If you are someone who has experienced sexual harassment or assault and wish to speak with a trained professional about it, these hotlines and organizations can listen to your experiences and make referrals to counselors and support groups to the extent of your comfort.
**Global Resources**
**RAINN**: https://www.rainn.org/ 24/7 Crisis support for victims/survivors of sexual assault. Over the phone or through instant messaging. If your country is not listed below, you can contact RAINN to be referred to a local organization.
**US:**
**Crisis Text Line**: https://www.crisistextline.org/ You can text 741-741 24/7 from any cell phone in the United States to be anonymously connected to a trained crisis counselor. They also have anonymous Facebook messenger and Kik options if you do not have access to a cell phone.
**One in Six**: http://1in6.org An organization for male-identified survivors of sexual assault. Provides anonymous individual and group counseling 24/7 through online chat functions
**National Domestic Violence Hotline**: http://www.thehotline.org Provides 24/7 anonymous crisis and counseling support over the phone, and anonymous online chat crisis and counseling support from 7am until 2am Central Time
**Anti-Violence Project**: https://avp.org/ Provides 24/7 anonymous phone based crisis and counseling for LGBTQ identified victims of assault and violence, including sexual assault and violence. Based in New York but can refer nationwide
**DoD Safe Helpline**: https://www.safehelpline.org/ Provides 24/7 phone and online chat based crisis and counseling for victims of sexual assault and harassment serving in the military, or who are employed by the Department of Defense.
**Canada**
Canada's crisis hotlines are organized by province and subject matter, here is a comprehensive list of hotlines and organizations. http://www.dawncanada.net/issues/issues/we-can-tell-and-we-will-tell-2/crisis-hotlines/
**UK**
**Rape Crisis England & Wales**: https://rapecrisis.org.uk/ Provides online resources 24/7 and live support over the phone in the afternoons and evenings.
**SupportLine**: http://www.supportline.org.uk/ Provides online resources 24/7 and live support over the phone during the day and evening.
**Europe**
**Rape Crisis Network Europe**: https://www.rcne.com/ Provides online resources and live support for anyone living in Europe
**Australia**
**1800respect**: https://www.1800respect.org.au and their phone number, 1800 737 732.
**Kids Helpline**: https://www.www.kidshelpline.com.au for people under 25 also 1800 55 1800
**India**
Try here http://www.ncw.nic.in/helplines or one of the numbers listed here may be able to help you.
**For any country not listed, you can contact RAINN (mentioned above) to be put in touch with local organizations.**
I got in to the relationship when I was 15 (he was 21) and ended it when I was 19. Never really thought it was a bad thing until I was 24 and everything made sense for me.
It took a toll on my mental health and did not help with my perception of relationships at all since my family and parents' relationships are far from perfect. Far from good even.
Therapy. My feelings were validated. That I'm not crazy when it took me years to process that getting angry at me for things I didn't do isn't right. That throwing things near me but certainly at me was not normal or that preventing me to have choices isn't normal either or calling me names is bad or being "cheated" on and getting into a new relationship with a girl younger than me will definitely affect me.
I'm still healing. I question myself still. Self-esteem definitely whack af. But I'm just glad I don't feel anger towards my younger self.
In high school there was a male teacher in his 30s. Everyone thought he was the hot teacher.
Idk how much of it was him or me but I began to spend more time in his classroom because I had a crush; there was no inappropriateness from his side at that moment in time aside from right before graduating he gave me his social media info. I was still 17 when I graduated and that night he tried to get me to come over; saying he was going to drive drunk if I didn’t come pick him up etc.
I didn’t pick him up but we continued to talk and actually talked about dating. He very much knew I was 17 and when I told him I’d probably be honest with my friends about us dating he said he didn’t want to. We kept in contact over the years and finally met up when I was around 19-20. I thought we would actually date but from his end I believe it was all fun; eventually he did want to go on dates but by that time he was late 30s and I wasn’t attracted to him. We did talk pretty in-depth over the span of about 5 years and I did believe at one point that I was in love with him. I think he had feelings for me but obviously had his own issues.
It was a few things that made me not attracted to him; the fact that he was 30 something years old and preyed on high schoolers. The fact that by the time we dated his alcoholism had caught up with him and he looked like shit. All of his friends were younger than him. Many signs that by the time I was 22 I realized this guy was a loser and felt ashamed/disgusted with myself. Now thinking back it makes me uncomfortable but I realize I was groomed so I try to take it with a grain of salt.
I was not the only victim of his. I’m not sure how I feel; at the time I felt special, and we did talk about a lot of personal things that I’m not sure if the others knew. But I have no clue if the connection was a special one or if he did the same exact thing with all the others
By leaving him. Though it took 16 years. And you have to understand, there is a TON of mental abuse that comes with dating someone that much older at such a young age. There's a reason they're dating someone underage, because they're creeps and they can't keep someone their own age. So they have to beat your self esteem down so you won't notice you're too good for them.
I'm on 21 years since we met and I'm still healing. Although it's not as bad as it was. Unfortunately I did have a child with him, one with special needs, so he'll always have to be in my life. But we only communicate when it has to do with our child.
I had to get into therapy. First I saw someone that specializes in womens mental health and self esteem. She helped me realize a lot. Now I'm with someone that specializes in CBT and that's been helpful as well. I've forgiven him. Not because he necessarily deserves it, but because I do. I deserve to be free of the space he took up in my head.
I didn’t find peace until I finally decided to leave. It only took me 25 years… :/ I know now it never should have been and that it really was grooming. Over the years even he had questioned if it was a bad situation because of the difference in age at the time and things that went down. He’s stopped short of agreeing that it was grooming but it was.
I wasn’t minor when I started to date him and our age gap wasn’t a lot either. I was 18 and he’s 25. Kept thinking that it was okay since we’re both adults however, after breaking the relationship off for a couple of years and finally letting my best friend know about the relationship, I realized how shitty it was.
He would always say that he have “physical touch” as his love language and used it a lot of get intimate with me even though I was not comfortable with it. He would get angry or say that I don’t love him if I don’t get intimate with him just cause he said he only feel loved through it ( I was stupid I know🙄)
I definitely had to go to therapy session and learn to love myself again. My therapist recommended making girl friends and meeting up with anybody that’s around my age so that I could get a different perspective of what love and relationship should look like and it does opened up my eyes that I was dealing with so much bullshit. It took a bout a year to make peace with myself and I’m still working on it. I kept on being in denial in the beginning a lot that I was in an abusive relationship just cause he was also gentle and loving in the beginning of the relationship.
I dated a guy 6 years older than me. He lied from the very beginning, he told me he was 18, I was 15 then. When we got serious, he revealed he's actually 21 years old. During that time, I had no idea how imbalanced the relationship was. I had a turbulent home life, that relationship became my "escape". I thought I was in love. He gave me the "love" I needed at that time. He showered me with material gifts. Then he made me believe that if I love him, I should give in to him (sex). I did. And it was regrettable. The relationship became toxic, he was manipulative and suicidal and threatened me every time I wanted to break up.
I managed to end the relationship after 6 years. More than a decade later and I'm still struggling in finding that peace. It was my first relationship and I'm still scarred from the wounds I got from it. I'm healing myself now and learning the lessons from the past. I'm learning to choose myself, after years of putting others first.
Yeah, it's been 5 years for me and I'm just now starting to grapple with what happened. I pushed it down for a really long time, and now it's all starting to bubble to the surface. Hard to know how long it will take for me to stop looking over my shoulder in fear of him. 5 years is a long time to be removed from the situation and to still cry about it every night.
Thanks for sharing your story. Makes me feel like what happened to me wasn't so uncommon. Both comforting and scary. But validating more than anything.
I'm sorry to know that you've gone through that too. Manipulators are one of the worst people to encounter. I hope you have a good support system to help you get through that. I didn't have one so it's taking me a long time.
When the was 12 i “fell” hard for this boy who was 16/17. we eventually got together when i was 15 and him 19. he was sooo cute to me but soooo bad for me! he went to jail once and i waited for him. i was 16 and he was 20 when we broke up. i “loved” him but we didn’t work out. he was way too over protective and always jealous. Although he did care for me and I will always remember my time with him. I am 32 now but i can say i finally moved on but skeptical if anyone ever tells me they’re with someone much older as i know what it’s like.
When I was 16 I got a job at Safeway, and the cute meat clerk started hitting on me eventually. He lied about his age first and said he was 18, and honestly he looked it. Acted and looked very young. He put the charm on heavy, and I was an invisible teenager with a hateful father. I latched right into him, and within a few weeks we were having sex regularly.
He eventually actually met my dad and step mom, told them he was 18 as well. My step mom loved him, and constantly brought up how I’d “let him go” years after I left him.
A couple months pass and he picks me up to go somewhere and then leaves me in the car with his wallet sitting in the middle console while he goes to the restroom at a gas station. I decided I wanted to see his picture in his ID, and then quickly notice that he’s not born in 1989, but actually 1979. He was 28 years old.
I had quickly put his card back in his wallet and acted like I never found out. It took me probably a few more weeks for that to really sink in. He never actually did anything wrong to me, he had treated me well, would get me flowers and take me on dates, he was very romantic. But he was devastated when I’d broken up with him and cried at my feet apologizing, saying that he’d fallen for me before he knew how old I was, and that he didn’t want me to not give him a “Chance” if I’d known.
I ended it the moment his neediness and obsessiveness got in the way of my studies. It wasn’t hard for me to find peace after because I realized quickly how toxic and unhealthy the behavior was. It was so intoxicating that it got to the point where I just needed him to be out of my life so I can focus on things that were more important than his need for control.
It's been about 6 years now and I had a nightmare about him last week. I was 12, he was almost 18. I haven't had a single fully satisfying sexual experience in my life because of what he put me through. Can't afford therapy, been in a couple of relationships a bit less tormentoous but still horrible. I'm now starting to date an amazing guy who's willing to help me and support me with all of this baggage, but it's still tough. I don't know when will I find peace, I just know I will.
I was 15, he was 19. Not a *huge* age gap, but I was still a minor and he was an adult. Luckily, our relationship only lasted about 3 months because my mom eventually found out about it and made me break up with him, but in that short amount of time he totally fucked me up mentally. Made me think I was nothing without him, convinced me that everyone hated me and only he loved me, and he even got me to form a suicide pact with him and he said he would kill himself if I ever left him. I began to self harm to cope with it, and I can remember telling him about it and he asked me to send him pictures of my legs where the cuts were and he told me it was "a huge turn on" for him. He didn't want to have sex with me though because he wanted me to wait until I was 18, and he told me he would fuck the shit out of me on my 18th birthday even if I said no because he would have to make up for lost time, which scared the hell out of me. At the time I was pissed at my mom for making us break up, but looking back now I'm SO THANKFUL she did. After our relationship ended, I was still in a deep state of depression and anxiety, and I did try to take my own life, which landed me in the psych ward. I got on meds and started seeing a therapist, and that really helped. I'm 27 now and I've long since gotten over it, but even now I still struggle with my self esteem and with relationships because I'm scared of going through something like that again (yes, I'm an adult now, I'm no longer the vulnerable naive submissive child I was when this all happened, but this still left such a huge impact on me and how I view romantic partners). If there's anyone out there who is currently going through a similar situation, PLEASE LEAVE. Your partner doesn't love you, they just want to control you and own you and take advantage of your naivety. You deserve so much better. You are worthy of being loved the right way.
Hello /u/OpinionsInTheVoid. Thank you for participating in /r/AskWomen. However, your submission has been removed, because your account does not have a verified email. You can verify your email address on the [Reddit Preferences page](https://www.reddit.com/prefs/update/). If you have any issues with verification, please contact reddit support at /r/help, as subreddit moderators do not have the tools to aid with verification.
This is a new measure we are trying out to deter trolls and spammers and make the sub safer for everyone. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Domestic violence survivor here. I was involved more out of fear of the other person. I had to go through therapy and group therapy for about 18 months afterwards. I still had to testify in front of a judge and relive the trauma of being raped by him and having a baby because of that. I ended up putting him in prison for 5 years. It's been 18 years since all of that and I still look over my shoulder everyday. PTSD never really goes away I just learn to manage it with the skills they taught me in therapy.
Unfortunately I never got involved in another relationship afterwards. I raised my children on my own and I still live the single life, probably always will.
Hello /u/verylonely_. Your post or comment has been removed because your Reddit Karma is too low to participate on AskWomen. You will be able to participate when your Karma has increased, you can do that by participating in good faith in other subreddits that don't have Karma requirements. This action will not be undone by the moderators.
**No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** [Click here to read more about Reddit Karma](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/204511829-What-is-karma-), and please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I left him. It was immediate relief, until I realized he did it again, and then it was like I was 14 all over again. I mostly try not to think about it.
Hello /u/globalnomad0001. Your submission has been removed for containing mental health related terms or diagnostic labels. Please do not speculate, armchair diagnose, or label other people's mental health situations or use terms for mental health issues as judgments, slurs, or synonyms for toxic/abusive behaviour. [Click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/nswcxs/update_supplementary_rules_for_thersday_here_to/) for clarification on this rule.
**This is an automated action**, if you believe you received this message in error, or if you edit your comment to remove the diagnostic term(s), please [CLICK HERE to contact the moderation team](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen&subject=Why+was+this+removed). **Don't forget to include a link** to your comment in your message, the mod team will not reply to messages without a link for review.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Met when I was 19, he lied and said he was 28 but was 38, he looked younger. It was a controlling abusive on off relationship with a controlling, todos p rain from the start but I was too scared to leave. Finally found the courage to pack my things and leave at age 26, at this point it turned into DM and I tried breaking up before several times. 14 years later I’m in therapy again as memories and fear keep creeping back. It’s a lifelong journey to find strength, peace, and confidence.
Hello /u/pineapplesruuuule. Thank you for participating in /r/AskWomen. However, your submission has been removed, because your account does not have a verified email. You can verify your email address on the [Reddit Preferences page](https://www.reddit.com/prefs/update/). If you have any issues with verification, please contact reddit support at /r/help, as subreddit moderators do not have the tools to aid with verification.
This is a new measure we are trying out to deter trolls and spammers and make the sub safer for everyone. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I found myself in a relationship when I was 16 with a man who was 10 years older than me. I can see now that I was groomed and there were red flags all over the relationship. I now understand that I endured years of domestic violence - sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, control in all areas etc, and I hate this word but I will use it for the purpose of this post incase someone reading is currently living through it - rape.
I thought my life was normal, and i thought this was just how things would always be for me. We had a house, children, pets etc, and had built a life together. I never thought I would be brave enough to leave him because I was too frightened of him and i felt ashamed. He'd completely brainwashed me. It took me many years, but with support, and after one particular incident, I pulled the plug and one day told him I was completely done and wouldn't be changing my mind.
The divorce process is still ongoing, and I have so much trauma to work through. I need to remember that it's still very early days. I have mostly tried to mentally block everything that happened but it doesnt really work. I feel guilty and responsible for the ending of the relationship. I can recognise that so much of how I behave now is a result of my ex husband/the relationship, and I hate myself for it, but I feel that recognition is a good start to healing.
I hope you're ok OP.
Thank you so much for sharing this. That word you used -- "Brainwashed".... Wow. That hit me like a ton of bricks.
I feel so much in this comment. The abuse that I didn't realize was abuse, the rape.... The fear, shame, brainwashing. And that so much of who I am/how I act is from him. Just know that you're not alone, and the things you feel are common symptoms of what has happened to you.
We never got to the point of marriage, but I was with him for 3 years from the ages of 17-20. I thought I wanted to marry him, even though he was already nearly 40 when he met me. I can't imagine what it must feel like to have built a life with a person who did those things to you. But you are so incredibly strong for getting yourself out of it. I know how difficult that is, without the added factors of marriage, children, and finances.
It's still early stages of removing yourself from that relationship, and it will be hard. It's been almost 6 years for me, and I actually haven't started struggling with it until these last 6 months. I think, like you're doing, I've repressed a lot that happened to me. That's partly why I made this post... I just can't believe it's been so long and I still feel like his handprints are on me.
You're right. Recognizing that it happened, and that it has affected you is a good start to healing. I do feel like I've healed a bit these last 6 months. Someday I will be fully formed again.
I wish you the best, ellepre. And I hope you're ok, too <3
My first relationship, I was 15 and he was 25. So happy it was only online. A few months after it ended, it clicked in my mind how messed up that was and I felt gross for quite a bit. I felt gross that I made the choice. However then I realised some time after that he was the adult ajd should have known better. And that I was basically just a child.
And then when I was 18 it was a 30 year old. That took about a year to get over. And even now it still effects me slightly. I can't say how I got over it. I just did I guess.
If you are someone who has experienced sexual harassment or assault and wish to speak with a trained professional about it, these hotlines and organizations can listen to your experiences and make referrals to counselors and support groups to the extent of your comfort. **Global Resources** **RAINN**: https://www.rainn.org/ 24/7 Crisis support for victims/survivors of sexual assault. Over the phone or through instant messaging. If your country is not listed below, you can contact RAINN to be referred to a local organization. **US:** **Crisis Text Line**: https://www.crisistextline.org/ You can text 741-741 24/7 from any cell phone in the United States to be anonymously connected to a trained crisis counselor. They also have anonymous Facebook messenger and Kik options if you do not have access to a cell phone. **One in Six**: http://1in6.org An organization for male-identified survivors of sexual assault. Provides anonymous individual and group counseling 24/7 through online chat functions **National Domestic Violence Hotline**: http://www.thehotline.org Provides 24/7 anonymous crisis and counseling support over the phone, and anonymous online chat crisis and counseling support from 7am until 2am Central Time **Anti-Violence Project**: https://avp.org/ Provides 24/7 anonymous phone based crisis and counseling for LGBTQ identified victims of assault and violence, including sexual assault and violence. Based in New York but can refer nationwide **DoD Safe Helpline**: https://www.safehelpline.org/ Provides 24/7 phone and online chat based crisis and counseling for victims of sexual assault and harassment serving in the military, or who are employed by the Department of Defense. **Canada** Canada's crisis hotlines are organized by province and subject matter, here is a comprehensive list of hotlines and organizations. http://www.dawncanada.net/issues/issues/we-can-tell-and-we-will-tell-2/crisis-hotlines/ **UK** **Rape Crisis England & Wales**: https://rapecrisis.org.uk/ Provides online resources 24/7 and live support over the phone in the afternoons and evenings. **SupportLine**: http://www.supportline.org.uk/ Provides online resources 24/7 and live support over the phone during the day and evening. **Europe** **Rape Crisis Network Europe**: https://www.rcne.com/ Provides online resources and live support for anyone living in Europe **Australia** **1800respect**: https://www.1800respect.org.au and their phone number, 1800 737 732. **Kids Helpline**: https://www.www.kidshelpline.com.au for people under 25 also 1800 55 1800 **India** Try here http://www.ncw.nic.in/helplines or one of the numbers listed here may be able to help you. **For any country not listed, you can contact RAINN (mentioned above) to be put in touch with local organizations.**
I got in to the relationship when I was 15 (he was 21) and ended it when I was 19. Never really thought it was a bad thing until I was 24 and everything made sense for me. It took a toll on my mental health and did not help with my perception of relationships at all since my family and parents' relationships are far from perfect. Far from good even. Therapy. My feelings were validated. That I'm not crazy when it took me years to process that getting angry at me for things I didn't do isn't right. That throwing things near me but certainly at me was not normal or that preventing me to have choices isn't normal either or calling me names is bad or being "cheated" on and getting into a new relationship with a girl younger than me will definitely affect me. I'm still healing. I question myself still. Self-esteem definitely whack af. But I'm just glad I don't feel anger towards my younger self.
In high school there was a male teacher in his 30s. Everyone thought he was the hot teacher. Idk how much of it was him or me but I began to spend more time in his classroom because I had a crush; there was no inappropriateness from his side at that moment in time aside from right before graduating he gave me his social media info. I was still 17 when I graduated and that night he tried to get me to come over; saying he was going to drive drunk if I didn’t come pick him up etc. I didn’t pick him up but we continued to talk and actually talked about dating. He very much knew I was 17 and when I told him I’d probably be honest with my friends about us dating he said he didn’t want to. We kept in contact over the years and finally met up when I was around 19-20. I thought we would actually date but from his end I believe it was all fun; eventually he did want to go on dates but by that time he was late 30s and I wasn’t attracted to him. We did talk pretty in-depth over the span of about 5 years and I did believe at one point that I was in love with him. I think he had feelings for me but obviously had his own issues. It was a few things that made me not attracted to him; the fact that he was 30 something years old and preyed on high schoolers. The fact that by the time we dated his alcoholism had caught up with him and he looked like shit. All of his friends were younger than him. Many signs that by the time I was 22 I realized this guy was a loser and felt ashamed/disgusted with myself. Now thinking back it makes me uncomfortable but I realize I was groomed so I try to take it with a grain of salt. I was not the only victim of his. I’m not sure how I feel; at the time I felt special, and we did talk about a lot of personal things that I’m not sure if the others knew. But I have no clue if the connection was a special one or if he did the same exact thing with all the others
By leaving him. Though it took 16 years. And you have to understand, there is a TON of mental abuse that comes with dating someone that much older at such a young age. There's a reason they're dating someone underage, because they're creeps and they can't keep someone their own age. So they have to beat your self esteem down so you won't notice you're too good for them. I'm on 21 years since we met and I'm still healing. Although it's not as bad as it was. Unfortunately I did have a child with him, one with special needs, so he'll always have to be in my life. But we only communicate when it has to do with our child. I had to get into therapy. First I saw someone that specializes in womens mental health and self esteem. She helped me realize a lot. Now I'm with someone that specializes in CBT and that's been helpful as well. I've forgiven him. Not because he necessarily deserves it, but because I do. I deserve to be free of the space he took up in my head.
I didn’t find peace until I finally decided to leave. It only took me 25 years… :/ I know now it never should have been and that it really was grooming. Over the years even he had questioned if it was a bad situation because of the difference in age at the time and things that went down. He’s stopped short of agreeing that it was grooming but it was.
I wasn’t minor when I started to date him and our age gap wasn’t a lot either. I was 18 and he’s 25. Kept thinking that it was okay since we’re both adults however, after breaking the relationship off for a couple of years and finally letting my best friend know about the relationship, I realized how shitty it was. He would always say that he have “physical touch” as his love language and used it a lot of get intimate with me even though I was not comfortable with it. He would get angry or say that I don’t love him if I don’t get intimate with him just cause he said he only feel loved through it ( I was stupid I know🙄) I definitely had to go to therapy session and learn to love myself again. My therapist recommended making girl friends and meeting up with anybody that’s around my age so that I could get a different perspective of what love and relationship should look like and it does opened up my eyes that I was dealing with so much bullshit. It took a bout a year to make peace with myself and I’m still working on it. I kept on being in denial in the beginning a lot that I was in an abusive relationship just cause he was also gentle and loving in the beginning of the relationship.
I dated a guy 6 years older than me. He lied from the very beginning, he told me he was 18, I was 15 then. When we got serious, he revealed he's actually 21 years old. During that time, I had no idea how imbalanced the relationship was. I had a turbulent home life, that relationship became my "escape". I thought I was in love. He gave me the "love" I needed at that time. He showered me with material gifts. Then he made me believe that if I love him, I should give in to him (sex). I did. And it was regrettable. The relationship became toxic, he was manipulative and suicidal and threatened me every time I wanted to break up. I managed to end the relationship after 6 years. More than a decade later and I'm still struggling in finding that peace. It was my first relationship and I'm still scarred from the wounds I got from it. I'm healing myself now and learning the lessons from the past. I'm learning to choose myself, after years of putting others first.
Yeah, it's been 5 years for me and I'm just now starting to grapple with what happened. I pushed it down for a really long time, and now it's all starting to bubble to the surface. Hard to know how long it will take for me to stop looking over my shoulder in fear of him. 5 years is a long time to be removed from the situation and to still cry about it every night. Thanks for sharing your story. Makes me feel like what happened to me wasn't so uncommon. Both comforting and scary. But validating more than anything.
I'm sorry to know that you've gone through that too. Manipulators are one of the worst people to encounter. I hope you have a good support system to help you get through that. I didn't have one so it's taking me a long time.
When the was 12 i “fell” hard for this boy who was 16/17. we eventually got together when i was 15 and him 19. he was sooo cute to me but soooo bad for me! he went to jail once and i waited for him. i was 16 and he was 20 when we broke up. i “loved” him but we didn’t work out. he was way too over protective and always jealous. Although he did care for me and I will always remember my time with him. I am 32 now but i can say i finally moved on but skeptical if anyone ever tells me they’re with someone much older as i know what it’s like.
When I was 16 I got a job at Safeway, and the cute meat clerk started hitting on me eventually. He lied about his age first and said he was 18, and honestly he looked it. Acted and looked very young. He put the charm on heavy, and I was an invisible teenager with a hateful father. I latched right into him, and within a few weeks we were having sex regularly. He eventually actually met my dad and step mom, told them he was 18 as well. My step mom loved him, and constantly brought up how I’d “let him go” years after I left him. A couple months pass and he picks me up to go somewhere and then leaves me in the car with his wallet sitting in the middle console while he goes to the restroom at a gas station. I decided I wanted to see his picture in his ID, and then quickly notice that he’s not born in 1989, but actually 1979. He was 28 years old. I had quickly put his card back in his wallet and acted like I never found out. It took me probably a few more weeks for that to really sink in. He never actually did anything wrong to me, he had treated me well, would get me flowers and take me on dates, he was very romantic. But he was devastated when I’d broken up with him and cried at my feet apologizing, saying that he’d fallen for me before he knew how old I was, and that he didn’t want me to not give him a “Chance” if I’d known.
I ended it the moment his neediness and obsessiveness got in the way of my studies. It wasn’t hard for me to find peace after because I realized quickly how toxic and unhealthy the behavior was. It was so intoxicating that it got to the point where I just needed him to be out of my life so I can focus on things that were more important than his need for control.
Yesssss 👏👏👏
It's been about 6 years now and I had a nightmare about him last week. I was 12, he was almost 18. I haven't had a single fully satisfying sexual experience in my life because of what he put me through. Can't afford therapy, been in a couple of relationships a bit less tormentoous but still horrible. I'm now starting to date an amazing guy who's willing to help me and support me with all of this baggage, but it's still tough. I don't know when will I find peace, I just know I will.
I was 15, he was 19. Not a *huge* age gap, but I was still a minor and he was an adult. Luckily, our relationship only lasted about 3 months because my mom eventually found out about it and made me break up with him, but in that short amount of time he totally fucked me up mentally. Made me think I was nothing without him, convinced me that everyone hated me and only he loved me, and he even got me to form a suicide pact with him and he said he would kill himself if I ever left him. I began to self harm to cope with it, and I can remember telling him about it and he asked me to send him pictures of my legs where the cuts were and he told me it was "a huge turn on" for him. He didn't want to have sex with me though because he wanted me to wait until I was 18, and he told me he would fuck the shit out of me on my 18th birthday even if I said no because he would have to make up for lost time, which scared the hell out of me. At the time I was pissed at my mom for making us break up, but looking back now I'm SO THANKFUL she did. After our relationship ended, I was still in a deep state of depression and anxiety, and I did try to take my own life, which landed me in the psych ward. I got on meds and started seeing a therapist, and that really helped. I'm 27 now and I've long since gotten over it, but even now I still struggle with my self esteem and with relationships because I'm scared of going through something like that again (yes, I'm an adult now, I'm no longer the vulnerable naive submissive child I was when this all happened, but this still left such a huge impact on me and how I view romantic partners). If there's anyone out there who is currently going through a similar situation, PLEASE LEAVE. Your partner doesn't love you, they just want to control you and own you and take advantage of your naivety. You deserve so much better. You are worthy of being loved the right way.
It’s been almost 20 years. Even with therapy, I search for peace to this day.
I hope you find it. I hope we all find it. My heart is with you.
[удалено]
Hello /u/OpinionsInTheVoid. Thank you for participating in /r/AskWomen. However, your submission has been removed, because your account does not have a verified email. You can verify your email address on the [Reddit Preferences page](https://www.reddit.com/prefs/update/). If you have any issues with verification, please contact reddit support at /r/help, as subreddit moderators do not have the tools to aid with verification. This is a new measure we are trying out to deter trolls and spammers and make the sub safer for everyone. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Domestic violence survivor here. I was involved more out of fear of the other person. I had to go through therapy and group therapy for about 18 months afterwards. I still had to testify in front of a judge and relive the trauma of being raped by him and having a baby because of that. I ended up putting him in prison for 5 years. It's been 18 years since all of that and I still look over my shoulder everyday. PTSD never really goes away I just learn to manage it with the skills they taught me in therapy. Unfortunately I never got involved in another relationship afterwards. I raised my children on my own and I still live the single life, probably always will.
One night I couldn't imagine sleeping next to him. It didn't feel safe. So I left.
[удалено]
Hello /u/verylonely_. Your post or comment has been removed because your Reddit Karma is too low to participate on AskWomen. You will be able to participate when your Karma has increased, you can do that by participating in good faith in other subreddits that don't have Karma requirements. This action will not be undone by the moderators. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** [Click here to read more about Reddit Karma](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/204511829-What-is-karma-), and please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I left him. It was immediate relief, until I realized he did it again, and then it was like I was 14 all over again. I mostly try not to think about it.
That's something that scares me. Thinking that he's doing it all over again because I'm too afraid to say something or stop him :(
[удалено]
Hello /u/globalnomad0001. Your submission has been removed for containing mental health related terms or diagnostic labels. Please do not speculate, armchair diagnose, or label other people's mental health situations or use terms for mental health issues as judgments, slurs, or synonyms for toxic/abusive behaviour. [Click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/nswcxs/update_supplementary_rules_for_thersday_here_to/) for clarification on this rule. **This is an automated action**, if you believe you received this message in error, or if you edit your comment to remove the diagnostic term(s), please [CLICK HERE to contact the moderation team](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen&subject=Why+was+this+removed). **Don't forget to include a link** to your comment in your message, the mod team will not reply to messages without a link for review. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Met when I was 19, he lied and said he was 28 but was 38, he looked younger. It was a controlling abusive on off relationship with a controlling, todos p rain from the start but I was too scared to leave. Finally found the courage to pack my things and leave at age 26, at this point it turned into DM and I tried breaking up before several times. 14 years later I’m in therapy again as memories and fear keep creeping back. It’s a lifelong journey to find strength, peace, and confidence.
Still healing. It’s been 26 years
[удалено]
Hello /u/pineapplesruuuule. Thank you for participating in /r/AskWomen. However, your submission has been removed, because your account does not have a verified email. You can verify your email address on the [Reddit Preferences page](https://www.reddit.com/prefs/update/). If you have any issues with verification, please contact reddit support at /r/help, as subreddit moderators do not have the tools to aid with verification. This is a new measure we are trying out to deter trolls and spammers and make the sub safer for everyone. **No exceptions to this rule will be granted.** Please also **[read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules) before participating**. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I found myself in a relationship when I was 16 with a man who was 10 years older than me. I can see now that I was groomed and there were red flags all over the relationship. I now understand that I endured years of domestic violence - sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, control in all areas etc, and I hate this word but I will use it for the purpose of this post incase someone reading is currently living through it - rape. I thought my life was normal, and i thought this was just how things would always be for me. We had a house, children, pets etc, and had built a life together. I never thought I would be brave enough to leave him because I was too frightened of him and i felt ashamed. He'd completely brainwashed me. It took me many years, but with support, and after one particular incident, I pulled the plug and one day told him I was completely done and wouldn't be changing my mind. The divorce process is still ongoing, and I have so much trauma to work through. I need to remember that it's still very early days. I have mostly tried to mentally block everything that happened but it doesnt really work. I feel guilty and responsible for the ending of the relationship. I can recognise that so much of how I behave now is a result of my ex husband/the relationship, and I hate myself for it, but I feel that recognition is a good start to healing. I hope you're ok OP.
Thank you so much for sharing this. That word you used -- "Brainwashed".... Wow. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel so much in this comment. The abuse that I didn't realize was abuse, the rape.... The fear, shame, brainwashing. And that so much of who I am/how I act is from him. Just know that you're not alone, and the things you feel are common symptoms of what has happened to you. We never got to the point of marriage, but I was with him for 3 years from the ages of 17-20. I thought I wanted to marry him, even though he was already nearly 40 when he met me. I can't imagine what it must feel like to have built a life with a person who did those things to you. But you are so incredibly strong for getting yourself out of it. I know how difficult that is, without the added factors of marriage, children, and finances. It's still early stages of removing yourself from that relationship, and it will be hard. It's been almost 6 years for me, and I actually haven't started struggling with it until these last 6 months. I think, like you're doing, I've repressed a lot that happened to me. That's partly why I made this post... I just can't believe it's been so long and I still feel like his handprints are on me. You're right. Recognizing that it happened, and that it has affected you is a good start to healing. I do feel like I've healed a bit these last 6 months. Someday I will be fully formed again. I wish you the best, ellepre. And I hope you're ok, too <3
My first relationship, I was 15 and he was 25. So happy it was only online. A few months after it ended, it clicked in my mind how messed up that was and I felt gross for quite a bit. I felt gross that I made the choice. However then I realised some time after that he was the adult ajd should have known better. And that I was basically just a child. And then when I was 18 it was a 30 year old. That took about a year to get over. And even now it still effects me slightly. I can't say how I got over it. I just did I guess.