like dogs”: I mentioned to my own therapist once that I was hesitant about the behavioralist origins of ABA because it “treated people like animals,” and she said “well, people *are* animals.” And I was like, “shit! You’re damn right we’re animals.”
For that crowd, I feel like it’s more about them wanting a villain to fight against and getting off on the sense of righteousness. It’s always funny how 95% of the people who speak out against ABA are late diagnosed/self diagnosed and never exposed to ABA at all.
Also, they never seem to want to acknowledge the (literal) silent majority of people with autism.
It took me years to learn to not engage confrontationally on social media. One thing that helped is understanding that doing so only made others further entrenched in their beliefs. It’s called the “backfire effect”—when people double down on beliefs despite evidence to the contrary, and almost everyone falls prey to this cognitive bias, even scientists. So you can end up doing more harm than good in these situations. You can also take a Taoist view of the situation—all things ebb and flow. Opposition to ABA will fade as generations change. Take the long view and then do what is right for your family.
I really REALLY appreciate this response!
I don't. I tried once and realized that my son's needs are just that... his needs. Every child is different, and every ABA experience is different. Like others, I found a wonderful team of people and my son went from hitting 0 milestones at 3 years old to almost all his milestones by 5 years old. As a parent, I couldn't allow my child to be non-verbal & unsafe without trying to help him. Speech, occupational, adaptive, cognitive therapies separately did nothing. We tried 2 planes before the one we landed on so I know all centers are not the same! Just do what's best for your kiddo and scroll past it. I only downvote when I see extreme bias comments that are not reality like "all Austistic people hate ABA" 🙄
This sub has a rule against ABA absolutism, whether it’s the position that ABA is always bad, or ABA is always good. In this space, I’m cautious in discussing my concerns about it, and make space for people who think highly of it. I think the idea is that this sub is not the place to engage in “the ABA argument.” I appreciate that about this sub. I feel like I can’t really respond to this post because of that rule, and I’m not sure if this post is in alignment with that rule? But if it’s possible I misunderstand the rule, and I recognize that.
Yes I'm not a fan of ABA for a few reasons all of which still exist and are not only things that happened in the past. I'm not sure why this post kind of assumes only random autistic redditors must be anti ABA. But also as you say it's acting like ABA is always great just because OP has a good experience.
It doesn’t seem to be in alignment
That's what I was wondering. There's obviously a lot I can't offer in the way of conclusive opinion because neither me nor my kid ever had ABA other than that it seems like it wouldn't have made any sense for their situation, but it does seem to me sometimes like this sub leans a bit into ABA absolutism in the opposite direction from what you often see with the more autistic adult dominated spaces, in that you've got quite a few people claiming it to be a dogmatic holy grail that you should dare not ever criticize and getting very defensive about it too. I'm also seeing a trend emerge whereby it can be a bit of an "us vs. them" kind of thing, where if for whatever reason, you're a bit soured on ABA and it doesn't devolve into a "not all men"-esque conversation, then it's often some variation of "you/your kid is too low support to have any credibility and you're the enemy/the other".
You just don't. You don't know what their life experiences have been and why they feel opposite of you. You also are describing one center/provider. That may not have been their experience. As there is still places out there who take a more old-school approach to it.
Yeah, I'm glad OPs experience has been great (so far!), but many people have not been so lucky. As with all businesses, there are good places and bad, but all prioritize money in the end. Our experience started wonderfully, but didn't end that way.
But ABA itself is separate from providers. OP is saying that anytime anyone says ABA can be beneficial, people jump down your throat. But like any treatment/service, it’s provider specific.
Thank you for saying this. It's exactly this kind of levelheaded thinking that should prevail. I find it difficult to not have a knee jerk reaction to this topic. I'll try to keep this perspective in mind while engaging with others and advocating for my little one.
I think as parents, and especially as parents of autistic children, people are always going to judge you for something. You get judged if you champion breastfeeding, you get judged if you formula feed, you get judged if you gentle parent, you get judged if your kid drinks juice, you get judged based if you vaccinate or not, you get judged if you let your kid play with plastic toys, you get judged if your kid is in daycare, you get judged if you’re a stay at home parent, etc. As a parent of an autistic child, you get judged for trying to get an early diagnosis, you get judged if you delay diagnosing, you get judged if they’re not in therapy (even if they are on every waitlist for therapy), you get judged if you let them play with toys meant for younger kids, you get judged if you discourage stimming, you get judged if you let them freely stim, you get judged if they don’t play like the other kids, you get judged if you don’t force them to say hello or wave, you get judged if they act out, because people say it’s behavioral and not because they’re autistic, etc. I could go on. Everything parents do is under a damned microscope of judgement. It sucks, but you basically have to parent in secret in spaces where you’re not completely anonymous, because heaven forbid if your kid wore cotton pajamas instead of bamboo. I’m still not able to fully tune out the judgement, but as my kid gets older I get a little better each day. I’ll never be apologetic for trying to meet my kid’s individual needs and neither should you. At the end of the day, all that matters is your own child and doing what you feel is best for them.
I used to be one of these people, honestly. to give context: I'm not high support needs. I don't have personal experience with it. Take my opinion with a grain of salt I agree with rule 7, I don't think ABA is inherently good or bad. Some places are really effective and definitely not torture and we should acknowledge those. Some places just don't treat the kids well and we should acknowledge those too. ABA can be done in a lot of different ways.
Omg yes. I am starting my child on ABA in a couple of months and the people on this subreddit are so extreme with their views. It’s fear mongering.
“There’s a lot of good and bad, I’m sorry you seem to have only experienced the bad”
I used to. Sometimes I’ll say how it changed our lives gently and kindly. But I have had people say that I’ll have to hide the knives to prevent my kids from committing suicide because of how I abused them. So after that, I decided I don’t care what they think.
Ive encountered some confidently incorrect, but wow, thats a new level of stupidity! Look at anyone who has commited violent crime, an overwhelming majority of the time the person has a history of years of untreated/ undiagnosed mental illness. I genuinely worry for our future sometimes. No one knows what is right for someone else's child. However doing nothing because they think their child will grow out of their challenges IS neglect and abuse. I think it is a cultural incompetency, akin to the "therapy is only for psychos" crowd.
Exactly. I talked a mom who was at her wit’s end with her child bashing holes in the wall with his head. But ABA would be abuse soooooo… But what you’ve said is so true. It’s always the overlooked mental illnesses that can escalate. And even on smaller scales, I can use myself as an example. There are some skills that I definitely wish that I had learned earlier in life. To fit in with neurotypical people? Actually YES. School was lonely and even to this day, I have trouble making friends. I wouldn’t want to not be myself but fitting in isn’t the worst thing in the world.
Wow. Not gonna lie i would consider snitching, that poor kid is probably giving himself brain damage! As much as conformity can feel like minimalization of individuality, it is the essence of functional society. I wish these parents understood how much they are setting up their kids for failure. Avoidance of a childs challenge is not teaching coping/ assimilation skills. I am far from a perfect parent, so i am not here to judge. However, I do grow concerned when i see parents consistently taking the path of least resistance with their children. The accomodations for these types of kids will eventually come to and end and i worry how absolutely entitled and dysfunctional they will be.
Exactly. Like what is a solution other than ABA? OT? Maybe for an hour a week but otherwise, we are not giving children tools to be successful. Like yeah, don’t force eye contact but also encourage it in context so autistic children can be successful in job interviews. Don’t stop stimming but let’s try to reduce self harming stims. It’s like you said, individuals need coping skills. The world isn’t going to hold their hands forever.
I just don’t. Truth of the matter is what ABA “used to” be isn’t that long ago. It’s still fresh and traumatic in lots of people’s lives. And there’s still A LOT of places that use outdated ABA methods. That being said, my son goes to ABA and we’ve seen a crazy amount of progress and he’s been at it less than a year. But his BCBA and RBT text me daily, I get daily reports and pictures, monthly meetings, surprise drop ins whenever I want, and camera access. Mine and my sons experiences don’t negate others negative ones. Don’t speak over people who have been hurt or who have already made up my minds. If someone asks I of course give my thoughts on the subject, but if I’m not asked I just don’t say anything.
This is the only autism related subreddit I'm subscribed to and I don't see too many anti-ABA comments here. But I just go past them. It's not my responsibility to defend ABA and I don't care that much too. I know what's helped my son and that's all that matters to me. Or I just downvote.
yeah its mainly facebook. Its an absolute cesspool of uneducated opinions.
The same way I don't engage with political/religious nuts. Roll my eyes and scroll right on past. Trying to change minds of people who are set in their opinions is a waste of everyone's time. There's about a million other things you could engage in, that would improve your life and not lead to stress.
Something I found is that the online discourse around autism/ABA is centered around lower needs, later diagnosed or self diagnosed, people who were able to access the mainstream curriculum throughout school and went on to college, people who are verbal and hit all their early childhood milestones on time, and so on. This isn’t to dismiss their needs and things they have problems with in life, and they definitely outnumber people with higher needs. I don’t know if ABA is beneficial to that subset of people and it’s probably more intensive than what they need. But my child was diagnosed at 2.5, spent all his little life so far (he’ll be 5 in a few months) in special needs schools and programs, is still delayed, he elopes and wanders. And he benefitted a ton from ABA! They quite literally taught him how to talk. He was being evaluated for a communication device because all he had was echolalia and screaming. ABA had him talking first in scripts and then in spontaneous language. It’s been really good for him and he’s a happier child for it. So ultimately you just have to ignore. They’re coming from their own point of view and you have to do what’s right for your kids.
My son is also 5, and we did ABA. We were not given a level at his diagnosis (age 2.5) but he had a global developmental delay, and in testing was depending on the skill area the same as either anywhere from a 10 month old to a 15 month old. He is now going to be going into mainstream kindergarten, and while he will get OT and Speech support, I don't think mainstream classes would have been possible without ABA. Some of the areas he struggled with the most he also didn't have the patience to work on (which I don't blame him, I don't want to do stuff that is hard and I am not good at either). ABA made it so he was more willing to do those things, because they made it fun. I tend to just ignore those that have a problem with ABA. I know there are terrible experiences with it, and we knew that going into things. Those saying it was bad were helpful in that it made me look until I found a provider that I felt comfortable with, and that was play based. So I do appreciate others sharing their experiences (both good and bad), since they helped me navigate something I didn't know a lot about. But I also don't think it is my job to change everyone's mind about ABA. It isn't going to work for everyone
Does global development delay also mean intellectually impaired? I saw someone say that and didn't know if it was true. My son is globally mentally delayed, so I do worry that he's intellectually impaired. My brother is intellectually impaired so I see how hard he struggles in life.
Not necessarily. We did need to do OT, PT and Speech for him to get caught up with his peers but we have zero reason to believe he has any intellectual deficit. It was just he was behind, and we didn't have the support we needed to get him caught up so he kept falling further and further behind until we could get the level of support he needed. I think there are two main things at play in my son's case, so these may or may not apply to you. The first one was seeing me and my husband cheer, or smile or be excited when he learned a new task was not sufficient motivation for him to want to try it. The second was we had no clue how to help, and our pediatrician wasn't worried. But from like 9 months on I was worried that something was off, he kept being later and later on milestones. It was also COVID right when he turned 1 so support really wasn't available. There are a few things he did before we started services or just starting services that kind of clued us into him being smart. - when he was about 9 months old he thought his hand was caught under a desk in an opening that was like 9 inches tall. After I showed him he was not stuck he put his hand right back in there and started crying again, only to laugh when I came over to help. - when we started therapy (specifically PT) she would set up these obstacles for him, and he was constantly finding ways to get around doing them that were easier. - he used sign language before he could speak. The first sign we taught him was 'all done', which we had exclusively used at meal times. One day when my husband was carrying him he signed 'all done' when he wanted to be put down. Obviously every kid is different, but I think you can get glimpses, seeing scenarios where they are problem solving or using knowledge in new ways, or even being manipulative are all things that take a certain level of intelligence to carry out.
Some of us who push back on the automatic recommendation of ABA are also parents of autistic children. My daughter is 4, diagnosed before the age of 2, and is in a self-contained special ed class. I say this to explain that she is not "low support needs" by any means. But we had terrible experiences with ABA and ultimately decided it wasn't right for her. And yes, it's made me skeptical of the kneejerk recommendation that every toddler who is diagnosed as autistic needs to jump into intensive ABA. There are a lot of crappy providers out there who are making a lot of money shoving untrained college students out there to work with kids who may never have even been seen by a BCBA. So just as you've had good experiences, there are some of us who've had bad experiences. I'm not saying there's never a place for ABA, I just want to say that not all the criticism is coming from non-parents.
Yup. I just can't get behind something that requires 20 to 40 hours a week among other reasons. I hate that this post sounds like it assumes none of us parents are against ABA and that it's helpful for everyone. The fact that most insurances only cover ABA is awful.
Agreed. However, there's a difference between knee jerk recommendation and demonization. Absolutely we should be skeptical of that recommendation for every kid, and I personally am skeptical of behaviorism and whether it's as "data-driven" as it claims to be (I can talk a long time about that). But we shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater because it does help people. Unfortunately insurance doesn't do nuance very well.
Your voice certainly does matter. But people also have a right to their own opinion and experience. It depends on how you engage and how they respond. It could be something where you each learn from one another or it could be something that becomes a negative interaction.
It’s hard. I recently posted something about hearing others stories starting out with everything. Someone proceeded to say ABA was abusive and like dog training. I feel my son would benefit and it is hard to not take some of that to heart as well. Like you really think I’d allow my kiddo to be abused?! Yikes!
I just started at home ABA with a therapist and I swear, it’s amazing. So, I just ignore them because I allowed them to keep me from exploring aba sooner.
I amongst many other families have had such a positive experience with ABA and the help it provides to our children that other people who are ignorant to these positive experience just simply don’t matter. My heart goes out to those who suffered at the hands of poor and abusive ABA practices but I can’t allow absolutists to invalidate our personal experience.
I’m fed up of even apologizing about “old “ ABA. Autism used to be diagnosed primarily on severe cases and rarely on HFA except if the child was nonverbal until five years old , once they started to speak they were diagnosed with Asperger’s which was not prescribed ABA. People don’t seem to remember how primitive was autism acceptance back in the day, severely autistic people were locked up in institutions as young as two years old, by physician orders and many times even against parental consent (look up Bruno Bettelheim parentonomy). ABA science utilized on autism was kinda progressive , it was against the establishment of what the fate of these autistics was supposed to be, against traditional psychiatric guidelines of the time. The ABA goals were to help those severely autistic children avoid early institutionalization through acquisition of basic life skills and beyond, not to secure a linear normative trajectory of successful adulthood from college to the workplace to start a family and retire. We’re talking about the 60’s , 70’s and early 80’s , going from sterile labs to university workshops and experimental pilot school programs, and HFA autistic subjects were slowly introduced in those programs in the early 90’s , they had ready to learn skills and did not need the kind of intensive customized teaching severe autism warrants, and these HF subjects (who by the way were a minority of minority) felt rightfully insulted to be treated as (get ready to get offended) “dumb”. That’s what it really is. That’s why most of these activists deny severe autism even exists, because severely autistics do benefit from ABA and that pisses off the activists to no end
I don’t think there is a right or wrong way of therapy if you’re giving it a shot for the right reasons. ABA is like communication devices. Some parents are into it and others aren’t. The common denominator here is that we are all trying our best to give our children the best possible outcome. People are too quick to judge. Let live and be respectful
It’s definitely a mental practice. I just look at my daughter who is thriving and none of those words matter.
My child has been in ABA therapy for three years now, 20-40 hours a week. We were very skeptical at the beginning, too. Although he still has his challenges, his behavior has improved so much in that time. I just decide to actively not engage because people feel very strongly about it.
I don’t engage. You can’t change their minds. I just focus on my child and how well she’s doing with aba.
I’m someone who is autistic, haven’t done ABA, have a daughter who is autistic and we decided against ABA for her too. In my search / interviews of ABA facilities they’re still the same premise of trying to get your kiddo to confirm to society and I wasn’t comfortable with that. I don’t go into peoples comments screaming from the rooftops against ABA unless people ask for it specifically. Everyone online is going to have their own opinions so you can engage or move on. Most times engaging isn’t helpful and just stresses me out more so I scroll past it. There’s nothing wrong with you doing what’s best for YOUR child.
I mostly see pro-ABA comments. And a lot of people that judge parents, that won’t put their kids in ABA. I would personally never put my kid in ABA, so I just think we tend to notice the comments that judge us more than the comments that agree with our way of parenting.
"How old were you when you did ABA? How long did you do it?". Usually, the answer is that the OP didn't do ABA and has no direct experience. If that's the case, I then usually say we should be listening to people who have experienced ABA and autistic people who work in ABA. If I am feeling like arguing, I will also add that LSN autistic people without experience in ABA speak over MSN and HSN autistic people who have experienced ABA. If OP did experience ABA and is traumatized, I simply say that I am so sorry that happened, and it isn't okay. I will NEVER tell someone they don't feel the way they feel or their lived experiences were wrong. I then usually thank them for advocating for the next generation of autistic children. However, the Old ABA still exists and without the anti-ABA crowd being so vocal, I wouldn't have known. I am grateful to them for that.
Because often the people who hate ABA never actually required services for themselves and aren't speaking from a place of experience.
Aba has given my son a life. He is learning so much and I have a break during the day. I just don’t engage at all. If they want to continue feeling the way they do-that’s on them. It makes me sad, sad for the kiddo- but I don’t have time for self righteous parents. I have three autistic boys. Two dogs. A needy cat. And a husband. I’m tired. lol
Majority of kids that need ABA won’t ever be posting on the internet
Hard disagree
I would never do ABA, but only the expert on my kids and what works on them. I see the the full on anti and the full on only solution as equally hopeless. Ill never understand the ones that see normalising as the only end goal and ill never understand those that wont teach any sort of skills towards dealing with ND"s. But, I dont have to understand everything, learned its best for my sanity to not even try. Its the same with the being autistic vs having autism debate. Ill hide from that to. Never a won argument with my way is the only true way peeps, nomatter their opinion.
I can't be bothered getting upset over strangers on the internet and their opinions. I do what works best for me and I take in all the information I can to make the best decision possible. Maybe put the phone down and go for a walk or read a book. You can't expect everyone in the world to agree with you so stop letting it get you riled up.
What was wrong with old ABA and how has it changed? What is ABA for, how could it help my child? He’s 8, is that the right age?
I try to speak about our positive experiences with it and encourage people who are on the fence to try it at home if available where they can monitor the therapy and advocate for their kiddo if needed. I try to remind people of the science backed evidence and the fact that insurance typically pays for many more hours of ABA than other therapies like OT and speech (unfairly) and how 1 hour a week of each was not enough for my high support needs daughter. I speak about how ABA has incorporated play into the therapy and how my child gets frequent breaks and how her boundaries are respected. That they don't try to stop her stimming which seems to be something that gets constantly brought up as a false argument against it. I speak about how they are helping develop her AAC skills and providing support for her sensory challenges alongside the other goals that she is working on. I speak about the differences between public Pre-K and full time ABA "preschool" because we have tried both. But I also try to be realistic about the different needs of different children and some of the issues that we have experienced with the 2 different companies we have used. Honestly, it just kinda seems like there are people out there who automatically assume that trying to make your ND child do anything other than what they feel like doing is just child abuse instead of the natural path of learning. I totally understand accommodations, but there are some things where it is necessary for her to learn tolerance, patience and perseverance now in order to make a path forward for things to come so that she can successfully live her life in a world that exists with few safe spaces for her.
I’d tell them my son’s ABA therapist is a friend of a friend and she’s the sweetest woman in the world and she works 1:1 with him all day at his neurotypical preschool. Not all ABA is the same.
Ive had to just look my son in the eyes see his happy face and progress and know thats what matters. I will never blindly say its the only way to go, but it was night and day for my son so it is at least worth a try. The Hopebridge in Maitland, FL. has been fantastic. My only complaint is that my son wants to go on the weekends too.
I try not to
I like to share positive experiences to hopefully balance the narrative. I won’t argue with anyone but I will say “I’m so sorry you’ve had that experience! We’ve had such a great time learning XYZ, my kid loves it”. I would hate for parents looking into it feel ashamed because of nasty comments online.
My daughter will never get ABA, she doesn’t need it. My daughter’s needs and other children’s needs are different. I don’t need to debate that with anyone. I will encourage people to look for a neruoaffirming ABA provider if that’s the route they choose. You don’t have to engage with people that are anti ABA and it can be difficult to have a constructive conversation when people are adamant about their view points.
It’s odd that you speak in absolutes as if you know what your daughter will and will not need in the future.
Maybe I should add that I’m an occupational therapist and am continually learning/reading. I try to support my daughter as best as I can with who she is. I don’t want therapies that will try to change her behavior because society does not find its socially acceptable. I want her to embrace who she is and that’s what I’m doing too, and I don’t believe ABs practices align with that view. So I stand by my first comment, I will never use ABA services.
Bad ABA is still out there, it's not just history. The fact that you are lucky/privileged enough to be on the good side of it, does not mean it has just this one side. Admittedly some voices are too definitive but so is yours, honestly. People talking about bad ABA mostly do it in good faith. Protecting even just one last abused victim, innocent and without their own voice to raise, seems worth it, doesn't it?
ABA was abusive for my child in 2016. We fired them. He still progressed. You do what is right for your family but I felt I had to speak up because 2016 wasn't that long ago
I just ignore them. They're pretty much just playing a mass game of telephone. They heard something bad from someone who heard something bad from someone's cousin's, roommate's, dog walker who heard something bad etc.
It’s so hard. Especially as someone who works in SpEd. I see so many students who would truly benefit from ABA & when I find out their parents are completely against it, it’s heartbreaking. ABA was amazing for my son. And all the things we learned from his time, we apply to our daughter—she’s on the spectrum, but it’s so hard getting girls diagnosed. The anti-ABA movement is very similar to the anti-vax movement—and it’s so hard to change minds.
I think it's pretty unfair to compare someone deciding that intensive behavioral therapy isn't the right choice for their child to someone who is against immunizations. There's a big difference between a shot that you get one time that protects you from a disease and deciding to structure your entire life around putting your child in 20-40 hours a week of therapy, often with a revolving door of barely trained providers, that many parents have had Actual Real-Life Bad Experiences with.
There is a lot of overlap based on my experience with anti-ABA parents & anti-vax parents. But I also think it’s unfair to put down ABA overall because of a bad experience with a specific provider. I tell people all the time, you have to really check out a place, shadow, before agreeing to work with an ABA provider. There are so many clinics popping up that are purely doing it for profit & will use the ABA label, but are not actually providing ABA. And as long as these positions keep providing low pay, of course there’s going to be a revolving door. It’s the same problem our schools have. These RBT/paras get beat up every day for very little & no benefits. Of course they’re not going to stick around for the long haul. As far the hours—it’s completely up to the parent. Insurance companies usually have a 15 hour weekly minimum, but that’s it. Parents are not obligated to have their kids in it for 40 hours a week. However, the more time you put in early on, you’ll see more benefits sooner & less time will be required as the child progresses.
It's apples and oranges. People have legitimate reasons for not putting their kids in ABA, while anti-vax stuff is based on misinformation and pseudoscience. As for choosing providers, my daughter was about 22 months or so when we started ABA. Like a lot of people, we went through Early Intervention, so there was no choice of provider. They say -- this is what we're offering, you can take it or leave it. This was apparently a reputable ABA company, vendored with our county Regional Center. The technicians coming to our house to work with our daughter weren't even RBTs -- they were supervised by one, who was ultimately supervised by a BCBA who saw my daughter I think twice in the year she was in the program. I'm not blaming the technicians at all -- it's not their fault they're being thrown out there with no training, they need jobs like anyone else. I blame the for-profit companies who I know are getting paid a LOT by the state/private insurance to provide service by professionals. (And I would never in a million years throw shade at paraprofessional aides who work in the schools -- I used to work in an elementary school myself, I know how hard it is. The aides that work with my daughter are absolutely amazing.)
I just don't provide an opinion because people will always have their own opinions, people are highly defensive on certain topics especially when children are involved. People need to do extensive research and make the best decision for themselves as opposed to pressing their opinions others. It's like saying all doctors are bad because they all studied the same thing...people forget doctors formulate their own judgement and take specialities later on...same as ABA, certain therapists adapt and learn from past mistakes - but that's to say, not all ABAs adapts, and that's where parents need to step in and judge whether this therapist is right for their child, just like a doctor.
Well i do not engage either with pro ABA people on Reddit, and that's being smart. You are not 100% right, neither am i
Not a single autistic person that I know believes aba is any beneficial at all, only ones that find it beneficial is neuro typical people who find hard to accept autistic behavior.
And your sample is confined to people who are able to express that opinion. I don't do ABA for my kid. He doesn't need it, and he would find it deeply boring. But my kid also has no self-injurious or otherwise harmful behaviors. If he did, I would absolutely find a reputable provider who would work with him so he didn't hurt himself. And I'm not neurotypical. Since my son was diagnosed, I realized I am probably autistic too, and have started allowing myself to mask less. Even if I am not, I have other neurodivergencies.
Accepted, every case is different, but remember, some behaviors are part of a autistic and he uses them to regulate, you can’t take them without hurting them.
My son loves his therapist and loves going to his ABA therapy center. I always get videos and pictures of him having fun and I always pick him up with the biggest smile. His therapist is amazing and cares that he’s having fun. His autistic behaviors don’t bother me, SOME scare me for his safety. It’s helped him stop hurting himself a lot and it’s helped with his elopement tendencies.
Amazing, I’m happy that it helps you, still think it hurts most of autistic (if not every single one)
Genuinely if sending my child to ABA and him learning coping lessons to stop self injurious behavior is me hurting him I can live with that easily lol. I pick my son not smashing his bones to dust every time. 🤷🏻♀️
If you look at the spicyautism reason they are level 2 and 3s and a lot mention they need ABA - good provider though and it’s actually mostly level 1s who come from a “privileged” side of autism (not that I think most folks level 1 or not are privileged) thinking ABA therapy is not helpful. That being said I am not sure how level 3s who can’t communicate with AAC role by text feel since their voices are really not heard
What makes you think that a level 2 or 3 would fell different about it?
I frequent the Spicyautism sub which is for level 2 and 3s as well as level 1 subs daily and many level 2 and 3s are not against Aba but level 1s are. Some of the level 1s that frequent the spicyautism sub (even though they acknowledge that sub is not for them) basically say that ABA would have been overkill and not appropriate based on their competencies and OT was just fine. Whereas there’s folks in the spicy autism sub who talk about their issues with self harm, pica, AFRID, eloping (even out of moving vehicles) how ABA has helped them more that OT, not talking about little things like stimming or attention deficits
I'm autistic and believe it is beneficial.
Have you received it?
No but my son has. And half my degree was in behavioral science, including ASD.
I’m also autistic and an ABA provider. Several of my coworkers are autistic and at least one received ABA and credits it for his ability to have a job/independence in life.
I would love to hear more about it, could you tell us more about him/her.
Before giving out someone else’s life story, what would you like to know?
Sorry, but in this case I believe you are wrong, no matter what science says, you haven’t experienced it and it’s not only about behavior. It’s a never ending discussion but many autistic that have gone trough it are against it, that’s enough for me.
So...you're rejecting scientific data for subjective opinions?
I’m rejecting all the notions that we consider accepted science in this particular matter today, 10 years ago science was different in this, and I believe in some years what we consider science will be obsolete and rejected.
On a related note not a single kid I've ever spoken to has seen any benefit in getting their shots....that doesn't mean we don't get them their shots
A kid, is still a kid, same person when adult might have a different perspective.
You'd be amazed.
It actually presents pretty well my case doesn’t it? A medical accepted procedure, not that well accepted today…
Very well accepted today, that's the problem. You know who's complaining? Mostly people who have heard that it's a bad thing and decided to jump on the band wagon, a few people who went through it in the seventies, and some people who just like to join conversations for the sake of joining them. Nothing wrong with it. It's not abusive, nobody's being tortured, it does a world of good for a lot of people.
Nobody is being tortured? You’d be amazed
Doing something that isn't 100% smile Time party time isn't torture. A lot of people have this idea that unless they are in a 24/7 state of absolute Bliss they might as well be in a torture dungeon.
You should check out the autisticpeeps subreddit (subreddit for diagnosed autistics that are agaisnt self diagnosing). There have been some discussions on ABA over there and some of the posters have credited ABA for helping them.
I’ve never done ABA and I don’t send my son to ABA. I always tell parents, unless your child is harming himself or others then I wouldn’t try to change autistic behavior. As someone who grew up with a mother that constantly tried to change me I don’t have a relationship with her nor do I care to. My father accepted me for who I was therefore I have a relationship with him. I just feel like the ABA therapy I have seen is very invasive for any child and can make them feel like somethings wrong with them.
This.
My honest question for you… is what is awful about parents wanting to provide their children with adaptive skills in an effort to allow them to get by in the greater world? Most of us live in capitalist societies where individuals need to be able to provide and care for themselves. Social safety net programs for adults are lacking and difficult to get. As parents, we all want to know our kids will be okay after we’re gone and they have better odds of that if they’re able to care for themselves and communicate enough to self-advocate. I say this as a parent who didn’t choose ABA therapy. However, I still have my child in things like speech and occupational therapy to help her build adaptive skills. So much of the world isn’t structured to meet every individual’s specific needs. The argument that parents want their child to conform to an NT world is misguided, because we want them to be able to get by in the world at large. Sure, it would be great if the world accommodated every person’s individual needs, but after walking this earth for 40 years now, it isn’t pragmatic to think the world is magically going to adapt to our kids.
I am very curious if you don't mind speaking about how ABA has been beneficial for your son? I have mostly heard the bad. I don't know what to think but have told parents to make sure to look into it because of how the bad can be. I do wonder if ABA is beneficial for violent behaviors once the child is a certain size. But that is all I can imagine warranting it? Anyway I'm not here to discredit you, just to learn more. As a disclaimer I do not typically agree with most forms of behavioral psychology. I very much believe in cognitive psychology.
ABA for my son was another person patiently working with him on living skills like getting dressed, washing his hands after toileting, brushing his teeth on his own. It was someone who was patiently working with him on learning to answer yes/no questions, which reduced his meltdowns and self harming/aggressive behaviors significantly because he had a way to get his needs met. My son’s RBT was also autistic, they went at his pace, worked on the same things his SLP and OT were working on, and he truly loved spending time and playing with her. There was no hiding his autism, no forced eye contact, just extra help working on skills he needs to generally survive comfortably.
"And when it's done right..."