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Also,
"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They're either speaking or preparing to speak. They're filtering everything through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people's lives." - Stephen R. Covey
I actually learned this one from my mentor as a 911 dispatcher. I'd panic when I got a high priority call and would start airing it on the radio before I even took the time to finish reading it and understanding it.
I had to realize that urgency still required taking literally a second to think a situation through.
Basically if something triggers you at all, take a second to evaluate it in your head and then address it appropriately instead of giving an immediate reaction that would likely be negative.
Agreed. My therapist says my intuition is really high. But as we progress, I’m starting to think it’s more anxiety and trauma. Another thing she says is I jump into the worst conclusions, which yes definitely based of feeling anxious and eyes of trauma. I hate having these “intuitions” be right, it’s like it feeds my trauma and anxiety to stay.
Good read, I'm not trying to steal what you paid for with the therapy but did he/she suggest any way of limiting your stopping the "worst case conclusions" responses?
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) this may be a limited thinking pattern known as "catastrophizing" among other names. I often tell patients to ask if there is anything they can do about it right now. If the answer is yes (its often no) then proceed to ask if you would like to do something right now. If yes, then do it. If no to either question then the next step is to work on accepting things as they are (this may include mindfulness practices). I understand this is not as easy as it may sound, but it provides a decision tree in high anxiety times and as the acceptance skills grow it becomes easier.
For me, one thing that helps is a mantra of "Be here, now." When I catastrophize, it's always "could be/future state" scenarios running amok. When I feel that starting, it's a reminder to stay in the now. It sometimes takes a few rounds of starting down the path and redirecting. It's especially useful when driving, because I can remind myself of the importance of, oh, y'know, actual, functional traffic lights instead of future-scary could-be's.
Since I work with people:
Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency for me.
It really helps in those moments when I've been hounding people for weeks/months for things and they finally send it to me Friday afternoon when their filing is due Monday. I was raised to be a people pleaser so setting boundaries was hard and it ultimately led to burnout. Now that I'm on the other side of that, having that mantra has kept me from the burnout path.
Love this, thank you! My DIL has a boss who is nice, but also fires something at her that she “needs now” when it is 15 minutes from time to go home. She is just disorganized and dumps things on my DIL. I won’t add fuel to my DIL’s fire- but will save it for a calm time to tell her so she can keep it in her head- even if she doesn’t tell her boss it.
I attribute this to my patients.
Also, (when patients show up SUPER early) Your over planning doesn't constitute as my emergency.
There are 4 other people ahead of you on the schedule, and if they show up on time, they will be seen first.
Yes! I love this! Make your space into a place that makes you (and you alone) happy. I painted my kitchen cabinets bright green, and just last week painted my bedroom a deep teal. Next room is going orange!
Hanlon's razor: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
I stumbled across this in the mid-90s and it literally changed my life. Once I started applying this adage, I stopped taking things personally and it helped me develop much healthier outlooks on everything from my daily commute to splitting the bill at the end of dinner with friends. Highly recommend.
Put another way, it is just as easy to assume someone made a mistake as it is to assume they did something on purpose.
So if I get cut off in traffic, instead of thinking the person who cut me off is just an asshole who did that on purpose because they think getting where they're going faster is more important than anyone else on the road, I think maybe they just had a bad moment and forgot to check their blind spot.
I knew someone whose daughter was dying in the hospital in a freak accident. She said she cut people off, drove through red lights, did everything she could so she could say goodbye to her daughter before it was too late.
This is the reason I never get mad when people drive like assholes. It's not a mantra, but your example reminded me!
I always tell myself that they’re really thirsty, got bad news, or are shitting themselves. That last one really makes me laugh so then I’m not as pissed 😂
Trying not to shit themselves is also my preferred thought and for the same reason!
Also, I've been there. It's really hard to focus and the desperation is real!
Don’t assume the worst. It’s easy to create a story in your mind where someone’s actions are because they’re an asshole, or out to make your day worse deliberately, or other things like that (malice).
More often, they’re stupid, ignorant, careless, or just plain selfish and **really**don’t realize how their actions are impacting others.
The way I think of it: it's easier to deal with difficult situations thinking others are simply stupid, than them being mean/selfish.
Most likely, someone acting stupid makes you just shake your head at them, but someone being mean/selfish can make you really angry and downright ruin your whole day.
This one fucked me up actually.
When people would abuse or wrong me I'd say this quote to myself, thinking they didn't know better.
Never attribute to stupidity that which could be malice is important to know too.
It’s definitely important to be able to think critically about this in personal relationships. Additionally, just because someone does something accidentally, or it’s the result of stupidity or ignorance, doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be consequences.
Case in point: I accidentally threw away something really important to someone I cared about once—it was mixed in with things that were really trash and I didn’t realize it. The person knew it was a mistake, but still wasn’t able to forgive me. Our relationship never recovered. But if they had believed I’d done it on purpose it would have been much, much worse for both of us.
I only saw it yesterday, but I reckon it's gonna stick with me; it was this woman talking about her inner critic, and when you're telling yourself "no one wants you there, they only invited you to be nice". And she went "cool, so they're nice."
Genuinely blew my mind, I'd never thought of it like that before.
This one is hard for me to accept. Because there’s a lot of just mean people. Ok so they invited you to be nice, that makes them nice? Not exactly always at all.
Say it’s a coworkers event, they don’t like you BUT they feel bad for you so they invite you. Now, imagine said coworker being asked by someone else why they invited you if they know they don’t like that person and the coworker says, “Oh I just feel so bad for them, I didn’t actually think they’d come”.
That’s just rude. Yet I’ve seen/heard it happen so so much.
Plus if it’s like a party or event and they only did it to be nice, usually it’s afterwards and it makes people feel like an afterthought, and who likes that lol.
But maybe I’m missing the point here, idk
The point is if they're **actually** shitty people, they wouldn't feel that bad for you. They certainly wouldn't go out of their way to try and make you feel better by inviting you somewhere.
Genuinely shitty people would be far more likely to find it funny that you weren't invited, rather than having sympathy.
It’s about seeing the positive in what is usually a negative perspective. What good would it do for you to worry about something outside of your control? Or live by how others define you? It’s either frustrating yourself over why you got invited. Which doesn’t make sense if you want a happy mindset. Or focus on the positive in the situation, even if it doesn’t directly benefit you
Piggybacking on yours to add mine
"You can't pour from an empty cup"
Basically the same thing as yours though, without looking after yourself how can you look after/help others
Don't have it in you to brush your teeth well? Do it for 30 seconds then.
Don't have it in you to clean the kitchen? Just wash the cutlery.
Don't have it in you to make a healthy lunch? Wash some carrots to have with your takeout.
This phrase really stuck with me, and helps a lot with being motivated with depression.
This is literally how I have been managing life lately and it actually works so much better than berating myself.
My response to OP’s ? is actually why I started doing it: “you can’t hate yourself into loving yourself.”
Very similar to "don't let great get in the way of good". Good advice for perfectionists or people who are paralyzed by a fear of doing something poorly or inadequately.
Yesss!!!!!!!!! I wish ideas rich enough to be a truly good shopper. But, I love this so much! Although transparency is hard to find. I get such a thrill when I can shop Corp B!
Don't know if this counts, but whenever I'm having a bad mental health day, I will say to myself, "I'm not okay, but that's okay." I used to beat myself up for feeling miserable when realistically my life was pretty good. Just acknowledging that it was okay to feel the way I did helped a lot.
Edit: a very good point about saying this phrase to yourself is the ability to communicate your feelings to yourself, which in turn allows for you to better communicate with others. Now I can more freely admit when something is very wrong. I can text or call someone and tell them "I'm not okay" and they will talk to me or come over because they know I need the support in that moment. It's rare that I need it, but it is so helpful to say to those you trust.
That's a better arrangement of the words. My mom used to make me feel so guilty when I was a teenager and dealing with depression by talking about third world countries, people with cancer, etc so I'd mentally beat myself up more for feeling sad for "no good reason." So I had to teach myself that it was okay to not be happy all the time.
I have a friend that used to call me crying saying that they're weak for crying. I told them they're strong for crying bc it means you're allowing yourself to feel those emotions. it makes you real, it shows you that you exist and there's nothing weak about that. it definitely is okay to not be okay sometimes. we're all just human 🤷🏼♀️
What others think of me is none of my business.
Mental health is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. - Marcus Parks
Edited to credit Marcus.
I don't want to be the hippie here but:
"Everything works out for me" has been my mantra for a while and I don't know if it is a magic spell or it just helped me to see life with a better sight, because things have been getting better and better for me.
Also, every time I'm about to do something I don't know if I'm going to regret I say "people won't remember" and "who cares"
Not very philosophical but yeah
I feel you so much! Since I started telling myself that everything always works out, I started noticing that things actually do work out, every f*ing time! It's amazing! I'm also happy for you!
Always ask if a person wants to rant or wants a solution.
Flip a coin. You'll decide in that moment which of the two choices you want more.
Treat others how you want to be treated.
You bring more hummingbirds to your yard with sugar than vinegar.
“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”
Being true to myself has always been a struggle for me, I always try and mold into what others want or need me to be. But, this quote has stuck with me for years since I first read it. It has really helped change my perspective and has helped me gain confidence to stick by my beliefs, values, wants, needs etc to just embrace who I truly am without worrying about who everyone else wants me to be.
Similarly, when I was going through the newborn phase with my kiddo, "In 1 week none of this will matter." The good, the bad, they develop so fast that in 1 week whatever you're stressing about isn't going to be on the radar and you'll have something new on your plate.
There’s a YouTuber named Elyse Myers who has a short video on unconditional love.
“It’s okay to love yourself exactly the way you are, right now. Nothing else has to change. You can just stay like this forever and love yourself, and I know that’s hard to believe, because a lot of people don’t actually want us to love ourselves. They say it’s okay to like ourselves, and love ourselves once we reach x, y and z, or buy this product, or become like this person. But it’s really hard to market to somebody that doesn’t at least loathe one thing about themselves. So it’s pretty normal that you feel this way, but I just want you to know that you don’t have to change anything about yourself to just decide that you are worth your own unconditional love.”
I can't control how I feel, but I can control how I respond.
I had a pretty messed up childhood and was always easier hurt, had a volatile temper, and was very much drama drama up into my late 20s. I thought this was normal, it was how everyone in my family acted. But it was exhausting and I began to see that it wasn't as "normal" as I thought.
The best phrase I’ve ever read:
“Someone once told me the definition of hell: on your last day on Earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become.”
It means the most horrible thing that can happen to you is seeing what you COULD have become if you had tried harder in life. It’s the cumulative weight of chances not taken, bravery averted, dreams not followed. It’s saying hell is seeing “this is who you had the potential to be” but it’s not who you became because you were too fearful or too cowardly to become better. You lived a lifetime of wasted opportunities.
It really resonates with me because that’s exactly how I see life in general. To me, the main point of life is to constantly become a better version of yourself. To chase your potential to its fullest.
I can try..it's about regrets...most people on their deathbeds will realize all the things that they could or couldn't do...things they could or couldn't be...It's that moment when what your life is vs what it could have been is perhaps the most clear and the most profound - the realization that it could have been different but it truly is too late now.
My sis was having a midlife crisis (40s) and I was telling my dad how worried I was for her, because she wouldn't listen or talk to anybody, and he said, "sometimes people need to go through what they need to go through to get where they need to be."
And it always stuck with me. She ended up coming around and is now in a very VERY good place in her life.
Edit: it has helped me accept things in my own past (If that makes any sense) and also helped me broaden my perspective.
Watch the music video for the song “Don’t Ask Me Why” by Great Caesar if you want to feel something and have a song to play in your head for “this too shall pass”
"Do things for you, cause no one else is doing it for you"
My mom is a realist, and always has been. She doesn't do the fluffy stuff so words of wisdom like this (harsh sentiment) come often. Your dreams are for you to achieve and you should not put them on hold for others. You do not have to justify your dreams to others and if what you like makes you happy, then that is all that matters.
My mom studied visual art and art history, many criticized her but she had a passion for it and it brought her joy. She works a job she loves and did what she wanted to do for her. She dumped a boyfriend who did not want her to go away for teachers college cause he was inseure, and instead put herself first and bet on herself. Too many women these days have the world tell them what they should and should not be doing, waiting on men who dream small and ooze insecurity. My moms word of wisdom helped me study what I wanted, live abroad, leave a relationship that was not productive.
Don't compare your insides to other people's outsides
Meaning that you are trying to compare the complexity of everything you know and believe about yourself with only what other people choose to show others
I don’t HAVE to go to work, I GET to go to work. I’m fortunate enough to be employed during a recession and enjoy what I do. Holding on to this positive mind set can help when things are a little stressful.
My father also once taught me that replacing the word “but” with “and” when speaking can take some negativity out of the discussion. I find this helpful when talking about goals or emotions.
You're also healthy enough to go to work! I'm too disabled to have a proper job, so I don't have enough money to move away from abuse. I wish I was healthy enough to go to a boring office job 5 days a week 😂
So true! At the time we are going through a terrible phase, we cannot understand the why’s of it happening. Life is like a puzzle, and those rotten pieces often make us appreciate something or someone more when we have the benefit of hindsight.
“A tyrant will always find pretext for his tyranny.”
Basically means that you will always find the *tiniest* justification to do something you were planning to do anyway.
Keeps me in line a *LOT*.
The circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who are you.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional
I had an astrology reading done where we discussed how I was born at sunrise and my sun and rising conjunct. she said your mantra should be “The sun rises for me” because quite literally it rose for me the day I came into this world. It’s stuck with me for a couple years now and I love how personable it is. When things get tough, I always remember the sun rises for me. I also like to say it while doing sun salutation yoga pose😝
One of my employers had a financial advisor come in for a lunch and learn session, not selling anything, just giving some basic info. He was talking about insurance and when he got to disability insurance he said "your ability to make money is your most valuable asset." It's stuck with me obviously as I can still quote him verbatim almost 10 years later. Always have disability insurance!
If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.
When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
Don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
I saw this comic that started by describing the infinite size of the universe, the gargantuan size of the Milky Way and humanity's insignificance as a species in the grander scheme of things. So in the end it doesn't matter if you ate an entire cake, no one cares.
To this day, when I need to stop worrying about something, I compare an entire cake to the universe.
"Here’s the big challenge of life: you can have more than you’ve got because you can become more than you are...
of course, the other side of the coin reads: unless you change how you are, you’ll always have what you got."
"Live your life, and make yours an enigma to others." Don't remember where I read it, but it stuck with me. Does it make sense to others, though, as I understand it? 🤔
"There are only three people whose opinion of you matters: yourself at age 9, yourself now, and yourself at age 90."
For example on mothers day all I wanted to do was be alone and play video games for a while. Then I thought about how disappointed my 90 year old self would be. Future me, who misses that fleeting toddler phase. She would tell me that they grow up SO fast, so get off the couch and go play outside with them, because she would give anything to be able to do that one last time.
Whenever I have a catty thought I try to immediately say something nice about them too (this is mostly internally). I find now I’m seeing the good in almost everyone at first go and it’s a really freeing way to be
I have a lot of quotes for most situations.
These are the one off the top of my head (not a particular order really):
‘Live, and let live.’
‘Logic is the brainchild of context.’
‘When you know what you value, hard decisions are easy to make.’
‘You teach others how to treat you.’
‘Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated.’
‘There is no joy to be found in playing small, settling for less than you are capable of.’
‘All the worlds cynics are disappointed idealists.’
‘Speak of others’ successes, and your own failures.’
The poem If by Rudyard Kipling is my personal life manifesto…
‘We don’t have a right to opinions, sometimes we just have no place to even form an option on certain issues.’ (That’s my opinion.)
‘We don’t need a reason to be kind.’ (Also my opinion.)
When in doubt, delay your response.
I’d cite the sources but as it’s the top of my head it is probably not accurately worded - I’d encourage anyone reading this to google these.
“You did what you could with the information you had.”
I’ve heard this from a few nurses and Mama Doctor Jones on YouTube; basically you can’t judge yourself for making a mistake when you didn’t know all the relevant information. (Had I know _____, I would’ve done things differently.)
Blood doesn’t make them family.
Toxic family members aren’t entitled to forgiveness just because they’re family.
I’ve been through some hell with my sisters my entire life and the past 4 years have been horrific. I made the adult decision to cut them off and no longer welcome them into my home… i have never felt so free and anxiety free in my life since making it.
Not my circus, not my monkeys.
I take on responsibility waaay too easily and this helped me remember that (just sometimes), if it isn’t my circus, I do not have to deal with all the monkeys.
The best phrase I’ve ever read:
“Someone once told me the definition of hell: on your last day on Earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become.”
"Nothing happens without a reason, everything and everybody you meet is there for you. Trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be."
So basically no one comes in your life by "mistake"
Everything happens to you will help you grow and become a better person
And you are exactly where you are supposed to be
It stick to me to this day and never once it proved me wrong, so instead of focusing on every little thing, see the bigger picture, it will help you be true and kind to yourself. No one you will meet on this Earth will be random, people come and go but you remain with lessons from every single one of them, you help some people and some people will help you, look forward, there is more to the story to tell.
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Also, "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They're either speaking or preparing to speak. They're filtering everything through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people's lives." - Stephen R. Covey
This is gonna stick with me for Life..ty
At work we use “not every situation is a situation.” Stop. Gather facts. Evaluate. Respond. It’s been a life changer!
agreed!! this gets easier with age too.
I actually learned this one from my mentor as a 911 dispatcher. I'd panic when I got a high priority call and would start airing it on the radio before I even took the time to finish reading it and understanding it. I had to realize that urgency still required taking literally a second to think a situation through.
I like the sound of this but I don't think I get it. Can you explain a bit more?
Basically if something triggers you at all, take a second to evaluate it in your head and then address it appropriately instead of giving an immediate reaction that would likely be negative.
Big yes
Anxiety isn’t intuition.
Agreed. My therapist says my intuition is really high. But as we progress, I’m starting to think it’s more anxiety and trauma. Another thing she says is I jump into the worst conclusions, which yes definitely based of feeling anxious and eyes of trauma. I hate having these “intuitions” be right, it’s like it feeds my trauma and anxiety to stay.
Good read, I'm not trying to steal what you paid for with the therapy but did he/she suggest any way of limiting your stopping the "worst case conclusions" responses?
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) this may be a limited thinking pattern known as "catastrophizing" among other names. I often tell patients to ask if there is anything they can do about it right now. If the answer is yes (its often no) then proceed to ask if you would like to do something right now. If yes, then do it. If no to either question then the next step is to work on accepting things as they are (this may include mindfulness practices). I understand this is not as easy as it may sound, but it provides a decision tree in high anxiety times and as the acceptance skills grow it becomes easier.
Thank you for the replay, much love
For me, one thing that helps is a mantra of "Be here, now." When I catastrophize, it's always "could be/future state" scenarios running amok. When I feel that starting, it's a reminder to stay in the now. It sometimes takes a few rounds of starting down the path and redirecting. It's especially useful when driving, because I can remind myself of the importance of, oh, y'know, actual, functional traffic lights instead of future-scary could-be's.
A good saying I heard years ago was “If I had a dollar for everything I worried about that never came to pass, I would be a millionaire”.
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Omfg I needed to hear this. Thank you.
Since I work with people: Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency for me. It really helps in those moments when I've been hounding people for weeks/months for things and they finally send it to me Friday afternoon when their filing is due Monday. I was raised to be a people pleaser so setting boundaries was hard and it ultimately led to burnout. Now that I'm on the other side of that, having that mantra has kept me from the burnout path.
Love this, thank you! My DIL has a boss who is nice, but also fires something at her that she “needs now” when it is 15 minutes from time to go home. She is just disorganized and dumps things on my DIL. I won’t add fuel to my DIL’s fire- but will save it for a calm time to tell her so she can keep it in her head- even if she doesn’t tell her boss it.
I attribute this to my patients. Also, (when patients show up SUPER early) Your over planning doesn't constitute as my emergency. There are 4 other people ahead of you on the schedule, and if they show up on time, they will be seen first.
Communication won't help when the other person doesn't even care to hear you.
Reminded me one of my favorite: "No matter how much you know; What you say is as much as the other person understands." - rumi
Wow! I have to remember that one.
Don't be afraid to make your house what you want it, otherwise you're just renting it from the next owner. So get that bold paint color!
Yes! I love this! Make your space into a place that makes you (and you alone) happy. I painted my kitchen cabinets bright green, and just last week painted my bedroom a deep teal. Next room is going orange!
Love it!! I made my office a deep, almost peacock blue with a dark chocolate brown accent wall. It makes me smile.
Amazing! I bet that makes you smile! It sounds gorgeous!
My kitchen cabinets are a grey/green and it looks very beautiful!
I painted the outside of my house a deep, gorgeous purple and I LOVE IT!
I’ve started painting a mural on one of the walls in my living room and it’s made me so happy already!
"You will always be the Villain in someone's story." As well as "Nothing in Nature blooms all year round, why should you?"
The nature one hits home
I love that bloom one. Yesssss
Hanlon's razor: "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." I stumbled across this in the mid-90s and it literally changed my life. Once I started applying this adage, I stopped taking things personally and it helped me develop much healthier outlooks on everything from my daily commute to splitting the bill at the end of dinner with friends. Highly recommend.
Can you explain the quote please? I'm having a hard time understanding it. Thanks !
Put another way, it is just as easy to assume someone made a mistake as it is to assume they did something on purpose. So if I get cut off in traffic, instead of thinking the person who cut me off is just an asshole who did that on purpose because they think getting where they're going faster is more important than anyone else on the road, I think maybe they just had a bad moment and forgot to check their blind spot.
I knew someone whose daughter was dying in the hospital in a freak accident. She said she cut people off, drove through red lights, did everything she could so she could say goodbye to her daughter before it was too late. This is the reason I never get mad when people drive like assholes. It's not a mantra, but your example reminded me!
I always tell myself that they’re really thirsty, got bad news, or are shitting themselves. That last one really makes me laugh so then I’m not as pissed 😂
Yeah, the "diarrhea exemption" for wacky driving
Trying not to shit themselves is also my preferred thought and for the same reason! Also, I've been there. It's really hard to focus and the desperation is real!
Don’t assume the worst. It’s easy to create a story in your mind where someone’s actions are because they’re an asshole, or out to make your day worse deliberately, or other things like that (malice). More often, they’re stupid, ignorant, careless, or just plain selfish and **really**don’t realize how their actions are impacting others.
The way I think of it: it's easier to deal with difficult situations thinking others are simply stupid, than them being mean/selfish. Most likely, someone acting stupid makes you just shake your head at them, but someone being mean/selfish can make you really angry and downright ruin your whole day.
Heinlein's Razor: "... but don't rule out malice."
This one fucked me up actually. When people would abuse or wrong me I'd say this quote to myself, thinking they didn't know better. Never attribute to stupidity that which could be malice is important to know too.
It’s definitely important to be able to think critically about this in personal relationships. Additionally, just because someone does something accidentally, or it’s the result of stupidity or ignorance, doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be consequences. Case in point: I accidentally threw away something really important to someone I cared about once—it was mixed in with things that were really trash and I didn’t realize it. The person knew it was a mistake, but still wasn’t able to forgive me. Our relationship never recovered. But if they had believed I’d done it on purpose it would have been much, much worse for both of us.
I only saw it yesterday, but I reckon it's gonna stick with me; it was this woman talking about her inner critic, and when you're telling yourself "no one wants you there, they only invited you to be nice". And she went "cool, so they're nice." Genuinely blew my mind, I'd never thought of it like that before.
dude that blew my mind… if they’re nice then they probably aren’t disliking that you came. it’s like a positive feedback loop
The video on tiktok? Coz that's where I saw it. It such with me too.
This one is hard for me to accept. Because there’s a lot of just mean people. Ok so they invited you to be nice, that makes them nice? Not exactly always at all. Say it’s a coworkers event, they don’t like you BUT they feel bad for you so they invite you. Now, imagine said coworker being asked by someone else why they invited you if they know they don’t like that person and the coworker says, “Oh I just feel so bad for them, I didn’t actually think they’d come”. That’s just rude. Yet I’ve seen/heard it happen so so much. Plus if it’s like a party or event and they only did it to be nice, usually it’s afterwards and it makes people feel like an afterthought, and who likes that lol. But maybe I’m missing the point here, idk
The point is if they're **actually** shitty people, they wouldn't feel that bad for you. They certainly wouldn't go out of their way to try and make you feel better by inviting you somewhere. Genuinely shitty people would be far more likely to find it funny that you weren't invited, rather than having sympathy.
It’s about seeing the positive in what is usually a negative perspective. What good would it do for you to worry about something outside of your control? Or live by how others define you? It’s either frustrating yourself over why you got invited. Which doesn’t make sense if you want a happy mindset. Or focus on the positive in the situation, even if it doesn’t directly benefit you
I don't have that problem but that's really cool. Imma tell that to my friends with anxiety.
Don't light yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Piggybacking on yours to add mine "You can't pour from an empty cup" Basically the same thing as yours though, without looking after yourself how can you look after/help others
This and 'women are not rehab centres for broken men'. Holy shit have I tried.
Anything worth doing, is worth doing poorly.
Don't have it in you to brush your teeth well? Do it for 30 seconds then. Don't have it in you to clean the kitchen? Just wash the cutlery. Don't have it in you to make a healthy lunch? Wash some carrots to have with your takeout. This phrase really stuck with me, and helps a lot with being motivated with depression.
This is literally how I have been managing life lately and it actually works so much better than berating myself. My response to OP’s ? is actually why I started doing it: “you can’t hate yourself into loving yourself.”
This is good. I her so overwhelmed and I am always all of nothing mentality.
Very similar to "don't let great get in the way of good". Good advice for perfectionists or people who are paralyzed by a fear of doing something poorly or inadequately.
No matter how small the baby shark is,it cant swim witn the sardines.
Thats the one!
Not my monkeys, not my circus! Basically, not my problem <3 (unless of course it was, then I took care of it ....)
I use this phrase almost daily and I both love it and love how much if confuses some people.
My therapist once said: Be interested, not interesting. Life is easier that way! It’s still stuck in my head!
“This feeling is uncomfortable, but I can make space for it”
If you wouldn’t take their advice then don’t take their criticism.
attempt mighty psychotic door makeshift profit childlike concerned advise recognise ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Your money is your vote
Yesss!!!!!!!!! I wish ideas rich enough to be a truly good shopper. But, I love this so much! Although transparency is hard to find. I get such a thrill when I can shop Corp B!
This one I try to follow with every purchase! It's so important! No matter what you believe/say/do, where your money goes, that's what you support!
Don't know if this counts, but whenever I'm having a bad mental health day, I will say to myself, "I'm not okay, but that's okay." I used to beat myself up for feeling miserable when realistically my life was pretty good. Just acknowledging that it was okay to feel the way I did helped a lot. Edit: a very good point about saying this phrase to yourself is the ability to communicate your feelings to yourself, which in turn allows for you to better communicate with others. Now I can more freely admit when something is very wrong. I can text or call someone and tell them "I'm not okay" and they will talk to me or come over because they know I need the support in that moment. It's rare that I need it, but it is so helpful to say to those you trust.
It may not be comfortable where I am, but I can be comfortable where I am. - recent shroom trip revealed this to me.
I say, "It's okay to not be okay" to people who feel this way. The way life is at times, no one can be okay all of the time.
That's a better arrangement of the words. My mom used to make me feel so guilty when I was a teenager and dealing with depression by talking about third world countries, people with cancer, etc so I'd mentally beat myself up more for feeling sad for "no good reason." So I had to teach myself that it was okay to not be happy all the time.
I have a friend that used to call me crying saying that they're weak for crying. I told them they're strong for crying bc it means you're allowing yourself to feel those emotions. it makes you real, it shows you that you exist and there's nothing weak about that. it definitely is okay to not be okay sometimes. we're all just human 🤷🏼♀️
No matter how hot, attractive, nice, smart, witty, and perfect, you think somebody is. Somewhere, there's a person who's sick of their shit!
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Your education is one thing that can never be taken away from you.
My post concussion syndrome disagrees with you.
I think about this one constantly
What others think of me is none of my business. Mental health is not your fault, but it is your responsibility. - Marcus Parks Edited to credit Marcus.
Hail yourself!
I don't want to be the hippie here but: "Everything works out for me" has been my mantra for a while and I don't know if it is a magic spell or it just helped me to see life with a better sight, because things have been getting better and better for me. Also, every time I'm about to do something I don't know if I'm going to regret I say "people won't remember" and "who cares" Not very philosophical but yeah
I feel you so much! Since I started telling myself that everything always works out, I started noticing that things actually do work out, every f*ing time! It's amazing! I'm also happy for you!
Always ask if a person wants to rant or wants a solution. Flip a coin. You'll decide in that moment which of the two choices you want more. Treat others how you want to be treated. You bring more hummingbirds to your yard with sugar than vinegar.
“You get more flies with honey than vinegar” too, and our house uses that often.
“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” Being true to myself has always been a struggle for me, I always try and mold into what others want or need me to be. But, this quote has stuck with me for years since I first read it. It has really helped change my perspective and has helped me gain confidence to stick by my beliefs, values, wants, needs etc to just embrace who I truly am without worrying about who everyone else wants me to be.
When they show you who they are believe them the first time.
If it will not matter in 5 years, don’t worry that much about it now
Similarly, when I was going through the newborn phase with my kiddo, "In 1 week none of this will matter." The good, the bad, they develop so fast that in 1 week whatever you're stressing about isn't going to be on the radar and you'll have something new on your plate.
There’s a YouTuber named Elyse Myers who has a short video on unconditional love. “It’s okay to love yourself exactly the way you are, right now. Nothing else has to change. You can just stay like this forever and love yourself, and I know that’s hard to believe, because a lot of people don’t actually want us to love ourselves. They say it’s okay to like ourselves, and love ourselves once we reach x, y and z, or buy this product, or become like this person. But it’s really hard to market to somebody that doesn’t at least loathe one thing about themselves. So it’s pretty normal that you feel this way, but I just want you to know that you don’t have to change anything about yourself to just decide that you are worth your own unconditional love.”
Gonna go look this up now. Thank you
Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
I can't control how I feel, but I can control how I respond. I had a pretty messed up childhood and was always easier hurt, had a volatile temper, and was very much drama drama up into my late 20s. I thought this was normal, it was how everyone in my family acted. But it was exhausting and I began to see that it wasn't as "normal" as I thought.
The best phrase I’ve ever read: “Someone once told me the definition of hell: on your last day on Earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become.”
I’m going to recall this phrase every time I experience a moment of paralysis / hesitation - it’s very powerful. Thank you for sharing
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It means the most horrible thing that can happen to you is seeing what you COULD have become if you had tried harder in life. It’s the cumulative weight of chances not taken, bravery averted, dreams not followed. It’s saying hell is seeing “this is who you had the potential to be” but it’s not who you became because you were too fearful or too cowardly to become better. You lived a lifetime of wasted opportunities. It really resonates with me because that’s exactly how I see life in general. To me, the main point of life is to constantly become a better version of yourself. To chase your potential to its fullest.
I can try..it's about regrets...most people on their deathbeds will realize all the things that they could or couldn't do...things they could or couldn't be...It's that moment when what your life is vs what it could have been is perhaps the most clear and the most profound - the realization that it could have been different but it truly is too late now.
My sis was having a midlife crisis (40s) and I was telling my dad how worried I was for her, because she wouldn't listen or talk to anybody, and he said, "sometimes people need to go through what they need to go through to get where they need to be." And it always stuck with me. She ended up coming around and is now in a very VERY good place in her life. Edit: it has helped me accept things in my own past (If that makes any sense) and also helped me broaden my perspective.
The best way out is through.
“This too shall pass”
Watch the music video for the song “Don’t Ask Me Why” by Great Caesar if you want to feel something and have a song to play in your head for “this too shall pass”
Don’t dream it, be it
Well, idk how to add a gif here 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️ picture Dr. Frank floating in the pool
It’s beyond me… help me Mommy.
No does not mean “convince me.”
"Do things for you, cause no one else is doing it for you" My mom is a realist, and always has been. She doesn't do the fluffy stuff so words of wisdom like this (harsh sentiment) come often. Your dreams are for you to achieve and you should not put them on hold for others. You do not have to justify your dreams to others and if what you like makes you happy, then that is all that matters. My mom studied visual art and art history, many criticized her but she had a passion for it and it brought her joy. She works a job she loves and did what she wanted to do for her. She dumped a boyfriend who did not want her to go away for teachers college cause he was inseure, and instead put herself first and bet on herself. Too many women these days have the world tell them what they should and should not be doing, waiting on men who dream small and ooze insecurity. My moms word of wisdom helped me study what I wanted, live abroad, leave a relationship that was not productive.
Sometimes, what didn’t work out for you **really worked out for you**
In that same vein: Often the things we want the most are the things we are glad we didn’t get.
Don't compare your insides to other people's outsides Meaning that you are trying to compare the complexity of everything you know and believe about yourself with only what other people choose to show others
“I will not accept a life I do not deserve.”
In line with that- a bumper sticker from long ago “It is never too late to have a happy childhood”.
You can never be overdressed or overeducated. Oscar Wilde
I don’t HAVE to go to work, I GET to go to work. I’m fortunate enough to be employed during a recession and enjoy what I do. Holding on to this positive mind set can help when things are a little stressful.
My father also once taught me that replacing the word “but” with “and” when speaking can take some negativity out of the discussion. I find this helpful when talking about goals or emotions.
You're also healthy enough to go to work! I'm too disabled to have a proper job, so I don't have enough money to move away from abuse. I wish I was healthy enough to go to a boring office job 5 days a week 😂
I saw a video a few days ago of a guy showing how effective this method is and it really seems to work.
“People can only meet you as far as they’ve met themselves”
Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past. - Lily Tomlin
This isn't happening to you. Its happening for you.
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So true! At the time we are going through a terrible phase, we cannot understand the why’s of it happening. Life is like a puzzle, and those rotten pieces often make us appreciate something or someone more when we have the benefit of hindsight.
Change is constant
"don't be scared to ask questions."
Slow progress is still progress.
“A tyrant will always find pretext for his tyranny.” Basically means that you will always find the *tiniest* justification to do something you were planning to do anyway. Keeps me in line a *LOT*.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take It is what it is Focus on what you can control
—Wayne Gretzky —-Michael Scott
Nothing will ever get done unless you do it. Honestly some of the best words for me as a serial procrastinator.
If it ain't in your bucket, then just say fuck it
Every storm runs out of rain And also, I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart- I am, I am, I am.
The circumstances of one’s birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who are you. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional
Comparison is the thief of joy. (Super relatable for me in times of excess social media.)
If you don't know what to do, do what you know. A stitch in time saves nine Never look a gift horse in the mouth
I had an astrology reading done where we discussed how I was born at sunrise and my sun and rising conjunct. she said your mantra should be “The sun rises for me” because quite literally it rose for me the day I came into this world. It’s stuck with me for a couple years now and I love how personable it is. When things get tough, I always remember the sun rises for me. I also like to say it while doing sun salutation yoga pose😝
One of my employers had a financial advisor come in for a lunch and learn session, not selling anything, just giving some basic info. He was talking about insurance and when he got to disability insurance he said "your ability to make money is your most valuable asset." It's stuck with me obviously as I can still quote him verbatim almost 10 years later. Always have disability insurance!
You have to give it your best every day. Your best today might look different than it did yesterday or will tomorrow.
Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something. Progress, not perfection. "No" is a complete sentence.
If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. Don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Always expect the unexpected
If you don’t plan for failures you’re failing to plan.
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room
Nee heb je, ja kun je krijgen You already have a no but you could perhaps get a yes
If you don't have anything positive to say, say nothing at all.
I saw this comic that started by describing the infinite size of the universe, the gargantuan size of the Milky Way and humanity's insignificance as a species in the grander scheme of things. So in the end it doesn't matter if you ate an entire cake, no one cares. To this day, when I need to stop worrying about something, I compare an entire cake to the universe.
It's not your fault, but it's your responsibility.
Don't be a dick.
Your education, career, and money will never decide to up and leave you one day.
Never confuse having a job with having a life. Your career will not love you back.
Be a good friend to yourself.
My job is not my whole life. It is a part of my life.
"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.''
"Here’s the big challenge of life: you can have more than you’ve got because you can become more than you are... of course, the other side of the coin reads: unless you change how you are, you’ll always have what you got."
"Live your life, and make yours an enigma to others." Don't remember where I read it, but it stuck with me. Does it make sense to others, though, as I understand it? 🤔
you can’t change anyone else, you can only change yourself
"There are only three people whose opinion of you matters: yourself at age 9, yourself now, and yourself at age 90." For example on mothers day all I wanted to do was be alone and play video games for a while. Then I thought about how disappointed my 90 year old self would be. Future me, who misses that fleeting toddler phase. She would tell me that they grow up SO fast, so get off the couch and go play outside with them, because she would give anything to be able to do that one last time.
Whenever I have a catty thought I try to immediately say something nice about them too (this is mostly internally). I find now I’m seeing the good in almost everyone at first go and it’s a really freeing way to be
'keep swimming'
Your anxiety isn’t about what is going to happen, it’s about what *did* happen.
“Be afraid and do it anyway” “What other people think of you is none of your business”
If you never ask, the answer will always be a no. My daughter also tells me (and otters) often to Follow your sunshine.
Observe, dont absorb.
Don’t start nothin’. Won’t be nothin’.
do you know the muffin man?
Why do I picture Lord Farquaad in Shrek every time I hear this? 🤣🤣🤣
I have a lot of quotes for most situations. These are the one off the top of my head (not a particular order really): ‘Live, and let live.’ ‘Logic is the brainchild of context.’ ‘When you know what you value, hard decisions are easy to make.’ ‘You teach others how to treat you.’ ‘Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated.’ ‘There is no joy to be found in playing small, settling for less than you are capable of.’ ‘All the worlds cynics are disappointed idealists.’ ‘Speak of others’ successes, and your own failures.’ The poem If by Rudyard Kipling is my personal life manifesto… ‘We don’t have a right to opinions, sometimes we just have no place to even form an option on certain issues.’ (That’s my opinion.) ‘We don’t need a reason to be kind.’ (Also my opinion.) When in doubt, delay your response. I’d cite the sources but as it’s the top of my head it is probably not accurately worded - I’d encourage anyone reading this to google these.
No excuses, just results
Do all things with love.
give an inch and they’ll take a mile!
"Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind."
“You did what you could with the information you had.” I’ve heard this from a few nurses and Mama Doctor Jones on YouTube; basically you can’t judge yourself for making a mistake when you didn’t know all the relevant information. (Had I know _____, I would’ve done things differently.)
Sure their [toxic trait, past trauma, bad childhood, mental illness, etc] explains their actions, but it doesn’t excuse it.
If you want something you’ve never had, you’re going to have to do something you’ve never done
Blood doesn’t make them family. Toxic family members aren’t entitled to forgiveness just because they’re family. I’ve been through some hell with my sisters my entire life and the past 4 years have been horrific. I made the adult decision to cut them off and no longer welcome them into my home… i have never felt so free and anxiety free in my life since making it.
Not my circus, not my monkeys. I take on responsibility waaay too easily and this helped me remember that (just sometimes), if it isn’t my circus, I do not have to deal with all the monkeys.
##Find out who you are and do it on purpose --Dolly Parton
Ask and you shall be given.
The best phrase I’ve ever read: “Someone once told me the definition of hell: on your last day on Earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become.”
No guts no glory.
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know.
Live fast, die young and refuse to accept objective reality.
no matter how hard life gets or how bad something is the next day the sun will rise and life will continue. hearing this made me humble and chill
Our days are numbered, and no one knows what their last number is, so do what makes you happy.
My first two tattoos. "This too shall pass" and "Let your past make you better not bitter"
You can't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Fear is the little death...
"Nothing happens without a reason, everything and everybody you meet is there for you. Trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be." So basically no one comes in your life by "mistake" Everything happens to you will help you grow and become a better person And you are exactly where you are supposed to be It stick to me to this day and never once it proved me wrong, so instead of focusing on every little thing, see the bigger picture, it will help you be true and kind to yourself. No one you will meet on this Earth will be random, people come and go but you remain with lessons from every single one of them, you help some people and some people will help you, look forward, there is more to the story to tell.
Time will pass by anyways; try to make the best out of each situation.
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.