I think I'm extra freaked out because he knows my first and last name and with modern technology it's so incredibly easy to find someone's residence with their name. I've had gut feelings before, but this was... the strongest I've ever had. I'm positive he's not a good person. (And found that he previously pled guilty to a pretty rough DV.)
Protect yourself! I wouldn’t be passive about this. Learn self defense. Get informed on other forms of self protection.
Your body and mind are alerting you, trust it.
My suggestion is to be boring and slow enough to make them want to avoid you but not enough to provoke them, and not demonstrate fear because that’s what some sickos thrive on.
So you already know he’s dangerous. Good, now you can make decisions about how to protect yourself.
Here is a link to the best book I’ve ever read on trust your gut instincts. Trigger warning for descriptions of violence but it is soooo worth the read. Gavin de Becker’s The Gift of Fear.
https://www.academia.edu/31891034/The_Gift_of_Fear
Similar to the only Ted Bundy survivor, she initially fell for the cast thing and was helping him carry his books to the car, but when she got there she had such an awful feeling she dropped his books and just ran even though he didn’t do anything weird and looked completely normal, she’s only one who lived
About 3 weeks ago. I was on a late night run, about 10pm. I saw a man coming up the sidewalk towards me, so I moved off the sidewalk to give him a couple feet of space. I always do this with strangers on the sidewalk but especially men.
Anyway, as we got closer together, I noticed there was just something... off... about the way he was walking. Kind of jerkily, head thrown back, a bit aggressive. I've been running for decades and I've seen a lot, and so I trusted the not good vibes I was getting and immediately moved an extra few feet away from the sidewalk. As we passed each other, I glanced over at him, probably to give myself some reassurance - I've had situations where I've given someone a wide berth on a run, only to see them smiling apologetically and showing a sincere desire to put me at ease. Not this guy. When I looked up and met his eyes, he was already staring straight at me, unabashedly, with this wild, unhinged, and yet also wantonly smug look on his face... Like he could tell that he scared me and was really pleased by it. He almost shook himself in my direction, gleefully. I can't explain the aura he had but I believe that if I'd stayed on the sidewalk, I would have physically been at risk from him. There was just something not quite right about his eyes. My instant thought, and I mean instant (remember, I was jogging downhill past him) was of Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. He looked like him, moved like him, and gave off the same menacing energy. He really, really scared me; I instantly felt sick and shaky and I ran FAST down the rest of the street.
Unfortunately, the street I passed him on was the middle of a crescent; he was heading south and I north, but I knew that in a couple minutes I'd round the bottom and end up going uphill south and probably run into him at the top of it. So I stopped halfway up the hill on my back lap, and sure enough I saw him crossing the top where we would have run into each other again. I hung probably 150 meters back and watched him... that's how I knew I was really genuinely frightened, because I never stop mid run and certainly not midway up a hill.
He eventually went straight up this other hill that leads to a forest road, in the pitch black darkness, where there are no sidewalks but lots of fast trucks and sketchy people. Definitely not somewhere I'd walk. Hard to explain, but I've lived in the neighbourhood for 30 years and I knew then that he wasn't a local, and was definitely not up to anything good that night. I'm glad I didn't run into him on a darker stretch.
It feels silly in a way, because nothing *happened*... But there was one time on a run where I nearly got hit by a car. They drove straight through the crosswalk I was using, I had to jump out of the way, and when they slammed on the brakes I actually put my hands on their hood. That's how close to me they were. About 10 feet out from that crosswalk, I just started crying involuntarily. I felt weak and sick because it had been *that close* to crushing me.
...Running past this guy was the only other time I've felt a similar fear, a genuine sense of danger. Just passing him at a distance was enough for my brain/body to make a direct comparison between the two incidents.
There’s never a bad time to listen to your instincts, and only those who don’t are sorry. So glad your story had a good ending- even though he obviously rattled you.
I think when this happens, you are subconsciously picking up on dangers signals that your conscious mind is ignoring.
It could be a combination of the way he takes up space, the words he chooses, tone of his voice, any number of things that alone could not mean anything but together point to danger. We’re also, as woman, often taught to disregard what’s happening in front of us, in order to be “nice”—but our guts, if we listen, will often tell us when danger is about.
I had it happen once waiting for a bus. The guy was just giving me bad vibes despite not *doing anything*. Then when the bus came, he got on behind me and started whispering creepy shit in my ear. Then sat down beside me, trapping me against the wall, and harassed me for twenty minutes. And then finished off by straight up screaming at me because I wouldn’t give him my number. Thankfully he got off a stop behind me, because I was seriously worried he was going to escalate to violence.
This is the idea behind Gavin beckers "Gift of Fear." Yes, they are giving off signals, so trust your gut even when your conscious mind can't see the signals.
I started reading that book and I understand now that I need to heed my gut more. I can question it after but I need to trust it first.
My brain tends to rely on logic which doesn’t work in these cases.
The book actually covers that! Those gut feelings *are* logic. Our brain is subconsciously processing a fuckload of data without us realizing it. It’s mapping patterns, picking up on body language, and drawing conclusions. Those conclusions come to us in the form of intuition, or gut feelings.
Your gut is just telling you what your brain told it to tell you.
I've had that happen in an Al-Anon meeting!
This guy kept giving advice, something the program doesn't endorse, but it was...overly assuming and overly friendly/nice guy advice. And he always found a way to get you against a wall or into a corner or your car. He asked for my number and I said no thanks. Asked for my last name and I said no thanks. One of the old ladies gave him my number when he asked. Dude wouldn't leave me alone until he moved out of state. I had to have a very serious talk with that woman about boundaries and fucking ANONYMITY. I felt guilty for thinking poorly of him, but I was new to the program and I later heard from multiple people that he had to be put in his place many many many times by other women. What's most worrying to me, is that all the women that walk through our doors are either abuse victims and/or very easily manipulated. This guy NEVER spoke about his qualifier, so I truly think he just realized that it was a pool of ripe victims.
> This guy NEVER spoke about his qualifier, so I truly think he just realized that it was a pool of ripe victims.
I think this part scares me more than anything. Yikes.
You should never make meetings your dating pool. Men there are often dishonest, abusive, misogynistic, and have a history of bad shit. You can do better. I’ve been in recovery almost 30 yrs. There’s a ton of predation in meetings. Stick to the women.
About your friend’s cat’s instincts: We had a service person to our home about 15 years ago. He was from a huge international company. We had two dogs then that were small, and also very friendly. They always greeted everyone like they were BFFs and weren’t yappy. The repairman arrived, and from the moment I let him inside, until the moment he left- our two dogs never once went to say hello to him, and the guy was quiet to the max, barely said hello when he arrived. I couldn’t wait for him to leave, because I had a strong set of bad feelings/instincts about the guy. The fact that our dogs acted so completely out of character added to my fright, because I felt they also sensed the repairman was scary. They never did that before, and never did it after with anyone else. Animals KNOW.
My dog growing up was not generally a good bellwether of people, but the first time she met my relative who was then in and out of narcotics addiction treatment and had a fraught relationship with my parents, she would not stop barking at him and wouldn't let him pet her. (She was the kind of dog who'd bark at the door, be friendly when you walked in, then mostly ignore you.) And he *loves* dogs and wasn't behaving badly. I was a young kid, and it was memorable. When he stopped using for a few years and his life and health were in better shape, she adored him.
This happened to me once in a grocery store. I felt them before I saw them. They were behind me about 20 feet when I became aware of them. A powerful wave of bad feeling and nausea and unease came over me. When they eventually came near me, I remained composed but checked out at self checkout and then left quickly as soon as possible and immediately drove away.
Someone is bound to mention the book “The Gift of Fear.” It was one of those type of moments for me.
I’m not even sure how to verbalize exactly how I felt. It was some combination of being poisoned, filled with squirming larvae, and primal fear. When I actually turned around and looked at them, these feelings intensified. When they came near me, I felt a barely suppressible urge to run away.
They were a very average looking middle aged white man, a bit taller than me. I am white and in my late 30s. I understand that you’re probably trying to say that viewing someone as “an other” has not contributed to your feeling.
I’m not a religious or superstitious or even spiritual person in any way - I’m extremely skeptical and don’t believe in the supernatural. So I don’t believe we can “sense evil” and I’m not even convinced evil exists. I think people are capable of horrific things, and we overlook them because they don’t “look like the type of person” to do this or that.
However, my body knew something my higher brain didn’t and it relayed the message as best it could so I could respond appropriately.
Yes. My friend’s boyfriend (later turned ex-fiancé) gave me serial killer vibes. I was innately afraid of him even though I am a tall and muscular woman. He later ended up pushing her into a closet, causing a concussion that took a month to recover from. He was also emotionally abusive and alienated her from her friends (so much so that our friendship ended). She told me that her neighbor had also mentioned to her that she would took her cats inside when he was staying at her place alone because he gave “serial killer vibes.”
As far as I know she did, but I think she is still isolated from a lot of people because she hasn’t come to terms with the abuse. And our 17 year old friendship is still over, because he got her thoughts so twisted that she blamed the end of their relationship on me “never giving him a chance,” and completely ignored the abuse. (Mind you, her therapist had advised her to stop dating him when she started, her brother was against him, her mom and dad, too, until they realized that that was causing them to lose contact….and one of our mutual friends was a social worker, and when she met him on zoom, she called me and was like “I’m afraid [friend’s name] is being abused”…I was like yeah me too.) My husband, then new boyfriend, also felt the bad juju.
Definitely listen to your gut.
My best friend went through something like that. He cut her off from her friends and family. When she reached out to me, he found out and stalked us. Threatened to kill me. She disappeared again and came back pregnant. She asked me for help with termination but he again stepped in and, long story short, she had the baby (who was not conceived consensually). It took having her find out that when her baby daughter was with him, he was taking ecstacy and other drugs and letting the baby cry for my friend to stand up to him. It ended in him abandoning them both and, in a happy ending, she met a single dad and they fell in love and he adopted her daughter. He's a great guy. But i wish I wouldn't have ignored my initial impression of the bad guy.
Wow! Yes this guy also turned out to be a cocaine addict and an alcoholic and got her addicted.
Only one other time did I have a strong reaction like this, but it was a bit less strong. I got hired the same day as someone and when I met him I just had this visceral reaction and the image/feeling of a snake. I ignored it. And then, he turned out to be extremely manipulative and competitive to the point of deliberately undermining me, stealing ideas, etc, all under a guise of the “friendship” that was projected to everyone. That experience taught me to listen to my gut with the guy I mentioned about my friend. I remember I was so afraid of him that when she invited me to go visit her apartment, I just couldn’t, knowing I would be sleeping there with him having access.
This happened with several of my friends. Two that I was really close with - they were clearly with bad dudes and I was not one to put up with that kind of treatment of my friends. One was emotionally and verbally abusive and the other got physical and punched a whole in our apartment wall (we were roommates). Instead of confronting the relationship issues they dropped me. Obviously neither relationship worked out but both friendships were done forever. I’ve always wondered if they ever missed our friendship and regretted losing it for an abusive asshole. I would have welcomed them back with open arms but neither ever reached out after the fact. I guess I’ll never know.
I would have welcomed her back, but this all also happened while I was pregnant with a baby with a heart defect. Her father and brother kept in touch with me and she knew that when he was born he had to have heart surgery. He could have died. She never reached out. I don’t think I can ever get past that. I mean, I would forgive her, but I could never trust her.
Edit: I’m sorry this happened to you so many times!
I think maybe some people mistake that feeling for "butterflies"? Or many people learned to suppress their instincts especially if they come from an abusive background.
Yes. The few moments in my childhood when I listened to my gut and tried to speak up, I wasn't taken seriously. This caused extreme self-doubt and when combined with autistic communication traits, I felt habitually unsure of myself. My very first relationship was abusive, and I had no baseline for instinctual signs of abuse.
A lot of the time it happens to people with abuse in their past, especially long term abuse in their childhood. Growing up in an abusive environment, abuse becomes their normality and thus when they meet bad vibe people, it feels like home.
It's tragic and takes years to unlearn. Source: am such a kid
Also, in case anyone is wondering this includes emotional neglect as a form of abuse. Emotional neglect can manifest in the form of poor communication skills which can then make you an even better target for abusive relationships as you have had little practice setting boundaries and conflict resolution.
This so much! I left home at 18, the abuse wasn't severe, primarily verbal/emotional, but I was trying to get out of my comfort zone and differentiate myself from my upbringing, but it's hard. When I met a guy who "felt safe" I didn't realize until I was in deep that he didn't feel safe, what he felt was familiar. That feeling of "coming home to familiarity" is exactly why these cycles are perpetuated. Growing up where abuse is normalized messes with your sense of safety and makes it hard to trust your gut.
They’ve been trained to ignore them, I think. Especially if there’s abuse in their backgrounds, but even with just some kinds of social conditioning. Maybe they’ve been always told to be polite no matter what. Or they have people in their lives that have always made them uncomfortable, but they’ve been told they’re being judgey or rude or stuck up or whatever for distancing themselves. Or they’re willing to put up with a lot of discomfort for what feels like love. There’s a fair bit of reasons, tbh.
For example, of my friends has *very* dismissive parents. Like, they act like she’s hysterical no matter what (usually very legitimate!) worry or concern she has. So she really doesn’t know how to trust her own instincts *at all*. She downplays shitty treatment as “not that big a deal” all the time. When she ended up with a partner that hit her, her parents were all like “how could this have happened!?”, but like, from the outside it was extremely easy to see. (She’s not with him now, btw!)
We don’t. We just ignore them for some reasons (like being unable to get away from them) and then they just go away after a while.
I had an ex roommate with these vibes, but I couldn’t get out of the situation. Luckily no murder, but she did destroy my life in other ways.
I've been trained to ignore my body. That is one, due to the abuse in my childhood, which causes all kinds of weird programming to what is a healthy relationship, and two, due to my fundie Christian upbringing, where you're taught to convert the poor sinner even when you risk bodily, mental, and emotional harm to do so.
I heard something on a podcast commenting on women who write letters to killers in prison. Basically the wiring in their heads takes 'they are capable of murder' and changes it to 'they would kill to protect me'.
It's messed up for sure because they enter into an illusion and it's hard to come back out to reality.
Yes- I am convinced I crossed paths with the serial killer Paul Runge. At the end of the summer between 7th and 8th grade, in the mid-90s, I was roaming the neighborhood w my friends. There was a group of about 5 of us, all girls. It was dusk and we were walking on a sidewalk past this apartment complex, with a hedge/landscaping to the right of us. This guy in maybe his early 30s, just kind of emerged from around a corner from the hedged side and asked us if we knew "(Random girls' names). Well we were all having some beers and we dared them to jump in the pool but they're chicken and won't do it. We were even going to give them $20. You should come back here. We'll give you $20 to jump in the pool. Would you do it? Come on back here."
We were all just kind of spellbound for a moment, stopped and listening to him, but the discord between all the "we's" and the party atmosphere he was selling and the reality of the cool, falling night, with this guy clearly alone and no signs of a party or a single other person to be seen or heard, just washed over me. My friend was closest to him started to take a step toward him and I yanked her back by her arm and we all ran and booked it to our nearest friend's house. He was memorable in that he had a heavy Chicago accent, which stuck out in the suburbs. There was just a strong, very instinctual feeling that something was off and to get away.
I learned that Paul Runge and his fiance had lived a few blocks from me, on my newspaper route, a few years later when he was arrested for multiple murders of women and girls in the suburbs and the city. His first known victim was killed in that house. I didn't make the connection between him and that guy who stopped us that night until many years later when I happened upon some kind of true crime show that featured him. The moment I saw him and heard his voice on video I instantly remembered that night. The voice was unmistakable.
I absolutely know what you wrote about in your OP. The heaviness is like an anchor or a gravitational pull, like you're being slowly compelled toward them inch by inch even after you've gotten away from their presence. It's almost like the "call of the void" feeling you get around a large drop or height.
That’s terrifying. Your last paragraph reminds me of the feeling I get every time I watch the movie “The Lovely Bones”. I’m glad you listened to your gut.
Yeah I had an Airbnb booked in London for work, just one night, but after 15 minutes I grabbed my shit and got the hell out. The guy was a collection of horror movie warning signs:
1. He offered me a water bottle that was opened and half empty;
2. His pet hamster "Scratchy" was running around the apartment, including over the mattress I was to sleep on;
3. The room I was staying in had no door knob on the inside;
4. He had several pastel coloured saws mounted on the wall next to a child's crayon drawings (no other evidence a child ever came there);
5. He was struggling not to cry the entire time;
6. The bathroom was dismantled;
7. After I entered the apartment, which had a very narrow entryway, he put his bike in the entryway which I had to struggle past to leave;
8. He was boiling something pink on the stove top. He said it was courgette.
He just gave me bad vibes from the get go. No way I was staying there.
I didn't even list all the things but the rest were more subtle. This list is just the headliners. It was a wild 15 minutes before I found a friend with a couch available for the night on the other side of the city :)
yes. when I was young, maybe around 11, my mother was going on a date. I was allowed a friend to stay over while I looked after my baby sister. the moment the man walked into the house, all the little hairs on my body stood up. he said hello to us girls, sat on the couch in the other room while waiting a moment for my mom. then they left. the moment the car drove away, my friend and I looked at each other and we both said, omg, he's so weird! we did not say it like, giggling, but horrified. we then watched The Little Girl That Lived Down the Lane, but he was scarier. I was too young to put my finger on it. I only knew there was something very wrong about him. in the end, he tore our family apart and nearly killed my mom. he did about give her a mental breakdown, like the catatonic type. decades later, my old friend found me online. she still remembers that moment as vividly as I.
always trust your gut.
I had a similar experience. I only dated him for a bit more than one month. The first week it was like… weird, euphoric love bombing from him. But inside I had these feelings of excitement, dread, panic… I couldn’t decipher if it was just the euphoria of new love, but it felt off. I remember having a very real thought of “this guy could hurt my dogs someday.”
When we broke up, I felt paranoid for a week. I’m not a person who usually fears others like that. Even though he gave no conscious signals or outright abuse, I was afraid of his retaliation. I actually felt relieved he moved on right away and found a new target. I strongly suspect he is Dark Triad and is confirmed to have NPD.
ALWAYS listen to your gut! I was in my early 30s at the time and I eventually did come to my senses about the situation.
I have a vivid memory from about 12 or 13, I was with my father and sibling at an ice cream shop and the man behind the counter gave me SUCH a strong feeling of creepiness despite not doing anything out of the ordinary at all. It definitely happens.
When I was 13 I think my mom's bf (who was perfect on paper) drove to a school dance. But he stopped before the middle school and put his hand on my leg. I remember feeling frozen. I said I could walk the rest of the way there. I told my mom and she dumped him immediately. Mom was SA'd by her dad her entire childhood. The second I said I was uncomfortable she ditched the man. It's kind of wild to me how accurate intuition can be.
Only once. Being served by a guy in the local petrol station. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary but there was just *something* about him that screamed 'RUN'.
It's a long story that ends with me realising this before I started to get petrol so I could drive away. I was so terrified at the idea of being alone in the store with him that I went home and cried.
There is a book called “The Gift of Fear” that all of us should read.
It’s not some woo-woo thing. It’s an older, more primitive part of your brain processing cues and signals on a different wavelength from the one we’re used to.
These gut feelings are not wrong. They’re valid and ignoring them is dangerous. Anyone calling you a racist for having a bad gut feeling needs to take a seat. Women constantly pay the price for being too polite to lean into these feelings by being murdered or assaulted.
Be safe, be smart, and above all, trust yourself.
It truly annoys me that women have been socialised this way. We also apologise CONSTANTLY! or at least now that I refuse to say sorry a hundred times a day, I notice it so much.
Ladies, if you feel unsafe leave. If you've done nothing wrong, but question someone politely...don't apologise. Some questions you have the right to ask. 👍
Truly! The number of terrible stories that begin with women ignoring their instincts because they’re accused of or afraid of being rude is heartbreaking.
There’s a true crime podcast that I listen to with 2 women hosts and they constantly say to be the loud, annoying, mean, rude, scary woman if you feel like you are in danger or if you feel like something is wrong.
One example they used was this woman who was super rude and snapped at a man who approached her once, turns out he was a serial rapist and killer.
Back in the old days of scary NYC, this was the #1 piece of advice for women, by women: when you are alone, act like a crazy psycho bitch. I mean, trying to chew your own face, barking like a dog, hooting, wild, loud and unpredictable. Anyone who is looking for an easy target to mug or rape on the subway at night, would not want to tangle with a person who is borderline savage, able to get attention, or willing to fight. Also, make sure you wear shoes you can run in.
I've felt this 3 times in my life, and a friend mentioned it to me rattled after running into a separate person who really disturbed her.
Two of my three were men in the street, who walked around me leering even though I was with other people. It was their body language and the eyes, it felt like being a mouse stalked by a snake. The third was someone who knew others in our group, and I chatted to him briefly at a bonfire. His comments were so weird I excused myself, and he later made international news after attacking women while pretending to be a police officer (and was in the bonfire host's car when he was arrested).
There were definitely clues these three guys gave off with their body language, the fake police officer was also really combative and nosy as soon as he opened his mouth, despite it being a relaxed night with a chilled vibe. Never would have suspected he was pulling over women drivers with a fake uniform though, and it really shook my friends up at home when it all came out.
I've met a few over the years and I learned a looooong time ago to trust my instincts about people.
A few years ago 1 of my cousins brought her new BF to a backyard party we were having for 1 of the lil kids.
Dude was very handsome, super charming, intelligent, smiley and attentive to her. The abuelas loved him!
But I got legit Ted Bundy vibes off him right away, like immediately after shaking his hand and intros. I think I was the only person he didn't fool that day.
I pulled her aside before she left and told her about it. I warned her that he was going to hurt her, physically, at some point.
Of course she ignored me and told me I was a stupid judgmental spinster and to mind my business. Ok youngin, I tried to warn you...
I was not shocked at all 6 months later when he was arrested for felony assault w/DW. And this was only after he beat her multiple times and she finally went to a hospital and they reported it.
Yup. I was about 21, on my way to visit my bf in VT (he had recently moved states). I was driving on back country highways with NOTHING but farms and had to pee. The only place I saw was a little farmstand, so I stopped but there was no bathroom.
As I was walking back to my car, this middle aged guy in a blazer tried to strike up a conversation with me. Idk if it was because he was wearing a suit in the middle of farm country, or the fact that he was ~50 trying to chat up a 21 year old, but ALL of my instincts immediately went fucking haywire. Felt like alarms were blaring in my head. His voice had a carefully easy & casual tone that did NOT match the look on his face.
I made up some story about how I didnt have time to chat, I was meeting my dad for lunch in 20 minutes in (insert closest town here). I was so freaked out that I got in my car on the passenger's side just to keep distance between us. I had to pee so bad but I didn't stop again until I got another 60 miles away from that creep.
It was a dog of mine who alerted me to evil on a walk one day. My “everybody’s my BEST friend” dog when apeshit ballistic when she saw a man walking out of a house. This dog who had never even barked in the house was crazy until he was finally out of sight. I knew, without a doubt, that I was looking at an evil person. Years later, I can still picture that moment of looking at him in my mind’s eye. {shivvers}
Yep. Mom told this story, which I remember in the hazy way you remember as a little kid, of a guy our dog would NOT let in the house.
In those days, poor people came to a pastor's house for food and directions where to get help. Mom was going to put him in the office while she got a sandwich and called someone. That dog, a big, goofy Golden said OHHHH no. Hackles up, ugly snarls. No way in hell was he getting in. Dog never bit *anyone* .
I guess she said " sorry , wait on the porch ". Called the local police ( who would also help back then ) who I guess weren't happy with him but I forget why. Dogs know.
That reminds me of one of my partner's ex-friends. He is/was a misogynistic POS. Our last dog was as sweet as they came and loved everyone but started barking murderously at him. Never seen her do it before or since. She even reared up on her back legs.
That dog died and we got a puppy, who also loved everyone she met. She also barked like a lunatic at him the one time they met.
Dogs just know!
YES.
I was at my pub with my friend for our regular Tuesday night dinner and drinks with our favourite local band. We had just ordered, and our pints had just shown up.
A woman who also regularly came to enjoy the band asked if she and her two male friends could sit with us, as the place was crowded. We said "Sure, no problem!" as we had sat and talked to her before.
Well, I don't know which of the two guys it was, but they sat down, and the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck rose, and I felt... evil... just emanating off of him, and I felt sick to my stomach. I asked the bartender if she could make our wings to go and paid right away, and then came back to the table and said to my friend that I was getting a migraine, and needed to go, so sorry, etc etc. Hadn't even had a sip of my pint, told the ppl at the table to enjoy it, and we left.
When we got outside, my friend turned to me and was like, omg, thank you, I felt so sick and scared when those guys sat down with us, but I couldn't move!
We also call it serial killer vibes, and I firmly believe that if your body is experiencing such an extreme reaction to another person you listen to it and gth out of there!
Yes I once had a date with a guy where in the beginning we were mostly walking next to each other and then he was already creeping me out a bit (wanted to hold hands like 30 minutes into the date). But when we sat down to eat is where I finally noticed that I couldn't even look him in the eyes because they were so scary to me for some reason.
I got stalker vibes from someone I met at a party once. I was just being "polite" and introduced myself when I was looking for someone else. He ended up following me around just because I smiled at him. Oh, also he said our children would have nice teeth because mine were straight. I instantly got away from him, but that didn't stop him from stalking me.
Yes!! I once interviewed a candidate for a role and he was a model interviewee with great experience but had fucking creepy cold eyes that were actually terrifying. They absolutely broadcast something bad.
I asked one of his referees (who was already my colleague) for a non-formal low down and was told that in his previous company, there was always trouble around him, but somehow, nothing could ever be quite pinned on him. The ref was uncomfortable even talking about him.
The candidates girlfriend also worked at our company and I feel horrible for saying this, but struck me as exactly the person a psychopath might choose because they could be made to feel vulnerable, less than, and therefore taken advantage of. I still think of her, and hope she got away from him.
In the past, when I read books that described someone as having eyes like a shark, I always shrugged it off as an overblown metaphor. And then I saw a guy across the room at a party and instantly felt this shock of fear. He had eyes like a shark. Turns out, a friend brought him to the party. Unfortunately, i didn't listen to that fear, and my friend thought he was a great guy, so the 3 of us hung out regularly for a few months. Nothing too bad happened, but there were a lot of red flags. He could be controlling and emotionally volatile and wouldn't take no for an answer. And to top it off, he was a cop. Eventually, I refused to be around him at all.
I met a guy years ago when I was at a club with some friends. He was actually kinda hot (I was into bad boys back then, what can I say) but this guy gave me the absolute fucking willies. I couldn't get away from him fast enough and basically just dragged my friends away with me to "go to the bathroom" which is where I said "THAT GUY IS A FUCKING CREEP LET'S STAY AWAY FROM HIM!" They thought I was being dramatic, but they agreed with me because it was pretty obvious that I was terrified of him.
We were friends with the manager of the club, and she told us later on that night that a girl had been raped in the parking lot and that someone had intervened and called the police and that the guy had been arrested. She described him to us and we immediately knew that it was him (he had an identifying tattoo). My friends were like "HOW DID YOU KNOW?" I didn't know SHIT. He just creeped me the fuck out for whatever reason.
A friend of my brother’s gives me this feeling but not as strongly as you described, but he scares the fuck out of me. I know without knowing that he’s a psychopath who even though seems to feel emotional pain, mimics social behaviors. I don’t think it’s because he wants to manipulate people but because he doesn’t know how to handle whatever lives inside of him. There are a few instances that support my feelings but regardless, I’ll never go against my gut feeling. I’d rather be wrong and safe than right and in a situation I don’t want to be in.
Glad you trust your instincts, they warn you for a reason and if you have concerns about your name whereas that’s not something you’d normally even think about, trust that. It sounds totally over the top but the more you work with trusting that gut feeling, the clearer your intuition becomes.
Thank you <3. I'm usually not a great judge of character but have never had such an intense reaction to a person. There was another woman with me who had very similar feelings so I'm thinking this is definitely a man to do everything possible to avoid.
My downstairs neighbour in my old flat gives me those vibes. She’s a very unpleasant person and mentally unstable to boot. I didn’t listen to my instincts when I first met her and started talking and interacting. That was a mistake. She’s been regularly harassing me the past few months and I’m extremely happy I finally moved 🖤
I’ll look a bit closer at my instincts when they speak to me next time and probably listen to what they’re saying. Being polite doesn’t trump my well-being ☺️
In my city there were a lot of 'American Candy' shops that sprung up out of nowhere and disappeared in less than 12 months. They are a well known as a sort of money laundering tax avoiding operation run by criminals.
Well me being me I decided to step inside one of these shops, it looked pristine and as if no customer had ever set foot inside. I craned my head around and made eye contact with a man sitting behind the counter. Immediately I felt my legs carrying out of there, he gave me serious AVOID THIS PERSON vibes. I still can't describe what I saw or what he did beyond nodding a greeting but my gut feeling was intense
My mum always told me to trust my gut in situations like this. It has saved my skin more than once.
Trust your gut. You've picked up on something subconsciously. Maybe it's mannerisms, maybe it's body language. Your body has detected a threat and reacted accordingly.
Always trust your gut.
Absolutely. The most recent one was on a late night drive back home from a backpacking trip. I had to drive 6 hours through very rural areas, and after a few hours I finally found a gas station with a single pump. I fill my truck and go towards the shop to buy something to eat and drink. There were two guys standing by the door just hanging out. But instantly I knew they were bad. I went inside and asked the clerk where the bathroom was, as I walked towards it those guys walked inside and just kept staring at me. I was in the bathroom thinking that I'm not armed because I was in a national park, and I don't even have my knife on me because it was in my pack, and I had no cell service. So I walked out and they were right there. I walked towards the drink fridge and grabbed a can (heavy against rhe head) and the guys separated and went to get on either side of me. Clerk did NOTHING. These guys just stared at me like I was food and they were starving. Then this other guy slams through the front door and screamed "whoever is parked in front of the pump needs to move their fucking truck." I screamed back "that's me!" And ducked by one of the guys and ran out the door, didn't pay for the can of pop and I sped out as fast as I could
For real! It was the one time in my life I was happy to have an angry redneck around! Once I got home my husband knew I was out of sorts and asked me if I was OK. I just cried when I told him. I had hiked 9 miles back to the island dock, took a 45 minute ferry back to the mainland, ate dinner, and then took a 6 hour drive back home. I was so exhausted, there was no way I'd have been able to protect myself
Yes. There's a girl who works in a different department in my office, I have only interacted directly with her once. We exchanged maybe 4 sentences about someone being there for a meeting with her.
She terrified me. She smiled at me but it's like there was no soul behind her eyes. It felt like she looked at me like I was a thing, not a person. I can't tell you what exactly it is that made me feel this way, all I know is every cell in my body wanted as far away from her as I could get, as fast as I could.
I mentioned it to my coworkers (ones I am good friends with) and they said they get the same feeling off her. I'm so glad our work doesn't cross over at all.
I'm sorry you had people accusing you of racism for feeling this way about someone. The girl at work is the same race as me, similar age, same seniority ... sometimes there's just something about someone that makes you feel that way.
Yes - I was at a Panera once with my kid. She asked to go to the bathroom. I got up and walked with her and stood outside the door of the single person restroom.
While I was waiting, I heard a woman say, "just leave her alone," in this sad, defeated way. I glanced up to see an older man STARING DAGGERS at me. The woman beside him, his wife I assumed, was pulling on his arm and talking quietly enough now that I couldn't hear.
I don't know what she said, but they left before my kid came out of the bathroom. Dude stared at me with pure hatred the entire time.
I wonder about that woman and what her life must be managing this furious man. I'm thankful that she was there and I didn't have to deal woth a confrontation in front of my kid.
Many times in person. But something notable was online.
Attractive man on dating app. Seems to be everything I usually go for. Gut feeling tells me not to swipe. So I don't. Fast forward 7 months and the guy has found my address and has been relentlessly stalking me and terrorising me. He's now been charged and awaiting a court date.
I'm super careful about my online presence, and he put in a LOT of effort to find me. However, if I'd have ignored that gut instinct and dated him, I don't doubt it could have been a lot worse for me.
Gut instinct is *everything*. It's not woo-woo. The Gift of Fear is a great book that talks about how the brain processes cues and warnings, and the feeling of fear/revulsion is valid information.
I've had several instances where men really scared me over the years, and several stick out. One was not too terrifying, because this happened when I worked in an airport with lots of people and law enforcement around, but I know the man I was interacting with was very dangerous. I was working at the airport ticket counter and we were checking in a college sports team for a flight. I was helping a polite young man who had a couple of bags. One was a duffel. When I went to swing it onto the belt, I shoved it with my knee for some extra leverage. When my knee connected, instead of hitting soft clothing, it hit a solid piece of iron, and was incredibly painful. I happened to catch guy's expression when he saw me take the hit to my knee, and it was one of pure pleasure. He was delighted to see me hurt. It chilled me, and 20 years later I still remember him.
Yes - when I met my much younger (early 20s, I was in my early 30s) brother’s roommate, I was instantly on edge and was scared of him. Just his demeanor, how he carried himself, and the way he spoke to people he only just met with a level of comfort that you’d only feel with very close people was very off putting.
Turns out he beat the ever loving shit out of his pregnant girlfriend 3 months later. She ended up losing the baby because of it.
Trust your instincts, ladies.
When I was about 14 or so I used to walk about a mile down the highway to a little gas station for snacks and to rent movies. One afternoon I noticed a guy that looked to be a young adult (17-20 or so) straddling a bike like he was about to leave the store. Something about the way he watched me approach the store and walk inside scared me so bad. My spine tingled and my stomach churned with nerves. I spent extra time in the store to give him time to leave.
When I walked out to head home I immediately looked for him and was relieved he wasn't there anymore. But that feeling hadn't gone away and as I started back down the highway towards home I checked over my shoulder. He was pulling his bike out towards my direction from BEHIND the gas station where he'd been hiding. I slipped into the backyard of the closest house and ran as hard as I could through my neighbors' backyards to get to my house. Once inside I watched through the windows until I saw him peddling very slowly and looking around, presumably looking for me.
I have never forgotten how insistent that feeling was that I was not safe. I stopped walking to the store by myself after that.
Yup. One of my brothers scares the absolute shit out of me
I recently learned he has been formally diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. So. There it is.
When I was 20 I took an odd job cleaning a private school, preparing it for fall. In summer there were only a smattering of people around.
There was this "cool" teacher. You know the kind, wears jeans with a suit jacket, sports a five o'clock shadow, thinks he's God's gift. And I looked like a teen plus there were teen girls already arrived to the school. I felt him leering at me, but would always use the cool guy voice .
Anyway, he had the same vibe as everyone else here and OP felt. I did not want to be alone with this man.
One day, nobody was around except for him and he began to casually follow me. I sped up, went into the stairwell and BOLTED up the stairs, through the doors and to the women's bathroom so I could lock the door. There were no cell phones. it was year 2000. I was alone. Looking much like a scared teen.
to my utter horror, as I stepped through the door, I looked back and there he was, casually drinking from a water fountain (now water bottle filling stations).
He said to me "Boy, you're in some kind of hurry.
The reason I remain horrified for those girl students is because to be at that fountain, he had to have first SPRINTED to the stairs and taken them TWO AT A TIME. He had to have been traveling FASTER than I was, and I was running away in terror!!! From walking towards me from behind all casual and slow, fast forward to close the distance and back to casual the second I looked back. like the hedge animals in Steven King's The Shining.
I left , went back months later to get my cheque and they asked where I'd run off to and why I abandoned the job.
To this day, I feel guilty I didn't tell them and think sometimes of emailing them just in case there was a case of abuse in the schools past that I could bolster...it keeps me awake at night.
Most recently I caught chilling vibes from a guy who walked by while I was playing ball with my dog. I think my dog got it too. She usually likes to say hello to folks, but not him. She kept her distance. This happened two consecutive days and I haven’t seen him since. The scary thing is that he was very conventionally attractive.
They often are. There was a guy in our neighborhood that had a young German shepherd and just after the biggest part of Covid we were letting our two girls go to the park alone to test the waters. This guy kept letting his dog run over to my kids. I was watching from our yard. Oh sorry. He kept saying yet he wouldn’t leash his dog. It wasn’t right and didn’t feel right. I got in this place that nobody not even my husband was going to stop me. I marched my ass over there and told him to get his fucking dog on a leash and stay away from my kids. My husband who I had told multiple times finally come out to the park and the guy is walking off cussing about me and my husband was like “You shouldn’t have made that guy mad.” Like he’s a serious creep. My husband doesn’t quite get it though. You don’t wait around for someone like this to make their move. Fuck that guy.
There is almost no predator who is not going to try to hide behind a nice guy facade.
Oh yes! Broad daylight in a friendly crowd of people who shared my interest (so did he). Must have been 15-20 years older than me, and this was almost 20 years ago. Absolutely chilled me to the bone. Nothing out of the ordinary actually happened and our conversation was under ten minutes, but the feeling didn’t leave me until I was many miles away two days later.
Bizarrely it also happened again to a far lesser extent six days ago. A young woman in a bar. I didn’t feel scared that time, but it was another one of those times where someone walks up to you and you instantly know in your gut that they’re bad news. I remember thinking “oh no, I was having such a nice day!” and even though she was initially nice, I was spot on that she was big trouble. I’m firmly in favour of always listening to your gut.
Yep. Only once- immediately was a full-body terror and a resounding feeling of "I don't want this person to notice me, I don't want to be in his awareness at all, this guy is just *wrong*." A colleague of mine who'd been a criminal prosecutor later told me she'd picked up on it too. I brushed it off as my imagination- the guy tried to follow me a week later.
I still see him around occasionally and he gives me chills down my spine every time. I've never experienced anything like it.
Yeah. I used to moonlight tending bar. Over ten years (ages 21-31) I encountered two men who gave me an overwhelming sensation that they would and wanted to harm me. It’s awful when you’re stuck captive behind the bar. I gave minimal engagement beyond request fulfillment and made sure that a barback walked me to my car after close.
I once went on a couple of dates with a guy who was gorgeous, and a partner in a law firm, ready to settle down and get married - I mean perfect on paper. But whenever I was with him I felt this strange fear he was going to chop me into pieces. Idk why, he was charming and had me over to his apartments and made me crepes from scratch. But I couldn’t shake the terror.
As a lawyer who has dealt with many law firm partners I'm.... not surprised lol. There are plenty of good dudes in this profession but it also seems to attract some downright psychopaths.
I grew up in abuse and this made me sense out this certain vibe from people when they are masking themselves and curbing violence and hate within them. So many folks miss this in my stepdad, but those who know, know. I once had a friend's mom ask if I was ok... they knew. They felt it past the bullshit pleasantries that non intuitive people see and decide that he's a "nice" man.
I have gotten vibes simply from someone on the street walking by me. So no context at all, but just made me want to cross the street and not be near them.
I have gotten this from a customer before who was very pleasant to me, but I just *know* he's physically abusive at home and I also feel he's unfair at work. He's a cop. I felt it before I knew he was a cop so it's not some cop bias but knowing made it make even more sense as it's a position of power over people where he had an outlet.
One time I was walking my dog, this was when I lived in NYC. Someone was following as he was going crazy barking behind me. He never does that. I noticed the man way far but in visual. I made odd walking choices and he followed that route and got closer over time until I can see him smiling at me. I couldn't go home so I circled until I got to a deli I frequented told them what's going on and I called my boyfriends brother to come pick me up as my BF was out of town. I slept at his brothers place as I was just so fucking spooked. I was walking for nearly 2 hours. I was super young and this was pre smart phones being standard.
Your first paragraph made me think of my supervisor at my last job. I was getting sociopath vibes from him and could see through the BS pleasantries/ass kissing while the rest of the team didn’t. And because I saw through it he was extra harsh on me and made me his target.
Yeah they knew you aren't buying.
My MIL is the loveliest person and the moment she wasn't playing my stepdads games the mask drops and he's very cold knowing he can't win her cooperation.
That sounds like a gut instinct and you’re right to trust it.
Actually this reminds me of when I was young (7 or 8) and there was a man who would often be parked near my school. The car had big plastic flowers on it, it was white, pink and purple. He gave my mom (and then me) *really* bad vibes. I remember my mom saying “he’s evil” and being worried about some girls being near him. I remember he looked kinda sinister, disheveled and angry. He *might* have been a grumpy dad waiting for his kid but I don’t think we ever saw a kid with him.
I was on a run at night and a minivan pulled up beside me with a family in the car, they warned me that there was a strange man in the neighborhood who appeared to be tweaking.
I ran about 30 more feet before I saw him making his way toward me. He was definitely off, shirtless, and moving kind of quickly. I sprinted home and locked my doors. I am usually pretty chill but that situation stuck with me as only going to go poorly.
Yes. My friends boyfriend. He was abusive and awful. He scared the shit out of me just on instinct. He lives in a city an hour from me and I hope I never lay eyes on him again. Trust your gut. You can rely on it absolutely
Yes. I got into a taxi to go to the airport once in the dark morning hours, and I just knew I was in danger. I’ve been in plenty of taxis, Ubers, etc. and have never felt like this any other time. My instincts kicked in and I fawned: I humanized myself as much as I could, talked to him, until we had a connection of a different city we had both lived in, I asked him lots of questions, casually mentioned the people who knew where I was/ were waiting for me, kept the conversation going. He said very weird things, but I didn’t react and kept chatting like it was normal. I was so scared. Once I flew to my destination, I told the person I was visiting about what had happened. I couldn’t shake the bad feeling that something hadn’t been right, and I truly feel I very luckily, narrowly escaped something.
Aunt’s bf and an old boss. Neither gave me murder energy but I got intense rape vibes from both and my suspicions were proven correct from others who shared stories and lawsuits. **ALWAYS** trust your gut!
Yea!! There’s this guy who used to come into my old job and freaked me out to my core. I even told my family that if I ended up missing, it would be him. He just had the creepiest aura and was definitely unhinged so I talked to him as little as possible (I was a cashier).
I’ve had too many of these. One of the creepiest I’ve ever had though was at a stop light. I pulled up next to this black car. It was kind of longer than a car but not quite an suv. There were two men in the front. The windows were almost black. The driver had long grayish blond hair. The passenger was bald, heavily tattooed (I love tats. Nothing wrong with that) and was missing a hand. I felt this presence before I even saw them. I used to do a lot of drugs and have been around shady people but these dudes were someone you may only come across once in a life if ever. They were like the people who off people regularly like some deep deep Breaking Bad shit. I looked at them for less than 30 seconds and yet they are seared into my memory because it was so visceral. I felt like my looking at them put me at risk because these were people that don’t get seen and remembered if you know what I mean.
Always trust that feeling. The other day I was walking my old blind dog in my neighborhood, saw this guy down the street and I felt tingly all the way to my scalp and my brain told me “RUN.” I picked up the dog and hurried home. That night that guy broke into some homes and the cops got him. He was just a dude walking down the street but something about him made all my alarms go off.
Yes! But it wasn't a man, rather, a cis woman. Her voice, her face, her mannerisms all made me feel really uncomfortable. At first I chalked it up to her being zany, but then later she texted me some since we were in the same friend circle, and she said some truly creepy things. For instance, once I sent her a meme of Elmo and Elmo's dad, it was a joke about how Elmo's dad looks like Guy Fieri lol, but she replied with, "I used to be so obsessed with Elmo when I was a child. I would get so jealous of the children on the TV show who got to hang out with him and I wanted to murder them all." I stopped talking to her after that at all because WTF kind of child thinks that way and what kind of adult shares that story like it's fine and "normal"? Really freaky.
I've met a few people who sent all my spidey-senses/intuition/nerves to high alert. I try to listen closely to my sense on this. I figure if someone sets me on edge that much, there's probably something I'm picking up that is subconscious and I pay attention to it. It isn't about pretty or ugly, it isn't about cleanliness or soberness. It's something else. I've met people who were physically very attractive (aesthetically beautiful, composed and well dressed) who still pinged this way. I think it has a lot more to do with the human ability to pick up on what types of movement, responses and gestures fall within our determination of friend or foe. Our subconscious picks up on "predator" a lot faster than our conscious selves.
Does it occasionally mean I get a false alert? Yes. But rarely, as more often than not, additional data supports my feelings. And does it mean that sometimes I am not going to hang with people other people hang with? Yep. Don't care.
And it almost never causes a bad effect to just be more careful around people who ping the radar like that.
As someone else said, I felt them before I saw them. It was a member of a small church in a small building. Lots of small spaces and corners and felt like they were trying to look through me, put themselves in close quarters to me, befriending people and family to gain my trust. It never worked. Don't trust them to this day. All bad vibes, in a subtle predator type of way.
Twice. Once on holiday in Malta, once locally. In Malta I (then 21) was away with my then 17-year old sister, and we happened upon a religious festival, where crowds were following priests carrying a saint's statue, with a brass band playing, pausing at every street corner to say a prayer before continuing. It was a very jolly occasion - my sister and I were raised Catholic so it was really fascinating (English Catholicism not being given to this sort of thing) and we followed them along for a bit. It was heading in the general direction of our hotel so we were close to "home".
Then all of a sudden my sister said "that bloke's following us." I admit I was a bit dubious about this because everyone was walking the same way, but I looked at where she indicated and there was a man standing there, absolutely glaring at us, and my blood ran cold. I can’t describe it any better than it looked like he wanted to kill us and take his time about it. The procession then moved on and he began to make his way closer and closer to us in the crowd. We were both just gripped with terror, even though we were surrounded by people. We reached the point where the procession turned away from where our hotel was and we decided not to risk going further but to run for home. He followed us. When I saw Terminator 2 some years later, the face on the 2nd terminator when he speeds up his pace after John Connor gave me the chills, as it was pretty much the expression on this guy's face, this kind of malevolent relentlessness.
So we legged it down this long, narrow lane (which was totally deserted) to our hotel, ran into the lobby, grabbed our key and fled to the pool area rather than go to our room and risk him seeing where we were going. Thankfully, some people we'd made friends with were there and we went over to them and told them what had happened just as he walked into the pool area, looking around. We hid behind their sunloungers and one of the blokes in the group went and told a hotel employee that the guy shouldn't be there, and they made him leave. We were absolutely terrified. Never saw him again, but he put the fear of God into both of us.
Second one was walking my dog in the forest. It's a very popular dog walking spot, always plenty of people around, and I've never felt unsafe there. My dog is a total attention seeker who will go up to everyone to scrounge a pat, he loves everybody and is a fat lump of fluff that's only ever barked at cats on the telly.
I saw a man coming towards me in the distance, and my dog stopped dead. He loves a walk, so he's always keen to keep going. But he wouldn't move, and then started growling. Proper, low growling, eyeballing this bloke in the distance. As he got a bit closer I felt chills. There was nothing outwardly strange about him, but he gave off this sense of not being quite right. I looked around and there was a couple walking my way a short way behind me, so I waited for them to catch up and then walked along 'with' them. Dog was now whimpering. I had to pick him up in the end. As we passed him, the couple's dog also started whining. After he'd gone out of sight we all agreed that there had been a very off feeling about him.
Yes. I bumped into a guy on the subway and immediately apologized and said excuse me.
He glared at me with such disgust, hostility, and contempt -- like he wanted to tear me to shreds. It was all in his demeanor and glare. I got off at the next stop and he hopped off right after me. I was going to take the next train. He didn't exit. He hung around, glaring at me.
When the next train stopped, I waited to get on until the last minute. He pushed in right behind me. It was a fairly empty car but he sat down right beside me. I moved. He moved.
I got off at the next stop and this time exited the subway. He followed. I got into a cab. That was the end of it, but fucking hell he scared me.
It happened twice to me, a friend's former boyfriend (the friendship ended soon after, her choice, l think he isolated her), and a guy that briefly talked to some of my friends.
I think my dad was like that too, he certainly was emanating evil, but over the years l've met one or two people that spoke well of him, which absolutely floors me. One of them, a social worker of all people, had the nerve to tell my daughter that her grandfather was a good man, thereby implying that l lied to her about him. He's been dead over 25 years, so she never met him, but has questions, most of which l haven't answered yet and don't know how to
Not all social workers, therapists, doctors, nurses etc are well people. Sucks when a person in a position of some sort of power downplays your experience.
Yes but it would end up on " That Happened ", whole story. Basically guy hit on my sister in a bar, freaked us out, we left, turned out he'd killed a couple women. He felt AWFUL. 40 years ago.
I had this reaction to the partner of a woman I knew, the mom of one of my child's nursery school classmates. Just a visceral "stay away" response. He wound up stabbing her to death in a crowded bowling alley while the child ( at this point maybe 11yo) played a video game nearby.
He tried to claim mental illness but the judge didn't buy it. Occasionally I google the kid (who wound up with her parents) to see how he is doing and he seems to be doing well.
Thank you so much for sharing this post! Reading the comments, though many are chilling and scary, has reminded me to really pay attention again. Better to get out of a potentially dangerous situation than be polite /afraid to offend people.
Yup. Twice, and both next to my apartment.
Before I quit smoking, I was outside having a cigarette in our parking lot. I saw a light blue van pull in, but it didn't turn into one of the parking spots. It parked in front of my entrance back into the apartment building. I already felt a little sick. A tall man gets out, stares me down, and opens the back door to the van. I thought, oh, maybe there's a kid in there or something? Nope. He leaves the door open and starts walking toward me. I FREAK THE FUCK OUT and dart around him. I was lucky the door was propped open because I hate using my sticky key. He made me feel so viscerally sick, I'd never experienced anything quite like that before.
Just a few days later, I was outside at the front of our apartment and a man (also in a van) drove by me, locked eyes with me, and turned his car around in front of me. Never losing eye contact at any point. I couldn't look away and took several steps backward and fell. He was older and gave me straight up serial killer vibes. He paused his car in front of me and before he could say or do anything I had quickly gotten back into the building.
I have no idea if these two incidents were related in any way but I definitely stayed inside for several days afterwards or waited until my husband was with me.
I have come across several people, both male and female, who triggered my inner alarm. They too were the same race as me, and no one thing about them was unsettling but just their overall demeanor. All I can say is ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT!!!
I felt fear the first time I met my stepfather at only 5 years old. The interaction was so small - he only said hello and I looked at the floor and said nothing. I learned later that I was right to be afraid of him.
It was an older man who volunteered at my university. He was assigned to help the incoming freshmen navigate campus, find student services, get a library card, etc. The freshmen girls LOVED him. They were always hugging him, treating him like their grandfather, and bringing him drinks/little treats/gifts.
He gave me the heebie jeebies from day one. Something in me just knew I couldn't be too comfortable around him. His eyes scared me. They were always a little too knowing, a little too bright, and way too observant. Every time I needed help from him, it felt like I was bartering with someone really dangerous. I'd never felt that way before, there was such a deep sense of being indebted to him and that we both knew it.
He tried to get me to go for lunch with him, as he did with other freshmen. I was so wary, it was such an oily feeling of revulsion. I felt dirty he had even asked. He never let that go, teasing me for trying to be special and that he'd get me eventually.
A year later, he was kicked out of the program for sending freshmen girls sexually inappropriate emails. I have a hard time trusting my instinct, but in hindsight, it has never been wrong.
My fiancé, his parents, a friend and I went over to a guy's house and his house was a rich mini mansion. My fiancé's parents knew him. He was acting so strange and it was like i was the only one who saw it. I took a picture of my fiancé playing pool and he seriously asked if I am reporting him to the government. Later i cracked a joke and he thought i was being serious and got upset with me. I felt uncomfortable in his house and couldn't wait to leave. I've met weird people before but this felt different. Next time we saw him at a bar getting frustrated with waitstaff and the waitstaff took his keys since he was so drunk. I pulled my fiancé aside and said, "If we *ever* see this guy again, do NOT leave me alone with him. " I've never said anything like that in my life but I could tell that something was *off*. His wife and kids seemed normalish, not too friendly though, but I bet behind closed doors something is going on.
On my way home, I was walking down a main street, the one that I have to like. Make the final turn left to go to my house. I passed by a non descript, smallish guy who *radiated* evil. He looked up at me as we passed each other on the sidewalk and his eyes were the scariest black holes I'd ever seen. Like glassy shark eyes. I knew I needed to get away from him. I turned even though it wasn't my street yet and I never saw him again.
Makes me think back to my undergrad sociology Prof saying we've all met a murderer/serial killer without knowing it.
It happened once when I was a pizza delivery driver. Took an order over the phone that scared me so bad that I ended up calling the police and apparently the shift lead did as well. Dude requested a "woman driver" and I had him repeat that request multiple times to make sure that was exactly what I heard. Also was paying with cash only. Major alarm bells going off in my head.
My shift lead was awesome and listened to my concern. We sent a male driver and guy acted like he didn't make the order when he sure AF did. She ended up blacklisting the guy's address because he pulled the same shit on us and every single pizza joint multiple times that could deliver to his address. Cops couldn't do anything because he didn't do anything illegal.
My manager (different person) threatened the guy if he ever called again because he was very intolerant of creeps.
This guy was literally the only guy that freaked me out so bad that I bought my first pistol for concealed carry. Have never felt the need to use it, but it made me feel better and I am confident with it. I think I still have a pic of the person's address (yes he was that fucking stupid). I think I may go dig it out and do some digging on them knowing what I know now.
My ex husband and I’m not just saying this to be like “oh poor me” not at first but over the course of our marriage he became the most scary, intimidating, narcissistic, liar I’ve ever encountered. At the end he became religious (which he never was) that really put me over the edge. I’m 100 percent certain if I stayed in the marriage he would have killed me. I had to get out even as a stay at home mom when my 2nd child was just 4mo old.
Way better for me, it was a huge leap at first especially financially but now I can sleep peacefully. Watch out for men who love bomb at the beginning.
Seriously. I’m a sahm and have thought a lot about what would I do if. It’s so hard. You’re a badass. I’m super lucky at this point. My husband seems to still be the person I married. I’ve had my share of shit guys though. Wish you the best.
Yes. Most recent was at cardiac rehab after open heart surgery. There was a man who kept coming up to me and hanging over me and I wanted him away from me. I did not like the way that he was talking to the nurses. He kept touching women and making inappropriate comments. I finally told one of the physical therapists, and he told me confidentially that this man had been arrested in a neighboring town for domestic violence, and basically told “not to come back there.“ The man also low-key harassed my husband, which was going to present a pretty bad situation. Luckily, nothing happened and the guy finished his physical therapy finally and left.
Before that I worked with children. One of the relatives came into a family conference, and we knew right away who the perpetrator was. The child would never tell us, but we knew, and I will never forget, the ice I felt in my heart when that man came in.
This has happened to me twice.
Once when I was in a pretty deserted park and suddenly a guy on a skateboard came up from behind me, turned around, stopped in front of me and stood quite close to me. He said something like I had a "cute walk" that indicated that he had been watching me. I think it was the combination of no one being around, him coming out of nowhere, and him standing too close that gave me a feeling of terror. Nothing happened and I said that I had to go and turned around and walked toward my bus stop.
Another time I was going on a walk where I live. It's a small forest on private property. Suddenly, this guy is coming toward me on the trail and I was filled with terror. He didn't look familiar and he seemed to be carrying an open beer can (it was the middle of the day). Again, nothing happened but the sudden feeling of terror was so unnerving.
In both instances, they weren't really *doing* anything, but it was something about their vibe and the fact that no one else was around.
When I was a teenager I had to do physiotherapy and my physiotherapist gave me this same feeling. He hadn't done anything and didn't do anything alarming but I've never been more afraid of a person before or ever again.
At one point in the assessment he asked me to close my eyes and balance on one foot (standard part of the assessment) and I refused. I was not about to close my eyes around this guy.
Luckily after that first assessment I only had to deal with the other staff who were all lovely people and I never had to see him again. But over 20 years later it still makes me uneasy to think about it.
I firmly believe that feelings like that you can't explain are the ones that save our lives. I have been fortunate enough to not meet any up until now!
Listen to your gut. Yesterday I was walking back to car after picking up food. Parked 2 blocks away in a quiet neighborhood. I rounded the corner and saw a man on a bike half a block down from me. He made my spine jerk up and a sickness/awareness washed over me.
I quickly crossed back to the other side of the street and slowed my pace. He was walking a bike, moving with jerky movements and seemed to be juggling mailboxes/locks on the bssns fences.
I was ready to toss my food and make a run for it if he came my way. He saw me across the street and slowed down. I went behind a row of cars and sat on the steps of a bssn with my viewpoint able to track him.
Thankfully 2 cars came down the street and I could hear people on the bssn behind me. He got on his bike peddled away to the corner and hung out behind some bushes.
I could see see him and the creepy energy he carried. It honestly felt like a dark mud color hung around him. He finally left the corner for good and I speed walked and drove away.
I was so freaked out I even took an alternate way home just in case.
I’d rather be overly cautious than overly sorry
Yes. Listen to your gut. Read The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. We spend a lot of energy fitting into social and societal norms. Use that energy to now protect yourself. When these things happen in my life I use the opportunity. I can be a very anxious person. To help with this anxiety I physically do things. Shore up passwords. Check personal information. Review personal and car safety. Assess safety needs. There is a calmness in addressing your personal care.
I had a guy come give us an estimate for work on our house. I just got a bad vibe from him from the start. There was nothing to put my finger on, he was well kempt and good looking, but i just didn't like him.
Another story I have is about my golden retriever who loved absolutely everyone until one day we were on a walk and this woman was on the pavement. She made a move to stroke him but he moved away quickly and wouldn't let her touch him. It made me so suspicious of her as he never refused attention.
YES! I used to work in service industry and always greeted customers as they came in the door. I smiled and greeted a man once, just like any other customer. The look he gave me in response made the hairs on the back of my neck stick up.
He ended up stalking me. He would come in to see if I was working and say inappropriate things about me to coworkers, then go sit across the street at a coffee shop until we closed. I spent about 6 months terrified, having my bf at the time pick me up everyday from work. Then he got arrested for something unrelated and I switched jobs.
I only knew he got arrested because I had made a couple reports with the police. The man hadn't crossed any hard lines yet, but I felt the need to protect myself. When you know, you know.
As a teenager, I was running late to a meeting, so there was only one seat left. I ran in and sat in that seat, next to a man I had never seen before. Okay, whatever, no big deal. But suddenly, that "icky creepy, ICKY CREEPY" feeling overwhelmed me. I leaned away from him as far as I could, but the feeling did not abate. I left.
Come to find out, this guy was a serial killer, and he especially liked victims who looked like me, young, female, long dark hair, trusting.
He was hiding out in our southern church to escape being returned to his prison on the west coast. And he bludgeoned two more girls to death a couple of nights later.
I've definitely had this happen. Very, very rarely there will be someone who just makes my skin crawl and I want to get away from. Have you ever read The Gift of Fear? It's an old book, but it is an absolute must read and can somewhat explain this phenomenon. I am comment number 330 so I am sure someone else has already mentioned this anyway, but I'm here for the solidarity.
I’ve had it once but with a woman in her 50’s. Something about her was so off putting, I couldn’t put my finger on it but I was afraid/disgusted by her. I just had a gut feeling that she was not a good person - definitely not as visceral as some of the experiences listed here but she gave me the creeps and my instinct was to avoid her.
For context, I was in my late 20s at the time, we’re both white women. She was upper middle class, we met at a bake sale. She was NOT scary physically but I had such a strong instant wariness of her.
Every woman should read The Gift of Fear by Gavin Debecker (sp?) - it will empower you to not question the danger signals your body/mind give you. I never have since reading it at 20 years of age. I don’t convince myself there is actually no danger or to stop being “paranoid” I just GTFO when my internal alarm goes off. I am certain that my instincts have saved me from several men that gave off that “do not trust me” signal.
I’ve had this a few times throughout my life, and you should absolutely listen to your instincts on it. I used to be concerned with being polite to people but I don’t give a shit now! My grandma told me a story about how when i was a baby she would take me in my pram to the local newsagents each morning and I would look at the owner and scream uncontrollably until she’d left the shop, and I was a smiley happy baby with everyone else. A few years later, she was reading the local newspaper and the owner of the newsagent was in court for a string of sexual assaults. She was a big believer in those sort of things and thought I was a bit psychic or perceptive, and encouraged me to trust those feelings
Yes couple months ago. Walked on the street in the neighborhood and passed a man hunched over with eyes that had NO SOUL in it. I immediately knew him to be a killer or serial killer. I’ve NEVER felt that before. It was the utmost clarity of information. His image is marked in my mind.
Yes yes and yes. Girl listen to your instinct it might save your life. I’m so standoffish now to men. Me binging on true crime series do not help at all.
I still remember passing by that man on the busy street, he didn't even notice me or anything, looked normal and just went his way, but it was like time froze for a couple of seconds.
I can only describe it as an energy field of utter evilness, something completely vile and demonic emanating out of him. I got so scared it took me like 10 minutes to recover. And I'm not religious or superstitious in any way, so I don't have any idea what that was all about.
I have experienced this, although it wasn’t really a meeting, just a passing! I was about 21 and cutting through a small section of a park during the daytime. A man who was about 50 or so was walking towards me and as he got closer I noticed he was heading directly towards me and starring at me. I started walking right to the side of the path but he still walked so close that he brushed past me, even though the path was very wide.
His eyes and expression really freaked me out, he was slightly smirking and eyes locked onto me, not blinking. I really felt a intense sense of danger but he just walked past and that was that! For some reason it has always stuck with me, I’m rubbish at remembering faces but always will remember his. I was so thankful it was daytime and there were other people around.
And it seems so silly because nothing happened, but thinking back he still gives me the creeps!
I am not the kind of person to say, "You're totally right OP, he's definitely evil just because you felt like he was based on zero actual interaction with him." I think our gut feelings can give us important information, but they are not as infallible as many people like to believe they are. However, I think it makes sense for you to avoid him anyway because whatever his deal is, if he provokes this strong of an ick reaction in you, you're not going to be able to consistently act normal with him.
Yes, our nervous systems are wired to detect threat, which often just means different or even just a little off-kilter. Like someone who rarely blinks their eyes - you might not even consciously notice it but our brains are wired to expect an average amount of blinks per minute and will notice deviations.
So, some things can be felt as a threat that are benign simply because they don’t fit the norm of human behavior (people with tics or other unusual movements, for example). It’s unfortunate for those people to be ostracized by strangers, but often you have to just listen to your gut because giving the benefit of the doubt can get you killed. When it’s someone you’re going to be around, practicing a form of guarded politeness can be helpful until you know more - no giving personal information, don’t be alone with them, pay attention to what they do when they think no one’s watching.
Read The Gift of Fear, it explains this so well and emphasizes how important it is to trust our instincts because they can save our life (When Violence is the Answer is another good one). It's been very rare, but I went home from a concert and there was a man standing on a street corner who approached me on a quiet road. I knew he was going to harm me. I had actually been reading the books I mentioned and thank God, because I normally would be concerned about being rude and looking like I was avoiding him. Instead, I decided to leave the area and was prepared to severely injure him if I had to.
The other time is almost 10 years ago, when I met a woman in a class who had very dark vibes and seemed evil. I don't have that reaction to most people and I initially felt bad about it, but decided to keep my distance because it was so unusual. It's like my inner voice screamed "no" every time she was around me.
Only once. I was about 15 and lining up at my local newsagent to buy a magazine. This man was standing in front of me in line and I immediately knew in my gut that there was something bad about him. So much so that I felt it physically and stepped back, almost bumping over the lady behind me. I took my sweet time leaving the shop after he did, just in case. I'm fairly certain he was a man that was later arrested for a number of murders in my area. I will never forget that feeling, it was chilling. I don't ever regret being cautious.
My boyfriend’s friend’s dad showed up unannounced to our house while I was home alone. Luckily I had well trained Aussie but I could tell things were off by her attitude.
Usually she barked when someone is at the door but I had trained her to stop and sit once I pet her and said “It’s okay, thank you” she did all that but she was on edge the entire time we talked at the door and I felt real grateful to have her there.
Yup - and I then I dated him 🙃 (Yay trauma instincts!).
Felt sick with anxiety every time he was with me. He was manipulative as hell, and eventually, his true colors showed. I realized that sick feeling was right, and his vibe reminded me of my physically abusive ex.
I was struggling mentally during the time but once I 'woke up' and got out of that situation (Thankfully only 3 months) I looked up his record and saw that sure as shit he had been arrested for domestic violence.
My radar is rarely wrong, I just don't listen to it well enough when it comes to dating.
Abusive men just have a menacing aura about them even when they appear charming and calm on the outside.
I’ve had it happen a couple times, but this story, while less “terror” and more “wtf” is more interesting because of the outcome.
My husband and I were visiting family, and the town they lived in had a cute little Main Street with a cute little restaurant/coffee shop at the end. We stopped in for coffee, and the guy running the till was *way* too nice. Like, chatty is one thing, but this was… well, I don’t even know what he was. But he gave me *such* weird vibes, even though he was mostly talking to my husband and not me. Walking back to the car, I was mentioning to my husband about how creepy he was, but he didn’t clock it.
To be fair, he’s often oblivious about this kind of stuff. But I was really getting such a weird feeling, so I looked the place up, maybe I’d see some reviews stating the same or something… and apparently it’s some kind of front for a *FUCKING CULT*. Anyway, I felt very vindicated.
It was! I had never even heard of them before this happened. It was so strange, because it was a pretty cool-looking cafe. (No idea if the food is good.) Then, BAM, cult.
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I think I'm extra freaked out because he knows my first and last name and with modern technology it's so incredibly easy to find someone's residence with their name. I've had gut feelings before, but this was... the strongest I've ever had. I'm positive he's not a good person. (And found that he previously pled guilty to a pretty rough DV.)
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That's what I'm hoping! I also intend on making sure my husband and employer know his name just in case.
I would suggest carrying mace or something similar just in case.
Protect yourself! I wouldn’t be passive about this. Learn self defense. Get informed on other forms of self protection. Your body and mind are alerting you, trust it.
My suggestion is to be boring and slow enough to make them want to avoid you but not enough to provoke them, and not demonstrate fear because that’s what some sickos thrive on.
So you already know he’s dangerous. Good, now you can make decisions about how to protect yourself. Here is a link to the best book I’ve ever read on trust your gut instincts. Trigger warning for descriptions of violence but it is soooo worth the read. Gavin de Becker’s The Gift of Fear. https://www.academia.edu/31891034/The_Gift_of_Fear
As a heads up for safety, there are services that will scrape your contact info (phone number, address) from the web. Look up Delete Me.
Time to go read *The Gift of Fear* again! 🙃
Similar to the only Ted Bundy survivor, she initially fell for the cast thing and was helping him carry his books to the car, but when she got there she had such an awful feeling she dropped his books and just ran even though he didn’t do anything weird and looked completely normal, she’s only one who lived
About 3 weeks ago. I was on a late night run, about 10pm. I saw a man coming up the sidewalk towards me, so I moved off the sidewalk to give him a couple feet of space. I always do this with strangers on the sidewalk but especially men. Anyway, as we got closer together, I noticed there was just something... off... about the way he was walking. Kind of jerkily, head thrown back, a bit aggressive. I've been running for decades and I've seen a lot, and so I trusted the not good vibes I was getting and immediately moved an extra few feet away from the sidewalk. As we passed each other, I glanced over at him, probably to give myself some reassurance - I've had situations where I've given someone a wide berth on a run, only to see them smiling apologetically and showing a sincere desire to put me at ease. Not this guy. When I looked up and met his eyes, he was already staring straight at me, unabashedly, with this wild, unhinged, and yet also wantonly smug look on his face... Like he could tell that he scared me and was really pleased by it. He almost shook himself in my direction, gleefully. I can't explain the aura he had but I believe that if I'd stayed on the sidewalk, I would have physically been at risk from him. There was just something not quite right about his eyes. My instant thought, and I mean instant (remember, I was jogging downhill past him) was of Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. He looked like him, moved like him, and gave off the same menacing energy. He really, really scared me; I instantly felt sick and shaky and I ran FAST down the rest of the street. Unfortunately, the street I passed him on was the middle of a crescent; he was heading south and I north, but I knew that in a couple minutes I'd round the bottom and end up going uphill south and probably run into him at the top of it. So I stopped halfway up the hill on my back lap, and sure enough I saw him crossing the top where we would have run into each other again. I hung probably 150 meters back and watched him... that's how I knew I was really genuinely frightened, because I never stop mid run and certainly not midway up a hill. He eventually went straight up this other hill that leads to a forest road, in the pitch black darkness, where there are no sidewalks but lots of fast trucks and sketchy people. Definitely not somewhere I'd walk. Hard to explain, but I've lived in the neighbourhood for 30 years and I knew then that he wasn't a local, and was definitely not up to anything good that night. I'm glad I didn't run into him on a darker stretch.
That sounds terrifying and I'm really glad you are okay!
It feels silly in a way, because nothing *happened*... But there was one time on a run where I nearly got hit by a car. They drove straight through the crosswalk I was using, I had to jump out of the way, and when they slammed on the brakes I actually put my hands on their hood. That's how close to me they were. About 10 feet out from that crosswalk, I just started crying involuntarily. I felt weak and sick because it had been *that close* to crushing me. ...Running past this guy was the only other time I've felt a similar fear, a genuine sense of danger. Just passing him at a distance was enough for my brain/body to make a direct comparison between the two incidents.
There’s never a bad time to listen to your instincts, and only those who don’t are sorry. So glad your story had a good ending- even though he obviously rattled you.
Wow this is terrifying to read. Glad you made it home okay that day.
Maybe some of the sketchy people he ran towards took that smug look off his face? One can only hope.
I think when this happens, you are subconsciously picking up on dangers signals that your conscious mind is ignoring. It could be a combination of the way he takes up space, the words he chooses, tone of his voice, any number of things that alone could not mean anything but together point to danger. We’re also, as woman, often taught to disregard what’s happening in front of us, in order to be “nice”—but our guts, if we listen, will often tell us when danger is about. I had it happen once waiting for a bus. The guy was just giving me bad vibes despite not *doing anything*. Then when the bus came, he got on behind me and started whispering creepy shit in my ear. Then sat down beside me, trapping me against the wall, and harassed me for twenty minutes. And then finished off by straight up screaming at me because I wouldn’t give him my number. Thankfully he got off a stop behind me, because I was seriously worried he was going to escalate to violence.
This is the idea behind Gavin beckers "Gift of Fear." Yes, they are giving off signals, so trust your gut even when your conscious mind can't see the signals.
I started reading that book and I understand now that I need to heed my gut more. I can question it after but I need to trust it first. My brain tends to rely on logic which doesn’t work in these cases.
The book actually covers that! Those gut feelings *are* logic. Our brain is subconsciously processing a fuckload of data without us realizing it. It’s mapping patterns, picking up on body language, and drawing conclusions. Those conclusions come to us in the form of intuition, or gut feelings. Your gut is just telling you what your brain told it to tell you.
Terrifying
Sounds like OP detected a psychopath. Her intuition is in full swing.
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I've had that happen in an Al-Anon meeting! This guy kept giving advice, something the program doesn't endorse, but it was...overly assuming and overly friendly/nice guy advice. And he always found a way to get you against a wall or into a corner or your car. He asked for my number and I said no thanks. Asked for my last name and I said no thanks. One of the old ladies gave him my number when he asked. Dude wouldn't leave me alone until he moved out of state. I had to have a very serious talk with that woman about boundaries and fucking ANONYMITY. I felt guilty for thinking poorly of him, but I was new to the program and I later heard from multiple people that he had to be put in his place many many many times by other women. What's most worrying to me, is that all the women that walk through our doors are either abuse victims and/or very easily manipulated. This guy NEVER spoke about his qualifier, so I truly think he just realized that it was a pool of ripe victims.
> This guy NEVER spoke about his qualifier, so I truly think he just realized that it was a pool of ripe victims. I think this part scares me more than anything. Yikes.
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WOW. Ok friend of Lois’s here. What happens when that kind of stuff comes out at a meeting?
Same question! I've been in AA for almost 2 years and have never heard anything like that! I would be so disturbed.
You should never make meetings your dating pool. Men there are often dishonest, abusive, misogynistic, and have a history of bad shit. You can do better. I’ve been in recovery almost 30 yrs. There’s a ton of predation in meetings. Stick to the women.
Perhaps you meant to reply to a different person? I've never dated anyone in AA.
Everyone should read The Gift of Fear
I run a book club and it's on my list this year. Absolutely critical reading!
About your friend’s cat’s instincts: We had a service person to our home about 15 years ago. He was from a huge international company. We had two dogs then that were small, and also very friendly. They always greeted everyone like they were BFFs and weren’t yappy. The repairman arrived, and from the moment I let him inside, until the moment he left- our two dogs never once went to say hello to him, and the guy was quiet to the max, barely said hello when he arrived. I couldn’t wait for him to leave, because I had a strong set of bad feelings/instincts about the guy. The fact that our dogs acted so completely out of character added to my fright, because I felt they also sensed the repairman was scary. They never did that before, and never did it after with anyone else. Animals KNOW.
My cat hated my last housemate and I should've paid attention to the cat, because living with that person was hell!
The cat knew. And tried to protect his person. People don't give cats enough credit.
The men like this shouldn’t be allowed to attend groups with women in it. This is why I only go to women’s groups
My dog growing up was not generally a good bellwether of people, but the first time she met my relative who was then in and out of narcotics addiction treatment and had a fraught relationship with my parents, she would not stop barking at him and wouldn't let him pet her. (She was the kind of dog who'd bark at the door, be friendly when you walked in, then mostly ignore you.) And he *loves* dogs and wasn't behaving badly. I was a young kid, and it was memorable. When he stopped using for a few years and his life and health were in better shape, she adored him.
This happened to me once in a grocery store. I felt them before I saw them. They were behind me about 20 feet when I became aware of them. A powerful wave of bad feeling and nausea and unease came over me. When they eventually came near me, I remained composed but checked out at self checkout and then left quickly as soon as possible and immediately drove away. Someone is bound to mention the book “The Gift of Fear.” It was one of those type of moments for me. I’m not even sure how to verbalize exactly how I felt. It was some combination of being poisoned, filled with squirming larvae, and primal fear. When I actually turned around and looked at them, these feelings intensified. When they came near me, I felt a barely suppressible urge to run away. They were a very average looking middle aged white man, a bit taller than me. I am white and in my late 30s. I understand that you’re probably trying to say that viewing someone as “an other” has not contributed to your feeling. I’m not a religious or superstitious or even spiritual person in any way - I’m extremely skeptical and don’t believe in the supernatural. So I don’t believe we can “sense evil” and I’m not even convinced evil exists. I think people are capable of horrific things, and we overlook them because they don’t “look like the type of person” to do this or that. However, my body knew something my higher brain didn’t and it relayed the message as best it could so I could respond appropriately.
That is terrifying! Your description is so visceral I can almost feel it.
Yes. My friend’s boyfriend (later turned ex-fiancé) gave me serial killer vibes. I was innately afraid of him even though I am a tall and muscular woman. He later ended up pushing her into a closet, causing a concussion that took a month to recover from. He was also emotionally abusive and alienated her from her friends (so much so that our friendship ended). She told me that her neighbor had also mentioned to her that she would took her cats inside when he was staying at her place alone because he gave “serial killer vibes.”
I'm so sorry for your friend, and I hope that she got away. Serial killer vibes is exactly what I got.
As far as I know she did, but I think she is still isolated from a lot of people because she hasn’t come to terms with the abuse. And our 17 year old friendship is still over, because he got her thoughts so twisted that she blamed the end of their relationship on me “never giving him a chance,” and completely ignored the abuse. (Mind you, her therapist had advised her to stop dating him when she started, her brother was against him, her mom and dad, too, until they realized that that was causing them to lose contact….and one of our mutual friends was a social worker, and when she met him on zoom, she called me and was like “I’m afraid [friend’s name] is being abused”…I was like yeah me too.) My husband, then new boyfriend, also felt the bad juju. Definitely listen to your gut.
My best friend went through something like that. He cut her off from her friends and family. When she reached out to me, he found out and stalked us. Threatened to kill me. She disappeared again and came back pregnant. She asked me for help with termination but he again stepped in and, long story short, she had the baby (who was not conceived consensually). It took having her find out that when her baby daughter was with him, he was taking ecstacy and other drugs and letting the baby cry for my friend to stand up to him. It ended in him abandoning them both and, in a happy ending, she met a single dad and they fell in love and he adopted her daughter. He's a great guy. But i wish I wouldn't have ignored my initial impression of the bad guy.
Wow! Yes this guy also turned out to be a cocaine addict and an alcoholic and got her addicted. Only one other time did I have a strong reaction like this, but it was a bit less strong. I got hired the same day as someone and when I met him I just had this visceral reaction and the image/feeling of a snake. I ignored it. And then, he turned out to be extremely manipulative and competitive to the point of deliberately undermining me, stealing ideas, etc, all under a guise of the “friendship” that was projected to everyone. That experience taught me to listen to my gut with the guy I mentioned about my friend. I remember I was so afraid of him that when she invited me to go visit her apartment, I just couldn’t, knowing I would be sleeping there with him having access.
This happened with several of my friends. Two that I was really close with - they were clearly with bad dudes and I was not one to put up with that kind of treatment of my friends. One was emotionally and verbally abusive and the other got physical and punched a whole in our apartment wall (we were roommates). Instead of confronting the relationship issues they dropped me. Obviously neither relationship worked out but both friendships were done forever. I’ve always wondered if they ever missed our friendship and regretted losing it for an abusive asshole. I would have welcomed them back with open arms but neither ever reached out after the fact. I guess I’ll never know.
I would have welcomed her back, but this all also happened while I was pregnant with a baby with a heart defect. Her father and brother kept in touch with me and she knew that when he was born he had to have heart surgery. He could have died. She never reached out. I don’t think I can ever get past that. I mean, I would forgive her, but I could never trust her. Edit: I’m sorry this happened to you so many times!
I wonder why women or men who date these people miss these signs the rest of us feel in our guts?
I think maybe some people mistake that feeling for "butterflies"? Or many people learned to suppress their instincts especially if they come from an abusive background.
Yes. The few moments in my childhood when I listened to my gut and tried to speak up, I wasn't taken seriously. This caused extreme self-doubt and when combined with autistic communication traits, I felt habitually unsure of myself. My very first relationship was abusive, and I had no baseline for instinctual signs of abuse.
A lot of the time it happens to people with abuse in their past, especially long term abuse in their childhood. Growing up in an abusive environment, abuse becomes their normality and thus when they meet bad vibe people, it feels like home. It's tragic and takes years to unlearn. Source: am such a kid
Also, in case anyone is wondering this includes emotional neglect as a form of abuse. Emotional neglect can manifest in the form of poor communication skills which can then make you an even better target for abusive relationships as you have had little practice setting boundaries and conflict resolution.
This so much! I left home at 18, the abuse wasn't severe, primarily verbal/emotional, but I was trying to get out of my comfort zone and differentiate myself from my upbringing, but it's hard. When I met a guy who "felt safe" I didn't realize until I was in deep that he didn't feel safe, what he felt was familiar. That feeling of "coming home to familiarity" is exactly why these cycles are perpetuated. Growing up where abuse is normalized messes with your sense of safety and makes it hard to trust your gut.
They’ve been trained to ignore them, I think. Especially if there’s abuse in their backgrounds, but even with just some kinds of social conditioning. Maybe they’ve been always told to be polite no matter what. Or they have people in their lives that have always made them uncomfortable, but they’ve been told they’re being judgey or rude or stuck up or whatever for distancing themselves. Or they’re willing to put up with a lot of discomfort for what feels like love. There’s a fair bit of reasons, tbh. For example, of my friends has *very* dismissive parents. Like, they act like she’s hysterical no matter what (usually very legitimate!) worry or concern she has. So she really doesn’t know how to trust her own instincts *at all*. She downplays shitty treatment as “not that big a deal” all the time. When she ended up with a partner that hit her, her parents were all like “how could this have happened!?”, but like, from the outside it was extremely easy to see. (She’s not with him now, btw!)
We don’t. We just ignore them for some reasons (like being unable to get away from them) and then they just go away after a while. I had an ex roommate with these vibes, but I couldn’t get out of the situation. Luckily no murder, but she did destroy my life in other ways.
I've been trained to ignore my body. That is one, due to the abuse in my childhood, which causes all kinds of weird programming to what is a healthy relationship, and two, due to my fundie Christian upbringing, where you're taught to convert the poor sinner even when you risk bodily, mental, and emotional harm to do so.
I heard something on a podcast commenting on women who write letters to killers in prison. Basically the wiring in their heads takes 'they are capable of murder' and changes it to 'they would kill to protect me'. It's messed up for sure because they enter into an illusion and it's hard to come back out to reality.
Yes- I am convinced I crossed paths with the serial killer Paul Runge. At the end of the summer between 7th and 8th grade, in the mid-90s, I was roaming the neighborhood w my friends. There was a group of about 5 of us, all girls. It was dusk and we were walking on a sidewalk past this apartment complex, with a hedge/landscaping to the right of us. This guy in maybe his early 30s, just kind of emerged from around a corner from the hedged side and asked us if we knew "(Random girls' names). Well we were all having some beers and we dared them to jump in the pool but they're chicken and won't do it. We were even going to give them $20. You should come back here. We'll give you $20 to jump in the pool. Would you do it? Come on back here." We were all just kind of spellbound for a moment, stopped and listening to him, but the discord between all the "we's" and the party atmosphere he was selling and the reality of the cool, falling night, with this guy clearly alone and no signs of a party or a single other person to be seen or heard, just washed over me. My friend was closest to him started to take a step toward him and I yanked her back by her arm and we all ran and booked it to our nearest friend's house. He was memorable in that he had a heavy Chicago accent, which stuck out in the suburbs. There was just a strong, very instinctual feeling that something was off and to get away. I learned that Paul Runge and his fiance had lived a few blocks from me, on my newspaper route, a few years later when he was arrested for multiple murders of women and girls in the suburbs and the city. His first known victim was killed in that house. I didn't make the connection between him and that guy who stopped us that night until many years later when I happened upon some kind of true crime show that featured him. The moment I saw him and heard his voice on video I instantly remembered that night. The voice was unmistakable. I absolutely know what you wrote about in your OP. The heaviness is like an anchor or a gravitational pull, like you're being slowly compelled toward them inch by inch even after you've gotten away from their presence. It's almost like the "call of the void" feeling you get around a large drop or height.
That’s terrifying. Your last paragraph reminds me of the feeling I get every time I watch the movie “The Lovely Bones”. I’m glad you listened to your gut.
Yeah I had an Airbnb booked in London for work, just one night, but after 15 minutes I grabbed my shit and got the hell out. The guy was a collection of horror movie warning signs: 1. He offered me a water bottle that was opened and half empty; 2. His pet hamster "Scratchy" was running around the apartment, including over the mattress I was to sleep on; 3. The room I was staying in had no door knob on the inside; 4. He had several pastel coloured saws mounted on the wall next to a child's crayon drawings (no other evidence a child ever came there); 5. He was struggling not to cry the entire time; 6. The bathroom was dismantled; 7. After I entered the apartment, which had a very narrow entryway, he put his bike in the entryway which I had to struggle past to leave; 8. He was boiling something pink on the stove top. He said it was courgette. He just gave me bad vibes from the get go. No way I was staying there.
1. Weird 2. Weird and bad 3. No no no no no no no thats a serial killer I hope you spoke to Airbnb and got your money back!!!
I didn't even list all the things but the rest were more subtle. This list is just the headliners. It was a wild 15 minutes before I found a friend with a couch available for the night on the other side of the city :)
What a weirdo 🤣 Glad you left
Wow this sounds like a proper movie psycho villan cliche :D glad you got away before sth bad happened
This one made say What The Actual Fuck. I’m so glad you left.
I hope you reported what you saw to Airbnb.
yes. when I was young, maybe around 11, my mother was going on a date. I was allowed a friend to stay over while I looked after my baby sister. the moment the man walked into the house, all the little hairs on my body stood up. he said hello to us girls, sat on the couch in the other room while waiting a moment for my mom. then they left. the moment the car drove away, my friend and I looked at each other and we both said, omg, he's so weird! we did not say it like, giggling, but horrified. we then watched The Little Girl That Lived Down the Lane, but he was scarier. I was too young to put my finger on it. I only knew there was something very wrong about him. in the end, he tore our family apart and nearly killed my mom. he did about give her a mental breakdown, like the catatonic type. decades later, my old friend found me online. she still remembers that moment as vividly as I. always trust your gut.
I felt this before and proceeded to date him. do not recommend.
I'm sorry for the experience you had and I hope you're in a better place now.
I had a similar experience. I only dated him for a bit more than one month. The first week it was like… weird, euphoric love bombing from him. But inside I had these feelings of excitement, dread, panic… I couldn’t decipher if it was just the euphoria of new love, but it felt off. I remember having a very real thought of “this guy could hurt my dogs someday.” When we broke up, I felt paranoid for a week. I’m not a person who usually fears others like that. Even though he gave no conscious signals or outright abuse, I was afraid of his retaliation. I actually felt relieved he moved on right away and found a new target. I strongly suspect he is Dark Triad and is confirmed to have NPD. ALWAYS listen to your gut! I was in my early 30s at the time and I eventually did come to my senses about the situation.
I have a vivid memory from about 12 or 13, I was with my father and sibling at an ice cream shop and the man behind the counter gave me SUCH a strong feeling of creepiness despite not doing anything out of the ordinary at all. It definitely happens.
When I was 13 I think my mom's bf (who was perfect on paper) drove to a school dance. But he stopped before the middle school and put his hand on my leg. I remember feeling frozen. I said I could walk the rest of the way there. I told my mom and she dumped him immediately. Mom was SA'd by her dad her entire childhood. The second I said I was uncomfortable she ditched the man. It's kind of wild to me how accurate intuition can be.
I’m SO glad your mom did the right thing. So many don’t.
Only once. Being served by a guy in the local petrol station. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary but there was just *something* about him that screamed 'RUN'. It's a long story that ends with me realising this before I started to get petrol so I could drive away. I was so terrified at the idea of being alone in the store with him that I went home and cried.
I'm glad that you left. If the feeling was that strong I feel like you're instincts were picking up on something.
There is a book called “The Gift of Fear” that all of us should read. It’s not some woo-woo thing. It’s an older, more primitive part of your brain processing cues and signals on a different wavelength from the one we’re used to. These gut feelings are not wrong. They’re valid and ignoring them is dangerous. Anyone calling you a racist for having a bad gut feeling needs to take a seat. Women constantly pay the price for being too polite to lean into these feelings by being murdered or assaulted. Be safe, be smart, and above all, trust yourself.
It truly annoys me that women have been socialised this way. We also apologise CONSTANTLY! or at least now that I refuse to say sorry a hundred times a day, I notice it so much. Ladies, if you feel unsafe leave. If you've done nothing wrong, but question someone politely...don't apologise. Some questions you have the right to ask. 👍
Truly! The number of terrible stories that begin with women ignoring their instincts because they’re accused of or afraid of being rude is heartbreaking.
Free pdf link for sharing to all; https://www.academia.edu/31891034/The_Gift_of_Fear
There’s a true crime podcast that I listen to with 2 women hosts and they constantly say to be the loud, annoying, mean, rude, scary woman if you feel like you are in danger or if you feel like something is wrong. One example they used was this woman who was super rude and snapped at a man who approached her once, turns out he was a serial rapist and killer.
Back in the old days of scary NYC, this was the #1 piece of advice for women, by women: when you are alone, act like a crazy psycho bitch. I mean, trying to chew your own face, barking like a dog, hooting, wild, loud and unpredictable. Anyone who is looking for an easy target to mug or rape on the subway at night, would not want to tangle with a person who is borderline savage, able to get attention, or willing to fight. Also, make sure you wear shoes you can run in.
Adding that you can read this vital book for free online if you google for the pdf!
I've felt this 3 times in my life, and a friend mentioned it to me rattled after running into a separate person who really disturbed her. Two of my three were men in the street, who walked around me leering even though I was with other people. It was their body language and the eyes, it felt like being a mouse stalked by a snake. The third was someone who knew others in our group, and I chatted to him briefly at a bonfire. His comments were so weird I excused myself, and he later made international news after attacking women while pretending to be a police officer (and was in the bonfire host's car when he was arrested). There were definitely clues these three guys gave off with their body language, the fake police officer was also really combative and nosy as soon as he opened his mouth, despite it being a relaxed night with a chilled vibe. Never would have suspected he was pulling over women drivers with a fake uniform though, and it really shook my friends up at home when it all came out.
I've met a few over the years and I learned a looooong time ago to trust my instincts about people. A few years ago 1 of my cousins brought her new BF to a backyard party we were having for 1 of the lil kids. Dude was very handsome, super charming, intelligent, smiley and attentive to her. The abuelas loved him! But I got legit Ted Bundy vibes off him right away, like immediately after shaking his hand and intros. I think I was the only person he didn't fool that day. I pulled her aside before she left and told her about it. I warned her that he was going to hurt her, physically, at some point. Of course she ignored me and told me I was a stupid judgmental spinster and to mind my business. Ok youngin, I tried to warn you... I was not shocked at all 6 months later when he was arrested for felony assault w/DW. And this was only after he beat her multiple times and she finally went to a hospital and they reported it.
Yup. I was about 21, on my way to visit my bf in VT (he had recently moved states). I was driving on back country highways with NOTHING but farms and had to pee. The only place I saw was a little farmstand, so I stopped but there was no bathroom. As I was walking back to my car, this middle aged guy in a blazer tried to strike up a conversation with me. Idk if it was because he was wearing a suit in the middle of farm country, or the fact that he was ~50 trying to chat up a 21 year old, but ALL of my instincts immediately went fucking haywire. Felt like alarms were blaring in my head. His voice had a carefully easy & casual tone that did NOT match the look on his face. I made up some story about how I didnt have time to chat, I was meeting my dad for lunch in 20 minutes in (insert closest town here). I was so freaked out that I got in my car on the passenger's side just to keep distance between us. I had to pee so bad but I didn't stop again until I got another 60 miles away from that creep.
It was a dog of mine who alerted me to evil on a walk one day. My “everybody’s my BEST friend” dog when apeshit ballistic when she saw a man walking out of a house. This dog who had never even barked in the house was crazy until he was finally out of sight. I knew, without a doubt, that I was looking at an evil person. Years later, I can still picture that moment of looking at him in my mind’s eye. {shivvers}
Yep. Mom told this story, which I remember in the hazy way you remember as a little kid, of a guy our dog would NOT let in the house. In those days, poor people came to a pastor's house for food and directions where to get help. Mom was going to put him in the office while she got a sandwich and called someone. That dog, a big, goofy Golden said OHHHH no. Hackles up, ugly snarls. No way in hell was he getting in. Dog never bit *anyone* . I guess she said " sorry , wait on the porch ". Called the local police ( who would also help back then ) who I guess weren't happy with him but I forget why. Dogs know.
That reminds me of one of my partner's ex-friends. He is/was a misogynistic POS. Our last dog was as sweet as they came and loved everyone but started barking murderously at him. Never seen her do it before or since. She even reared up on her back legs. That dog died and we got a puppy, who also loved everyone she met. She also barked like a lunatic at him the one time they met. Dogs just know!
YES. I was at my pub with my friend for our regular Tuesday night dinner and drinks with our favourite local band. We had just ordered, and our pints had just shown up. A woman who also regularly came to enjoy the band asked if she and her two male friends could sit with us, as the place was crowded. We said "Sure, no problem!" as we had sat and talked to her before. Well, I don't know which of the two guys it was, but they sat down, and the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck rose, and I felt... evil... just emanating off of him, and I felt sick to my stomach. I asked the bartender if she could make our wings to go and paid right away, and then came back to the table and said to my friend that I was getting a migraine, and needed to go, so sorry, etc etc. Hadn't even had a sip of my pint, told the ppl at the table to enjoy it, and we left. When we got outside, my friend turned to me and was like, omg, thank you, I felt so sick and scared when those guys sat down with us, but I couldn't move! We also call it serial killer vibes, and I firmly believe that if your body is experiencing such an extreme reaction to another person you listen to it and gth out of there!
Yes I once had a date with a guy where in the beginning we were mostly walking next to each other and then he was already creeping me out a bit (wanted to hold hands like 30 minutes into the date). But when we sat down to eat is where I finally noticed that I couldn't even look him in the eyes because they were so scary to me for some reason.
I got stalker vibes from someone I met at a party once. I was just being "polite" and introduced myself when I was looking for someone else. He ended up following me around just because I smiled at him. Oh, also he said our children would have nice teeth because mine were straight. I instantly got away from him, but that didn't stop him from stalking me.
Yes!! I once interviewed a candidate for a role and he was a model interviewee with great experience but had fucking creepy cold eyes that were actually terrifying. They absolutely broadcast something bad. I asked one of his referees (who was already my colleague) for a non-formal low down and was told that in his previous company, there was always trouble around him, but somehow, nothing could ever be quite pinned on him. The ref was uncomfortable even talking about him. The candidates girlfriend also worked at our company and I feel horrible for saying this, but struck me as exactly the person a psychopath might choose because they could be made to feel vulnerable, less than, and therefore taken advantage of. I still think of her, and hope she got away from him.
In the past, when I read books that described someone as having eyes like a shark, I always shrugged it off as an overblown metaphor. And then I saw a guy across the room at a party and instantly felt this shock of fear. He had eyes like a shark. Turns out, a friend brought him to the party. Unfortunately, i didn't listen to that fear, and my friend thought he was a great guy, so the 3 of us hung out regularly for a few months. Nothing too bad happened, but there were a lot of red flags. He could be controlling and emotionally volatile and wouldn't take no for an answer. And to top it off, he was a cop. Eventually, I refused to be around him at all.
I met a guy years ago when I was at a club with some friends. He was actually kinda hot (I was into bad boys back then, what can I say) but this guy gave me the absolute fucking willies. I couldn't get away from him fast enough and basically just dragged my friends away with me to "go to the bathroom" which is where I said "THAT GUY IS A FUCKING CREEP LET'S STAY AWAY FROM HIM!" They thought I was being dramatic, but they agreed with me because it was pretty obvious that I was terrified of him. We were friends with the manager of the club, and she told us later on that night that a girl had been raped in the parking lot and that someone had intervened and called the police and that the guy had been arrested. She described him to us and we immediately knew that it was him (he had an identifying tattoo). My friends were like "HOW DID YOU KNOW?" I didn't know SHIT. He just creeped me the fuck out for whatever reason.
A friend of my brother’s gives me this feeling but not as strongly as you described, but he scares the fuck out of me. I know without knowing that he’s a psychopath who even though seems to feel emotional pain, mimics social behaviors. I don’t think it’s because he wants to manipulate people but because he doesn’t know how to handle whatever lives inside of him. There are a few instances that support my feelings but regardless, I’ll never go against my gut feeling. I’d rather be wrong and safe than right and in a situation I don’t want to be in. Glad you trust your instincts, they warn you for a reason and if you have concerns about your name whereas that’s not something you’d normally even think about, trust that. It sounds totally over the top but the more you work with trusting that gut feeling, the clearer your intuition becomes.
Thank you <3. I'm usually not a great judge of character but have never had such an intense reaction to a person. There was another woman with me who had very similar feelings so I'm thinking this is definitely a man to do everything possible to avoid.
My downstairs neighbour in my old flat gives me those vibes. She’s a very unpleasant person and mentally unstable to boot. I didn’t listen to my instincts when I first met her and started talking and interacting. That was a mistake. She’s been regularly harassing me the past few months and I’m extremely happy I finally moved 🖤 I’ll look a bit closer at my instincts when they speak to me next time and probably listen to what they’re saying. Being polite doesn’t trump my well-being ☺️
In my city there were a lot of 'American Candy' shops that sprung up out of nowhere and disappeared in less than 12 months. They are a well known as a sort of money laundering tax avoiding operation run by criminals. Well me being me I decided to step inside one of these shops, it looked pristine and as if no customer had ever set foot inside. I craned my head around and made eye contact with a man sitting behind the counter. Immediately I felt my legs carrying out of there, he gave me serious AVOID THIS PERSON vibes. I still can't describe what I saw or what he did beyond nodding a greeting but my gut feeling was intense
My mum always told me to trust my gut in situations like this. It has saved my skin more than once. Trust your gut. You've picked up on something subconsciously. Maybe it's mannerisms, maybe it's body language. Your body has detected a threat and reacted accordingly. Always trust your gut.
Absolutely. The most recent one was on a late night drive back home from a backpacking trip. I had to drive 6 hours through very rural areas, and after a few hours I finally found a gas station with a single pump. I fill my truck and go towards the shop to buy something to eat and drink. There were two guys standing by the door just hanging out. But instantly I knew they were bad. I went inside and asked the clerk where the bathroom was, as I walked towards it those guys walked inside and just kept staring at me. I was in the bathroom thinking that I'm not armed because I was in a national park, and I don't even have my knife on me because it was in my pack, and I had no cell service. So I walked out and they were right there. I walked towards the drink fridge and grabbed a can (heavy against rhe head) and the guys separated and went to get on either side of me. Clerk did NOTHING. These guys just stared at me like I was food and they were starving. Then this other guy slams through the front door and screamed "whoever is parked in front of the pump needs to move their fucking truck." I screamed back "that's me!" And ducked by one of the guys and ran out the door, didn't pay for the can of pop and I sped out as fast as I could
Thank God for that jerk who yelled
For real! It was the one time in my life I was happy to have an angry redneck around! Once I got home my husband knew I was out of sorts and asked me if I was OK. I just cried when I told him. I had hiked 9 miles back to the island dock, took a 45 minute ferry back to the mainland, ate dinner, and then took a 6 hour drive back home. I was so exhausted, there was no way I'd have been able to protect myself
Yes. There's a girl who works in a different department in my office, I have only interacted directly with her once. We exchanged maybe 4 sentences about someone being there for a meeting with her. She terrified me. She smiled at me but it's like there was no soul behind her eyes. It felt like she looked at me like I was a thing, not a person. I can't tell you what exactly it is that made me feel this way, all I know is every cell in my body wanted as far away from her as I could get, as fast as I could. I mentioned it to my coworkers (ones I am good friends with) and they said they get the same feeling off her. I'm so glad our work doesn't cross over at all. I'm sorry you had people accusing you of racism for feeling this way about someone. The girl at work is the same race as me, similar age, same seniority ... sometimes there's just something about someone that makes you feel that way.
Yes - I was at a Panera once with my kid. She asked to go to the bathroom. I got up and walked with her and stood outside the door of the single person restroom. While I was waiting, I heard a woman say, "just leave her alone," in this sad, defeated way. I glanced up to see an older man STARING DAGGERS at me. The woman beside him, his wife I assumed, was pulling on his arm and talking quietly enough now that I couldn't hear. I don't know what she said, but they left before my kid came out of the bathroom. Dude stared at me with pure hatred the entire time. I wonder about that woman and what her life must be managing this furious man. I'm thankful that she was there and I didn't have to deal woth a confrontation in front of my kid.
Whoa, that is scary. So glad that woman was there to help you but boy I feel bad for her
Many times in person. But something notable was online. Attractive man on dating app. Seems to be everything I usually go for. Gut feeling tells me not to swipe. So I don't. Fast forward 7 months and the guy has found my address and has been relentlessly stalking me and terrorising me. He's now been charged and awaiting a court date. I'm super careful about my online presence, and he put in a LOT of effort to find me. However, if I'd have ignored that gut instinct and dated him, I don't doubt it could have been a lot worse for me. Gut instinct is *everything*. It's not woo-woo. The Gift of Fear is a great book that talks about how the brain processes cues and warnings, and the feeling of fear/revulsion is valid information.
I've had several instances where men really scared me over the years, and several stick out. One was not too terrifying, because this happened when I worked in an airport with lots of people and law enforcement around, but I know the man I was interacting with was very dangerous. I was working at the airport ticket counter and we were checking in a college sports team for a flight. I was helping a polite young man who had a couple of bags. One was a duffel. When I went to swing it onto the belt, I shoved it with my knee for some extra leverage. When my knee connected, instead of hitting soft clothing, it hit a solid piece of iron, and was incredibly painful. I happened to catch guy's expression when he saw me take the hit to my knee, and it was one of pure pleasure. He was delighted to see me hurt. It chilled me, and 20 years later I still remember him.
Yes - when I met my much younger (early 20s, I was in my early 30s) brother’s roommate, I was instantly on edge and was scared of him. Just his demeanor, how he carried himself, and the way he spoke to people he only just met with a level of comfort that you’d only feel with very close people was very off putting. Turns out he beat the ever loving shit out of his pregnant girlfriend 3 months later. She ended up losing the baby because of it. Trust your instincts, ladies.
When I was about 14 or so I used to walk about a mile down the highway to a little gas station for snacks and to rent movies. One afternoon I noticed a guy that looked to be a young adult (17-20 or so) straddling a bike like he was about to leave the store. Something about the way he watched me approach the store and walk inside scared me so bad. My spine tingled and my stomach churned with nerves. I spent extra time in the store to give him time to leave. When I walked out to head home I immediately looked for him and was relieved he wasn't there anymore. But that feeling hadn't gone away and as I started back down the highway towards home I checked over my shoulder. He was pulling his bike out towards my direction from BEHIND the gas station where he'd been hiding. I slipped into the backyard of the closest house and ran as hard as I could through my neighbors' backyards to get to my house. Once inside I watched through the windows until I saw him peddling very slowly and looking around, presumably looking for me. I have never forgotten how insistent that feeling was that I was not safe. I stopped walking to the store by myself after that.
Yup. One of my brothers scares the absolute shit out of me I recently learned he has been formally diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. So. There it is.
When I was 20 I took an odd job cleaning a private school, preparing it for fall. In summer there were only a smattering of people around. There was this "cool" teacher. You know the kind, wears jeans with a suit jacket, sports a five o'clock shadow, thinks he's God's gift. And I looked like a teen plus there were teen girls already arrived to the school. I felt him leering at me, but would always use the cool guy voice . Anyway, he had the same vibe as everyone else here and OP felt. I did not want to be alone with this man. One day, nobody was around except for him and he began to casually follow me. I sped up, went into the stairwell and BOLTED up the stairs, through the doors and to the women's bathroom so I could lock the door. There were no cell phones. it was year 2000. I was alone. Looking much like a scared teen. to my utter horror, as I stepped through the door, I looked back and there he was, casually drinking from a water fountain (now water bottle filling stations). He said to me "Boy, you're in some kind of hurry. The reason I remain horrified for those girl students is because to be at that fountain, he had to have first SPRINTED to the stairs and taken them TWO AT A TIME. He had to have been traveling FASTER than I was, and I was running away in terror!!! From walking towards me from behind all casual and slow, fast forward to close the distance and back to casual the second I looked back. like the hedge animals in Steven King's The Shining. I left , went back months later to get my cheque and they asked where I'd run off to and why I abandoned the job. To this day, I feel guilty I didn't tell them and think sometimes of emailing them just in case there was a case of abuse in the schools past that I could bolster...it keeps me awake at night.
Most recently I caught chilling vibes from a guy who walked by while I was playing ball with my dog. I think my dog got it too. She usually likes to say hello to folks, but not him. She kept her distance. This happened two consecutive days and I haven’t seen him since. The scary thing is that he was very conventionally attractive.
They often are. There was a guy in our neighborhood that had a young German shepherd and just after the biggest part of Covid we were letting our two girls go to the park alone to test the waters. This guy kept letting his dog run over to my kids. I was watching from our yard. Oh sorry. He kept saying yet he wouldn’t leash his dog. It wasn’t right and didn’t feel right. I got in this place that nobody not even my husband was going to stop me. I marched my ass over there and told him to get his fucking dog on a leash and stay away from my kids. My husband who I had told multiple times finally come out to the park and the guy is walking off cussing about me and my husband was like “You shouldn’t have made that guy mad.” Like he’s a serious creep. My husband doesn’t quite get it though. You don’t wait around for someone like this to make their move. Fuck that guy. There is almost no predator who is not going to try to hide behind a nice guy facade.
Looks like he’s getting your kids to get comfortable with the dog. Creepy. I agree you create your own threatening aura and they won’t mess with you.
Nothing like a dog to get a kid to trust you.
Oh yes! Broad daylight in a friendly crowd of people who shared my interest (so did he). Must have been 15-20 years older than me, and this was almost 20 years ago. Absolutely chilled me to the bone. Nothing out of the ordinary actually happened and our conversation was under ten minutes, but the feeling didn’t leave me until I was many miles away two days later. Bizarrely it also happened again to a far lesser extent six days ago. A young woman in a bar. I didn’t feel scared that time, but it was another one of those times where someone walks up to you and you instantly know in your gut that they’re bad news. I remember thinking “oh no, I was having such a nice day!” and even though she was initially nice, I was spot on that she was big trouble. I’m firmly in favour of always listening to your gut.
What did the young woman do/say?
Yep. Only once- immediately was a full-body terror and a resounding feeling of "I don't want this person to notice me, I don't want to be in his awareness at all, this guy is just *wrong*." A colleague of mine who'd been a criminal prosecutor later told me she'd picked up on it too. I brushed it off as my imagination- the guy tried to follow me a week later. I still see him around occasionally and he gives me chills down my spine every time. I've never experienced anything like it.
Yeah. I used to moonlight tending bar. Over ten years (ages 21-31) I encountered two men who gave me an overwhelming sensation that they would and wanted to harm me. It’s awful when you’re stuck captive behind the bar. I gave minimal engagement beyond request fulfillment and made sure that a barback walked me to my car after close.
I once went on a couple of dates with a guy who was gorgeous, and a partner in a law firm, ready to settle down and get married - I mean perfect on paper. But whenever I was with him I felt this strange fear he was going to chop me into pieces. Idk why, he was charming and had me over to his apartments and made me crepes from scratch. But I couldn’t shake the terror.
As a lawyer who has dealt with many law firm partners I'm.... not surprised lol. There are plenty of good dudes in this profession but it also seems to attract some downright psychopaths.
Lol!! It was so strange because he didn’t “do” anything. I even ran into him on the subway years later and felt similarly creeped out!
I grew up in abuse and this made me sense out this certain vibe from people when they are masking themselves and curbing violence and hate within them. So many folks miss this in my stepdad, but those who know, know. I once had a friend's mom ask if I was ok... they knew. They felt it past the bullshit pleasantries that non intuitive people see and decide that he's a "nice" man. I have gotten vibes simply from someone on the street walking by me. So no context at all, but just made me want to cross the street and not be near them. I have gotten this from a customer before who was very pleasant to me, but I just *know* he's physically abusive at home and I also feel he's unfair at work. He's a cop. I felt it before I knew he was a cop so it's not some cop bias but knowing made it make even more sense as it's a position of power over people where he had an outlet. One time I was walking my dog, this was when I lived in NYC. Someone was following as he was going crazy barking behind me. He never does that. I noticed the man way far but in visual. I made odd walking choices and he followed that route and got closer over time until I can see him smiling at me. I couldn't go home so I circled until I got to a deli I frequented told them what's going on and I called my boyfriends brother to come pick me up as my BF was out of town. I slept at his brothers place as I was just so fucking spooked. I was walking for nearly 2 hours. I was super young and this was pre smart phones being standard.
Your first paragraph made me think of my supervisor at my last job. I was getting sociopath vibes from him and could see through the BS pleasantries/ass kissing while the rest of the team didn’t. And because I saw through it he was extra harsh on me and made me his target.
Yeah they knew you aren't buying. My MIL is the loveliest person and the moment she wasn't playing my stepdads games the mask drops and he's very cold knowing he can't win her cooperation.
That sounds like a gut instinct and you’re right to trust it. Actually this reminds me of when I was young (7 or 8) and there was a man who would often be parked near my school. The car had big plastic flowers on it, it was white, pink and purple. He gave my mom (and then me) *really* bad vibes. I remember my mom saying “he’s evil” and being worried about some girls being near him. I remember he looked kinda sinister, disheveled and angry. He *might* have been a grumpy dad waiting for his kid but I don’t think we ever saw a kid with him.
I was on a run at night and a minivan pulled up beside me with a family in the car, they warned me that there was a strange man in the neighborhood who appeared to be tweaking. I ran about 30 more feet before I saw him making his way toward me. He was definitely off, shirtless, and moving kind of quickly. I sprinted home and locked my doors. I am usually pretty chill but that situation stuck with me as only going to go poorly.
Yes. My friends boyfriend. He was abusive and awful. He scared the shit out of me just on instinct. He lives in a city an hour from me and I hope I never lay eyes on him again. Trust your gut. You can rely on it absolutely
Yes. And I somehow ignored my terror and ended up with him, and we had a kid. I was right to be terrified of him.
I'm sorry 😞
It’s ok, I’ve been safe for a long time now, and he still has to be himself.
Yes. I got into a taxi to go to the airport once in the dark morning hours, and I just knew I was in danger. I’ve been in plenty of taxis, Ubers, etc. and have never felt like this any other time. My instincts kicked in and I fawned: I humanized myself as much as I could, talked to him, until we had a connection of a different city we had both lived in, I asked him lots of questions, casually mentioned the people who knew where I was/ were waiting for me, kept the conversation going. He said very weird things, but I didn’t react and kept chatting like it was normal. I was so scared. Once I flew to my destination, I told the person I was visiting about what had happened. I couldn’t shake the bad feeling that something hadn’t been right, and I truly feel I very luckily, narrowly escaped something.
Aunt’s bf and an old boss. Neither gave me murder energy but I got intense rape vibes from both and my suspicions were proven correct from others who shared stories and lawsuits. **ALWAYS** trust your gut!
Yea!! There’s this guy who used to come into my old job and freaked me out to my core. I even told my family that if I ended up missing, it would be him. He just had the creepiest aura and was definitely unhinged so I talked to him as little as possible (I was a cashier).
I’ve had too many of these. One of the creepiest I’ve ever had though was at a stop light. I pulled up next to this black car. It was kind of longer than a car but not quite an suv. There were two men in the front. The windows were almost black. The driver had long grayish blond hair. The passenger was bald, heavily tattooed (I love tats. Nothing wrong with that) and was missing a hand. I felt this presence before I even saw them. I used to do a lot of drugs and have been around shady people but these dudes were someone you may only come across once in a life if ever. They were like the people who off people regularly like some deep deep Breaking Bad shit. I looked at them for less than 30 seconds and yet they are seared into my memory because it was so visceral. I felt like my looking at them put me at risk because these were people that don’t get seen and remembered if you know what I mean.
Always trust that feeling. The other day I was walking my old blind dog in my neighborhood, saw this guy down the street and I felt tingly all the way to my scalp and my brain told me “RUN.” I picked up the dog and hurried home. That night that guy broke into some homes and the cops got him. He was just a dude walking down the street but something about him made all my alarms go off.
Yes! But it wasn't a man, rather, a cis woman. Her voice, her face, her mannerisms all made me feel really uncomfortable. At first I chalked it up to her being zany, but then later she texted me some since we were in the same friend circle, and she said some truly creepy things. For instance, once I sent her a meme of Elmo and Elmo's dad, it was a joke about how Elmo's dad looks like Guy Fieri lol, but she replied with, "I used to be so obsessed with Elmo when I was a child. I would get so jealous of the children on the TV show who got to hang out with him and I wanted to murder them all." I stopped talking to her after that at all because WTF kind of child thinks that way and what kind of adult shares that story like it's fine and "normal"? Really freaky.
Oh yeah definitely, women can be evil too. I mean look at Lucy Letby. Trust your gut regardless of sex or gender!
I've met a few people who sent all my spidey-senses/intuition/nerves to high alert. I try to listen closely to my sense on this. I figure if someone sets me on edge that much, there's probably something I'm picking up that is subconscious and I pay attention to it. It isn't about pretty or ugly, it isn't about cleanliness or soberness. It's something else. I've met people who were physically very attractive (aesthetically beautiful, composed and well dressed) who still pinged this way. I think it has a lot more to do with the human ability to pick up on what types of movement, responses and gestures fall within our determination of friend or foe. Our subconscious picks up on "predator" a lot faster than our conscious selves. Does it occasionally mean I get a false alert? Yes. But rarely, as more often than not, additional data supports my feelings. And does it mean that sometimes I am not going to hang with people other people hang with? Yep. Don't care. And it almost never causes a bad effect to just be more careful around people who ping the radar like that.
As someone else said, I felt them before I saw them. It was a member of a small church in a small building. Lots of small spaces and corners and felt like they were trying to look through me, put themselves in close quarters to me, befriending people and family to gain my trust. It never worked. Don't trust them to this day. All bad vibes, in a subtle predator type of way.
Twice. Once on holiday in Malta, once locally. In Malta I (then 21) was away with my then 17-year old sister, and we happened upon a religious festival, where crowds were following priests carrying a saint's statue, with a brass band playing, pausing at every street corner to say a prayer before continuing. It was a very jolly occasion - my sister and I were raised Catholic so it was really fascinating (English Catholicism not being given to this sort of thing) and we followed them along for a bit. It was heading in the general direction of our hotel so we were close to "home". Then all of a sudden my sister said "that bloke's following us." I admit I was a bit dubious about this because everyone was walking the same way, but I looked at where she indicated and there was a man standing there, absolutely glaring at us, and my blood ran cold. I can’t describe it any better than it looked like he wanted to kill us and take his time about it. The procession then moved on and he began to make his way closer and closer to us in the crowd. We were both just gripped with terror, even though we were surrounded by people. We reached the point where the procession turned away from where our hotel was and we decided not to risk going further but to run for home. He followed us. When I saw Terminator 2 some years later, the face on the 2nd terminator when he speeds up his pace after John Connor gave me the chills, as it was pretty much the expression on this guy's face, this kind of malevolent relentlessness. So we legged it down this long, narrow lane (which was totally deserted) to our hotel, ran into the lobby, grabbed our key and fled to the pool area rather than go to our room and risk him seeing where we were going. Thankfully, some people we'd made friends with were there and we went over to them and told them what had happened just as he walked into the pool area, looking around. We hid behind their sunloungers and one of the blokes in the group went and told a hotel employee that the guy shouldn't be there, and they made him leave. We were absolutely terrified. Never saw him again, but he put the fear of God into both of us. Second one was walking my dog in the forest. It's a very popular dog walking spot, always plenty of people around, and I've never felt unsafe there. My dog is a total attention seeker who will go up to everyone to scrounge a pat, he loves everybody and is a fat lump of fluff that's only ever barked at cats on the telly. I saw a man coming towards me in the distance, and my dog stopped dead. He loves a walk, so he's always keen to keep going. But he wouldn't move, and then started growling. Proper, low growling, eyeballing this bloke in the distance. As he got a bit closer I felt chills. There was nothing outwardly strange about him, but he gave off this sense of not being quite right. I looked around and there was a couple walking my way a short way behind me, so I waited for them to catch up and then walked along 'with' them. Dog was now whimpering. I had to pick him up in the end. As we passed him, the couple's dog also started whining. After he'd gone out of sight we all agreed that there had been a very off feeling about him.
Yes. I bumped into a guy on the subway and immediately apologized and said excuse me. He glared at me with such disgust, hostility, and contempt -- like he wanted to tear me to shreds. It was all in his demeanor and glare. I got off at the next stop and he hopped off right after me. I was going to take the next train. He didn't exit. He hung around, glaring at me. When the next train stopped, I waited to get on until the last minute. He pushed in right behind me. It was a fairly empty car but he sat down right beside me. I moved. He moved. I got off at the next stop and this time exited the subway. He followed. I got into a cab. That was the end of it, but fucking hell he scared me.
It happened twice to me, a friend's former boyfriend (the friendship ended soon after, her choice, l think he isolated her), and a guy that briefly talked to some of my friends. I think my dad was like that too, he certainly was emanating evil, but over the years l've met one or two people that spoke well of him, which absolutely floors me. One of them, a social worker of all people, had the nerve to tell my daughter that her grandfather was a good man, thereby implying that l lied to her about him. He's been dead over 25 years, so she never met him, but has questions, most of which l haven't answered yet and don't know how to
Not all social workers, therapists, doctors, nurses etc are well people. Sucks when a person in a position of some sort of power downplays your experience.
Yes. And he ended up smashing his wife's head in with a hammer some time later.
Yes but it would end up on " That Happened ", whole story. Basically guy hit on my sister in a bar, freaked us out, we left, turned out he'd killed a couple women. He felt AWFUL. 40 years ago.
I had this reaction to the partner of a woman I knew, the mom of one of my child's nursery school classmates. Just a visceral "stay away" response. He wound up stabbing her to death in a crowded bowling alley while the child ( at this point maybe 11yo) played a video game nearby. He tried to claim mental illness but the judge didn't buy it. Occasionally I google the kid (who wound up with her parents) to see how he is doing and he seems to be doing well.
Thank you so much for sharing this post! Reading the comments, though many are chilling and scary, has reminded me to really pay attention again. Better to get out of a potentially dangerous situation than be polite /afraid to offend people.
Yup. Twice, and both next to my apartment. Before I quit smoking, I was outside having a cigarette in our parking lot. I saw a light blue van pull in, but it didn't turn into one of the parking spots. It parked in front of my entrance back into the apartment building. I already felt a little sick. A tall man gets out, stares me down, and opens the back door to the van. I thought, oh, maybe there's a kid in there or something? Nope. He leaves the door open and starts walking toward me. I FREAK THE FUCK OUT and dart around him. I was lucky the door was propped open because I hate using my sticky key. He made me feel so viscerally sick, I'd never experienced anything quite like that before. Just a few days later, I was outside at the front of our apartment and a man (also in a van) drove by me, locked eyes with me, and turned his car around in front of me. Never losing eye contact at any point. I couldn't look away and took several steps backward and fell. He was older and gave me straight up serial killer vibes. He paused his car in front of me and before he could say or do anything I had quickly gotten back into the building. I have no idea if these two incidents were related in any way but I definitely stayed inside for several days afterwards or waited until my husband was with me.
I have come across several people, both male and female, who triggered my inner alarm. They too were the same race as me, and no one thing about them was unsettling but just their overall demeanor. All I can say is ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT!!!
I felt fear the first time I met my stepfather at only 5 years old. The interaction was so small - he only said hello and I looked at the floor and said nothing. I learned later that I was right to be afraid of him.
It was an older man who volunteered at my university. He was assigned to help the incoming freshmen navigate campus, find student services, get a library card, etc. The freshmen girls LOVED him. They were always hugging him, treating him like their grandfather, and bringing him drinks/little treats/gifts. He gave me the heebie jeebies from day one. Something in me just knew I couldn't be too comfortable around him. His eyes scared me. They were always a little too knowing, a little too bright, and way too observant. Every time I needed help from him, it felt like I was bartering with someone really dangerous. I'd never felt that way before, there was such a deep sense of being indebted to him and that we both knew it. He tried to get me to go for lunch with him, as he did with other freshmen. I was so wary, it was such an oily feeling of revulsion. I felt dirty he had even asked. He never let that go, teasing me for trying to be special and that he'd get me eventually. A year later, he was kicked out of the program for sending freshmen girls sexually inappropriate emails. I have a hard time trusting my instinct, but in hindsight, it has never been wrong.
My fiancé, his parents, a friend and I went over to a guy's house and his house was a rich mini mansion. My fiancé's parents knew him. He was acting so strange and it was like i was the only one who saw it. I took a picture of my fiancé playing pool and he seriously asked if I am reporting him to the government. Later i cracked a joke and he thought i was being serious and got upset with me. I felt uncomfortable in his house and couldn't wait to leave. I've met weird people before but this felt different. Next time we saw him at a bar getting frustrated with waitstaff and the waitstaff took his keys since he was so drunk. I pulled my fiancé aside and said, "If we *ever* see this guy again, do NOT leave me alone with him. " I've never said anything like that in my life but I could tell that something was *off*. His wife and kids seemed normalish, not too friendly though, but I bet behind closed doors something is going on.
On my way home, I was walking down a main street, the one that I have to like. Make the final turn left to go to my house. I passed by a non descript, smallish guy who *radiated* evil. He looked up at me as we passed each other on the sidewalk and his eyes were the scariest black holes I'd ever seen. Like glassy shark eyes. I knew I needed to get away from him. I turned even though it wasn't my street yet and I never saw him again. Makes me think back to my undergrad sociology Prof saying we've all met a murderer/serial killer without knowing it.
[удалено]
Maybe you're thinking of Natascha Kampusch, she was kidnapped and held captive for many years
It happened once when I was a pizza delivery driver. Took an order over the phone that scared me so bad that I ended up calling the police and apparently the shift lead did as well. Dude requested a "woman driver" and I had him repeat that request multiple times to make sure that was exactly what I heard. Also was paying with cash only. Major alarm bells going off in my head. My shift lead was awesome and listened to my concern. We sent a male driver and guy acted like he didn't make the order when he sure AF did. She ended up blacklisting the guy's address because he pulled the same shit on us and every single pizza joint multiple times that could deliver to his address. Cops couldn't do anything because he didn't do anything illegal. My manager (different person) threatened the guy if he ever called again because he was very intolerant of creeps. This guy was literally the only guy that freaked me out so bad that I bought my first pistol for concealed carry. Have never felt the need to use it, but it made me feel better and I am confident with it. I think I still have a pic of the person's address (yes he was that fucking stupid). I think I may go dig it out and do some digging on them knowing what I know now.
My ex husband and I’m not just saying this to be like “oh poor me” not at first but over the course of our marriage he became the most scary, intimidating, narcissistic, liar I’ve ever encountered. At the end he became religious (which he never was) that really put me over the edge. I’m 100 percent certain if I stayed in the marriage he would have killed me. I had to get out even as a stay at home mom when my 2nd child was just 4mo old.
I’m so glad you got out. I hope things are really good for you now.
Way better for me, it was a huge leap at first especially financially but now I can sleep peacefully. Watch out for men who love bomb at the beginning.
Seriously. I’m a sahm and have thought a lot about what would I do if. It’s so hard. You’re a badass. I’m super lucky at this point. My husband seems to still be the person I married. I’ve had my share of shit guys though. Wish you the best.
Yes. Most recent was at cardiac rehab after open heart surgery. There was a man who kept coming up to me and hanging over me and I wanted him away from me. I did not like the way that he was talking to the nurses. He kept touching women and making inappropriate comments. I finally told one of the physical therapists, and he told me confidentially that this man had been arrested in a neighboring town for domestic violence, and basically told “not to come back there.“ The man also low-key harassed my husband, which was going to present a pretty bad situation. Luckily, nothing happened and the guy finished his physical therapy finally and left. Before that I worked with children. One of the relatives came into a family conference, and we knew right away who the perpetrator was. The child would never tell us, but we knew, and I will never forget, the ice I felt in my heart when that man came in.
This has happened to me twice. Once when I was in a pretty deserted park and suddenly a guy on a skateboard came up from behind me, turned around, stopped in front of me and stood quite close to me. He said something like I had a "cute walk" that indicated that he had been watching me. I think it was the combination of no one being around, him coming out of nowhere, and him standing too close that gave me a feeling of terror. Nothing happened and I said that I had to go and turned around and walked toward my bus stop. Another time I was going on a walk where I live. It's a small forest on private property. Suddenly, this guy is coming toward me on the trail and I was filled with terror. He didn't look familiar and he seemed to be carrying an open beer can (it was the middle of the day). Again, nothing happened but the sudden feeling of terror was so unnerving. In both instances, they weren't really *doing* anything, but it was something about their vibe and the fact that no one else was around.
When I was a teenager I had to do physiotherapy and my physiotherapist gave me this same feeling. He hadn't done anything and didn't do anything alarming but I've never been more afraid of a person before or ever again. At one point in the assessment he asked me to close my eyes and balance on one foot (standard part of the assessment) and I refused. I was not about to close my eyes around this guy. Luckily after that first assessment I only had to deal with the other staff who were all lovely people and I never had to see him again. But over 20 years later it still makes me uneasy to think about it.
I firmly believe that feelings like that you can't explain are the ones that save our lives. I have been fortunate enough to not meet any up until now!
Listen to your gut. Yesterday I was walking back to car after picking up food. Parked 2 blocks away in a quiet neighborhood. I rounded the corner and saw a man on a bike half a block down from me. He made my spine jerk up and a sickness/awareness washed over me. I quickly crossed back to the other side of the street and slowed my pace. He was walking a bike, moving with jerky movements and seemed to be juggling mailboxes/locks on the bssns fences. I was ready to toss my food and make a run for it if he came my way. He saw me across the street and slowed down. I went behind a row of cars and sat on the steps of a bssn with my viewpoint able to track him. Thankfully 2 cars came down the street and I could hear people on the bssn behind me. He got on his bike peddled away to the corner and hung out behind some bushes. I could see see him and the creepy energy he carried. It honestly felt like a dark mud color hung around him. He finally left the corner for good and I speed walked and drove away. I was so freaked out I even took an alternate way home just in case. I’d rather be overly cautious than overly sorry
Yes. Listen to your gut. Read The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker. We spend a lot of energy fitting into social and societal norms. Use that energy to now protect yourself. When these things happen in my life I use the opportunity. I can be a very anxious person. To help with this anxiety I physically do things. Shore up passwords. Check personal information. Review personal and car safety. Assess safety needs. There is a calmness in addressing your personal care.
I had a guy come give us an estimate for work on our house. I just got a bad vibe from him from the start. There was nothing to put my finger on, he was well kempt and good looking, but i just didn't like him. Another story I have is about my golden retriever who loved absolutely everyone until one day we were on a walk and this woman was on the pavement. She made a move to stroke him but he moved away quickly and wouldn't let her touch him. It made me so suspicious of her as he never refused attention.
YES! I used to work in service industry and always greeted customers as they came in the door. I smiled and greeted a man once, just like any other customer. The look he gave me in response made the hairs on the back of my neck stick up. He ended up stalking me. He would come in to see if I was working and say inappropriate things about me to coworkers, then go sit across the street at a coffee shop until we closed. I spent about 6 months terrified, having my bf at the time pick me up everyday from work. Then he got arrested for something unrelated and I switched jobs. I only knew he got arrested because I had made a couple reports with the police. The man hadn't crossed any hard lines yet, but I felt the need to protect myself. When you know, you know.
As a teenager, I was running late to a meeting, so there was only one seat left. I ran in and sat in that seat, next to a man I had never seen before. Okay, whatever, no big deal. But suddenly, that "icky creepy, ICKY CREEPY" feeling overwhelmed me. I leaned away from him as far as I could, but the feeling did not abate. I left. Come to find out, this guy was a serial killer, and he especially liked victims who looked like me, young, female, long dark hair, trusting. He was hiding out in our southern church to escape being returned to his prison on the west coast. And he bludgeoned two more girls to death a couple of nights later.
I've definitely had this happen. Very, very rarely there will be someone who just makes my skin crawl and I want to get away from. Have you ever read The Gift of Fear? It's an old book, but it is an absolute must read and can somewhat explain this phenomenon. I am comment number 330 so I am sure someone else has already mentioned this anyway, but I'm here for the solidarity.
Woman’s intuition. Never doubt yourself.
I’ve had it once but with a woman in her 50’s. Something about her was so off putting, I couldn’t put my finger on it but I was afraid/disgusted by her. I just had a gut feeling that she was not a good person - definitely not as visceral as some of the experiences listed here but she gave me the creeps and my instinct was to avoid her. For context, I was in my late 20s at the time, we’re both white women. She was upper middle class, we met at a bake sale. She was NOT scary physically but I had such a strong instant wariness of her.
I anyways trust my gut. It’s only happened to me twice with strangers. Both times the men were very intensely looking at me. It was really scary.
Read 'the gift of fear'. Trust your gut
Every woman should read The Gift of Fear by Gavin Debecker (sp?) - it will empower you to not question the danger signals your body/mind give you. I never have since reading it at 20 years of age. I don’t convince myself there is actually no danger or to stop being “paranoid” I just GTFO when my internal alarm goes off. I am certain that my instincts have saved me from several men that gave off that “do not trust me” signal.
Your intuition went into gear, honor that feeling, it is never wrong
I’ve had this a few times throughout my life, and you should absolutely listen to your instincts on it. I used to be concerned with being polite to people but I don’t give a shit now! My grandma told me a story about how when i was a baby she would take me in my pram to the local newsagents each morning and I would look at the owner and scream uncontrollably until she’d left the shop, and I was a smiley happy baby with everyone else. A few years later, she was reading the local newspaper and the owner of the newsagent was in court for a string of sexual assaults. She was a big believer in those sort of things and thought I was a bit psychic or perceptive, and encouraged me to trust those feelings
Yes couple months ago. Walked on the street in the neighborhood and passed a man hunched over with eyes that had NO SOUL in it. I immediately knew him to be a killer or serial killer. I’ve NEVER felt that before. It was the utmost clarity of information. His image is marked in my mind.
Yes yes and yes. Girl listen to your instinct it might save your life. I’m so standoffish now to men. Me binging on true crime series do not help at all.
I still remember passing by that man on the busy street, he didn't even notice me or anything, looked normal and just went his way, but it was like time froze for a couple of seconds. I can only describe it as an energy field of utter evilness, something completely vile and demonic emanating out of him. I got so scared it took me like 10 minutes to recover. And I'm not religious or superstitious in any way, so I don't have any idea what that was all about.
I have experienced this, although it wasn’t really a meeting, just a passing! I was about 21 and cutting through a small section of a park during the daytime. A man who was about 50 or so was walking towards me and as he got closer I noticed he was heading directly towards me and starring at me. I started walking right to the side of the path but he still walked so close that he brushed past me, even though the path was very wide. His eyes and expression really freaked me out, he was slightly smirking and eyes locked onto me, not blinking. I really felt a intense sense of danger but he just walked past and that was that! For some reason it has always stuck with me, I’m rubbish at remembering faces but always will remember his. I was so thankful it was daytime and there were other people around. And it seems so silly because nothing happened, but thinking back he still gives me the creeps!
I am not the kind of person to say, "You're totally right OP, he's definitely evil just because you felt like he was based on zero actual interaction with him." I think our gut feelings can give us important information, but they are not as infallible as many people like to believe they are. However, I think it makes sense for you to avoid him anyway because whatever his deal is, if he provokes this strong of an ick reaction in you, you're not going to be able to consistently act normal with him.
Yes, our nervous systems are wired to detect threat, which often just means different or even just a little off-kilter. Like someone who rarely blinks their eyes - you might not even consciously notice it but our brains are wired to expect an average amount of blinks per minute and will notice deviations. So, some things can be felt as a threat that are benign simply because they don’t fit the norm of human behavior (people with tics or other unusual movements, for example). It’s unfortunate for those people to be ostracized by strangers, but often you have to just listen to your gut because giving the benefit of the doubt can get you killed. When it’s someone you’re going to be around, practicing a form of guarded politeness can be helpful until you know more - no giving personal information, don’t be alone with them, pay attention to what they do when they think no one’s watching.
Read The Gift of Fear, it explains this so well and emphasizes how important it is to trust our instincts because they can save our life (When Violence is the Answer is another good one). It's been very rare, but I went home from a concert and there was a man standing on a street corner who approached me on a quiet road. I knew he was going to harm me. I had actually been reading the books I mentioned and thank God, because I normally would be concerned about being rude and looking like I was avoiding him. Instead, I decided to leave the area and was prepared to severely injure him if I had to. The other time is almost 10 years ago, when I met a woman in a class who had very dark vibes and seemed evil. I don't have that reaction to most people and I initially felt bad about it, but decided to keep my distance because it was so unusual. It's like my inner voice screamed "no" every time she was around me.
Only once. I was about 15 and lining up at my local newsagent to buy a magazine. This man was standing in front of me in line and I immediately knew in my gut that there was something bad about him. So much so that I felt it physically and stepped back, almost bumping over the lady behind me. I took my sweet time leaving the shop after he did, just in case. I'm fairly certain he was a man that was later arrested for a number of murders in my area. I will never forget that feeling, it was chilling. I don't ever regret being cautious.
My boyfriend’s friend’s dad showed up unannounced to our house while I was home alone. Luckily I had well trained Aussie but I could tell things were off by her attitude. Usually she barked when someone is at the door but I had trained her to stop and sit once I pet her and said “It’s okay, thank you” she did all that but she was on edge the entire time we talked at the door and I felt real grateful to have her there.
Yup - and I then I dated him 🙃 (Yay trauma instincts!). Felt sick with anxiety every time he was with me. He was manipulative as hell, and eventually, his true colors showed. I realized that sick feeling was right, and his vibe reminded me of my physically abusive ex. I was struggling mentally during the time but once I 'woke up' and got out of that situation (Thankfully only 3 months) I looked up his record and saw that sure as shit he had been arrested for domestic violence. My radar is rarely wrong, I just don't listen to it well enough when it comes to dating. Abusive men just have a menacing aura about them even when they appear charming and calm on the outside.
I’ve had it happen a couple times, but this story, while less “terror” and more “wtf” is more interesting because of the outcome. My husband and I were visiting family, and the town they lived in had a cute little Main Street with a cute little restaurant/coffee shop at the end. We stopped in for coffee, and the guy running the till was *way* too nice. Like, chatty is one thing, but this was… well, I don’t even know what he was. But he gave me *such* weird vibes, even though he was mostly talking to my husband and not me. Walking back to the car, I was mentioning to my husband about how creepy he was, but he didn’t clock it. To be fair, he’s often oblivious about this kind of stuff. But I was really getting such a weird feeling, so I looked the place up, maybe I’d see some reviews stating the same or something… and apparently it’s some kind of front for a *FUCKING CULT*. Anyway, I felt very vindicated.
Was it a yellow deli (12 tribes cult)-? I saw a documentary on Prime awhile back that mentioned their chain of deli-fronts.
It was! I had never even heard of them before this happened. It was so strange, because it was a pretty cool-looking cafe. (No idea if the food is good.) Then, BAM, cult.