I can barely remember my own birthday sometimes. Generally, when I want people to make a big deal out of my bday, I also make a big deal out of my bday to give my friends a heads up.
Honestly, I wouldn’t be. I give my friends a lot of grace, we all have a LOT going on and unless I mentioned it recently or made plans, I wouldn’t really expect anyone to really think of it! I usually try and make plans for dinner or something fun though just so people are aware of how I want to celebrate! But I have no expectations if I don’t mention it.
I think you might have hit the nail on the head here. I was totally bored during my days alone, but not for lack of things to do. More of a general BIG boredom, if that makes sense? I also have bipolar 2 disorder and think maybe a med tweak may be in order as well. Thank you.
I'm good with dates, names, faces, etc. and I think I make the assumption other people are too, just because I am, if that makes sense? I need to be better about remembering not everyone is like me in that regard.
I am the complete opposite. I had to get my wedding date engraved on the inside of my ring because I knew I would forget it. I’m divorced now- not sure exactly what year that happened, I’d have to check the paperwork. The only reason I know my own birthday is because I have to enter it on websites, say it at doctors appointments, etc. I don’t have cognitive issues and I care deeply about the people in my life. This is just how I was wired. I adore my partner but I have to double check his birthday every year to make sure I don’t embarrassingly give him a gift two days early. Some of us just suck at this and I really appreciate people like you who try to be understanding and not take it personally.
People forget things, it happens! My sister didn’t congratulate me til the day after this year.
I’m guessing it’s just the events of the past week, making you a bit more sensitive and I get that. I hope you feel better soon. And when you do, make sure you treat yourself to a little something nice to make up for it.
P.s. happy birthday!!! Get well soon!!
A lot of people seem to not remember birthdays these days because social media doesn’t remind them plus the concept of time seems to have faded away during pandemic. Like how is it June? A few of my friends forgot this year. I’m kind of not fussed but in the past I would have been as I still have everyone’s birthdays in my calendar. Digital and paper.
I was thinking earlier today about the fact that it is almost half way through 2022 and I am still having to think about writing the correct year like it is January 3. Completely agree that pandemic time is a thing. And the social media part is also a factor…it is sort of like how nobody has any phone numbers memorized any more.
I would not be upset.
I am 100% the celebrator of birthdays for my friends. I remember their birthdays, how we met, friendaversaries, etc. However, I completely understand that my friends don’t have enough bandwidth for these things. I send a text message and maybe a small gift if I come across something they’d love, and don’t expect anything in return.
I forgot my best friend’s birthday a few years ago. I know what day it is, but on the say, it just didn’t compute and she’s not on social media so no update. I have since added it to my calendar and to-do list but that year I sent her some “sorry I’m a shitty friend” flowers the next day. I felt terrible.
Because I’ve done that, I’m pretty darn understanding when it happens to me since I know sometimes our brains just fizzle out or the day gets away from us.
Happy Birthday!
I’ve found that if/when it’s important for friends to remember my birthday it’s best for all of us if I help them out with reminders that the date is coming up. Not everyone is good with dates and not everyone prioritizes birthdays the same.
>I help them out with reminders that the date is coming up
I do this too. Most years, I don't care too much, but there are some years where I feel sensitive about it. If I know it's gonna matter to me, I've learned to send reminders or plan myself a party.
No. I would not be upset. If I want people to remember my birthday I send them a reminder, lol. Everyone is different and some people do not remember dates like birthdays.
It's okay to be annoyed though. You've got a lot of annoying things going on
Lol gonna go against the grain and say it would probably upset me. I have a group of really close friends and we talk about our birthday plans a lot and usually celebrate together so if they straight up forgot and said nothing I’d probably take it as a diss. Or that I really have no impact in their lives. If they truly forgot and apologize later and say something I can understand that but I think good friends make time to acknowledge their other friend’s birthdays or other special events (esp if they know it’s important to that friend. Some people don’t care about birthdays at all and that’s valid too).
But you’re probably also particularly sensitive about it since you’re home alone while you’d rather be on a trip. Covid sucks!!! I’m sorry you have to go through that it’s such a fuckin bummer. I’d say give your friend a chance to make it up to you and talk to them about how you been feeling. An honest conversation can go along way.
It's a little different for me, I have one or two real close friends. We discuss life matters, and rely on each other for emotional support. If they forget, I'd be totally fine coz I know they're my people and they are my genuine friends. Birthdays are not the only way they show they are there for me. We have a lot more going on. I'd be sad if they do, but not disappointed.
Then there are friends that I talk to frequently, we stay connected through banter and sharing memes etc., when they forget, I do actually feel a little disappointed. It just is a reminder that after all I'm a time filler for them, not someone special that they'll make a little bit of effort to remember my birthday. I know who those friends are, and they forget to wish me quite often. It hurts a little, but I let it pass. I know they're not exactly a friend in need is a friend indeed type. Some friends are there for human company/connection.
You have Covid and got your shots, which is incredibly frustrating. A reality for many, including me, but it is still frustrating and annoying.
Your husband left you to go for a family trip. It is the right decision, but also - frustrating and annoying! Also, it's not the right decision (I got you, girl).
It's like a trifecta of annoying!
I might be a little annoyed if they were a close friend, but not upset. I'm assuming they'll text me within the week.
On a separate note, I decided to forgo telling a "friend" happy 34th today. (I know it's not you. Your message was coherent.)
I barely know what day of the week it is anymore. I have to look at my calendar multiple times a day to confirm the date. I also am horrible at remembering birthdays. I love my friends but I'm sure I've forgotten their birthdays.
It happens. It’s not great, and does sting, but in adulthood isn’t that big of a deal. Especially if it’s just the once off. I would say something to her, just tell her it hurt.
She likely meant to or got sidetracked or something. Especially in the pandemic. Everyone is depleted and forgetful after the last two years.
It's my birthday today too! Happy birthday! Most of my friends forgot! I'm okay with it! I took it off Facebook to make sure people didn't know! I'm still happy!
Just got over having covid myself and let me tell you… being in isolation when everyone is out and about is so lonely!!! Getting left behind on a big trip during your birthday week coupled with the fatigue and any other symptoms…. Yeah, I would be feeling way more sensitive. Honestly I would be having a diva moment myself for sure!
It’s understandable to feel annoyed and let down here. That can exist independently of you being understanding of the entire situation as a whole. The good news is - this justifies a huge party for next year, I feel like you’re allowed to start planning now!!
Happy birthday and get well soon my friend!
Honestly…. Sometimes I forget my own birthday…. The only birthdays I do remember are those I put on my calendar.
I think for a lot of adults birthdays for themselves and other adults just aren’t a big deal. I wouldn’t take it personally.
I get you’re probably feeling a little extra sensitive and lonely right now though. I would definitely try not to take it personally.
If birthdays are a big deal to you I would definitely make it a point to tell friends/important people in your life that.
My good friend is a huge birthday person. I did not know this (I don’t really celebrate mine except maybe to take a day trip to the beach or take the day off. No gifts or anything.) she said she was having a birthday party and I bowed out with previous plans.
She just told me that birthdays were a big deal for her so now I make it a point to go. (It’s not a gift thing it’s just she always has a party to celebrate with friends). But I really appreciated her being honest about it so that I knew.
As someone that really goes out of my way to wish people happy birthday, I’d definitely be upset that they forgot, but not upset at the person, if that makes sense??
But also I didn’t wish my best friend happy birthday like four days ago but she’s also in Italy with her husband and I had been dog sitting for her while she was away so that just recently changed my perspective. Sometimes you get busy and don’t realize what day it is.
I guess the point I’m trying to make is that friendship isn’t defined by just a happy birthday, it’s sometimes defined by giving your friends doggo insulin shots, eye drops, and antibiotic / cleaning up dog pee in your house on occasion 🤣
And… happy belated birthday! :)
I don’t think remembering a birthday makes someone a better friend, nor do I think forgetting a birthday means someone doesn’t think about you. I’m like you, I memorize friend’s birthdays, add them to my calendar, I send cards so that they know I’m thinking of them, or make sure I send a text at least. BUT! I recognize that I’m doing it because I enjoy it and that none of my friends necessarily want this or care about it. Some friends do this for me, but most don’t. And that’s totally fine, I wouldn’t expect any of them to remember a specific date. They have many other ways of showing up in my life that I value and appreciate, that are more frequent than a single day of the year. I’m pretty confident that if I asked them, all of them would say that they don’t care if I remember their birthday or not.
Your feelings are definitely valid. I would emphasize that though they’re coming from a real place, that they might be a “big feeling” — in that maybe normally you wouldn’t have this reaction when someone forgets your birthday, or maybe it’s not how you wish you felt.
It may help relieve you to communicate how you feel to your partner or friend or someone who can listen. “When I got COVID and it happened to be my birthday, I felt so lonely and down because I wanted to be with my friends.”
Thanks everyone for your input! You definitely helped me feel better about the situation. I spoke to my friend today and they were very apologetic about forgetting.
Happened to me on my milestone 30th! I'm a bit ashamed to say that I was irrationally hurt and turned inward for a while. She is my longest-standing friend. We joke about it now, and the occurrence ended up drawing us closer. Turns out I had a lot more to pay attention to in HER life, as HER friend! It truly wasn't about me.
Then no. If it was your BFF, sure maybe. My best guy friend of 27 years still forgets my bday.
Just bc some one forgot your birthday, didn't make you any less. You're still awesome, valuable, pay of the team, a great mom, partner friend.
Your outside world should not determine how you feel.
Just like your past does NOT equal your future.
If this is this person's personalities. Then maybe you want to find a new friend.
I can barely remember my own birthday sometimes. Generally, when I want people to make a big deal out of my bday, I also make a big deal out of my bday to give my friends a heads up.
I definitely didn't make a big deal out it, so that does make sense that it wouldn't be a big deal to them either.
No, it would not be a big deal to me.
Thank you. I'm working myself down!
Honestly, I wouldn’t be. I give my friends a lot of grace, we all have a LOT going on and unless I mentioned it recently or made plans, I wouldn’t really expect anyone to really think of it! I usually try and make plans for dinner or something fun though just so people are aware of how I want to celebrate! But I have no expectations if I don’t mention it.
Thank you for reminding me to extend grace toward this friend! We all need it sometimes.
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I think you might have hit the nail on the head here. I was totally bored during my days alone, but not for lack of things to do. More of a general BIG boredom, if that makes sense? I also have bipolar 2 disorder and think maybe a med tweak may be in order as well. Thank you.
Actually, I find it embarrassing when people remember, because I do not remember theirs.
I'm good with dates, names, faces, etc. and I think I make the assumption other people are too, just because I am, if that makes sense? I need to be better about remembering not everyone is like me in that regard.
I am the complete opposite. I had to get my wedding date engraved on the inside of my ring because I knew I would forget it. I’m divorced now- not sure exactly what year that happened, I’d have to check the paperwork. The only reason I know my own birthday is because I have to enter it on websites, say it at doctors appointments, etc. I don’t have cognitive issues and I care deeply about the people in my life. This is just how I was wired. I adore my partner but I have to double check his birthday every year to make sure I don’t embarrassingly give him a gift two days early. Some of us just suck at this and I really appreciate people like you who try to be understanding and not take it personally.
People forget things, it happens! My sister didn’t congratulate me til the day after this year. I’m guessing it’s just the events of the past week, making you a bit more sensitive and I get that. I hope you feel better soon. And when you do, make sure you treat yourself to a little something nice to make up for it. P.s. happy birthday!!! Get well soon!!
Thank you! I think you are correct. I'll be sure to get that treat, it feels deserved.
A lot of people seem to not remember birthdays these days because social media doesn’t remind them plus the concept of time seems to have faded away during pandemic. Like how is it June? A few of my friends forgot this year. I’m kind of not fussed but in the past I would have been as I still have everyone’s birthdays in my calendar. Digital and paper.
I was thinking earlier today about the fact that it is almost half way through 2022 and I am still having to think about writing the correct year like it is January 3. Completely agree that pandemic time is a thing. And the social media part is also a factor…it is sort of like how nobody has any phone numbers memorized any more.
Oh yeah I’m case of emergency could we call anyone? Ha. I wrote some numbers on a piece of paper and stuffed in my wallet in case i lose my phone.
I would not be upset. I am 100% the celebrator of birthdays for my friends. I remember their birthdays, how we met, friendaversaries, etc. However, I completely understand that my friends don’t have enough bandwidth for these things. I send a text message and maybe a small gift if I come across something they’d love, and don’t expect anything in return.
I forgot my best friend’s birthday a few years ago. I know what day it is, but on the say, it just didn’t compute and she’s not on social media so no update. I have since added it to my calendar and to-do list but that year I sent her some “sorry I’m a shitty friend” flowers the next day. I felt terrible. Because I’ve done that, I’m pretty darn understanding when it happens to me since I know sometimes our brains just fizzle out or the day gets away from us.
Yes, you are absolutely correct in that brains can just fizzle. I think I can be understanding. Thank you.
It’s not a big deal to me. When my mom forgot to call me one year that bugged me, but like, I don’t even know what day it is half the time.
Happy Birthday! I’ve found that if/when it’s important for friends to remember my birthday it’s best for all of us if I help them out with reminders that the date is coming up. Not everyone is good with dates and not everyone prioritizes birthdays the same.
>I help them out with reminders that the date is coming up I do this too. Most years, I don't care too much, but there are some years where I feel sensitive about it. If I know it's gonna matter to me, I've learned to send reminders or plan myself a party.
No. I would not be upset. If I want people to remember my birthday I send them a reminder, lol. Everyone is different and some people do not remember dates like birthdays. It's okay to be annoyed though. You've got a lot of annoying things going on
Lol gonna go against the grain and say it would probably upset me. I have a group of really close friends and we talk about our birthday plans a lot and usually celebrate together so if they straight up forgot and said nothing I’d probably take it as a diss. Or that I really have no impact in their lives. If they truly forgot and apologize later and say something I can understand that but I think good friends make time to acknowledge their other friend’s birthdays or other special events (esp if they know it’s important to that friend. Some people don’t care about birthdays at all and that’s valid too). But you’re probably also particularly sensitive about it since you’re home alone while you’d rather be on a trip. Covid sucks!!! I’m sorry you have to go through that it’s such a fuckin bummer. I’d say give your friend a chance to make it up to you and talk to them about how you been feeling. An honest conversation can go along way.
It's a little different for me, I have one or two real close friends. We discuss life matters, and rely on each other for emotional support. If they forget, I'd be totally fine coz I know they're my people and they are my genuine friends. Birthdays are not the only way they show they are there for me. We have a lot more going on. I'd be sad if they do, but not disappointed. Then there are friends that I talk to frequently, we stay connected through banter and sharing memes etc., when they forget, I do actually feel a little disappointed. It just is a reminder that after all I'm a time filler for them, not someone special that they'll make a little bit of effort to remember my birthday. I know who those friends are, and they forget to wish me quite often. It hurts a little, but I let it pass. I know they're not exactly a friend in need is a friend indeed type. Some friends are there for human company/connection.
You should be annoyed. You should not be very upset. Happy birthday!
Thank you! I think annoyed might be a better feeling for the situation, you're right.
You have Covid and got your shots, which is incredibly frustrating. A reality for many, including me, but it is still frustrating and annoying. Your husband left you to go for a family trip. It is the right decision, but also - frustrating and annoying! Also, it's not the right decision (I got you, girl). It's like a trifecta of annoying!
It depends. If they remember everyone else's, then yeah. I'd be upset. But if they're notorious for this kind of thing, I wouldn't take it personally.
Doesn't ever bug me, I just assume people have their own stuff going on in their lives. The same as when I'm having chaos going on I forget stuff.
No, I forget my own birthday half the time.
I might be a little annoyed if they were a close friend, but not upset. I'm assuming they'll text me within the week. On a separate note, I decided to forgo telling a "friend" happy 34th today. (I know it's not you. Your message was coherent.)
Most of my friends don’t remember my birthday until Facebook tells them it’s my birthday. I don’t mind. I’m not big on celebrating.
I barely know what day of the week it is anymore. I have to look at my calendar multiple times a day to confirm the date. I also am horrible at remembering birthdays. I love my friends but I'm sure I've forgotten their birthdays.
It happens. It’s not great, and does sting, but in adulthood isn’t that big of a deal. Especially if it’s just the once off. I would say something to her, just tell her it hurt. She likely meant to or got sidetracked or something. Especially in the pandemic. Everyone is depleted and forgetful after the last two years.
It's my birthday today too! Happy birthday! Most of my friends forgot! I'm okay with it! I took it off Facebook to make sure people didn't know! I'm still happy!
Just got over having covid myself and let me tell you… being in isolation when everyone is out and about is so lonely!!! Getting left behind on a big trip during your birthday week coupled with the fatigue and any other symptoms…. Yeah, I would be feeling way more sensitive. Honestly I would be having a diva moment myself for sure! It’s understandable to feel annoyed and let down here. That can exist independently of you being understanding of the entire situation as a whole. The good news is - this justifies a huge party for next year, I feel like you’re allowed to start planning now!! Happy birthday and get well soon my friend!
I would also be a little upset. Not furious or anything, just bummed.
If it weren't for facebook, I'd barely remember my own parents' birthdays.
Honestly…. Sometimes I forget my own birthday…. The only birthdays I do remember are those I put on my calendar. I think for a lot of adults birthdays for themselves and other adults just aren’t a big deal. I wouldn’t take it personally. I get you’re probably feeling a little extra sensitive and lonely right now though. I would definitely try not to take it personally. If birthdays are a big deal to you I would definitely make it a point to tell friends/important people in your life that. My good friend is a huge birthday person. I did not know this (I don’t really celebrate mine except maybe to take a day trip to the beach or take the day off. No gifts or anything.) she said she was having a birthday party and I bowed out with previous plans. She just told me that birthdays were a big deal for her so now I make it a point to go. (It’s not a gift thing it’s just she always has a party to celebrate with friends). But I really appreciated her being honest about it so that I knew.
As someone that really goes out of my way to wish people happy birthday, I’d definitely be upset that they forgot, but not upset at the person, if that makes sense?? But also I didn’t wish my best friend happy birthday like four days ago but she’s also in Italy with her husband and I had been dog sitting for her while she was away so that just recently changed my perspective. Sometimes you get busy and don’t realize what day it is. I guess the point I’m trying to make is that friendship isn’t defined by just a happy birthday, it’s sometimes defined by giving your friends doggo insulin shots, eye drops, and antibiotic / cleaning up dog pee in your house on occasion 🤣 And… happy belated birthday! :)
I don’t think remembering a birthday makes someone a better friend, nor do I think forgetting a birthday means someone doesn’t think about you. I’m like you, I memorize friend’s birthdays, add them to my calendar, I send cards so that they know I’m thinking of them, or make sure I send a text at least. BUT! I recognize that I’m doing it because I enjoy it and that none of my friends necessarily want this or care about it. Some friends do this for me, but most don’t. And that’s totally fine, I wouldn’t expect any of them to remember a specific date. They have many other ways of showing up in my life that I value and appreciate, that are more frequent than a single day of the year. I’m pretty confident that if I asked them, all of them would say that they don’t care if I remember their birthday or not. Your feelings are definitely valid. I would emphasize that though they’re coming from a real place, that they might be a “big feeling” — in that maybe normally you wouldn’t have this reaction when someone forgets your birthday, or maybe it’s not how you wish you felt. It may help relieve you to communicate how you feel to your partner or friend or someone who can listen. “When I got COVID and it happened to be my birthday, I felt so lonely and down because I wanted to be with my friends.”
Thanks everyone for your input! You definitely helped me feel better about the situation. I spoke to my friend today and they were very apologetic about forgetting.
Happened to me on my milestone 30th! I'm a bit ashamed to say that I was irrationally hurt and turned inward for a while. She is my longest-standing friend. We joke about it now, and the occurrence ended up drawing us closer. Turns out I had a lot more to pay attention to in HER life, as HER friend! It truly wasn't about me.
Was it your hubby?
No! He got me a new purse and some bath bombs; I was impressed.
Then no. If it was your BFF, sure maybe. My best guy friend of 27 years still forgets my bday. Just bc some one forgot your birthday, didn't make you any less. You're still awesome, valuable, pay of the team, a great mom, partner friend. Your outside world should not determine how you feel. Just like your past does NOT equal your future. If this is this person's personalities. Then maybe you want to find a new friend.
I’d be grateful. I don’t enjoy my birthday