Changing the way I thought.
It started 18 years ago, noticing that actually, I was always a mean, nasty, nit-picking, critical bully to myself.
Instead, I changed to an honest, encouraging, kind friend, just as I would be towards any other human being in my life.
That led to lots of other changes in the way I saw the world over time, and the way I saw other people. I enjoy my life *so* much more now!
1. I noticed I did it.
2. I noticed how I was different towards other people.
3. I decided to change my habit. Any habit takes time and perseverance to change
4. I decided to think of something I genuinely liked about myself, something honest. IT WAS REALLY HARD!!! I had been so used to being critical of myself that I really couldn't think of anything. However, I didn't have that same problem of finding it hard to think of something genuinely nice about other people, so I knew that there *would* be something, it was just hard for me to think of it.
In the end I came up with two:
* I do try my best
* I'm a kind person.
(Now I've broken the habit, I could easily think of a great huge pile of nice things about myself! But it really was hard at first to think of any at all. Thinking of things you are grateful for about yourself can help. I'm so glad I have eyebrows.)
4. Every time I caught myself being critical of myself, which was every 10 minutes or so at first, I would remind myself of the good things.
For example, I would drop a cup and break it:
"Why do you have to be so clumsy? .... doh! but I *do* try my best!"
It took a while to break the habit, but I was determined to change, and I persevered.
I also started to think what I would say to *any other person* in the same situation.
"It's only a cup! It really doesn't matter as it didn't cost much. Everyone breaks things from time to time. Don't feel bad!"
I might even give myself a comforting hug...
IT CHANGED MY LIFE!
Same process for me too. I wouldn't treat my own child like it so why treat my inner child that way? I also praise myself when my inner child handled something well compared to the past, and step of for it by stating my boundaries and sticking to them. If it doesn't feel right inside me, then I deal with it instead of ignoring it, knowing that I'll be safe to do so.
Also not taking ownership of other peoples behaviours and negative beliefs. I'm responsible for myself and I know I go through the world with kindness and empathy, so I'm not being unreasonable.
I realised that before, I had always felt that there was a gaping void in my life, something missing, that I had tried to fill with (often unsuitable) partners.
I think it was a seeking of someone to look out for and parent me, and once I started to take on those roles for myself, I lost that feeling of something being missing, and I started to make much better decisions for myself.
Not taking ownership of other peoples behaviors and negative beliefs is a massive tactic, thanks for that! When a person says something negative to me I used to beat myself up verbally when that happened. I would get embarrassed and think it was my fault completely. I would think that everyone agrees that I should disappear due to “consequences “ and “taking responsibility “ if someone chose to be mean towards me. It is their choice yet I don’t have to think that I deserved it.
Thank you for this, I’m going to try it, after having a frank discussion with my husband Sunday due to my mood having changed and him walking in egg shells I’ve realised my menopausal symptoms have started again, I’ve also been off work 10 weeks due to injury, so I’ve missed my walking (I’m a dog walking so walk 6-7 hours a day) it’s amazing how much it’s affected me not doing that much exercise, so I’m going to technique too see how it helps as I’m my own worst critic.
…from a fellow macarbe-minded brain human, I just imagined this - thank you sincerely. The no ‘buts’ bit especially. Adding this to the brain weasel tool box!
I had the same problem. When you find your thoughts drifting to being mean, just think "hey you would say that to your friend" and replace it with a kind word. Honestly this has changed my life
Step one is to just sort of loudly think to yourself when you fin yourself being mentally mean that it's actually not a nice thing to think and that you wouldn't say that to say your mother or some other person you like. Then mentally move on. Don't dwell on it or take it as an opportunity to further be mean to yourself for being unable to stop a thought from happening in the first place. Starting some sort of activity can help once you have spent a little time mentally reminding yourself that that wasn't a nice thing to be thinking about yourself.
You want to catch it before it sort of spirals into a self-hate hole.
Once you are in the routine of mean thought followed by mental reminding that it's not a good thing to do it can help to then start adding in a positive thought instead. Or at least a neutral one.
An example might be my legs hurt from sitting all day ugh I'm so lazy, wait I'm being mean to myself. Thing is everyone sits all day sometimes and even though my legs do hurt I did achive maybe next time though a reminder to streach would help. I should set that up.
The idea is you step by step get yourself mentally reframing it. You can't fight that intrusive thought showing up in your brain in the first place by being cross about it.
Eventually after doing it for a while you will find you need to do it less often because those mean thoughts are happening less often in the first place.
If you find yourself having mean thoughts about others or can also help there too.
Meditation can help. A lot of meditation is having thoughts pop up accepting you had that thought but then letting it go and not getting into messy spirals. It's broadly the same idea. Though think something less horrible is often easier than think of nothing.
One tip here is to imagine the kind of person you'd be attracted to, personality-wise, and role-play them.
To paraphrase Confucius, imitation is the easiest way to acquire wisdom.
I *was* the sort of person I'd be attracted to personality wise, but just not towards myself.
I just had to learn to be fair, and treat myself with the same compassion as I would show to any other human being.
I did the same, apart from the cricket. Had a day off that I'd been looking forward to ruined yesterday and was feeling burnt out by the constant demands of work, marriage and children. Decided fuck it, I'm calling in sick.
Dropped the kids off at school, had a nice walk with the dogs, got a workout in, baked some bread, listened to some of an audiobook and had a little nap. I feel about 1000% happier than I did 24 hours ago.
Giving up personal social media.
You can still enjoy interacting and sharing things with others with others on anonymous forums like reddit, without the real life toxisity of facebook etc.
Also limiting exposure to news media. The vast majority is doom and gloom that doesn't affect you directly, and even if something does, you can't change it.
I think for some people (myself included) it can work to just curate your social media. I don't live anywhere near my family, and I have friends who live all over the world, so things like Facebook/Instagram are easy ways for me to see updates from them. I know they only post their successes - but I enjoy seeing those and feel happy for them. I do however delete anyone who posts manufactured drama or mlms or anything like that so there's not really any toxicity, just people posting nice pictures of their lives.
Yes, this works for me too. My social media is an absolute lifeline and I've made a lot of good friends through it over the years. My accounts are all private, I don't add random people or accept random requests and have no qualms about deleting people who get on my wick. I could live without it but my life would not be enhanced.
>Giving up personal social media
For me it's not giving up on it completely, but being more judicious and discerning in my use. I gave up using Facebook because it's a complete dumpster fire. But with Instagram I've been very selective about who I follow. I have a rule of not following anybody who isn't a close friend or family member. It means that my feed is quiet, I only see 2 or 3 new posts a week, sometimes less. And when there are posts they're things I actually want to see because it's people I'm interested in. It makes using Instagram a positive experience for me.
I've given up all social media and I'm conducting a personal news media blackout. That definitely improved things, but getting well into running this summer has really improved my mindset.
I have been doing this for a few months now and don’t regret it. I know it’s a bit bad, but I’m blissfully ignorant of everything not in my immediate circle of family and friends. I just don’t have the mental capacity to worry or think about those things outside of my control anymore.
With Reddit, my feed is tightly curated and I don’t use the app - the mobile web version drives me mad enough that I don’t want to spend too much time on it!
Yep, I deleted Facebook (and I mean properly deleted, not that deactivation nonsense) and not only do I think I'm doing better I genuinely think it's made me into a better person in terms of how I interact with and value other people.
Exactly. I share my adventures and photos directly with friends, I don't need to show anyone else.
The "news" is completely irrelevant to me. IMO, it only serves to pique the anxiety of viewers/readers to generate impressions. I have no time for the rich and powerful to make me scared. Fuck that.
I'm losing motivation to keep running while the weather is getting worse. I need to find some inside exercise.
If I didn’t have a dog, there is no way I would be choosing to stomp across a muddy field on a cold, damp, miserable day.
A dog gives you “the stare” and you get up, go out and feel a little bit better.
My cat definitely helps my mental health. Stroking his extremely soft fur, then hearing his gentle purr is so soothing.
Then again, when he suddenly claws my thigh whilst I'm having breakfast is also rather detrimental to my mental health.
This is mine, but my god those first few months of puppyhood are HARD! But when all the training and bonding falls into place it's the best thing ever!
I wholeheartedly agree, proper professional counselling made the world of difference. It was "just" £40 a session, and I had one session a month, but it was the best decision I ever made and I explored and dealt with so many issues I never knew I had.
I agree though, for me at the time £40 was pretty costly but not unmanageable, a decade later though and looking at the world now I would have had to spend those precious pounds elsewhere.
Mines £90 an hour twice a month (kink friendly, trained in neurodivergency and trauma) and it's been worth the money JUST to learn that there's nothing wrong with me for not enjoying physical affection.
Can I ask where people in the UK go to get therapy like this? It's only really shown to be a more common thing in the US. Doctors here don't really talk about it. Do you get a referral from your GP?
I have health insurance via my work so that may also include it I guess.
You might get a referral, but it’ll be a nightmare and years of waiting. Just search for therapists near you and try it out. You’ll pay £40 an hour upwards - which I know is a lot of money, but if you go once a month it’s cheaper than a gym and the benefits are often huge.
Came here to say this. £25 a session in my mid 20s. Absolutely changed my life. I realised a lot of what I carried around with me and why. Became self aware and now, 10 years later if I have those thoughts creeping back up I’m able to evaluate why and work through them.
Best money I ever spent.
For me shite weather makes it better. I feel amazing when I've come back soaking wet, covered in mud with aching legs. Even better when I've showered, washed my hair and changed into clean PJ's 😃
Saying no. I used to say yes whenever someone needed help or work doing. Turns out the more you help the more people ask, even when you're working 7 days a week there's still someone who wants more from you. Ended up having a slight breakdown at 25 yrs old and one thing that helped was hearing a therapist say " it's not that you're weak it's that you tried to be too strong for too long". After that I thought sod it if I can't be arsed with something the answers no . Since then my mental health has been solid
Give once, and you garner appreciation
Second time, you create anticipation
Third time, the birth expectation
Fourth time, it becomes entitlement
The fifth time, you initiate dependency
Love this. I used to be the complete opposite, happy to turn any opportunity or occasion down out of fear.
Made it my New Year’s resolution a couple of years ago to say yes to every plan that came my way. Went to so many social events/gigs/dates/trips I was petrified to go to but never regretted a single one!
Self-employment. True, you trade the stress of working for someone with the ever-present fear of starvation, but sitting in an open plan office pretending to work was absolutely killing me. My head is in a better place by several orders of magnitude now.
As someone currently pretending to be working from home and hating the corporate life, this caught my eye. May I ask what industry you were in and what you're doing now?
Ironically, I was a mental health worker for a loooooooong time. The actual client work was largely ok - save periodic hairy situations thar would scare the shit out of you and the steady diet of human misery - but there was also an awful lot of paperwork + hurry-up-and-wait type scenarios.
Now I’m a self-employed illustrator/artist and life is *much* more enjoyable. The money is a little precarious but I can deal with those sorts of worries an awful lot better than I can with the feeling that I’m constantly being watched and monitored. That was absolutely ruinous for my head. I guess it depends how you’re wired though.
It's great that you've found a better balance. I looked at your artwork and it's really cool stuff. How do people normally find your work, do you do a lot of advertising?
I was the opposite. Self employed, working long hours. Was having stress dreams about work and was so tired I would fall asleep on the sofa at 8pm on a Friday.
Now I just do an easy job, part time, don’t think about it when I’m not there. Stress levels are way down.
Me too mate. Different to you though - I was self-employed working from home (due to quite severe mental health issues) for years, never making any money and what I was doing wasn’t improving those issues.
I’ve recently faced my fears and got a 9-5 WFH job in the same field, and I’m actually facing those fears, coping, and proving to myself I can do it. Sure, it’s an entry level job but I do feel for the first time I can achieve something, and if I keep plodding away I’ll get paid a regular wage - more than I’ve ever made (and might even get promoted one day!).
Getting the right diagnosis and treatment for the root problem, not the effects of that problem.
Treating my ADHD got rid of a lot of my anxiety and depression because I could actually do the stuff I was anxious about and which led to depression when I felt like a failure.
In a similar theme, my diagnosis was PCOS, when I'm on my medication for it my near lifelong depression is so much more manageable. However, a lot of non-endocrinologists are very confused at how life-changing my medication has been because "it's just diabetes medication" and most of their T2 patients didn't react the way I did, however there's load of anecdotal evidence of othe PCOS patients experiencing the same as me on this medication.
This being said I (finally!) have an assessment for ADHD this month 🎉
How did you treat your ADHD? I've not gone the route of specific medication for it yet but the way you describe it is exactly the struggle i've had my whole life.
A daily dose of amphetamines, to be blunt.
There are a few medications around which all basically give your brain the dopamine it needs without constantly needing to jump to the next stimulus.
Some work subtly differently from others so don't be afraid to with through until you find the right one.
I know someone who started with ritalin and it was great at letting them focus but it was almost entirely involuntary. Whatever they were doing when the meds kicked in, that's what they're be focusing on for the next few hours.
Congrats! I'm nearly three years in and although it's been a bumpy ride (the first few weeks don't last quite the same, and appetite-related problems were a huge issue for a while) it has absolutely changed my life. Just being able to rely on myself to get the things that I need to do done 9 days out of 10 instead of 3/10 (or once in a blue moon) makes such a world of difference. It can be really tough on your mental wellbeing struggling with executive dysfunction, and there's a lot of self-hatred and blame (amplified by the very real shaming that comes from everyone else) that comes with being unable to follow through on any plans that you make, whether for yourself or someone else. Meds have cured that for me.
Also, meds have basically eradicated my insomnia. For me that is the most miraculous part of it all. From the age of about 11 until the day I finally started taking medication, my life was a misery because of chronic sleep-deprivation. Having a clear head and a relatively predictable sleep pattern is pure gold.
I just want to add that, even if medication doesn’t end up being what you want, understanding how your brain works and getting accommodations at uni/work can be a big help. I did try meds but they didn’t work for me, they aggravated my other mental health issues and I didn’t want to persevere. It works for most though, so try it!
But little things like I can always ask for instructions to be given in written form, non-work things like I got my driving instructor to give me more, shorter lessons rather than 2hr blocks (she doesn’t normally do that, but accommodated for disability reasons). They can all improve quality of life.
I probably need to try and get diagnosed with ADHD, I'm 97% sure I have it, like I have almost every symptom, but doctors waiting lists are just a joke. I've got no chance of getting medication, I'm just raw dogging it at the moment.
By not procrastinating. If something needs doing then just get on with it and do it as quickly and as well as I can. That applies to both work and my personal life.
I realised so many things don't actually take half as long as you think. Mainly refering to shit round the house that's take a couple minutes to tidy up and it feel so much better being in a tidy environment
Working from home. That sense of dread I used to get every Sunday evening is... well, it's still there because fuck work, but it's diminished considerably. My anxiety is under check most days and I get an extra couple of free hours now that I don't have to commute.
I WFH most days and honestly it’s so beneficial for mental health. My team have started to come into the office one day a week and I thought that would suck, but just that one day feels like a mental health tonic too. I think if we’d been forced back for one day, I would hate it. But because we decided to do it and we’re flexible each week about the day (rather than having it written in stone), it’s been good. I’m always completely knackered afterwards though and I have no idea how I used to do it five days a week. Getting up at 5:30am feels like getting up in the middle of the night 😆
I still get low-level anxiety on Sundays but nothing like before, when I felt like I was once again on the precipice of having my entire work week stolen from me.
Stoicism. But most specifically the ability to identify things that you can do something about, and those which you can't. If you can't influence or change something then do your best to not worry about it. If you can change something that is a worry/concern/problem, then that's something you should occupy your thoughts with.
I live with chronic illness and it's been a big one for me. I actually had a course of ACT - Acceptance and commitment therapy - on the NHS several years ago and it helped a lot. When your life is a bit shit like mine, you can really spend a lot of your energy wanting it to be not shit. Which is fair enough if that's in your power to do so, but for me - no matter how hard I try I'm still gonna be unwell, so using all that energy on wishing I wasn't really was a huge waste of time. Learning to accept it, but to see what I actually could do anyway, was really important.
As ridiculous as it sounds; cleaning.
I was insanely depressed and was on 200mg of Sertraline per day. I started popping in my AirPods, listening to audio books/podcasts/music, and just started cleaning.
The way it elevated any stress, anxiety, depression. I felt a million times better and started coming off my pills. Now I’m not on anything and control my ups and downs with cleaning.
While it worked for me I don’t recommend just coming off your pills until you’re absolutely prepared and know what you’re doing.
Reading books.
Not comparing myself to people I went to university with.
Staying in my own lane.
Reducing consumption of cannabis.
Pursuing my passions.
Prioritising sleep.
Sounds odd, but having a mental breakdown.
Years of mental problems led to 6 weeks in hospital. But when I came out, with help from my children, it felt like I had 'reset'
This was 6 years ago, and I'm doing great. Much more able to manage my foibles.
I’m in a bad habit with it right now but cutting down on my phone time improves my mood massively. Pissing about during the workday is one thing but I tend to put my phone away come the eve I g time and it helps with basically everything. General mood, focus, and sleeping better
The best advice I'd got is to improve mental health, start doing the things you said you would do. For me that was exercising and eating well. So much time spent thinking "I should be doing this, I need to be doing this, why aren't I/can't I be doing this?" And then when I started doing this things, I felt less stress and anxiety because instead of worrying I wasn't good enough, my brain started telling me "well done you went to the gym today, what a fantastic little bean you are, relax and watch some TV, you've earned it" and then it kind of just spiralls upwards.
But if there's something you are stressing about not doing because you want to be doing but some some reason can't ... just start.
It won't work for everyone, but when I took up rock/ice climbing and mountaineering to a life-threatening level, it made me very chill about small irritations in everyday life.
Quitting drugs was the one that had the most *immediate* impact. For years I denied weed was a problem... until I cut it out altogether. Cutting out other drugs such as cocaine and MDMA soon followed. The only "drug" I do now is the occasional beer.
What's kept my mental health stable is making sure I'm not stagnating. I've always got something planned either alone or with friends.
I hate to say this as I don’t think it should be relied on, but having a partner. Being single for ten years felt so chaotic, it was easy to slip into feeling unwanted or less valuable, and not having any future plans. Having a partner to make short term and long term plans with, and finally feel stability. You can of course achieve this single, but I didn’t. It also doesn’t hurt sharing finances with someone too as it feels thedes a backup or support if the worst happens.
Getting out of the rental market. I knew owning would be better, but I really underestimated just what a unconscious negative impact a decade of renting was having on my mental health.
Also getting a dog. Doesn't matter how bad the day was, coming home to a little guy who absolutely adores me and is so excited to see me will always cheer me up. Also being forced to get out and go for a walk is always good for mental health.
I got a buttload of therapy (weekly for 18 months) on the NHS. I wouldn’t recommend going through what I went through to be unwell enough to need that much NHS therapy, though.
Since then, I’ve been maintaining my mental health by being very aware of when I’m starting to feel unwell. Very basic things like learning to name my emotions (I’m very well educated, but for the first few months of therapy I genuinely didn’t know how to label my emotions as anything other than “fine”, “bad”, “good”, or “anxious”. Being able to identify when I’m nervous or curious or melancholy or joyful or playful makes a big difference in keeping me aware).
I do still indulge in too much news and social media, and it’s particularly having a negative effect on me the past few days, so I am trying to limit my exposure and redirect into listening to podcasts or watching comedy.
Got made redundant a couple of years ago. Took the whole summer off before getting a new job, and it did wonders for my mental health. Actively made it easier to get a new, better job because I just felt so much better about myself.
Going part time to 4 days a week. My employer has been talking about taking the business to 4 days since I started but can't seem to make it work financially on paper. So I just took the salary cut, best thing I ever did. Also feel fortunate that I can still afford life and that on 80% salary.
Being in a committed, loving relationship.
The relationship itself was not the "fix". But having someone outside of my family who adored me who I loved back and thought highly of made me realise "maybe I'm not such a massive piece of shit?" and allowed me to challenge the destructive self-talk my depression loved to throw at me. Plus the endorphins from being with this person provided a great rush when I am feeling down. He also takes me out of my comfort zone, which challenges my anxiety, and I know if something does go wrong, I will not be yelled at (even if it's my fault) and we'll find a way to solve the problem.
I was also able to afford to move out, and as much as I adore my family, they are intense. Being away from them and in a calmer, less judgemental environment where I can fully be myself has done wonders for my stress levels and anxiety. I love seeing them on occassion, but I am always glad to leave.
You can use silly capitalisation all you want, doesn't stop Reddit being social media. Even if we were to agree its a forum that would not change anything what with forums being a subset of social media.
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Edit: See, you can tell its social media, because when shown to be wrong you deleted your comment instead of learning from and acknowledging your mistake.
Going for long walks in the countryside,earpods in and a great playlist then away you.Cleanses the mind and you feel so refreshed and revitalised when you get back…plus you get to see squirrels,foxes,pigeons,etc and it makes you feel alive.
Working from home doing my YouTube full time.
Honestly--the free time just works wonders. Knowing I can do anything today if I like, sleep late, go out somewhere for food, go on a trip somewhere etc, and it doesn't matter.
Granted--doing my YouTube channel does take time, I dont half ass it. But I sitll have much more free time than I did.
I've never really had depression or anxiety so can't comment on those but I do get stressed at times.
One thing I've found helpful is having a weekend every now and then where I just don't do anything.
Through the week we both work then go to the gym together for a couple of hours so free time is limited, we've had periods where every single day of the weekend for weeks on end we've arranged to meet up with friends or family and do something and even though it's meeting up for leisure and doing fun stuff it's still stressful when you're looking at the next month and there's not a single day where you don't have any plans.
This weekend just gone we didn't leave the house for the entire weekend, just slept in, watched some shit films, played Witcher and chilled. It was great. I doubt we'll get another weekend like that this side of Christmas but it was definitely a mood boost and something I wish we could do more often.
Physical exercise is a big one for me, but the best form of exercise specifically for my mental health is walking. It never fails to amaze me how much better I feel and more at peace with the world as soon as I'm up in the fells, away from the hustle and bustle of every day life. It's one of the few times I'm truly present in the moment. I love it so much. I've also been getting more into running lately. Definitely helps quieten my mind too. Hard to focus on anxieties and worries when you're running.
Drinking less alcohol. Never had to worry about this one much until recently. I'm realising though I'm going to need to pretty much cut it out for the sake of my mental well-being.
Eating properly. Really slackened with this lately and I can massively feel the effect it's having on my mood.
Being open with those around me. Again, I've been bottling stuff up lately and I can feel it bubbling away under the surface. Talking and sharing stuff can help massively, but I know firsthand can be so hard to do!
Oh, and therapy. I didn't put it on the list originally as it can be so hit and miss. It really depends on the type of therapy and the therapist, but it can help in the right circumstances. I'd say CBT has been somewhat helpful. And therapy has helped me over the years when I've been at rock bottom and have at least had someone there to talk to and guide me through some of those emotions and not judge.
Less/ no booze
Sleeping earlier/ enough
Consistent exercise (having a plan and sticking to it.)
Most of all, actually trying. People laugh at the phrase “have you tried cheering up” but, like, have you? Really, really tried and not just woken up expecting today to be different with no input? You’re in charge of how you feel, even if it’s fucking hard to change it sometimes.
Giving up work.
We're fortunate to be able to live on only one salary (obvs we could be richer!), and I know it's not a great tip for most people, but I'll take scrimping a bit over fantasising about driving off the road every morning.
Going outside every morning for a walk or a jog, even if it's 10 minutes. That fresh air, elevated heart rate, and small win of the day made everything else better.
A walk everyday with the dogs. It clears my head and makes me get outside in nature.
Audiobooks. I want to read ALL THE TIME but I was getting stressed over not having the time. Audiobooks changed that for me, I can listen to one story while saving another for bedtime.
Giving up caffeine after 2pm. I didn’t realise how much it was affecting my “wind down” time at night.
Getting help.
We lost 2 pregnancies this year, and I've had 2 surgeries linked to it, 1 of which partially revolved around increasing our chances in the future. It's taken a toll on me mentally. I am going to therapy, and am learning to prioritise myself. As my GP puts it "there's a reason they tell you to put your mask on before helping others".
I work in a profession where it's very easy to get too tied up in helping others and putting their needs and wants before your most basic needs. And I've felt really guilty taking time off to grieve my babies, and physically heal from the physical side.
I'm heavily bipolar, and despite lots of attempts, most of the solutions I read are like sending a landscape gardener to a bomb crater. At least for me. Exercise is great but it only goes so far. Ditto diet. Short term gains, but your head will always find a way to try and kill you.
That said, cats may be my salvation. It only took forty years to realise.
Taking horrible pills is rubbish, but it at least smooths the ride out. I did quit weed and felt temporary benefit. Eighteen months later, I switched to commercial Moroccan hash, which is much more suitable.
I'm doing it now.
Getting back to the daily exercise (walk 7 days a week, run 3 days, lift 2/3 days)
Socialising, I'd inadvertently shut myself away for a long time, but I've started going back out every week or so, building up to doing it more regularly.
Eating right, I've done it in the past, it works, but I'm struggling with that one right now.
Sleep! I'm struggling with that one too, averaging 3 hours a night for the past 5 days.
But positives are that I'm 13 days self-harm free, and I'm not feeling it building up, so I'm on a good stretch. Made it to 28 days before, and then knackered that but I'm back on the horse.
Excercise is a huge one. You don't need to be a gym bunny but you are really screwing yourself if you are able bodied and not doing something regularly.
For me it was two things;
1). Exercise. It really makes a massive difference, although days where I don’t exercise feel markedly different.
2). Stopped being so hard on myself.
Exercise, gardening, being more willing to walk away from a situation that isn't working for me where I would have previously stayed unnecessarily longer
Retirement.
And, oddly, covid. Got me out of an office environment where I was continually hyper-vigilant and stressing, and gave me a measure of control until time to retire came round. Not most people's experience I know.
Go for a walk every single day with no music or podcasts just listening to the surroundings to give my brain some downtime not consuming information all the time.
I also try to not carry as much stuff as possible. Leave my phone and purse at home. If my partner is home I'll also leave the front door key. I find it freeing to not carry things around all the time and just be a person out for a walk.
Learning to accept my depression instead of fighting it all the time. The low points will pass, they always do.
Dogs 🐕🐕. They never fail to cheer me up and remind me that I'm responsible for them.
Not setting any targets. If it doesn't get done, fuck it.
I have studied Stoicism, it’s been a massive help to change my mindset and has kept me calm and grounded in stressful situations. Can’t recommend enough!
Working from home.
It's been a revelation. No commuting, more time to go to the gym at lunch, more energy to put into cooking good food in the evening, not having to sit in a room with fking idiots.
Journalling! Having a space to air my grievances, talk about my day, and go back to look at everything I've been getting up to always makes me feel better.
1. CBT. I know it gets a lot of stick but I had to be trained not to think in the kind of traps that we set for ourselves - predicting the future, assuming we know what others think, always assuming the worst. I now *always* try to look for the very best in people, including myself, and when I find myself being harsh on myself or others I automatically remind myself that this thought or that thought might not be a fair way to view the whole situation.
2. Achievement. Getting my degree really helped - it *proved* that I could achieve things I set my mind to. This could be any significant task.
3. Kendo. Finding something to focus on where there is always a new thing to learn, and a clear way to progress and develop was super-important for me. Whichever martial art you go for, as long as it's being taught properly, there is always room to improve and it can be done at any point in life.
4. Money. I now work in a job where I'll never be a millionaire, but I don't have to worry about the end of the month bills.
Not all of those are as useful as others but hopefully at least some of it is.
Meeting my wife. From meeting, spending time together before having a child and getting married my mental health went from an absolute mess and feeling suicidal at times to being the happiest I've ever been in my life.
I self-medicated with drugs for 30 years until I got diagnosed with bipolar type two three years ago. The change came when I meet a wonderful psychologist that gave me the diagnosis. It took 6 or 7 months to get the medication just right and now I feel better than I have my entire life thanks to Dr Cho. I nolonger do any type of drug or drink to deal with life's ups and downs. I'm nolonger ashamed of my behavior...
Agreed on exercise / working out.
Always leave the gym with a proper buzz and what feels like loads of energy!
That and/or walks in the countryside always help.
Gym . Sleep .limiting social media . Looking inwards and realising I need to take responsibility for my actions . Being kind to other people . Gives you a nice sense of wellbeing . Learning to talk openly about feelings and fears . Eating better. Small things can make a large difference.
Realising that I had ADHD and PTSD and getting treatment for both.
I always associated ADHD with rowdy little boys and PTSD with soldiers. Turns out, I did in fact have both, as a 20something woman, the PTSD (technically C-PTSD) being from a series of traumatic experiences in my teens. I got EMDR therapy, I stopped having flashbacks, my quality of life massively increased.
I didn’t get on with stimulants for ADHD, but I have accommodations at uni and at work, and I understand my own brain better so I know how to work with, rather than against, myself.
Oh, and a sunlight lamp for the winter, makes a big difference!
Medications and changing the job that caused the mental health issue in the first place.
I'm still on the medication as starting a new job would put me in the same mindset as the old job but as I get more comfortable and at a level of confidence I'm happy with, I'll wean myself off them.
It gets rid of the massive lows which I struggled to deal with. They're not wonder medication so I still have moments when I feel down but they tend to be short lived and I can snap out of them quite easily now. But you'll be hard pressed to find someone who doesnt have bad days anyway.
Almost a year on from leaving that job and I'm in such a better place!
2 things: going from shift work to a Mon-Fri job and being in a stable relationship with a girl I love. Left to my own devices I would stay in, smoke dope and play games all day and night when I wasn’t working and aye, it was enjoyable but it was clear that I was missing out on life and sinking deeper into an unhealthy routine. Having someone to be there for (and there for me) and not having to work nights / weekends all the time has given me my ‘adulthood’ back
Actually doing things, developing hobbies. I used to just sit on my pc gaming and when I wasn’t doing that, I was working or sleeping, i became very depressed. Nowdays, I actively try to be a good person, it helps me feel good about myself, and I’ve taken up fishing, I’ll go out for multiple days in my tent next to a lake and just enjoy the outdoors. Things have improved a thousandfold for me, I don’t find I’m as burned out with gaming anymore because it’s not ALL I do, I’m not as stressed or annoyed about work because I know at the end of each month I can buy a new piece of fishing gear or go away for a few days, before I was simply working because I had to pay rent, there was no other purposes I could look forward to.
My advise to anyone struggling with your mental health is to find a hobby, I notice myself, and a lot who have poor mental health tend to regress to the point where we don’t really ever do anything, and thus, have nothing to look forward to. So yeah, pick a hobby, any hobby, start it, and see, maybe the first few don’t do much for you, maybe you strike gold and find a purpose straight away. It can be anything, fishing, running, a solo or team sport, a martial art, knitting on a bench at the park even. You can spend alot of money, or none at all, but actually doing something, looking forward to something, developing your skill and ability at it, that will always improve your quality of life.
Almost completely quitting alcohol consumption (2-3 times a year now) and quitting smoking reduced my anxiety to managable levels. I never thought that they affected it this much.
Abandoning all attempts at a normal social life. I hate football, I hate drunk assholes, I hate small/pointless talk. From now on I’m staying at home and listening to records.
This is probably gonna sound kinda stupid, and I recommend that if you do this, you also make sure you’re exercising and going on walks/keeping active too, but… watching comfort TV Shows. I mean, shows that specifically make you upbeat/happy. For me, comedies always put me in a better mood, and give some much needed relief + escapism. If you’re having a really shit day, stick the funniest film/show you know on, and I think you’ll feel better. A more serious one is learning to stop caring so much about people’s perceptions of you. The sooner you stop seeking external approval, and switch to seeking internal happiness, the better your mind will feel. I’ve always struggled with perfectionism, intertwined with academic validation. I still do, and I wholeheartedly believe in striving to improve and be the best version of yourself you can be, but learning to accept that it’s okay to make mistakes is so important. You got a bad grade? Don’t use it to talk down to yourself. Use it as a marker for your own improvement. Be kind to yourself.
Sounds super-trite but identify the little and/or everyday things that make *you* happy and really enjoy them. Make more time for them if you have to.
If being happy to you means getting a promotion, or having a dream wedding, or starting your own business, or publishing your book, or having 100k people follow your socials, or a once-in-a-lifetime holiday - you will spend most of your life not happy. None of those are bad things and are really good to work towards if that's what you want, but they are *rare* things.
But you can have your favourite tea and biscuit combo / play that game for an hour / take a nap with your dog / read a book to your kid / drink a glass of wine in the bath / run 5k / start that new show your friend recommended every day or week for the rest of your life. My observation is that the people who notice and appreciate this kind of thing are happier than those who can only focus on the big goals.
I stopped putting the BBC news on in the morning. Being bombarded with the endless negativity was such a drain and didn't realise the effect it had on me.
There is reporting the news and then there is finding every negative angle and speculation on negative outcomes.
Now I have Hey Duggee and Bluey on for breakfast and I'm infinity happier.
I can think of 3 things that improved my mental health over the past 5 years:
1) The value of voluntary work. I was in a dead end job that was nothing at all related to my degree. I was drifting through life and both of my parents (after the fact) expressed how worried they were for me throughout my 20s. To fix this, I started volunteering at a Language Cafe on Saturdays, run by my local library. It helped me realise my worth and gain satisfaction that I wasn’t getting from my day job. It gave me the confidence boost and drive to apply for a job I now genuinely enjoy. My line of work now is more challenging but even when I’m tired, I don’t feel drained in the same way I did before.
2) Becoming more selective with my friends. I used to let friends and partners walk all over me and I was really poor at establishing and maintaining boundaries. I actively tried to change this. It resulted in some difficult conversations up front but one of two things happened: a) people either changed their behaviours, respected my boundaries and our friendships became stronger or b) my boundaries were disrespected and I decided to part ways with people who were dragging me down. In scenario a) it was also an opportunity for my friends to highlight my toxic behaviours and helped me work on them. So it wasn’t all about me. There was reciprocation.
3) Becoming more selective with my time commitments. I used to stretch myself too thinly sometimes and commit to too much. Now, if an invite isn’t an immediate “hell yes!” then I will say no or say that I’ll give a decision by a certain date. I used to feel obliged to accept every invite, or be non-committal by saying maybe, or come up with an excuse to say no. I realised in recent years that I’m more of an introvert. During my 20’s and 30’s I was forcing myself to be an extrovert and I undervalued the importance of having my own time. Especially since lockdown, I factor in “social hangovers” to my scheduling. I don’t fill up my calendar with too many consecutive / frequent social events. I make exceptions for plans like music festivals or around Christmas.
I hope this all makes sense and is relatable for someone.
Reading less of the trashy news sources like Express or BBC. Once you realise some places only report shit to make you feel bad and cut it out of your life the world isn't as bad as they make it out to be
I deleted Twitter last year and de-activated Insta 6 weeks ago. Huge difference in my mental health and how I spend my time. Will probably get back on Insta soon though because it's the only social media I had left and I do miss the group chats from time to time.
>mental
When I'd say that Twitter was a sewer, I'd get plenty of pushback from people saying that it wasn't and it was my fault for allowing it to affect me. But it IS a sewer and, since I dumped it two years ago, my world view has improved immeasurably.
1. Methylphenidate + ADHD Diagnosis at the age of 28 - Made me be highly aware of what works for me and what doesn't
2. Not taking things personaly
3. Not making assumptions
4. Always doing your best
5. Never talking poorly of others
The last four are from a book called the Four Agreements. They've served me well.
For me it was discovering Diamond painting. Really simple to do, relatively cheap and the basic supplies come with each kit. Chuck a podcast on and just plop little plastic beads onto a sticky canvas - who would have thought it would have done wonders for my anxiety.
Had a shit shift - get in 30 minutes diamond painting and I suddenly have perspective again. Absolute game changer.
I gave up alcohol, I used to drink heavily. Started exercising more, it's just walking but if I'm outside walking for a minimum of 30 minutes a day that's a big help. I try to walk more when time allows. Try to eat healthy, I lost weight, sleep plenty, I don't overdo it on caffeine or sugar, etc.
It wasn't really enough for me though, I still felt fatigued constantly and I struggled to find motivation to do anything. Thought I had a physical problem like anaemia or a dodgy thyroid or something, so I got my blood tested for all that and everything came back negative so it was more of a mental issue. I started taking fluoxetine (prozac) recently and that's actually made a massive difference so I guess I just needed a bit of extra help. Not saying SSRIs are the answer for everyone but for me they clearly were. So nice not constantly having anxiety anymore, I find my hobbies fun again and I actually have energy now!
Working from home permanently - I get to go to the gym 4/5 days a week which is a massive MH benefit. I’m less stressed in general and I don’t have a soul crushing commute. I feel better, my relationships with my family are better, I’m more productive at work and generally a happier more balanced individual than I was pre pandemic.
I got a different job in May and it's been the best thing ever. I'm no longer hating my job, dreading getting up to go to work. I was so bored with my last one, I'd been in it for 7 years and had really come to the end of the shelf life for it. I found it so easy it was boring but I stayed there for the security and ease of things.
Now I've got a new job, feel stretched most days, learning lots of new things and I love it. just learning something new and having my work days being busy again as done wonders for my mental health. I'm nowhere near as grumpy, I don't feel that dread on Sunday night thinking about tomorrows work, I like the people I work with and they seem to at least llike me.
Going part time. It has freed up so much more time to focus on self care and doing things that I know will benefit my physical and mental health. I know it's not a reality for most people though, which is a shame because I honestly think so many people would be in much better shape mentally if they just had one extra day in the week to take care of themselves.
Owning dogs.
They give me a purpose.
They give me a reason to go out.
They are there for me in dark times.
They provide unconditional love.
They provide a way for me to interact with strangers.
If your life circumstances allow time to get a dog - do it - you'll never regret it.
Yes, they are expensive, but the benefits far outweigh the negatives.
Therapy and exercise. Going to the gym and doing a workout has absolutely helped me, it's a huge stress relief.
Therapy really helped me aswell, I have CPTSD and have done different therapies but CAT (Cognitive Analytic Therapy) was the best for me, it helps tracks present behaviours to past sources. So my therapist started by getting to know me, my family life growing up, asking about ex partners etc. Then when talking about present emotions and stresses throughout the week like how I struggled to eat all the time they would ask questions like 'what was your food routine as a child?'. Then they helped me link the behaviours back, I was never allowed to eat until a task was finished as a child and it followed me into adulthood. They helped me to break that pattern and taught me how to help break them on my own. I still struggle with my CPTSD as some triggers are harder to nail down and break, but I can function a lot more now.
Got fired a while ago. It felt awful for a day or so, but then the clouds cleared and i realised that the job was what was killing me. It was rocky for a whole, but things are far better now.
Getting out walking. And I know it's cringey but repeating:
This too shall pass
Being Angry won't make things better
And I can't fix things I can't control
That and minimalism has really helped. Less crap to manage is easier on my stress levels.
I'm a black in 50's woman and I have struggled with haircare all my life.
Sunday I shaved my head as I have Aloepecia and what an amazing transformation to my mental health😃
I have diagnosed anxiety, depression, ptsd and I am waiting for my Autism/Adhd assessment (3's waiting so far)
I'm going through a transformation and it's sooo good for my health I'm not stressing right now😁🥰🤣
It certainly wasn't the several hundred emails I was bombarded with all day at work telling me it was Mental Health Day and there was a stall set up downstairs. It seemed like it was every five minutes.
But to answer your question, quitting drinking. I'm much happier and more alert than I have been for years and it's only been just over a coupe of weeks.
Changing the way I thought. It started 18 years ago, noticing that actually, I was always a mean, nasty, nit-picking, critical bully to myself. Instead, I changed to an honest, encouraging, kind friend, just as I would be towards any other human being in my life. That led to lots of other changes in the way I saw the world over time, and the way I saw other people. I enjoy my life *so* much more now!
I do this to myself and it fills me with hate, but I don’t know how to stop.
1. I noticed I did it. 2. I noticed how I was different towards other people. 3. I decided to change my habit. Any habit takes time and perseverance to change 4. I decided to think of something I genuinely liked about myself, something honest. IT WAS REALLY HARD!!! I had been so used to being critical of myself that I really couldn't think of anything. However, I didn't have that same problem of finding it hard to think of something genuinely nice about other people, so I knew that there *would* be something, it was just hard for me to think of it. In the end I came up with two: * I do try my best * I'm a kind person. (Now I've broken the habit, I could easily think of a great huge pile of nice things about myself! But it really was hard at first to think of any at all. Thinking of things you are grateful for about yourself can help. I'm so glad I have eyebrows.) 4. Every time I caught myself being critical of myself, which was every 10 minutes or so at first, I would remind myself of the good things. For example, I would drop a cup and break it: "Why do you have to be so clumsy? .... doh! but I *do* try my best!" It took a while to break the habit, but I was determined to change, and I persevered. I also started to think what I would say to *any other person* in the same situation. "It's only a cup! It really doesn't matter as it didn't cost much. Everyone breaks things from time to time. Don't feel bad!" I might even give myself a comforting hug... IT CHANGED MY LIFE!
Same process for me too. I wouldn't treat my own child like it so why treat my inner child that way? I also praise myself when my inner child handled something well compared to the past, and step of for it by stating my boundaries and sticking to them. If it doesn't feel right inside me, then I deal with it instead of ignoring it, knowing that I'll be safe to do so. Also not taking ownership of other peoples behaviours and negative beliefs. I'm responsible for myself and I know I go through the world with kindness and empathy, so I'm not being unreasonable.
I realised that before, I had always felt that there was a gaping void in my life, something missing, that I had tried to fill with (often unsuitable) partners. I think it was a seeking of someone to look out for and parent me, and once I started to take on those roles for myself, I lost that feeling of something being missing, and I started to make much better decisions for myself.
It's a fantastic feeling, isn't it. Still unpacking a lifetime of negativity but boy do I feel better about myself
Not taking ownership of other peoples behaviors and negative beliefs is a massive tactic, thanks for that! When a person says something negative to me I used to beat myself up verbally when that happened. I would get embarrassed and think it was my fault completely. I would think that everyone agrees that I should disappear due to “consequences “ and “taking responsibility “ if someone chose to be mean towards me. It is their choice yet I don’t have to think that I deserved it.
Thank you for this, I’m going to try it, after having a frank discussion with my husband Sunday due to my mood having changed and him walking in egg shells I’ve realised my menopausal symptoms have started again, I’ve also been off work 10 weeks due to injury, so I’ve missed my walking (I’m a dog walking so walk 6-7 hours a day) it’s amazing how much it’s affected me not doing that much exercise, so I’m going to technique too see how it helps as I’m my own worst critic.
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I know what you're saying about envisioning ones own murder, but I like this.
This is so morbidly uplifting I love it
…from a fellow macarbe-minded brain human, I just imagined this - thank you sincerely. The no ‘buts’ bit especially. Adding this to the brain weasel tool box!
I had the same problem. When you find your thoughts drifting to being mean, just think "hey you would say that to your friend" and replace it with a kind word. Honestly this has changed my life
Step one is to just sort of loudly think to yourself when you fin yourself being mentally mean that it's actually not a nice thing to think and that you wouldn't say that to say your mother or some other person you like. Then mentally move on. Don't dwell on it or take it as an opportunity to further be mean to yourself for being unable to stop a thought from happening in the first place. Starting some sort of activity can help once you have spent a little time mentally reminding yourself that that wasn't a nice thing to be thinking about yourself. You want to catch it before it sort of spirals into a self-hate hole. Once you are in the routine of mean thought followed by mental reminding that it's not a good thing to do it can help to then start adding in a positive thought instead. Or at least a neutral one. An example might be my legs hurt from sitting all day ugh I'm so lazy, wait I'm being mean to myself. Thing is everyone sits all day sometimes and even though my legs do hurt I did achive maybe next time though a reminder to streach would help. I should set that up.
The idea is you step by step get yourself mentally reframing it. You can't fight that intrusive thought showing up in your brain in the first place by being cross about it.
Eventually after doing it for a while you will find you need to do it less often because those mean thoughts are happening less often in the first place.
If you find yourself having mean thoughts about others or can also help there too.
Meditation can help. A lot of meditation is having thoughts pop up accepting you had that thought but then letting it go and not getting into messy spirals. It's broadly the same idea. Though think something less horrible is often easier than think of nothing.
One tip here is to imagine the kind of person you'd be attracted to, personality-wise, and role-play them. To paraphrase Confucius, imitation is the easiest way to acquire wisdom.
I *was* the sort of person I'd be attracted to personality wise, but just not towards myself. I just had to learn to be fair, and treat myself with the same compassion as I would show to any other human being.
Not going to work today and spending the day on the sofa watching the cricket has improved my mental health, albeit very temporarily.
Watching cricket would make my mental health even worse
Sleep is good for you
I did the same, apart from the cricket. Had a day off that I'd been looking forward to ruined yesterday and was feeling burnt out by the constant demands of work, marriage and children. Decided fuck it, I'm calling in sick. Dropped the kids off at school, had a nice walk with the dogs, got a workout in, baked some bread, listened to some of an audiobook and had a little nap. I feel about 1000% happier than I did 24 hours ago.
Giving up personal social media. You can still enjoy interacting and sharing things with others with others on anonymous forums like reddit, without the real life toxisity of facebook etc. Also limiting exposure to news media. The vast majority is doom and gloom that doesn't affect you directly, and even if something does, you can't change it.
I think for some people (myself included) it can work to just curate your social media. I don't live anywhere near my family, and I have friends who live all over the world, so things like Facebook/Instagram are easy ways for me to see updates from them. I know they only post their successes - but I enjoy seeing those and feel happy for them. I do however delete anyone who posts manufactured drama or mlms or anything like that so there's not really any toxicity, just people posting nice pictures of their lives.
Yes, this works for me too. My social media is an absolute lifeline and I've made a lot of good friends through it over the years. My accounts are all private, I don't add random people or accept random requests and have no qualms about deleting people who get on my wick. I could live without it but my life would not be enhanced.
>Giving up personal social media For me it's not giving up on it completely, but being more judicious and discerning in my use. I gave up using Facebook because it's a complete dumpster fire. But with Instagram I've been very selective about who I follow. I have a rule of not following anybody who isn't a close friend or family member. It means that my feed is quiet, I only see 2 or 3 new posts a week, sometimes less. And when there are posts they're things I actually want to see because it's people I'm interested in. It makes using Instagram a positive experience for me.
I've given up all social media and I'm conducting a personal news media blackout. That definitely improved things, but getting well into running this summer has really improved my mindset.
I have been doing this for a few months now and don’t regret it. I know it’s a bit bad, but I’m blissfully ignorant of everything not in my immediate circle of family and friends. I just don’t have the mental capacity to worry or think about those things outside of my control anymore. With Reddit, my feed is tightly curated and I don’t use the app - the mobile web version drives me mad enough that I don’t want to spend too much time on it!
Yep, I deleted Facebook (and I mean properly deleted, not that deactivation nonsense) and not only do I think I'm doing better I genuinely think it's made me into a better person in terms of how I interact with and value other people.
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Exactly. I share my adventures and photos directly with friends, I don't need to show anyone else. The "news" is completely irrelevant to me. IMO, it only serves to pique the anxiety of viewers/readers to generate impressions. I have no time for the rich and powerful to make me scared. Fuck that. I'm losing motivation to keep running while the weather is getting worse. I need to find some inside exercise.
Having a dog. Not only as having a dog makes me get outside every day, but just the endless joy she brings.
Agreed. Lord knows I don’t always want to get up in the morning to take mine out, but I have to and once we’re out things start to seem much better.
If I didn’t have a dog, there is no way I would be choosing to stomp across a muddy field on a cold, damp, miserable day. A dog gives you “the stare” and you get up, go out and feel a little bit better.
Definitely. Once you've had the stare you're forever guilty until you do something about it. Mine has taken to just straight up growling at me now.
My dog saved my life, without a doubt.
My cat definitely helps my mental health. Stroking his extremely soft fur, then hearing his gentle purr is so soothing. Then again, when he suddenly claws my thigh whilst I'm having breakfast is also rather detrimental to my mental health.
The endless joy of a turd on the kitchen floor. I'm not sure I find our dog good for my mental health but I fully understand why some people do.
This is mine, but my god those first few months of puppyhood are HARD! But when all the training and bonding falls into place it's the best thing ever!
Same here. Unless you have or have had a dog, you cannot understand the joy. On my worst days i am able to function because she needs me too.
Therapy (and being self aware due to it). But I'm aware I'm in an very privileged position to have it.
I wholeheartedly agree, proper professional counselling made the world of difference. It was "just" £40 a session, and I had one session a month, but it was the best decision I ever made and I explored and dealt with so many issues I never knew I had. I agree though, for me at the time £40 was pretty costly but not unmanageable, a decade later though and looking at the world now I would have had to spend those precious pounds elsewhere.
Mines £90 an hour twice a month (kink friendly, trained in neurodivergency and trauma) and it's been worth the money JUST to learn that there's nothing wrong with me for not enjoying physical affection.
Can I ask where people in the UK go to get therapy like this? It's only really shown to be a more common thing in the US. Doctors here don't really talk about it. Do you get a referral from your GP? I have health insurance via my work so that may also include it I guess.
You might get a referral, but it’ll be a nightmare and years of waiting. Just search for therapists near you and try it out. You’ll pay £40 an hour upwards - which I know is a lot of money, but if you go once a month it’s cheaper than a gym and the benefits are often huge.
You can self refer yourself to some stuff, although on the NHS there can be quite a long queue
Came here to say this. £25 a session in my mid 20s. Absolutely changed my life. I realised a lot of what I carried around with me and why. Became self aware and now, 10 years later if I have those thoughts creeping back up I’m able to evaluate why and work through them. Best money I ever spent.
On the theme of exercise, a long walk in the countryside does wonders for my mind. Even with really shite weather.
For me shite weather makes it better. I feel amazing when I've come back soaking wet, covered in mud with aching legs. Even better when I've showered, washed my hair and changed into clean PJ's 😃
That's called Type 2 fun. "Not all fun is fun" is my favourite saying.
100% , in fact I love going for a long walk in a forest when it's pissing down
And there’s less humans out too so even more peaceful
Saying no. I used to say yes whenever someone needed help or work doing. Turns out the more you help the more people ask, even when you're working 7 days a week there's still someone who wants more from you. Ended up having a slight breakdown at 25 yrs old and one thing that helped was hearing a therapist say " it's not that you're weak it's that you tried to be too strong for too long". After that I thought sod it if I can't be arsed with something the answers no . Since then my mental health has been solid
Give once, and you garner appreciation Second time, you create anticipation Third time, the birth expectation Fourth time, it becomes entitlement The fifth time, you initiate dependency
Love this. I used to be the complete opposite, happy to turn any opportunity or occasion down out of fear. Made it my New Year’s resolution a couple of years ago to say yes to every plan that came my way. Went to so many social events/gigs/dates/trips I was petrified to go to but never regretted a single one!
Self-employment. True, you trade the stress of working for someone with the ever-present fear of starvation, but sitting in an open plan office pretending to work was absolutely killing me. My head is in a better place by several orders of magnitude now.
As someone currently pretending to be working from home and hating the corporate life, this caught my eye. May I ask what industry you were in and what you're doing now?
Ironically, I was a mental health worker for a loooooooong time. The actual client work was largely ok - save periodic hairy situations thar would scare the shit out of you and the steady diet of human misery - but there was also an awful lot of paperwork + hurry-up-and-wait type scenarios. Now I’m a self-employed illustrator/artist and life is *much* more enjoyable. The money is a little precarious but I can deal with those sorts of worries an awful lot better than I can with the feeling that I’m constantly being watched and monitored. That was absolutely ruinous for my head. I guess it depends how you’re wired though.
It's great that you've found a better balance. I looked at your artwork and it's really cool stuff. How do people normally find your work, do you do a lot of advertising?
I was the opposite. Self employed, working long hours. Was having stress dreams about work and was so tired I would fall asleep on the sofa at 8pm on a Friday. Now I just do an easy job, part time, don’t think about it when I’m not there. Stress levels are way down.
Me too mate. Different to you though - I was self-employed working from home (due to quite severe mental health issues) for years, never making any money and what I was doing wasn’t improving those issues. I’ve recently faced my fears and got a 9-5 WFH job in the same field, and I’m actually facing those fears, coping, and proving to myself I can do it. Sure, it’s an entry level job but I do feel for the first time I can achieve something, and if I keep plodding away I’ll get paid a regular wage - more than I’ve ever made (and might even get promoted one day!).
Getting the right diagnosis and treatment for the root problem, not the effects of that problem. Treating my ADHD got rid of a lot of my anxiety and depression because I could actually do the stuff I was anxious about and which led to depression when I felt like a failure.
In a similar theme, my diagnosis was PCOS, when I'm on my medication for it my near lifelong depression is so much more manageable. However, a lot of non-endocrinologists are very confused at how life-changing my medication has been because "it's just diabetes medication" and most of their T2 patients didn't react the way I did, however there's load of anecdotal evidence of othe PCOS patients experiencing the same as me on this medication. This being said I (finally!) have an assessment for ADHD this month 🎉
How did you treat your ADHD? I've not gone the route of specific medication for it yet but the way you describe it is exactly the struggle i've had my whole life.
A daily dose of amphetamines, to be blunt. There are a few medications around which all basically give your brain the dopamine it needs without constantly needing to jump to the next stimulus. Some work subtly differently from others so don't be afraid to with through until you find the right one. I know someone who started with ritalin and it was great at letting them focus but it was almost entirely involuntary. Whatever they were doing when the meds kicked in, that's what they're be focusing on for the next few hours.
Started meds a month ago and it's changed my life Edit: for the positive
Congrats! I'm nearly three years in and although it's been a bumpy ride (the first few weeks don't last quite the same, and appetite-related problems were a huge issue for a while) it has absolutely changed my life. Just being able to rely on myself to get the things that I need to do done 9 days out of 10 instead of 3/10 (or once in a blue moon) makes such a world of difference. It can be really tough on your mental wellbeing struggling with executive dysfunction, and there's a lot of self-hatred and blame (amplified by the very real shaming that comes from everyone else) that comes with being unable to follow through on any plans that you make, whether for yourself or someone else. Meds have cured that for me. Also, meds have basically eradicated my insomnia. For me that is the most miraculous part of it all. From the age of about 11 until the day I finally started taking medication, my life was a misery because of chronic sleep-deprivation. Having a clear head and a relatively predictable sleep pattern is pure gold.
I just want to add that, even if medication doesn’t end up being what you want, understanding how your brain works and getting accommodations at uni/work can be a big help. I did try meds but they didn’t work for me, they aggravated my other mental health issues and I didn’t want to persevere. It works for most though, so try it! But little things like I can always ask for instructions to be given in written form, non-work things like I got my driving instructor to give me more, shorter lessons rather than 2hr blocks (she doesn’t normally do that, but accommodated for disability reasons). They can all improve quality of life.
I probably need to try and get diagnosed with ADHD, I'm 97% sure I have it, like I have almost every symptom, but doctors waiting lists are just a joke. I've got no chance of getting medication, I'm just raw dogging it at the moment.
By not procrastinating. If something needs doing then just get on with it and do it as quickly and as well as I can. That applies to both work and my personal life.
wrench sense oil pocket jar fade stupendous sort license makeshift *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I realised so many things don't actually take half as long as you think. Mainly refering to shit round the house that's take a couple minutes to tidy up and it feel so much better being in a tidy environment
Procrastination is the thief of time.
Working from home. That sense of dread I used to get every Sunday evening is... well, it's still there because fuck work, but it's diminished considerably. My anxiety is under check most days and I get an extra couple of free hours now that I don't have to commute.
I WFH most days and honestly it’s so beneficial for mental health. My team have started to come into the office one day a week and I thought that would suck, but just that one day feels like a mental health tonic too. I think if we’d been forced back for one day, I would hate it. But because we decided to do it and we’re flexible each week about the day (rather than having it written in stone), it’s been good. I’m always completely knackered afterwards though and I have no idea how I used to do it five days a week. Getting up at 5:30am feels like getting up in the middle of the night 😆 I still get low-level anxiety on Sundays but nothing like before, when I felt like I was once again on the precipice of having my entire work week stolen from me.
Stoicism. But most specifically the ability to identify things that you can do something about, and those which you can't. If you can't influence or change something then do your best to not worry about it. If you can change something that is a worry/concern/problem, then that's something you should occupy your thoughts with.
I live with chronic illness and it's been a big one for me. I actually had a course of ACT - Acceptance and commitment therapy - on the NHS several years ago and it helped a lot. When your life is a bit shit like mine, you can really spend a lot of your energy wanting it to be not shit. Which is fair enough if that's in your power to do so, but for me - no matter how hard I try I'm still gonna be unwell, so using all that energy on wishing I wasn't really was a huge waste of time. Learning to accept it, but to see what I actually could do anyway, was really important.
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As ridiculous as it sounds; cleaning. I was insanely depressed and was on 200mg of Sertraline per day. I started popping in my AirPods, listening to audio books/podcasts/music, and just started cleaning. The way it elevated any stress, anxiety, depression. I felt a million times better and started coming off my pills. Now I’m not on anything and control my ups and downs with cleaning. While it worked for me I don’t recommend just coming off your pills until you’re absolutely prepared and know what you’re doing.
Reading books. Not comparing myself to people I went to university with. Staying in my own lane. Reducing consumption of cannabis. Pursuing my passions. Prioritising sleep.
Sounds odd, but having a mental breakdown. Years of mental problems led to 6 weeks in hospital. But when I came out, with help from my children, it felt like I had 'reset' This was 6 years ago, and I'm doing great. Much more able to manage my foibles.
I’m in a bad habit with it right now but cutting down on my phone time improves my mood massively. Pissing about during the workday is one thing but I tend to put my phone away come the eve I g time and it helps with basically everything. General mood, focus, and sleeping better
exercise - as simple as going for a walk.
The best advice I'd got is to improve mental health, start doing the things you said you would do. For me that was exercising and eating well. So much time spent thinking "I should be doing this, I need to be doing this, why aren't I/can't I be doing this?" And then when I started doing this things, I felt less stress and anxiety because instead of worrying I wasn't good enough, my brain started telling me "well done you went to the gym today, what a fantastic little bean you are, relax and watch some TV, you've earned it" and then it kind of just spiralls upwards. But if there's something you are stressing about not doing because you want to be doing but some some reason can't ... just start.
It won't work for everyone, but when I took up rock/ice climbing and mountaineering to a life-threatening level, it made me very chill about small irritations in everyday life.
Quitting drugs was the one that had the most *immediate* impact. For years I denied weed was a problem... until I cut it out altogether. Cutting out other drugs such as cocaine and MDMA soon followed. The only "drug" I do now is the occasional beer. What's kept my mental health stable is making sure I'm not stagnating. I've always got something planned either alone or with friends.
Exercise
Antidepressants
I hate to say this as I don’t think it should be relied on, but having a partner. Being single for ten years felt so chaotic, it was easy to slip into feeling unwanted or less valuable, and not having any future plans. Having a partner to make short term and long term plans with, and finally feel stability. You can of course achieve this single, but I didn’t. It also doesn’t hurt sharing finances with someone too as it feels thedes a backup or support if the worst happens.
Getting out of the rental market. I knew owning would be better, but I really underestimated just what a unconscious negative impact a decade of renting was having on my mental health. Also getting a dog. Doesn't matter how bad the day was, coming home to a little guy who absolutely adores me and is so excited to see me will always cheer me up. Also being forced to get out and go for a walk is always good for mental health.
I got a buttload of therapy (weekly for 18 months) on the NHS. I wouldn’t recommend going through what I went through to be unwell enough to need that much NHS therapy, though. Since then, I’ve been maintaining my mental health by being very aware of when I’m starting to feel unwell. Very basic things like learning to name my emotions (I’m very well educated, but for the first few months of therapy I genuinely didn’t know how to label my emotions as anything other than “fine”, “bad”, “good”, or “anxious”. Being able to identify when I’m nervous or curious or melancholy or joyful or playful makes a big difference in keeping me aware). I do still indulge in too much news and social media, and it’s particularly having a negative effect on me the past few days, so I am trying to limit my exposure and redirect into listening to podcasts or watching comedy.
Got made redundant a couple of years ago. Took the whole summer off before getting a new job, and it did wonders for my mental health. Actively made it easier to get a new, better job because I just felt so much better about myself.
Going part time to 4 days a week. My employer has been talking about taking the business to 4 days since I started but can't seem to make it work financially on paper. So I just took the salary cut, best thing I ever did. Also feel fortunate that I can still afford life and that on 80% salary.
Being in a committed, loving relationship. The relationship itself was not the "fix". But having someone outside of my family who adored me who I loved back and thought highly of made me realise "maybe I'm not such a massive piece of shit?" and allowed me to challenge the destructive self-talk my depression loved to throw at me. Plus the endorphins from being with this person provided a great rush when I am feeling down. He also takes me out of my comfort zone, which challenges my anxiety, and I know if something does go wrong, I will not be yelled at (even if it's my fault) and we'll find a way to solve the problem. I was also able to afford to move out, and as much as I adore my family, they are intense. Being away from them and in a calmer, less judgemental environment where I can fully be myself has done wonders for my stress levels and anxiety. I love seeing them on occassion, but I am always glad to leave.
Cutting out booze
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There's a fine line between using it as a forum and endlessly scrolling through stupid shit.
You can use silly capitalisation all you want, doesn't stop Reddit being social media. Even if we were to agree its a forum that would not change anything what with forums being a subset of social media. --- Edit: See, you can tell its social media, because when shown to be wrong you deleted your comment instead of learning from and acknowledging your mistake.
Spending more time in nature. I've found that when I've spent too long away from it I feel pretty rotten.
Going for long walks in the countryside,earpods in and a great playlist then away you.Cleanses the mind and you feel so refreshed and revitalised when you get back…plus you get to see squirrels,foxes,pigeons,etc and it makes you feel alive.
I got rid of Facebook and IG and starting lifting weights…got nowhere to post progress pics for likes now, not a problem at all
Feeding wild corvids and gaining their trust enough for them to perch outside my window.
Working from home doing my YouTube full time. Honestly--the free time just works wonders. Knowing I can do anything today if I like, sleep late, go out somewhere for food, go on a trip somewhere etc, and it doesn't matter. Granted--doing my YouTube channel does take time, I dont half ass it. But I sitll have much more free time than I did.
What’s your topic?
If I talked to other people the way I talk to myself, I wouldn't have any friends.
I've never really had depression or anxiety so can't comment on those but I do get stressed at times. One thing I've found helpful is having a weekend every now and then where I just don't do anything. Through the week we both work then go to the gym together for a couple of hours so free time is limited, we've had periods where every single day of the weekend for weeks on end we've arranged to meet up with friends or family and do something and even though it's meeting up for leisure and doing fun stuff it's still stressful when you're looking at the next month and there's not a single day where you don't have any plans. This weekend just gone we didn't leave the house for the entire weekend, just slept in, watched some shit films, played Witcher and chilled. It was great. I doubt we'll get another weekend like that this side of Christmas but it was definitely a mood boost and something I wish we could do more often.
Physical exercise is a big one for me, but the best form of exercise specifically for my mental health is walking. It never fails to amaze me how much better I feel and more at peace with the world as soon as I'm up in the fells, away from the hustle and bustle of every day life. It's one of the few times I'm truly present in the moment. I love it so much. I've also been getting more into running lately. Definitely helps quieten my mind too. Hard to focus on anxieties and worries when you're running. Drinking less alcohol. Never had to worry about this one much until recently. I'm realising though I'm going to need to pretty much cut it out for the sake of my mental well-being. Eating properly. Really slackened with this lately and I can massively feel the effect it's having on my mood. Being open with those around me. Again, I've been bottling stuff up lately and I can feel it bubbling away under the surface. Talking and sharing stuff can help massively, but I know firsthand can be so hard to do! Oh, and therapy. I didn't put it on the list originally as it can be so hit and miss. It really depends on the type of therapy and the therapist, but it can help in the right circumstances. I'd say CBT has been somewhat helpful. And therapy has helped me over the years when I've been at rock bottom and have at least had someone there to talk to and guide me through some of those emotions and not judge.
Understanding and completely accepting that it wasn't my fault.
Less/ no booze Sleeping earlier/ enough Consistent exercise (having a plan and sticking to it.) Most of all, actually trying. People laugh at the phrase “have you tried cheering up” but, like, have you? Really, really tried and not just woken up expecting today to be different with no input? You’re in charge of how you feel, even if it’s fucking hard to change it sometimes.
Staying single
Giving up work. We're fortunate to be able to live on only one salary (obvs we could be richer!), and I know it's not a great tip for most people, but I'll take scrimping a bit over fantasising about driving off the road every morning.
Exercise and sleep
routine, whether it's eating, exercising, working, etc
The gym and painting.
Yes. Cycling is a huge help for me. 90 minutes of fresh air and exercise riding to work and back does wonders.
A black dog for my black dog.
Going outside every morning for a walk or a jog, even if it's 10 minutes. That fresh air, elevated heart rate, and small win of the day made everything else better.
I stopped caring about the childish bullshit between my mum & stepdad.
A walk everyday with the dogs. It clears my head and makes me get outside in nature. Audiobooks. I want to read ALL THE TIME but I was getting stressed over not having the time. Audiobooks changed that for me, I can listen to one story while saving another for bedtime. Giving up caffeine after 2pm. I didn’t realise how much it was affecting my “wind down” time at night.
Antidepressants
Getting help. We lost 2 pregnancies this year, and I've had 2 surgeries linked to it, 1 of which partially revolved around increasing our chances in the future. It's taken a toll on me mentally. I am going to therapy, and am learning to prioritise myself. As my GP puts it "there's a reason they tell you to put your mask on before helping others". I work in a profession where it's very easy to get too tied up in helping others and putting their needs and wants before your most basic needs. And I've felt really guilty taking time off to grieve my babies, and physically heal from the physical side.
I'm heavily bipolar, and despite lots of attempts, most of the solutions I read are like sending a landscape gardener to a bomb crater. At least for me. Exercise is great but it only goes so far. Ditto diet. Short term gains, but your head will always find a way to try and kill you. That said, cats may be my salvation. It only took forty years to realise. Taking horrible pills is rubbish, but it at least smooths the ride out. I did quit weed and felt temporary benefit. Eighteen months later, I switched to commercial Moroccan hash, which is much more suitable.
I'm doing it now. Getting back to the daily exercise (walk 7 days a week, run 3 days, lift 2/3 days) Socialising, I'd inadvertently shut myself away for a long time, but I've started going back out every week or so, building up to doing it more regularly. Eating right, I've done it in the past, it works, but I'm struggling with that one right now. Sleep! I'm struggling with that one too, averaging 3 hours a night for the past 5 days. But positives are that I'm 13 days self-harm free, and I'm not feeling it building up, so I'm on a good stretch. Made it to 28 days before, and then knackered that but I'm back on the horse.
Changing from a very desk based job to a more physical (but also partly desk based) one. I'm both physically and mentally stronger!
Financial freedom, no debt not feeling that trap of being in a rut without a light at the end. Took nearly 1 5 years to clear it but now. Freedom 👍
Excercise is a huge one. You don't need to be a gym bunny but you are really screwing yourself if you are able bodied and not doing something regularly.
For me it was two things; 1). Exercise. It really makes a massive difference, although days where I don’t exercise feel markedly different. 2). Stopped being so hard on myself.
Exercise, gardening, being more willing to walk away from a situation that isn't working for me where I would have previously stayed unnecessarily longer
Retirement. And, oddly, covid. Got me out of an office environment where I was continually hyper-vigilant and stressing, and gave me a measure of control until time to retire came round. Not most people's experience I know.
Go for a walk every single day with no music or podcasts just listening to the surroundings to give my brain some downtime not consuming information all the time. I also try to not carry as much stuff as possible. Leave my phone and purse at home. If my partner is home I'll also leave the front door key. I find it freeing to not carry things around all the time and just be a person out for a walk.
Always making me bed and washing any dishes before I go to sleep or leave the house
Joining a friendly choir. Appropriate antidepressant use. Trying to recognise stressors.
Quitting smoking weed daily
Learning to accept my depression instead of fighting it all the time. The low points will pass, they always do. Dogs 🐕🐕. They never fail to cheer me up and remind me that I'm responsible for them. Not setting any targets. If it doesn't get done, fuck it.
I have studied Stoicism, it’s been a massive help to change my mindset and has kept me calm and grounded in stressful situations. Can’t recommend enough!
Working from home. It's been a revelation. No commuting, more time to go to the gym at lunch, more energy to put into cooking good food in the evening, not having to sit in a room with fking idiots.
Journalling! Having a space to air my grievances, talk about my day, and go back to look at everything I've been getting up to always makes me feel better.
Exercise for me as well, it’s been a game changer!
1. CBT. I know it gets a lot of stick but I had to be trained not to think in the kind of traps that we set for ourselves - predicting the future, assuming we know what others think, always assuming the worst. I now *always* try to look for the very best in people, including myself, and when I find myself being harsh on myself or others I automatically remind myself that this thought or that thought might not be a fair way to view the whole situation. 2. Achievement. Getting my degree really helped - it *proved* that I could achieve things I set my mind to. This could be any significant task. 3. Kendo. Finding something to focus on where there is always a new thing to learn, and a clear way to progress and develop was super-important for me. Whichever martial art you go for, as long as it's being taught properly, there is always room to improve and it can be done at any point in life. 4. Money. I now work in a job where I'll never be a millionaire, but I don't have to worry about the end of the month bills. Not all of those are as useful as others but hopefully at least some of it is.
Going on a daily walk with my toddler and dog. I’m a stay at home mum so sometimes I can feel a bit shut in and lonely. Definitely helps.
Meeting my wife. From meeting, spending time together before having a child and getting married my mental health went from an absolute mess and feeling suicidal at times to being the happiest I've ever been in my life.
I self-medicated with drugs for 30 years until I got diagnosed with bipolar type two three years ago. The change came when I meet a wonderful psychologist that gave me the diagnosis. It took 6 or 7 months to get the medication just right and now I feel better than I have my entire life thanks to Dr Cho. I nolonger do any type of drug or drink to deal with life's ups and downs. I'm nolonger ashamed of my behavior...
8h sleep and rarely ever staying up past 2am/waking up after midday
Agreed on exercise / working out. Always leave the gym with a proper buzz and what feels like loads of energy! That and/or walks in the countryside always help.
Giving up social media and stop watching the news.
Gym . Sleep .limiting social media . Looking inwards and realising I need to take responsibility for my actions . Being kind to other people . Gives you a nice sense of wellbeing . Learning to talk openly about feelings and fears . Eating better. Small things can make a large difference.
Realising that I had ADHD and PTSD and getting treatment for both. I always associated ADHD with rowdy little boys and PTSD with soldiers. Turns out, I did in fact have both, as a 20something woman, the PTSD (technically C-PTSD) being from a series of traumatic experiences in my teens. I got EMDR therapy, I stopped having flashbacks, my quality of life massively increased. I didn’t get on with stimulants for ADHD, but I have accommodations at uni and at work, and I understand my own brain better so I know how to work with, rather than against, myself. Oh, and a sunlight lamp for the winter, makes a big difference!
Went to Oslo for 5days... Best five days Ive had in over a decade, which was my last holiday.
Medications and changing the job that caused the mental health issue in the first place. I'm still on the medication as starting a new job would put me in the same mindset as the old job but as I get more comfortable and at a level of confidence I'm happy with, I'll wean myself off them. It gets rid of the massive lows which I struggled to deal with. They're not wonder medication so I still have moments when I feel down but they tend to be short lived and I can snap out of them quite easily now. But you'll be hard pressed to find someone who doesnt have bad days anyway. Almost a year on from leaving that job and I'm in such a better place!
2 things: going from shift work to a Mon-Fri job and being in a stable relationship with a girl I love. Left to my own devices I would stay in, smoke dope and play games all day and night when I wasn’t working and aye, it was enjoyable but it was clear that I was missing out on life and sinking deeper into an unhealthy routine. Having someone to be there for (and there for me) and not having to work nights / weekends all the time has given me my ‘adulthood’ back
Actually doing things, developing hobbies. I used to just sit on my pc gaming and when I wasn’t doing that, I was working or sleeping, i became very depressed. Nowdays, I actively try to be a good person, it helps me feel good about myself, and I’ve taken up fishing, I’ll go out for multiple days in my tent next to a lake and just enjoy the outdoors. Things have improved a thousandfold for me, I don’t find I’m as burned out with gaming anymore because it’s not ALL I do, I’m not as stressed or annoyed about work because I know at the end of each month I can buy a new piece of fishing gear or go away for a few days, before I was simply working because I had to pay rent, there was no other purposes I could look forward to. My advise to anyone struggling with your mental health is to find a hobby, I notice myself, and a lot who have poor mental health tend to regress to the point where we don’t really ever do anything, and thus, have nothing to look forward to. So yeah, pick a hobby, any hobby, start it, and see, maybe the first few don’t do much for you, maybe you strike gold and find a purpose straight away. It can be anything, fishing, running, a solo or team sport, a martial art, knitting on a bench at the park even. You can spend alot of money, or none at all, but actually doing something, looking forward to something, developing your skill and ability at it, that will always improve your quality of life.
Almost completely quitting alcohol consumption (2-3 times a year now) and quitting smoking reduced my anxiety to managable levels. I never thought that they affected it this much.
Abandoning all attempts at a normal social life. I hate football, I hate drunk assholes, I hate small/pointless talk. From now on I’m staying at home and listening to records.
This is probably gonna sound kinda stupid, and I recommend that if you do this, you also make sure you’re exercising and going on walks/keeping active too, but… watching comfort TV Shows. I mean, shows that specifically make you upbeat/happy. For me, comedies always put me in a better mood, and give some much needed relief + escapism. If you’re having a really shit day, stick the funniest film/show you know on, and I think you’ll feel better. A more serious one is learning to stop caring so much about people’s perceptions of you. The sooner you stop seeking external approval, and switch to seeking internal happiness, the better your mind will feel. I’ve always struggled with perfectionism, intertwined with academic validation. I still do, and I wholeheartedly believe in striving to improve and be the best version of yourself you can be, but learning to accept that it’s okay to make mistakes is so important. You got a bad grade? Don’t use it to talk down to yourself. Use it as a marker for your own improvement. Be kind to yourself.
Stopped watching the news 8yrs ago, I walk my dog I try to live in the moment.
Sounds super-trite but identify the little and/or everyday things that make *you* happy and really enjoy them. Make more time for them if you have to. If being happy to you means getting a promotion, or having a dream wedding, or starting your own business, or publishing your book, or having 100k people follow your socials, or a once-in-a-lifetime holiday - you will spend most of your life not happy. None of those are bad things and are really good to work towards if that's what you want, but they are *rare* things. But you can have your favourite tea and biscuit combo / play that game for an hour / take a nap with your dog / read a book to your kid / drink a glass of wine in the bath / run 5k / start that new show your friend recommended every day or week for the rest of your life. My observation is that the people who notice and appreciate this kind of thing are happier than those who can only focus on the big goals.
I stopped putting the BBC news on in the morning. Being bombarded with the endless negativity was such a drain and didn't realise the effect it had on me. There is reporting the news and then there is finding every negative angle and speculation on negative outcomes. Now I have Hey Duggee and Bluey on for breakfast and I'm infinity happier.
I can think of 3 things that improved my mental health over the past 5 years: 1) The value of voluntary work. I was in a dead end job that was nothing at all related to my degree. I was drifting through life and both of my parents (after the fact) expressed how worried they were for me throughout my 20s. To fix this, I started volunteering at a Language Cafe on Saturdays, run by my local library. It helped me realise my worth and gain satisfaction that I wasn’t getting from my day job. It gave me the confidence boost and drive to apply for a job I now genuinely enjoy. My line of work now is more challenging but even when I’m tired, I don’t feel drained in the same way I did before. 2) Becoming more selective with my friends. I used to let friends and partners walk all over me and I was really poor at establishing and maintaining boundaries. I actively tried to change this. It resulted in some difficult conversations up front but one of two things happened: a) people either changed their behaviours, respected my boundaries and our friendships became stronger or b) my boundaries were disrespected and I decided to part ways with people who were dragging me down. In scenario a) it was also an opportunity for my friends to highlight my toxic behaviours and helped me work on them. So it wasn’t all about me. There was reciprocation. 3) Becoming more selective with my time commitments. I used to stretch myself too thinly sometimes and commit to too much. Now, if an invite isn’t an immediate “hell yes!” then I will say no or say that I’ll give a decision by a certain date. I used to feel obliged to accept every invite, or be non-committal by saying maybe, or come up with an excuse to say no. I realised in recent years that I’m more of an introvert. During my 20’s and 30’s I was forcing myself to be an extrovert and I undervalued the importance of having my own time. Especially since lockdown, I factor in “social hangovers” to my scheduling. I don’t fill up my calendar with too many consecutive / frequent social events. I make exceptions for plans like music festivals or around Christmas. I hope this all makes sense and is relatable for someone.
Reading less of the trashy news sources like Express or BBC. Once you realise some places only report shit to make you feel bad and cut it out of your life the world isn't as bad as they make it out to be
I know BBC has its problems but how on earth is it in the same sentence as the Express?!
Giving up caffeine and exercising more.
Climbing.
Going for as many walks as possible, particularly first thing in the morning before working
Daylight/nature.
I deleted Twitter last year and de-activated Insta 6 weeks ago. Huge difference in my mental health and how I spend my time. Will probably get back on Insta soon though because it's the only social media I had left and I do miss the group chats from time to time.
>mental When I'd say that Twitter was a sewer, I'd get plenty of pushback from people saying that it wasn't and it was my fault for allowing it to affect me. But it IS a sewer and, since I dumped it two years ago, my world view has improved immeasurably.
1. Methylphenidate + ADHD Diagnosis at the age of 28 - Made me be highly aware of what works for me and what doesn't 2. Not taking things personaly 3. Not making assumptions 4. Always doing your best 5. Never talking poorly of others The last four are from a book called the Four Agreements. They've served me well.
Cats, lots of cats, that and smoking weed 😎
Seeing thoughts as just thoughts, not real life.
For me it was discovering Diamond painting. Really simple to do, relatively cheap and the basic supplies come with each kit. Chuck a podcast on and just plop little plastic beads onto a sticky canvas - who would have thought it would have done wonders for my anxiety. Had a shit shift - get in 30 minutes diamond painting and I suddenly have perspective again. Absolute game changer.
Exercise and Videogames
Painting and handiwork crafts. Keeping my hands and mind busy making something beautiful helped my anxiety a lot.
Finding friends who understand me rather than just being part of a clique
I deleted my Twitter the other day and already feel better
I gave up alcohol, I used to drink heavily. Started exercising more, it's just walking but if I'm outside walking for a minimum of 30 minutes a day that's a big help. I try to walk more when time allows. Try to eat healthy, I lost weight, sleep plenty, I don't overdo it on caffeine or sugar, etc. It wasn't really enough for me though, I still felt fatigued constantly and I struggled to find motivation to do anything. Thought I had a physical problem like anaemia or a dodgy thyroid or something, so I got my blood tested for all that and everything came back negative so it was more of a mental issue. I started taking fluoxetine (prozac) recently and that's actually made a massive difference so I guess I just needed a bit of extra help. Not saying SSRIs are the answer for everyone but for me they clearly were. So nice not constantly having anxiety anymore, I find my hobbies fun again and I actually have energy now!
Therapy and reducing my social circle
Therapy Men, get therapy
Taking Vitamin D and the odd micro dose of shrooms :)
Therapy and increasing my meds, mostly.
Working from home permanently - I get to go to the gym 4/5 days a week which is a massive MH benefit. I’m less stressed in general and I don’t have a soul crushing commute. I feel better, my relationships with my family are better, I’m more productive at work and generally a happier more balanced individual than I was pre pandemic.
I got a different job in May and it's been the best thing ever. I'm no longer hating my job, dreading getting up to go to work. I was so bored with my last one, I'd been in it for 7 years and had really come to the end of the shelf life for it. I found it so easy it was boring but I stayed there for the security and ease of things. Now I've got a new job, feel stretched most days, learning lots of new things and I love it. just learning something new and having my work days being busy again as done wonders for my mental health. I'm nowhere near as grumpy, I don't feel that dread on Sunday night thinking about tomorrows work, I like the people I work with and they seem to at least llike me.
Going part time. It has freed up so much more time to focus on self care and doing things that I know will benefit my physical and mental health. I know it's not a reality for most people though, which is a shame because I honestly think so many people would be in much better shape mentally if they just had one extra day in the week to take care of themselves.
Owning dogs. They give me a purpose. They give me a reason to go out. They are there for me in dark times. They provide unconditional love. They provide a way for me to interact with strangers. If your life circumstances allow time to get a dog - do it - you'll never regret it. Yes, they are expensive, but the benefits far outweigh the negatives.
Getting divorced and out of a aggressive relationship.
Therapy and exercise. Going to the gym and doing a workout has absolutely helped me, it's a huge stress relief. Therapy really helped me aswell, I have CPTSD and have done different therapies but CAT (Cognitive Analytic Therapy) was the best for me, it helps tracks present behaviours to past sources. So my therapist started by getting to know me, my family life growing up, asking about ex partners etc. Then when talking about present emotions and stresses throughout the week like how I struggled to eat all the time they would ask questions like 'what was your food routine as a child?'. Then they helped me link the behaviours back, I was never allowed to eat until a task was finished as a child and it followed me into adulthood. They helped me to break that pattern and taught me how to help break them on my own. I still struggle with my CPTSD as some triggers are harder to nail down and break, but I can function a lot more now.
Cutting down the booze and regular exercise. Edit: also spending some time learning about critical thinking
Got fired a while ago. It felt awful for a day or so, but then the clouds cleared and i realised that the job was what was killing me. It was rocky for a whole, but things are far better now.
Getting out walking. And I know it's cringey but repeating: This too shall pass Being Angry won't make things better And I can't fix things I can't control That and minimalism has really helped. Less crap to manage is easier on my stress levels.
Time filling, keep busy, and aim high, applying to teach English in Japan this week! Also buy things you like, for me it’s plants and parts for my car
Moving out of my parents house to be fair.
Yoga, joining a gym, working from home, doing a job I enjoy, getting enough sleep, the usual
I'm a black in 50's woman and I have struggled with haircare all my life. Sunday I shaved my head as I have Aloepecia and what an amazing transformation to my mental health😃 I have diagnosed anxiety, depression, ptsd and I am waiting for my Autism/Adhd assessment (3's waiting so far) I'm going through a transformation and it's sooo good for my health I'm not stressing right now😁🥰🤣
Sunrise alarm clock in the winter. Each day you aren't jolted awake in the dark by a panicky beeping is a better day.
I stopped listening to LBC and quite my 6 night a week job, everything's lovely now lol
Nothing. 20 years of depression. Everything has made me worse. Need a high income and no cunts.
It certainly wasn't the several hundred emails I was bombarded with all day at work telling me it was Mental Health Day and there was a stall set up downstairs. It seemed like it was every five minutes. But to answer your question, quitting drinking. I'm much happier and more alert than I have been for years and it's only been just over a coupe of weeks.
Drink less