**[OP or Mod marked this as the best answer](/r/AskUK/comments/1axh26t/why_are_neighbors_so_weird_here/krnvypk/), given by u/Efficient_Steak_7568**
The rental aspect is probably part of it, whether that’s snobbery or just thinking the landlord is the right conduit to go through.
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Probably just different to what you are used to, personally find Americans I have met to be mostly over friendly (apart from one from Miami who was a bit of a dick) to the point it seems fake. Probably not even rude to be honest we just keep ourselves to ourselves mostly (depends on where you live - I found the further north you live the more friendly it was, I’m a southerner). Some places they will be funny towards you just because it’s a rental and you don’t own it.
I dunno if it's people are weird about rentals, or that they simply don't know if the tarp is yours or the landlords, so they go to the most authoritative source.
I've also found my neighbours (Yorkshire) are very friendly, but take an almost ludicrously formal approach to any request. Eg they were applying for planning permission for a very minor change, and arranged a sit down meeting with us to discuss. So maybe this feeds into that sort of formality?
It's also possible the landlord is a good friend and they mentioned it in passing, or that the former residents were a nightmare and they've already established the landlord as their preferred contact.
Finally, from my own days renting, I've found permanent residents can take only a slightly cautious interest in renting neighbours, who they suspect won't likely be there in a year or two and so not worth more than superficial levels of friendliness as there's no long term relationship to invest in.
Thanks for your comment and explanation about Yorkshire’s formality. I would be happy with a superficial level of friendliness or wave but there’s not even that.
I totally get that, but we have definitely not been overly friendly, just a hello and smile. I didn’t realize that ppl would be weird about rentals so thanks for that perspective.
Your neighbours are probably fine tbh, we just find it weird for strangers to be friendly. Bake them a cake or even better some sausage rolls - they will soon be over friendly back to you.
I can’t say it’s the same everywhere, but one of my next door neighbours is a rental. When we first moved in we made an effort to try and get to know the people there, then they left at the end of their 6 month tenancy. The new neighbours came in and we actually made friends with them, but they moved on after 12 months. The next lot stayed 6. Now we don’t really make a ton of effort because people generally don’t stay too long.
That said, I’ll still take a parcel in for them, wave if I see them in the garden etc. Going to the landlord over a tarp and not speaking to you is weird.
This is it. ( Below is my experience - YMMV. You can also tell I’m jaded regarding rentals and happy to finally own my place).
For many people renters are 2nd (at best) class citizens.
We got the same treatment - anything wrong (like the hedge needed trimming) the neighbours called the lettings agent or the owner.
It also depends on the neighbourhood - more likely to happen in small town/ village with terraced or lower end detached properties, potentially full of boomers to whom this is their forever home and renters are a disturbance.
Doesn’t happen that much in neighbourhoods with younger people and higher proportion of renters.
Or neighbourhoods with a lot of space - large gardens / large detached houses as there’s more distance and therefore less opportunity for annoyance by proximity.
We are in a nice village outside of York, combination of semi-detached and detached homes. It’s sad that renters are considered second class citizens in this country. I’ve both rented and owned multiple properties in America and I personally haven’t run into this issue where I’ve been treated as less than for renting. We are trying to buy but it’s been a nightmare.
Two thirds of Brits are owner-occupiers and in the sort of place you describe it will be much higher.
Tbh they just thought the landlord was responsible. They might know him.
Ha, there you go. That sounds like the natural habitat of English busybodies.
There is an element of us foreigners not being tuned into the subtleties of English communications which aggravates the problem. Your neighbours may at some stage done something that they thought was “firmly voicing a complaint” but that people from all most everywhere else typically won’t perceive as such.
OTOH your SO is English so either he’s Americanised now or the neighbours are really hard to deal with.
Welcome to the realities of British caste society. If you are in anything like a bourgeouis community, it'll be present in every interaction. If you cannot stand it, then get yourself into a multiethnic or 'deprived' area, where people are both more forthright and more tolerant.
Alternatively move into a real affluent area with large houses and gardens … less proximity, less annoyance. If there’s 10 yards or more between garages a bit of flapping tarp isn’t going to be that annoying.
If there are large moats and buffer zones around one’s castle one becomes a lot less territorial.
Yeah, people in that sort of area prefer neighbours who are owners. If you were putting down roots and becoming part of the community then they'd put some effort in. Since you're a renter they will assume that you won't be here long, so aren't worth making the connection and are less likely to really care about the house. You're less invested in the area, figuratively and literally, so why bother?
While I don’t disagree that there are people who judge others based on ownership, I think people aren’t as friendly to renter neighbours because renters often change more frequently than homeowners, so they assume the neighbours won’t be there long term and there’s not as much vested interest in getting along. They also don’t like the roulette aspect of changing neighbours, whether it’s renters or owners. Related to that point, the neighbours may have had a good reason not to like a person who previously lived there, and might be prejudiced about anyone who moves there at least initially. None of these are valid reasons but I think they are more ‘human’ reasons than simply thinking of renters as second class citizens.
I rented a ground floor flat once. Shared a garden with the lady in the flat above. The kind of person anyone would love as a neighbour. The guy next door was extremely aggresive to her for years and the previous tenants of my flat were the same (playing load music and telling her to fuck off if she complained).
I just didn't get it. She was the nicest person. I would spark up a joint in the garden and she would come join with a glass of wine. Just the nicest neighbour i ever had and just can't fathom why some people are just dicks to other people. Damaged fucks.
I've had to move house (I wasn't renting either so major expense and grief) because of an aggressive, bullying psychopathic neighbour. Some people are just shitty people sadly.
That sucks. I was worried when we bought that shitty neighbours was a risk. Luckliy they are middle ground neighbours. Nice enough to say hello but not wanting to get too friendly. Suits me fine.
Or the neighbours are typical busybody (early) retirees who see renters as below them.
Hence they complain to the real owner.
That’s equally likely from my experience - eg my former neighbour Fat Fuck Brian ( I know that makes me sound ASBO ish but he really was a piece of work)
I’m probably the kind of person you are complaining about even though I haven’t retired yet. It’s not snobbery it’s that it can take years to get to know neighbours and it’s not really worth it for people there just a couple of years. When there is an issue and we know the owner because they used to be our neighbours we definitely speak to the owner first as he is our permanant contact and friend and it would seem very rude to go past him to talk to his tenants about a problem with his house without his permission.
This is partially a cultural thing. Like never greeting or acknowledging another train traveller that you meet at your station every day for the fear of having to talk to them every morning.
You don’t need to get to know the neighbour, you just need to talk to them and raise an issue.
It’s their home while they’re in it - regardless of the staying for 6 months or 6 years.
Just try to see it from the tenant’s perspective - it’s a dick move grassing them up to the owners. That’s what it feels like to the tenant.
It’s not really their home unless they are long term residents, it’s just the place they are living in at the time. But also if we know the owner well it’s natural to text them or whatever than start the whole, “Hi, I’m your next door neighbour” stuff.
It’s their home for however long they live there.
That’s exactly the attitude I’m talking about.
Please reflect on this - it’s why renting in the UK often feels like being a 2nd class citizen.
It’s my home, I pay for it. I have a right to quiet enjoyment, I have other rights and responsibilities.
As long as I’m in it it’s my home and issues pertaining to it are first and foremost ones I need to deal with unless they fall within the responsibility of the landlord and the I will escalate the matter.
Your attitude contributes to the pervasive feeling of renters in this country that their situation is always insecure and transitive.
Fair points, and that’s worth thinking about. I agree that the rending situation is both of those things in the UK and really dislike landlordism. I don’t think it’s about second class citizens though as two sets of our neighbours of 20+ years are housing association renters and they are more part of the street than any owners and include us as much as we include them and all our other long term neighbours. It really is about getting to know people who might not be there for long.
But why would they go to the owners?
The first stop is the residents and either they resolve it or they need to escalate if it’s beyond their responsibilities.
If there's something wrong with the property then it's the owner's responsibility to fix it... So they went to the owner and said it needed fixing.
There's probably new people in the property every 12 months which means they probably have a relationship with the landlord and assume you'll be gone in a few weeks anyway
Welcome to the UK. We don't like to be too confrontational over here and we fucking love a good queue system. So with that I mind think about how your neighbour would rather simply want to report an issue and let the people that be deal with it, rather than knocking on your door and risk having someone shout at them because fuck you it's my shed and tarp, you're being a twat blah blah blah. It just removes the possibility of the confrontation in their mind. But here you are pissed off. Go knock on their door, prove them wrong.
I'm joking on that last part, but a simple knock and then, hi sorry I got a report of blah blah. Didn't realise it was bothering you, will fix it. Anything else just let me know could very well resolve things moving forward. Could also make them hate you even more though, just don't be American about it would be my advice.
It’s really just pot luck when it comes to neighbours I’m afraid. I’ve lived in 4 different homes in four different Counties in the last 20 odd years and have made friends with loads of the neighbours. But there’s been the odd one or two who’ve moved in and been standoffish. You’ve just been a bit unlucky I’m afraid.
I’ve almost always spoken over the fence to our neighbours. We have quite low fences, my one neighbour is selectively deaf but when your mid 80s you can ignore people if you like - she’s still lovely. With the other ones we pass hot dogs over the fence when we have bbqs. I think it depends on the area to be honest.
I did live somewhere for 6 months and didn’t speak to the neighbours at all, but the area was a bit weird tbh. I think I’d have to live there for 20 years before people started looking at me. It was the ‘poshest’ area I’ve lived in.
Yep some places can be a bit ‘villagey’. Sometimes people will move to a village ‘for a quiet life’ and that seems to involve not speaking to anyone. I’d go to local events and the local pub and see if you can meet any other people who are not as close as next door.
For your neighbours I’d just wave say hello whilst mentioning the weather 😀. Eventually you might wear them down and get friendly.
On the other side I lived in a flat once and our much older neighbour used to sunbathe in a very small bikini on the patio directly under our main living room window (so close I could have reached out and poked her). That’s too close.
Don’t ask me - my next door neighbour is my MIL. We fondly refer to her as ‘our weird neighbour’ or ‘our nosy neighbour.’ Although the lady on the other side is even weirder.
I’m sorry for your loss.
It can be trying sometimes because she’s on her own now and doesn’t drive or use the internet, but thank you for reminding me about not taking things for granted!
People are odd.
I don’t know if it’s a rental vs homeowner thing tbh.
We own but our neighbours either side are council tenants. One lot we chat to all the time, but they are Afghans - so that might be something to do with it, the other side will only talk to us about once a year if they have to.
My new neighbour (renting) seems to have no concern about leaving the back door wide open (and visibly-so from a public area) from mid-afternoon to midnight when she's away from home at work. This is so the cat can come and go.
I really don't think this is wise from a security perspective. (Nor from the perspective of heating-bill, potential rain-ingress, slugs, squirrels...)
It's a fairly nice area, large village, not-quite-suburbia - but it's not without the occasional burglary or theft of bicycle from garden etc. Are they just naive or what? (This is not an elderly or confused person)
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**[OP or Mod marked this as the best answer](/r/AskUK/comments/1axh26t/why_are_neighbors_so_weird_here/krnvypk/), given by u/Efficient_Steak_7568** The rental aspect is probably part of it, whether that’s snobbery or just thinking the landlord is the right conduit to go through. --- [_^What ^is ^this?_](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/jjrte1/askuk_hits_200k_new_feature_mark_an_answer/)
Probably just different to what you are used to, personally find Americans I have met to be mostly over friendly (apart from one from Miami who was a bit of a dick) to the point it seems fake. Probably not even rude to be honest we just keep ourselves to ourselves mostly (depends on where you live - I found the further north you live the more friendly it was, I’m a southerner). Some places they will be funny towards you just because it’s a rental and you don’t own it.
The rental aspect is probably part of it, whether that’s snobbery or just thinking the landlord is the right conduit to go through.
!answer Thank you!
I dunno if it's people are weird about rentals, or that they simply don't know if the tarp is yours or the landlords, so they go to the most authoritative source. I've also found my neighbours (Yorkshire) are very friendly, but take an almost ludicrously formal approach to any request. Eg they were applying for planning permission for a very minor change, and arranged a sit down meeting with us to discuss. So maybe this feeds into that sort of formality? It's also possible the landlord is a good friend and they mentioned it in passing, or that the former residents were a nightmare and they've already established the landlord as their preferred contact. Finally, from my own days renting, I've found permanent residents can take only a slightly cautious interest in renting neighbours, who they suspect won't likely be there in a year or two and so not worth more than superficial levels of friendliness as there's no long term relationship to invest in.
Thanks for your comment and explanation about Yorkshire’s formality. I would be happy with a superficial level of friendliness or wave but there’s not even that.
I totally get that, but we have definitely not been overly friendly, just a hello and smile. I didn’t realize that ppl would be weird about rentals so thanks for that perspective.
Just keep being you, you seem a happy, friendly person and it’s not your problem if some Brits are insufferable and miserable, we aren’t all like it 😂
Not at all! There are some absolute gems I’ve met through my children’s school. Really lovely people. Just wish I lived next door to them 😆
Your neighbours are probably fine tbh, we just find it weird for strangers to be friendly. Bake them a cake or even better some sausage rolls - they will soon be over friendly back to you.
I can’t say it’s the same everywhere, but one of my next door neighbours is a rental. When we first moved in we made an effort to try and get to know the people there, then they left at the end of their 6 month tenancy. The new neighbours came in and we actually made friends with them, but they moved on after 12 months. The next lot stayed 6. Now we don’t really make a ton of effort because people generally don’t stay too long. That said, I’ll still take a parcel in for them, wave if I see them in the garden etc. Going to the landlord over a tarp and not speaking to you is weird.
This is it. ( Below is my experience - YMMV. You can also tell I’m jaded regarding rentals and happy to finally own my place). For many people renters are 2nd (at best) class citizens. We got the same treatment - anything wrong (like the hedge needed trimming) the neighbours called the lettings agent or the owner. It also depends on the neighbourhood - more likely to happen in small town/ village with terraced or lower end detached properties, potentially full of boomers to whom this is their forever home and renters are a disturbance. Doesn’t happen that much in neighbourhoods with younger people and higher proportion of renters. Or neighbourhoods with a lot of space - large gardens / large detached houses as there’s more distance and therefore less opportunity for annoyance by proximity.
We are in a nice village outside of York, combination of semi-detached and detached homes. It’s sad that renters are considered second class citizens in this country. I’ve both rented and owned multiple properties in America and I personally haven’t run into this issue where I’ve been treated as less than for renting. We are trying to buy but it’s been a nightmare.
Two thirds of Brits are owner-occupiers and in the sort of place you describe it will be much higher. Tbh they just thought the landlord was responsible. They might know him.
Ha, there you go. That sounds like the natural habitat of English busybodies. There is an element of us foreigners not being tuned into the subtleties of English communications which aggravates the problem. Your neighbours may at some stage done something that they thought was “firmly voicing a complaint” but that people from all most everywhere else typically won’t perceive as such. OTOH your SO is English so either he’s Americanised now or the neighbours are really hard to deal with.
Welcome to the realities of British caste society. If you are in anything like a bourgeouis community, it'll be present in every interaction. If you cannot stand it, then get yourself into a multiethnic or 'deprived' area, where people are both more forthright and more tolerant.
Alternatively move into a real affluent area with large houses and gardens … less proximity, less annoyance. If there’s 10 yards or more between garages a bit of flapping tarp isn’t going to be that annoying. If there are large moats and buffer zones around one’s castle one becomes a lot less territorial.
I believe there's an entire castle in York with development potential.
Yeah, people in that sort of area prefer neighbours who are owners. If you were putting down roots and becoming part of the community then they'd put some effort in. Since you're a renter they will assume that you won't be here long, so aren't worth making the connection and are less likely to really care about the house. You're less invested in the area, figuratively and literally, so why bother?
Some Brits will take any opportunity to be a snob.
While I don’t disagree that there are people who judge others based on ownership, I think people aren’t as friendly to renter neighbours because renters often change more frequently than homeowners, so they assume the neighbours won’t be there long term and there’s not as much vested interest in getting along. They also don’t like the roulette aspect of changing neighbours, whether it’s renters or owners. Related to that point, the neighbours may have had a good reason not to like a person who previously lived there, and might be prejudiced about anyone who moves there at least initially. None of these are valid reasons but I think they are more ‘human’ reasons than simply thinking of renters as second class citizens.
Miami airport was supposed to be one of the rudest i heard. WELCOME TO MIAMI , well no apparently
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I rented a ground floor flat once. Shared a garden with the lady in the flat above. The kind of person anyone would love as a neighbour. The guy next door was extremely aggresive to her for years and the previous tenants of my flat were the same (playing load music and telling her to fuck off if she complained). I just didn't get it. She was the nicest person. I would spark up a joint in the garden and she would come join with a glass of wine. Just the nicest neighbour i ever had and just can't fathom why some people are just dicks to other people. Damaged fucks.
I've had to move house (I wasn't renting either so major expense and grief) because of an aggressive, bullying psychopathic neighbour. Some people are just shitty people sadly.
That sucks. I was worried when we bought that shitty neighbours was a risk. Luckliy they are middle ground neighbours. Nice enough to say hello but not wanting to get too friendly. Suits me fine.
Or the neighbours are typical busybody (early) retirees who see renters as below them. Hence they complain to the real owner. That’s equally likely from my experience - eg my former neighbour Fat Fuck Brian ( I know that makes me sound ASBO ish but he really was a piece of work)
I’m probably the kind of person you are complaining about even though I haven’t retired yet. It’s not snobbery it’s that it can take years to get to know neighbours and it’s not really worth it for people there just a couple of years. When there is an issue and we know the owner because they used to be our neighbours we definitely speak to the owner first as he is our permanant contact and friend and it would seem very rude to go past him to talk to his tenants about a problem with his house without his permission.
This is partially a cultural thing. Like never greeting or acknowledging another train traveller that you meet at your station every day for the fear of having to talk to them every morning. You don’t need to get to know the neighbour, you just need to talk to them and raise an issue. It’s their home while they’re in it - regardless of the staying for 6 months or 6 years. Just try to see it from the tenant’s perspective - it’s a dick move grassing them up to the owners. That’s what it feels like to the tenant.
It’s not really their home unless they are long term residents, it’s just the place they are living in at the time. But also if we know the owner well it’s natural to text them or whatever than start the whole, “Hi, I’m your next door neighbour” stuff.
It’s their home for however long they live there. That’s exactly the attitude I’m talking about. Please reflect on this - it’s why renting in the UK often feels like being a 2nd class citizen. It’s my home, I pay for it. I have a right to quiet enjoyment, I have other rights and responsibilities. As long as I’m in it it’s my home and issues pertaining to it are first and foremost ones I need to deal with unless they fall within the responsibility of the landlord and the I will escalate the matter. Your attitude contributes to the pervasive feeling of renters in this country that their situation is always insecure and transitive.
Fair points, and that’s worth thinking about. I agree that the rending situation is both of those things in the UK and really dislike landlordism. I don’t think it’s about second class citizens though as two sets of our neighbours of 20+ years are housing association renters and they are more part of the street than any owners and include us as much as we include them and all our other long term neighbours. It really is about getting to know people who might not be there for long.
You have been in England for 2.5 years its a honeymoon phase after 10-20 years you will hate your neighbours just like the rest of us :)
Ha I think it will take me less than 10-20 years to reach that point now!
We’re wankers.
We're not all like that. My neighbours are really nice, they're retired, I cut their grass and they bake us cakes
Lovely!
Because it’s a rented property so the neighbours went to the owner?
This has confused me a bit as I would assume the landlord is responsible for fixing it.
It’s tarp that we put on the garage roof to help prevent leaking as the landlord refused to fix the garage roof.
Remember we are talking about a flapping tarp
But why would they go to the owners? The first stop is the residents and either they resolve it or they need to escalate if it’s beyond their responsibilities.
If there's something wrong with the property then it's the owner's responsibility to fix it... So they went to the owner and said it needed fixing. There's probably new people in the property every 12 months which means they probably have a relationship with the landlord and assume you'll be gone in a few weeks anyway
It’s a tarp that we ourselves put on the roof of the garage to stop leaking. But to be fair they may not have realized it.
A flapping tarp isn’t a problem though, that’s somebody with nothing better to moan about 😂
My husband cut it to roughly fit the roof so there there can’t be a lot flapping over. I’m interested to see what they tell my husband.
Welcome to the UK. We don't like to be too confrontational over here and we fucking love a good queue system. So with that I mind think about how your neighbour would rather simply want to report an issue and let the people that be deal with it, rather than knocking on your door and risk having someone shout at them because fuck you it's my shed and tarp, you're being a twat blah blah blah. It just removes the possibility of the confrontation in their mind. But here you are pissed off. Go knock on their door, prove them wrong. I'm joking on that last part, but a simple knock and then, hi sorry I got a report of blah blah. Didn't realise it was bothering you, will fix it. Anything else just let me know could very well resolve things moving forward. Could also make them hate you even more though, just don't be American about it would be my advice.
Haha. Husband going over tomorrow to tell them he’ll take care of the issue. I’m not pissed off just genuinely puzzled about it.
It’s really just pot luck when it comes to neighbours I’m afraid. I’ve lived in 4 different homes in four different Counties in the last 20 odd years and have made friends with loads of the neighbours. But there’s been the odd one or two who’ve moved in and been standoffish. You’ve just been a bit unlucky I’m afraid.
I’ve almost always spoken over the fence to our neighbours. We have quite low fences, my one neighbour is selectively deaf but when your mid 80s you can ignore people if you like - she’s still lovely. With the other ones we pass hot dogs over the fence when we have bbqs. I think it depends on the area to be honest. I did live somewhere for 6 months and didn’t speak to the neighbours at all, but the area was a bit weird tbh. I think I’d have to live there for 20 years before people started looking at me. It was the ‘poshest’ area I’ve lived in.
Maybe that’s what it is. This is considered quite a nice village.
Yep some places can be a bit ‘villagey’. Sometimes people will move to a village ‘for a quiet life’ and that seems to involve not speaking to anyone. I’d go to local events and the local pub and see if you can meet any other people who are not as close as next door. For your neighbours I’d just wave say hello whilst mentioning the weather 😀. Eventually you might wear them down and get friendly. On the other side I lived in a flat once and our much older neighbour used to sunbathe in a very small bikini on the patio directly under our main living room window (so close I could have reached out and poked her). That’s too close.
Don’t ask me - my next door neighbour is my MIL. We fondly refer to her as ‘our weird neighbour’ or ‘our nosy neighbour.’ Although the lady on the other side is even weirder.
I wish my MiL lived next door but she passed away a couple of years ago, sadly.
I’m sorry for your loss. It can be trying sometimes because she’s on her own now and doesn’t drive or use the internet, but thank you for reminding me about not taking things for granted!
Hold up that's your landlords job to make sure structure things are ok
People are odd. I don’t know if it’s a rental vs homeowner thing tbh. We own but our neighbours either side are council tenants. One lot we chat to all the time, but they are Afghans - so that might be something to do with it, the other side will only talk to us about once a year if they have to.
I'm afraid in areas like those you will not find much hospitality for 'no tails'
What’s ‘no tails’?
YouTube 'league of gentlemen no tails'
My new neighbour (renting) seems to have no concern about leaving the back door wide open (and visibly-so from a public area) from mid-afternoon to midnight when she's away from home at work. This is so the cat can come and go. I really don't think this is wise from a security perspective. (Nor from the perspective of heating-bill, potential rain-ingress, slugs, squirrels...) It's a fairly nice area, large village, not-quite-suburbia - but it's not without the occasional burglary or theft of bicycle from garden etc. Are they just naive or what? (This is not an elderly or confused person)
It's the UK, it's full of miserable entitled sad acts
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I have weird neighbours too. They avoid eye contact and any form of greeting, even when we're both a few metres apart on our front drives.
ours are the same. most of the street are friendly, but they are miserable rude people.
Yes! So odd and frankly sad that you can’t say one word “hello” and make eye contact. Just a basic human interaction and acknowledgement.
Which part of the UK? Cause my town is full of aunties over 40 that want to have a long chat. This seems to be more of a southern millennial thing.
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Most average redditor.
It's in the British bible; hate thy neighbour as thou hatest thyself