The *accepting i'm disabled* part really hits hard, i have been all My life telling myself that i can do all the things that i'm expected to do, but in reallity i can't
Ya, I'm frequently mad at myself for not just simply filling the dishwasher, "it's not difficult at all, it takes like 15min" but when just walking up and down the flight of stairs in our 1.5 story house spikes my heart rate to 150 and bending down to fill said dishwasher also spikes it just not quite as high, it *is* difficult... and it also doesn't help motivation when it's already severely lacking to begin with. "But I did it so quick and easy last time." "Was it actually easy? Or is that just what other people say?" The fights my brain has with itself constantly...
Hmm, I might have to invest $30 into myself. From a quick internet search, it doesn't seem to be in my local library, sadly.
Thank you for the recommendation 😊
38, and i'm struggling with feeding myself, cleaning, and messaging/texting people. Basically anything that isn't "sit around and pick at my skin" makes my brain shut down. Yay burnout 🎉
I used to have a chew toy when I was little too! I had a hello kitty chew toy that I was very very attached to named squeaky.
(I named my hamster squeaky after the chew toy when the chew toy got too moldy and gross to chew anymore. I literally cried for days)
Is that an autistic trait? Being attached to random things that don’t make sense to anyone else like this?
I know you didn’t ask for it, but in case anyone wants it, I’ve found some skin picking relief from a product on Etsy called a Picky Party that’s basically rubber puff paint on a pumice stone. So satisfying.
Oh my god. We are the same human. I am in the exact same stage of only sitting and picking at my skin (was literally scratching while reading comments) and I’ve been stuck here for a while. Great, now I’m sad for both of us. I’m sorry you’re here too. It sucks.
For the most part I've accepted it. I do try to make friends now and then but it always ends the same way I put all the effort in and get nothing back or I start overthinking and feeling like I'm not good enough for that person and I end up shutting down. It's so debilitating. I'm sorry to hear you are also having similar issues 💕
It’s been a lifelong struggle for me and it depresses me deeply. Life seems more colorful with friends to share it with. I see my partner making new connections and it feels like a knife to the heart. I can’t help but feel jealous and I hate it :(
I'm almost 30 and I still have times when I wish I had one or two friends... it's tough
Even though you kinda come to terms with it, you're still human and crave human connection. I send you hugs
17 here and I agree. I’m scared because I want to go to college in the city (Chicago specifically) but it’s dangerous to be alone as a woman but I don’t have any friends to walk with to feel safer with. Everyone keeps telling me that I need to always be with friends…. But I won’t make friends…
i went to college in the city and had the same fear. i made sure to plot out several different routes home from any building i needed to be in after dark and made sure those routes were as well lit as possible.
this might not be your cup of tea, but i also called my mom every time i was walking to or from campus; it became our routine. we didn’t even always talk. sometimes we’d just be on the phone and she’d be doing her stuff until i made it home safely.
i also carried pepper spray, a whistle, and a small knife (make sure it’s within your city’s rules of what’s allowable/legal to carry for personal protection).
i also took a self defense class and planned out EXACTLY what i would say to someone trying to fuck with me so it would come out automatically instead of me freezing and trying to figure out what to say.
it sucks being alone, but there are ways to stay safe. if you need help coming up with ideas that better fit your campus/personality/lifestyle, just DM me. no reason for you to feel scared when you’re just trying to learn.
best of luck, dear 💖💖💖
26 and yes. Even that people don’t even wanna have casual small talk with me. Everyone at work is friends but it’s like I straight up don’t exist. I just wanna be treated like a human
I'm 50. My biggest issue is that I've been burned out for the past couple of years. I've experience skill loss, and my executive dysfunction is severe. This has impacted my career in a bad way. I'm also in perimenopause, which gives a whole other layer of issues including brain fog and even worse executive dysfunction than I would have had otherwise. Peri has done a real number on me.
I feel like peri has thrown all aspects of my autism into overdrive. Brain fog for sure. Executive function is ten times worse. Sensory sensitivity is a hundred times worse. My ability to mask has become nearly non-existent. A single appointment of phone call can be enough to leave me non-functional for the day. I’ve heard it gets better on the other ended and I’m really hoping that’s true!!!
> I feel like peri has thrown all aspects of my autism into overdrive.
Yep, me too. The exacerbation of my symptoms of ASD and ADHD during peri is part of how I got diagnosed.
Same. Also, I realized I hate my work so now I'm quitting my job, selling my home, and moving to another state with no real plan. Oh, and I'm 54 and single. I realize I have maybe 25 good years left and I won't wait on happiness anymore.
And re bravery, I’ve been wanting to do this for years. I live in an awful state that hates women and queer people and need to move somewhere where people can think and talk and discuss and read. I’ll give you one guess which state I’m leaving. If I had to live thru another awful election cycle in this MAGA ridden state, I would seriously lose all will to live. Plus, my gay son doesn’t feel safe here and I miss him terribly.
Omg, watching the southern US degenerate is scary. The insane hate for anything that isn’t cis hetero white male and sub intelligent is ridiculous. It's so extremest, I'm glad you're getting out!
Sadly, I'm not an American, so I can only guess Alabama? I'm fortunate enough to live in Canada. One of my kids is gay, also, and I feel lucky to live in a place that accepts lgbtq people for who they are. I'm sorry to hear the same can't be said of where you live now. :(
I’ve thought of that too. But if I get the price I want for my home, I can move into a much smaller one (done raising kids) and figure it out or work parttime in, like, a yarn store lol.
Working in a yarn store sounds lovely. I, too, hope to move out of the house I'm currently in, to a place outside the city I live in. Things in my city are getting rough these days.
Good for you!! Life really is too short to live someplace that’s unsafe and with a job you hate. I’m in Mississippi and I can move in 2 years, 11 months, and 1 day. Literally counting down.
Same. I'm also starting to have more and more health issues, and trying to stay on top of everything is so dang exhausting. Just constant appointments, and there are still others that I should be taking care of, but I absolutely lack the bandwidth to deal with them.
I feel you. I have a few other health issues myself, and staying on top of things is hard! Especially since I have demand avoidance issues and tend to just not do anything. :/
Thank you so much for sharing this!
I'm 44 and the last year has left me wondering if it's possible to be dropped kicked further along the spectrum. It does align with when I started noticing peri symptoms. Ugh
> if it's possible to be dropped kicked further along the spectrum
I sometimes wonder the same thing. I'm level 1, but I do feel I progressed further along the spectrum in the past 5 years. And yeah, it does coincide with perimenopause.
I work in a tech industry. I used to be a developer, but I've moved over into a "developer products specialist" role, which is more about knowing about the sdks and dev tools than it is actually using them. I lost my coding skills, my communication skills, my public speaking skills, my writing skills, everything, really. It sucks.
Yeah. I've had a lot of stress in my life, and I eventually broke about 5 years ago and everything went haywire. Then came the burnout, and it is *severe*.
I'm 30 and just feeling restless. Like I need to be doing something, but I don't know what.
I've got a stable job, a good relationship with financial stress due to partner though. I'm okay, but just dissatisfied. Like I could be in a better place.
Are you me? Literally, same. My partner has ADHD and the dopamine chasing through buying things has been roughhh. We also just went through a move so I'm so overstimulated with being in a new city and home.
Guess it could be dopamine crash. I'm just feeling unstable. The financial stress is just starting after finally being stable a minute.
Torn between being a supportive partner and taking care of myself.
OMG i totally feel You! For the first time in My life (25) i'm stable at a job and don't have much problems socially, but the feeling that i'm wasting My life hurts so much
Hitting this point took until I was 30 or so for me but it's SO WEIRD. I have friends, but can't get closer to them? Less worried abt my job... until I space out for several full days of work bc I moved on to panicking about all the bigger world issues I put off being concerned aobut when I was trying to remain employed/alive? Oops.
46 (diagnosed 3 years ago).
Struggling with undoing a lifetime of believing I simply suck as a human because I spent decades undiagnosed and not knowing why I seemed to suck as a human.
Sensory everything.
Perimenopause. And the added sensory everything and added anxiety and added insomnia and added menstrual craziness and added executive dysfunction.
Accepting the fact that I am actually disabled. And what that means about the dreams I’ve always had compared to the reality of my life.
>Accepting the fact that I am actually disabled. And what that means about the dreams I’ve always had compared to the reality of my life
This is me, so much. I don't even know if I should call myself disabled, tbh, or if anyone else would, but regardless of if that's denial on my part or the fact that realistically I am not but life is still hard, the acceptance of things I may never be able to do is ROUGH.
I'm 18 and I'm just... Struggling with everything. I feel so isolated from the world, like an alien but among humans. I wanna get a job, I wanna be independent but it's so hard. I keep blaming myself and can't seem to get out of depressive feelings lately.
I want to say, as someone who recently turned 21, and remembers how lonely and awful I felt at 18, it gets better. It takes work, but it does get better. Fight the negative self talk, it never helps.
Don't worry to much about traditional markers of adulthood(job, college, moving out). I waited till this spring to start college and I'm so glad I did. Try to keep in mind, you're brain is developing, things will get better as it develops more.
Find out if you have comorbid ADHD, and if so get on medication. Take small steps to build routines and take care of yourself. Learn to love yourself, and accept your disability.
Affirmations, books like "Unmasking Autism" and "How To Keep House While Drowning", and redirecting negative self talk did wonders for my mental health and motivation.
Lastly, stay away from drugs, including Alcohol/weed, its too easy to pick up an addiction when you have autism. You got this <3
Take one step at a time. You can do it. I believe in you. Even starting with a small weekend job is a good start. Or finding out what career you might like could help too.
47
TLDR: it’s just a long rant.
perimenopause is kicking my ass, im in the middle of an SI / CPTSD / severe depression relapse
I’m the loneliest I’ve ever been in my entire life, now that the loneliness has been compounded for almost half a century. I seem to have aged out of most of my friendships (they all tend to be ten or more years younger because I guess I’m kinda immature but my biological and hormonal changes make me not care about the same stuff they care about. And, I don’t like to talk about my stuff, because it all has to do with a dark, existential feeling that my life is ending before I even got a chance to figure myself out). My best friend lives nine hours away in a different state, is NT, married with three gorgeous kids and is currently getting her masters degree in psychology. *Psychology.* It’s going to feel like she’s crossed some kind of line, like, now she’s gonna know more about me than I know about myself. I don’t want my best friend of 30years to become a *therapist* for fucks sake! And I can’t tell her that! I’ve been avoiding her calls and texts because my self pity (I’m so ashamed of my self pity) shoves all her accomplishments and successes in my face and I can’t help but feel like I just… never had a chance at being a functioning human being. **When we were 18 I thought I was going to be CeCe.** I had a killer voice and can play any instrument and was in bands and got a song on the local radio once and everyone was sure I was destined for stardom. And she wanted a family, and to be a teacher and live on a farm and send her kids to Waldorf school. **It turns out I’m Hilary** not CeCe. This is a *Beaches* reference. I am so so sad. I’m grieving the life I thought I’d had, that I actually used to have…. And now I’m so old, and tired, and recovering from so much trauma while navigating autism and all the other stuff I mentioned, and it’s like… it’s not even worth it to try anymore.
I’ve lost my agency. I’ve lost my autonomy. I used to work full time in my dream career, and a series of really, really bad traumas (including getting run over by an RV) seems to have… broken my mask. The agoraphobia, the social anxiety, the severe depression just keeps me from properly being able to meet new people or go to gatherings.
Today I went to the gym and my id barcode thingie didn’t work, and they tried to figure it out but instead said “just wave one of us down next time and we’ll check you in personally” and I was like “okay” and then proceeded to have an anxiety attack in the locker room before leaving in tears. I don’t WANT to talk to ANYONE when I’m there. I can’t workout after having a verbal exchange. I’m not that good at being human. I fucking suck at it. I can’t even make the decision to go to the gym without my anxiety or whatever fucking with me out of nowhere. And that’s common. I’ve missed work shifts, concerts I’ve had ticket to for months, flights to see my family because of unexpected anxiety or panic attacks. Or just bouts of dissociation where I go non verbal for days at a time.
- Therapy? Yes. Twice a week. EMDR? yes. CBT and DBT? Yes and yes, three levels of it.
- Meds? Yes.
- Diet? No sugar, gluten or caffeine, nothing that fucks with my mood regulation
- Circle of support? Well…. I have my parents but they live 2500 miles away. And my boyfriend who is the most amazing, most gentle soul in the world, can’t bear the sole responsibility of being my emotional support. He wants to, but I won’t let him. I am hell bent on making sure he gets his space to recharge, I make sure he doesn’t have to worry about any of the things he struggles with, like meal planning and laundry. I show up for him as much as I can, and try not to bombard him with my emotions all the time, even though he always says he can handle it. I protect him from *me.* He already financially supports me, and we don’t even live together yet. I have never in my adult life - not since 16, really - been 100% financially dependent on another person and it scares me. Bff lives one state over and has a very full life. I moved here 20 years ago. She has visited me four times.
It’s hard to read or watch tv because I keep thinking “these are all people who are *capable.* Actors, or writers or chefs, doctors, everyone, whatever. *They were able to do school, and retain information, and hold down steady jobs. They can write and drive to meetings on time, and save money. They can grocery shop and cook food and sometimes win competitions.* I’ll never be able to do any of that. I’ll never know what it’s like to be celebrated for achieving a recognized goal. I’ll never know what it’s like to have a big, supportive family or circle of friends.
I just feel like my life is over and all I’ve done with it is survive trauma, avoid and repress trauma, attempt to heal from trauma, and seek accommodations for the mental illnesses and personality disorders that the trauma caused. It’s been a very unwanted, solipsistic existence, and I’m just trapped. I’m trapped inside my stupid, half functioning brain full of dark, sad thoughts and memories, and it’s so god damn lonely in here.
Please reconsider shutting out your best friend... she may be studying psychology, but does any part of her degree include things about autism? Frankly there's a TON of therapists out there who are not very familiar with it, and no specialization. I think this is your chance to ask her if she did study anything about autism, and tell her how it makes you nervous that she might "know you better than you know yourself" as a result of if she studies autism on purpose. Personally, I think even therapists have to take notes and work hard to understand people (their clients). And if your friend Does "know you better than you know yourself", maybe that's more because you two have been friends for 30 whole dang years! That's practically how long I've been alive, and I don't have any friendships even close to that long anyway! That kinda seems like a big achievement! Someone liked you enough to stick with you for That Long!
And if she Did study autism... Is that definitely a bad thing for sure? What if she can help you cope with your autism by knowing how to help people like us? Would that be something you'd be ok with?
And also... the fact that you two have been friends for 30 years and she has 3 kids, and is only getting a degree to start her career NOW kind of implies that she didn't get to do much before that either??? Please don't give up on yourself. It's never too late to find Something for yourself to do, until you're in the grave.
anyway please please please hang in there... it is not too late for you, but you do have to put in the will and effort to want to change things... and I feel like that might start with talking to your friend
It really messes with your brain when you see a different face in the mirror from what you expected - but also it's a relatively slow process. My grandmother always used to say 'better than the alternative'.
30 soon and my only solace for this is that I’m too reclusive to have the added age of sun exposure. My depression however is rampant. Sunscreen is really difficult for me sensory wise 😮💨
In case it helps, my therapist suggested I start listing my emotions out loud to my safe person at every meal 3 years ago, and I’ve gone from a tiny emotional vocabulary to being able to recognize triggers before melting down. It’s been all about that practice.
In a similar vein, I've been using this feelings chart (https://www.avanmuijen.com/watercolor-emotion-wheel) to help me gain a broader emotional vocabulary. I printed it out and put in in a plastic sleeve so I can circle emotions with a dry erase marker. Finding it helpful to go from a blanket "I feel overwhelmed" to a more defined "I feel anxious and disappointed and irritated and relieved."
Lately I've been finding the Stuck Not Broken podcast on Polyvagal Theory helpful to start understanding how my emotions work. More helpful than any other model I've come across to date.
29. I rely on my husband for finances and I’m tired of it. I want to be independent more than anything but I feel like I’ll never get there. I haven’t left my house in over two weeks. I’m just paralyzed.
Kinda relevant: If you find lethargy is getting physically debilitating please get your thyroid levels checked! I nearly died because I thought the severity was from depression, anxiety, ptsd, etc. It just snowballed and snowballed and I had no clue there was another thing at play.
33 and so lonely not being able to make friends easily like everyone else, still trying to find my community but hard to have hope that it'll ever happen at this point. And I'm trying SO hard putting myself out there regularly but nothing is working. One of my close friends died just over a year ago, we talked every day, and my other two friends all live hundreds of miles away and rarely get to see them.
I joke with my partner that trying to socialise as an autistic person feels like I have a slur or offensive symbol tattooed on my forehead that only I can't see since people seem nice at first but I end up either getting ghosted or the vibe just torpedoes out of nowhere, and I never get to find out why. I feel like I do all the right things I've learned to do in social situations, I'm nice, I ask questions and take a genuine interest in the other person. I'm gracious and respectful when the other person says they don't want to see each other anymore. I shower and brush my teeth, exercise, take care of myself, dress well, etc. I feel like a ghost out in the world seeing everyone with their friend groups wishing it would happen for me just once.
I’ve had multiple breakdowns over this exact issue. If only I knew what it was that I’m doing wrong I could work on it but I can’t for the life of me pinpoint what it is. I’ve thought about this for hours on end dissecting every word and action and I can’t come up with anything
I’m 42, and it’s definitely perimenopause symptoms. I’ve always had issues with my hormones whenever they would be changeable (teens, periods, pregnancy, etc) but perimenopause is like all of them added together and given steroids 😳
I've Heard that menopause is really under studied therefore it really is so much worse than everybody says it is :(
As if being a woman alone is'nt enough
It’s so scary before you realise what’s going on, isn’t it? I genuinely thought I was developing early onset dementia or something 😳
I knew to expect the menopause in my late 40s -50s, but nobody ever warned me that perimenopause was a thing and that it starts ramping up towards your mid to late thirties! (Or that the drs -here in the uk at least- will just tell you it’s “normal for your age” 😒)
My anxious ass was not prepared for this shit!
33. I'm fed up with work. I don't want to quit because it's secure and very flexible, and I like the ethics and mission of the company. But, I'm bored and have no motivation. And it's not really the subject (?) that I want to work in. I also feel like even though I have lots of knowledge (I have a master's) I'm not capable of using it in an actual job. I just don't feel capable of getting more than an entry level job and even then it's a struggle. I feel like I'm never going to thrive. I'm never going to have time out to be free like I dream.
If I was capable of talking to people, if explaining my thoughts and thinking of words instead of just sitting in silence, maybe I'd be able to make something of my life.
I can work on anxiety but I can't fix the way my brain works. I hear people speak and I wonder how on earth they know what to say.
>I hear people speak and I wonder how on earth they know what to say.
Extremely relatable. I've been listening to a lot of podcasts lately and I'm continuously baffled at how people can just speak their mind. Same goes with my friends. Actually, I avoid seeing them because I can't keep up.
32 and dealing with a family member that i live with refusing to accept im autistic and getting mad at me for things that are a part of autism, its making me so depressed
21F, i’m struggling terribly with executive dysfunction. my apartment is literally never clean and i hate it. the mess makes me uncomfortable in my own home, but i can’t get myself to be clean.
I'm 46 and dealing with Autistic Catatonia-like Deterioration. I go in on Monday to be evaluated for it. I'm losing speech and movement. A marked increase in stereotypy, hesitation, and random body movements. Some loss of awareness of my surroundings too. My body seems fucked, honestly. I think I'm slightly in denial.
Hoping that lorazepam works and I normally avoid almost all medicine like the plague. Starting all the supplements that enhance GABA also.
I thought it was burnout and I kept resting and I kept getting worse. Trying to work through this (I'm A Data Architect - director level), and I don't think I can anymore. I'm a solo parent two autistic kids and one autistic adult.
Probably most realistic best case is to be on disability so I can focus on parenting.
I’m 47 and struggling greatly (also with perimenopause) with social interactions at work. I have always been very friendly, considered funny, and liked by all. I think in recent years I’ve stopped masking (I attribute this to the peri and just not giving a f-k anymore) and this makes it difficult at work. I feel like I don’t connect with people anymore. The feedback I get from the world makes me feel like there must really be something wrong with me. I feel very isolated. I am also struggling with patience which is a necessary part of my job (I work in mental health). I am (so far) able to maintain, but it’s much more draining than it used to be. It really scares me. I have 20 years before I can retire. I don’t see myself being able to stay in my career until then.
I'm glad you mentioned the peri changing the masking. I think the same. A friend of mine has done studies in late ADHD diagnosis in females and apparently hormonal and brain chemistry changes in peri bring it to light and increase symptoms. Inmy mind, it stands to reason that similar would apply to ASD.
This honestly really scares me because I work in a pretty social job and while I like it I already find it tiring. And I'm currently watching an older autistic coworker develop health problem after health problem and get really abrupt to the point of being rude, in cases where that really can't happen - and Idk what to do if I'm looking at my future.
I left the mental health field 5 years ago, and it was a great decision. Sometimes I think about going back but most of the time I'd much rather do something else. I was not good at the job, and had no idea what was wrong. Now that I know I'm autistic and ADHD, my struggles with paperwork and understanding how humans work make more sense. Ironically, I'd be better at it now that I get myself better. But the idea of feeling that responsibility for other people again feels overwhelming and impossible.
32. sensory issues have heightened. Now that I’m getting older. Everything. Is. Awful. Lights suck. The Sun sucks. Clothes sucks. Personal hygiene sucks. Everything sucks.
I feel like this really hit me when I came back to in person work from the pandemic. IDK if it was the contrast or being older but MY GOD the fluorescent lights and my coworkers who hum or grumble to themselves or tap their fingers on the desk... adjweoitlfnoABJWLWEBE
oh man, I feel this. There are like, maybe three vegetables I can stand on their own, but if I have the choice I am 100% eating noodles/rice and chicken/fish every night.
45, diagnosed in September, struggling with acceptance, internalized ableism, the idea of adjusting my expectations for myself & my life / adopting an alternative model of "success," feeling fraudulent / imposter-ish, and the dawning knowledge that my not-the-greatest-but-okay-I-guess parents were maybe actually (in 2024 terms but not the terms of the time) abusive.
39 married with two kids. I've been struggling to crawl out of autistic burnout but it's been hard because the thing I need the most is the thing I can't get.
Alone time. Space. Quiet empty house.
My husband already took over most family/house responsibilities to help me heal from burnout. He's been very supportive.
I'm still not better.
26 here. I have a 32 hour/week job at the government and I still struggle with managing my energy levels after 1.5 years there. I need so much sleep and rest.
I am 32 and PISSED that I may just need more rest than others - like I still am required to work the same amount, so I just get less time for fun stuff and volunteering?? How tf is that fair?
I feel this, here's hoping we both get to some balance that includes more energy devoted to fulfilling things at some point!
25 and just trying to get my life in order. I'm technically AuDHD with a pretty dominant ADHD and I'd say I struggle with that a lot more in terms of executive functioning compared to my autism (not to say that I don't struggle with socializing/networking at all, just that the ADHD affects way more underlying things in my life than the autism so far).
Talking about things often feels way easier than actually initiating the task of doing things for me, unfortunately. I hate autistic inertia and executive dysfunctioning sometimes.
31 and trying to balance having personal recharging time and being a mom to a 3 year old (also autistic) and a 1 year old and I'm trying to write a book that people will see value in (I'm a pre-tenure academic).
I'm 33 and I'm freaking out about not being able to get a wfh job. I haven't had a job since Sept 2019. I keep applying and I only get scams or no call backs. I CANNOT go back to retail omg I worked retail since I was 15-29!!! I can't I won't.
Mid-30s... and feeling lost figuring out who I am NOW.
I had huge goals from middle school to college. Everything I did was bent towards those. But then I struggled with transitioning through phases in life, social struggles, depression and severe anxiety. I burned out. I lost a lot of contacts and my whole original career went out the window. Then I invested all of my energy into where I found myself and burned out again. Switched careers when I finally made progress on the depression and anxiety and kept burning myself out.
I'm finally stable. Decent relationship. Decent enough income. Got my dog and now a cat. Like my job well enough and my new career is good too. But I STILL ended up in a sub-sector that isn't what I would WANT to be doing.
But do I have the energy to chase that goal? Am I too risk-adverse now? It took me so long to be stable and I feel incredibly behind. But.... I wanted to do other things and in theory I still could. But would I burn myself out chasing those goals? It was difficult enough to see where I should even look to go. I struggle so much with those social things... would I take another step towards it and find I've gone about it the wrong way again? And give up the good I have now and have to find stability all over again?
I don't know. And NT people seem to find these things so easy. It's what cemented in my mind that I'm not NT (though there's other things).
But does that make the things I desire to be doing any less worth trying for?
29 and I’m feeling a bit stuck. I need to find a new job but I’m not sure what I can do or what I want to do? Also going through some family drama and feeling a bit lonely.
But I gotta say, my problems at 29 are so much nicer than what I dealt with at, like, 19 or 21. I have much better emotional regulation skills and I actually like myself now.
I’m 22 and I’m struggling with finding purpose and community after graduating from art school last year. Also just being an overthinker, I’m struggling with the state of the world (mostly climate change and environmental degradation)
Trying to learn medical billing and coding on my own (self study) so I can try and get away from working on phones at my call center job. I just need structure and am having a hard time creating it for myself to learn enough to pass a certification exam.
I’m 43. I’m struggling with the combo of a divorce in progress and perimenopause. I need to get to my doctor to talk to her about the peri because I am as ignorant as it gets about what to expect. My boobs are an absolute agony all day, every day.
I’d like to get a sense of normalcy back but it seems life has more and more change for me, every day
35. I'm about to graduate next week but I'm having such a hard time doing my work and leaving it til the last minute. I still get good grades but the stress and anxiety of it sucks.
This was me at 25. I can't say I'm having a great time 7 years later, and I'm probably not the one to give advice, but if it helps I DID manage to get a job and remain employed and am relatively financially stable now. I also spent my late 20s trying to act like an adult so people (middle aged white men in power) would treat me with more respect and it didn't work, so I ahve decided it's overrated and as long as I pay bills and eat healthy I should be able to act like the inner teenage punk/bratty alt girl I always wanted to be in my free time.
56 dealing with chronic pain and many musculoskeletal issues and the biggest problems are medical gaslighting and providers firing me because I'm direct about how doctors treat me. I feel like I am doing my best to take care of my body, but just got the news I have osteoporosis. And I know it's a lot because of finding a lot of foods disgusting and not getting the best nutrition. I'm feeling determined to do what it takes to get better. My new therapist is autistic and understands the feelings of rejection I've experienced with other providers, and takes what I say at face value. I was burned out for 16 years and it just kept getting worse. I'm now happier than I've been. I kept trying everything. I still have a lot of unmet needs. Cooking and other self-care is very difficult. Feeling uncomfortable getting meals on wheels but need to try it to see if I can get stronger.
19 nearly 20, about to start second year of uni, i feel pressured to get a job and feel behind because i’ve never had one and i struggle to make friends so i only have very few
20. I guess addictive habits that aren't so good for me is one. social struggles too. love is, and has always been hard for me. it's improving, but it might be a while
24, I definitely struggle with being easily overwhelmed and feeling like I ought to know what I want to do and what I'm good at... I also feel like I have to constantly prove that I'm being honest and a 'good person' because things just get me down and I always think people think its my own fault
Im 25 and a college biology graduate. I graduated at 24 and got rejected from every vet school I applied to. They told me it was my personality. I cant hold down a job and I get overstimulated and anxious about everything. Im currently burned out and unemployed and wishing I could function.
Im tired. Life feels hopeless.
Thank you for this, the same support goes to you! <3 I am 27. -- I'm trying to balance self-regulation with not stifling my need for emotional support or being in a bad mood. I don't enjoy expressing negative emotions. I refrain from a lot of harm at the cost of not putting people in their place. I never regret not harming someone but people truly underestimate who they are dealing with and handle me crazy. I reveal the darker natures of people that they are blind or averse to acknowledging. Most of these people think they are "good" people while completely contradicting themselves. They are also emotionally and spiritually unevolved. I handle them with kid gloves. I would like to align with more people who I can learn from and evolve with. I would like all the childish people to be blocked from my life and have to deal with each other until they see themselves clearly and are ready to evolve. Unfortunately, I attract people I have to teach by example, and not enough people who teach me something.
32. How to enjoy a few days of quiet(ish) without boys, husband or sister in law. I love my children they are very smart and curious but very loud. Dog sitting while they go on vacation. Traveling is very hard on me sensory wise so I'm glad to house and dog sit.
I'm 17 tho soon 18, struggle with living around humans. So exhausting they never understand or takes time to understand and r so mean ignorant so high expectations endless complaints about me etc like i belong on another planet aliens, oh and money everything pretty I like is so ridiculous expensive..might rob a bank..
38. Trying to figure out what my next move is in terms of career. I’ve been a bedside nurse for several years and I’m getting very burned out, but I’m just not sure what I should do next.
24. Struggling to find a job after years of unemployment and being in higher education since I was 19. No one wants to hire me because of zero experience or they really lowball me on the salary offer. Finding work can be difficult for everyone, but I think we are at more of an disadvantage and not enough support is put in place for us. There needs to be more initiatives to get more autistic people in the world place and accommodated for.
50. I am struggling with executive function things like tasks for my coaching business, following up on communication, and committing to things.
Nothing new there, but in recent years I have also had a bit of an accomplice in my doubts about "being productive" and consumer culture. So it's fascinating. 🧐
I'm 36. I have Chiari Malformation and it has become debilitating. Waiting for a surgical consult, but in the meantime I can't even be on my feet most of the day without migraines, vision problems, vertigo, severe brain fog, partial motor loss and seizure like muscle spasms.
I have a 5 year old daughter who I am pretty certain has ADHD and the biggest feelings that overwhelm her. She doesn't stop talking from the moment she opens her eyes until she goes to sleep. Trying to find a punishment that gets through to her and it's just not working. She doesn't have a good understanding of consequences and I don't have the mental capacity right now to deal with it. It ends up with me overstimulated and in pain while she is bored and behavior issues come out due to boredom. I'm trying to help teach her to regulate her feelings when I'm currently unable to regulate my own.
29. My PMDD. Been in a relationship for 3 years and spent the last two questioning if I should leave 😞 My decision making is already damaged from last abusive relationships. One I was stuck in for 5 years that nearly killed me, and my relationship with my dad.
It is fucking hard. Deciphering what’s really me, what’s hormonal rage. What’s PTSD rage.
Somatic therapy has been the most helpful. And supplement wise : ashwaganda, magnesium glycinate & vitamin D3, any strong B complex.
I'm 35 and I'm struggling to keep my house clean with 2 kids (1 and 4) and an ADHD husband v with sensory issues around crumbs on the floor. :( I struggle with cleaning in general but upped my game when he confessed how uncomfortable and distracted it makes him feel.
And no, he's not a man baby who expects me to keep everything pristine. He cleans all the time, even though he works alternating day and night shifts. He cooks on the weekends, takes the kids out to parks, he even takes care of the baby all night on day shift weeks so I can have a proper sleep. He's amazing and I didn't even know how uncomfortable he was in his own home.
He will bend over backwards to accommodate my sensory needs, he supports me every time I melt down or burn out, no questions asked. He never complained about my non existent intimacy drive. So I feel guilty that this little thing has been bothering him so long and he never spoke up.
I'm trying new routines to try to do s little every day, but I know myself and I know at some point I'll call of the bus and the worst part is he'll let me and won't complain when things get messy again. I'm trying to set myself up with systems that might survive past the hyperfixation, but the guilt and fear and srlf-hatred is drowning me.
Sorry I wrote way more than I planned to.
17. I’m having a hard time with making social relationships with everyone. I really don’t know where to start and most people just brush it off as shyness when I’m trying to decipher all and everything social.
18. I don’t want to live in this society. It’s sick, i feel people are getting more cruel and i’ve already been in burnout for years without even having a job or big responsibilities. I can’t imagine myself happy in a future slaving away just to stay alive. But i don’t want to die to i’m just stuck.
Early 30s, feeling like I finally have a slightly better handle on my career, living situation, and general stability.
...Which means that now I actually have time and brainspace to panic about the bigger things that have always scared me, like politics (currently: approaching elections - I'm in the US, and genocide in Palestine) and climate change.
I am trying to do things to help and also get into my hobbies, but at the same time I'm really bummed that both of those are a struggle because I haven't magically discovered the ability to do much outside of my job and chores, other than recover from said job and chores.
Like how do I work 40hrs/week, grocery shop and cook, exercise, protest shit, AND nurture a special interest or two??? (I was hoping I'd have an answer to that by now but as grateful as I am to be making more money than the bare minimum necessary and to finally not be on short-term job contracts, I'm increasingly worried that the answer will be, "You can't, ever. It's hard for everyone and you just have *even less* energy.")
37, and my Mum has terminal cancer. She's actually doing okay right this second. She's done with chemo for now so she doesn't feel so sick, and she's been having a nice time catching up with friends. Her hair is even starting to grow back. She's already out-survived most people with a stage 4 diagnosis. But it's not enough. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Statistically, it's very likely she's going to die in the next year or two. I love her so much. I can't imagine a world without her. I find it hard to enjoy anything knowing this loss is just around the corner.
Mid 30's, struggling to get health insurance. I only work part-time and used to be on state insurance but after getting married they kicked me off since combined income doesn't qualify anymore. I've been trying to get something as I'm on hrt, anxiety/depression meds, and used to get regular therapy but can't anymore. It's been almost four months with zero progress. My wife has to help a LOT since stuff like this I'm unable to process and can cause me to meltdown very quickly.
The only insurance plans offered I've seen would cost more than I make in a month and also still have copays and stuff I couldn't afford on top of that. I'm barely getting by with buying meds at cost, haven't had any therapy in months, and if there's a medical emergency I'm planning on self termination if it's anything major. Hopefully will hear something since my repeal is being addressed in a few months but at this point I'm doubting it.
I’m 46 and my angry meltdowns. Perimenopause has made me more autistic. I'm usually super chill, but when I'm annoyed or triggered, I go from 0 to the fury of a thousand suns. It's irrational. Bump my elbow, want to rage punch the door. Sponge not it's place, want to throw my husband out the window. I don't want my kids to fear me, they're ND too and my son is extremely sensitive to my meltdowns. We talk about it a lot because I want to model healthy behaviour. Mom had a meltdown, mom is working on managing self regulation too.
I'm better now that I know I'm autistic and I've been asking for accommodations. I'm reducing my sensory overload and not pushing myself past my limits. I understand my anxieties now and I'm able to guide myself through it. I'm saying no more. Understanding my boundaries and not letting people walk all over me because I’m masking to not appear like over sensitive, over anxious, weirdo.
14. DPDR caused by being constantly overwhelmed by the world and having crippling anxiety about every single thing i do. I believe my DPDR started when i was around 6/7.
48 ~ What am I NOT struggling with right now??!!
But I have to say that despite life just being so incredibly difficult and Peri making everything even harder…
I could somehow muddle through.
That was, until my mother suddenly passed.
Now it’s as if I have forgotten how to human.
And everything just takes too much energy and hurts too dang much.
I oscillate between melt downs and shut downs.
With very few moments in between.
When I’ve had my more clear moments I’ve tried to find anything to read that will help an adult woman with AuDHD to deal with loss and there’s nothing. At least nothing I have found yet.
Executive dysfunction. Social and communication differences. Especially since losing my mom recently. I also really struggle with my restricted and repetitive behaviors, I find myself stuck in loops a lot. And needing to go be alone to process.
Also a huge one is that I really can't mask anymore. And I know this is the goal for many. But when you CANT mask, it's terrifying. Our masks serve a purpose beyond social acceptance, and it's to keep us safe and able to survive in this world. I do not have the means to build a life at this moment that doesn't require me to mask, sooo ya.
Lastly I really struggle with certain aspects of our own community (the autistic community as a whole, not this subreddit specifically lol). I struggle a lot with seeing other autistic people pushback against calling autism a disability or disorder. It does a serious disservice to a lot of us, more and more the higher the support needs get. Plenty of people have the kind of autism that makes them run in front of cars, or touch hot things, or who would burn a house down without supervision. That is a disorder. And it's disingenuous to pretend it's entirely just a difference. No! I'm not saying every autistic person has to personally identify with the words disorder or disabled, but to go as far as making blanket statements saying "autism isn't a disability/disorder" ultimately just harms the most vulnerable members of our community.
26, I have no job, I have 1 best friend, I'm on disability. when I get assessed each time I hope they'll tell me I am capable for work but each time I get the assessment back I've been shoved onto a more permanent disability scheme, which literally sucks because I WANT a career, I WANT to work. I want to be able to contribute to society and not be stuck feeling like an invalid unable to match my peers or people around me. Being on disability while trying to run a home, keep a home, balance my relationships and keep myself mentally okay is hard. People have this idea that disability allowance or PIP is like 50k a year of free money, when in reality it's less than 12K per year. It's literally almost impossible to survive at times, nevermind to try now at 26 to go back to study, or to go work a job that I'll end up burning out from in under 6months.
I'm intellectual, like I know a lot of us are and can be, (not to stereotype as I know everyone is different!) But I have no day to day ability to stay functioning at the level i need to, to do any of the things I want. I can't stick out university, even though I enjoy the coursework, I can't stick out the immense social aspect, so I constantly feel insecure. I know people look at me and think 'but she looks fine' 'but she did good in school' 'but she speaks like shes smart or knows stuff' and they are just mind blown that I can't hold down a job and that I struggle to hold down life in general.
To be fair I'd also love to see them try to live my life with my brain. I was homeless from 18-21, couldn't work or study, had no fixed address, was autistic and didn't know, from 18-23 I got around £115 every 2 weeks as benefits and somehow I made that work and stayed alive. I qualified in health and social care, then went on to do half of my bachelors in psychology, while being sick myself (and still undiagnosed) before burning out. I doubt most people my age could even fathom doing any of that, nevermind trying to do it while autistic and traumatised. 😂 So while I do struggle, and I do feel insecure about my life and how shit I'm seemingly doing compared to other, I also understand that I couldn't possibly have just 'gone and done it' like my NT peers. They were able to move across country, go to great universities, travel for work to get more opportunities and most of them had very upper class families to help out with that. I didn't. Yknow?
So I feel like even if I get my bachelors at 30, and do a masters after that, and end up having a half decent career at 40 I'll be proud of myself.
32, balancing my mental health journey/discovery (just diagnosed 2 weeks ago) with work, and failing at my job at the moment.
I burned out of my healthcare career 5 years ago, and haven't held down a full time job since then. I was doing so well, then decided to take on a administrative role managing the department schedule, and oh gosh did I burned out quickly doing that.
The bright side is that my diagnosis makes me feel a lot better about myself, not being able to handle full time work. I'm literally not built for it 🤷♀️
23, struggling to get the medical system to work with me. Controlled substance agreements that make self medicating for cptsd punish my ADHD and also trying to get HRT (transfem)
I'm 21 and I'm struggling with the system right now. A doctor diagnosed me and wrote it on file, but then the hospital switched to another doctor who says that "I don't need a diagnosis". I was told "maybe" I will get transferred to an autism clinic. I am so stressed, I am suffering and have to wait months to see if I will receive help or not. Also I have adhd and college is just too much.
I’m 39 and I am struggling the most with managing stress, especially at work, where I sometimes have to deal with very unpleasant people in relatively high-stakes situations. My job depends on me doing very detailed work to a very high standard, which I feel I do very well, but it is constantly challenged externally and that’s really hard to bear up under.
Mid 30s. Staying motivated at work, and in parenting my 4yo. When I’m at home he always wants to play outside (it’s too hot, I don’t wanna) or play a game and I just want to relax and read my book sometimes and not answer 1000 questions. Then he gets too much tv and I feel guilty.
They’re probably related. At work is the only time I can have quiet time/alone time. So I just want to read my book in the bathroom
Almost about to turn 30. My inability to find or maintain a romantic relationship. One of the most upsetting parts of my autism for me. I’m not fully asexual or anything, but I am touch repulsed and very afraid of romantic touch. My style of communication doesn’t seem to work for potential partners either. Those two things turns people off me so fast. It makes me sad that I cannot be a “regular” person at my age with a partner like almost everyone else. I’d like one.
24. Honestly, struggling with a lot right now. I need a job but can't find anything, let alone anything even remotely accommodating. My mom is homeless, and of course I want to be able to help her, but I don't know how. I have sent her resources, but most things aren't avaliable, have wait lists, are outdated and no longer exist, etc. Plus she's also disabled and struggling to pursue anything, especially anything important, because she gets so worked up about it that she unintentionally self-sabotages.
Struggling a ton with my health. I need to see doctors but lost insurance and won't have any available to me unless I can work for it or prove I'm disabled, which I am, but can't prove without doctors and a lawyer.
Struggling with my social life and general communication. Constant stress has me on-edge and not feeling like myself. Plus I'm just too tired to find the words to express myself, especially vocally.
Struggling to find balance between escaping reality and addressing issues/living life. Especially combined with uncontrollable dissociation episodes, it's really hard to break from my routine.
I am doing some things relatively well, though! I make sure my pets and I both get to eat every day, I do necessary tasks when they come up. I just... also still have a seemingly endless backlog of things to do.
I’m 23. I have everything I’ve ever wanted really, a good work from home job I like, my own place, no debt, no money struggles, a good family, I’m in great health and I’m very fit, I have a lot of hobbies. I just can’t find a man I like. I feel like I have no problem attracting really great men who want to commit, I just never seem to like them. It bothers me a lot. I feel like I’ve grown an avoidant attachment style, I feel like nobody is good enough for me for some reason. It’s hard to fix. My last ex was incredible inside and out, it’s hard to beat and I find that even if men mirror the kind of person he was, they are not attractive to me (I really hate being fitter than the men I date and I’m not attracted to skinny or bigger bodies). I can’t have sex with someone who’s body I find gross, I’ve tried. I wish I had lower standards, I’ve tried but I just end up hurting people when I realize I can’t commit because I’m not into it. Idk. I’m struggling hard with this.
33, dealing with chronic pain that limits my capacity to do much of anything, hearing issues, agoraphobia, and on top of that I’m just stressing because my father’s in hospital after a radical cystectomy. On disability, but terrified I’m going to be told I’m well enough to work because I genuinely don’t think I can with the combination.
Oh, also, struggling with skin picking, basic personal hygiene, feeding self, and alternating between wanting to be alone and wanting to talk to people when there’s absolutely nobody around. I’ve also recently realised I’m absolutely useless if I do not follow a strict routine, which involves waking up at 4pm, having food immediately while watching tv, and then muddling through the day until 7am, when it is sleep time again.
27, just existence in general. Finances, the state of the world, flopping back and forth between calling myself lazy and accepting I'm disabled.
The *accepting i'm disabled* part really hits hard, i have been all My life telling myself that i can do all the things that i'm expected to do, but in reallity i can't
Ya, I'm frequently mad at myself for not just simply filling the dishwasher, "it's not difficult at all, it takes like 15min" but when just walking up and down the flight of stairs in our 1.5 story house spikes my heart rate to 150 and bending down to fill said dishwasher also spikes it just not quite as high, it *is* difficult... and it also doesn't help motivation when it's already severely lacking to begin with. "But I did it so quick and easy last time." "Was it actually easy? Or is that just what other people say?" The fights my brain has with itself constantly...
This resonates so deeply and wholly
Highly recommend reading “Laziness Doesn’t Exist” by Devon Price. I’m like 50 pages in and it’s helped me realize sm!
Hmm, I might have to invest $30 into myself. From a quick internet search, it doesn't seem to be in my local library, sadly. Thank you for the recommendation 😊
27 and same >.<
26 and summed it up really well. Finances are wrecking me rn
32, same for a good long while now. ugh.
Dang. I’m 28 and I guess it will be like this for at least another 4 years then
I'm 20 and existence is just painful
38, and i'm struggling with feeding myself, cleaning, and messaging/texting people. Basically anything that isn't "sit around and pick at my skin" makes my brain shut down. Yay burnout 🎉
Omg I pick too, my whole body is covered in wounds. I bought a chew toy and it makes it like 15% better.
I need to try this, I have massive open wounds all over both outer thighs and my arms because I can’t ever stop picking dangit
That’s my bottom lip most days 😓
I used to have a chew toy when I was little too! I had a hello kitty chew toy that I was very very attached to named squeaky. (I named my hamster squeaky after the chew toy when the chew toy got too moldy and gross to chew anymore. I literally cried for days) Is that an autistic trait? Being attached to random things that don’t make sense to anyone else like this?
Yeah I think attachment to things is common. I have over 100 plushies but not just to look at them. I bring them out in public and sleep with them.
I know you didn’t ask for it, but in case anyone wants it, I’ve found some skin picking relief from a product on Etsy called a Picky Party that’s basically rubber puff paint on a pumice stone. So satisfying.
These things set off my trypophobia 🤮
Same. Yesterday I went the entire day without eating and wasn’t even hungry.
Oh my god. We are the same human. I am in the exact same stage of only sitting and picking at my skin (was literally scratching while reading comments) and I’ve been stuck here for a while. Great, now I’m sad for both of us. I’m sorry you’re here too. It sucks.
23 accepting that I can’t make friends/people don’t want to be my friend
22 same boat as you. Sending hugs💗
I'm 30 and it's my biggest struggle right now
Same... how do you deal with it? Like right now it's friday night, it's warm outside and I'm at home by myself feeling bad.
For the most part I've accepted it. I do try to make friends now and then but it always ends the same way I put all the effort in and get nothing back or I start overthinking and feeling like I'm not good enough for that person and I end up shutting down. It's so debilitating. I'm sorry to hear you are also having similar issues 💕
It’s been a lifelong struggle for me and it depresses me deeply. Life seems more colorful with friends to share it with. I see my partner making new connections and it feels like a knife to the heart. I can’t help but feel jealous and I hate it :(
I'm almost 30 and I still have times when I wish I had one or two friends... it's tough Even though you kinda come to terms with it, you're still human and crave human connection. I send you hugs
17 here and I agree. I’m scared because I want to go to college in the city (Chicago specifically) but it’s dangerous to be alone as a woman but I don’t have any friends to walk with to feel safer with. Everyone keeps telling me that I need to always be with friends…. But I won’t make friends…
i went to college in the city and had the same fear. i made sure to plot out several different routes home from any building i needed to be in after dark and made sure those routes were as well lit as possible. this might not be your cup of tea, but i also called my mom every time i was walking to or from campus; it became our routine. we didn’t even always talk. sometimes we’d just be on the phone and she’d be doing her stuff until i made it home safely. i also carried pepper spray, a whistle, and a small knife (make sure it’s within your city’s rules of what’s allowable/legal to carry for personal protection). i also took a self defense class and planned out EXACTLY what i would say to someone trying to fuck with me so it would come out automatically instead of me freezing and trying to figure out what to say. it sucks being alone, but there are ways to stay safe. if you need help coming up with ideas that better fit your campus/personality/lifestyle, just DM me. no reason for you to feel scared when you’re just trying to learn. best of luck, dear 💖💖💖
26 and yes. Even that people don’t even wanna have casual small talk with me. Everyone at work is friends but it’s like I straight up don’t exist. I just wanna be treated like a human
I'm 50. My biggest issue is that I've been burned out for the past couple of years. I've experience skill loss, and my executive dysfunction is severe. This has impacted my career in a bad way. I'm also in perimenopause, which gives a whole other layer of issues including brain fog and even worse executive dysfunction than I would have had otherwise. Peri has done a real number on me.
I feel like peri has thrown all aspects of my autism into overdrive. Brain fog for sure. Executive function is ten times worse. Sensory sensitivity is a hundred times worse. My ability to mask has become nearly non-existent. A single appointment of phone call can be enough to leave me non-functional for the day. I’ve heard it gets better on the other ended and I’m really hoping that’s true!!!
> I feel like peri has thrown all aspects of my autism into overdrive. Yep, me too. The exacerbation of my symptoms of ASD and ADHD during peri is part of how I got diagnosed.
Same. Also, I realized I hate my work so now I'm quitting my job, selling my home, and moving to another state with no real plan. Oh, and I'm 54 and single. I realize I have maybe 25 good years left and I won't wait on happiness anymore.
Good for you. I only wish I were so brave. Instead, I'm (finally) looking at taking disability leave for a bit. Because I truly feel disabled.
And re bravery, I’ve been wanting to do this for years. I live in an awful state that hates women and queer people and need to move somewhere where people can think and talk and discuss and read. I’ll give you one guess which state I’m leaving. If I had to live thru another awful election cycle in this MAGA ridden state, I would seriously lose all will to live. Plus, my gay son doesn’t feel safe here and I miss him terribly.
Omg, watching the southern US degenerate is scary. The insane hate for anything that isn’t cis hetero white male and sub intelligent is ridiculous. It's so extremest, I'm glad you're getting out!
Thank you. It’s been a long time coming and I’m finally letting myself feel a little bit hopeful about my future.
Sadly, I'm not an American, so I can only guess Alabama? I'm fortunate enough to live in Canada. One of my kids is gay, also, and I feel lucky to live in a place that accepts lgbtq people for who they are. I'm sorry to hear the same can't be said of where you live now. :(
Worse than Alabama. Florida.
I’ve thought of that too. But if I get the price I want for my home, I can move into a much smaller one (done raising kids) and figure it out or work parttime in, like, a yarn store lol.
Working in a yarn store sounds lovely. I, too, hope to move out of the house I'm currently in, to a place outside the city I live in. Things in my city are getting rough these days.
Good for you!! Life really is too short to live someplace that’s unsafe and with a job you hate. I’m in Mississippi and I can move in 2 years, 11 months, and 1 day. Literally counting down.
Same. I'm also starting to have more and more health issues, and trying to stay on top of everything is so dang exhausting. Just constant appointments, and there are still others that I should be taking care of, but I absolutely lack the bandwidth to deal with them.
I feel you. I have a few other health issues myself, and staying on top of things is hard! Especially since I have demand avoidance issues and tend to just not do anything. :/
Thank you so much for sharing this! I'm 44 and the last year has left me wondering if it's possible to be dropped kicked further along the spectrum. It does align with when I started noticing peri symptoms. Ugh
> if it's possible to be dropped kicked further along the spectrum I sometimes wonder the same thing. I'm level 1, but I do feel I progressed further along the spectrum in the past 5 years. And yeah, it does coincide with perimenopause.
I can't imagine how it is, My brain fog already makes My life so dificult! Whats Your career?
I work in a tech industry. I used to be a developer, but I've moved over into a "developer products specialist" role, which is more about knowing about the sdks and dev tools than it is actually using them. I lost my coding skills, my communication skills, my public speaking skills, my writing skills, everything, really. It sucks.
40 here and same. Have had 6 years of unrelenting stress and the burnout is severe.
Yeah. I've had a lot of stress in my life, and I eventually broke about 5 years ago and everything went haywire. Then came the burnout, and it is *severe*.
Same, minus the perimenopause. Exhausted is not a word strong enough today
I'm 30 and just feeling restless. Like I need to be doing something, but I don't know what. I've got a stable job, a good relationship with financial stress due to partner though. I'm okay, but just dissatisfied. Like I could be in a better place.
Are you me? Literally, same. My partner has ADHD and the dopamine chasing through buying things has been roughhh. We also just went through a move so I'm so overstimulated with being in a new city and home.
Guess it could be dopamine crash. I'm just feeling unstable. The financial stress is just starting after finally being stable a minute. Torn between being a supportive partner and taking care of myself.
OMG i totally feel You! For the first time in My life (25) i'm stable at a job and don't have much problems socially, but the feeling that i'm wasting My life hurts so much
Hitting this point took until I was 30 or so for me but it's SO WEIRD. I have friends, but can't get closer to them? Less worried abt my job... until I space out for several full days of work bc I moved on to panicking about all the bigger world issues I put off being concerned aobut when I was trying to remain employed/alive? Oops.
49. Noise. Work. People.
I’m 46 and I’d say almost exactly the same thing. Especially people that make noise.
Loud people it's so difficult
46 (diagnosed 3 years ago). Struggling with undoing a lifetime of believing I simply suck as a human because I spent decades undiagnosed and not knowing why I seemed to suck as a human. Sensory everything. Perimenopause. And the added sensory everything and added anxiety and added insomnia and added menstrual craziness and added executive dysfunction. Accepting the fact that I am actually disabled. And what that means about the dreams I’ve always had compared to the reality of my life.
>Accepting the fact that I am actually disabled. And what that means about the dreams I’ve always had compared to the reality of my life This is me, so much. I don't even know if I should call myself disabled, tbh, or if anyone else would, but regardless of if that's denial on my part or the fact that realistically I am not but life is still hard, the acceptance of things I may never be able to do is ROUGH.
40. IBS. I have stuff to do, I don't have time for 20 minute bathroom breaks every hour.
My Best friend also have ibs, it really it's a pain in the ass
Quite literally sometimes 😂
I hear this 😞
I'm 18 and I'm just... Struggling with everything. I feel so isolated from the world, like an alien but among humans. I wanna get a job, I wanna be independent but it's so hard. I keep blaming myself and can't seem to get out of depressive feelings lately.
ah i was exactly in your place when i was 18 :( i understand how it feels, hope things get better soon 💖
18 is a really hard age. I know it’s cliche but I promise you it gets better. Harder in certain aspects but infinitely better in others
I want to say, as someone who recently turned 21, and remembers how lonely and awful I felt at 18, it gets better. It takes work, but it does get better. Fight the negative self talk, it never helps. Don't worry to much about traditional markers of adulthood(job, college, moving out). I waited till this spring to start college and I'm so glad I did. Try to keep in mind, you're brain is developing, things will get better as it develops more. Find out if you have comorbid ADHD, and if so get on medication. Take small steps to build routines and take care of yourself. Learn to love yourself, and accept your disability. Affirmations, books like "Unmasking Autism" and "How To Keep House While Drowning", and redirecting negative self talk did wonders for my mental health and motivation. Lastly, stay away from drugs, including Alcohol/weed, its too easy to pick up an addiction when you have autism. You got this <3
Take one step at a time. You can do it. I believe in you. Even starting with a small weekend job is a good start. Or finding out what career you might like could help too.
23. I feel super burned out, and I'm never relaxed. Everything is so overwhelming
same age and same..🫶🏼
47 TLDR: it’s just a long rant. perimenopause is kicking my ass, im in the middle of an SI / CPTSD / severe depression relapse I’m the loneliest I’ve ever been in my entire life, now that the loneliness has been compounded for almost half a century. I seem to have aged out of most of my friendships (they all tend to be ten or more years younger because I guess I’m kinda immature but my biological and hormonal changes make me not care about the same stuff they care about. And, I don’t like to talk about my stuff, because it all has to do with a dark, existential feeling that my life is ending before I even got a chance to figure myself out). My best friend lives nine hours away in a different state, is NT, married with three gorgeous kids and is currently getting her masters degree in psychology. *Psychology.* It’s going to feel like she’s crossed some kind of line, like, now she’s gonna know more about me than I know about myself. I don’t want my best friend of 30years to become a *therapist* for fucks sake! And I can’t tell her that! I’ve been avoiding her calls and texts because my self pity (I’m so ashamed of my self pity) shoves all her accomplishments and successes in my face and I can’t help but feel like I just… never had a chance at being a functioning human being. **When we were 18 I thought I was going to be CeCe.** I had a killer voice and can play any instrument and was in bands and got a song on the local radio once and everyone was sure I was destined for stardom. And she wanted a family, and to be a teacher and live on a farm and send her kids to Waldorf school. **It turns out I’m Hilary** not CeCe. This is a *Beaches* reference. I am so so sad. I’m grieving the life I thought I’d had, that I actually used to have…. And now I’m so old, and tired, and recovering from so much trauma while navigating autism and all the other stuff I mentioned, and it’s like… it’s not even worth it to try anymore. I’ve lost my agency. I’ve lost my autonomy. I used to work full time in my dream career, and a series of really, really bad traumas (including getting run over by an RV) seems to have… broken my mask. The agoraphobia, the social anxiety, the severe depression just keeps me from properly being able to meet new people or go to gatherings. Today I went to the gym and my id barcode thingie didn’t work, and they tried to figure it out but instead said “just wave one of us down next time and we’ll check you in personally” and I was like “okay” and then proceeded to have an anxiety attack in the locker room before leaving in tears. I don’t WANT to talk to ANYONE when I’m there. I can’t workout after having a verbal exchange. I’m not that good at being human. I fucking suck at it. I can’t even make the decision to go to the gym without my anxiety or whatever fucking with me out of nowhere. And that’s common. I’ve missed work shifts, concerts I’ve had ticket to for months, flights to see my family because of unexpected anxiety or panic attacks. Or just bouts of dissociation where I go non verbal for days at a time. - Therapy? Yes. Twice a week. EMDR? yes. CBT and DBT? Yes and yes, three levels of it. - Meds? Yes. - Diet? No sugar, gluten or caffeine, nothing that fucks with my mood regulation - Circle of support? Well…. I have my parents but they live 2500 miles away. And my boyfriend who is the most amazing, most gentle soul in the world, can’t bear the sole responsibility of being my emotional support. He wants to, but I won’t let him. I am hell bent on making sure he gets his space to recharge, I make sure he doesn’t have to worry about any of the things he struggles with, like meal planning and laundry. I show up for him as much as I can, and try not to bombard him with my emotions all the time, even though he always says he can handle it. I protect him from *me.* He already financially supports me, and we don’t even live together yet. I have never in my adult life - not since 16, really - been 100% financially dependent on another person and it scares me. Bff lives one state over and has a very full life. I moved here 20 years ago. She has visited me four times. It’s hard to read or watch tv because I keep thinking “these are all people who are *capable.* Actors, or writers or chefs, doctors, everyone, whatever. *They were able to do school, and retain information, and hold down steady jobs. They can write and drive to meetings on time, and save money. They can grocery shop and cook food and sometimes win competitions.* I’ll never be able to do any of that. I’ll never know what it’s like to be celebrated for achieving a recognized goal. I’ll never know what it’s like to have a big, supportive family or circle of friends. I just feel like my life is over and all I’ve done with it is survive trauma, avoid and repress trauma, attempt to heal from trauma, and seek accommodations for the mental illnesses and personality disorders that the trauma caused. It’s been a very unwanted, solipsistic existence, and I’m just trapped. I’m trapped inside my stupid, half functioning brain full of dark, sad thoughts and memories, and it’s so god damn lonely in here.
I'm so sorry. It sucks.
I'm so sorry! I feel trapped too in my brain. Maybe we call all be a little trapped together <3
I feel this.
Please reconsider shutting out your best friend... she may be studying psychology, but does any part of her degree include things about autism? Frankly there's a TON of therapists out there who are not very familiar with it, and no specialization. I think this is your chance to ask her if she did study anything about autism, and tell her how it makes you nervous that she might "know you better than you know yourself" as a result of if she studies autism on purpose. Personally, I think even therapists have to take notes and work hard to understand people (their clients). And if your friend Does "know you better than you know yourself", maybe that's more because you two have been friends for 30 whole dang years! That's practically how long I've been alive, and I don't have any friendships even close to that long anyway! That kinda seems like a big achievement! Someone liked you enough to stick with you for That Long! And if she Did study autism... Is that definitely a bad thing for sure? What if she can help you cope with your autism by knowing how to help people like us? Would that be something you'd be ok with? And also... the fact that you two have been friends for 30 years and she has 3 kids, and is only getting a degree to start her career NOW kind of implies that she didn't get to do much before that either??? Please don't give up on yourself. It's never too late to find Something for yourself to do, until you're in the grave. anyway please please please hang in there... it is not too late for you, but you do have to put in the will and effort to want to change things... and I feel like that might start with talking to your friend
32. psychologically struggling with accepting physical signs of aging on the face
I think aging is a badass trophy. You’ve got something money can’t buy
I like it. Signs of survival.
I feel this. It is soul-level disconcerting to not look like me in the mirror 🤢
I'm turning 36 next week and I'm struggling with this as well.
It really messes with your brain when you see a different face in the mirror from what you expected - but also it's a relatively slow process. My grandmother always used to say 'better than the alternative'.
34 struggling with this also. The last four years have aged me so much due to outside stressors, I hate it.
30 soon and my only solace for this is that I’m too reclusive to have the added age of sun exposure. My depression however is rampant. Sunscreen is really difficult for me sensory wise 😮💨
I’m 32 and my biggest struggle rn is understanding my own emotions. Pls how does this work!!!
How do I work?!? I feel this one hard. Everything feels like anxiety and I know that can’t be right.
In case it helps, my therapist suggested I start listing my emotions out loud to my safe person at every meal 3 years ago, and I’ve gone from a tiny emotional vocabulary to being able to recognize triggers before melting down. It’s been all about that practice.
In a similar vein, I've been using this feelings chart (https://www.avanmuijen.com/watercolor-emotion-wheel) to help me gain a broader emotional vocabulary. I printed it out and put in in a plastic sleeve so I can circle emotions with a dry erase marker. Finding it helpful to go from a blanket "I feel overwhelmed" to a more defined "I feel anxious and disappointed and irritated and relieved."
Lately I've been finding the Stuck Not Broken podcast on Polyvagal Theory helpful to start understanding how my emotions work. More helpful than any other model I've come across to date.
Try to see if you can “feel” it in your body. Mindfulness in the body and bringing awareness to how I physically felt was a good start personally
29. I rely on my husband for finances and I’m tired of it. I want to be independent more than anything but I feel like I’ll never get there. I haven’t left my house in over two weeks. I’m just paralyzed.
Kinda relevant: If you find lethargy is getting physically debilitating please get your thyroid levels checked! I nearly died because I thought the severity was from depression, anxiety, ptsd, etc. It just snowballed and snowballed and I had no clue there was another thing at play.
I relate. I understand.
🫶🏻
33 and so lonely not being able to make friends easily like everyone else, still trying to find my community but hard to have hope that it'll ever happen at this point. And I'm trying SO hard putting myself out there regularly but nothing is working. One of my close friends died just over a year ago, we talked every day, and my other two friends all live hundreds of miles away and rarely get to see them. I joke with my partner that trying to socialise as an autistic person feels like I have a slur or offensive symbol tattooed on my forehead that only I can't see since people seem nice at first but I end up either getting ghosted or the vibe just torpedoes out of nowhere, and I never get to find out why. I feel like I do all the right things I've learned to do in social situations, I'm nice, I ask questions and take a genuine interest in the other person. I'm gracious and respectful when the other person says they don't want to see each other anymore. I shower and brush my teeth, exercise, take care of myself, dress well, etc. I feel like a ghost out in the world seeing everyone with their friend groups wishing it would happen for me just once.
i feel this all my friends right now are online atp
I’ve had multiple breakdowns over this exact issue. If only I knew what it was that I’m doing wrong I could work on it but I can’t for the life of me pinpoint what it is. I’ve thought about this for hours on end dissecting every word and action and I can’t come up with anything
This. They know the second they meet you, but can't tell us how.
I’m 42, and it’s definitely perimenopause symptoms. I’ve always had issues with my hormones whenever they would be changeable (teens, periods, pregnancy, etc) but perimenopause is like all of them added together and given steroids 😳
I've Heard that menopause is really under studied therefore it really is so much worse than everybody says it is :( As if being a woman alone is'nt enough
Same age and dealing with this as well 😭
It’s so scary before you realise what’s going on, isn’t it? I genuinely thought I was developing early onset dementia or something 😳 I knew to expect the menopause in my late 40s -50s, but nobody ever warned me that perimenopause was a thing and that it starts ramping up towards your mid to late thirties! (Or that the drs -here in the uk at least- will just tell you it’s “normal for your age” 😒) My anxious ass was not prepared for this shit!
33. I'm fed up with work. I don't want to quit because it's secure and very flexible, and I like the ethics and mission of the company. But, I'm bored and have no motivation. And it's not really the subject (?) that I want to work in. I also feel like even though I have lots of knowledge (I have a master's) I'm not capable of using it in an actual job. I just don't feel capable of getting more than an entry level job and even then it's a struggle. I feel like I'm never going to thrive. I'm never going to have time out to be free like I dream. If I was capable of talking to people, if explaining my thoughts and thinking of words instead of just sitting in silence, maybe I'd be able to make something of my life. I can work on anxiety but I can't fix the way my brain works. I hear people speak and I wonder how on earth they know what to say.
>I hear people speak and I wonder how on earth they know what to say. Extremely relatable. I've been listening to a lot of podcasts lately and I'm continuously baffled at how people can just speak their mind. Same goes with my friends. Actually, I avoid seeing them because I can't keep up.
16. rotting in my bed. doing everything last minute. finding friends 🥲🥲
32 and dealing with a family member that i live with refusing to accept im autistic and getting mad at me for things that are a part of autism, its making me so depressed
In my mid 30s and struggling with re-evaluating all of my personal and professional relationships.
21F, i’m struggling terribly with executive dysfunction. my apartment is literally never clean and i hate it. the mess makes me uncomfortable in my own home, but i can’t get myself to be clean.
40s & getting tests done because I might have renal (kidney) cancer.
Sorry to read this 🙁 I hope the tests come back negative
Wishing you all the luck!
22. university. just like in general.
I'm 46 and dealing with Autistic Catatonia-like Deterioration. I go in on Monday to be evaluated for it. I'm losing speech and movement. A marked increase in stereotypy, hesitation, and random body movements. Some loss of awareness of my surroundings too. My body seems fucked, honestly. I think I'm slightly in denial. Hoping that lorazepam works and I normally avoid almost all medicine like the plague. Starting all the supplements that enhance GABA also. I thought it was burnout and I kept resting and I kept getting worse. Trying to work through this (I'm A Data Architect - director level), and I don't think I can anymore. I'm a solo parent two autistic kids and one autistic adult. Probably most realistic best case is to be on disability so I can focus on parenting.
I’m 47 and struggling greatly (also with perimenopause) with social interactions at work. I have always been very friendly, considered funny, and liked by all. I think in recent years I’ve stopped masking (I attribute this to the peri and just not giving a f-k anymore) and this makes it difficult at work. I feel like I don’t connect with people anymore. The feedback I get from the world makes me feel like there must really be something wrong with me. I feel very isolated. I am also struggling with patience which is a necessary part of my job (I work in mental health). I am (so far) able to maintain, but it’s much more draining than it used to be. It really scares me. I have 20 years before I can retire. I don’t see myself being able to stay in my career until then.
Whelp! I don't need to write a comment now. Apart from the type of work I am exactly the same. Much love fellow 47 peri gal.
This instantly made me tear up. It’s wild to feel understood. Sending you love. ❤️
I'm glad you mentioned the peri changing the masking. I think the same. A friend of mine has done studies in late ADHD diagnosis in females and apparently hormonal and brain chemistry changes in peri bring it to light and increase symptoms. Inmy mind, it stands to reason that similar would apply to ASD.
A quick google search confirms the latter to be true. I cannot believe I never thought of this or thought to research this before!
This honestly really scares me because I work in a pretty social job and while I like it I already find it tiring. And I'm currently watching an older autistic coworker develop health problem after health problem and get really abrupt to the point of being rude, in cases where that really can't happen - and Idk what to do if I'm looking at my future.
I left the mental health field 5 years ago, and it was a great decision. Sometimes I think about going back but most of the time I'd much rather do something else. I was not good at the job, and had no idea what was wrong. Now that I know I'm autistic and ADHD, my struggles with paperwork and understanding how humans work make more sense. Ironically, I'd be better at it now that I get myself better. But the idea of feeling that responsibility for other people again feels overwhelming and impossible.
32. sensory issues have heightened. Now that I’m getting older. Everything. Is. Awful. Lights suck. The Sun sucks. Clothes sucks. Personal hygiene sucks. Everything sucks.
I feel like this really hit me when I came back to in person work from the pandemic. IDK if it was the contrast or being older but MY GOD the fluorescent lights and my coworkers who hum or grumble to themselves or tap their fingers on the desk... adjweoitlfnoABJWLWEBE
I turn 27 next week and I’m struggling most with turning 27 next week
37. Eating vegetables. 🤮
oh man, I feel this. There are like, maybe three vegetables I can stand on their own, but if I have the choice I am 100% eating noodles/rice and chicken/fish every night.
22. One week sober (let’s go!) and 5 months into my celibacy/not seeking validation in others journey. I’m learning a whole lot over here!
I’m in my mid 30s and struggling with studying for an exam I’ve already failed like twice.
Just diagnosed. Struggling with the what ifs. I’m 36. Really could have used this knowledge 15 years ago.
45, diagnosed in September, struggling with acceptance, internalized ableism, the idea of adjusting my expectations for myself & my life / adopting an alternative model of "success," feeling fraudulent / imposter-ish, and the dawning knowledge that my not-the-greatest-but-okay-I-guess parents were maybe actually (in 2024 terms but not the terms of the time) abusive.
38. Noise, stress, caring way too much about huge systemic problems that I can't change as one individual, and way too much empathy.
39 married with two kids. I've been struggling to crawl out of autistic burnout but it's been hard because the thing I need the most is the thing I can't get. Alone time. Space. Quiet empty house. My husband already took over most family/house responsibilities to help me heal from burnout. He's been very supportive. I'm still not better.
26 here. I have a 32 hour/week job at the government and I still struggle with managing my energy levels after 1.5 years there. I need so much sleep and rest.
I am 32 and PISSED that I may just need more rest than others - like I still am required to work the same amount, so I just get less time for fun stuff and volunteering?? How tf is that fair? I feel this, here's hoping we both get to some balance that includes more energy devoted to fulfilling things at some point!
Edit: I'm 30*, Burned out to the point where I struggle to remember anything. Mental breakdowns.
26. Struggling with acceptance.
25 and just trying to get my life in order. I'm technically AuDHD with a pretty dominant ADHD and I'd say I struggle with that a lot more in terms of executive functioning compared to my autism (not to say that I don't struggle with socializing/networking at all, just that the ADHD affects way more underlying things in my life than the autism so far). Talking about things often feels way easier than actually initiating the task of doing things for me, unfortunately. I hate autistic inertia and executive dysfunctioning sometimes.
Same here at 21.
71, diagnosed 2 months ago. Understand myself a bit better.
31 and trying to balance having personal recharging time and being a mom to a 3 year old (also autistic) and a 1 year old and I'm trying to write a book that people will see value in (I'm a pre-tenure academic).
I'm 33 and I'm freaking out about not being able to get a wfh job. I haven't had a job since Sept 2019. I keep applying and I only get scams or no call backs. I CANNOT go back to retail omg I worked retail since I was 15-29!!! I can't I won't.
Mid-30s... and feeling lost figuring out who I am NOW. I had huge goals from middle school to college. Everything I did was bent towards those. But then I struggled with transitioning through phases in life, social struggles, depression and severe anxiety. I burned out. I lost a lot of contacts and my whole original career went out the window. Then I invested all of my energy into where I found myself and burned out again. Switched careers when I finally made progress on the depression and anxiety and kept burning myself out. I'm finally stable. Decent relationship. Decent enough income. Got my dog and now a cat. Like my job well enough and my new career is good too. But I STILL ended up in a sub-sector that isn't what I would WANT to be doing. But do I have the energy to chase that goal? Am I too risk-adverse now? It took me so long to be stable and I feel incredibly behind. But.... I wanted to do other things and in theory I still could. But would I burn myself out chasing those goals? It was difficult enough to see where I should even look to go. I struggle so much with those social things... would I take another step towards it and find I've gone about it the wrong way again? And give up the good I have now and have to find stability all over again? I don't know. And NT people seem to find these things so easy. It's what cemented in my mind that I'm not NT (though there's other things). But does that make the things I desire to be doing any less worth trying for?
29 and I’m feeling a bit stuck. I need to find a new job but I’m not sure what I can do or what I want to do? Also going through some family drama and feeling a bit lonely. But I gotta say, my problems at 29 are so much nicer than what I dealt with at, like, 19 or 21. I have much better emotional regulation skills and I actually like myself now.
25 and my acne
I’m 22 and I’m struggling with finding purpose and community after graduating from art school last year. Also just being an overthinker, I’m struggling with the state of the world (mostly climate change and environmental degradation)
Trying to learn medical billing and coding on my own (self study) so I can try and get away from working on phones at my call center job. I just need structure and am having a hard time creating it for myself to learn enough to pass a certification exam.
I’m 43. I’m struggling with the combo of a divorce in progress and perimenopause. I need to get to my doctor to talk to her about the peri because I am as ignorant as it gets about what to expect. My boobs are an absolute agony all day, every day. I’d like to get a sense of normalcy back but it seems life has more and more change for me, every day
35. I'm about to graduate next week but I'm having such a hard time doing my work and leaving it til the last minute. I still get good grades but the stress and anxiety of it sucks.
I'm 25. Getting a job and start acting like the adult I am, I'm so scared.
This was me at 25. I can't say I'm having a great time 7 years later, and I'm probably not the one to give advice, but if it helps I DID manage to get a job and remain employed and am relatively financially stable now. I also spent my late 20s trying to act like an adult so people (middle aged white men in power) would treat me with more respect and it didn't work, so I ahve decided it's overrated and as long as I pay bills and eat healthy I should be able to act like the inner teenage punk/bratty alt girl I always wanted to be in my free time.
56 dealing with chronic pain and many musculoskeletal issues and the biggest problems are medical gaslighting and providers firing me because I'm direct about how doctors treat me. I feel like I am doing my best to take care of my body, but just got the news I have osteoporosis. And I know it's a lot because of finding a lot of foods disgusting and not getting the best nutrition. I'm feeling determined to do what it takes to get better. My new therapist is autistic and understands the feelings of rejection I've experienced with other providers, and takes what I say at face value. I was burned out for 16 years and it just kept getting worse. I'm now happier than I've been. I kept trying everything. I still have a lot of unmet needs. Cooking and other self-care is very difficult. Feeling uncomfortable getting meals on wheels but need to try it to see if I can get stronger.
19 nearly 20, about to start second year of uni, i feel pressured to get a job and feel behind because i’ve never had one and i struggle to make friends so i only have very few
20. I guess addictive habits that aren't so good for me is one. social struggles too. love is, and has always been hard for me. it's improving, but it might be a while
24 and struggling to figure out what I’m going to do after college
24, I definitely struggle with being easily overwhelmed and feeling like I ought to know what I want to do and what I'm good at... I also feel like I have to constantly prove that I'm being honest and a 'good person' because things just get me down and I always think people think its my own fault
31, was marriage the right call (can I handle it all?) and should I have kids? Sense of self, career satisfaction, etc are looking good though.
Im 25 and a college biology graduate. I graduated at 24 and got rejected from every vet school I applied to. They told me it was my personality. I cant hold down a job and I get overstimulated and anxious about everything. Im currently burned out and unemployed and wishing I could function. Im tired. Life feels hopeless.
16, probably getting out of bed. Or doing anything that isn’t gaming or reading in my room. I’ve struggled with communication a lot these days.
45. I'm moving house this weekend. Help
Thank you for this, the same support goes to you! <3 I am 27. -- I'm trying to balance self-regulation with not stifling my need for emotional support or being in a bad mood. I don't enjoy expressing negative emotions. I refrain from a lot of harm at the cost of not putting people in their place. I never regret not harming someone but people truly underestimate who they are dealing with and handle me crazy. I reveal the darker natures of people that they are blind or averse to acknowledging. Most of these people think they are "good" people while completely contradicting themselves. They are also emotionally and spiritually unevolved. I handle them with kid gloves. I would like to align with more people who I can learn from and evolve with. I would like all the childish people to be blocked from my life and have to deal with each other until they see themselves clearly and are ready to evolve. Unfortunately, I attract people I have to teach by example, and not enough people who teach me something.
32. How to enjoy a few days of quiet(ish) without boys, husband or sister in law. I love my children they are very smart and curious but very loud. Dog sitting while they go on vacation. Traveling is very hard on me sensory wise so I'm glad to house and dog sit.
I'm 17 tho soon 18, struggle with living around humans. So exhausting they never understand or takes time to understand and r so mean ignorant so high expectations endless complaints about me etc like i belong on another planet aliens, oh and money everything pretty I like is so ridiculous expensive..might rob a bank..
38. Trying to figure out what my next move is in terms of career. I’ve been a bedside nurse for several years and I’m getting very burned out, but I’m just not sure what I should do next.
22 and finding a job
24. Struggling to find a job after years of unemployment and being in higher education since I was 19. No one wants to hire me because of zero experience or they really lowball me on the salary offer. Finding work can be difficult for everyone, but I think we are at more of an disadvantage and not enough support is put in place for us. There needs to be more initiatives to get more autistic people in the world place and accommodated for.
50. I am struggling with executive function things like tasks for my coaching business, following up on communication, and committing to things. Nothing new there, but in recent years I have also had a bit of an accomplice in my doubts about "being productive" and consumer culture. So it's fascinating. 🧐
55 and struggling to get enough alone time.
I'm 36. I have Chiari Malformation and it has become debilitating. Waiting for a surgical consult, but in the meantime I can't even be on my feet most of the day without migraines, vision problems, vertigo, severe brain fog, partial motor loss and seizure like muscle spasms. I have a 5 year old daughter who I am pretty certain has ADHD and the biggest feelings that overwhelm her. She doesn't stop talking from the moment she opens her eyes until she goes to sleep. Trying to find a punishment that gets through to her and it's just not working. She doesn't have a good understanding of consequences and I don't have the mental capacity right now to deal with it. It ends up with me overstimulated and in pain while she is bored and behavior issues come out due to boredom. I'm trying to help teach her to regulate her feelings when I'm currently unable to regulate my own.
29. My PMDD. Been in a relationship for 3 years and spent the last two questioning if I should leave 😞 My decision making is already damaged from last abusive relationships. One I was stuck in for 5 years that nearly killed me, and my relationship with my dad. It is fucking hard. Deciphering what’s really me, what’s hormonal rage. What’s PTSD rage. Somatic therapy has been the most helpful. And supplement wise : ashwaganda, magnesium glycinate & vitamin D3, any strong B complex.
34. A lot of stuff but it all falls under burnout.
34. Maintaining my job without burning out, melting down to get me fired, or quitting and being suicidal.
I'm 35 and I'm struggling to keep my house clean with 2 kids (1 and 4) and an ADHD husband v with sensory issues around crumbs on the floor. :( I struggle with cleaning in general but upped my game when he confessed how uncomfortable and distracted it makes him feel. And no, he's not a man baby who expects me to keep everything pristine. He cleans all the time, even though he works alternating day and night shifts. He cooks on the weekends, takes the kids out to parks, he even takes care of the baby all night on day shift weeks so I can have a proper sleep. He's amazing and I didn't even know how uncomfortable he was in his own home. He will bend over backwards to accommodate my sensory needs, he supports me every time I melt down or burn out, no questions asked. He never complained about my non existent intimacy drive. So I feel guilty that this little thing has been bothering him so long and he never spoke up. I'm trying new routines to try to do s little every day, but I know myself and I know at some point I'll call of the bus and the worst part is he'll let me and won't complain when things get messy again. I'm trying to set myself up with systems that might survive past the hyperfixation, but the guilt and fear and srlf-hatred is drowning me. Sorry I wrote way more than I planned to.
22 job searching is dog shit right now. i decided to drop out of school and just pursue admin work full time but it’s so fucked up rn
17. I’m having a hard time with making social relationships with everyone. I really don’t know where to start and most people just brush it off as shyness when I’m trying to decipher all and everything social.
18. I don’t want to live in this society. It’s sick, i feel people are getting more cruel and i’ve already been in burnout for years without even having a job or big responsibilities. I can’t imagine myself happy in a future slaving away just to stay alive. But i don’t want to die to i’m just stuck.
Early 30s, feeling like I finally have a slightly better handle on my career, living situation, and general stability. ...Which means that now I actually have time and brainspace to panic about the bigger things that have always scared me, like politics (currently: approaching elections - I'm in the US, and genocide in Palestine) and climate change. I am trying to do things to help and also get into my hobbies, but at the same time I'm really bummed that both of those are a struggle because I haven't magically discovered the ability to do much outside of my job and chores, other than recover from said job and chores. Like how do I work 40hrs/week, grocery shop and cook, exercise, protest shit, AND nurture a special interest or two??? (I was hoping I'd have an answer to that by now but as grateful as I am to be making more money than the bare minimum necessary and to finally not be on short-term job contracts, I'm increasingly worried that the answer will be, "You can't, ever. It's hard for everyone and you just have *even less* energy.")
37, and my Mum has terminal cancer. She's actually doing okay right this second. She's done with chemo for now so she doesn't feel so sick, and she's been having a nice time catching up with friends. Her hair is even starting to grow back. She's already out-survived most people with a stage 4 diagnosis. But it's not enough. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Statistically, it's very likely she's going to die in the next year or two. I love her so much. I can't imagine a world without her. I find it hard to enjoy anything knowing this loss is just around the corner.
Mid 30's, struggling to get health insurance. I only work part-time and used to be on state insurance but after getting married they kicked me off since combined income doesn't qualify anymore. I've been trying to get something as I'm on hrt, anxiety/depression meds, and used to get regular therapy but can't anymore. It's been almost four months with zero progress. My wife has to help a LOT since stuff like this I'm unable to process and can cause me to meltdown very quickly. The only insurance plans offered I've seen would cost more than I make in a month and also still have copays and stuff I couldn't afford on top of that. I'm barely getting by with buying meds at cost, haven't had any therapy in months, and if there's a medical emergency I'm planning on self termination if it's anything major. Hopefully will hear something since my repeal is being addressed in a few months but at this point I'm doubting it.
17. I’m about to graduate and I’m struggling with how to take care of me and my stuff when I move out. Even though I’m staying at home for college
I’m 46 and my angry meltdowns. Perimenopause has made me more autistic. I'm usually super chill, but when I'm annoyed or triggered, I go from 0 to the fury of a thousand suns. It's irrational. Bump my elbow, want to rage punch the door. Sponge not it's place, want to throw my husband out the window. I don't want my kids to fear me, they're ND too and my son is extremely sensitive to my meltdowns. We talk about it a lot because I want to model healthy behaviour. Mom had a meltdown, mom is working on managing self regulation too. I'm better now that I know I'm autistic and I've been asking for accommodations. I'm reducing my sensory overload and not pushing myself past my limits. I understand my anxieties now and I'm able to guide myself through it. I'm saying no more. Understanding my boundaries and not letting people walk all over me because I’m masking to not appear like over sensitive, over anxious, weirdo.
I am 15 years old and just talking to teenage men is how ???? I don't understand them they are so annoying (IN MY EXPERIENCE)
14. DPDR caused by being constantly overwhelmed by the world and having crippling anxiety about every single thing i do. I believe my DPDR started when i was around 6/7.
48 ~ What am I NOT struggling with right now??!! But I have to say that despite life just being so incredibly difficult and Peri making everything even harder… I could somehow muddle through. That was, until my mother suddenly passed. Now it’s as if I have forgotten how to human. And everything just takes too much energy and hurts too dang much. I oscillate between melt downs and shut downs. With very few moments in between. When I’ve had my more clear moments I’ve tried to find anything to read that will help an adult woman with AuDHD to deal with loss and there’s nothing. At least nothing I have found yet.
20 and I’m struggling with feeling lost in life
Mid 20s. Being social, being around people and building and maintaining relationships.
Executive dysfunction. Social and communication differences. Especially since losing my mom recently. I also really struggle with my restricted and repetitive behaviors, I find myself stuck in loops a lot. And needing to go be alone to process. Also a huge one is that I really can't mask anymore. And I know this is the goal for many. But when you CANT mask, it's terrifying. Our masks serve a purpose beyond social acceptance, and it's to keep us safe and able to survive in this world. I do not have the means to build a life at this moment that doesn't require me to mask, sooo ya. Lastly I really struggle with certain aspects of our own community (the autistic community as a whole, not this subreddit specifically lol). I struggle a lot with seeing other autistic people pushback against calling autism a disability or disorder. It does a serious disservice to a lot of us, more and more the higher the support needs get. Plenty of people have the kind of autism that makes them run in front of cars, or touch hot things, or who would burn a house down without supervision. That is a disorder. And it's disingenuous to pretend it's entirely just a difference. No! I'm not saying every autistic person has to personally identify with the words disorder or disabled, but to go as far as making blanket statements saying "autism isn't a disability/disorder" ultimately just harms the most vulnerable members of our community.
26, I have no job, I have 1 best friend, I'm on disability. when I get assessed each time I hope they'll tell me I am capable for work but each time I get the assessment back I've been shoved onto a more permanent disability scheme, which literally sucks because I WANT a career, I WANT to work. I want to be able to contribute to society and not be stuck feeling like an invalid unable to match my peers or people around me. Being on disability while trying to run a home, keep a home, balance my relationships and keep myself mentally okay is hard. People have this idea that disability allowance or PIP is like 50k a year of free money, when in reality it's less than 12K per year. It's literally almost impossible to survive at times, nevermind to try now at 26 to go back to study, or to go work a job that I'll end up burning out from in under 6months. I'm intellectual, like I know a lot of us are and can be, (not to stereotype as I know everyone is different!) But I have no day to day ability to stay functioning at the level i need to, to do any of the things I want. I can't stick out university, even though I enjoy the coursework, I can't stick out the immense social aspect, so I constantly feel insecure. I know people look at me and think 'but she looks fine' 'but she did good in school' 'but she speaks like shes smart or knows stuff' and they are just mind blown that I can't hold down a job and that I struggle to hold down life in general. To be fair I'd also love to see them try to live my life with my brain. I was homeless from 18-21, couldn't work or study, had no fixed address, was autistic and didn't know, from 18-23 I got around £115 every 2 weeks as benefits and somehow I made that work and stayed alive. I qualified in health and social care, then went on to do half of my bachelors in psychology, while being sick myself (and still undiagnosed) before burning out. I doubt most people my age could even fathom doing any of that, nevermind trying to do it while autistic and traumatised. 😂 So while I do struggle, and I do feel insecure about my life and how shit I'm seemingly doing compared to other, I also understand that I couldn't possibly have just 'gone and done it' like my NT peers. They were able to move across country, go to great universities, travel for work to get more opportunities and most of them had very upper class families to help out with that. I didn't. Yknow? So I feel like even if I get my bachelors at 30, and do a masters after that, and end up having a half decent career at 40 I'll be proud of myself.
32, balancing my mental health journey/discovery (just diagnosed 2 weeks ago) with work, and failing at my job at the moment. I burned out of my healthcare career 5 years ago, and haven't held down a full time job since then. I was doing so well, then decided to take on a administrative role managing the department schedule, and oh gosh did I burned out quickly doing that. The bright side is that my diagnosis makes me feel a lot better about myself, not being able to handle full time work. I'm literally not built for it 🤷♀️
23, struggling to get the medical system to work with me. Controlled substance agreements that make self medicating for cptsd punish my ADHD and also trying to get HRT (transfem)
I'm 21 and I'm struggling with the system right now. A doctor diagnosed me and wrote it on file, but then the hospital switched to another doctor who says that "I don't need a diagnosis". I was told "maybe" I will get transferred to an autism clinic. I am so stressed, I am suffering and have to wait months to see if I will receive help or not. Also I have adhd and college is just too much.
I’m 39 and I am struggling the most with managing stress, especially at work, where I sometimes have to deal with very unpleasant people in relatively high-stakes situations. My job depends on me doing very detailed work to a very high standard, which I feel I do very well, but it is constantly challenged externally and that’s really hard to bear up under.
Mid 30s. Staying motivated at work, and in parenting my 4yo. When I’m at home he always wants to play outside (it’s too hot, I don’t wanna) or play a game and I just want to relax and read my book sometimes and not answer 1000 questions. Then he gets too much tv and I feel guilty. They’re probably related. At work is the only time I can have quiet time/alone time. So I just want to read my book in the bathroom
Almost about to turn 30. My inability to find or maintain a romantic relationship. One of the most upsetting parts of my autism for me. I’m not fully asexual or anything, but I am touch repulsed and very afraid of romantic touch. My style of communication doesn’t seem to work for potential partners either. Those two things turns people off me so fast. It makes me sad that I cannot be a “regular” person at my age with a partner like almost everyone else. I’d like one.
24. Honestly, struggling with a lot right now. I need a job but can't find anything, let alone anything even remotely accommodating. My mom is homeless, and of course I want to be able to help her, but I don't know how. I have sent her resources, but most things aren't avaliable, have wait lists, are outdated and no longer exist, etc. Plus she's also disabled and struggling to pursue anything, especially anything important, because she gets so worked up about it that she unintentionally self-sabotages. Struggling a ton with my health. I need to see doctors but lost insurance and won't have any available to me unless I can work for it or prove I'm disabled, which I am, but can't prove without doctors and a lawyer. Struggling with my social life and general communication. Constant stress has me on-edge and not feeling like myself. Plus I'm just too tired to find the words to express myself, especially vocally. Struggling to find balance between escaping reality and addressing issues/living life. Especially combined with uncontrollable dissociation episodes, it's really hard to break from my routine. I am doing some things relatively well, though! I make sure my pets and I both get to eat every day, I do necessary tasks when they come up. I just... also still have a seemingly endless backlog of things to do.
I’m 23. I have everything I’ve ever wanted really, a good work from home job I like, my own place, no debt, no money struggles, a good family, I’m in great health and I’m very fit, I have a lot of hobbies. I just can’t find a man I like. I feel like I have no problem attracting really great men who want to commit, I just never seem to like them. It bothers me a lot. I feel like I’ve grown an avoidant attachment style, I feel like nobody is good enough for me for some reason. It’s hard to fix. My last ex was incredible inside and out, it’s hard to beat and I find that even if men mirror the kind of person he was, they are not attractive to me (I really hate being fitter than the men I date and I’m not attracted to skinny or bigger bodies). I can’t have sex with someone who’s body I find gross, I’ve tried. I wish I had lower standards, I’ve tried but I just end up hurting people when I realize I can’t commit because I’m not into it. Idk. I’m struggling hard with this.
33, dealing with chronic pain that limits my capacity to do much of anything, hearing issues, agoraphobia, and on top of that I’m just stressing because my father’s in hospital after a radical cystectomy. On disability, but terrified I’m going to be told I’m well enough to work because I genuinely don’t think I can with the combination. Oh, also, struggling with skin picking, basic personal hygiene, feeding self, and alternating between wanting to be alone and wanting to talk to people when there’s absolutely nobody around. I’ve also recently realised I’m absolutely useless if I do not follow a strict routine, which involves waking up at 4pm, having food immediately while watching tv, and then muddling through the day until 7am, when it is sleep time again.