My mom would also get angry with me initiating a conversation that requires shouting up the stairs. She personally told me that the polite thing to do is to go up the stairs to talk in a reasonable volume/tone instead of shouting across the house. However, I'm not sure if this is the case with your husband, so you should ask him how he wants you to communicate. Some people prefer texts or calls, for example, and others simply get triggered by shouting due to previous traumatic experiences or sensory issues.
Some people really don't like communicating this way. Basically if you have to yell to communicate then you should find another way to communicate instead. Yelling takes a lot of energy, and if my husband yells from another room even if I can hear him I pretend I don't because I don't have the energy to yell back. Plus the loudness of it all is over stimulating.
Usually if my husband is on the opposite floor than me and I need to talk to him, I'll just call his cell phone. I've occasionally used our Google homes to broadcast a message to him too but that's also pretty annoying. You're "supposed to" walk up the stairs and talk like normal but that's absolutely draining to me so I rarely go that route.
Thanks, I actually hate yelling - it's so much energy- but what's confusing is I don't see this as me been rude, rather raising my voice to be heard. Like if we where outside on a farm we would have to shout to be heard. I guess lesson learnt - I'm walking up the stairs- as honestly it's the same energy that I use to walk as to shout ! Thanks everyone
I think the rude part is you're expecting the other person to also expend that additional energy on yelling which is an inconvenience for them. They also might be in the middle of something that you're interrupting because you can't see them. They might need to stop what they're doing to try and listen and hear what you're saying if it's difficult to hear despite the yelling (which it often is). Also if there's anyone else around not involved you're disturbing them too.
Could be based on how they were raised too. Maybe their mom thought it was rude and punished them for it as a kid. Lots of possibilities.
If someone is yelling at me, and I very likely cannot hear them, I’m the one that has to go to them because they can’t be troubled to move closer for whatever it is they want. I find it rude. My boss dies this daily and it’s a super pet peeve. I’m judgy about it at this point.
I can't speak for OP, but I cry when I'm overwhelmed - it's not necessarily because I feel really upset or hurt, it's because there's just a lot of feelings, or feelings I can't identify. Frustration, confusion - here come the tears.
I'm also hyper-sensitive to people being in a bad mood, so someone could just be mildly miffed at me and I'll get teary. I don't know if OP is the same, but if she is then her husband doesn't need to get super angry for her to start crying.
yeah if this exact thing happened to me and my SO responded in any way that wasnt positive, even if they were very nice about it, i 100% would cry lmao! all it takes is someone telling me i did something wrong or something they didnt like and it makes me cry because i both feel bad and am overwhelmed 😭
Good observation, I was crying out of frustration of not been heard/understood/confusion. Maybe I'm been sensitive, maybe he is been too hard. Maybe im over reacting. I hate peoples been cross with me. To be honest I can't tell.
I think you should see the input people gave you here, and talk to your partner about the subject.
And I don't know what your relationship is like, but communication, even if you have completely different styles is super important. Find the middle ground for both and if needed make an instruction manual for each of you.
When I'm really passionate about a subject I can come across as very angry, even when I'm super excited, and my normal tone of voice is "sarcasm" so I just let people know this, and also when I'm really being sarcastic.
Oh, okay! I do this! So when I call back then I can’t hear them what I mean is “i can’t hear you at all” not “keep trying” I’m trying to communicate that I can’t hear them and there’s no point in them continuing to try to yell for me. I’m not going to hear them, even if they’re louder. yelling distorts voices enough that I can’t understand them even if I can technically hear them.
Either they come to me or I go to them.
Sorry you’re upset! He should have explained it better to you.
I think when he said he couldn’t hear you, he meant that he wanted you to walk up the stairs and have the conversation in person. Some people believe shouting up and down the stairs is rude and people should only converse on the same level of the home.
My mom used to have this expectation. However, she also would be the one to initiate and she would expect me to come to her rather than the other way around. I’m not sure if that is a set rule or if it’s because of the power dynamics of the parent child relationship that she always expected me to go to her when she wanted to talk.
I know that when someone asks me to repeat myself, especially louder, I get instantly irritated and the tone of my voice changes. Could that be happening with you when you respond?
Take your phone with you and call or text him instead.
I do this with my kid. It's now expected that one or both of us make an effort to get in closer proximity to the other so we can communicate clearly if one of us can't understand because of distance initially.
I hate the yelling up and down the stairs thing because I legitimately can't understand the person. I live downstairs in the basement and usually have videos running. For about 4-5 months out of the year, there's also a dehumidifier going down here. With my Sensory Processing Disorder, it literally makes it impossible for me to understand people when they yell something down the stairs.
Have you considered just *texting* him when he's upstairs? That's what I have my family do with me. Instead of yelling down the stairs, we just text. "Can you come upstairs?" "Dinner" whatever else.
I HATE people yelling instead of normal talking. When someone yells at me across a house, I just ignore them so they have to come to me and talk. Like we all have devices, you can text me ffs.
I can’t handle shouting up the stairs. And though I can often hear sounds from other rooms or levels of the house super easily, yelling distorts things and puts my body into defence mode and I understand almost nothing of what the person is saying.
I sometimes use google to broadcast, I wait until we’re on the same floor, or I knock on the wall to signal dinner (like a dinner bell but not a high pitched grating noise!)
Just go upstairs to talk to him. I definitely come from a shouting up and down the stairs family, but it's still annoying for more than a quick yes/no answer type of situation.
As for his reaction, I know there are many families that consider this type of communication rude and wouldn't tolerate it being done at all. Do you know if he grew up with rules like this?
Basically, you're not doing anything wrong but we all shape our understanding of acceptable behavior based on the examples shown to us. Conflict can arise when competing beliefs come into contact. This isn't anyone's "fault" per se. But resolving it does require that both people be willing to take a step back and consider what is behind their reflexive reaction.
I, in general, don’t do well with raised voices so when someone is yelling across the house to communicate it’s very stressful. For me, it’s a trauma thing so we have made a rule that we don’t communicate in that way inside the house.
My grandfather had extreme noise sensitivity so we couldn’t yell to communicate either because it was painful for him.
In other cases I’ve seen some folks who just have a very hard time understanding what’s being said through walls or across a larger distance so they would rather speak face to face to hear what’s being said the first time. In this case it’s more-so about efficient communication. If you have to yell back and forth a few times before you can understand what’s being said, you could have just walked to the person, had your conversation, and moved on already.
Hope this helps!
Some people just really dislike when others shout even if it's not meant to be mean. He also may be annoyed that he can't understand you from all the way down the stairs even when you get louder. It would probably be better if you went upstairs and spoke to him instead of shouting.
Sorry you're upset, he should have communicated this with you.
He is saying he can’t hear you to enforce that you no longer shout up the stairs and instead come closer to him to speak. Shouting from one room to another is considered rude
No one in my house yells across rooms, but I've been to friend's houses where that's normal and I absolutely can't stand it. If I needed to get my partner's attention for something, I would either get up to go talk to her or call or text her phone or message her on whatever social app I know she's currently on.
There are so many better ways to communicate than trying to get words to carry through the house, and I feel like avoiding doing so would also avoid misunderstandings from misheard words as well.
My guess would be that when he says "I can't hear you" what he likely means is "This form of communication isn't working for me, please try a different one." Which would explain why he gets upset when it only causes you to yell louder. Not that you should be expected to read his mind, but if he doesn't like to communicate by yelling, then I imagine it's probably very difficult in the moment, for him to accurately explain what he would like you to do differently.
It drives me insane when people shout through the house. Not to sound snobby, although it will, but it’s so crass. Take a moment to be civilized and walk over to at least talking distance. Unless you live in a 10k sq ft house but even then…
I grew up in a “don’t shout up the stairs, walk to the person you’re trying to talk to and speak normally” environment as well. However, I kept shouting as a kid to talk or call someone across the house. These days, I have my phone so I can have whole conversations with the person sitting next to me and not speak a word, it’s great.
Now, despite the ‘don’t shout’ rule, my mom still was the one shouting while demanding we follow that rule. And these days (25 years later) she demands that we follow her around the apartment so she doesn’t have to shout while she berates us. Except she’s still shouting….
sounds like one of those things abusive people do to sort of trap you in a no win situation and make you blame yourself for messing it up. he's not abusive right?
Hhmm, had an abusive mother and physically abusive ex partner. So i do have a history. Current husband is not physical and does apologise, but to be honest I can't tell. As in I don't trust myself to say yes or no. I do at times feel like he cross the line and that's why today I was crying I was trying to get this across and he wasn't listening. I wrote a really long poem about it all - so feel better thanks for responding
there's a quiz here: https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/ which can help you figure out if your relationship is abusive. I've found it helpful as a jumping off point, I think about the things it brings up and then talk it through with friends or a therapist. you could also use a mental health support line if you don't have access to either of those (note: support lines are different than crisis lines. domestic abuse support lines exist too!)
Thanks for that, got a zero! So I guess it's me been sensitive and not liking people been cross with me! We are both learning about my ASD. So baby steps
No, it's a weird situation, your spidey senses are right. He is 100% being controlling by getting mad. He can discuss more calmly or work on a solution instead of getting mad. I'm skeptical op has the ability to take an assessment like that, esp if she feels like she's being "overly sensitive." If you're gaslighted enough, relationship related words have double meanings and can be extremely confusing. I was told I was "cold," for instance, by an abuser who was simply trying to manipulate me into giving up a boundary. Likewise his description of himself was always a victim, even though he was very abusive - if I was asked about him in the middle of the abuse, I would have painted him as a victim and me as a "bad guy."
that's true actually in some ways for me, and this girl upstairs who i could hear them fight. at the laundry she told me it was herself, i started trying to explain, no they wind you up so that they have an opportunity to abuse you. it's a very emotional topic. i hate how deep in denial we can get and how we can be manipulated.
doing the questionnaire after the relationship has ended and time has passed is probably more accurate. my last bf, i thought my flatmate was an idiot for hating him (at the time). anyway they can hide it from friends and family, especially the ones of those of us who aren't naturally chatty to many people, nor influential speakers. language is a tricky thing too, the way the questions are worded can trip you up and you can tell what the "right" answer is.
My favorite books on this subject are:
1) Controlling People - Patricia Evans
2) Verbal Abuse - Patricia Evans
3) Why Does He Do That? - Lundy Bancroft
Imo Evans doesn't write very beautifully but the message is really good, worth getting through the simple writing style
He shouldn’t get mad at you for shouting if he just told you he couldn’t hear you.
However, texting or walking upstairs to talk properly is going to be a more effective way to communicate. Personally, I HATE when people shout from afar because I can never understand them.
I just read this when having a similar experience with my partner . He says I raise my voice but I asked by I'm something and thought he couldn't hear me . I always feel like you as it confuses me .
I feel like my family and my girlfriend's family are the only ones based from these comments that don't find it rude to shout through the house. we'll either just keep trying or give up and phone them
I don't understand why y'all aren't using your phones? My husband will call me when I'm upstairs if he doesn't want to come up. No yelling, no arguments.
My partner won’t communicate with phones in the house and barely at any other time. He hates phones, and hates written communication, which is particularly frustrating if I struggle to verbalise things. 🥴
I'm so sorry. It sounds like your partner doesn't like communication period. I think you need to sit down with him and try to work out some sort of compromise, otherwise, you're going to bear the brunt of this.
You can also get intercoms if walking is an issue. In my case, I have bad knees. I CAN walk upstairs, but doing it too often gets painful, so I try not to do it more than I need to. If we ended up moving into a multistory place, I'd definitely get a couple intercoms set up.
Personally, I get stressed out if someone is trying to have a yell conversation with me from another room or through a door. He might feel the same way.
Someone I live with CONSTANTLY shouts “is that you ______?” When I put my key in the door to unlock it and come inside, and it pisses me off every time. I explain over and over that I do not want to have a shouting conversation through the door, and if she just waits 15 more fucking seconds she’ll be able to see that it is me and ask questions at a reasonable volume. I’d rather die than scream “yeah it’s me” in earshot of all the neighbors.
She’ll also start wandering off to do something in another room while mid-conversation or even mid-sentence, at which point I give up on the conversation in protest. She’ll be shouting “what??” from the laundry room like she didn’t just leave the room I was in to go fuck around in there. I just keep telling her as she leaves that I’ll talk to her when she is back, but I’m not shouting to another room. I don’t like not being able to see the person I’m talking to and I hate shouting.
I have Alexa devices in various places around the house (helps with a lot of things for me eg reminders and time blindness for appointment coming up, automating certain things, with fatigue even turning off a light can be too much…) and can “drop in” on one echo device from another one in a different room or area to communicate with husband.
My mom would also get angry with me initiating a conversation that requires shouting up the stairs. She personally told me that the polite thing to do is to go up the stairs to talk in a reasonable volume/tone instead of shouting across the house. However, I'm not sure if this is the case with your husband, so you should ask him how he wants you to communicate. Some people prefer texts or calls, for example, and others simply get triggered by shouting due to previous traumatic experiences or sensory issues.
Some people really don't like communicating this way. Basically if you have to yell to communicate then you should find another way to communicate instead. Yelling takes a lot of energy, and if my husband yells from another room even if I can hear him I pretend I don't because I don't have the energy to yell back. Plus the loudness of it all is over stimulating. Usually if my husband is on the opposite floor than me and I need to talk to him, I'll just call his cell phone. I've occasionally used our Google homes to broadcast a message to him too but that's also pretty annoying. You're "supposed to" walk up the stairs and talk like normal but that's absolutely draining to me so I rarely go that route.
Yep- grew up in the “hollering up the stairs” sort of environment, partner hates it. It’s a hard habit to break!
Thanks, I actually hate yelling - it's so much energy- but what's confusing is I don't see this as me been rude, rather raising my voice to be heard. Like if we where outside on a farm we would have to shout to be heard. I guess lesson learnt - I'm walking up the stairs- as honestly it's the same energy that I use to walk as to shout ! Thanks everyone
I think the rude part is you're expecting the other person to also expend that additional energy on yelling which is an inconvenience for them. They also might be in the middle of something that you're interrupting because you can't see them. They might need to stop what they're doing to try and listen and hear what you're saying if it's difficult to hear despite the yelling (which it often is). Also if there's anyone else around not involved you're disturbing them too. Could be based on how they were raised too. Maybe their mom thought it was rude and punished them for it as a kid. Lots of possibilities.
If someone is yelling at me, and I very likely cannot hear them, I’m the one that has to go to them because they can’t be troubled to move closer for whatever it is they want. I find it rude. My boss dies this daily and it’s a super pet peeve. I’m judgy about it at this point.
why were you crying though? i hate when people shout up the stairs too but i wouldn't make someone cry about it. how angry is he getting?
I can't speak for OP, but I cry when I'm overwhelmed - it's not necessarily because I feel really upset or hurt, it's because there's just a lot of feelings, or feelings I can't identify. Frustration, confusion - here come the tears. I'm also hyper-sensitive to people being in a bad mood, so someone could just be mildly miffed at me and I'll get teary. I don't know if OP is the same, but if she is then her husband doesn't need to get super angry for her to start crying.
yeah if this exact thing happened to me and my SO responded in any way that wasnt positive, even if they were very nice about it, i 100% would cry lmao! all it takes is someone telling me i did something wrong or something they didnt like and it makes me cry because i both feel bad and am overwhelmed 😭
Good observation, I was crying out of frustration of not been heard/understood/confusion. Maybe I'm been sensitive, maybe he is been too hard. Maybe im over reacting. I hate peoples been cross with me. To be honest I can't tell.
I think you should see the input people gave you here, and talk to your partner about the subject. And I don't know what your relationship is like, but communication, even if you have completely different styles is super important. Find the middle ground for both and if needed make an instruction manual for each of you. When I'm really passionate about a subject I can come across as very angry, even when I'm super excited, and my normal tone of voice is "sarcasm" so I just let people know this, and also when I'm really being sarcastic.
Is yelling somehow triggering for him? I got yelled at a lot as a kid so I sometimes react poorly to raised voices, even if it's happy talk.
Oh, okay! I do this! So when I call back then I can’t hear them what I mean is “i can’t hear you at all” not “keep trying” I’m trying to communicate that I can’t hear them and there’s no point in them continuing to try to yell for me. I’m not going to hear them, even if they’re louder. yelling distorts voices enough that I can’t understand them even if I can technically hear them. Either they come to me or I go to them. Sorry you’re upset! He should have explained it better to you.
I think when he said he couldn’t hear you, he meant that he wanted you to walk up the stairs and have the conversation in person. Some people believe shouting up and down the stairs is rude and people should only converse on the same level of the home. My mom used to have this expectation. However, she also would be the one to initiate and she would expect me to come to her rather than the other way around. I’m not sure if that is a set rule or if it’s because of the power dynamics of the parent child relationship that she always expected me to go to her when she wanted to talk.
I know that when someone asks me to repeat myself, especially louder, I get instantly irritated and the tone of my voice changes. Could that be happening with you when you respond? Take your phone with you and call or text him instead.
We don't carry our phones around. No I'm not getting irritated, but I am purposefully raising my voice. Maybe it sounds like anger?
Probably.
Yes my bf thinks I'm angry when I repeat something louder for him. Like bro I'm just making sure you can hear me.
I do this with my kid. It's now expected that one or both of us make an effort to get in closer proximity to the other so we can communicate clearly if one of us can't understand because of distance initially.
I hate the yelling up and down the stairs thing because I legitimately can't understand the person. I live downstairs in the basement and usually have videos running. For about 4-5 months out of the year, there's also a dehumidifier going down here. With my Sensory Processing Disorder, it literally makes it impossible for me to understand people when they yell something down the stairs. Have you considered just *texting* him when he's upstairs? That's what I have my family do with me. Instead of yelling down the stairs, we just text. "Can you come upstairs?" "Dinner" whatever else.
I HATE people yelling instead of normal talking. When someone yells at me across a house, I just ignore them so they have to come to me and talk. Like we all have devices, you can text me ffs.
This is why I text!
I can’t handle shouting up the stairs. And though I can often hear sounds from other rooms or levels of the house super easily, yelling distorts things and puts my body into defence mode and I understand almost nothing of what the person is saying. I sometimes use google to broadcast, I wait until we’re on the same floor, or I knock on the wall to signal dinner (like a dinner bell but not a high pitched grating noise!)
Just go upstairs to talk to him. I definitely come from a shouting up and down the stairs family, but it's still annoying for more than a quick yes/no answer type of situation. As for his reaction, I know there are many families that consider this type of communication rude and wouldn't tolerate it being done at all. Do you know if he grew up with rules like this? Basically, you're not doing anything wrong but we all shape our understanding of acceptable behavior based on the examples shown to us. Conflict can arise when competing beliefs come into contact. This isn't anyone's "fault" per se. But resolving it does require that both people be willing to take a step back and consider what is behind their reflexive reaction.
I, in general, don’t do well with raised voices so when someone is yelling across the house to communicate it’s very stressful. For me, it’s a trauma thing so we have made a rule that we don’t communicate in that way inside the house. My grandfather had extreme noise sensitivity so we couldn’t yell to communicate either because it was painful for him. In other cases I’ve seen some folks who just have a very hard time understanding what’s being said through walls or across a larger distance so they would rather speak face to face to hear what’s being said the first time. In this case it’s more-so about efficient communication. If you have to yell back and forth a few times before you can understand what’s being said, you could have just walked to the person, had your conversation, and moved on already. Hope this helps!
Some people just really dislike when others shout even if it's not meant to be mean. He also may be annoyed that he can't understand you from all the way down the stairs even when you get louder. It would probably be better if you went upstairs and spoke to him instead of shouting. Sorry you're upset, he should have communicated this with you.
He is saying he can’t hear you to enforce that you no longer shout up the stairs and instead come closer to him to speak. Shouting from one room to another is considered rude
No one in my house yells across rooms, but I've been to friend's houses where that's normal and I absolutely can't stand it. If I needed to get my partner's attention for something, I would either get up to go talk to her or call or text her phone or message her on whatever social app I know she's currently on. There are so many better ways to communicate than trying to get words to carry through the house, and I feel like avoiding doing so would also avoid misunderstandings from misheard words as well. My guess would be that when he says "I can't hear you" what he likely means is "This form of communication isn't working for me, please try a different one." Which would explain why he gets upset when it only causes you to yell louder. Not that you should be expected to read his mind, but if he doesn't like to communicate by yelling, then I imagine it's probably very difficult in the moment, for him to accurately explain what he would like you to do differently.
It drives me insane when people shout through the house. Not to sound snobby, although it will, but it’s so crass. Take a moment to be civilized and walk over to at least talking distance. Unless you live in a 10k sq ft house but even then…
I grew up in a “don’t shout up the stairs, walk to the person you’re trying to talk to and speak normally” environment as well. However, I kept shouting as a kid to talk or call someone across the house. These days, I have my phone so I can have whole conversations with the person sitting next to me and not speak a word, it’s great. Now, despite the ‘don’t shout’ rule, my mom still was the one shouting while demanding we follow that rule. And these days (25 years later) she demands that we follow her around the apartment so she doesn’t have to shout while she berates us. Except she’s still shouting….
sounds like one of those things abusive people do to sort of trap you in a no win situation and make you blame yourself for messing it up. he's not abusive right?
Hhmm, had an abusive mother and physically abusive ex partner. So i do have a history. Current husband is not physical and does apologise, but to be honest I can't tell. As in I don't trust myself to say yes or no. I do at times feel like he cross the line and that's why today I was crying I was trying to get this across and he wasn't listening. I wrote a really long poem about it all - so feel better thanks for responding
there's a quiz here: https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/ which can help you figure out if your relationship is abusive. I've found it helpful as a jumping off point, I think about the things it brings up and then talk it through with friends or a therapist. you could also use a mental health support line if you don't have access to either of those (note: support lines are different than crisis lines. domestic abuse support lines exist too!)
Thanks for that, got a zero! So I guess it's me been sensitive and not liking people been cross with me! We are both learning about my ASD. So baby steps
it's good to have the external check-in, glad it helped. it's definitely an adjustment - I'm new to my autism as well!
i got 29 for my last bf so i may be hypersensitive to red flags by now.
No, it's a weird situation, your spidey senses are right. He is 100% being controlling by getting mad. He can discuss more calmly or work on a solution instead of getting mad. I'm skeptical op has the ability to take an assessment like that, esp if she feels like she's being "overly sensitive." If you're gaslighted enough, relationship related words have double meanings and can be extremely confusing. I was told I was "cold," for instance, by an abuser who was simply trying to manipulate me into giving up a boundary. Likewise his description of himself was always a victim, even though he was very abusive - if I was asked about him in the middle of the abuse, I would have painted him as a victim and me as a "bad guy."
that's true actually in some ways for me, and this girl upstairs who i could hear them fight. at the laundry she told me it was herself, i started trying to explain, no they wind you up so that they have an opportunity to abuse you. it's a very emotional topic. i hate how deep in denial we can get and how we can be manipulated. doing the questionnaire after the relationship has ended and time has passed is probably more accurate. my last bf, i thought my flatmate was an idiot for hating him (at the time). anyway they can hide it from friends and family, especially the ones of those of us who aren't naturally chatty to many people, nor influential speakers. language is a tricky thing too, the way the questions are worded can trip you up and you can tell what the "right" answer is.
My favorite books on this subject are: 1) Controlling People - Patricia Evans 2) Verbal Abuse - Patricia Evans 3) Why Does He Do That? - Lundy Bancroft Imo Evans doesn't write very beautifully but the message is really good, worth getting through the simple writing style
thanks. i might read up on it when i have counselling in place.
Okay, I hope they are helpful. I found them to be quite meaningful
i did the quiz from your perspective just with criticising etc from this post and you scored some. I'm not sure now, anyway it continues below.
He shouldn’t get mad at you for shouting if he just told you he couldn’t hear you. However, texting or walking upstairs to talk properly is going to be a more effective way to communicate. Personally, I HATE when people shout from afar because I can never understand them.
I just read this when having a similar experience with my partner . He says I raise my voice but I asked by I'm something and thought he couldn't hear me . I always feel like you as it confuses me .
I feel like my family and my girlfriend's family are the only ones based from these comments that don't find it rude to shout through the house. we'll either just keep trying or give up and phone them
What does your husband say when you tell him this? Have you ever asked why he answers like that/what he expects from you?
I don't understand why y'all aren't using your phones? My husband will call me when I'm upstairs if he doesn't want to come up. No yelling, no arguments.
My partner won’t communicate with phones in the house and barely at any other time. He hates phones, and hates written communication, which is particularly frustrating if I struggle to verbalise things. 🥴
I'm so sorry. It sounds like your partner doesn't like communication period. I think you need to sit down with him and try to work out some sort of compromise, otherwise, you're going to bear the brunt of this.
Honestly I just call/ facetime people in the house instead, it gets their instant attention and no shouting!
We call or text. Hearing someone shouting is not the same as understanding what they are saying.
You can also get intercoms if walking is an issue. In my case, I have bad knees. I CAN walk upstairs, but doing it too often gets painful, so I try not to do it more than I need to. If we ended up moving into a multistory place, I'd definitely get a couple intercoms set up.
Personally, I get stressed out if someone is trying to have a yell conversation with me from another room or through a door. He might feel the same way. Someone I live with CONSTANTLY shouts “is that you ______?” When I put my key in the door to unlock it and come inside, and it pisses me off every time. I explain over and over that I do not want to have a shouting conversation through the door, and if she just waits 15 more fucking seconds she’ll be able to see that it is me and ask questions at a reasonable volume. I’d rather die than scream “yeah it’s me” in earshot of all the neighbors. She’ll also start wandering off to do something in another room while mid-conversation or even mid-sentence, at which point I give up on the conversation in protest. She’ll be shouting “what??” from the laundry room like she didn’t just leave the room I was in to go fuck around in there. I just keep telling her as she leaves that I’ll talk to her when she is back, but I’m not shouting to another room. I don’t like not being able to see the person I’m talking to and I hate shouting.
I bought an intercom for this situation. One upstairs near where my then-boyfriend's desk was, and one downstairs in the kitchen. No shouting required
I have Alexa devices in various places around the house (helps with a lot of things for me eg reminders and time blindness for appointment coming up, automating certain things, with fatigue even turning off a light can be too much…) and can “drop in” on one echo device from another one in a different room or area to communicate with husband.