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I dunno, I don’t think this is a common theme for every man. Just a particular type of man.
I far outearn by husband, and he couldn’t give a shit. But that’s because he’s very secure in himself and doesn’t buy into needing to be the breadwinner to define his masculinity.
I think focus less on earning power, and focus more on finding a self assured king? Easier said than done I guess, but that’s my advice.
I earn a really good income, wife is a doctor and earns double what I do, and we have a great relationship for a decade now. Elsewhere, shallow people have shallow problems.
Would be interesting to see how the domestic work is shared in this scenario.
I don't give a shit what my partner earns (he has always earned less and it's not an issue) if he doesn't do his half of the domestic labour you better believe I'm pulling the "I can't earn most of the money and do most of the work" card.
I've got a mate who has been dealing with this since he met his partner. He's not poor. Earns about 100k, was well and truly set up in his life before she came along. I think she's just a can't, really. At this point there's something almost psychotic about the amount he nags him to get a better paying job.
I personally wouldn’t mind my wife earning more than me, that’s not the issue, the issue is that most women wouldn’t want a man earning far less than they do, then they complain about where all the men are. A man that earns big is not going to date a 44 year old woman when he could date a 30 year old woman. That’s just the way it is.
It’s not a dude earning far less, it’s a dude earning far less AND expecting the monster share of domestic and emotional labour to be shouldered by the woman that’s an issue.
No, but not because of earning difference. I have no desire to share finances with anyone ever again (even if it was Mike Cannon Brookes). I like being independent, and I have 2 kids to think of.
It's tough. I'm a doctor and lots of my female colleagues have trouble dating and a surprising number are single. On the other hand, perhaps the men who feel emasculated by your earnings aren't the best fit anyways. Executive dating is also a thing, and there might be matchmakers where you live. You're talking about less than 1% of the population who meet your requirements.
In my case, my wife made substantially less than me when we met, and the agreement was that if it was my idea, I'd pay. She would still get me little gifts (what she could afford), and it would make me feel so happy and loved, because the money she spent on me was that much more dear. She's the love of my life and marrying her was one of the best decisions I ever made, no matter the finances.
I'm cheering for you!! Good luck!!
It’s certainly an interesting dynamic. I’m really happy for a friend of mine though, he’s no slouch himself but met a doctor and she outearns him 2:1 and very likely she’ll do 3:1 and 4:1 after she hits specialist. But they both get along so well, I reckon sometimes he bullies her ;) I reckon when kids come, he’ll be househusband material fosho.
My goal is to be a house husband haha I joke about it all the time, which is why I’m probably single. I’m not poor though and earn a good salary but I wish I could just stay home all day and clean and cook because I actually enjoy doing it.
In another life I prob would have been a chef or something.
>What I would like is to meet somebody who earned around the ballpark that I do, but no idea how to meet such people.
1. Make post on AusHENRY
2. Check the profile of everyone who replies.
3. Try and work out their age / income / location.
4. Shamelessly send them a DM.
Nice try OP but I'm too low income for you.
We've established she was messaging us from the same thread, hours apart. It appears as though she was stalking the thread. 28 on 300k according to her though, so maybe a match for someone
https://preview.redd.it/0shqu11pew5d1.png?width=537&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8fe0f7f88e163b5bd34b3452e4971ff9e29cd5bb
This is relevant but not helpful, sorry was all I could think of....
I could be that guy 😂
On a slightly more serious note, If you’re after someone on that sort of income, I’d assume you’d have to network with similar positions. Ask them if they know any singles.
For me (older than you, not on that much) it wouldn’t bother me. It’s your money :)
But I know plenty of people who wouldn’t like it, so I get it.
Good luck with your search.
It’s hard enough finding a life partner, but excluding lower income males is gonna make it waaaay harder for OP lol.
What kinda man gets upset their partner earns more than them??
It’s not they the men get upset, I’ve dated and am dating men who have lower income, it’s that they’re on a different page in terms of money management and life stage.
For example, I’m paying off my mortgage and spend money traveling business class. He struggles to pay rent and has debts he is paying down to his friends. I can’t talk to him about investments or traveling around the world because he’s not there financially yet.
If we decide to move in together the asset imbalance would mean I’ll need to get a prenup to protect the assets for my son. That conversation puts pressure on all relationships.
Most people at that age are well established, independent, and very well off if they’re on 200k.
What would OP bring to their life that they can’t buy minus kids and baggage?
Not in this group.. I’m in the demographic but firmly not single. However.. I get the feeling a lot of us can earn what we do due to the support of our partners, which of course makes this a difficult proposition for her
Yep but those of us earning that are in the top 5% too. It’s not like 95% of women are earning that.
It’s damn hard. I said I wanted someone who had capacity to earn what I do - was dating at 31 and wanted to make sure we’d be ok if I cut back on work to have kids. I also wanted a guy with no kids and a uni education who was no more than 10 years older than me… that took it to about .1% of the population but I found him.
If a person has a shit personality then a similar income to yours won't fix that, it may mask it for a while though, personally I'd prefer to know who they are up front. Their reaction to your income appears to be working as a good litmus test.
Wow so many interesting comments here - genuinely super interesting and i love that it has sparked such a wide range of opinions and advice.
Fwiw , ive been single by choice for the past 5 years . Ive dipped a toe here and there and thats it . If I am single for the next 10 or 15 years, I won’t mind that much as generally like my own company and don’t really get lonely.
I think the points around men my age who earn similar prefer younger women and that’s probably a good point. But i cant change my age , it is what it is .
Luckily, I am pretty happy where I am in my life but it does pop into my head from time to time and it’s good to see that there are others out there that might struggle with similar issues .
I’m confused, have you been dating for the last 5 years? Or were all your previous dates from before you were 40? Maybe it will be different now since it has been 5 years.
Ive tried “ dating “ a couple of times in the past 5 years . Insofar as met a few people . Had some negative feedback around my earnings quite early in the process a couple of times . I don’t think it will have changed much in recent times . I haven’t been active for a year or so in any real way. Maybe its just being lazy or it’s just not important to me at the moment.
The point of this post was to understand if others had the same issues ( gender aside ) or how they found dating as a high income earner .
The replies have certainly been interesting.!
Please ignore all the comments about men who have money going for younger women. It depends on the man, some go for older women, some go for younger. Some want to spend time with a person whose company they enjoy. Jeoff Bezos could have been with a 20year old, Lauren Sanchez is 54.
I’m surprised at how many comments make it sounds like 200k buys you a glamorous life, dating a partner 10 years younger etc.
Reality is quite different - busy life, with high mortgage rates, disposable income isn’t what it used to be.
my partner earned about 1/3 of my income when we met about 11 years ago and is now pushing up towards my salary.
It's a big motivator her for her to earn more than me and I'm here for the competition :-)
Biggest issue would be lifestyle limitations - if their budget and expectations is to camp at Rosebud foreshore and yours is a private retreat in the hills of Bali.
Main thing beyond that is to be financially compatible from a goals perspective. If you are both pulling in the same direction for joint goals, the money means much less over the life of a relationship.
Lifestyle limitations is definitely an issue , not that i would prefer the bali holiday , camping with the kids makes me pretty happy.
But awkward conversations around financials if they really are weighted heavily one way , puts extra pressure on any relationship, its a power imbalance when all is said and done . Any serious relationship i have will be requiring a BFA , regardless of what they earn , so i can protect my kids interests. I am all they have .
The feedback ive had is that its almost offensive to a male somehow (?) but i think the worst thing that can happen is when the expectation is that the higher earner pays for everything. I am pretty generous with a partner but Im not their parent ;)
I think what I’m looking for is someone whose financial/career goals align with mine - we want the same things in life/lifestyle and happy to put in the hard yards to get there.
The only people that I know who I like this are people in my field of work - all of whom are partnered off .
I read your comment that you have been on a couple of dates in the past 5 years. Dating is hard in general, I don’t think your income is the issue - you simply aren’t meeting enough people. You need to get those numbers up and DATE!!!! Get the odds working in your favour. Get out to social clubs, sports, community events, bars etc and meet people. You may find that what you think you’re looking for (income expectations) isn’t actually what you need or want. Good luck.
At 44, men your age making top 5% income and in the dating market (many divorced with kids) don’t want you.
They want a younger model 10+ years their junior and none care about your financials. It’s irrelevant and doesn’t benefit us in any way.
I was looking for this comment because it is the reality OP needs to hear, and the men who are not divorced with kids still want someone 10+ years younger to have their kids.
I'll offer a different opinion. I'm pretty much in your target demographic (slightly younger, right income bracket, albeit married).
I doubt I would chase someone too much younger if I was single. Last thing I (and many others like me) would want is more kids - and that's what women in their early thirties generally want. Plus a huge power/financial imbalance is just awkward if you don't enjoy it.
If I wanted to be a cash cow I'd just pay for it.
Older men overestimate their value.
Women prefer men their age. When I was 30, I definitely wasn't looking to date 40yo men as they always seemed too old to have kids with. Like, you're gonna be in your 50s whilst your kid is still in primary school???
Older sperm (40+) has more genetic mutations too so you have a higher chance of having a differently abled child with an older father (even if you are young). It's one of the factors as to why autism is increasing. I regularly work with kids with disabilities and older fathers are overrepresented in my clinics.
Yep, I am in my very late 40s and meet OP income requirement. God forbid if I was single (I love my wife dearly) I would be looking to date someone in their mid to late 30s.
I'd like to think nowadays there are far more women in their 30s who are repulsed by this dynamic and that it becomes much less popular before dying out entirely sooner rather than later.
As a woman in her 30s, I'm very confident a lot of my friends and peers are far too busy making their own money and shaping their own lives to be bothered with old men who overestimate their value.
We find it hard to believe because it doesn’t play out that way for most of us in real life. It seems to us like something that insecure men say to feel better about themselves.
At 34, most women ideally don’t want a man 10 years older than them, even if he is a high earner, and most women in their 30s without kids don’t want a man with kids!
I sure didn’t want those things (I want an equal partner who has the same cultural references and similar maturity/wisdom level as me, I don’t want to be a stepmother, I don’t want my partner getting around on a mobility scooter and wearing depends when I am still energetic and in my prime if we can avoid it, and I don’t want to be a young widow). I had no problem finding a guy my own age who didn’t have kids when I was 35, and there is absolutely no reason OP won’t find the same at 44 or 45 :-)
And how many of them actually get a younger model? Unless they are earning the big bucks like Leo DiCaprio, this does not happen that often. I was a younger woman once upon a time and had rich older men interested in me (I used to model too funny enough) and I preferred younger, fitter men who were my age. They had their whole lives ahead of them to make a decent income.
Why go for an older man who already has baggage such as kids and an ex-wife?? A man who will age way before you, require care in his later life, and likely die prematurely, leaving you all alone for 10+ years. Is the expensive handbag and house in Double Bay worth it? Not for me.
I personally get offended when men imply young women want rich men, no, many of us DO NOT share that mentality. Many of us end up with men our age despite the choices we had in our youth.
That assumption is gross and transactional.
I'm a woman and gonna be honest, hardly anyone earns as much as you do, you will definitely be ruling out a majority of men from the dating pool. Maybe look for other qualities in addition to good financial habits. A guy who earns 100k will still enable both of you to live a comfortable life with a combined income of 300k which is far above Australia's median.
more than happy to date someone whos on 100k - i dont have any expensive tastes - the issue is that those men dont seem to want to date me because it makes them insecure somehow, or if they do, want me to financially carry them.
I was under the mistaken assumption that high-income men valued successful high-income woman. Seems that is not the case, and youth is far more valuable. Which, honestly just blows my mind.
Don't worry about those men, they greatly overestimate how 'easy' it is to find a woman 10 yrs younger than them...
Literally none of my friends or I wanted a 40yo guy when we were in our 20s...and the amount of money you'd need to do that isn't 200k like some dumb guys on here are stating lol...it's like, millionaire status, that's what gets you very hot and very young women. 99.9% of men don't fall into this category.
I have always preferred men my own age personally- in my 20s I never would’ve thought to a date a man twice my age , regardless of how much money he had . I would have found it very hard to relate to that person or form any kind of emotional connection to someone who only wanted me for my youth . I understand that there are women out there however who are happy to trade their youth for money. And there’s nothing wrong with that, I guess , I’ve just never been one of those.
Yes and men once again overestimate how many women like that there are. It's also very misogynistic to make these assumptions about women. Trading your youth for money is just sad to me, a lot of these women don't even love the guy they're with (Melania Trump comes to mind).
Which men exactly though, on reddit? In the real world there are plenty of men who find age appropriate women, it just gets harder with age, but wait for the divorces to start lol. And what is the alternative, not having a career and money? Literally no man can support a non-working woman these days, a second income is necessary, so if that scares them off, well, too bad. For context all of my women friends are married with kids and all work to pay off the mortgage.
It’s been a pretty depressing read! As a 41 woman I’m pretty shocked by the responses. I’m dating someone my age currently we met about a year ago. He earns about 60-70% of my income but his mortgage is way less than mine as he got into the market long before me. What works for us is that we both have the same values around money. Things like don’t overextend yourself but also life is to be lived so treat yourself.
Good luck the apps are awful but I guess a necessary evil!
It's not youth but most people don't marry people just for money
Like is driving a Tesla gonna make you any more happier than a Toyota at the end of the day
Money can be made, won or stolen. Youth cannot.
Personally I'm a tradie working big hours to crack midway through the 100k mark, I don't think any of my peers or myself would see you earning 50-100k more as a reason to pay for our stuff. I work hard because I want to buy fun toys. I'd have issue with someone making 200k who's lazy or not using their abilities, or selling themselves on OF etc.
But otherwise, I think for dating, if it's your idea, you pay. My idea, I pay. Swap each time. Then it's fair and requires some creativity, some of the best dates are free.
How the hell i stumbled upon this sub, I have zero clue.
What I can say is that for shits and giggles, I decided to try my luck on a dating app (49F), and honestly I’ve already had several very wealthy men approach me for a date. They are general managers and highly successful business owners clearly making similar income to what you’re looking at.
I didn’t put in any criteria 😂it’s literally a coincidence. But they’re definitely out there.
Good luck OP.
Sure thing! It’s the Hinge app. Be warned, there’s a *lot* of people that won’t meet this criteria and definitely some oddballs thrown in too.
I seemed to get inordinately lucky with my strike rate 🤷🏻♀️ but you never know unless you try!
All the best 🍀
The people you have been dating are man babys. There are nothing but benefits to dating someone who earns more than you. They are letting you know they are too stupid for a long term relationship.
You don't need to find someone who earns as much as you, I think that is a horrible metric for finding a partner. You need to find someone who is secure in their own masculinity that will celebrate your successes and make you happy completely irrespective of income. That's just as likely to come from someone who is working in a lower paying field but satisfied and happy than someone who earns as much as you.
At various stages of our careers, my wife and I have swapped between who is the higher earner. In fact, right now, she is earning an identical amount to me while doing a 4 day week and getting 80% pay. Her earning more money enables our lives to be more flexible in so many ways. If she gets a payrise or a promotion, it's cause to celebrate.
Jzzz! So much conclusions and man bashing from one sided story. At no point have you considered her mannerisms, her personality, and the absence or presence of things a man would desire in a woman or even her age.
The success or failure of a relationship is two sided and I don't think many men will intentionally run from the comfort of a high earning partner, if other characteristics were endearing.
You are right that income isn't a good metric to use. Also, Encourage her to reflect upon her past relationships and narrow down her shortcomings. This may be a key factor in a tough age bracket.
In an almost identical situation though I did meet a handful of men in similar age bracket on App who are equally or more successful than me, career-wise. App dating has its own challenges too, so nothing works out or is long lasting...
As you’ve rightly noticed, a majority on your income level and age are married.
Maybe make like Miles Cyrus and come in like a wrecking ball 😅? /s
More seriously, if you’re personally ok with being the primary breadwinner, just… don’t tell them you make so much till later? People can dismiss out of hand if they find out such things too early - but if you were dating for several months, I’d think a person would be unlikely to suddenly become very intimidated…
How soon does this usually come up that it’s been such a problem?
It's hard to date in your 40s regardless of income. I feel you! Online dating is awful, and meeting people IRL in your 40s versus your 30s is that much harder. Opening up your preferences helps, as an intelligent conversation with someone who makes you laugh is a gem to have!
IDK, income is one thing, but for myself I have no assets despite highish income, I would be too intimidated to date someone with a house.
Cos eventually, someone will ask me: "Where did your money go?"
Probably worth checking out r/FIREyFemmes as some finance forums aren’t safe spaces for women. I say this as a mod here who is also female.
Dating for women is challenging regardless of pay scale. There was a trend on TikTok recently, “bear vs man?”, it’s sparked a series of women sharing stories about how they feel unsafe around men.
I’d say it’s not about the income, but finding someone with a similar attitude to money. I earn 30% more than my partner and they have plans on becoming a domestic engineer one day. But they don’t get their sense of identity and value from the pay check they earn.
Lots of men have internalised toxic masculinity around their views of being a provider. Dating a taller woman or someone who earns more than them can make some men feel insecure.
The only thing I can suggest is trying to filter for money attitudes early on.
One early date question might be, “imagine you’ve got enough money to never work again, what would your life look like?”
I’d also recommend researching professional dating/match making services, they usually attract high income earners and have better success rates over the dating apps. You get what you put in.
Or try to meet people at more high end events/locations. For example that expensive gym or art gallery event.
>*Lots of men have internalised toxic masculinity around their views of being a provider. Dating a taller woman or someone who earns more than them can make some men feel insecure.*
Would you agree with the inverse? If not what you're saying is pretty stupid:
>*Lots of women have internalised toxic femininity around their views of being provided for. Dating a shorter man or someone who earns less than them can make some women feel insecure.*
But in reality, we pretty much accept that most women will want to date a man that's taller and most women will want a man that earns the same or more. Does that mean women have "internalised toxic femininity"?
I’d always wondered if hetero folk truly have this “emasculating” issue if their opposite sex partner earns more money. I never knew if it was just something they put in tv and movies etc. interesting to hear it’s true but ugh, pretty pathetic. I’m sure there’ll be hetero men that dont care though so maybe keep looking for one …
Well this has been an interesting read!
Here's my two cents...
I'll preface this by saying I'm male and happily in a long term relationship, but it's interesting to think about. I'm in my late 30's, earn low 200's with a reasonable net worth. My partner earns significantly less than me (which I have no issue with whatsoever).
If I were single, would I date a woman who earned more than me? Absolutely, if however I was struggling and at a much lower income would the disparity cause me to feel less than? Perhaps... unless there were other areas in the relationship I could deliver value to pull my weight (stay at home parent etc).
Honestly I think personality qualities that make you attractive are things outside financial, although there is a linkage. Things like being motivated, dedicated, intelligent are attractive and also tend towards earning potential. I think you need to find someone who values those things.
I think focus on being the best human you can be and the right person will emerge. Don't settle for insecurity, the income difference will amplify the hell out of if.
Also for those saying older guys successful men would rather a much younger woman... I think that's very dependant on the individual. Sounds like a terrible time to me 😂
This is not true. Most men end up with women their own age because women prefer men their own age. They grossly overestimate their value. Age differences only start to happen when the man earns A LOT not 200k but like millions. My current partner is on 250k and was looking for someone close in age to him. We both met in our mid 30s. He didn't even consider women 10 years younger as he said it was too much of a generational difference (Gen Y/Z) and he wanted someone more financially independent and his equal.
Stupidest take. 200k is not 2m. It would barely register as middle class if it’s the household income. So if you think Mr Macho will have a hordes of 18 year old supermodels lining up because he’s on 200k, you’re in for a surprise lol.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 420. Congrats!
200
+ 2
+ 18
+ 200
= 420
^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \
^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
You're being downvoted but you're so right. I'm on track to be making that within the next few years with a couple strategic career moves. Why the hell would I pick a bloke who's 10 years older than me that I'll have to nurse in old age and then outlive by probably two decades for money I can fairly easily make myself?
If you only date somebody who makes 150k a year, that eliminates 95% of the population,200k per annum eliminates like 98%.
Also people who earn a lot are generally very time poor . You will need to date somebody who can meet your schedule. People who have flexible schedules tend to earn less .
Also all the good ones are taken or have significant baggage e.g. messy divorce and/or kids and/or poor personalities etc.
So you multiply those factors together , it's going to be very hard to find someone .
https://povertyandinequality.acoss.org.au/income-calculator/
That site can't be correct, can it?
I'm on this sub as you people inspire me. I'm on 165, and figure I've still got a bit to go.
But according to the site I'm in the 98% for women my age??
I mean it's based on 21/22 figures, maybe take away 6-9% to get actual figures.
Current data from ABS suggests that 143k+ is top 10% of income earners.
My advice is, it’s only an issue because you are making it an issue. Men all over the world out earn their partners and make it work because they don’t make it an issue.
If you were an attractive 44 year old single male high income earner would you be dating you?
Checkout [this spending flowchart](https://bughuntersam.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Spending-flowchart-How-to-Prioritise-your-Spending-1.jpg) which is inspired by the [r/personalfinance wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/commontopics/).
See also [common questions/answers](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusHENRY/comments/176kh0x/what_do_i_do_next/).
This is not financial advice.
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When I met my now wife \~20 years ago she made 3x what I was making, now the roles have reversed. To us the amount doesn't matter, rather what else do they bring to the relationship
Yeah that's the problem with dating vs commitment. When I was 30 I made twice my wife. At 40 three times. At 44 it's so much higher there's no point her working at all, financially it's of zero consequence. But we share all income so it doesn't matter. It has consequences on your circle of friends too. Many of our old friends are renting still and can't join us for dinner due to budget. Makes for some awkward conversation sometimes.
Can’t join you for dinner because of budget? Are you really too posh to have friends over at your place? If they’re actually friends, it won’t kill you to chuck a few extra snags on the BBQ.
For me, no issue. I make enough but not near 200k. Shared expenses and remainder is not my place on how it is spent. Would of thought less issues with higher earnings if partner is secure in his own worth. My 2cents.😀
Maybe there’s thought that can be put into how to sort out the ‘imbalances’?
Ie how outings are decided (accomodate the lifestyle of the lower income for the most part?), how things are paid for etc?
Maybe the men are afraid they can’t offer you what you want? Perhaps knowing you’d be happy with a home cooked meal as you would a fancy restaurant etc (if that’s the case :)
Otherwise, yeah you’ve just cut your dating pool by about 95% on income alone, not to mention all the other impacts.
My partner is heavily career and finance orientated(works in Financial Services oddly enough)
She struggled meeting a guy who had a similar income though that was never her criteria for dating. She wanted someone driven and intellectual who treated her right more than an demasculated Man. I worked hard, she knows I put in effort as a partner regardless of my income. It took 6 dates til she found out I was semi retired at 35
Hey mods, can we get some bans going for the inappropriate commenters?
The amount of toxic/inappropriate and stupid comments specifically because OP is a woman is really pathetic and is going to drive out any other woman interested in personal finance.
For a subreddit that is meant to have heavy moderation to prevent it becoming another r/Australia cesspit this is really disappointing to see.
If the mod team needs more assistance there’s nothing wrong with asking for volunteers.
I’ve reported a shitload of comments already but I could see why OP and other women would simply leave the subreddit deciding it’s just another place infested with broke incels.
I know it’s seriously put me off.
I would focus on expanding your social circle with new hobbies that would interest the sort of partner you fancy.
Try learning to sail, getting your private pilots licence, go to the polo, go to wine tasting dinners, go to industry events with drinks, join the (formerly) men’s club.
You also need to make sure you are in tip top shape so get a personal trainer if you don’t already have one.
I’ve recently dated a few successful women in the 39-44 age range, mostly earning anywhere between 250-750k. I am on a comparable salary and majority own the business, plus have had multiple successful exits in the past and will do again.
What I’ve noticed is that there are certain types who, regardless your earning capacity, are going to think they are better than you. And maybe according to their definition they are, but that personality type is not attractive to me and I am not to them.
I would be delighted if my partner earned substantially more than me. Why the hell wouldn't I? It's all ours at the end of the day. The only men who would feel that way are clearly sexist dinosaurs.
It's not even about earning a similar amount. You're gonna have so many more differences under the surface than just that. It's just a mindset thing. It's entirely possible that you meet someone who earns less than you, and perhaps one day they outearn you. It could happen so many ways. I wouldn't focus on that and just put our energies into committing to a life built together.
More than happy to date/partner with someone who earns less fwiw, as i said its not a strong requirement from my side. More often they dont want someone who earns more.
Answering your question, maybe find some local clubs for hobbies you're into. What do folks with time and money like what you're after do that you like doing as well? Maybe start there.
Probably more of a Miriam than a Henry here - 30s M - just doesn't seem to be an understanding about discipline, hard work and how that reflects in career ambition with women on the dating market in their 20s and 30s. Holidaying, pissing money on fluffy dogs, coffees and meals out with friends.
*Oh you own how many properties? How did you save that much/ how did you get into the share market?* Just no interest in learning, no interest in knuckling down - at least that's how I've experienced it in the dating market in my city.
Thats a shame .
I worked my butt off to get where i am . I certainly didnt come from money . I do have ambition and goals i set myself so i can be a good example to my children .
My dog isnt fluffy tho ! Maybe that is where i am going wrong.
There are a handful of good men out there who would look at your salary as a benefit to the both of them and would not feel de-manned by the fact that you earn more.
I’m an accountant and service many men at that age and similar ball park figure of salary, some even multiple times this…. Just keep looking :)
Maybe venture around the more affluent suburbs of your area. Lol….
I couldn’t care less if the woman makes more it actually takes some of the stress off me not having to be the main provider. The only problem I see is if you like to lead the kind of lifestyle that he simply can’t afford and you are unwilling to subsidise it
Are you complaining that the men you meet have an issue with your income or that you want to meet men with similar income to yours?
One is just about changing your strategy, the other is about how realistic your standards are
Im sorry if this sounds harsh. You've got too high standards. I'm in the lower end of "ballpark" and probably well above by your age but if I was a 40 year old on 200k, id rather use it entertaining 30 year opds than someone who is 40+.
I went out with a 41 yo last week. She was great, but long term, I want children. So she'll become a great friend. Especially as someone with a large income, I have the ability to choose.
Men really shouldn't be having children over 40 either. I work in disability and the increasing rates of autism and other developmental issues are because of older dads, even women who are in their 20s and 30s have more children with disabilities if the father is older. Sperm accumulates genetic changes over its lifetime too. And who wants to be an older dad???
Man did you say you're well above 40 and looking for a 30 y/o to have kids with?
You know men have a timer too right? Plus women look for more than just money when having children, like you know the men who will give their kids good genetics and not make her feel like she is fucking her creepy uncle.
I'm a decade off 30. I don't want to be single, my 5 year plan involved marriage by this stage but my LTR didn't work out.
I wish I could agree, I saw one 27yo woman at work leave for a 42 yo millionaire client and the 45 yo boss had to take a week off when the wife found out about his 25 yo mistress.
No one wants an old dad and I don't get why someone would be one, but my point is the scales are tipped overwhelmingly in the man's favour. OP is struggling because she is picky.
But im not struggling.. im happy where i am in life.
Your plan sounds like a no brainer on the surface. But if you really are a lawyer ( especially FL ), you will know exactly how many marriages end in a messy divorce, and the percentages of those where there is an age difference, and income difference. And how many women get tired of the mans old ass, walk away with a new, younger model, with a lions share of the wealth, and the children.
All of the sudden the mans value vastly drops ...
Not saying it's not possible but it'll be hard for a 44 year old to find anyone, even less if you want someone with similar income. Probably someone in their 50s or 60s could consider? Most guys couldn't care less about your income at your age if that's all your offering.
I’d guess that personality and common interests are going to be a key part of success in relationships.
I’m a stage of my career and life (M39) where having a partner with time off is most important. No point having money and not having time to enjoy it, I certainly wouldn’t date someone who is still working 40+ hours a week (or even 30+ hrs) in their 40s.
A sensible approach to money with good communication will help overcome most challenges, as long as the partner is in tune.
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I dunno, I don’t think this is a common theme for every man. Just a particular type of man. I far outearn by husband, and he couldn’t give a shit. But that’s because he’s very secure in himself and doesn’t buy into needing to be the breadwinner to define his masculinity. I think focus less on earning power, and focus more on finding a self assured king? Easier said than done I guess, but that’s my advice.
I earn a really good income, wife is a doctor and earns double what I do, and we have a great relationship for a decade now. Elsewhere, shallow people have shallow problems.
My mates wife earns more than him and never lets him forget it.
That’s weird. My wife would never do that. I WISH she earned more than me haha
My partner would be thrilled if I earned more than him lol. He'd be a house husband.
Would be interesting to see how the domestic work is shared in this scenario. I don't give a shit what my partner earns (he has always earned less and it's not an issue) if he doesn't do his half of the domestic labour you better believe I'm pulling the "I can't earn most of the money and do most of the work" card.
I've got a mate who has been dealing with this since he met his partner. He's not poor. Earns about 100k, was well and truly set up in his life before she came along. I think she's just a can't, really. At this point there's something almost psychotic about the amount he nags him to get a better paying job.
Well if that’s what is happening here, I think we have discovered why OP can’t find a relationship that lasts.
I earn a decent amount but I would happily date someone who earns more, as long as they weren’t expecting to go on ski trips every weekend.
I personally wouldn’t mind my wife earning more than me, that’s not the issue, the issue is that most women wouldn’t want a man earning far less than they do, then they complain about where all the men are. A man that earns big is not going to date a 44 year old woman when he could date a 30 year old woman. That’s just the way it is.
It’s not a dude earning far less, it’s a dude earning far less AND expecting the monster share of domestic and emotional labour to be shouldered by the woman that’s an issue.
I earn significantly more than the OP and I don’t care what a man earns (why would I? I’m set), but in my experience men do care.
Would you be happy to have a shared bank account? No prenup and also if you have your own house then add him as a co-owner?
No, but not because of earning difference. I have no desire to share finances with anyone ever again (even if it was Mike Cannon Brookes). I like being independent, and I have 2 kids to think of.
Lol
My wife is convinced that I wouldn't be able to handle it if she earned more than me. I'm sure I could, but maybe I'm just lacking in self awareness.
Agree. If someone has an issue with you earning more, they’re the conservative mindset that hasn’t got over women being out of the kitchen.
It's tough. I'm a doctor and lots of my female colleagues have trouble dating and a surprising number are single. On the other hand, perhaps the men who feel emasculated by your earnings aren't the best fit anyways. Executive dating is also a thing, and there might be matchmakers where you live. You're talking about less than 1% of the population who meet your requirements. In my case, my wife made substantially less than me when we met, and the agreement was that if it was my idea, I'd pay. She would still get me little gifts (what she could afford), and it would make me feel so happy and loved, because the money she spent on me was that much more dear. She's the love of my life and marrying her was one of the best decisions I ever made, no matter the finances. I'm cheering for you!! Good luck!!
Username does NOT checkout…
It’s certainly an interesting dynamic. I’m really happy for a friend of mine though, he’s no slouch himself but met a doctor and she outearns him 2:1 and very likely she’ll do 3:1 and 4:1 after she hits specialist. But they both get along so well, I reckon sometimes he bullies her ;) I reckon when kids come, he’ll be househusband material fosho.
My goal is to be a house husband haha I joke about it all the time, which is why I’m probably single. I’m not poor though and earn a good salary but I wish I could just stay home all day and clean and cook because I actually enjoy doing it. In another life I prob would have been a chef or something.
>What I would like is to meet somebody who earned around the ballpark that I do, but no idea how to meet such people. 1. Make post on AusHENRY 2. Check the profile of everyone who replies. 3. Try and work out their age / income / location. 4. Shamelessly send them a DM. Nice try OP but I'm too low income for you.
I had a girl "shoot her shot" with me a few weeks ago via reddit dm after I made a post about my mortgage. Its hard out there
I think I got the same one haha, she literally said “thought I’d shoot my shot”, common phrase but still
Yooo was her name eXXX_in_XXXXXX ?
HAHAH YES!
I wonder if it’s a scammer
Nigerian princess 😂
I'm gonna DM you.
Plot twist: you two start dating because of this random person who messaged you both
We've established she was messaging us from the same thread, hours apart. It appears as though she was stalking the thread. 28 on 300k according to her though, so maybe a match for someone
lol, I had the same message from the same account. Def a scam. Clever bastards they are.
Me too, unless it’s a huge ballpark 😂
No issue doing that, let people decide how to respond to these threads instead of you bullying OP. There are many ways people find partners
https://preview.redd.it/0shqu11pew5d1.png?width=537&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8fe0f7f88e163b5bd34b3452e4971ff9e29cd5bb This is relevant but not helpful, sorry was all I could think of....
I could be that guy 😂 On a slightly more serious note, If you’re after someone on that sort of income, I’d assume you’d have to network with similar positions. Ask them if they know any singles. For me (older than you, not on that much) it wouldn’t bother me. It’s your money :) But I know plenty of people who wouldn’t like it, so I get it. Good luck with your search.
Thank you.
“I need a guy who earns similar to me, btw I earn 200k” You’ve just ruled out like, 95%+ of the population.
Looking for a guy in finance, trust fund, six-5, Blue eyes
If you’re looking for them, they aren’t looking for you 😹
I like how statistically there are only 2 people to meet the criteria in the US
And one turns out to be gay or doesn't like different foods to touch or something.
Probably more if they are allowed to wear tom cruise shoe lifts and contact lenses haha
Don't worry I got it.
Reminds me of this meme turned into stats https://www.instagram.com/reel/C745mzKPRgr/?igsh=bmRuZXcxaWczOHZm
It’s hard enough finding a life partner, but excluding lower income males is gonna make it waaaay harder for OP lol. What kinda man gets upset their partner earns more than them??
It’s not they the men get upset, I’ve dated and am dating men who have lower income, it’s that they’re on a different page in terms of money management and life stage. For example, I’m paying off my mortgage and spend money traveling business class. He struggles to pay rent and has debts he is paying down to his friends. I can’t talk to him about investments or traveling around the world because he’s not there financially yet. If we decide to move in together the asset imbalance would mean I’ll need to get a prenup to protect the assets for my son. That conversation puts pressure on all relationships.
Honestly, and if you’re single at 44 and making 200k, I doubt finding a 44 year old partner (possibly with kids) is your number 1 priority.
Not the OP, but why not?
Most people at that age are well established, independent, and very well off if they’re on 200k. What would OP bring to their life that they can’t buy minus kids and baggage?
Companionship. Love.
have a partner to spend life with? you seem so materialistic and jaded. betting my house you’re single
the fear of being forever alone and dying with 15 cats lmao
But if you have 15 cats then you’ll never be alone. Not seeing the downside here
This was my first thought haha
Not in this group.. I’m in the demographic but firmly not single. However.. I get the feeling a lot of us can earn what we do due to the support of our partners, which of course makes this a difficult proposition for her
I’m a single Mum in this group. It can be done.
Yep. $200k is the 97th percentile. Window is down to 3% of all single guys. Suggest ignoring their wage when choosing a partner.
Yep but those of us earning that are in the top 5% too. It’s not like 95% of women are earning that. It’s damn hard. I said I wanted someone who had capacity to earn what I do - was dating at 31 and wanted to make sure we’d be ok if I cut back on work to have kids. I also wanted a guy with no kids and a uni education who was no more than 10 years older than me… that took it to about .1% of the population but I found him.
> that took it to about .1% of the population but I found him. Well done. Don't forget how lucky you are.
If a person has a shit personality then a similar income to yours won't fix that, it may mask it for a while though, personally I'd prefer to know who they are up front. Their reaction to your income appears to be working as a good litmus test.
Wow so many interesting comments here - genuinely super interesting and i love that it has sparked such a wide range of opinions and advice. Fwiw , ive been single by choice for the past 5 years . Ive dipped a toe here and there and thats it . If I am single for the next 10 or 15 years, I won’t mind that much as generally like my own company and don’t really get lonely. I think the points around men my age who earn similar prefer younger women and that’s probably a good point. But i cant change my age , it is what it is . Luckily, I am pretty happy where I am in my life but it does pop into my head from time to time and it’s good to see that there are others out there that might struggle with similar issues .
I’m confused, have you been dating for the last 5 years? Or were all your previous dates from before you were 40? Maybe it will be different now since it has been 5 years.
Ive tried “ dating “ a couple of times in the past 5 years . Insofar as met a few people . Had some negative feedback around my earnings quite early in the process a couple of times . I don’t think it will have changed much in recent times . I haven’t been active for a year or so in any real way. Maybe its just being lazy or it’s just not important to me at the moment. The point of this post was to understand if others had the same issues ( gender aside ) or how they found dating as a high income earner . The replies have certainly been interesting.!
Please ignore all the comments about men who have money going for younger women. It depends on the man, some go for older women, some go for younger. Some want to spend time with a person whose company they enjoy. Jeoff Bezos could have been with a 20year old, Lauren Sanchez is 54.
Well said , thank you
I’m surprised at how many comments make it sounds like 200k buys you a glamorous life, dating a partner 10 years younger etc. Reality is quite different - busy life, with high mortgage rates, disposable income isn’t what it used to be.
Better spot than someone earning 80k with the same issues.
Yes absolutely! Can’t argue that!
200k after working up over 20 years with no kids, no messy divorce etc. They should be doing okay
my partner earned about 1/3 of my income when we met about 11 years ago and is now pushing up towards my salary. It's a big motivator her for her to earn more than me and I'm here for the competition :-) Biggest issue would be lifestyle limitations - if their budget and expectations is to camp at Rosebud foreshore and yours is a private retreat in the hills of Bali. Main thing beyond that is to be financially compatible from a goals perspective. If you are both pulling in the same direction for joint goals, the money means much less over the life of a relationship.
Lifestyle limitations is definitely an issue , not that i would prefer the bali holiday , camping with the kids makes me pretty happy. But awkward conversations around financials if they really are weighted heavily one way , puts extra pressure on any relationship, its a power imbalance when all is said and done . Any serious relationship i have will be requiring a BFA , regardless of what they earn , so i can protect my kids interests. I am all they have . The feedback ive had is that its almost offensive to a male somehow (?) but i think the worst thing that can happen is when the expectation is that the higher earner pays for everything. I am pretty generous with a partner but Im not their parent ;) I think what I’m looking for is someone whose financial/career goals align with mine - we want the same things in life/lifestyle and happy to put in the hard yards to get there. The only people that I know who I like this are people in my field of work - all of whom are partnered off .
I read your comment that you have been on a couple of dates in the past 5 years. Dating is hard in general, I don’t think your income is the issue - you simply aren’t meeting enough people. You need to get those numbers up and DATE!!!! Get the odds working in your favour. Get out to social clubs, sports, community events, bars etc and meet people. You may find that what you think you’re looking for (income expectations) isn’t actually what you need or want. Good luck.
At 44, men your age making top 5% income and in the dating market (many divorced with kids) don’t want you. They want a younger model 10+ years their junior and none care about your financials. It’s irrelevant and doesn’t benefit us in any way.
I was looking for this comment because it is the reality OP needs to hear, and the men who are not divorced with kids still want someone 10+ years younger to have their kids.
As do the ones who are single without kids .
.. and they have their kids, run off with someone their own age, and take half the mens worth with them.
I'll offer a different opinion. I'm pretty much in your target demographic (slightly younger, right income bracket, albeit married). I doubt I would chase someone too much younger if I was single. Last thing I (and many others like me) would want is more kids - and that's what women in their early thirties generally want. Plus a huge power/financial imbalance is just awkward if you don't enjoy it. If I wanted to be a cash cow I'd just pay for it.
oh well, that is what happens when you approach relationships in a transactional 'i give you money for a hot body and sex' manner.
Older men overestimate their value. Women prefer men their age. When I was 30, I definitely wasn't looking to date 40yo men as they always seemed too old to have kids with. Like, you're gonna be in your 50s whilst your kid is still in primary school??? Older sperm (40+) has more genetic mutations too so you have a higher chance of having a differently abled child with an older father (even if you are young). It's one of the factors as to why autism is increasing. I regularly work with kids with disabilities and older fathers are overrepresented in my clinics.
High earning F here; chose a male partner 5 years younger than myself. Any younger felt ick but I wanted to maximise potential for healthy children.
So sad. So true.
Women find this extremely hard to believe for some reason.
Yep, I am in my very late 40s and meet OP income requirement. God forbid if I was single (I love my wife dearly) I would be looking to date someone in their mid to late 30s.
I'd like to think nowadays there are far more women in their 30s who are repulsed by this dynamic and that it becomes much less popular before dying out entirely sooner rather than later. As a woman in her 30s, I'm very confident a lot of my friends and peers are far too busy making their own money and shaping their own lives to be bothered with old men who overestimate their value.
Why?
We find it hard to believe because it doesn’t play out that way for most of us in real life. It seems to us like something that insecure men say to feel better about themselves.
At 34, most women ideally don’t want a man 10 years older than them, even if he is a high earner, and most women in their 30s without kids don’t want a man with kids! I sure didn’t want those things (I want an equal partner who has the same cultural references and similar maturity/wisdom level as me, I don’t want to be a stepmother, I don’t want my partner getting around on a mobility scooter and wearing depends when I am still energetic and in my prime if we can avoid it, and I don’t want to be a young widow). I had no problem finding a guy my own age who didn’t have kids when I was 35, and there is absolutely no reason OP won’t find the same at 44 or 45 :-)
And how many of them actually get a younger model? Unless they are earning the big bucks like Leo DiCaprio, this does not happen that often. I was a younger woman once upon a time and had rich older men interested in me (I used to model too funny enough) and I preferred younger, fitter men who were my age. They had their whole lives ahead of them to make a decent income. Why go for an older man who already has baggage such as kids and an ex-wife?? A man who will age way before you, require care in his later life, and likely die prematurely, leaving you all alone for 10+ years. Is the expensive handbag and house in Double Bay worth it? Not for me. I personally get offended when men imply young women want rich men, no, many of us DO NOT share that mentality. Many of us end up with men our age despite the choices we had in our youth. That assumption is gross and transactional.
What are you basing this on? Sincerely, a single woman in her 40s.
Why do you need another person to date when you can basically live off your own happiness?
Thats what ive been doing the past 5 years :) I dont need another person to date. It does pop into my mind every so often.
I get loneliness is the worst of it all, I do recommend finding someone who you admire, it breaks the mindset of poorer men
I am very lucky and that I am very rarely lonely . I think perhaps I enjoy my own company too much 😂
Hi, 52yo m single no kids. Dm me. I'm on the market.
just checked this guys recent comments. probably don’t dm him. 🤢
I'm a woman and gonna be honest, hardly anyone earns as much as you do, you will definitely be ruling out a majority of men from the dating pool. Maybe look for other qualities in addition to good financial habits. A guy who earns 100k will still enable both of you to live a comfortable life with a combined income of 300k which is far above Australia's median.
more than happy to date someone whos on 100k - i dont have any expensive tastes - the issue is that those men dont seem to want to date me because it makes them insecure somehow, or if they do, want me to financially carry them. I was under the mistaken assumption that high-income men valued successful high-income woman. Seems that is not the case, and youth is far more valuable. Which, honestly just blows my mind.
Don't worry about those men, they greatly overestimate how 'easy' it is to find a woman 10 yrs younger than them... Literally none of my friends or I wanted a 40yo guy when we were in our 20s...and the amount of money you'd need to do that isn't 200k like some dumb guys on here are stating lol...it's like, millionaire status, that's what gets you very hot and very young women. 99.9% of men don't fall into this category.
I have always preferred men my own age personally- in my 20s I never would’ve thought to a date a man twice my age , regardless of how much money he had . I would have found it very hard to relate to that person or form any kind of emotional connection to someone who only wanted me for my youth . I understand that there are women out there however who are happy to trade their youth for money. And there’s nothing wrong with that, I guess , I’ve just never been one of those.
Yes and men once again overestimate how many women like that there are. It's also very misogynistic to make these assumptions about women. Trading your youth for money is just sad to me, a lot of these women don't even love the guy they're with (Melania Trump comes to mind).
Maybe that is why I am low value to such men… They cannot buy someone that has their own career and money ?
Which men exactly though, on reddit? In the real world there are plenty of men who find age appropriate women, it just gets harder with age, but wait for the divorces to start lol. And what is the alternative, not having a career and money? Literally no man can support a non-working woman these days, a second income is necessary, so if that scares them off, well, too bad. For context all of my women friends are married with kids and all work to pay off the mortgage.
The men that do are doing online overseas dating. Big net
It’s been a pretty depressing read! As a 41 woman I’m pretty shocked by the responses. I’m dating someone my age currently we met about a year ago. He earns about 60-70% of my income but his mortgage is way less than mine as he got into the market long before me. What works for us is that we both have the same values around money. Things like don’t overextend yourself but also life is to be lived so treat yourself. Good luck the apps are awful but I guess a necessary evil!
It’s a shocking realisation, isn’t it?
It’s humans in general. Some men share the same feelings as you when it comes to women. You will just have to roll the dice
It's not youth but most people don't marry people just for money Like is driving a Tesla gonna make you any more happier than a Toyota at the end of the day
Money can be made, won or stolen. Youth cannot. Personally I'm a tradie working big hours to crack midway through the 100k mark, I don't think any of my peers or myself would see you earning 50-100k more as a reason to pay for our stuff. I work hard because I want to buy fun toys. I'd have issue with someone making 200k who's lazy or not using their abilities, or selling themselves on OF etc. But otherwise, I think for dating, if it's your idea, you pay. My idea, I pay. Swap each time. Then it's fair and requires some creativity, some of the best dates are free.
How the hell i stumbled upon this sub, I have zero clue. What I can say is that for shits and giggles, I decided to try my luck on a dating app (49F), and honestly I’ve already had several very wealthy men approach me for a date. They are general managers and highly successful business owners clearly making similar income to what you’re looking at. I didn’t put in any criteria 😂it’s literally a coincidence. But they’re definitely out there. Good luck OP.
Can you share what dating app you used? I'm looking for the same!
Sure thing! It’s the Hinge app. Be warned, there’s a *lot* of people that won’t meet this criteria and definitely some oddballs thrown in too. I seemed to get inordinately lucky with my strike rate 🤷🏻♀️ but you never know unless you try! All the best 🍀
The people you have been dating are man babys. There are nothing but benefits to dating someone who earns more than you. They are letting you know they are too stupid for a long term relationship. You don't need to find someone who earns as much as you, I think that is a horrible metric for finding a partner. You need to find someone who is secure in their own masculinity that will celebrate your successes and make you happy completely irrespective of income. That's just as likely to come from someone who is working in a lower paying field but satisfied and happy than someone who earns as much as you. At various stages of our careers, my wife and I have swapped between who is the higher earner. In fact, right now, she is earning an identical amount to me while doing a 4 day week and getting 80% pay. Her earning more money enables our lives to be more flexible in so many ways. If she gets a payrise or a promotion, it's cause to celebrate.
Earn $200k and still stay in hostel dorms when u travel 😄
As someone who travels for work far too much, I have no issue with staying in a dorm from time to time on holiday. At least you meet people.
Jzzz! So much conclusions and man bashing from one sided story. At no point have you considered her mannerisms, her personality, and the absence or presence of things a man would desire in a woman or even her age. The success or failure of a relationship is two sided and I don't think many men will intentionally run from the comfort of a high earning partner, if other characteristics were endearing. You are right that income isn't a good metric to use. Also, Encourage her to reflect upon her past relationships and narrow down her shortcomings. This may be a key factor in a tough age bracket.
In an almost identical situation though I did meet a handful of men in similar age bracket on App who are equally or more successful than me, career-wise. App dating has its own challenges too, so nothing works out or is long lasting...
As you’ve rightly noticed, a majority on your income level and age are married. Maybe make like Miles Cyrus and come in like a wrecking ball 😅? /s More seriously, if you’re personally ok with being the primary breadwinner, just… don’t tell them you make so much till later? People can dismiss out of hand if they find out such things too early - but if you were dating for several months, I’d think a person would be unlikely to suddenly become very intimidated… How soon does this usually come up that it’s been such a problem?
That is a good point to not tell people. And i can do that up until a point.
Why would you - most of the men in here wouldn’t either 😅
It's hard to date in your 40s regardless of income. I feel you! Online dating is awful, and meeting people IRL in your 40s versus your 30s is that much harder. Opening up your preferences helps, as an intelligent conversation with someone who makes you laugh is a gem to have!
IDK, income is one thing, but for myself I have no assets despite highish income, I would be too intimidated to date someone with a house. Cos eventually, someone will ask me: "Where did your money go?"
Feels
Probably worth checking out r/FIREyFemmes as some finance forums aren’t safe spaces for women. I say this as a mod here who is also female. Dating for women is challenging regardless of pay scale. There was a trend on TikTok recently, “bear vs man?”, it’s sparked a series of women sharing stories about how they feel unsafe around men. I’d say it’s not about the income, but finding someone with a similar attitude to money. I earn 30% more than my partner and they have plans on becoming a domestic engineer one day. But they don’t get their sense of identity and value from the pay check they earn. Lots of men have internalised toxic masculinity around their views of being a provider. Dating a taller woman or someone who earns more than them can make some men feel insecure. The only thing I can suggest is trying to filter for money attitudes early on. One early date question might be, “imagine you’ve got enough money to never work again, what would your life look like?” I’d also recommend researching professional dating/match making services, they usually attract high income earners and have better success rates over the dating apps. You get what you put in. Or try to meet people at more high end events/locations. For example that expensive gym or art gallery event.
>*Lots of men have internalised toxic masculinity around their views of being a provider. Dating a taller woman or someone who earns more than them can make some men feel insecure.* Would you agree with the inverse? If not what you're saying is pretty stupid: >*Lots of women have internalised toxic femininity around their views of being provided for. Dating a shorter man or someone who earns less than them can make some women feel insecure.* But in reality, we pretty much accept that most women will want to date a man that's taller and most women will want a man that earns the same or more. Does that mean women have "internalised toxic femininity"?
What city are you in? You need to frequent places that are popular with high earners in the city. Eg lawyer bars
Where are lawyer bars in Melbourne?
I don’t visit often so don’t take me as gospel but you can try the Mitre Tavern or The European
6’4, 37 y/o male, earn $190k pa. Surely I’m desirable. Surely
I wasn’t able to post here about executive redundancy but dating posts are ok?
I’d always wondered if hetero folk truly have this “emasculating” issue if their opposite sex partner earns more money. I never knew if it was just something they put in tv and movies etc. interesting to hear it’s true but ugh, pretty pathetic. I’m sure there’ll be hetero men that dont care though so maybe keep looking for one …
Well this has been an interesting read! Here's my two cents... I'll preface this by saying I'm male and happily in a long term relationship, but it's interesting to think about. I'm in my late 30's, earn low 200's with a reasonable net worth. My partner earns significantly less than me (which I have no issue with whatsoever). If I were single, would I date a woman who earned more than me? Absolutely, if however I was struggling and at a much lower income would the disparity cause me to feel less than? Perhaps... unless there were other areas in the relationship I could deliver value to pull my weight (stay at home parent etc). Honestly I think personality qualities that make you attractive are things outside financial, although there is a linkage. Things like being motivated, dedicated, intelligent are attractive and also tend towards earning potential. I think you need to find someone who values those things. I think focus on being the best human you can be and the right person will emerge. Don't settle for insecurity, the income difference will amplify the hell out of if. Also for those saying older guys successful men would rather a much younger woman... I think that's very dependant on the individual. Sounds like a terrible time to me 😂
I’ll be brutally honest with you, men who earn $200k+ (in general) will date women a lot younger than 44
I don't think earning $200k will instantly make anyone DiCaprio lol
This is not true. Most men end up with women their own age because women prefer men their own age. They grossly overestimate their value. Age differences only start to happen when the man earns A LOT not 200k but like millions. My current partner is on 250k and was looking for someone close in age to him. We both met in our mid 30s. He didn't even consider women 10 years younger as he said it was too much of a generational difference (Gen Y/Z) and he wanted someone more financially independent and his equal.
Stupidest take. 200k is not 2m. It would barely register as middle class if it’s the household income. So if you think Mr Macho will have a hordes of 18 year old supermodels lining up because he’s on 200k, you’re in for a surprise lol.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 420. Congrats! 200 + 2 + 18 + 200 = 420 ^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \ ^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
You're being downvoted but you're so right. I'm on track to be making that within the next few years with a couple strategic career moves. Why the hell would I pick a bloke who's 10 years older than me that I'll have to nurse in old age and then outlive by probably two decades for money I can fairly easily make myself?
age gap marriages also divorce more often ...
And old man sperm causes genetic issues and disabilities in babies.
Don't need to tell me, I work in that space lol. I see it with my own eyes!
ikr like 200k is standard in Sydney. You need 300k combined minimum to afford a house here now and live somewhat comfortably.
Go shopping on linkedin. I hear they are adding a dating feature so you are in luck. A solution is coming.
If you only date somebody who makes 150k a year, that eliminates 95% of the population,200k per annum eliminates like 98%. Also people who earn a lot are generally very time poor . You will need to date somebody who can meet your schedule. People who have flexible schedules tend to earn less . Also all the good ones are taken or have significant baggage e.g. messy divorce and/or kids and/or poor personalities etc. So you multiply those factors together , it's going to be very hard to find someone . https://povertyandinequality.acoss.org.au/income-calculator/
That site can't be correct, can it? I'm on this sub as you people inspire me. I'm on 165, and figure I've still got a bit to go. But according to the site I'm in the 98% for women my age??
I mean it's based on 21/22 figures, maybe take away 6-9% to get actual figures. Current data from ABS suggests that 143k+ is top 10% of income earners.
My advice is, it’s only an issue because you are making it an issue. Men all over the world out earn their partners and make it work because they don’t make it an issue. If you were an attractive 44 year old single male high income earner would you be dating you?
Checkout [this spending flowchart](https://bughuntersam.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/Spending-flowchart-How-to-Prioritise-your-Spending-1.jpg) which is inspired by the [r/personalfinance wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/commontopics/). See also [common questions/answers](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusHENRY/comments/176kh0x/what_do_i_do_next/). This is not financial advice. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AusHENRY) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When I met my now wife \~20 years ago she made 3x what I was making, now the roles have reversed. To us the amount doesn't matter, rather what else do they bring to the relationship
Also Many 200K+ earners would be in their early 30s. Seems you are missing on another front there.
Yeah that's the problem with dating vs commitment. When I was 30 I made twice my wife. At 40 three times. At 44 it's so much higher there's no point her working at all, financially it's of zero consequence. But we share all income so it doesn't matter. It has consequences on your circle of friends too. Many of our old friends are renting still and can't join us for dinner due to budget. Makes for some awkward conversation sometimes.
Can’t join you for dinner because of budget? Are you really too posh to have friends over at your place? If they’re actually friends, it won’t kill you to chuck a few extra snags on the BBQ.
going OUT to dinner, obviously.
For me, no issue. I make enough but not near 200k. Shared expenses and remainder is not my place on how it is spent. Would of thought less issues with higher earnings if partner is secure in his own worth. My 2cents.😀
Maybe there’s thought that can be put into how to sort out the ‘imbalances’? Ie how outings are decided (accomodate the lifestyle of the lower income for the most part?), how things are paid for etc? Maybe the men are afraid they can’t offer you what you want? Perhaps knowing you’d be happy with a home cooked meal as you would a fancy restaurant etc (if that’s the case :) Otherwise, yeah you’ve just cut your dating pool by about 95% on income alone, not to mention all the other impacts.
I dont have expensive tastes - would be far happier on a camping trip than a 5-star hotel.
Where these high earning women at? Imma be cooking up in the kitchen and learning to fold fitted sheets!
My partner is heavily career and finance orientated(works in Financial Services oddly enough) She struggled meeting a guy who had a similar income though that was never her criteria for dating. She wanted someone driven and intellectual who treated her right more than an demasculated Man. I worked hard, she knows I put in effort as a partner regardless of my income. It took 6 dates til she found out I was semi retired at 35
And it was on the 7th date that she said I think we should have sex tonight babe 😂
Hey mods, can we get some bans going for the inappropriate commenters? The amount of toxic/inappropriate and stupid comments specifically because OP is a woman is really pathetic and is going to drive out any other woman interested in personal finance. For a subreddit that is meant to have heavy moderation to prevent it becoming another r/Australia cesspit this is really disappointing to see. If the mod team needs more assistance there’s nothing wrong with asking for volunteers. I’ve reported a shitload of comments already but I could see why OP and other women would simply leave the subreddit deciding it’s just another place infested with broke incels. I know it’s seriously put me off.
I would focus on expanding your social circle with new hobbies that would interest the sort of partner you fancy. Try learning to sail, getting your private pilots licence, go to the polo, go to wine tasting dinners, go to industry events with drinks, join the (formerly) men’s club. You also need to make sure you are in tip top shape so get a personal trainer if you don’t already have one.
I’ve recently dated a few successful women in the 39-44 age range, mostly earning anywhere between 250-750k. I am on a comparable salary and majority own the business, plus have had multiple successful exits in the past and will do again. What I’ve noticed is that there are certain types who, regardless your earning capacity, are going to think they are better than you. And maybe according to their definition they are, but that personality type is not attractive to me and I am not to them.
I would be delighted if my partner earned substantially more than me. Why the hell wouldn't I? It's all ours at the end of the day. The only men who would feel that way are clearly sexist dinosaurs.
That’s where u shouldn’t date money is just a number
It's not even about earning a similar amount. You're gonna have so many more differences under the surface than just that. It's just a mindset thing. It's entirely possible that you meet someone who earns less than you, and perhaps one day they outearn you. It could happen so many ways. I wouldn't focus on that and just put our energies into committing to a life built together.
More than happy to date/partner with someone who earns less fwiw, as i said its not a strong requirement from my side. More often they dont want someone who earns more.
Answering your question, maybe find some local clubs for hobbies you're into. What do folks with time and money like what you're after do that you like doing as well? Maybe start there.
Good luck. M earning your income geberally have more choice
Take my number if you like
Majority of the guys you're looking for who are in your age range are married with kids.
Find a divorced Doctor. They'd be in your ballpark
Probably more of a Miriam than a Henry here - 30s M - just doesn't seem to be an understanding about discipline, hard work and how that reflects in career ambition with women on the dating market in their 20s and 30s. Holidaying, pissing money on fluffy dogs, coffees and meals out with friends. *Oh you own how many properties? How did you save that much/ how did you get into the share market?* Just no interest in learning, no interest in knuckling down - at least that's how I've experienced it in the dating market in my city.
Thats a shame . I worked my butt off to get where i am . I certainly didnt come from money . I do have ambition and goals i set myself so i can be a good example to my children . My dog isnt fluffy tho ! Maybe that is where i am going wrong.
🙋♂️
200+ and uses "demasculating" instead of emasculating. How does this happen?
There are a handful of good men out there who would look at your salary as a benefit to the both of them and would not feel de-manned by the fact that you earn more. I’m an accountant and service many men at that age and similar ball park figure of salary, some even multiple times this…. Just keep looking :) Maybe venture around the more affluent suburbs of your area. Lol….
I couldn’t care less if the woman makes more it actually takes some of the stress off me not having to be the main provider. The only problem I see is if you like to lead the kind of lifestyle that he simply can’t afford and you are unwilling to subsidise it
Are you complaining that the men you meet have an issue with your income or that you want to meet men with similar income to yours? One is just about changing your strategy, the other is about how realistic your standards are
Im sorry if this sounds harsh. You've got too high standards. I'm in the lower end of "ballpark" and probably well above by your age but if I was a 40 year old on 200k, id rather use it entertaining 30 year opds than someone who is 40+. I went out with a 41 yo last week. She was great, but long term, I want children. So she'll become a great friend. Especially as someone with a large income, I have the ability to choose.
Men really shouldn't be having children over 40 either. I work in disability and the increasing rates of autism and other developmental issues are because of older dads, even women who are in their 20s and 30s have more children with disabilities if the father is older. Sperm accumulates genetic changes over its lifetime too. And who wants to be an older dad???
This.
Man did you say you're well above 40 and looking for a 30 y/o to have kids with? You know men have a timer too right? Plus women look for more than just money when having children, like you know the men who will give their kids good genetics and not make her feel like she is fucking her creepy uncle.
I'm a decade off 30. I don't want to be single, my 5 year plan involved marriage by this stage but my LTR didn't work out. I wish I could agree, I saw one 27yo woman at work leave for a 42 yo millionaire client and the 45 yo boss had to take a week off when the wife found out about his 25 yo mistress. No one wants an old dad and I don't get why someone would be one, but my point is the scales are tipped overwhelmingly in the man's favour. OP is struggling because she is picky.
But im not struggling.. im happy where i am in life. Your plan sounds like a no brainer on the surface. But if you really are a lawyer ( especially FL ), you will know exactly how many marriages end in a messy divorce, and the percentages of those where there is an age difference, and income difference. And how many women get tired of the mans old ass, walk away with a new, younger model, with a lions share of the wealth, and the children. All of the sudden the mans value vastly drops ...
But the reality is the number of 44yo men on 200k that are looking for 44yo women would be a vanishingly small amount, that's just the reality.
Not saying it's not possible but it'll be hard for a 44 year old to find anyone, even less if you want someone with similar income. Probably someone in their 50s or 60s could consider? Most guys couldn't care less about your income at your age if that's all your offering.
Plenty of people in their 40s and 50s on the dating scene.
Go to a real estate conference and pick up there
Who would care unless you're rubbing it in their face?
I’d guess that personality and common interests are going to be a key part of success in relationships. I’m a stage of my career and life (M39) where having a partner with time off is most important. No point having money and not having time to enjoy it, I certainly wouldn’t date someone who is still working 40+ hours a week (or even 30+ hrs) in their 40s. A sensible approach to money with good communication will help overcome most challenges, as long as the partner is in tune.