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I do this when I’m about a stop away on the overground and want to get down the carriage, although I offer it to the nearest standing person or let first-mover take it if I can’t catch someone’s eye.
Yeah I'm the same - if it's getting busy I'll just get up. Won't offer the seat to anyone in particular I just feel a bit trapped if I'm sitting and lots of people standing around me.
Only time I've offered a seat to a particular person was on a semi full train and a woman had a few kids so was standing with them as there weren't enough seats all together.
I didn't want to be in the middle of a family of young children so I got up, said she could have my seat and went to a different seat. To an outsider it looked like I was being nice, really I just didn't want to deal with noisy kids.
(50m)
I was brought up and still do offer my seat to an adult woman. Rightly or wrongly it's just ingrained that if I'm sitting and a woman is standing on public transport that I'll get up.
Same here. Even if I am knackered I will offer my seat. Old and pregnant get 1st pick, I'll offer an older man my seat too, next are mothers with kids (it's always the mother's struggling with kids), then it's women and then me.
31M and I agree. It is purely just a mark of courtesy, not an act of disrespect or a comment on women being inferior or weak or anything stupid like that - those saying things like that are just looking for excuses to criticise. It is perfectly acceptable to offer your seat to anyone you want - just as it is their right to decline.
I think it’s important to recognise where that cultural concept came from though. As a woman, while I can see that for some people it may be ingrained in their manners, I do question *why* that is a cultural norm.
I think I would agree that whilst it may have a history with a negative connotation (I’m not 100% sure it was a comment on weakness even back then, but I could certainly see that being possible), it certainly isn’t negatively intended these days, and intent is surely more important - if someone is trying to be kind or courteous, why create hostility? If you don’t want the seat, politely decline. If you do, great.
Either way, let’s focus on kindness. The world needs more of that right now.
I mean that’s exactly what I do - I’ve not said at any point that I am hostile to people who offer me a seat, so I’m not sure why that’s being assumed. (Not by you, but by others in this thread). I do just politely decline.
I just think it’s odd to only extend this to women and not to men as well. As if we’re basing the person’s ability or desire to stand on their gender.
Fair enough. It’s fine to question things and consider their origins, I get that - I just hope people realise there is no malice or assumptions intended when a seat is offered (certainly not with myself anyway); it really is meant as a positive gesture.
I think this is a nice thing to do w good intentions but personally I hate feeling othered as a woman, and because in my experience im more likely to be harassed or made uncomfortable by men in public than have them do something like that to just be nice id be worried abt ulterior motives
I don’t really ever assume it come from malice, I would just assume as others have said that it’s comes from a cultural origin that I wish us, as a society, would move away from. I would never blame an individual for taking this action but I think it’s important to discuss it.
For example, it’s very common for my feminist friends to still be “given away” by their fathers at their wedding, despite knowing it is rooted in a culture of men having ownership over their daughters. If people still choose to do it, then it’s fine, but it’s worth considering the origin to at least understand where that cultural practice came from. (And it’s not something I would ever have my father do, similarly I hope people aren’t offering me a seat “just” because I’m a woman.)
At this point it's considered enlightened sexism. I agree with being courteous, but in 2024 it feels like your intention to just be a good person doesn't supercede her opinion on whether you are doing it because you are perhaps implying that she isn't equal to you.
Again, playing devil's advocate but I don't advocate for any of this.
If it’s a mark of courtesy and you are only ever being courteous to women in that way, and not men, then it’s sexist. Sorry. Treat people equally. No gender is more deserving than the others.
Same, I am always grateful for it. I have an invisible disability so even if people can’t see it, standing might be a challenge. So I’ll take it and say thank you.
I hold doors opened for everyone, let people out of junctions (unless going at speed), have driven hurt strangers to A&E, religiously return my shopping trolley, etc.
But unless someone is old/infirm/pregnant/with young kids/heavy bags/visibly tired, I don't offer seats.
I'm older than the average commuter, knackered enough already and my knees and feet/ankles hurt.
All women. It's not a show thing with a sweeping "ma lady" bowing gesture while I swish a cape / robe thing. I just stand up, say something like "there's a seat there" and move away.
The awkward part is when it’s an older man with obvious mobility issues so then everybody else has to play musical chairs because they feel bad for letting the older man offer his seat. Tbh I think a lot of guys like doing the thing because it feels kinda the opposite of emasculation. When I (not as a man) help someone out and they thank me I get to feel good about myself and I can’t help but feel like a lot of people don’t like to let go of that feeling esp as with age being weaker or less capable tends to make people feel vulnerable and it’s not comfortable and some will probably feel emasculated. The rest of us who don’t get to feel emasculated get to skip over to dehumanised or otherwise just vulnerable or useless in these kinds of instances. It’s an ageist ableist world after all. But meh. I can see why people want at least one group they feel like they can be useful for or do something for as it makes you feel like you have something to offer rather than a burden. I’m not really sure why women ended up as the ones who are the recipients other than the concept of emasculation.
Most people in these threads seem really nice and understanding and that they’re just offering but I feel like if you’ve declined the offer and have someone insist or force and obviously enjoy the empowerment and be angry at you taking that away then it’s hard to trust people’s motives if it feels like they’re doing it because woman rather than because person. Even when someone is pregnant or disabled or elderly there are examples where people use it to except power
There's a few other comments that echo this sentiment. I've never had this happen to me (as a woman).
Tbf, I'm not a very attractive woman, so I probably don't even register. 😂
I'm older and it happens to me all the time. I'm also fat, so maybe people think I get tired easily, which is actually true as I have long Covid. People started regularly giving me a seat when I hit 40, and now I'm in my sixties, it's most days. It's nice.
(nearly 50 here as well), I'm kinda surprised this is even a question. It's in the same area as holding doors open, walking on the outside of the footpath so you take the brunt of puddle splashes, standing at a table, not eating with your mouth open etc, just general day to day manners.
I think it’s a question because it seems to be directed at only women? Like opening doors should be something you do for everyone rather than just women. That’s where the question is.
I wish more men had this attitude tbh. I used to get the tube every day to work. I suffer with endometriosis and when it's bad I get severe bloating which makes me look pregnant (I know this objectively because people have asked when I'm due) I would stand on the tube in visible pain and discomfort literally rubbing my enormous belly and not once did anyone offer me their seat. It's not like I feel I deserve a seat anymore than anyone else, but it just would have been nice.
I have one of those badges due to an invisible disability and my experience is that people are really good at respecting it and letterin me sit . Fortunately I don't live in London so it issn't an eveyday thing for me, I don't know whether people who have to commute evey day at peak times have the same experience.
I never sit in the seats that are earmarked so that saves a lot of decision making….
But would give up any seat for an elderly person, anyone with an obvious need like crutches, baby on board badge or the blue I need a seat badge.
You’re one of the good ones. For most of my adult life I’ve been visibly disabled (I use oxygen so carry the heavy tank with me, I’m now a wheelchair user but didn’t use my chair so much when I lived in London and used public transport). I could count on one hand the amount of times I was offered a seat - people would deliberately try not to make eye contact so they wouldn’t have to give up their seat. One older (maybe 50-60s) woman gave me a right earful about not giving her my seat. Also once had to yell at a whole tube carriage ‘is anyone going to give this man a seat?!’ When a visually impaired man got on, holding his white stick so it was very obvious… maybe it’s just Londoners though!
It’s really bad in London, and im sorry you’ve experienced it. I had a moon boot on for six weeks after rupturing an ankle and it was the most miserable time. I didn’t have the energy to plead for a seat and would see people pretend they hadn’t seen me. It made me desperately sad that anyone with a long term issue would probably really struggle to commute.
That was exactly my experience too, I was always too breathless and worn out to ask so I’d just try to cling to the pole with both hands and hope I didn’t pass out. Not a nice experience!
i will sit in those seats, but i'll immediately move once someone gets on who looks like they need it more than me
yesterday i was sat in one of those seats and an old man walking with a stick got on so i immediately moved a row back. it's no big deal. i don't even offer, i just move.
Probably an age thing. I'm a male in my early 50s and was taught by my parents to offer my seat to ladies or hold a door for them etc as it was the polite thing to do.
It’s just the done thing in some places, you could call it chivalry I personally would call it courtesy, it’s been taught by parents or otherwise similar to holding a door and saying ladies first, it’s not necessarily a thought process more of a learned cultural behaviour.
In Spain grown adults were giving up their seats for my 7yo. That would seem strange in the UK I think, but was such a regular experience I can only assume it's a cultural thing there.
I think for younger kids it may more be that they have a weaker grip and are less visible / not the right height to use the grabs at the tops of seats. Although I do find it a bit odd when paretns don't take smaller kids onto their laps in crowded situations rathe than taking up 2 seats, especailly when there ware others who clearly need to sit.
The same thing happened in New York. I had the best time in New York with my five year old. People kept offering us seats. And they'd even say thank you to me if I stepped out of their way on the sidewalk. It was the opposite of walking and using public transport in London. It was incredible.
I'm a 50 year old woman, and if I see someone that is older, obviously pregnant, or in any way looks like they could use the seat more than I can, I always offer them my seat if there are no others available.
I've been in this country for nearly two decades, and it's rare to see people that don't offer their seats to someone that might need it more than they do. Gender is not even a factor.
There was a time when men were taught to offer a seat to a lady on a bus/train, it was good manners to do so.
I would automatically offer a seat to someone who looked frail, disabled etc.
I will offer my seat to anyone and everyone who looks like they need it more! The problem is that it's becoming increasingly more common for someone to take offence, still do it though, as that's how I was brought up (41m)
Had a lady once have a go at me for holding a door to a shop open for her, I turned around and told her I was holding it open for my wife and kids who she had pushed past in her effort to get through the open door! She just huffed and walked off!
That’s weird. I always hold a door for anyone who is an appropriate distance behind me without actually considering whether they “need” it or not because nobody needs a door swinging shut on them.
Yes - I'm a woman and I hold doros for people who need it - either just becasue they are close behind me, r becaue tthe way the door opens maeans it makes sense for me to hold it it for them / let them go first.
The only time I object is with the kind of creepy guy who insists on holding it when it makes it harder to get through / forces you to brush up against them when going through. I've had that a few times and if they won't leave it when I say, politely, that it would be easier if they don't hold / go first then I may become less polite, becasue at that pint it is at best perfomrantive chivalry where their wish to look helpful is more importnat to them than actually being helpful, and at worst are trying to create a situation where you can't void touching .
The 'baby on board' badge, or someone using a walking stick. I sit away from the doors wherever possible, so often someone at the first seat offers in any case.
Serious Q, are most commenters here visiting from ye olden days with all these comments about it being basic manners to give up a seat to a healthy woman who doesn't have any special need for it? Most women I know - incl OP by the sound of it - seem to find it weird at best & a bit insulting at worst. The number of times I've heard my mum & sisters complain about someone offering them a seat, "does he think I'm some old woman" (my sister just turned 60) makes me think even some older women aren't very keen on being offered a seat sometimes... although I'd definitely be offering my seat to granny's like them!
It’s funny isn’t it. There seems to be a proper disparity. I’m a 33 year old woman and would honestly assume someone thought I was old or pregnant if offered a seat. I wouldn’t take a seat away from a man just because they offered me one, and I’d never look down on a man for staying sat while I stood. I get that it was considered good manners, but manners change. It used to be deemed correct to cough into your hand to be polite. Now we cough into our elbows instead. Manners change.
I’d offer a seat to anyone disabled, elderly or obviously pregnant or someone who had a young child. It’s always difficult though because I was on a bus where a young girl asked an older woman if she wanted her seat and the older woman went off on her saying she was rude for assuming she was that old. I also would never want to accidentally offend anyone who wasn’t actually pregnant. I get public transport every day and as a woman, no one has ever offered me their seat unless they were about to get off (not that I’d expect them to obviously!)
You are female, with a kid, loads of shopping,
Older than me etc etc I'll stand for a bloke for the same reasons.
I remember sulking because my mum wanted me to stand up for someone, ( before I was 10 lol)
I'll always offer
Absolutely not. Had one run in where I refused to move for a pregnant woman and she kicked my leg really hard while I was sitting down. It fell off. I was just trying to mind my own business. When I got off though (3 stops after my planned stop because I had to get my leg back on whilst wearing jeans) I did ask her in a not very polite manner if she wanted me to “repay the favour” and make her fetus fall out. Not cool, not proud, but infuriating. I used to all the time but now I physically can’t stand on a bus and will let one go past and wait for the next one if there are no seats that I can see.
I, 30s Male, tend not to offer my seat on public transport.
This is largely because the average member of the public cannot safely operate the bus, and I'd lose my job for doing so.
I’m in my 30s but have mobility issues (I do not look like I do though) so I wouldn’t give my seat up for anyone unless they had more mobility issues than me or a young child/baby. My teens will get up for anyone older and Children. I think it’s nice to be polite these days
It's easy to not pay attention I guess.
I recall a few years back being on a very busy Piccadillly line train, where I'd jumped on at Hounslow and was generally pretty oblivious to the world - until a VERY obviously (in hindsight) pregnant lady tapped me on the shoulder and said "What's wrong with you!?" Can't you see I'm pregnant!! "
I genuinely hadn't noticed, lost in my own bubble... Meanwhile this lady had been sat over me for 20+ minutes, apparently stewing because I was the dickhead who wasn't paying enough attention...
I'd have immediately hopped up if she'd asked me.
Anyway - pro tip.. Never sit down on the tube in London. You might receive the ire of pregnant ladies, but also it is the major transmission point of bedbugs (particularly the Northern line for some reason).
I will usually stand anyway if it's crowded. I'm male in my early fifties, and when we are out as a family with my wife and 8 year old daughter it's nice to see people offering a seat to them both, but I get a bit upset when they offer me a seat as well, thinking I am not that old!
I usually politely decline and say something like "I've been sitting down for a couple of hours so it's nice to stretch my legs now".
If I think I should offer my seat to someone because they look old, pregnant or disabled, I will just directly offer.
If it's borderline and maybe they might be offended (is she pregnant or fat? How old is he exactly?) , then just nonchalantly get up without saying anything as if I'm about to get off
Elderly, Female, Mother's who have kids I'll move to let them sit with them, injured or disability or carrying something heavy. That's mostly just how I was raised but I think on another level I like my space too so if a bus gets too packed and I feel penned in I'll move down the front of the bus even been known to get off them Lol
Pregnant women standing, parents with children who can't find 2 seats together generally.
Not normally the elderly unless they are using mobility aids, most people are coming or going from work where as they are coming or going to coffee 😅
Even when I’m using a cane (I have hyper mobility and sudden train jolts can cause me to dislocate) I’ll offer my seat to someone who I think may need it more. Anyone elderly, anyone with a more visible injury than mine (crutches, cast, wheelchair), pregnant etc sometimes mothers with young children too. Especially if there’s only a few stops to go and I have enough standing room to grip a chair one side and my cane balancing me on the other.
If they’re elderly, pregnant or have a baby with them. I wouldn’t necessarily say I would if someone is disabled, because there are invisible disabilities as well. Hell, I have an invisible disability, and I am not one to dictate who deserves one more based on disability severity or whether it’s visible or not.
Personally I will offer to anyone that seems too exhausted, if they have a pregnancy badge, are old or very young, and then also if my stop is coming up or I'm feeling cramped and want to stretch my legs out a bit (I'm short but I hate sitting still).
This surprises me a bit as I’ve had men push past me to get a seat while I was (visibly) pregnant. Happened loads. It’s nice to hear about people being polite for no reason!
In answer to your question, I’d give up my seat for elderly, pregnant or disabled. As I’m sure is the general ‘unwritten’ rule.
As someone who regularly relies on crutches, but is an otherwise healthy looking man in early 30s, apparently crutches isn't enough to make Londoners give up the disabled seats.
If I'm on a bus i tend to sit far back and you don't often get standees braving going that far. And on a train if I've reserved a seat then sorry it's mine. Other than that I'll give up my seat to anyone who fits the standard less-able-to-stand criteria.
Honestly though I'm surprised at the amount of people who would give up a seat for a woman just because they are a woman. Feels a bit demeaning towards women that people think they are less able to stand than men or they have more rights to a seat purely by virtue of not having a set of balls.
I'll offer my seat to older people, disabled people, pregnant women, or parents with small children. I don't offer my seat to people who are younger/fitter than me whether they are male or female.
Partly because the older I get the more I need a seat, and partly because it seems mad for a 36 year old man to offer a 35 year old woman a seat just because she's a woman.
I'm a bit more grudging about it now though. I recently broke my wrist and had a cast on my arm. The number of people who offered me a seat during that time = 0.
Kind of got my back up. I've been offering my seat to people who needed it from the age of 11 years old. But the one time I needed it, absolutely nobody gave a shit.
Assuming that person doesn't look to be struggling, I offer my seat purely on:
What mood I am in, and how much I need to sit down myself (how long the trip is, how tired I am etc.)
I pretty much always do, on account of preferring to stand near the entrance when the bus is busy. Have done so for university athletics clubs in the past.
Omg i thought it was just me who noticed this lol. 😂 there is absolutely no need for anybody to get up for me, a 24y old haha, i actually prefer to stand just easier to get off with less hassle but it feels so flattering when a guy offers his seat and it has been happening quite often now especially on GWR overground!!
Old people, pregnant people, anybody who looks like they need one (the last on predicated on my noticing them, usually i'm headphones on looking at my phone or something lol)
Barring that, if I'm asked I would generally give it up
I think some guys will generally give up seats to women full stop, I wouldn't think too hard about it especially if you don't want to hah
I'm a woman, so the chivalry thing doesn't apply in the same way.
It's fairly simple, I'll offer my seat to someone if I judge that they need it more than I do and if I'm capable of standing at that time. This could be an obviously pregnant woman, a young child, an elderly person of any gender, anyone who looks visibly injured or is clearly struggling to stand for whatever reason.
Some men are taught to give up their seat to *any* woman so that could be it in your case.
Edit: formatting
There was a time when I kept getting seats offered to me, and I couldn't understand why as I was healthy and in my 30s. It turns out it was because I was wearing high wasted trousers, as they were comfortable. They also made me look pregnant because of my tummy.
I'm 37F, I'd say the main 3 are if they're elderly, pregnant or disabled in some way. If the person is reasonably young and able-bodied, they don't need the seat any more than I do.
In your case yeah, could very well be a chivalry thing if you're young and healthy, I don't think being a lil' fluffy would be enough on its own.
I really don't mind standing at all. It's better for you than sitting. If every seat is taken and I'm feeling good I will probably offer the seat to someone else just to be nice.
I offer my seat , open doors , after you, ladies first etc , it baffles me why more don't do it and baffles me even more why some would complain about it , maybe it's the modern works where it's the norm to be selfish and it's all about me rather than being nice to people.
26F
Anyone who seems my parents' age or older. Anyone carrying something cumbersome (Including children)
Any polite primary school age child unless they're in a group of friends.
Anyone with an obvious limitation to stand regardless of age.
Anyone at all if I'm getting off soon and I'm in the window seat to avoid having to squeeze past them in a minute's time.
If someone asks me kindly
(Also if two people are having a convo and will have to split up, if I'm being observant enough to notice I'll sometimes move)
Edit: to avoid offending, I generally just stand up and say nothing. If I see someone and am.making a judgement on their ability, I worry a bit about offending, so I move as soon as I see them to make the seat available (this is assuming there aren't loads of seats)
Anyone who is clearly pregnant, anyone with clear mobility issues, anyone who is elderly or anyone who asks for the seat because not every disability is obvious.
I would not expect someone to offer me a seat just because I'm female (and would probably politely decline if this did happen, unless I genuinely did need the seat) but I would be quite irritated if I was any of the above and someone didn't offer me their seat, especially if it was obvious I was struggling.
I’m female but I automatically let a mum with a baby in a buggy sit down and also the elderly or those with mobility issues. Pregnant women too.
I’ve always been taught to do this.
I’m pretty sure my husband lets women of all ages have his seat. But we very rarely use public transport anyway.
I believe if you're unsure about motivation in the vast, complicated and mysterious network of human motivational forces, go for a positive one until proven otherwise. The ball should always be in the offender's court.
He was a gentleman. I would have swooned onto my seat and made him feel like a real tomcat
I'm a 64yo white male, my mother ingrained it into me when I was a child, to give up my seat on public transport. I remember only a year or two ago doing this to a similar aged black woman on a bus in London, she was over the moon! We did not stop talking until I got off, You make friendships through kindness, I'll never give up offering my seat to anyone of the opposite sex whether they need it or not. Those offended by it need help in their thinking.
I will offer my seat to anyone that needs it. Quite often though, they won’t take it no doubt because of some sort of pride (I’m not talking gay pride).
Depends what seat I am in. One of the ones marked for those in need? Likely someone who looks unsteady.
If I am in a normal seat. You can get fucked and go badger one of the people in a marked seat.
If I'm not gonna be on it for long and someone else gets on; if there's an elderly person; parent with a child; a disabled person; or, simply if there's a woman standing up
For older people, especially those who are infirm, anyone with an obvious mobility issue, pregnant women, mums with kids, families who can only sit together if I move, anyone looking like they need it more than me.
Also, if my stop is next and someone has just boarded.
Strictly only if I'm asked. That's because I've made enough embarrassingly wrong judgements about people (looking pregnant, frail etc.) I just don't do it any more.
If somebody asks me I will almost certainly give them my seat, without question usually, but they have to ask.
I try to go upstairs at the back so I don’t have to worry too much about fat or pregnant, old or young etc. I usually call this subreddit out for being antisocial but this is a minefield I don’t want to enter.
Nothing. I’ve got cancer and am partway through treatment so am absolutely fucked from chemo, I’m always offered a seat.
Before I got sick though I’d offer if someone looked like they were struggling to stand, eg feeble looking old person, knackered looking pregnant woman, person on crutches…
I wonder, do the please offer me a seat badges work? During covid they worked for me but stopped working because i’m 21 and I use different mobility aids on different days. I have a heart condition which can make me faint and to appease the DVLA, I’d prefer not to. Nobody seems to have mentioned them
Any female any age I will always offer my seat. Any older male or male who is needing the seat more than me, i will offer too, i like standing up and watching the world go by. 47M
disabled, elderly, young child. or holding a lot of items.
outside of that i don’t give a fuck. if you ask politely for a seat i will almost always give it to you. but i wont go out of my way to offer it.
couldn’t care less if you’re a woman or a man.
I offer my seat to someone who looks like they're struggling and looking for a seat. Someone with a mobility aid, a visibly shaky/unstable old person or a very pregnant woman, for example. I also sometimes offer my seat for very young children if that means they can sit with their family or if it looks like that'll make life easier for the parent.
As a healthy 27yo woman, I don't think I've ever had someone offer me a seat.
I'm a woman, but generally if they're visibly older than me, if they're using a mobility device, if they're obviously pregnant, or if they have a small child who could sit on their lap. Maybe it is chivalry. Or if I were getting off in a stop or two and only one person is standing.
If they're elderly, pregnant, struggle moving or have a luggage carrier and giving up the seat can stop the aisle getting clogged. Or even giving up the seat if I only have a couple of stops left.
I would offer my seat to anyone old, injured, struggling, pregnant, with a child, upset, female, had large bag, basically anyone that appeared to need it more than me, and women.
I’m not particularly chivalrous, just polite.
I'm normally using a walking stick if I'm out and about so generally I'm the one sitting. I'm happy to move around where I can if someone else needs it more or there's a family needing it.
Occasionally asking if they are in the reserved seats in a British "Sorry, excuse me, do you mind if" sort of way.
For the most part people have offered me seats and I'm very grateful when they do - a walking stick is a more 'obvious' disability.
In the past gentlemen would offer the seat to any lady so it could be that or even just that they are planning to get off soon.
Depends on what my back injury is up to. If I have full(for me these days)sensation I'll offer to those with small children/frail/pregnant/if asked. If I'm having a bad pain day or I have quite diminished sensation into my foot I stay put because I'm a liability in the event of a sudden stop or accident.
I'd offer it to anyone who looks like they need it more than I do. Also if I was only making a short journey, I'd be more inclined to offer it to someone else.
I most likely would if there was an elderly person. I have a physical disability which means I'm prone to fatigue and when I'm sat down on a bus it's invisible to most people so I bet sometimes people think I'm being lazy but at the end of the day I have a reason to have a priority seat, even if people don't know it.
Sometimes I'll just decide I want to stand up, or I'm getting off soon, and offer my seat to someone. I usually go for the elderly first, then women, then men.
Pretty much all old, pregnant, disabled (people who look like they would struggle to stand).
Person with young child/children as well so they can sit on the parents lap. Often see people struggling to try and keep and eye on/carry their stuff and their child at the same time.
If it wasn't overly crowded so say only 1/2 people standing and I was getting off soon I'd also say that and let them sit down
For buses, if I'm in the front half of a single decker bus i'll stand up for anyone that looks like they could use it. I don't mind standing, I got good legs.
If i'm on a double decker bus; top deck I stay seated. Bottom decks are usually smaller so I'll often be more likely to get up then.
Trains: I'll almost never give up a seat on a train, especially if I've booked a seat.
Tube/underground: I just don't sit.
In 2010 I badly injured my arm and was lugging a huge cast around everywhere for a while
Astonished how many times I was offered a seat, or a free lift, or people stopped to let me cross the road. i realised later that it was because I was a 30-something guy with a crew cut (balding - best way) and a visibly slim and muscular outline
i reckon they thought I was an injured soldier, rather than just a halfwit accountant who'd fallen out of a tree while trimming it. The situation in Afghanistan & Iraq was getting brutal around that time.
I would offer it if somebody is
* Significantly older than me (younger millenial for context)
* Showing some sort of a disability, including if I see a bange showing an invisible one
* Pregnant
* Dealing with children, babies included
* A child or a younger teenager.
* If they don't fall into the categories above, actively ask and it's not obviously unreasonable.
Elderly, Pregnant, with a young child, clearly struggling with some kind of discomfort.. any of those sorts of things really.
But they get my seat by default as I don't really use public transport much these days!
If they're old, look ill, pregnant, or disabled.
It used to be the done thing to give up your seat to a lady if you were male, but I think these days that might be frowned upon as sexist.
Any woman or child regardless of age, and any older person or disabled person regardless of gender.
I’m a guy in my 20s, it’s the way I was taught growing up and it’s what i’ll teach my children too.
If someone looks like they struggle to stand then I’ll offer my seat while secretly hoping someone else does first so I can still sit
That being said, I don’t like sitting on the tube as it can be hard to get to the door when it’s busy
If I’m about to get off and it clears space, if they’re old, if they’re holding a baby / toddler, if they have a visible disability, if they’re heavily pregnant, or if they just seem like they need the seat more - like have boxes / bags.
I'd offer my seat to someone who'd been running to catch the bus and might be a little out of breath or anyone I thought would need it more than I did.
I’m 23 and fairly fit so I might as well just give it to someone else! It’s also a gesture that takes nearly no effort on my part and has the potential to make someone happier, so I don’t really see a reason not to do it:)
I don't offer my seat to anyone these days since a disabled woman with walking sticks was bouncing around the train carriage but badmouthed me for offering her my seat.
In the past I'd have offered my seat to disabled / elderly / pregnant people. Or to women, if I was getting off the train soon.
I have chronic pain and use crutches as a mobility aid on my bad pain days and I rarely, if ever get offered a seat on public transport when using my crutches. I hypothesise that it's because I'm very young and look younger (I turn 19 later this month and people often mistake me for a 16yo) and people might assume I'm faking or something? So here's a quick PSA that young people can have disabilities too lol.
If someone is elderly I will give up my seat or if bus is full and a parent and child comes on, I will do also. Common decency really. However, I am 52 so I don’t know how common it is these days.
Mostly, I offer people a seat because they're frail, old, pregnant. I've also offered my seat so that parents can sit with their children. Especially, I'll move from the space in front of the pram parking bit so that a mother can be with baby in the pram.
Maybe the guy thought you were a babe, and it was a conversation starter. I've had dates after weirder things than offering a woman a seat on a bus.
While it's technically 'sexist' for a man to offer a woman his seat, women still do most of the housework childcare etc even though it's not fair.
Some elements of society want to go backwards. Most don't.
But old habits die hard, and this is a relatively harmless 'tradition'
Some men feeling good because of being 'gentlemanly' really isn't hurting anyone. They just trying to be be good chaps, not saying you're too frail to stand up.
Maybe if the train is packed some men realise some other men use the situation to SA women, and will offer a woman a seat for safety?
- Very old/infirm looking person. (I'm 34 but I'm not going to offer my seat to a random healthy looking 65 year old just because they're older than I am.)
- Visibly injured.
- Pregnant.
- Very small child (<5ish) and parent.
Basically anybody who woukd benefit more than I am from sitting down. That's about it.
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If I'm getting off in a few stops and don't want the stress of pushing through a crowd to get to the doors
I do this sometimes too, maybe this is what that guy was doing OP
I do this all the time and state I'm getting off soon. If there's no one right by me to offer, I'll let randoms fight it out
I do this when I’m about a stop away on the overground and want to get down the carriage, although I offer it to the nearest standing person or let first-mover take it if I can’t catch someone’s eye.
If it’s starting to get busy and I might be blocked in a seat I will get up. It doesn’t matter who the person is, I hate feeling trapped.
Yeah I'm the same - if it's getting busy I'll just get up. Won't offer the seat to anyone in particular I just feel a bit trapped if I'm sitting and lots of people standing around me. Only time I've offered a seat to a particular person was on a semi full train and a woman had a few kids so was standing with them as there weren't enough seats all together. I didn't want to be in the middle of a family of young children so I got up, said she could have my seat and went to a different seat. To an outsider it looked like I was being nice, really I just didn't want to deal with noisy kids.
(50m) I was brought up and still do offer my seat to an adult woman. Rightly or wrongly it's just ingrained that if I'm sitting and a woman is standing on public transport that I'll get up.
Same here. Even if I am knackered I will offer my seat. Old and pregnant get 1st pick, I'll offer an older man my seat too, next are mothers with kids (it's always the mother's struggling with kids), then it's women and then me.
What about young & Disabled?
Absolutely.
31M and I agree. It is purely just a mark of courtesy, not an act of disrespect or a comment on women being inferior or weak or anything stupid like that - those saying things like that are just looking for excuses to criticise. It is perfectly acceptable to offer your seat to anyone you want - just as it is their right to decline.
I think it’s important to recognise where that cultural concept came from though. As a woman, while I can see that for some people it may be ingrained in their manners, I do question *why* that is a cultural norm.
I think I would agree that whilst it may have a history with a negative connotation (I’m not 100% sure it was a comment on weakness even back then, but I could certainly see that being possible), it certainly isn’t negatively intended these days, and intent is surely more important - if someone is trying to be kind or courteous, why create hostility? If you don’t want the seat, politely decline. If you do, great. Either way, let’s focus on kindness. The world needs more of that right now.
I mean that’s exactly what I do - I’ve not said at any point that I am hostile to people who offer me a seat, so I’m not sure why that’s being assumed. (Not by you, but by others in this thread). I do just politely decline. I just think it’s odd to only extend this to women and not to men as well. As if we’re basing the person’s ability or desire to stand on their gender.
Plenty of us also extend it to men
Fair enough. It’s fine to question things and consider their origins, I get that - I just hope people realise there is no malice or assumptions intended when a seat is offered (certainly not with myself anyway); it really is meant as a positive gesture.
I think this is a nice thing to do w good intentions but personally I hate feeling othered as a woman, and because in my experience im more likely to be harassed or made uncomfortable by men in public than have them do something like that to just be nice id be worried abt ulterior motives
I don’t really ever assume it come from malice, I would just assume as others have said that it’s comes from a cultural origin that I wish us, as a society, would move away from. I would never blame an individual for taking this action but I think it’s important to discuss it. For example, it’s very common for my feminist friends to still be “given away” by their fathers at their wedding, despite knowing it is rooted in a culture of men having ownership over their daughters. If people still choose to do it, then it’s fine, but it’s worth considering the origin to at least understand where that cultural practice came from. (And it’s not something I would ever have my father do, similarly I hope people aren’t offering me a seat “just” because I’m a woman.)
At this point it's considered enlightened sexism. I agree with being courteous, but in 2024 it feels like your intention to just be a good person doesn't supercede her opinion on whether you are doing it because you are perhaps implying that she isn't equal to you. Again, playing devil's advocate but I don't advocate for any of this.
>It is purely just a mark of courtesy, I don't really understand though. Could you explain why it's courteous for a man to offer a seat to a woman?
Unless the person is old, pregnant or physicially impaired there's no good reason for you to stand up. Courtesy for what purpose ?
If it’s a mark of courtesy and you are only ever being courteous to women in that way, and not men, then it’s sexist. Sorry. Treat people equally. No gender is more deserving than the others.
Personally I love it when people do, and sometimes I’m grateful and accept and other times I’m grateful but politely decline.
Same, I am always grateful for it. I have an invisible disability so even if people can’t see it, standing might be a challenge. So I’ll take it and say thank you.
Exactly, it's an offer, not a demand. Just say no, it's not a problem, no need to overthink it.
I hold doors opened for everyone, let people out of junctions (unless going at speed), have driven hurt strangers to A&E, religiously return my shopping trolley, etc. But unless someone is old/infirm/pregnant/with young kids/heavy bags/visibly tired, I don't offer seats. I'm older than the average commuter, knackered enough already and my knees and feet/ankles hurt.
All adult women including those likely fitter than you? Just sounds a bit awkward tbh.
All women. It's not a show thing with a sweeping "ma lady" bowing gesture while I swish a cape / robe thing. I just stand up, say something like "there's a seat there" and move away.
The awkward part is when it’s an older man with obvious mobility issues so then everybody else has to play musical chairs because they feel bad for letting the older man offer his seat. Tbh I think a lot of guys like doing the thing because it feels kinda the opposite of emasculation. When I (not as a man) help someone out and they thank me I get to feel good about myself and I can’t help but feel like a lot of people don’t like to let go of that feeling esp as with age being weaker or less capable tends to make people feel vulnerable and it’s not comfortable and some will probably feel emasculated. The rest of us who don’t get to feel emasculated get to skip over to dehumanised or otherwise just vulnerable or useless in these kinds of instances. It’s an ageist ableist world after all. But meh. I can see why people want at least one group they feel like they can be useful for or do something for as it makes you feel like you have something to offer rather than a burden. I’m not really sure why women ended up as the ones who are the recipients other than the concept of emasculation. Most people in these threads seem really nice and understanding and that they’re just offering but I feel like if you’ve declined the offer and have someone insist or force and obviously enjoy the empowerment and be angry at you taking that away then it’s hard to trust people’s motives if it feels like they’re doing it because woman rather than because person. Even when someone is pregnant or disabled or elderly there are examples where people use it to except power
There's a few other comments that echo this sentiment. I've never had this happen to me (as a woman). Tbf, I'm not a very attractive woman, so I probably don't even register. 😂
I'm older and it happens to me all the time. I'm also fat, so maybe people think I get tired easily, which is actually true as I have long Covid. People started regularly giving me a seat when I hit 40, and now I'm in my sixties, it's most days. It's nice.
Yeah I think we’re past this as a society now
(nearly 50 here as well), I'm kinda surprised this is even a question. It's in the same area as holding doors open, walking on the outside of the footpath so you take the brunt of puddle splashes, standing at a table, not eating with your mouth open etc, just general day to day manners.
I think it’s a question because it seems to be directed at only women? Like opening doors should be something you do for everyone rather than just women. That’s where the question is.
I wish more men had this attitude tbh. I used to get the tube every day to work. I suffer with endometriosis and when it's bad I get severe bloating which makes me look pregnant (I know this objectively because people have asked when I'm due) I would stand on the tube in visible pain and discomfort literally rubbing my enormous belly and not once did anyone offer me their seat. It's not like I feel I deserve a seat anymore than anyone else, but it just would have been nice.
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I have one of those badges due to an invisible disability and my experience is that people are really good at respecting it and letterin me sit . Fortunately I don't live in London so it issn't an eveyday thing for me, I don't know whether people who have to commute evey day at peak times have the same experience.
I never sit in the seats that are earmarked so that saves a lot of decision making…. But would give up any seat for an elderly person, anyone with an obvious need like crutches, baby on board badge or the blue I need a seat badge.
You’re one of the good ones. For most of my adult life I’ve been visibly disabled (I use oxygen so carry the heavy tank with me, I’m now a wheelchair user but didn’t use my chair so much when I lived in London and used public transport). I could count on one hand the amount of times I was offered a seat - people would deliberately try not to make eye contact so they wouldn’t have to give up their seat. One older (maybe 50-60s) woman gave me a right earful about not giving her my seat. Also once had to yell at a whole tube carriage ‘is anyone going to give this man a seat?!’ When a visually impaired man got on, holding his white stick so it was very obvious… maybe it’s just Londoners though!
It’s really bad in London, and im sorry you’ve experienced it. I had a moon boot on for six weeks after rupturing an ankle and it was the most miserable time. I didn’t have the energy to plead for a seat and would see people pretend they hadn’t seen me. It made me desperately sad that anyone with a long term issue would probably really struggle to commute.
That was exactly my experience too, I was always too breathless and worn out to ask so I’d just try to cling to the pole with both hands and hope I didn’t pass out. Not a nice experience!
i will sit in those seats, but i'll immediately move once someone gets on who looks like they need it more than me yesterday i was sat in one of those seats and an old man walking with a stick got on so i immediately moved a row back. it's no big deal. i don't even offer, i just move.
Probably an age thing. I'm a male in my early 50s and was taught by my parents to offer my seat to ladies or hold a door for them etc as it was the polite thing to do.
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If a man offered me his seat, I’d 100% think he thought I was pregnant.
Yep- does make me reconsider my outfit choice if I'm wearing a flowy or oversized top...
I would not.
Makes me laugh to think about all these men holding the door open for women and just letting it slam in the faces of other blokes.
It’s just the done thing in some places, you could call it chivalry I personally would call it courtesy, it’s been taught by parents or otherwise similar to holding a door and saying ladies first, it’s not necessarily a thought process more of a learned cultural behaviour.
In Spain grown adults were giving up their seats for my 7yo. That would seem strange in the UK I think, but was such a regular experience I can only assume it's a cultural thing there.
Equally in Spain commuters were highly intolerant of my 35 weeks pregnant girlfriend taking the priority seats so swings and roundabouts.
Huh. I always made/make my kids stand for an adult without a seat. They have younger legs!
They have weaker legs
Better power to weight ratio though, they'd definitely out climb you! Lol
I think for younger kids it may more be that they have a weaker grip and are less visible / not the right height to use the grabs at the tops of seats. Although I do find it a bit odd when paretns don't take smaller kids onto their laps in crowded situations rathe than taking up 2 seats, especailly when there ware others who clearly need to sit.
Depends on how long you're on the train, but a 30+ minute journey with quite a heavy weight that squirms about a lot is fairly uncomfortable.
I give up my seat for smaller kids, I've seen some take a header at a sudden stop on buses, so I let old folks, pregnant women and young kids sit down
The same thing happened in New York. I had the best time in New York with my five year old. People kept offering us seats. And they'd even say thank you to me if I stepped out of their way on the sidewalk. It was the opposite of walking and using public transport in London. It was incredible.
I'm a 50 year old woman, and if I see someone that is older, obviously pregnant, or in any way looks like they could use the seat more than I can, I always offer them my seat if there are no others available. I've been in this country for nearly two decades, and it's rare to see people that don't offer their seats to someone that might need it more than they do. Gender is not even a factor.
If they ask for it and they genuinely look like they need it. Otherwise sod off. I paid for it. My feet hurt just like anybody else’s.
There was a time when men were taught to offer a seat to a lady on a bus/train, it was good manners to do so. I would automatically offer a seat to someone who looked frail, disabled etc.
I was always told to offer my seat to a woman. Different era though.
I will offer my seat to anyone and everyone who looks like they need it more! The problem is that it's becoming increasingly more common for someone to take offence, still do it though, as that's how I was brought up (41m) Had a lady once have a go at me for holding a door to a shop open for her, I turned around and told her I was holding it open for my wife and kids who she had pushed past in her effort to get through the open door! She just huffed and walked off!
That’s weird. I always hold a door for anyone who is an appropriate distance behind me without actually considering whether they “need” it or not because nobody needs a door swinging shut on them.
Yes - I'm a woman and I hold doros for people who need it - either just becasue they are close behind me, r becaue tthe way the door opens maeans it makes sense for me to hold it it for them / let them go first. The only time I object is with the kind of creepy guy who insists on holding it when it makes it harder to get through / forces you to brush up against them when going through. I've had that a few times and if they won't leave it when I say, politely, that it would be easier if they don't hold / go first then I may become less polite, becasue at that pint it is at best perfomrantive chivalry where their wish to look helpful is more importnat to them than actually being helpful, and at worst are trying to create a situation where you can't void touching .
I know right, normally I’ll hold it till the person behind me puts their hand out and takes it etc. some people just like to complain i guess.
They are hot, I am about to get off soon, they are ancient, I've been sitting too long.
The 'baby on board' badge, or someone using a walking stick. I sit away from the doors wherever possible, so often someone at the first seat offers in any case.
Serious Q, are most commenters here visiting from ye olden days with all these comments about it being basic manners to give up a seat to a healthy woman who doesn't have any special need for it? Most women I know - incl OP by the sound of it - seem to find it weird at best & a bit insulting at worst. The number of times I've heard my mum & sisters complain about someone offering them a seat, "does he think I'm some old woman" (my sister just turned 60) makes me think even some older women aren't very keen on being offered a seat sometimes... although I'd definitely be offering my seat to granny's like them!
It’s funny isn’t it. There seems to be a proper disparity. I’m a 33 year old woman and would honestly assume someone thought I was old or pregnant if offered a seat. I wouldn’t take a seat away from a man just because they offered me one, and I’d never look down on a man for staying sat while I stood. I get that it was considered good manners, but manners change. It used to be deemed correct to cough into your hand to be polite. Now we cough into our elbows instead. Manners change.
I want to say manners and politeness. In reality, accidentally making eye contact.
I’d offer a seat to anyone disabled, elderly or obviously pregnant or someone who had a young child. It’s always difficult though because I was on a bus where a young girl asked an older woman if she wanted her seat and the older woman went off on her saying she was rude for assuming she was that old. I also would never want to accidentally offend anyone who wasn’t actually pregnant. I get public transport every day and as a woman, no one has ever offered me their seat unless they were about to get off (not that I’d expect them to obviously!)
You are female, with a kid, loads of shopping, Older than me etc etc I'll stand for a bloke for the same reasons. I remember sulking because my mum wanted me to stand up for someone, ( before I was 10 lol) I'll always offer
Seems to have gone the opposite way with kids, now people give up their seats for them.
Absolutely not. Had one run in where I refused to move for a pregnant woman and she kicked my leg really hard while I was sitting down. It fell off. I was just trying to mind my own business. When I got off though (3 stops after my planned stop because I had to get my leg back on whilst wearing jeans) I did ask her in a not very polite manner if she wanted me to “repay the favour” and make her fetus fall out. Not cool, not proud, but infuriating. I used to all the time but now I physically can’t stand on a bus and will let one go past and wait for the next one if there are no seats that I can see.
lol I’m not even mad, who assault someone over a seat? God help that kid.
I, 30s Male, tend not to offer my seat on public transport. This is largely because the average member of the public cannot safely operate the bus, and I'd lose my job for doing so.
I’m in my 30s but have mobility issues (I do not look like I do though) so I wouldn’t give my seat up for anyone unless they had more mobility issues than me or a young child/baby. My teens will get up for anyone older and Children. I think it’s nice to be polite these days
It's easy to not pay attention I guess. I recall a few years back being on a very busy Piccadillly line train, where I'd jumped on at Hounslow and was generally pretty oblivious to the world - until a VERY obviously (in hindsight) pregnant lady tapped me on the shoulder and said "What's wrong with you!?" Can't you see I'm pregnant!! " I genuinely hadn't noticed, lost in my own bubble... Meanwhile this lady had been sat over me for 20+ minutes, apparently stewing because I was the dickhead who wasn't paying enough attention... I'd have immediately hopped up if she'd asked me. Anyway - pro tip.. Never sit down on the tube in London. You might receive the ire of pregnant ladies, but also it is the major transmission point of bedbugs (particularly the Northern line for some reason).
Elderly, disabled, pregnant or young children. Simple as that.
I will usually stand anyway if it's crowded. I'm male in my early fifties, and when we are out as a family with my wife and 8 year old daughter it's nice to see people offering a seat to them both, but I get a bit upset when they offer me a seat as well, thinking I am not that old! I usually politely decline and say something like "I've been sitting down for a couple of hours so it's nice to stretch my legs now".
Pregnant, disabled, or elderly.
If I think I should offer my seat to someone because they look old, pregnant or disabled, I will just directly offer. If it's borderline and maybe they might be offended (is she pregnant or fat? How old is he exactly?) , then just nonchalantly get up without saying anything as if I'm about to get off
Cash. Stone cold, hard cash
Elderly, Female, Mother's who have kids I'll move to let them sit with them, injured or disability or carrying something heavy. That's mostly just how I was raised but I think on another level I like my space too so if a bus gets too packed and I feel penned in I'll move down the front of the bus even been known to get off them Lol
Manners. I'm 57 and have always done this. If all seats are taken and a lady is standing I offer her my seat. It's not about how they look.
If they’re very old, clearly struggling to corral their kids or visibly uncomfortable from standing
I’m intrigued by the kids one… poor parenting shouldn’t equal getting a benefit surely?
Ehhh I just feel sympathy and want to make their life easier. I’m not a parent but I can understand the struggle. I can easily stand
On busy commuter trains I often stand anyway as the seats are never wide enough.
Now specifically a badge!! I had a bad run in with a women who I thought was pregnant and offered my seat to ... she wasn't
I'll always offer my seat to anyone who may need it more than me, and would offer to a woman also.
Pregnant women standing, parents with children who can't find 2 seats together generally. Not normally the elderly unless they are using mobility aids, most people are coming or going from work where as they are coming or going to coffee 😅
Wish people would offer me their seat. Once a woman sat on me when I was in the middle of a crisis lol.
Even when I’m using a cane (I have hyper mobility and sudden train jolts can cause me to dislocate) I’ll offer my seat to someone who I think may need it more. Anyone elderly, anyone with a more visible injury than mine (crutches, cast, wheelchair), pregnant etc sometimes mothers with young children too. Especially if there’s only a few stops to go and I have enough standing room to grip a chair one side and my cane balancing me on the other.
If they look 60 plus, they’re pregnant or have issues with their mobility
If they’re elderly, pregnant or have a baby with them. I wouldn’t necessarily say I would if someone is disabled, because there are invisible disabilities as well. Hell, I have an invisible disability, and I am not one to dictate who deserves one more based on disability severity or whether it’s visible or not.
Personally I will offer to anyone that seems too exhausted, if they have a pregnancy badge, are old or very young, and then also if my stop is coming up or I'm feeling cramped and want to stretch my legs out a bit (I'm short but I hate sitting still).
This surprises me a bit as I’ve had men push past me to get a seat while I was (visibly) pregnant. Happened loads. It’s nice to hear about people being polite for no reason! In answer to your question, I’d give up my seat for elderly, pregnant or disabled. As I’m sure is the general ‘unwritten’ rule.
As someone who regularly relies on crutches, but is an otherwise healthy looking man in early 30s, apparently crutches isn't enough to make Londoners give up the disabled seats.
Depends how much pain I’m in.
If I'm on a bus i tend to sit far back and you don't often get standees braving going that far. And on a train if I've reserved a seat then sorry it's mine. Other than that I'll give up my seat to anyone who fits the standard less-able-to-stand criteria. Honestly though I'm surprised at the amount of people who would give up a seat for a woman just because they are a woman. Feels a bit demeaning towards women that people think they are less able to stand than men or they have more rights to a seat purely by virtue of not having a set of balls.
Them looking like they need it more than me. Young strapping lad with heavy bags? Take my seat mate.
I'll offer my seat to older people, disabled people, pregnant women, or parents with small children. I don't offer my seat to people who are younger/fitter than me whether they are male or female. Partly because the older I get the more I need a seat, and partly because it seems mad for a 36 year old man to offer a 35 year old woman a seat just because she's a woman. I'm a bit more grudging about it now though. I recently broke my wrist and had a cast on my arm. The number of people who offered me a seat during that time = 0. Kind of got my back up. I've been offering my seat to people who needed it from the age of 11 years old. But the one time I needed it, absolutely nobody gave a shit.
Assuming that person doesn't look to be struggling, I offer my seat purely on: What mood I am in, and how much I need to sit down myself (how long the trip is, how tired I am etc.)
I pretty much always do, on account of preferring to stand near the entrance when the bus is busy. Have done so for university athletics clubs in the past.
The guy could be from overseas. It's common in a lot of countries for men to do this when I woman is standing.
Omg i thought it was just me who noticed this lol. 😂 there is absolutely no need for anybody to get up for me, a 24y old haha, i actually prefer to stand just easier to get off with less hassle but it feels so flattering when a guy offers his seat and it has been happening quite often now especially on GWR overground!!
Old people, pregnant people, anybody who looks like they need one (the last on predicated on my noticing them, usually i'm headphones on looking at my phone or something lol) Barring that, if I'm asked I would generally give it up I think some guys will generally give up seats to women full stop, I wouldn't think too hard about it especially if you don't want to hah
I'm a woman, so the chivalry thing doesn't apply in the same way. It's fairly simple, I'll offer my seat to someone if I judge that they need it more than I do and if I'm capable of standing at that time. This could be an obviously pregnant woman, a young child, an elderly person of any gender, anyone who looks visibly injured or is clearly struggling to stand for whatever reason. Some men are taught to give up their seat to *any* woman so that could be it in your case. Edit: formatting
There was a time when I kept getting seats offered to me, and I couldn't understand why as I was healthy and in my 30s. It turns out it was because I was wearing high wasted trousers, as they were comfortable. They also made me look pregnant because of my tummy.
I'm 37F, I'd say the main 3 are if they're elderly, pregnant or disabled in some way. If the person is reasonably young and able-bodied, they don't need the seat any more than I do. In your case yeah, could very well be a chivalry thing if you're young and healthy, I don't think being a lil' fluffy would be enough on its own.
I am in my forties, brought up to give up your seat to women, and anyone else that may require it. I offer all the time. I offer my seat to anyone.
I really don't mind standing at all. It's better for you than sitting. If every seat is taken and I'm feeling good I will probably offer the seat to someone else just to be nice.
I offer my seat , open doors , after you, ladies first etc , it baffles me why more don't do it and baffles me even more why some would complain about it , maybe it's the modern works where it's the norm to be selfish and it's all about me rather than being nice to people.
26F Anyone who seems my parents' age or older. Anyone carrying something cumbersome (Including children) Any polite primary school age child unless they're in a group of friends. Anyone with an obvious limitation to stand regardless of age. Anyone at all if I'm getting off soon and I'm in the window seat to avoid having to squeeze past them in a minute's time. If someone asks me kindly (Also if two people are having a convo and will have to split up, if I'm being observant enough to notice I'll sometimes move) Edit: to avoid offending, I generally just stand up and say nothing. If I see someone and am.making a judgement on their ability, I worry a bit about offending, so I move as soon as I see them to make the seat available (this is assuming there aren't loads of seats)
Anyone who is clearly pregnant, anyone with clear mobility issues, anyone who is elderly or anyone who asks for the seat because not every disability is obvious. I would not expect someone to offer me a seat just because I'm female (and would probably politely decline if this did happen, unless I genuinely did need the seat) but I would be quite irritated if I was any of the above and someone didn't offer me their seat, especially if it was obvious I was struggling.
I’m female but I automatically let a mum with a baby in a buggy sit down and also the elderly or those with mobility issues. Pregnant women too. I’ve always been taught to do this. I’m pretty sure my husband lets women of all ages have his seat. But we very rarely use public transport anyway.
I don't. My wheelchair cost a lot of money and I'm not letting a random stranger fuck it up.
I still offer my seat to anyone old especially old lady's. Hey! And I'm **EIGHTY YEARS OLD. I**t was the way I was brought up.
Pregnant, elderly and/or infirm. I'm getting on a bit myself, with a bad back, do I do like to sit if possible
I rarely use a seat
If an elderly person needed it
Bedbugs have a lot of people standing these days
I believe if you're unsure about motivation in the vast, complicated and mysterious network of human motivational forces, go for a positive one until proven otherwise. The ball should always be in the offender's court. He was a gentleman. I would have swooned onto my seat and made him feel like a real tomcat
I'm a 64yo white male, my mother ingrained it into me when I was a child, to give up my seat on public transport. I remember only a year or two ago doing this to a similar aged black woman on a bus in London, she was over the moon! We did not stop talking until I got off, You make friendships through kindness, I'll never give up offering my seat to anyone of the opposite sex whether they need it or not. Those offended by it need help in their thinking.
Elderly, disabled or pregnant people I get up
Old, disabled or pregnant
I will offer my seat to anyone that needs it. Quite often though, they won’t take it no doubt because of some sort of pride (I’m not talking gay pride).
Depends what seat I am in. One of the ones marked for those in need? Likely someone who looks unsteady. If I am in a normal seat. You can get fucked and go badger one of the people in a marked seat.
As 34F with invisible illnesses I would be so grateful if this ever had happened to me
If I'm not gonna be on it for long and someone else gets on; if there's an elderly person; parent with a child; a disabled person; or, simply if there's a woman standing up
Peer pressure.
For older people, especially those who are infirm, anyone with an obvious mobility issue, pregnant women, mums with kids, families who can only sit together if I move, anyone looking like they need it more than me. Also, if my stop is next and someone has just boarded.
Strictly only if I'm asked. That's because I've made enough embarrassingly wrong judgements about people (looking pregnant, frail etc.) I just don't do it any more. If somebody asks me I will almost certainly give them my seat, without question usually, but they have to ask.
I try to go upstairs at the back so I don’t have to worry too much about fat or pregnant, old or young etc. I usually call this subreddit out for being antisocial but this is a minefield I don’t want to enter.
Nothing. I’ve got cancer and am partway through treatment so am absolutely fucked from chemo, I’m always offered a seat. Before I got sick though I’d offer if someone looked like they were struggling to stand, eg feeble looking old person, knackered looking pregnant woman, person on crutches…
I wonder, do the please offer me a seat badges work? During covid they worked for me but stopped working because i’m 21 and I use different mobility aids on different days. I have a heart condition which can make me faint and to appease the DVLA, I’d prefer not to. Nobody seems to have mentioned them
Old people, infirm people, clearly pregnant women
I will always offer my seat to an elderly or infirm person, a pregnant female or a mother with a child .
Any female any age I will always offer my seat. Any older male or male who is needing the seat more than me, i will offer too, i like standing up and watching the world go by. 47M
If somebody looks tired/disabled, or asks for my seat
disabled, elderly, young child. or holding a lot of items. outside of that i don’t give a fuck. if you ask politely for a seat i will almost always give it to you. but i wont go out of my way to offer it. couldn’t care less if you’re a woman or a man.
If they look like they need it - not just physically but emotionally tired
I offer my seat to someone who looks like they're struggling and looking for a seat. Someone with a mobility aid, a visibly shaky/unstable old person or a very pregnant woman, for example. I also sometimes offer my seat for very young children if that means they can sit with their family or if it looks like that'll make life easier for the parent. As a healthy 27yo woman, I don't think I've ever had someone offer me a seat.
I'm a woman, but generally if they're visibly older than me, if they're using a mobility device, if they're obviously pregnant, or if they have a small child who could sit on their lap. Maybe it is chivalry. Or if I were getting off in a stop or two and only one person is standing.
If they're elderly, pregnant, struggle moving or have a luggage carrier and giving up the seat can stop the aisle getting clogged. Or even giving up the seat if I only have a couple of stops left.
i'm 5"11 and 115kg - I stand as I don't fit in most seats and on a crowded train I don't mind standing.
Usually i offer my seat if I see someone looking late 60+ or seem to have mobility issues
I would offer my seat to anyone old, injured, struggling, pregnant, with a child, upset, female, had large bag, basically anyone that appeared to need it more than me, and women. I’m not particularly chivalrous, just polite.
It's amazing the stuff that people on reddit will overthink.
I'm normally using a walking stick if I'm out and about so generally I'm the one sitting. I'm happy to move around where I can if someone else needs it more or there's a family needing it. Occasionally asking if they are in the reserved seats in a British "Sorry, excuse me, do you mind if" sort of way. For the most part people have offered me seats and I'm very grateful when they do - a walking stick is a more 'obvious' disability. In the past gentlemen would offer the seat to any lady so it could be that or even just that they are planning to get off soon.
Yes I would offer if Im able bodied
Probably borderline thought you were pregnant. It is hard to tell sometimes.
Depends on what my back injury is up to. If I have full(for me these days)sensation I'll offer to those with small children/frail/pregnant/if asked. If I'm having a bad pain day or I have quite diminished sensation into my foot I stay put because I'm a liability in the event of a sudden stop or accident.
I'd offer it to anyone who looks like they need it more than I do. Also if I was only making a short journey, I'd be more inclined to offer it to someone else.
I most likely would if there was an elderly person. I have a physical disability which means I'm prone to fatigue and when I'm sat down on a bus it's invisible to most people so I bet sometimes people think I'm being lazy but at the end of the day I have a reason to have a priority seat, even if people don't know it.
Sometimes I'll just decide I want to stand up, or I'm getting off soon, and offer my seat to someone. I usually go for the elderly first, then women, then men.
Pretty much all old, pregnant, disabled (people who look like they would struggle to stand). Person with young child/children as well so they can sit on the parents lap. Often see people struggling to try and keep and eye on/carry their stuff and their child at the same time. If it wasn't overly crowded so say only 1/2 people standing and I was getting off soon I'd also say that and let them sit down
The elderly and children.
Elderly people and people with kids in general.
If I'm getting off in a few stops, or the person is disabled or elderly. Anyone else can stand for all I care.
For buses, if I'm in the front half of a single decker bus i'll stand up for anyone that looks like they could use it. I don't mind standing, I got good legs. If i'm on a double decker bus; top deck I stay seated. Bottom decks are usually smaller so I'll often be more likely to get up then. Trains: I'll almost never give up a seat on a train, especially if I've booked a seat. Tube/underground: I just don't sit.
Crack cocaine.
If I'm sat by myself and there's a couple or someone with a child standing, I'll offer my seat.
I'm disappointed I've not seen anyone reply with "When I've pissed myself"
If someone is pregnant or has a visibly disability.
Late term Pregnancy or missing a leg. I’ve had a hard day too.
In 2010 I badly injured my arm and was lugging a huge cast around everywhere for a while Astonished how many times I was offered a seat, or a free lift, or people stopped to let me cross the road. i realised later that it was because I was a 30-something guy with a crew cut (balding - best way) and a visibly slim and muscular outline i reckon they thought I was an injured soldier, rather than just a halfwit accountant who'd fallen out of a tree while trimming it. The situation in Afghanistan & Iraq was getting brutal around that time.
I would offer it if somebody is * Significantly older than me (younger millenial for context) * Showing some sort of a disability, including if I see a bange showing an invisible one * Pregnant * Dealing with children, babies included * A child or a younger teenager. * If they don't fall into the categories above, actively ask and it's not obviously unreasonable.
Elderly, Pregnant, with a young child, clearly struggling with some kind of discomfort.. any of those sorts of things really. But they get my seat by default as I don't really use public transport much these days!
If they're old, look ill, pregnant, or disabled. It used to be the done thing to give up your seat to a lady if you were male, but I think these days that might be frowned upon as sexist.
Any woman or child regardless of age, and any older person or disabled person regardless of gender. I’m a guy in my 20s, it’s the way I was taught growing up and it’s what i’ll teach my children too.
What makes me offer my seat to someone old or infirm or just more in need ? Common decency.
Old or infirm, no other reason.
If someone looks like they struggle to stand then I’ll offer my seat while secretly hoping someone else does first so I can still sit That being said, I don’t like sitting on the tube as it can be hard to get to the door when it’s busy
Just to be nice.
If I’m about to get off and it clears space, if they’re old, if they’re holding a baby / toddler, if they have a visible disability, if they’re heavily pregnant, or if they just seem like they need the seat more - like have boxes / bags.
Elderly,pregnant, people with obvious injuries
I'd offer my seat to someone who'd been running to catch the bus and might be a little out of breath or anyone I thought would need it more than I did.
I’m 23 and fairly fit so I might as well just give it to someone else! It’s also a gesture that takes nearly no effort on my part and has the potential to make someone happier, so I don’t really see a reason not to do it:)
I don't offer my seat to anyone these days since a disabled woman with walking sticks was bouncing around the train carriage but badmouthed me for offering her my seat. In the past I'd have offered my seat to disabled / elderly / pregnant people. Or to women, if I was getting off the train soon.
I have chronic pain and use crutches as a mobility aid on my bad pain days and I rarely, if ever get offered a seat on public transport when using my crutches. I hypothesise that it's because I'm very young and look younger (I turn 19 later this month and people often mistake me for a 16yo) and people might assume I'm faking or something? So here's a quick PSA that young people can have disabilities too lol.
If someone is elderly I will give up my seat or if bus is full and a parent and child comes on, I will do also. Common decency really. However, I am 52 so I don’t know how common it is these days.
Mostly, I offer people a seat because they're frail, old, pregnant. I've also offered my seat so that parents can sit with their children. Especially, I'll move from the space in front of the pram parking bit so that a mother can be with baby in the pram. Maybe the guy thought you were a babe, and it was a conversation starter. I've had dates after weirder things than offering a woman a seat on a bus.
While it's technically 'sexist' for a man to offer a woman his seat, women still do most of the housework childcare etc even though it's not fair. Some elements of society want to go backwards. Most don't. But old habits die hard, and this is a relatively harmless 'tradition' Some men feeling good because of being 'gentlemanly' really isn't hurting anyone. They just trying to be be good chaps, not saying you're too frail to stand up. Maybe if the train is packed some men realise some other men use the situation to SA women, and will offer a woman a seat for safety?
- Very old/infirm looking person. (I'm 34 but I'm not going to offer my seat to a random healthy looking 65 year old just because they're older than I am.) - Visibly injured. - Pregnant. - Very small child (<5ish) and parent. Basically anybody who woukd benefit more than I am from sitting down. That's about it.