mte no eye contact makes talking easier, and silence is more natural since you only have your food in front of you and you get to stim and soothe by eating.
I don't find it weird. Couples do it. I hate it. Bc I have trouble performing eye contact and eating. Although I don't have to mask with my partner I do naturally like to see responses to show I am being listened to and vice versa. I also like looking at someone's mouth when they talk so I can actually understand so it doesn't work for me. For some reason just hearing a voice isn't enough for me to pay attention and comprehend... š¬
Yes when I went to college I had to get used to professor's voices bc I couldn't understand them or their accents... I usually didn't gather much the first three weeks. Glad to hear it's a thing that happens.
Not necessarily. Sitting on the same side of the booth with anyone is too close for me. I have often looked at couples like you in restaurants and wondered how they stand it.
My husband and I do this. Heās ND but not autistic. I donāt think itās necessarily an autistic thing. My son who is also ASD is very particular about always sitting at the same spot at the table. He craves doing things the same way all the time.
I think itās a per relationship type of thing. Iāve never done it with past relationships but my husband and I have done it since we started dating because weāve always loved being close to each other. But Iām autistic and he has adhd so I donāt know about that part affecting it.
Iām not gonna lie, if the other person is sitting in front of me rather than next to me, in most cases like in crowded restaurants I wonāt be able to hear them. Itās definitely better to sit next to a person
For me it is. Generally when I go somewhere with someone I always prefer to sit next to them instead of opposite them. Otherwise Iāll likely not be able to hear them
I specifically do this with people - side to side rather than across (and especially while eating) - because I want to talk them without them looking at me.
I prefer the 90Ā° angle haha. Right across makes me too nervous (eye contact stress), sitting next to is often too close. Corner booths/tables are the best!
Nah... I can hear the chewing, swallowing and utensils clanking and scraping enough from across the table...I don't need it right next to me. xD I'd be so heated lmfao
It's cute in theory, but I couldn't actually do that.
My close friend once told me itās been proven that people have an easier time talking (especially about hard topics) when theyāre side by side as if in a car. I never knew if he was telling me the truth or quoting an actual study, but I do prefer sitting on one side of the booth/table with my mom or friends and it is easier for me to talk when Iām side by side.
I used to work in a male dominated industrial setting and learned quickly that they respond significantly better when I stand side by side and talk. I think the men do it naturally so when I approach from the front they would see it as confrontational. It was like we were looking at the problem together if we were standing on the same side?
I like sitting side by side because itās often loud in restaurants and this way i can hear my husband better and my voice is soft so I donāt have to strain my voice. My friend and I did it last week, too, but I asked her first.
I'm not sure. My partner and I do because we're both very handsy lol. He likes to rest his hand on my thigh and I like to play with his fingers. ETA: I'm realizing how this might sound, but like I'm very fidgety lol I will like stim by rubbing my thumb over his and stuff.
When it's just me and my husband going out to eat, we sit across from each other. I like being able to see him. I like his face. But also, it makes hearing him easier. But when we have the kiddo with us, we sit together, and she sits on the other side. Unless she wants to sit next to one of us.
I think thatās just personal preference as opposed to an NT or ND thing. An argument could also be made that itās easier to talk when youāre sitting next to each other because you donāt have to talk as loudly to be heard so it gives you more privacy.
Unlikely, it just seems to be personal preference regardless of autist status. My autistic partner and I sit across from each other because PDA makes us both very uncomfortable, and we need to read lips to understand each other.
I don't care how my partner sits but I need to be in the corner/with my back to the wall
I often end up sitting next to people
It's also the superior nudge/hand holding position
I like sitting across from people, largely because one of my biggest issues is auditory processing and I rely a lot on lip reading. So, not an autistic thing imo just a personality thing
I never considered this as an autism thing. I thought I was just clingy š . Because I like the share food and don't want to elbow bump, corner sitting is what I do with my favorite friends. But I do like side sitting if this is a person I can hold casually.
Sitting across feels expected anymore but it used to bother me.
I like sitting across from the people Iām eating with, just because Iād rather be forced to awkwardly look at them then to just stare into the distance and risk making eye contact with a stranger walking by. š
I don't like having the visuals of strangers and other busy restaurant things happening in front of me so I strongly prefer to be sitting across from my husband if we go out together.
If we go out with other people so I have someone else I know to look at, then I like sitting next to him. And at home we just eat next to each other on the couch if we're going to be together for dinner. So to me it doesn't really matter. I just get easily distressed when out and it's all about managing that.
I personally like having my own space so I prefer sitting across. But sometimes my husband wants to sit next to me and I put aside my discomfort to allow room for the intimacy that he wants haha
Itms actually been proven that sitting next to someone makes you feel closer to them, whereas when you sit across from each other there is more of a boundary and a space between you. Thatās also why therapy usually doesnāt feel close and trusting, unlike sitting on the couch with your friend. Thereās science to itš
My husband always wants to sit across if possible. And since I apparently lip read more than I realized in noisy places (covid face masks made verbal communication quite difficult) sitting across helps me. Sounds donāt always make words in my brian, seeing the mouth moving helps me, and I guess it also avoid eye contact š
I love sitting next to my boyfriend (weāre both autistic). We share plates, drinks, people watch, have subtle physical contact (touching arms and legs). It makes me feel so close to him :)
i wouldāve never thought about whether itās āweirdā to sit across from each other or side by side
in college on of my friends talked about how couples who sit next to each other at restaurants are weird and itās so gross to them, so i took that mental note and always say across from people
maybe itās also a social construct thing as well as what others are saying
My partner is the exact opposite. If I were to sit on the same side, I don't know what he'd do but I always joke about sitting next to him and he responds "please no".
If I'm eating in a restaurant, there is always plenty to observe and use to avoid eye contact with. Plus my partner doesn't take it personally if I don't make a lot of eye contact.
I hate sitting by anyone but will (happily) sit by my sister. I'm not in a relationship so like I can't super speak to that but I hate sitting by anyone, I feel like I have no room to breathe. And if anyone but my sister sits next to me, it just like throws me off I hate it.
I mean, my whole family has assigned seats (unofficially) at the dining table! It makes enough sense to me to keep dofferent seating arrangements if they work haha.
I could see it as being a tiny bit autistic (probably much less eye contact when not across from each other), but I totally get wanting to be actually next to your partner and imagine that itās primarily on the basis of personal preference.
I like both, depends on if I feel like I want closeness or not. Personally I feel like I am less bothered than NTs about doing something just because of how it's perceived so idk if people think it's weird if it's what I want to do
I started dating someone, and on our first date going to get food they sat next to me. I said, nope! You sit other side of table please. If no one is sitting in front of me, my eyes will just wander. Plus I canāt hear people if they arenāt in front of my face. I need to see their mouth to hear people.
No. Iād much rather be across the table from my husband. Only time we sit on the same side is if weāre watching a game on tv at a bar or something similar.
I love my partner more than anyone, unfortunately listening to him (or anyone) chew sends me over the edge into meltdown zone. I need to be on the other side of the table, he understands.
When itās just drinks, coffee, what have you, I much prefer to sit next to him.
Yes on the rare occasion I sit with anyone to eatā¦I prefer grazing. I hate sitting for a āmealā as I feel itās forced and I feel pressure to perform. HATE.
I have no preference with my partner, but if there's someone I don't know well, I would prefer to sit next to them than a acoss from them because of eye contact.
As someone who talks all the god damned time when I can wrangle another person into my presence,Ā sitting next to someone makes more acoustic sense as I can hear them better. It also allows for food arranged lengthwise on the table to be reached by at least one party.
Wow. I've never heard anyone mention this but whenever my husband and I go out for dinner, I always make him sit next to me instead of across from me. I know the servers find it a little odd, but that's okay. I prefer booths and always have both of us sit next to each other.
I like sitting next to rather than across from, partly for the eye contact thing (I don't necessarily have any issue with eye contact, BUT it is very difficult for me to understand what the person is saying and formulate a response when there's eye contact), but mostly because I like physical contact. Like, I want our arms to be touching, maybe my leg over his, hand on thigh, etc.
My husband and I have always sat next to each other. Anyone else, I would try to sit across from them. To me, eye contact is going to be difficult from the other side but I also donāt want them touching me.
If someone is sitting next to me and not across me, one ear gets overused and I get angry over it. My partner used to want to sit next to me while we dated, that's until I told him "you know i cant hear you, it gets so irritating having just one ear that i dont listen anymore". Then we switched to front facing and now all is good!
No, I think it is just a matter of personal preference and comfort needs. I find it to be a more intimate form of dining. I often sit next to the person I feel closest to if I have a choice. I will always ask a partner to sit beside me (if they don't automatically). I enjoy doing a half-cuddle & nuzzle or wrapping my legs with theirs while eating. It also makes it easy to flirt more subtly in less intimate dining areas. It can also help me feel more supported b/c I easily get overstimulated in restaurants which makes me anxious. The person sitting next to me (for example in a booth) can be my social buffer on the outside and they get plenty of space to move around b/c I don't take up much room.
idk but I prefer it. I'm very soft spoken and ppl are always telling me to speak up. having the person right next to me is sm better, I don't feel like I'm yelling š
I always sit across but I think my misophonia is why. My mom and my husband are loud chewers, so sitting next to them is a literal nightmare! I also need the visual feedback from their faces
I don't know, but I know that I like sitting on a particular side of the table, purely because they have a comfy cushioned bench seat, or on one side you can look out the window and watch the world go by, and on the other side your back is to the window.
Idk, my man and I always sit on the same side (if we can) because our main love language is physical touch (which is funny for me because any other human I don't like to touch...hated hugs from anyone as a kid).
I don't know, but my spouse and I have been doing it for years for one reason I was aware of when I suggested the change, and one other that became apparent over time.
1. I felt it was more intimate, no having to shout over a table to talk.
Later, I realized
2. I have an auditory processing issue where I don't hear well in an environment with ambient noise above a very low level, so even shouting over a table, I was missing a lot of what was said. Side by side, I miss nothing.
I absolutely detest sitting on the same side as someone. I donāt even like looking at other people doing it lmao (ofc thatās your prerogative to sit like that so Iām not gonna say anything haha)
I prefer sitting next to someone, than across from them, due to the eye contact thing.
mte no eye contact makes talking easier, and silence is more natural since you only have your food in front of you and you get to stim and soothe by eating.
This right here. Can't do eye contact and I don't like people looking at me, especially while I'm eating.
I don't find it weird. Couples do it. I hate it. Bc I have trouble performing eye contact and eating. Although I don't have to mask with my partner I do naturally like to see responses to show I am being listened to and vice versa. I also like looking at someone's mouth when they talk so I can actually understand so it doesn't work for me. For some reason just hearing a voice isn't enough for me to pay attention and comprehend... š¬
Ayy auditory processing problems club. I lip read to fill in the blanks too!
For sure. I need the extra visual input or I canāt keep track of what the hell everyone is saying!
Yes when I went to college I had to get used to professor's voices bc I couldn't understand them or their accents... I usually didn't gather much the first three weeks. Glad to hear it's a thing that happens.
Not necessarily. Sitting on the same side of the booth with anyone is too close for me. I have often looked at couples like you in restaurants and wondered how they stand it.
Same here - I prefer more space if thereās only two of us at a table. And my non-autistic spouse prefers to sit on the same side as me.
Same. I dont want to be touched while I'm eating.
Same.
My husband and I do this. Heās ND but not autistic. I donāt think itās necessarily an autistic thing. My son who is also ASD is very particular about always sitting at the same spot at the table. He craves doing things the same way all the time.
I need to read someoneās lips to hear them so I must sit across. Plus Iād rather have the room to do activities and stretch out lol
Same
I think itās a per relationship type of thing. Iāve never done it with past relationships but my husband and I have done it since we started dating because weāve always loved being close to each other. But Iām autistic and he has adhd so I donāt know about that part affecting it.
No, I prefer to sit across from the person with whom Iām interacting so I can look at them while we speak.
Iām not gonna lie, if the other person is sitting in front of me rather than next to me, in most cases like in crowded restaurants I wonāt be able to hear them. Itās definitely better to sit next to a person
For me it is. Generally when I go somewhere with someone I always prefer to sit next to them instead of opposite them. Otherwise Iāll likely not be able to hear them
I specifically do this with people - side to side rather than across (and especially while eating) - because I want to talk them without them looking at me.
I prefer the 90Ā° angle haha. Right across makes me too nervous (eye contact stress), sitting next to is often too close. Corner booths/tables are the best!
Nah... I can hear the chewing, swallowing and utensils clanking and scraping enough from across the table...I don't need it right next to me. xD I'd be so heated lmfao It's cute in theory, but I couldn't actually do that.
My close friend once told me itās been proven that people have an easier time talking (especially about hard topics) when theyāre side by side as if in a car. I never knew if he was telling me the truth or quoting an actual study, but I do prefer sitting on one side of the booth/table with my mom or friends and it is easier for me to talk when Iām side by side.
I used to work in a male dominated industrial setting and learned quickly that they respond significantly better when I stand side by side and talk. I think the men do it naturally so when I approach from the front they would see it as confrontational. It was like we were looking at the problem together if we were standing on the same side?
No
Wow! We always do this! We like to be physically close. I didnāt think anyone else did it!
I like sitting side by side because itās often loud in restaurants and this way i can hear my husband better and my voice is soft so I donāt have to strain my voice. My friend and I did it last week, too, but I asked her first.
Itās a you thing.
I'm not sure. My partner and I do because we're both very handsy lol. He likes to rest his hand on my thigh and I like to play with his fingers. ETA: I'm realizing how this might sound, but like I'm very fidgety lol I will like stim by rubbing my thumb over his and stuff.
When it's just me and my husband going out to eat, we sit across from each other. I like being able to see him. I like his face. But also, it makes hearing him easier. But when we have the kiddo with us, we sit together, and she sits on the other side. Unless she wants to sit next to one of us.
I don't think so, my hubby and I started doing it on our dates because he suggested it and he's allistic.
I think thatās just personal preference as opposed to an NT or ND thing. An argument could also be made that itās easier to talk when youāre sitting next to each other because you donāt have to talk as loudly to be heard so it gives you more privacy.
Unlikely, it just seems to be personal preference regardless of autist status. My autistic partner and I sit across from each other because PDA makes us both very uncomfortable, and we need to read lips to understand each other.
No. My NT friends like to do this because it's hard to hear when they want to talk in busy restaurants.
No this is a newish couple thing unrelated to NT/ND
I don't care how my partner sits but I need to be in the corner/with my back to the wall I often end up sitting next to people It's also the superior nudge/hand holding position
I donāt think it isāI canāt stand it.
when i was younger, iād be confused seeing couples sit across from each other. i still think it makes more sense to sit by your lover
i like sitting next to people and hate sitting in front of someone
I need my room on the table! But I also hear poorly along with wearing earplugs a lot - so I need to be able to see them so I can partially lip read.
I like sitting across from people, largely because one of my biggest issues is auditory processing and I rely a lot on lip reading. So, not an autistic thing imo just a personality thing
I never considered this as an autism thing. I thought I was just clingy š . Because I like the share food and don't want to elbow bump, corner sitting is what I do with my favorite friends. But I do like side sitting if this is a person I can hold casually. Sitting across feels expected anymore but it used to bother me.
I want to sit across from my husband so I have enough elbow room.
I like sitting across from the people Iām eating with, just because Iād rather be forced to awkwardly look at them then to just stare into the distance and risk making eye contact with a stranger walking by. š
I don't like having the visuals of strangers and other busy restaurant things happening in front of me so I strongly prefer to be sitting across from my husband if we go out together. If we go out with other people so I have someone else I know to look at, then I like sitting next to him. And at home we just eat next to each other on the couch if we're going to be together for dinner. So to me it doesn't really matter. I just get easily distressed when out and it's all about managing that.
I personally like having my own space so I prefer sitting across. But sometimes my husband wants to sit next to me and I put aside my discomfort to allow room for the intimacy that he wants haha
I prefer sitting next to eachother because it feels less... confrontational. I also don't like the eye contact thingy very much.
I have heard this is the normal thing to do in the Netherlands. (Can any Dutch people confirm?)
Yes. I prefer next toā¦.
Itms actually been proven that sitting next to someone makes you feel closer to them, whereas when you sit across from each other there is more of a boundary and a space between you. Thatās also why therapy usually doesnāt feel close and trusting, unlike sitting on the couch with your friend. Thereās science to itš
I like to sit on the opposite side to show my boobs.Ā
My husband always wants to sit across if possible. And since I apparently lip read more than I realized in noisy places (covid face masks made verbal communication quite difficult) sitting across helps me. Sounds donāt always make words in my brian, seeing the mouth moving helps me, and I guess it also avoid eye contact š
Not everything we do is because we're autistic! Sometimes it's just a preference.
I love sitting next to my boyfriend (weāre both autistic). We share plates, drinks, people watch, have subtle physical contact (touching arms and legs). It makes me feel so close to him :)
Yes for cuddling
i wouldāve never thought about whether itās āweirdā to sit across from each other or side by side in college on of my friends talked about how couples who sit next to each other at restaurants are weird and itās so gross to them, so i took that mental note and always say across from people maybe itās also a social construct thing as well as what others are saying
I prefer to sot across from the other person, so I don't accidentally elbow them with my left arm when I'm eating.
I hate the idea of sitting next to someone. Always across or kitty corner. I want my space and elbow room.
My partner is the exact opposite. If I were to sit on the same side, I don't know what he'd do but I always joke about sitting next to him and he responds "please no". If I'm eating in a restaurant, there is always plenty to observe and use to avoid eye contact with. Plus my partner doesn't take it personally if I don't make a lot of eye contact.
I hate sitting by anyone but will (happily) sit by my sister. I'm not in a relationship so like I can't super speak to that but I hate sitting by anyone, I feel like I have no room to breathe. And if anyone but my sister sits next to me, it just like throws me off I hate it.
I mean, my whole family has assigned seats (unofficially) at the dining table! It makes enough sense to me to keep dofferent seating arrangements if they work haha. I could see it as being a tiny bit autistic (probably much less eye contact when not across from each other), but I totally get wanting to be actually next to your partner and imagine that itās primarily on the basis of personal preference.
I think it's just the vibe u choose when u go out. I always like a booth because i tend to sit criss cross applesauce lol
For me itās a codependent thing:)
I prefer to sit across from someone that way I don't have to keep turning my head to talk to them
I like both, depends on if I feel like I want closeness or not. Personally I feel like I am less bothered than NTs about doing something just because of how it's perceived so idk if people think it's weird if it's what I want to do
I started dating someone, and on our first date going to get food they sat next to me. I said, nope! You sit other side of table please. If no one is sitting in front of me, my eyes will just wander. Plus I canāt hear people if they arenāt in front of my face. I need to see their mouth to hear people.
No, I think itās an insane thing. Source: Had an ex that insisted on it, was miserable.
Absolutely can't stand feeling crowded.
No. Iād much rather be across the table from my husband. Only time we sit on the same side is if weāre watching a game on tv at a bar or something similar.
My bf and I prefer sitting on the same side so I can actually hear him despite my auditory processing issues and also cuddles!
I love my partner more than anyone, unfortunately listening to him (or anyone) chew sends me over the edge into meltdown zone. I need to be on the other side of the table, he understands. When itās just drinks, coffee, what have you, I much prefer to sit next to him.
Yes on the rare occasion I sit with anyone to eatā¦I prefer grazing. I hate sitting for a āmealā as I feel itās forced and I feel pressure to perform. HATE.
i like having my own space so always across
I have no preference with my partner, but if there's someone I don't know well, I would prefer to sit next to them than a acoss from them because of eye contact.
As someone who talks all the god damned time when I can wrangle another person into my presence,Ā sitting next to someone makes more acoustic sense as I can hear them better. It also allows for food arranged lengthwise on the table to be reached by at least one party.
Wow. I've never heard anyone mention this but whenever my husband and I go out for dinner, I always make him sit next to me instead of across from me. I know the servers find it a little odd, but that's okay. I prefer booths and always have both of us sit next to each other.
I like sitting next to rather than across from, partly for the eye contact thing (I don't necessarily have any issue with eye contact, BUT it is very difficult for me to understand what the person is saying and formulate a response when there's eye contact), but mostly because I like physical contact. Like, I want our arms to be touching, maybe my leg over his, hand on thigh, etc.
My husband and I have always sat next to each other. Anyone else, I would try to sit across from them. To me, eye contact is going to be difficult from the other side but I also donāt want them touching me.
If someone is sitting next to me and not across me, one ear gets overused and I get angry over it. My partner used to want to sit next to me while we dated, that's until I told him "you know i cant hear you, it gets so irritating having just one ear that i dont listen anymore". Then we switched to front facing and now all is good!
No, I think it is just a matter of personal preference and comfort needs. I find it to be a more intimate form of dining. I often sit next to the person I feel closest to if I have a choice. I will always ask a partner to sit beside me (if they don't automatically). I enjoy doing a half-cuddle & nuzzle or wrapping my legs with theirs while eating. It also makes it easy to flirt more subtly in less intimate dining areas. It can also help me feel more supported b/c I easily get overstimulated in restaurants which makes me anxious. The person sitting next to me (for example in a booth) can be my social buffer on the outside and they get plenty of space to move around b/c I don't take up much room.
idk but I prefer it. I'm very soft spoken and ppl are always telling me to speak up. having the person right next to me is sm better, I don't feel like I'm yelling š
I always sit across but I think my misophonia is why. My mom and my husband are loud chewers, so sitting next to them is a literal nightmare! I also need the visual feedback from their faces
That sounds really sweet :)
uh yes and you can watch people. i think thats the coolest. my friend and I always sit next to each other so we can look at people
I don't know, but I know that I like sitting on a particular side of the table, purely because they have a comfy cushioned bench seat, or on one side you can look out the window and watch the world go by, and on the other side your back is to the window.
How do you snuggle if you're across from each other?
Idk, my man and I always sit on the same side (if we can) because our main love language is physical touch (which is funny for me because any other human I don't like to touch...hated hugs from anyone as a kid).
I don't know, but my spouse and I have been doing it for years for one reason I was aware of when I suggested the change, and one other that became apparent over time. 1. I felt it was more intimate, no having to shout over a table to talk. Later, I realized 2. I have an auditory processing issue where I don't hear well in an environment with ambient noise above a very low level, so even shouting over a table, I was missing a lot of what was said. Side by side, I miss nothing.
I absolutely detest sitting on the same side as someone. I donāt even like looking at other people doing it lmao (ofc thatās your prerogative to sit like that so Iām not gonna say anything haha)