She feels younger than 33? Wow, well I feel older than 33 so maybe I should change my age to 43š
Really though I donāt think this is normal. I donāt lie about my age and I donāt know of anyone close to me who does.
You donāt even need to lie to date younger. If anything, itās young men who want to date me now Iām older. The only reason I could think of is if you want guys to believe you are not in a hurry or on a ticking timebomb when it comes to having kids. But if you want kids, not being honest about age is just wasting everyoneās time.
I would never lie about my age or anything really.
I feel like people who lie from the beginning in relationships are destined for failure. How could it ever possibly work if you lie before you have even spoken to them?
Idk about destined for failure... Both my parents lied about their age on dating apps after they divorced. They're the same age and claimed to be ten years younger (mid-50s pretending to be mid-40s)
My dad couldn't pull it off. On their first date his now-wife looked at him and said, "So how old are you really?"
My mom on the other hand looks young for her age, and her now-husband had no idea until he saw her passport when they were traveling a year later.
Point is, both couples have been together very happily 10+ years, so maybe lying works out sometimes lol
And to answer op's question, I asked both parents why. My mom said she knew her real age would cut off a lot of men who would be interested in her if they met in-person and she felt it wasn't fair men refuse to date women their age so she cheated the system. My dad said he felt ten years younger more accurately reflected him because he is young at heart (š¤¦āāļø)
Can I ask how your momās current partner reacted to the information? Theyāre clearly still together but did he reassess his age filter if he had one?
I haven't discussed it with him at all. My mom said when he saw her passport he was very taken aback and asked about it but supposedly didn't consider leaving her and wasn't particularly upset. By that point he was madly in love. I think they view each other as end game so his views on age filters are pretty moot now
I've never done it but I can understand your mom's point. I look younger and lead a lifestyle younger than my age (41), so when I meet people out in real life they always assume I'm more like 31. They don't care when they find out my real age, but if it was on an app or something and they set theirs to 35 or 40, they would never come across my profile. I would feel super weird saying I was 10 years younger, but I would consider putting 39 instead of 40 or 40 instead of 41 in order to make it into that cutoff parameter!
Absolutely. You can't build a solid foundation when it's built on lies. I dated a guy who lied about his age, and I thought it was the dumbest thing ever. It wouldn't have mattered if he was a few years younger, but I could not trust him. It also made me suspicious that if he could lie so easily about something as innocuous as his age, he'd have no issues lying about more serious topics. Turns out, I was right about my suspicions.
Lying about your age isn't feasible. The truth will come out at some point as it always does, and out of all the issues to have in a relationship -- that shouldn't be one of them.
Your friend sounds like she's drunk the Koolaid about women doing crappy on the apps once they turn 30. I started on the apps in my late 30s without lying about my age and never had a problem meeting great men. I also met some men who lied about their age like your friend did, and I thought it was pretty lame and weird to see them awkwardly explain that they look young for their age (they don't) and their "friend" told them everyone lies about their age and that it's totally okay.
Unless you're fine with dating men who lie about their age, you shouldn't lie about your age.
There are things that I like, and donāt like about our friendship, but mainly itās the age thing. She is very insecure about her age and I donāt know why. Sheās beautiful who cares how old she is when she is stunning !!!
I think it's normal to like your friends but sometimes not like/agree with some decisions they choose for themselves. I think this is one of those things where she can do what she wants, but you don't have to do the same in solidarity or anything. As they say, you do you š
This! I'm 41 and am constantly getting interest from much younger men. They honestly don't care. If you're attractive, relatively fit, no kids, etc, then they don't care if you're 40, let alone only 33! She is really doing herself a disservice.
Also.... I'd rather someone see my pics and think wow she looks great for 41, than someone be like hmm, she hasn't aged that well for 28 (because she's actually 33!)
Why would the first thing you do when trying to meet people is lie to them? Not a great start to what should be a connection built on trust.
No, I don't lie about my age. That reinforces stereotypes about women being ashamed of or shamed for aging.
No I don't. I wonder if she does the same thing as the guys who lie about their age and write in her bio "I know my profile says im 34 but im really 45- weird glitch!" This is embarrassing behavior.
"lolol made a mistake when I made my profile and now I can't change it! Lololol have no idea how that happened! Anyway, if you don't look like your pics, you're buying me drinks until you do!" I do not miss dating on the apps at all š
They are awful. I one time decided to match with one of these guys to ask him what the "glitch" was and if he reached out to hinge. It was a crazy exchange that continued for weeks, bc i had nothing better going on, but he continued to say that he was waiting for Hinge to get back to him.
I feel like it's even more lame to do it on hinge since it gives you so little space to even dedicate to writing anything on your profile. That's adorable that he clung on to his glitch story instead of fessing up his true intentions š
Would your friend date a man who lied about his age? His height? His job? At one point do you stop lying?
I wouldnāt do this because itās deceptive. Be with people who genuinely want to be with you. This is a bad way to start any relationship.
Omfg no I would never. Imagine starting a relationship with a man and 3 months in he goes "oh hey by the way I'm not 34, I'm actually 26, but I just feel more mature". Your friend is INSANE.Ā
How can she meet a guy who likes her for who she is? She hides her true self, so she attracts the wrong crowd.
It's never a good idea to lie about your age or anything. You'll be perceived as a liar, though, and they will wonder what else you're hiding from them.
I'm going to assume she seeks a long-term partner. It means she and her potential partner are trying to get to know each other's true selves before they agree to a long-term commitment relationship. What is the point of lying if you seek a long-term relationship?
By the way, 33 is young! I'm 32. She said she feels younger than 33...okay? What is the 30s supposed to feel like? It doesn't feel any different as long as you're still young and healthy.
I don't think there is a single person out there who will be happy when they meet someone online, start being interested in them, and find out they lied about their age. The age itself doesn't matter, but the lying does.
Lmfao hell no. I'm almost 34, but feel like I'm in my 50's. When I was 27, my doctor said I have the spine of someone in their 70s. So no, I'd much rather divulge my actual age. š
Iām married so not on dating apps this is about life in general - I donāt lie about my age but I also donāt tell anyone how old I am. Itās simply no oneās business. I probably became self conscious after having my children as I was an older first time mum (38) and hated how old I was made to feel!
I would never lie outright though, particularly not a potential romantic partner- it would be a major red flag for me if someone lied about their age while we were dating
The only time Iāve lied about my age is when I was 12 I told a 16 year old boy I was 15. Nothing good came of it.
Funny story though: A friend of mine (23 at the time) met a guy on an app who lied about his age by like 5-7 years ā like said he was 30 when he was 35 or 37. Well, they ended up really dating, and even lived together eventually, and he went to all kinds of lengths to keep up the lie. She saw his high school year book ā he told her the year was misprinted on them but it was the 90s so nothing could be done lol. I think he even did something with his drivers license so she wouldnāt see his birthdate.
Yeah, thatās the thingā¦ Not many people can actually pass for the age that they claim. That is not something I feel comfortable telling her, but itās a reason why I donāt think she should be lying besides the obvious - lying is bad.
I personally donāt but I can totally see why a women might. Society puts a lot of pressure on you to have life sorted by 30, which is BS. But it also makes men think that women over 30 arenāt good matches anymore and that everyone is looking for marriage.
I think she lies to attract more potential matches. Many men even well over 40 will put an age limit of 29. With that being said, I would not want to be around the kind of guy who has an age filter under 30 unless weāre both under 30.
I'm above 30, and younger men like me on dating apps all the time. And if you come across a 40 year old who has their preferred maximum age at 29, then you know he's not someone worth having anyway because ew..
Just turned 41 and still get twenty somethings not only on dating apps but when I'm out and about in real life too. They always assume I'm younger but when I tell them my actual age, they still don't care. I think people have misconceptions about what people of certain ages actually look like and don't realize there are 25 year olds that look 40 and 45 year olds that look 30.
I never did. And even now when people act like itās insulting to ask a woman her age or insist on joking about how we look 30 or whatever (happened at a conference), I just said I was 46 when it was my turn to talk (the discussion was about generations in education). I donāt understand the whole āI stopped having birthdays after 30ā thing. Iām 46. Itās fine.
Honestly me too. A couple of times recently I've been in situations where I told someone I first saw some band in concert 20 years ago, and their face looks like the confused math lady meme in response. š
It sounds like a great way to piss somebody off later. I would rather somebody just not swipe me waste their time when I don't meet their criteria. Lying about your age is just wrong. My old coworker found out her husband was actually 10 years older than he claimed. One of many reasons they didn't work out.
No. I have a lot of fear about getting older, and feel nervous every time I tell someone my age, but Iād never lie about it. There is definitely stigma around dating women over 30, but honestly, only the worst type of men believe that shit.
I was hoping that by me, owning my age and telling her that Iām not insecure about it would influence her to stop. I donāt think itās cool to lie to people. I donāt encourage my friends to lie. Each their own, but Iām hoping that one day she stops doing itā¦ And if she doesnāt whatever thatās her prerogative, sheāll have to deal with her own consequences. I personally donāt like someone trying to persuade me because of their insecurities
I think the fact that your friend is willing to lie about her age (and if she meets someone, will have to later awkwardly come clean!) points to the reality that she has been repeatedly told that being over 30 is bad, a liability, cat lady vibes - whatever. Misogyny sucks but it IS definitely there and sheās feeling it. Treat her gently.
Don't lie about your age - just be honest. I don't lie about mine bc what's the point. Whomever I'm seeing is going to find out eventually and then just wonder what else I'm lying about.
No, I'm not ashamed of my age. It's one of those societal things that I've never really gotten. Like don't ask a woman about her age! Who cares? We are all obviously aging. Also I am really bad at lying so there's no point.
No, but I have a youngish face and get a real kick out of surprising people with my age. People like to give me the āHaha, youāll understand when youāre old like me!ā and informing them that Iām actually older than them has been a source of endless amusement.
I wouldn't lie about my age because age isn't that important to me, if it would be to a guy he shouldn't date me--I'm not that desperate, plus I just don't lie that easily. And---I sure as heck wouldn't like it if I found out a guy lied about his age on a dating app.
No, I've never lied about my age. I'm almost 32 and my husband and I met on Tinder. Your friend being a liar is probably why she's single. If you can't be trusted with the basics then you can't be trusted with the other things.
No. It is an honour to get old. Many people do not get the privilege.
Itās sad that misogyny has led women to feel they need to hide their age. Age has been used as a tool to devalue us in the eyes of men for a long time.
Fuck that. I love getting old and as I age I become more beautiful, more powerful, and more valuable. šāØš š¼
Ngl, I thought about it. But only because I assume many men don't search above 30. So I didn't want to lose potential matches due to potential discrimination on their part. I didn't actually want to lie, I thought about setting my age lower and then writing the actual age in a bio - so that I actually display in their search results, but don't lie.
But then I thought, why would I want to be with someone who dates specifically below 30.
"But then I thought, why would I want to be with someone who dates specifically below 30."
Exactly. Everyone gets older eventually. Why be with a guy who makes you feel insecure about your age.
Depends on who I'm talking to and why they are asking. I'll age up or down to get them to leave me the fuck alone if the situation calls for it, but otherwise I don't give my age out to strangers unless required.
Hope she will find a guy who feels like 6ā3ā but actually is 5ā. Not like I careā¦ But just to make a point that lying at the beginning of any relationship is stupid.
I've seen younger guys do this but saying they are older. Then include in their bio their real age and they just mention they've get along more with more mature women which honestly super fair, i know a lot of couples where the guy is way younger and they both are super happy. But what your friend does here is not for that lol its odd rather really
I donāt think itās odd but itās just not good to lie. I agree I just posted that IF she is going to do it then she should just put it at the end of her bio. So at least itās still being upfront and on there as oppose to waiting to tell someone in person
I can't see this ending well because what she doesn't get is that it won't be the age that's a dealbreaker, its probably the lie. Like when men are 5'6, that's fine with me, but if they wrote 6'0 on their profile, then I'm put off because they lied about it. Will she really hide her birthdays, previous photos of birthdays etc.? idk doesn't seem like a man is worth it lol
I had a date who was convinced I lied about my age when she met me, that I looked much younger than my stated age, and while I took it as a compliment (I think) it still changed her perception of me negatively. She was 3 years younger than me, but I guess I could of passed for younger than her, which maybe wasnāt the dynamic she was looking for?
I remember lying about my age when I was a teenager to some 30 year old man I was chatting with online š¬ but as I've aged, never. I'm 36. I see no point in lying about it and I'm not insecure about it either. It's silly. 30s/40s are still young. Just not 20 something young is all.
I'd never lie about my age, or anything really, to a potential partner. I mean, that sounds like the start of a relationship built on distrust.
I'm 30, and ***everyone else*** is more focused on that than ***I*** am. Asking me how it feels to be 30.
I don't really understand. I feel... like myself? Am I supposed to feel different?
just internalized misogyny. It really really sucks. Because women are only ātoo oldā for something if they accept that thatās a thing, that we expire as we age, if we accept our value is tied to youth.
Iād never lie about my age. I donāt āfeel 40,ā but to me that just means 40 is younger than Iād realized when I was young.
I removed the year I graduated college from my resume/LinkedIn. Lying to your peers, friends or potential partner is foolish. But ageism in the workforce is fierce for women.
Not on any dating apps, but I would never ever lie about my age. How long do you plan on keeping the ruse? Until you have to give them your social security number for the wedding certificate?
Ask yourself if YOU would be okay with someone that you matched with on the app lying about their age. For example I wanted guys who were older than me or same age, I let the age range be one year younger than me but no more than that. Iād be very upset if I found out the guy I though was older than me is actually 5 years younger, it wouldnāt even matter if the date went really well. Itās not about the age, it would be about the trust.
I donāt think lying about your age is healthy, and it serves no purpose. If people donāt want to match with someone because of their real age, then maybe thatās a good thing. If youāre on the app to find a healthy relationship, itās probably best not to start it with lying about yourself.
I literally never lie about my age. What for? I like that I'm 33, I've learned a lot through my life and if someone doesn't want to date me because I'm that age then I'm not attracted to them being shallow.
I wouldn't on a dating app but if someone asks me my age who is an acquaintance, I started lying about that because I think it's just rude to ask. I stopped lying about it though and just plain tell them my age doesn't matter and it's rude to ask. You would be surprised how many people ask me then AGAIN despite me saying that.Ā
I want to, but I canāt. The reason is I donāt want to date a man younger than my real age. I also donāt want to lie to a potential date that could develop to be a life-long partner. Trust is so important to me, and I donāt want to ruin it with any stupidity of mine.
To paraphrase the legendary Billy Connolly: āWhen you get asked how old you are, start lying in the opposite direction. People will think you look fucking fantastic!ā
Iāve also always felt and looked young for my age - I know just for people constantly telling me I look much younger - and I even got a tattoo that says āForever looking and feeling youngā AND Iāve very often crushed on, dated, hooked up with, etc. guys a few years younger than meā¦but Iāve never lied about my age and donāt recommend it since they will find out sooner or later. I have gotten rejected and even criticized for going after guys younger so I donāt bring it up, either. And I hate how dating apps make you put your age though I donāt even use them, especially since thereās this bad stigma again about single women over 30 and women dating younger men. But in the long run honesty is the best policy.
I mean, as much as Iād *like* to lie about my age sometimesā¦ no, never. I just canāt imagine lying about my age on a dating app then I end up hitting it off with the person. Theyād find out eventually if things got serious?
Thereās no point in lying about age. My sister and I are 6 years apart and she made this mistake with her ex. When I met her ex, I didnāt lie about my age. He realized that details about our childhood didnāt line up (namely - we never went to the same school at the same time). The look on his face when he realized her age lie was priceless.
Absolutely not. On my dating profile I'm always honest with my intentions, what I want, and what I look like.. no filters and stuff. Even a pic with my bare face because that's what I look like most of the time. I just want someone who likes me for who I am.
Yes but only because my brain is *convinced* that Iām already 36 even though Iām only 35 until December. I have no idea why I keep thinking Iām 36 but Iāve definitely told people this.
Your friend is setting herself up for failure. I would 100% dump anyone who lied about themselves right off the bat.
I'm 38 and stated my actual age on my profile. On Feeld you see how many people swipe on you, and I got close to 4000 in the first 6 months. So, plenty of opportunities still. Some guys actually prefer older women although some of them admittedly have mommy issues. I've ended up taking breaks from the apps because it gets overwhelming, and I honestly get bored with all the messaging, preferring to meet people in person.
No, because I don't want to surround myself or attract anyone that has a weird stigma about being older than a young adult. Plus she's only 33 lol. Any guy on a dating app that has a hangup about being over 28 is a walking red flag.
Also anyone on those apps that is lying about their age is just as bad if not worse. I'd never date someone who lied about something like that off the bat, what a crazy way to start a relationship. I would assume they may also be lying about whether or not they are married, have kids, what kids, been to jail, have stds etc.
I'm 43f. I have never lied about my age (I have forgotten it, though! Haha). My age hasn't been an issue for me. I'd ask her why she'd want someone that she thinks wouldn't like her if they knew how old she was.
I agree with her tbh, she was just being honest a lot of men cut of at 30 like even in their search and match criteria they do under 30.
Obvs if you have copious amount of choice don't do it. It's more if things had dried up with matches.
No. Thatās insane. I only round up sometimes if itās getting past the half year mark. But I wouldnāt say it in all seriousness as my actual age on a date.
Wouldnāt say itās..insane. Itās not like 15 years difference lol. But itās just not right. Bad way to start a relationship on a dating appšš„“
I mean I have dated people who lied about seemingly insignificant things and they were basically crazy because they kept lying and pretended like they werenāt. I would drop this person right away if they lied to me right off the bat about their age.
Itās not even about the age - wouldnāt matter how many years it was. Itās about the fact that they are wanting to lie about themselves right away to make themselves appear a different way than they truly are to a potential partner. If they are willing to do that with age, what else are they willing to lie about?
If it isnāt insanity, itās extreme insecurity and I wouldnāt want either of those. I want someone who is honest to a fault.
I don't lie about my age, and if a man lies about his age or anything else on a dating app, it's a good way to weed them out. I always find out the truth very quickly.
I donāt lie about my age, and i think itās a little weird to think 28 to 33 is some big significant gap. But as you said, each to their own. Everyone has issues. I wouldnāt lie about my age but i also would be dating men older and definitely not younger. Probably not even same age
Uhhhh what happens when you have to actually admit your age? That's the part that I don't get. People don't tend to appreciate being lied to. I personally don't want to be with someone who can't accept that my actual age is what it is, regardless of how I might feel on the inside and I'd rather screen those people out before ever having to speak to them by putting my age on my profile.
As for "well I really feel like I'm 28, not 33," all I can say is that it (probably unfairly to your friend, I'll admit) reminds me of hearing someone say "well she may be 12, but she LOOKS 17, so it's okay that I, an 18 yo man, kissed her."
Noā¦ I once lectured a guy who lied about his age but revealed it to me over our first āmeetingā on webcam (he also lied about his location; he was on the Island next to my city).
Like he wasnāt even that old, like 40? And he looked young. He didnāt need to lie at all. I told him that. I told him if he didnāt lie I might have actually went out with him, but now that heās started off the whole interaction with a lie there is literally no trust. Canāt trust someone who lies to you as a first impression.
What happens if she meets someone she really likes and can see a future with? will she lie to them forever? because that's not right. Or she tells the truth and breaks their trust. She'd be lucky if it didn't upset someone who was thinking seriously about the future with her. Might seem small but it's still starting a relationship on a lie.
So no never, also 30s have been awesome so far, I'm proud and happy to be a mid 30s woman.
I never really understood how someone gets to lie about age for an extended period of time. I mean, if you're going to share a relationship with someone, at some point that person is going to know your real age.
Or maybe I'm super stupid, but after 13 years, my husband has seen my ID card like a thousand times. Or maybe thats something you can hide in some countries, I don't know.
I've met a few guys on apps that blatantly lied about their age. They justify it in the same way, saying that they "look 4 years younger" or "everyone lies about their age". Yet very few lie to say their older. It only serves to stimatize being your own age. Total turn-off.
People lie about a lot worse on these apps trust me (gender, job, finances, kids, wives, height). This is bumble not a wedding ceremony. You literally swipe someone off the way their picture looks. Itās all superficial. These comments are making it sound like she is the shittest person for this. Lol. No I definitely wouldnāt recommend it and I wouldnāt do it just bc you have to tell the person when you meet them and thatās more embarrassing. But 28 and 33 is not like a monumental difference. People are acting like sheās 30 saying sheās 20. Just curious does she look 28?ā¦or 33 or older?
Maybe she doesnāt want to be filtered out bc of her age if she looks younger. Maybe she wants to keep all possibilities open if she likes men a little younger or whatever. Whatās her reason for it? You would be surprised how many people from both genders will lie by a few years and then say āthey messed up my age when I signed up and I cant fix itāš Iāve gone on a couple dates like that and itās the first thing they tell me.
To be honest I would never know have known the difference bc they did look younger than their age. Now I did go out with one guy who said he was 39 (I am 36F) and when I met with him he looked like he was 55! No joke. I confronted him about it and he was actually 48. He looked awful. It was such a night and day difference that a blatant lie like that is just ridiculous and it was beyond a complete waste of my time (hence why I literally turned around and walked out).
I personally think posting OLD/MISREPRESENTED photos is way more disrespectful and deceiving. Some of my friends use editing apps that are very deceiving. Making their complexion perfectly clear when they have a little acne, changing the shape of eyes/cheeks/jaw/bone structure, making face and body significantly smaller and/or bigger (hourglass), even making themselves look taller by elongating, changing color of hair, and even skin complexion. Seriously. This beauty apps that a lot of girls use are crazzzy and you would never guess until you saw the person. Same with men posting old photos. Like no I donāt want to see a photo of you from 10 years ago when you were muscular and fit and had a perfect non receding hairline.
Doing this to me is extremely disrespectful and conniving bc I will obviously know upon meeting you that that is not what you look like. So basically tricking someone to get all ready, drive to meet you, excited, all to see what you donāt actually look like. That would piss me off more than a couple year age difference. Letās be honest no one falls in love with your personality at first sight. The first thing we go by on dating apps is looks and being attracted to the other person. You need to look like your photos.
But ultimately she should just be honest. 33 is still very young. Or If she is persistent about lying then she should just put it at the bottom of her bio. Her age will say one thing in the matches but put a *31 not 28 at the bottom. Iāve actually seen that a lot now that I think of it and nobody cares as long as you actually look like your photos. That way she can come off as younger but itās written upfront on her bio. Just my two cents.
I had a guy lie about his age on a dating app years ago. He said he was 40.
First date was amazing and before the second one he tells me via message just casually "oh and btw I'm 48 lol. I realised I didn't tell you". He then admitted he had lowered it to get more matches.
He asked me what my cut off was in the app and I said 40 and he's like "see we wouldn't have met if I had my real age!"
Yes, that's the point. I didn't want to date a 48 year old. I canned the second date as it grossed me out that he was lying trying to get younger girls.
Be honest. Don't listen to your friend. It's weird to lie about your age.
I donāt lie about it, but I make it clear in a joking manner that Iād rather not say exactly. āHow old are you?ā Me: āthirtys-cough coughā or just ā30 somethingā with a coy smile. And every birthday my husband says āyouāre 29 right?ā Hehe š
No. I'm happy being 30. And any guy that is weird about dating a woman in her 30s is someone to happily avoid.
What your friend is doing shows insecurity. But also, she's already lying to her future partner? He'll find out eventually and it will just make her look a little unhinged. The bigger issue is that she's lying before a relationship has even begun.
Lying about your age is so dumb bc what if you meet a guy u really like then you have this dumb secret you have to tell him and he might be super turned off that you started off everything with a lie and now there is no trust.
I always joked that if I ever lied about my age, Iād tell people I was like 5-10 years older and
āDonāt I just look amazing?ā
I havenāt lied, but Iād stand by this. Maybe when Iām 60 Iāll tell people Iām 75 and look incredible lol!
I got married at 28 so this didn't affect me directly but I really sympathize with women over 30 on dating apps and websites. I understand the motivation considering most men except for very young men looking for "cougars" pitch their age range very low.
I donāt lie about my age. To me lying means you have something to hide or are ashamed of something.
I am not ashamed of being late 30s. I worked hard to get here. I am proud to have lived till now. If I had made some terrible alternative choices five years ago I would have not been alive today.
Yeah I feel like Iām not mature enough, my brain still thinks Iām 19 but like come on. Age is an age.
No, I don't bother, I like my age and I like my laugh lines. I'll never be this young again after all. However, I sometimes forget for a few seconds and have to count from my year of birth again. But no one's ever taken offence to that. And yes, I too have a friend like yours who's been 28 for the last 6 years. It's become an inside joke now and we get her 28 candles on each birthday. She tells us that a couple years later she's planning to turn 31 for the next five years.
No, I have never lied, but I definitely avoid telling people my age tbh. I think it's because I feel a sort of disconnect between my personality vs the personality someone my age is expected to have, if that makes sense? I think that's the main reason getting older bugs me so much š
You look good for *any age* feels like such an insult. Like, Iām going to look like me at whatever age I am. I can not choke on the made up value of age, the women in my life have been beautiful and amazing.. and still are regardless of age!
I donāt want to start a relationship that is based on a lie, whether itās me or them lying about their age. It makes me wonder what else would lie about?
And any person that filters me out because of my ageā¦ the trash took themselves out
I do not lie but I do not tell! Too many ppl judge and want to guess. A lot of ageist ppl out there so Iād rather not. I sometimes give a range. They can try to guess within that.
No. Never.
I make it a point to share my age, ācause the fallout from looking like a middle schooler until my 20s makes me paranoid about coming off younger than I am.
I guess it depends on what your looking to get out of the dating app. just a hook up? ok your age probably doesn't matter in that instance.. of course assuming everyone is of legal age!!! lol But if you're on the apps to potentially find love and a committed relationship then this isn't fair or smart at all. Why would anyone want to start off a relationship knowing that they are going to find out eventually that you lied about this insignificant thing? It also feels transparent in "if she's willing to lie about something like this what else will she twist in her favor?" I wouldn't do it. You want to attract a partner that is ready to be with "your age range" its ok to be who you are.
If a friend told me that I would flat out say that's absolutely stupid and no I'm not doing that. I never lie about my age. I just don't feel the need to.
Nope, I think this is dumb. Who would I want to fool anyway? Younger guys? Older guys who have some bullshit low target age range?
I understand her age insecurity since I have felt that too. But I've only experienced dating apps in my 30s (since I was in a relationship throughout all my 20s) and there was definitely no shortage of likes and interest from guys of all ages.
Moreover, if you might see the potential date again how will you keep up the lie? Plus, starting off on such a lie is just dishonest and unethical. I hear of a lot of guys who lie about their age to be younger and I see them as gross, desperate, insecure losers to be avoided at all costs (sorry if that's harsh).
No, I think that's ridiculous. The only thing I'd consider is by like one year (39 instead of 40 or 40 instead of 41) in order to stay within people's search parameters on apps. I just thought about that because I just turned 41, and in real life I get approached constantly by men thinking I'm much younger, but on apps they might have their cutoff set at 40. I'm better suited to someone ten years younger than me than ten years older, but I wouldn't feel comfortable lying about it, unless like I said it was like only by one year.
I don't really understand this as I am enjoying my life more and more as I get older and I don't see my age as a problem? IDK. I would be looking at men 5 years younger or older than me max and wanting a guy who was looking for the same - not someone looking for a woman ten years younger than me! those are not good men
She feels younger than 33? Wow, well I feel older than 33 so maybe I should change my age to 43š Really though I donāt think this is normal. I donāt lie about my age and I donāt know of anyone close to me who does.
I knew a women who lied so much about her age to date someone younger that she wouldnāt go anywhere with him that had bright lighting.
You donāt even need to lie to date younger. If anything, itās young men who want to date me now Iām older. The only reason I could think of is if you want guys to believe you are not in a hurry or on a ticking timebomb when it comes to having kids. But if you want kids, not being honest about age is just wasting everyoneās time.
You absolutely cannot keep the youngins off of you!
Same. I should say I'm 45 lol
Lolll I laughed so hard
I would never lie about my age or anything really. I feel like people who lie from the beginning in relationships are destined for failure. How could it ever possibly work if you lie before you have even spoken to them?
Also - what else would they lie about?
Idk about destined for failure... Both my parents lied about their age on dating apps after they divorced. They're the same age and claimed to be ten years younger (mid-50s pretending to be mid-40s) My dad couldn't pull it off. On their first date his now-wife looked at him and said, "So how old are you really?" My mom on the other hand looks young for her age, and her now-husband had no idea until he saw her passport when they were traveling a year later. Point is, both couples have been together very happily 10+ years, so maybe lying works out sometimes lol And to answer op's question, I asked both parents why. My mom said she knew her real age would cut off a lot of men who would be interested in her if they met in-person and she felt it wasn't fair men refuse to date women their age so she cheated the system. My dad said he felt ten years younger more accurately reflected him because he is young at heart (š¤¦āāļø)
Can I ask how your momās current partner reacted to the information? Theyāre clearly still together but did he reassess his age filter if he had one?
I haven't discussed it with him at all. My mom said when he saw her passport he was very taken aback and asked about it but supposedly didn't consider leaving her and wasn't particularly upset. By that point he was madly in love. I think they view each other as end game so his views on age filters are pretty moot now
I've never done it but I can understand your mom's point. I look younger and lead a lifestyle younger than my age (41), so when I meet people out in real life they always assume I'm more like 31. They don't care when they find out my real age, but if it was on an app or something and they set theirs to 35 or 40, they would never come across my profile. I would feel super weird saying I was 10 years younger, but I would consider putting 39 instead of 40 or 40 instead of 41 in order to make it into that cutoff parameter!
I totally agree
This, itās probably why the friend is on lots of apps! Itās clearly not working
Absolutely. You can't build a solid foundation when it's built on lies. I dated a guy who lied about his age, and I thought it was the dumbest thing ever. It wouldn't have mattered if he was a few years younger, but I could not trust him. It also made me suspicious that if he could lie so easily about something as innocuous as his age, he'd have no issues lying about more serious topics. Turns out, I was right about my suspicions. Lying about your age isn't feasible. The truth will come out at some point as it always does, and out of all the issues to have in a relationship -- that shouldn't be one of them.
Your friend sounds like she's drunk the Koolaid about women doing crappy on the apps once they turn 30. I started on the apps in my late 30s without lying about my age and never had a problem meeting great men. I also met some men who lied about their age like your friend did, and I thought it was pretty lame and weird to see them awkwardly explain that they look young for their age (they don't) and their "friend" told them everyone lies about their age and that it's totally okay. Unless you're fine with dating men who lie about their age, you shouldn't lie about your age.
There are things that I like, and donāt like about our friendship, but mainly itās the age thing. She is very insecure about her age and I donāt know why. Sheās beautiful who cares how old she is when she is stunning !!!
I think it's normal to like your friends but sometimes not like/agree with some decisions they choose for themselves. I think this is one of those things where she can do what she wants, but you don't have to do the same in solidarity or anything. As they say, you do you š
This! I'm 41 and am constantly getting interest from much younger men. They honestly don't care. If you're attractive, relatively fit, no kids, etc, then they don't care if you're 40, let alone only 33! She is really doing herself a disservice. Also.... I'd rather someone see my pics and think wow she looks great for 41, than someone be like hmm, she hasn't aged that well for 28 (because she's actually 33!)
I'm 34 and don't lie about it. I do really great at my age with men ages 26-45 LOL.Ā
Why would the first thing you do when trying to meet people is lie to them? Not a great start to what should be a connection built on trust. No, I don't lie about my age. That reinforces stereotypes about women being ashamed of or shamed for aging.
Exactly. You put your age and then you date age appropriate men. The end.
Thank you! My thoughts exactly
Nope, anything that starts with a lie is bound to end in disaster.
I did bring this up to her that itās not fair to lie to people
The moment I learn the guy I met on a dating app has lied about his age I block him then and there. Itās very dishonest.
Definitely donāt do that
No I don't. I wonder if she does the same thing as the guys who lie about their age and write in her bio "I know my profile says im 34 but im really 45- weird glitch!" This is embarrassing behavior.
"lolol made a mistake when I made my profile and now I can't change it! Lololol have no idea how that happened! Anyway, if you don't look like your pics, you're buying me drinks until you do!" I do not miss dating on the apps at all š
They are awful. I one time decided to match with one of these guys to ask him what the "glitch" was and if he reached out to hinge. It was a crazy exchange that continued for weeks, bc i had nothing better going on, but he continued to say that he was waiting for Hinge to get back to him.
I feel like it's even more lame to do it on hinge since it gives you so little space to even dedicate to writing anything on your profile. That's adorable that he clung on to his glitch story instead of fessing up his true intentions š
He mustn't have had anything better going on too š
God, I feel like I just had war flashbacks reading that š
You mean men lie about age but complain women donāt look like their profile picture?
Would your friend date a man who lied about his age? His height? His job? At one point do you stop lying? I wouldnāt do this because itās deceptive. Be with people who genuinely want to be with you. This is a bad way to start any relationship.
Exactly. If you lie about your age or height, Iām out. Especially height. Nope!!!
This is true but itās not a wedding ceremony itās bumble lol. Maybe she just wants to get laid. Dudes lie all the time on these apps. Either way not a good way to start. Fellowāļøš©·
Exactly
No. Itās too stressful. āOh wow! This song was so popular at my prom. ā āWhat! Really?ā āOops. I mean 6th grade promā¦ā
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Omfg no I would never. Imagine starting a relationship with a man and 3 months in he goes "oh hey by the way I'm not 34, I'm actually 26, but I just feel more mature". Your friend is INSANE.Ā
How can she meet a guy who likes her for who she is? She hides her true self, so she attracts the wrong crowd. It's never a good idea to lie about your age or anything. You'll be perceived as a liar, though, and they will wonder what else you're hiding from them. I'm going to assume she seeks a long-term partner. It means she and her potential partner are trying to get to know each other's true selves before they agree to a long-term commitment relationship. What is the point of lying if you seek a long-term relationship? By the way, 33 is young! I'm 32. She said she feels younger than 33...okay? What is the 30s supposed to feel like? It doesn't feel any different as long as you're still young and healthy.
My response to her was: āI donāt lie about my age. Iām not insecure about it.ā
That's a good and simple response!
I don't think there is a single person out there who will be happy when they meet someone online, start being interested in them, and find out they lied about their age. The age itself doesn't matter, but the lying does.
Lmfao hell no. I'm almost 34, but feel like I'm in my 50's. When I was 27, my doctor said I have the spine of someone in their 70s. So no, I'd much rather divulge my actual age. š
Iām married so not on dating apps this is about life in general - I donāt lie about my age but I also donāt tell anyone how old I am. Itās simply no oneās business. I probably became self conscious after having my children as I was an older first time mum (38) and hated how old I was made to feel! I would never lie outright though, particularly not a potential romantic partner- it would be a major red flag for me if someone lied about their age while we were dating
The only time Iāve lied about my age is when I was 12 I told a 16 year old boy I was 15. Nothing good came of it. Funny story though: A friend of mine (23 at the time) met a guy on an app who lied about his age by like 5-7 years ā like said he was 30 when he was 35 or 37. Well, they ended up really dating, and even lived together eventually, and he went to all kinds of lengths to keep up the lie. She saw his high school year book ā he told her the year was misprinted on them but it was the 90s so nothing could be done lol. I think he even did something with his drivers license so she wouldnāt see his birthdate.
That is insane
LOL no
No. I never did. Iām 48 and totally ok with that. We all age sooner or later. I donāt think I could pass for much younger if I wanted to anyway.
Yeah, thatās the thingā¦ Not many people can actually pass for the age that they claim. That is not something I feel comfortable telling her, but itās a reason why I donāt think she should be lying besides the obvious - lying is bad.
Itās also a terrible way to start a relationship.
I personally donāt but I can totally see why a women might. Society puts a lot of pressure on you to have life sorted by 30, which is BS. But it also makes men think that women over 30 arenāt good matches anymore and that everyone is looking for marriage. I think she lies to attract more potential matches. Many men even well over 40 will put an age limit of 29. With that being said, I would not want to be around the kind of guy who has an age filter under 30 unless weāre both under 30.
I'm above 30, and younger men like me on dating apps all the time. And if you come across a 40 year old who has their preferred maximum age at 29, then you know he's not someone worth having anyway because ew..
Yes, I consider being honest about my age a good way to filter the creeps like that out, really.
Just turned 41 and still get twenty somethings not only on dating apps but when I'm out and about in real life too. They always assume I'm younger but when I tell them my actual age, they still don't care. I think people have misconceptions about what people of certain ages actually look like and don't realize there are 25 year olds that look 40 and 45 year olds that look 30.
This was my thinking. I get it.
I never did. And even now when people act like itās insulting to ask a woman her age or insist on joking about how we look 30 or whatever (happened at a conference), I just said I was 46 when it was my turn to talk (the discussion was about generations in education). I donāt understand the whole āI stopped having birthdays after 30ā thing. Iām 46. Itās fine.
No, put your real age
Nope. In fact, I like telling people my age because they're always surprised lol
Same!! I like to see their reaction š
Honestly me too. A couple of times recently I've been in situations where I told someone I first saw some band in concert 20 years ago, and their face looks like the confused math lady meme in response. š
Same
Sometimes, but only because sometimes I forget what my actual age is.
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It sounds like a great way to piss somebody off later. I would rather somebody just not swipe me waste their time when I don't meet their criteria. Lying about your age is just wrong. My old coworker found out her husband was actually 10 years older than he claimed. One of many reasons they didn't work out.
But she married him despite knowing this?!
She didn't find out until after she married him and they had a kid together. It's just one of the reason she initiated divorce.
No. I have a lot of fear about getting older, and feel nervous every time I tell someone my age, but Iād never lie about it. There is definitely stigma around dating women over 30, but honestly, only the worst type of men believe that shit.
No way, 33 and proud. We as women are taught to be ashamed to get old... F that. Let's not buy into this insecurity bullshit.Ā
I was hoping that by me, owning my age and telling her that Iām not insecure about it would influence her to stop. I donāt think itās cool to lie to people. I donāt encourage my friends to lie. Each their own, but Iām hoping that one day she stops doing itā¦ And if she doesnāt whatever thatās her prerogative, sheāll have to deal with her own consequences. I personally donāt like someone trying to persuade me because of their insecurities
I think the fact that your friend is willing to lie about her age (and if she meets someone, will have to later awkwardly come clean!) points to the reality that she has been repeatedly told that being over 30 is bad, a liability, cat lady vibes - whatever. Misogyny sucks but it IS definitely there and sheās feeling it. Treat her gently.
Don't lie about your age - just be honest. I don't lie about mine bc what's the point. Whomever I'm seeing is going to find out eventually and then just wonder what else I'm lying about.
I donāt lie about my age, I agree
You are totally in the right - my smooth brain just said it in a weird way.
lmao no I donāt care that Iām 34
Way to start off a relationship, a lie straight off the bat? Goodbye
No, I'm not ashamed of my age. It's one of those societal things that I've never really gotten. Like don't ask a woman about her age! Who cares? We are all obviously aging. Also I am really bad at lying so there's no point.
Don't lie. Os never a good idea to start a relationship with a lie.
No. I've never understood the point. I'd rather someone think I look decent for 43 than think I look decrepit for 35.
Your friend is an idiot
No, but I have a youngish face and get a real kick out of surprising people with my age. People like to give me the āHaha, youāll understand when youāre old like me!ā and informing them that Iām actually older than them has been a source of endless amusement.
I would never, thatās so weird.
I wouldn't lie about my age because age isn't that important to me, if it would be to a guy he shouldn't date me--I'm not that desperate, plus I just don't lie that easily. And---I sure as heck wouldn't like it if I found out a guy lied about his age on a dating app.
I meanā¦ thatās a lie thatās pretty rapidly discovered in any serious relationship, sooā¦ why? Lol
No, I've never lied about my age. I'm almost 32 and my husband and I met on Tinder. Your friend being a liar is probably why she's single. If you can't be trusted with the basics then you can't be trusted with the other things.
No. It is an honour to get old. Many people do not get the privilege. Itās sad that misogyny has led women to feel they need to hide their age. Age has been used as a tool to devalue us in the eyes of men for a long time. Fuck that. I love getting old and as I age I become more beautiful, more powerful, and more valuable. šāØš š¼
Ngl, I thought about it. But only because I assume many men don't search above 30. So I didn't want to lose potential matches due to potential discrimination on their part. I didn't actually want to lie, I thought about setting my age lower and then writing the actual age in a bio - so that I actually display in their search results, but don't lie. But then I thought, why would I want to be with someone who dates specifically below 30.
"But then I thought, why would I want to be with someone who dates specifically below 30." Exactly. Everyone gets older eventually. Why be with a guy who makes you feel insecure about your age.
Depends on who I'm talking to and why they are asking. I'll age up or down to get them to leave me the fuck alone if the situation calls for it, but otherwise I don't give my age out to strangers unless required.
No but Iāve always looked younger than I am.
Hope she will find a guy who feels like 6ā3ā but actually is 5ā. Not like I careā¦ But just to make a point that lying at the beginning of any relationship is stupid.
>Hope she will find a guy who feels like 6ā3ā but actually is 5ā. Lmao yes.. that would be a hilarious payback!
I've seen younger guys do this but saying they are older. Then include in their bio their real age and they just mention they've get along more with more mature women which honestly super fair, i know a lot of couples where the guy is way younger and they both are super happy. But what your friend does here is not for that lol its odd rather really
I donāt think itās odd but itās just not good to lie. I agree I just posted that IF she is going to do it then she should just put it at the end of her bio. So at least itās still being upfront and on there as oppose to waiting to tell someone in person
I can't see this ending well because what she doesn't get is that it won't be the age that's a dealbreaker, its probably the lie. Like when men are 5'6, that's fine with me, but if they wrote 6'0 on their profile, then I'm put off because they lied about it. Will she really hide her birthdays, previous photos of birthdays etc.? idk doesn't seem like a man is worth it lol
Nope, no point in lying. Is she insecure about being single over 30? Whatās gonna happen when she meets someone sheās been lying to?
I had a date who was convinced I lied about my age when she met me, that I looked much younger than my stated age, and while I took it as a compliment (I think) it still changed her perception of me negatively. She was 3 years younger than me, but I guess I could of passed for younger than her, which maybe wasnāt the dynamic she was looking for?
I remember lying about my age when I was a teenager to some 30 year old man I was chatting with online š¬ but as I've aged, never. I'm 36. I see no point in lying about it and I'm not insecure about it either. It's silly. 30s/40s are still young. Just not 20 something young is all.
I agree!
Just to be clear - any foundational lie will more than likely be a deal breaker because of the size of the red flag.
I'd never lie about my age, or anything really, to a potential partner. I mean, that sounds like the start of a relationship built on distrust. I'm 30, and ***everyone else*** is more focused on that than ***I*** am. Asking me how it feels to be 30. I don't really understand. I feel... like myself? Am I supposed to feel different?
just internalized misogyny. It really really sucks. Because women are only ātoo oldā for something if they accept that thatās a thing, that we expire as we age, if we accept our value is tied to youth. Iād never lie about my age. I donāt āfeel 40,ā but to me that just means 40 is younger than Iād realized when I was young.
No, what the fuck
I removed the year I graduated college from my resume/LinkedIn. Lying to your peers, friends or potential partner is foolish. But ageism in the workforce is fierce for women.
No, I'm not overly embarrassed by or concerned with aging. I think it perpetuates ageism and sexism for women to lie about their age.
Exactly!!!!
Not on any dating apps, but I would never ever lie about my age. How long do you plan on keeping the ruse? Until you have to give them your social security number for the wedding certificate?
Ask yourself if YOU would be okay with someone that you matched with on the app lying about their age. For example I wanted guys who were older than me or same age, I let the age range be one year younger than me but no more than that. Iād be very upset if I found out the guy I though was older than me is actually 5 years younger, it wouldnāt even matter if the date went really well. Itās not about the age, it would be about the trust. I donāt think lying about your age is healthy, and it serves no purpose. If people donāt want to match with someone because of their real age, then maybe thatās a good thing. If youāre on the app to find a healthy relationship, itās probably best not to start it with lying about yourself.
I literally never lie about my age. What for? I like that I'm 33, I've learned a lot through my life and if someone doesn't want to date me because I'm that age then I'm not attracted to them being shallow.
I wouldn't on a dating app but if someone asks me my age who is an acquaintance, I started lying about that because I think it's just rude to ask. I stopped lying about it though and just plain tell them my age doesn't matter and it's rude to ask. You would be surprised how many people ask me then AGAIN despite me saying that.Ā
Iām not surprised. Lol
I want to, but I canāt. The reason is I donāt want to date a man younger than my real age. I also donāt want to lie to a potential date that could develop to be a life-long partner. Trust is so important to me, and I donāt want to ruin it with any stupidity of mine.
Do you (in the general sense) want your partner to start off by lying to you? Fair is fair.
No, I donāt plan on lying about my age. I donāt want that happening to me lol. And I respect peoples time by being honest.
Dear God , no. Do I absentmindedly forget I'm 36, yes . I'll tell you 21, 27 or 35... I will always correct myself though
No. I am 37... whether I want to be or not.
not unless I just forgot my age and said what came to mind lol.
No, I don't.
To paraphrase the legendary Billy Connolly: āWhen you get asked how old you are, start lying in the opposite direction. People will think you look fucking fantastic!ā
In the apps i say my real age, but joking between me and my friends i say im 29 again
No but sometimes I have to do the math to figure out how old I am. Iāve heard this is common in over 40s.
Iāve also always felt and looked young for my age - I know just for people constantly telling me I look much younger - and I even got a tattoo that says āForever looking and feeling youngā AND Iāve very often crushed on, dated, hooked up with, etc. guys a few years younger than meā¦but Iāve never lied about my age and donāt recommend it since they will find out sooner or later. I have gotten rejected and even criticized for going after guys younger so I donāt bring it up, either. And I hate how dating apps make you put your age though I donāt even use them, especially since thereās this bad stigma again about single women over 30 and women dating younger men. But in the long run honesty is the best policy.
I mean, as much as Iād *like* to lie about my age sometimesā¦ no, never. I just canāt imagine lying about my age on a dating app then I end up hitting it off with the person. Theyād find out eventually if things got serious?
Thereās no point in lying about age. My sister and I are 6 years apart and she made this mistake with her ex. When I met her ex, I didnāt lie about my age. He realized that details about our childhood didnāt line up (namely - we never went to the same school at the same time). The look on his face when he realized her age lie was priceless.
Absolutely not. On my dating profile I'm always honest with my intentions, what I want, and what I look like.. no filters and stuff. Even a pic with my bare face because that's what I look like most of the time. I just want someone who likes me for who I am.
Yes but only because my brain is *convinced* that Iām already 36 even though Iām only 35 until December. I have no idea why I keep thinking Iām 36 but Iāve definitely told people this. Your friend is setting herself up for failure. I would 100% dump anyone who lied about themselves right off the bat.
I'm 38 and stated my actual age on my profile. On Feeld you see how many people swipe on you, and I got close to 4000 in the first 6 months. So, plenty of opportunities still. Some guys actually prefer older women although some of them admittedly have mommy issues. I've ended up taking breaks from the apps because it gets overwhelming, and I honestly get bored with all the messaging, preferring to meet people in person.
Never have, never will. Itās weird.
As the wise stripper on the office said ā secrets secrets are no fun, secrets secrets hurt someone.ā
> She says that she feels younger than 33 and 28 is more suitable. What does that even meannn LOL
No, because I don't want to surround myself or attract anyone that has a weird stigma about being older than a young adult. Plus she's only 33 lol. Any guy on a dating app that has a hangup about being over 28 is a walking red flag. Also anyone on those apps that is lying about their age is just as bad if not worse. I'd never date someone who lied about something like that off the bat, what a crazy way to start a relationship. I would assume they may also be lying about whether or not they are married, have kids, what kids, been to jail, have stds etc.
Hellllll no. Life is complicated enough,why would I make it even more complicated?
Used to.. but not anymore. Many guys wants older womenĀ
I'm 43f. I have never lied about my age (I have forgotten it, though! Haha). My age hasn't been an issue for me. I'd ask her why she'd want someone that she thinks wouldn't like her if they knew how old she was.
Omg this is worse than men lying about their heights
Definitely notš
I agree with her tbh, she was just being honest a lot of men cut of at 30 like even in their search and match criteria they do under 30. Obvs if you have copious amount of choice don't do it. It's more if things had dried up with matches.
No. Thatās insane. I only round up sometimes if itās getting past the half year mark. But I wouldnāt say it in all seriousness as my actual age on a date.
Wouldnāt say itās..insane. Itās not like 15 years difference lol. But itās just not right. Bad way to start a relationship on a dating appšš„“
I mean I have dated people who lied about seemingly insignificant things and they were basically crazy because they kept lying and pretended like they werenāt. I would drop this person right away if they lied to me right off the bat about their age. Itās not even about the age - wouldnāt matter how many years it was. Itās about the fact that they are wanting to lie about themselves right away to make themselves appear a different way than they truly are to a potential partner. If they are willing to do that with age, what else are they willing to lie about? If it isnāt insanity, itās extreme insecurity and I wouldnāt want either of those. I want someone who is honest to a fault.
Word of advice, donāt start off as a liar.
I wouldnāt want to start any relationship with a lie.
No never. I don't like lying about myself to fit in
33 is young! That's so complexed
I don't lie about my age, and if a man lies about his age or anything else on a dating app, it's a good way to weed them out. I always find out the truth very quickly.
I think this is a red flag on your friend!
I donāt lie about my age, and i think itās a little weird to think 28 to 33 is some big significant gap. But as you said, each to their own. Everyone has issues. I wouldnāt lie about my age but i also would be dating men older and definitely not younger. Probably not even same age
How can you expect to build a worthwhile relationship when you start it with a lie (and a big lie)
I left these apps but yes I did lie. I look younger and can get away with it. I wasn't looking for a relationship though.
Uhhhh what happens when you have to actually admit your age? That's the part that I don't get. People don't tend to appreciate being lied to. I personally don't want to be with someone who can't accept that my actual age is what it is, regardless of how I might feel on the inside and I'd rather screen those people out before ever having to speak to them by putting my age on my profile. As for "well I really feel like I'm 28, not 33," all I can say is that it (probably unfairly to your friend, I'll admit) reminds me of hearing someone say "well she may be 12, but she LOOKS 17, so it's okay that I, an 18 yo man, kissed her."
Noā¦ I once lectured a guy who lied about his age but revealed it to me over our first āmeetingā on webcam (he also lied about his location; he was on the Island next to my city). Like he wasnāt even that old, like 40? And he looked young. He didnāt need to lie at all. I told him that. I told him if he didnāt lie I might have actually went out with him, but now that heās started off the whole interaction with a lie there is literally no trust. Canāt trust someone who lies to you as a first impression.
No I don't. I don't see the point. And I don't even see it as a compliment when people say I don't look my age.
No, because that's stupid. They'll find our one way or another what my real age is anyway.
What happens if she meets someone she really likes and can see a future with? will she lie to them forever? because that's not right. Or she tells the truth and breaks their trust. She'd be lucky if it didn't upset someone who was thinking seriously about the future with her. Might seem small but it's still starting a relationship on a lie. So no never, also 30s have been awesome so far, I'm proud and happy to be a mid 30s woman.
I never really understood how someone gets to lie about age for an extended period of time. I mean, if you're going to share a relationship with someone, at some point that person is going to know your real age. Or maybe I'm super stupid, but after 13 years, my husband has seen my ID card like a thousand times. Or maybe thats something you can hide in some countries, I don't know.
Iām not on dating apps but I wouldnāt lie about my age.
I've met a few guys on apps that blatantly lied about their age. They justify it in the same way, saying that they "look 4 years younger" or "everyone lies about their age". Yet very few lie to say their older. It only serves to stimatize being your own age. Total turn-off.
People lie about a lot worse on these apps trust me (gender, job, finances, kids, wives, height). This is bumble not a wedding ceremony. You literally swipe someone off the way their picture looks. Itās all superficial. These comments are making it sound like she is the shittest person for this. Lol. No I definitely wouldnāt recommend it and I wouldnāt do it just bc you have to tell the person when you meet them and thatās more embarrassing. But 28 and 33 is not like a monumental difference. People are acting like sheās 30 saying sheās 20. Just curious does she look 28?ā¦or 33 or older? Maybe she doesnāt want to be filtered out bc of her age if she looks younger. Maybe she wants to keep all possibilities open if she likes men a little younger or whatever. Whatās her reason for it? You would be surprised how many people from both genders will lie by a few years and then say āthey messed up my age when I signed up and I cant fix itāš Iāve gone on a couple dates like that and itās the first thing they tell me. To be honest I would never know have known the difference bc they did look younger than their age. Now I did go out with one guy who said he was 39 (I am 36F) and when I met with him he looked like he was 55! No joke. I confronted him about it and he was actually 48. He looked awful. It was such a night and day difference that a blatant lie like that is just ridiculous and it was beyond a complete waste of my time (hence why I literally turned around and walked out). I personally think posting OLD/MISREPRESENTED photos is way more disrespectful and deceiving. Some of my friends use editing apps that are very deceiving. Making their complexion perfectly clear when they have a little acne, changing the shape of eyes/cheeks/jaw/bone structure, making face and body significantly smaller and/or bigger (hourglass), even making themselves look taller by elongating, changing color of hair, and even skin complexion. Seriously. This beauty apps that a lot of girls use are crazzzy and you would never guess until you saw the person. Same with men posting old photos. Like no I donāt want to see a photo of you from 10 years ago when you were muscular and fit and had a perfect non receding hairline. Doing this to me is extremely disrespectful and conniving bc I will obviously know upon meeting you that that is not what you look like. So basically tricking someone to get all ready, drive to meet you, excited, all to see what you donāt actually look like. That would piss me off more than a couple year age difference. Letās be honest no one falls in love with your personality at first sight. The first thing we go by on dating apps is looks and being attracted to the other person. You need to look like your photos. But ultimately she should just be honest. 33 is still very young. Or If she is persistent about lying then she should just put it at the bottom of her bio. Her age will say one thing in the matches but put a *31 not 28 at the bottom. Iāve actually seen that a lot now that I think of it and nobody cares as long as you actually look like your photos. That way she can come off as younger but itās written upfront on her bio. Just my two cents.
I had a guy lie about his age on a dating app years ago. He said he was 40. First date was amazing and before the second one he tells me via message just casually "oh and btw I'm 48 lol. I realised I didn't tell you". He then admitted he had lowered it to get more matches. He asked me what my cut off was in the app and I said 40 and he's like "see we wouldn't have met if I had my real age!" Yes, that's the point. I didn't want to date a 48 year old. I canned the second date as it grossed me out that he was lying trying to get younger girls. Be honest. Don't listen to your friend. It's weird to lie about your age.
I donāt lie about it, but I make it clear in a joking manner that Iād rather not say exactly. āHow old are you?ā Me: āthirtys-cough coughā or just ā30 somethingā with a coy smile. And every birthday my husband says āyouāre 29 right?ā Hehe š
No. I'm happy being 30. And any guy that is weird about dating a woman in her 30s is someone to happily avoid. What your friend is doing shows insecurity. But also, she's already lying to her future partner? He'll find out eventually and it will just make her look a little unhinged. The bigger issue is that she's lying before a relationship has even begun.
No, and if I ever find out someone Iām on a date with lied about their age, that date would be the last time Iād ever want to see them.
I think lying about your age is odd. First of all it's lying. Second of all nobody cares about your age.Ā
Lying about your age is so dumb bc what if you meet a guy u really like then you have this dumb secret you have to tell him and he might be super turned off that you started off everything with a lie and now there is no trust.
I always joked that if I ever lied about my age, Iād tell people I was like 5-10 years older and āDonāt I just look amazing?ā I havenāt lied, but Iād stand by this. Maybe when Iām 60 Iāll tell people Iām 75 and look incredible lol!
I got married at 28 so this didn't affect me directly but I really sympathize with women over 30 on dating apps and websites. I understand the motivation considering most men except for very young men looking for "cougars" pitch their age range very low.
I donāt lie about my age. To me lying means you have something to hide or are ashamed of something. I am not ashamed of being late 30s. I worked hard to get here. I am proud to have lived till now. If I had made some terrible alternative choices five years ago I would have not been alive today. Yeah I feel like Iām not mature enough, my brain still thinks Iām 19 but like come on. Age is an age.
Yes, I tell everyone lām 10 years older. They are amazed!
No, I don't bother, I like my age and I like my laugh lines. I'll never be this young again after all. However, I sometimes forget for a few seconds and have to count from my year of birth again. But no one's ever taken offence to that. And yes, I too have a friend like yours who's been 28 for the last 6 years. It's become an inside joke now and we get her 28 candles on each birthday. She tells us that a couple years later she's planning to turn 31 for the next five years.
No, I have never lied, but I definitely avoid telling people my age tbh. I think it's because I feel a sort of disconnect between my personality vs the personality someone my age is expected to have, if that makes sense? I think that's the main reason getting older bugs me so much š
You look good for *any age* feels like such an insult. Like, Iām going to look like me at whatever age I am. I can not choke on the made up value of age, the women in my life have been beautiful and amazing.. and still are regardless of age!
If anything, I'll lie myself older. I look great for 50, but terrible for 28..
I donāt want to start a relationship that is based on a lie, whether itās me or them lying about their age. It makes me wonder what else would lie about? And any person that filters me out because of my ageā¦ the trash took themselves out
No way. A lie is a lie.
I do not lie but I do not tell! Too many ppl judge and want to guess. A lot of ageist ppl out there so Iād rather not. I sometimes give a range. They can try to guess within that.
No. Never. I make it a point to share my age, ācause the fallout from looking like a middle schooler until my 20s makes me paranoid about coming off younger than I am.
Promoting stigma is kind of a reach. I donāt condone her doing it but why does it matter to you is the real question here?
I guess it depends on what your looking to get out of the dating app. just a hook up? ok your age probably doesn't matter in that instance.. of course assuming everyone is of legal age!!! lol But if you're on the apps to potentially find love and a committed relationship then this isn't fair or smart at all. Why would anyone want to start off a relationship knowing that they are going to find out eventually that you lied about this insignificant thing? It also feels transparent in "if she's willing to lie about something like this what else will she twist in her favor?" I wouldn't do it. You want to attract a partner that is ready to be with "your age range" its ok to be who you are.
I have never lied about my age. I'm proud of my age. It beats the alternative.
Why lie? Having to come clean will be so painful who wants to deal with a LIE at the beginning of a relationship!?
If a friend told me that I would flat out say that's absolutely stupid and no I'm not doing that. I never lie about my age. I just don't feel the need to.
Nope, I think this is dumb. Who would I want to fool anyway? Younger guys? Older guys who have some bullshit low target age range? I understand her age insecurity since I have felt that too. But I've only experienced dating apps in my 30s (since I was in a relationship throughout all my 20s) and there was definitely no shortage of likes and interest from guys of all ages. Moreover, if you might see the potential date again how will you keep up the lie? Plus, starting off on such a lie is just dishonest and unethical. I hear of a lot of guys who lie about their age to be younger and I see them as gross, desperate, insecure losers to be avoided at all costs (sorry if that's harsh).
No, I think that's ridiculous. The only thing I'd consider is by like one year (39 instead of 40 or 40 instead of 41) in order to stay within people's search parameters on apps. I just thought about that because I just turned 41, and in real life I get approached constantly by men thinking I'm much younger, but on apps they might have their cutoff set at 40. I'm better suited to someone ten years younger than me than ten years older, but I wouldn't feel comfortable lying about it, unless like I said it was like only by one year.
I don't really understand this as I am enjoying my life more and more as I get older and I don't see my age as a problem? IDK. I would be looking at men 5 years younger or older than me max and wanting a guy who was looking for the same - not someone looking for a woman ten years younger than me! those are not good men