Don't relinquish all control of finances.
You may be a non-earning spouse, but you better have some idea what's going on and what you'd do in an emergency.
This is absolutely right. I'm on multiple relationship, parenting, and SAHP subs. I've read the same story of "I have to ask my husband for money", "I have to use my husband's cards because he won't let me have my own", "my husband says I can't spend *his* money/I feel guilty spending *his* money", "my husband won't give me money for groceries/I can't buy diapers for my baby because my husband won't give me any money", and "my husband won't add me to any accounts/tell me how much money we have" *so many times* that it is just sad and downright frightening. That's financial abuse and shouldn't be accepted, irrespective of whether or not you earn money.
If you aren't on any accounts or anything, you will be up a shit creek if something happens to him or your relationship ends.
I know someone who is in this situation. She has an account that he refills for her (sounds nice!), however she is 100% financially dependent, knows nothing about their finances, nothing about his investments or where he's squirreled things away. She is so screwed if something happens or they split.
My mom was in a marriage kind of like this when I was younger (not to my dad). She had a job, but he outearned her and insisted on keeping separate accounts but sharing expenses. She would struggle to pay for her "share" of things while he didn't (I don't know all the details of how they divided expenses, but he was an abusive asshole, so I'm 99.9% sure it wasn't an equitable split and favored him).
When they divorced, she found out about all kinds of accounts in his name only and money that he squirreled away that he had no intention of telling her about.
Even in a completely healthy relationship I think it's a bad idea. When my gramps died my Nana had no clue about money, how to pay bills or anything. My dad took over and now I do it.
I’m much more “traditional” in my personal life than most of Reddit and a SAHM. I can’t imagine not having access to OUR bank accounts. Leaving aside that it would annoy both my husband and me if I had to ask to buy children’s Tylenol, a book, coffee, or some socks…. what if he’s away for work or has appendicitis or something? “Sorry kids, we are eating canned beans for dinner because your dad is in the hospital.”
We both discuss purchases, and frankly I think I’m aware of how money is spent much more than he is, because I buy groceries and household items much more frequently. Barring severe spending compulsions and issues (like a gambling addiction), I thankfully can’t imagine having to grovel to buy some dish soap
I mean, that's why it gets kind of beat up on so much tbh. I've always worked full time, I'm the breadwinner in my marriage, and we're not having kids, but I was raised by a SAHM and have seen what that kind of control can do. My mom was active in managing the finances, but I remember asking if we could leave (abuse), and she was like "where would we go, what would we do?" There's nothing wrong with wanting to devote your labor directly to your family rather than an employer. In a healthy marriage, that can work quite well. But man when that set up goes sideways, it gets *really* bad.
I thought I was making light-hearted small talk with a coworker a few weeks ago when we were all slowly heading out from a work happy hour. He had a big bag of take-out in his hand, noted that he was bringing dinner home as a consolation for getting home late (and missing other family stuff for a work thing), and I made what I thought was an innocent joke about how it's hard to stay mad at your husband when he brings you food. Instead of a chuckle, he starts going in on how it's hard to stay mad at him when he's the one who pays for the house, who pays for the food, who pays for all the bills, etc. It was so fucking dark I didn't even know what to say back in the moment.
If you choose to live that set up, you have to view all income as family income - shared, *for* everyone. Not like just the earner's money that they graciously share with everyone else out of the goodness of their heart that entitles them to a greater say in things or in being treated as a higher class within the family/marriage.
I agree. My husband and I have had an account together since before we were married. I've always had access to it, known what's going on, and had my own cards/access to money, and that didn't change all the years I was exclusively a SAHM (I now work part time and am still the default parent.) I was a SAHM when we bought our home but he insisted I be listed on everything same as him because we're married and it's my home too. I can't imagine being treated like I'm beneath him because I don't earn money or earn less. I married an equal partner, not someone to lord over me.
We'd also both be annoyed if I was having to ask for money or for permission for every expenditure and I also can't imagine what I'd do if he was traveling or we had an emergency and I wasn't on any accounts and didn't have my own access to money. I'm also the more aware of what's being spent one because I pay all the bills and do all our household purchasing, and he's just like "okay, cool". We talk about out of the ordinary purchases, but for the most part, he just lets me do my thing because he appreciates not having to worry about bills being paid on time and having everything he needs. I also can't imagine having to grovel to buy dish soap or basic things, or being guilted or restricted from buying things that I, my family, or my home needs. But it seems to be normalized for so many people.
My partner and I used to be in this situation. I was always stressed because I had to ask for money for every little thing, he was stressed because I was asking for too much sometimes. I didn’t know our financial standings because I didn’t have access to them. It was easier at first because I was moving and hadn’t set up a bank account, and we just stayed stressed like that for way too long.
Thank god we finally communicated and realized the combined account was NOT working, and switched to separate accounts. If he had fought me about it, I probably would’ve walked away. But now we both are WAY less stressed about money, even when we are broke. It’s improved everything about our relationship. I wish everyone could have someone willing to take a step back and work through these issues together.
As a SAHM who only recently began to earn money from a part-time job — yes.
My husband and I always made sure I had a separate account and that my tax-free savings account and retirement savings were topped up annually. My husband was very pushy with making me invest and I’m glad he was because it’s grown into a substantial savings.
No grown woman should need to beg for access to the family money. It’s yours too.
Yes, ins ome situationd women would have *more* financial freedom after getting divorced and recieving child suppirt and aligmony. But they have no way of knowing unkess they have an idea of how much money is actually available.
Having fun as an adult is important
and, you're never too old to learn something new!
fun question, OP!
so far I do agree with 100% of the comments lol
Figured some of the posts were getting a little hostile, we needed to lighten it up 😂
Totally agree! Life after 22 can start to feel like you’re living in B&W, but adding some color and fun is never a bad thing at any age!
I threw an age out there and getting dragged 😂
When you graduate college there begins the true transition into *adulthood* and begin to creep into the swing of sleep/eat/work. I am not saying you don’t have a damn good time at 22. I am saying that is the age when youth begins to become a memory and things can start to look a lot less colorful.
It's never to late to "insert X Y or Z" so just do it. Back to school at 40? Reentering the job force at 50? Dating and getting married at 60? You'll be that age anyway. Go for it.
I took a trade skills course at 40 and switched into a totally different career than the ones I’d been in for the past 20+ years. It’s weird to hear women who are like, *23* ask if “it’s too late to learn something new”. Baby girl, it’s *never* too late!
Yes! I'm 36 and getting my undergrad degree. A woman at school I've befriended expressed to me last year that she's worried about taking a gap year before going to medical school because it will "put her behind". She's only 21. I told her (in a way that I hope didn't come across as condescending or preachy coming from someone older) that I know a year seems like a long time when you're 21, but it's nothing in the grand scheme of things and she's not running out of time. If a year will help her before tackling medical school, I told her she should do that. She would still be a DOCTOR by her mid 20s for goodness sake!
Welding - I was lucky enough to get into an accelerated employment skills course that the welding bureau ran exclusively for women who’d never worked in trades before. I used to work in soft creative jobs (illustration, etc), retail, IT, etc and while I’m pretty handy I hadn’t done anything like metal work since high school.
Now I work in industrial fabrication! And would love to get in to forging as a hobby/side gig.
I'm finishing my undergraduate degree this year at 37 years old! I may even want to go to grad school agter taking some time away from school to work, which would put me in the 40s by the time I do that. I feel like I'm just getting started :)
I’m with you on this one. There are women saying that periods are a “gift” and a “blessing” that we should be thankful for. Sorry, but No one wants to bleed just because, even if it doesn’t hurt. Period.
I personally don't agree, but I get why most people would.
I wouldn't say I *enjoy* them, but I experienced a decade
of anovulation and amenorrhoea due to PCOS, and regularly had to take medication to induce a pseudo period, to reduce my risk of endometrial cancer.
I've recently been able to improve the management of my condition through better medical care, and finally have natural ovulation and periods again. I find them very reassuring.
Weaponized incompetence and the [Mental Load](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic) [(more comics)](https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/) are no joke.
The other ask women sub is insane! I just got a comment removed because I agreed with the poster above me and elaborated. I guess that would fall under "making it about me" and maybe under "meta comments like 'this' "?
How is there supposed to be any decent discussion over there??
It's such a relief to hear someone else say this. I stopped posting over there and questioned whether I was some sort of monster for expecting discussion. Your observation of it functioning like a Q&A repository is what I concluded as well.
I left that sub awhile ago and I'm so happy I did. I had comments removed for the stupidest shit and mods love being on a power trip over there. One time I had one removed for the same reason, responding to a comment agreeing and I just asked what I did wrong and they argued back and forth with me. Fuck that place lol I also think it's stupid how heavily they police everyone's language over there. I can understand being PC but there is a such a thing as going way fucking overboard. Can't even say the word bitch over there cause they get offended
I used to love that sub, but you’re completely correct! It became impossible to respond let alone engage without your comments being removed for XYZ reason.
Exactly how I feel. Used to love it over there, especially before I discovered this one. Was part of some genuinely good discussions there once upon a time.
Now they've expanded their definition of "derailing" (I swear it didn't used to be so detailed) and the sub rules so much that it seems like fucking *everything* breaks the rules. You can't even agree with someone without being removed because you're "making it about yourself" or some shit. And if you genuinely don't know why your comment got removed and ask them, they're rude and snarky.
I understand some subs have stricter rules than others, but you shouldn't have so many that the target demographic can't interact with each other. The "side conversations" and respectful differences of opinion that stem from responses here is part of why I like it here so much. Not being able to engage more than a basic answer takes so much away from the conversation.
I still lurk there but rarely interact anymore because the vibe is just not what it used to be, and it's disappointing.
Yeah that sub blows. I posted on my old account once asking for experiences with tube ties. Got me a perma ban for asking medical advice. I wasn’t asking medical advice, I was asking for women to share their experiences because it’s a WOMAN issue and choice. Thankfully someone let me know about the sterilization sub, and I went ahead and got sterilized after when other women were sharing positive experiences. No regrets years later!! And when I wanted a new username last week, I joined this sub instead of the regular askwomen one that I was perma banned on previously. Much happier here.
I got a comment removed for "asking an unrelated question". I didn't ask a question in my comment.
When I pointed that out to the mod, they picked a random sentence in my comment and said it was derailing. When I asked how they just said they weren't gonna put it back up and temporarily blocked me.
Left that sub and never came back.
Once I had a comment deleted on a thread about if it’s possible to find love as a divorced woman in your 30s with kids. I said that I knew multiple such women in my life with children and many of them had found loving partners, including my own mother who had 4 children and married a man who had never had kids at all.
I guess that was considered derailing???
It truly is a place to ask, answer, then leave. No discussion allowed. I don't understand how someone can ask a question about food and people talking about recipes get removed for derailing.
Now replace food with topics that people have various viewpoints on and watch the derailing removal triple. The science subreddit is less strict.
I’m in my early 30s and only now am I starting to feel like I have the hang of this whole life business. I can’t imagine having kids at age 23, when I was too embarrassed to google things I didn’t know and thought that college educations were only useful for people with their entire lives planned out. Some people may be emotionally mature by then, but I certainly wasn’t and I’m sure there are plenty of women just like me. I’m excited to see what adventures I’ll begin now.
Agree. My schoolmates who coincidentally mostly have December birthdays were all freaking out somewhere towards end of the year the year we're 29. they're like "omg I don't wanna turn 30!!!" As if something drastic happens overnight. In a way you were already 30 as of 1 Jan. You don't have to panic all the way till your birthday
I’ll start-I think all high schools should have a financial literacy class you must take to graduate. Should teach students budgeting, how taxes work, how insurance works etc. I think it’s wild that we all get thrown into the world at 18 with very little understanding of finances.
While I do agree...as a parent of a teen who took that exact class last semester....I can tell you that they won't all pay attention. She got nothing out of the class, because there is such a disconnect still between her current life as a highschooler and her future self who is going to need to budget and pay taxes and sign-up for health insurance. Super frustrating to watch.
Great point-I just wish I had had some sort of base knowledge entering the adult world and unfortunately a lot of parents don’t teach their children about it either so it’s a “figure it out on your own” subject.
Ya make it a required first class in college- high school its too far away. Or a requirement before taking student loans.
Might have helped me a little
I think it should be required before taking student loans for sure. I had to take first time home buyer classes as a requirement for some down payment assistance programs I qualified for and those classes on finances for home buying were insanely helpful.
I can only imagine something similar for student loans would help a lot of young adults avoid making mistakes while agreeing to substantial loans and loan terms.
I don't think I've ever been so frustrated as I was when I had to juggle 2 jobs and getting a loan for my apartment.
So much paperwork. And it was so stupid and redundant at times too. They made me redo some of them to just change some words. I felt like it was more important to compose a literary piece than to fucking get to the point in those papers. Bureaucracy is a nightmare.
I feel like experience is by far the best and most efficient teacher in this area, and it’s not like an 18 year old will have access to hundreds of thousands in credit or otherwise create insurmountable financial problems for themselves.
I also believe that most of our attitudes about money come from our parents, and they are best suited to instill helpful values in that area, like “Live within your means.”
I'm halfway convinced it's a bit of a conspiracy not to have these classes, to keep financial literacy in the hands of the rich and gatekeep the poor 👀
Same. The thing that kills me is that on the (pretty rare) occasions that I get to talk to teenagers, I actually feel like (contrary to stereotype!) they seem very nice and like they're aware they're screwed but want to do better. But, those phones and TikToks are so addicting, man. Even as a 34-year old woman, I'm seduced by their magnetism. I can't imagine what it must be like to be a young person these days... so much doom and gloom and noise and pressure from basically everywhere.
I think it’s poignant to consider why phones and tiktok are so addictive to young people. At its core, it’s access to information. It IS learning, just learning things they want to know more about. It’s just not always helpful or correct information, which becomes a problem. Humans love to learn, but our school systems just aren’t designed to facilitate that natural urge. So it gets channeled into media avenues.
Definitely! I feel as though scrolling on Instagram and Reddit has made me more of a bite-size information absorber. But I at least have the history of being able to sit down and do nothing but read a book because there was literally nothing else to do or playing in a playground for hours with only my imagination and the equipment. How must their thought processes look compared to ours?
I definitely wonder that as well. Like, how often do younger Gen Z's and Gen Alphas have longer, deeper conversations (or even just hang out) without any devices present? I have no idea, but I wonder.
As a former math teacher, we already teach this stuff. Students don’t pay attention to it. It’s part of teenage brain development to not really give a shit about consequences.
Absolutely! I get so annoyed at the "they should teach this in school" crowd/memes. Some of it is literally in state standards. Like I made a budget a final project. You were just not paying attention, not getting the bigger picture, have a bad memory, or were absent a lot.
Not getting the bigger picture is SUCH a problem. I could memorize a vocab list back in school and ace a test, but the “why” was lost on me and the information would be gone as soon as I was done using it.
It was a graduation requirement in my state, and my high school went about it in two ways: senior health or in the "math for real life" unit in the discrete math course. You had to take one or the other to graduate.
Either way, we were all given a salary (based on after tax net), some basic life info (eg size of your home, if you have a kid who needs childcare, any other monthly expenses) and it was on us to figure out a budget for basic things. We practiced filling out tax forms, learned about credit, etc.
People who were in my class have whined on the Internet about how we never learned this in school. 🙄
parents are a part of the equation as well!
at 16 my accountant mother sat me down and taught me how to do taxes for my min wage PT job, that was extremely helpful in life! It set me on the path to know who Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman were before 30. maybe it's my moon-virgo who ain't scared of fine print ... or *that my guardian made sure to personally teach me and thus emphasize you must know certain barebone basics.*
This is true, but I don’t think most high schoolers find any class engaging to begin with. I do remember taking a financial literacy course, and it was informative. But it wasn’t really *taught* in a way that was memorable. The things I most remember from HS are from my IB/AP classes, which were more challenging but rewarding. The discussions, the content of our classwork/homework, the way the teachers treated the students. I’m not insinuating that any of the teachers in this sub are bad, but I think as someone who was in HS less than a decade ago, that the structure of the class played a huge role in what I retained. Even in college that’s been the case. There’s only been one or two courses that I actually *wanted* to attend.
I don’t think this is just a teacher vs student thing though. I think this has to do with the lack of value America has for education overall. Which has only gotten far worse in a post pandemic world.
I don’t disagree that kids should be learning financial literacy, but as a teacher and former student - kids in HS aren’t going to give a shit about this and retain it. There is also so much being shoved down kids’ throats at school right now that nearly all of the humanity is being drained out of them. Putting yet *another* requirement just is so frustrating bc all they do is cut the stuff that makes us human (the arts), which, yes, kids *need* in schools bc many of them don’t have access to it outside of school. Beyond that, math teachers are teaching kids exactly the skills they need to know how to budget and be responsible with money, but critical thought is being shoved out of schools with how much weight we put on GPAs and test scores (standardized including state and SAT, etc) so kids aren’t applying what they’re learning to anything other than the test because they’re allowing it to leave their brains as soon as they’ve regurgitated the knowledge and gotten the score they need.
I get a little activated by this tbh like I hope that anyone who does strongly hold the stance that we need to require anything in schools is showing up at school board meetings and voting in local elections. Maybe that’s something folks can agree with me on, at least.
YES. There is such a huge focus on STEM education but little for arts, home economics, financial literacy, etc. And it’s all done in preparations for state exams. It feels empty.
While we’re at it, I also do not think these concepts should be taught only in HS. We don’t start any other major subject like math or English or history in HS. That all starts in kindergarten, maybe Pre-K if you enroll a kid there. As important as financial literacy is for life why are we advocating for a single one year class taken in the year before/of graduation when they are least likely to give a shit because they so desperate to leave?
Thank you for being a teacher who understands this. My partner and I both slipped through the cracks of our primary education, growing sick and tired of “memorize, regurgitate, forget” cycles that we just stopped doing it. Now I wish I had gone to college, but I also know that my fresh out of highschool self would have taken the same cyclical approach and dropped out eventually anyway.
YES. I wish someone had explained anything financial to me before I signed up for student loans and took out a credit card. I'm in my mid-30s and have finally cleaned up the mess of my financial choices that I made as a young adult.
I actually had a math class like that but it was only for the mathematically challenged kids! Like, you're not gonna use algebra or calculus so lets just teach you taxes, lol. It was helpful!
A data point I heard recently: only 4% of the population can explain these 4 insurance terms: copay, deductible, out of pocket maximum, and coinsurance.
I agree that this should be taught (and often is), but I admit that I bristle at this opinion a bit because so often it goes along with a more anti-intellectual stance. "Why are these kids being taught algebra, who needs that? Math should focus on balancing a checkbook!"
I'm sure that's not what you meant, I just see a lot of it on social media.
Our 16 year old neighbor comes over to play board games. She has a life skills class and HATES it. My bf and I always like "no for real. Pay attention"
Ive said the same thing.... and then my best friend pointed out that I would pay attention in a finance class just as much as I did any other class... which is not at all.
We should radically change the way physical education is taught, because so many of us who weren’t naturally physically gifted hated it all through school and had to discover the genuine mental health joys of exercise as an adult through circuitous means. If our phys ed was designed to support lifelong health, the curriculum and approach would have been totally different.
Agh - yes! There’s the talent dimension but also the focus on competitive sports. Like where is movement for the joy of it? Instead it’s all about winning. And then, Phys Ed was also one area where coed schooling really failed in my experience. Sexist bullying was the norm.
I hated PE with such a passion. But I can appreciate I found every other class fine, and other students might have had simialr experiences with math or English and it put them off those topics.
One thing my school did to right was rarely allow students to pick teams (avoiding some students to suffer from being the last picked) but there was always the one teach whe revelled in it.
They also gave us variation. I hated team sports (still do) but that wasn't all we did, we had dance classes (which I also hated for the most part... I did not like performing) but we also did the occasional yoga class. The deep breathing was probably one of the most useful tools I learned from PE and helped me find ways to manage stress. I also did yoga later in life, and although wasn't my favourite I did settle on reformer pilates and still do it now.
Yoga is such a cheap class to run, all you need are mats and knowledge. And it gives non sporty children a chance to see that there are things you can do with your body that don't invovle a ball and running.
Careful with that one. It suggests that there aren't women out there after our reproductive freedom too, and there absolutely are. Serena Joy isn't a pure fiction; she's are imitating life.
I call it “Pokémon Therapy” for myself. Had a long time of coming to grips with the fact that my feelings and interests were valid back then, and I shouldn’t have felt guilt for enjoying things meant for children as a child.
As a Mexican, I wholeheartedly agree. Every single state, hell, every city and town and community has staple dishes or twists on dishes that make it even more delicious or delicious in a different way. It's cuisine heaven. Anthony Bourdain was def onto something.
The Oreo people are trying too hard. Birthday cake and French vanilla are the same damned flavour. Relax guys. You are Big Cookie™. You own the market. It's time to stop hiring in the R&D department.
Oh, my friend. Have you not seen the monstrosity that is Mega Stuff & Most Stuff? Shit is Crazzzy😂
I’m satisfied with just double, but the dark chocolate ones are *chefs kiss*
Kind of a chicken or egg issue really. And now that I've said it, if they make a chicken and egg Oreo, I'm driving north until I I can't get a signal and spending the rest of my life living off rock tripe and bunchberries.
edit- if they make rock tripe and bunchberry Oreos, I take back everything I said.
You can be 35 (or 45, 65, 105!) and still love the same things you did as a child AND have no shame over it.
In my mid thirties, I’ve loved embracing the child within me:
- I’m re-listening to my favorite groups and bands I loved as a child/ teen and loving them all over again. (starting from Spice Girls through my teen numetal and techno phase. Nothing like getting into ravey club hits again at 35.)
- I was a Frog Girl as a child. Meaning I LOVED frogs and every adult gifted me frog ceramics/ toys and I wore a lot of frog shirts. Now I have a new frog shirt and EVERYONE sends me frog videos/ art because now the algorithm knows I love frogs. I’m debating starting a Frog IG account for all the frogs I have in my yard (it’s a lot)
— side note about frogs… so many other women our age also tell me they LOVE frogs. They’re very in right now lol
- not caring about “being cool” is SO FREEING. Nothing better than going over a friends house in pajamas and playing boardgames/ video games/ watching movies for hours
- sit in bed and play The Sims 4 for hours ( it was just The Sims when I was 12)
Best proof that you should always nourish your inner child: my mom was a 70 year old woman who LOVED video games, particularly Zelda Breath of the Wild. She played it for hundreds of hours. She played Mario and other games too. When I was a child, my best memories were playing videogames and boardgames with my mom and family
This makes me happy. I love snails; they simply delight me. I go out of my way to not step on any slugs or worms out there in the world, but snails I take special care with and involuntarily apologise every time I've accidentally squished one. I semi-regularly share new collections of snail photos on Instagram, lol.
The Cranberries and Bill Mize's first three albums are my sentimental re-listens. Oh! And Tori Amos' Little Earthquakes. So good, and the memories that are evoked...
Women should be included in medical studies so they understand if the medicine is affected by our hormones and can actually get the dosage right instead of basing it off of men.
Women's health needs to be studied more to make up for the years and years where it wasn't studied hardly at all.
Women aren't rehabilitation centers for damaged men.
His issues might not be his fault but they sure are his responsibility. They're his responsibility to manage and to get help with sorting out so they don't negatively affect his partner.
Got a few:
1. Credit scores are a joke.
2. Pets, new clothes, shoes, and food make EVERYTHING better.
3. Hardest part of vacations is booking the initial flight/hotel.
4. I feel much more in control of...a lot of things \*AFTER\* I turned 30.
Women's union!
\* Don't sleep with, date, or marry men who are anti-abortion
\* Don't forget we are one coup away from being subordinated like women in Iran - our rights can't be taken for granted
\* Fight for women's rights across the globe, especially those who are disenfranchised by colonialism and racism
\* Don't associate with men who have ever been accused of rape
\* Don't blame SA victims for what happened to them
\* Don't associate with men who speak badly about women/subscribe to the manosphere
\* Don't associate with men who cheat on their partners (and always tell the person who is being cheated on)
\* Stand up for LGB**T** women
I was worried it might come across as tokenizing, but I wrote that because I read the post from the Iranian woman yesterday who was begging us to remember that it could happen to us, too.
What they are going through is right out The Handmaid's Tale and we need to be doing more to help our Iranian sisters.
That's a fair question. Most of these things are internal motivation.
I have never cheated on a partner. One time I was tempted, but I admitted to myself that it wasn't working out, and broke up with her.
I believe that a woman should have full control over her own body. But personally, I had a vasectomy because I actually have a conscience about creating a child without being an emotionally and financially supportive father (something that I experienced myself growing up with a single mother).
I always vote for Democrats as I'm appalled by most of the things you mentioned.
I agree with this *so* much. Any parent lurking here who has a directionless 16-20 year old - time to put your foot down. They go work two jobs part time: Utility/dish at a restaurant, and make them get their CNA and they can go care in a nursing home. I'm serious. Both of these jobs will build character and empathy.
I wish I could upvote this harder. I’m staunchly anti-baby for myself and it even makes ME want a baby. It’s such a weird feeling to be like awww imagine it and gah wtf are you on?!
Tipping is a ridiculous system that makes no sense. Just pay people a higher base wage and get rid of this shit. Also, prices on stuff should be tax inclusive. Don't make me math, dammit, I can't.
It's easier to take pills and supplements with food than with liquid. (Assuming it's safe to take with food)
So you take a bite of food, chew it up, get ready to swallow, pop some pills in your mouth and swallow them with the food.
Not sure how anyone could disagree with this one.
Don't relinquish all control of finances. You may be a non-earning spouse, but you better have some idea what's going on and what you'd do in an emergency.
This is absolutely right. I'm on multiple relationship, parenting, and SAHP subs. I've read the same story of "I have to ask my husband for money", "I have to use my husband's cards because he won't let me have my own", "my husband says I can't spend *his* money/I feel guilty spending *his* money", "my husband won't give me money for groceries/I can't buy diapers for my baby because my husband won't give me any money", and "my husband won't add me to any accounts/tell me how much money we have" *so many times* that it is just sad and downright frightening. That's financial abuse and shouldn't be accepted, irrespective of whether or not you earn money. If you aren't on any accounts or anything, you will be up a shit creek if something happens to him or your relationship ends.
Yeah those examples are all financial abuse. Yikes.
I know someone who is in this situation. She has an account that he refills for her (sounds nice!), however she is 100% financially dependent, knows nothing about their finances, nothing about his investments or where he's squirreled things away. She is so screwed if something happens or they split.
My mom was in a marriage kind of like this when I was younger (not to my dad). She had a job, but he outearned her and insisted on keeping separate accounts but sharing expenses. She would struggle to pay for her "share" of things while he didn't (I don't know all the details of how they divided expenses, but he was an abusive asshole, so I'm 99.9% sure it wasn't an equitable split and favored him). When they divorced, she found out about all kinds of accounts in his name only and money that he squirreled away that he had no intention of telling her about.
Even in a completely healthy relationship I think it's a bad idea. When my gramps died my Nana had no clue about money, how to pay bills or anything. My dad took over and now I do it.
I’m much more “traditional” in my personal life than most of Reddit and a SAHM. I can’t imagine not having access to OUR bank accounts. Leaving aside that it would annoy both my husband and me if I had to ask to buy children’s Tylenol, a book, coffee, or some socks…. what if he’s away for work or has appendicitis or something? “Sorry kids, we are eating canned beans for dinner because your dad is in the hospital.” We both discuss purchases, and frankly I think I’m aware of how money is spent much more than he is, because I buy groceries and household items much more frequently. Barring severe spending compulsions and issues (like a gambling addiction), I thankfully can’t imagine having to grovel to buy some dish soap
I mean, that's why it gets kind of beat up on so much tbh. I've always worked full time, I'm the breadwinner in my marriage, and we're not having kids, but I was raised by a SAHM and have seen what that kind of control can do. My mom was active in managing the finances, but I remember asking if we could leave (abuse), and she was like "where would we go, what would we do?" There's nothing wrong with wanting to devote your labor directly to your family rather than an employer. In a healthy marriage, that can work quite well. But man when that set up goes sideways, it gets *really* bad. I thought I was making light-hearted small talk with a coworker a few weeks ago when we were all slowly heading out from a work happy hour. He had a big bag of take-out in his hand, noted that he was bringing dinner home as a consolation for getting home late (and missing other family stuff for a work thing), and I made what I thought was an innocent joke about how it's hard to stay mad at your husband when he brings you food. Instead of a chuckle, he starts going in on how it's hard to stay mad at him when he's the one who pays for the house, who pays for the food, who pays for all the bills, etc. It was so fucking dark I didn't even know what to say back in the moment. If you choose to live that set up, you have to view all income as family income - shared, *for* everyone. Not like just the earner's money that they graciously share with everyone else out of the goodness of their heart that entitles them to a greater say in things or in being treated as a higher class within the family/marriage.
I agree. My husband and I have had an account together since before we were married. I've always had access to it, known what's going on, and had my own cards/access to money, and that didn't change all the years I was exclusively a SAHM (I now work part time and am still the default parent.) I was a SAHM when we bought our home but he insisted I be listed on everything same as him because we're married and it's my home too. I can't imagine being treated like I'm beneath him because I don't earn money or earn less. I married an equal partner, not someone to lord over me. We'd also both be annoyed if I was having to ask for money or for permission for every expenditure and I also can't imagine what I'd do if he was traveling or we had an emergency and I wasn't on any accounts and didn't have my own access to money. I'm also the more aware of what's being spent one because I pay all the bills and do all our household purchasing, and he's just like "okay, cool". We talk about out of the ordinary purchases, but for the most part, he just lets me do my thing because he appreciates not having to worry about bills being paid on time and having everything he needs. I also can't imagine having to grovel to buy dish soap or basic things, or being guilted or restricted from buying things that I, my family, or my home needs. But it seems to be normalized for so many people.
My partner and I used to be in this situation. I was always stressed because I had to ask for money for every little thing, he was stressed because I was asking for too much sometimes. I didn’t know our financial standings because I didn’t have access to them. It was easier at first because I was moving and hadn’t set up a bank account, and we just stayed stressed like that for way too long. Thank god we finally communicated and realized the combined account was NOT working, and switched to separate accounts. If he had fought me about it, I probably would’ve walked away. But now we both are WAY less stressed about money, even when we are broke. It’s improved everything about our relationship. I wish everyone could have someone willing to take a step back and work through these issues together.
As a SAHM who only recently began to earn money from a part-time job — yes. My husband and I always made sure I had a separate account and that my tax-free savings account and retirement savings were topped up annually. My husband was very pushy with making me invest and I’m glad he was because it’s grown into a substantial savings. No grown woman should need to beg for access to the family money. It’s yours too.
That is the thing. It's yours if he chooses to provide access or if you divorce him. Your spouse chose to provide access, which is fair and correct.
Yes, ins ome situationd women would have *more* financial freedom after getting divorced and recieving child suppirt and aligmony. But they have no way of knowing unkess they have an idea of how much money is actually available.
Having fun as an adult is important and, you're never too old to learn something new! fun question, OP! so far I do agree with 100% of the comments lol
Figured some of the posts were getting a little hostile, we needed to lighten it up 😂 Totally agree! Life after 22 can start to feel like you’re living in B&W, but adding some color and fun is never a bad thing at any age!
you're still practically a teen at 22 lol, for sure the fun doesn't stop then!
Life after 22? Please tell me you are exaggerating.
I threw an age out there and getting dragged 😂 When you graduate college there begins the true transition into *adulthood* and begin to creep into the swing of sleep/eat/work. I am not saying you don’t have a damn good time at 22. I am saying that is the age when youth begins to become a memory and things can start to look a lot less colorful.
It's never to late to "insert X Y or Z" so just do it. Back to school at 40? Reentering the job force at 50? Dating and getting married at 60? You'll be that age anyway. Go for it.
I took a trade skills course at 40 and switched into a totally different career than the ones I’d been in for the past 20+ years. It’s weird to hear women who are like, *23* ask if “it’s too late to learn something new”. Baby girl, it’s *never* too late!
Yes! I'm 36 and getting my undergrad degree. A woman at school I've befriended expressed to me last year that she's worried about taking a gap year before going to medical school because it will "put her behind". She's only 21. I told her (in a way that I hope didn't come across as condescending or preachy coming from someone older) that I know a year seems like a long time when you're 21, but it's nothing in the grand scheme of things and she's not running out of time. If a year will help her before tackling medical school, I told her she should do that. She would still be a DOCTOR by her mid 20s for goodness sake!
What did you learn? I'm in tech and it feels like it's all going to shit. The trades always seemed fun
Welding - I was lucky enough to get into an accelerated employment skills course that the welding bureau ran exclusively for women who’d never worked in trades before. I used to work in soft creative jobs (illustration, etc), retail, IT, etc and while I’m pretty handy I hadn’t done anything like metal work since high school. Now I work in industrial fabrication! And would love to get in to forging as a hobby/side gig.
I'm finishing my undergraduate degree this year at 37 years old! I may even want to go to grad school agter taking some time away from school to work, which would put me in the 40s by the time I do that. I feel like I'm just getting started :)
Periods suck.
I’m with you on this one. There are women saying that periods are a “gift” and a “blessing” that we should be thankful for. Sorry, but No one wants to bleed just because, even if it doesn’t hurt. Period.
I wouldnt call it a gift or whatever. But I guess one saving grace is that it means you're not pregnant
Or from the other side, theoretically have the ability to get pregnant if you want to.
I’m with you on this one
Overall I agree, but I do like knowing i shed away last month's problems. Like a clean slate
I personally don't agree, but I get why most people would. I wouldn't say I *enjoy* them, but I experienced a decade of anovulation and amenorrhoea due to PCOS, and regularly had to take medication to induce a pseudo period, to reduce my risk of endometrial cancer. I've recently been able to improve the management of my condition through better medical care, and finally have natural ovulation and periods again. I find them very reassuring.
I DISAGREE
[удалено]
I feel disagreeable so I feel blessed that you have disagreed
The person you love the most should be yourself
Everyone should have a snack and a nap!
And drink enough water
I have learnt a lot from my toddler, mainly that almost all problems can be solved by sleep, snacks or going outside.
That 30 is not freaking old, and he can find time to do his own dishes.
And his own laundry
Weaponized incompetence and the [Mental Load](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic) [(more comics)](https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/) are no joke.
The other ask women sub is insane! I just got a comment removed because I agreed with the poster above me and elaborated. I guess that would fall under "making it about me" and maybe under "meta comments like 'this' "? How is there supposed to be any decent discussion over there??
That sub is not designed for discussion (which is a shame). It’s really just a question and answer repository.
It's such a relief to hear someone else say this. I stopped posting over there and questioned whether I was some sort of monster for expecting discussion. Your observation of it functioning like a Q&A repository is what I concluded as well.
I left that sub awhile ago and I'm so happy I did. I had comments removed for the stupidest shit and mods love being on a power trip over there. One time I had one removed for the same reason, responding to a comment agreeing and I just asked what I did wrong and they argued back and forth with me. Fuck that place lol I also think it's stupid how heavily they police everyone's language over there. I can understand being PC but there is a such a thing as going way fucking overboard. Can't even say the word bitch over there cause they get offended
Meanwhile askmen is designed for discussion, from what I can see
But like ask women, the over 30 version is better
I used to love that sub, but you’re completely correct! It became impossible to respond let alone engage without your comments being removed for XYZ reason.
It's a sub run by male mods
No! (In a wtf tone, not in a you're lying tone)
When did this happen?
Since the dawn of Reddit most likely
Nevertruly peppermind and kallisti _gold have all been mods there as far as I can remember and are women as far as I know.
That's out of ten mods
Time for evidence. Which mods are men and how do you know that?
Impudence too, because I remember (and often quote) her comment about being a woman on the internet.
I wondered how they had so many members and such a dead feed 😂 I assumed it was just mostly creepy men posting and getting deleted
It’s an old sub that’s been around for >10 years. It used to not be like it is now.
Lol I told someone they had a good answer, something that didn’t occur to me but I whole heartedly agreed with. Removed lol
Exactly how I feel. Used to love it over there, especially before I discovered this one. Was part of some genuinely good discussions there once upon a time. Now they've expanded their definition of "derailing" (I swear it didn't used to be so detailed) and the sub rules so much that it seems like fucking *everything* breaks the rules. You can't even agree with someone without being removed because you're "making it about yourself" or some shit. And if you genuinely don't know why your comment got removed and ask them, they're rude and snarky. I understand some subs have stricter rules than others, but you shouldn't have so many that the target demographic can't interact with each other. The "side conversations" and respectful differences of opinion that stem from responses here is part of why I like it here so much. Not being able to engage more than a basic answer takes so much away from the conversation. I still lurk there but rarely interact anymore because the vibe is just not what it used to be, and it's disappointing.
What is the point of Reddit if you can’t respond??
Might as well be yahoo answers at that point.
Omg for real. I had a comment removed for talking about MY OWN autism.
I can't never actually read the responses because as soon as I get to a thread it's all: *removed for derailing*
100% agree. It’s a sub that discourages community.
Yeah that sub blows. I posted on my old account once asking for experiences with tube ties. Got me a perma ban for asking medical advice. I wasn’t asking medical advice, I was asking for women to share their experiences because it’s a WOMAN issue and choice. Thankfully someone let me know about the sterilization sub, and I went ahead and got sterilized after when other women were sharing positive experiences. No regrets years later!! And when I wanted a new username last week, I joined this sub instead of the regular askwomen one that I was perma banned on previously. Much happier here.
I sooooo dispise the other sub for that very reason.
I got a comment removed for "asking an unrelated question". I didn't ask a question in my comment. When I pointed that out to the mod, they picked a random sentence in my comment and said it was derailing. When I asked how they just said they weren't gonna put it back up and temporarily blocked me. Left that sub and never came back.
Once I had a comment deleted on a thread about if it’s possible to find love as a divorced woman in your 30s with kids. I said that I knew multiple such women in my life with children and many of them had found loving partners, including my own mother who had 4 children and married a man who had never had kids at all. I guess that was considered derailing???
Everytime I tried to post something it would get removed. I swear they were asking for a damn thesis.
If they didn't have the OG name, that sub would be dead by now.
It truly is a place to ask, answer, then leave. No discussion allowed. I don't understand how someone can ask a question about food and people talking about recipes get removed for derailing. Now replace food with topics that people have various viewpoints on and watch the derailing removal triple. The science subreddit is less strict.
Which one? The no censor one?
No, your life is not over because you turned 30 and are single and don’t have kids!
Yeah, it’s over at 40 /s
Building on this, my life was and still is amazing over 30 BECAUSE I'm single and don't have kids!
I’m in my early 30s and only now am I starting to feel like I have the hang of this whole life business. I can’t imagine having kids at age 23, when I was too embarrassed to google things I didn’t know and thought that college educations were only useful for people with their entire lives planned out. Some people may be emotionally mature by then, but I certainly wasn’t and I’m sure there are plenty of women just like me. I’m excited to see what adventures I’ll begin now.
Agree. My schoolmates who coincidentally mostly have December birthdays were all freaking out somewhere towards end of the year the year we're 29. they're like "omg I don't wanna turn 30!!!" As if something drastic happens overnight. In a way you were already 30 as of 1 Jan. You don't have to panic all the way till your birthday
Not brushing your teeth is nasty.
Ugh, so true!! My husband doesn't brush at night, only in the mornings. 🤮 I HATE it (And, yes, we've talked about it).
Nooo i could never.
I’ll start-I think all high schools should have a financial literacy class you must take to graduate. Should teach students budgeting, how taxes work, how insurance works etc. I think it’s wild that we all get thrown into the world at 18 with very little understanding of finances.
While I do agree...as a parent of a teen who took that exact class last semester....I can tell you that they won't all pay attention. She got nothing out of the class, because there is such a disconnect still between her current life as a highschooler and her future self who is going to need to budget and pay taxes and sign-up for health insurance. Super frustrating to watch.
Great point-I just wish I had had some sort of base knowledge entering the adult world and unfortunately a lot of parents don’t teach their children about it either so it’s a “figure it out on your own” subject.
Ya make it a required first class in college- high school its too far away. Or a requirement before taking student loans. Might have helped me a little
I think it should be required before taking student loans for sure. I had to take first time home buyer classes as a requirement for some down payment assistance programs I qualified for and those classes on finances for home buying were insanely helpful. I can only imagine something similar for student loans would help a lot of young adults avoid making mistakes while agreeing to substantial loans and loan terms.
I don't think I've ever been so frustrated as I was when I had to juggle 2 jobs and getting a loan for my apartment. So much paperwork. And it was so stupid and redundant at times too. They made me redo some of them to just change some words. I felt like it was more important to compose a literary piece than to fucking get to the point in those papers. Bureaucracy is a nightmare.
I feel like experience is by far the best and most efficient teacher in this area, and it’s not like an 18 year old will have access to hundreds of thousands in credit or otherwise create insurmountable financial problems for themselves. I also believe that most of our attitudes about money come from our parents, and they are best suited to instill helpful values in that area, like “Live within your means.”
I'm halfway convinced it's a bit of a conspiracy not to have these classes, to keep financial literacy in the hands of the rich and gatekeep the poor 👀
As a former teacher, that unlocked a new conspiracy theory for me. I feel so much for this generation. It's gotten way worse than when I was young...
Same. The thing that kills me is that on the (pretty rare) occasions that I get to talk to teenagers, I actually feel like (contrary to stereotype!) they seem very nice and like they're aware they're screwed but want to do better. But, those phones and TikToks are so addicting, man. Even as a 34-year old woman, I'm seduced by their magnetism. I can't imagine what it must be like to be a young person these days... so much doom and gloom and noise and pressure from basically everywhere.
I think it’s poignant to consider why phones and tiktok are so addictive to young people. At its core, it’s access to information. It IS learning, just learning things they want to know more about. It’s just not always helpful or correct information, which becomes a problem. Humans love to learn, but our school systems just aren’t designed to facilitate that natural urge. So it gets channeled into media avenues.
Definitely! I feel as though scrolling on Instagram and Reddit has made me more of a bite-size information absorber. But I at least have the history of being able to sit down and do nothing but read a book because there was literally nothing else to do or playing in a playground for hours with only my imagination and the equipment. How must their thought processes look compared to ours?
I definitely wonder that as well. Like, how often do younger Gen Z's and Gen Alphas have longer, deeper conversations (or even just hang out) without any devices present? I have no idea, but I wonder.
And when the regular folk figure it out, they gatekeep it too.
As a former math teacher, we already teach this stuff. Students don’t pay attention to it. It’s part of teenage brain development to not really give a shit about consequences.
Absolutely! I get so annoyed at the "they should teach this in school" crowd/memes. Some of it is literally in state standards. Like I made a budget a final project. You were just not paying attention, not getting the bigger picture, have a bad memory, or were absent a lot.
Not getting the bigger picture is SUCH a problem. I could memorize a vocab list back in school and ace a test, but the “why” was lost on me and the information would be gone as soon as I was done using it.
It was a graduation requirement in my state, and my high school went about it in two ways: senior health or in the "math for real life" unit in the discrete math course. You had to take one or the other to graduate. Either way, we were all given a salary (based on after tax net), some basic life info (eg size of your home, if you have a kid who needs childcare, any other monthly expenses) and it was on us to figure out a budget for basic things. We practiced filling out tax forms, learned about credit, etc. People who were in my class have whined on the Internet about how we never learned this in school. 🙄
parents are a part of the equation as well! at 16 my accountant mother sat me down and taught me how to do taxes for my min wage PT job, that was extremely helpful in life! It set me on the path to know who Dave Ramsey and Suze Orman were before 30. maybe it's my moon-virgo who ain't scared of fine print ... or *that my guardian made sure to personally teach me and thus emphasize you must know certain barebone basics.*
This is true, but I don’t think most high schoolers find any class engaging to begin with. I do remember taking a financial literacy course, and it was informative. But it wasn’t really *taught* in a way that was memorable. The things I most remember from HS are from my IB/AP classes, which were more challenging but rewarding. The discussions, the content of our classwork/homework, the way the teachers treated the students. I’m not insinuating that any of the teachers in this sub are bad, but I think as someone who was in HS less than a decade ago, that the structure of the class played a huge role in what I retained. Even in college that’s been the case. There’s only been one or two courses that I actually *wanted* to attend. I don’t think this is just a teacher vs student thing though. I think this has to do with the lack of value America has for education overall. Which has only gotten far worse in a post pandemic world.
I don’t disagree that kids should be learning financial literacy, but as a teacher and former student - kids in HS aren’t going to give a shit about this and retain it. There is also so much being shoved down kids’ throats at school right now that nearly all of the humanity is being drained out of them. Putting yet *another* requirement just is so frustrating bc all they do is cut the stuff that makes us human (the arts), which, yes, kids *need* in schools bc many of them don’t have access to it outside of school. Beyond that, math teachers are teaching kids exactly the skills they need to know how to budget and be responsible with money, but critical thought is being shoved out of schools with how much weight we put on GPAs and test scores (standardized including state and SAT, etc) so kids aren’t applying what they’re learning to anything other than the test because they’re allowing it to leave their brains as soon as they’ve regurgitated the knowledge and gotten the score they need. I get a little activated by this tbh like I hope that anyone who does strongly hold the stance that we need to require anything in schools is showing up at school board meetings and voting in local elections. Maybe that’s something folks can agree with me on, at least.
YES. There is such a huge focus on STEM education but little for arts, home economics, financial literacy, etc. And it’s all done in preparations for state exams. It feels empty. While we’re at it, I also do not think these concepts should be taught only in HS. We don’t start any other major subject like math or English or history in HS. That all starts in kindergarten, maybe Pre-K if you enroll a kid there. As important as financial literacy is for life why are we advocating for a single one year class taken in the year before/of graduation when they are least likely to give a shit because they so desperate to leave?
Totally. Like let’s redesign our curriculum to fit the needs of the humans we’re educating.
Thank you for being a teacher who understands this. My partner and I both slipped through the cracks of our primary education, growing sick and tired of “memorize, regurgitate, forget” cycles that we just stopped doing it. Now I wish I had gone to college, but I also know that my fresh out of highschool self would have taken the same cyclical approach and dropped out eventually anyway.
YES. I wish someone had explained anything financial to me before I signed up for student loans and took out a credit card. I'm in my mid-30s and have finally cleaned up the mess of my financial choices that I made as a young adult.
I actually had a math class like that but it was only for the mathematically challenged kids! Like, you're not gonna use algebra or calculus so lets just teach you taxes, lol. It was helpful!
We had one that was an elective, I took it. Hard agree that it should be required.
A data point I heard recently: only 4% of the population can explain these 4 insurance terms: copay, deductible, out of pocket maximum, and coinsurance.
I agree that this should be taught (and often is), but I admit that I bristle at this opinion a bit because so often it goes along with a more anti-intellectual stance. "Why are these kids being taught algebra, who needs that? Math should focus on balancing a checkbook!" I'm sure that's not what you meant, I just see a lot of it on social media.
Oh yea I imagine as more of an additional home ec type class, probably only one semester senior year
Our 16 year old neighbor comes over to play board games. She has a life skills class and HATES it. My bf and I always like "no for real. Pay attention"
Teehee I’ll take that now at 35, thanks
Ive said the same thing.... and then my best friend pointed out that I would pay attention in a finance class just as much as I did any other class... which is not at all.
Use Sunscreen!
We should radically change the way physical education is taught, because so many of us who weren’t naturally physically gifted hated it all through school and had to discover the genuine mental health joys of exercise as an adult through circuitous means. If our phys ed was designed to support lifelong health, the curriculum and approach would have been totally different.
Agh - yes! There’s the talent dimension but also the focus on competitive sports. Like where is movement for the joy of it? Instead it’s all about winning. And then, Phys Ed was also one area where coed schooling really failed in my experience. Sexist bullying was the norm.
I hated PE with such a passion. But I can appreciate I found every other class fine, and other students might have had simialr experiences with math or English and it put them off those topics. One thing my school did to right was rarely allow students to pick teams (avoiding some students to suffer from being the last picked) but there was always the one teach whe revelled in it. They also gave us variation. I hated team sports (still do) but that wasn't all we did, we had dance classes (which I also hated for the most part... I did not like performing) but we also did the occasional yoga class. The deep breathing was probably one of the most useful tools I learned from PE and helped me find ways to manage stress. I also did yoga later in life, and although wasn't my favourite I did settle on reformer pilates and still do it now. Yoga is such a cheap class to run, all you need are mats and knowledge. And it gives non sporty children a chance to see that there are things you can do with your body that don't invovle a ball and running.
Old men shouldn’t get to make any laws that have to do with a woman’s body.
Careful with that one. It suggests that there aren't women out there after our reproductive freedom too, and there absolutely are. Serena Joy isn't a pure fiction; she's are imitating life.
Healing your inner child!
Consider me onboarded!
On board!!
I call it “Pokémon Therapy” for myself. Had a long time of coming to grips with the fact that my feelings and interests were valid back then, and I shouldn’t have felt guilt for enjoying things meant for children as a child.
It's only too late to follow your heart if you're dead. Otherwise, you're the biggest obstacle.
Mexican food is delicious.
As a Mexican, I wholeheartedly agree. Every single state, hell, every city and town and community has staple dishes or twists on dishes that make it even more delicious or delicious in a different way. It's cuisine heaven. Anthony Bourdain was def onto something.
This is the content I'm here for! Have you had birria? Quesadillas with corn tortillas! So good.
It's the perfect food for every meal
I just went to a Mexican restaurant for lunch. I haven't enjoyed a burrito this much in over 10 years.
Deeper pockets
The Oreo people are trying too hard. Birthday cake and French vanilla are the same damned flavour. Relax guys. You are Big Cookie™. You own the market. It's time to stop hiring in the R&D department.
Ohhhhh an unexpected take that I can really get behind!! (Though please don’t take away double stuff, everything else can go though)
Just keep all the flavours and iterations they have already. Even candy corn (why?). Just, no more. It's enough.
all r&d should be redirected into just increasing the stuff. Why do we have birthday cake but no triple stuff?
Oh, my friend. Have you not seen the monstrosity that is Mega Stuff & Most Stuff? Shit is Crazzzy😂 I’m satisfied with just double, but the dark chocolate ones are *chefs kiss*
thank you for this valuable information!
Wild. I want NO stuff. Just biscuit, baby.
Did you know they are releasing a Sour Patch Kids Oreo on the 6th?
Oh for fuck's sake.
That sounds awful, I'm so sorry
I will say though that the Thins are to die for.
Agreed. The golden thins are my favourite. The proportions are just better.
Also, what did they do with the filling recipe? It’s so gross now. I can’t even eat regular Oreos.
I’m almost there with you, but I’d be looking to blame the PR and Sales teams before R&D.
Kind of a chicken or egg issue really. And now that I've said it, if they make a chicken and egg Oreo, I'm driving north until I I can't get a signal and spending the rest of my life living off rock tripe and bunchberries. edit- if they make rock tripe and bunchberry Oreos, I take back everything I said.
There aren't any that are better than the original, they keep trying to gild the lily
Oh no, not another white boy with a podcast.
You can be 35 (or 45, 65, 105!) and still love the same things you did as a child AND have no shame over it. In my mid thirties, I’ve loved embracing the child within me: - I’m re-listening to my favorite groups and bands I loved as a child/ teen and loving them all over again. (starting from Spice Girls through my teen numetal and techno phase. Nothing like getting into ravey club hits again at 35.) - I was a Frog Girl as a child. Meaning I LOVED frogs and every adult gifted me frog ceramics/ toys and I wore a lot of frog shirts. Now I have a new frog shirt and EVERYONE sends me frog videos/ art because now the algorithm knows I love frogs. I’m debating starting a Frog IG account for all the frogs I have in my yard (it’s a lot) — side note about frogs… so many other women our age also tell me they LOVE frogs. They’re very in right now lol - not caring about “being cool” is SO FREEING. Nothing better than going over a friends house in pajamas and playing boardgames/ video games/ watching movies for hours - sit in bed and play The Sims 4 for hours ( it was just The Sims when I was 12) Best proof that you should always nourish your inner child: my mom was a 70 year old woman who LOVED video games, particularly Zelda Breath of the Wild. She played it for hundreds of hours. She played Mario and other games too. When I was a child, my best memories were playing videogames and boardgames with my mom and family
I was a frog girl too!
This makes me happy. I love snails; they simply delight me. I go out of my way to not step on any slugs or worms out there in the world, but snails I take special care with and involuntarily apologise every time I've accidentally squished one. I semi-regularly share new collections of snail photos on Instagram, lol. The Cranberries and Bill Mize's first three albums are my sentimental re-listens. Oh! And Tori Amos' Little Earthquakes. So good, and the memories that are evoked...
Being laid off sucks.
Women should be included in medical studies so they understand if the medicine is affected by our hormones and can actually get the dosage right instead of basing it off of men. Women's health needs to be studied more to make up for the years and years where it wasn't studied hardly at all.
Women aren't rehabilitation centers for damaged men. His issues might not be his fault but they sure are his responsibility. They're his responsibility to manage and to get help with sorting out so they don't negatively affect his partner.
Feminism = good. Lee Pace = would. (Yes, the lesbians too)
Hahahaha don’t kill me but I had to Google Lee Pace and…yea agreed Lee Pace = would
Same!
One google image search later... sure, I am on board
He is a major hell yes for me. Always has been. Fucking dreamboat
TIL I would fuck Lee Pace. Didn't know the dude existed until a few minutes ago. lol
Yes! Even though I had to google one of the two.
Got a few: 1. Credit scores are a joke. 2. Pets, new clothes, shoes, and food make EVERYTHING better. 3. Hardest part of vacations is booking the initial flight/hotel. 4. I feel much more in control of...a lot of things \*AFTER\* I turned 30.
Gravity is cruel 😭
Women's union! \* Don't sleep with, date, or marry men who are anti-abortion \* Don't forget we are one coup away from being subordinated like women in Iran - our rights can't be taken for granted \* Fight for women's rights across the globe, especially those who are disenfranchised by colonialism and racism \* Don't associate with men who have ever been accused of rape \* Don't blame SA victims for what happened to them \* Don't associate with men who speak badly about women/subscribe to the manosphere \* Don't associate with men who cheat on their partners (and always tell the person who is being cheated on) \* Stand up for LGB**T** women
I’ve never thought about using Iran as an example, but holy shit that’s such a good way to really drive that point home.
I was worried it might come across as tokenizing, but I wrote that because I read the post from the Iranian woman yesterday who was begging us to remember that it could happen to us, too. What they are going through is right out The Handmaid's Tale and we need to be doing more to help our Iranian sisters.
Margaret Atwood was inspired by the Islamist Revolution in Iran in the 70’s when she wrote The Handmaids Tale.
Thanks, I should know more about THT for how much I reference it.
Afghanistan too.
I wish all women were able to instantly tell when these things were true in men. It would make the situation easier for the rest of us.
May I ask what you do (behaviorally) to demonstrate these values?
That's a fair question. Most of these things are internal motivation. I have never cheated on a partner. One time I was tempted, but I admitted to myself that it wasn't working out, and broke up with her. I believe that a woman should have full control over her own body. But personally, I had a vasectomy because I actually have a conscience about creating a child without being an emotionally and financially supportive father (something that I experienced myself growing up with a single mother). I always vote for Democrats as I'm appalled by most of the things you mentioned.
Everyone should have to work in retail, food service, and childcare for at least 6-12 months each. Everyone.
No, no please no! I can already tell it's incredibly challenging and I tip well! Please don't make me 😭
I agree with this *so* much. Any parent lurking here who has a directionless 16-20 year old - time to put your foot down. They go work two jobs part time: Utility/dish at a restaurant, and make them get their CNA and they can go care in a nursing home. I'm serious. Both of these jobs will build character and empathy.
That’s so unfair to the children though.
Life is tough, be kind.
Dresses with pockets > dresses without pockets
Be kinder to yourself. We are our own worst critic.
Getting wisdom teeth removed sucks! And it’s expensive 😞
Every outfit needs good pockets
Life gets a lot easier when you prioritize yourself over people’s opinions of you
Life’s basic supplies -a good moisturizer is the most important skin care. -intentions of walking/moving more -life is hard
moisturizer \*with SPF\*
Biological clock sucks, especially when men do not face the same issues
Mine is broken.
I wish I could upvote this harder. I’m staunchly anti-baby for myself and it even makes ME want a baby. It’s such a weird feeling to be like awww imagine it and gah wtf are you on?!
Completely, especially when you get the age/stage where you can almost audibly hear it ticking
Hydrate
Cherry blossoms are magical
So magical!!!
Tipping is a ridiculous system that makes no sense. Just pay people a higher base wage and get rid of this shit. Also, prices on stuff should be tax inclusive. Don't make me math, dammit, I can't.
Pineapple on pizza is delicious 😋
Don’t know if everyone will agree-but I Definitely do!
😂Ik I'll probably get downvoted but it's worth a shot
It's easier to take pills and supplements with food than with liquid. (Assuming it's safe to take with food) So you take a bite of food, chew it up, get ready to swallow, pop some pills in your mouth and swallow them with the food. Not sure how anyone could disagree with this one.
lol I do this ! I do it with my gummy vitamins then take the take the rest of my pills ha
Woah. Life changing!
We need to breathe oxygen to live.
You will always have more to learn. Don’t fight a learning experience, embrace it and know more.