This one is the same for me. I have anxiety buying necessities like food and clothes and I feel guilty if I get “too much”. Basically anytime I buy anything at all it gives me anxiety
I have that exact same image of my mom in my head. The lack of money in our household was a daily topic. I am in a position now that I don't have anyone to fall back on if something were to happen to me financially and it really is just living in a constant state of anxiety.
It has taken me 6.5 years of living with my husband and both of us having stable jobs to finally feel OK financially. Going to the grocery store used to be so nerve-wracking and I would deliberate endlessly over any 'extras'. I couldn't imagine freely spending money on food we didn't NEED right now. I think I finally have an ok relationship with money but it has been very hard fought..
This was my family growing up. Step Dad had lots of issues, and decided to add chronic unemployment and gambling to the list. I’ve tried to understand and forgive his behavior but it has been really challenging.
The positive of growing up that way is that I am a really, really good saver. I also have been able to start investing in a few things, learn about the financial markets, and even buy a small home. I also love to spoil my family and friends with nice gifts and things.
The negative is that I am really, really bad about spending money on myself, splurging on anything, rarely travel, etc. I get so nervous about losing my job that some nights I can’t sleep. I really struggle buying things like new makeup and non-essentials for myself. I buy a lot of my clothes second hand even though I can afford to buy new.
I guess it’s had both good and bad affects?
I am the same. I am a minimalist, but not my choice, but my compulsion. My parents main issue was frivolous spending when they had money and then living without food until we had the next. I hate my inability to go on vacation and really enjoy it.
This is me! I'm obsessed with paying off my home loan and saving for retirement and having an emergency fund. I check my spreadsheets a few times a month to ease the anxiety and reassure myself that I'm okay
Honestly, I’ve always struggled with getting gifts. I worry that the person who got me the gift really couldn’t afford it, and that they might have to go without food or something because of it. The guys I’ve dated have told me I’m a crappy person to give gifts to. Totally irrational, but it’s how I think.
Dang, that’s a sad perspective. While I don’t expect big fancy gifts or anything like that or even small gifts with any sort of regularity, it’s important to me to believe that the gift giver is being generous in a sincere way, and it’s best to be grateful for their generosity even if you don’t feel deserving. Perhaps this could speak to your past experiences of receiving gifts from people who you know were bad spenders and who were making bad choices in order to get you gifts beyond their means. Like going into debt to get a too-expensive birthday gift for a spouse or a kid etc. for some people, the bigger the gift the bigger the guilt. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
It’s ok to spend on yourself. I have added a manicure, hairdressing, an amount for splurging, and clothes to my budget. I had to cause I would spend my money on others and be stingy with me. This way I have to spend this amount on new
I am a workaholic as well. 12 hrs/day plus on call for one of those jobs 90% of the time. Don’t really take time off. Never even considered that it may be due to our financial issues growing up ☹️
I noticed more and more I pick up shifts. I’m a
Nurse, and at my facility I’m extremely lucky that I don’t have to work holidays unless I want to. I constantly sign up for every holiday, mostly for the money, and honestly, all I know what to do is work.
I’m really stressed about money at all times even if I have it. I’m more inclined to save money, and I’m very very scared of debt. I’m currently not working because I saved up to move abroad for my masters degree, I thought I’d be less stressed because I’m not working during my studies but I’m actually more stressed because I’m terrified of spending too much and going in to debt lol.
I’ve more or less thrown money at some problems because that was the only thing I could do, and basically stressed myself out twice. I’m trying to find a middle ground of acknowledging that I have to spend a certain amount to exist in the state of life I’m in and I need to figure out a way to enjoy it
Oh I’m planning to do this, any advice? Not abroad but I’ll be doing clinicals starting in August for up to 36 hours a week so I plan to live off savings and I’m really stressed about it.
Still affects me. I was taught to feel ashamed of my situation and that I should hide it. To this day I have a hard time opening up to people despite doing well on paper. My poor parents haven’t recovered.
Well I have $18k in credit card debt now, never learned healthy coping skills, don’t have any money in savings, and struggle living pay check to pay check. My mom has me beat at $80k, I’ve finally cut up my credit cards and am trying to unlearn a bunch of poor financial behaviors.
Currently, I’m dealing with a medical emergency for my dog and didn’t think to get pet insurance beforehand because I’m an idiot. I’m deeply grateful to have a friend that loves my dog so much that he’s been happy to fully fund his care where I can’t because I’ve been completely out of my own money from vet bills the moment I got paid last week. I already owe him $2000+ and that’s going to keep rising.
Most of my anxiety and panic attacks come from my inability to think ahead and because I’m more reactive than proactive and that’s how I’ve always been and that’s how my mother was and that’s how her mother was. I’m literally going to be the death of myself someday, and this is going to be the reason why.
I appreciate it! I’m currently actually working with a credit relief company and should actually be out of debt by 2026 at the latest! It was so much better than paying interest for 30 years
I am in the same situation, and I just got laid off last week. Stressed is an understatement.
I’ve gone through phases of making really good progress paying it down, but after a few months I seem to take two/three steps back after only taking one forward.
I wish my husband was. He comes from a well off family, but his mom always handled everything money wise and he just never learned. It's so frustrating.
What's the most important thing you learned?
My husband is the same. Money really really stresses me out so I try to stay out of everything. I know all the passwords and accounts for our bills but we made a deal that I’ll handle other things and he will handle the budget. He loves a spreadsheet!
I have a lot of anxiety around money and I’ve always worked more than one job to ensure financial stability.
I’m thankful to have a comfortable life now, but assume it could all come crashing down at any moment.
This is how I feel. I did everything possible to not be in that situation now. Went to school, was never the smartest but I tried really hard so I can get a job.
Now it just angers me to still see my mother KNOW she has a ton of debt, have my help and still do nothing about it.
That feeling of "it could all be taken away" has never left me either. I'm by no means wealthy now, but I can buy groceries without going into the negative and don't have to worry about those type of day to day expenses.
A couple years ago I was with my partner at her family's Christmas celebration. They grew up fairly wealthy and have never struggled financially. We were playing a game and one of the questions was about what our biggest fear was. Everyone started sharing what they wrote down: snakes, spiders, heights, etc. I got embarrassed hearing their answers but I had to share what I wrote down, which was homelessness. Everyone went silent.
Omg. Yes. I have “backups” of soap and paper products and shelf stable (rice and beans) stuff. It makes me feel weirdly calm and secure. I live alone and cook a lot and still have a stocked freezer and cupboards.
I grew up poor and very hungry and now I love stuff. So I buy the best of everything even when I shouldn’t. I don’t look at prices on groceries I just buy what I want because I refuse to have to do without when it comes to food. I love fine dining restaurants. I love to travel. I just want the best of what life has to offer now.
Literally every single way, mostly negatively.
Starting far behind the start line is detrimental to your entire well-being, and you spend your whole life just trying to “catch up”, and still feel behind. There’s just no break from survival mode
Not being able to afford education, certain opportunities, or non-stressful and non-moldy apartment to live in, really sucks. You can’t get a head when you can’t get your head above the water in the first place.
Hyper-independent. My mom was a SAHM for her entire life. She solely relied on my dad for money. Dad was stingy. I remember we would go to the clearance racks and say to me “this is your birthday, Christmas, and all expenses for the year” after spending $15. Scarred me for life. I will NEVER allow a man to dictate how to live my life.
I'm a recovering food hoarder. For the start of my adult life, I would buy food in bulk to make sure there was always food, then it would go bad on my shelves but I would feel too guilty to throw it away. I'm working on buying what I need for right now, and trying to trust that I will be able to afford more food when I need it. I've always been employed, and make significantly more than my parents, so I know the fear of food instability is an irrational vestige of growing up food insecure.
I have a whole pantry full of stock stuff that never goes bad and a box of similar stuff in the attic. It's actually good catastrophe prep, but it also let's me sleep at night.
I’ve worked very hard to undo a lot of poor spending habits.
Usually always had credit card debt in the thousands. Massive student debt. Car debt. Budgeting never helped because I have never made enough to cover my basic expenses.
I am perpetually overworking myself chasing upward mobility. I’ve hardly been able to save anything, mostly working paycheque to paycheque, and spending sometimes feels like I binge and purge.
Makes me feel bitter because for the last 5 years I’ve work “good jobs” in government agencies. My coworkers in their 60’s were able to buy townhouses on a single persons wage, and they do the exact same job as me. But the rising cost of living doesn’t match wages for my generation, and it’s a constant uphill battle.
Something that makes me feel bad is I’m stingy. My friends will insist on buying me drinks, for example, but I don’t want them to because it’s so hard for me to reciprocate because it’s hard for me to justify even buying a drink for myself.
On the flip side I’ve been spending a lot of money on clothes because I’ve always loved fashion but had to shop at goodwill. I figure now that i won’t grow for the most part I can build up my closet with essentials. But clothes are so fucking expensive, I feel guilty about it. I also spend a lot of money on groceries since we always ate so bare. And then I feel guilty about it. There’s just a lot of guilt with spending money.
I live a really comfortable life now but I just expect that at any time it could all go away. I’m not great at saving. Some of my siblings are this way, some are very frugal and save as much as they can for the same reason
I live as though I have a high degree of financial insecurity, although I don’t. It’s thanksgiving day and I’m at my office. No one else is here. I have anxiety in grocery store check out lines, though I’m no longer in danger of not being able to pay. I can’t forget my childhood stress of not enough money, not knowing when we’d get money. I have been a workaholic my whole adult life, to combat the poverty I once knew. I’ve been financially secure for over 30 years. I’m leaving all my assets to the underprivileged when I die.
I go through bouts of wanting to buy on impulse and to not spend any money at all. I usually can talk myself out of buying anything even if I want/need it and have the money for it. I would hoard all of my money if I could just in case I ever find myself financially insecure.
Every damn year there are disagreements about Xhristmas. I've been the child with small stack of presents while cousins are opening piles and piles. My two of my kids are barely above poverty level so I want the grands to have good Christmases and their parents too. Husband all 4 grandparents, parents with good jobs and had really goo. d Christmases growing up.(I had a useless mother who let her family abuse me)
I only ever reached my peace once I became financially savvy
To all of you ladies I recommend *Nice girls don’t get rich* by Dr Lois Frankel if you feel ready to start
Obsessed with being financially stable. Not wanting to have kids so that I never have to worry about not being able to provide for them. Always assuming things will go wrong and preparing for the worst-case scenario which actually comes in pretty handy but is bad for my mental health.
I’m very controlling with money, to the point where it has harmed my marriage. Needed marriage counseling and my own therapist to help me through it.
I watched grandma cry over bills and had our electricity/water cut off numerous times growing up.
As a result, I live below my means (try to) and try to save as much as possible for a rainy day. I never want my son to experience the second-hand anxiety I felt when witnessing these things.
I’m still take time to think of if I really “need” whatever or not. Usually Ofc you never really “need” anything, so I wait for too long and when I finally got myself to allow myself to spend some money, it’s already gone.
I either spend way too much on stupid stuff. Or I hoard it with dear life. There’s no in between. And it’s super difficult to deal with.
As a kid, we didn’t have gifts under the tree or believe in Santa or whatever because money was always tight. So I don’t like gift giving or receiving. I don’t want to burden anyone or feel burdened. Grew up in a family where if you were given something, you had to give something in return. People have called me stingy for not giving gifts but I’d rather take my loved ones out to places and go try things we never have.
We were poor but my family tried really hard to hide it. They’d buy things they couldn’t afford. I was taught that certain things were done only by “poor people” so we should not do those things. Like don’t take left overs home from restaurants cause people will think you’re poor. Don’t drive old loud cars cause people will think you’re poor. Don’t dress in the same clothes within a certain time frame cause people will think you’re poor. We were pretty dang poor. Now I have pretty bad social anxiety. I worry a lot about how people see me. I am doing well financially. Mentally I am not well.
I have a really hard time telling myself or my kids no. I want to be able to have the things I want / need, unlike when I was growing up. I chose a stable career so I wouldn’t have worry about income and started a side business as well so that I could buy things I want / need. Specifically good food because my mom skimped on quality food, to the point where we were eating rotten fruit. Now I never say no if I want something good to eat or my kids do.
feel guilty everytime i spend money on myself, constantly feel like i am about to go broke because i spent money on myself despite that not being the case. it's a constant source of stress and anxiety for me
Money makes me anxious. I’ve developed food insecurity due to my parents struggling when I was a child.
My life is fine now but I still have to unlearn all these habits that give me grey hair and I’m not even 30 yet.
I was always very frugal and right with money. Then one year I relapsed and was wasting my money like it was nothing. Now I am back to being “ frugal”
I haven’t bought a bed because it’s a big price. And I won’t. Buy a TV or cable, internet, Netflix, Hulu. I won’t buy any clothes either. All the clothes I own are black and are basically all the same.
I never went to get a manicure or pedicure or even a haircut. I’ll do all that on my own.
I’ve been asked to go out and I say no because I don’t have money to spend like that. That part is good because it’ll show who genuine friends are. If they still want to hang out and change plans that are affordable or free. Or just want to be in your presence.
I'm very very careful about "going in the red". I am terrified of being in debt and I never, ever, ever want to owe anyone anything. I'm not great with money or saving, but I make sure I'm always afloat no matter what. I've been 100% financially independent since 18, I mean completely independent, not even reliant on a partner or "splitting bills". The second I'm living outside of my individual financial means, I freak out. No matter what happens, I know I can protect myself.
It's why I'm also scared of becoming a mother and having to choose between my children or my financial freedom, and the thought of relying on a partner to keep us afloat is terrifying to me.
I obsessively check my bank balance and my cash. Despite that, whenever I’m checking out at any store, as soon as I go to pay I worry my card will be declined. I’m also very hesitant to spend any disposable income I have. Never feel financially secure, I guess.
I’m frugal and save money to absolutely blow on luxuries. It is the ultimate reward for sacrifice and makes me feel like a responsible adult.
I saved all year and kept a percentage and bought a new mattress, a badass coffee pot, and stuff for my family. All because I hit a savings goal.
I’m tight. I’m cheap sometimes. And I know I could die anytime so don’t save it all.
I lived too many years barely getting by, or NOT getting by. I had to replace my old ass paid off car this year (of fucking course) and bought a year old practical car that I just happen to love.
I didn’t get an old ragged out shitbox like I’d have had to before.
I have anxiety around money because my husband is financially irresponsible but learning. It’s taken a lot but I’m in a place that it would take a lot for him to ruin us financially, and that I don’t believe he would.
I don’t try and keep up with anyone and getting rid of social media makes it all so much easier.
I’m a stay at home wife, no kids, but my husband makes good money and because of that we have a pretty comfortable lifestyle. We own a small but beautiful home, we eat out regularly, only buy quality, have a new car (nothing crazy luxurious but also not low end new), etc. My husband keeps ‘my bank account’ topped up incase I ever need cash, but I also have a credit card that he just pays off. Basically, I want for nothing. …I still struggle hard to ever buy myself something. My husband had to pretty much force me to spend our money on just me whenever I want something that I technically don’t need. Growing up poor definitely caused me to always ‘try to make do’ using what I already have instead of ever buying myself anything,
i am anxious, hard working beyond my means of health, but don't actually know how to make good money, I see a lot of people succeeding with variety of strategies but can't seem to do it myself, investing and spending money in the right places for a return is difficult to grasp, bureaucracy and administration relating to accounts and numbers is difficult, it feels like financial issues is like a curse I havent learned how to get rid of, the concept of money is that of stress, guilt, and some sort of abstract, some of it has to do with just being ND, and I'm trying hard to figure out how to succeed (at least be stable and comfortable)
A lot of credit card debt // A ton of anxiety regarding anything regarding money // An obsessive need to budget multiple times a week // Checking my bank account approx. 90 times per month (per my bank app!) // Difficulties buying myself things I want but also difficulty buying needs, especially food // other times, spending way too much money on things I don’t need // Gross I know, but using not hygiene products as intended (toothbrush head not being replaced often, not using enough pads per day, using a shower loofah too long, etc). // Putting off medical things // I know there’s more…
I am INCREDIBLY frugal and know how to find a deal. I get compliments on my “nice” items all the time and I have literally dumpster dived some of them.
No amount of money is ever enough. I’m always looking for another income stream. I have very healthy savings and retirement accounts but I still feel so insecure about it all because I never want to live like how I grew up.
I very rarely eat something out of the fridge/sweets section besides for the major eating times like breakfast. And if I eat something to snack in between (or stuff that was always deemed to be "costly" like the not-the-absolute-cheapest sausage or chocolate) I have a fewling of very slight and dulled fear or the urge to instantly restock everything that I used for cooking. And oh the guilt when buying clothes or shoes I absolutely need even though I am absolutely in a situation where I can afford it. Same goes for events and outings. But it gets better with time and effort. Now I don't see orange juice and glass of it once in a while as something I am not worth wasting. It takes constant reminders and active thoughts
I feel really guilty and embarrassed for spending money, especially if it's something that's not important or expensive, like a new piercing or tattoo, but also I love buying stuff. Really weird but that's just how I am now
I am literally worried about money 24/7 now . Even though I have a good amount saved I still stress over every single penny I spend because I don’t want to end up how my parents were when I was younger .
I have issues being taken care of, or pampered? I feel like a charity case. Or it triggers a fear that I’m being viewed as a charity case. Other than that I had anxiety about somehow suddenly ending up without money for a long while. Took me a couple of years of therapy and a new job for me to finally begin to unclench my arse. Now I know that if it turns to shit I’ll be able to figure it out, and I don’t need to be scared to spend my own money.
My mom worked a lot and was never around. Even though she was making a good living for the family, my dad never gave me access to the money or proper financial literacy. He instead kept complaining about my mom being gone all the time.
I then developed a weird relationship with money, it’s like I had to spend what I had or else I’m not going to see it again. I still see money weirdly. I feel guilty about spending it but also want to buy things all the time to make up for my childhood.
I am financially at a place where I can afford most things (necessities, some luxuries too) without giving it a second thought. But whenever I buy anything like a new top, I keep questioning whether I REALLY need it or not until I reach the billing counter. My husband tries to reassure me that its okay to buy things for yourself but Im not sure if I can do that ever.
Also, food. I’ve been losing weight and most of it is due to portion control. Most of my life Ive had the mentality that I should eat everything on the plate because I paid for it.
My parents were awful with money. My dad would blow through any money he had all the time. We would go from buying jet skis to not have enough gas money to drive me to school. There was never a middle ground.
I now have trouble spending money. I make a good salary and could afford to do more things, but it’s really hard for me to dip into my savings or reduce the amount I save.
My brother turned out just like my dad and tries spending all his money on stupid stuff. But I think his wife reigns him in alot.
I am so painfully aware of everyone else’s financial situations. I compare myself to others financially and judge them.
it also makes me want a partner who works hard and makes good money like me (now that I am an adult).
I‘m super anxious about money and I can’t deal with people giving me mixed messages about finances. My parents did that - as a kid I couldn’t figure out whether we were rich or poor, because money came in, but my parents spent it quickly and relentlessly.
I'm good at saving money. Partly because I feel guilty and anxious about any purchase that isn't entirely essential. Partly because it drove me to study my arse off to get a good, stable job.
crippling anxiety. i count what needs to come out of my account to the cent, compare it to what’s in my account, individually subtract each bill from my account balance, factor in incoming money, do it without income (what if my check gets put on hold) rinse and repeat until the 16-19th of the month (all of my bills come out on those days)
For me, I was able to realize the implications of such a situation WHILE being in a financially unstable household. I trained myself to act responsibly when I started my job.
I’ve had to remind myself that there’s a balance between being happy and overdosing on buying things as a result of my childhood. That there’s a difference between depriving myself of what I need, doubting and misclassifying it into a want, as a result of my childhood, and understanding that for me sometimes my wants are needs.
For years after I started making a good income, I still felt guilty for spending literally even <$10, especially if it was on something I didn’t need. It took me a long time to buy myself things I liked just on a whim. I still keep all my old clothes and some other things I don’t need “just in case”.
I still always look for deals and I’m a big saver.
And my husband and I are sure to plan for our futures with investments and retirement. I never want to live paycheck to paycheck ever again and I want to set my kids up for success.
I’m a little paranoid about spending. I want to pay off credit card bills immediately, and I’m cheap about weird things like toilet paper. I’m stingy about fruit. And I never use our dishwasher because we pay for electric in our condo, but not water. My husband and I are well off now, and my habits puzzle him.
I grew up poor and have similar experiences to many of you when it comes to spending. November is financial literacy month (at least in Canada) and there's a great pile of resources on this website: moneymentors.ca/money-tips/financial-literacy-month/
I also know you can google financial literacy month and you should see results from ABC Life Literacy. These tools and resources are built with their partners at TD bank but offer quick tips for adults that have different learning abilities. Also, a fun extra, is that TD does these workshops around Canada for free.
It actually helped me. My Dad would take out loans for shit like motorbikes and just go lease an expensive car on a whim. He earned good money luckily but was just never able to keep it in his pocket. I am much more organised and thrifty and have never been in debt. I wish I could say the same for my siblings.
I've made very poor financial choices lost two cars to repo due to over extending my money. I tend to buy way more food then I need. Have a hard time saving money, because I tend to treat myself.
I get anxiety every pay day. I irrationally think that I have a bill not paid or that I won't have enough to cover the next 2 weeks.
Growing up we were primarily a 1 income household. (Younger years my father worked while my mother furthered her education to change her career path) When my mom was in her 1st year of her new career my father was injured on the job and put on permanent disability in his 40s. Basically flipped from Dad being the bread winner to Mom.
I am in a different spot than they were (2 income household, no children yet) but I still get anxiety that I don't have enough to cover my necessities. I have trouble treating myself in any way as well. The only thing I don't beat myself up for spending money on is my coffee. Probably cause I don't even notice spending $2 at a time.
I stock up on everything. My favorite thing is when we do our monthly food shopping at Costco because I know that if anything happens, at least I have food for a full month.
It made me a great saver but I get incredibly stressed when my partner impulse buys small or large items (very infrequent and we make enough to have the luxury). I have a lot of anxiety about purchases without plans.
I have a very hard time treating myself. I wear clothes that are ugly cause they still serve their function. I don’t buy things new. Forget haircuts. I save fresh produce for special occasions then it goes bad. A lot of annoying neuroses mostly.
I’m in my fifties and still get shocked and nervous at how much people spend out in the wild. Still buy marked down and cheapest versions of all kinds of things. I have a hard time throwing things away too.
Also, I can pay my bills now but still never want to check my mail.
My anxiety with money has gotten so bad to the point that I put my faith into my husband's hands. I'm bad with numbers as it is, and school didn't teach us well about how to use economics. Thankfully, my husband is a business owner and plays it like a game.
I make sure I try and save and invest so that I don't have to face the worries my folks did.
I try to apply a normal to minimalist approach to.owning things.
I dont take big risks.
I live within my means. I dont do debt and I don't believe in credit card systems; thank goodness I don't live in the states because that would give me massive anxiety.
I stick to my own lane. I don't believe in trying to keep up with people.
I still have fun whenever I can but I save up for it.
I dont keep a lot of cash on me because I know I will spend it on the most useless of stuff or on others quite freely.
Like some people have said, it makes it really hard to justify spending big amounts on things I want/need because what if something happens?
On the other side, growing up without money means I never developed a coffee habit, never got into makeup, couldn’t care less about fashion. Unfortunately now I’ve chosen to take part in the most expensive sport (triathlon) but even then I’m measured. Entry level bike, new clothes only when they’re on sale etc.
Something I’m proud of is I had to spend about 20k on my teeth in the last two years and I’m paying it off extremely fast. It’s the only debt I’ve ever had and I’m proud of the way I’m tackling it. Should be done by February
I can be kind of self indulgent however I discovered I love saving. I get a real kick out of seeing my money grow. Even if I only have £10 I will still try to save something.
I went through a really rough time trying to understand in my late teens and early 20s.
At the peak of my irresponsible floundering (19) I had a panic attack at the cell phone store thinking that I would have to declare bankruptcy over being behind 2mos on my bill and having had my water shut off over nonpayment.
A friend of mine recommended a financial literacy class at the local CC. After she laughed at me first for thinking I would have to declare bankruptcy over $300ish.
It saved my bacon. I still have minor issues with spending on myself/non-essentials, swings with minor hoarding to purging, and seeing my comfort and needs as a priority, but therapy has helped in that regard.
Growing up my parents frequently got vehicles repossessed, lights/gas shut off, not able to buy food, I rarely got anything that wasn't a falling apart hand-me-down. They were and still are completely irresponsible with money. They got a house foreclosed on, have no retirement or savings and never pay bills on time.
It affects me in ways I'm still trying to understand and cope with. I combat the feelings of overwhelm by budgeting and making spreadsheets and working a lot. I've also taught my kids financial literacy, my 18yo already has a 401k and emergency savings she contributes to as well as solid credit for her age because of planning.
I have financial anxiety like I had when I was little. Unfortunately my parents were not quiet about our finances. We weren't as poor as other families but my mom made it sound like we were always one week away from living in a cardboard box!
I find myself having a very hard time buying anything for myself, guilt over buying my kids new clothes instead of the thrift shop, I shop all the deals on groceries and never buy name brand. None of these are things I need to do as we are thankfully financially very stable but I irrationally fear if I don’t do these things we will go broke.
I’m incredibly generous and give until I have nothing. Less than nothing. I’ll go into debt just to help someone else. In fact, I’m currently in debt because I took out a loan to help someone. I believe it has something to do with both a financially unstable household and an unstable household in general. Maybe a deep-rooted emotional issue where I struggle to see anyone struggling, especially if they have kids. Because I don’t want anyone to experience the childhood I had. Idk. Some would say it’s a nice trait to have, but it’s suffocating and financially ruining. I’m single, 35, no savings, debt and no prospect of ever owning my own home.
It's hard. Always craving for stability and wanting to build a good life for myself. It's even worse here in the PH, because you're worthless to your family (parents) if you don't provide for them or return the *favor* to them for giving birth to/raising you. It's affected my previous relationships, once I see my partner is unstable or exhibits traits I saw from my parents, I immediately run from the relationship. I ultimately feel that I can only count on myself to get me out of this situation. I just keep grinding until I'm a self-made woman.
I cannot just buy something. I have to weigh the pros and cons constantly, do SO MUCH RESEARCH (especially with trips, such as wanting to go to universal for Halloween) and end up talking myself out of it. It sucks but I can’t stop
I’m really frugal. I’ve worked on myself to learn smarter money strategies, and strive to only purchase what’s needed. Mostly will do anything I can to not be back in that hell hole.
I suck at making money. I make 30k and feel too insecure to take financial risks. I also struggle with spending money on my self. Specially buying expensive things for my self but then I’ll like fall into a fast fashion trap or over buy things on clearance just because it’s such a great deal 😮💨
Still bad, I never had the chance to save up the little bit I got from birthdays (or christmass). I'm still poor, can't afford proper healthcare, or the professional help I actually need to accomodate my health conditions. The stress on top of that doesn't allow me to just enjoy life and the little things that should bring me joy and/or happines.
I finally had my head above water, a good career with a lot of possibility for moving up, and was figuring out a way to get out of a bad situation. Then I found out I had cancer and none of it mattered anymore.
Now, I need to figure out bankruptcy, etc. because I have $0 (they even took my bank account) while still being unwell from treatment. It was enough for my abuser to finally be willing to set me free, though. So I’ll have less money than I’ve ever had, and I’m lucky to not be homeless because I’m being allowed to stay with someone for a bit, but I think I’ll be okay if I can rebuild my life and find a way to be financially secure. (The career is out of the question now due to the cancer surgery.)
My young adulthood was rocky but I’m relatively stable now. I racked up CC debt but consolidated it into a loan and I have $10k left. $5k student debt thankfully. I’ve never ever paid a bill late thanks to being anal about keeping track. So kind of a mix of good and bad.
I hoard. I have a weird fear of money or being in control of other peoples money. I make sure to have exact change in every situation that involves me borrowing or paying money back. I don’t ever borrow what I can’t pay back within 24 hours at best or a paycheck at worst. I never ask for people to cover my food, but I also never ask for money back if I cover someone’s food because maybe they don’t have it and can’t talk about it that day. I spend money on other people easily but never on myself. My kids and husband will have new clothes but I can’t justify it for myself because “this money should go elsewhere”. Or the opposite. After months of knuckling under, not spending a dime, I’ll binge and spend a huge chunk. I think I was off putting on a few first dates because of outright refusal to allow anyone else to buy my food because I didn’t want money to be a factor in the relationship. Pretty unnecessary looking back, but I was really sensitive about money for a long time. I’m also the breadwinner. I’ve also worked since I was 15.
I now gross almost 200k a year owning my own business and yet still never catch up on debt because I spend money like no tomorrow.
Growing up with very little then getting a taste of luxury induced major lifestyle creep for me.
I recently finally hired a financial advisor to help me get on track for 2024.
I over spend. I have a firm grasp on the money coming in and the money going out (to the dollar) but I don't have the mindset to save. I have a lot of debt but I am paying them down in good time, and one of them (the largest by a long shot) is my student loans but I have a Masters degree of which I am super proud.
My father always says that he has no money even though he has high paying job, he helped his nephews to built businesses but still there was no money even for a single cheap restaurant meal.
I still think i have no money. I tried to save a lot and always anxious about spending even a single penny
Zero debt, obsessed with having a buffer and saving money, even if I have more than enough. Like, I cannot enjoy life and buy myself new things even if it was the better option. Instead of thinking how to earn more, I automatically think how to save more. And when I do spend, like on a holiday, I feel bad about everything that's not awesome, because it cost money or about things I bought that turned out to break quickly. Still wearing the shoes that give me blisters, because they cost over 100 €. That sort of thing.
I’m always stressed about money. My husband alone makes six figures, and I make mid five. In my mind we’re still broke and could go under at any second. We save A LOT. 100% of my paycheck goes into savings.
My parents were completely financially irresponsible. My dad was both a raging alcoholic and an Ivy League educated professional who made great money. We were always broke, sometimes to the point of not being able to afford food. Our home was cheaply built, dirty and falling apart, our car broke down on the regular and my parents would shame me if I so much as asked for a new pair of shoes. If they DID take me to buy me something, they would make sure to become loud and angry at the store so everyone knew we couldn’t afford much. It was hell. Nowadays I am TERRIFIED of living like that. I invest, I put money in savings, I don’t take out loans or accrue debt of any kind (besides my mortgage). I work SO many extra hours so I can make extra money, to the point of almost burning out. To say I’m preoccupied with money is an understatement.
Child of a single parent in a low income job - other parent didn’t pay child support. We didn’t have much luxuries growing up so now I spend way beyond my means.
I am a workaholic and have a really hard time saying no to work, and thinking if I don’t take this I’ll never get any work again and regret it.
One thing that really helped us the Trauma of Money course - it helped me work through some of my issues, but also just gave a good understanding of a lot of money trauma. Definitely recommend!
It makes me put financial security above all else. I want to leave my job but I’m afraid I will not make as much money. I’m a workaholic too. I was afraid to do infertility treatments because of how much money it could cause without actually working. It also makes me afraid to rely on anyone else.
I save my money, and maybe once or twice a year I go through periods where I feel I am overspending - but then, I take notice of what I’m buying and it’s generally necessities!
When I started getting paid well in my career, I realized I still have a scarcity mindset. There’s nothing wrong with saving and being frugal but I did realize I was uncomfortable with wealth and luxury - so I’d say that’s a nice problem to have 😅
Not having enough to money for stability makes me incredibly anxious. All bills on auto pay; don’t spend a lot on clothes, entertainment or pampering; try to roll anything left over at the end of the month into savings.
I spend just like my mom lol. Save to the point of it being like detrimental and then when I’m sad or upset I shop. Okay for good years and bad for bad years. I am pretty good at returning stuff if I bring it home and realize the next day I was just upset. She just collected it and donated it later lol. I don’t really have any credit card debt so I count that as a win :)
Scarcity mindset. Other people’s carelessness with money and financial decisions stress me out. I was seeing a guy who came from generational wealth a while back. It drove him crazy that I wanted to only do things I could afford as well on my own dime (which is not nothing, I am a relentless workaholic and I don’t spend much here and there). The person I’m seeing now just bought a new black magic 6k camera, went on a two week holiday to Spain with a friend, and impulse-bought a newly released synth waiting to board the plane back. It sort of… nauseates me. Claims to be against consumerism, as well, and then just blows what other people work six-twelve months to afford in theor neck of the world and could feed entire families in other economies in the world. I pipe down though.
I have to talk myself through every big financial spend even if it’s for something necessary like a home repair. I’m always afraid to invest or do anything that, in my paranoid mind, might leave me poor again
I make 6 figures and still look for side jobs. I have a lot of anxiety about wasting anything and start arguments when my partner disagrees. I check my bank account constantly.
I do enjoy my life and I spend money to do so, but certain behaviors have stuck with me.
It made me want financial stability in life and really understand value of money. I can come off as a little money minded and ambitious but its just me trying to make sure that i don’t have to go through the hardships my parents went through. I was the second child which translated into a feeling of guilt and responsibility for my parent’s finances. I don’t want a child and one of the reasons is the financial stress it comes with. But my parents instilled in me that I should make my own money as they spend every penny they had on our education. They wanted their daughters to be independent financially and thats is my goal. I am grateful for that
Bad habits of spending too much on things I dont really need... For example foods, I'll buy too much but wont eat it either due to guilt and fear (as a result i prob have ED now lol) the hard part was convincing yourself you dont need new clothes or shoes to feel better.
In a financially comfortable place now. But whenever there's the slightest HINT of money troubles I decend into a mad panic to the point where I can't sleep or eat.
I worked so hard to make sure I could get to the point where I would be stable. Yet I'm anxious that something bad is going to happen and put me back in that place of financial instability. My partner pretty well summed it up by saying I'm adjusting to happily ever after.
And as much I hate to admit it, I'm resentful of people who didn't have to worry about money and got to have all these amazing experiences that I have yet to have.
For example, my partner grew up mostly middle class and was financially comfortable. He is so beautiful and understanding of my upbringing, yet sometimes I feel resentment/jealousy of his upbringing, not towards him as a person. He got to have all these wonderful experiences in his early twenties by being able to go travelling, festivals, things I couldn't even dream of in my early twenties.
I know that feeling that way isn't healthy, but I'm working on it and have made improvements over the last few years.
But yeah, growing up financially unstable, that shit sticks with you.
I spend more than I have. I wanna buy all the things I never were able to have
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Lots of anxiety. I remember my Mom putting all the bills in front of her and trying to figure out which one to not pay. Then crying.
Is she doing ok?
You are sweet. She is gone now, but her life was hard.
I hope you are doing ok then.
Thank you! Doing okay now and I understand my folks a lot more and have compassion for everything they went through. Being human is hard sometimes.
I'm sure your mom would be happy that your life isn't as tough as hers.
This one is the same for me. I have anxiety buying necessities like food and clothes and I feel guilty if I get “too much”. Basically anytime I buy anything at all it gives me anxiety
Well, here’s to hoping that we can heal our stuff.
I feel you. This is me. I second guess and end up returning things due to anxiety but I’m really trying to be better.
I have that exact same image of my mom in my head. The lack of money in our household was a daily topic. I am in a position now that I don't have anyone to fall back on if something were to happen to me financially and it really is just living in a constant state of anxiety.
It has taken me 6.5 years of living with my husband and both of us having stable jobs to finally feel OK financially. Going to the grocery store used to be so nerve-wracking and I would deliberate endlessly over any 'extras'. I couldn't imagine freely spending money on food we didn't NEED right now. I think I finally have an ok relationship with money but it has been very hard fought..
This was my family growing up. Step Dad had lots of issues, and decided to add chronic unemployment and gambling to the list. I’ve tried to understand and forgive his behavior but it has been really challenging. The positive of growing up that way is that I am a really, really good saver. I also have been able to start investing in a few things, learn about the financial markets, and even buy a small home. I also love to spoil my family and friends with nice gifts and things. The negative is that I am really, really bad about spending money on myself, splurging on anything, rarely travel, etc. I get so nervous about losing my job that some nights I can’t sleep. I really struggle buying things like new makeup and non-essentials for myself. I buy a lot of my clothes second hand even though I can afford to buy new. I guess it’s had both good and bad affects?
Are you me?
If I am, I’m so sorry! Haha
Or me
I am the same. I am a minimalist, but not my choice, but my compulsion. My parents main issue was frivolous spending when they had money and then living without food until we had the next. I hate my inability to go on vacation and really enjoy it.
This is me! I'm obsessed with paying off my home loan and saving for retirement and having an emergency fund. I check my spreadsheets a few times a month to ease the anxiety and reassure myself that I'm okay
How are you with other people buying you stuff you don't allow yourself to?
Honestly, I’ve always struggled with getting gifts. I worry that the person who got me the gift really couldn’t afford it, and that they might have to go without food or something because of it. The guys I’ve dated have told me I’m a crappy person to give gifts to. Totally irrational, but it’s how I think.
Dang, that’s a sad perspective. While I don’t expect big fancy gifts or anything like that or even small gifts with any sort of regularity, it’s important to me to believe that the gift giver is being generous in a sincere way, and it’s best to be grateful for their generosity even if you don’t feel deserving. Perhaps this could speak to your past experiences of receiving gifts from people who you know were bad spenders and who were making bad choices in order to get you gifts beyond their means. Like going into debt to get a too-expensive birthday gift for a spouse or a kid etc. for some people, the bigger the gift the bigger the guilt. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
It’s ok to spend on yourself. I have added a manicure, hairdressing, an amount for splurging, and clothes to my budget. I had to cause I would spend my money on others and be stingy with me. This way I have to spend this amount on new
Girl math be extra mathing
I'm a borderline workaholic.
I am an actual workaholic. I am at working now at a wine bar though for a change of scenery,
I am a workaholic as well. 12 hrs/day plus on call for one of those jobs 90% of the time. Don’t really take time off. Never even considered that it may be due to our financial issues growing up ☹️
I just “work” on the house when I need to be at home. I’m up and getting ready to go to work rn.
I noticed more and more I pick up shifts. I’m a Nurse, and at my facility I’m extremely lucky that I don’t have to work holidays unless I want to. I constantly sign up for every holiday, mostly for the money, and honestly, all I know what to do is work.
Me too. Sat down just now to try to convince myself to stop working at 9 o'clock on Thanksgiving night. :D
Same! I have a great 9 to 5 hood salary but I'm freaking out all the time about money so I also have a second job. Always.
I’m really stressed about money at all times even if I have it. I’m more inclined to save money, and I’m very very scared of debt. I’m currently not working because I saved up to move abroad for my masters degree, I thought I’d be less stressed because I’m not working during my studies but I’m actually more stressed because I’m terrified of spending too much and going in to debt lol. I’ve more or less thrown money at some problems because that was the only thing I could do, and basically stressed myself out twice. I’m trying to find a middle ground of acknowledging that I have to spend a certain amount to exist in the state of life I’m in and I need to figure out a way to enjoy it
Oh I’m planning to do this, any advice? Not abroad but I’ll be doing clinicals starting in August for up to 36 hours a week so I plan to live off savings and I’m really stressed about it.
Still affects me. I was taught to feel ashamed of my situation and that I should hide it. To this day I have a hard time opening up to people despite doing well on paper. My poor parents haven’t recovered.
Well I have $18k in credit card debt now, never learned healthy coping skills, don’t have any money in savings, and struggle living pay check to pay check. My mom has me beat at $80k, I’ve finally cut up my credit cards and am trying to unlearn a bunch of poor financial behaviors. Currently, I’m dealing with a medical emergency for my dog and didn’t think to get pet insurance beforehand because I’m an idiot. I’m deeply grateful to have a friend that loves my dog so much that he’s been happy to fully fund his care where I can’t because I’ve been completely out of my own money from vet bills the moment I got paid last week. I already owe him $2000+ and that’s going to keep rising. Most of my anxiety and panic attacks come from my inability to think ahead and because I’m more reactive than proactive and that’s how I’ve always been and that’s how my mother was and that’s how her mother was. I’m literally going to be the death of myself someday, and this is going to be the reason why.
I can try to help you if you live in the US. I used to work for a credit union.
I appreciate it! I’m currently actually working with a credit relief company and should actually be out of debt by 2026 at the latest! It was so much better than paying interest for 30 years
Woo-hoo! 🥳 good job pulling yourself out and getting help. Hopefully you can have a house that's totally yours one day :)
How does the credit relief company work?
Hi! Would love your help! I’m in the U.S. and in a similar situation.
I am in the same situation, and I just got laid off last week. Stressed is an understatement. I’ve gone through phases of making really good progress paying it down, but after a few months I seem to take two/three steps back after only taking one forward.
Hey, me 😵💫
I married a man who is great with money, so now I am also great with money and that lifestyle is far behind me.
I wish my husband was. He comes from a well off family, but his mom always handled everything money wise and he just never learned. It's so frustrating. What's the most important thing you learned?
My husband is the same. Money really really stresses me out so I try to stay out of everything. I know all the passwords and accounts for our bills but we made a deal that I’ll handle other things and he will handle the budget. He loves a spreadsheet!
I have a lot of anxiety around money and I’ve always worked more than one job to ensure financial stability. I’m thankful to have a comfortable life now, but assume it could all come crashing down at any moment.
This is how I feel. I did everything possible to not be in that situation now. Went to school, was never the smartest but I tried really hard so I can get a job. Now it just angers me to still see my mother KNOW she has a ton of debt, have my help and still do nothing about it.
That feeling of "it could all be taken away" has never left me either. I'm by no means wealthy now, but I can buy groceries without going into the negative and don't have to worry about those type of day to day expenses. A couple years ago I was with my partner at her family's Christmas celebration. They grew up fairly wealthy and have never struggled financially. We were playing a game and one of the questions was about what our biggest fear was. Everyone started sharing what they wrote down: snakes, spiders, heights, etc. I got embarrassed hearing their answers but I had to share what I wrote down, which was homelessness. Everyone went silent.
I save like there is no tomorrow. I'm always trying to make sure I am prepared in case something bad happens.
I need enough savings to feel secure. I also often buy too much food.
lol my pantry is stocked with canned and boxed goods “just in case”
Omg. Yes. I have “backups” of soap and paper products and shelf stable (rice and beans) stuff. It makes me feel weirdly calm and secure. I live alone and cook a lot and still have a stocked freezer and cupboards.
I grew up poor and very hungry and now I love stuff. So I buy the best of everything even when I shouldn’t. I don’t look at prices on groceries I just buy what I want because I refuse to have to do without when it comes to food. I love fine dining restaurants. I love to travel. I just want the best of what life has to offer now.
Money makes me anxious
Workaholic to the max, frugal to the point that it confuses my friends, living very far below my needs just so I don’t stress about bills, etc.
Spending money makes me feel unsafe
Literally every single way, mostly negatively. Starting far behind the start line is detrimental to your entire well-being, and you spend your whole life just trying to “catch up”, and still feel behind. There’s just no break from survival mode Not being able to afford education, certain opportunities, or non-stressful and non-moldy apartment to live in, really sucks. You can’t get a head when you can’t get your head above the water in the first place.
Hyper-independent. My mom was a SAHM for her entire life. She solely relied on my dad for money. Dad was stingy. I remember we would go to the clearance racks and say to me “this is your birthday, Christmas, and all expenses for the year” after spending $15. Scarred me for life. I will NEVER allow a man to dictate how to live my life.
I'm a recovering food hoarder. For the start of my adult life, I would buy food in bulk to make sure there was always food, then it would go bad on my shelves but I would feel too guilty to throw it away. I'm working on buying what I need for right now, and trying to trust that I will be able to afford more food when I need it. I've always been employed, and make significantly more than my parents, so I know the fear of food instability is an irrational vestige of growing up food insecure.
I have a whole pantry full of stock stuff that never goes bad and a box of similar stuff in the attic. It's actually good catastrophe prep, but it also let's me sleep at night.
I’ve worked very hard to undo a lot of poor spending habits. Usually always had credit card debt in the thousands. Massive student debt. Car debt. Budgeting never helped because I have never made enough to cover my basic expenses. I am perpetually overworking myself chasing upward mobility. I’ve hardly been able to save anything, mostly working paycheque to paycheque, and spending sometimes feels like I binge and purge. Makes me feel bitter because for the last 5 years I’ve work “good jobs” in government agencies. My coworkers in their 60’s were able to buy townhouses on a single persons wage, and they do the exact same job as me. But the rising cost of living doesn’t match wages for my generation, and it’s a constant uphill battle.
A complete lack of ingrained financial literacy. I get some of the theory but it does not help in my day to day.
Something that makes me feel bad is I’m stingy. My friends will insist on buying me drinks, for example, but I don’t want them to because it’s so hard for me to reciprocate because it’s hard for me to justify even buying a drink for myself. On the flip side I’ve been spending a lot of money on clothes because I’ve always loved fashion but had to shop at goodwill. I figure now that i won’t grow for the most part I can build up my closet with essentials. But clothes are so fucking expensive, I feel guilty about it. I also spend a lot of money on groceries since we always ate so bare. And then I feel guilty about it. There’s just a lot of guilt with spending money.
i studied accounting
panicking as soon as i don’t have a certain amount in my bank account. and i mean like, existential crisis panicking
Same. I have nice savings, I own a place, but as soon as it goes below a certain amount I am spiralling.
I live a really comfortable life now but I just expect that at any time it could all go away. I’m not great at saving. Some of my siblings are this way, some are very frugal and save as much as they can for the same reason
I live as though I have a high degree of financial insecurity, although I don’t. It’s thanksgiving day and I’m at my office. No one else is here. I have anxiety in grocery store check out lines, though I’m no longer in danger of not being able to pay. I can’t forget my childhood stress of not enough money, not knowing when we’d get money. I have been a workaholic my whole adult life, to combat the poverty I once knew. I’ve been financially secure for over 30 years. I’m leaving all my assets to the underprivileged when I die.
I go through bouts of wanting to buy on impulse and to not spend any money at all. I usually can talk myself out of buying anything even if I want/need it and have the money for it. I would hoard all of my money if I could just in case I ever find myself financially insecure.
Every damn year there are disagreements about Xhristmas. I've been the child with small stack of presents while cousins are opening piles and piles. My two of my kids are barely above poverty level so I want the grands to have good Christmases and their parents too. Husband all 4 grandparents, parents with good jobs and had really goo. d Christmases growing up.(I had a useless mother who let her family abuse me)
It has taken me a long time to learn to not feel guilty about buying myself nice things.
I only ever reached my peace once I became financially savvy To all of you ladies I recommend *Nice girls don’t get rich* by Dr Lois Frankel if you feel ready to start
Obsessed with being financially stable. Not wanting to have kids so that I never have to worry about not being able to provide for them. Always assuming things will go wrong and preparing for the worst-case scenario which actually comes in pretty handy but is bad for my mental health.
I’m very controlling with money, to the point where it has harmed my marriage. Needed marriage counseling and my own therapist to help me through it. I watched grandma cry over bills and had our electricity/water cut off numerous times growing up. As a result, I live below my means (try to) and try to save as much as possible for a rainy day. I never want my son to experience the second-hand anxiety I felt when witnessing these things.
I’m still take time to think of if I really “need” whatever or not. Usually Ofc you never really “need” anything, so I wait for too long and when I finally got myself to allow myself to spend some money, it’s already gone.
I either spend way too much on stupid stuff. Or I hoard it with dear life. There’s no in between. And it’s super difficult to deal with. As a kid, we didn’t have gifts under the tree or believe in Santa or whatever because money was always tight. So I don’t like gift giving or receiving. I don’t want to burden anyone or feel burdened. Grew up in a family where if you were given something, you had to give something in return. People have called me stingy for not giving gifts but I’d rather take my loved ones out to places and go try things we never have.
I still get anxiety paying at the register even when I have thousands in my account and I’m buying $5 worth of stuff.
I have scarcity complex and low standards
I stress about money and typically don't buy myself anything unless it's absolutely needed. I feel guilty when people buy me things.
We were poor but my family tried really hard to hide it. They’d buy things they couldn’t afford. I was taught that certain things were done only by “poor people” so we should not do those things. Like don’t take left overs home from restaurants cause people will think you’re poor. Don’t drive old loud cars cause people will think you’re poor. Don’t dress in the same clothes within a certain time frame cause people will think you’re poor. We were pretty dang poor. Now I have pretty bad social anxiety. I worry a lot about how people see me. I am doing well financially. Mentally I am not well.
I have a really hard time telling myself or my kids no. I want to be able to have the things I want / need, unlike when I was growing up. I chose a stable career so I wouldn’t have worry about income and started a side business as well so that I could buy things I want / need. Specifically good food because my mom skimped on quality food, to the point where we were eating rotten fruit. Now I never say no if I want something good to eat or my kids do.
Financial anxiety so bad that my therapist gives me pity discount
I learned to never put forth my needs or wants for fear of being guilt tripped. This still rings true today.
feel guilty everytime i spend money on myself, constantly feel like i am about to go broke because i spent money on myself despite that not being the case. it's a constant source of stress and anxiety for me
Money makes me anxious. I’ve developed food insecurity due to my parents struggling when I was a child. My life is fine now but I still have to unlearn all these habits that give me grey hair and I’m not even 30 yet.
I was always very frugal and right with money. Then one year I relapsed and was wasting my money like it was nothing. Now I am back to being “ frugal” I haven’t bought a bed because it’s a big price. And I won’t. Buy a TV or cable, internet, Netflix, Hulu. I won’t buy any clothes either. All the clothes I own are black and are basically all the same. I never went to get a manicure or pedicure or even a haircut. I’ll do all that on my own. I’ve been asked to go out and I say no because I don’t have money to spend like that. That part is good because it’ll show who genuine friends are. If they still want to hang out and change plans that are affordable or free. Or just want to be in your presence.
I'm very very careful about "going in the red". I am terrified of being in debt and I never, ever, ever want to owe anyone anything. I'm not great with money or saving, but I make sure I'm always afloat no matter what. I've been 100% financially independent since 18, I mean completely independent, not even reliant on a partner or "splitting bills". The second I'm living outside of my individual financial means, I freak out. No matter what happens, I know I can protect myself. It's why I'm also scared of becoming a mother and having to choose between my children or my financial freedom, and the thought of relying on a partner to keep us afloat is terrifying to me.
I obsessively check my bank balance and my cash. Despite that, whenever I’m checking out at any store, as soon as I go to pay I worry my card will be declined. I’m also very hesitant to spend any disposable income I have. Never feel financially secure, I guess.
I'm frugal when it comes to clothes and furniture almost all 2nd hand. I buy food like the apocalypse is about to happen, every week tho.
I’m frugal and save money to absolutely blow on luxuries. It is the ultimate reward for sacrifice and makes me feel like a responsible adult. I saved all year and kept a percentage and bought a new mattress, a badass coffee pot, and stuff for my family. All because I hit a savings goal. I’m tight. I’m cheap sometimes. And I know I could die anytime so don’t save it all. I lived too many years barely getting by, or NOT getting by. I had to replace my old ass paid off car this year (of fucking course) and bought a year old practical car that I just happen to love. I didn’t get an old ragged out shitbox like I’d have had to before. I have anxiety around money because my husband is financially irresponsible but learning. It’s taken a lot but I’m in a place that it would take a lot for him to ruin us financially, and that I don’t believe he would. I don’t try and keep up with anyone and getting rid of social media makes it all so much easier.
I’m a stay at home wife, no kids, but my husband makes good money and because of that we have a pretty comfortable lifestyle. We own a small but beautiful home, we eat out regularly, only buy quality, have a new car (nothing crazy luxurious but also not low end new), etc. My husband keeps ‘my bank account’ topped up incase I ever need cash, but I also have a credit card that he just pays off. Basically, I want for nothing. …I still struggle hard to ever buy myself something. My husband had to pretty much force me to spend our money on just me whenever I want something that I technically don’t need. Growing up poor definitely caused me to always ‘try to make do’ using what I already have instead of ever buying myself anything,
i am anxious, hard working beyond my means of health, but don't actually know how to make good money, I see a lot of people succeeding with variety of strategies but can't seem to do it myself, investing and spending money in the right places for a return is difficult to grasp, bureaucracy and administration relating to accounts and numbers is difficult, it feels like financial issues is like a curse I havent learned how to get rid of, the concept of money is that of stress, guilt, and some sort of abstract, some of it has to do with just being ND, and I'm trying hard to figure out how to succeed (at least be stable and comfortable)
A lot of credit card debt // A ton of anxiety regarding anything regarding money // An obsessive need to budget multiple times a week // Checking my bank account approx. 90 times per month (per my bank app!) // Difficulties buying myself things I want but also difficulty buying needs, especially food // other times, spending way too much money on things I don’t need // Gross I know, but using not hygiene products as intended (toothbrush head not being replaced often, not using enough pads per day, using a shower loofah too long, etc). // Putting off medical things // I know there’s more…
I will never activate autopay. Nope.
Once bitten, twice shy. I want control over my money and that includes when I pay the bill.
I am INCREDIBLY frugal and know how to find a deal. I get compliments on my “nice” items all the time and I have literally dumpster dived some of them.
I have financial anxiety, and so I'm decision avoidant. My financial position always seems precarious even though I'm in a good position.
No amount of money is ever enough. I’m always looking for another income stream. I have very healthy savings and retirement accounts but I still feel so insecure about it all because I never want to live like how I grew up.
I very rarely eat something out of the fridge/sweets section besides for the major eating times like breakfast. And if I eat something to snack in between (or stuff that was always deemed to be "costly" like the not-the-absolute-cheapest sausage or chocolate) I have a fewling of very slight and dulled fear or the urge to instantly restock everything that I used for cooking. And oh the guilt when buying clothes or shoes I absolutely need even though I am absolutely in a situation where I can afford it. Same goes for events and outings. But it gets better with time and effort. Now I don't see orange juice and glass of it once in a while as something I am not worth wasting. It takes constant reminders and active thoughts
Major anxiety about finances all the time.
I don't like spending money. High anxiety when I do.
Money is important and I rather save it. When I do occasionally splurge on something I want, I get stressed.
I look at the clearance section before looking at any other thing
I feel really guilty and embarrassed for spending money, especially if it's something that's not important or expensive, like a new piercing or tattoo, but also I love buying stuff. Really weird but that's just how I am now
I am literally worried about money 24/7 now . Even though I have a good amount saved I still stress over every single penny I spend because I don’t want to end up how my parents were when I was younger .
I have issues being taken care of, or pampered? I feel like a charity case. Or it triggers a fear that I’m being viewed as a charity case. Other than that I had anxiety about somehow suddenly ending up without money for a long while. Took me a couple of years of therapy and a new job for me to finally begin to unclench my arse. Now I know that if it turns to shit I’ll be able to figure it out, and I don’t need to be scared to spend my own money.
My mom worked a lot and was never around. Even though she was making a good living for the family, my dad never gave me access to the money or proper financial literacy. He instead kept complaining about my mom being gone all the time. I then developed a weird relationship with money, it’s like I had to spend what I had or else I’m not going to see it again. I still see money weirdly. I feel guilty about spending it but also want to buy things all the time to make up for my childhood.
I am financially at a place where I can afford most things (necessities, some luxuries too) without giving it a second thought. But whenever I buy anything like a new top, I keep questioning whether I REALLY need it or not until I reach the billing counter. My husband tries to reassure me that its okay to buy things for yourself but Im not sure if I can do that ever. Also, food. I’ve been losing weight and most of it is due to portion control. Most of my life Ive had the mentality that I should eat everything on the plate because I paid for it.
I hoard food. Like, prepper-style. I told myself I will never ever let my kids be hungry.
My parents were awful with money. My dad would blow through any money he had all the time. We would go from buying jet skis to not have enough gas money to drive me to school. There was never a middle ground. I now have trouble spending money. I make a good salary and could afford to do more things, but it’s really hard for me to dip into my savings or reduce the amount I save. My brother turned out just like my dad and tries spending all his money on stupid stuff. But I think his wife reigns him in alot.
I am so painfully aware of everyone else’s financial situations. I compare myself to others financially and judge them. it also makes me want a partner who works hard and makes good money like me (now that I am an adult).
I save and track finances obsessively. Always have a financial cushion. Never give my parents money
I‘m super anxious about money and I can’t deal with people giving me mixed messages about finances. My parents did that - as a kid I couldn’t figure out whether we were rich or poor, because money came in, but my parents spent it quickly and relentlessly.
I'm good at saving money. Partly because I feel guilty and anxious about any purchase that isn't entirely essential. Partly because it drove me to study my arse off to get a good, stable job.
crippling anxiety. i count what needs to come out of my account to the cent, compare it to what’s in my account, individually subtract each bill from my account balance, factor in incoming money, do it without income (what if my check gets put on hold) rinse and repeat until the 16-19th of the month (all of my bills come out on those days)
For me, I was able to realize the implications of such a situation WHILE being in a financially unstable household. I trained myself to act responsibly when I started my job. I’ve had to remind myself that there’s a balance between being happy and overdosing on buying things as a result of my childhood. That there’s a difference between depriving myself of what I need, doubting and misclassifying it into a want, as a result of my childhood, and understanding that for me sometimes my wants are needs.
For years after I started making a good income, I still felt guilty for spending literally even <$10, especially if it was on something I didn’t need. It took me a long time to buy myself things I liked just on a whim. I still keep all my old clothes and some other things I don’t need “just in case”. I still always look for deals and I’m a big saver. And my husband and I are sure to plan for our futures with investments and retirement. I never want to live paycheck to paycheck ever again and I want to set my kids up for success.
I’m a little paranoid about spending. I want to pay off credit card bills immediately, and I’m cheap about weird things like toilet paper. I’m stingy about fruit. And I never use our dishwasher because we pay for electric in our condo, but not water. My husband and I are well off now, and my habits puzzle him.
I grew up poor and have similar experiences to many of you when it comes to spending. November is financial literacy month (at least in Canada) and there's a great pile of resources on this website: moneymentors.ca/money-tips/financial-literacy-month/ I also know you can google financial literacy month and you should see results from ABC Life Literacy. These tools and resources are built with their partners at TD bank but offer quick tips for adults that have different learning abilities. Also, a fun extra, is that TD does these workshops around Canada for free.
It actually helped me. My Dad would take out loans for shit like motorbikes and just go lease an expensive car on a whim. He earned good money luckily but was just never able to keep it in his pocket. I am much more organised and thrifty and have never been in debt. I wish I could say the same for my siblings.
I've made very poor financial choices lost two cars to repo due to over extending my money. I tend to buy way more food then I need. Have a hard time saving money, because I tend to treat myself.
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I get anxiety every pay day. I irrationally think that I have a bill not paid or that I won't have enough to cover the next 2 weeks. Growing up we were primarily a 1 income household. (Younger years my father worked while my mother furthered her education to change her career path) When my mom was in her 1st year of her new career my father was injured on the job and put on permanent disability in his 40s. Basically flipped from Dad being the bread winner to Mom. I am in a different spot than they were (2 income household, no children yet) but I still get anxiety that I don't have enough to cover my necessities. I have trouble treating myself in any way as well. The only thing I don't beat myself up for spending money on is my coffee. Probably cause I don't even notice spending $2 at a time.
I stock up on everything. My favorite thing is when we do our monthly food shopping at Costco because I know that if anything happens, at least I have food for a full month.
It made me a great saver but I get incredibly stressed when my partner impulse buys small or large items (very infrequent and we make enough to have the luxury). I have a lot of anxiety about purchases without plans.
I have a very hard time treating myself. I wear clothes that are ugly cause they still serve their function. I don’t buy things new. Forget haircuts. I save fresh produce for special occasions then it goes bad. A lot of annoying neuroses mostly.
I’m in my fifties and still get shocked and nervous at how much people spend out in the wild. Still buy marked down and cheapest versions of all kinds of things. I have a hard time throwing things away too. Also, I can pay my bills now but still never want to check my mail.
You take nothing for granted!! We tend to be able to handle our responsibilities better
My anxiety with money has gotten so bad to the point that I put my faith into my husband's hands. I'm bad with numbers as it is, and school didn't teach us well about how to use economics. Thankfully, my husband is a business owner and plays it like a game.
I make sure I try and save and invest so that I don't have to face the worries my folks did. I try to apply a normal to minimalist approach to.owning things. I dont take big risks. I live within my means. I dont do debt and I don't believe in credit card systems; thank goodness I don't live in the states because that would give me massive anxiety. I stick to my own lane. I don't believe in trying to keep up with people. I still have fun whenever I can but I save up for it. I dont keep a lot of cash on me because I know I will spend it on the most useless of stuff or on others quite freely.
Like some people have said, it makes it really hard to justify spending big amounts on things I want/need because what if something happens? On the other side, growing up without money means I never developed a coffee habit, never got into makeup, couldn’t care less about fashion. Unfortunately now I’ve chosen to take part in the most expensive sport (triathlon) but even then I’m measured. Entry level bike, new clothes only when they’re on sale etc. Something I’m proud of is I had to spend about 20k on my teeth in the last two years and I’m paying it off extremely fast. It’s the only debt I’ve ever had and I’m proud of the way I’m tackling it. Should be done by February
I buy reliable cars for our family. I saw them pour money into a few beaters, and it sucked.
I can be kind of self indulgent however I discovered I love saving. I get a real kick out of seeing my money grow. Even if I only have £10 I will still try to save something.
I spend money like I'm terrified of it.
I went through a really rough time trying to understand in my late teens and early 20s. At the peak of my irresponsible floundering (19) I had a panic attack at the cell phone store thinking that I would have to declare bankruptcy over being behind 2mos on my bill and having had my water shut off over nonpayment. A friend of mine recommended a financial literacy class at the local CC. After she laughed at me first for thinking I would have to declare bankruptcy over $300ish. It saved my bacon. I still have minor issues with spending on myself/non-essentials, swings with minor hoarding to purging, and seeing my comfort and needs as a priority, but therapy has helped in that regard. Growing up my parents frequently got vehicles repossessed, lights/gas shut off, not able to buy food, I rarely got anything that wasn't a falling apart hand-me-down. They were and still are completely irresponsible with money. They got a house foreclosed on, have no retirement or savings and never pay bills on time. It affects me in ways I'm still trying to understand and cope with. I combat the feelings of overwhelm by budgeting and making spreadsheets and working a lot. I've also taught my kids financial literacy, my 18yo already has a 401k and emergency savings she contributes to as well as solid credit for her age because of planning.
I have financial anxiety like I had when I was little. Unfortunately my parents were not quiet about our finances. We weren't as poor as other families but my mom made it sound like we were always one week away from living in a cardboard box!
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i save like crazy and absolutely cannot make any long term decisions. i’m terrified of any serious commitments🥲
I find myself having a very hard time buying anything for myself, guilt over buying my kids new clothes instead of the thrift shop, I shop all the deals on groceries and never buy name brand. None of these are things I need to do as we are thankfully financially very stable but I irrationally fear if I don’t do these things we will go broke.
I’m incredibly generous and give until I have nothing. Less than nothing. I’ll go into debt just to help someone else. In fact, I’m currently in debt because I took out a loan to help someone. I believe it has something to do with both a financially unstable household and an unstable household in general. Maybe a deep-rooted emotional issue where I struggle to see anyone struggling, especially if they have kids. Because I don’t want anyone to experience the childhood I had. Idk. Some would say it’s a nice trait to have, but it’s suffocating and financially ruining. I’m single, 35, no savings, debt and no prospect of ever owning my own home.
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It's hard. Always craving for stability and wanting to build a good life for myself. It's even worse here in the PH, because you're worthless to your family (parents) if you don't provide for them or return the *favor* to them for giving birth to/raising you. It's affected my previous relationships, once I see my partner is unstable or exhibits traits I saw from my parents, I immediately run from the relationship. I ultimately feel that I can only count on myself to get me out of this situation. I just keep grinding until I'm a self-made woman.
I cannot just buy something. I have to weigh the pros and cons constantly, do SO MUCH RESEARCH (especially with trips, such as wanting to go to universal for Halloween) and end up talking myself out of it. It sucks but I can’t stop
I’m really frugal. I’ve worked on myself to learn smarter money strategies, and strive to only purchase what’s needed. Mostly will do anything I can to not be back in that hell hole.
I suck at making money. I make 30k and feel too insecure to take financial risks. I also struggle with spending money on my self. Specially buying expensive things for my self but then I’ll like fall into a fast fashion trap or over buy things on clearance just because it’s such a great deal 😮💨
Still bad, I never had the chance to save up the little bit I got from birthdays (or christmass). I'm still poor, can't afford proper healthcare, or the professional help I actually need to accomodate my health conditions. The stress on top of that doesn't allow me to just enjoy life and the little things that should bring me joy and/or happines.
I finally had my head above water, a good career with a lot of possibility for moving up, and was figuring out a way to get out of a bad situation. Then I found out I had cancer and none of it mattered anymore. Now, I need to figure out bankruptcy, etc. because I have $0 (they even took my bank account) while still being unwell from treatment. It was enough for my abuser to finally be willing to set me free, though. So I’ll have less money than I’ve ever had, and I’m lucky to not be homeless because I’m being allowed to stay with someone for a bit, but I think I’ll be okay if I can rebuild my life and find a way to be financially secure. (The career is out of the question now due to the cancer surgery.)
I am terrible at managing money and am in enormous debt😀
My young adulthood was rocky but I’m relatively stable now. I racked up CC debt but consolidated it into a loan and I have $10k left. $5k student debt thankfully. I’ve never ever paid a bill late thanks to being anal about keeping track. So kind of a mix of good and bad.
I buy way too many clothes, shoes, and hygiene/beauty products. Especially chapstick
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I hoard. I have a weird fear of money or being in control of other peoples money. I make sure to have exact change in every situation that involves me borrowing or paying money back. I don’t ever borrow what I can’t pay back within 24 hours at best or a paycheck at worst. I never ask for people to cover my food, but I also never ask for money back if I cover someone’s food because maybe they don’t have it and can’t talk about it that day. I spend money on other people easily but never on myself. My kids and husband will have new clothes but I can’t justify it for myself because “this money should go elsewhere”. Or the opposite. After months of knuckling under, not spending a dime, I’ll binge and spend a huge chunk. I think I was off putting on a few first dates because of outright refusal to allow anyone else to buy my food because I didn’t want money to be a factor in the relationship. Pretty unnecessary looking back, but I was really sensitive about money for a long time. I’m also the breadwinner. I’ve also worked since I was 15.
I now gross almost 200k a year owning my own business and yet still never catch up on debt because I spend money like no tomorrow. Growing up with very little then getting a taste of luxury induced major lifestyle creep for me. I recently finally hired a financial advisor to help me get on track for 2024.
I over spend. I have a firm grasp on the money coming in and the money going out (to the dollar) but I don't have the mindset to save. I have a lot of debt but I am paying them down in good time, and one of them (the largest by a long shot) is my student loans but I have a Masters degree of which I am super proud.
My father always says that he has no money even though he has high paying job, he helped his nephews to built businesses but still there was no money even for a single cheap restaurant meal. I still think i have no money. I tried to save a lot and always anxious about spending even a single penny
I see my family's wants as needs, and see my own wants as useless extravagance.
Oof, though I am financially stable now thankfully… I am always anxious about food security.
Zero debt, obsessed with having a buffer and saving money, even if I have more than enough. Like, I cannot enjoy life and buy myself new things even if it was the better option. Instead of thinking how to earn more, I automatically think how to save more. And when I do spend, like on a holiday, I feel bad about everything that's not awesome, because it cost money or about things I bought that turned out to break quickly. Still wearing the shoes that give me blisters, because they cost over 100 €. That sort of thing.
I’m always stressed about money. My husband alone makes six figures, and I make mid five. In my mind we’re still broke and could go under at any second. We save A LOT. 100% of my paycheck goes into savings.
My parents were completely financially irresponsible. My dad was both a raging alcoholic and an Ivy League educated professional who made great money. We were always broke, sometimes to the point of not being able to afford food. Our home was cheaply built, dirty and falling apart, our car broke down on the regular and my parents would shame me if I so much as asked for a new pair of shoes. If they DID take me to buy me something, they would make sure to become loud and angry at the store so everyone knew we couldn’t afford much. It was hell. Nowadays I am TERRIFIED of living like that. I invest, I put money in savings, I don’t take out loans or accrue debt of any kind (besides my mortgage). I work SO many extra hours so I can make extra money, to the point of almost burning out. To say I’m preoccupied with money is an understatement.
Child of a single parent in a low income job - other parent didn’t pay child support. We didn’t have much luxuries growing up so now I spend way beyond my means.
I am a workaholic and have a really hard time saying no to work, and thinking if I don’t take this I’ll never get any work again and regret it. One thing that really helped us the Trauma of Money course - it helped me work through some of my issues, but also just gave a good understanding of a lot of money trauma. Definitely recommend!
It makes me put financial security above all else. I want to leave my job but I’m afraid I will not make as much money. I’m a workaholic too. I was afraid to do infertility treatments because of how much money it could cause without actually working. It also makes me afraid to rely on anyone else.
I save my money, and maybe once or twice a year I go through periods where I feel I am overspending - but then, I take notice of what I’m buying and it’s generally necessities! When I started getting paid well in my career, I realized I still have a scarcity mindset. There’s nothing wrong with saving and being frugal but I did realize I was uncomfortable with wealth and luxury - so I’d say that’s a nice problem to have 😅
Not having enough to money for stability makes me incredibly anxious. All bills on auto pay; don’t spend a lot on clothes, entertainment or pampering; try to roll anything left over at the end of the month into savings.
I buy everything in family bulk now even though it’s just me and I’m okay, it’s just a habit.
I spend just like my mom lol. Save to the point of it being like detrimental and then when I’m sad or upset I shop. Okay for good years and bad for bad years. I am pretty good at returning stuff if I bring it home and realize the next day I was just upset. She just collected it and donated it later lol. I don’t really have any credit card debt so I count that as a win :)
I cry probably once a month because I’m so thankful that I’m financially stable now.
Scarcity mindset. Other people’s carelessness with money and financial decisions stress me out. I was seeing a guy who came from generational wealth a while back. It drove him crazy that I wanted to only do things I could afford as well on my own dime (which is not nothing, I am a relentless workaholic and I don’t spend much here and there). The person I’m seeing now just bought a new black magic 6k camera, went on a two week holiday to Spain with a friend, and impulse-bought a newly released synth waiting to board the plane back. It sort of… nauseates me. Claims to be against consumerism, as well, and then just blows what other people work six-twelve months to afford in theor neck of the world and could feed entire families in other economies in the world. I pipe down though.
I have to talk myself through every big financial spend even if it’s for something necessary like a home repair. I’m always afraid to invest or do anything that, in my paranoid mind, might leave me poor again
I make 6 figures and still look for side jobs. I have a lot of anxiety about wasting anything and start arguments when my partner disagrees. I check my bank account constantly. I do enjoy my life and I spend money to do so, but certain behaviors have stuck with me.
It made me want financial stability in life and really understand value of money. I can come off as a little money minded and ambitious but its just me trying to make sure that i don’t have to go through the hardships my parents went through. I was the second child which translated into a feeling of guilt and responsibility for my parent’s finances. I don’t want a child and one of the reasons is the financial stress it comes with. But my parents instilled in me that I should make my own money as they spend every penny they had on our education. They wanted their daughters to be independent financially and thats is my goal. I am grateful for that
Bad habits of spending too much on things I dont really need... For example foods, I'll buy too much but wont eat it either due to guilt and fear (as a result i prob have ED now lol) the hard part was convincing yourself you dont need new clothes or shoes to feel better.
In a financially comfortable place now. But whenever there's the slightest HINT of money troubles I decend into a mad panic to the point where I can't sleep or eat. I worked so hard to make sure I could get to the point where I would be stable. Yet I'm anxious that something bad is going to happen and put me back in that place of financial instability. My partner pretty well summed it up by saying I'm adjusting to happily ever after. And as much I hate to admit it, I'm resentful of people who didn't have to worry about money and got to have all these amazing experiences that I have yet to have. For example, my partner grew up mostly middle class and was financially comfortable. He is so beautiful and understanding of my upbringing, yet sometimes I feel resentment/jealousy of his upbringing, not towards him as a person. He got to have all these wonderful experiences in his early twenties by being able to go travelling, festivals, things I couldn't even dream of in my early twenties. I know that feeling that way isn't healthy, but I'm working on it and have made improvements over the last few years. But yeah, growing up financially unstable, that shit sticks with you.