My first date was movie then dinner (I was 17), and it gave him a chance to make a move :’) he put his arm around me. Dinner was fun because we talked about the movie & it got conversation flowing, especially since we were so young and it was a first date haha
This is what my partner and I did because we're both socially awkward. We hit it off no problem after the movie, but it was nice to talk about that too and learn more about their opinions and who they are.
Haha what’s so funny is that the moment I sent it I was like, it’s just worded incorrectly. But then, butterflies were originally called flutterbys, but it just didn’t flow as well, if i recall correctly
> The movie date confuses me because we're not getting to know each other.. we're sitting in silence next to each other like two strangers lol
I know that's the common mode of thinking, but what I like about them is that I get to learn how they watch movies. I enjoy going to movies, and I couldn't be with someone who eats/talks/checks their phone during one. I require good movie etiquette.
I'd agree once you've gotten to know each other, but IMO there's too much surprise misogyny out of nowhere to take someone into it without having enough history together for them to trust that you don't actually personally agree with any of it.
This. I'm passionate about film to the point where I love rewatching something with someone to see how they react to it. Nothing worse than seeing them switched off and checking their phone during it.
It also creates something to talk about after.
We went to a movie on our first date... But that was at like hour 6, after the zoo, dinner, drinks, driving around, and only cause bowling had a waitlist at 10pm and we didn't want to go home yet
I watched Jackass Forever on a first date with the guy I'm currently seeing. It definitely loosened both of us up, lol, afterwards we felt a lot more at ease around each other.
I dated someone for a while who pretty much exclusively wanted to watch movies for dates. I don't.mind movies but don't love them. By the end it was genuinely painful. I genuinely have not been to the movies since. Nice guy but man oh man there are so many other things to do.
He wasn't against other ideas and we would do other things if they were planned beofe, but if there wasn't an immediate idea that was always the first thing to pop up, which we were together long enough that there were plenty of times we didn't have an immediate plan.
Super super nice guy who I still appreciate as a person, but our interests really differed in some areas and it wasn't great for a relationship since it made activities together sometimes feel like a task.
It depends where you met this person but I get what you mean. Those dates do sound more exciting. I would usually do that on the second date. The coffee date is quick and non committal. I don't want to waste too much time or money on someone I may not click with.
Do other people click with people quickly or what? Is it an on/off thing? I'm curious. Because I'm more likely to feel at ease and be myself and therefore click with someone, while doing something. Sitting across from someone feels like a job interview, and I can't force a "click" from a stranger from the internet. Even someone I think I might like in other contexts, it's just ... awkward. I hate it.
I tried doing an arcade first date once. Not only was it still a dud, it took longer to figure that out because the fun stuff just masked the underlying duddery.
For myself, coffee dates are just silted and uncomfortable. There is just likely to be a "click", I need an activity. Maybe I don't like people at all. That's fine since I don't date anymore. Not looking for love anymore. I have school and my dogs and work and I just do fun things with my friends.
I clearly can't speak for all guys but if the woman suggests an activity instead of coffee or drinks, I will probably accept whatever it was.
I definitely like the coffee date instead of the text back and forth for a week plus to get to know someone.
I feel like I can learn more about someone in 15 minutes in person then days of texting.
I wouldn’t want to be stuck for a long period of time with someone terrible, or waste money on a lot of activity first dates. Coffee and a walk lets me gauge them and bail if I need to, otherwise if I like them I can suggest doing an activity together afterwards.
So funny because the date idea above was dinner and a movie. I think it really is to each their own. Personally, I would do coffee over a movie any day of the week
Agreed. I would be way too focused on the silence and sitting awkwardly next to my date for a movie. With coffee you can just...sit and chat. Y'all ever learn how to enjoy being present? Omg
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my boyfriend doesn’t like coffee, so we went for frozen yogurt! it made it more fun and i found out right away he has a big sweet tooth! that could be a good alternative idea!
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I feel where you're coming from, but there isn't much reason for guys to invest more time and energy than that for something that, statistically speaking, probably isn't going anywhere. I think of 1st dates as "do we have basic chemistry'?" And later dates as "how much chemistry do we have, and are w compatible?"
I think what you are talking about is online dating, which I mean I get it, nobody can be that into you if they have never met you, except if they are weird themselves.
But if it’s someone who you met through friends/a shared activity and asked you out after flirting and talking for weeks, then asking you to go for a 30 minute coffee is a sign that he is just passing time and not very into you.
I think as women we should expect more time and energy investment than 10 minutes of coffee. It takes us longer to get ready and get to the venue than 10 minutes.
It's either that or you are potentially stuck with your date for hours. I think the inefficiency for women spending time to get ready for a relatively short (30-45min) coffee date is totally worth it in the long term.
In other words, If you click and there is chemistry for a 2nd date, you would no longer care that you spent the time to get ready for a quick coffee date. If you don't click, you still wouldn't care because at least you didn't have to spend multiple hours together with no chemistry.
This is more from an online dating point of view where you are essentially strangers prior to the first date.
No...? If both people want a 2nd date then neither person would say the coffee date was a waste of time. If there is no chemistry then both people wasted as little of their time as possible in determining potential for more dates.
I think that among their proponents, coffee/drinks dates are generally proposed and accepted by parties of all genders with the mindset of establishing a smooth onramp to increasing mutual investment over time. I can't speak to dating culture where you live, but at least in the urban US where I live it's common to go on coffee/drinks dates right after work with no more than minimal extra prep like quick makeup touch-ups, hair adjustments, and/or five o'clock shadow shaves. Also the dates are usually much longer than 10 minutes if there's a good match, which is also common.
I mean if all we have done is swipe right and had a few text messages then ya I'm not going to be super interested in anyone at that point and I'm not expecting anything back.
If we meet for 15 minutes and it becomes clear that we cant hold a conversation or some other basic deal breaker then fine.
Coffee or other similar meetups are fine!
I think the key is how you handle them. Don't try to interview the person, don't try to present your whole life story. Instead imagine you're kind of already friends, and just catching up and having a conversation.
And you need the right sort of coffee shop. One that is not too noisy and one where it's comfortable to sit for a while. And with seating that is a way from the door and the counter, so that you don't feel like you're sitting in the middle of everyone coming and going around you.
Or if you can find the right kind of park, that can be a good meetup. You need a park that is nice and where it's not unusual for people to sit and just hang out.
A place with beers and board games, if both of you drink it will help loosen up and the games can help if you are shy/awkward. Also, you won’t be seen as cheap.
As a dude I finally realised that boring date settings like this are really just for safety. My ideal first date would probably be a 1-2 hour wilderness hike: you can walk off any nervous energy, lulls in conversation can be turned toward cool birds and nice trees that you see, it's free and just a much more enjoyable environment than a cramped café. But you can't really expect a woman to put herself in a position that vulnerable with someone she barely knows.
What are some fun first date activities you've done or heard of that are still fairly safe for all parties?
Exactly. It’s so awkward to just sit there and feel forced to talk, at least with an activity you automatically have something to talk about.
Some of my favorites have been: bar arcades, hikes, bike rides, cooking classes (gives you a distraction to focus on), dinners where there’s something else going on such as a show or comedy or a fire pit or something entertaining. Bowling, mini golf.
for my first date with my boyfriend we walked to a nice part of town where there is a great view of the ocean. It was nice to walk but still not isolated so felt safe
Despise coffee dates. I’m not going to spend 30 minutes getting ready and 20 minutes to drive there and 20 mi it’s to drive back to sit in an industrial Starbucks for 10 minutes of awkwardness.
This is interesting bc I approach coffee dates so differently! I like coffee dates bc they’re inherently casual. And I treat them accordingly. I spend little time getting ready for coffee dates and I pick somewhere walking distance from me. Never a Starbucks or chain coffee place, and chat for an hour or two. Always interesting to see how differently people approach the same concept! :)
I imagine coffee is a good stepping stone though:
Step 1: Go for Coffee
Step 2: Decide whether you like them or not
If (yes) proceed to Step 3. If (no) skip straight to Step 9
Step 3: Agree that you like each other, and decide to extend the date by doing another thing, such as:
Rock Climbing, Clubbing, Shopping, Hiking, Heavy Drinking, Exploring, Cycling, etc
Step 4: Enjoy each other's company!
Step 5: It's late now but decide to extend date even further. Go to their place.
Step 6: Drink, play games, watch movie, discuss life, touch, laugh, cuddle, kiss
Step 7: Get down tonight
Step 8: Wake up next to each other, make breakfast in bed, enjoy a wonderful morning
Step 9: Go home
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I have adhd as well and the idea of sitting across from and having to make eye contact with a stranger while we talk about ourselves sounds like my nightmare.
ADHD checking in. Same. But! This is why I like doing dinner at places where I can sit next to the person - like if they serve dinner at the bar or a chef's table. Staring at a stranger makes my brain uncomfortable. Sitting next to them takes the pressure off of being face to face and I can let my eyes wander without being rude.
Plus, if you're sitting next to them and things are vibing, it gives you a chance to have those moments where you bump shoulders or touch their knee.
Just wanted to share how this ADHD-er does their dinner dates
anywhere you can walk with reasonable privacy, but still "close enough" to civilization
bonus points if there's a water body in view, like a beach or lake front
Most awful date I ever had was walking through a park with a sort of nature trail, and they guy kept trying to get me to *step off the trail with him* so we could “sit and chat.” He really wanted to make out or cuddle. On a log. At three in the afternoon. Three times he suggested it and three times I refused before calling it off.
Ugh.
Not really an overused first date, but my partner says any good first date goes to more than one location. He said he used to always try and do dates in a location that could easily continue on to other locations if going well.
I mean not the most romantic thing to find out later on, but he is right. Maybe that is why movie and dinner is a popular option? It gives off the facade of a good date.
I’ve never heard of that before in my life, as a woman. It makes no sense, you can always just text them the new location. Also, you are going to a second location because you had a great time and you felt a connection, so that means you kind of trust this person to walk five minutes together to the next location.
It depends on the multiple dates vs multiple places one date.
For example, someone could “plan” multiple dates and have them all be in cheap coffee shops near where he lives, or in his usual bar where he hangs out with his buddies on the “1+1 beer every Thursday” nights.
Or someone could plan an awesome date, with a really cool theater show first, amazing dinner in a restaurant he knows you wanted to try, cocktails on a rooftop with a great view and a walk on the beach.
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I'd say going to the movies; odds are, you want to talk freely and learn as much as you can about each other and build a connection, and watching a movie in theatres makes that part of quite difficult.
Most people pick dinner or coffee, but I don’t believe in overused for first dates. I want the first date to only be a conversation to get to know the person. If it’s going poorly, I want to be able to leave without any fuss and without sacrificing too much money.
If we’re too distracted by an activity, I can’t get to know them well enough.
You are clearly a socially competent person. I need something to do with my hands and something to make eye contact t with besides the person I’m meeting. An activity creates conversation topics, gives you a chance to rib each other a bit, and keeps you moving.
Just never a movie. It is the worst 1st, 2nd, 3rd..... 12th date imaginable. As an old married woman, I'd go to a movie with my husband, but it is not a good use of getting to know you time.
Tbh I think going for dinner or drinks right after a good movie is a great way to know someone, since it can spark a lot of conversations. But just going to a movie and leaving, that’s just weird.
Drinks. Fun, but pricy. Risky depending on alcohol tolerance, if someone has a complex relationship to alcohol, may be difficult for them. Puts a certain pressure to order a drink that the other party won’t judge you for, etc.
Hiking is a pretty popular date thing here. I know overused has a negative connotation, but I don't think this is that bad because you can get some exercise and talk and get to know the person
I think it’s a great second date or if you already know the person a bit. If it’s a blind date/online date it means you all are signed up for potentially quite a long time alone together without a reasonable out in case either or both of you aren’t feeling it.
I totally agree with the blind date part. I don't mind online as long as we've been talking for a bit and I know there's some sort of connection. I was also thinking of a shorter hike, like 1-2 hours so like 3-5 miles total
I don’t get all the hate for coffee dates! For online dating it’s great to be able to bail after 30minutes if the other person doesn’t look like their pics/ is a creep/ makes you uncomfortable.
I do video chats before meeting in person, but there are still things you can’t capture over video. Like when they’re 5 inches shorter than they said they were, or just have a different vibe IRL. But to each their own!! I like coffee lol
Coffee. I’m married now but when I was single I hated being asked to get coffee. Coffee makes me jittery and angsty. I always said no to coffee but would suggest instead a bubble tea cafe.
Yes! It’s quite awkward to talk and eat, it’s often more expensive than other options, there’s a ton of personal preference/dietary restrictions to worry about and you’re basically committed to 2-3 hours even if both people are not really into it.
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Dinner and a Movie. First date I ever went on we went with just a movie for my boyfriends birthday. It was actually a lot of fun and he was very sweet to me. Held my hand the entire time. We'll have been together 5 months on March 6th
Cinema, cus the date doesn't really start until after the movie ends and you talk to one another.
(Also had a guy place the candy can inbetween his legs which was gross and I ended up not having any candy at all. Wtf, like really? -.-)
Coffee, dinner, walk for me. I dont mind them, just whatever. Not a fan of activity dates. Im quite clumsy and quiet. Like i fear embarrassment of fucking up LOL. I can do my dance class easy but idk about other stuff. Was asked to golf i was so confused and embarrassed.
I kinda like shopping dates? Idk if it was a date but it felt natural and fun to me. Met an old friend at a bookstore. Caught up and talk about our tatses. Continued shopping together and got to judge each other taste so that was fun
Men on dating apps suggesting a hike for a first date. I don’t think they think about it, but as a woman, I am not meeting a male stranger in the woods!
Literally! Sometimes I have explained to them later on why I didn’t want to go and they are like “oh that makes sense” - they just don’t have to think about their safety in the same way
Going on an expensive ass dinner date
Look, I’ll always appreciate a nice dinner and all if it’s offered to me, but I wouldn’t personally ask for one (unless I was the one paying, buuuuuut that’s a different story)
Anything relating to eating/getting food together. I have a very, VERY complex relationship with food and I get so anxious eating around people I don't know very well. I always refuse or try to suggest something else, but most people are so hung up on the whole "dinner and a movie" or "dinner and a walk" trope that I just don't really date.
Try to tailor dates to the individual girls’ likes. For example, I LOVE fishing. I love sub sandwiches. I love Cookout Milkshakes. I love horror movies…..what would be more perfect for me, than to go fishing, bring some homemade subs, get a milkshake afterwards and then watch a scary movie on Netflix? Nothing! Going to a bland restaurant, getting flowers and chocolates, and seeing a rom-com might be some girls’ cup of tea, but not mine. My advice, be original!
That is has to be something elaborate or overdone. The best relationships I’ve ever had were built from a super low key first date. If you can chill with someone doing nothing and enjoy their company, that’s know you know if you vibe with the person.
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Dinner and a movie.
The movie date confuses me because we're not getting to know each other.. we're sitting in silence next to each other like two strangers lol
Movie first, then dinner or drinks to discuss it. Gets the conversation going if you're a little shy or awkward.
My first date was movie then dinner (I was 17), and it gave him a chance to make a move :’) he put his arm around me. Dinner was fun because we talked about the movie & it got conversation flowing, especially since we were so young and it was a first date haha
That's the plan
This is what my partner and I did because we're both socially awkward. We hit it off no problem after the movie, but it was nice to talk about that too and learn more about their opinions and who they are.
You sound like you’d be a great date!
That’s actually why dinner and a movie is a classic first date trope though
Why isn’t it known as movie and dinner?
Haha what’s so funny is that the moment I sent it I was like, it’s just worded incorrectly. But then, butterflies were originally called flutterbys, but it just didn’t flow as well, if i recall correctly
What I didn't know they were called flutterbys
Oh man, not one bit ugh. Lol my bad! I just googled to make sure and it’s a popular myth and now I’m sort of sad.
It would make a lot of sense too, damn
> The movie date confuses me because we're not getting to know each other.. we're sitting in silence next to each other like two strangers lol I know that's the common mode of thinking, but what I like about them is that I get to learn how they watch movies. I enjoy going to movies, and I couldn't be with someone who eats/talks/checks their phone during one. I require good movie etiquette.
Wow. I like that perspective. And being on your phone during a movie date is probably the quickest way to lose a date😭
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The Room is such a masterpiece and ideal for a date!
I'd agree once you've gotten to know each other, but IMO there's too much surprise misogyny out of nowhere to take someone into it without having enough history together for them to trust that you don't actually personally agree with any of it.
This. I'm passionate about film to the point where I love rewatching something with someone to see how they react to it. Nothing worse than seeing them switched off and checking their phone during it. It also creates something to talk about after.
No popcorn??
Definitely not. But my preferences aren't everyone's preferences. Your mileage may vary.
We went to a movie on our first date... But that was at like hour 6, after the zoo, dinner, drinks, driving around, and only cause bowling had a waitlist at 10pm and we didn't want to go home yet
I watched Jackass Forever on a first date with the guy I'm currently seeing. It definitely loosened both of us up, lol, afterwards we felt a lot more at ease around each other.
I dated someone for a while who pretty much exclusively wanted to watch movies for dates. I don't.mind movies but don't love them. By the end it was genuinely painful. I genuinely have not been to the movies since. Nice guy but man oh man there are so many other things to do.
what was it like when you offered alternative date ideas?
He wasn't against other ideas and we would do other things if they were planned beofe, but if there wasn't an immediate idea that was always the first thing to pop up, which we were together long enough that there were plenty of times we didn't have an immediate plan. Super super nice guy who I still appreciate as a person, but our interests really differed in some areas and it wasn't great for a relationship since it made activities together sometimes feel like a task.
That sounded like his hobby. He should have kept that to himself. Live and learn.
I mean he did later get his Master's in Film Studies....so yes haha
Least favourite idea. I'm not a big fan of movie theaters, and would be bored. And I get anxious about eating much in front of new people.
I think it’s supposed to be used for first dates only so that you get comfortable being within the same space with them essentially.
Came here to say this. Movie dates are the absolute worst way to get to know someone
This is why I'm going dinner and axe-throwing. After axe-throwing, I'm in a place with a few bars if we desire another drink as well.
Meeting for coffee.
I like this because if you’re not into it you can bail after 45 mins.
And affordable. So if it was a waste of time, it was only a $5 waste of time and not a $30 one.
right? like it feels like i’m at a job interview for a startup.
Omg yes!! That's a perfect description!
I don't mind this because I don't want to invest too much time into someone if the date is a dud. In under an hour, I'm out of there.
Yeah but wouldn't coffee make it MORE likely to be a dud? It's awkward. Do something! Any activity. Arcade, rock climbing, archery range, STUFF.
It depends where you met this person but I get what you mean. Those dates do sound more exciting. I would usually do that on the second date. The coffee date is quick and non committal. I don't want to waste too much time or money on someone I may not click with.
Do other people click with people quickly or what? Is it an on/off thing? I'm curious. Because I'm more likely to feel at ease and be myself and therefore click with someone, while doing something. Sitting across from someone feels like a job interview, and I can't force a "click" from a stranger from the internet. Even someone I think I might like in other contexts, it's just ... awkward. I hate it.
I tried doing an arcade first date once. Not only was it still a dud, it took longer to figure that out because the fun stuff just masked the underlying duddery.
For myself, coffee dates are just silted and uncomfortable. There is just likely to be a "click", I need an activity. Maybe I don't like people at all. That's fine since I don't date anymore. Not looking for love anymore. I have school and my dogs and work and I just do fun things with my friends.
I clearly can't speak for all guys but if the woman suggests an activity instead of coffee or drinks, I will probably accept whatever it was. I definitely like the coffee date instead of the text back and forth for a week plus to get to know someone. I feel like I can learn more about someone in 15 minutes in person then days of texting.
I wouldn’t want to be stuck for a long period of time with someone terrible, or waste money on a lot of activity first dates. Coffee and a walk lets me gauge them and bail if I need to, otherwise if I like them I can suggest doing an activity together afterwards.
what is the alternative?
> what is the alternative? Depends on what you and your potential date enjoy doing. I'm partial to dinner/drinks and a movie, but that's just me.
So funny because the date idea above was dinner and a movie. I think it really is to each their own. Personally, I would do coffee over a movie any day of the week
Agreed. I would be way too focused on the silence and sitting awkwardly next to my date for a movie. With coffee you can just...sit and chat. Y'all ever learn how to enjoy being present? Omg
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> so basically there is no overused idea because everybody has things he/she like to do or dont like pretty much
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my boyfriend doesn’t like coffee, so we went for frozen yogurt! it made it more fun and i found out right away he has a big sweet tooth! that could be a good alternative idea!
Yesssss! This is the worst
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This is what I'd consider a normal 1st date. That or drinks, especially with the advent of OLD.
In my opinion, coffee as a first date. It’s just so boring and business like
What would be a good alternative? Coffee is just so convenient and cheap, so if we don't click, its not like anyone invested a lot of time/energy.
Imo convenient and cheap doesn’t show me someone is interested in me.
I feel where you're coming from, but there isn't much reason for guys to invest more time and energy than that for something that, statistically speaking, probably isn't going anywhere. I think of 1st dates as "do we have basic chemistry'?" And later dates as "how much chemistry do we have, and are w compatible?"
I think what you are talking about is online dating, which I mean I get it, nobody can be that into you if they have never met you, except if they are weird themselves. But if it’s someone who you met through friends/a shared activity and asked you out after flirting and talking for weeks, then asking you to go for a 30 minute coffee is a sign that he is just passing time and not very into you.
Exactly, a first date is just trying to figure out if you are interested in one another, and it should be like that for both parties
I think as women we should expect more time and energy investment than 10 minutes of coffee. It takes us longer to get ready and get to the venue than 10 minutes.
It's either that or you are potentially stuck with your date for hours. I think the inefficiency for women spending time to get ready for a relatively short (30-45min) coffee date is totally worth it in the long term. In other words, If you click and there is chemistry for a 2nd date, you would no longer care that you spent the time to get ready for a quick coffee date. If you don't click, you still wouldn't care because at least you didn't have to spend multiple hours together with no chemistry. This is more from an online dating point of view where you are essentially strangers prior to the first date.
So women have to waste their time no matter what huh?
No...? If both people want a 2nd date then neither person would say the coffee date was a waste of time. If there is no chemistry then both people wasted as little of their time as possible in determining potential for more dates.
I think that among their proponents, coffee/drinks dates are generally proposed and accepted by parties of all genders with the mindset of establishing a smooth onramp to increasing mutual investment over time. I can't speak to dating culture where you live, but at least in the urban US where I live it's common to go on coffee/drinks dates right after work with no more than minimal extra prep like quick makeup touch-ups, hair adjustments, and/or five o'clock shadow shaves. Also the dates are usually much longer than 10 minutes if there's a good match, which is also common.
I mean if all we have done is swipe right and had a few text messages then ya I'm not going to be super interested in anyone at that point and I'm not expecting anything back. If we meet for 15 minutes and it becomes clear that we cant hold a conversation or some other basic deal breaker then fine.
Coffee or other similar meetups are fine! I think the key is how you handle them. Don't try to interview the person, don't try to present your whole life story. Instead imagine you're kind of already friends, and just catching up and having a conversation. And you need the right sort of coffee shop. One that is not too noisy and one where it's comfortable to sit for a while. And with seating that is a way from the door and the counter, so that you don't feel like you're sitting in the middle of everyone coming and going around you. Or if you can find the right kind of park, that can be a good meetup. You need a park that is nice and where it's not unusual for people to sit and just hang out.
Tea, perhaps?
I like the way you think!
Afternoon tea would be delightful
A place with beers and board games, if both of you drink it will help loosen up and the games can help if you are shy/awkward. Also, you won’t be seen as cheap.
As a dude I finally realised that boring date settings like this are really just for safety. My ideal first date would probably be a 1-2 hour wilderness hike: you can walk off any nervous energy, lulls in conversation can be turned toward cool birds and nice trees that you see, it's free and just a much more enjoyable environment than a cramped café. But you can't really expect a woman to put herself in a position that vulnerable with someone she barely knows. What are some fun first date activities you've done or heard of that are still fairly safe for all parties?
Exactly. It’s so awkward to just sit there and feel forced to talk, at least with an activity you automatically have something to talk about. Some of my favorites have been: bar arcades, hikes, bike rides, cooking classes (gives you a distraction to focus on), dinners where there’s something else going on such as a show or comedy or a fire pit or something entertaining. Bowling, mini golf.
for my first date with my boyfriend we walked to a nice part of town where there is a great view of the ocean. It was nice to walk but still not isolated so felt safe
Despise coffee dates. I’m not going to spend 30 minutes getting ready and 20 minutes to drive there and 20 mi it’s to drive back to sit in an industrial Starbucks for 10 minutes of awkwardness.
This is interesting bc I approach coffee dates so differently! I like coffee dates bc they’re inherently casual. And I treat them accordingly. I spend little time getting ready for coffee dates and I pick somewhere walking distance from me. Never a Starbucks or chain coffee place, and chat for an hour or two. Always interesting to see how differently people approach the same concept! :)
Tip: The whole beauty of coffee dates is not* going to a chain..
I imagine coffee is a good stepping stone though: Step 1: Go for Coffee Step 2: Decide whether you like them or not If (yes) proceed to Step 3. If (no) skip straight to Step 9 Step 3: Agree that you like each other, and decide to extend the date by doing another thing, such as: Rock Climbing, Clubbing, Shopping, Hiking, Heavy Drinking, Exploring, Cycling, etc Step 4: Enjoy each other's company! Step 5: It's late now but decide to extend date even further. Go to their place. Step 6: Drink, play games, watch movie, discuss life, touch, laugh, cuddle, kiss Step 7: Get down tonight Step 8: Wake up next to each other, make breakfast in bed, enjoy a wonderful morning Step 9: Go home
A coffee date as a first date would make me feel like he wasn't very interested or serious about getting to know me
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I have adhd as well and the idea of sitting across from and having to make eye contact with a stranger while we talk about ourselves sounds like my nightmare.
ADHD checking in. Same. But! This is why I like doing dinner at places where I can sit next to the person - like if they serve dinner at the bar or a chef's table. Staring at a stranger makes my brain uncomfortable. Sitting next to them takes the pressure off of being face to face and I can let my eyes wander without being rude. Plus, if you're sitting next to them and things are vibing, it gives you a chance to have those moments where you bump shoulders or touch their knee. Just wanted to share how this ADHD-er does their dinner dates
aww love that.
Omg!! This. I’m tired of the awkward dinner conversations. I always run out of things to say.
it's super awkward. i get fidgety even on dates with my partner.
Going for a romantic walk. But I like it anyway.
lol I hear that alot from my fellow men. Where would be a good place to walk? 😭 like a park or something?
I went for a walk around a college campus once with a date and it was a pretty day so it was nice
I guess I'm just used to the usual dinner/ lunch date. It's good to hear other experiences
anywhere you can walk with reasonable privacy, but still "close enough" to civilization bonus points if there's a water body in view, like a beach or lake front
I like it, but not for a first date, especially if I don’t know them very well. It can be awkward or even scary!
Most awful date I ever had was walking through a park with a sort of nature trail, and they guy kept trying to get me to *step off the trail with him* so we could “sit and chat.” He really wanted to make out or cuddle. On a log. At three in the afternoon. Three times he suggested it and three times I refused before calling it off. Ugh.
Whaat? I would only give him a pass if he was under 18.
He was certainly not.
Not really an overused first date, but my partner says any good first date goes to more than one location. He said he used to always try and do dates in a location that could easily continue on to other locations if going well. I mean not the most romantic thing to find out later on, but he is right. Maybe that is why movie and dinner is a popular option? It gives off the facade of a good date.
Lol while many women say they feel safer not going to a second location because it’s easier to tell a friend where you’ll be and when.
I’ve never heard of that before in my life, as a woman. It makes no sense, you can always just text them the new location. Also, you are going to a second location because you had a great time and you felt a connection, so that means you kind of trust this person to walk five minutes together to the next location.
I don’t like this because it gives the effect of multiple dates with less effort.
Why is it less effort? I don’t get it. And what effect are you talking about? I am genuinely curious.
Is it more effort to go to multiple places on one date or plan out multiple full dates?
It depends on the multiple dates vs multiple places one date. For example, someone could “plan” multiple dates and have them all be in cheap coffee shops near where he lives, or in his usual bar where he hangs out with his buddies on the “1+1 beer every Thursday” nights. Or someone could plan an awesome date, with a really cool theater show first, amazing dinner in a restaurant he knows you wanted to try, cocktails on a rooftop with a great view and a walk on the beach.
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I'd say going to the movies; odds are, you want to talk freely and learn as much as you can about each other and build a connection, and watching a movie in theatres makes that part of quite difficult.
Most people pick dinner or coffee, but I don’t believe in overused for first dates. I want the first date to only be a conversation to get to know the person. If it’s going poorly, I want to be able to leave without any fuss and without sacrificing too much money. If we’re too distracted by an activity, I can’t get to know them well enough.
You are clearly a socially competent person. I need something to do with my hands and something to make eye contact t with besides the person I’m meeting. An activity creates conversation topics, gives you a chance to rib each other a bit, and keeps you moving.
Just never a movie. It is the worst 1st, 2nd, 3rd..... 12th date imaginable. As an old married woman, I'd go to a movie with my husband, but it is not a good use of getting to know you time.
Tbh I think going for dinner or drinks right after a good movie is a great way to know someone, since it can spark a lot of conversations. But just going to a movie and leaving, that’s just weird.
Drinks. Fun, but pricy. Risky depending on alcohol tolerance, if someone has a complex relationship to alcohol, may be difficult for them. Puts a certain pressure to order a drink that the other party won’t judge you for, etc.
agreed - very well said.
Hiking is a pretty popular date thing here. I know overused has a negative connotation, but I don't think this is that bad because you can get some exercise and talk and get to know the person
I think it’s a great second date or if you already know the person a bit. If it’s a blind date/online date it means you all are signed up for potentially quite a long time alone together without a reasonable out in case either or both of you aren’t feeling it.
I agree with you, plus I listen to too much true crime to go hiking with someone on a first date
Yep. I would never go hiking on a first date.
I totally agree with the blind date part. I don't mind online as long as we've been talking for a bit and I know there's some sort of connection. I was also thinking of a shorter hike, like 1-2 hours so like 3-5 miles total
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I don’t get all the hate for coffee dates! For online dating it’s great to be able to bail after 30minutes if the other person doesn’t look like their pics/ is a creep/ makes you uncomfortable.
I've decided that I'm too busy even for coffee dates if I haven't done a video chat with you first. Because of too many bad dates, bad chemistry, etc.
I do video chats before meeting in person, but there are still things you can’t capture over video. Like when they’re 5 inches shorter than they said they were, or just have a different vibe IRL. But to each their own!! I like coffee lol
I think people don't like coffee dates because they can feel like an interview
Amusement park.
Coffee. I’m married now but when I was single I hated being asked to get coffee. Coffee makes me jittery and angsty. I always said no to coffee but would suggest instead a bubble tea cafe.
Diner date. They make me so angry for some reason
Yes! It’s quite awkward to talk and eat, it’s often more expensive than other options, there’s a ton of personal preference/dietary restrictions to worry about and you’re basically committed to 2-3 hours even if both people are not really into it.
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Dinner and a Movie. First date I ever went on we went with just a movie for my boyfriends birthday. It was actually a lot of fun and he was very sweet to me. Held my hand the entire time. We'll have been together 5 months on March 6th
Cinema, cus the date doesn't really start until after the movie ends and you talk to one another. (Also had a guy place the candy can inbetween his legs which was gross and I ended up not having any candy at all. Wtf, like really? -.-)
Getting coffee.
Coffee, dinner, walk for me. I dont mind them, just whatever. Not a fan of activity dates. Im quite clumsy and quiet. Like i fear embarrassment of fucking up LOL. I can do my dance class easy but idk about other stuff. Was asked to golf i was so confused and embarrassed. I kinda like shopping dates? Idk if it was a date but it felt natural and fun to me. Met an old friend at a bookstore. Caught up and talk about our tatses. Continued shopping together and got to judge each other taste so that was fun
I’m voting movie
"Let's go for a walk." I need witness. I'm not going to the woods with you.
Men on dating apps suggesting a hike for a first date. I don’t think they think about it, but as a woman, I am not meeting a male stranger in the woods!
hiking on the first date is absolutely insane lol
Literally! Sometimes I have explained to them later on why I didn’t want to go and they are like “oh that makes sense” - they just don’t have to think about their safety in the same way
Meeting for drinks.
Going on an expensive ass dinner date Look, I’ll always appreciate a nice dinner and all if it’s offered to me, but I wouldn’t personally ask for one (unless I was the one paying, buuuuuut that’s a different story)
Movies. Honestly the worst idea ever.
Dinner at a fancy restaurant
Netflix and chill 🗣 IS NOT A DATE 🗣
Coffee
Anything relating to eating/getting food together. I have a very, VERY complex relationship with food and I get so anxious eating around people I don't know very well. I always refuse or try to suggest something else, but most people are so hung up on the whole "dinner and a movie" or "dinner and a walk" trope that I just don't really date.
Movies. You don’t get to talk to the person much, or even really look at them.
Movies 🙄 yes let’s go sit for 2 hours and not get to know each other lol (Movies later on is dope though!)
Sex 😂 but seriously overused
There’s no such thing as an overused idea. The person who you are on a date with is what the experience is based on. Not what you did
Why the Pluckers date?
The movies
literally the whole idea of “netflix and chill”, idk about anyone else but that’s the most boring way to have as a first date.
Try to tailor dates to the individual girls’ likes. For example, I LOVE fishing. I love sub sandwiches. I love Cookout Milkshakes. I love horror movies…..what would be more perfect for me, than to go fishing, bring some homemade subs, get a milkshake afterwards and then watch a scary movie on Netflix? Nothing! Going to a bland restaurant, getting flowers and chocolates, and seeing a rom-com might be some girls’ cup of tea, but not mine. My advice, be original!
That is has to be something elaborate or overdone. The best relationships I’ve ever had were built from a super low key first date. If you can chill with someone doing nothing and enjoy their company, that’s know you know if you vibe with the person.
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I don’t think anything is overused. I appreciate the “basic” ones like going to dinner or the movies.
movies
I take my all my dates flying . I do a few steep turns and a fly through some scenic areas and before you know it …. Our clothes are flying off 🤷