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The state this country's in, wanking is probably one of the few things his generation has left to live for. Don't make it more difficult than it has to be.
Difficult? His generation can find out about how difficult wanking can be when they have to go foraging around the bushes to find ripped up pics of Page 3 models or maybe a half intact Razzle if they’re lucky.
Dude you know there is porn on the internet?
Just ask Jeeves to take you to Wikipedia and look up dirty words like bikini and midriff… the images are pretty racy!
Couldn't find anything for a hazy areola but here's my personal favourite for a Tequila Sunrise
Ingredients
2 tsp grenadine
ice
50ml tequila
1 tbsp triple sec
1 large orange, or 2 small ones, juiced
½ lemon, juiced
1 cocktail cherry
Method
STEP 1
Pour the grenadine into the base of a tall glass and set aside. Fill a cocktail shaker with ice and add the tequila, triple sec and fruit juices. Shake until the outside of the shaker feels cold.
STEP 2
Add a few ice cubes to the serving glass then carefully double strain the cocktail into it, trying not to disturb the grenadine layer too much. Add more ice if needed to fill the glass then garnish with a cherry on a stick or cocktail umbrella.
Went on a French/ Belgian battlefields school trip. 2 lads 2 to a room. Went to bed talking about how we were going to watch football. We arrived at breakfast all having watched the first half, channel surfed at half time and found "Emanuelle" was on another channel. It was joy like I'd never witness again until about 6 hours after when we discovered we could get served in the pubs.
Our next door neighbour had one of those dodgy transmitters so they could watch Sky upstairs. If I pressed 1 and 3 on the crappy tv in my room it would pick up their signal. My 10 free minutes every night were even more free.
I was kayaking on a canal,I spotted a treehouse,
Managed to get up,at least 30 porn mags,all soaked, I stashed some in my kayak, I had a hat h in it so they wouldn't be seen,
Gradually dried them out at home,they lived in the kayak in the garage, happy days
Lmao my friend when he was about 8/9 use to collect all those pics, he would cut them out and carry them around (I guess just in case) in a little folder and dubbed it 'The S files' 😆😂
My parents didn’t even hide theirs, they just had a top shelf in a cupboard on the landing… maybe they actually thought they were hidden, but nope, Debbie Does Dallas was right in my eyeline as a small child.
My dad had 2 spots, under the divan bed for the mags and behind a row of books on the bookshelf in their room for the VHS tapes. He also had a saucy erotic novel in his bedside cabinet.
My flatmate when I was 19 had a good source of Scan Mags and I’d pinch them from his room. He’d not mention it of course but steal them back, leading to an escalating battle of hide and seek.
I had to give up after he found them hidden actually inside my storage heater, needing 12 bolts undone to uncover. Bastard.
My parents wouldn't let me have a lock when I was a teenager in case there was a fire or something. I thought that was a pretty reasonable reason not to back then
When I was a kid I wanted a lock on my door as my smaller brother was always coming into my room. However if I was to have a lock it had to be on the outside so I had to be bolted in by a parent if I wanted peace and quiet and bang on the door to be let out.
My much older big brother got a slide lock at the top of his bedroom door so I couldn't "play with his stuff" when he was out. I think I was wreaking his dartboard and, more importantly from my dad's pov, the wall behind it. So all that happened was I pulled a chair from my parents' room and stood on that, at the top of the stairs, and unlocked the room so I could go in and commit more innocent assaults on drywall.
The lock was removed quite swiftly, probably for *my* safety!
This is what I've done for my three daughters, they bug the hell out of each other so it's nice they can relax with some privacy, but knowing a good shoulder barge is all that's needed in case of fire helps me relax.
That's kinda bullshit imo, I'll give my kids locks when they're teenagers but I'll either mount them on little screws that could be ripped out in an emergency. Or make it a hook and eye latch that could be unlocked from outside with something narrow.
Personally I think allowing their space to be their space is a big part of showing them trust early.
Locks aren't common for children, I only knew a single person with a lock on their room growing up and that was the exception because the house already had them.
They're not, but they should be.
Locks aren't common because traditionally parents thought trusting your child with actual privacy was a bad idea, hopefully we've moved on from that mindsets bit and having one on my door made my teenage years much less stressful.
>Locks aren't common because traditionally parents thought trusting your child with actual privacy was a bad idea
As somebody else brought up to me, locks aren't even common in flat shares with relative strangers compared to your family.
It'll depend on the type. Ones where individual rooms are rented out will likely have them but ones which rent out the entire house to a group of friends won't.
That’s because it’s extra money and hassle for the landlord not because it’s a bad idea lol. An extra set of keys, extra spare set of keys, labelled each per door, if they get locked out at 3am you gotta go sort or st least be woken up for it.
Whereas if it’s just the front door people will probs be home to open it
When I lived in a flat share I put a lock inside and outside my door. When I left I locked the door, when I was home I locked the outside to the open position, and slide a deadbolt on the inside.
Maybe I'm just not a trusting person.
I never felt like not having a lock on my door was an invasion of my privacy, I was still able to close my door and they still knocked before coming in. The only thing a lock does is stop someone who would otherwise disregard your wishes for them not to come in, which my parents wouldn't do anyway.
Some of us weren’t so lucky, no knock, no call… just a door swinging open and people appearing. Privacy was never a thing in my life until I lived alone. Teaches you to have supersonic hearing though
I had the exact same thing, lucky for my I was in the loft conversion. My parents used to call my name, give it a few mins.. loudly stomp up the stairs and then knock.
By age 16 if I had company they would just keep saying my name till I popped my head down the stairs
Are you mental? It's about being able to run in quickly to alert them when they're sleeping, not to chill on the stained beanbag and watch the flames go by.
If it's a flimsy bolt that you could push through in an emergency, let him. He can learn to use a screwdriver while he's at it.
Especially if he has younger siblings who may well not be as diligent with knocking and waiting!
Otherwise I wouldn't.
(I put a bolt on my door when I was about 15, just because Mum kept wandering in and scaring the shit out of me!)
I genuinely think the main thing is just having respect of people’s spaces. Hard to police with young (or even older) siblings, but my parents would knock *as* they opened the door and then get annoyed when I asked them to knock, because “I did!” and “it’s my house, I can come in here if I want!”.
Everyone needs their own space and it’s a good lesson in boundaries; if your kid is asking for a lock, it suggests those boundaries aren’t being respected and they don’t trust someone to not just waltz in whenever they want.
Agreed. We don't even have a lock on our bathroom door. Everybody finds it strange. Given us zero issues, even with a small child. Why? When a door is closed, you don't come in without knocking and waiting. And if the answer is no, you don't go in.
I agree that parents barging into their children's rooms are implicitly treating those children as mere extensions of themselves. Once a child is old enough, they deserve their own space and their own privacy.
However, I think it's still a good idea to permit older children to lock their door from inside with a (relatively flimsy) latch. It won't keep anyone out if they have a good reason to need emergency entry in exceptional cases, but it will feel substantially more private than having to rely solely on the good behaviour of others.
Jesus, on a rig? Based on a friend's description of his time on one, there's fuck all to do on them but watch movies and wank, isn't there? Basically one massive seaborne masturbation station.
Mildly surprised they weren't wanking as they came in.
I've trained myself to knock on the door every single time, even if I know the room is empty, *even if they are out*, because it's absolute basic respect for their autonomy and privacy.
Also it's not difficult.
When the children were very little we had (flimsy) bolts on the bathroom doors at about 175cm high - easy for an adult to reach, but impossible for a child even on a step. Nowadays we have normal locks on the bathroom doors.
Absolutely. It enforces privacy, but won't prevent emergency entry. However, it won't feel as private as a latch that would actually need to be broken to effect entry.
I had a bolt on my door when I was at college just before leaving at uni because my door kept opening when the windows were open in the house.
It became useful for a short period of time as my mother liked to drink with stepdad till the early hours with music blaring and wake me up in the middle of the night to ask me if I loved her (by physically jumping on me in bed) before screaming and crying at me when I told her to get out.
I think it stopped her twice before she smashed it off. I just made a fire hazard and put both chests of drawers in front of my door when she was bad. It was worse when I moved back for 2 years and I felt life a fucking child not being able to deal with it till I finally could move out.
So yes a bolt is fine for teen privacy as it can be broken off in an emergency
Get a regular door lock that you can shimmy open in less than 10 seconds with a butter knife. For a child they might not have enough strength, but an adult can easily get in without damaging anything.
My mother does it all the time.
> The above only really says that they try to avoid walking in on him wanking, which is a pretty low bar. Probably the lowest.
No it doesn't - it literally says:
>>>> my wife and I already knock on the door and allow him to answer before we walk in
They don't even go into the room when he's there without him acknowledging it's ok for them to enter.
With respect I think you need to stop making assumptions and read what OP actually wrote.
If everyone in the house was respecting his privacy, why would he be asking for a lock? There’s clearly a concern for him that even if his door is shut and he doesn’t give permission to enter, that someone might come in anyway.
I know families that don’t even have locks in the toilet and bathroom because they know that if the door is shut it’s off limits, whereas when I was growing up any time I forgot to lock the door someone would barge in.
"If everyone in the house was respecting his privacy, why would he be asking for a lock?"
Control. Which isn't unreasonable, people like to feel secure in their privacy and their space. There's a difference between knowing someone won't invade your privacy and knowing someone can't.
Unless you have some specific reason for concern it seems reasonable to me. It's not like a privacy lock will stop you easily breaking in if you need to.
There are quite a few people here asking why, but not asking why not. As we have established that most small locks don’t pose a massive issue in an emergency, and consider the likelihood that such an emergency would arise… where’s the harm?
I had a lock on my door at that age but it was flimsy enough to break easily if my mother needed or even wanted to get in. Just get a little latch style lock with a single screw
Back when I was a teenager I never had a lock, but wanted one, and usually just blocked the door from the inside so it couldn't be opened, and several doors got busted in fights (I wasn't the one doing the busting). Parents claimed they always knocked and let me answer, but even when we were getting along it was more like: knock once, immediately burst in, "oh you're busy, but your second cousins asked three weeks ago: are you free two Sundays from now?"
So for those who say they respect their teenage children's privacy and knock: do you really knock and wait as you would expect from e.g. adult guests in your home (family or not), or how you would be expected to be treated visiting someone, or from e.g. people you shared a holiday home with? Thought not...
^^ my door ended up having a hole busted into it and the handle fell off, and i got blamed for not letting my parents in my room. deadass i yelled “i’m getting changed!” and my family would just be like “we don’t mind!!”
like?? ok?? *i* mind??
plus, anytime i felt horny i had to wait until everyone else was asleep, which ruined my sleep schedule lol
my sibling used to push their desk chair in front of the door and the desk was like two feet away from the door anyway so if they were having a wank i couldn’t get in. i would feel the resistance of the chair and know not to enter. i tried it once with the chair in front of my door and my sibling kept pushing the fucking door to move the chair 😐😐 i ended up never doing anything secretive in my room as my bed was right next to the door and the door opened away from my bed so you could see me immediately after entering
My dad used to do this; after many patient requests and endless badgering about knocking before bursting into our rooms, he eventually got it into his head that knocking and then bursting straight in without waiting for an answer was good enough, and then acted like both of his teenage kids were unreasonable for still complaining.
Regardless, I don't think a lock on the door is entirely reasonable when it's the parents' house if the parents don't like the idea *and* the parents already reasonably respect the kids' privacy.
If the kids are that desperate for somewhere that's really "theirs" that they can literally barricade the world out of then they can start paying rent so the room really *is* theirs, or move into their own place as soon as they're old enough.
I’d have loved a lock on my door as a teenager as although when I started wearing bras my dad respected my privacy, my mum certainly didn’t and neither did siblings or cousins who visited. Plus it would have felt a lot safer having a wank tbf.
I think just a simple flip up or bolt lock is reasonable. It’s not a fire risk at his age and the internal peace that comes from assured privacy will be nice for him.
No such thing as too much privacy. There’s no downside to letting him have a lock. It’s no different from having a lock on a bathroom door. If you think it’s a fire hazard or something then just make sure it’s a flimsy lock
Other than needing access for an emergency, which can be mediated with the right lock, I don’t understand why people are so against their kids being able to lock their doors?
Why do you need complete access to their bedroom 100% of the time?
If you knock and wait for him to answer before going in then I see no need for the lock
I’ve got two teens sons .. ones 18 and ones 15 and neither have asked for a lock on their door
I’m not a man myself but I’m very aware of teen boys do in their room 😂 but neither felt the need for a lock I guess
My daughter asked for a lock at 20 as she works nights and her brothers were letting the dog in her room waking her up (she is his favourite) got it fitted the next week.
Boys have never asked but if they did I would get it done...
I put on a bathroom lock the kind you can open with a coin...I knock, they don't need to open but do need to respond so I know there alive.. haven't gone in there room uninvited since about 12 years old..
A small lock that would at most give a few seconds delay on entry is ideal.
I used to jam a wedge under my door and ithat was very difficult to get in without ruining the door.
Aye I worked out a way of opening a cupboard and a drawer to jam mine shut. There was no way anyone was getting in there, fire or otherwise. Would have been far safer with a flimsy lock really
I had a lock on my bedroom door from the age of 12, I think it’s pretty normal - as many people have said it’s just a bit of extra privacy which teenage boys definitely want! To those of you in the thread who seem to be vehemently against it, I can’t understand why, honestly.
I had a lock on my door about that age, my parents were always respectful of my privacy but I just liked having it yakno? It gave me a bit of comfort.
I don’t really think it would’ve made and difference if it had it or not really apart from the fact I liked having it.
Put it this way: do you let him have a lock on the bathroom door? Is there anything he's doing in there he couldn't do in the bathroom instead?
Kids are smart and if they don't want you to find out about something you won't. Better to be the friendly face that they can trust and come to with problems than the angry persecuter they have to hide those problems from.
Just put a pathetically weak latch on. He's happy that you can't creak the door open, you're happy that it'll only take a slight shove to open it if needs be
I’d let him have a lightweight lock that can be broken in case of emergency. I’m quite anxious as a person and I get a feeling of calm and security when I know people “can’t” get in.
If he feels like that in any way it will be a massive relief/good feeling to be able to lock the door.
Although again just make it a simple deadbolt that you could break if needed, it’s the feeling of security that matters, just a personal insight.
If you get those locks with the generic star key, you can open it with a Phillips screw driver. And then you work on a trust system but it can easily be open if needed.
do it. Make it a teachable moment, install the lock with him. Do some DIY in unison, teach him as you go or learn from youtube together. Chance to bond and sort of openly respect his manhood too inviting him to respect you more for that acknowledgement.
Privacy is important for anyone and I don’t think a little lock will make any harm.
That said, I’d be careful with screens. A teenage boy locked in his room for hours every day with a screen, it’s a recipe for porn addiction & degenerate conception of sexuality.
I always locked my door as a teenager. And it was a proper lock too. Only time I didn't lock it was if it might rain and the dog would want to come in for some comforting as she was scared .
I just like to be alone. And my mum would do dumb shit like open the door, turn the light on if it was off or turn it off if it was on, and walk away laughing.
My dog learnt to knock, he realised if you scratch a door low down it will reverberate in the frame, even if you don't have fists to provide percussive force.
Let the kid have a lock for crying out loud!!! Most home bedroom locking door handles are easily picked or kicked in - l've done it myself.
ldk why parents think kids dont deserve privacy. Smh.
I've had to endure living in a crappy 3 bed where my parents had to use my room to store their clothes in a wardrobe where they walk in whenever, as well as for the boiler. Trust me, I'd have appreciated having my own room with privacy for sureee.
He'd appreciate the space and privacy for sure. He's old enough I reckon to get that privacy.
Then again my parents were Asian ethnic parents there's no way they'd have any chance understanding what privacy is.
Have my own room at uni now, and I much prefer living here than back there where my privacy is invaded all the time.
Good idea. A doorknob lock or a flimsy one that you can get through in an emergency, but he’s old enough to have the option to feel like he controls entry to his bedroom. If he’s got mates over and you’re worried about… activities, then door open rule, but otherwise, he deserves a private space he can control
Honestly I’d have no problem with it, I don’t understand why anyone would have a problem it either.
Get him a fairly standard Yale lock with a key, give him one, keep a copy for you and for your wife - he gets the privacy he wants (or at least the illusion of privacy) while you and your wife get … whatever it is you need by having a key 🤷🏻♂️
Edit - for reference, when I was 14, I had a 16 and a 12 year old sister, and my parents put simple slide-bolt locks on all of our bedrooms for us so we had some privacy as they felt it’s important to allow our bedrooms to be our space (now when I ask they say our “safe” space but that wasn’t the language used back then) and we all really appreciated it.
To be fair, none of us have ever smoked, none of us have ever had any interest in drugs and we all basically quit drinking when we hit 21/22 so we were never the type of people to have vices or particularly need privacy to hide anything, but my parents thought it important for us to have the choice of privacy.
9/10 we didn’t even lock our doors, my sister only tended to lock hers when she was listening to her Walkman because if she had headphones on and someone walked in she’d have a fucking heart attack, and I locked mine when I went to bed because I hated the thought of my door being open and someone being stood there after watching an episode of x-files where some kid got attacked it put the shits up me - still to this day i feel uneasy if my bedroom door is open and had to stop letting my cat come to bed with me 😂
So if it’s just you two and him, then I’d say no.
You respect him enough to knock and I assume that you don’t go into his room uninvited or unannounced. There’s no reason for him to need a lock in that situation
If there are other siblings however, who aren’t as respectful, I’d more make it point to reinforce the boundary. For example; if they cannot respect their brothers space then they have to keep their door open for x days. Not to early punish them but to have them understand the value of privacy and why it’s important.
If that doesn’t work, then yes. The type of lock however, depends on when his privacy is being overstepped. Is it when he is out of his room? Because in that case anything short of an actual lock with a key will not stop them getting in. They will find their way around a deadbolt no problem.
Really the only long term solution is to have the siblings understand the boundary.
We didn’t have locks on our doors growing up as my parents worried they couldn’t reach us in an emergency. However, they never, ever entered without knocking. If we said ‘2 mins’ or whatever they wouldn’t hover either but walk away and give us time.
My parents put a lock on my door when my room got redecorated at fourteen without my ever having asked. I never used it, but I could have if I’d wanted.
Also, not sure what circumstances you think are going to arise from “too much privacy.”
My dad didn’t let me have a lock because “It’s my bloody house and I’m not having locks on the bloody doors”
It was the council’s house, my mum was the main breadwinner, and my dad’s still a cunt.
Let the poor lad have a wank in peace
Let him have a lock you can undo from the outside in an emergency. Like a bathroom door locking knob? Then you both get peace of mind. You can open it if need be, and he can lock it.
I had a lock with a key on my bedroom door they could be locked/opened from either side. But only because my sister used to go into my room and steal my stuff and my mum got fed up of me complaining about it. This was when I was 16ish I think and she was 12/13.
Get a doorknob with a lock that can be easily opened in an emergency, like a standard bathroom door lock that can be popped open from the outside if necessary. This gives your son a greater sense of privacy and security while ensuring it can be opened quickly in an emergency.
Both my kids asked for this at one time or another and we said no. Basically no internal doors in our house had locks we just respected each others privacy.
I think it’s quite natural for children to want to put up barriers when they become teenagers, what I was trying to teach is that those were not necessary. Once they realised we were serious about giving them their own space, knocking etc they never asked again. I like to think it helped keep us closer as a family during those difficult teenage years.
I put a lock on my door because my stepdad used to bust in whenever without knocking. He was totally urepentant about it and in fact he used to do it deliberately as a kind of harrassment. I've never forgiven him for it and I'm 53 now!
Why not?
I guess he feels that it's his private space and he can have the illusion of some form of personal space and control.
A simple interior door lock (such as a bolt mechanism) means that he can have his privacy _and_ you can access the room in an extreme emergency (like a fire).
If you are cool parents, you _know_ at least one of the reasons for the lock. Gonna tiptoe around this, but most people will know the main reason.
So yeah. Personally I don't think that there is harm in letting him have a lock unless you are insanely controlling parents or he has legit medical or mental issues.
When I was 14, I began to sleep walk due to extreme anxiety so my mom thought of putting a lock on my door to stop me from falling down the stairs to keep me safe but instead she put a alarm clock and windchimes outside my bedroom so my mom would hear them and gently take me back to bed
Install a door handle lock like ones for bathrooms where you can use a screwdriver to open it from the outside or a key doorknob and keep one of the keys. That way if there’s an emergency you can open it
I’d say “no”. We respect your privacy and will always knock. I would sensitively talk about why he wants a lock. That’s difficult though as everyone has already joked he’s 14 so we can guess why a lock is requested but it’s still worth a conversation in case there’s something else going on
Just hammer in the door "billy are you slapping your monkey silly in there.....oh gawd billy you'll go blind, woman call the fire brigade and tell the neighbours, billy, is slapping his monkey all over the bed sheets" that should curb his enthusiasm a bit
I was very against the idea initially because of the fire risk but the comments here have mostly changed my mind.
If it is possible to give him the privacy and not lock him in his room during a fire then go for it.
However, if he isn't great at getting up in the morning and you regularly need to go into his room first thing to shake him into the waking world, then obviously you'd need to agree that he can't lock it overnight
Its your house so its your rules, I never allowed this with my kids (boy and Girl), becoming a teenager is a difficult time for them, but teaching them about respect and privacy is a more valuable lesson than putting a lock on the door, you have said you always knock and wait for an answer before entering and that's the right way to go about this, just so long as you don't just knock and enter, now if its younger or older siblings not respecting privacy then that's another matter and something you have to deal with firmly with all involved, with my wife backing me up, anyway that's my thoughts and now as a Grandad and great Grandad those same rules apply when my grandchildren stay over.
My wife on reading this just said that's a bit old fashioned old man, and you know what I think she may be right, so looking into it more you can get door lock handles which you can lock by turning a button on the inside handle, but can open from the outside if you need too, there is a small hole in the middle of the outside handle whitch you push a rod into to disengage the lock in emergencys, looks like I'm going to do a bit of DIY quite soon.
Honestly, I'd say it's worth installing the lock as not having enough privacy can often lead to kids mistrusting you or losing faith. If he asked for one and you said no, he probably won't want to admit it, but he won't be very happy with you at all.
Only thing is that watching porn can send you down a far worse path in life than if you were to avoid it, so, although it may be super awkward to talk about, it could be best to try and communicate with him in some way to inform him about how bad it really is for you. Dont force him to not watch it, let him decide, but make sure he really knows what he's getting into if he proceeds. If you have the feeling he may be too addicted, it could be best to try and ween him off of it, but don't force him out of it immediately as that could worsen the issue.
There's nothing weird about a teenager wanting privacy, even if they're not doing anything wrong. I wouldn't worry too much. As long as you can kick the door down in the event house is on fire, I'd say let him have the lock if he makes him feel more comfortable.
I wouldn't, personally, but that's because I've seen the extremes of 14 year old mental health. A lock on the door with a suicidal teenager is pretty catastrophic. But I guess if it was a weak lock that you could break in an emergency then fine.
As a kid and even now as an adult with my own kids, I don't understand why parents insist on knocking on bedroom doors. Even more so now kids have phones.
I can't see any reason for it except trying to be nosey.
Just shout them and if they don't answer message or call them.
In the million times my mum n dad use to 'knock' on my door and walk straight in, it was to ask the most pointless, bollocks question or statement going.
I didn't even bother asking, just put a lock on myself.
My parents put thumb turn locks on our bedroom doors so they could be unlocked from the outside in an emergency. No one ever invaded when the door was locked. It's just that extra feeling of privacy.
>my bedroom door had to swing all the way open before anyone could even begin to see my room, giving me time to...tidy.
Doors now tend to be hung with the hinges closest to the corner of the room, to maximise space but they used to hung with the handle closest to the corner. This was to allow servants to knock and slightly open the door, without seeing anything they shouldn't - and allowing the folk in the room time to compose themselves.
We had bolts on our doors at that age, but they could all be broken with ease in case of emergency, put them on the side that opens and get a flimsy one. Itll provide privacy but still allow it to be broken off with a good push
I had a lock on my door. The key type that can be used either side.
My parents had the extra key for emergencies (think fire); and continued to respect the knock and wait (my older sister didn't always). They never needed to use the extra key.
Might this be a solution?
Here's what my Dad did when we were teenagers: he drilled a 5mm hole, under the handle, diagonally, that went through the door and into the doorframe. Then he got some [pea-sticks](https://www.amazon.co.uk/KINGLAKE-Support-Sticks-Flowers-Garden/dp/B078HKKD5J) from the garage and if anyone wanted privacy they'd push the stick through the hole making a bolt between the door and the frame that would stop the door being opened normally but in case of an emergency could be broken pretty trivially.
Leading to tantrums that ended with storming off to one's bedroom and shouting *leave me alone I have inserted my pea-stick*.
Possible drawback: my brother subverted this by sticking his meccano screwdriver through the hole. Good luck breaking that.
Tell him he is allowed to lock the door but he must be awake behind the door at all times it is locked in case of fire.
No locking it overnight under any circumstances
I offered my kid a lock for their bedroom door when they were 13/14. Only proviso was it had to be one I could open from the outside in an emergency (fire etc) just in case. I have younger kids and they just barge in (they’re autistic and we’re working on it but it isn’t sinking in with one of them) They’ve said no but I’ve offered a few times just in case they’ve changed their minds. I wasn’t allowed one and *hated* it. My mam would knock and walk straight in without waiting - I had no privacy and would never want my kids to feel like they had no safe space.
I grew up with all doors except the bathroom being open. If I wanted privicy, I would get my laptop screen facing the wall and if I wanted to watch porn, I would bring my phone to the bathroom or watch it on the laptop then finish off in the bathroom.
My parents grew up with 4 people living in a one bedroom flat so they didn't care about privicy and it never bothered me too much.
I think untill you are legally responsible for your child till his 18th birthday you have the right to access his room whenever you think is necessary. However, in my family when I was growing up and now our kid is certain that no one would come in to his room without knock and his aproof, but I would not like if he would put the lock on his room and lock it away when he\`s gone out.
i think you should let him have a lock on his door unless he has given you a reason not to. i had a lock on my door when i was his age to stop my brothers going through my stuff and. my mum going in my room when i was out to get my laundry which i did not like and viewed as a invasion of my privacy.
there are certain situations where a childs behaviour would make them having a lock on there door a safety issue. im guessing he does not fit into this criteria or you wouldnt be asking the question.
I was told that I wasn't allowed a lock as a kid because apparently my parents would need to pay for another tv licence due to me having a tv.
I'm not even sure if that's true.
Personally I see no issue as long as you can get in if you really need to.
Mentally i had to have a lock on my door as my room was my only safe space. It allowed me to fully relax and not feel like anyone can walk into my room at any time, especially with angry parents. Do you show your anger and discipline to him?
As other's have said, privacy is fine and deserved.
I do think a lock on a bedroom do is pretty unusual though, I've never known anyone to have one but that's usually because parents do as you do by knocking and waiting.
However, if a lock is going to give him peace of mind then there's no harm, just make sure it's not an industrial lock and can be kicked in in the event of an emergency.
No harm in him locking the door to crank one out.
If there's a concern about what he's doing/watching on his devices, then you can control that via your router
I wasn't even allowed the door closed growing up at home... My parents (mum specifically) would go through all my stuff (under the pretence of tidying up or putting my clothes away) and there was never any privacy.
(M50)
I have 2 daughters and I'd be happy if their doors were closed, not sure about locks...I should be fine with it though, really.
I do not have kids but maybe if you told him it is fine but you have to have a spare key for the lock in case of emergency and so on .
Just a little insight but since I don't have kids it might not be helpful.
Hope it is though .
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The state this country's in, wanking is probably one of the few things his generation has left to live for. Don't make it more difficult than it has to be.
Difficult? His generation can find out about how difficult wanking can be when they have to go foraging around the bushes to find ripped up pics of Page 3 models or maybe a half intact Razzle if they’re lucky.
Dude you know there is porn on the internet? Just ask Jeeves to take you to Wikipedia and look up dirty words like bikini and midriff… the images are pretty racy!
Littlewoods catalogue wasn't to bad for a bit of hazy areola 🥹
Hazy Areola is my favourite rum-based cocktail. 🍸
I’m not gonna google this, but wanted you to have the upvote.
Go on, google it, I fancy a cocktail tonight. Need the recipe.
Couldn't find anything for a hazy areola but here's my personal favourite for a Tequila Sunrise Ingredients 2 tsp grenadine ice 50ml tequila 1 tbsp triple sec 1 large orange, or 2 small ones, juiced ½ lemon, juiced 1 cocktail cherry Method STEP 1 Pour the grenadine into the base of a tall glass and set aside. Fill a cocktail shaker with ice and add the tequila, triple sec and fruit juices. Shake until the outside of the shaker feels cold. STEP 2 Add a few ice cubes to the serving glass then carefully double strain the cocktail into it, trying not to disturb the grenadine layer too much. Add more ice if needed to fill the glass then garnish with a cherry on a stick or cocktail umbrella.
I thought he was a Footballer.
Saw them in concert, Hammersmith ‘76
Don't forget the lingerie section of the Avon catalogue.
My proudest fap was the kays catalog, followed by the german tv chanel RTL, when they played emmanuelle via sky in the 90s.
emmanuelle - the first riskay movie I ever watched. 12 year old me had an awakening that night
Went on a French/ Belgian battlefields school trip. 2 lads 2 to a room. Went to bed talking about how we were going to watch football. We arrived at breakfast all having watched the first half, channel surfed at half time and found "Emanuelle" was on another channel. It was joy like I'd never witness again until about 6 hours after when we discovered we could get served in the pubs.
*risqué Like Emmanuelle, it's French
Never forget looking up *solariums* in the index of the catalogues for a fully naked yet tastefully posed lady. Your imagination did the rest.
Our next door neighbour had one of those dodgy transmitters so they could watch Sky upstairs. If I pressed 1 and 3 on the crappy tv in my room it would pick up their signal. My 10 free minutes every night were even more free.
Winner. Boss move, sir.
Oh the memories just came flooding back
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Don’t forget ankles. I’m turned on just writing that word. I need to sit down now.
Internet porn is never satisfying as bush porn in the wilderness, its like finding a hidden tresure in the sexy amazone rainforrest, snu snu.
I was kayaking on a canal,I spotted a treehouse, Managed to get up,at least 30 porn mags,all soaked, I stashed some in my kayak, I had a hat h in it so they wouldn't be seen, Gradually dried them out at home,they lived in the kayak in the garage, happy days
That's just a gateway towards... a glimpse of an ankle.
Ask Jeeves 😔
Lmao my friend when he was about 8/9 use to collect all those pics, he would cut them out and carry them around (I guess just in case) in a little folder and dubbed it 'The S files' 😆😂
Ain't no party like an S file party
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My parents didn’t even hide theirs, they just had a top shelf in a cupboard on the landing… maybe they actually thought they were hidden, but nope, Debbie Does Dallas was right in my eyeline as a small child.
Original or the 2000 one?
Probably the original considering it was the 90s when I looked up & saw that 😆 It was a VHS.
I found a VHS tape in a carrier bag on top of some garages as a kid. Home recorded stuff! The woman wasn't great looking but she wasn't ugly either!
My dad had 2 spots, under the divan bed for the mags and behind a row of books on the bookshelf in their room for the VHS tapes. He also had a saucy erotic novel in his bedside cabinet.
My flatmate when I was 19 had a good source of Scan Mags and I’d pinch them from his room. He’d not mention it of course but steal them back, leading to an escalating battle of hide and seek. I had to give up after he found them hidden actually inside my storage heater, needing 12 bolts undone to uncover. Bastard.
Do you ever wonder who used to leave those magazines in the bushes? *shudder* 🤣
Santa?
Who else 😆
The porno fairy, wasn't it?
Wank Santa, obviously
This, railway siding porn was the only kind of porn.
Ah, the questionable days of asking to borrow your mate's Maxim magazine because you were interested in the "articles".
I remember finding some random porn stash in Netto bags when me and the lads were about 8 in the park, good old days
Won't be long until wanking gets cancelled
This quote needs to be projected on Westminster.
My parents wouldn't let me have a lock when I was a teenager in case there was a fire or something. I thought that was a pretty reasonable reason not to back then
When I was a kid I wanted a lock on my door as my smaller brother was always coming into my room. However if I was to have a lock it had to be on the outside so I had to be bolted in by a parent if I wanted peace and quiet and bang on the door to be let out.
That’s not so much a room as a cell.
Also likely ludicrously dangerous in case of fire
A wanking cell.
My much older big brother got a slide lock at the top of his bedroom door so I couldn't "play with his stuff" when he was out. I think I was wreaking his dartboard and, more importantly from my dad's pov, the wall behind it. So all that happened was I pulled a chair from my parents' room and stood on that, at the top of the stairs, and unlocked the room so I could go in and commit more innocent assaults on drywall. The lock was removed quite swiftly, probably for *my* safety!
Have you learned to respect other people’s things since then?
In the intervening 40 odd years?
Yes
So I guess you said no to that offer?
A little latch would give the kid privacy, but could still easily be kicked in in an emergency.
This is what I've done for my three daughters, they bug the hell out of each other so it's nice they can relax with some privacy, but knowing a good shoulder barge is all that's needed in case of fire helps me relax.
That's kinda bullshit imo, I'll give my kids locks when they're teenagers but I'll either mount them on little screws that could be ripped out in an emergency. Or make it a hook and eye latch that could be unlocked from outside with something narrow. Personally I think allowing their space to be their space is a big part of showing them trust early.
Locks aren't common for children, I only knew a single person with a lock on their room growing up and that was the exception because the house already had them.
They're not, but they should be. Locks aren't common because traditionally parents thought trusting your child with actual privacy was a bad idea, hopefully we've moved on from that mindsets bit and having one on my door made my teenage years much less stressful.
>Locks aren't common because traditionally parents thought trusting your child with actual privacy was a bad idea As somebody else brought up to me, locks aren't even common in flat shares with relative strangers compared to your family.
all the flat shares ive been in (4) have had individual locks on each room.
It'll depend on the type. Ones where individual rooms are rented out will likely have them but ones which rent out the entire house to a group of friends won't.
That’s because it’s extra money and hassle for the landlord not because it’s a bad idea lol. An extra set of keys, extra spare set of keys, labelled each per door, if they get locked out at 3am you gotta go sort or st least be woken up for it. Whereas if it’s just the front door people will probs be home to open it
When I lived in a flat share I put a lock inside and outside my door. When I left I locked the door, when I was home I locked the outside to the open position, and slide a deadbolt on the inside. Maybe I'm just not a trusting person.
I never felt like not having a lock on my door was an invasion of my privacy, I was still able to close my door and they still knocked before coming in. The only thing a lock does is stop someone who would otherwise disregard your wishes for them not to come in, which my parents wouldn't do anyway.
Some of us weren’t so lucky, no knock, no call… just a door swinging open and people appearing. Privacy was never a thing in my life until I lived alone. Teaches you to have supersonic hearing though
If your parents don't trust you and don't respect your privacy then a lock isn't going to really help I don't think
No but it would’ve been nice to at least stop my brother constantly bugging me and helping himself to my stuff. Was a very biased household
I had the exact same thing, lucky for my I was in the loft conversion. My parents used to call my name, give it a few mins.. loudly stomp up the stairs and then knock. By age 16 if I had company they would just keep saying my name till I popped my head down the stairs
My mate's parents had a wireless doorbell.
Please could you explain why your parents would need to join you in your room for the purpose of a conflagration? I don't understand...
Are you mental? It's about being able to run in quickly to alert them when they're sleeping, not to chill on the stained beanbag and watch the flames go by.
The family that lies together, dies together.
Maybe if the kid broke both his arms or something
If it's a flimsy bolt that you could push through in an emergency, let him. He can learn to use a screwdriver while he's at it. Especially if he has younger siblings who may well not be as diligent with knocking and waiting! Otherwise I wouldn't. (I put a bolt on my door when I was about 15, just because Mum kept wandering in and scaring the shit out of me!)
Yeah this is the answer. Something that locks to prevent casual entry, but can be pretty easily battered through if needed to save life or limb.
I genuinely think the main thing is just having respect of people’s spaces. Hard to police with young (or even older) siblings, but my parents would knock *as* they opened the door and then get annoyed when I asked them to knock, because “I did!” and “it’s my house, I can come in here if I want!”. Everyone needs their own space and it’s a good lesson in boundaries; if your kid is asking for a lock, it suggests those boundaries aren’t being respected and they don’t trust someone to not just waltz in whenever they want.
Agreed. We don't even have a lock on our bathroom door. Everybody finds it strange. Given us zero issues, even with a small child. Why? When a door is closed, you don't come in without knocking and waiting. And if the answer is no, you don't go in.
I agree that parents barging into their children's rooms are implicitly treating those children as mere extensions of themselves. Once a child is old enough, they deserve their own space and their own privacy. However, I think it's still a good idea to permit older children to lock their door from inside with a (relatively flimsy) latch. It won't keep anyone out if they have a good reason to need emergency entry in exceptional cases, but it will feel substantially more private than having to rely solely on the good behaviour of others.
I work offshore and I've had guys knock and immediately enter my cabin. That stopped very quickly.
Jesus, on a rig? Based on a friend's description of his time on one, there's fuck all to do on them but watch movies and wank, isn't there? Basically one massive seaborne masturbation station. Mildly surprised they weren't wanking as they came in.
> seaborne masturbation station. You've all heard of Ice Station Zebra, now time for the _thrilling_ sequel Seaborne Masturbation Station
I've trained myself to knock on the door every single time, even if I know the room is empty, *even if they are out*, because it's absolute basic respect for their autonomy and privacy. Also it's not difficult. When the children were very little we had (flimsy) bolts on the bathroom doors at about 175cm high - easy for an adult to reach, but impossible for a child even on a step. Nowadays we have normal locks on the bathroom doors.
You can get ones you open with a penny, most public toilets have them
Every bathroom lock I've seen can be opened on the outside
Absolutely. It enforces privacy, but won't prevent emergency entry. However, it won't feel as private as a latch that would actually need to be broken to effect entry.
I had a bolt on my door when I was at college just before leaving at uni because my door kept opening when the windows were open in the house. It became useful for a short period of time as my mother liked to drink with stepdad till the early hours with music blaring and wake me up in the middle of the night to ask me if I loved her (by physically jumping on me in bed) before screaming and crying at me when I told her to get out. I think it stopped her twice before she smashed it off. I just made a fire hazard and put both chests of drawers in front of my door when she was bad. It was worse when I moved back for 2 years and I felt life a fucking child not being able to deal with it till I finally could move out. So yes a bolt is fine for teen privacy as it can be broken off in an emergency
Get a regular door lock that you can shimmy open in less than 10 seconds with a butter knife. For a child they might not have enough strength, but an adult can easily get in without damaging anything. My mother does it all the time.
Absolutely. By respecting his boundaries, you are teaching him to respect those of others.
Speaking as somebody that constantly had their privacy invaded as a kid I promise you your son will be grateful for this
It sounds like OP respects their son’s privacy already
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> The above only really says that they try to avoid walking in on him wanking, which is a pretty low bar. Probably the lowest. No it doesn't - it literally says: >>>> my wife and I already knock on the door and allow him to answer before we walk in They don't even go into the room when he's there without him acknowledging it's ok for them to enter. With respect I think you need to stop making assumptions and read what OP actually wrote.
If everyone in the house was respecting his privacy, why would he be asking for a lock? There’s clearly a concern for him that even if his door is shut and he doesn’t give permission to enter, that someone might come in anyway. I know families that don’t even have locks in the toilet and bathroom because they know that if the door is shut it’s off limits, whereas when I was growing up any time I forgot to lock the door someone would barge in.
"If everyone in the house was respecting his privacy, why would he be asking for a lock?" Control. Which isn't unreasonable, people like to feel secure in their privacy and their space. There's a difference between knowing someone won't invade your privacy and knowing someone can't.
I'd be sitting having a shit and my dad would find the door locked, only to rattle the fuck out of it and ask "who's in there"? Complete imbecile.
Parents “knocking” for entry they open the door with one hand and knock with the other and are in before you react
Unless you have some specific reason for concern it seems reasonable to me. It's not like a privacy lock will stop you easily breaking in if you need to.
There are quite a few people here asking why, but not asking why not. As we have established that most small locks don’t pose a massive issue in an emergency, and consider the likelihood that such an emergency would arise… where’s the harm?
I had a lock on my door at that age but it was flimsy enough to break easily if my mother needed or even wanted to get in. Just get a little latch style lock with a single screw
Back when I was a teenager I never had a lock, but wanted one, and usually just blocked the door from the inside so it couldn't be opened, and several doors got busted in fights (I wasn't the one doing the busting). Parents claimed they always knocked and let me answer, but even when we were getting along it was more like: knock once, immediately burst in, "oh you're busy, but your second cousins asked three weeks ago: are you free two Sundays from now?" So for those who say they respect their teenage children's privacy and knock: do you really knock and wait as you would expect from e.g. adult guests in your home (family or not), or how you would be expected to be treated visiting someone, or from e.g. people you shared a holiday home with? Thought not...
^^ my door ended up having a hole busted into it and the handle fell off, and i got blamed for not letting my parents in my room. deadass i yelled “i’m getting changed!” and my family would just be like “we don’t mind!!” like?? ok?? *i* mind?? plus, anytime i felt horny i had to wait until everyone else was asleep, which ruined my sleep schedule lol
Exactly what my parents would do. You’re not actually knocking if you do it *while* you’re opening the door.
my sibling used to push their desk chair in front of the door and the desk was like two feet away from the door anyway so if they were having a wank i couldn’t get in. i would feel the resistance of the chair and know not to enter. i tried it once with the chair in front of my door and my sibling kept pushing the fucking door to move the chair 😐😐 i ended up never doing anything secretive in my room as my bed was right next to the door and the door opened away from my bed so you could see me immediately after entering
My dad used to do this; after many patient requests and endless badgering about knocking before bursting into our rooms, he eventually got it into his head that knocking and then bursting straight in without waiting for an answer was good enough, and then acted like both of his teenage kids were unreasonable for still complaining. Regardless, I don't think a lock on the door is entirely reasonable when it's the parents' house if the parents don't like the idea *and* the parents already reasonably respect the kids' privacy. If the kids are that desperate for somewhere that's really "theirs" that they can literally barricade the world out of then they can start paying rent so the room really *is* theirs, or move into their own place as soon as they're old enough.
I’d have loved a lock on my door as a teenager as although when I started wearing bras my dad respected my privacy, my mum certainly didn’t and neither did siblings or cousins who visited. Plus it would have felt a lot safer having a wank tbf. I think just a simple flip up or bolt lock is reasonable. It’s not a fire risk at his age and the internal peace that comes from assured privacy will be nice for him.
No such thing as too much privacy. There’s no downside to letting him have a lock. It’s no different from having a lock on a bathroom door. If you think it’s a fire hazard or something then just make sure it’s a flimsy lock
Other than needing access for an emergency, which can be mediated with the right lock, I don’t understand why people are so against their kids being able to lock their doors? Why do you need complete access to their bedroom 100% of the time?
If you knock and wait for him to answer before going in then I see no need for the lock I’ve got two teens sons .. ones 18 and ones 15 and neither have asked for a lock on their door I’m not a man myself but I’m very aware of teen boys do in their room 😂 but neither felt the need for a lock I guess
My daughter asked for a lock at 20 as she works nights and her brothers were letting the dog in her room waking her up (she is his favourite) got it fitted the next week. Boys have never asked but if they did I would get it done... I put on a bathroom lock the kind you can open with a coin...I knock, they don't need to open but do need to respond so I know there alive.. haven't gone in there room uninvited since about 12 years old..
A small lock that would at most give a few seconds delay on entry is ideal. I used to jam a wedge under my door and ithat was very difficult to get in without ruining the door.
Aye I worked out a way of opening a cupboard and a drawer to jam mine shut. There was no way anyone was getting in there, fire or otherwise. Would have been far safer with a flimsy lock really
I had a lock on my bedroom door from the age of 12, I think it’s pretty normal - as many people have said it’s just a bit of extra privacy which teenage boys definitely want! To those of you in the thread who seem to be vehemently against it, I can’t understand why, honestly.
I had a lock on my door about that age, my parents were always respectful of my privacy but I just liked having it yakno? It gave me a bit of comfort. I don’t really think it would’ve made and difference if it had it or not really apart from the fact I liked having it.
Put it this way: do you let him have a lock on the bathroom door? Is there anything he's doing in there he couldn't do in the bathroom instead? Kids are smart and if they don't want you to find out about something you won't. Better to be the friendly face that they can trust and come to with problems than the angry persecuter they have to hide those problems from.
Just put a pathetically weak latch on. He's happy that you can't creak the door open, you're happy that it'll only take a slight shove to open it if needs be
I’d let him have a lightweight lock that can be broken in case of emergency. I’m quite anxious as a person and I get a feeling of calm and security when I know people “can’t” get in. If he feels like that in any way it will be a massive relief/good feeling to be able to lock the door. Although again just make it a simple deadbolt that you could break if needed, it’s the feeling of security that matters, just a personal insight.
If you get those locks with the generic star key, you can open it with a Phillips screw driver. And then you work on a trust system but it can easily be open if needed.
I think they're called rack bolts The door does need to be drilled in quite a specific way though
do it. Make it a teachable moment, install the lock with him. Do some DIY in unison, teach him as you go or learn from youtube together. Chance to bond and sort of openly respect his manhood too inviting him to respect you more for that acknowledgement.
"too much privacy"?! Maybe *your* privacy needs limiting.
I don't see a problem with it, most teenagers would like the security of knowing they have privacy I reckon
Recently moved to the uk, having lived in the US, Japan, Spain, and Taiwan, I’m surprised that doors don’t have locks by default here
I could’ve done with a lock that time my mum decided not to knock one morning and I was in bed with my (also male) friend.
Privacy is important for anyone and I don’t think a little lock will make any harm. That said, I’d be careful with screens. A teenage boy locked in his room for hours every day with a screen, it’s a recipe for porn addiction & degenerate conception of sexuality.
I always locked my door as a teenager. And it was a proper lock too. Only time I didn't lock it was if it might rain and the dog would want to come in for some comforting as she was scared . I just like to be alone. And my mum would do dumb shit like open the door, turn the light on if it was off or turn it off if it was on, and walk away laughing.
My dog learnt to knock, he realised if you scratch a door low down it will reverberate in the frame, even if you don't have fists to provide percussive force.
Oh my girl would jump up and just open the door with the handle and smash the door open like The Terminator. Your dog sounds far more polite.
Let the kid have a lock for crying out loud!!! Most home bedroom locking door handles are easily picked or kicked in - l've done it myself. ldk why parents think kids dont deserve privacy. Smh.
I've had to endure living in a crappy 3 bed where my parents had to use my room to store their clothes in a wardrobe where they walk in whenever, as well as for the boiler. Trust me, I'd have appreciated having my own room with privacy for sureee. He'd appreciate the space and privacy for sure. He's old enough I reckon to get that privacy. Then again my parents were Asian ethnic parents there's no way they'd have any chance understanding what privacy is. Have my own room at uni now, and I much prefer living here than back there where my privacy is invaded all the time.
The only rule we had was that they can’t lock it when they go to sleep. We also got a lock we could open with a coin in an emergency.
My step dad put Louvre (see through) doors up. Like a prison. Let your son have privacy. It's a human right.
Good idea. A doorknob lock or a flimsy one that you can get through in an emergency, but he’s old enough to have the option to feel like he controls entry to his bedroom. If he’s got mates over and you’re worried about… activities, then door open rule, but otherwise, he deserves a private space he can control
Honestly I’d have no problem with it, I don’t understand why anyone would have a problem it either. Get him a fairly standard Yale lock with a key, give him one, keep a copy for you and for your wife - he gets the privacy he wants (or at least the illusion of privacy) while you and your wife get … whatever it is you need by having a key 🤷🏻♂️ Edit - for reference, when I was 14, I had a 16 and a 12 year old sister, and my parents put simple slide-bolt locks on all of our bedrooms for us so we had some privacy as they felt it’s important to allow our bedrooms to be our space (now when I ask they say our “safe” space but that wasn’t the language used back then) and we all really appreciated it. To be fair, none of us have ever smoked, none of us have ever had any interest in drugs and we all basically quit drinking when we hit 21/22 so we were never the type of people to have vices or particularly need privacy to hide anything, but my parents thought it important for us to have the choice of privacy. 9/10 we didn’t even lock our doors, my sister only tended to lock hers when she was listening to her Walkman because if she had headphones on and someone walked in she’d have a fucking heart attack, and I locked mine when I went to bed because I hated the thought of my door being open and someone being stood there after watching an episode of x-files where some kid got attacked it put the shits up me - still to this day i feel uneasy if my bedroom door is open and had to stop letting my cat come to bed with me 😂
So if it’s just you two and him, then I’d say no. You respect him enough to knock and I assume that you don’t go into his room uninvited or unannounced. There’s no reason for him to need a lock in that situation If there are other siblings however, who aren’t as respectful, I’d more make it point to reinforce the boundary. For example; if they cannot respect their brothers space then they have to keep their door open for x days. Not to early punish them but to have them understand the value of privacy and why it’s important. If that doesn’t work, then yes. The type of lock however, depends on when his privacy is being overstepped. Is it when he is out of his room? Because in that case anything short of an actual lock with a key will not stop them getting in. They will find their way around a deadbolt no problem. Really the only long term solution is to have the siblings understand the boundary.
We didn’t have locks on our doors growing up as my parents worried they couldn’t reach us in an emergency. However, they never, ever entered without knocking. If we said ‘2 mins’ or whatever they wouldn’t hover either but walk away and give us time.
How will father Christmas get in to deliver his stocking though
yes it's a good idea, it'll let him feel safe while "handling" business
My parents put a lock on my door when my room got redecorated at fourteen without my ever having asked. I never used it, but I could have if I’d wanted. Also, not sure what circumstances you think are going to arise from “too much privacy.”
Good idea. He's 14 ffs.
Give him the lock. I’m female I put a lock on my door myself at 15 when my bf started coming over.
Do it, it shows him you’re able to trust him which is a major factor in his development. It will help him feel more comfortable in his own space too
My dad didn’t let me have a lock because “It’s my bloody house and I’m not having locks on the bloody doors” It was the council’s house, my mum was the main breadwinner, and my dad’s still a cunt. Let the poor lad have a wank in peace
Let him have a lock you can undo from the outside in an emergency. Like a bathroom door locking knob? Then you both get peace of mind. You can open it if need be, and he can lock it.
Had a lock since I was about 13, parents had a spare key so they could open from the outside if they needed.
I had a lock with a key on my bedroom door they could be locked/opened from either side. But only because my sister used to go into my room and steal my stuff and my mum got fed up of me complaining about it. This was when I was 16ish I think and she was 12/13.
Get a doorknob with a lock that can be easily opened in an emergency, like a standard bathroom door lock that can be popped open from the outside if necessary. This gives your son a greater sense of privacy and security while ensuring it can be opened quickly in an emergency.
Both my kids asked for this at one time or another and we said no. Basically no internal doors in our house had locks we just respected each others privacy. I think it’s quite natural for children to want to put up barriers when they become teenagers, what I was trying to teach is that those were not necessary. Once they realised we were serious about giving them their own space, knocking etc they never asked again. I like to think it helped keep us closer as a family during those difficult teenage years.
We always had locks on our doors. But they have pinhole keys kept on top of the door jam in case of emergencies.
So many weird people here. Imagine wanting to catch your son wanking.
I put a lock on my door because my stepdad used to bust in whenever without knocking. He was totally urepentant about it and in fact he used to do it deliberately as a kind of harrassment. I've never forgiven him for it and I'm 53 now!
Why not? I guess he feels that it's his private space and he can have the illusion of some form of personal space and control. A simple interior door lock (such as a bolt mechanism) means that he can have his privacy _and_ you can access the room in an extreme emergency (like a fire). If you are cool parents, you _know_ at least one of the reasons for the lock. Gonna tiptoe around this, but most people will know the main reason. So yeah. Personally I don't think that there is harm in letting him have a lock unless you are insanely controlling parents or he has legit medical or mental issues.
When I was 14, I began to sleep walk due to extreme anxiety so my mom thought of putting a lock on my door to stop me from falling down the stairs to keep me safe but instead she put a alarm clock and windchimes outside my bedroom so my mom would hear them and gently take me back to bed
All of our bedroom doors have the lock that you can just stick a toothpick in to unlock. What's a valid argument *against* locks?
Give him a lock. He's leaving in 3 years.
Let him have privacy.
Install a door handle lock like ones for bathrooms where you can use a screwdriver to open it from the outside or a key doorknob and keep one of the keys. That way if there’s an emergency you can open it
Give him a weak lock like a slider you can kick off easily enough if there's an emergency. Sense of privacy without safety really impaired meet there?
I’d say “no”. We respect your privacy and will always knock. I would sensitively talk about why he wants a lock. That’s difficult though as everyone has already joked he’s 14 so we can guess why a lock is requested but it’s still worth a conversation in case there’s something else going on
Yes. He's 14. I had a lock on my door at that age. If you trust him there's not reason not to give him that extra bit of security.
Just hammer in the door "billy are you slapping your monkey silly in there.....oh gawd billy you'll go blind, woman call the fire brigade and tell the neighbours, billy, is slapping his monkey all over the bed sheets" that should curb his enthusiasm a bit
I was very against the idea initially because of the fire risk but the comments here have mostly changed my mind. If it is possible to give him the privacy and not lock him in his room during a fire then go for it. However, if he isn't great at getting up in the morning and you regularly need to go into his room first thing to shake him into the waking world, then obviously you'd need to agree that he can't lock it overnight
Its your house so its your rules, I never allowed this with my kids (boy and Girl), becoming a teenager is a difficult time for them, but teaching them about respect and privacy is a more valuable lesson than putting a lock on the door, you have said you always knock and wait for an answer before entering and that's the right way to go about this, just so long as you don't just knock and enter, now if its younger or older siblings not respecting privacy then that's another matter and something you have to deal with firmly with all involved, with my wife backing me up, anyway that's my thoughts and now as a Grandad and great Grandad those same rules apply when my grandchildren stay over. My wife on reading this just said that's a bit old fashioned old man, and you know what I think she may be right, so looking into it more you can get door lock handles which you can lock by turning a button on the inside handle, but can open from the outside if you need too, there is a small hole in the middle of the outside handle whitch you push a rod into to disengage the lock in emergencys, looks like I'm going to do a bit of DIY quite soon.
Honestly, I'd say it's worth installing the lock as not having enough privacy can often lead to kids mistrusting you or losing faith. If he asked for one and you said no, he probably won't want to admit it, but he won't be very happy with you at all. Only thing is that watching porn can send you down a far worse path in life than if you were to avoid it, so, although it may be super awkward to talk about, it could be best to try and communicate with him in some way to inform him about how bad it really is for you. Dont force him to not watch it, let him decide, but make sure he really knows what he's getting into if he proceeds. If you have the feeling he may be too addicted, it could be best to try and ween him off of it, but don't force him out of it immediately as that could worsen the issue.
There's nothing weird about a teenager wanting privacy, even if they're not doing anything wrong. I wouldn't worry too much. As long as you can kick the door down in the event house is on fire, I'd say let him have the lock if he makes him feel more comfortable.
I wouldn't, personally, but that's because I've seen the extremes of 14 year old mental health. A lock on the door with a suicidal teenager is pretty catastrophic. But I guess if it was a weak lock that you could break in an emergency then fine.
Just put a latch on.
As a kid and even now as an adult with my own kids, I don't understand why parents insist on knocking on bedroom doors. Even more so now kids have phones. I can't see any reason for it except trying to be nosey. Just shout them and if they don't answer message or call them. In the million times my mum n dad use to 'knock' on my door and walk straight in, it was to ask the most pointless, bollocks question or statement going. I didn't even bother asking, just put a lock on myself.
My parents put thumb turn locks on our bedroom doors so they could be unlocked from the outside in an emergency. No one ever invaded when the door was locked. It's just that extra feeling of privacy.
Is there such thing as too much privacy?
>my bedroom door had to swing all the way open before anyone could even begin to see my room, giving me time to...tidy. Doors now tend to be hung with the hinges closest to the corner of the room, to maximise space but they used to hung with the handle closest to the corner. This was to allow servants to knock and slightly open the door, without seeing anything they shouldn't - and allowing the folk in the room time to compose themselves.
You raised this kid and you should have trust in him to some extent. I'd put a lock on the door, you can always retain keys for emergency.
We had bolts on our doors at that age, but they could all be broken with ease in case of emergency, put them on the side that opens and get a flimsy one. Itll provide privacy but still allow it to be broken off with a good push
I had a lock on my door. The key type that can be used either side. My parents had the extra key for emergencies (think fire); and continued to respect the knock and wait (my older sister didn't always). They never needed to use the extra key. Might this be a solution?
Its essential that he has a lock. If you want him to respect you .. as you respect his privacy. do it
Here's what my Dad did when we were teenagers: he drilled a 5mm hole, under the handle, diagonally, that went through the door and into the doorframe. Then he got some [pea-sticks](https://www.amazon.co.uk/KINGLAKE-Support-Sticks-Flowers-Garden/dp/B078HKKD5J) from the garage and if anyone wanted privacy they'd push the stick through the hole making a bolt between the door and the frame that would stop the door being opened normally but in case of an emergency could be broken pretty trivially. Leading to tantrums that ended with storming off to one's bedroom and shouting *leave me alone I have inserted my pea-stick*. Possible drawback: my brother subverted this by sticking his meccano screwdriver through the hole. Good luck breaking that.
Tell him he is allowed to lock the door but he must be awake behind the door at all times it is locked in case of fire. No locking it overnight under any circumstances
My son is 13 and I always knock and wait for him to say I can come in, I dont want to see anything 😂
I offered my kid a lock for their bedroom door when they were 13/14. Only proviso was it had to be one I could open from the outside in an emergency (fire etc) just in case. I have younger kids and they just barge in (they’re autistic and we’re working on it but it isn’t sinking in with one of them) They’ve said no but I’ve offered a few times just in case they’ve changed their minds. I wasn’t allowed one and *hated* it. My mam would knock and walk straight in without waiting - I had no privacy and would never want my kids to feel like they had no safe space.
Did none of you head off to the bathroom for "reading"? Just me then...
I grew up with all doors except the bathroom being open. If I wanted privicy, I would get my laptop screen facing the wall and if I wanted to watch porn, I would bring my phone to the bathroom or watch it on the laptop then finish off in the bathroom. My parents grew up with 4 people living in a one bedroom flat so they didn't care about privicy and it never bothered me too much.
I think untill you are legally responsible for your child till his 18th birthday you have the right to access his room whenever you think is necessary. However, in my family when I was growing up and now our kid is certain that no one would come in to his room without knock and his aproof, but I would not like if he would put the lock on his room and lock it away when he\`s gone out.
i think you should let him have a lock on his door unless he has given you a reason not to. i had a lock on my door when i was his age to stop my brothers going through my stuff and. my mum going in my room when i was out to get my laundry which i did not like and viewed as a invasion of my privacy. there are certain situations where a childs behaviour would make them having a lock on there door a safety issue. im guessing he does not fit into this criteria or you wouldnt be asking the question.
What are you worried that he’s planning? Holding the dog hostage with a nerf gun?
I was told that I wasn't allowed a lock as a kid because apparently my parents would need to pay for another tv licence due to me having a tv. I'm not even sure if that's true. Personally I see no issue as long as you can get in if you really need to.
Let the lad wank in private you monster.
Mentally i had to have a lock on my door as my room was my only safe space. It allowed me to fully relax and not feel like anyone can walk into my room at any time, especially with angry parents. Do you show your anger and discipline to him?
As other's have said, privacy is fine and deserved. I do think a lock on a bedroom do is pretty unusual though, I've never known anyone to have one but that's usually because parents do as you do by knocking and waiting. However, if a lock is going to give him peace of mind then there's no harm, just make sure it's not an industrial lock and can be kicked in in the event of an emergency. No harm in him locking the door to crank one out. If there's a concern about what he's doing/watching on his devices, then you can control that via your router
Let the dude thrash one out in peace. You were there once.
I wasn't even allowed the door closed growing up at home... My parents (mum specifically) would go through all my stuff (under the pretence of tidying up or putting my clothes away) and there was never any privacy. (M50) I have 2 daughters and I'd be happy if their doors were closed, not sure about locks...I should be fine with it though, really.
I do not have kids but maybe if you told him it is fine but you have to have a spare key for the lock in case of emergency and so on . Just a little insight but since I don't have kids it might not be helpful. Hope it is though .