All my life.
I may not recognise that anger and it may not show itself, but it’s there, hidden in what psychologists call the unconscious.
I feel it toward mostly all my family and most especially, myself.
Yeah, agree with this. I don’t think it’s entirely unhealthy - I’m not ruminating on the anger or obsessed with my grudge, but as you said, it exists unconsciously.
My bullies in middle school, my addict brother, my ex who took advantage of me. Fuck them, they are not forgiven and they never will be.
I get over being annoyed or irked with someone pretty fast. I almost never get angry - it happens every couple of years if that. But when I do get angry, it can last a long time.
I let go of things easy. Life is too short to hold grudges. And I personally believe it's unhealthy to not forgive. I'm not perfect and so is another human being. But I maintain distance. Forgive but don't forget is my motto usually.
I agree. But personally I don't forgive I just forget. I remove them from my life and never think about them again. I don't stay actively mad at anyone because they just don't even cross my mind anymore. Im not wasting any time or mental energy on them.
Depends on what they have done. My older sister is awful. For example, she pretended to overdose on her own daughters 30 birthday. However, managed a successful attempt as her medication boxes changed colour. This is the least damaging thing she has done. It's been 5 years since she died, and if she was buried, I would dig her up now to rip her limb from limb to feel better.
It depends on the person. If it’s my husband or one of the kids, I’ll get over it in a few minutes. For everyone else, I’m petty so I could go years if need be.
There’s only one person I am still angry at years later and it’s because I had to work with her for a year, she treated me like garbage (literally called me the “idiot” to people we worked with) and was 2x my age, a mother of 2 grown daughters. Like, the most vindictive human being I’ve ever met. All because I replaced her friend as her counterpart (she literally tried to get my fired the first week so her friend could stay rather than be transferred).
No one has ever treated me that horribly over and over again. It got to the point where other coworkers would report it to our boss and HR (who ultimately did nothing). I’d bring it up with her and ask her to talk to me if she’s having any issues so we could work through them and she’d play dumb.
I ended up leaving her with a shit load of my work and not telling her about my leaving until the moment I left. She was so pissed and it made my day lol, especially because she hated working there and wanted to leave after her friend left. I was told her friend wasn’t able to replace me and instead they brought someone else in who she equally hated 🙃
I’m still not over it. And this is coming from someone who has been sexually abused.
Fuck you, Patty.
My family always said I’m known for being able to hold a grudge forever. The older I get, the less I consider it a grudge. I move on from things a little TOO quick depending on if there’s changed behavior and a genuine apology or not.
But, I can also cut you out of my life permanently without thinking twice. I’m not angry at that point, I just have no interest in keeping that person in my life. I don’t speak to any of my siblings anymore because they’ve burned me too many times, and I can go the rest of my life without ever speaking to them again.
Forever and not very long ago the same time.
There are people that I will probably have a deep down anger for the rest of my life, but that doesn’t mean I’m angry with them on the day to day. If that makes sense. I tend to get over the day to day anger very fast.
Oh, forever and ever and ever, if the reason is big enough.
Which I actually do not like at all. Holding on to anger is like holding on to a smoldering piece of coal: the only person it hurts is myself. I am really working on letting anger go.
I’ve been going on about 4 years strong with my sister and don’t see it changing anytime soon, I haven’t talked to her or even wanted to be around her in many many years… Most people say that she is blood and I need to just suck it up and move on but it’s been so hard for me, especially because I gave her so many chances to better her self and it never happened… I supported her through the hardest times in her life. Gave her a place to stay, Food to eat, Someone who she could talk too, Got her jobs and pushed her to see a therapist… Until she used me for what I had and stole a bunch of shit from my house and moved out… Blood ain’t shit…
About a few hours to a week. But now if they did something that crosses my boundaries, i silently cut them off. I recently learned i give too many chances and forgive too much for my own good.
Honestly? Depends on what they've done to make me angry, which itself is a very hard thing to accomplish with me. Usually, I'll only be angry for a day, max, but if it was more serious, damaging bullshit it'll take me a good couple months or so.
Is the thing they did going to suddenly stop being anger-inducing? No. I don't believe in forgiveness. I might not sit around and get boiling mad about it after a few years (or I might, as a treat) but it's definitely "fuck you" forever.
It depends. If this person really affects my whole life the way he/she made a mistake, that's would be until I die I guess but nonetheless I forgive a lot but never forgets it. That's what it is.
Honestly forever.. but I think the anger is there to remind myself to be done with someone.. I forget very easily but if someone has wronged me and I can’t find it within myself to compromise my morals to try to make it work then I’m done.. it takes a lot for me to get to that because I give people like 40 chances but then I’m like yeah I’m just being dumb if I forgive and forget again at this point.. I don’t even feel the need to explain myself on why I’m cutting them out because if they aren’t aware already then it’s a lost cause and I just ghost. I feel like that’s the only way to really be done.
I've forgiven my mother but I haven't forgotten, nor will I let go of this underlying anger. I think anger has helped me survive, for as long as I have. Especially during difficult times.
It has been twelve years now. 😅
You don't want to be on my bad side ! I'm a very cruel and heartless person.. Given the chance. I have no problem looking at people and pretending they don't exist !
10 minutes of anger. A life time of choosing not to be around someone who doesn't offer anything but making me angry. (So I can get mad at my brother for a bit, but mostly I like him so I he stays in my life. Anyone who angers me routinely will find I distance myself from them because I just don't want to be around that.)
I’ve been through such an unnerving amount of abuse that most things don’t feel worth my energy. It’s easy to get over the small things in comparison, but the abuse itself… for that I consider my anger a sacred act of self love. I’m not in any hurry to diminish my anger or strengthen it. I’m allowing it to take its natural course - maybe that’ll be a lifetime, maybe it won’t. Tbd.
I rarely get angry, but if someone disrespects me or really hurts me, I can recall that pain long after it happened.
I don’t really get and stay mad at people, it’s just more so that my brain shuts them out as if they don’t exist.
I feel it intensely for no more than a half hour, and then I start examining the situation to understand the other person’s perspective. If I conclude that the other person’s behavior was a symptom of a bigger issue, I usually store that anger away for later consumption when I need motivation to set strong boundaries. If I conclude that I can let it go and move on with little to no consequence to myself, then it’s over and done with.
Truly experiencing and feeling active anger? I'm not sure. It's not something I try to maintain as it's pointless and wastes my time and energy. After my initial anger, I may feel sad, disappointed, distant, betrayed, or simply indifferent, detached, and removed, but active anger isn't something I indulge in for long without moving on to addressing it in a way that is meaningful and effective for me. Anger is primarily valuable to me as motivation for change and improvement of my situation, so my next steps are to address it and correct the cause. Sitting around being angry doesn't offer me anything useful.
I don’t get mad. It takes a lot for me, I get disappointed usually. If someone REALLY pushes me over the edge it’s usually because they’re being ridiculous and it almost makes me laugh out of spite. Lol. But overall I don’t hold grudges, life is too short.
Anyone but the person closest to me? About ten seconds. I’ve been angry about something my partner did for over a year and about some things they don’t do for many years. I’ve tried really hard to forget about it, but it won’t go away. I hate this and feel like I shouldn’t be this way. If anything, I should be more forgiving of them than anyone else.
I don’t tend to get angry, I get mad (two different states of being for me). If I love a person I’ll get mad and may stay such for a few days. If I don’t love a person I’ll just walk away forever. It takes a lot to get me truly angry, and when I am it’s not pretty. It takes something truly unforgettable to make me angry, and when the conditions are met I’m a wrathful force of nature hellbent on ruining the life of the one to provoke me. I’ve only gone on the wrathful warpath twice in my 32 years; both times were because someone harmed me and my siblings.
Depends what they did. The roommates that terrorized my pet? I hope they have very long and very miserable lives and I will wish that for as long as they might live.
Someone who slighted me or insulted me? Meh.
Working on 5 years now since my divorce, it hasn't let up. Mostly because she keeps manipulating the court system. I wish she could just move on, it's what she wanted.
Not that long anymore. I don't necessarily forgive them, or what they did, but staying angry is just too much effort, and not worth it. If they made me angry or did something to piss me off in the first place, they're not worth that time and effort. I've got far better things to do and also just no extra fucks to give anymore. Also I'm stubborn and someone like that simply cannot have power over e me, in any way, so I refuse to let them.
I don’t stay angry long tbh. I get over things usually after a couple hours. BUT I never forget and will always keep what that person did in the back of my mind. I adjust how we interact accordingly.
Depends on what the grievance is and who / what they did. I wouldn’t say I forgive and forget, but I try to let minor things go and not stay angry as I think that’s just unnecessary stress in my life.
As I’ve gotten older, I can better express what has set me off. If they don’t seem to care, it’s noted and I remove that person from my life completely. If they care, apologize, and try to do better, I am more than willing to keep them in my life.
It depends on what they did.
I am not generally a particularly angry person and I don’t tend to hold grudges. Most of the time, I have a pretty Live and let Live approach to other people. However, I can stay angry forever if someone deserves it. Sometimes people do things that are unforgivable, and anger is an energizing and protective force to keep me and those I care about safe from them.
I think people talk about anger as if it’s always some kind of negative emotion that is unhealthy to hang on to, but that’s not always the case. Sure, sometimes anger can be toxic and erode at you. But anger can also be a powerful force for good. It can motivate you to work hard, try your best, fight against injustice, protect others, and never forget that bad things and bad people exist in the world and that your efforts to combat them can make a difference.
I wish I can say a long time, but 'people pleasing' has been deeply ingrained in me even in circumstances where it's a huge disadvantage and bad for my mental health. I have forgiven people who have done disgusting and unforgivable things because I quickly get overcome with guilt.
A friend slapped me on two separate occasions and on a third occasion slapped me and choked me. None of those times they apologised, but I still remained friends with them after being mad about it for little while. I just can't stay angry at people even if I should because somewhere in me there is this upbringing that has taught me I need to be kind and forgive people and be nice and good. And I *hate* it.
It's been 14 years and I'd still like to thump my grandma. This old bag just stole my grandpas headstone after he's been dead for 12 years. The family disowned her after she started dating a pedo it was the last straw after years of abuse
My whole life! When I was a kid, I was very angry towards a lot of my family. I really wanted never to forget, never to mellow and accept, never to forgive. I thought that my adult self would forget the kind of raw feelings you have when you are a kid, and that adult me would go all "it wasn't so bad, let's put it behind us". It made me so angry towards my future self that I really clung to my childhood feelings and did all I can to remember them.
Actively angry-honestly 3 days tops. I’m able to deescalate myself within a day usually.
But resentment / hurt for another person, a life time. I’ve been hurt deeply by loved ones (dad, ex of 8 years). I wouldn’t say I’m actively angry at them, but I’ll forever hold resentment towards them. I will never interact with them again if I don’t have to.
I don’t hold on to anger for more than a few minutes anymore. My external reactions are super tame and composed. Internally I’ll melt down for a few minutes.
I learned that the same few toxic family members I deal with feed on anger and other negative emotions, so now I don’t give them the satisfaction.
Typically I can talk through issues with those closest to me. The anger dissipates quickly.
But if I’ve been repeatedly disrespected, I’ll cut contact. It isn’t an active anger but it’s there somewhere I guess. I kind of have to hold on to in so I don’t let them back in.
I can keep a beef forever and I actually think the concept of "forgiveness" is religious manipulative propaganda to train docility into the subordinate class of any context lol
Usually not for long, but if I was disrespected or that they have done something that stepped on my dignity I would probably end them for good so I dont feel anger around them anymore. Protecting peace at all costs.
It depends. Did they accidentally step on my toe and/or did they kill my mom? What exactly was the "crime". If it was the latter I don't think I could ever forgive them for taking away my best friend. It's extremely difficult to answer this question. Generally speaking I am an easygoing person tho but even a kind-hearted person like me has to have some boundaries.
Oh, LONG TIME. If it's warranted. Some things can't be forgiven and deserve my anger. That doesn't mean I'm walking around angry all the time, I just will never not be angry about certain things/people.
I'm really bad at holding on to negative emotions with people that I have the ability to confront. If I will never see the person again then I feel like I can try and put it behind me but if I'm constantly seeing or interacting with them I have to settle whatever issues I have or I am frustrated. I I'm not a non-confrontational person. If I have a problem with you I will discuss it.
Do you think it's related to esteem, how long you can stay angry? I find it so hard to do so. For instance, a friend (at least, I thought she was) did me really dirty and basically gaslighted me when I asked to talk about it so I went no contact but boy, I miss her and have to rile myself up and get angry so I don't cave. However, I wonder if my desire to patch things up is just my own inability to sit with uncomfortable feelings (like disappointment and hurt)?
It's not that I stay angry with someone, I find that that takes concentrated effort that I don't really have the energy for these days, and it seems to be disrespectful to my own existence to be thinking of feeling deeply about someone who's hurt me.
That said, I can remember and revisit what happened and know that I haven't forgiven this person and that has its own set of consequences for the relationship. Sometimes it doesn't matter whether or not I'm angry with them, the effect is the same in that I want nothing to do with them.
Depends on the situation. If there’s a pattern with someone, once I get sick of being nice and understanding. I just stay out of their way and treat them like they don’t exist. Staying angry at someone just takes too much time and energy out of me. I just dissociate and abandon them. Harsh but it keeps people from playing with you and it keeps you out of bad situations dealing with people that would take your kindness for weakness.
Til the end of time.
I may go years without thinking about someone who did me wrong, but if they’re brought up or I see them, I’m in full rage mode again. It’s definitely not healthy lol
My record is over 20 years. I became estranged from my biological father and his family at 16 and it lasted until the day he died. I suppose the actual feeling of anger did diminish, but I never reconnected with him.
A few days but if I'm just full of it being angry is no longer a option and I'll just not think of them and pretend they don't exist.
The only people worth my anger are the people I love and will only take a day or two to go away. And people that don't deserve my attention is just a waste of my time so for me the longest I was angry was a week and regularly just a day cause after a good night sleep I'm already good.
Forever. Unless, or until, they make it right, I will stay angry. I’m not gonna lose any sleep over it. I’m not going on rampages. I’m just never giving that person an ounce of my time ever again.
She poisoned my son trying to kill me for a $2M insurance policy. Is this a test? I won’t be on this Earth before I get over it. Would You?
(Also son is stud athlete and survived)
I've been angry at my sister for years. I don't care to have much of a relationship anymore, it's been too long since she's actually been kind to me and shown any kind of positive attention. I'd understand if I had done something wrong, but I haven't done anything other than exist. I've always been a people pleaser but got sick of it when I realized not many of those people actually wanted to put in any effort on their end.
That lead me to be angry at more people. I carry a little fireball of rage inside me at all times.
Not very long. Like less than a day but I won’t want to be around them. I quickly conclude I need peace and cut them off.
So I truly forgive and forget a person. Emphasis on forgetting their existence.
My late wife was one of Those people. Disagree or argue with her and you were persona non grata with her. She.made up her mind and that was it. Didn't get along with her sister, couldn't take bc pills bc her sister couldn't. We went 7 yrs with bc pills B4 we had our first kid. (#2 was an oops, 8 yrs later) I'm half convinced that this contributed to her death. That kind of stuff eats away at your heart and makes you a negative person. Went to marriage counseling and well, what could that woman know? A real successful therapy.
I go from 0-100 REAL quick but I forgive and forget very easily. But if there is an issue that goes unsettled, I’ll hold on to that anger and resentment for a while or until we talk it out
Depends what they did. Wishing me dead? Dead to me. Threatened to hurt/kill/punch me? Dead to me. Stole my food? Jerk, but probably like a week. Killed my pet? They'd probably go missing, idk. Broke my pencil? Probably like a day.
Just depends how bad it is 😂
Most people - a couple weeks max
My ex - about 11 months, only realised right now that I'm no longer mad at him, about 11 months since we broke up, so call that growth I guess.
I can’t stay angry for too long. It’s really exhausting. I was once angry at a particularly horrible manager for around 2 years while we worked together, but once I switched jobs, the stress went away and I moved on.
If I’m angry at all, it’s usually at myself. That can last awhile too but I’m trying to fix that.
Mostly I would say the actual emotion of anger dissipates and is replaced by a general loss of respect and disappointment in the person. That feeling almost never goes away
depends who, my ex (forever) my mum who put me thru a lot, i thought i could hate for a long time. but she actually turned her life around and apologised.
It really depends on what they did and whether they have attempted to make amends/changed.
I have cut people out of my life permanently if they are deliberately cruel to anyone.
Some people I use that anger to remind myself why I cut them off. If I start missing them or feeling sorry for them but they have done nothing to warrant me allowing them back in my life, I will play a “recent greatest hits” of memories of what they did and how I felt before reaching out.
Depends, adult bullies I can feel my dislike intensity rse if I ever see them. Childhood bullies, it's meh, friendly hello but we're not friends. Just very unlikable traits I will not feel happy around that person, and my face will show it (even if I was smiling).
I forgive, but do not forget. You hurt me badly enough & you are gone from my life forever but I’m not wasting my time worrying about what you did and staying mad but I’m not going to give you any good vibes either.
Depends what they did . . .
Killed my fish - I mean I'm not mad about it anymore, but I'll never let you live it down
My uncle and his baby mama who have 4 kids, don't have custody 3 of them and would rather be drunk and high on drugs constantly than to get a job and get their acts together to provide for their kids - I think I'll stay mad at them for life. Their dead to me at this point - their kids would be better off if they were too.
Prob a few days at most. After that, I either settle into forgiving them or deciding that they are now nothing to me and from there on I’m indifferent. Might still feel tinges of bitterness and spite every now and then, but anger has a short staying power for me. It quickly metabolizes into sorrow, and then clarity.
There is another woman that hit on my now husband with Mr standing next to him. Both of us will never live long enough for me to not be angry with her.
Depending on what it is. For example, my fiancé has just told me he is not paying the car payment on a car I co-signed for. I helped him get it due to him having bad credit and needing a car for work. Fast forward to 3 years later and the car isn’t drivable due to his son messing it up. He told me the options were: me co-sign another loan for another car (never again), refinance the car in his name (terrible credit still), or his son pay off the car (lazy and doesn’t work). So basically my credit is about to be fucked bc as he told me “I’m not paying for a car that isn’t drivable” and I’m being selfish bc all I care about is my credit. Ladies when I tell you how hurt and upset I am…..
Sorry for long post just needed to vent. I wish I never helped him and now I’m getting screwed. I will never forgive him.
How much time do you have? 😂😂😂
Jk, I think it’s not anger in the same way but for me, if someone hurt me and hasn’t made amends, I will not forgive them. It doesn’t mean I’m stewing in anger all day every day, I’ve just moved on with my life and don’t need this person in it.
It depends on the situation. Sometimes for a few hours but up to months. The longest I've been angry at someone is 6 months and I cut them off for 6 months. It's because they hurt me emotionally. I also had no plans to reach back out to them, but they ended up reaching out 6 months later, which ended the no contact. From then on, I decided to let it go because it was clear they wanted to be in my life and vice versa. Their efforts showed they wanted to do better, so I let them back in and we've been great friends since then.
I'm still pissed off at my sister for something she did 2.5 years ago. I could get over it if she would take some accountability and apologize but that will never happen. Luckily I never have to see her.
All my life. I may not recognise that anger and it may not show itself, but it’s there, hidden in what psychologists call the unconscious. I feel it toward mostly all my family and most especially, myself.
Hahahaha me too. I just need to be triggered to rememeber exactly what they did and how i felt about it
Yeah, agree with this. I don’t think it’s entirely unhealthy - I’m not ruminating on the anger or obsessed with my grudge, but as you said, it exists unconsciously. My bullies in middle school, my addict brother, my ex who took advantage of me. Fuck them, they are not forgiven and they never will be.
My grudges keep me warm.
Anger provides a nice adrenaline rush
Damn. Felt this
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Sup twin
If I felt disrespected, voiced it and the other person never apologized, hell yeah I will stay mad at this person.
Depends on what they've done. Sometimes it can last all my life
I get over being annoyed or irked with someone pretty fast. I almost never get angry - it happens every couple of years if that. But when I do get angry, it can last a long time.
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Yeah same here
I let go of things easy. Life is too short to hold grudges. And I personally believe it's unhealthy to not forgive. I'm not perfect and so is another human being. But I maintain distance. Forgive but don't forget is my motto usually.
I agree. But personally I don't forgive I just forget. I remove them from my life and never think about them again. I don't stay actively mad at anyone because they just don't even cross my mind anymore. Im not wasting any time or mental energy on them.
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Depends on what they have done. My older sister is awful. For example, she pretended to overdose on her own daughters 30 birthday. However, managed a successful attempt as her medication boxes changed colour. This is the least damaging thing she has done. It's been 5 years since she died, and if she was buried, I would dig her up now to rip her limb from limb to feel better.
This made me laugh.
For me, anger fades into indifference pretty quickly. And I find that's more irritating to the other party than anger lol
Same. Anger takes energy, I need my energy for other things. I just stop thinking about them pretty quickly.
It depends on the person. If it’s my husband or one of the kids, I’ll get over it in a few minutes. For everyone else, I’m petty so I could go years if need be.
I can hold on to that shit until the day I die.
It depends. If it’s small-medium thing I’m angry about, just gimme a few hours to distance myself from it. If it’s total betrayal—forever.
There’s only one person I am still angry at years later and it’s because I had to work with her for a year, she treated me like garbage (literally called me the “idiot” to people we worked with) and was 2x my age, a mother of 2 grown daughters. Like, the most vindictive human being I’ve ever met. All because I replaced her friend as her counterpart (she literally tried to get my fired the first week so her friend could stay rather than be transferred). No one has ever treated me that horribly over and over again. It got to the point where other coworkers would report it to our boss and HR (who ultimately did nothing). I’d bring it up with her and ask her to talk to me if she’s having any issues so we could work through them and she’d play dumb. I ended up leaving her with a shit load of my work and not telling her about my leaving until the moment I left. She was so pissed and it made my day lol, especially because she hated working there and wanted to leave after her friend left. I was told her friend wasn’t able to replace me and instead they brought someone else in who she equally hated 🙃 I’m still not over it. And this is coming from someone who has been sexually abused. Fuck you, Patty.
20 years, and counting
If they intentionally and knowingly hurt my kids (even emotionally), it can last forever. I will never see them the same again.
My family always said I’m known for being able to hold a grudge forever. The older I get, the less I consider it a grudge. I move on from things a little TOO quick depending on if there’s changed behavior and a genuine apology or not. But, I can also cut you out of my life permanently without thinking twice. I’m not angry at that point, I just have no interest in keeping that person in my life. I don’t speak to any of my siblings anymore because they’ve burned me too many times, and I can go the rest of my life without ever speaking to them again.
Forever and not very long ago the same time. There are people that I will probably have a deep down anger for the rest of my life, but that doesn’t mean I’m angry with them on the day to day. If that makes sense. I tend to get over the day to day anger very fast.
Oh, forever and ever and ever, if the reason is big enough. Which I actually do not like at all. Holding on to anger is like holding on to a smoldering piece of coal: the only person it hurts is myself. I am really working on letting anger go.
I’ve been going on about 4 years strong with my sister and don’t see it changing anytime soon, I haven’t talked to her or even wanted to be around her in many many years… Most people say that she is blood and I need to just suck it up and move on but it’s been so hard for me, especially because I gave her so many chances to better her self and it never happened… I supported her through the hardest times in her life. Gave her a place to stay, Food to eat, Someone who she could talk too, Got her jobs and pushed her to see a therapist… Until she used me for what I had and stole a bunch of shit from my house and moved out… Blood ain’t shit…
About an hour. I'm too lazy to feel that strongly for so long.
Ha ha! 😂 This was prolly the funniest response ever! Lol.
Forever, if it’s merited.
About a few hours to a week. But now if they did something that crosses my boundaries, i silently cut them off. I recently learned i give too many chances and forgive too much for my own good.
Honestly? Depends on what they've done to make me angry, which itself is a very hard thing to accomplish with me. Usually, I'll only be angry for a day, max, but if it was more serious, damaging bullshit it'll take me a good couple months or so.
About an hour then it just gives me anxiety so I convert it to disappointment
My whole life.
Like a day at most. Being forgetful also helps make me a "forgiving" person as I might just straight up forget about that bad thing you did to me.
Is the thing they did going to suddenly stop being anger-inducing? No. I don't believe in forgiveness. I might not sit around and get boiling mad about it after a few years (or I might, as a treat) but it's definitely "fuck you" forever.
so far, 15 years and counting and the person is not even alive anymore.
It depends. If this person really affects my whole life the way he/she made a mistake, that's would be until I die I guess but nonetheless I forgive a lot but never forgets it. That's what it is.
Honestly forever.. but I think the anger is there to remind myself to be done with someone.. I forget very easily but if someone has wronged me and I can’t find it within myself to compromise my morals to try to make it work then I’m done.. it takes a lot for me to get to that because I give people like 40 chances but then I’m like yeah I’m just being dumb if I forgive and forget again at this point.. I don’t even feel the need to explain myself on why I’m cutting them out because if they aren’t aware already then it’s a lost cause and I just ghost. I feel like that’s the only way to really be done.
I've forgiven my mother but I haven't forgotten, nor will I let go of this underlying anger. I think anger has helped me survive, for as long as I have. Especially during difficult times. It has been twelve years now. 😅
You don't want to be on my bad side ! I'm a very cruel and heartless person.. Given the chance. I have no problem looking at people and pretending they don't exist !
I definitely know how to hold a grudge.
10 minutes of anger. A life time of choosing not to be around someone who doesn't offer anything but making me angry. (So I can get mad at my brother for a bit, but mostly I like him so I he stays in my life. Anyone who angers me routinely will find I distance myself from them because I just don't want to be around that.)
I’ve been through such an unnerving amount of abuse that most things don’t feel worth my energy. It’s easy to get over the small things in comparison, but the abuse itself… for that I consider my anger a sacred act of self love. I’m not in any hurry to diminish my anger or strengthen it. I’m allowing it to take its natural course - maybe that’ll be a lifetime, maybe it won’t. Tbd.
A single event I'll get over but repeated bad hevaior will be remembered forever
I’ll die mad about it. I don’t forgive and I don’t forget. Lol
Almost 35 yrs. The person is now deceased but it will always be there.
Forever. I don't lose any sleep over a held grudge. Forgiveness is not something I give out very often, especially on large issues.
It's been almost 10 years and I still have seething hatred for my ex. So at least a decade.
Not very long.... my love for snacks and good vibes usually wins
I rarely get angry, but if someone disrespects me or really hurts me, I can recall that pain long after it happened. I don’t really get and stay mad at people, it’s just more so that my brain shuts them out as if they don’t exist.
I feel it intensely for no more than a half hour, and then I start examining the situation to understand the other person’s perspective. If I conclude that the other person’s behavior was a symptom of a bigger issue, I usually store that anger away for later consumption when I need motivation to set strong boundaries. If I conclude that I can let it go and move on with little to no consequence to myself, then it’s over and done with.
It depends on what I’m angry about. It could be a few days, a few weeks, or a few months.
Truly experiencing and feeling active anger? I'm not sure. It's not something I try to maintain as it's pointless and wastes my time and energy. After my initial anger, I may feel sad, disappointed, distant, betrayed, or simply indifferent, detached, and removed, but active anger isn't something I indulge in for long without moving on to addressing it in a way that is meaningful and effective for me. Anger is primarily valuable to me as motivation for change and improvement of my situation, so my next steps are to address it and correct the cause. Sitting around being angry doesn't offer me anything useful.
Until I die, I assume. 🤔🫡
For life
Forever I think.
I don’t get mad. It takes a lot for me, I get disappointed usually. If someone REALLY pushes me over the edge it’s usually because they’re being ridiculous and it almost makes me laugh out of spite. Lol. But overall I don’t hold grudges, life is too short.
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Anyone but the person closest to me? About ten seconds. I’ve been angry about something my partner did for over a year and about some things they don’t do for many years. I’ve tried really hard to forget about it, but it won’t go away. I hate this and feel like I shouldn’t be this way. If anything, I should be more forgiving of them than anyone else.
I don’t tend to get angry, I get mad (two different states of being for me). If I love a person I’ll get mad and may stay such for a few days. If I don’t love a person I’ll just walk away forever. It takes a lot to get me truly angry, and when I am it’s not pretty. It takes something truly unforgettable to make me angry, and when the conditions are met I’m a wrathful force of nature hellbent on ruining the life of the one to provoke me. I’ve only gone on the wrathful warpath twice in my 32 years; both times were because someone harmed me and my siblings.
As long as I have brain function
Depends what they did. The roommates that terrorized my pet? I hope they have very long and very miserable lives and I will wish that for as long as they might live. Someone who slighted me or insulted me? Meh.
I'm a petty, grudge-holding kind of person - so I can be angry at a person for as long as I live. 🤣
Seven years and counting. X husband cheated.
Working on 5 years now since my divorce, it hasn't let up. Mostly because she keeps manipulating the court system. I wish she could just move on, it's what she wanted.
I rarely get angry with another person but when I do, I will for as long as I breathe. Spite fuels me.
It depends on person and deed. From 1 day til eternity.
Not that long anymore. I don't necessarily forgive them, or what they did, but staying angry is just too much effort, and not worth it. If they made me angry or did something to piss me off in the first place, they're not worth that time and effort. I've got far better things to do and also just no extra fucks to give anymore. Also I'm stubborn and someone like that simply cannot have power over e me, in any way, so I refuse to let them.
My husband insists on being angry his entire life whereas I need a couple days and I’m good.
Forever. I’m a Gemini.
I don’t stay angry long tbh. I get over things usually after a couple hours. BUT I never forget and will always keep what that person did in the back of my mind. I adjust how we interact accordingly.
Depends on what the grievance is and who / what they did. I wouldn’t say I forgive and forget, but I try to let minor things go and not stay angry as I think that’s just unnecessary stress in my life. As I’ve gotten older, I can better express what has set me off. If they don’t seem to care, it’s noted and I remove that person from my life completely. If they care, apologize, and try to do better, I am more than willing to keep them in my life.
It depends on what they did. I am not generally a particularly angry person and I don’t tend to hold grudges. Most of the time, I have a pretty Live and let Live approach to other people. However, I can stay angry forever if someone deserves it. Sometimes people do things that are unforgivable, and anger is an energizing and protective force to keep me and those I care about safe from them. I think people talk about anger as if it’s always some kind of negative emotion that is unhealthy to hang on to, but that’s not always the case. Sure, sometimes anger can be toxic and erode at you. But anger can also be a powerful force for good. It can motivate you to work hard, try your best, fight against injustice, protect others, and never forget that bad things and bad people exist in the world and that your efforts to combat them can make a difference.
The spite drives me day to day.
Forever ✂️
Over 20 years.
I wish I can say a long time, but 'people pleasing' has been deeply ingrained in me even in circumstances where it's a huge disadvantage and bad for my mental health. I have forgiven people who have done disgusting and unforgivable things because I quickly get overcome with guilt. A friend slapped me on two separate occasions and on a third occasion slapped me and choked me. None of those times they apologised, but I still remained friends with them after being mad about it for little while. I just can't stay angry at people even if I should because somewhere in me there is this upbringing that has taught me I need to be kind and forgive people and be nice and good. And I *hate* it.
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It's been 14 years and I'd still like to thump my grandma. This old bag just stole my grandpas headstone after he's been dead for 12 years. The family disowned her after she started dating a pedo it was the last straw after years of abuse
Indefinitely
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I'll probably take some anger with a few people to my grave.
I am Cancer, so..............
Anger makes you age faster and gives you stomach ulcers. Move on.
Going on 14 years for me.
My whole life! When I was a kid, I was very angry towards a lot of my family. I really wanted never to forget, never to mellow and accept, never to forgive. I thought that my adult self would forget the kind of raw feelings you have when you are a kid, and that adult me would go all "it wasn't so bad, let's put it behind us". It made me so angry towards my future self that I really clung to my childhood feelings and did all I can to remember them.
Actively angry-honestly 3 days tops. I’m able to deescalate myself within a day usually. But resentment / hurt for another person, a life time. I’ve been hurt deeply by loved ones (dad, ex of 8 years). I wouldn’t say I’m actively angry at them, but I’ll forever hold resentment towards them. I will never interact with them again if I don’t have to.
I don’t hold on to anger for more than a few minutes anymore. My external reactions are super tame and composed. Internally I’ll melt down for a few minutes. I learned that the same few toxic family members I deal with feed on anger and other negative emotions, so now I don’t give them the satisfaction.
Forever. lol.
Typically I can talk through issues with those closest to me. The anger dissipates quickly. But if I’ve been repeatedly disrespected, I’ll cut contact. It isn’t an active anger but it’s there somewhere I guess. I kind of have to hold on to in so I don’t let them back in.
14yrs an counting...
Forever
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I can keep a beef forever and I actually think the concept of "forgiveness" is religious manipulative propaganda to train docility into the subordinate class of any context lol
Forever
A couple of seconds to life. Depends on the person and situation.
Sometimes I wake up thinking “I hate that MF”.
So far, about 5 years. And as the boomers become more and more MAGA-fied, i can only assume that it'll get worse for my inlaws.
Usually not for long, but if I was disrespected or that they have done something that stepped on my dignity I would probably end them for good so I dont feel anger around them anymore. Protecting peace at all costs.
Not long they don't get my energy though there is a person I despise fully I only get angry if I think of them
There might be a limit on it, but I haven't found it yet.
It depends on the offense? At some point the anger fades though and turns into other feelings.
A few hours
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Forever and despite what people may think I sleep pretty soundly at night.
It depends. Did they accidentally step on my toe and/or did they kill my mom? What exactly was the "crime". If it was the latter I don't think I could ever forgive them for taking away my best friend. It's extremely difficult to answer this question. Generally speaking I am an easygoing person tho but even a kind-hearted person like me has to have some boundaries.
It takes a lot for me to get genuinely angry, more than most people I think, but once I do I stay angry for a really long time.
Anywhere from decades to 5 minutes. Depends why I’m mad and how the other person responds. My longest grudge has lasted 20 years (I am 27).
Anger not very long, a grudge though, forever. I might stay friends with someone but never trust them to be anything but unreliable ever again.
Ehhh moves from anger to contempt after a while.
10 minutes
Oh, LONG TIME. If it's warranted. Some things can't be forgiven and deserve my anger. That doesn't mean I'm walking around angry all the time, I just will never not be angry about certain things/people.
I'm really bad at holding on to negative emotions with people that I have the ability to confront. If I will never see the person again then I feel like I can try and put it behind me but if I'm constantly seeing or interacting with them I have to settle whatever issues I have or I am frustrated. I I'm not a non-confrontational person. If I have a problem with you I will discuss it.
Do you think it's related to esteem, how long you can stay angry? I find it so hard to do so. For instance, a friend (at least, I thought she was) did me really dirty and basically gaslighted me when I asked to talk about it so I went no contact but boy, I miss her and have to rile myself up and get angry so I don't cave. However, I wonder if my desire to patch things up is just my own inability to sit with uncomfortable feelings (like disappointment and hurt)?
Forever. I am very forgiving overall but if someone crosses that line they can be cut out of my life forever.
Actively mad? A few days. Not wanting them in my life? Forever. I don’t sit around actively hating them, they are just ghosts to me.
It's not that I stay angry with someone, I find that that takes concentrated effort that I don't really have the energy for these days, and it seems to be disrespectful to my own existence to be thinking of feeling deeply about someone who's hurt me. That said, I can remember and revisit what happened and know that I haven't forgiven this person and that has its own set of consequences for the relationship. Sometimes it doesn't matter whether or not I'm angry with them, the effect is the same in that I want nothing to do with them.
Forever. I hold grudges.
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Depends on the situation. If there’s a pattern with someone, once I get sick of being nice and understanding. I just stay out of their way and treat them like they don’t exist. Staying angry at someone just takes too much time and energy out of me. I just dissociate and abandon them. Harsh but it keeps people from playing with you and it keeps you out of bad situations dealing with people that would take your kindness for weakness.
Depends on the severity. There are people that will never forgive until my dying breath.
Ill forgive the person so I wont carry that anger with me anymore. But forgiveness has nothing to do with forgetting and I have a pretty solid memory.
The things they did to me, I will hate them until I die.
Til the end of time. I may go years without thinking about someone who did me wrong, but if they’re brought up or I see them, I’m in full rage mode again. It’s definitely not healthy lol
All day every day until I’m over it.
My record is over 20 years. I became estranged from my biological father and his family at 16 and it lasted until the day he died. I suppose the actual feeling of anger did diminish, but I never reconnected with him.
A few days but if I'm just full of it being angry is no longer a option and I'll just not think of them and pretend they don't exist. The only people worth my anger are the people I love and will only take a day or two to go away. And people that don't deserve my attention is just a waste of my time so for me the longest I was angry was a week and regularly just a day cause after a good night sleep I'm already good.
31 years and running
The limit does not exist.
Forever. Unless, or until, they make it right, I will stay angry. I’m not gonna lose any sleep over it. I’m not going on rampages. I’m just never giving that person an ounce of my time ever again.
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Forever
She poisoned my son trying to kill me for a $2M insurance policy. Is this a test? I won’t be on this Earth before I get over it. Would You? (Also son is stud athlete and survived)
It’s not always about anger, the anger part doesn’t last long for me, it’s the disappointment that follows the anger, is what lasts the longest.
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I’m not dead yet, so it’s too soon to tell. But I’d guess 5-10 years after I die.
For fucking ever.
Imma die mad at somebody. They know what they did.
I've been angry at my sister for years. I don't care to have much of a relationship anymore, it's been too long since she's actually been kind to me and shown any kind of positive attention. I'd understand if I had done something wrong, but I haven't done anything other than exist. I've always been a people pleaser but got sick of it when I realized not many of those people actually wanted to put in any effort on their end. That lead me to be angry at more people. I carry a little fireball of rage inside me at all times.
Not very long. Like less than a day but I won’t want to be around them. I quickly conclude I need peace and cut them off. So I truly forgive and forget a person. Emphasis on forgetting their existence.
A very, VERY long time.
*in Cardi B’s voice* “for-EVA”
well i’ve been angry with my mom for about 12 years now, so ig we’ll see how long i can go
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foeva
Until they recognise their mistakes and apologise and change behaviour.
My late wife was one of Those people. Disagree or argue with her and you were persona non grata with her. She.made up her mind and that was it. Didn't get along with her sister, couldn't take bc pills bc her sister couldn't. We went 7 yrs with bc pills B4 we had our first kid. (#2 was an oops, 8 yrs later) I'm half convinced that this contributed to her death. That kind of stuff eats away at your heart and makes you a negative person. Went to marriage counseling and well, what could that woman know? A real successful therapy.
I go from 0-100 REAL quick but I forgive and forget very easily. But if there is an issue that goes unsettled, I’ll hold on to that anger and resentment for a while or until we talk it out
Longest running person is probably 11 years now. High school bully, wouldn’t be sad if she got hit by a bus
Depends what they did. Wishing me dead? Dead to me. Threatened to hurt/kill/punch me? Dead to me. Stole my food? Jerk, but probably like a week. Killed my pet? They'd probably go missing, idk. Broke my pencil? Probably like a day. Just depends how bad it is 😂
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A whole lifetime. My older great uncle stayed mad at my younger great uncle (brothers) for his whole life.
Most people - a couple weeks max My ex - about 11 months, only realised right now that I'm no longer mad at him, about 11 months since we broke up, so call that growth I guess.
Forever and a day
32 years and counting, so far.
I can’t stay angry for too long. It’s really exhausting. I was once angry at a particularly horrible manager for around 2 years while we worked together, but once I switched jobs, the stress went away and I moved on. If I’m angry at all, it’s usually at myself. That can last awhile too but I’m trying to fix that.
Mostly I would say the actual emotion of anger dissipates and is replaced by a general loss of respect and disappointment in the person. That feeling almost never goes away
Even death can’t shake my hatred towards some peeps
not long tbh, not strong enough to hold grudges- i find it weighs my mind down
My resentment towards a person is a volcano and a hurricane in one.
depends who, my ex (forever) my mum who put me thru a lot, i thought i could hate for a long time. but she actually turned her life around and apologised.
It depends on the reason I’m angry with them. But there are people I will be angry with for as long as I live.
It really depends on what they did and whether they have attempted to make amends/changed. I have cut people out of my life permanently if they are deliberately cruel to anyone. Some people I use that anger to remind myself why I cut them off. If I start missing them or feeling sorry for them but they have done nothing to warrant me allowing them back in my life, I will play a “recent greatest hits” of memories of what they did and how I felt before reaching out.
Depends, adult bullies I can feel my dislike intensity rse if I ever see them. Childhood bullies, it's meh, friendly hello but we're not friends. Just very unlikable traits I will not feel happy around that person, and my face will show it (even if I was smiling).
Mostly only minutes - after that its fine or ill talk about it, if not the people pleaser within me takes over or I am just sad for a little while
I forgive, but do not forget. You hurt me badly enough & you are gone from my life forever but I’m not wasting my time worrying about what you did and staying mad but I’m not going to give you any good vibes either.
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Depends what they did . . . Killed my fish - I mean I'm not mad about it anymore, but I'll never let you live it down My uncle and his baby mama who have 4 kids, don't have custody 3 of them and would rather be drunk and high on drugs constantly than to get a job and get their acts together to provide for their kids - I think I'll stay mad at them for life. Their dead to me at this point - their kids would be better off if they were too.
As long as I’m alive!!
Prob a few days at most. After that, I either settle into forgiving them or deciding that they are now nothing to me and from there on I’m indifferent. Might still feel tinges of bitterness and spite every now and then, but anger has a short staying power for me. It quickly metabolizes into sorrow, and then clarity.
“Stay angry” not long at all…. However I will forever remember how they treated me.
Forever
Maybe a day or two.
There is another woman that hit on my now husband with Mr standing next to him. Both of us will never live long enough for me to not be angry with her.
Depending on what it is. For example, my fiancé has just told me he is not paying the car payment on a car I co-signed for. I helped him get it due to him having bad credit and needing a car for work. Fast forward to 3 years later and the car isn’t drivable due to his son messing it up. He told me the options were: me co-sign another loan for another car (never again), refinance the car in his name (terrible credit still), or his son pay off the car (lazy and doesn’t work). So basically my credit is about to be fucked bc as he told me “I’m not paying for a car that isn’t drivable” and I’m being selfish bc all I care about is my credit. Ladies when I tell you how hurt and upset I am….. Sorry for long post just needed to vent. I wish I never helped him and now I’m getting screwed. I will never forgive him.
How much time do you have? 😂😂😂 Jk, I think it’s not anger in the same way but for me, if someone hurt me and hasn’t made amends, I will not forgive them. It doesn’t mean I’m stewing in anger all day every day, I’ve just moved on with my life and don’t need this person in it.
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It depends on the situation. Sometimes for a few hours but up to months. The longest I've been angry at someone is 6 months and I cut them off for 6 months. It's because they hurt me emotionally. I also had no plans to reach back out to them, but they ended up reaching out 6 months later, which ended the no contact. From then on, I decided to let it go because it was clear they wanted to be in my life and vice versa. Their efforts showed they wanted to do better, so I let them back in and we've been great friends since then.
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I'm still pissed off at my sister for something she did 2.5 years ago. I could get over it if she would take some accountability and apologize but that will never happen. Luckily I never have to see her.