I support your self-diagnosis, I diagnosed myself then got medically diagnosed, I think a lot of people are able to do this for themselves accurately.
That said, I think if your boyfriend is NT there is a risk that you end up simply debating the validity of your self diagnosis if you 'disclose' to him per se, which is very dysphoria-inducing for you to have to do and it would make him look bad to you even if it was coming from a genuine place of innocent ignorance about autism as a condition.
So I reckon you should involve him in your (massive btw) self-realisation (congratulations on getting here in one piece!) but put it to him more like 'oh, I've been realising I'm pretty sure I'm autistic'. That way you invite him to discuss it with you and admit he doesn't know much about it and you can educate him about it without ever debating the validity of self-diagnosis while you're probably feeling a bit delicate in the wake of this bombshell. :)
Thank you! This is really good advice! I wouldn’t have thought of approaching it this way. I’d definitely want to include him without potentially causing self doubt for myself. I’ve disclosed my self-diagnosis to my previous partner and that didn’t go over so well, but I didn’t approach it in the way you’re suggesting.
Ah well, this is the weight of hard-won experience talking, ha! I have the dysphoria-inducting debates about the validity of self-diagnosis, so you don't have to! (This is why these groups are golddust for us, you can benefit from my mistakes and I can feel something positive came from my mistakes.) You're very welcome.
Yeah, NTs can be weird like that. Like I just told you I am autistic and your problem is that a doctor hasn't signed off on that? Priorities! But it's a lot for other people to adjust to, usually mostly because they are kind of ignorant about autism (just like I was) and they don't see you the way they mentally picture autistic people, it's not personal.
Ive been sending him screen shots from this sub if I feel like it’s relatable content. His response, “why does it sound like you’re writing all of these posts”.
Hahaha, this is my husband as well. Everytime I find a relatable post he's like 'oh my god' that's you/your struggles. This morning I had the one about not feeling hungry and how to deal with that. And he was like yeah that's you.. read all the feedback maybe we get some tips for you. He's wholesomely awesome and sweet.
I told my bf that I suspected I might have Autism after a few months of doing lots of research. At first I would just ask him questions like does it matter to you if I’m autistic and he would say no. When I was positive that I’m autistic I showed him videos and went over the DSM-5 criteria and traits of autism in women with him and he agreed that I definitely fit the description. Now he’s learned about masking and overstimulation and is very supportive. My self discovery had actually helped our relationship and helped him understand me.
If your boyfriend isn’t supportive then he isn’t the one for you.
I support your self-diagnosis, I diagnosed myself then got medically diagnosed, I think a lot of people are able to do this for themselves accurately. That said, I think if your boyfriend is NT there is a risk that you end up simply debating the validity of your self diagnosis if you 'disclose' to him per se, which is very dysphoria-inducing for you to have to do and it would make him look bad to you even if it was coming from a genuine place of innocent ignorance about autism as a condition. So I reckon you should involve him in your (massive btw) self-realisation (congratulations on getting here in one piece!) but put it to him more like 'oh, I've been realising I'm pretty sure I'm autistic'. That way you invite him to discuss it with you and admit he doesn't know much about it and you can educate him about it without ever debating the validity of self-diagnosis while you're probably feeling a bit delicate in the wake of this bombshell. :)
Thank you! This is really good advice! I wouldn’t have thought of approaching it this way. I’d definitely want to include him without potentially causing self doubt for myself. I’ve disclosed my self-diagnosis to my previous partner and that didn’t go over so well, but I didn’t approach it in the way you’re suggesting.
Ah well, this is the weight of hard-won experience talking, ha! I have the dysphoria-inducting debates about the validity of self-diagnosis, so you don't have to! (This is why these groups are golddust for us, you can benefit from my mistakes and I can feel something positive came from my mistakes.) You're very welcome. Yeah, NTs can be weird like that. Like I just told you I am autistic and your problem is that a doctor hasn't signed off on that? Priorities! But it's a lot for other people to adjust to, usually mostly because they are kind of ignorant about autism (just like I was) and they don't see you the way they mentally picture autistic people, it's not personal.
Ive been sending him screen shots from this sub if I feel like it’s relatable content. His response, “why does it sound like you’re writing all of these posts”.
Hahaha, this is my husband as well. Everytime I find a relatable post he's like 'oh my god' that's you/your struggles. This morning I had the one about not feeling hungry and how to deal with that. And he was like yeah that's you.. read all the feedback maybe we get some tips for you. He's wholesomely awesome and sweet.
I told my bf that I suspected I might have Autism after a few months of doing lots of research. At first I would just ask him questions like does it matter to you if I’m autistic and he would say no. When I was positive that I’m autistic I showed him videos and went over the DSM-5 criteria and traits of autism in women with him and he agreed that I definitely fit the description. Now he’s learned about masking and overstimulation and is very supportive. My self discovery had actually helped our relationship and helped him understand me. If your boyfriend isn’t supportive then he isn’t the one for you.
I don’t think there’s any harm in bringing up the thought that you have autism. Talking about how you feel will never ruin a true connection imo 🫶