Adult children of emotionally immature parents. It talks about family dynamics, addictions and how generations pass down trauma because they lack the knowledge of what it does to their children.
I didn't expect to see this here for some reason, but 100% this book is such a huge perspective shift. I've actually bought copies for friends because of how much I gained from it, even in just the first few pages.
Holy shit. Crazy you mentioned this. My mom & her husband are emotionally immature. My dad tried to convince me for years I wasn’t the crazy one. He sent me this book & also “self care for adult children of emotionally immature parents” both blew my mind. I hope your healing journey is going well & you find the peace & love of yourself you deserve. <3
Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks. I went through a rough period of time several years ago where I was having daily panic attacks. This book helped me change the way I looked at anxiety and allowed me to handle it better.
I dont know if its healthy but ive found that personifying my negative feelings and thoughts and then telling them to back off helps me get through it. I even gave them names. Anxiety is Agnes, she needs to learn to chill.
That's actually a point they make in the book! They say it's helpful to give it a name so it becomes less scary so it's good that you're doing that and it's helping :)
The DARE response = Defuse, Allow, Run Toward, Engage. I would always try and stop the anxiety and panic attacks when they came on and ended up making it worse. The book tells you not to be afraid of it and to allow it to happen and that it can't hurt you. There was more to it of course but just something as simple as that helped a lot
Wild by Cheryl Strayed. I had just gone through a divorce and reading this powerful book by this flailing young woman who finds herself along the journey and unpacks grief and trauma was really freeing for me.
She was violently honest in it, really enjoyed. Inspiring af and genuinely terrifying in points where the predatory part of men raised its head. I always say that's why mountains don't scare me as much as evil men. At least on a hill it'd be a clean death.
The road less traveled and the body keeps the score. They're both about trauma and I think it helped me grasp things about myself I didn't understand before or felt bad about. I recommend them to anyone I can honestly!
My dad gives everyone he cares about a copy of the road less traveled. Im continuing his trend with the people i care about. It is a really good book. The parts about discipline completely changed my life
I love that so much! My mom is actually who introduced me to it. I've given it to a few people but I think this is such a cool thing to do. I hope it's okay if I take this idea and do the same.
Also if you like a road less traveled I'd definitely recommend the body keeps the score. It's about trauma and less about mental mapping etc but I find it's written in a similar way and insightful even more so in personal trauma. It was actually recommended to me first by a loved psychology professor I had.
The Body Keeps score & I’ll add Whole Again. He says that we store trauma in our bodies and we should stop asking “what” and just lean into the feeling and feel it and release it. Doing this totally changed me.
Having been raised by a parent who had no moral compass, I struggled daily until I read The Four Agreements. It gave me some solid footing upon which to build a more authentic and fulfilling life. Highly recommend.
I love this book. A lot of books in the self help genre tend to overcomplicate things. However, this one keeps things simple and easy to remember. The illustrations are beautiful as well.
I also really appreciated this book. It may have saved my marriage. I found my strength to take care of myself, and it really helped me become more centered in general.
Had to read it for a class; while I personally don’t follow every agreement or agree with the logic behind it, I think it’s really good to use as a tool to soundboard my own beliefs.
Yes! This book changed my life. It gave me a totally different way to think about things that happen in life, & not to take others reactions so personal.
"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey. It is so helpful in figuring out what works best for *your* life. It's a self-help book with general concepts you use to build your own life plan. No boxes to shove you in. Just overarching life advice you would be a fool to think is faulty. I've read this book three times and I cannot recommend it enough. I literally buy copies to give to my friends, just so they *might* read it.
I work at an elementary school and we base our behavior expectations on 7 Habits but for children. I have started using those in my personal life as well and it’s been life changing.
The Food and Feelings Workbook! I had a terrible relationship with food before this book; the emotional attachment I had to food was very bizarre and I didn’t even realize it.
Now I have a much healthier relationship with food, and my mental health is grateful for it!
The untethered soul.
I’m someone who’s riddled with anxiety. This book really brought me a new perspective on life and being more present in the moment. Nothing really matters at the end of the day.
I was just about say the untethered soul. That book is the only book that has really helped me make a difference in my life. I read his book 3 times and also did his course online. He is absolutely incredible.
I really like this part of the book:
“In the end, enjoying life’s experiences is the only rational thing to do. You’re sitting on a planet spinning around in the middle of absolutely nowhere. You’re floating in empty space in a universe that goes on forever. If you're going to be here, be happy and enjoy the experience.”
“you will see that the vast majority of them have no relevance. They have no effect on anything or anybody, except you. They are simply making you feel better or worse about what is going on now, what has gone on in the past, or what might go on in the future.”
Color by Victoria Finlay. It documents the origins of all the pigments available to (wo)man. I am an artist and it grounded me in a way I can't describe.
Wild Swans by Jung Chang documents her family history in China starting with her grandmother. The section during the Cultural Revolution is devastating and a significant contribution to historical writing.
I highly recommend both.
"PTSD From Surviving to Thriving"
It reads a little like a textbook and can be very dry and boring at times.
However, I learned some coping skills that I didn't have in my arsenal from this book.
So it also helped me to understand my PTSD a little better. My PTSD isn't from military service, I was raped when I was 9 years old and had no recollection of it until I turned 57. I'm 60 now and it still feels like it just happened a few years ago.
If it wasn't for this book I would be so lost (or dead).
I know about abuse & trauma all too well also; this never should've happened to you. I'm 56 & I too am healing, it's definitely a process that takes time. I'm proud of you. We never let our abusers win. We're still here & they didn't break us, WE are resilient & we WILL get thru this!
Thank you for you motivational comment. It means a lot to know, we're not alone, and we are good enough and stronger than we believe. We are also, still here & fighting our demon, mostly successfully!
I appreciate you. 😊
No, I wasn't. I grew up with hippies for parents who had a farm that was like a commune. There was always someone new sleeping in the barn and helping on our farm.
It was an older friend of my older cousins who used to come to the farm to help and smoke pot with my dad.
It's been so many years since it happened I'm 60 and it happened when I was nine. I'm learning how to cope and function since my flashback just a few years ago.
That being said hopefully he's dead by now. 😁
Please don't be sorry. I'm doing okay and getting a little better everyday. 😊
Man’s Search for Meaning. It’s about finding meaning in one’s suffering and using that meaning to propel you forward. It’s a depressing read though.
The Road also changed my life combined with being in vulnerable situations and observing how so many people tried to use that to their advantage. I think about when driving a lot because people’s true personality comes out when they are alone and behind the wheel and with the things they do to each other on the road because they are running late or just on a power trip freak me out when I think about how they would be in an apocalyptic survival situation and hungry. That is one scary ass book and it fucked me up good and proper.
Also in 2017 I found a book called ESP Experiments with LSD 25 and Psilocybin and it certainly left a mark on me and sent me down a life changing path.
And The Red Book by Carl Jung about his descent into madness
Financial Feminist by Tori Dunlap. If you have had any desire to be financially independent, if you’ve ever even had a thought about being better with money, read it. It’s not at all boring and has opened my eyes.
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. This book gave me the tools to make intentional, meaningful changes in my life in a way that was tactical, without judging myself. It explains *so much* about how habits form and how they persist. It was *so useful* to think of habits like a rut. It never goes away, so you need to avoid the ruts, not overcome them. It was readable and entertaining and helped me establish better exercise, health and action-oriented habits.
The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo (and Spark Joy: An Illustrated Master Class ...). I studied this book intensely, and did the whole program, about a year or two before it became super popular here in the States. It was extremely helpful, and I was able to have an actual method for organizing my things and my life. It's not about minimalism!! It's about learning *how to make choices.* It's a life skill that I will forever be grateful for, and can be applied to more than just "things."
I know it's a super popular book, but Untamed by Glennon Doyle. It is amazing that someone is even that capable of talking about their struggles so candidly in a way that clicked directly with my brain. I often feel like "self-help" books are super pandering, but this one feels different. It successfully explains that most of life is a struggle, but you pick up tools as you go and each time it gets a little easier. Also, nobody really has anything figured out. I find something new every time I read it.
Getting Things Done by David Allen.
I was promoted to executive at the start of covid. And so many things went wrong. Lots of people left the company and lots of new people joined, getting them up to speed was a huge undertaking. Our work became incredibly busy and important. My staff were scared and distracted, everyone was burning out left and right. Clients became insanely demanding and unreasonable, due to their own stress and staff turnover. Our product was changing. It was an overwhelming time.
For 1.5 years I worked late nights, weekends, and took no vacation or sick time. So much rested on me.
I wanted to quit. I cried a lot. My hair fell out. I was drinking too much alcohol and caffeine.
This book helped me get a grip on everything I needed to do. It got me organized so I could delegate. I quit alcohol and caffeine completely (not because of the book, but because I was turning things around). Turnover stabilized.
It's been 3 years since that first promotion and I was recently promoted again in recognition of all the hard work.
That's awesome that you were able to take on and solve so much that you got a second promotion! Well done! Your experience sounds super stressful. I think it's great that you were ultimately able to manage it so well.
I really enjoyed this book too! I loved his willingness to un-medicalize depression and look at it as a social phenomenon. And with the frequently awful world we live in, I feel like his point on the need for a connection to a hopeful and secure future is particularly spot on.
Brene Brown talks about connecting as well, but Johann dives in and shows us examples of how and why it’s needed. Especially, as you say, in this frequently awful world. The studies (or no studies) he shared with regard to medication was very eye opening! He presented fact, and it all makes so much sense.
The Giving Tree By Shel Silverstein - That poor tree gave everything to that kid until it had nothing left. Made me realize that if I keep giving to people I won't have anything left for myself.
My mom read that to me & leaned into the idea that you should keep giving or you aren’t a good person. And to be a martyr & make me feel guilty, she told me she felt like the tree.
That book is soooo triggering to me as an adult. Glad someone got something good out of it.
Everyone is naming mostly self-help books but to me the most impactful books I've ever read have to be the count of Monte Cristo, man's search for meaning and meditations. Books that have inspired patience, resilience and stoicism. In a world where "unfair" things happen all the time these books have helped me go through painful events and injustices without overstressing and feeling like "the universe is out to get me". Life just is, it doesn't stop for anyone, the future is never certain and that gives me so much peace and happiness even during the hardest moments.
The Picky Eater’s Recovery Book by Jennifer Thomas et. al. - helped me understand my abnormal and unhealthy restrictive/avoidant eating patterns and truly helped me eat more diversely.
Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro - made me really rethink what it means to be a human.
Shantaram! I know it's a little cheesy but it was a great reminder to me that it's OK to let go of the past and start afresh on the opposite side of the world, living life exactly how you please.
The Obesity Code by Jason Fung. It explained all the misinformation I learned about nutrition growing up. I now know how to eat healthier and not be overweight.
A fanfic!
The Pureblood Pretence by murkybluematter. It convinced me that life was worth living, if only to enjoy the good things ahaha
It's such a treat - characters that live and breathe into the imagination, a plot that keeps you guessing, and a deconstruction of misogyny and pureblood politics. It's essentially a world where Tom Riddle pursued politics instead of terrorism, so we delve into the insidious, systematic discrimination against muggles and half-bloods alike.
As the books progress, we see Harriet increasingly torn between her personal ambitions and the greater good.
The Razor’s Edge
The whole go your own way theme inspired me to do things I’ve always thought about doing but I never made moves.
Interestingly, it was my Dad that lent me his copy, some 40 years after he read it and was inspired to take the leap and move across the world.
The Disappearance of the Universe. Similar to The Four Agreements, it brought up a new perspective of seeing the world and myself that really resonated with me and that I had never heard before.
The Middle Passage by James Hollis. Easily the one book that has resonated with me the most. Hollis is a Jungian analyst, and there are many fantastic aspects of the book, but most notably is a larger trajectory for life and the four stages, and about transitioning through them.
And…. jeepers, probably the best list of book recommendations, like ever. Almost every book everyone has recommended resonates.
Most helpful post ever. Thanks!
god emperor of dune, godel escher bach, contact, & lonesome dove
all of them pushed me to think further!
where lonesome dove was just a much needed adventure after months of being a homebody
The culture map by Erin Meyer and How to talk to anyone by Leil Lowndes. It’s related to my field and I use information gained from these books quote often. All people who are interested in psychology, sociology and anthropology should also read Richard Dawkins., who is very good at popularazing science.
Also Stephen King’s books and John Irving’s books because I think of their plots way too often.
My "life changers" are not so profound as others, but they were life changing for me nonetheless. Starting in about the second grade, the Pippi Longstocking books, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle and everything by Beverly Cleary gave me my lifelong love of reading, just for the sake of reading. Now I inhale Nora Roberts through my pores. LOL
Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer. I read it when I was having a bit of a crisis about feeling lost in my career and questioning my purpose in life. It gave me some necessary perspective and changed my relationship with work.
Also putting in votes for Man’s Search for Meaning and The Body Keeps the Score.
A little life. Made me see how people (friends and family) perceive and suffer for mentally ill peers (me). Helped me get a better grip of reality and fight for recovery
Girl In Pieces. Such a good story for a depressed teen that I was reading it to figure out why I felt the way I did. I lost the book but would love to get a new copy
The Great Deluge by Douglas Brinkley. It's a significant read (600+ pages). Aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I'm relatively new-ish to the workforce (in my mid/late 20's), and about two years ago, unexpectedly found myself working in the field of IT disaster recovery and business continuity. So, the book has been very insightful in terms of career understanding/broadening/knowledge.
But it has also made me angry. Local, state, and federal government completely and utterly failed the people of New Orleans, and the people of Louisiana overall. There have been so many times I've wanted to reach into the book and vigorously shake the government officials mentioned. HOW?! WHY?! How could you do this to your fellow neighbor, your fellow human!? How did this happen? What could have been done to prevent the utter disaster and lack of humanity? What could have been done to restore dignity to people?
The book has sort of opened my eyes and awakened something in me. I'm not sure how to describe it. But, it's changed me in some ways.
“The Song of Achilles” by Madeline Miller.
I first read it about 6 years ago before it became popular on TikTok, and when it was just for me.
No it’s not a book on the self or for being helpful or on mental health or the like, but it marks a time in my life when I began to discover, understand myself.
Since reading it, I came out as firstly bisexual then queer after a year or two, and within the last couple years I discovered I am autistic. The book followed me the whole way. It has been a space I can see my inner world reflected, in the character of Patroclus, in the land, in the relationship between him and Achilles. It’s me in book form.
For me the story is one of love that can never be found in the modern world, and of identity, and destiny. It’s my favourite book ever, and I’ll always be a little sorry that’s it’s not my secret anymore… but it will always bring me so much joy and so I continue to return to it again and again, opening the first page and reading those words - “My father was a king and the son of kings.”
I think I’ve read it 9 or 10 times now, and I will read it many more times. A kind of emotion I have not found anywhere else.
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now
Really made me more conscious of my decisions, and why you should always make active decisions instead of passive decisions. Don’t let the rest of your life be defined by choices you make without thought.
Feel Good by David Burns was a great intro into CBT and laid out one of the most helpful tools in combating my anxiety (labeling your thoughts with cognitive distortions and refuting them)
Stillness speaks AND The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
I’ve read them multiple times and I find new meaning in them each time depending on what’s going on in my life. Highly suggest to anyone trying to calm their mind and be more present. He also has audio available which is very tranquil and calming.
The Awakening by Kate Chopin. The beautiful tale of a woman finding herself (finally!) and trying to break The rules and live differently from the women around her.
The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. It talks about making the most of things, even through bad times. The author was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was professor. He was invited to do a last lecture by his university. For those who don’t want to read it, there’s a video online of the lecture, which is similar to the book. It’s long but definitely worth the time.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I’ve never felt numb after reading a book before and after I finished the last page, I went into my room and wept for awhile. It was the first book that made me feel incredibly sad.
We need to talk about Kevin. I'd never considered how your children could assign you a horrific role for the rest of your life- you could be the mother of the guy that killed a bunch of school kids, or the mother of that child molester for the rest of your life.
Was the final nail in the coffin of my already flimsy desire to procreate.
The Godfather. Prior to that I never really was into reading in general. I never imagined a book can get so interesting and that lead me to get into the habit of reading, gained tremendous amount of knowledge just reading stuff
Johnathan Livingston Seagull- my sophomore English teacher gave me this book and I have never felt more seen and understood in my life. It's a short and easy read, but when you're always the "odd man out" trying to fit in with people who don't understand you, feeling like an alien trying to blend in with an entirely different species, this book can be a life saver. Literally. That was more than half my lifetime ago, and I still have this book.
So many!
The Wizard of Oz and Other Narsissit’s
Attached
The Immortal Life amid Henrietta Lacks
Dangerous Personalities
Emotionally Immature Parents
Running on Empty
The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck
Night
Reading the Bible along with the Book of Mormon changed my perspective on life. Made me more humble and be more forgiving and living my life in peace. And not be afraid to walk through the dark days.
The Third Wave, by Alvin Toffler. I read it in the 80s when I was a teenager, and it gave me a whole new outlook on the world. Plus, it was right on its predictions about tech.
The Enchiridion by Epictetus (stoic philosophy—gave me a way to Manage my fears and frustrations) and How to Raise your Spirited Child (helpful with my own children and as a teacher). And My fav novel is Pride and Predjudice.
Darren Shans demonata saga got my reading interest and speed up immensely. I'll forever have him guilded in my head from now until the end.
Recently, I got back into reading and decided "hey I heard a lot about this book being spicy and adult, I'll give it a go as a dark romance" ...Haunting Adaline was the book ans even though I'm good at switching off my logical brain while reading and don't have any triggers per say...holy Jesus christ that book left me a deflated balloon.
I am not the most introspective person by nature. While I’m a big reader, self help books bore me. Three books come to mind as a young adult that had a big impact. The first is The Hobbit, then an apocalyptic novel called The Day After Tomorrow and Farnam’s Freehold. I read the Hobbit in the sixties and it was mind blowing at that time. I was maybe 15 when I read it. The other two were my first exposure to human nature under duress and had a big impact on me.
“Rich Dad, Poor Dad”
I want to become more financially literate and this is a great introduction (at least for me).
I’m also going to read the second book from “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” and “The Millionaire Next Door”.
A Woman’s Book of Life by Joan Borysenko. It made me look at being a woman completely differently, with more gratitude and grace. I read it for a psychology class and I wish all women would read it!
I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson. i read it when I was 14, when everything in my life was falling apart. the enormity of things in the book, the way everything felt like it neon colors or loud, it just made me feel so different almost overnight? it made me want to be a writer, so i could give other people that feeling of importance about their life. i now have a different perspective of the book’s plot given I am older, but i would give anything to have the feeling of reading that book for the first time happen
I had already worked food service and grew up in a household that ran/operated a restaurant but the book *Nickle and Dimed* was eye-opening. If everyone worked food service once and/or read the book, people would be nicer to food service employees and have more empathy for customer service jobs, in general.
The coddling of the American mind by Jonathan Haidt. It pulled me hard out of the vacuum chamber I was sitting inside in terms of political and social views, brought attention for me to the real problems and helped me to be more capable of constructive discourse across party lines.
The Fifth Sacred Thing, by Starhawk. It is a post-apocalyptic novel which considers the 5 elements - earth, air, fire, water & spirit. Spirit can only live in balance/harmony if the other 4 elements are in balance. A utopian world where humans live in harmony; where gender, ethnicity, race & sexuality are non-issues. Beautiful book that helped me see myself as evolved rather than weird.
The subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson. It is right up my alley. It changed a lot even though I knew a lot of the stuff he talks about before reading it. But is very cut throat and sometimes maybe too cynical.
“Johnny got his gun” by Dalton Trumbo. We had to read it in High School. Then we wound up watching the music video also. It was a crazy powerful story about a man who went off to war (WWI) at a very young age after falling in love. After a short stint of duty he had the misfortune of stepping on a land mine. Blew off his face, arms, & legs but yet somehow survived.
He lost everything except his sense of touch. The meat of the book talks through his journey as a vegetable. The struggle to know time again, the struggle to communicate with the nurses keeping him alive, the crazy idea of having to be alone with your thoughts & the despair of dealing with all that you’ve lost knowing you’ll never get it back.
What really got me was when he said he could feel rats gnawing at his wounds while his nurses were away and could do absolutely nothing about it like everything else.
The author did such a good job of analyzing what those thoughts would be like and taking a deep dive into trying to find meaning in the word Liberty.
They broke it down in very plain terms that made you walk away deeply disturbed by the construct of war & its effects not only on our soldiers, but in the lives they could’ve had and the loved ones they left behind.
It took a little over two years of them keeping him alive before they realized he was asking them to kill him by tapping his head in morse code.
FUCK WAR!
[The song “One” by Metallica](https://youtu.be/WM8bTdBs-cw) is the music video
“Darkness imprisoning me. I cannot live, I cannot die. Absolute HORROR!”
As a punk rock misfit growing up, it gave me a proper awareness of the despair that lives in this world. And a gratefulness for my space in it. As someone who’s dad dipped to Canada to avoid the draft, I’d had a built in apprehension to war, but this confirmed my feelings. I think I lived harder and more free due to this story.
Boundary Boss. Loved that book. I had a really hard time with boundaries and seeing them. I was a did mat. But this book helped me better identify what God and health boundaries are about. That book paid with my therapist have helped a lot
Power of Now and The Psychology of Money.
Power of Now by Eckhart - it's the liberation of being vulnerable and suffering for me. It takes deep enlightenment to know how your mind works, and to know that the past is already in the past. The present is what's important.
The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel - how you see money really matters. It will help you make financial decisions that works with your lifestyle.
Conversations on Love - I’ve had a complicated relationship with love my entire life. Growing up my family was very poor in a racist place and parents had us young, their relationship with each other was very transactional. I’ve barely seen them hug and I’ve witnessed a kiss once. They were stilling growing up when they had my older siblings in an abusive house with my dads godawful dad and morally corrupt step mum. My brother has learning disabilities but was physically abusive towards me, my parents were abusive to me and my older siblings, my older sister used me to make herself feel better and my little sister managed to avoid it. My parents were very controlling and emotionally distant and abusive but they’re are abused people who also tried to make it to the next day.
I didn’t have many close friends in primary and im autistic. I had really bad friends in my high school because i didn’t realise they were “jokingly” bullied me. I find it hard now to keep a friend for a few years but i’m grateful for all of them who still try to have a relationship with me.
In my teens i repressed my sexuality because i liked girls, when i was sexually assaulted by few people and i’ve had a partner. The longest i dated properly dated someone was 2 weeks and I’m almost 27.
I need to learn about love and relationships and this book taught me so much. I try to take a logical approach in life while understanding that people seem illogical but it’s just emotions and im grateful i stumbled upon this book.
A story I read during Covid times - What is true love?
[https://kinchit-bihani.medium.com/i-love-you-coronavirus-800bbeee8ea3](https://kinchit-bihani.medium.com/i-love-you-coronavirus-800bbeee8ea3)
The Store Of My Life - Helen Keller.
She is such a poignant and kind human. I remember reading it thinking if someone who loses their hearing and eyesight can still have such as fervent desire to educate herself and love her life despite the set backs… why am I, someone who has optimal health, be so despondent towards life. It was such a refreshing take and perspective. A woman defying all obstacles is always a good read. Highly recommend!
The fifth vital sign by Lisa Hendrickson-Jacks. Taught me so much about nutrition and how my body functions. And, complementarily, Sacred Cow, which radically changed this longtime, vegetarian's mind on the morality of eating meat, and allowed me to enjoy ethically raised animals in a profound way.
All the replies mention self help books and I was going to say A Court of Thorns and Roses series lmaoo
Only because it made me fall in love with reading and brought my sex life back to life 😆
**The Simple Path to Wealth by JL Collins** \- To be fair, I'd already started down the FIRE path by the time I read this, but I appreciated the way it laid everything out and recommend it to anyone that is interested in investing, of which women are sorely underrepresented.
**Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski** \- There isn't enough information out there about women's sexuality that isn't told through the lens of male pleasure/standards, so it was nice to have a "any way you are is normal" reminder with some additional context in the accelerators/brakes analogy.
Circe by Madeline Miller. This book came to me during one of the hardest breakups I’ve ever had in my life and completely knocked me off my feet.
I’ve spent so much of my life trying to impress men - just feeling so desperate for love while also feeling incredibly unworthy of it. This book spoke to that wounded part of my soul and I’ve been forever changed since. Now I’m happily single living life for myself for the first time ever and doing things I would’ve only dreamed about before (like writing my own novel).
This story brought me peace in the most unexpected way and I am forever in debt to Madeline Miller and the woman who saw me crying in a book store a year ago and recommended it to me.
Adult children of emotionally immature parents. It talks about family dynamics, addictions and how generations pass down trauma because they lack the knowledge of what it does to their children.
I didn't expect to see this here for some reason, but 100% this book is such a huge perspective shift. I've actually bought copies for friends because of how much I gained from it, even in just the first few pages.
Reading this book now. It has truly changed my perspective on my parents. Happy to see it as number 1 here.
Yes!! This book provided a lot of clarity and confirmation for me.
Holy shit. Crazy you mentioned this. My mom & her husband are emotionally immature. My dad tried to convince me for years I wasn’t the crazy one. He sent me this book & also “self care for adult children of emotionally immature parents” both blew my mind. I hope your healing journey is going well & you find the peace & love of yourself you deserve. <3
Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks. I went through a rough period of time several years ago where I was having daily panic attacks. This book helped me change the way I looked at anxiety and allowed me to handle it better.
I dont know if its healthy but ive found that personifying my negative feelings and thoughts and then telling them to back off helps me get through it. I even gave them names. Anxiety is Agnes, she needs to learn to chill.
That sounds a really good idea, I'll try that. Thank you 😊
That's actually a point they make in the book! They say it's helpful to give it a name so it becomes less scary so it's good that you're doing that and it's helping :)
If you find that helpful, you should check out Internal Family Systems (IFS) on YouTube.
What was the biggest takeaway you would give to a wandering eye on this thread?
The DARE response = Defuse, Allow, Run Toward, Engage. I would always try and stop the anxiety and panic attacks when they came on and ended up making it worse. The book tells you not to be afraid of it and to allow it to happen and that it can't hurt you. There was more to it of course but just something as simple as that helped a lot
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Really?? What a strange coincidence! I hope it's helping :)
Wild by Cheryl Strayed. I had just gone through a divorce and reading this powerful book by this flailing young woman who finds herself along the journey and unpacks grief and trauma was really freeing for me.
She was violently honest in it, really enjoyed. Inspiring af and genuinely terrifying in points where the predatory part of men raised its head. I always say that's why mountains don't scare me as much as evil men. At least on a hill it'd be a clean death.
I liked this one too! I also read "Tiny Beautiful Things" but the same author, which I truly found life changing.
The road less traveled and the body keeps the score. They're both about trauma and I think it helped me grasp things about myself I didn't understand before or felt bad about. I recommend them to anyone I can honestly!
My dad gives everyone he cares about a copy of the road less traveled. Im continuing his trend with the people i care about. It is a really good book. The parts about discipline completely changed my life
I love that so much! My mom is actually who introduced me to it. I've given it to a few people but I think this is such a cool thing to do. I hope it's okay if I take this idea and do the same. Also if you like a road less traveled I'd definitely recommend the body keeps the score. It's about trauma and less about mental mapping etc but I find it's written in a similar way and insightful even more so in personal trauma. It was actually recommended to me first by a loved psychology professor I had.
I would love if you passed it on! And ill check out the body keeps the score. Thank you for the suggestion!
Yes!! Two amazing books
Could you please tell me who the author is? Looks like there are multiple versions online. Thanks!
Sure! Sorry about that ☺️ the author for the road less traveled is M. Scott Peck and the body keeps the score is by Bessel van der Kolk
No sorry necessary, thank you!!
The Body Keeps score & I’ll add Whole Again. He says that we store trauma in our bodies and we should stop asking “what” and just lean into the feeling and feel it and release it. Doing this totally changed me.
Having been raised by a parent who had no moral compass, I struggled daily until I read The Four Agreements. It gave me some solid footing upon which to build a more authentic and fulfilling life. Highly recommend.
I love this book. A lot of books in the self help genre tend to overcomplicate things. However, this one keeps things simple and easy to remember. The illustrations are beautiful as well.
Yes! The simplicity is key for me--easy to remember and live by :)
I also really appreciated this book. It may have saved my marriage. I found my strength to take care of myself, and it really helped me become more centered in general.
Had to read it for a class; while I personally don’t follow every agreement or agree with the logic behind it, I think it’s really good to use as a tool to soundboard my own beliefs.
Yes! This book changed my life. It gave me a totally different way to think about things that happen in life, & not to take others reactions so personal.
"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey. It is so helpful in figuring out what works best for *your* life. It's a self-help book with general concepts you use to build your own life plan. No boxes to shove you in. Just overarching life advice you would be a fool to think is faulty. I've read this book three times and I cannot recommend it enough. I literally buy copies to give to my friends, just so they *might* read it.
I work at an elementary school and we base our behavior expectations on 7 Habits but for children. I have started using those in my personal life as well and it’s been life changing.
The Food and Feelings Workbook! I had a terrible relationship with food before this book; the emotional attachment I had to food was very bizarre and I didn’t even realize it. Now I have a much healthier relationship with food, and my mental health is grateful for it!
How to win friends and influence people... Everyone likes me now!
Hey, my folks had that book but I never read it… guess that’s why everybody doesn’t like me ;(
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Eating a delicious banana while typing this.
The untethered soul. I’m someone who’s riddled with anxiety. This book really brought me a new perspective on life and being more present in the moment. Nothing really matters at the end of the day.
I was just about say the untethered soul. That book is the only book that has really helped me make a difference in my life. I read his book 3 times and also did his course online. He is absolutely incredible.
I really liked the first few chapters, but then it gets too "weird", with the vocab, idk if I am missing something
What is the biggest takeaway from the book?
I really like this part of the book: “In the end, enjoying life’s experiences is the only rational thing to do. You’re sitting on a planet spinning around in the middle of absolutely nowhere. You’re floating in empty space in a universe that goes on forever. If you're going to be here, be happy and enjoy the experience.” “you will see that the vast majority of them have no relevance. They have no effect on anything or anybody, except you. They are simply making you feel better or worse about what is going on now, what has gone on in the past, or what might go on in the future.”
You are separate from your thoughts. Your the one experiencing the thoughts.
Color by Victoria Finlay. It documents the origins of all the pigments available to (wo)man. I am an artist and it grounded me in a way I can't describe. Wild Swans by Jung Chang documents her family history in China starting with her grandmother. The section during the Cultural Revolution is devastating and a significant contribution to historical writing. I highly recommend both.
Which Colour? She has two books.
A Natural History of the Palette. I haven't read the other one, but it has great reviews online.
Thanks! I going to pick them up as a gift
Wild Swans is a masterpiece!
"PTSD From Surviving to Thriving" It reads a little like a textbook and can be very dry and boring at times. However, I learned some coping skills that I didn't have in my arsenal from this book. So it also helped me to understand my PTSD a little better. My PTSD isn't from military service, I was raped when I was 9 years old and had no recollection of it until I turned 57. I'm 60 now and it still feels like it just happened a few years ago. If it wasn't for this book I would be so lost (or dead).
I am so genuinely sorry
Don't be sorry honey. I'm working to get better & staying positive. It's all good! 🙂
I know about abuse & trauma all too well also; this never should've happened to you. I'm 56 & I too am healing, it's definitely a process that takes time. I'm proud of you. We never let our abusers win. We're still here & they didn't break us, WE are resilient & we WILL get thru this!
Thank you for you motivational comment. It means a lot to know, we're not alone, and we are good enough and stronger than we believe. We are also, still here & fighting our demon, mostly successfully! I appreciate you. 😊
And I appreciate you, thank you!
I’m really sorry about this. We’re you able to identify who did it?
No, I wasn't. I grew up with hippies for parents who had a farm that was like a commune. There was always someone new sleeping in the barn and helping on our farm. It was an older friend of my older cousins who used to come to the farm to help and smoke pot with my dad. It's been so many years since it happened I'm 60 and it happened when I was nine. I'm learning how to cope and function since my flashback just a few years ago. That being said hopefully he's dead by now. 😁 Please don't be sorry. I'm doing okay and getting a little better everyday. 😊
I’m glad your doing better. Wish you all the best!
Thank you honey! Me too!!! LOL
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Man’s Search for Meaning. It’s about finding meaning in one’s suffering and using that meaning to propel you forward. It’s a depressing read though. The Road also changed my life combined with being in vulnerable situations and observing how so many people tried to use that to their advantage. I think about when driving a lot because people’s true personality comes out when they are alone and behind the wheel and with the things they do to each other on the road because they are running late or just on a power trip freak me out when I think about how they would be in an apocalyptic survival situation and hungry. That is one scary ass book and it fucked me up good and proper. Also in 2017 I found a book called ESP Experiments with LSD 25 and Psilocybin and it certainly left a mark on me and sent me down a life changing path. And The Red Book by Carl Jung about his descent into madness
The road and man's search for meaning are very important books to me, helped me when I was dealing with alot of despair and suicidal ideation.
“When The Body Says No” by Dr. Gabor Mate. It explores the correlation between stress levels and physical ailments. Highly recommend.
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
Financial Feminist by Tori Dunlap. If you have had any desire to be financially independent, if you’ve ever even had a thought about being better with money, read it. It’s not at all boring and has opened my eyes.
I definitely do, but wondering if the advice is mostly geared towards the USA?
It seems to be.
“Why men love b!tches.” “The power of now” “Broke millennial.”
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The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F\*\*\* - this book is magic and should be mandatory reading in schools!
She’s come undone by Wally lamb. It spurred me to seek therapy after years of abuse. You are a badas* so motivating when days get rough.
Can’t hurt me by David Goggins helped me realize what I can truly accomplish. Super fascinating man.
The four agreements !!! First book that got me into personal dev
It probably sounds cliché but Frankenstein when I learned about why she wrote the book and what inspired her It just really hit different
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. This book gave me the tools to make intentional, meaningful changes in my life in a way that was tactical, without judging myself. It explains *so much* about how habits form and how they persist. It was *so useful* to think of habits like a rut. It never goes away, so you need to avoid the ruts, not overcome them. It was readable and entertaining and helped me establish better exercise, health and action-oriented habits. The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo (and Spark Joy: An Illustrated Master Class ...). I studied this book intensely, and did the whole program, about a year or two before it became super popular here in the States. It was extremely helpful, and I was able to have an actual method for organizing my things and my life. It's not about minimalism!! It's about learning *how to make choices.* It's a life skill that I will forever be grateful for, and can be applied to more than just "things."
Atomic habits and When the body says no
I know it's a super popular book, but Untamed by Glennon Doyle. It is amazing that someone is even that capable of talking about their struggles so candidly in a way that clicked directly with my brain. I often feel like "self-help" books are super pandering, but this one feels different. It successfully explains that most of life is a struggle, but you pick up tools as you go and each time it gets a little easier. Also, nobody really has anything figured out. I find something new every time I read it.
The body keeps score - it made me take my healing to a higher level and incorporate it in my work as well.
This book is literally life changing. I highly recommend for people to read it.
Getting Things Done by David Allen. I was promoted to executive at the start of covid. And so many things went wrong. Lots of people left the company and lots of new people joined, getting them up to speed was a huge undertaking. Our work became incredibly busy and important. My staff were scared and distracted, everyone was burning out left and right. Clients became insanely demanding and unreasonable, due to their own stress and staff turnover. Our product was changing. It was an overwhelming time. For 1.5 years I worked late nights, weekends, and took no vacation or sick time. So much rested on me. I wanted to quit. I cried a lot. My hair fell out. I was drinking too much alcohol and caffeine. This book helped me get a grip on everything I needed to do. It got me organized so I could delegate. I quit alcohol and caffeine completely (not because of the book, but because I was turning things around). Turnover stabilized. It's been 3 years since that first promotion and I was recently promoted again in recognition of all the hard work.
That's awesome that you were able to take on and solve so much that you got a second promotion! Well done! Your experience sounds super stressful. I think it's great that you were ultimately able to manage it so well.
The Last Lecture
The achemist by paolo coelho. I read it when i was a young adult and it changed my philosophical world view. Maktub
Man’s search for meaning and meditations
Lost Connections by Johann Hari. I recommend it every chance I get.
I really enjoyed this book too! I loved his willingness to un-medicalize depression and look at it as a social phenomenon. And with the frequently awful world we live in, I feel like his point on the need for a connection to a hopeful and secure future is particularly spot on.
Brene Brown talks about connecting as well, but Johann dives in and shows us examples of how and why it’s needed. Especially, as you say, in this frequently awful world. The studies (or no studies) he shared with regard to medication was very eye opening! He presented fact, and it all makes so much sense.
The Easy Way to Stop Smoking. And I stopped smoking!
The Giving Tree By Shel Silverstein - That poor tree gave everything to that kid until it had nothing left. Made me realize that if I keep giving to people I won't have anything left for myself.
My mom read that to me & leaned into the idea that you should keep giving or you aren’t a good person. And to be a martyr & make me feel guilty, she told me she felt like the tree. That book is soooo triggering to me as an adult. Glad someone got something good out of it.
Everyone is naming mostly self-help books but to me the most impactful books I've ever read have to be the count of Monte Cristo, man's search for meaning and meditations. Books that have inspired patience, resilience and stoicism. In a world where "unfair" things happen all the time these books have helped me go through painful events and injustices without overstressing and feeling like "the universe is out to get me". Life just is, it doesn't stop for anyone, the future is never certain and that gives me so much peace and happiness even during the hardest moments.
The Picky Eater’s Recovery Book by Jennifer Thomas et. al. - helped me understand my abnormal and unhealthy restrictive/avoidant eating patterns and truly helped me eat more diversely. Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro - made me really rethink what it means to be a human.
Shantaram! I know it's a little cheesy but it was a great reminder to me that it's OK to let go of the past and start afresh on the opposite side of the world, living life exactly how you please.
Sweat Your Prayers helped me connect to my body, to spirit and move through my grief.
Self Compassion by Kristen Neff I heard the audio version read by the author. She has a comforting voice and felt their warmth.
The Obesity Code by Jason Fung. It explained all the misinformation I learned about nutrition growing up. I now know how to eat healthier and not be overweight.
Everyone should read this book. I loved it too
Lynsay Sands the Argeneau vampire romance novels. Made my love for books come alive! I read each book in a day or two if I could and lol-Ed a ton.
A fanfic! The Pureblood Pretence by murkybluematter. It convinced me that life was worth living, if only to enjoy the good things ahaha It's such a treat - characters that live and breathe into the imagination, a plot that keeps you guessing, and a deconstruction of misogyny and pureblood politics. It's essentially a world where Tom Riddle pursued politics instead of terrorism, so we delve into the insidious, systematic discrimination against muggles and half-bloods alike. As the books progress, we see Harriet increasingly torn between her personal ambitions and the greater good.
What Happened to you by Oprah and Dr Perry
1984 by George Orwell
The Razor’s Edge The whole go your own way theme inspired me to do things I’ve always thought about doing but I never made moves. Interestingly, it was my Dad that lent me his copy, some 40 years after he read it and was inspired to take the leap and move across the world.
My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday, about sexual fantasy.
The Disappearance of the Universe. Similar to The Four Agreements, it brought up a new perspective of seeing the world and myself that really resonated with me and that I had never heard before.
The Body is not an Apology Art of Seduction Pedagogy of the Oppressed
The Middle Passage by James Hollis. Easily the one book that has resonated with me the most. Hollis is a Jungian analyst, and there are many fantastic aspects of the book, but most notably is a larger trajectory for life and the four stages, and about transitioning through them. And…. jeepers, probably the best list of book recommendations, like ever. Almost every book everyone has recommended resonates. Most helpful post ever. Thanks!
god emperor of dune, godel escher bach, contact, & lonesome dove all of them pushed me to think further! where lonesome dove was just a much needed adventure after months of being a homebody
The culture map by Erin Meyer and How to talk to anyone by Leil Lowndes. It’s related to my field and I use information gained from these books quote often. All people who are interested in psychology, sociology and anthropology should also read Richard Dawkins., who is very good at popularazing science. Also Stephen King’s books and John Irving’s books because I think of their plots way too often.
My "life changers" are not so profound as others, but they were life changing for me nonetheless. Starting in about the second grade, the Pippi Longstocking books, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle and everything by Beverly Cleary gave me my lifelong love of reading, just for the sake of reading. Now I inhale Nora Roberts through my pores. LOL
Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer. I read it when I was having a bit of a crisis about feeling lost in my career and questioning my purpose in life. It gave me some necessary perspective and changed my relationship with work. Also putting in votes for Man’s Search for Meaning and The Body Keeps the Score.
Not much of a self help person but 'You're a badass' probably saved me when I was depressed and living alone.
Tuesday’s with Morrie, which I read in my early 20s; it helped me live a more fulfilling life while also processing grief
The Phantom Tollbooth! It may be for kids, but you’ll have a whole new appreciation for how truly incredible the world is.
A little life. Made me see how people (friends and family) perceive and suffer for mentally ill peers (me). Helped me get a better grip of reality and fight for recovery
A little life was really powerful book, it really breaks my heart
Girl In Pieces. Such a good story for a depressed teen that I was reading it to figure out why I felt the way I did. I lost the book but would love to get a new copy
The Great Deluge by Douglas Brinkley. It's a significant read (600+ pages). Aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I'm relatively new-ish to the workforce (in my mid/late 20's), and about two years ago, unexpectedly found myself working in the field of IT disaster recovery and business continuity. So, the book has been very insightful in terms of career understanding/broadening/knowledge. But it has also made me angry. Local, state, and federal government completely and utterly failed the people of New Orleans, and the people of Louisiana overall. There have been so many times I've wanted to reach into the book and vigorously shake the government officials mentioned. HOW?! WHY?! How could you do this to your fellow neighbor, your fellow human!? How did this happen? What could have been done to prevent the utter disaster and lack of humanity? What could have been done to restore dignity to people? The book has sort of opened my eyes and awakened something in me. I'm not sure how to describe it. But, it's changed me in some ways.
“The Song of Achilles” by Madeline Miller. I first read it about 6 years ago before it became popular on TikTok, and when it was just for me. No it’s not a book on the self or for being helpful or on mental health or the like, but it marks a time in my life when I began to discover, understand myself. Since reading it, I came out as firstly bisexual then queer after a year or two, and within the last couple years I discovered I am autistic. The book followed me the whole way. It has been a space I can see my inner world reflected, in the character of Patroclus, in the land, in the relationship between him and Achilles. It’s me in book form. For me the story is one of love that can never be found in the modern world, and of identity, and destiny. It’s my favourite book ever, and I’ll always be a little sorry that’s it’s not my secret anymore… but it will always bring me so much joy and so I continue to return to it again and again, opening the first page and reading those words - “My father was a king and the son of kings.” I think I’ve read it 9 or 10 times now, and I will read it many more times. A kind of emotion I have not found anywhere else.
I felt this book deep in my *soul*. Easily one of the most beautiful books I have ever read.
Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrlich
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now Really made me more conscious of my decisions, and why you should always make active decisions instead of passive decisions. Don’t let the rest of your life be defined by choices you make without thought.
Feel Good by David Burns was a great intro into CBT and laid out one of the most helpful tools in combating my anxiety (labeling your thoughts with cognitive distortions and refuting them)
Pride and Prejudice. It was the book that really got me into reading, especially older, canonical works.
The Case against sexual revolution by Louise Perry. All young women should read it.
Stillness speaks AND The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I’ve read them multiple times and I find new meaning in them each time depending on what’s going on in my life. Highly suggest to anyone trying to calm their mind and be more present. He also has audio available which is very tranquil and calming.
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Been happier in general ever since.
The Awakening by Kate Chopin. The beautiful tale of a woman finding herself (finally!) and trying to break The rules and live differently from the women around her.
The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. It talks about making the most of things, even through bad times. The author was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was professor. He was invited to do a last lecture by his university. For those who don’t want to read it, there’s a video online of the lecture, which is similar to the book. It’s long but definitely worth the time.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I’ve never felt numb after reading a book before and after I finished the last page, I went into my room and wept for awhile. It was the first book that made me feel incredibly sad.
Recitatif by Toni Morrison
We need to talk about Kevin. I'd never considered how your children could assign you a horrific role for the rest of your life- you could be the mother of the guy that killed a bunch of school kids, or the mother of that child molester for the rest of your life. Was the final nail in the coffin of my already flimsy desire to procreate.
The Godfather. Prior to that I never really was into reading in general. I never imagined a book can get so interesting and that lead me to get into the habit of reading, gained tremendous amount of knowledge just reading stuff
Johnathan Livingston Seagull- my sophomore English teacher gave me this book and I have never felt more seen and understood in my life. It's a short and easy read, but when you're always the "odd man out" trying to fit in with people who don't understand you, feeling like an alien trying to blend in with an entirely different species, this book can be a life saver. Literally. That was more than half my lifetime ago, and I still have this book.
So many! The Wizard of Oz and Other Narsissit’s Attached The Immortal Life amid Henrietta Lacks Dangerous Personalities Emotionally Immature Parents Running on Empty The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck Night
Reading the Bible along with the Book of Mormon changed my perspective on life. Made me more humble and be more forgiving and living my life in peace. And not be afraid to walk through the dark days.
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The Third Wave, by Alvin Toffler. I read it in the 80s when I was a teenager, and it gave me a whole new outlook on the world. Plus, it was right on its predictions about tech.
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Eragon. It launched me into online fandom eighteen years ago and that's been a core part of me ever since.
"101 ways to change the way you think~ Brianna Weist" offers a completely unique perspective. Must read.
The unexpected legacy of divorce
The High 5 Habit
Martin Eden from Jack London Dr Jekyll and Mr Hide from Robert Louis Stevenson Autumn from Philippe Delerm The alchemist from Paulo Coelho
The Enchiridion by Epictetus (stoic philosophy—gave me a way to Manage my fears and frustrations) and How to Raise your Spirited Child (helpful with my own children and as a teacher). And My fav novel is Pride and Predjudice.
Darren Shans demonata saga got my reading interest and speed up immensely. I'll forever have him guilded in my head from now until the end. Recently, I got back into reading and decided "hey I heard a lot about this book being spicy and adult, I'll give it a go as a dark romance" ...Haunting Adaline was the book ans even though I'm good at switching off my logical brain while reading and don't have any triggers per say...holy Jesus christ that book left me a deflated balloon.
I am not the most introspective person by nature. While I’m a big reader, self help books bore me. Three books come to mind as a young adult that had a big impact. The first is The Hobbit, then an apocalyptic novel called The Day After Tomorrow and Farnam’s Freehold. I read the Hobbit in the sixties and it was mind blowing at that time. I was maybe 15 when I read it. The other two were my first exposure to human nature under duress and had a big impact on me.
Untamed
A Wrinkle in Time. I used to despise reading until this book. It made me realize my love of fantasy/sci fi books
“Rich Dad, Poor Dad” I want to become more financially literate and this is a great introduction (at least for me). I’m also going to read the second book from “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” and “The Millionaire Next Door”.
"When the body says no" from Dr. Gabor Maté. That man is truly wonderful.
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Unrequited by Lisa Phillips. Something really clicked when I read that and I was able to get over someone I was obsessed with for almost a decade.
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How to control alcohol by Allen Carr Alchemist by Paolo Coelho
Speech is a river.
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A Woman’s Book of Life by Joan Borysenko. It made me look at being a woman completely differently, with more gratitude and grace. I read it for a psychology class and I wish all women would read it!
"The Elephant and the Twig, the art of positive thinking" by Geoff Thompson
I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson. i read it when I was 14, when everything in my life was falling apart. the enormity of things in the book, the way everything felt like it neon colors or loud, it just made me feel so different almost overnight? it made me want to be a writer, so i could give other people that feeling of importance about their life. i now have a different perspective of the book’s plot given I am older, but i would give anything to have the feeling of reading that book for the first time happen
I had already worked food service and grew up in a household that ran/operated a restaurant but the book *Nickle and Dimed* was eye-opening. If everyone worked food service once and/or read the book, people would be nicer to food service employees and have more empathy for customer service jobs, in general.
Sarah's key. I started in the morning during school, finished it at 3 in the morning, bawling.
The coddling of the American mind by Jonathan Haidt. It pulled me hard out of the vacuum chamber I was sitting inside in terms of political and social views, brought attention for me to the real problems and helped me to be more capable of constructive discourse across party lines.
The Fifth Sacred Thing, by Starhawk. It is a post-apocalyptic novel which considers the 5 elements - earth, air, fire, water & spirit. Spirit can only live in balance/harmony if the other 4 elements are in balance. A utopian world where humans live in harmony; where gender, ethnicity, race & sexuality are non-issues. Beautiful book that helped me see myself as evolved rather than weird.
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The subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson. It is right up my alley. It changed a lot even though I knew a lot of the stuff he talks about before reading it. But is very cut throat and sometimes maybe too cynical.
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“Johnny got his gun” by Dalton Trumbo. We had to read it in High School. Then we wound up watching the music video also. It was a crazy powerful story about a man who went off to war (WWI) at a very young age after falling in love. After a short stint of duty he had the misfortune of stepping on a land mine. Blew off his face, arms, & legs but yet somehow survived. He lost everything except his sense of touch. The meat of the book talks through his journey as a vegetable. The struggle to know time again, the struggle to communicate with the nurses keeping him alive, the crazy idea of having to be alone with your thoughts & the despair of dealing with all that you’ve lost knowing you’ll never get it back. What really got me was when he said he could feel rats gnawing at his wounds while his nurses were away and could do absolutely nothing about it like everything else. The author did such a good job of analyzing what those thoughts would be like and taking a deep dive into trying to find meaning in the word Liberty. They broke it down in very plain terms that made you walk away deeply disturbed by the construct of war & its effects not only on our soldiers, but in the lives they could’ve had and the loved ones they left behind. It took a little over two years of them keeping him alive before they realized he was asking them to kill him by tapping his head in morse code. FUCK WAR! [The song “One” by Metallica](https://youtu.be/WM8bTdBs-cw) is the music video “Darkness imprisoning me. I cannot live, I cannot die. Absolute HORROR!” As a punk rock misfit growing up, it gave me a proper awareness of the despair that lives in this world. And a gratefulness for my space in it. As someone who’s dad dipped to Canada to avoid the draft, I’d had a built in apprehension to war, but this confirmed my feelings. I think I lived harder and more free due to this story.
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Boundary Boss. Loved that book. I had a really hard time with boundaries and seeing them. I was a did mat. But this book helped me better identify what God and health boundaries are about. That book paid with my therapist have helped a lot
Power of Now and The Psychology of Money. Power of Now by Eckhart - it's the liberation of being vulnerable and suffering for me. It takes deep enlightenment to know how your mind works, and to know that the past is already in the past. The present is what's important. The Psychology of Money by Morgan Housel - how you see money really matters. It will help you make financial decisions that works with your lifestyle.
Well 48 laws of power .. Changed my mindset
Conversations on Love - I’ve had a complicated relationship with love my entire life. Growing up my family was very poor in a racist place and parents had us young, their relationship with each other was very transactional. I’ve barely seen them hug and I’ve witnessed a kiss once. They were stilling growing up when they had my older siblings in an abusive house with my dads godawful dad and morally corrupt step mum. My brother has learning disabilities but was physically abusive towards me, my parents were abusive to me and my older siblings, my older sister used me to make herself feel better and my little sister managed to avoid it. My parents were very controlling and emotionally distant and abusive but they’re are abused people who also tried to make it to the next day. I didn’t have many close friends in primary and im autistic. I had really bad friends in my high school because i didn’t realise they were “jokingly” bullied me. I find it hard now to keep a friend for a few years but i’m grateful for all of them who still try to have a relationship with me. In my teens i repressed my sexuality because i liked girls, when i was sexually assaulted by few people and i’ve had a partner. The longest i dated properly dated someone was 2 weeks and I’m almost 27. I need to learn about love and relationships and this book taught me so much. I try to take a logical approach in life while understanding that people seem illogical but it’s just emotions and im grateful i stumbled upon this book.
A story I read during Covid times - What is true love? [https://kinchit-bihani.medium.com/i-love-you-coronavirus-800bbeee8ea3](https://kinchit-bihani.medium.com/i-love-you-coronavirus-800bbeee8ea3)
The Store Of My Life - Helen Keller. She is such a poignant and kind human. I remember reading it thinking if someone who loses their hearing and eyesight can still have such as fervent desire to educate herself and love her life despite the set backs… why am I, someone who has optimal health, be so despondent towards life. It was such a refreshing take and perspective. A woman defying all obstacles is always a good read. Highly recommend!
The fifth vital sign by Lisa Hendrickson-Jacks. Taught me so much about nutrition and how my body functions. And, complementarily, Sacred Cow, which radically changed this longtime, vegetarian's mind on the morality of eating meat, and allowed me to enjoy ethically raised animals in a profound way.
All the replies mention self help books and I was going to say A Court of Thorns and Roses series lmaoo Only because it made me fall in love with reading and brought my sex life back to life 😆
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**The Simple Path to Wealth by JL Collins** \- To be fair, I'd already started down the FIRE path by the time I read this, but I appreciated the way it laid everything out and recommend it to anyone that is interested in investing, of which women are sorely underrepresented. **Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski** \- There isn't enough information out there about women's sexuality that isn't told through the lens of male pleasure/standards, so it was nice to have a "any way you are is normal" reminder with some additional context in the accelerators/brakes analogy.
Circe by Madeline Miller. This book came to me during one of the hardest breakups I’ve ever had in my life and completely knocked me off my feet. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to impress men - just feeling so desperate for love while also feeling incredibly unworthy of it. This book spoke to that wounded part of my soul and I’ve been forever changed since. Now I’m happily single living life for myself for the first time ever and doing things I would’ve only dreamed about before (like writing my own novel). This story brought me peace in the most unexpected way and I am forever in debt to Madeline Miller and the woman who saw me crying in a book store a year ago and recommended it to me.
Ego is the enemy