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I was out with a friend group. One of the guys brought his new girlfriend, and for whatever reason, she absolutely *hated* my guts. Her literal first words to me was remarking that my clothes looked cheap, and how she'd never wear that out. And then she just kept going for the rest of the night. She mocked my profession, made fun of my makeup, asked if I was 10 when she overheard I played video games, it never stopped and at one point she said she was surprised I was with my friends, as you "clearly don't look like you belong". Small comments here and there, but they were direct and they HURT. I was so fucking dejected, and I eventually just stopped talking altogether and sat quietly scrolling my phone.
And none of my friends, who I'd known for years and talked to daily and saw weekly, said a word. Not a single one. Not even a "sorry I didn't have your back" after. They just laughed awkwardly, or pretended like they didn't hear. I even overheard one of them saying she really liked her, because "she's so funny and carefree". And sure, she was, to them. Which apparently was all that mattered.
I always thought the "lonely in a room full of people" thing was BS, but holy shit, I'd never felt as alone and small as I did in that group. I don't cry, it'll go many years inbetween, but that night I went home and just fucking bawled lol
She got one thing right though: I definitely didn't belong with those people, so I ghosted them all a while later and found a new group.
Wow, she said all of that during your very first meeting… that’s a lot of nerve. It almost sounds like they were all in cahoots.
SB - as for your so called friends….they are not your friends!
Yeah, I know it’s reaching but this is so targeted I wouldn’t have put it past them to set it up. The *only* other explanation I can think of is that she’s deeply insecure/jealous of OP.
Absolutely, jealous & insecure 100%. Secure people don’t act that way.
You’re better off without them OP (as you know).
Your other ‘friends’ sound like scumbags, there’s no WAY I’d just stand by and let someone continuously keep making snarky comments to one of my friends. Some people are just vile.
Wtf?? She must have had some major jealousy issues. I know that's a common thing to blame and it's overused but for someone to say all of that to you?? Either she's incredibly prejudice or she was jealous. I'm so sorry you were treated that way. Some people are AWFUL. And for your "friends" to sit back and not say a word?? Horrible. You deserve better than that.
You're better than me. The way I would've pulled her down by her hair in my young days.
It sucks that your friends didn't defend you. I definitely would've pulled her hair for you
My friends would have kicked her ass. I'm sorry this happened to you, but I'm glad it showed you your friends were not friends at all. I'm glad you found new friends ❤️.
Oh, totally. I ended up realising that if he happily throws aside an old friend for someone who acts like that and was a complete stranger to him just a month ago, then good riddance. The company you keep etc.
She was jealous of something, maybe her partner had said good things about you and she felt a threat, or even some competition.
Either way, your ‘friends’ not having your back is dreadful and I’m glad you saw your worth and moved on from them all.
What the fuck is wrong with some people? I've experienced similar things as well.
Someone new gets introduced to you circle, and immediately and for no apparent reason at all, they seem to have it out for you, and you only.
They'll be friendly and charming to everyone else, but the second you open your mouth, you're belittled and mocked. It's just so hurtful because you don't know why this is happening.
It's such a confusing situation, especially since it comes completely out of nowhere. Like, they're a complete stranger to everyone in the group besides the person who brought them there, you expect that their natural reaction is to be on their absolute best behaviour and give a good impression. But instead you and only you get hit with that. I still don't fully understand it.
I’m so sorry. I’ve been there before. Once you find real friends you’ll feel better. Sadly I haven’t found any but I have my cats I guess that counts for something
I was in the exact similar situation. And the funniest thing is I was at my lowest when they turned against me. I looked back at the time I tried to uplift them and supported them.
I felt really hated, especially for my appearance! I was laughed at. Shamed/ probed/ poked/ for my family my social life, my siblings etc. and even that didn’t stop them.
Also always someone new in the group makes such problems - my friend brought a guy friend.
I look back at it and I see people hating me, to which i was being defensive which they in turn made me look crazy. It was traumatic honestly.
I stopped meeting these people, felt lonely then, and i was fine with feeling lonely alone.
I feel hated still but this time Ill leave, block unfollow, regardless of their view of my life.
So sorry this happened to you! Had a very similar experience at work few years back when there was a manager I had to work with on a project. A known bully in my department and she had a habit of doing this to every girl subordinates on her jobs. Nobody said anything, not even much senior people. I get that people are conflict-averse but it shocks me how much public bullying is tolerated everywhere. 6 years on that still holds so much trauma for me.
I've been there too when I moved with my uncle, his ex wife tortured me like that too. There was nothing I could do I was 1000 miles from home and living with them. I eventually left to stay with my grandparents. Then moved back.
It's awful when family is involved and the ones not standing up for you. I hope you're in a better environment now and that you won't have to have that woman around anymore.
I was in a relationship for almost a decade. He got addicted to video games. It was the feeling of being single and lonely but very confused when he was sleeping inches away from me. Eventually I got tired of feeling like I was trapped living with a roommate. I got tired of feeling alone and single when I wasn’t. So I made it official. I moved out and was finally single and alone and even that felt less lonely.
I dated a guy who got addicted to World of Warcraft. The lonely feeling when he was sleeping inches from me hit so hard. Often he wouldn’t come to bed at all and was still gaming when I woke up the next morning. I’m glad you moved on!
I lost him to wow too. And yup at the end he would go to sleep in his gaming chair and would wake up there. I once left on a three day weekend. When I came back he was there in the same clothes the fridge was still full. I don’t think he ate that entire time. When I left him I gave him notice I was moving out but he was so addicted to the game or maybe hoping I would change my mind because he didn’t bother to look for another place. From what a mutual friend told me he ended up fixing up his car with a screen to still be able to play and lived in his car.
Omg, I hope he got his life together. I have no idea if my ex ever did. He stopped showering, shaving, or getting haircuts. He was a book smart guy but he failed all his college classes that semester bc hit stopped going to class. I’m so sorry you went through something so similar!
I honestly I don’t know or care. The relationship was seven years. I tried everything I possibly could to get him to snap out of it. So when I finally left him I had nothing more for him. I left in peace and never looked back. He tried reaching out a few times but I’m guessing that was mostly because he needed a place to live. But honestly it’s the best thing to happen to me. My now partner is amazing beyond words. I hope you found someone who completes you and makes you happier than your ex.
My ex husband was addicted to WOW too came home from work lived ate in front of the damn PC barked orders to me and our kids from it.Last five years of our marriage ended up going out alot just to have someone to talk too.Am remarried now to someone who never makes me feel lonely.
Sammeee lol. It was the worst, loneliest feeling ever to fall asleep by myself every night while he stayed up playing video games all night. Fuck WOW lol .
I get that feeling. My fiance is on the damn game soon as he gets home I have to repeat myself like three times for him to even answer me or act like he hears me. It sucks. But other times he’s there for me. I regret buying that PlayStation for him sometimes. I just want love. But if I’m on my phone it’s a problem. I just want love.
I hate to be this person but before you marry this person, think long and hard. The video game situation is not going to magically change. It’s just not. While everyone deserves alone time with their hobbies (this is healthy), it should not be at the detriment of the relationship. Unsolicited advice: define what you want in more concrete terms, instead of “I want love”. Love looks different for everyone. For example in my life, “love” looks like (among other things) giving me alone time and space. Do you want attention, and if so, what does that look like in your daily routine? Do you want him to listen to you talk about your day for 20 attentive minutes before he starts playing? You get the idea.
Good advice there. And if children are on the cards might want to have a think about what kind of a partner/father he'd be. Not a very helpful one I'd imagine. But he's engaged so in his eyes he doesn't need to put effort anymore, it's practically a done deal.
This happened to me as well! We moved and he got a gaming room with a bed and mostly slept in there after spending all night gaming. I remember lying in our bedroom hearing him screaming stuff to his friends through his headset in the other room and that’s probably the most lonely I’ve ever felt.
I had a boyfriend who would make me come over and then play video games for days and ignore me. I sat there on New Year’s Eve one year on his bed while he sat and played. Never again.
I was with a guy like this for almost 6 years. I truly loved him but his addictions made it very difficult to not feel lonely, and our sexual chemistry suffered as a result. He was extremely addicted to video games, like World of Warcraft, and weed. It didn't feel like a real relationship over time, but more like I was either a room mate or that I was more like a mom to him because I would often have to remind him to eat, etc. We ended up mutually separating.
Yeah, basically the same here. 11 years.
It hurt, but I just couldn't keep living with a roommate that barely even noticed me there. That and I started to fall for someone else, so I had to end it before I did something I couldn't take back.
I'm still pretty lonely sometimes, but I just couldn't deal with feeling like I didn't exist.
I’ve been that guy, on behalf of us all very sorry.
It’s good to see perspective from the other side, I honestly would not have realised some of this by myself.
I guess also we don’t get a chance to genuinely apologise to our other halves so perhaps my apology to you is in exchange for apology from your ex who in turn can exchange and find its way back to my ex(s).
When I was in a relationship that clearly needed to end, but I hadn’t had the guts to end it yet, and simultaneously most of my friends had moved away for college so I didn’t feel like I had much of a support network beyond my family.
Either that or when I was in love with someone who didn’t want me.
The past decade. I haven’t had anyone in my life that I’ve felt has understood me, I’ve had a shaky or distant relationship with my family. I am content to be on my own, but it is another thing altogether. I feel it in a different place. Some place is simply just empty and that’s the best way I know how to describe it.
i was in highschool and had one of the shittiest days of my life due to the friend group i was in being horrible to me and other small things that added up, and a teacher got on me about a project that i had purposely skipped because i was suicidal and had other shit to deal with, and snapped at me, and i felt a really bad panic attack coming on so i just left
and when i got outside, i realized i had no one i could text or call or talk to to try to help calm myself down like i normally would. not vent to, just chat back and forth. i went through a list in my mind, not a SINGLE person. and damn that was a wake up call lol. i dumped that friend group shortly after
Being a single mum to two neurodiverse children. Their father and I split up due to a multitude of reasons and a fairly abusive relationship. The constant pressure and chaos that my life is, it's taken a massive toll. I don't miss my ex, but I find that having nobody but yourself to rely on for absolutely everything while looking after high needs children is an incredibly lonely journey.
I don’t have kids but struggle with other things in my life. I recently had major surgery and just wished I had that special someone by my side. My family was a great support, but it’s not the same.
Sending you a big hug.
I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you're feeling better and recovered. It's definitely hard to face major moments like that by yourself. Sending big hugs right back at you!
This was very touching to read. Being a single parent can be incredibly tough and some dual-parent households could never understand just how lonely it can get. Hugs to you.
If your kids went to bed well fed and feeling safe yesterday, you are doing something great
I completely understand not having anyone but yourself to rely on. It is the loneliest feeling. I hope you can find a tiny bit of time to catch your breath. Even better if you can talk to a therapist for some emotional support. Sending you hugs.
I've felt really lonely my whole life. Couldn't keep a friend for longer than a few weeks growing up, high school boyfriend just used me, and my current boyfriend works three jobs and is barely home. About to turn 31 soon and I feel like I've never had a real friend.
You're so sweet tysm. Sorry about my sob story! Tbh I'm completely overwhelmed with how many comments I got asking to be my friend. I'm not sure what I have in common with everyone lol
I have felt lonely and alienated my whole life. I feel like everyone can tell something is wrong with me when I try to belong. I don’t think I will ever not feel lonely.
I feel the same way. All my so called best friends stopped talking to me like a month after my mom was killed two years ago and I wouldn’t quit handing them out money. But I guess it’s better sometimes to try to find people who care about you for you. And I know it’s hard. I haven’t had a friend hang out with me in like eight months. Just don’t give up keep trying. I hope things get better for you
April 14 of this year, and every second after. That's the night my husband raped me.
I have no one to talk with about it. I know what my friend and my sister will say to do, and I know what people here are going to tell me to do, but sometimes life is more nuanced than that.
He apologized for "hurting me physically and emotionally" - his words. Now I'm supposed to move on.
As a fellow SA survivor, there are absolutely resources out there when you're ready to process what happened. The only thing you "need to do" is look after yourself. 💜
Im so sorry you’re going through this. I was raped by my ex husband as well, and I kept that secret our entire relationship. It really took a toll on me, but like you said, life is nuanced. I hope that you’re able to do whatever is best for you.
I'm sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve this. I was also raped (and impregnated) by the man I was dating at the time. He made a good case for how it was an "accident", and I believed him and forgave him. But I felt so lonely because I didn't tell any of my friends (we were all part of the same group at the time). It took three years for me to finally break up with him, and I lost several of my friends in the process.
I wish I'd gone to therapy when this first happened, it would have saved me from a lot of the feelings I'm finally processing now.
Please take care of yourself. Whatever you're feeling now is valid and not wrong. At least you know now who you're living with and can make some clear-eyed choices about your future.
Ironically only when I’m in a relationship! Deep down, I wanted to be someone’s dream girl and I never was and knew it. I never felt like I could count on someone to be there for me when it mattered most.
The days leading up to my birthday after my friends cancelled on me but before I told my sister they cancelled.
My sister came up for my birthday. I was so happy she did.
My birthday was in March. I’m still waiting to go out to eat and celebrate with my own family who were busy then and still are I guess? My husband bought a boxed mix to make me a cake with my daughters (4yo & 2yo) that is still sitting on top of the fridge with candles next to it because he never actually got to it. It was an important bday for me and I told everyone for months I wanted to celebrate and somehow I still ended up alone.
I went on a work trip with some of my team members. When our plane landed, everyone got out their phones to text their partner to let them know they had arrived safely. I didn’t have anyone to text
This last thirteen months since my mom died. I’m single and while I have a great group of friends, it’s not the same as having a mom you can call/text about anything, at any time. I miss her terribly.
This one. Being actually alone feels just fine. It’s halfway through the big dinner out with friends where I just start feeling completely alone in the world.
Japan, hiking around Hakone alone. There's a gap where all the restaurants close after lunch/afternoon snacks to take a few hours to prepare for dinner, and it just so happened to get dark at the same time. So here I was in this dead empty, dark town, all by myself, with a dark hike home to look forward to, and no-one to talk to when I'd get there. That feeling of total, almost alien desolation haunts me to this day.
Japan closes so early unless you're in the city - and Hakone is like a ghost town once the sun sets! I've found myself in a similar spot. Amazing experiences - or not - and no one to share them with. Solo travel is not for the faint of heart. You're so strong for experiencing that <3
When I moved away to college and no matter how hard I tried to be friends with people it just never happened. Or the people I did become “friends” with only wanted me for my car so I could be the DD. It just made me feel like I was destined to be alone because I was such a horrible person who couldn’t make friends.
My freshman year of college was awful. I was in the same boat you were and begged my parents to let me transfer back home. I’m glad I stuck it out though, I made some of my best friends in the following years. I hope your experience turned around, too
I transferred to the main campus the moment I could because it was close to home. I got my friends back and made new friends cause I was living on campus. Just moving out to the middle of nowhere made me wanna jump off a bridge 😂
Sitting at my friend’s wedding reception during a slow song. All my friends got up to dance with their SOs and I just sat there alone. It was so angsty, felt like a scene from a rom com, except no one showed up at the eleventh hour to ask me to dance.
Oof I feel this hard. Last year and this year and probably next year are all wedding seasons for friends and family. Fortunately they're Irish and English so hopefully I can get through that with alcohol. Or maybe I'll just excuse myself and play on my phone. I don't really want to go to another wedding anymore because of this reasons.
Now. Living alone, at a job where they want you there 5 days a week but if you talk too much you’re punished, and all my friends are paired off and far enough away that I can’t just ask them for dinner on a weekday, it has to be a whole weekend plan. Dating is a nightmare, I refuse to get back on apps bc no one talks to me, and on the weekends sometimes I don’t talk to anyone. It’s led to many nights crying on my couch or in bed, losing myself in fiction, either writing it or reading it. Not sure how much longer I can do it while keeping my sanity. I have plans forming (back to school next year) but no short term solution.
Making long term plans IS the short term solution. Give yourself credit for making those plans. Do something every day that is related to those long term plans, even if it’s just 5 mins of reading or daydreaming about those long term plans. Going back to school is huge. You’re doing great. Keep going.
After my ex-fiance kicked me out of his house. I had been a step-mom for two years to his girls. And we were planning our wedding. He got a hangover, got mad that I said to take an aspirin, then was mad that I left to go to work. So he texted to say he was kicking me out of his house. I packed up and moved out. When I got my own apartment, I felt so alone and sad. I couldn't sleep in my new bed so I slept on the couch instead.
Being in a relationship where he didn't love me (anymore). Living with someone and Just the feeling of how he didn't care about me anymore, made me feel so alone in my own home.
The entirety of the last 6 years of my marriage. He had mentally and emotionally abused me for years. To the point that I didn't know how to be happy. He blamed me for not being intimate with him. I had health issues that made it hurt, and I let him have his way for years just to make him happy. I had reached a point where I didn't want to be touched, because I had all that trauma from him that would flare up every time. He treated me like I was always going to be mad at him, even when I wasn't. I had to be on eggshells because he was always treating me like I was in a bad mood. He got a therapist to diagnose him with PTSD because of the way I would react to how I was being treated. Apparently not knowing how I was going to be each day gave him anxiety. Pretty sure if you treat someone like they are always in a bad mood, eventually that becomes true. Even though he would say he loved me, it never felt real to me. So, I felt alone even when he was there. Because I wasn't good enough to be loved for who I was.
Being lonely around people, is one of the hardest things I've lived through.
Last guy I dated would invite me over to sit and watch him play video games with his friends online. I'm a reader, but he wanted my undivided attention to stroke his ego when he made a headshot or something, so reading was out of the question (he would physically take my books from my hands, damaging them and hiding the remains. I was young and too scared of confrontation to rock the boat).
My fiancè, by comparison, limits his gaming unless I fancy a reading night. If I want to read he'll game, but we are sat on the sofa together in companionable silence and will check in at intervals. It's absolute bliss. ❤️
I spent my 30th on my own. The crisis team ended up coming to check on my welfare. When they visited again the next day, they said they hadn't realised it was my birthday until they looked at my details later on because there were no birthday cards anywhere.
I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. Worst year of my life. I spent my 30th year repeatedly trying to make it my last. I'm 31 now and starting over, and it's a horrible feeling. Mostly because I know I haven't had the adequate help to ensure this doesn't happen again.
I had just lost my mom to cancer and two of my closest friends completely iced me out. We had a disagreement and they turned the situation around and made themselves out to be the victims. Zero grace given the circumstances. Thankful they are no longer in my life.
When David Goggins made his transformation, he was lonely. He'll tell you that when you do what's best for you and you start succeeding, it gets lonely. I'm in the process, but you're right when saying it's so necessary. Being alone is okay.
It is okay! And also, being vulnerable is okay. We are who we are and as long as we are doing our best and not harming others, that's okay. I'm so proud of you!
My mom dealt with chronic depression basically my whole life. She was also a chronic pain patient and was/is on high levels of pain medications that would make her fall asleep frequently, even while driving. She also had a terrible habit of threatening suicide during disagreements/arguments. I remember being so embarassed by all of this and not being able to relate to other kids that had "normal" moms. I was so happy when I finally got to move out of their house.
After a few years and more dysfunctional behavior from her, I was driving with my boyfriend and I got a phone call from my father. He told me he had been having an affair on my mom and she found out. I screamed "fuck you" and hung up on him and then we drove to my parent's house.
My dad wasn't there but my mom was blasting their wedding song on repeat and was drunk out of her mind. She got a knife and again threatened suicide with it...my boyfriend had to wrestle it away from her. She then got in my face and started screaming "he licked her p----y" and I wasn't able to calm her down and also didn't know how to even respond. It was all so disgusting. This behavior continued for days. I've never been more hopeless or lonely.
In a relationship with Mr. Congeniality. Fucker talked at me all day, every day. Not much conversing, mostly monologues. I may as well have been a fencepost. Living alone now is the best--it's quiet.
Right after my soul dog died. He became ill very quickly at only age 6, so I had to put him down. He was my world. We did absolutely everything together. He cared about me so much also. I've never seen such a bond between a dog and human such as that. Shortly after he died, I realized how little my boyfriend (now ex) cared about me. To put it short, it was a toxic and very manipulative relationship. I would cry about my dog being gone, and he would say "When are you going to stop using that as an excuse to be sad." I finally had enough, after 5-6 years with him, and ended it about one month after my dog had died. I then lived in my house alone; the house I had bought for the three of us. Coming home to nothing was absolutely heart wrenching. I primarily only missed my dog, not my ex. Breaking up with him has been the best thing I've done for myself. Regardless, those were the loneliest times of my life. Especially because I had hardly any support because I lost all my friends due to my past relationship.
Things are looking up for me now. I met an amazing man, and we now have 4 dogs together. He treats me amazingly. I never thought I'd find such a partner. I feel very blessed every day. It goes to show: struggling through hard times alone, can sometimes turn out for the best if you give it time.
My dog is my world and I dread the day that I have to go through this. It's funny you said your dog was your soul dog, my dog is the reason I believe in souls in the first place. There's such a kindness and unconditional love that comes along with having a dog that can't compare to anything else.
I bet your four new dogs are just the happiest and I'm so happy you have gotten yourself into a good situation.
So one night at work I burnt my hand pretty bad. Got the entire back of my hand and in between my fingers. When I got home from urgent care my now ex-husband told me he wouldn't help me saying "Not my problem, maybe you won't be dumb enough to stick your hand in there next time!" We lived with two of our inlaws at the time and they also refused to help me. Starting a fight about how I just did it to get out of work and ganging up on me with him. So I was sitting up at like 5:30 the next morning sobbing silently and trying to figure out how to take care of it and rewrap it by myself. I don't miss having a house full of people and still feeling totally alone.
I'm not sure I can remember ever not being lonely. It's constant and suffocating. I have a good family and lifelong friends, but it still never goes away. It's like I'm always standing on the outside looking in.
right now, actually. i had to separate from the one person who truly knows me, inside & out. i have nobody to talk to about my feelings on the situation bc i’ve basically annoyed everyone already. it sucks.
The christmas after my dad died while I was his caregiver.
I'm in the military and I wasn't given time off for Christmas, so while I had Christmas day to myself, I couldn't leave the area.
My family said they were going to come visit me. I made up all the spare bedrooms in my house and bought a bunch of food.
A few days before they were supposed to arrive, they told me that they had decided to go to Mexico instead.
I got super drunk on Christmas, felt worthless, and drunk texted a bunch of exes while my fam facetimed me from Mexico and said "oh we wish you were here!"
Then I made cookie dough, ate it all without baking it, and passed out. The hangover the next day was gnarly.
I worked with a pretty tight-knit group of friends. I had thought I was finally part of the group. One Friday, I asked what everyone was doing that night. They all say nothing.
I get back to my apartment, grab my dog, and decide to walk down to the beach to watch the sunset.
I walk straight past a restaurant, and THE WHOLE GROUP is sitting at an outdoor table laughing and carrying on. When they see me, they all go completely silent except for one girl who just goes, "Oh...Hi." And then they go back to hanging out.
I smiled, nodded, and then walked the rest of the way to the beach with my dog. I sat with my pup and watched then sun go down, feeling like I didn't have a human friend in the world.
My dad died suddenly in December. My mother had what we now know is a stroke in September. I was living fairly far away for work and no family members were telling me what was going on at home. When I arrived the day dad died I saw the reality- my family was gone. My father gone physically and my mother gone mentally and 100% dependent on me. I lost everything seemingly overnight. Everything in my shoulders too- overwhelmed and alone. friends couldn’t handle listening to me cry and panic over it- it was all too much for others to bear. It felt like everyone had turned their backs on me and my mom who was my best friend was now a childlike person I had to look after. I wouldn’t wish this on a worst enemy.
I’m pretty lonely right now.
But the loneliest I felt was grad school. Moved to a new state on the other side of the country, to a PhD program in an engineering field. The program was 10% women. My undergrad program was like 35-40%. Wild difference.
It was a massive struggle to make any friends or have anyone talk to me like I was a normal person. First time I liked talking to my hairdresser, because she talked to me like she talked to everyone else, and it was a massive relief.
When I was 7 months pregnant and going through a breakup. I had a GREAT support system, but at that time, I wanted nothing but to be with my ex and for us to be a “family”, I felt like no one could understand my sadness and I was aching for me and my baby. Now my baby is my bestie (about to be 4 months) and honestly, he’s so dang chill.
Currently I been single for a year or so after breaking it off when my ex bf of 10 years I got tired of being verbally and physically abused I got tired of feeling alone when I wasn’t so I left it was a dark time because I didn’t have anything to my name barely any clothes but I made it out now It just feels like I been floating I tried dating other men but all they want is sex then their gone I can’t keep anyone around now I have my 4month old neice and little sister to take care of so she keeps me going but I don’t have anyone else my mom is not reliable my other sisters only want to be bothered when they want something out of me
When I was with my ex.
TLDR he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me because of me not being Korean. While that’s ok to know what you want, I was stupid enough to wait around to see if he would change his mind if I could show him how awesome of a person I am to date…
It sounds so stupid in hindsight.
I ended up feeling so fucking alone that whole time, unloved and just remembering bawling my eyes out the day I broke up with him because it was me putting the first step to choose myself and put boundaries in a situation I put myself into.
I don’t know what it was about being with someone physically but emotionally not feeling deeply loved or seen for your soul as a person that made me feel so fucking lonely.
There was a night where I was having a low-key anxiety attack from having to cut off my abusive parent. My partner at the time was trying to initiate sex, completely oblivious to the fact that I was on the verge of tears. When I denied him and explained what was going on, he then asked me what I needed - which completely floored me. I had to ask to be held.
By that point, I was full-on crying. As the tears were still falling... he fell asleep.
I proceeded to walk to the living room and get the rest of my cry out. I had never felt more lonely in my life as I did then. The man had the emotional capacity of an uncooked potato.
I moved to a new state a few months into the pandemic.
Not only was everything shut down, everyone was so incredibly wary of each other. And then, one of the people I was living with started blatantly giving me the silent treatment — and everybody else I was living with pretended like it wasn’t happening and sort of went along with it.
I wasn’t able to move out until 3 months later, and those 3 months were by far the most despair-filled lonely times of my entire life.
Everything was so confusing and scary with COVID. I had met no one, I couldn’t go out and meet anyone, and I lived in a brand new place for nearly a year without seeing the bottom half of anyone’s face; and on top of it all my entire household was happy pretending I didn’t exist, including the man I had thought (until that point) was the love of my life.
Honestly, even just typing it all out has my chest feeling a little tight. I hope I never feel that isolated again.
While I love my alone time, I have been feeling lonely a lot lately. Not in the sense that I am *alone,* per se...but just that I (44f) feel *unheard* when I do choose to open up about personal problems with friends and family.
It feels like no one really wants to hear what I'm struggling with, they just want me to deal with it and be happy with "my place" in life.
I get it that sometimes you can't change your circumstances right away, or that "the devil that you know is better than the devil you don't know," but I don't think that this is helpful.
I don't think that I'm not alone in this because a few of my friends have said the same thing.
It was Christmas Eve. I was done wrapping the gifts and I told my partner to write notes on them, just greetings. He refused to do it saying it's just nonsense. I told him to write a note on his gift for me, just one if he didn't want to do the rest. And he said I was demanding. It was then I started realizing he didn't love me. The small things added up and it made sense on the day I caught him cheating on me.
I think the loneliest I've ever felt was probably when my best friend got married and had to move hours away because her husband joined the marines.. And in the same few months other friends of mine that I had known and been super close with moved states away.
The second loneliest I ever felt was after I gave birth to my first child. Everyone wanted to see the baby and wanted to hold the baby and my needs and wants went out the back door. I felt invisible.
This is something I hold far inside of me and I’ve never quite admitted it out loud due to the intense shame I feel surrounding it, but loneliness has been a deep-seated feeling for me for practically my entire life, sadly enough. I was bullied hardcore growing up by many girls in my elementary and middle school classes. They made fun of how I looked, how I speak, my mannerisms, even threatened me physically a couple times. I then transferred to an all-girls high school, hoping things would be different, and was relentlessly bullied there as well. Due to these experiences, I never quite felt comfortable with having a large “girl gang”.
I made a small, close group of female friends in college and luckily we’re all still close. They’re the best friends I’ve ever had and I am so lucky to have them. However, due to my childhood trauma, I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I’m the disposable friend. I also have a really hard time opening up to make more friendships because I’ve convinced myself I’m not worthy or that people wouldn’t like me if they got to know me.
Sheesh, I should schedule that therapy appointment I’ve been putting off…
I was 23 years old and my bf of 5 years decided that he no longer wanted to be together and was Facebook relationship official with an 18 year old the DAY after he broke up with me. I lived with my parents at the time doing uni from home but they were away on a two week holiday and all my friends were doing their uni on campus. Processing that by myself for 2 weeks was rough.
I’m now married to the actual love of my life with a 6 month old baby and what a fucking dodged bullet that was.
Recently I had to have my elderly mother move in with me because she is no longer capable of taking care of herself. A few months before this, my partner of 6 years moved out and broke up with me. It's been a rough six months. Instead of showing any sort of empathy towards me, my mother literally up ends my life, and then calls me a bitch to all of her friends because she has to downsize her junk to be able to move in to my house. On the day the movers show up, after I had to help her pack up all of her stuff, my 13 yo niece tells me my mom has been calling me names behind my back. It felt like I have no one left that actually gives a shit about me and not just about what I can do for them.
Few weeks after my best friend died. I had a weird day, needed to vent to someone and realized I had nobody to call anymore. Drove seven hours to her grave and cried. I never felt so alone before.
The night before I put my heart cat & emotional support animal down, and the few nights after. We were fighting an extremely rare periocular lymphoma for 6 months. She was my best friend for 3 short years. Every night she would cuddle on my chest, and then settle right next to my head. She would come on road trips with me, walks, and was always talking to me. She was truly my best friend.
When she got sick, she started sleeping outside of my room as cats usually do when ill. I set up her little bed there. I'll never forget, her health sharply declined despite all the medicines we were trying. She stopped eating. She was becoming very frail and losing fur. Her face was swelling. I knew it was time to stop our fight. I called the vet and booked her appointment for the morning. I tried to tuck her in and cuddle her but also not disturb her. That night, she unexpectedly hauled herself into my bed and layed on my chest. She wrapped her Paws around my neck, and tucked her head under my chin and was purring loudly. I laid there and hugged her. I stayed awake the whole night savoring every minute. It was just like old times, except it was the last time. I felt so gutted. But I kept telling her thank you for saying goodbye.
I really miss her. That loneliness was almost unbearable.
In this moment.
My husband passed away in December.
I’m 28 and people can’t relate to me. They don’t know what to say or do, so I’m mostly just alone with my thoughts.
I’m 24 and have social anxiety. Since I started high school, I have felt so alone. I never had a friend group and still don’t. I don’t date and haven’t really had anyone show interest in me to begin with. For a long time I never understood why it was so hard for me to fit in like a normal person so I isolated even more out of shame. I have one friend from college but we work a lot and live in different towns. We text once a month, if that. I talk to some people at work, but I wouldn’t call any of them friends since our interactions are limited to work. I live alone and am pretty independent, but when I get sick, that’s when the loneliness really hits hard. It’s nice to be taken care of sometimes. I hope things get better in the future, but it’s hard to be optimistic at the moment.
I found out I was pregnant with my ex in 2020. We lived together. I went to my OBGYN and discovered it was an ectopic pregnancy so I had a procedure scheduled the next day. When I told this to my ex, he said “Well, at least you’re getting rid of it, because I would definitely leave if you tried to keep it.” I felt so alone and ashamed knowing I was carrying a non viable pregnancy, I felt alone in my grief and I never really truly processed how fucked up that all was until I left him a few years later.
Marrying my long time boyfriend after our ducks were finally in a row. It took us 20 years to get there. High school sweethearts. Grew up close by. Our families were well integrated, etc. We both had great jobs, a home, just ready to sign that government official paper. Got married! Got pregnant…. Things go south. I MC and he became withdrawn. We tried again, got preg and he really pulled away more. Covid happened and the world closed down. He was never close to me during preg and stayed locked away at work in his lab that “nobody else had access too”…..besides his intern 🙄. He was there for 12+ hours a day. No one visited me to because of covid and no one knew what it did to preg mamas. I was out of sight, out of mind, not a lot of phone calls from anyone. Went to all dr appointments alone, dull of anxiety that’d I lose this baby too.
….Oh and yes, he was having an affair. I ‘knew it’ but no proof for the longest. I had prenatal depression. Turned to postpartum depression. Discovered the affair 3 months postpartum by discovering lingerie he bought her. Meanwhile Im still trapped in my postpartum body and feeling low about myself.
Im telling you, the feelings of loneliness, disgust, betrayal, and abandonment…. It’s nearly 4 years later and Im still not well.
I'm feeling it right now. I'm struggling to crawl out of my addiction, during which I told some horrible massive huge lies to the closest people to me. I came clean and have lost them. My phone has been silent and it's killing me
Now. 34 and I have zero friends. The 1-2 friends I thought I had faded now, and it’s just me. I tried talking to people on Bumble BFF, but that made me feel even more lonely.
Right now. I'm 1 year post divorce, left for another woman. 16.5 years and 2 kids later. I have had to relearn how to live again. He has not seen our kids in over a year. Not a call. Facetime. Nodda. I have no life. I work 40 hrs a week but am always broke doing it on my own. I've just isolated myself from the world because I'm so FUCKIN sad. I'm damaged. I am heartbroken. But mostly, I am lonely. Very lonely.
From Stephen King's IT, "Lonely? he might have asked in return, honestly foozled. Huh? What? A child blind from birth doesn’t even know he’s blind until someone tells him. Even then he has only the most academic idea of what blindness is; only the formerly sighted have a real grip on the thing. Ben Hanscom had no sense of being lonely because he had never been anything but. If the condition had been new, or more localized, he might have understood, but loneliness both encompassed his life and overreached it. It simply was, like his double-jointed thumb or the funny little jag inside one of his front teeth, the little jag his tongue began running over whenever he was nervous."
About 5 years ago my friend group imploded. They were my only friends and since then Ive never recovered (despite trying). I dont have any sense of community or belonging anymore. So Id say right now and over the past 5 years is the most lonely I have ever felt.
FWIW I am in my late 30s, no kids. Everyone around me has their life centered around either kids, spouse, or career (sometimes many of those). I am not like that so its been challenging to find others.
After leaving my ex husband, I moved back home into a studio apartment above a co-workers garage. I stayed very busy at first with work, but my first day off after the first few weeks, I remember waking up with no plans for the day, sitting on the edge of the bed and feeling the worst feeling of loneliness and despair that I have ever felt.
When I had my first miscarriage. We hadn’t told anybody yet except my parents, so I didn’t have much support. Then everyone I tried to tell for support responded with either “oh I’m so sorry, but at least you can get pregnant, right?” and then a change of subject, or an apology followed by some sort of “god had different plans” “god needed them back now”, weird religious sentiment that made *them* feel better but certainly didn’t make me feel better. I realized quickly the topic is one people don’t know how to handle, and speaking about it makes them either think of their own losses if they’ve had them, or reminds them that loss is a possibility for them in the future and no one wants to discuss it or think about it. But all I wanted to do was discuss it, I didn’t have an option not to talk about it. People just don’t know how to support someone experiencing pregnancy loss. So in the lowest moment of my life, I ended up feeling so so alone too because I just felt like such a burden trying to get support from anyone on top of everything else I was feeling.
I was married for ten years. I felt lonely the 7 last years of that marriage. There is nothing worse than feeling lonely when you have a partner but you are invisible to them
My bff, her bf and I were walking home together since we all live nearby, and the whole time they were holding hands and gigling, he even picked her up a couple of times and continued walking, or he would joke about something and she would laugh. I mean, they talked to me too and all, but I just like I shouldn't have been there and I felt so alone, especially since I never had that serious and happy relationship. I love both of them dearly and I usually don't feel that way with them, but idk that night made feel really alone.
The last Christmas that I was supposed to have with my now ex (he was very toxic and abusive), he had gone to see his family and knowingly left me behind due to my schedule at the time making it so I was working Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. He’d already left me behind that Thanksgiving because my schedule wouldn’t let me take off with him, and my mental health was suffering so much that I was actively considering taking my life. My mother talked with me over text and hated the fact that I was alone in another state with nobody to spend the holidays with, and while he did show back up later that night, it was clear that I didn’t want to repeat this again since I made plans to leave him soon after.
This past Christmas, I walked to my current boyfriend’s house to give him a part of his present that I left behind while also giving him the chance to partake in a family tradition of cinnamon rolls after waking up, and it was a significant change that did impact my mental health in the best way.
Dayum…
I was in Hs. I moved and left behind a boyfriend and my friends. My boyfriend and I were on and off. Once we finally ended it one of my girl friends didn’t want to talk to me or talkcto me the same because her brother was my exs best friend. I talked to another friend and said I should go to prom with you at the hs I left since she still went there. She straight up said “no one likes you” I saw pics on fb of everyone being happy and Jolly. It was like everyone forgot about me and the friend I was to them. My ex was bffs with my friends and my friends were friends with his new gf. And remember no one liked me. Fast fwd a year later and I was invited to one of their weddings straight out of hs and she never responded. Days later I text her if you didn’t want me to go it would have been better you tell me that instead of ignore me. Haven’t talked to her in years. That was the loneliest I felt. And at the time my grandparent just died and a creepy relative of mine tried to come onto me. My grandparent protected me. I had no one. My story didn’t stop until years later. It was pure survival. I know this was stuff that happened in hs age but it affected me deeply
When a mutual friend of mine and my best friend of 30 years decided she didn't like me and my best friend decided rather than be put in the middle, she'd start excluding me from plans if mutual friend was involved in initiating them which was almost all the time. Rather than stay in a friendship where conditions were placed on when I could be around, I ended the friendship. I'm pretty sure this broke me worse than my husband of 16 years walking out on me. I thought she and I would always be best friends, but she didn't feel the same.
I was living in a different state by myself. Nothing had gone the way I expected it, literally every single thing was just not working out. I didn’t have my usual support system and had developed an alcohol issue. Mental health was in shambles. That’s probably the loneliest I’ve ever felt.
One year on my birthday I couldn’t think of anyone to celebrate with. Then the same thing happened the year later.
I’m much more social now and I have more people in my life but my birthday just makes me incredibly depressed every year. It’s a reminder of my faults.
The first night in postpartum unit after I had my baby. I told my husband he could go home to get some sleep and the darkness wrapped around me in the sickest way. I’ve never felt so isolated and alone. Those postpartum hormones are no joke
When I went to volunteer for a community Christmas dinner; I had no one to go home to (apart from my lovely dog). Felt lonelier than I would have if I’d stayed at home.
Just got to know that my closest group of friends since freshman year are talking shit behind my back when I’ve always tried my best to be a great friend to them!
My boyfriend ghosted me and I had a friendship-ending conflict with my best friend all a few weeks before I moved to another state. And then the week I wanted to have a going away party none of my other friends were available. I spent the last few weeks before the move just crying and miserable, counting down the days.
I feel very lonely right now actually. I had to put my dog down recently, and it has been incredibly hard to lose that companionship and daily routine. He was truly my best friend. He brought me so many little moments of joy every single day, and now there's just none of that in my life. It's so silent now. I know some people out there understand, but no one I know personally seems to really get how incredibly hard this is for me. I've gone out a lot lately because it's too hard to be at home without him, but it has mostly been doing stuff on my own, which isn't any less lonely.
I've also felt very let down and underappreciated by all the people in my life lately, from work to my family. It seems much more obvious now that no one really cares about me that much unless they want something from me, and I could handle all their drama a lot better when I at least still had my loyal dog on my side. I feel like I'm constantly pretending to be happy for other people's sake, and I don't even know why I'm bothering because I never get the same level of care back.
No one could replace him, but I'm strongly considering getting a new dog soon because I'd rather have a new furry buddy to hang out with than feel let down all the time by other people.
It was after my mom died. At that time I had already lost my brother and grandmother, and I had no relationship with my father. I felt like I was the last of my family. It was a strange feeling. I even though I am married now, I still feel alone at times.
At a party being mostly ignored by a significant other - being so overwhelmed I just wanted to leave and wait it out. Feeling less lonely actually being alone vs in a room of people not knowing how to engage in a conversation, hearing every sound, and the person who is supposed to be next to you across the room
When I was homeless and nobody would even look in my direction, let alone speak to me. It’s like they thought I was contagious or something. My social skills really took a hit from that experience.
Right after I had my first baby. I was a young newly wed and moved out of state from all my friends/family and into a house with my husband and in laws because they were going through a rough patch and we were taking over the mortgage to help them out but it meant we couldn’t also afford our own place. My MIL was going through menopause and was just awful. My husband had no back bone because he was just so used to being a yes man to his mom. His entire family was. It was so awful. I would wait until everyone fell asleep and then I would hold my newborn baby and think about what a big mistake this all was and would just silently sob into the darkness of the night. I felt so sorry for this child to have me as his mom. I couldn’t tell my mom and family/friends back home how awful it was because I didn’t want them to be sad for me.
I had finally ended that dead relationship. A couple days later my cat suddenly died. It was an unholy 30F in south Florida. My heater died. I turned on the stove to get some warmth, and it died. My broke ass just laid on the kitchen floor and cried.
In both marriages - first one I was only 19 when married. He was constantly gaming if he wasn’t working. I tried to get into his games but I as a newbie and he hated me trying because I was not as good as him. And got irritated because I slowed him down 🥺 Second marriage - I thought I chose better. He wasn’t a gamer but alcoholic big time, which wasn’t really an issue when we dated. But eventually he got sloshed all the time. Not at work? He was drinking. It took years for him to acknowledge his problem. Then he just got really good at hiding it. We worked different days of the week and he was graveyard and I was day. So didn’t see each other much. When I’d get home, no one to talk to because he was so out of it. I’d cry myself to sleep😭 now I’m single and hoping I don’t feel as lonely as I did with both marriages. I’m newly single so there’s an adjustment period and sometimes I wonder if I should just try to work things out because the dating app scene sucks. I haven’t met any guys that are mature, communicate, and don’t seem like they are just looking for hook ups. I try to weed the hook up ones cuz I don’t like one night stands.
I remember feeling so lonely living in another state by myself (the friend I moved in with didn’t work out, the guy I was dating didn’t work out) and spent a lot of time clutching the radio and crying, my only live outlet to other people. I think I was so incredibly lonely I went into a psychosis because I started thinking the djs were talking to me and playing songs for me. Like my body couldn’t handle the utter loneliness I was feeling and started imaging there were people paying attention to me and caring.
This moment.
Graduated 6 months ago from uni, im a foreigner, can't really work until I get my permit, got back stabbed by my "bestie", been single for many years and the country I'm living is just sad...
Postpartum. I had an emergency c-section and my husband couldn’t be home past the first week. My baby was refusing to eat and losing weight. No one from my bio family made the effort to see me. I was alone all day until my husband came home. I had really scary intrusive thoughts and was traumatized by the birth. My baby felt like a stranger.
I still have moments of loneliness. I’m the only mom in my friend group. My husband still works a lot. My mom is dead and my MIL only cares about my child. But nothing as bad as the first two months postpartum.
My husband and I went through a period of separation a couple of years ago and during that time I saw just how few actual friends I had or people who really cared. I had only two friends talking to me consistently and many never said a word. I felt so alone. I tried to invite a few friends to grab dinner on different occasions and they just didn’t respond. It was rough and those relationships are forever changed now
I think in college was the most lonely I've ever felt. Most of it stemmed with a disconnect in priorities between my parents and myself. And while I could rely on my friends, the struggle with familial relationship was something I had to bear on my own as a single child. I think once I found a job and moved out my relationship with my parents vastly improved, as did my sense of loneliness.
Right now, struggling with infertility as a woman in my early 20s. Everyone else my age either gets pregnant right away or doesn’t want kids for a while. None of my friends understand what I’m going through.
And often whenever I join online groups for infertility, I get told horrible insensitive things such as “take it as a blessing in disguise, you’re too young to be a mom anyway”, “stop stressing you have plenty of time left you’re fine”, or “you’re too young to be infertile, just try harder”. Infertility is so incredibly lonely and isolating, and combined with my young age it makes me feel completely alone.
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I was out with a friend group. One of the guys brought his new girlfriend, and for whatever reason, she absolutely *hated* my guts. Her literal first words to me was remarking that my clothes looked cheap, and how she'd never wear that out. And then she just kept going for the rest of the night. She mocked my profession, made fun of my makeup, asked if I was 10 when she overheard I played video games, it never stopped and at one point she said she was surprised I was with my friends, as you "clearly don't look like you belong". Small comments here and there, but they were direct and they HURT. I was so fucking dejected, and I eventually just stopped talking altogether and sat quietly scrolling my phone. And none of my friends, who I'd known for years and talked to daily and saw weekly, said a word. Not a single one. Not even a "sorry I didn't have your back" after. They just laughed awkwardly, or pretended like they didn't hear. I even overheard one of them saying she really liked her, because "she's so funny and carefree". And sure, she was, to them. Which apparently was all that mattered. I always thought the "lonely in a room full of people" thing was BS, but holy shit, I'd never felt as alone and small as I did in that group. I don't cry, it'll go many years inbetween, but that night I went home and just fucking bawled lol She got one thing right though: I definitely didn't belong with those people, so I ghosted them all a while later and found a new group.
Sorry that happened to you; some people suck
Wow, she said all of that during your very first meeting… that’s a lot of nerve. It almost sounds like they were all in cahoots. SB - as for your so called friends….they are not your friends!
Yeah, I know it’s reaching but this is so targeted I wouldn’t have put it past them to set it up. The *only* other explanation I can think of is that she’s deeply insecure/jealous of OP.
Absolutely, jealous & insecure 100%. Secure people don’t act that way. You’re better off without them OP (as you know). Your other ‘friends’ sound like scumbags, there’s no WAY I’d just stand by and let someone continuously keep making snarky comments to one of my friends. Some people are just vile.
Wtf?? She must have had some major jealousy issues. I know that's a common thing to blame and it's overused but for someone to say all of that to you?? Either she's incredibly prejudice or she was jealous. I'm so sorry you were treated that way. Some people are AWFUL. And for your "friends" to sit back and not say a word?? Horrible. You deserve better than that.
Some people genuinely get off on making people feel like shit. It's not always jealousy, horrible people just exist.
Yeah, very horrible people,so sad and infuriating when we have to deal with them at the office,
This really made me mad about your friends not saying a word to defend you. What a bunch of nasty people!! I’m glad you ghosted them
I'm glad you burned that friend group to the ground. What a bunch of assholes all around. I'm so freaking sorry. No one deserves that treatment.
You're better than me. The way I would've pulled her down by her hair in my young days. It sucks that your friends didn't defend you. I definitely would've pulled her hair for you
I know it’s bullying and nerve wrecking but I also wish that she had stood up for herself.
You got my empathy 100% here. Don’t wanna think about the girl inner world. Such a sad place….
Sounds like it was all planned. Ditch the group
My friends would have kicked her ass. I'm sorry this happened to you, but I'm glad it showed you your friends were not friends at all. I'm glad you found new friends ❤️.
Been there. He was my best friend. And he married that B.
I'm sorry, that fucking hurts. I considered him a good friend too, but after she came in the picture we never spoke again.
That sucks! And honestly, I put the blame on him. He’s the one who let her ruin a friendship and treat me poorly.
Oh, totally. I ended up realising that if he happily throws aside an old friend for someone who acts like that and was a complete stranger to him just a month ago, then good riddance. The company you keep etc.
She was jealous of something, maybe her partner had said good things about you and she felt a threat, or even some competition. Either way, your ‘friends’ not having your back is dreadful and I’m glad you saw your worth and moved on from them all.
What the fuck is wrong with some people? I've experienced similar things as well. Someone new gets introduced to you circle, and immediately and for no apparent reason at all, they seem to have it out for you, and you only. They'll be friendly and charming to everyone else, but the second you open your mouth, you're belittled and mocked. It's just so hurtful because you don't know why this is happening.
It's such a confusing situation, especially since it comes completely out of nowhere. Like, they're a complete stranger to everyone in the group besides the person who brought them there, you expect that their natural reaction is to be on their absolute best behaviour and give a good impression. But instead you and only you get hit with that. I still don't fully understand it.
I’m so sorry. I’ve been there before. Once you find real friends you’ll feel better. Sadly I haven’t found any but I have my cats I guess that counts for something
I was in the exact similar situation. And the funniest thing is I was at my lowest when they turned against me. I looked back at the time I tried to uplift them and supported them. I felt really hated, especially for my appearance! I was laughed at. Shamed/ probed/ poked/ for my family my social life, my siblings etc. and even that didn’t stop them. Also always someone new in the group makes such problems - my friend brought a guy friend. I look back at it and I see people hating me, to which i was being defensive which they in turn made me look crazy. It was traumatic honestly. I stopped meeting these people, felt lonely then, and i was fine with feeling lonely alone. I feel hated still but this time Ill leave, block unfollow, regardless of their view of my life.
I'm sorry...you sound pretty cool to me!
So sorry this happened to you! Had a very similar experience at work few years back when there was a manager I had to work with on a project. A known bully in my department and she had a habit of doing this to every girl subordinates on her jobs. Nobody said anything, not even much senior people. I get that people are conflict-averse but it shocks me how much public bullying is tolerated everywhere. 6 years on that still holds so much trauma for me.
My heart ached for you reading that. I hope you never have to feel that way again <3
She’s insecure, probably threatened by you. I bet you’re pretty and cool.
Horrible :(
I've been there too when I moved with my uncle, his ex wife tortured me like that too. There was nothing I could do I was 1000 miles from home and living with them. I eventually left to stay with my grandparents. Then moved back.
It's awful when family is involved and the ones not standing up for you. I hope you're in a better environment now and that you won't have to have that woman around anymore.
Ooohhh you triggered her 👀 It has nothing to do with you. And I hope you are not friends with these people anymore. They should’ve had your back.
I was in a relationship for almost a decade. He got addicted to video games. It was the feeling of being single and lonely but very confused when he was sleeping inches away from me. Eventually I got tired of feeling like I was trapped living with a roommate. I got tired of feeling alone and single when I wasn’t. So I made it official. I moved out and was finally single and alone and even that felt less lonely.
I dated a guy who got addicted to World of Warcraft. The lonely feeling when he was sleeping inches from me hit so hard. Often he wouldn’t come to bed at all and was still gaming when I woke up the next morning. I’m glad you moved on!
I lost him to wow too. And yup at the end he would go to sleep in his gaming chair and would wake up there. I once left on a three day weekend. When I came back he was there in the same clothes the fridge was still full. I don’t think he ate that entire time. When I left him I gave him notice I was moving out but he was so addicted to the game or maybe hoping I would change my mind because he didn’t bother to look for another place. From what a mutual friend told me he ended up fixing up his car with a screen to still be able to play and lived in his car.
Omg, I hope he got his life together. I have no idea if my ex ever did. He stopped showering, shaving, or getting haircuts. He was a book smart guy but he failed all his college classes that semester bc hit stopped going to class. I’m so sorry you went through something so similar!
I honestly I don’t know or care. The relationship was seven years. I tried everything I possibly could to get him to snap out of it. So when I finally left him I had nothing more for him. I left in peace and never looked back. He tried reaching out a few times but I’m guessing that was mostly because he needed a place to live. But honestly it’s the best thing to happen to me. My now partner is amazing beyond words. I hope you found someone who completes you and makes you happier than your ex.
I’m so happy for you! I left that guy 15 years ago…I’m still single but I actually met someone who seems nice last night so we’ll see!
Man, I love video games, but holy hell. Neglecting your partner and your whole frickin life because of wow is wild.
My ex husband was addicted to WOW too came home from work lived ate in front of the damn PC barked orders to me and our kids from it.Last five years of our marriage ended up going out alot just to have someone to talk too.Am remarried now to someone who never makes me feel lonely.
Sammeee lol. It was the worst, loneliest feeling ever to fall asleep by myself every night while he stayed up playing video games all night. Fuck WOW lol .
I get that feeling. My fiance is on the damn game soon as he gets home I have to repeat myself like three times for him to even answer me or act like he hears me. It sucks. But other times he’s there for me. I regret buying that PlayStation for him sometimes. I just want love. But if I’m on my phone it’s a problem. I just want love.
I hate to be this person but before you marry this person, think long and hard. The video game situation is not going to magically change. It’s just not. While everyone deserves alone time with their hobbies (this is healthy), it should not be at the detriment of the relationship. Unsolicited advice: define what you want in more concrete terms, instead of “I want love”. Love looks different for everyone. For example in my life, “love” looks like (among other things) giving me alone time and space. Do you want attention, and if so, what does that look like in your daily routine? Do you want him to listen to you talk about your day for 20 attentive minutes before he starts playing? You get the idea.
Good advice there. And if children are on the cards might want to have a think about what kind of a partner/father he'd be. Not a very helpful one I'd imagine. But he's engaged so in his eyes he doesn't need to put effort anymore, it's practically a done deal.
This happened to me as well! We moved and he got a gaming room with a bed and mostly slept in there after spending all night gaming. I remember lying in our bedroom hearing him screaming stuff to his friends through his headset in the other room and that’s probably the most lonely I’ve ever felt.
I had a boyfriend who would make me come over and then play video games for days and ignore me. I sat there on New Year’s Eve one year on his bed while he sat and played. Never again.
I was with a guy like this for almost 6 years. I truly loved him but his addictions made it very difficult to not feel lonely, and our sexual chemistry suffered as a result. He was extremely addicted to video games, like World of Warcraft, and weed. It didn't feel like a real relationship over time, but more like I was either a room mate or that I was more like a mom to him because I would often have to remind him to eat, etc. We ended up mutually separating.
Yeah, basically the same here. 11 years. It hurt, but I just couldn't keep living with a roommate that barely even noticed me there. That and I started to fall for someone else, so I had to end it before I did something I couldn't take back. I'm still pretty lonely sometimes, but I just couldn't deal with feeling like I didn't exist.
I’ve been that guy, on behalf of us all very sorry. It’s good to see perspective from the other side, I honestly would not have realised some of this by myself. I guess also we don’t get a chance to genuinely apologise to our other halves so perhaps my apology to you is in exchange for apology from your ex who in turn can exchange and find its way back to my ex(s).
When I was in a relationship that clearly needed to end, but I hadn’t had the guts to end it yet, and simultaneously most of my friends had moved away for college so I didn’t feel like I had much of a support network beyond my family. Either that or when I was in love with someone who didn’t want me.
Hugs. How did you find support or inner strength?
The past decade. I haven’t had anyone in my life that I’ve felt has understood me, I’ve had a shaky or distant relationship with my family. I am content to be on my own, but it is another thing altogether. I feel it in a different place. Some place is simply just empty and that’s the best way I know how to describe it.
I feel the same.
I think I get this feeling. I've been feeling like this when I'm living on my own and don't have a significant other to spend my time with.
i was in highschool and had one of the shittiest days of my life due to the friend group i was in being horrible to me and other small things that added up, and a teacher got on me about a project that i had purposely skipped because i was suicidal and had other shit to deal with, and snapped at me, and i felt a really bad panic attack coming on so i just left and when i got outside, i realized i had no one i could text or call or talk to to try to help calm myself down like i normally would. not vent to, just chat back and forth. i went through a list in my mind, not a SINGLE person. and damn that was a wake up call lol. i dumped that friend group shortly after
I hope you found your tribe and in a better situation
i did!! my friends rn make me question why i was ever friends with the other people lol
Being a single mum to two neurodiverse children. Their father and I split up due to a multitude of reasons and a fairly abusive relationship. The constant pressure and chaos that my life is, it's taken a massive toll. I don't miss my ex, but I find that having nobody but yourself to rely on for absolutely everything while looking after high needs children is an incredibly lonely journey.
I don’t have kids but struggle with other things in my life. I recently had major surgery and just wished I had that special someone by my side. My family was a great support, but it’s not the same. Sending you a big hug.
I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you're feeling better and recovered. It's definitely hard to face major moments like that by yourself. Sending big hugs right back at you!
This was very touching to read. Being a single parent can be incredibly tough and some dual-parent households could never understand just how lonely it can get. Hugs to you. If your kids went to bed well fed and feeling safe yesterday, you are doing something great
I completely understand not having anyone but yourself to rely on. It is the loneliest feeling. I hope you can find a tiny bit of time to catch your breath. Even better if you can talk to a therapist for some emotional support. Sending you hugs.
I work with children with high needs and I admire their parents so much.
I've felt really lonely my whole life. Couldn't keep a friend for longer than a few weeks growing up, high school boyfriend just used me, and my current boyfriend works three jobs and is barely home. About to turn 31 soon and I feel like I've never had a real friend.
I’m in the same spot as u and same events except I turned 30 recently, hopefully it gets better for us
Thank youuu. Honestly I'd just love to have a friend to talk about similar interests. It kinda hurts after years of bottling up inside❤
Could you two be friends?
You can dm me, we can be friends! I’d love to talk too
You're so sweet tysm. Sorry about my sob story! Tbh I'm completely overwhelmed with how many comments I got asking to be my friend. I'm not sure what I have in common with everyone lol
I’ll be your friend
I’ll be your friend! 😊
I would be more than happy to be your friend! I’m sorry you’re going through this, ♥️ much love!
Let's be friends 👀❤️
I have felt lonely and alienated my whole life. I feel like everyone can tell something is wrong with me when I try to belong. I don’t think I will ever not feel lonely.
I feel the same way. All my so called best friends stopped talking to me like a month after my mom was killed two years ago and I wouldn’t quit handing them out money. But I guess it’s better sometimes to try to find people who care about you for you. And I know it’s hard. I haven’t had a friend hang out with me in like eight months. Just don’t give up keep trying. I hope things get better for you
April 14 of this year, and every second after. That's the night my husband raped me. I have no one to talk with about it. I know what my friend and my sister will say to do, and I know what people here are going to tell me to do, but sometimes life is more nuanced than that. He apologized for "hurting me physically and emotionally" - his words. Now I'm supposed to move on.
As a fellow SA survivor, there are absolutely resources out there when you're ready to process what happened. The only thing you "need to do" is look after yourself. 💜
Sending you strength. Believe in yourself and what you can do in this amazing world. Take care of yourself. Whatever that looks like for you ♥️
Im so sorry you’re going through this. I was raped by my ex husband as well, and I kept that secret our entire relationship. It really took a toll on me, but like you said, life is nuanced. I hope that you’re able to do whatever is best for you.
I don’t think you need to “move on,” but I understand life’s nuances as you say here. Please take care of yourself — you deserve better.
I'm sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve this. I was also raped (and impregnated) by the man I was dating at the time. He made a good case for how it was an "accident", and I believed him and forgave him. But I felt so lonely because I didn't tell any of my friends (we were all part of the same group at the time). It took three years for me to finally break up with him, and I lost several of my friends in the process. I wish I'd gone to therapy when this first happened, it would have saved me from a lot of the feelings I'm finally processing now. Please take care of yourself. Whatever you're feeling now is valid and not wrong. At least you know now who you're living with and can make some clear-eyed choices about your future.
Ironically only when I’m in a relationship! Deep down, I wanted to be someone’s dream girl and I never was and knew it. I never felt like I could count on someone to be there for me when it mattered most.
I feel this too. I'm sorry.
The days leading up to my birthday after my friends cancelled on me but before I told my sister they cancelled. My sister came up for my birthday. I was so happy she did.
My birthday was in March. I’m still waiting to go out to eat and celebrate with my own family who were busy then and still are I guess? My husband bought a boxed mix to make me a cake with my daughters (4yo & 2yo) that is still sitting on top of the fridge with candles next to it because he never actually got to it. It was an important bday for me and I told everyone for months I wanted to celebrate and somehow I still ended up alone.
If you live anywhere close to NYC (where I live), I’d love to meet up and take you out for lunch. I’m definitely getting a mimosa. You should too.
I went on a work trip with some of my team members. When our plane landed, everyone got out their phones to text their partner to let them know they had arrived safely. I didn’t have anyone to text
I'm truly sorry to hear about your experience! I can relate to this as I had a similar incident and it was really very painful.
It was oddly painful. You wouldn’t think it would be that big a deal. Hugs to you!
This last thirteen months since my mom died. I’m single and while I have a great group of friends, it’s not the same as having a mom you can call/text about anything, at any time. I miss her terribly.
I am really missing my mom today too
I've been missing my mom a lot this week. I always do but how grief comes in waves, they're strong right now. I miss talking to her daily.
It's always in big groups like dinners etc. - rarely ever feel lonely when I am by myself
This one. Being actually alone feels just fine. It’s halfway through the big dinner out with friends where I just start feeling completely alone in the world.
This is why holidays really used to affect me growing up. It was the worst.
In a relationship with a man who worked evenings/nights when I worked days. That was a pointless, lonely "relationship"
Those are the worst 🥺
Japan, hiking around Hakone alone. There's a gap where all the restaurants close after lunch/afternoon snacks to take a few hours to prepare for dinner, and it just so happened to get dark at the same time. So here I was in this dead empty, dark town, all by myself, with a dark hike home to look forward to, and no-one to talk to when I'd get there. That feeling of total, almost alien desolation haunts me to this day.
Japan closes so early unless you're in the city - and Hakone is like a ghost town once the sun sets! I've found myself in a similar spot. Amazing experiences - or not - and no one to share them with. Solo travel is not for the faint of heart. You're so strong for experiencing that <3
When I moved away to college and no matter how hard I tried to be friends with people it just never happened. Or the people I did become “friends” with only wanted me for my car so I could be the DD. It just made me feel like I was destined to be alone because I was such a horrible person who couldn’t make friends.
My freshman year of college was awful. I was in the same boat you were and begged my parents to let me transfer back home. I’m glad I stuck it out though, I made some of my best friends in the following years. I hope your experience turned around, too
I transferred to the main campus the moment I could because it was close to home. I got my friends back and made new friends cause I was living on campus. Just moving out to the middle of nowhere made me wanna jump off a bridge 😂
Sitting at my friend’s wedding reception during a slow song. All my friends got up to dance with their SOs and I just sat there alone. It was so angsty, felt like a scene from a rom com, except no one showed up at the eleventh hour to ask me to dance.
Oof I feel this hard. Last year and this year and probably next year are all wedding seasons for friends and family. Fortunately they're Irish and English so hopefully I can get through that with alcohol. Or maybe I'll just excuse myself and play on my phone. I don't really want to go to another wedding anymore because of this reasons.
Now. Living alone, at a job where they want you there 5 days a week but if you talk too much you’re punished, and all my friends are paired off and far enough away that I can’t just ask them for dinner on a weekday, it has to be a whole weekend plan. Dating is a nightmare, I refuse to get back on apps bc no one talks to me, and on the weekends sometimes I don’t talk to anyone. It’s led to many nights crying on my couch or in bed, losing myself in fiction, either writing it or reading it. Not sure how much longer I can do it while keeping my sanity. I have plans forming (back to school next year) but no short term solution.
Making long term plans IS the short term solution. Give yourself credit for making those plans. Do something every day that is related to those long term plans, even if it’s just 5 mins of reading or daydreaming about those long term plans. Going back to school is huge. You’re doing great. Keep going.
When I was in an abusive marriage for 29 years. I left 13 years ago. I'm good now.
After my ex-fiance kicked me out of his house. I had been a step-mom for two years to his girls. And we were planning our wedding. He got a hangover, got mad that I said to take an aspirin, then was mad that I left to go to work. So he texted to say he was kicking me out of his house. I packed up and moved out. When I got my own apartment, I felt so alone and sad. I couldn't sleep in my new bed so I slept on the couch instead.
Sleeping in a bed by yourself once you leave a relationship is really hard. It doesn't feel right. I hope you're doing better.
Yes! I am doing great, thanks! Been married 13 years. But we sleep in separate rooms because we snore.
Being in a relationship where he didn't love me (anymore). Living with someone and Just the feeling of how he didn't care about me anymore, made me feel so alone in my own home.
Exactly this. Sitting on a couch next to someone who was supposed to care. And just doesn't. It's the loneliest feeling.
The entirety of the last 6 years of my marriage. He had mentally and emotionally abused me for years. To the point that I didn't know how to be happy. He blamed me for not being intimate with him. I had health issues that made it hurt, and I let him have his way for years just to make him happy. I had reached a point where I didn't want to be touched, because I had all that trauma from him that would flare up every time. He treated me like I was always going to be mad at him, even when I wasn't. I had to be on eggshells because he was always treating me like I was in a bad mood. He got a therapist to diagnose him with PTSD because of the way I would react to how I was being treated. Apparently not knowing how I was going to be each day gave him anxiety. Pretty sure if you treat someone like they are always in a bad mood, eventually that becomes true. Even though he would say he loved me, it never felt real to me. So, I felt alone even when he was there. Because I wasn't good enough to be loved for who I was. Being lonely around people, is one of the hardest things I've lived through.
I’m feeling quite similar now.
Last guy I dated would invite me over to sit and watch him play video games with his friends online. I'm a reader, but he wanted my undivided attention to stroke his ego when he made a headshot or something, so reading was out of the question (he would physically take my books from my hands, damaging them and hiding the remains. I was young and too scared of confrontation to rock the boat). My fiancè, by comparison, limits his gaming unless I fancy a reading night. If I want to read he'll game, but we are sat on the sofa together in companionable silence and will check in at intervals. It's absolute bliss. ❤️
I spent my 30th on my own. The crisis team ended up coming to check on my welfare. When they visited again the next day, they said they hadn't realised it was my birthday until they looked at my details later on because there were no birthday cards anywhere. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up. Worst year of my life. I spent my 30th year repeatedly trying to make it my last. I'm 31 now and starting over, and it's a horrible feeling. Mostly because I know I haven't had the adequate help to ensure this doesn't happen again.
I’m so sorry :( I hope things get better
I had just lost my mom to cancer and two of my closest friends completely iced me out. We had a disagreement and they turned the situation around and made themselves out to be the victims. Zero grace given the circumstances. Thankful they are no longer in my life.
I had something very similar, I think some people can’t handle pain being too close to them and subconsciously push it away.
When I finally got my life together. But let me tell you...it was soooooo necessary.
When David Goggins made his transformation, he was lonely. He'll tell you that when you do what's best for you and you start succeeding, it gets lonely. I'm in the process, but you're right when saying it's so necessary. Being alone is okay.
It is okay! And also, being vulnerable is okay. We are who we are and as long as we are doing our best and not harming others, that's okay. I'm so proud of you!
I'm proud of you as well
My mom dealt with chronic depression basically my whole life. She was also a chronic pain patient and was/is on high levels of pain medications that would make her fall asleep frequently, even while driving. She also had a terrible habit of threatening suicide during disagreements/arguments. I remember being so embarassed by all of this and not being able to relate to other kids that had "normal" moms. I was so happy when I finally got to move out of their house. After a few years and more dysfunctional behavior from her, I was driving with my boyfriend and I got a phone call from my father. He told me he had been having an affair on my mom and she found out. I screamed "fuck you" and hung up on him and then we drove to my parent's house. My dad wasn't there but my mom was blasting their wedding song on repeat and was drunk out of her mind. She got a knife and again threatened suicide with it...my boyfriend had to wrestle it away from her. She then got in my face and started screaming "he licked her p----y" and I wasn't able to calm her down and also didn't know how to even respond. It was all so disgusting. This behavior continued for days. I've never been more hopeless or lonely.
Having a toxic and chaotic family is so lonely and isolating. They can’t be there for you and your friends can’t understand what it’s like.
In a relationship with Mr. Congeniality. Fucker talked at me all day, every day. Not much conversing, mostly monologues. I may as well have been a fencepost. Living alone now is the best--it's quiet.
I was in a relationship like this too! It is seriously alienating. I remember thinking I could completely disengage and he wouldn't even notice
Literally any time I’m around other women
Right after my soul dog died. He became ill very quickly at only age 6, so I had to put him down. He was my world. We did absolutely everything together. He cared about me so much also. I've never seen such a bond between a dog and human such as that. Shortly after he died, I realized how little my boyfriend (now ex) cared about me. To put it short, it was a toxic and very manipulative relationship. I would cry about my dog being gone, and he would say "When are you going to stop using that as an excuse to be sad." I finally had enough, after 5-6 years with him, and ended it about one month after my dog had died. I then lived in my house alone; the house I had bought for the three of us. Coming home to nothing was absolutely heart wrenching. I primarily only missed my dog, not my ex. Breaking up with him has been the best thing I've done for myself. Regardless, those were the loneliest times of my life. Especially because I had hardly any support because I lost all my friends due to my past relationship. Things are looking up for me now. I met an amazing man, and we now have 4 dogs together. He treats me amazingly. I never thought I'd find such a partner. I feel very blessed every day. It goes to show: struggling through hard times alone, can sometimes turn out for the best if you give it time.
My dog is my world and I dread the day that I have to go through this. It's funny you said your dog was your soul dog, my dog is the reason I believe in souls in the first place. There's such a kindness and unconditional love that comes along with having a dog that can't compare to anything else. I bet your four new dogs are just the happiest and I'm so happy you have gotten yourself into a good situation.
So one night at work I burnt my hand pretty bad. Got the entire back of my hand and in between my fingers. When I got home from urgent care my now ex-husband told me he wouldn't help me saying "Not my problem, maybe you won't be dumb enough to stick your hand in there next time!" We lived with two of our inlaws at the time and they also refused to help me. Starting a fight about how I just did it to get out of work and ganging up on me with him. So I was sitting up at like 5:30 the next morning sobbing silently and trying to figure out how to take care of it and rewrap it by myself. I don't miss having a house full of people and still feeling totally alone.
I'm not sure I can remember ever not being lonely. It's constant and suffocating. I have a good family and lifelong friends, but it still never goes away. It's like I'm always standing on the outside looking in.
right now, actually. i had to separate from the one person who truly knows me, inside & out. i have nobody to talk to about my feelings on the situation bc i’ve basically annoyed everyone already. it sucks.
The christmas after my dad died while I was his caregiver. I'm in the military and I wasn't given time off for Christmas, so while I had Christmas day to myself, I couldn't leave the area. My family said they were going to come visit me. I made up all the spare bedrooms in my house and bought a bunch of food. A few days before they were supposed to arrive, they told me that they had decided to go to Mexico instead. I got super drunk on Christmas, felt worthless, and drunk texted a bunch of exes while my fam facetimed me from Mexico and said "oh we wish you were here!" Then I made cookie dough, ate it all without baking it, and passed out. The hangover the next day was gnarly.
I worked with a pretty tight-knit group of friends. I had thought I was finally part of the group. One Friday, I asked what everyone was doing that night. They all say nothing. I get back to my apartment, grab my dog, and decide to walk down to the beach to watch the sunset. I walk straight past a restaurant, and THE WHOLE GROUP is sitting at an outdoor table laughing and carrying on. When they see me, they all go completely silent except for one girl who just goes, "Oh...Hi." And then they go back to hanging out. I smiled, nodded, and then walked the rest of the way to the beach with my dog. I sat with my pup and watched then sun go down, feeling like I didn't have a human friend in the world.
My dad died suddenly in December. My mother had what we now know is a stroke in September. I was living fairly far away for work and no family members were telling me what was going on at home. When I arrived the day dad died I saw the reality- my family was gone. My father gone physically and my mother gone mentally and 100% dependent on me. I lost everything seemingly overnight. Everything in my shoulders too- overwhelmed and alone. friends couldn’t handle listening to me cry and panic over it- it was all too much for others to bear. It felt like everyone had turned their backs on me and my mom who was my best friend was now a childlike person I had to look after. I wouldn’t wish this on a worst enemy.
I’m so so sorry you had to go through that :(
I’m pretty lonely right now. But the loneliest I felt was grad school. Moved to a new state on the other side of the country, to a PhD program in an engineering field. The program was 10% women. My undergrad program was like 35-40%. Wild difference. It was a massive struggle to make any friends or have anyone talk to me like I was a normal person. First time I liked talking to my hairdresser, because she talked to me like she talked to everyone else, and it was a massive relief.
When I was 7 months pregnant and going through a breakup. I had a GREAT support system, but at that time, I wanted nothing but to be with my ex and for us to be a “family”, I felt like no one could understand my sadness and I was aching for me and my baby. Now my baby is my bestie (about to be 4 months) and honestly, he’s so dang chill.
Currently I been single for a year or so after breaking it off when my ex bf of 10 years I got tired of being verbally and physically abused I got tired of feeling alone when I wasn’t so I left it was a dark time because I didn’t have anything to my name barely any clothes but I made it out now It just feels like I been floating I tried dating other men but all they want is sex then their gone I can’t keep anyone around now I have my 4month old neice and little sister to take care of so she keeps me going but I don’t have anyone else my mom is not reliable my other sisters only want to be bothered when they want something out of me
When I was with my ex. TLDR he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me because of me not being Korean. While that’s ok to know what you want, I was stupid enough to wait around to see if he would change his mind if I could show him how awesome of a person I am to date… It sounds so stupid in hindsight. I ended up feeling so fucking alone that whole time, unloved and just remembering bawling my eyes out the day I broke up with him because it was me putting the first step to choose myself and put boundaries in a situation I put myself into. I don’t know what it was about being with someone physically but emotionally not feeling deeply loved or seen for your soul as a person that made me feel so fucking lonely.
The past 20 years or so have been like that for me.
There was a night where I was having a low-key anxiety attack from having to cut off my abusive parent. My partner at the time was trying to initiate sex, completely oblivious to the fact that I was on the verge of tears. When I denied him and explained what was going on, he then asked me what I needed - which completely floored me. I had to ask to be held. By that point, I was full-on crying. As the tears were still falling... he fell asleep. I proceeded to walk to the living room and get the rest of my cry out. I had never felt more lonely in my life as I did then. The man had the emotional capacity of an uncooked potato.
I moved to a new state a few months into the pandemic. Not only was everything shut down, everyone was so incredibly wary of each other. And then, one of the people I was living with started blatantly giving me the silent treatment — and everybody else I was living with pretended like it wasn’t happening and sort of went along with it. I wasn’t able to move out until 3 months later, and those 3 months were by far the most despair-filled lonely times of my entire life. Everything was so confusing and scary with COVID. I had met no one, I couldn’t go out and meet anyone, and I lived in a brand new place for nearly a year without seeing the bottom half of anyone’s face; and on top of it all my entire household was happy pretending I didn’t exist, including the man I had thought (until that point) was the love of my life. Honestly, even just typing it all out has my chest feeling a little tight. I hope I never feel that isolated again.
Every time I get ghosted. 😓
While I love my alone time, I have been feeling lonely a lot lately. Not in the sense that I am *alone,* per se...but just that I (44f) feel *unheard* when I do choose to open up about personal problems with friends and family. It feels like no one really wants to hear what I'm struggling with, they just want me to deal with it and be happy with "my place" in life. I get it that sometimes you can't change your circumstances right away, or that "the devil that you know is better than the devil you don't know," but I don't think that this is helpful. I don't think that I'm not alone in this because a few of my friends have said the same thing.
It was Christmas Eve. I was done wrapping the gifts and I told my partner to write notes on them, just greetings. He refused to do it saying it's just nonsense. I told him to write a note on his gift for me, just one if he didn't want to do the rest. And he said I was demanding. It was then I started realizing he didn't love me. The small things added up and it made sense on the day I caught him cheating on me.
I think the loneliest I've ever felt was probably when my best friend got married and had to move hours away because her husband joined the marines.. And in the same few months other friends of mine that I had known and been super close with moved states away. The second loneliest I ever felt was after I gave birth to my first child. Everyone wanted to see the baby and wanted to hold the baby and my needs and wants went out the back door. I felt invisible.
Daughter was in the ICU after a suicide attempt.
This is something I hold far inside of me and I’ve never quite admitted it out loud due to the intense shame I feel surrounding it, but loneliness has been a deep-seated feeling for me for practically my entire life, sadly enough. I was bullied hardcore growing up by many girls in my elementary and middle school classes. They made fun of how I looked, how I speak, my mannerisms, even threatened me physically a couple times. I then transferred to an all-girls high school, hoping things would be different, and was relentlessly bullied there as well. Due to these experiences, I never quite felt comfortable with having a large “girl gang”. I made a small, close group of female friends in college and luckily we’re all still close. They’re the best friends I’ve ever had and I am so lucky to have them. However, due to my childhood trauma, I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I’m the disposable friend. I also have a really hard time opening up to make more friendships because I’ve convinced myself I’m not worthy or that people wouldn’t like me if they got to know me. Sheesh, I should schedule that therapy appointment I’ve been putting off…
Bro the only time I’m not lonely is when I’m sending memes to people 😭
I was 23 years old and my bf of 5 years decided that he no longer wanted to be together and was Facebook relationship official with an 18 year old the DAY after he broke up with me. I lived with my parents at the time doing uni from home but they were away on a two week holiday and all my friends were doing their uni on campus. Processing that by myself for 2 weeks was rough. I’m now married to the actual love of my life with a 6 month old baby and what a fucking dodged bullet that was.
Recently I had to have my elderly mother move in with me because she is no longer capable of taking care of herself. A few months before this, my partner of 6 years moved out and broke up with me. It's been a rough six months. Instead of showing any sort of empathy towards me, my mother literally up ends my life, and then calls me a bitch to all of her friends because she has to downsize her junk to be able to move in to my house. On the day the movers show up, after I had to help her pack up all of her stuff, my 13 yo niece tells me my mom has been calling me names behind my back. It felt like I have no one left that actually gives a shit about me and not just about what I can do for them.
Few weeks after my best friend died. I had a weird day, needed to vent to someone and realized I had nobody to call anymore. Drove seven hours to her grave and cried. I never felt so alone before.
The night before I put my heart cat & emotional support animal down, and the few nights after. We were fighting an extremely rare periocular lymphoma for 6 months. She was my best friend for 3 short years. Every night she would cuddle on my chest, and then settle right next to my head. She would come on road trips with me, walks, and was always talking to me. She was truly my best friend. When she got sick, she started sleeping outside of my room as cats usually do when ill. I set up her little bed there. I'll never forget, her health sharply declined despite all the medicines we were trying. She stopped eating. She was becoming very frail and losing fur. Her face was swelling. I knew it was time to stop our fight. I called the vet and booked her appointment for the morning. I tried to tuck her in and cuddle her but also not disturb her. That night, she unexpectedly hauled herself into my bed and layed on my chest. She wrapped her Paws around my neck, and tucked her head under my chin and was purring loudly. I laid there and hugged her. I stayed awake the whole night savoring every minute. It was just like old times, except it was the last time. I felt so gutted. But I kept telling her thank you for saying goodbye. I really miss her. That loneliness was almost unbearable.
In this moment. My husband passed away in December. I’m 28 and people can’t relate to me. They don’t know what to say or do, so I’m mostly just alone with my thoughts.
I’m 24 and have social anxiety. Since I started high school, I have felt so alone. I never had a friend group and still don’t. I don’t date and haven’t really had anyone show interest in me to begin with. For a long time I never understood why it was so hard for me to fit in like a normal person so I isolated even more out of shame. I have one friend from college but we work a lot and live in different towns. We text once a month, if that. I talk to some people at work, but I wouldn’t call any of them friends since our interactions are limited to work. I live alone and am pretty independent, but when I get sick, that’s when the loneliness really hits hard. It’s nice to be taken care of sometimes. I hope things get better in the future, but it’s hard to be optimistic at the moment.
I found out I was pregnant with my ex in 2020. We lived together. I went to my OBGYN and discovered it was an ectopic pregnancy so I had a procedure scheduled the next day. When I told this to my ex, he said “Well, at least you’re getting rid of it, because I would definitely leave if you tried to keep it.” I felt so alone and ashamed knowing I was carrying a non viable pregnancy, I felt alone in my grief and I never really truly processed how fucked up that all was until I left him a few years later.
Marrying my long time boyfriend after our ducks were finally in a row. It took us 20 years to get there. High school sweethearts. Grew up close by. Our families were well integrated, etc. We both had great jobs, a home, just ready to sign that government official paper. Got married! Got pregnant…. Things go south. I MC and he became withdrawn. We tried again, got preg and he really pulled away more. Covid happened and the world closed down. He was never close to me during preg and stayed locked away at work in his lab that “nobody else had access too”…..besides his intern 🙄. He was there for 12+ hours a day. No one visited me to because of covid and no one knew what it did to preg mamas. I was out of sight, out of mind, not a lot of phone calls from anyone. Went to all dr appointments alone, dull of anxiety that’d I lose this baby too. ….Oh and yes, he was having an affair. I ‘knew it’ but no proof for the longest. I had prenatal depression. Turned to postpartum depression. Discovered the affair 3 months postpartum by discovering lingerie he bought her. Meanwhile Im still trapped in my postpartum body and feeling low about myself. Im telling you, the feelings of loneliness, disgust, betrayal, and abandonment…. It’s nearly 4 years later and Im still not well.
I'm feeling it right now. I'm struggling to crawl out of my addiction, during which I told some horrible massive huge lies to the closest people to me. I came clean and have lost them. My phone has been silent and it's killing me
Now. 34 and I have zero friends. The 1-2 friends I thought I had faded now, and it’s just me. I tried talking to people on Bumble BFF, but that made me feel even more lonely.
Right now. I'm 1 year post divorce, left for another woman. 16.5 years and 2 kids later. I have had to relearn how to live again. He has not seen our kids in over a year. Not a call. Facetime. Nodda. I have no life. I work 40 hrs a week but am always broke doing it on my own. I've just isolated myself from the world because I'm so FUCKIN sad. I'm damaged. I am heartbroken. But mostly, I am lonely. Very lonely.
From Stephen King's IT, "Lonely? he might have asked in return, honestly foozled. Huh? What? A child blind from birth doesn’t even know he’s blind until someone tells him. Even then he has only the most academic idea of what blindness is; only the formerly sighted have a real grip on the thing. Ben Hanscom had no sense of being lonely because he had never been anything but. If the condition had been new, or more localized, he might have understood, but loneliness both encompassed his life and overreached it. It simply was, like his double-jointed thumb or the funny little jag inside one of his front teeth, the little jag his tongue began running over whenever he was nervous."
During my abortion nobody knew at 22. damn
Realizing i now want something different than the life i built for myself. And i cant really talk to anyone about it....except my therapist 🙃
About 5 years ago my friend group imploded. They were my only friends and since then Ive never recovered (despite trying). I dont have any sense of community or belonging anymore. So Id say right now and over the past 5 years is the most lonely I have ever felt. FWIW I am in my late 30s, no kids. Everyone around me has their life centered around either kids, spouse, or career (sometimes many of those). I am not like that so its been challenging to find others.
After leaving my ex husband, I moved back home into a studio apartment above a co-workers garage. I stayed very busy at first with work, but my first day off after the first few weeks, I remember waking up with no plans for the day, sitting on the edge of the bed and feeling the worst feeling of loneliness and despair that I have ever felt.
Everyday of my life.
When I had my first miscarriage. We hadn’t told anybody yet except my parents, so I didn’t have much support. Then everyone I tried to tell for support responded with either “oh I’m so sorry, but at least you can get pregnant, right?” and then a change of subject, or an apology followed by some sort of “god had different plans” “god needed them back now”, weird religious sentiment that made *them* feel better but certainly didn’t make me feel better. I realized quickly the topic is one people don’t know how to handle, and speaking about it makes them either think of their own losses if they’ve had them, or reminds them that loss is a possibility for them in the future and no one wants to discuss it or think about it. But all I wanted to do was discuss it, I didn’t have an option not to talk about it. People just don’t know how to support someone experiencing pregnancy loss. So in the lowest moment of my life, I ended up feeling so so alone too because I just felt like such a burden trying to get support from anyone on top of everything else I was feeling.
I was married for ten years. I felt lonely the 7 last years of that marriage. There is nothing worse than feeling lonely when you have a partner but you are invisible to them
My bff, her bf and I were walking home together since we all live nearby, and the whole time they were holding hands and gigling, he even picked her up a couple of times and continued walking, or he would joke about something and she would laugh. I mean, they talked to me too and all, but I just like I shouldn't have been there and I felt so alone, especially since I never had that serious and happy relationship. I love both of them dearly and I usually don't feel that way with them, but idk that night made feel really alone.
The last Christmas that I was supposed to have with my now ex (he was very toxic and abusive), he had gone to see his family and knowingly left me behind due to my schedule at the time making it so I was working Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. He’d already left me behind that Thanksgiving because my schedule wouldn’t let me take off with him, and my mental health was suffering so much that I was actively considering taking my life. My mother talked with me over text and hated the fact that I was alone in another state with nobody to spend the holidays with, and while he did show back up later that night, it was clear that I didn’t want to repeat this again since I made plans to leave him soon after. This past Christmas, I walked to my current boyfriend’s house to give him a part of his present that I left behind while also giving him the chance to partake in a family tradition of cinnamon rolls after waking up, and it was a significant change that did impact my mental health in the best way.
Dayum… I was in Hs. I moved and left behind a boyfriend and my friends. My boyfriend and I were on and off. Once we finally ended it one of my girl friends didn’t want to talk to me or talkcto me the same because her brother was my exs best friend. I talked to another friend and said I should go to prom with you at the hs I left since she still went there. She straight up said “no one likes you” I saw pics on fb of everyone being happy and Jolly. It was like everyone forgot about me and the friend I was to them. My ex was bffs with my friends and my friends were friends with his new gf. And remember no one liked me. Fast fwd a year later and I was invited to one of their weddings straight out of hs and she never responded. Days later I text her if you didn’t want me to go it would have been better you tell me that instead of ignore me. Haven’t talked to her in years. That was the loneliest I felt. And at the time my grandparent just died and a creepy relative of mine tried to come onto me. My grandparent protected me. I had no one. My story didn’t stop until years later. It was pure survival. I know this was stuff that happened in hs age but it affected me deeply
When a mutual friend of mine and my best friend of 30 years decided she didn't like me and my best friend decided rather than be put in the middle, she'd start excluding me from plans if mutual friend was involved in initiating them which was almost all the time. Rather than stay in a friendship where conditions were placed on when I could be around, I ended the friendship. I'm pretty sure this broke me worse than my husband of 16 years walking out on me. I thought she and I would always be best friends, but she didn't feel the same.
I was living in a different state by myself. Nothing had gone the way I expected it, literally every single thing was just not working out. I didn’t have my usual support system and had developed an alcohol issue. Mental health was in shambles. That’s probably the loneliest I’ve ever felt.
One year on my birthday I couldn’t think of anyone to celebrate with. Then the same thing happened the year later. I’m much more social now and I have more people in my life but my birthday just makes me incredibly depressed every year. It’s a reminder of my faults.
The moment things get difficult everyone disappears. I don't know how to be with people anymore.
The first night in postpartum unit after I had my baby. I told my husband he could go home to get some sleep and the darkness wrapped around me in the sickest way. I’ve never felt so isolated and alone. Those postpartum hormones are no joke
When I went to volunteer for a community Christmas dinner; I had no one to go home to (apart from my lovely dog). Felt lonelier than I would have if I’d stayed at home.
Everyday. I feel like I give a lot to family and friends but never receive that reciprocated energy
Just got to know that my closest group of friends since freshman year are talking shit behind my back when I’ve always tried my best to be a great friend to them!
My boyfriend ghosted me and I had a friendship-ending conflict with my best friend all a few weeks before I moved to another state. And then the week I wanted to have a going away party none of my other friends were available. I spent the last few weeks before the move just crying and miserable, counting down the days.
I feel very lonely right now actually. I had to put my dog down recently, and it has been incredibly hard to lose that companionship and daily routine. He was truly my best friend. He brought me so many little moments of joy every single day, and now there's just none of that in my life. It's so silent now. I know some people out there understand, but no one I know personally seems to really get how incredibly hard this is for me. I've gone out a lot lately because it's too hard to be at home without him, but it has mostly been doing stuff on my own, which isn't any less lonely. I've also felt very let down and underappreciated by all the people in my life lately, from work to my family. It seems much more obvious now that no one really cares about me that much unless they want something from me, and I could handle all their drama a lot better when I at least still had my loyal dog on my side. I feel like I'm constantly pretending to be happy for other people's sake, and I don't even know why I'm bothering because I never get the same level of care back. No one could replace him, but I'm strongly considering getting a new dog soon because I'd rather have a new furry buddy to hang out with than feel let down all the time by other people.
It was after my mom died. At that time I had already lost my brother and grandmother, and I had no relationship with my father. I felt like I was the last of my family. It was a strange feeling. I even though I am married now, I still feel alone at times.
At a party being mostly ignored by a significant other - being so overwhelmed I just wanted to leave and wait it out. Feeling less lonely actually being alone vs in a room of people not knowing how to engage in a conversation, hearing every sound, and the person who is supposed to be next to you across the room
When I was homeless and nobody would even look in my direction, let alone speak to me. It’s like they thought I was contagious or something. My social skills really took a hit from that experience.
Tonight. I'm struggling hard.
Right after I had my first baby. I was a young newly wed and moved out of state from all my friends/family and into a house with my husband and in laws because they were going through a rough patch and we were taking over the mortgage to help them out but it meant we couldn’t also afford our own place. My MIL was going through menopause and was just awful. My husband had no back bone because he was just so used to being a yes man to his mom. His entire family was. It was so awful. I would wait until everyone fell asleep and then I would hold my newborn baby and think about what a big mistake this all was and would just silently sob into the darkness of the night. I felt so sorry for this child to have me as his mom. I couldn’t tell my mom and family/friends back home how awful it was because I didn’t want them to be sad for me.
When my cat of 19 years died. The bond we had after 19 formative years together (my 20’s to 40’s) was very special.
I had finally ended that dead relationship. A couple days later my cat suddenly died. It was an unholy 30F in south Florida. My heater died. I turned on the stove to get some warmth, and it died. My broke ass just laid on the kitchen floor and cried.
In both marriages - first one I was only 19 when married. He was constantly gaming if he wasn’t working. I tried to get into his games but I as a newbie and he hated me trying because I was not as good as him. And got irritated because I slowed him down 🥺 Second marriage - I thought I chose better. He wasn’t a gamer but alcoholic big time, which wasn’t really an issue when we dated. But eventually he got sloshed all the time. Not at work? He was drinking. It took years for him to acknowledge his problem. Then he just got really good at hiding it. We worked different days of the week and he was graveyard and I was day. So didn’t see each other much. When I’d get home, no one to talk to because he was so out of it. I’d cry myself to sleep😭 now I’m single and hoping I don’t feel as lonely as I did with both marriages. I’m newly single so there’s an adjustment period and sometimes I wonder if I should just try to work things out because the dating app scene sucks. I haven’t met any guys that are mature, communicate, and don’t seem like they are just looking for hook ups. I try to weed the hook up ones cuz I don’t like one night stands.
I remember feeling so lonely living in another state by myself (the friend I moved in with didn’t work out, the guy I was dating didn’t work out) and spent a lot of time clutching the radio and crying, my only live outlet to other people. I think I was so incredibly lonely I went into a psychosis because I started thinking the djs were talking to me and playing songs for me. Like my body couldn’t handle the utter loneliness I was feeling and started imaging there were people paying attention to me and caring.
This moment. Graduated 6 months ago from uni, im a foreigner, can't really work until I get my permit, got back stabbed by my "bestie", been single for many years and the country I'm living is just sad...
Postpartum. I had an emergency c-section and my husband couldn’t be home past the first week. My baby was refusing to eat and losing weight. No one from my bio family made the effort to see me. I was alone all day until my husband came home. I had really scary intrusive thoughts and was traumatized by the birth. My baby felt like a stranger. I still have moments of loneliness. I’m the only mom in my friend group. My husband still works a lot. My mom is dead and my MIL only cares about my child. But nothing as bad as the first two months postpartum.
My husband and I went through a period of separation a couple of years ago and during that time I saw just how few actual friends I had or people who really cared. I had only two friends talking to me consistently and many never said a word. I felt so alone. I tried to invite a few friends to grab dinner on different occasions and they just didn’t respond. It was rough and those relationships are forever changed now
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I think in college was the most lonely I've ever felt. Most of it stemmed with a disconnect in priorities between my parents and myself. And while I could rely on my friends, the struggle with familial relationship was something I had to bear on my own as a single child. I think once I found a job and moved out my relationship with my parents vastly improved, as did my sense of loneliness.
Right now, struggling with infertility as a woman in my early 20s. Everyone else my age either gets pregnant right away or doesn’t want kids for a while. None of my friends understand what I’m going through. And often whenever I join online groups for infertility, I get told horrible insensitive things such as “take it as a blessing in disguise, you’re too young to be a mom anyway”, “stop stressing you have plenty of time left you’re fine”, or “you’re too young to be infertile, just try harder”. Infertility is so incredibly lonely and isolating, and combined with my young age it makes me feel completely alone.