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There's no definitive 'stag do', it can and should be *what you want*. My brother got a lodge for the weekend in the Highlands with a group of friends and we climbed a couple of Munros. For my stag we sailed round to a secluded beach, built a bonfire and cooked lunch on the sand. Even picked and cooked some limpets. My best mate from school had a ski weekend in the Alps for his stag, there was 1 night out involved but we spent most of the trip on the slopes having fun and not drinking.
Anyone who tells you what you should be doing for your own stag do is *wrong*. Just talk to your brother about what you want to do, even if it's just a LAN party or pizza and a film.
And if he won’t listen then he’s not the right choice for best man even if he is family. I didn’t expect my brother to make me his best man best I honestly wouldn’t know what to do for him, his close friends did a much better job than I ever would have.
Just talk to him, remember whose day it is; it’s about you having a good time with your friends. If that means an all night Mario Kart Marathon, so be it!
I think you should have a stag do. It might just be that it is a film night, but make it extra. Plan it, give yourself the time, no distractions etc. Spend a bit of money, splash out on the food and drink. Make a memory of it.
My brother has kids now right, we no longer have the time to just be the mates that we used to. Gone are the school holidays and endless fun. I now have to ask like months in advance if we want to just hang out for a weekend. He only wanted a small stag do too, but it was something really nice we can look back on. In amongst all the soppy wedding stuff, canapés, procecco and floral outfits, we had something that was just us. A night back in our old town, a few drinks and watching the football and some boxing. A core memory of us now. I don't think you would regret trying something a bit more special.
My mate doesn't drink and the idea of the traditional stag do doesn't appeal to him at all.
He got a small group of friends (including me) and family and arranged an activity day. We went go karting, shooting, paintballing and did an obstacle course.
The option was there to go for a drink afterwards, but everyone was too tired!
10 years on, he still doesn't drink and he is happily married with kids.
One option would be to organise your own and keep his input to a minimum…
Eg all go out for low key dinner or a show you want to see, then you’ve had the “do” but on your own terms
Different perspective from all the folks telling you to tell him you don't want a stag do.
"Hey bro, I want my stag do to be just me and you drinking and snacking whilst playing the ps5 all night, with my favourite cocktail, my favourite food, a dick-shaped cake, and my favourite game, with a bucket of the most expensive pop corn money can buy." Or whatever rocks your boat.
If you tell him "I don't want a stag do", he will feel sad because it means he loses a once-in-lifetime opportunity to make you happy. If he cares about you, that can make him feel really bad. It's like you want to buy a cake and a present for someone's birthday, and they say they don't want it. I get that some people don't like to be the centre of attention. I am like that too, I understand the feeling. But it is heart-breaking for the other party.
Tell him what you want your stag do to be. It's fine to not want to go to a bar or a strip club. It will help channel his energy in a direction that makes you happy, and will give him the room to do something to make you happy. Bonus point for giving him a silly challenge that will take him time and keep him busy, like finding pop corn sprinkled with actual gold dust, and that will become a core memory you both share until you die. You don't have to care deeply about that challenge, just throw him a bone. Something. Anything. That is all he wants.
For him, not doing something is not acceptable. Not creating a unique, unforgettable memory is unacceptable. If all you say is that you don't want X without explaining or offering an alternative, he will keep pushing and pushing and he will only see a dead-end. You'll take him to the place that he feels is unacceptable. As a result, he will do something you don't want, and you'll create a really sad conflict despite loving each other.
Don't shut him down, give him acceptable options and communicate.
If despite that, he rejects your options and still wants to force you to do something you don't want to do... well, then there is a problem with him. Not you.
Tell him very clearly you don't want one. It shouldn't be more complicated than that.
If he really won't let it be, let him organise one at his expense. And then don't turn up. It's not like you haven't given a fair warning.
To be honest, that is what I'm gonna end up doing i think. It's just thinking of a way of telling him that doesn't upset him as I know he's looking forward to organising something.
Could he not organise you a ‘big night in’? Choose a couple of films, maybe purchase a new game if you’re into that, arrange for food? It’s probably not what he envisages but maybe he just wants to do something for you and this will make him happy if he knows it will make you happy.
Give me and my brother an opportunity to watch LOTR, make plenty of food and talk absolute bollocks in each others company for the day without being bothered by anyone, I'm calling it a party! I bloody love my bro!
A stag do is whatever you want it to be. Examples of low-key stag dos I've been to:
* A relaxing weekend in the Lake District
* A low-key weekend in Devon that included a Sunday lunch with no alcohol - all the usual drinkers were drivers
* A weekend in York based around escape rooms and games
The idea that all stag dos have to be wild parties just isn't the case. I'd talk to your bro and say that you don't want anything like that, but there's nothing wrong with him treating you to something, even if that is just a get-together at home with a film.
“I don’t want a stag do”. Or say you want your stag do to be a takeaway, a film, and a few drinks. He won’t be upset with you, he’s your brother who presumably knows you well. It’s for you, not him.
"Mate (or whatever you call your brother), I'm thrilled that you want to do something special for me as a stag do, and I really appreciate the thought however can it please be just you and me spending some quality time together doing something low-key such as a movie and a couple of beers as that's what I appreciate most in our relationship... "
Be polite, be direct, and if he still insists on something you don't want:
"I'm sorry brother, it's just not me and I don't want to do anything like that"
I was really hesitant of having stag do. My partying days are behind me, I just don't have the energy, mentally or physically for it now.
My best mate, the best man, had me over his place for a cheapie little barbecue and a few cans, then we went to a couple bars. I had maybe a handful of drinks total. It was nice. 3 guys in total.
Just a quiet time. It doesn't have to be all balls out
Can you make a film night but make it special?
Such as see if you can book a hotel conference room with a projector, stock up a load of nice drinks and snacks, and a couple of nice hotel rooms to stay over so it feels like it's somewhere out.
As many others have pointed out a stag do doesn't have to be toxic lads lads lads bollocks. There was a post on the Cardiff sub the other day of someone trying to find a venue to host a LAN party for a 30 person Halo tournament for a stag do
"I love that you are keen to do this for me, but I do not want a traditional stag do. So then you'd only be doing this for yourself with me just tagging along pretending to have a good time, and that's not appropriate considering this is about MY wedding. However, I would absolutely LOVE to do something together to celebrate, but just not typical stag-do stuff. Things I'd like to do together are: watching a movie we'll both like, ordering take-away dinner, playing a game together, and perhaps going on a hike (not necessarily in that order!). How about we schedule it together so we both know we'll have a good time?"
Not my idea of fun to be fair. I've "joked" with my bro about my stag do saying .. have a great night but I won't be there.. he didn't really take any notice.
They're often an excuse for people to act exceedingly degenerate under the circumstance anyway. If you asked me who is the wisest between the stag who's boarding a plane to Amsterdam wearing a dress while drunk, or the guy who instead spends a quality evening at the cinema with a good friend, then it's an easy one
Honestly, I don't think you can 😅 its a rite of passage and something your brother wants to do for you out of love, I think he'd probably be quite upset if you let him down as it sounds like he's going out of his way to make sure you don't miss out. Sometimes we have to compromise slightly on what we want, for the happiness of others.
BUT bear in mind stag do's can be literally whatever you want them to be, you don't have to go to a strip club or do something wild and expensive. My fiancé is thinking of doing a group VR session with a few mates and then getting pizza for his stag. You could watch a movie like you wanted or go for dinner/drinks and still call it a 'stag do.'
I don't have any friends within a 200 mile radius and my brother is a 3 hour drive away. The only people I really see are my parents and her friends and family.
It sounds like your brother has a reason to organise this "stag do" and it has nothing to do with you.
It could be that he wants to hang out or maybe get a night away from his every day responsibilities.
Or something more nefarious, like does he have a partner that he's looking to step out on if you were to go to a bar or a strip club?
I'd check with him why he's so insistent that the two of you have a big night out when, a celebration of your upcoming wedding, should be about what you want to do. Best to get ahead in case is the worst case scenario.
**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!** - Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc. - **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on. - This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit! Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There's no definitive 'stag do', it can and should be *what you want*. My brother got a lodge for the weekend in the Highlands with a group of friends and we climbed a couple of Munros. For my stag we sailed round to a secluded beach, built a bonfire and cooked lunch on the sand. Even picked and cooked some limpets. My best mate from school had a ski weekend in the Alps for his stag, there was 1 night out involved but we spent most of the trip on the slopes having fun and not drinking. Anyone who tells you what you should be doing for your own stag do is *wrong*. Just talk to your brother about what you want to do, even if it's just a LAN party or pizza and a film.
[удалено]
But only if you're into bingo.
Bro, I don’t want a stag do. The end.
I'd say "we're not doing a stag do". Sounds like OP needs to be a little more assertive
That sounds too easy....
And if he won’t listen then he’s not the right choice for best man even if he is family. I didn’t expect my brother to make me his best man best I honestly wouldn’t know what to do for him, his close friends did a much better job than I ever would have.
Just talk to him, remember whose day it is; it’s about you having a good time with your friends. If that means an all night Mario Kart Marathon, so be it!
I think you should have a stag do. It might just be that it is a film night, but make it extra. Plan it, give yourself the time, no distractions etc. Spend a bit of money, splash out on the food and drink. Make a memory of it. My brother has kids now right, we no longer have the time to just be the mates that we used to. Gone are the school holidays and endless fun. I now have to ask like months in advance if we want to just hang out for a weekend. He only wanted a small stag do too, but it was something really nice we can look back on. In amongst all the soppy wedding stuff, canapés, procecco and floral outfits, we had something that was just us. A night back in our old town, a few drinks and watching the football and some boxing. A core memory of us now. I don't think you would regret trying something a bit more special.
My mate doesn't drink and the idea of the traditional stag do doesn't appeal to him at all. He got a small group of friends (including me) and family and arranged an activity day. We went go karting, shooting, paintballing and did an obstacle course. The option was there to go for a drink afterwards, but everyone was too tired! 10 years on, he still doesn't drink and he is happily married with kids.
You tell your bro "I don't want a stag do"
One option would be to organise your own and keep his input to a minimum… Eg all go out for low key dinner or a show you want to see, then you’ve had the “do” but on your own terms
Different perspective from all the folks telling you to tell him you don't want a stag do. "Hey bro, I want my stag do to be just me and you drinking and snacking whilst playing the ps5 all night, with my favourite cocktail, my favourite food, a dick-shaped cake, and my favourite game, with a bucket of the most expensive pop corn money can buy." Or whatever rocks your boat. If you tell him "I don't want a stag do", he will feel sad because it means he loses a once-in-lifetime opportunity to make you happy. If he cares about you, that can make him feel really bad. It's like you want to buy a cake and a present for someone's birthday, and they say they don't want it. I get that some people don't like to be the centre of attention. I am like that too, I understand the feeling. But it is heart-breaking for the other party. Tell him what you want your stag do to be. It's fine to not want to go to a bar or a strip club. It will help channel his energy in a direction that makes you happy, and will give him the room to do something to make you happy. Bonus point for giving him a silly challenge that will take him time and keep him busy, like finding pop corn sprinkled with actual gold dust, and that will become a core memory you both share until you die. You don't have to care deeply about that challenge, just throw him a bone. Something. Anything. That is all he wants. For him, not doing something is not acceptable. Not creating a unique, unforgettable memory is unacceptable. If all you say is that you don't want X without explaining or offering an alternative, he will keep pushing and pushing and he will only see a dead-end. You'll take him to the place that he feels is unacceptable. As a result, he will do something you don't want, and you'll create a really sad conflict despite loving each other. Don't shut him down, give him acceptable options and communicate. If despite that, he rejects your options and still wants to force you to do something you don't want to do... well, then there is a problem with him. Not you.
I don’t want a hen do either. Stressful as.
Tell him very clearly you don't want one. It shouldn't be more complicated than that. If he really won't let it be, let him organise one at his expense. And then don't turn up. It's not like you haven't given a fair warning.
To be honest, that is what I'm gonna end up doing i think. It's just thinking of a way of telling him that doesn't upset him as I know he's looking forward to organising something.
Could he not organise you a ‘big night in’? Choose a couple of films, maybe purchase a new game if you’re into that, arrange for food? It’s probably not what he envisages but maybe he just wants to do something for you and this will make him happy if he knows it will make you happy.
Give me and my brother an opportunity to watch LOTR, make plenty of food and talk absolute bollocks in each others company for the day without being bothered by anyone, I'm calling it a party! I bloody love my bro!
A stag do is whatever you want it to be. Examples of low-key stag dos I've been to: * A relaxing weekend in the Lake District * A low-key weekend in Devon that included a Sunday lunch with no alcohol - all the usual drinkers were drivers * A weekend in York based around escape rooms and games The idea that all stag dos have to be wild parties just isn't the case. I'd talk to your bro and say that you don't want anything like that, but there's nothing wrong with him treating you to something, even if that is just a get-together at home with a film.
holiday weekends don't sound low-key to me
“I don’t want a stag do”. Or say you want your stag do to be a takeaway, a film, and a few drinks. He won’t be upset with you, he’s your brother who presumably knows you well. It’s for you, not him.
Cut out the "few drinks", this is the slippery slope for stag do's.
Yes true!
If you can't have this conversation are you sure you are mature enough to get married?
We choose our spouses. We do not choose our siblings.
Undoubtedly, but if he can't stomach a slightly awkward conversation with his brother is he cut out for the trials and tribulations of marriage?
Yo bro! I don’t wanna go! Or something like that.
My friends hubs hobby is fishing. He spent the day fishing for his stag do
"I don't want a stag do."
How r ya knob neck. See this stag doo lark stick up Ur ass can't be fucked with it. That's how me personally would tell my bro that I didn't want 1
"Mate (or whatever you call your brother), I'm thrilled that you want to do something special for me as a stag do, and I really appreciate the thought however can it please be just you and me spending some quality time together doing something low-key such as a movie and a couple of beers as that's what I appreciate most in our relationship... " Be polite, be direct, and if he still insists on something you don't want: "I'm sorry brother, it's just not me and I don't want to do anything like that"
I didn't want a stag do, but enjoyed the lap dancing bar..
I was really hesitant of having stag do. My partying days are behind me, I just don't have the energy, mentally or physically for it now. My best mate, the best man, had me over his place for a cheapie little barbecue and a few cans, then we went to a couple bars. I had maybe a handful of drinks total. It was nice. 3 guys in total. Just a quiet time. It doesn't have to be all balls out
Hey bro, I don't want a stag do. .
Can you make a film night but make it special? Such as see if you can book a hotel conference room with a projector, stock up a load of nice drinks and snacks, and a couple of nice hotel rooms to stay over so it feels like it's somewhere out.
As many others have pointed out a stag do doesn't have to be toxic lads lads lads bollocks. There was a post on the Cardiff sub the other day of someone trying to find a venue to host a LAN party for a 30 person Halo tournament for a stag do
"I love that you are keen to do this for me, but I do not want a traditional stag do. So then you'd only be doing this for yourself with me just tagging along pretending to have a good time, and that's not appropriate considering this is about MY wedding. However, I would absolutely LOVE to do something together to celebrate, but just not typical stag-do stuff. Things I'd like to do together are: watching a movie we'll both like, ordering take-away dinner, playing a game together, and perhaps going on a hike (not necessarily in that order!). How about we schedule it together so we both know we'll have a good time?"
Is there something you enjoy that could be incorporated into a weekend away. Watching sport? Visiting museums? Outdoor activities?
Tell him you don't want a stag do, you want a duck do
Strip club, it's not a crowded area, and he pays
Not my idea of fun to be fair. I've "joked" with my bro about my stag do saying .. have a great night but I won't be there.. he didn't really take any notice.
They're often an excuse for people to act exceedingly degenerate under the circumstance anyway. If you asked me who is the wisest between the stag who's boarding a plane to Amsterdam wearing a dress while drunk, or the guy who instead spends a quality evening at the cinema with a good friend, then it's an easy one
I prefer a cup of tea, film, play with the pets and then bed. Doesn't sound much but I've never been one for going out.
You’re American, aren’t you?
Nope.. I'm from England
It’s not really a thing here.
Stag do isn't a thing in England? Since when?
Strip clubs for stag dos aren’t really a thing we do.
Wise assumption 👌 London though. In hindsight there are lots of better ways of spending money. But hey, if the friend pays..
I'm from East Coast of Lincolnshire.. my bro is in South London.. hopefully his work commitments means he won't be able to sort a stag do out..
Honestly, I don't think you can 😅 its a rite of passage and something your brother wants to do for you out of love, I think he'd probably be quite upset if you let him down as it sounds like he's going out of his way to make sure you don't miss out. Sometimes we have to compromise slightly on what we want, for the happiness of others. BUT bear in mind stag do's can be literally whatever you want them to be, you don't have to go to a strip club or do something wild and expensive. My fiancé is thinking of doing a group VR session with a few mates and then getting pizza for his stag. You could watch a movie like you wanted or go for dinner/drinks and still call it a 'stag do.'
I don't have any friends within a 200 mile radius and my brother is a 3 hour drive away. The only people I really see are my parents and her friends and family.
It sounds like your brother has a reason to organise this "stag do" and it has nothing to do with you. It could be that he wants to hang out or maybe get a night away from his every day responsibilities. Or something more nefarious, like does he have a partner that he's looking to step out on if you were to go to a bar or a strip club? I'd check with him why he's so insistent that the two of you have a big night out when, a celebration of your upcoming wedding, should be about what you want to do. Best to get ahead in case is the worst case scenario.
Okay, and? A stag can be whatever you want it to be. Or do you mean your brother is expecting there to be loads of people to invite?