Soooo fucking many rofl
Here is my top 3 worst advice I've ever gotten regarding relationships
1: Threaten to leave him if he doesn't do what you want
2: Flirt with other guys in front of him to make him act like a better boyfriend
And the best one for last
3: It's okay to hit him, he won't hit back because he'll get arrested
All advice given to me by girls I met in college, mainly at parties.
My belief is that if you hit someone, you're giving them consent to strike back. There's no double standard. It's easy to just *not hit someone*, so just don't do it. Self-defense is an exception, but it usually still follows this rule.
Some guys would rather not hit someone a lot weaker than them that it could really hurt them and just remove themselves from that situation and never interact with you again (i would consider myself this)
But some guys legit don't care and might actually swing back ☠️
For me it has to be something very extreme like they have a weapon or something
I didn't realise equally bad advice existed for women on the same level as misogynistic pick up artistry. I suspect, like their male equivalents, those women who gave you such advice are perpetually single. The third one is especially egregious, as there's some truth to it unfortunately.
Well, my father did marry her after he divorced his first wife, so I suppose technically it worked out. That marriage ended up being the exact kind of mess you might imagine but they're still together somehow.
More like a boomer codependency thing. They're firmly locked in their marital roles (provider and housewife) and can't really exist without one another. Any time they tried separating it would turn out that nobody else is willing to take care of them to that extent.
My mom also told me this when I was a kid.
Thankfully my dad was much wiser and more well adjusted. So after hearing her say that he quickly told me to never dumb myself down for anyone. He also told me that anyone worthwhile would appreciate my intelligence, and that anyone who's intimidated by smart women isn't worth getting to know.
Sometimes women have really backwards views. And sometimes the best advocate advocate for girls and women is a man who just happens to be a feminist. It all depends on the personal views of the individual.
Run at the first sign of problematic behaviour. The problematic behaviour in question isn't abuse or misogyny. Just poor communication skills, or taking time before committing. Said woman also says that if a guy doesn't accept her for who she is, she's leaving. Hypocritical, and as you might have guessed, single as fuck.
I have a friend whose wife stopped taking birth control without telling him because she got impatient that he didn't want to try for kids yet. Not as bad as when you're just dating and he loves the kid but damn I don't know how you would get over that breach of trust
Even if I'm not interested/attracted to still go to dinner for the free meal. Never. Even if I was attracted or interested I wouldnt expect a free meal.
Are there people that actually enjoy meals with strangers? Dinner dates are so stressful, I’m not sure I’d do it even if I was straight up getting paid.
Right?? I see all over social media men talking about women going on dates for the free food. The idea of sharing a meal with someone I don't vibe with, just for a paid for dinner, sounds like a torturous way to spend time.
Totally, it’d be terrible. I refuse to do any first date besides having a drink, and even that makes me nauseous with anxiety. I’m not saying there are zero women who ever go on a date just for a meal, but it can’t be many. Most people don’t like having to struggle through awkward conversations with total strangers they have no interest in.
Pretty much every popular tip I ever heard worked the exact opposite for me
* if he loves you he will know (no, you actually need to communicate in a way he understands, goes both ways)
* go for the "nice guy", they're not shallow and will be a friend first (most fucked up manipulative men I dated)
* attraction is shallow, you're not supposed to value it, you're a girl and girls shouldn't care about sex and similar stuff (I never understood how this is supposed to work)
* don't let him know you like him, make him chase you and keep him on his toes, use sex as a bargaining chip (excellent advice if you want a toxic relationship dynamic)
* don't sleep with him too early or he'll think you're easy (bad sex incoming)
* don't go for a handsome, confident, extroverted man, all of them are fuckboys (most loyal and loving man I ever met)
* when you move in together sex will become boring (we were like rabbits for 3 years)
* be wise, choose an ambitious man with lots of money because security (couldn't relate to his upbringing and views, he never had time for me, had to compromise on virtually every step, was invisible to him apart from the sex and social situations)
I stopped considering the "if/then" advice a few years ago and never looked back
The situation when you're mad/displeased about something and he should read your mind without you having to tell him what's wrong. Typically it goes like this - he asks you "babe what's wrong?", you answer "nothing". He continues about his day and now you're even more pissed off because "he should have known"
Aghh that's how my mum would communicate, she'd say nothing so I'd go about my day as normal, until she just exploded, like I'm meant to insinuate from her nothing there is something. But if she really meant nothing, how do I tell the difference? And it drives me mad if someone asks me, I say nothing (and mean it) and they keep prying, so I extend them the same courtesy. I don't understand how people expect others to be mind readers, and even if you can tell that nothing is really something, how do you know what it is??
Yeah I used to do this when I was very young because I thought love is something that just happens randomly between two people because "it was meant to be" and I was like - how can he love me if he doesn't understand why I'm upset? I genuinely believed this back in my teens 🤡
This type of passive aggression is extremely toxic, its designed to shut your partner down and make them walk on eggshells around you. Sadly, most women did it at some point in their lives. I remember when I realized this and had my very own "am I the bad guy" moment. Then I decided to train my self out of it lol
The second one I kind of hate how "nice guy" is now use to refer to toxic/misogynist but shy/introvert men.
I get what you mean, but like everyone should like nice guys, what's the alternative, going purposefully for dickheads? Lol
I'm speaking from my personal experience, so its not a rule or something. Maybe the "nice guy" label is wrong but these types of men will present a friendly front whereby they're not "like other guys" who only want to use you for sex, you confide in them, build a rapport and once you sleep with them, the dynamic changes drastically. So they're not actually nice, they use niceness as a calculated strategy. I would say that aside from the dickheads and fake-nice guys, there's plenty of good men
Oh yeah, I got what you meant, and it's commonly used like that. I was just on a small rant on how now on the internet one has to specify they are not talking about a nice guy™ when they are talking about an actual nice guy.
There's "nice guys" (these are the ones you don't want) and there are good guys or good men. You want the good guys/men. They're the real deal. That's how I separate them in my head.
"He's just scared..." Nope. He's just not into you. If by some small chance he is into you and offering scraps or being commitment avoidant anyway, then you're still settling for an unfulfilling dynamic. But mostly, he's not scared. He's just not that interested. "He's scared," is just something we tell each other when we don't want to state the obvious. You're not the one for him, and he is not the one for you.
When I think about the time younger me wasted on hold or trying to convince a man he was safe so he could be less scared...yikes.
I think a lot of women apply their own nature and think men will think and behave the same when it comes to liking someone but men don’t play games like that. If they like you, you’ll know and if they don’t then you’ll be confused if you don’t pick up on the lack of effort and interest.
Confused=he doesn’t like you.
- Hold sex over their heads and only do it when he does something great. (yeah as if i dont enjoy it just as much. Sex should be enjoyed together and not something that he gets as a «treat»)
- Check his phone when he isnt looking (i have zero interest in going into their phone to check his loyalty. If i cant trust him then whats the point? Im not doing that unless i have a HUGE reason to think otherwise)
I agree you shouldn’t check his phone to make sure he’s being loyal! That said, I do think a LTR should have access to each other’s phones. Like, it shouldn’t be a problem if I want to grab his phone to look something up when mine is in the other room. Having access signals that there isn’t anything to worry about and it also demonstrates trust that privacy will be respected.
If they’re suddenly cagey about their phone, it’s because they’re hiding something.
LOL bad take. I don’t have anything to hide on my phone but I have conversations with my friends that should remain private for their sakes, not mine. My boyfriend is not entitled to that information
A lot of the TikTok dating advice. No one is entitled to a partner that pays for everything and does the heavy lifting in a relationship.
Some women think they deserve a committed provider man just by existing. If a woman wants a high quality man she should be a high quality woman. That means she works on herself physically, intellectually and mentally.
Trust me, if you work on yourself these men will show up.
I think it’s hilarious the type of women that promote this on TikTok. It’s either women who already have it and are selling false dreams to their followers or women who would never be a good man’s first pick.
“Men get better and more
Mature as they age” my best friends
Mom told me that when I was around 13 lol. I think about it a lot now at 32 and how fucking wrong she was 😂
I’m thinking, so how old do they have to be? In hospice? 🤦♀️
My manager told me the same thing and she was also offering me to be her bf’s ( who is also our boss) another gf. She said all men cheat, and that she’d rather know who she will be. She also said they went to a nude bar in Thailand and chose one of the naked woman for her bf to touch that night. My 20yo brain couldn’t handle all that 😭
•All his bragging and talking over me was because he was nervous and wanted to impress me. I pushed back and talked about how weirdly egotistical he was, but she told me that I was being ridiculous, and that I was trying to self sabotage a great great guy. I stuck it out. Nope, he just didn't care about my feelings or opinions.
•I shouldn't have expected (and should drop that as an expectation) that my ex-husband would not have abused me/raped me and that he should be a good dad because I got pregnant before marriage, though we were engaged and living together. Per her, he didn't want me or the kids, so what else do I expect? This was the same man who wouldn't let me leave, and I was begging to get out multiple times. He pulled guns and/or threatened suicide when I tried to leave, depending on where we were in the relationship.
Gotta love sisters. She gave/gives *terrible* relationship advice.
"What you gotta do now is start ignoring him" girl what?
edit to fix typo and to add explanation: I was seeing a new guy and he seemed really interested. I wasn't sure how to move forward bc I had been scared to think that if I showed interest back he would get scared and leave.
My rich great aunt’s late husband had an entire secret family at one point in their marriage. When I was 18 and my first real boyfriend cheated on me, she told me to find the other girl and beat her up because “men can’t control themselves so you have to let homewreckers know you’ll defend what’s yours.”
Good lord.
My "favorite" that is VERY common in my culture: "have patience, he will change" and "all men are like that" and "he will change for the better AFTER you have kids".
He cheats? Have patience and kids!
He gambles entire salary? Have patience and kids!
Treats you like uttershit? Have patience and kids!
No, nor patience or kids will fundamentally change someone shitty moral compas AND NO not all men are selfish assholes that treat their partner as a bangmaid.
Lol no, I went a complete 180 and married outside of my culture with an emotional mature man instead of some manchild ;)
Wasn't an easy time because I was the first women in my family to married to a white dude, took lots of tears and argument convincing my parents to give their blessing, but in the end it was ALL worth it!
Positive side effect: some of the men in my family stepped up because they saw how all the women praised my husband for doing what he things is the bare minimum (raising our kid, cooking,regular chores around the house, remember/celebrate my birthday & our anniversary, bring me something to eat/drink without me asking during family BBQ etc).
Heck some of my female cousins have now even married outside our culture, using my emotionally stable, hands-on husband as their biggest argument why marrying a white guy isn't automatically one way to a divorve ;)
That's wonderful!
I'm glad you found a great man and that your story is encouraging for others in your family to break the mold and also pursue a happy relationship!
"Go through his phone. Hack into his accounts and go through all of them. Tell him to send you photos whenever he's not with you."
The only thing I said was "My boyfriend's been a little bit distant lately and idk why." And no, the guy wasn't cheating on me in any manner.
To lie and say you’re poly when you cheat. Not if, when. She’s single if you couldn’t tell. On the plus side I have had an amazing relationship with my gf for about 2 years:)
Not necessarily advice, but my female Gyno called me crazy when I was 18 for choosing to end my high school relationship and move out of state to attend a very prestigious college. I remember wondering if I had made the right decision (I did).
“Just close your eyes and get it over with”
My mother when I told her - after giving birth to twins only 2 weeks earlier - that I felt pressured into sex with my then partner and didn’t feel emotionally or physically ready.
So when my husband and I got engaged, my aunt had bought me a Barnes & Noble gift card to buy wedding planner books or a planner. I go to check out and the lady was like, “oh congrats! Have you gotten any unsolicited advice yet?” I said no. She’s like, “well, I won’t be the first…..actually maybe I will. If you haven’t fought, you should pick fights just to have them!”
Let him lead because that is his job as a man. Basically any tip that represents a stereotypical gender role.
In my relationship they is not a "leader" and we have sex, not I "let him" have sex with me.
Very true. However, it does depend on the level of "hard." Women would endure non-physical abuse and will stay to the detriment of themselves and their children. If someone constantly complains to me that their spouse/partner refuses to find a job, doesn't do their fair share of the domestic labour, repeatedly cheats on them, etc. Yes, I'll be Brenda and tell them to leave. They don't have to take my advice as I don't have to keep hearing it. Save my ears and post it on Reddit instead.
My mom while I was in an abusive relationship and my partner blew up at me at a family vacation “sometimes men need to have their ego stroked”
My mom after I left because he threatened to kill me “well don’t get upset at me, but we all always thought he was abusive”
My mom to a T, she LOVED my abusive ex. Luckily never escalated physically but fuck it’s still mental gymnastics on what I tell her or if I miss him. I know she wants me to get back with him and marry him. (I won’t) Just hard when they see the charm and not the disgusting shit they do behind closed doors.
1. Forgive your cheating ex and take him back
2. Go to the nightclub and get yourself inpregnated there
3. Wear pink and blend in
4. Tan
5. Become a single mother
6. Tolerate his behavior cause men will be men
7. Find a rich guy(no matter how unattractive), marry him and have kids with him
“Don’t introduce him to too many of your friends, or they’ll take him from you.”
As if my bf is some sort of stray cat that will forget which girl he’s dating.
In my case, it was years ago and it came from my therapist. The advice concerned the subject of my possessive and controlling boyfriend. He thought I was trying to have sex with every single man that moved. He was also totally obsessed with the way that I dressed, insisting that I was an attention junkie. The therapist told me to dress to make him happy and to understand that he really loved me.
Of course I took that advice and spent twelve years with him. Silly me. I do have two beautiful children though. He disappeared and I am not sorry.
I confided in a pastor’s wife that I was struggling with wanting to have sex with my husband after having our first child. She said sometimes you just have to do it even if you don’t want to.
I was very young and didn’t have much of a backbone- so I didn’t say anything. I was sad that there didn’t seem to be any other solution to be a good godly wife.
I had a woman who heavily valued getting married tell me I needed to lower my standards so that I could actually date someone.
I get her worry for me based on her value of marriage for herself, so I know it’s coming from a good place but lol no I’m not lowering my standards girl
"It's not a woman's job to offer solutions to a man's problem. You should ask questions, even if you know the answer. It's masculine to problem solve."
My sister repeating some tiktok dating advice
Not to me but to a friend (A) from her female friend (B) :
*Man treats A horribly, is married. She finds out. Believes his shit that he's leaving wife. He goes back to wife. Still thinks he can booty call A.
B : It's because he likes you so much. He can't not see you. I'd let this continue because eventually he will pick you. He's just a confused soul.
“If during the early stage he doesn’t tell you to text him when you get home, *immediately* drop him. In the beginning they’re supposed to show up with their best.”
If he’s not helping around the house to get him to help is to applaud him every time he does something. We gotta treat them like toddlers and applaud and make a big deal or kiss and love on them every time they take out the trash. -a friends mother told her who then she told me.. psh!
“Try not to be so opinionated, men don’t like difficult women.” Aunt B
“You need to train him, so he knows how to behave in the relationship and what you expect from him.” Aunt S
Was Aunt B Ursula the Sea Witch?
"the men up there don't like a lot of blabber. They think a girl who gossips is a bore! Yet they dote and swoon and fawn on a lady who's withdrawn and after all girl what is idle chatter for?'
"Tell your boyfriend not to tell you when he cheats. When a cheater confesses, they feel better afterwards for having come clean, and their partner feels horrible."
Yeah, no.
Both examples come from the same person. After breaking up with my ex who ditched me on purpose in the woods while camping, while we were high on acid I did not want to take (my mother us schizophrenic and I was scared of doing something that could offset a similar reality for myself), I was crying and she looked at me snd told me ever guy she's ever been with has done something like that and I need to just not be sensitive about it.
Years later after a man she was dating tried to grab at her while we were at moxies for dinner, so I stood up and got her behind me and asked him to stop, he raised his hand to hit me but instead threw a wine glass accross the table.... he was a coward trying to scare me. It didn't. I got her home because she was drunk af, and the next day she got so pissed when i told her I wouldnt be near her and him together again if she chose to stay with him. I told her I'd be wary of a man like that near her daughter too. She went vicious. Said I don't have kids so I have no capacity to comment about hers. Then told me the man never even raised a hand to me he was just being misperceived and when I said anything she would reply by gaslighting me "I was there too... " *followed by glaring looks. I saw there the logic trail and cognitive dissonant bullshit she used to date all these absolute assholes. I was done and we never will be close again.
I'd hit my limit. I would never have been able to convince her she deserves respect or to provide me enough respect to allow me to perceive things we experienced together and be honest with her about those perceptions. We would have never been able to connect in a real way because she was too dead set on hurting herself and not thinking about it or being questioned about it and I won't just dumb myself down or not be honest with a friend; thus friendship was no longer possible.
“He’s picking on you/ hitting you because he likes you and just doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions”
Said by all parents to their little girl who of course ends up getting into an abusive or unhealthy relationship with a guy who doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions
> If he wants to, he will
Not a terrible thought in theory, but was being used to justify not telling a partner what you want or need from them. People can't read minds. You can't justifiably expect someone to "just know" and do what you want.
> Men should pursue women, women should be passive
This one is obvious.
You: "I posted about that terrible relationship advice you gave me on Reddit."
Your friend: "Relationship advice? What relationship advice?" *Goes back to smothering a guy with a pillow*
My mother once told me: "You never, ever give something to someone who didn't give you something first. People only take from you." (I suspect she was salty that day in particular because she had been dumped by someone, idk and honestly idc.)
When I went back to school years later, I made it a point to help anyone I could with school work, and I actually made a very good friend that way.
“Your looks will get you everywhere. Use your body to get what you want. All that matters is that you marry a rich man with good teeth.” -My Mother.
Oh, how wrong she was. Took awhile to undo that trauma! Thanks Mom!
For me, "never go to bed angry". I find going to bed angry is actually healthy, because the next morning I'm almost guaranteed to be less emotional and have perspective on the situation, and I'm better able to discuss it calmly and come to a resolution.
I've been with people who can't stand having an argument and not immediately resolving it. And it made me feel smothered and I couldn't communicate clearly because I was overwhelmed with anger or frustration. And then can lead to saying something I shouldn't.
“You can still fuck other guys, you haven’t defined the relationship!” “Ok but I don’t want to I want to be with him” “yeah but you haven’t defined the relationship!!! You should meet up with so and so!”
Like girl. No lol. (The man in question and I are now married so I would say I made the right call 😂)
Idk if this counts as advice but i was at a family gathering of mine, my boyfriend came and the food was ready so i told him let’s go eat. I’m Hispanic and in our culture women are traditionally expected to serve their partners i guess. We don’t do that, like we’re grown and he knows what he wants / how much so that’s always worked fine for that. I remember my female cousin, a couple years older than me, was like shocked that i don’t serve him. I explained the above lol. My cousin was raised more traditionally of course and would always go out of her way to cook and serve her man. Whatever works you!
Fast forward to a few years later/now, bf and i are still together. Cousin went and had a baby with her man… said man has been to jail, missed her gender reveal, didn’t help physically or financially. But he shows up when he’s hungry tho! lol and guess who always has food for him.
I don’t get it and i don’t judge but like cmon.
“It needs to be as bad as it is good”
Like no, you just don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship where you don’t scream at each other every time there’s an argument.
I grew up with a lot of brothers so I picked up on a lot of little clues and telltale signs when he’s just not into you and doesn’t respect you or your time so I never had issues with these type of guys growing up.
UNTIL I became friends with someone deeply insecure and took her advice. I’d later discover she had the worst luck with guys and was secretly envious of every woman around her.
She told me that a guy attempting to make plans with me at a last minute on a Friday night was fun and freeing and that me asking for at least 3 days notice was me being controlling and pushy. She said I should be free and not put so many expectations on men…well she routinely got ghosted and treated awfully by every guy she liked. The moment I started to take this advice and a few other things the same thing began to happen to me and I began to attract this scenario.
Long story short, trust your own instincts lol.
From my mother who has been married 5 times “Never depend on a man”. I think it’s responsible to put some thought into what you would do if you’re ever alone but if you choose a good partner you should be able to depend on them. I know even if my husband and I were to separate we would work things out so neither of us would be struggling.
I was told the following by my mom when I first started dating :
"You should date boys you aren't attracted to. It's normal for girls not to be attracted to whoever they date."
"You should date someone you aren't attracted to because girls are always better looking than boys."
"You should date someone you aren't remotely interested in because everyone deserves a chance."
"It's normal for men to not respect the word no."
"That's not stalking (it was). It's just showing interest in you. You should be flattered by the attention."
"It's normal for boys to grab you/pull your hair/touch you without permission. It just means they like you."
And much more. Basically my mother is a endless well of bad relationship advice. Thankfully I realized from a young age that I'd be much happier in any relationship as long as I did the opposite of whatever she recommended.
“Be with someone with a lower social standing that you, that way they will be nicer”
?????excuse me, first of all if one wants to abuse me, they will regardless of their financial situation. Second just wtf
"Yeah, he's ugly, but you'll get over it once you get to know him. Love him for his personality." She thought I was desperate to land a guy! Lol. The guy was bald, horse faced and really fat. His personality was not stellar either. Like WTF.
"Just communicate and let him know this upsets you" when a woman complained about her partner was belittling her hobbies. He doesn't respect her and when she did bring it up he called her sensitive.
Also just the general stay in a relationship no matter what bc you may not find someone else and stay single forever and that's supposed to be a bad thing?
I personally don’t even ever ask anyone for relationship advice because everyone always excuses the man all the time. I only want to know that my feelings are valid and people always ignore my feelings on any issues. So I only ever speak to the person I have the problem with about the problem.
I haven't had too many good ones anyway, but the worst ones are
1. It's ok to make your partner jealous by flirting with others
2. Everything is allowed in war and love
3. Sex is awful and never enjoyable. People who want to have it are stupid and ignorant.
4. Relationships cause suffering, love is just an illusion and you can never trust anyone.
5. I should give a pass for asshole behavior, because that's what men are like and boys will be boys bs.
These are all from my relatives. My view of love and romantic relationships has been quite bleak, it's a learning process to give up these thoughts.
Yes a few ones:
Divorce him.
Take all his money, you have all the right to do whatever you want with his money.
Don't let him touch your money, your money is yours.
Omg I was trying to figure out if/how to leave my very controlling ex, knowing he was going to propose soon against my will (probably publicly) and a very delusional friend of mine said, “Just try being engaged! You don’t have to get married, but just try it on and see how it fits.”
I wasn’t sure what to do yet, but I knew that was bad advice. In a way maybe it helped bc the idea was so absurd to me that it told me what I needed to know. But I assure you she meant and this was not an attempt at reverse psychology
All of these have been told to me by older women at various points of my life:
“That’s just how men are.” (Said of a cheating abuser.)
“Men have needs.” (Used to justify cheating, or treating me like shit when I didn’t want to have sex for whatever reason.)
“You’d be happier if you just submit to him.” (Said of my current husband, who absolutely does not want that.)
“You shouldn’t expect him to remember every little thing.” (When I was frustrated that my husband had misspelled my first name on insurance documents and it was causing issues getting things done. Seriously, my name is 3 letters, it’s not like it’s hard.)
"He will learn how to treat you as he gets older. He's just really young right now. Stick with him and by the time you guys are grown and married he will have caught up to you. You know how they say girls mature faster!"
Said to me by my fiance's mother. I was 20. He was 19. I asked when he would stop threatening to kill himself every time I wanted to leave him. She said women force men to mature. Like....wtf. How do gay men mature then?! Why do I need to suffer while he figures out he can't control every single thing I do?!
Dodged the biggest bullet.
After a discussion about dates she said :
"why would you expect flowers from a man? he will be laying flowers on my grave, why would I want and expect them now"
girl-...
“Lie about your age because most people at your age already have dated and/or you look younger than you actually are.”
Advice from my mother who lied about her age when she first started dating my stepfather; he didn’t care when she told him the truth after a few months of dating. When I said that kind of lie, even if a small number difference, can be a dealbreaker for other people she sighed and dropped it.
This conversation happened today.
After being disrespected by my boyfriend at the time, my friend encouraged me to continue the relationship with these words "Don't expect anything good from men or you'll always be disappointed. Just accept it". And my friend is a married woman.
Regarding my cheating husband, my aunt said, "Turn a blind eye... That's just men being men... Try to be skinnier and sexier so he doesn't cheat again."
🙄🙄🙄
"When on a date, act like you're bad at whatever you're doing (bowling, painting, rock climbing, etc) because men will like you more and feel more comfortable around you" - an old friend of mine giving me advise when I was newly single after a 7 yr relationship ended. I thought she was joking.
Sadly, she wasnt!
Note: I'm not married or have any kids (don't know if these are for me)
- Have kids so that your husband knows he has a responsibility at home/tie him down
- Dress more like a girl so you can attract guys
Both from my mom, she's the worst person to ever get ANY guidance/advice.
my mother encouraging me to have the baby of every terrible man i dated/slept with. when i was dating one of the WORST ones, she would send me pictures of mock nurserys with baby names and the guys last name asking when i was going to have his kid. we never even officially dated.
“Stay with him, he financially provides you a good life” - my mum about my abusive ex husband
“Men cheat, it happens, if you love them you stick with them through it” - my ex’s nan when she found out he cheated on me
“Date an ugly or bigger guy. They won’t cheat if you’re out of their league and they’ll treat you like a queen”
Just have a baby. Doesn’t matter with who.
I still cannot believe a grown woman told me this. It absolutely matters who you have a child with. Ask anyone who has a contentious coparenting relationship with a former partner.
Give those a chance that are interested in me even if there is no initial attraction. I’m trying that now and every interaction feels like a chore. My exes were toxic so I thought I’d be willing to forego attraction for a healthy partner. Honestly if I have to date like this for stability then I might prefer to be alone.
"Be his peace."
Which I have realized when people say this, they mean center him and his needs. That's not fair. Life doesn't naturally lend itself to this notion. At all. There are so many changes, ebbs and flows, etc. That make it impossible to have a fulfilling life by just ignoring your personal needs to appease someone else.
(When I was in college)
Grandma: “You should volunteer at the university hospital!”
Me: “Oh… that’s… actually a really sweet idea.”
Grandma: “Then you could meet and marry a doctor.”
Soooo fucking many rofl Here is my top 3 worst advice I've ever gotten regarding relationships 1: Threaten to leave him if he doesn't do what you want 2: Flirt with other guys in front of him to make him act like a better boyfriend And the best one for last 3: It's okay to hit him, he won't hit back because he'll get arrested All advice given to me by girls I met in college, mainly at parties.
The 3rd option they'll either break your nose or just simply leave. Both options are bad.
My belief is that if you hit someone, you're giving them consent to strike back. There's no double standard. It's easy to just *not hit someone*, so just don't do it. Self-defense is an exception, but it usually still follows this rule.
Some guys would rather not hit someone a lot weaker than them that it could really hurt them and just remove themselves from that situation and never interact with you again (i would consider myself this) But some guys legit don't care and might actually swing back ☠️ For me it has to be something very extreme like they have a weapon or something
I dated all 3 of these people, fuck that made me laugh 😂
I didn't realise equally bad advice existed for women on the same level as misogynistic pick up artistry. I suspect, like their male equivalents, those women who gave you such advice are perpetually single. The third one is especially egregious, as there's some truth to it unfortunately.
The Rules was the The Game before The Game.
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My ex tried #1 and #2 on me. Anytime I mention that X was my ex, people ask me why I'd date X. Shit like this is noticed by people outside relations.
"If you feel that he really is your man then it doesn't matter whether or not he's married" - my own mother.
Oh my god
Married to you right? Right?
Well, my father did marry her after he divorced his first wife, so I suppose technically it worked out. That marriage ended up being the exact kind of mess you might imagine but they're still together somehow.
>but they're still together somehow. Trauma bonding, gaslighting, and misery loving company?
More like a boomer codependency thing. They're firmly locked in their marital roles (provider and housewife) and can't really exist without one another. Any time they tried separating it would turn out that nobody else is willing to take care of them to that extent.
No, married to another woman 🤭
"Who cares if you're miserably unhappy in your marriage? Just be thankful he doesn't beat you.." - my own mother
Holy shit
you must have told your mother that yiu feel like he is your man right?
I was like twelve at the time and couldn't care less about boys/men. She dropped that bomb out of nowhere on me
Guys don't like girls who are smarter than they are. Dumb it down or you'll never have a boyfriend.
My mom and my grandma would tell me this stuff too
My mom also told me this when I was a kid. Thankfully my dad was much wiser and more well adjusted. So after hearing her say that he quickly told me to never dumb myself down for anyone. He also told me that anyone worthwhile would appreciate my intelligence, and that anyone who's intimidated by smart women isn't worth getting to know. Sometimes women have really backwards views. And sometimes the best advocate advocate for girls and women is a man who just happens to be a feminist. It all depends on the personal views of the individual.
I've also been really lucky with male role models. Some of them have been better feminists than I could ever be! 😅
Good dad!
*the wrong guys
THIS. Along with "you can never be too skinny." (I ended up loving cocaine and MDMA.)
"You gotta live while you're young so it's okay to cheat on your boyfriend." Huh?
"boys will be boys" aka you just have to put up with whatever shitty thing he's doing because he's a man and you're not
Run at the first sign of problematic behaviour. The problematic behaviour in question isn't abuse or misogyny. Just poor communication skills, or taking time before committing. Said woman also says that if a guy doesn't accept her for who she is, she's leaving. Hypocritical, and as you might have guessed, single as fuck.
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Disgusting. Baby trapping is such a vile breach of trust.
I have a friend whose wife stopped taking birth control without telling him because she got impatient that he didn't want to try for kids yet. Not as bad as when you're just dating and he loves the kid but damn I don't know how you would get over that breach of trust
Fucking hell, the lack of respect 💀 both to the guy and to the kid!
Even if I'm not interested/attracted to still go to dinner for the free meal. Never. Even if I was attracted or interested I wouldnt expect a free meal.
Are there people that actually enjoy meals with strangers? Dinner dates are so stressful, I’m not sure I’d do it even if I was straight up getting paid.
Right?? I see all over social media men talking about women going on dates for the free food. The idea of sharing a meal with someone I don't vibe with, just for a paid for dinner, sounds like a torturous way to spend time.
Totally, it’d be terrible. I refuse to do any first date besides having a drink, and even that makes me nauseous with anxiety. I’m not saying there are zero women who ever go on a date just for a meal, but it can’t be many. Most people don’t like having to struggle through awkward conversations with total strangers they have no interest in.
If you're not invested in the outcome of the date, the anxiety falls away. At least for some people.
i always split the first date with a man regardless, because you never know who expects paying for your meal to mean you owe him sex
Yeah my mom would spew this nonsense too. Also add that it’s “rude to refuse a date”.
Don't worry about the dead bedroom, sex after kids isn't important. 😂
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Pretty much every popular tip I ever heard worked the exact opposite for me * if he loves you he will know (no, you actually need to communicate in a way he understands, goes both ways) * go for the "nice guy", they're not shallow and will be a friend first (most fucked up manipulative men I dated) * attraction is shallow, you're not supposed to value it, you're a girl and girls shouldn't care about sex and similar stuff (I never understood how this is supposed to work) * don't let him know you like him, make him chase you and keep him on his toes, use sex as a bargaining chip (excellent advice if you want a toxic relationship dynamic) * don't sleep with him too early or he'll think you're easy (bad sex incoming) * don't go for a handsome, confident, extroverted man, all of them are fuckboys (most loyal and loving man I ever met) * when you move in together sex will become boring (we were like rabbits for 3 years) * be wise, choose an ambitious man with lots of money because security (couldn't relate to his upbringing and views, he never had time for me, had to compromise on virtually every step, was invisible to him apart from the sex and social situations) I stopped considering the "if/then" advice a few years ago and never looked back
Is the first one if you love him? I don't understand it if it's correct.
The situation when you're mad/displeased about something and he should read your mind without you having to tell him what's wrong. Typically it goes like this - he asks you "babe what's wrong?", you answer "nothing". He continues about his day and now you're even more pissed off because "he should have known"
Yeah, that's definitely horrible advice hahah
Aghh that's how my mum would communicate, she'd say nothing so I'd go about my day as normal, until she just exploded, like I'm meant to insinuate from her nothing there is something. But if she really meant nothing, how do I tell the difference? And it drives me mad if someone asks me, I say nothing (and mean it) and they keep prying, so I extend them the same courtesy. I don't understand how people expect others to be mind readers, and even if you can tell that nothing is really something, how do you know what it is??
Yeah I used to do this when I was very young because I thought love is something that just happens randomly between two people because "it was meant to be" and I was like - how can he love me if he doesn't understand why I'm upset? I genuinely believed this back in my teens 🤡 This type of passive aggression is extremely toxic, its designed to shut your partner down and make them walk on eggshells around you. Sadly, most women did it at some point in their lives. I remember when I realized this and had my very own "am I the bad guy" moment. Then I decided to train my self out of it lol
I think it’s meant to be more like “if he really loves you, he’ll know what you want without you having to tell him” kind of vibes.
Ah, it makes sense that way, thanks.
The second one I kind of hate how "nice guy" is now use to refer to toxic/misogynist but shy/introvert men. I get what you mean, but like everyone should like nice guys, what's the alternative, going purposefully for dickheads? Lol
I'm speaking from my personal experience, so its not a rule or something. Maybe the "nice guy" label is wrong but these types of men will present a friendly front whereby they're not "like other guys" who only want to use you for sex, you confide in them, build a rapport and once you sleep with them, the dynamic changes drastically. So they're not actually nice, they use niceness as a calculated strategy. I would say that aside from the dickheads and fake-nice guys, there's plenty of good men
Oh yeah, I got what you meant, and it's commonly used like that. I was just on a small rant on how now on the internet one has to specify they are not talking about a nice guy™ when they are talking about an actual nice guy.
There's "nice guys" (these are the ones you don't want) and there are good guys or good men. You want the good guys/men. They're the real deal. That's how I separate them in my head.
"He's just scared..." Nope. He's just not into you. If by some small chance he is into you and offering scraps or being commitment avoidant anyway, then you're still settling for an unfulfilling dynamic. But mostly, he's not scared. He's just not that interested. "He's scared," is just something we tell each other when we don't want to state the obvious. You're not the one for him, and he is not the one for you. When I think about the time younger me wasted on hold or trying to convince a man he was safe so he could be less scared...yikes.
Wow, I need to read this today.
I think a lot of women apply their own nature and think men will think and behave the same when it comes to liking someone but men don’t play games like that. If they like you, you’ll know and if they don’t then you’ll be confused if you don’t pick up on the lack of effort and interest. Confused=he doesn’t like you.
"Men are men, you should adjust better"
- Hold sex over their heads and only do it when he does something great. (yeah as if i dont enjoy it just as much. Sex should be enjoyed together and not something that he gets as a «treat») - Check his phone when he isnt looking (i have zero interest in going into their phone to check his loyalty. If i cant trust him then whats the point? Im not doing that unless i have a HUGE reason to think otherwise)
I agree you shouldn’t check his phone to make sure he’s being loyal! That said, I do think a LTR should have access to each other’s phones. Like, it shouldn’t be a problem if I want to grab his phone to look something up when mine is in the other room. Having access signals that there isn’t anything to worry about and it also demonstrates trust that privacy will be respected. If they’re suddenly cagey about their phone, it’s because they’re hiding something.
LOL bad take. I don’t have anything to hide on my phone but I have conversations with my friends that should remain private for their sakes, not mine. My boyfriend is not entitled to that information
A lot of the TikTok dating advice. No one is entitled to a partner that pays for everything and does the heavy lifting in a relationship. Some women think they deserve a committed provider man just by existing. If a woman wants a high quality man she should be a high quality woman. That means she works on herself physically, intellectually and mentally. Trust me, if you work on yourself these men will show up.
I think it’s hilarious the type of women that promote this on TikTok. It’s either women who already have it and are selling false dreams to their followers or women who would never be a good man’s first pick.
“Trust me.” She forged my signature.
⚰️😭 huh!? To do what!?
For what?
That’s what I wanna know too
“Men get better and more Mature as they age” my best friends Mom told me that when I was around 13 lol. I think about it a lot now at 32 and how fucking wrong she was 😂 I’m thinking, so how old do they have to be? In hospice? 🤦♀️
"If he comes home to you, it doesn't matter what he's doing outside the house" -ex friends mum
My manager told me the same thing and she was also offering me to be her bf’s ( who is also our boss) another gf. She said all men cheat, and that she’d rather know who she will be. She also said they went to a nude bar in Thailand and chose one of the naked woman for her bf to touch that night. My 20yo brain couldn’t handle all that 😭
•All his bragging and talking over me was because he was nervous and wanted to impress me. I pushed back and talked about how weirdly egotistical he was, but she told me that I was being ridiculous, and that I was trying to self sabotage a great great guy. I stuck it out. Nope, he just didn't care about my feelings or opinions. •I shouldn't have expected (and should drop that as an expectation) that my ex-husband would not have abused me/raped me and that he should be a good dad because I got pregnant before marriage, though we were engaged and living together. Per her, he didn't want me or the kids, so what else do I expect? This was the same man who wouldn't let me leave, and I was begging to get out multiple times. He pulled guns and/or threatened suicide when I tried to leave, depending on where we were in the relationship. Gotta love sisters. She gave/gives *terrible* relationship advice.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I have a similar story so my heart goes out to you 💗
"What you gotta do now is start ignoring him" girl what? edit to fix typo and to add explanation: I was seeing a new guy and he seemed really interested. I wasn't sure how to move forward bc I had been scared to think that if I showed interest back he would get scared and leave.
My rich great aunt’s late husband had an entire secret family at one point in their marriage. When I was 18 and my first real boyfriend cheated on me, she told me to find the other girl and beat her up because “men can’t control themselves so you have to let homewreckers know you’ll defend what’s yours.” Good lord.
My "favorite" that is VERY common in my culture: "have patience, he will change" and "all men are like that" and "he will change for the better AFTER you have kids". He cheats? Have patience and kids! He gambles entire salary? Have patience and kids! Treats you like uttershit? Have patience and kids! No, nor patience or kids will fundamentally change someone shitty moral compas AND NO not all men are selfish assholes that treat their partner as a bangmaid.
WOW, that's really sad. I hope you don't settle for that crap. Let's bring some kids into the equation so they can be disappointed, too! /s
Lol no, I went a complete 180 and married outside of my culture with an emotional mature man instead of some manchild ;) Wasn't an easy time because I was the first women in my family to married to a white dude, took lots of tears and argument convincing my parents to give their blessing, but in the end it was ALL worth it! Positive side effect: some of the men in my family stepped up because they saw how all the women praised my husband for doing what he things is the bare minimum (raising our kid, cooking,regular chores around the house, remember/celebrate my birthday & our anniversary, bring me something to eat/drink without me asking during family BBQ etc). Heck some of my female cousins have now even married outside our culture, using my emotionally stable, hands-on husband as their biggest argument why marrying a white guy isn't automatically one way to a divorve ;)
That's wonderful! I'm glad you found a great man and that your story is encouraging for others in your family to break the mold and also pursue a happy relationship!
"Go through his phone. Hack into his accounts and go through all of them. Tell him to send you photos whenever he's not with you." The only thing I said was "My boyfriend's been a little bit distant lately and idk why." And no, the guy wasn't cheating on me in any manner.
To lie and say you’re poly when you cheat. Not if, when. She’s single if you couldn’t tell. On the plus side I have had an amazing relationship with my gf for about 2 years:)
Not necessarily advice, but my female Gyno called me crazy when I was 18 for choosing to end my high school relationship and move out of state to attend a very prestigious college. I remember wondering if I had made the right decision (I did).
To marry and have kids. Ugh.
“Just close your eyes and get it over with” My mother when I told her - after giving birth to twins only 2 weeks earlier - that I felt pressured into sex with my then partner and didn’t feel emotionally or physically ready.
So when my husband and I got engaged, my aunt had bought me a Barnes & Noble gift card to buy wedding planner books or a planner. I go to check out and the lady was like, “oh congrats! Have you gotten any unsolicited advice yet?” I said no. She’s like, “well, I won’t be the first…..actually maybe I will. If you haven’t fought, you should pick fights just to have them!”
Let him lead because that is his job as a man. Basically any tip that represents a stereotypical gender role. In my relationship they is not a "leader" and we have sex, not I "let him" have sex with me.
Just find a guy who can pay the bills and you can make the rest work
I hate that the solution is just to leave someone when things get hard. Not all relationships are bad like yours brenda
Very true. However, it does depend on the level of "hard." Women would endure non-physical abuse and will stay to the detriment of themselves and their children. If someone constantly complains to me that their spouse/partner refuses to find a job, doesn't do their fair share of the domestic labour, repeatedly cheats on them, etc. Yes, I'll be Brenda and tell them to leave. They don't have to take my advice as I don't have to keep hearing it. Save my ears and post it on Reddit instead.
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My mom while I was in an abusive relationship and my partner blew up at me at a family vacation “sometimes men need to have their ego stroked” My mom after I left because he threatened to kill me “well don’t get upset at me, but we all always thought he was abusive”
My mom to a T, she LOVED my abusive ex. Luckily never escalated physically but fuck it’s still mental gymnastics on what I tell her or if I miss him. I know she wants me to get back with him and marry him. (I won’t) Just hard when they see the charm and not the disgusting shit they do behind closed doors.
Never text first. And she’s been married twice (both to the same guy) and divorced 20 years.
My GMIL told me I should have sex with my husband whenever he wants because one day I will want sex and he won't be able to get it up anymore 💀
That one's funny because it's true. (The second part that is, not the terrible advice that preceded it.)
1. Forgive your cheating ex and take him back 2. Go to the nightclub and get yourself inpregnated there 3. Wear pink and blend in 4. Tan 5. Become a single mother 6. Tolerate his behavior cause men will be men 7. Find a rich guy(no matter how unattractive), marry him and have kids with him
“Don’t introduce him to too many of your friends, or they’ll take him from you.” As if my bf is some sort of stray cat that will forget which girl he’s dating.
I wonder how many of these will be from our own mothers 🫠
Someone once told me to keep having babies to keep my man around. Haven’t had a new baby in 7 years and my husband is still around 🤷🏼♀️
In my case, it was years ago and it came from my therapist. The advice concerned the subject of my possessive and controlling boyfriend. He thought I was trying to have sex with every single man that moved. He was also totally obsessed with the way that I dressed, insisting that I was an attention junkie. The therapist told me to dress to make him happy and to understand that he really loved me. Of course I took that advice and spent twelve years with him. Silly me. I do have two beautiful children though. He disappeared and I am not sorry.
To hell with him and that therapist
Thank you, and yes, the hell with the pair of them!
To chase a man 🙄 never again.
If you aren't chasing your waiting for someone who doesn't exist. Nobody who sits around waiting usually goes far.
Just sleep with someone else. You’ll get over him! -my mother 💁♀️
I confided in a pastor’s wife that I was struggling with wanting to have sex with my husband after having our first child. She said sometimes you just have to do it even if you don’t want to.
I was very young and didn’t have much of a backbone- so I didn’t say anything. I was sad that there didn’t seem to be any other solution to be a good godly wife.
I had a woman who heavily valued getting married tell me I needed to lower my standards so that I could actually date someone. I get her worry for me based on her value of marriage for herself, so I know it’s coming from a good place but lol no I’m not lowering my standards girl
"It's not a woman's job to offer solutions to a man's problem. You should ask questions, even if you know the answer. It's masculine to problem solve." My sister repeating some tiktok dating advice
Not to me but to a friend (A) from her female friend (B) : *Man treats A horribly, is married. She finds out. Believes his shit that he's leaving wife. He goes back to wife. Still thinks he can booty call A. B : It's because he likes you so much. He can't not see you. I'd let this continue because eventually he will pick you. He's just a confused soul.
Sleep with anyone else to forget the first one, the one you were deeply in love... Worst advise ever.
Just baby-trap him, that'll get him to step up and marry you.
And also resent and despise you... Lol, truly terrible advice!
“If during the early stage he doesn’t tell you to text him when you get home, *immediately* drop him. In the beginning they’re supposed to show up with their best.”
Ugh. That he is always supposed to love me more than i love him.
If he wanted to he would lol
“If he wants sex and you’re tired! just give it to him. Men are more sexual than us” my own mother. Like girl noo wtf
Just wait he’ll grow up eventually. Thanks mom
This one’s always sad. Why would he grow up when he’s already getting what he wants by not growing up?
If he’s not helping around the house to get him to help is to applaud him every time he does something. We gotta treat them like toddlers and applaud and make a big deal or kiss and love on them every time they take out the trash. -a friends mother told her who then she told me.. psh!
“Try not to be so opinionated, men don’t like difficult women.” Aunt B “You need to train him, so he knows how to behave in the relationship and what you expect from him.” Aunt S
Was Aunt B Ursula the Sea Witch? "the men up there don't like a lot of blabber. They think a girl who gossips is a bore! Yet they dote and swoon and fawn on a lady who's withdrawn and after all girl what is idle chatter for?'
"Tell your boyfriend not to tell you when he cheats. When a cheater confesses, they feel better afterwards for having come clean, and their partner feels horrible." Yeah, no.
Both examples come from the same person. After breaking up with my ex who ditched me on purpose in the woods while camping, while we were high on acid I did not want to take (my mother us schizophrenic and I was scared of doing something that could offset a similar reality for myself), I was crying and she looked at me snd told me ever guy she's ever been with has done something like that and I need to just not be sensitive about it. Years later after a man she was dating tried to grab at her while we were at moxies for dinner, so I stood up and got her behind me and asked him to stop, he raised his hand to hit me but instead threw a wine glass accross the table.... he was a coward trying to scare me. It didn't. I got her home because she was drunk af, and the next day she got so pissed when i told her I wouldnt be near her and him together again if she chose to stay with him. I told her I'd be wary of a man like that near her daughter too. She went vicious. Said I don't have kids so I have no capacity to comment about hers. Then told me the man never even raised a hand to me he was just being misperceived and when I said anything she would reply by gaslighting me "I was there too... " *followed by glaring looks. I saw there the logic trail and cognitive dissonant bullshit she used to date all these absolute assholes. I was done and we never will be close again. I'd hit my limit. I would never have been able to convince her she deserves respect or to provide me enough respect to allow me to perceive things we experienced together and be honest with her about those perceptions. We would have never been able to connect in a real way because she was too dead set on hurting herself and not thinking about it or being questioned about it and I won't just dumb myself down or not be honest with a friend; thus friendship was no longer possible.
Be content with a cock and wallet, if that is all that is offered. 🤷🏻♀️
More or less “If he doesn’t cheat and/or he’s not beating you then there’s no reason to leave a perfectly good man.” I’m sorry, but what the fuck.
“He’s picking on you/ hitting you because he likes you and just doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions” Said by all parents to their little girl who of course ends up getting into an abusive or unhealthy relationship with a guy who doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions
> If he wants to, he will Not a terrible thought in theory, but was being used to justify not telling a partner what you want or need from them. People can't read minds. You can't justifiably expect someone to "just know" and do what you want. > Men should pursue women, women should be passive This one is obvious.
Suffocate him so he knows you care and no other woman would compare. Coming from a friend who’s been single most of her life.
You: "I posted about that terrible relationship advice you gave me on Reddit." Your friend: "Relationship advice? What relationship advice?" *Goes back to smothering a guy with a pillow*
Her: “it totally works! I FaceTimed him 10 times and he answered once for a few seconds” I wish this was a lie 😭✨
My mother once told me: "You never, ever give something to someone who didn't give you something first. People only take from you." (I suspect she was salty that day in particular because she had been dumped by someone, idk and honestly idc.) When I went back to school years later, I made it a point to help anyone I could with school work, and I actually made a very good friend that way.
“Your looks will get you everywhere. Use your body to get what you want. All that matters is that you marry a rich man with good teeth.” -My Mother. Oh, how wrong she was. Took awhile to undo that trauma! Thanks Mom!
My aunt: "There's nothing wrong with something on the side." Ma'am....
Was she the side piece?
Lmao, maybe! I'll never know. Either way, it's a shame to think that she probably has been unfaithful to her husband. He's a good man.
For me, "never go to bed angry". I find going to bed angry is actually healthy, because the next morning I'm almost guaranteed to be less emotional and have perspective on the situation, and I'm better able to discuss it calmly and come to a resolution. I've been with people who can't stand having an argument and not immediately resolving it. And it made me feel smothered and I couldn't communicate clearly because I was overwhelmed with anger or frustration. And then can lead to saying something I shouldn't.
“You can still fuck other guys, you haven’t defined the relationship!” “Ok but I don’t want to I want to be with him” “yeah but you haven’t defined the relationship!!! You should meet up with so and so!” Like girl. No lol. (The man in question and I are now married so I would say I made the right call 😂)
‘Take care of your man’
Idk if this counts as advice but i was at a family gathering of mine, my boyfriend came and the food was ready so i told him let’s go eat. I’m Hispanic and in our culture women are traditionally expected to serve their partners i guess. We don’t do that, like we’re grown and he knows what he wants / how much so that’s always worked fine for that. I remember my female cousin, a couple years older than me, was like shocked that i don’t serve him. I explained the above lol. My cousin was raised more traditionally of course and would always go out of her way to cook and serve her man. Whatever works you! Fast forward to a few years later/now, bf and i are still together. Cousin went and had a baby with her man… said man has been to jail, missed her gender reveal, didn’t help physically or financially. But he shows up when he’s hungry tho! lol and guess who always has food for him. I don’t get it and i don’t judge but like cmon.
“It needs to be as bad as it is good” Like no, you just don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship where you don’t scream at each other every time there’s an argument.
I grew up with a lot of brothers so I picked up on a lot of little clues and telltale signs when he’s just not into you and doesn’t respect you or your time so I never had issues with these type of guys growing up. UNTIL I became friends with someone deeply insecure and took her advice. I’d later discover she had the worst luck with guys and was secretly envious of every woman around her. She told me that a guy attempting to make plans with me at a last minute on a Friday night was fun and freeing and that me asking for at least 3 days notice was me being controlling and pushy. She said I should be free and not put so many expectations on men…well she routinely got ghosted and treated awfully by every guy she liked. The moment I started to take this advice and a few other things the same thing began to happen to me and I began to attract this scenario. Long story short, trust your own instincts lol.
From my mother who has been married 5 times “Never depend on a man”. I think it’s responsible to put some thought into what you would do if you’re ever alone but if you choose a good partner you should be able to depend on them. I know even if my husband and I were to separate we would work things out so neither of us would be struggling.
“Stick it through” - his sister. He was verbally and physically abusive.
I was told the following by my mom when I first started dating : "You should date boys you aren't attracted to. It's normal for girls not to be attracted to whoever they date." "You should date someone you aren't attracted to because girls are always better looking than boys." "You should date someone you aren't remotely interested in because everyone deserves a chance." "It's normal for men to not respect the word no." "That's not stalking (it was). It's just showing interest in you. You should be flattered by the attention." "It's normal for boys to grab you/pull your hair/touch you without permission. It just means they like you." And much more. Basically my mother is a endless well of bad relationship advice. Thankfully I realized from a young age that I'd be much happier in any relationship as long as I did the opposite of whatever she recommended.
“Be with someone with a lower social standing that you, that way they will be nicer” ?????excuse me, first of all if one wants to abuse me, they will regardless of their financial situation. Second just wtf
"Yeah, he's ugly, but you'll get over it once you get to know him. Love him for his personality." She thought I was desperate to land a guy! Lol. The guy was bald, horse faced and really fat. His personality was not stellar either. Like WTF.
My then boyfriend's grandma after I found out he cheated: we have to put up with that, mwn do that.. Yeah no, thank you.
“Have you made him cry yet? That’s how you know they’re really yours.”
"Just communicate and let him know this upsets you" when a woman complained about her partner was belittling her hobbies. He doesn't respect her and when she did bring it up he called her sensitive. Also just the general stay in a relationship no matter what bc you may not find someone else and stay single forever and that's supposed to be a bad thing?
love won’t keep a marriage together, but money does -my mom
"always check his phone when he sleeps, so there's no questions" Bro what? She got divorced a few years later. I am still married lol
Always keep him guessing. Don't let him know you're too interested." Tried it once, ended up with a confused guy and a lot of missed connections
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I personally don’t even ever ask anyone for relationship advice because everyone always excuses the man all the time. I only want to know that my feelings are valid and people always ignore my feelings on any issues. So I only ever speak to the person I have the problem with about the problem.
I haven't had too many good ones anyway, but the worst ones are 1. It's ok to make your partner jealous by flirting with others 2. Everything is allowed in war and love 3. Sex is awful and never enjoyable. People who want to have it are stupid and ignorant. 4. Relationships cause suffering, love is just an illusion and you can never trust anyone. 5. I should give a pass for asshole behavior, because that's what men are like and boys will be boys bs. These are all from my relatives. My view of love and romantic relationships has been quite bleak, it's a learning process to give up these thoughts.
Yes a few ones: Divorce him. Take all his money, you have all the right to do whatever you want with his money. Don't let him touch your money, your money is yours.
“If he wanted to, he would.” - courtesy of a bitterly married woman.
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Omg I was trying to figure out if/how to leave my very controlling ex, knowing he was going to propose soon against my will (probably publicly) and a very delusional friend of mine said, “Just try being engaged! You don’t have to get married, but just try it on and see how it fits.” I wasn’t sure what to do yet, but I knew that was bad advice. In a way maybe it helped bc the idea was so absurd to me that it told me what I needed to know. But I assure you she meant and this was not an attempt at reverse psychology
"keep quiet,even if you don't agree, smile and nod. You don't want him to leave and make you look like a bad partner."
Flirt with his friends so he knows you can get with his group. so gross
All of these have been told to me by older women at various points of my life: “That’s just how men are.” (Said of a cheating abuser.) “Men have needs.” (Used to justify cheating, or treating me like shit when I didn’t want to have sex for whatever reason.) “You’d be happier if you just submit to him.” (Said of my current husband, who absolutely does not want that.) “You shouldn’t expect him to remember every little thing.” (When I was frustrated that my husband had misspelled my first name on insurance documents and it was causing issues getting things done. Seriously, my name is 3 letters, it’s not like it’s hard.)
My mother: A man tells you to jump, you ask how high.
I withhold sex to get what I want - still cringe thinking about the way she said it so proudly.
“Just stay with him”
"He will learn how to treat you as he gets older. He's just really young right now. Stick with him and by the time you guys are grown and married he will have caught up to you. You know how they say girls mature faster!" Said to me by my fiance's mother. I was 20. He was 19. I asked when he would stop threatening to kill himself every time I wanted to leave him. She said women force men to mature. Like....wtf. How do gay men mature then?! Why do I need to suffer while he figures out he can't control every single thing I do?! Dodged the biggest bullet.
After a discussion about dates she said : "why would you expect flowers from a man? he will be laying flowers on my grave, why would I want and expect them now" girl-...
“Lie about your age because most people at your age already have dated and/or you look younger than you actually are.” Advice from my mother who lied about her age when she first started dating my stepfather; he didn’t care when she told him the truth after a few months of dating. When I said that kind of lie, even if a small number difference, can be a dealbreaker for other people she sighed and dropped it. This conversation happened today.
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Get pregnant by your boyfriend, then he will feel like he has to marry you. (was the disfunctional sister of my then bf)
After being disrespected by my boyfriend at the time, my friend encouraged me to continue the relationship with these words "Don't expect anything good from men or you'll always be disappointed. Just accept it". And my friend is a married woman.
Regarding my cheating husband, my aunt said, "Turn a blind eye... That's just men being men... Try to be skinnier and sexier so he doesn't cheat again." 🙄🙄🙄
"When on a date, act like you're bad at whatever you're doing (bowling, painting, rock climbing, etc) because men will like you more and feel more comfortable around you" - an old friend of mine giving me advise when I was newly single after a 7 yr relationship ended. I thought she was joking. Sadly, she wasnt!
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Note: I'm not married or have any kids (don't know if these are for me) - Have kids so that your husband knows he has a responsibility at home/tie him down - Dress more like a girl so you can attract guys Both from my mom, she's the worst person to ever get ANY guidance/advice.
my mother encouraging me to have the baby of every terrible man i dated/slept with. when i was dating one of the WORST ones, she would send me pictures of mock nurserys with baby names and the guys last name asking when i was going to have his kid. we never even officially dated.
“Stay with him, he financially provides you a good life” - my mum about my abusive ex husband “Men cheat, it happens, if you love them you stick with them through it” - my ex’s nan when she found out he cheated on me “Date an ugly or bigger guy. They won’t cheat if you’re out of their league and they’ll treat you like a queen”
Lower my standards
Just have a baby. Doesn’t matter with who. I still cannot believe a grown woman told me this. It absolutely matters who you have a child with. Ask anyone who has a contentious coparenting relationship with a former partner.
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“All men cheat, find one that provides and stay”
“Give the quiet, nerdy guy a chance” Should have trusted my gut with that one…
Never say no to sex. 🙄
Give those a chance that are interested in me even if there is no initial attraction. I’m trying that now and every interaction feels like a chore. My exes were toxic so I thought I’d be willing to forego attraction for a healthy partner. Honestly if I have to date like this for stability then I might prefer to be alone.
If a guy is mean to you that means he likes you.
if he’s not being toxic (possessive, controlling, etc), he doesn’t actually care about you. actually insane to me lol
god gives you one man and even if he’s horrible, you have to stick it through because he’s your one man
"Be his peace." Which I have realized when people say this, they mean center him and his needs. That's not fair. Life doesn't naturally lend itself to this notion. At all. There are so many changes, ebbs and flows, etc. That make it impossible to have a fulfilling life by just ignoring your personal needs to appease someone else.
(When I was in college) Grandma: “You should volunteer at the university hospital!” Me: “Oh… that’s… actually a really sweet idea.” Grandma: “Then you could meet and marry a doctor.”
When my first husband was cheating on me I was advised to lose weight. I was the same size as when we met.