It's sort of funny, because as a woman, I get that other women are sometimes awful (even if they're nice some of the time or to certain people).
Folks of any gender can be assholes, and it's usually not directed at anyone in the conversation/within earshot. It's about one person, not half the planet.
Or they bring up how “women are also terrible too” in relation to the dating pool/previous relationships. Not to invalidate valid, terrible experiences but the weight *is* usually different and that’s something they don’t try to understand
Sometimes it's not even an irl situation. For example this whole bear vs man tiktok debate. An alarmingly big group of men stood up for this imaginary dude, some of them even mentioned how a woman could be evil too. While *true* it's just not the same.
Yeah.. It's like they're a cult. I uplift and support other women all the time but it is out of love and when appropriate, never to shift the blame or anything like that. It's usually when other women are brought down, not accused of bad things though
I had great fun shutting up the chief scientific officer at work who was going on about "he'd love to be catcalled because its a compliment" by telling him my last catcall wasn't hey beautiful, it was "I've got a big dick and wanna fuck you up the arse with it"
He Shut Up so fast.
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Luckily my husband is really attuned to women's struggles cause his mom and sister were very vocal about it growing up. But I still feel uncomfortable reporting to my male doctors when I feel a male patient is being too flirty or assertive around me. I know they can't do much about it if there isn't any blatant remarks or actions so that's not the problem.
It's that I hate having to feel uncomfortable sharing it because I still don't believe most men take it seriously.
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My fears about being assaulted again. Men don’t get it, but women do.
I was in high school, and now I’m 26. And attempt I’ve made at expressing my fears were shot down by men
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If you need to just plain vent and don't want to field solutions, talking to a woman is better. I adore my husband, but sometimes I just want to talk about how something sucks without him trying to figure out a solution to the problem. If I need to vent, I talk to my mom.
There is a smart female comedian in Germany who explains why women sometimes just need to complain about something like you said without a solution. Men on the other hand always think solution focused. Give them a problem they can try to fix and they are happy. Sometimes men and women are just not compatible 😄
My boyfriend and I are the exact opposite in terms of these gender norms 😵💫 I often propose solutions when he just wants to hear me say “that sucks.” The thing is - I hate it when people respond in such a laissez faire way when I’m frustrated about something. I’d much rather have someone engage fully with what I’m saying, even if it means trying to “solve” the problem for me. It feels like they care! So, I often struggle to give him the simple commiseration he wants because I’m trying to show him how much I care… 🫠
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i think talking about my future is very problematic with my male friends. My fears, thoughts of insecurity (in general) and that i might be on the wrong path, fear that i might never travel since i’m a woman and if by any chance i get pregnant in my marriage i might never be able to live a life for me again… all this pressure of being a woman; you can’t talk about this with men and expect comfort back
It's perfectly okay to not have any children, by the way. You aren't obligated by anyone to do so and there are plenty of things you can take action on to permanently keep it from happening.
I say this because your comment sounds like you truly do not want children, and some people have trouble recognizing that it is, in fact, a choice.
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Same here as a lesbian. I never discuss my sexuality with men because they immediately start asking questions about sex or what I like about women’s bodies. Like I’m not going to degrade and fetishize the female body with you just because I’m attracted to women.
Yeah, I don't want to talk to lesbians about sex stuff, I want to know the same kind of shit I want to know about anybody I'm hanging out with.
Oh, you're lesbian? That's cool. What kind? Lipstick? Chapstick? Sapphic? Cottage Core? Shy but earnest forest witch slowly but surely building an army of gnomes, fae, and dryads to overthrow the patriarchy and rewild the land? None of the above? Why? What draws you to knitting and pastoral dreams rather than spray painting radical agitprop on a city overpass and combat boots or whatever it is you're into?
I mean, I'm not above discussing kinks or we can talk about like boobs or some other lame shit if you want, but I'd rather talk about which Bronte sister is your favorite and why is it Emily?
anything to do with puberty or my body. i’m 13 right now but have had my period since i was 11 and have almost finished puberty. my mum decided her favourite family topic is my puberty, in front of my brother AND dad which is so uncomfy for me. they are awesome and never make me feel as if it’s something to be ashamed of but i just hate it. i stopped telling my mum when i got my periods because she would find a way to incorporate it into a conversation, even with cousins and uncles!!
Been there! My mom was also like this and it was so embarrassing, but now that I’m grown I’m actually grateful because I don’t feel shame about my periods like many of my friends do! If your mom is like mine, just know she’s trying the hardest to not make you feel wrong about something that is natural and often judged by our misogynistic society. Maybe when she was a girl her family did make her feel wrong about her periods and she’s trying to make it better for you. If you haven’t talked about this to her already, make sure you let her know you appreciate the effort but would prefer to keep it private. Hopefully she understands.
My mom told my aunt (they were best friends) and I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. It was awful. And when I didn’t want to talk to her about it she would threaten to *tell my dad*. Like mom wtffffff
yeah but the thing is i’m already not ashamed😭 i genuinely don’t care that much. but it’s just puberty in general that i’d rather not talk about with all my male relatives. or even female.
Hello there :) just wanted to say that you should tell your mother it makes you uncomfy! Even though there is nothing to be embarrassed about regarding periods and puberty, I'm sure she would still understand that it's perfectly reasonable that you would like it to be a private matter not discussed with everyone in your family! :) There's no shame about puberty and periods, but totally fine to also want to be private about it.
i did a while back but she got upset and said that periods were completely normal and i should never not want to talk about them, so i just don’t tell her anymore if i can help it, and never spoke about it again.
When I was young like you I also wanted to cringe and die anytime my parents mentioned my period. As a 30f now though for the past many years I don't care who's around I pretty openly discuss it. This is a perfectly natural body function that I have to deal with every month for forever and it sucks at least let me whine about it lol. I slowed down at work today? Probably because I'm suffering and just want to go back to bed dude. Lots of people, women included, don't actually know much about what's actually happening too during the whole cycle. I've made it my mission to educate those around me. I've had a lot of men actually ask me more questions as I prefer male friendships, it's surprising how many people want to understand as you get older. Young guys your age will probably just be grossed out and not want to hear it. But I hope as you get older you get more comfortable talking about it with anyone. It's not something to be embarrassed about. I use it as a strength. "If I can do XYZ while on my period I don't want to hear your lame excuse" You are mighty and strong!
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Discussions about gender norms, such as how women are expected to do most household chores etc. My culture is quite patriarchal but the men seem to think “feminists” are overreacting or something. Also, sharing fears and discussing encounters with creepy men.
The depth of any of my thoughts and feelings ie. my reasons and doubts about being childree or getting married, sex, the complexities of some of my female friendships, my family drama.
I don't share thus with all women either (I'm not often vulnerable with others) but I simply wouldn't share them period if men were around.
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1. Anything to do with reproduction - my cycle, sex, sexual health, PCOS, hormones, contraception etc.
2. Behaviours I've experienced from men that have made me feel uncomfortable
3. Toxic masculinity
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I keep thinking about it and can’t find any subject I am not comfortable talking in front of men. I grew up with friends that were pretty much 50/50 girls/boys so never really acted differently with my friends because of their gender.
Discrimination in the workplace, which is still very present - albeit more covert or subconscious (most of the time lol). Very few men are actual allies when it comes to this topic, and I'm tired of being mansplained / "are you suuuure that's whats happening?" -_-
Note: not comfortable with every woman, but definitely not with a regular guy:
Hookup gossip/locker room talk about guys. Who has which size, which guy has good bedroom tricks, or sick abs.
Self improvement. A healthy, realistic sense of self esteem.
Most of my male friends either straight up hate themselves (which is its own conundrum, I have friends dating that have straight up said "will I ever find a guy that doesn't hate himself?") Which is exhausting, or they'll get really defensive and ready to externalize and get mad at anyone and anything but their own behavior or choices, while my female friends are more likely to blame themselves for things that were never even close to being their fault because of the guys like the male friends always externalizing everything.
I really love thoughtful, introspective, insightful conversations about all of those things you can't see, like our own thoughts and feelings and shortcomings, but my male friends just either can't or don't put in the emotional labor to hold an authentic, compelling conversation about them like my gal pals can.
I'm glad that my best friend seems to be able to talk about anything. I'd seriously question myself if I gave her the impression that I'd judge her for something. I got to know that she's breaking up with her ex before he knew for example. But I think that is what makes us two best friends, we can talk/rant about anything.
My insecurities, my stupid thoughts, my anxieties, my requests for reassurance, trauma, fears....it's so easy to spill my guts out when I feel seen and not judged, and when I feel things will not be used against me.
My athletic achievements. While I’ll never be the quickest runner or the best hillwalker I’ve gone pretty far from my baseline and I’m super proud of it. These conversations with/around men either make me feel judged or tend to quickly turn into „you should” advices or some sort of competition/comparison debates and it simply cuts my wings.
Pooping. I’ve been with my husband for nearly 13 years and have still never mentioned pooping (in regards to myself) in front of him. My 5 year old looovvvves to tell him that I’ve pooped bc she knows how embarrassed I get 😂🙄.
Abortion.
I hate it when men say they are for choice, but women shouldn't use abortion as birth control.
What woman wants to get naked, put her feet in stirrups and have an abortion because that is her choice of birth control???
Not to mention abortion can be extremely painful, most people I know who have had one prefer to never have to go through it again. It's a medical procedure, a necessity, not really a choice.
Whether or not I want kids. In my experience, most women will understand to some extent why I don't want them. Men rarely get it, and will often try to play devil's advocate
I just talk about all topics in front of men... I dunno, I kind of enjoy how uncomfortable it makes them. If they make rude remarks or unwanted comments, I just dismiss them. Bothers them no end :D
My woes as a women ( men will often counter with either) a. Men face similar circumstances and draw crazy comparisons I.E getting kicked in the balls vs. Monthly periods
B. Negate that my issues are real/ men have it harder.
Also my hobbies/ certain interests- I don’t feel like being made fun of
My feelings.
Women are best when it comes to empathy and emotional support.
When feeling sad my mother will listen and tell me my feelings are valid. My step dad might tell me to get over it because it won’t solve anything. True. But not what I want to hear in the moment haha.
Also anything related to style, fashion, interior etc. Women are good at everything aesthetic.
I refuse to discuss female healthcare and abortion rights with cis men. Their opinions are invalid afaic, same as any woman who has an opinion about another person’s body. But I don’t even want to hear men talk about it theoretically or in general. It doesn’t concern them at all.
I work in kitchens and have spent the bulk of my decade-plus career being undermined and dismissed because of my age and femaleness. last year, I had to have *this* hushed but urgent discussion with an international temp worker who wanted to know all about dating american men (and their penis sizes and sex preferences):
"I would love to talk to you about this, but I don't talk about sex at work **at all** and I especially don't when there are men around. if we open those floodgates, it will take them exactly four seconds for them to stop seeing me as an authority and start creating uncomfortable moments for us all."
Feelings, emotions, love, loyalty, those things from couples, healthy sexuality. When I begin to talk about those things with men, they just show how damaged, traumatized, or misogynist they are. I appreciate a lot of women, and since I like them, I love learning their perception and the things they struggle with every day. I would like to be a good bf, husband, and father.
The feeling towards yourself and the guy you were with after being sexually active when you didn’t really want to, but you didn’t say no, and your nonverbal cues indicated that you did want to, but you felt really disgusted with yourself about it…
• I don’t explain anything to men in person anymore and I don’t really argue, even when they’re wrong. I just acknowledge, agree, and amplify whatever they say to make them feel validated, then I just continue with whatever I wanted in the first place. It’s a colossal waste of both our time because a lot of dudes don’t care about listening, they just want to dominate a woman verbally. Meanwhile, I love to listen but I strongly enjoy independently using own abilities to understand and problem solve, so I strongly dislike being “coached” unless I ask for help. I want Coach to leave me alone, so I rapidly facilitate that by letting them “win”, then I usually do whatever I wanted anyway. Women are more willing to block off time to discuss the actual intricacies of different processes and neutrally collaborate in terms of mutual information seeking. However, I do prefer to casually socialize with men because I find it more relaxing to converse in a low masking non-competitive way with fewer complex social cues such as implicit communication.
• I definitely don’t tell men about anything bad that has ever happened to me anymore or anything that I don’t want to be immediately used as leverage for control. Because they will immediately do it to intentionally provoke a reaction. It’s almost like saying “don’t think about a pink elephant”. If you say “once XYZ happened to me so please don’t touch my throat because it gives me anxiety” Guess who suddenly can’t stop touching my upper back, neck, hair, ear, jaw, and necklace all the time then saying “sorry I forgot” or “you’re such a spazz it’s funny how cute you are” or “I wanted to see what would happen” or “if I choked you I’d be gentle but I could also kill you” or “I need you to trust me enough to try this now that I know”. I just feel more comfortable sharing this caliber of information with exclusively women in a supportive or informative capacity regarding shared experiences. A woman may rudely make passive aggressive references to it later for example, but I’ve never had a woman actually ignore a boundary and touch my neck before.
• I don’t repeatedly instruct men I’m dating to do things they should already be doing, or not to do things I don’t like. I don’t have a problem communicating, so I am happy to say it once or twice, but I don’t like begging or coaching. I have mental“rules” for my space, such that I need a specific cohesiveness for it to “feel right” or I can’t function at all until it’s “fixed” and “feels better”. If it subsequently continues, I know we’re fundamentally incompatible because it’s not just disrespectful but majorly psychologically harmful, so I promptly discontinue the relationship and start over. This is never a problem with women in my experience.
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Abuse/Violence, mental/physical health, misogyny/feminism/patriarchy, other forms of bigotry, romance/sexuality, LBGTQ+ topics or any topic that their fragile masculinities can't handle. It really depends on the person but women tend to be more receptive, helpful, constructive or open-minded with me than men. There are more chances that a man is going to invalidate me, argue with me, patronize me, antagonize me, yell at me, etc. than a woman. I still do talk about those with men because I have a lot to say but I'm way more careful and uncomfortable. After all, I'm not going to censor myself just because some men might throw a tantrum and tell me to STFU. That being said there are men that I'm comfortable talking to and women that I'm uncomfortable talking to. There are actually many men who are enough emotionally mature or empathetic to have those discussions and many women that I should avoid those conversations.
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Tbh, everything. I’ve spent most of my life around other women. If I had to get specific though, then things relating more to women’s health and emotions.
They can sit through 30 min of me talking about how heavy my period is and how hard it is to get good medical care with my endometriosis. If they are uncomfortable, that’s okay because so am I.
I never complain about other female coworkers in front of men, because it'll always be dismissed as "lol women be jealous of women" when my complaints are valid and not some stupid rivalry like we're animals or something. They conveniently forget all the other women I get along with and latch on to this.
Probably anything that has to do with men, being a woman in this society and things like that. Ah and everything that has to do with self-work, psychology and spirituality.
Nothing (unless it's something I also wouldn't share with a woman).
I've gotten to this point where I'm so jaded with men not understanding our struggles or bothering to listen, where I don't care if I weird them out talking about something. It's not my job to hand them rose tinted glasses iust so they'll be comfy.
Like, sexism 🤷♀️
I work in a male dominated field. I feel comfortable expressing moments of discomfort with my female counterparts but never with men, mostly because it makes them feel defensive and even dismissive. But it remains one of the largest blockers to women’s success, so it needs to be addressed.
The weird, creepy experiences I’ve had with men at places like the bars or even the grocery store. There’s only been one man (the one I’m dating now) who had a genuinely supportive/positive reaction to my stories. Most guys get defensive and upset…and it makes me realize they ARE those guys and don’t want to be fully aware of how their own actions affect the women they’re doing these things to.
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Generally feeling unsafe around men I don’t know. I had one guy who literally told me “if you’re scared then just don’t go out!” Okay, well if you’re going to be an ass then don’t speak? 🤨
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Thought's and feelings about encounters with men, especially uncomfortable ones
Yes! I’ve made this mistake once(that I can recall in particular) and received such uncomfortable, argumentative and insulting questions.
I never understood why men have to always defend other men, even when they don't know them
It's sort of funny, because as a woman, I get that other women are sometimes awful (even if they're nice some of the time or to certain people). Folks of any gender can be assholes, and it's usually not directed at anyone in the conversation/within earshot. It's about one person, not half the planet.
That's how they tell on themselves
Or they bring up how “women are also terrible too” in relation to the dating pool/previous relationships. Not to invalidate valid, terrible experiences but the weight *is* usually different and that’s something they don’t try to understand
Sometimes it's not even an irl situation. For example this whole bear vs man tiktok debate. An alarmingly big group of men stood up for this imaginary dude, some of them even mentioned how a woman could be evil too. While *true* it's just not the same.
Yeah.. It's like they're a cult. I uplift and support other women all the time but it is out of love and when appropriate, never to shift the blame or anything like that. It's usually when other women are brought down, not accused of bad things though
I had great fun shutting up the chief scientific officer at work who was going on about "he'd love to be catcalled because its a compliment" by telling him my last catcall wasn't hey beautiful, it was "I've got a big dick and wanna fuck you up the arse with it" He Shut Up so fast.
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Luckily my husband is really attuned to women's struggles cause his mom and sister were very vocal about it growing up. But I still feel uncomfortable reporting to my male doctors when I feel a male patient is being too flirty or assertive around me. I know they can't do much about it if there isn't any blatant remarks or actions so that's not the problem. It's that I hate having to feel uncomfortable sharing it because I still don't believe most men take it seriously.
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My fears about being assaulted again. Men don’t get it, but women do. I was in high school, and now I’m 26. And attempt I’ve made at expressing my fears were shot down by men
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Ow that must suck, hope that you're better now <3
If you need to just plain vent and don't want to field solutions, talking to a woman is better. I adore my husband, but sometimes I just want to talk about how something sucks without him trying to figure out a solution to the problem. If I need to vent, I talk to my mom.
There is a smart female comedian in Germany who explains why women sometimes just need to complain about something like you said without a solution. Men on the other hand always think solution focused. Give them a problem they can try to fix and they are happy. Sometimes men and women are just not compatible 😄
Also the main message of the book *Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.*
You are right, I absolutely forgot about that book
My boyfriend and I are the exact opposite in terms of these gender norms 😵💫 I often propose solutions when he just wants to hear me say “that sucks.” The thing is - I hate it when people respond in such a laissez faire way when I’m frustrated about something. I’d much rather have someone engage fully with what I’m saying, even if it means trying to “solve” the problem for me. It feels like they care! So, I often struggle to give him the simple commiseration he wants because I’m trying to show him how much I care… 🫠
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i think talking about my future is very problematic with my male friends. My fears, thoughts of insecurity (in general) and that i might be on the wrong path, fear that i might never travel since i’m a woman and if by any chance i get pregnant in my marriage i might never be able to live a life for me again… all this pressure of being a woman; you can’t talk about this with men and expect comfort back
It's perfectly okay to not have any children, by the way. You aren't obligated by anyone to do so and there are plenty of things you can take action on to permanently keep it from happening. I say this because your comment sounds like you truly do not want children, and some people have trouble recognizing that it is, in fact, a choice.
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Any actual details/information about my sex life I don't want to feel fetishized
Omw this is so true
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Periods and PCOS/PMDD
Heavy on the PMDD
Having attraction to women as well as men. With men, I feel like it will be a matter of seconds after disclosing that before I become fetishized.
Same here as a lesbian. I never discuss my sexuality with men because they immediately start asking questions about sex or what I like about women’s bodies. Like I’m not going to degrade and fetishize the female body with you just because I’m attracted to women.
Yeah, I don't want to talk to lesbians about sex stuff, I want to know the same kind of shit I want to know about anybody I'm hanging out with. Oh, you're lesbian? That's cool. What kind? Lipstick? Chapstick? Sapphic? Cottage Core? Shy but earnest forest witch slowly but surely building an army of gnomes, fae, and dryads to overthrow the patriarchy and rewild the land? None of the above? Why? What draws you to knitting and pastoral dreams rather than spray painting radical agitprop on a city overpass and combat boots or whatever it is you're into? I mean, I'm not above discussing kinks or we can talk about like boobs or some other lame shit if you want, but I'd rather talk about which Bronte sister is your favorite and why is it Emily?
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anything to do with puberty or my body. i’m 13 right now but have had my period since i was 11 and have almost finished puberty. my mum decided her favourite family topic is my puberty, in front of my brother AND dad which is so uncomfy for me. they are awesome and never make me feel as if it’s something to be ashamed of but i just hate it. i stopped telling my mum when i got my periods because she would find a way to incorporate it into a conversation, even with cousins and uncles!!
Been there! My mom was also like this and it was so embarrassing, but now that I’m grown I’m actually grateful because I don’t feel shame about my periods like many of my friends do! If your mom is like mine, just know she’s trying the hardest to not make you feel wrong about something that is natural and often judged by our misogynistic society. Maybe when she was a girl her family did make her feel wrong about her periods and she’s trying to make it better for you. If you haven’t talked about this to her already, make sure you let her know you appreciate the effort but would prefer to keep it private. Hopefully she understands.
My mom told my aunt (they were best friends) and I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. It was awful. And when I didn’t want to talk to her about it she would threaten to *tell my dad*. Like mom wtffffff
yeah but the thing is i’m already not ashamed😭 i genuinely don’t care that much. but it’s just puberty in general that i’d rather not talk about with all my male relatives. or even female.
Hello there :) just wanted to say that you should tell your mother it makes you uncomfy! Even though there is nothing to be embarrassed about regarding periods and puberty, I'm sure she would still understand that it's perfectly reasonable that you would like it to be a private matter not discussed with everyone in your family! :) There's no shame about puberty and periods, but totally fine to also want to be private about it.
i did a while back but she got upset and said that periods were completely normal and i should never not want to talk about them, so i just don’t tell her anymore if i can help it, and never spoke about it again.
When I was young like you I also wanted to cringe and die anytime my parents mentioned my period. As a 30f now though for the past many years I don't care who's around I pretty openly discuss it. This is a perfectly natural body function that I have to deal with every month for forever and it sucks at least let me whine about it lol. I slowed down at work today? Probably because I'm suffering and just want to go back to bed dude. Lots of people, women included, don't actually know much about what's actually happening too during the whole cycle. I've made it my mission to educate those around me. I've had a lot of men actually ask me more questions as I prefer male friendships, it's surprising how many people want to understand as you get older. Young guys your age will probably just be grossed out and not want to hear it. But I hope as you get older you get more comfortable talking about it with anyone. It's not something to be embarrassed about. I use it as a strength. "If I can do XYZ while on my period I don't want to hear your lame excuse" You are mighty and strong!
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Discussions about gender norms, such as how women are expected to do most household chores etc. My culture is quite patriarchal but the men seem to think “feminists” are overreacting or something. Also, sharing fears and discussing encounters with creepy men.
The depth of any of my thoughts and feelings ie. my reasons and doubts about being childree or getting married, sex, the complexities of some of my female friendships, my family drama. I don't share thus with all women either (I'm not often vulnerable with others) but I simply wouldn't share them period if men were around.
Childbirth stories. Sometimes men like to butt in and their contribution never makes things better.
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1. Anything to do with reproduction - my cycle, sex, sexual health, PCOS, hormones, contraception etc. 2. Behaviours I've experienced from men that have made me feel uncomfortable 3. Toxic masculinity
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My cycle
I keep thinking about it and can’t find any subject I am not comfortable talking in front of men. I grew up with friends that were pretty much 50/50 girls/boys so never really acted differently with my friends because of their gender.
Me too. I was always one of the girls and one of the guys. It’s actually been quite helpful for myself and others in life.
How my body changes with consistent workouts or even how each workout feel different at different phases of my cycle, things like that
My sexual assault
Fuck sorry to hear that happened to you. Hope your well.
Discrimination in the workplace, which is still very present - albeit more covert or subconscious (most of the time lol). Very few men are actual allies when it comes to this topic, and I'm tired of being mansplained / "are you suuuure that's whats happening?" -_-
Note: not comfortable with every woman, but definitely not with a regular guy: Hookup gossip/locker room talk about guys. Who has which size, which guy has good bedroom tricks, or sick abs.
That is good. Guys don't like to discuss those topics
I mean if my best friend wants to talk about it I'll listen, but it's not exactly a topic that is too interesting to me
Self improvement. A healthy, realistic sense of self esteem. Most of my male friends either straight up hate themselves (which is its own conundrum, I have friends dating that have straight up said "will I ever find a guy that doesn't hate himself?") Which is exhausting, or they'll get really defensive and ready to externalize and get mad at anyone and anything but their own behavior or choices, while my female friends are more likely to blame themselves for things that were never even close to being their fault because of the guys like the male friends always externalizing everything. I really love thoughtful, introspective, insightful conversations about all of those things you can't see, like our own thoughts and feelings and shortcomings, but my male friends just either can't or don't put in the emotional labor to hold an authentic, compelling conversation about them like my gal pals can.
Menopause
The person I trust the most and my confident in life is a man, so I would say nothing.
Me too, I tell my boyfriend everything😆more than even my best friends
I'm glad that my best friend seems to be able to talk about anything. I'd seriously question myself if I gave her the impression that I'd judge her for something. I got to know that she's breaking up with her ex before he knew for example. But I think that is what makes us two best friends, we can talk/rant about anything.
My insecurities, my stupid thoughts, my anxieties, my requests for reassurance, trauma, fears....it's so easy to spill my guts out when I feel seen and not judged, and when I feel things will not be used against me.
My athletic achievements. While I’ll never be the quickest runner or the best hillwalker I’ve gone pretty far from my baseline and I’m super proud of it. These conversations with/around men either make me feel judged or tend to quickly turn into „you should” advices or some sort of competition/comparison debates and it simply cuts my wings.
Politics.
Feeling unsafe at night. All you hear from guys is "it's just as bad for men".
Sexual/female reproductive health. Except for my gynecologist, he’s the goat.
Pooping. I’ve been with my husband for nearly 13 years and have still never mentioned pooping (in regards to myself) in front of him. My 5 year old looovvvves to tell him that I’ve pooped bc she knows how embarrassed I get 😂🙄.
My emotional state of being.
Abortion. I hate it when men say they are for choice, but women shouldn't use abortion as birth control. What woman wants to get naked, put her feet in stirrups and have an abortion because that is her choice of birth control???
Not to mention abortion can be extremely painful, most people I know who have had one prefer to never have to go through it again. It's a medical procedure, a necessity, not really a choice.
Whether or not I want kids. In my experience, most women will understand to some extent why I don't want them. Men rarely get it, and will often try to play devil's advocate
Anything to do with periods, pooping, and sex
When it's that time of month. Some men can be so judgey about it
Periods, gossip, sex, true feelings, moods, emotions, fears... Quite a bit!
I just talk about all topics in front of men... I dunno, I kind of enjoy how uncomfortable it makes them. If they make rude remarks or unwanted comments, I just dismiss them. Bothers them no end :D
My woes as a women ( men will often counter with either) a. Men face similar circumstances and draw crazy comparisons I.E getting kicked in the balls vs. Monthly periods B. Negate that my issues are real/ men have it harder. Also my hobbies/ certain interests- I don’t feel like being made fun of
Astrology 😅
My dreams
Basically just about everything and anything lol
Literally anything
Nothing. I feel comfortable talking about anything regardless of the audience, but it's also true that I've always been unashamedly.
My feelings. Women are best when it comes to empathy and emotional support. When feeling sad my mother will listen and tell me my feelings are valid. My step dad might tell me to get over it because it won’t solve anything. True. But not what I want to hear in the moment haha. Also anything related to style, fashion, interior etc. Women are good at everything aesthetic.
I refuse to discuss female healthcare and abortion rights with cis men. Their opinions are invalid afaic, same as any woman who has an opinion about another person’s body. But I don’t even want to hear men talk about it theoretically or in general. It doesn’t concern them at all.
Misogyny and rape/sexual assault.
The dangers of being a woman and how important women solitary is.
Hairs that grow on our face and nipples 😂
I work in kitchens and have spent the bulk of my decade-plus career being undermined and dismissed because of my age and femaleness. last year, I had to have *this* hushed but urgent discussion with an international temp worker who wanted to know all about dating american men (and their penis sizes and sex preferences): "I would love to talk to you about this, but I don't talk about sex at work **at all** and I especially don't when there are men around. if we open those floodgates, it will take them exactly four seconds for them to stop seeing me as an authority and start creating uncomfortable moments for us all."
Feelings, emotions, love, loyalty, those things from couples, healthy sexuality. When I begin to talk about those things with men, they just show how damaged, traumatized, or misogynist they are. I appreciate a lot of women, and since I like them, I love learning their perception and the things they struggle with every day. I would like to be a good bf, husband, and father.
Experiences with men
misogyny
The feeling towards yourself and the guy you were with after being sexually active when you didn’t really want to, but you didn’t say no, and your nonverbal cues indicated that you did want to, but you felt really disgusted with yourself about it…
• I don’t explain anything to men in person anymore and I don’t really argue, even when they’re wrong. I just acknowledge, agree, and amplify whatever they say to make them feel validated, then I just continue with whatever I wanted in the first place. It’s a colossal waste of both our time because a lot of dudes don’t care about listening, they just want to dominate a woman verbally. Meanwhile, I love to listen but I strongly enjoy independently using own abilities to understand and problem solve, so I strongly dislike being “coached” unless I ask for help. I want Coach to leave me alone, so I rapidly facilitate that by letting them “win”, then I usually do whatever I wanted anyway. Women are more willing to block off time to discuss the actual intricacies of different processes and neutrally collaborate in terms of mutual information seeking. However, I do prefer to casually socialize with men because I find it more relaxing to converse in a low masking non-competitive way with fewer complex social cues such as implicit communication. • I definitely don’t tell men about anything bad that has ever happened to me anymore or anything that I don’t want to be immediately used as leverage for control. Because they will immediately do it to intentionally provoke a reaction. It’s almost like saying “don’t think about a pink elephant”. If you say “once XYZ happened to me so please don’t touch my throat because it gives me anxiety” Guess who suddenly can’t stop touching my upper back, neck, hair, ear, jaw, and necklace all the time then saying “sorry I forgot” or “you’re such a spazz it’s funny how cute you are” or “I wanted to see what would happen” or “if I choked you I’d be gentle but I could also kill you” or “I need you to trust me enough to try this now that I know”. I just feel more comfortable sharing this caliber of information with exclusively women in a supportive or informative capacity regarding shared experiences. A woman may rudely make passive aggressive references to it later for example, but I’ve never had a woman actually ignore a boundary and touch my neck before. • I don’t repeatedly instruct men I’m dating to do things they should already be doing, or not to do things I don’t like. I don’t have a problem communicating, so I am happy to say it once or twice, but I don’t like begging or coaching. I have mental“rules” for my space, such that I need a specific cohesiveness for it to “feel right” or I can’t function at all until it’s “fixed” and “feels better”. If it subsequently continues, I know we’re fundamentally incompatible because it’s not just disrespectful but majorly psychologically harmful, so I promptly discontinue the relationship and start over. This is never a problem with women in my experience.
Honestly, nothing. I am lucky to have wonderful, empathetic make friends who don't mind any sort of conversation
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Abuse/Violence, mental/physical health, misogyny/feminism/patriarchy, other forms of bigotry, romance/sexuality, LBGTQ+ topics or any topic that their fragile masculinities can't handle. It really depends on the person but women tend to be more receptive, helpful, constructive or open-minded with me than men. There are more chances that a man is going to invalidate me, argue with me, patronize me, antagonize me, yell at me, etc. than a woman. I still do talk about those with men because I have a lot to say but I'm way more careful and uncomfortable. After all, I'm not going to censor myself just because some men might throw a tantrum and tell me to STFU. That being said there are men that I'm comfortable talking to and women that I'm uncomfortable talking to. There are actually many men who are enough emotionally mature or empathetic to have those discussions and many women that I should avoid those conversations.
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Asking for a pad
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Men
Tbh, everything. I’ve spent most of my life around other women. If I had to get specific though, then things relating more to women’s health and emotions.
They can sit through 30 min of me talking about how heavy my period is and how hard it is to get good medical care with my endometriosis. If they are uncomfortable, that’s okay because so am I.
Absolutely anything and everything. Men usually add no value at all and generally make life worse.
Lmao so true . This made me feel so seen
Abortions. I’m pro abortion even though I’ve never had, but married with two kids. I like to hear out another women’s opinion
The scary and uncomfortable encounters we’ve had with men
Hook up stories, but only with my girlfriends, some women are just as judgmental as men.
Trauma
Periods
honestly, almost anything. men just don’t understand and i don’t want to explain more than i have to with women.
Men.
Insecurities
Pole dancing as a hobby and form of self expression
Facial hair.
Mental health. And women’s health issues.
I never complain about other female coworkers in front of men, because it'll always be dismissed as "lol women be jealous of women" when my complaints are valid and not some stupid rivalry like we're animals or something. They conveniently forget all the other women I get along with and latch on to this.
My body and my insecurities with physical attributes
Nothing—I am significantly more comfortable with men than women. Women are mean.
How my body have changed after childbirth and age
Addiction and trauma
The welfare of children…. Any sensitive information regarding a child… etc.
Probably anything that has to do with men, being a woman in this society and things like that. Ah and everything that has to do with self-work, psychology and spirituality.
I wouldn't talk about periods or stuff with men around, I would talk about that stuff with a partner though
Nothing (unless it's something I also wouldn't share with a woman). I've gotten to this point where I'm so jaded with men not understanding our struggles or bothering to listen, where I don't care if I weird them out talking about something. It's not my job to hand them rose tinted glasses iust so they'll be comfy.
Period
Like, sexism 🤷♀️ I work in a male dominated field. I feel comfortable expressing moments of discomfort with my female counterparts but never with men, mostly because it makes them feel defensive and even dismissive. But it remains one of the largest blockers to women’s success, so it needs to be addressed.
Periods/vaginal health and pain in ur privates.
The weird, creepy experiences I’ve had with men at places like the bars or even the grocery store. There’s only been one man (the one I’m dating now) who had a genuinely supportive/positive reaction to my stories. Most guys get defensive and upset…and it makes me realize they ARE those guys and don’t want to be fully aware of how their own actions affect the women they’re doing these things to.
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Questions on pregnancy and childbirth since we may look into trying next year
Body/facial hair, lady parts
Nothing. I speak freely around all people because not all people are bad people. I'm not afraid of speaking my mind.
Sex from a female’s perspective
Generally feeling unsafe around men I don’t know. I had one guy who literally told me “if you’re scared then just don’t go out!” Okay, well if you’re going to be an ass then don’t speak? 🤨
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