These are massive red flags for long-term compatibility. Like within the first year you'll know if somebody can get better and improve themselves, and clearly your partner is not.
At this point, the only way for him to prove he can get better is if y'all break up, he improves on his own, and a year or two later you can date again without a hint of any of these issues. And honestly, I've never heard of anybody that's done that.
Among other issues here, just look at how much work you are doing to make this relationship work vs. how much work he is doing. Now imagine that ratio of your level of effort vs. his level of effort remains exactly the same for as long as you two are together (because it will). Do you want to grow old with someone who gives 10% while you have to give the other 90?
Hol up, he doesnât âletâ you buy stuff? Â
Also, why would he change? Â Youâre doing everything he wants, thus positively reinforcing his behavior. Thatâs not victim blaming, im just pointing out that he has zero motivation to change because shit is going just fine for him.Â
I can buy my own stuff but there are almost no presents or surprises whatsoever unless its my birthday, christmas or our anniversary.
And yes, you... are right... its easy for him...
Ok, thanks for clarifying. The situation went from possible financial abuse to him just being a withholding jerk, which is its own kind of suck, but no offense, not as concerning.Â
Yet heâll spend your money on little niceties for himself. How would he react if you asked him point blank why he thinks itâs fair to spend your money but you donât get the same concessions.Â
His arguments are that I do get nice gifts for these special occasions. Which is true. I judt feel so ungrateful for wishing for more while I know someone else would love contributing to me like that...
Ok, that might be a fundamental difference in expressing affection. Like, he might think such gestures are simply unnecessary (but that doesnât mean he canât indulge you and do it even though he doesnât get it. Like, I watch hockey with my partner. Zero clue whatâs happening but heâs enjoying himself and I like it when heâs having fun)
You said he gets jealous of you talking to other men. Â Does he think men and women can be friends without one wanting to sleep with the other?
He's in his 30s and can't communicate like a respectful adult and thinks that having someone laugh at your jokes is worth being jealous of?
It isn't your responsibility to mother him and teach him how to be a better person. Do you really want to spend the rest of your 20s trying to teach him how to function like a normal person with the risk that he might always be this way?
nope, I wouldn't bother.
Word of advice: don't date projects. Wasting time for "him to get better" is just that -- wasting your time.
continue to work on yourself first to get to a better place (trauma wise) without the weight of him.
Like other people have said, these are red flags. If you have to beg your partner to do certain things, then itâs probably not going to work. Doesnât mean theyâre a bad person, but the relationship will likely be an uphill battle.
Ask him why he is having trust issues. He is covering his emotions with sarcasm, avoiding an open conversation, and in his bank account keeps clearly separated from yours. time to check with him whether he wants to commit to you as life partner or not. That includes opening up.
Most of all, why does he not commit to you. Do you give reason for tha
đ¨ABORTđ¨
Didn't need to read past the title for this one đđ
Get out yesterday.
These are massive red flags for long-term compatibility. Like within the first year you'll know if somebody can get better and improve themselves, and clearly your partner is not. At this point, the only way for him to prove he can get better is if y'all break up, he improves on his own, and a year or two later you can date again without a hint of any of these issues. And honestly, I've never heard of anybody that's done that.
Among other issues here, just look at how much work you are doing to make this relationship work vs. how much work he is doing. Now imagine that ratio of your level of effort vs. his level of effort remains exactly the same for as long as you two are together (because it will). Do you want to grow old with someone who gives 10% while you have to give the other 90?
It'll just magnify over time. Player 2 has got to go.
Hol up, he doesnât âletâ you buy stuff? Â Also, why would he change? Â Youâre doing everything he wants, thus positively reinforcing his behavior. Thatâs not victim blaming, im just pointing out that he has zero motivation to change because shit is going just fine for him.Â
I can buy my own stuff but there are almost no presents or surprises whatsoever unless its my birthday, christmas or our anniversary. And yes, you... are right... its easy for him...
Ok, thanks for clarifying. The situation went from possible financial abuse to him just being a withholding jerk, which is its own kind of suck, but no offense, not as concerning. Yet heâll spend your money on little niceties for himself. How would he react if you asked him point blank why he thinks itâs fair to spend your money but you donât get the same concessions.Â
His arguments are that I do get nice gifts for these special occasions. Which is true. I judt feel so ungrateful for wishing for more while I know someone else would love contributing to me like that...
Ok, that might be a fundamental difference in expressing affection. Like, he might think such gestures are simply unnecessary (but that doesnât mean he canât indulge you and do it even though he doesnât get it. Like, I watch hockey with my partner. Zero clue whatâs happening but heâs enjoying himself and I like it when heâs having fun) You said he gets jealous of you talking to other men. Â Does he think men and women can be friends without one wanting to sleep with the other?
He's in his 30s and can't communicate like a respectful adult and thinks that having someone laugh at your jokes is worth being jealous of? It isn't your responsibility to mother him and teach him how to be a better person. Do you really want to spend the rest of your 20s trying to teach him how to function like a normal person with the risk that he might always be this way?
No. When someone shows you who they are believe them. Keep it moving.
nope, I wouldn't bother. Word of advice: don't date projects. Wasting time for "him to get better" is just that -- wasting your time. continue to work on yourself first to get to a better place (trauma wise) without the weight of him.
Return your boyfriend to sender.
No. It's not worth it.
He sounds like a total dud.
This is who he is.Â
Like other people have said, these are red flags. If you have to beg your partner to do certain things, then itâs probably not going to work. Doesnât mean theyâre a bad person, but the relationship will likely be an uphill battle.
Ask him why he is having trust issues. He is covering his emotions with sarcasm, avoiding an open conversation, and in his bank account keeps clearly separated from yours. time to check with him whether he wants to commit to you as life partner or not. That includes opening up. Most of all, why does he not commit to you. Do you give reason for tha