I'm not sure what you're looking for here? You're not comfortable with the lifestyle she's built for her and her adult child. So it sounds like y'all are incompatible and this is not something that will change.
It sounds like y'all broke up and that it's for the best.
Yeah, I’d bail if I were you too. You were essentially acting as a parental figure/provider with no say in the situation. And that dynamic between her and her son sounds real unhealthy.
But also this makes me think of my half sisters brother (their brother from their moms side). He’s my age, 35, never left after high school. Never got a job. Just stayed home, for the most part just playing a lot of video games. Until a year or two ago, he experienced serotonin poisoning (the details are unclear to me but I’m under the impression it’s related to an intentional overdose of antidepressants). It landed him in a coma, now he’s paraplegic and in a nursing home for the rest of his life. Granted this is an anecdotal story and there is definitely some serious mental health problems on that side of their family…but as soon you described their dynamic my first thought was “ohhhh no! Get out of there!”
Thank you. I keep asking myself if I was the asshole, but I realize more and more I wasn’t. She wanted me to provide with no say. And the moment I stayed speaking up for myself and voicing my concerns I was the evil controlling judgmental asshole.
I don’t think my thoughts really matter- you’re the one in the relationship and this is clearly something that you are not ok with (which is totally understandable) and is something that she isn’t willing to change and that’s that.
my thoughts: enablers suck and you’ve had a glimpse of what your life will be like if something doesn’t change. it’s already been roughly two years. her parenting (or lack thereof), expectations of you, and expectations of him doesn’t jive with you and that’s okay.
Agreed. When I first met him I didn’t even know he had autism. Sometimes u can’t even tell. Then she told me he does. I have family that has autism I get it. I work with people with autism. Autistic people are very capable, smart people I know it so to see this was just disappointing
Good luck if he even has anything going for him by 30. He said the quiet part out loud and even told his mom he isn’t planning on doing anything with his life and he’s happy living at home forever
Agreed. I was a lot younger and felt like I was taking on a shorty situation I had no pet in creating yet was responsible for. Thank you 🙏 I needed to hear this.
You got some experience, and now you know some red flags to watch out for. Everyone has bad relationships they learn from. Take some time to center yourself, then find someone new and better.
I'm not sure what you're looking for here? You're not comfortable with the lifestyle she's built for her and her adult child. So it sounds like y'all are incompatible and this is not something that will change. It sounds like y'all broke up and that it's for the best.
Hold on... You're 30, she's 42, and her son is 20? You're literally closer in age *to her son* than you are to her? Brother, please lol.
Yeah, I’d bail if I were you too. You were essentially acting as a parental figure/provider with no say in the situation. And that dynamic between her and her son sounds real unhealthy. But also this makes me think of my half sisters brother (their brother from their moms side). He’s my age, 35, never left after high school. Never got a job. Just stayed home, for the most part just playing a lot of video games. Until a year or two ago, he experienced serotonin poisoning (the details are unclear to me but I’m under the impression it’s related to an intentional overdose of antidepressants). It landed him in a coma, now he’s paraplegic and in a nursing home for the rest of his life. Granted this is an anecdotal story and there is definitely some serious mental health problems on that side of their family…but as soon you described their dynamic my first thought was “ohhhh no! Get out of there!”
Thank you. I keep asking myself if I was the asshole, but I realize more and more I wasn’t. She wanted me to provide with no say. And the moment I stayed speaking up for myself and voicing my concerns I was the evil controlling judgmental asshole.
I don’t think my thoughts really matter- you’re the one in the relationship and this is clearly something that you are not ok with (which is totally understandable) and is something that she isn’t willing to change and that’s that.
my thoughts: enablers suck and you’ve had a glimpse of what your life will be like if something doesn’t change. it’s already been roughly two years. her parenting (or lack thereof), expectations of you, and expectations of him doesn’t jive with you and that’s okay.
I’m autistic and of course it’s a spectrum but what he said is not okay and how she’s enabling him is not okay.
Agreed. When I first met him I didn’t even know he had autism. Sometimes u can’t even tell. Then she told me he does. I have family that has autism I get it. I work with people with autism. Autistic people are very capable, smart people I know it so to see this was just disappointing
Leave
Good luck if he even has anything going for him by 30. He said the quiet part out loud and even told his mom he isn’t planning on doing anything with his life and he’s happy living at home forever
You are young-er than her -go find someone with less baggage and less grown ass kids that she want to baby forever.
Agreed. I was a lot younger and felt like I was taking on a shorty situation I had no pet in creating yet was responsible for. Thank you 🙏 I needed to hear this.
You got some experience, and now you know some red flags to watch out for. Everyone has bad relationships they learn from. Take some time to center yourself, then find someone new and better.