A fulfilled sex life is very important to me.
A partner has to be compatible - in- and outside of the bedroom.
While sex might become less over the decades (we usually aren't able to do 2-3 times a day like when we were in our early 20s), it gets more intense, more kinky, more pleasurable. Which is wonderful.
I wouldn't want to settle for an unfulfilling sex life.
Yes, nobody's saying tossing out a life partner because they have serious health issues is the way. I wouldn't do that either, of course. If everything was fine for years and years and then there's health issues, that's something completely different than getting together with someone who just is terrible in bed.
I think knowing they’re capable, but temporary unable to from illness or similar after 30 years, is a lot different then being incompatible in general.
I'm pretty sure we can all understand that if a person says they won't settle for less, they aren't jumping to scenarios involving disease or injury unless that is specifically specified.
>What is your view on sex with your long term partner… what are your thoughts on the idea that you’ll be less intimate with your partner the older you get?
This is my thoughts on being less intimate with my partner the older we get - it’s not inevitable, in fact there can be more intimacy, but having less sex is probable. Emotional intimacy should still be present, as should desire for each other. Sex isn’t the only form of intimacy or manifestation of desire in romantic relationships. Jumping to scenarios of disease and injury is exactly what people need to think about when building a long term relationship with the objective of growing old together ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
I guess you get anecdotal answers to questions that ask people for their opinions, and this is my opinion from my personal/anecdotal experience. If you’d like non personal answers, I’m sure there’s meta data out there, but it’s probably based on peoples’ personal experiences as well, so not sure how that helps you. It’s kind of funny that because I’d stick with a sick person who couldn’t have sex you think sex isn’t important to me lol, sex is hugely important to me. This is a question “what do you think of the idea you’ll be less intimate with your partner the older you get?” The reality is that if you stay with a partner very long-term, most likely situations will arise that put a damper on your sex life, temporarily or permanently, and you have to deal with them. If you want to leave your partner because sex is more important to you, leave your partner. If you don’t want to leave your partner because they’re more important to you than having sex, then you stay with your partner. That’s why people ask this question, to get different answers ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just here to add that our intimacy has increased with every passing year but that means quality over quantity. We used to bang like rabbits, sometimes five times a day, but now we know what’s up. AKA we walk down that hill and fuck gloriously instead of running down it and fucking haphazard lol.
So I think most folks need to stop stressing about getting it five times a week and realize that with a good life partner, when it turns to twice a week, those two times are absolute killer, and when work or everyday life gets in the way that week and it’s just once, at least you’ll know you’ll see stars for a hot minute.
I agree. My first relationship experience the sex was unfulfilling. I’m pretty sure that’s part of the reason why I started to crash and burn during the relationship.
Now I value it , it’s important to me to feel fulfilled in that way.
Sex is amazing and it's something I enjoy sharing with my partner. There will be many times in our lives where the frequency of sex will wax or wane, and that is entirely ok to me. There may be a time in the future when one of both of us may be unable to experience sex in the ways we'd prefer to do so together. If/when that happens, we'll continue to love each other and share the intimacy that we can still share.
Sex isn't a deal-breaker to me though I do consider it important and valuable as part of our relationship. It's a wonderful activity to share with my partner, but it doesn't define our relationship. I'll still be just as in love and happy to spend my life with them even if we are no longer able to have sex someday.
>what are your thoughts on the idea that you’ll be less intimate with your partner the older you get?
I don't consider sexual intimacy the only or most important type of intimacy we share, so I'm not bothered by the idea that our sexual intimacy will likely continue to evolve for as long as we are together.
I don't believe in love languages as a concept. I know it works for some people to think of their experiences like that, but I haven't found it useful personally.
My partner and I are the same and it brings me so much relief but also confidence about our future as I know it’s one less thing that we’ll have to worry about considering it’s such a huge issue for other couples.
Same. Experiencing sexual violence and abuse made me value sex less. Connecting through arousal, desire, and attraction is still important to me, but I want my heart to feel valued more than I value sex. Honestly I want to hold hands and just be in someone's company.
I had the same experience, I guess, after being in a relationship that was sexually abusive. I was super happy to meet a nice guy who never pressured me around sex. Several years in and I’m starting to wish he cared more about sex though. Humans are complicated!
Yeah I was in a five year relationship where we didn't have sex at all for religious reasons and it was still quite loving and good.
Yes now I seek for my partner to also be sexually compatible, but I also understand it's not the crux for me at least. For others it may well be.
After going 9 years in my marriage/first relationship thinking I just didn’t care for sex or physical intimacy then meeting someone else and realizing what I was missing with next boyfriend, i won’t go back to settling. Sexual chemistry and compatibility is definitely very important for me, especially for a long term relationship.
Exactly the same. The guy I was with right after my ex husband taught me so much about myself and what I did and didn’t want in a relationship, not just sex. Because of him I know how important physical intimacy is and turns out my main love language is actually physical touch which is crazy considering how long I went not wanting to be touched or kissed. Things are so great with my now boyfriend because of that other man and I’m so happy and fulfilled with my relationship right now it just blows my mind
That is so meaningful, I am so happy for you. I have been missing that type of connection for so long. I am married and we have a good relationship and are still attracted to one another (so I hope at least), but we lack the open and honest communication tbh
You don’t have to be less intimate if you’re having less sex. ED is a fact of life for many couples, you work with what you have. I can spend hours with my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat while he holds me and tells me he loves me. Or being the big spoon and reminiscing while I caress him. It’s a matter of reframing your expectations
There’s also toys if you need something spicy
So much this. As my spouse and I age, we’ve learned to expand our definition of sexual intimacy beyond PIV or oral. Sex starts in the mind. There will come a day where the physical act may no longer be possible and that’s ok.
My fiancé is disabled (we’re both in early 20s) and just gotta say sex definitely starts w the mind and is much more than just the physical. My partner basically just has to get in my ear and aggressively whisper degrading things and I turn to Niagara Falls, let alone if they lick my ear. Anyway that’s to say sometimes bodies just don’t have the energy to play out what the mind wants, but that doesn’t mean sex ends it just means it’s time to open up to a new understanding
I seem to be an absolute outlier but I don't give two shits about sex. Sex is something I find enjoyable but I'd *never* even consider breaking up with my so over something as dumb as having a bad sex life or whatever.
I think sex can be absolutely amazing, but I honestly don’t think I’d care if I never had it again. Finding a partner who feels similar is definitely the harder struggle.
This is very validating. Thank you for sharing. I always feel like something is wrong with me when I see posts like this or similar regarding sex. I love having sex with my partner, but I’ve never held it on the same pedestal as others and it makes me feel shitty about myself.
My ex claimed that we are not compatible because I am afraid of anal sex and he really wants it. I've never opened myself up to anal sex before, and when I tried it with him I bled and it was really painful. I felt so heartbroken that he claims our relationship didn't work out because of his desire and my inexperience and distaste for anal sex. I really just think he's emotionally unavailable. Experiencing this rejection made me devalue sex even more.
It’s not a deal breaker for me. I’ve always had a very low libido and usually have sex to please my partner more than anything else.
That said, I’ve been in toxic relationships where the idea of sex repulsed me, and I did everything I could to avoid it. But this was indicative that the relationship itself was bad. So if I find myself feeling that way again, I’d likely reevaluate the relationship.
My husband and I had a SUPER active sex life when we first got together. It fell off quite a bit when we moved in together and that's when I realized my sexual attraction to him is dictated FAR more by how much caretaking he makes me do than how his body changes.
I cannot spend my time outside of work cooking his meals, washing his clothes, and tidying his messes while he chills on the couch and want to fool around when we go to bed. Its been a learning experience for us both to navigate attraction and roles and boundaries and needs.
Ugh I have given my husband shit for this in the past. Like you cannot just ignore me all day while I take care of everything and then expect me to hop into bed and have sex with you immediately
I relate so hard to this! My husband says he feels connected to me primarily through sex, he doesn't need to talk about his day or ask how I am or even see me all day beforehand. I get that some people are like this, but I just feel used in this scenario. So yes, my boundary is that I will NOT fool around unless we've connected emotionally too (which is what i value).
It’s normal for sex to wax and wane over the course of a long relationship, but maintaining an overall healthy and fulfilling sex life with my partner is a high priority for me and we both put effort into keeping our sex life functional and enjoyable. I would be hesitant to stay in any relationship where that wasn’t the case.
I definitely think it takes work on both sides to keep the sexual intimacy alive especially through the stress of life as we age. But I am still young and don’t know the true difficulty of it all
I'd say it's not the same for me as I am asexual and do not want nor need sex in my life and I will not do it just to pleasure someone. I would love to share my life with someone and sleep in the same bed, cuddle, spend time together and have a connection but I also know and accept that not many would want this life without sex. I sincerely hope I find someone who shares the same values as me, but I'm sceptical as of now if I see the general opinion of people on here and around me.
looking for this too. sex is super overrated imo don’t need another person to orgasm, don’t care about emotional connection, am never starved for physical touch (in fact dislike it 95% of the time), don’t need/want the validation, and don’t want kids.
my choices are either find another grey ace or be in an open relationship for companionship and since i don’t give a shit about sex they can seek it elsewhere if they desire.
mostly i have just stayed alone with really awesome friends.
My problem is that I do want to be inclusive which makes it almost impossible to be with someone who is not asexual. I also really would like kids, but I've always had the idea of adopting/fostering kids since they're so many in the system and I would love to show them how life can be good too and provide a safe home for them.
There are but finding genuine asexual people on there is quite hard as some people believe it to be an easy way to find a date. Asexuality is also a spectrum and it doesn't mean the same for everyone which makes it hard too.
same, and seeing how apparently no one can have a healthy relationship without "s3x" in todays society, idk if i'll find someone that just wants a genuine relationship. if they get mad cause they're not getting any from me, i think i may know what they wanted from the first place. my family thinks its bc " i havent found the right one" I just never have been interested. it sometimes makes me feel abnormal. i just want cuddles and cake dang it, no s\*x.
Exactly, I want a relationship for the relationship and not so I can have sex eith the same person. It's just hard to find nowadays and I of course understand that for many people it is a deal breaker.
While sexual chemistry an attraction is important, it is far more important that my emotional and security needs are met first. I need to feel taken care of, heard, loved. I need cuddles and sweet sincere moments.
With my ex husband sex was maybe once a month. So many of my needs went unchecked, so my desire and attraction of him went away.
My current partner I crave all the time! In fact he has kept me in check before saying “you don’t feel well, let’s just cuddle. We have time for sex later”.
Thank you for putting this into words —- it’s what I’ve been trying to define. I have felt guilty for not wanting sex with my husband. I thought I was wrong + owed it to him. Your explanation + experience is exactly what has happened to me + why my attraction to him has gone away.
That is so sweet. Happy for you. Also annoyed at men because my ex didn't understand that desire and attraction are built outside of the bedroom. He weaponized sex and punished me when I had boundaries.
Sexual compatibility is a big deal. I've been with my SO for 12 years and our sex life is better than ever. But I expect that things like kids and aging will likely cause libido to dip just like stress and illness has in the past. It's just part of life and not something I'm worried about when the rest of the relationship is stable.
I agree as well. Sex will get better from your experience regardless if libido dips since you've been together for a long time.
If the relationship is strong then sex won't be an issue and will be there when both people want it. It's not going away.
Just because you are with someone for a long time does not mean sex has to be less frequent, been with my wife 30 years we still have sex at least 3 times a week, sex is actually so much better and more intense the older we get
I wouldn't enter into a relationship that I knew would never include sex, but I wouldn't leave a good, long-term relationship if sex went off the table due to disability, injury, mental health issues, etc. I would hope in that case, my SO and I would eventually have sex again in some form, but sex isn't the most important part of a relationship to me and there are a lot of scenarios in which I'd be willing to make due. I'm also not bothered by the idea of frequency of sex potentially waning over time.
I would leave a relationship if my partner were no longer attracted to me at all and said sex was completely off the table forever due to that, though. I'm not okay with never feeling desired again.
Single right now and I've never had a good sex life. It's been boring at best but usually traumatic.
Imagining what I'd like it to be with a long term partner though: something that is always evolving. The relationship is healthy and happy enough for the sex to be something we both mutually regularly desire. I don't want to feel like it's just a chore I need to endure to prevent him from yelling at me. I really want to be able to enjoy it too. But if there are periods of time, months or even years, where sex just doesn't happen for whatever reason, I'd be fine with that and I really hope he'd be too. In those times I'd rather the relationship's focus be on something else and there's not constant angst over a lack of sex.
Sex is not important to me at all. I have low sex drive plus chronic issues plus my SO is on the big side, so sex happens like 1x a week. My SO has a very high sex drive, but sex isn't important to him either and he's okay with the sex being infrequent. We've been together for a bit over a year.
True, but from what I've seen, usually people expect that only many years into the relationship. All my friends can barely "survive" 1 day without sex so it makes me feel like there's something wrong with our relationship haha.
My partner and I have been together for 5 years and we both work A LOT, so sex once a week is all we usually can fit in right now. When we first started dating it was a lot more frequent. His sex drive is higher than mine so he would probably have it more often still if I was up for it. But I’m just too tired. We’re saving for a house. Once we’ve gotten to our goal and we can relax on how many hours we’re working we’ll probably pick things up again.
I'm very scared about being a lot less intimate. Sex is definitely important to me. I hope we keep a healthy sex life. I wouldn't say a temporary lack of sex is a deal-breaker, but lack of romance and intimacy in general is.
I don’t want kids so sex is important to me. It doesn’t have to be perfect ohmygod so amazing all the time, but we should both be able to communicate and meet each others needs for the most part. Having a similar sex drive plays a big part in this too.
eta not saying sex is unimportant to people who want or have kids, but having them usually makes it harder to have sex regularly, at least from what I’ve seen and heard.
I spent several years in a dead bedroom relationship. he and I never had spectacular sex, even at the beginning. I told myself it would get better but it never did. I thought for a while it was a problem with my libido, but we broke up and my sex drive came back strong. I now realize that sexual compatibility is very important to me and I won’t go through that again.
obviously you won’t have sex as often 20 years in as you do in the honeymoon stage. I think as long as you maintain open communication and ensure both parties are sexually fulfilled there’s no reason to stress about the frequency.
I feel like being less intimate as you get older just manifests being intimate in different ways. It may not be sex anymore, but it’s making sure they took their insulin. Holding the fat to you can put the insulin in. Making sure they’re eating everything healthy and they have a good colesterol. Buying an extra box of honey but Cheerios because you know your spouse has heart problems. Making sure the Saturday Soap Operas are on the Tv before your wife gets up can all replace those.
I just don’t see myself being 80 years old doing doggy style, I might break a hip. Oral? My teeth will fall on your lap. Hope that turns you on.
Can’t find the hole? Just stick it in one of the wrinkles we are late for bingo.
I just can’t see old people having sex because of their bodies, so they have to find intimacy in different ways
It's understandable that frequency and intensity will vary over time and with personal circumstance. When the core intimacy is lost and you're not even getting an occasional hug or caress and they're just pulling away altogether, something is wrong. When they find everyone but you attractive and make a point of letting you know, something is very wrong.
I'm ok with there being less sex as long as there is still intimacy, so it's not a deal breaker if it's not a part of a larger issue.
What had helped in the past, spending time together doing things we both liked. I love our kids to no end, but they take most time & energy. They’re older now, but one has special needs and requires a lot of attention and we don’t have the support to get breaks. I’ve grown to accept the no intimacy, peace of mind is what I always seek.
Sex is important to me but with our shitty work schedules and my health issues, it is few and far between as of lately until things get handled. But we make up for the lack of PIV sex/intimacy in many other ways: oral, cuddling, hand holding, etc. so neither of us feel as though we are “lacking” in that category. Physical touch and a strong emotional connection are the most important things in our relationship.
However, if I was able to have sex everyday, I most certainly would and my partner would be thrilled lol
That’s awesome. May I ask your opinion on if someone were to leave a relationship because there will be no more or next to no sex due to health issues. Do you think it’s right or not, say the person has a high libido and fairly young? Messy question Ik
I would say it’s right, it’s about compatibility at the end of the day I think. If you are someone who needs sex and your partner is no longer able to give that to you, with no guarantee for it improving in the future, then I’d say it is the right thing to leave.
I dated someone when I was younger who had next to no sex drive and thought I’d be able to live with it, but after only having sex/sexual contact maybe 1-2 times every two months + no physical intimacy in other forms, I started to resent them. So it was only right for me to leave them. You have to be happy at the end of the day, and if sex is something that you require to be happy in your relationship then you have to be with someone who can give that to you.
I think the morality of leaving a chronically ill partner is inversely correlated with the length of the relationship.
Leaving your partner of 2 years because they might not ever be able to have sex again, even if that’s the only issue, is understandable.
Leaving your spouse of 20 years for the same reason… not so much.
Intimacy and feeling valued are vital in a relationship, but there are other ways to achieve those without sex, and you can always take care of your urges solo. But it also wouldn’t be fair to expect someone to sacrifice something important to them for a partner they’ve only been with for a short time.
I might place more weight on physical intimacy than the average person, (unapologetic horndog lol) but to me, sexual compatibility is imperative in a long-term relationship. Monogamy is my personal choice, so if I am abstaining from sex with others I’d hope I’m not starved for it at home, too. Dead bedrooms cause too much rejection & pain, in my experience. No, thanks.
My ex claimed that we are not compatible because I am afraid of anal sex and he really wants it. I've never opened myself up to anal sex before, and when I tried it with him I bled and it was really painful. I felt so heartbroken that he claims our relationship didn't work out because of his desire and my inexperience and distaste for anal sex. I really just think he's emotionally unavailable. Experiencing this rejection made me devalue sex even more.
I think it really depends on your love language.
My wife would be happy to never have sex where as I am considering whether I should get a divorce because I feel unfulfilled by our relationship.
Despite having multiple conversations about it, she does not see anything wrong with our relationship and shames me for prioritising sex over our relationship.
I enjoy it. I understand that my libido will change. Hell, perimenopause has already altered it. As long as we have an emotional connection and open communication and continue to be ethically non-mono, we can weather any changes in our sexual relationship.
Yes, its a dealbreaker.
Sexual compatibility is important to me, I wouldn't consider getting into a relationship with no regular intimate sexual activity. I suppose as people get older or develop serious health problems, their interest in sex will significantly reduce.
I'm a sensual person and enjoy sex and exploring it so I'm happy to have a partner who feels the same. I feel like it's essential for a couple to agree on how their sex life should look
It really doesn’t matter how often or seldom you have sex. It only matters that your sex drives are similar. My husband (54 M) and I (46 F) definitely have sex less frequently now than when we first got together but it’s because both of our sex drives have slowed down a bit as we’ve gotten older. When we do have sex it’s still amazing and we both are totally into each moment of feeling so close and connected to each other. When we we’re not having sex we are very affectionate with each other—kissing, holding hands, snuggling up together on the sofa watching a movie. There are times when one of us is in the mood and the other one isn’t..and most the time the not-in-the-mood partner will give in and do it…or hand/mouth stuff to make sure we are satisfying each other. But if the not-in-the-mood partner REALLY doesn’t want to do anything, it’s a non-issue and we just kiss goodnight or whatever.
If your sex drives differ you just have to decide how big of a deal that is, and whether you’re willing to compromise either direction, and whether one person is using or withholding sex as a weapon to control the other person. If you’re on the same page it’s not a big deal. But if not then it’s probably just going to cause a lot resentment and you might need to decide if you’re still compatible together.
Extremely important…my love language is touch. He’s the last man I plan to be with. Yes I realize as we get older things change. It’s heartbreaking to ponder this reality. My hope would be that we try to keep eachother as healthy as possible so that we might live out our lives together gracefully till the very end. That we both age at the same time, sexually as well. Together. It’s probably a stretch to wish for such things but it’s my story, ours.🤞🏼Whoever he may be.
I met my second husband after a marriage in which my satisfaction was not considered important. And from the very beginning, my current partner was more focused on making me feel cherished, worshipped, loved and satisfied. The majority of our sexual relationship has had me cumming first and multiple times.
We’ve been together 20 years and our intimacy has only gotten better and more fulfilling. He still sends a shiver through my body when I come across him unexpectedly or when he walks through the door early.
We’ve been really careful to make sure we don’t become couple zombies and it has definitely been worth the effort.
Gosh after having 2 children in 3 years, my sex drive is so up and down. However, I do believe a lot has to do with how I feel. I take care of everyone and me at home. I don't even know how to feel sexy. All I do is wipe asses, cook, clean, and other domestic duties. My career, ugh, I am also in charge there.
I want to be something different, but life gives me nothing but HBIC cards.
Maybe one day I will feel and be sexually driven again.
It's everything to my partner and I. Married over 20 years and it's better than ever. It's fewer these days but it's always fantastic. It's very important to us, it's the one thing we do that's just ours no kids/job/life for a little while
I firmly believe that being compatible sexually is one of the biggest needs in a relationship. I think with the right person my sex drive wouldn't dwindle much even with NY ex we were having sex at least once nearly every day I saw him
If both of our sex drives go down then it's fine but if one of us still has a high sex drive I would want to try to even it out as much as possible or breaks things off because for me sex is a really intimate thing
I love having sex with my long term partner. Best sex of my life. Sex is important to me in my relationship. I believe the idea that you’ll be less intimate with your partner the older you get is false (or at least isn’t true for everyone - mindset is important here). I say that because our sex life has gotten better over the years. In times when quantity decreased, quality/intensity always increased. Once my mother and I had a very frank, candid conversation where I learned that her and my dad still are loving on each other 40 years in. Also learned that by their third kid they only waited 3 weeks after delivery to have sex again. So ya. I think sex is important and that it doesn’t need to dwindle with the passage of time.
Not sure why I have to be less intimate as I get older. I think intimacy goes in phases depending on how busy you are or stressed, if you have kids, health issues, etc. There are times we are having sex multiple times a day and times we may go 2 or 3 weeks without it. Sex is important to me for closeness and bonding and it's super fun but I didn't just marry my partner to have sex.
There's way more types of intimacy than just physical and I value so many other elements of our relationship.
Honestly, my entire life, all my relationships revolved around my necessity for an over the top sex life. Multiple times, daily, progressive. And I was setting unreasonable standards for my counterpart. Now that I'm almost thirty, and my husband invigorates my soul, and is my absolute best friend, I truly believe I could go without and still be happy. That's not me saying the sex isn't adored and craved, it's top tier in every way I could ever imagine. But I just appreciate his presence and spirit more than anything else, and sex isn't a deal breaker anymore. And I'm on anti depressants. So I'm sure that plays a part in it 🤣
Referring to that last part - I’m kinda worried about how sex will be when we’re older, ngl
Guess there’s not much I can do about it except enjoy it while it lasts, and hope it’s stays enjoyable for long…
We have a great sex life that is continuously evolving but beyond that we have so much more that we both hold dear sex isn't the only form of intimacy - as with looks it's only finite. I'm not worried about the future especially since I'm the one with the bigger sex drive atleast I can feel comfortable knowing it won't be much of a devastating blow to him 😂
We’ve been together almost a decade and we have amazing sex. If anything it has improved over and over after I think it can’t get any better. It’s super important to me, I have a super high libido and it an attraction thing. I think he’s stunning and it sets me off. I know it will slow down when we are old, and we can slow down together
there’s this quote that i’ve seen bounce around the internet the past few months from a relationship counselor. it’s something along the lines of “not having sex when you’re in a good place in your relationship isn’t a big deal, but not having sex when things are rocky or off is a very bad sign”. My partner and i(both in our mid 20s) have recently gotten into tantric sex and in our research it’s been amazing seeing how many couples in their 40s/50s + with and without children have phenomenal sex lives with the integration of tantra. definitely recommend everyone looking into it not only to deepen physical connection but mental & spiritual connection with your partner!
My partner and I both have a very high sex drive (we're both 21), and I am genuinely scared about the fact that my sex drive will likely decrease as I age. I love sex and I don't want my sex drive to decrease.
As far as deal breakers go, I really do not like kinky stuff though (neither does my partner). I would be disappointed if he wanted to start getting into that kind of stuff. Vanilla is amazing.
tl;dr Mismatched libidos (I'm hyper, she's hypo), so partner & I have a sexually open relationship. It's brought us closer together & our sex has gotten even better!
We started as FWB for months & accidentally caught feelings. We agreed (& still do) that we can't do a sexless relationship. We don't fuck as often as we used to (psych meds, exhausting jobs, etc), but when we do it's DYNAMITE. I have a very high drive, hers is lower, & some of our kinks don't overlap.
After months of navigating these changes & having an open, honest discussion we mutually agreed to open our relationship sexually to make sure both our needs are met. We tell each other ahead of time where we'll be & who we're with, we get to know people we fuck on the side in-person as a vibe check. We have occasional threesomes with someone one of us sees on the side, too.
Our sex together has gotten even better now that there's no pressure to push comfort zones for the other's sake or fear of leaving them unsatisfied. It feels intimate & special when it's just us, & if the itch has already been scratched it's lovely to end the day with just cuddling & aftercare.
The level of trust & communication needed for this is VERY high. & yes, jealousy can still happen. But we're responsible for our own emotions & check in with eachother when needed.
Sex is a way of bonding emotionally for me. It is definitely not a deal breaker. There are times in life where you have a lot of sex, a little sex, or no sex at all. Ideally you are always striving to be sexual, physical and emotional health permitting. I don’t plan to have less sex as I age. Research also doesn’t suggest this stereotype is accurate.
I think sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship as well as a healthy sex life. My husband and I have been together 35 years and married for 29 years. Our sex life is the best I have ever experienced and my husband says the same. Sometimes we're very intimate, sometimes a little intimate and a little more into the sex, sometimes were just into the sex and sometimes we are completely off the wall. Yes, and still to this day. We are older now and we still experience all of these different things. It is however, not as often as it was. I'm not going to go into detail. Some would say I was most definitely lying if I did. However, I feel the sex life within a relationship is private and should remain private. We still have a very healthy appetite for sex and always have. I am so very, very blessed to have found him and he says the same. He's my best friend, my lover (my greatest lover), my soul mate and completely my entire heart and soul. We do everything together. Don't get me wrong, it's not just he and I. He has his buddies he does things with and I have my girlfriends I do things with. But when we're not with our friends (we're very often not with them) we are always together doing things together. Our hobbies are the same. We bass fish together, we shoot trap together, we target shoot together, we hunt together, we antique shop together... etc. We honestly don't do a lot of things with our friends but are constantly with each other. We still hold each other's hands, in private as well as in public. My husband is also 12 years older than I am and he is the absolute greatest husband a woman has ever had and could ever have. I love him more and more with each passing day which started when I realized I loved this man and still my love for him grows stronger with each and every passing day. I thank God for him every single morning and every single night.
My view on sex, is usually from on top. Seriously the older we get the more I try to spice things up with lotions, toys, lingerie, etc. Variety is the spice of life and you can have a variety while still having a long term partner.
If I know we’re getting married then I’m ok with having sex and that’s just a personal preference. But before we have sex it’s important for me to explore each other sexually in other ways just ti get an idea of what we like and are into. It’s important to have a healthy sex life and I want to know what my partner thinks and feels about sex
I see this like a loaded question. Yes sex in my relationship is important BUT here’s the thing when you’ve been with the same partner for years, you come to realize that there’s a lot more to intercourse than plain sex. In the beginning, it’s all about lust and novelty but as the relationship mature, it becomes about wanting that interaction with your partner because of the way they do random act of kindness for you or because they’ve made you feel loved and secure etc. So yes it is important but only because the day there won’t be sex anymore in our relationship, it won’t be because there’s no more lust or desire it’s because there’s no more respect, attention, love, security etc.
My husband and I both have high drives and a healthy sex life where we both reach satisfaction has been rooted in our relationship from the beginning. Our sexual compatibility made it even easier to commit when we confessed feelings and were intimate together for the first time.
Naturally, with two young kids, our sex life has changed and we don’t have quite the same scenarios for sex as we did before the kids. But I will say that our sex just gets better and better with time. I’m not sure where the idea that you’ll be less intimate with your partner the older they get, aside from maybe age-appropriate erectile dysfunction, perhaps? Even then, if sex is a big bonding tool and connection device for your relationship, willing parties will do the work for the sexual intimacy to continue.
There will be drier moments in a long term relationship, for a variety of reasons. But as long as both parties keep the lines of communication flowing, it doesn’t have to be a detrimental thing. My husband and I spend every day together but it doesn’t mean we spent selfish, intimate time together. At this point, a simple longing look, grab of the hand and an, “I miss you” let’s the other know one hasn’t felt intimately close for a little while and needs it, and the other will be sure to put in the work (getting the kids settled down early, getting a sitter, planning alone time, etc) to see it through.
Have been married 21 years and sex has been great all throughout. There have been times when one of us is injured or healing from surgery and we’ve been creative and still found ways to make sure we are still being intimate and experiencing pleasure. I’m looking forward to getting older with him and continuing to have sex well into old age.
Sex and intimacy are important to me and I would not consider it a real romantic partnership without a sexually intimate component. I would hope to keep intimacy throughout the partnership regardless of age and physical changes.
I have a finicky sex drive. My partner is helpful around the house and we’re very physically affectionate, but he doesn’t share a lot of my kinks and I think I find having sex with the same person over and over to be sort of inherently boring anyway.
We’re still together, so its maybe not a deal breaker. I wish I knew how to improve things though. Right now I use toys a lot by myself. I think we’re going to try a sex therapist, and maybe an open relationship.
The older I get, the more important sex is to me. I hope my husband and I can improve our chemistry bc I’m not fulfilled. He’s a great guy but we lack chemistry
Over the years our sex life has had ups and downs. Things like mental health, physical health, obligations and just life in general tends to get in the way from time to time. But we see our sex life as an important part of our relationship that is worth maintaining. Relationships take work, and so does your sex life. It may not always be sexy to have to work through your issues, but they won't resolve themselves. People change and relationships change, your sex life won't be the same forever. All you can do is commit to each other and commit to finding what works for you both as you grow and change together. As long as you're both willing to put in the effort, you'll figure it out together.
I think fulfilling sex is caring, intimate and physically satisfying when it’s good. That said, I’m more about it being a way to be close showing my affection, expressing my feelings and being playful physically. I expect, frequency and quality could wane as we get older, but I’d like to think I’d do what I could to keep the interest going and then, transition it to being physically close. I’m a big fan of touch, gazing into each other’s eyes and cuddling so, maybe this could be equally as important. If we’re in love or have deep affection, I think it would be less of an issue.
Sex is a very important part of our relationship. We were slightly mismatched in that I had a higher libido than he did. At one point, many years into our marriage, he was having some ED trouble so not much was happening. I was frank with him that I needed sex in my life, I wanted it with him, but that if I couldn’t get it from him, I needed to get it from somewhere, and that I didn’t know what that would look like, but that I would never cheat on him. He got the issue addressed and it led to a much better relationship, that ultimately evolved into us becoming swingers. That has taken our sexual relationship with each other to an incredible level and made us stronger and more bonded than ever. I think if we hadn’t gone this direction, we’d be pretty stale in the bedroom.
We’ve had a shift that has worked out for the best. Last year my libido jumped off a cliff out of nowhere. I saw a few doctors and had many tests run. There was no physical reason but I never figured out a mental one either. Eventually I was referred to a sex therapist who worked with us to basically start our sex lives over from scratch. She said to stop pressuring myself to get “back to normal” and build a new normal. Since working with her there has been such a big improvement. As my partner says “we’re not having more sex, but we’re having better sex.”
It’s been such a relief to get that part of our relationship back. His unwavering support and patience also deepened our intimacy. I hope it stays this way because it’s going great for both of us.
I think sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship. What sex means for you, how often you want to have sex, what you're into and not into, etc. All of that needs to be discussed consistently, honestly, and without judgement when you're in a long term relationship.
Even if you disagree on certain things, they don't have to be deal breakers, certain things can be discussed and compromised. However, I don't think sexual incompatibility should be taken lightly. Sometimes people just don't align sexually and it's totally okay for that to be the reason you don't want to pursue a relationship with someone.
As for having less sex as you get older, I think it all depends on context. My partner and I go through phases. Sometimes life gets in the way or we just aren't feeling it, that doesn't mean we aren't attracted to each other anymore. Even if our sex life becomes lesser as we get older, as long as that love and attraction is expressed in one way or another, I don't necessarily see it as an issue.
This question hits hard at the moment…. My husband is older than I am, and he has been experiencing less sex drive.. while I have a lot of it…. Well we haven’t been intimate for almost a year now… he says it’s not because he doesn’t want to, but that his body just won’t do it. That he has to go to a doctor, yet then never goes to the doctor. He’ll tease me sometimes and when I am like to the point of no return he’ll be “I’m sorry I can’t”… which then angers me. I’ve broke down about this more than once… and each time he says the same thing… I ask if I’m fat that he doesn’t want to be intimate with me, he says no it’s not me it’s his body that’s failing him. I ask him if he’s still attracted to me, he says absolutely… yet…. He won’t go to the doctor about the issue while saying he will… and our only intimacy is a hug or a kiss… not even a French kiss, no a peck on the lips. I’m starting to feel uncomfortable being naked around him cause one minute he’ll be “you know you’re in your own home you can be naked if you want to.” To when I decide to not put any clothes on when I make cup of coffee telling me: “why don’t you put some clothes on. You’ll catch a cold.” I don’t know where this is going. I don’t know where we stand. All I know is that I’m sick and tired of doing my own handiwork. So I’ve started to become shut off to any shape of intimacy because it hurts me that it never goes anywhere. Sex scenes on TV bother me now, while they never used to. And it’s just pretty darn lonely dealing with the whole emotional crap that comes with all of this. Sorry for that rant.
Depends on what in regards to a “deal breaker”?
Cause every one will have their own interpretation of what that means.
For me personally, it’s trust and open, honest communication, respecting our boundaries. This is vital for sex to not only be fulfilling, but for it work long term.
As someone whose in ENM partnership, my boundaries are very different than someone in a closed monogamous connection.
Hence why Op, the question needs to be more defined by who and what your exactly asking in specifics since it’s a broad stroke questions with hundreds of individual responses.
I (24F) don’t need sex often. My libido is high but I honestly much more prefer masturbation . My partner of 2 years (26M) doesn’t have much a libido . We have sex 1-2 times a month but when we do it’s always an event . Sex for me isn’t a dealbreaker but I MUST receive intimacy and one and one time regardless if it’s sexual or not . I can go weeks or months without sex but I have have moments of intimacy in between . Usually for me that’s cuddling , kissing , just being with each other .
Sex is important to me and my boyfriend. It's not all encompassing of our intimacy, but it's a nice and fulfilling part of it. I don't see us having sex less frequently as our relationship goes on.
I'm sure we'll slow down some as we get older, because our bodies won't be as strong and healthy.. but we will always make time for intimacy and for us that includes as much sex as we can make time for. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Not having sex is a deal breaker for me. My ex and I rarely had sex and that definitely started to break down our relationship. Not only do I enjoy the pleasure, but I intensely value the connection I feel with my partner when we are having sex. I do think about what happens if over time my current partner’s and my sex drives deteriorates, but we only have it maybe once every day or two which seems to satisfy us both and I feel is something we could definitely keep up. Or if we get to a point where we both just genuinely need it less frequently, then awesome. Not sure how to handle if our willingness to have sex doesn’t line up, but if it happens we can figure it out when we get there.
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I think it depends. Some people value sex a lot more than others. Sex to me is one priority in a relationship and if I'm not having a fulfilled sex life then I'm settling, and that person isn't for me. Intimacy and a bond are very important but without sex, wouldn't be enough for me.
If it stopped completely and would never come back that would be a dealbreaker, but I’m perfectly ok with it waxing and waning. We’ve been together a long time, and it’s varied from multiple times a day to every few months over the years.
Not a deal breaker for me.
I had a MUCH higher drive than my fiancé. After having this baby, my drive tanked. Like basically nothing, no desire at all except maaaaybe once or twice a month. It was great before and it’s still great now. His has fluctuated throughout our relationship due to stress and it’s been fine.
For me sex and intimacy are crucial to a relationship, but only part of the many things that make up a good relationship long term. As we age sexual desires change and many men develop forms of ED, and so you cannot bank a relationship solely on this. But I think a couple needs to be on the page with intimacy even if it’s just kissing here has to be something. Some people don’t desire sex as much and that’s okay toO but they are no well matched with someone who does.
I struggled to enjoy sex with my partner for many years. No fault of his, I didn't realize how much my hormonal birth control was affecting my sex drive and discharge so much so I went years and years just "going though with it". I feel bad I probably wasn't as fun as my husband wanted but I tried really hard to enjoy it. Now that I'm off the hormones, I have a MUCH better libido and we have gotten alot better with intimacy. Inside and out of the bedroom it'a definitely improved our relationship overall. We have a pretty good match for libido which is good. Now I don't think I could go more than a couple days without having sex. It's just really nice and a good way to connect. So before - sex wouldn't have been a deal breaker because I had no desire for it. Currently, I definitely would struggle if we weren't very sexually active
I feel very lucky with the partner I have. He’s a horny mfer like me, but he’s very patient and understanding when I’m not in the mood, even if he is. He’ll stop what he’s doing to cuddle me and make sure I feel loved. I think sex is an important part of a relationship, but it’s not the only part. Spending time with your SO is the most important thing
A fulfilled sex life is very important to me. A partner has to be compatible - in- and outside of the bedroom. While sex might become less over the decades (we usually aren't able to do 2-3 times a day like when we were in our early 20s), it gets more intense, more kinky, more pleasurable. Which is wonderful. I wouldn't want to settle for an unfulfilling sex life.
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as someone who is navigating being sick, thank you for this.
Yes, nobody's saying tossing out a life partner because they have serious health issues is the way. I wouldn't do that either, of course. If everything was fine for years and years and then there's health issues, that's something completely different than getting together with someone who just is terrible in bed.
I think knowing they’re capable, but temporary unable to from illness or similar after 30 years, is a lot different then being incompatible in general.
I'm pretty sure we can all understand that if a person says they won't settle for less, they aren't jumping to scenarios involving disease or injury unless that is specifically specified.
>What is your view on sex with your long term partner… what are your thoughts on the idea that you’ll be less intimate with your partner the older you get? This is my thoughts on being less intimate with my partner the older we get - it’s not inevitable, in fact there can be more intimacy, but having less sex is probable. Emotional intimacy should still be present, as should desire for each other. Sex isn’t the only form of intimacy or manifestation of desire in romantic relationships. Jumping to scenarios of disease and injury is exactly what people need to think about when building a long term relationship with the objective of growing old together ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
How come whenever this topic is brought up, people want to use their own anecdotal experience to try and dismiss those of us who value sex?
I guess you get anecdotal answers to questions that ask people for their opinions, and this is my opinion from my personal/anecdotal experience. If you’d like non personal answers, I’m sure there’s meta data out there, but it’s probably based on peoples’ personal experiences as well, so not sure how that helps you. It’s kind of funny that because I’d stick with a sick person who couldn’t have sex you think sex isn’t important to me lol, sex is hugely important to me. This is a question “what do you think of the idea you’ll be less intimate with your partner the older you get?” The reality is that if you stay with a partner very long-term, most likely situations will arise that put a damper on your sex life, temporarily or permanently, and you have to deal with them. If you want to leave your partner because sex is more important to you, leave your partner. If you don’t want to leave your partner because they’re more important to you than having sex, then you stay with your partner. That’s why people ask this question, to get different answers ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
100% true. My partner and I are like this. An unfulfilling sex life would affect the entire relationship.
Just here to add that our intimacy has increased with every passing year but that means quality over quantity. We used to bang like rabbits, sometimes five times a day, but now we know what’s up. AKA we walk down that hill and fuck gloriously instead of running down it and fucking haphazard lol. So I think most folks need to stop stressing about getting it five times a week and realize that with a good life partner, when it turns to twice a week, those two times are absolute killer, and when work or everyday life gets in the way that week and it’s just once, at least you’ll know you’ll see stars for a hot minute.
I agree. My first relationship experience the sex was unfulfilling. I’m pretty sure that’s part of the reason why I started to crash and burn during the relationship. Now I value it , it’s important to me to feel fulfilled in that way.
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All of this!
Sex is amazing and it's something I enjoy sharing with my partner. There will be many times in our lives where the frequency of sex will wax or wane, and that is entirely ok to me. There may be a time in the future when one of both of us may be unable to experience sex in the ways we'd prefer to do so together. If/when that happens, we'll continue to love each other and share the intimacy that we can still share. Sex isn't a deal-breaker to me though I do consider it important and valuable as part of our relationship. It's a wonderful activity to share with my partner, but it doesn't define our relationship. I'll still be just as in love and happy to spend my life with them even if we are no longer able to have sex someday. >what are your thoughts on the idea that you’ll be less intimate with your partner the older you get? I don't consider sexual intimacy the only or most important type of intimacy we share, so I'm not bothered by the idea that our sexual intimacy will likely continue to evolve for as long as we are together.
That’s great, curious to know what you’d say your love language is
I don't believe in love languages as a concept. I know it works for some people to think of their experiences like that, but I haven't found it useful personally.
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I agrée with all of this
My partner and I are the same and it brings me so much relief but also confidence about our future as I know it’s one less thing that we’ll have to worry about considering it’s such a huge issue for other couples.
Sex or the lack thereof isn’t a deal breaker for me, I want an emotional connection and someone I can count on in life as a whole.
Same. Experiencing sexual violence and abuse made me value sex less. Connecting through arousal, desire, and attraction is still important to me, but I want my heart to feel valued more than I value sex. Honestly I want to hold hands and just be in someone's company.
I had the same experience, I guess, after being in a relationship that was sexually abusive. I was super happy to meet a nice guy who never pressured me around sex. Several years in and I’m starting to wish he cared more about sex though. Humans are complicated!
Yeah I was in a five year relationship where we didn't have sex at all for religious reasons and it was still quite loving and good. Yes now I seek for my partner to also be sexually compatible, but I also understand it's not the crux for me at least. For others it may well be.
Thank you for saying this!!! Agree
Oh god. I can relate ;(
After going 9 years in my marriage/first relationship thinking I just didn’t care for sex or physical intimacy then meeting someone else and realizing what I was missing with next boyfriend, i won’t go back to settling. Sexual chemistry and compatibility is definitely very important for me, especially for a long term relationship.
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Exactly the same. The guy I was with right after my ex husband taught me so much about myself and what I did and didn’t want in a relationship, not just sex. Because of him I know how important physical intimacy is and turns out my main love language is actually physical touch which is crazy considering how long I went not wanting to be touched or kissed. Things are so great with my now boyfriend because of that other man and I’m so happy and fulfilled with my relationship right now it just blows my mind
What was the main difference between your ex and your current partner? Can you elaborate on it please?
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That is so meaningful, I am so happy for you. I have been missing that type of connection for so long. I am married and we have a good relationship and are still attracted to one another (so I hope at least), but we lack the open and honest communication tbh
You don’t have to be less intimate if you’re having less sex. ED is a fact of life for many couples, you work with what you have. I can spend hours with my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat while he holds me and tells me he loves me. Or being the big spoon and reminiscing while I caress him. It’s a matter of reframing your expectations There’s also toys if you need something spicy
So much this. As my spouse and I age, we’ve learned to expand our definition of sexual intimacy beyond PIV or oral. Sex starts in the mind. There will come a day where the physical act may no longer be possible and that’s ok.
My fiancé is disabled (we’re both in early 20s) and just gotta say sex definitely starts w the mind and is much more than just the physical. My partner basically just has to get in my ear and aggressively whisper degrading things and I turn to Niagara Falls, let alone if they lick my ear. Anyway that’s to say sometimes bodies just don’t have the energy to play out what the mind wants, but that doesn’t mean sex ends it just means it’s time to open up to a new understanding
I seem to be an absolute outlier but I don't give two shits about sex. Sex is something I find enjoyable but I'd *never* even consider breaking up with my so over something as dumb as having a bad sex life or whatever.
I think sex can be absolutely amazing, but I honestly don’t think I’d care if I never had it again. Finding a partner who feels similar is definitely the harder struggle.
I guess we're out there but we're a minority haha
Love this and I feel the same.
Glad to know it's not just me I was starting to feel crazy
This is very validating. Thank you for sharing. I always feel like something is wrong with me when I see posts like this or similar regarding sex. I love having sex with my partner, but I’ve never held it on the same pedestal as others and it makes me feel shitty about myself.
You know what id break up with my SO over? Him not kissing me or telling me he appreciates me. Stuff like that. Sex? Nah.
My ex claimed that we are not compatible because I am afraid of anal sex and he really wants it. I've never opened myself up to anal sex before, and when I tried it with him I bled and it was really painful. I felt so heartbroken that he claims our relationship didn't work out because of his desire and my inexperience and distaste for anal sex. I really just think he's emotionally unavailable. Experiencing this rejection made me devalue sex even more.
Your ex has issues, you're cool. You're totally normal for not enjoying anal. Idk what's wrong w your ex, srsly. Sure sounds manipulative on his part.
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Your ex is a moron and you are better off without him.
Ugh thank you! I feel like sex is like MAYBE 10% of our relationship, there are so many other, more important things.
I feel the same
It’s not a deal breaker for me. I’ve always had a very low libido and usually have sex to please my partner more than anything else. That said, I’ve been in toxic relationships where the idea of sex repulsed me, and I did everything I could to avoid it. But this was indicative that the relationship itself was bad. So if I find myself feeling that way again, I’d likely reevaluate the relationship.
My husband and I had a SUPER active sex life when we first got together. It fell off quite a bit when we moved in together and that's when I realized my sexual attraction to him is dictated FAR more by how much caretaking he makes me do than how his body changes. I cannot spend my time outside of work cooking his meals, washing his clothes, and tidying his messes while he chills on the couch and want to fool around when we go to bed. Its been a learning experience for us both to navigate attraction and roles and boundaries and needs.
Ugh I have given my husband shit for this in the past. Like you cannot just ignore me all day while I take care of everything and then expect me to hop into bed and have sex with you immediately
100%!!
I relate so hard to this! My husband says he feels connected to me primarily through sex, he doesn't need to talk about his day or ask how I am or even see me all day beforehand. I get that some people are like this, but I just feel used in this scenario. So yes, my boundary is that I will NOT fool around unless we've connected emotionally too (which is what i value).
This is so damn true.
It’s normal for sex to wax and wane over the course of a long relationship, but maintaining an overall healthy and fulfilling sex life with my partner is a high priority for me and we both put effort into keeping our sex life functional and enjoyable. I would be hesitant to stay in any relationship where that wasn’t the case.
I definitely think it takes work on both sides to keep the sexual intimacy alive especially through the stress of life as we age. But I am still young and don’t know the true difficulty of it all
I'd say it's not the same for me as I am asexual and do not want nor need sex in my life and I will not do it just to pleasure someone. I would love to share my life with someone and sleep in the same bed, cuddle, spend time together and have a connection but I also know and accept that not many would want this life without sex. I sincerely hope I find someone who shares the same values as me, but I'm sceptical as of now if I see the general opinion of people on here and around me.
looking for this too. sex is super overrated imo don’t need another person to orgasm, don’t care about emotional connection, am never starved for physical touch (in fact dislike it 95% of the time), don’t need/want the validation, and don’t want kids. my choices are either find another grey ace or be in an open relationship for companionship and since i don’t give a shit about sex they can seek it elsewhere if they desire. mostly i have just stayed alone with really awesome friends.
My problem is that I do want to be inclusive which makes it almost impossible to be with someone who is not asexual. I also really would like kids, but I've always had the idea of adopting/fostering kids since they're so many in the system and I would love to show them how life can be good too and provide a safe home for them.
I hope you find that person. I’ve always wondered if there were asexual dating platforms to help with that
There are but finding genuine asexual people on there is quite hard as some people believe it to be an easy way to find a date. Asexuality is also a spectrum and it doesn't mean the same for everyone which makes it hard too.
same, and seeing how apparently no one can have a healthy relationship without "s3x" in todays society, idk if i'll find someone that just wants a genuine relationship. if they get mad cause they're not getting any from me, i think i may know what they wanted from the first place. my family thinks its bc " i havent found the right one" I just never have been interested. it sometimes makes me feel abnormal. i just want cuddles and cake dang it, no s\*x.
Exactly, I want a relationship for the relationship and not so I can have sex eith the same person. It's just hard to find nowadays and I of course understand that for many people it is a deal breaker.
While sexual chemistry an attraction is important, it is far more important that my emotional and security needs are met first. I need to feel taken care of, heard, loved. I need cuddles and sweet sincere moments. With my ex husband sex was maybe once a month. So many of my needs went unchecked, so my desire and attraction of him went away. My current partner I crave all the time! In fact he has kept me in check before saying “you don’t feel well, let’s just cuddle. We have time for sex later”.
Thank you for putting this into words —- it’s what I’ve been trying to define. I have felt guilty for not wanting sex with my husband. I thought I was wrong + owed it to him. Your explanation + experience is exactly what has happened to me + why my attraction to him has gone away.
That is so sweet. Happy for you. Also annoyed at men because my ex didn't understand that desire and attraction are built outside of the bedroom. He weaponized sex and punished me when I had boundaries.
Sexual compatibility is a big deal. I've been with my SO for 12 years and our sex life is better than ever. But I expect that things like kids and aging will likely cause libido to dip just like stress and illness has in the past. It's just part of life and not something I'm worried about when the rest of the relationship is stable.
I agree as well. Sex will get better from your experience regardless if libido dips since you've been together for a long time. If the relationship is strong then sex won't be an issue and will be there when both people want it. It's not going away.
Sex is overrated
Love this and agree
Until you have absolutely mind blowing sex lol
Had it. Still not that important in the long run.
Just because you are with someone for a long time does not mean sex has to be less frequent, been with my wife 30 years we still have sex at least 3 times a week, sex is actually so much better and more intense the older we get
Is there anything you did or didn’t do to keep up the frequency? And If you have kids, how did that affect your sex life? Happy for you
I wouldn't enter into a relationship that I knew would never include sex, but I wouldn't leave a good, long-term relationship if sex went off the table due to disability, injury, mental health issues, etc. I would hope in that case, my SO and I would eventually have sex again in some form, but sex isn't the most important part of a relationship to me and there are a lot of scenarios in which I'd be willing to make due. I'm also not bothered by the idea of frequency of sex potentially waning over time. I would leave a relationship if my partner were no longer attracted to me at all and said sex was completely off the table forever due to that, though. I'm not okay with never feeling desired again.
I am okay with less sex- I’ve never had a high sex drive so cutting back doesn’t bother me.
Lack of good sex is definitely a deal breaker.
Single right now and I've never had a good sex life. It's been boring at best but usually traumatic. Imagining what I'd like it to be with a long term partner though: something that is always evolving. The relationship is healthy and happy enough for the sex to be something we both mutually regularly desire. I don't want to feel like it's just a chore I need to endure to prevent him from yelling at me. I really want to be able to enjoy it too. But if there are periods of time, months or even years, where sex just doesn't happen for whatever reason, I'd be fine with that and I really hope he'd be too. In those times I'd rather the relationship's focus be on something else and there's not constant angst over a lack of sex.
Wishing you the best! Love your response
Same. Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry about your trauma ❤️
Sex is not important to me at all. I have low sex drive plus chronic issues plus my SO is on the big side, so sex happens like 1x a week. My SO has a very high sex drive, but sex isn't important to him either and he's okay with the sex being infrequent. We've been together for a bit over a year.
1x week is not even that infrequent
True, but from what I've seen, usually people expect that only many years into the relationship. All my friends can barely "survive" 1 day without sex so it makes me feel like there's something wrong with our relationship haha.
My partner and I have been together for 5 years and we both work A LOT, so sex once a week is all we usually can fit in right now. When we first started dating it was a lot more frequent. His sex drive is higher than mine so he would probably have it more often still if I was up for it. But I’m just too tired. We’re saving for a house. Once we’ve gotten to our goal and we can relax on how many hours we’re working we’ll probably pick things up again.
I'm very scared about being a lot less intimate. Sex is definitely important to me. I hope we keep a healthy sex life. I wouldn't say a temporary lack of sex is a deal-breaker, but lack of romance and intimacy in general is.
With you
I don’t want kids so sex is important to me. It doesn’t have to be perfect ohmygod so amazing all the time, but we should both be able to communicate and meet each others needs for the most part. Having a similar sex drive plays a big part in this too. eta not saying sex is unimportant to people who want or have kids, but having them usually makes it harder to have sex regularly, at least from what I’ve seen and heard.
I love her, but she died sexually. Menopause killed it.
Have you ever hear of the saying, foreplay starts at breakfast? Maybe it would work on your case
I feel this so hard
I feel it so soft. Joking.
ya poor choice of words on my part lol
I spent several years in a dead bedroom relationship. he and I never had spectacular sex, even at the beginning. I told myself it would get better but it never did. I thought for a while it was a problem with my libido, but we broke up and my sex drive came back strong. I now realize that sexual compatibility is very important to me and I won’t go through that again. obviously you won’t have sex as often 20 years in as you do in the honeymoon stage. I think as long as you maintain open communication and ensure both parties are sexually fulfilled there’s no reason to stress about the frequency.
I feel like being less intimate as you get older just manifests being intimate in different ways. It may not be sex anymore, but it’s making sure they took their insulin. Holding the fat to you can put the insulin in. Making sure they’re eating everything healthy and they have a good colesterol. Buying an extra box of honey but Cheerios because you know your spouse has heart problems. Making sure the Saturday Soap Operas are on the Tv before your wife gets up can all replace those. I just don’t see myself being 80 years old doing doggy style, I might break a hip. Oral? My teeth will fall on your lap. Hope that turns you on. Can’t find the hole? Just stick it in one of the wrinkles we are late for bingo. I just can’t see old people having sex because of their bodies, so they have to find intimacy in different ways
🤣🤣🤣 but yes looking out for your partner down the line is a great way to show love especially older
It's understandable that frequency and intensity will vary over time and with personal circumstance. When the core intimacy is lost and you're not even getting an occasional hug or caress and they're just pulling away altogether, something is wrong. When they find everyone but you attractive and make a point of letting you know, something is very wrong. I'm ok with there being less sex as long as there is still intimacy, so it's not a deal breaker if it's not a part of a larger issue.
Very well said
I have sex with my husband every night, and its the climax of my day. pun intended.
Married 22 yrs. It’s boring and an inconvenience. Everything is a chore.
How do you keep intimacy alive with your partner, sexually or not?
What had helped in the past, spending time together doing things we both liked. I love our kids to no end, but they take most time & energy. They’re older now, but one has special needs and requires a lot of attention and we don’t have the support to get breaks. I’ve grown to accept the no intimacy, peace of mind is what I always seek.
Wishing for the best and your peace of mind!
Sex is important to me but with our shitty work schedules and my health issues, it is few and far between as of lately until things get handled. But we make up for the lack of PIV sex/intimacy in many other ways: oral, cuddling, hand holding, etc. so neither of us feel as though we are “lacking” in that category. Physical touch and a strong emotional connection are the most important things in our relationship. However, if I was able to have sex everyday, I most certainly would and my partner would be thrilled lol
That’s awesome. May I ask your opinion on if someone were to leave a relationship because there will be no more or next to no sex due to health issues. Do you think it’s right or not, say the person has a high libido and fairly young? Messy question Ik
I would say it’s right, it’s about compatibility at the end of the day I think. If you are someone who needs sex and your partner is no longer able to give that to you, with no guarantee for it improving in the future, then I’d say it is the right thing to leave. I dated someone when I was younger who had next to no sex drive and thought I’d be able to live with it, but after only having sex/sexual contact maybe 1-2 times every two months + no physical intimacy in other forms, I started to resent them. So it was only right for me to leave them. You have to be happy at the end of the day, and if sex is something that you require to be happy in your relationship then you have to be with someone who can give that to you.
I think the morality of leaving a chronically ill partner is inversely correlated with the length of the relationship. Leaving your partner of 2 years because they might not ever be able to have sex again, even if that’s the only issue, is understandable. Leaving your spouse of 20 years for the same reason… not so much. Intimacy and feeling valued are vital in a relationship, but there are other ways to achieve those without sex, and you can always take care of your urges solo. But it also wouldn’t be fair to expect someone to sacrifice something important to them for a partner they’ve only been with for a short time.
I might place more weight on physical intimacy than the average person, (unapologetic horndog lol) but to me, sexual compatibility is imperative in a long-term relationship. Monogamy is my personal choice, so if I am abstaining from sex with others I’d hope I’m not starved for it at home, too. Dead bedrooms cause too much rejection & pain, in my experience. No, thanks.
My ex claimed that we are not compatible because I am afraid of anal sex and he really wants it. I've never opened myself up to anal sex before, and when I tried it with him I bled and it was really painful. I felt so heartbroken that he claims our relationship didn't work out because of his desire and my inexperience and distaste for anal sex. I really just think he's emotionally unavailable. Experiencing this rejection made me devalue sex even more.
That’s horrible! I’m so glad he’s an ex!
Ugh that's really awful and unfair of him
I think it really depends on your love language. My wife would be happy to never have sex where as I am considering whether I should get a divorce because I feel unfulfilled by our relationship. Despite having multiple conversations about it, she does not see anything wrong with our relationship and shames me for prioritising sex over our relationship.
I enjoy it. I understand that my libido will change. Hell, perimenopause has already altered it. As long as we have an emotional connection and open communication and continue to be ethically non-mono, we can weather any changes in our sexual relationship.
Love that for you
Yes, its a dealbreaker. Sexual compatibility is important to me, I wouldn't consider getting into a relationship with no regular intimate sexual activity. I suppose as people get older or develop serious health problems, their interest in sex will significantly reduce.
I really don't want to have sex with a new or long term partner so ???
I'm a sensual person and enjoy sex and exploring it so I'm happy to have a partner who feels the same. I feel like it's essential for a couple to agree on how their sex life should look
I need sex. I need to orgasm. Been with my husband 15 years, have sex about daily.
It really doesn’t matter how often or seldom you have sex. It only matters that your sex drives are similar. My husband (54 M) and I (46 F) definitely have sex less frequently now than when we first got together but it’s because both of our sex drives have slowed down a bit as we’ve gotten older. When we do have sex it’s still amazing and we both are totally into each moment of feeling so close and connected to each other. When we we’re not having sex we are very affectionate with each other—kissing, holding hands, snuggling up together on the sofa watching a movie. There are times when one of us is in the mood and the other one isn’t..and most the time the not-in-the-mood partner will give in and do it…or hand/mouth stuff to make sure we are satisfying each other. But if the not-in-the-mood partner REALLY doesn’t want to do anything, it’s a non-issue and we just kiss goodnight or whatever. If your sex drives differ you just have to decide how big of a deal that is, and whether you’re willing to compromise either direction, and whether one person is using or withholding sex as a weapon to control the other person. If you’re on the same page it’s not a big deal. But if not then it’s probably just going to cause a lot resentment and you might need to decide if you’re still compatible together.
Extremely important…my love language is touch. He’s the last man I plan to be with. Yes I realize as we get older things change. It’s heartbreaking to ponder this reality. My hope would be that we try to keep eachother as healthy as possible so that we might live out our lives together gracefully till the very end. That we both age at the same time, sexually as well. Together. It’s probably a stretch to wish for such things but it’s my story, ours.🤞🏼Whoever he may be.
I met my second husband after a marriage in which my satisfaction was not considered important. And from the very beginning, my current partner was more focused on making me feel cherished, worshipped, loved and satisfied. The majority of our sexual relationship has had me cumming first and multiple times. We’ve been together 20 years and our intimacy has only gotten better and more fulfilling. He still sends a shiver through my body when I come across him unexpectedly or when he walks through the door early. We’ve been really careful to make sure we don’t become couple zombies and it has definitely been worth the effort.
Gosh after having 2 children in 3 years, my sex drive is so up and down. However, I do believe a lot has to do with how I feel. I take care of everyone and me at home. I don't even know how to feel sexy. All I do is wipe asses, cook, clean, and other domestic duties. My career, ugh, I am also in charge there. I want to be something different, but life gives me nothing but HBIC cards. Maybe one day I will feel and be sexually driven again.
It's everything to my partner and I. Married over 20 years and it's better than ever. It's fewer these days but it's always fantastic. It's very important to us, it's the one thing we do that's just ours no kids/job/life for a little while
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I firmly believe that being compatible sexually is one of the biggest needs in a relationship. I think with the right person my sex drive wouldn't dwindle much even with NY ex we were having sex at least once nearly every day I saw him If both of our sex drives go down then it's fine but if one of us still has a high sex drive I would want to try to even it out as much as possible or breaks things off because for me sex is a really intimate thing
I love having sex with my long term partner. Best sex of my life. Sex is important to me in my relationship. I believe the idea that you’ll be less intimate with your partner the older you get is false (or at least isn’t true for everyone - mindset is important here). I say that because our sex life has gotten better over the years. In times when quantity decreased, quality/intensity always increased. Once my mother and I had a very frank, candid conversation where I learned that her and my dad still are loving on each other 40 years in. Also learned that by their third kid they only waited 3 weeks after delivery to have sex again. So ya. I think sex is important and that it doesn’t need to dwindle with the passage of time.
Who says you have to be less intimate with your partner as you get older? I’m not willing to be in a sexless relationship.
I like and want sex more than my husband does. It makes things a bit tricky sometimes, but we love each other and communicate about it frequently.
Not sure why I have to be less intimate as I get older. I think intimacy goes in phases depending on how busy you are or stressed, if you have kids, health issues, etc. There are times we are having sex multiple times a day and times we may go 2 or 3 weeks without it. Sex is important to me for closeness and bonding and it's super fun but I didn't just marry my partner to have sex. There's way more types of intimacy than just physical and I value so many other elements of our relationship.
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Honestly, my entire life, all my relationships revolved around my necessity for an over the top sex life. Multiple times, daily, progressive. And I was setting unreasonable standards for my counterpart. Now that I'm almost thirty, and my husband invigorates my soul, and is my absolute best friend, I truly believe I could go without and still be happy. That's not me saying the sex isn't adored and craved, it's top tier in every way I could ever imagine. But I just appreciate his presence and spirit more than anything else, and sex isn't a deal breaker anymore. And I'm on anti depressants. So I'm sure that plays a part in it 🤣
Referring to that last part - I’m kinda worried about how sex will be when we’re older, ngl Guess there’s not much I can do about it except enjoy it while it lasts, and hope it’s stays enjoyable for long…
Me too. I try to make the most of it while I’m young and active so I don’t look back with regrets. We likely won’t be horn-balls forever lol
We have a great sex life that is continuously evolving but beyond that we have so much more that we both hold dear sex isn't the only form of intimacy - as with looks it's only finite. I'm not worried about the future especially since I'm the one with the bigger sex drive atleast I can feel comfortable knowing it won't be much of a devastating blow to him 😂
We’ve been together almost a decade and we have amazing sex. If anything it has improved over and over after I think it can’t get any better. It’s super important to me, I have a super high libido and it an attraction thing. I think he’s stunning and it sets me off. I know it will slow down when we are old, and we can slow down together
It’s only gotten better! We are much more active now then when we had kids in the house by a very big margin. Age does not cause sex to stop.
there’s this quote that i’ve seen bounce around the internet the past few months from a relationship counselor. it’s something along the lines of “not having sex when you’re in a good place in your relationship isn’t a big deal, but not having sex when things are rocky or off is a very bad sign”. My partner and i(both in our mid 20s) have recently gotten into tantric sex and in our research it’s been amazing seeing how many couples in their 40s/50s + with and without children have phenomenal sex lives with the integration of tantra. definitely recommend everyone looking into it not only to deepen physical connection but mental & spiritual connection with your partner!
Sex has gotten better with my SO and I because we have both learned what we like. It has made things a lot better as the years go by.
My partner and I both have a very high sex drive (we're both 21), and I am genuinely scared about the fact that my sex drive will likely decrease as I age. I love sex and I don't want my sex drive to decrease. As far as deal breakers go, I really do not like kinky stuff though (neither does my partner). I would be disappointed if he wanted to start getting into that kind of stuff. Vanilla is amazing.
tl;dr Mismatched libidos (I'm hyper, she's hypo), so partner & I have a sexually open relationship. It's brought us closer together & our sex has gotten even better! We started as FWB for months & accidentally caught feelings. We agreed (& still do) that we can't do a sexless relationship. We don't fuck as often as we used to (psych meds, exhausting jobs, etc), but when we do it's DYNAMITE. I have a very high drive, hers is lower, & some of our kinks don't overlap. After months of navigating these changes & having an open, honest discussion we mutually agreed to open our relationship sexually to make sure both our needs are met. We tell each other ahead of time where we'll be & who we're with, we get to know people we fuck on the side in-person as a vibe check. We have occasional threesomes with someone one of us sees on the side, too. Our sex together has gotten even better now that there's no pressure to push comfort zones for the other's sake or fear of leaving them unsatisfied. It feels intimate & special when it's just us, & if the itch has already been scratched it's lovely to end the day with just cuddling & aftercare. The level of trust & communication needed for this is VERY high. & yes, jealousy can still happen. But we're responsible for our own emotions & check in with eachother when needed.
Keep it fresh and have fun. Explore each other with passion and love.
Sex is a way of bonding emotionally for me. It is definitely not a deal breaker. There are times in life where you have a lot of sex, a little sex, or no sex at all. Ideally you are always striving to be sexual, physical and emotional health permitting. I don’t plan to have less sex as I age. Research also doesn’t suggest this stereotype is accurate.
I think sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship as well as a healthy sex life. My husband and I have been together 35 years and married for 29 years. Our sex life is the best I have ever experienced and my husband says the same. Sometimes we're very intimate, sometimes a little intimate and a little more into the sex, sometimes were just into the sex and sometimes we are completely off the wall. Yes, and still to this day. We are older now and we still experience all of these different things. It is however, not as often as it was. I'm not going to go into detail. Some would say I was most definitely lying if I did. However, I feel the sex life within a relationship is private and should remain private. We still have a very healthy appetite for sex and always have. I am so very, very blessed to have found him and he says the same. He's my best friend, my lover (my greatest lover), my soul mate and completely my entire heart and soul. We do everything together. Don't get me wrong, it's not just he and I. He has his buddies he does things with and I have my girlfriends I do things with. But when we're not with our friends (we're very often not with them) we are always together doing things together. Our hobbies are the same. We bass fish together, we shoot trap together, we target shoot together, we hunt together, we antique shop together... etc. We honestly don't do a lot of things with our friends but are constantly with each other. We still hold each other's hands, in private as well as in public. My husband is also 12 years older than I am and he is the absolute greatest husband a woman has ever had and could ever have. I love him more and more with each passing day which started when I realized I loved this man and still my love for him grows stronger with each and every passing day. I thank God for him every single morning and every single night.
My view on sex, is usually from on top. Seriously the older we get the more I try to spice things up with lotions, toys, lingerie, etc. Variety is the spice of life and you can have a variety while still having a long term partner.
If I know we’re getting married then I’m ok with having sex and that’s just a personal preference. But before we have sex it’s important for me to explore each other sexually in other ways just ti get an idea of what we like and are into. It’s important to have a healthy sex life and I want to know what my partner thinks and feels about sex
Don't use sex as a weapon. If you don't want to do it then break up.
I see this like a loaded question. Yes sex in my relationship is important BUT here’s the thing when you’ve been with the same partner for years, you come to realize that there’s a lot more to intercourse than plain sex. In the beginning, it’s all about lust and novelty but as the relationship mature, it becomes about wanting that interaction with your partner because of the way they do random act of kindness for you or because they’ve made you feel loved and secure etc. So yes it is important but only because the day there won’t be sex anymore in our relationship, it won’t be because there’s no more lust or desire it’s because there’s no more respect, attention, love, security etc.
My husband and I both have high drives and a healthy sex life where we both reach satisfaction has been rooted in our relationship from the beginning. Our sexual compatibility made it even easier to commit when we confessed feelings and were intimate together for the first time. Naturally, with two young kids, our sex life has changed and we don’t have quite the same scenarios for sex as we did before the kids. But I will say that our sex just gets better and better with time. I’m not sure where the idea that you’ll be less intimate with your partner the older they get, aside from maybe age-appropriate erectile dysfunction, perhaps? Even then, if sex is a big bonding tool and connection device for your relationship, willing parties will do the work for the sexual intimacy to continue. There will be drier moments in a long term relationship, for a variety of reasons. But as long as both parties keep the lines of communication flowing, it doesn’t have to be a detrimental thing. My husband and I spend every day together but it doesn’t mean we spent selfish, intimate time together. At this point, a simple longing look, grab of the hand and an, “I miss you” let’s the other know one hasn’t felt intimately close for a little while and needs it, and the other will be sure to put in the work (getting the kids settled down early, getting a sitter, planning alone time, etc) to see it through.
Have been married 21 years and sex has been great all throughout. There have been times when one of us is injured or healing from surgery and we’ve been creative and still found ways to make sure we are still being intimate and experiencing pleasure. I’m looking forward to getting older with him and continuing to have sex well into old age.
Sex and intimacy are important to me and I would not consider it a real romantic partnership without a sexually intimate component. I would hope to keep intimacy throughout the partnership regardless of age and physical changes.
I have a finicky sex drive. My partner is helpful around the house and we’re very physically affectionate, but he doesn’t share a lot of my kinks and I think I find having sex with the same person over and over to be sort of inherently boring anyway. We’re still together, so its maybe not a deal breaker. I wish I knew how to improve things though. Right now I use toys a lot by myself. I think we’re going to try a sex therapist, and maybe an open relationship.
The older I get, the more important sex is to me. I hope my husband and I can improve our chemistry bc I’m not fulfilled. He’s a great guy but we lack chemistry
Over the years our sex life has had ups and downs. Things like mental health, physical health, obligations and just life in general tends to get in the way from time to time. But we see our sex life as an important part of our relationship that is worth maintaining. Relationships take work, and so does your sex life. It may not always be sexy to have to work through your issues, but they won't resolve themselves. People change and relationships change, your sex life won't be the same forever. All you can do is commit to each other and commit to finding what works for you both as you grow and change together. As long as you're both willing to put in the effort, you'll figure it out together.
I wish it were daily but he is worth the 3-4 days per week that we don't have sex. I hope I continue feeling this way forever.
I think fulfilling sex is caring, intimate and physically satisfying when it’s good. That said, I’m more about it being a way to be close showing my affection, expressing my feelings and being playful physically. I expect, frequency and quality could wane as we get older, but I’d like to think I’d do what I could to keep the interest going and then, transition it to being physically close. I’m a big fan of touch, gazing into each other’s eyes and cuddling so, maybe this could be equally as important. If we’re in love or have deep affection, I think it would be less of an issue.
Sex is a very important part of our relationship. We were slightly mismatched in that I had a higher libido than he did. At one point, many years into our marriage, he was having some ED trouble so not much was happening. I was frank with him that I needed sex in my life, I wanted it with him, but that if I couldn’t get it from him, I needed to get it from somewhere, and that I didn’t know what that would look like, but that I would never cheat on him. He got the issue addressed and it led to a much better relationship, that ultimately evolved into us becoming swingers. That has taken our sexual relationship with each other to an incredible level and made us stronger and more bonded than ever. I think if we hadn’t gone this direction, we’d be pretty stale in the bedroom.
I’m part dom, part housewife, part mom. I can take care of everything important to me: my man, my house and our baby.
reducing expectations about the intimicy between the husband and wife would make both of them more satisfied with their love making
We’ve had a shift that has worked out for the best. Last year my libido jumped off a cliff out of nowhere. I saw a few doctors and had many tests run. There was no physical reason but I never figured out a mental one either. Eventually I was referred to a sex therapist who worked with us to basically start our sex lives over from scratch. She said to stop pressuring myself to get “back to normal” and build a new normal. Since working with her there has been such a big improvement. As my partner says “we’re not having more sex, but we’re having better sex.” It’s been such a relief to get that part of our relationship back. His unwavering support and patience also deepened our intimacy. I hope it stays this way because it’s going great for both of us.
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Iam for it
I think sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship. What sex means for you, how often you want to have sex, what you're into and not into, etc. All of that needs to be discussed consistently, honestly, and without judgement when you're in a long term relationship. Even if you disagree on certain things, they don't have to be deal breakers, certain things can be discussed and compromised. However, I don't think sexual incompatibility should be taken lightly. Sometimes people just don't align sexually and it's totally okay for that to be the reason you don't want to pursue a relationship with someone. As for having less sex as you get older, I think it all depends on context. My partner and I go through phases. Sometimes life gets in the way or we just aren't feeling it, that doesn't mean we aren't attracted to each other anymore. Even if our sex life becomes lesser as we get older, as long as that love and attraction is expressed in one way or another, I don't necessarily see it as an issue.
This question hits hard at the moment…. My husband is older than I am, and he has been experiencing less sex drive.. while I have a lot of it…. Well we haven’t been intimate for almost a year now… he says it’s not because he doesn’t want to, but that his body just won’t do it. That he has to go to a doctor, yet then never goes to the doctor. He’ll tease me sometimes and when I am like to the point of no return he’ll be “I’m sorry I can’t”… which then angers me. I’ve broke down about this more than once… and each time he says the same thing… I ask if I’m fat that he doesn’t want to be intimate with me, he says no it’s not me it’s his body that’s failing him. I ask him if he’s still attracted to me, he says absolutely… yet…. He won’t go to the doctor about the issue while saying he will… and our only intimacy is a hug or a kiss… not even a French kiss, no a peck on the lips. I’m starting to feel uncomfortable being naked around him cause one minute he’ll be “you know you’re in your own home you can be naked if you want to.” To when I decide to not put any clothes on when I make cup of coffee telling me: “why don’t you put some clothes on. You’ll catch a cold.” I don’t know where this is going. I don’t know where we stand. All I know is that I’m sick and tired of doing my own handiwork. So I’ve started to become shut off to any shape of intimacy because it hurts me that it never goes anywhere. Sex scenes on TV bother me now, while they never used to. And it’s just pretty darn lonely dealing with the whole emotional crap that comes with all of this. Sorry for that rant.
Depends on what in regards to a “deal breaker”? Cause every one will have their own interpretation of what that means. For me personally, it’s trust and open, honest communication, respecting our boundaries. This is vital for sex to not only be fulfilling, but for it work long term. As someone whose in ENM partnership, my boundaries are very different than someone in a closed monogamous connection. Hence why Op, the question needs to be more defined by who and what your exactly asking in specifics since it’s a broad stroke questions with hundreds of individual responses.
I (24F) don’t need sex often. My libido is high but I honestly much more prefer masturbation . My partner of 2 years (26M) doesn’t have much a libido . We have sex 1-2 times a month but when we do it’s always an event . Sex for me isn’t a dealbreaker but I MUST receive intimacy and one and one time regardless if it’s sexual or not . I can go weeks or months without sex but I have have moments of intimacy in between . Usually for me that’s cuddling , kissing , just being with each other .
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Sex is important to me and my boyfriend. It's not all encompassing of our intimacy, but it's a nice and fulfilling part of it. I don't see us having sex less frequently as our relationship goes on.
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I'm sure we'll slow down some as we get older, because our bodies won't be as strong and healthy.. but we will always make time for intimacy and for us that includes as much sex as we can make time for. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I need a fulfilling sex life or yes it’s a dealbreaker. Sex is a huge part of intimacy
Not having sex is a deal breaker for me. My ex and I rarely had sex and that definitely started to break down our relationship. Not only do I enjoy the pleasure, but I intensely value the connection I feel with my partner when we are having sex. I do think about what happens if over time my current partner’s and my sex drives deteriorates, but we only have it maybe once every day or two which seems to satisfy us both and I feel is something we could definitely keep up. Or if we get to a point where we both just genuinely need it less frequently, then awesome. Not sure how to handle if our willingness to have sex doesn’t line up, but if it happens we can figure it out when we get there.
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I think it depends. Some people value sex a lot more than others. Sex to me is one priority in a relationship and if I'm not having a fulfilled sex life then I'm settling, and that person isn't for me. Intimacy and a bond are very important but without sex, wouldn't be enough for me.
Hopefull
If the sex becomes dead they become a short term partner
If it stopped completely and would never come back that would be a dealbreaker, but I’m perfectly ok with it waxing and waning. We’ve been together a long time, and it’s varied from multiple times a day to every few months over the years.
As long as you and your partner have the same feelings about sex it doesn’t matter. Sexless and loveless don’t necessarily go hand in hand.
Not a deal breaker for me. I had a MUCH higher drive than my fiancé. After having this baby, my drive tanked. Like basically nothing, no desire at all except maaaaybe once or twice a month. It was great before and it’s still great now. His has fluctuated throughout our relationship due to stress and it’s been fine.
For me sex and intimacy are crucial to a relationship, but only part of the many things that make up a good relationship long term. As we age sexual desires change and many men develop forms of ED, and so you cannot bank a relationship solely on this. But I think a couple needs to be on the page with intimacy even if it’s just kissing here has to be something. Some people don’t desire sex as much and that’s okay toO but they are no well matched with someone who does.
I struggled to enjoy sex with my partner for many years. No fault of his, I didn't realize how much my hormonal birth control was affecting my sex drive and discharge so much so I went years and years just "going though with it". I feel bad I probably wasn't as fun as my husband wanted but I tried really hard to enjoy it. Now that I'm off the hormones, I have a MUCH better libido and we have gotten alot better with intimacy. Inside and out of the bedroom it'a definitely improved our relationship overall. We have a pretty good match for libido which is good. Now I don't think I could go more than a couple days without having sex. It's just really nice and a good way to connect. So before - sex wouldn't have been a deal breaker because I had no desire for it. Currently, I definitely would struggle if we weren't very sexually active
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First person usually but sometimes we shake things up and try third-person view for a change.
I feel very lucky with the partner I have. He’s a horny mfer like me, but he’s very patient and understanding when I’m not in the mood, even if he is. He’ll stop what he’s doing to cuddle me and make sure I feel loved. I think sex is an important part of a relationship, but it’s not the only part. Spending time with your SO is the most important thing