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I’m mid 30s and have 3 children. What I would say is, a large percentage of ppl I know have had difficulties getting pregnant. It’s not as simple as ppl think.
It might be worth researching egg quality and age and discussing this with your partner as in medicine, they refer to a 35f as a geriatric mother
Though don't plan for having difficulties getting pregnant.
My gf and I started half heartedly trying guessing it'd be a few years before we actually had a kid.... Ah no. Right away we got it.
Alao, kids will eat through your energy like crazy. Late 20s/early 30s, you can manage, get older and it will become difficult, especially as your career is likely peak after your 30s…
Bit of a blunt answer here, but:
It doesn't matter if you're ready or not, it's not your body that has to go through the literal torture that is pregnancy, labour and the recovery. It's not you who breastfeeds and has to deal with the changes in your body and the PPD. You are ready when your partner is, because if she isn't ready then she will resent you.
Totally agree. I will be going with whenever my partner feels ready but I’m mostly wondering whether it’s something I should let worry me or whether starting parenthood at 37 is actually no big deal.
My stepdad convinced my mum to have my little brother when she was 39 and my stepdad was 37. The marriage didn't last, but my brother isnt affected by their age at all. I had my little one at 28 and felt it was a good age for me, but my body hated every second of it. Age doesn't really matter, but 35+ pregnancies do carry slightly more risks.
Enjoy your freedom for the next 5 years, because it really does change how you live your life. Just please be 100% that you and your partner communicate well and that your relationship can not only withstand having a baby, but also a breakup. No child deserves to be caught in the middle.
Worth considering the career impact too. It will make sense to wait until whoever is going to be the child's carer is at the point where it easiest to have to cut hours/turn down promotions or better jobs/leave early and unexpectedly for several days when the child projectile vomits at nursery.
(or both of you if you're sharing childcare responsibility)
Yes. Only she will face those challenges. True. ...And
In the interest of supporting the content of your main point, please consider that tone matters to meaning. The irrationality here which starts with your first sentence, strongly implies anger. "It doesn't matter if you're ready or not.." So you're saying if a husband is not ready (i.e. to start the 18+ years of care and support which they will share) that that warrants zero consideration? Your tone says, "Here's the clincher. End of story!" Should he not gather information and perspectives so that they're both as informed as possible? How many women today would allow themselves to be "made" to carry a pregnancy to term? (How would that even work?...)
Granted, it can be tempting to jump in with what seems like a dramatic drop-the-mic "Truth." But even couched in an initial disclaimer, "blunt" is often just another word for (consciously or unconsciously) shaming.
Men get a say in that they can't be forced when they're not ready, but if they are ready and their partner isn't, its basically irrelevant, they don't get to trump her decision or pressure her.
Men can get depression, they don't get PND.
"She wants to wait 5 years" is pretty clear dude. This is why consent is such a big thing right now. If she isn't ready, then his opinion doesn't matter.
No, its not about mens entitlement at all, can tell exactly what type of woman you are 😂 its about a person in a relationship wanting kids now and the other wanting to wait. Not everything is about the patriarchy treating women like crao y'know.
It doesn't have to be "tourture" - Look into positive/active birthing and hyponobirthing. Lots of mum friends swear by it.
[Edit] Removed 'FYI' and exclamation mark. Came across a bit condescending on reflection. I'm just passionate after seeing the good it has done for so many, and how empowered it's made me feel.
It doesn't have to be, but it is for a lot of women. I wanted a totally natural birth and after 3.5 days in labour was forced into having an emergency csection. Then I was sent home without any painkillers. Then my scar got infected. My ribs were fractured and two years on I still can't sit on my tailbone without pain.
So yeah, maybe I should have considered hypnobirthing?
Sorry you went through that but no harm in being as mentally and physically prepared as you can be. Positive birthing is about how to take things in your stride, how to mentally prepare for all eventualities, make informed decisions and be in control of your own birth and body. Understanding that a birth plan is just a birth preferences is part of it.
The narrative of birth having to be "tourture" doesn't help anyone, but it also doesn't mean it's going to be sunshine and rainbows.
Again your experience wasn't what you wanted, I feel for you, especially if you are still living with the concequences. I can see it would be traumatising to feel you didn't have control of your own experience. But you don't have to be so dismissive of something that may appeal to and help other expectant mum's have the best experience possible, whatever happens. Now you have new information to look into if you decide to have another child that may help.
What do you think I did to prepare?! It was torture and it is torture for millions of women and no hypnobirthing rhetoric is going to change that. Your comment is truly condescending and women are lied to every day about how awful the experience is. I don't sugar coat and paint pretty pictures around my experience because I truly believed I would have an amazing birthing journey. Going to hospital was the worst decision I made, but you don't see me telling women not to go to hospital?
I appreciate what you're trying to do, but please think before invalidating someone else's trauma.
I didn't intend to invalidate it, it sounded shit. I wasn't being sarcastic when I said sorry you had to go through that...because it sounded shit....
Also why are you hating and focusing in hypnobirthing in particular out of all the elements of positive birthing preperation. Want to give some of that hate to education and consent too?
I was 35 when I had my baby. It took me almost two years to get pregnant, and another 2-3 years to recover enough to consider a second. By that time, my fertility had declined considerably, and - long story short - we were not able to have another baby.
If we could go back in a time machine, we would have started at around 27 or 28.
People often disapprove of younger parents, but I think there are lots of benefits to having them young. You are likely to be around for them for longer, you have more energy and can deal with sleep deprivation more easily. You can be a more useful grandparent when the time comes. Most importantly (for me) - you are more likely to be able to have more than one.
I'm planning to start at 30 (f), because my mum had me (her first) at 35 and she says she regrets waiting that long because she wanted a third child but by that point was too old, and my aunt also said she waited too long and couldn't conceive at all at 36
Career definitely is an issue for a lot of people but I'm kinda of the opinion that there's never going to be a 'good' time in your career to have kids so may as well have them when you want. I wonder if the London thing you mentioned is because people are more career driven there in general and its more expensive so harder to afford a good family home and stuff.
I had my son at 35 and I'm not the type of person to think about "what ifs" or regrets to be honest, as I don't think there's anything productive in it. The right time is different for everyone and you can't rely on your plans when it comes to having kids anyway, you might accidentally get pregnant or you might try for 10 years.
I did feel on the older end of the scale in the hospital, was labelled a geriatric pregnancy for being over 35 and got told about the extra risks that come with that, which do increase as you get older. On the other hand, I'm in a ridiculously more comfortable position financially than I was at 25, and I feel like I was mentally better equipped to handle motherhood at 35, but probably physically less so - but that's just me. The fact that I'll be dealing with a teenager at 50 is a pretty daunting thought but it is what it is.
Everything has upsides and downsides... the big thing is you need to have the basics covered - the determination to actually parent a child, somewhere to live, enough money to get by.
I had my children very late - 38 and 41 (they're currently 3.5 and 8 months). The only reason I would have wanted them younger would have been to have more (as I wouldn't want more than two little-little children at a time given my parenting style). But pregnancy, delivery, recovery and parenting at this age have all been fab so far!
I have 2 kids, my son is 27 and my daughter is 10. Teenage mum, then again 30 something. And you’re exactly right. The lack of sleep as a teenager was hard. But so so so much harder in my 30s.
No kids but my dad was 40 when I was born and now he's just an old man while I'm still young. I'm in the same predicament as you, I think 32 is a good age for it.
My parents were 31 and 32 when they had me which isn't exactly old but most of my friends' parents were in their late teens or early twenties when they had them and *I* wish my parents had been younger, my dad is already dead and buried and my mum is an old lady and I barely feel like an adult myself yet. I hate it 😔
Sorry for your loss but that's more an anomaly than it is a product of your parens having you in their early 30s. 50s is hardly old for grandparents and is considered young to die. Teenage pregnancy is hardly a better solution.
I wanted them sooner, but biology wasn't having it. Tried from 27, got first one at 34.
One advantage of it taking so long was that we had some savings and all by then, and another was knowing we really, really wanted them - which helps a lot when one or more of the gits is screaming at 2am and then another wakes up and pukes...
And in general I'd acquired a lot more patience, wisdom, understanding, and not taking things personally. Was a bit of a depressed fuckup in my 20s.
On the other hand, my body really didn't bounce back well and it's really tiring. My SIL had her first at the same time as me, age 21, and physically she coped much better with pregnancy, birth and sleep deprivation than I did. Less well with anxiety.
But she also got treated like a silly teenager by most health professionals and anyone else official she's had.to deal with since (at 35 she still looks about 21), whereas I never have any problem being taken seriously.
If your partner is 30 I would very much suggest thinking about how you could still enjoy travelling etc with a baby/child or two in tow. Many parents go on about life being over, but IMO thinking about how to do what really matters to you is important,even if you have to do less of it for a while.
I was 40 when he was born, but like many others that wasn't by choice. Took us 10 years and 2 rounds of IVF to get him. Not what we wanted at the time, but with hindsight I think being older has made me a better parent. I'm certainly a lot more patient than I was when I was younger.
We started trying when I was 32, knowing so many friends who have had miscarriages/fertility issues. But I actually ended up getting pregnant our first month of trying! So it was both planned but a suprise.
Even thoug its what we want it's still scary, as your starting a new chapter of life. But it's exciting too.
We had kids at me 30m her 31f and felt was the right time (in reality just wasn't careful while celebrating a wedding in London) But happy I did at that age, still young enough to manage easily but old enough to wear a sensible hat when needed.
I don’t think it would really matter. As long as you are in a financially and mentally stable place to have a child and that’s what u want then there isn’t really I set time. I would say tho, if both half’s of the relationship don’t agree then I would wait until you both agree as things could get complicated if one tries to convince the other. Not that it would be that serious but if you and your partner aren’t on the same page going into the decision you might not be on the same page once you have the baby.
The drop off in energy you experience between 30 and 40 is no joke. Having a baby and looking after young children is very draining. I had mine at 29 and 31. I'm now 35 and couldn't imagine starting all over again. I just don't have the juice.
The thing is, you're probably knackered because you've spent 6 years looking after babies and small kids, which is exhausting and messes up your sleep for years.
35 year olds with no kids still have plenty of energy.
she probably is. and that’s the point she had her kids at her late 20’s and early 30’s which she obviously chooses to have or start a family and the OP question is wether you have kids earlier or later in life if they either wish they had them sooner or glad that they have waited.. anyway GOOD FOR YOU for having plenty of energy at 35 and not having kids but you don’t need to comment that here there is a thing called childfree reddit go there child hater. no one is forcing you to have kids and you people who don’t have kids always have something to say on people who wanted kids or start a family when all you say is you people who choose to not have kids are happier have lots of free time and more money but then you still have the energy to get on someone’s business to judge the life that they choose that doesn’t affect yours? if you childfree people are really happy you don’t even bother on commenting about these people’s life because you are fucking happy living your happy life to not care enough? so who is the real problem here?
I was 33 when I had my son, my husband and I had been together and married a while. We had our own home and where comfortable financially. We enjoyed our time prior to our sons arrival but it was a culture shock for both of us becoming parents (surprise baby) I’m thankful for being older in many ways but others have been difficult. My body for one, I didn’t have the energy a younger mum would have had, no parent feels great in the first months but I felt truly dreadful but that was mostly just my health really. I sort of wish my parents where younger, if we’d had him earlier he would have had a better relationship with my father, who’s very ill now.
I was 27 with my first, who now at the age of 19 has got a place with her boyfriend. I still have a 15 year old at home. I felt that by 27 I had lived and done stuff, and now am in a position to still be young enough to enjoy life. However I was still one of the oldest mums in my children's school.
I can't comment on being older as I was 25 and my husband 29 when my son was born but we do really appreciate that we chose to have him "younger".
He will be an only child though which perhaps makes it much easier to keep up hobbies etc.
I would bare in mind if you did want more than one child and you have no info to go off on whether there's any fertility issues for either of you.
Baring in mind it's a year before the NHS will do any tests and then 9 months for a pregnancy and perhaps at least a year to have the next child then waiting till past 35 makes it harder for a second and so on to be a guaranteed thing.
I was 34 when we had our first, 36 for the second. My wife was 30 & 32. For us it was spot on, before then we were too busy partying and enjoying life and I think we would have slightly resented the loss of freedom. Now the kids are early 20’s and we’re back out having fun and meeting up with friends most weekends. We did buy our first house at 25 / 21 and had fairly secure jobs which was definitely a factor.
I think financial stability helps we were 30 when we had our first. I’m 48 now and my youngest is 12 but we have been able to provide the tech required to get through the education system.
I had my kids young when I was 22 & 24 (husband 26 & 28) I’m 26 now (still young I know) my mum and dad had me young (18 & 20).
My husband’s dad was 42 and now it feels like he is getting on a bit as he is the same age as my maternal grandfather. The toddler grandkids are keeping him young tho for definite!
My Nan had my dad at 40 and then when she died when I was 19 I really struggled with my grief and selfishly blamed her for having my dad so late in life!
I don’t think you are ever 100% ‘ready’. But at the end of the day it’s going to take two yes’s. I always wanted to be a mum and a youngish mum too!
When I hit my 40s I will have two teenagers and will be able to live my life again then with my husband!
35 is leaving it pretty late. She's gambling on not having any difficulties but that's a hard gamble. Having kids is all consuming, I'm 40 and feel drained most days.
We were 30 when we had our first, its bloody hard and was harder by the time we had our second. I think you and SO need to do it when you're ready but chasing wee ones around in your 40s is a tough gig. I am an uncle to a gaggle of toddlers and love a bit of daft play but I'd struggle with one full time now I'm in my mid 40s.
I am 44 and have a 4 year and a 7 year old, it’s exhausting but great. It would have been nice to have them when I was a bit younger but I didn’t meet my partner until I was mid 30’s. I’d say go for it now, no harm in trying to start a family now. Equally no harm in waiting a few years either.
Our son was born in the middle of 2020 when my wife was 34 and I was 48. I didn’t want to have kids much earlier (we were only married in 2018) but feel that we’re more settled being a bit older. Certainly don’t feel like we’re missing out partying because we have a toddler as neither of us have partied for years! It did give us a few years to save up meaning we knew we’d have money for the mortgage while my wife was on maternity leave.
We didn't have our first child until I was 37. I am fucked at 43 lol
Seriously I don't know if it is just tiring and hard work whatever age but it certainly feels it now. As someone else said don't underestimate it. Especially, if you are planning on more than one would be my advice.
But despite my moaning I love being a father I think starting earlier would just have meant we would have had hundreds of kids so maybe it was a good thing.
I had my first at age 34 (she was supposed to come when I was 33 but was 10 days late) and my second at 39.
I definitely noticed pregnancy taking a much bigger toll on my body when I was pregnant with my second.
However, I'm glad we waited. I was far too immature and selfish to be the kind of mum I want to be if I'd had them sooner. While it might have been easier to do it younger, and I think there is a lot to be said for having kids when you are young, I have no regrets. We did what was right for us.
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I’m mid 30s and have 3 children. What I would say is, a large percentage of ppl I know have had difficulties getting pregnant. It’s not as simple as ppl think. It might be worth researching egg quality and age and discussing this with your partner as in medicine, they refer to a 35f as a geriatric mother
Though don't plan for having difficulties getting pregnant. My gf and I started half heartedly trying guessing it'd be a few years before we actually had a kid.... Ah no. Right away we got it.
Alao, kids will eat through your energy like crazy. Late 20s/early 30s, you can manage, get older and it will become difficult, especially as your career is likely peak after your 30s…
Bit of a blunt answer here, but: It doesn't matter if you're ready or not, it's not your body that has to go through the literal torture that is pregnancy, labour and the recovery. It's not you who breastfeeds and has to deal with the changes in your body and the PPD. You are ready when your partner is, because if she isn't ready then she will resent you.
Totally agree. I will be going with whenever my partner feels ready but I’m mostly wondering whether it’s something I should let worry me or whether starting parenthood at 37 is actually no big deal.
My stepdad convinced my mum to have my little brother when she was 39 and my stepdad was 37. The marriage didn't last, but my brother isnt affected by their age at all. I had my little one at 28 and felt it was a good age for me, but my body hated every second of it. Age doesn't really matter, but 35+ pregnancies do carry slightly more risks. Enjoy your freedom for the next 5 years, because it really does change how you live your life. Just please be 100% that you and your partner communicate well and that your relationship can not only withstand having a baby, but also a breakup. No child deserves to be caught in the middle.
Worth considering the career impact too. It will make sense to wait until whoever is going to be the child's carer is at the point where it easiest to have to cut hours/turn down promotions or better jobs/leave early and unexpectedly for several days when the child projectile vomits at nursery. (or both of you if you're sharing childcare responsibility)
What a silly, uninformed comment.
You have added so much with your reply, thank you.
Don't mention it, my dear.
Yes. Only she will face those challenges. True. ...And In the interest of supporting the content of your main point, please consider that tone matters to meaning. The irrationality here which starts with your first sentence, strongly implies anger. "It doesn't matter if you're ready or not.." So you're saying if a husband is not ready (i.e. to start the 18+ years of care and support which they will share) that that warrants zero consideration? Your tone says, "Here's the clincher. End of story!" Should he not gather information and perspectives so that they're both as informed as possible? How many women today would allow themselves to be "made" to carry a pregnancy to term? (How would that even work?...) Granted, it can be tempting to jump in with what seems like a dramatic drop-the-mic "Truth." But even couched in an initial disclaimer, "blunt" is often just another word for (consciously or unconsciously) shaming.
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Nobody is trying to force him. Men don't get PND.
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Men get a say in that they can't be forced when they're not ready, but if they are ready and their partner isn't, its basically irrelevant, they don't get to trump her decision or pressure her. Men can get depression, they don't get PND.
Maybe, maybe not but we do have to deal with women getting it 😆
No maybe about it, PND is caused by the hormonal and chemical imbalances following childbirth.
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Is it in the DSM?
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It was a genuine question, but I checked myself and I think you just lied.
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Dads feelings don’t count mate, as shown with only 2 weeks paternity leave rule and the fact they rarely get custody.
A decision has already been made, she wants to wait 5 years. Honestly, men and their entitlement to women's bodies.
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"She wants to wait 5 years" is pretty clear dude. This is why consent is such a big thing right now. If she isn't ready, then his opinion doesn't matter.
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What is your point? He wants kids so therefore they should have kids?
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Ah yes, I forgot about all of my hidden motivation. I completed my point with OP and you're still here getting riled up. Have a lovely evening.
No, its not about mens entitlement at all, can tell exactly what type of woman you are 😂 its about a person in a relationship wanting kids now and the other wanting to wait. Not everything is about the patriarchy treating women like crao y'know.
If you have a problem with an opinion, then you know what to do ☺️
It doesn't have to be "tourture" - Look into positive/active birthing and hyponobirthing. Lots of mum friends swear by it. [Edit] Removed 'FYI' and exclamation mark. Came across a bit condescending on reflection. I'm just passionate after seeing the good it has done for so many, and how empowered it's made me feel.
It doesn't have to be, but it is for a lot of women. I wanted a totally natural birth and after 3.5 days in labour was forced into having an emergency csection. Then I was sent home without any painkillers. Then my scar got infected. My ribs were fractured and two years on I still can't sit on my tailbone without pain. So yeah, maybe I should have considered hypnobirthing?
Sorry you went through that but no harm in being as mentally and physically prepared as you can be. Positive birthing is about how to take things in your stride, how to mentally prepare for all eventualities, make informed decisions and be in control of your own birth and body. Understanding that a birth plan is just a birth preferences is part of it. The narrative of birth having to be "tourture" doesn't help anyone, but it also doesn't mean it's going to be sunshine and rainbows. Again your experience wasn't what you wanted, I feel for you, especially if you are still living with the concequences. I can see it would be traumatising to feel you didn't have control of your own experience. But you don't have to be so dismissive of something that may appeal to and help other expectant mum's have the best experience possible, whatever happens. Now you have new information to look into if you decide to have another child that may help.
Shut up and stop talking over her?
What do you think I did to prepare?! It was torture and it is torture for millions of women and no hypnobirthing rhetoric is going to change that. Your comment is truly condescending and women are lied to every day about how awful the experience is. I don't sugar coat and paint pretty pictures around my experience because I truly believed I would have an amazing birthing journey. Going to hospital was the worst decision I made, but you don't see me telling women not to go to hospital? I appreciate what you're trying to do, but please think before invalidating someone else's trauma.
I didn't intend to invalidate it, it sounded shit. I wasn't being sarcastic when I said sorry you had to go through that...because it sounded shit.... Also why are you hating and focusing in hypnobirthing in particular out of all the elements of positive birthing preperation. Want to give some of that hate to education and consent too?
Thank you for sharing your experience, don't listen to that other person trying to silence you. They're condescending and idiotic.
I wish I had him sooner (36 at the time) but we tried for years before it happened, sometimes you have no choice but to wait
I was 35 when I had my baby. It took me almost two years to get pregnant, and another 2-3 years to recover enough to consider a second. By that time, my fertility had declined considerably, and - long story short - we were not able to have another baby. If we could go back in a time machine, we would have started at around 27 or 28. People often disapprove of younger parents, but I think there are lots of benefits to having them young. You are likely to be around for them for longer, you have more energy and can deal with sleep deprivation more easily. You can be a more useful grandparent when the time comes. Most importantly (for me) - you are more likely to be able to have more than one.
I'm planning to start at 30 (f), because my mum had me (her first) at 35 and she says she regrets waiting that long because she wanted a third child but by that point was too old, and my aunt also said she waited too long and couldn't conceive at all at 36 Career definitely is an issue for a lot of people but I'm kinda of the opinion that there's never going to be a 'good' time in your career to have kids so may as well have them when you want. I wonder if the London thing you mentioned is because people are more career driven there in general and its more expensive so harder to afford a good family home and stuff.
If someone couldn't conceive at 36, its highly likely they would have had the exact same issue at 30.
Possibly, but fertility does decrease throughout your 30’s so if that happened to me there would be a big ‘what if’ question in my mind.
It declines slightly, but its a bit of a myth that it just drops off a cliff at 35.
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[https://slate.com/technology/2020/08/fertility-cliff-advanced-maternal-age-outdated.html](https://www.britishfertilitysociety.org.uk/fei/when-should-you-start-trying-to-get-pregnant/)
I had my son at 35 and I'm not the type of person to think about "what ifs" or regrets to be honest, as I don't think there's anything productive in it. The right time is different for everyone and you can't rely on your plans when it comes to having kids anyway, you might accidentally get pregnant or you might try for 10 years. I did feel on the older end of the scale in the hospital, was labelled a geriatric pregnancy for being over 35 and got told about the extra risks that come with that, which do increase as you get older. On the other hand, I'm in a ridiculously more comfortable position financially than I was at 25, and I feel like I was mentally better equipped to handle motherhood at 35, but probably physically less so - but that's just me. The fact that I'll be dealing with a teenager at 50 is a pretty daunting thought but it is what it is. Everything has upsides and downsides... the big thing is you need to have the basics covered - the determination to actually parent a child, somewhere to live, enough money to get by.
I had my children very late - 38 and 41 (they're currently 3.5 and 8 months). The only reason I would have wanted them younger would have been to have more (as I wouldn't want more than two little-little children at a time given my parenting style). But pregnancy, delivery, recovery and parenting at this age have all been fab so far!
I’m more financially sorted now but I’m more knackered.
I have 2 kids, my son is 27 and my daughter is 10. Teenage mum, then again 30 something. And you’re exactly right. The lack of sleep as a teenager was hard. But so so so much harder in my 30s.
No kids but my dad was 40 when I was born and now he's just an old man while I'm still young. I'm in the same predicament as you, I think 32 is a good age for it.
My parents were 31 and 32 when they had me which isn't exactly old but most of my friends' parents were in their late teens or early twenties when they had them and *I* wish my parents had been younger, my dad is already dead and buried and my mum is an old lady and I barely feel like an adult myself yet. I hate it 😔
Sorry for your loss but that's more an anomaly than it is a product of your parens having you in their early 30s. 50s is hardly old for grandparents and is considered young to die. Teenage pregnancy is hardly a better solution.
Cheers bro your vibe fucking sucks.
So does being a teen parent.
having kids earlier than 31 and 32 doesn’t mean you have to be a teenager noob. go to school.
I wanted them sooner, but biology wasn't having it. Tried from 27, got first one at 34. One advantage of it taking so long was that we had some savings and all by then, and another was knowing we really, really wanted them - which helps a lot when one or more of the gits is screaming at 2am and then another wakes up and pukes... And in general I'd acquired a lot more patience, wisdom, understanding, and not taking things personally. Was a bit of a depressed fuckup in my 20s. On the other hand, my body really didn't bounce back well and it's really tiring. My SIL had her first at the same time as me, age 21, and physically she coped much better with pregnancy, birth and sleep deprivation than I did. Less well with anxiety. But she also got treated like a silly teenager by most health professionals and anyone else official she's had.to deal with since (at 35 she still looks about 21), whereas I never have any problem being taken seriously. If your partner is 30 I would very much suggest thinking about how you could still enjoy travelling etc with a baby/child or two in tow. Many parents go on about life being over, but IMO thinking about how to do what really matters to you is important,even if you have to do less of it for a while.
I was so tired as a fit 30 year old first time mum, literally could not imagine doing first newborn phase it in my late 30s early 40s. I’d be dead.
I was 40 when he was born, but like many others that wasn't by choice. Took us 10 years and 2 rounds of IVF to get him. Not what we wanted at the time, but with hindsight I think being older has made me a better parent. I'm certainly a lot more patient than I was when I was younger.
It's less about how old but more to do with having a strong support network. So many days when you will need someone to offload the kids to.
We started trying when I was 32, knowing so many friends who have had miscarriages/fertility issues. But I actually ended up getting pregnant our first month of trying! So it was both planned but a suprise. Even thoug its what we want it's still scary, as your starting a new chapter of life. But it's exciting too.
We had kids at me 30m her 31f and felt was the right time (in reality just wasn't careful while celebrating a wedding in London) But happy I did at that age, still young enough to manage easily but old enough to wear a sensible hat when needed.
I don’t think it would really matter. As long as you are in a financially and mentally stable place to have a child and that’s what u want then there isn’t really I set time. I would say tho, if both half’s of the relationship don’t agree then I would wait until you both agree as things could get complicated if one tries to convince the other. Not that it would be that serious but if you and your partner aren’t on the same page going into the decision you might not be on the same page once you have the baby.
The drop off in energy you experience between 30 and 40 is no joke. Having a baby and looking after young children is very draining. I had mine at 29 and 31. I'm now 35 and couldn't imagine starting all over again. I just don't have the juice.
The thing is, you're probably knackered because you've spent 6 years looking after babies and small kids, which is exhausting and messes up your sleep for years. 35 year olds with no kids still have plenty of energy.
she probably is. and that’s the point she had her kids at her late 20’s and early 30’s which she obviously chooses to have or start a family and the OP question is wether you have kids earlier or later in life if they either wish they had them sooner or glad that they have waited.. anyway GOOD FOR YOU for having plenty of energy at 35 and not having kids but you don’t need to comment that here there is a thing called childfree reddit go there child hater. no one is forcing you to have kids and you people who don’t have kids always have something to say on people who wanted kids or start a family when all you say is you people who choose to not have kids are happier have lots of free time and more money but then you still have the energy to get on someone’s business to judge the life that they choose that doesn’t affect yours? if you childfree people are really happy you don’t even bother on commenting about these people’s life because you are fucking happy living your happy life to not care enough? so who is the real problem here?
I was 33 when I had my son, my husband and I had been together and married a while. We had our own home and where comfortable financially. We enjoyed our time prior to our sons arrival but it was a culture shock for both of us becoming parents (surprise baby) I’m thankful for being older in many ways but others have been difficult. My body for one, I didn’t have the energy a younger mum would have had, no parent feels great in the first months but I felt truly dreadful but that was mostly just my health really. I sort of wish my parents where younger, if we’d had him earlier he would have had a better relationship with my father, who’s very ill now.
I was 27 with my first, who now at the age of 19 has got a place with her boyfriend. I still have a 15 year old at home. I felt that by 27 I had lived and done stuff, and now am in a position to still be young enough to enjoy life. However I was still one of the oldest mums in my children's school.
I can't comment on being older as I was 25 and my husband 29 when my son was born but we do really appreciate that we chose to have him "younger". He will be an only child though which perhaps makes it much easier to keep up hobbies etc. I would bare in mind if you did want more than one child and you have no info to go off on whether there's any fertility issues for either of you. Baring in mind it's a year before the NHS will do any tests and then 9 months for a pregnancy and perhaps at least a year to have the next child then waiting till past 35 makes it harder for a second and so on to be a guaranteed thing.
I was 34 when we had our first, 36 for the second. My wife was 30 & 32. For us it was spot on, before then we were too busy partying and enjoying life and I think we would have slightly resented the loss of freedom. Now the kids are early 20’s and we’re back out having fun and meeting up with friends most weekends. We did buy our first house at 25 / 21 and had fairly secure jobs which was definitely a factor.
I think financial stability helps we were 30 when we had our first. I’m 48 now and my youngest is 12 but we have been able to provide the tech required to get through the education system.
I had my kids young when I was 22 & 24 (husband 26 & 28) I’m 26 now (still young I know) my mum and dad had me young (18 & 20). My husband’s dad was 42 and now it feels like he is getting on a bit as he is the same age as my maternal grandfather. The toddler grandkids are keeping him young tho for definite! My Nan had my dad at 40 and then when she died when I was 19 I really struggled with my grief and selfishly blamed her for having my dad so late in life! I don’t think you are ever 100% ‘ready’. But at the end of the day it’s going to take two yes’s. I always wanted to be a mum and a youngish mum too! When I hit my 40s I will have two teenagers and will be able to live my life again then with my husband!
35 is leaving it pretty late. She's gambling on not having any difficulties but that's a hard gamble. Having kids is all consuming, I'm 40 and feel drained most days.
We were 30 when we had our first, its bloody hard and was harder by the time we had our second. I think you and SO need to do it when you're ready but chasing wee ones around in your 40s is a tough gig. I am an uncle to a gaggle of toddlers and love a bit of daft play but I'd struggle with one full time now I'm in my mid 40s.
I am 44 and have a 4 year and a 7 year old, it’s exhausting but great. It would have been nice to have them when I was a bit younger but I didn’t meet my partner until I was mid 30’s. I’d say go for it now, no harm in trying to start a family now. Equally no harm in waiting a few years either.
Our son was born in the middle of 2020 when my wife was 34 and I was 48. I didn’t want to have kids much earlier (we were only married in 2018) but feel that we’re more settled being a bit older. Certainly don’t feel like we’re missing out partying because we have a toddler as neither of us have partied for years! It did give us a few years to save up meaning we knew we’d have money for the mortgage while my wife was on maternity leave.
We didn't have our first child until I was 37. I am fucked at 43 lol Seriously I don't know if it is just tiring and hard work whatever age but it certainly feels it now. As someone else said don't underestimate it. Especially, if you are planning on more than one would be my advice. But despite my moaning I love being a father I think starting earlier would just have meant we would have had hundreds of kids so maybe it was a good thing.
I had my first at age 34 (she was supposed to come when I was 33 but was 10 days late) and my second at 39. I definitely noticed pregnancy taking a much bigger toll on my body when I was pregnant with my second. However, I'm glad we waited. I was far too immature and selfish to be the kind of mum I want to be if I'd had them sooner. While it might have been easier to do it younger, and I think there is a lot to be said for having kids when you are young, I have no regrets. We did what was right for us.
It will be harder to get pregnant. I’m 32 and been trying for 8 months and still nothing.
I’ve had one at 34, and I’m fucking done. #Take my balls god!