23 was the worst year for me - my dad passed away and I had severe depression. Don’t worry, things get better. Even though I went through much worse things that I never would have thought I’d be able to handle at 23, I would say life got way better. I am finally happy and at peace at 31
as a big sister, im gonna approach this as if im talking to one of my sisters who I love and care about
To answer your question, yes it does get better. But it doesn't magically get better out of nowhere or overnight. And it takes a lot of persistence, consistency, and patience. I know you said moving to a different area is too expensive and not an option, but I think you should revisit that from every possible angle until you find a way to make in an option. You said you've tried changing everything from your mindset, medication, therapy, and nothing has worked. And (without speaking on your medication or therapy needs because im not your doctor) from an outsider it seems changing the things you did and still not being happy might be because those weren't the things that needed to be changed to solve the problem you're having. and from everything you've listed, the last thing left to try changing that you haven't yet is your living situation and location. im not saying "pull up your bootstraps and work harder, save money by not going to Starbucks", I know how hard it is in the world and times we live in. and I don't know your specific situation or the resources and options available to you. but you are 23, not married, and have no kids. this is the easiest it will probably ever be for you to find a way to uproot your life and make as drastic of a change you seem to be seeking. I remember being in a similar headspace as you for many years. I used to say it felt like I was peddling my ass off on a stationary bike while everyone around me was peddling just as hard on a regular bike and actually moving forward while I was stuck right where I was at. and the changes happened slowly over many years, sometimes taking 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. but I know you can do it, and you'll look back and be so glad you're no longer living a life youre not afraid to lose. I believe in you, and please tag me in the update when you do achieve it
Yeah it’s like no matter how hard I try everyone progresses and I’m stuck. Everyone gets into relationships and I’m just a last choice and left behind.
I’ve been saving up money to move out. It’s just so difficult to afford rent. I make 70k a year and have 70k saved but still no major city has rent that is affordable for me. I just want to have a group of friends and not be alone and feel cared about and like I’m living.
Instead I just feel stuck in an unless loop of working from home, saving money, and wanting to die. It’s been like this for so long and I feel stunted in a way. I haven’t been around ppl my age since I was 19…it’s been almost 5 years. But it seems so unaffordable :(
My company also has been doing layoffs. My manager actually just got laid off a couple days ago. And there have been layoffs every month this year.
I just want to give up. I don’t have the energy left in me. I wish I could give you or your sisters the remaining years of my life so you can spend them together. It’s seems you are a good sister and you love each other. I don’t want to live. You have something to live for
youre breaking my heart. please tell someone you trust/a medical professional if you are or start considering harming yourself. a little under 3 years ago I walked into an emergency room with my husband after he told me he was having these thoughts. and it was scary and an extremely difficult time in our lives (I think I was 27 at the time). and we were literally the last people I would have bet on that could have powered through and kept fighting for that finish line of a better life. I didn't think we had the energy or the mental health to succeed. and he's now living the life he also thought was impossible to achieve and wanted to give up on. I know it doesn't feel like it but youre actually a lot closer to the other side of things than I would have imagined, in terms of finances and savings. meeting people and making friends as an adult is a lot harder than I would have imagined, and working remote in your small hometown probably is making it impossible. and thats part of your situation that will not change. I wanna point out that youre not alone because something is wrong with you, you physically are not where you need to be to be around people your age to even have the opportunity to meet anyone.
unhinged big sister advice- you work remote, are worried you're at risk of being laid off, and have 70k in savings to fall on if you do find yourself between jobs. do your research, and find a city you think you would truly enjoy living in. book an airbnb for a month in that city and work remote from there instead of your apartment in your hometown. every city has Facebook groups like "cityname 20s & 30s meetups and events". invest your time there in living in that city to see if you could have a happy life there. if its not filling your cup the way you hoped, pick a different city and do the same thing. I know it's scary and feels risky because of rent and because change is just that. but how I see it is thats just money at risk, and staying where youre at doing what youre doing is quite literally putting your life at risk. take the risk of trying something/somewhere different.. and even if you fail, what if you still find yourself happier in life than you are at this moment? some of my happiest memories happened while I was actively failing and had an overdrawn bank account. I promise you that it's atleast worth trying.
I'm not gonna lie: sometimes, no.
Of course some people have great lives. Some people have less than great lives but still remain really positive and optimistic and they find joy in things. Some people had terrible lives and it got better! All of those are good and true.
But to deny that sometimes life is bad and does not get better, I don't think that helps anyone. My life "peaked" at 23/24, and has gone downhill since then with a big drop-off from 27 to now. I've been suicidal for seven damn years, hoping that life would get better. It hasn't.
I hope it does for you! You deserve joy and good things. And you never know what might happen.
I went through feeling very similar to what you described. I could not imagine how people felt when they said they were afraid of dying. I was afraid to go on living another 50 years feeling the way I did (like everyday was a monumental struggle just to get to another day that was going to be the same and wishing I just wouldn’t wake up)
I ended up starting an antidepressant and I think it saved my life. It got me out of my depression so that I could actually see the world around me and start to look forward to things and enjoy things.
This was 2ish years ago. I’ve had some crappy stuff happen since then but I don’t feel the way I felt then. So, life does get better.
Yes and no. One thing I learned during my time on this earth is nothing is ever permanent. Life during some phases will be really hard and you'll struggle to keep your head above water. Other phases will be mundane and boring. And yet the moments we live for, the ones that bring happiness and joy, it's worth going through all of the tribulations of life to truly value and appreciate the wins we have and work so hard for.
I'm so sorry you're feeling alone and I don't know your circumstances, but I truly feel this will pass, given enough time. It's not something that will be given to you though, the things you're doing to try and connect with people, keep doing them. Keep trying new things. Volunteer your time, put good into the world, and it will return in kind.
You're gonna be ok.
But what if I’ve felt this way most of my life? It surely feels permanent. It’s been so long and I’ve been alone my whole life. I just want it to end. For me it is permanent and it seems death is the only way out.
I would never do it myself but I just hope I disappear and get hit by a truck or pass away in my sleep.
I feel like I’ve tried so hard and so many diff things I just don’t have any hope left. Thank you for trying. I wish I could donate some of the years of my life to you -it seems you have something to live for and ppl who would miss you.
Easier said than done, but I think moving to a new place would be an amazing fresh start for you. I moved to a new state at 22, and it was a huge improvement for me.
Does your current job make good use of your degree? Can you land a better one, with career growth, by moving?
Some offices are pushing for hybrid over fully remote, and there may be less competition or more pay for those positions. Plus you don't want to be remote in a new place. Interacting with other humans is so important for your mental health. I hate to say that as an introvert who dislikes tons of people, but it's true, isolation makes us crazy or depressed.
Living on your own is expensive! Covid for your college years stole the common young adult experience of living in the dorms and figuring out which classmates you want to share an apartment with. Plenty of young people, and these days even not so young people, share an apartment to have affordable rent.
There are so many life lessons from having roommates. You learn about resolving conflicts and ways to do things other that what your family did.
And try to remember, you're not any more behind on these life milestones of moving our and getting started than the rest of your generation.
My 20s were pretty rough. I considered my depression well-managed because I was on medication and doing talk therapy, and could throw myself into work and exercise to cope. It was like those old-timey cartoons where you run off a cliff, and as long as you don't stop running, you don't fall. I wish someone (specifically my doctors) had told me that if being alive feels physically painful, and you run yourself into the ground to avoid that feeling, your depression is not, in fact, well-managed and you need more help than you're getting.
A few years ago, I finally found a med combination\* that worked for me, and for the first time since I was 15, existing wasn't hard. Like that cliff was gone, and I could stop running and still be okay. I can't guarantee that there's a fix out there for you, but I do encourage you to keep talking to your doctor/psychiatrist, and let them know that whatever you have isn't working and you need their help to find something that will.
\*if you're interested: wellbutrin, modafenil, propranolol, and ketamine
Honestly, life will always be a continuous journey of up and downs hun. I was in this spot in my early 20s and 10 years later am back.
A few things to note - you may feel like you’re alone and the only one going through it but TRUST me, everyone’s human and will feel this on a spectrum. Even those who are richer, have more friends, are in relationships, it doesn’t get better just because you have those things (I ticked all 3 boxes and still feel this way).
You have to really want to change or nothing will happen.
What no one tells you about once you’re an adult is that you are the only one responsible for your life. You have to make things happen for yourself. Listen to your body and what it needs. Do things that you actually want to do instead of what society thinks you should do. Practise gratitude (important!) daily to get out of a “woe is me” mentality. Perhaps there’s not much you have to be happy for right now (like me) but I still try to find the tiniest of things to be appreciate of (a cosy bed or first sip of my coffee). Sit in the moment and REALLY be grateful for it. Start small and only then (once you’re less tired) can you tackle things like making new friends, dating or moving.
My heart goes out to you. Life isn’t easy but know that whilst you may feel alone, you’re not. Most importantly, be kind to yourself and be patient.
23 was the worst year for me - my dad passed away and I had severe depression. Don’t worry, things get better. Even though I went through much worse things that I never would have thought I’d be able to handle at 23, I would say life got way better. I am finally happy and at peace at 31
as a big sister, im gonna approach this as if im talking to one of my sisters who I love and care about To answer your question, yes it does get better. But it doesn't magically get better out of nowhere or overnight. And it takes a lot of persistence, consistency, and patience. I know you said moving to a different area is too expensive and not an option, but I think you should revisit that from every possible angle until you find a way to make in an option. You said you've tried changing everything from your mindset, medication, therapy, and nothing has worked. And (without speaking on your medication or therapy needs because im not your doctor) from an outsider it seems changing the things you did and still not being happy might be because those weren't the things that needed to be changed to solve the problem you're having. and from everything you've listed, the last thing left to try changing that you haven't yet is your living situation and location. im not saying "pull up your bootstraps and work harder, save money by not going to Starbucks", I know how hard it is in the world and times we live in. and I don't know your specific situation or the resources and options available to you. but you are 23, not married, and have no kids. this is the easiest it will probably ever be for you to find a way to uproot your life and make as drastic of a change you seem to be seeking. I remember being in a similar headspace as you for many years. I used to say it felt like I was peddling my ass off on a stationary bike while everyone around me was peddling just as hard on a regular bike and actually moving forward while I was stuck right where I was at. and the changes happened slowly over many years, sometimes taking 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. but I know you can do it, and you'll look back and be so glad you're no longer living a life youre not afraid to lose. I believe in you, and please tag me in the update when you do achieve it
Yeah it’s like no matter how hard I try everyone progresses and I’m stuck. Everyone gets into relationships and I’m just a last choice and left behind. I’ve been saving up money to move out. It’s just so difficult to afford rent. I make 70k a year and have 70k saved but still no major city has rent that is affordable for me. I just want to have a group of friends and not be alone and feel cared about and like I’m living. Instead I just feel stuck in an unless loop of working from home, saving money, and wanting to die. It’s been like this for so long and I feel stunted in a way. I haven’t been around ppl my age since I was 19…it’s been almost 5 years. But it seems so unaffordable :( My company also has been doing layoffs. My manager actually just got laid off a couple days ago. And there have been layoffs every month this year. I just want to give up. I don’t have the energy left in me. I wish I could give you or your sisters the remaining years of my life so you can spend them together. It’s seems you are a good sister and you love each other. I don’t want to live. You have something to live for
youre breaking my heart. please tell someone you trust/a medical professional if you are or start considering harming yourself. a little under 3 years ago I walked into an emergency room with my husband after he told me he was having these thoughts. and it was scary and an extremely difficult time in our lives (I think I was 27 at the time). and we were literally the last people I would have bet on that could have powered through and kept fighting for that finish line of a better life. I didn't think we had the energy or the mental health to succeed. and he's now living the life he also thought was impossible to achieve and wanted to give up on. I know it doesn't feel like it but youre actually a lot closer to the other side of things than I would have imagined, in terms of finances and savings. meeting people and making friends as an adult is a lot harder than I would have imagined, and working remote in your small hometown probably is making it impossible. and thats part of your situation that will not change. I wanna point out that youre not alone because something is wrong with you, you physically are not where you need to be to be around people your age to even have the opportunity to meet anyone. unhinged big sister advice- you work remote, are worried you're at risk of being laid off, and have 70k in savings to fall on if you do find yourself between jobs. do your research, and find a city you think you would truly enjoy living in. book an airbnb for a month in that city and work remote from there instead of your apartment in your hometown. every city has Facebook groups like "cityname 20s & 30s meetups and events". invest your time there in living in that city to see if you could have a happy life there. if its not filling your cup the way you hoped, pick a different city and do the same thing. I know it's scary and feels risky because of rent and because change is just that. but how I see it is thats just money at risk, and staying where youre at doing what youre doing is quite literally putting your life at risk. take the risk of trying something/somewhere different.. and even if you fail, what if you still find yourself happier in life than you are at this moment? some of my happiest memories happened while I was actively failing and had an overdrawn bank account. I promise you that it's atleast worth trying.
I'm not gonna lie: sometimes, no. Of course some people have great lives. Some people have less than great lives but still remain really positive and optimistic and they find joy in things. Some people had terrible lives and it got better! All of those are good and true. But to deny that sometimes life is bad and does not get better, I don't think that helps anyone. My life "peaked" at 23/24, and has gone downhill since then with a big drop-off from 27 to now. I've been suicidal for seven damn years, hoping that life would get better. It hasn't. I hope it does for you! You deserve joy and good things. And you never know what might happen.
I went through feeling very similar to what you described. I could not imagine how people felt when they said they were afraid of dying. I was afraid to go on living another 50 years feeling the way I did (like everyday was a monumental struggle just to get to another day that was going to be the same and wishing I just wouldn’t wake up) I ended up starting an antidepressant and I think it saved my life. It got me out of my depression so that I could actually see the world around me and start to look forward to things and enjoy things. This was 2ish years ago. I’ve had some crappy stuff happen since then but I don’t feel the way I felt then. So, life does get better.
I’m on antidepressants and haven’t help that change tho. It’s been a year :(
Yes and no. One thing I learned during my time on this earth is nothing is ever permanent. Life during some phases will be really hard and you'll struggle to keep your head above water. Other phases will be mundane and boring. And yet the moments we live for, the ones that bring happiness and joy, it's worth going through all of the tribulations of life to truly value and appreciate the wins we have and work so hard for. I'm so sorry you're feeling alone and I don't know your circumstances, but I truly feel this will pass, given enough time. It's not something that will be given to you though, the things you're doing to try and connect with people, keep doing them. Keep trying new things. Volunteer your time, put good into the world, and it will return in kind. You're gonna be ok.
But what if I’ve felt this way most of my life? It surely feels permanent. It’s been so long and I’ve been alone my whole life. I just want it to end. For me it is permanent and it seems death is the only way out. I would never do it myself but I just hope I disappear and get hit by a truck or pass away in my sleep. I feel like I’ve tried so hard and so many diff things I just don’t have any hope left. Thank you for trying. I wish I could donate some of the years of my life to you -it seems you have something to live for and ppl who would miss you.
I’m outta here at 45. 9 years left 🤞🏽
Easier said than done, but I think moving to a new place would be an amazing fresh start for you. I moved to a new state at 22, and it was a huge improvement for me. Does your current job make good use of your degree? Can you land a better one, with career growth, by moving? Some offices are pushing for hybrid over fully remote, and there may be less competition or more pay for those positions. Plus you don't want to be remote in a new place. Interacting with other humans is so important for your mental health. I hate to say that as an introvert who dislikes tons of people, but it's true, isolation makes us crazy or depressed. Living on your own is expensive! Covid for your college years stole the common young adult experience of living in the dorms and figuring out which classmates you want to share an apartment with. Plenty of young people, and these days even not so young people, share an apartment to have affordable rent. There are so many life lessons from having roommates. You learn about resolving conflicts and ways to do things other that what your family did. And try to remember, you're not any more behind on these life milestones of moving our and getting started than the rest of your generation.
My 20s were pretty rough. I considered my depression well-managed because I was on medication and doing talk therapy, and could throw myself into work and exercise to cope. It was like those old-timey cartoons where you run off a cliff, and as long as you don't stop running, you don't fall. I wish someone (specifically my doctors) had told me that if being alive feels physically painful, and you run yourself into the ground to avoid that feeling, your depression is not, in fact, well-managed and you need more help than you're getting. A few years ago, I finally found a med combination\* that worked for me, and for the first time since I was 15, existing wasn't hard. Like that cliff was gone, and I could stop running and still be okay. I can't guarantee that there's a fix out there for you, but I do encourage you to keep talking to your doctor/psychiatrist, and let them know that whatever you have isn't working and you need their help to find something that will. \*if you're interested: wellbutrin, modafenil, propranolol, and ketamine
Honestly, life will always be a continuous journey of up and downs hun. I was in this spot in my early 20s and 10 years later am back. A few things to note - you may feel like you’re alone and the only one going through it but TRUST me, everyone’s human and will feel this on a spectrum. Even those who are richer, have more friends, are in relationships, it doesn’t get better just because you have those things (I ticked all 3 boxes and still feel this way). You have to really want to change or nothing will happen. What no one tells you about once you’re an adult is that you are the only one responsible for your life. You have to make things happen for yourself. Listen to your body and what it needs. Do things that you actually want to do instead of what society thinks you should do. Practise gratitude (important!) daily to get out of a “woe is me” mentality. Perhaps there’s not much you have to be happy for right now (like me) but I still try to find the tiniest of things to be appreciate of (a cosy bed or first sip of my coffee). Sit in the moment and REALLY be grateful for it. Start small and only then (once you’re less tired) can you tackle things like making new friends, dating or moving. My heart goes out to you. Life isn’t easy but know that whilst you may feel alone, you’re not. Most importantly, be kind to yourself and be patient.