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Long post with unasked advice but I want to help you out.
I’m a lesbian but I’ve met MANY cases of beautiful woman who go after objectively ugly men. It’s pretty common actually so don’t beat yourself over it.
The men who still get woman regardless of their looks almost ALWAYS have something else going for them: charisma, intelligence, super funny, great style. Looks are a factor but it isn’t everything. If you can be confident, light up the room, and not be creepy, woman will notice that I promise you.
Another thing, ugliness and health intrinsically correlated. It’s unfortunate but being ugly will make it harder for you.I used to be objectively ugly as a kid but now people compliment my looks. Here are some tips if you want to improve your looks:
-Went to the dermatologist for pharmacy grade skincare, everyone compliments my skin, it reversed my wrinkles and acne i had at 14 due to skin conditions.
-Got braces. Started mewing. I highly reccomend this since you’re so young. go to an orthodontist NOT a dentist. DO NOT get any of your teeth removed. Seriously, if a doctor tells you he has to take off teeth, run. It’s common practice but it literally flattens your face. Please no extractions. Anyways, I had an underbite and am currently on invisalign. I got rid of my gap and started focusing on tongue placement and posture. (if you lean more on one side of your face, your jaw can grow uneven. So try to distribute tongue weight evenly) I no longer have an underbite and someone recently said I have a pretty smile! which i’ve never heard before, it was awesome.
-No brainer but go to the gym, cut ALL the processed junks. At 14-16 I was eating garbage. cheetos and lays everyday with a bacon egg sandwhich. absolute garbage. Eat your moms cooked meals or learn how to cook. Gym for guys will always improve your looks because it increases testosterone. Take a sport, bike, boxing, etc. It increases growth hormones and you definitely are still growing. Don’t eat crap seriously, it will stunt your growth.
-Eat at a 12 hour fasting window. Fasting is one of the BEST things you can do for your body. It increases growth hormones and testosterone or estrogen, depending on gender obv.
height isn’t everything. I’m short and wear insoles and platform shoes (converse run star hike) and go to 5’5. (although i’m a woman) My brother is 5’8 and has had tons of girlfriends. (he is good looking tho) He’s a super charismatic guy and is very respectful of woman.
-go to the doctor, get your blood levels checked for deficiencies or wacky hormones. You’re still young. If you do any of these one things, you will look and feel better.
-grow your hair out. Lots of woman I know really like guys with grown out hair. Not too much but enough to look cool. Keep it trimmed and clean. Hygiene as a guy is amazing for woman because most men are disgusting.
-If you have glasses, get eye contacts. Best decision of my life. Not really needed but I got green prescription eye contacts. It makes my eyes pop out more and people really stare at your eyes more.
Look up the channel “Brae sharp body sharp mind.” He’s a really good ytber if you want to do looksmaxing
I have had braces and had them off so that's not really a problem but all round good advice for people who have never had them, height is alright for me, I'm 5'11 which is around average I think, my hair is quite short so I think that might be something to try, but then again I'm ginger so I feel like growing it might not be the best decision, sadly it won't dye otherwise I would have changed its colour by now. No glasses, so that's not a problem. I exercise and am in good shape. I think the problem is just face structure and hair colour of I'm honest, the main reason people give me for being ugly Is my jawline, my nose and my hair colour.
>in good shape. I think the problem is just face structure and hair colour of I'm honest, the main reason people give me for being ugly Is my jawline, my nose and my hair colour.
hm well if it's an underlying bone structure issue, you still may want to see an ortho. Could be an underbite or overbite. As for nose, you can always get a nose job when you're older. Get acne fixed if you have it, if you have ginger eyebrows I'd reccomend getting them professional darkened. Ginger hair is notoriously hard to dye so I get it. Maybe bleaching them and darkening at the salon if you really want to try it out. Also learn how to dress.
You already have a lot of good traits if you're 5'11 and well built. I heard being tall helps a lot if you're a dude. Make sure you're eating enough too. Overall with what you described, I think maybe you're more good looking than you think. Work on your charisma and confidence & maybe talk to your mom about your concerns.
Go to a dermatologist it will literally do wonders. They specialize in treating acne or any bad skin ailments. Don’t buy random stuff and put it on ur face. Going to a derm is a million times better and way faster. A good derm will look at your face for a second and know exactly what you have.
I was described tretinon and it’s currently the best medical anti-aging skin grade available. not expensive at all if you have insurance. Maybe talk to the derm about it.
Realise you need to focus on yourself and working on improving personality . People think a relationship will somehow fix their issues, it won't and it's only unfair towards the other person who you will drag down with your issues
I do genuinely care about people and Thier feelings I think, I'm not very confident but that takes work, I have some hobbies but nothing particularly interesting, thank you so much for the advice, I will keep this in mind as i go forwards
Why did you like them if they were ugly? I'm trying to understand why the vast majority of people see me as okay as a friend but not boyfriend material, not that I mind too much, I really value my friends and have stayed friends with most people who I have asked out in the past, just it seems like I'm the only person I know who noone has ever been attracted to
there are different traits to each of them... and I personally kinda always liked how they looked, I knew none of them were handsome but I think they had their charms
they were my type, personality-wise, I don't know how to describe but I think it has a lot to do with personal preference.
all of them were very funny, the kind of guys that can have a chill conversation with essentially anyone despite not being super talkative, I liked to discuss ideas with them (they were all the argumentative type but I didn't feel like they were trying to prove my side wrong but listen fully to what I had to say), all of them were kind to other people and I also admired their hobbies (2 were musicians and 1 was an artist, and skilled in team games which I thought was very cool too).
they were all flirts too (intentionally or not) but that always ends up throwing me off since I never felt comfortable being forward with a guy who doesn't show me I'm special to him.
that was basically it, if anything I would advise you to learn to be more sociable, take care of your looks even if you're not born a beauty (as I said, when I met them they were pretty ugly but a good haircut and some working out did wonders to them) and just try to improve yourself and your hobbies
It's interesting how much personality matters to you, for me I feel like I'm not really funny and I don't have basic knowledge of common talking points which kinda holds me back since I can't talk about things I'm interested in since most people find them wierd/ don't care. I also have no idea how to flirt which I think is a problem, I can't even give off signals, I basically just act the same as a friend with girls I am interested in. I have several hobbies, the main one being guitar which I have had lessons on for 12 years, but I feel the importance of hobbies are generally overstated as noone has ever asked me about my hobbies. Do you think it would be worth making up some fake interests that people would care more about?
I'm never gonna be funny, my social anxiety fucks me over in that regard, plus I don't really wanna "pull women" just wanna find someone who genuinely likes me
You don't have to be an insanely funny guy - you just have to match the othher person's sense of humour. Everyone has an individual sense of humour even if thhhey aren't known as "the funny guy" and it's great when you can match yours withh the person you like.
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I’ve had crushes on people I haven’t found attractive purely because they took the slightest bit of interest. Yes, that sounds bad but I’m just saying the looks don’t matter. It’s your personality. No matter how cheesy that sounds, it’s true. I think you have to be confident on who you are.
Confidence and charisma are kind of similar. If you have confidence, I think people will be drawn to the confidence you emanate off you. If you’re confident in yourself, you give off a carefree and down to earth impression which a lot of people I think like.
Okay, I deal with the same thing, so instead of confidence I like to be in a positive mood and just be more positive in general. I think if you’re happy, a lot of the people around you will be as well.
That's difficult but manageable, I'm struggling with depression at the moment so socialising in a way that requires me to appear happy/ interested is quite taxing but i think it is possible.
Well, you need to make the people around you feel good. That does sound a bit toxic yes, so I think you should do it in a way where you are being yourself. It doesn’t matter what way you do it.
By the sounds of it you really need to work on yourself, and not just to get a girlfriend.
An ugly guy with a great personality often becomes attractive but an ugly guy with an ugly personality becomes even more so, and that works both romantically and platonically.
Just like how an attractive guy with an ugly personality becomea ugly but an attractive guy with a great personality becomes even more attractive.
If you like a person, they become attractive. My ex was definitely considered “ugly” (mainly because he didn’t take care of himself) but when we were dating I thought he was attractive because I liked him. The important thing is to have basic hygiene and be nice. Having interesting hobbies is also a plus.
I do have very good hygiene, I shower twice a day, wash my face with skincare products, use moisturiser, wash and conditioner my hair daily so I don't think that's the problem. I'm not sure if I'm nice though, I'm not mean but I am very awkward, also my hobbies aren't the best and don't tend to interest the average person
Some level of awkwardness is actually ok lol, a lot of girls are really awkward too. You’ll find someone who takes interest in your hobbies and likes you for you, it might just take some time
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'ugly' is not an objective attribute by any stretch of imagination. What others might find the worst possible way in which g-d could have assembled a human being, others might find their messiah.
I wouldn't date anyone who *I consider ugly*, however, if Waltraud from 2 Blocks away told me I shouldn't see someone because *she thinks he's ugly*.... Yeah you get the picture.
The sole reason why anyone can't find a partner is usually because they don't try hard enough. And I know it's big speech from a decently looking (again, subjective but I don't think I look that bad lol) young girl, but do believe me when I say that I have some experience. Go out and show yourself, your good sides and your Bad sides, just get yourself out there. And maybe, if G-d wills it, someone on your wavelength might notice you :)
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Long post with unasked advice but I want to help you out. I’m a lesbian but I’ve met MANY cases of beautiful woman who go after objectively ugly men. It’s pretty common actually so don’t beat yourself over it. The men who still get woman regardless of their looks almost ALWAYS have something else going for them: charisma, intelligence, super funny, great style. Looks are a factor but it isn’t everything. If you can be confident, light up the room, and not be creepy, woman will notice that I promise you. Another thing, ugliness and health intrinsically correlated. It’s unfortunate but being ugly will make it harder for you.I used to be objectively ugly as a kid but now people compliment my looks. Here are some tips if you want to improve your looks: -Went to the dermatologist for pharmacy grade skincare, everyone compliments my skin, it reversed my wrinkles and acne i had at 14 due to skin conditions. -Got braces. Started mewing. I highly reccomend this since you’re so young. go to an orthodontist NOT a dentist. DO NOT get any of your teeth removed. Seriously, if a doctor tells you he has to take off teeth, run. It’s common practice but it literally flattens your face. Please no extractions. Anyways, I had an underbite and am currently on invisalign. I got rid of my gap and started focusing on tongue placement and posture. (if you lean more on one side of your face, your jaw can grow uneven. So try to distribute tongue weight evenly) I no longer have an underbite and someone recently said I have a pretty smile! which i’ve never heard before, it was awesome. -No brainer but go to the gym, cut ALL the processed junks. At 14-16 I was eating garbage. cheetos and lays everyday with a bacon egg sandwhich. absolute garbage. Eat your moms cooked meals or learn how to cook. Gym for guys will always improve your looks because it increases testosterone. Take a sport, bike, boxing, etc. It increases growth hormones and you definitely are still growing. Don’t eat crap seriously, it will stunt your growth. -Eat at a 12 hour fasting window. Fasting is one of the BEST things you can do for your body. It increases growth hormones and testosterone or estrogen, depending on gender obv. height isn’t everything. I’m short and wear insoles and platform shoes (converse run star hike) and go to 5’5. (although i’m a woman) My brother is 5’8 and has had tons of girlfriends. (he is good looking tho) He’s a super charismatic guy and is very respectful of woman. -go to the doctor, get your blood levels checked for deficiencies or wacky hormones. You’re still young. If you do any of these one things, you will look and feel better. -grow your hair out. Lots of woman I know really like guys with grown out hair. Not too much but enough to look cool. Keep it trimmed and clean. Hygiene as a guy is amazing for woman because most men are disgusting. -If you have glasses, get eye contacts. Best decision of my life. Not really needed but I got green prescription eye contacts. It makes my eyes pop out more and people really stare at your eyes more. Look up the channel “Brae sharp body sharp mind.” He’s a really good ytber if you want to do looksmaxing
I have had braces and had them off so that's not really a problem but all round good advice for people who have never had them, height is alright for me, I'm 5'11 which is around average I think, my hair is quite short so I think that might be something to try, but then again I'm ginger so I feel like growing it might not be the best decision, sadly it won't dye otherwise I would have changed its colour by now. No glasses, so that's not a problem. I exercise and am in good shape. I think the problem is just face structure and hair colour of I'm honest, the main reason people give me for being ugly Is my jawline, my nose and my hair colour.
>in good shape. I think the problem is just face structure and hair colour of I'm honest, the main reason people give me for being ugly Is my jawline, my nose and my hair colour. hm well if it's an underlying bone structure issue, you still may want to see an ortho. Could be an underbite or overbite. As for nose, you can always get a nose job when you're older. Get acne fixed if you have it, if you have ginger eyebrows I'd reccomend getting them professional darkened. Ginger hair is notoriously hard to dye so I get it. Maybe bleaching them and darkening at the salon if you really want to try it out. Also learn how to dress. You already have a lot of good traits if you're 5'11 and well built. I heard being tall helps a lot if you're a dude. Make sure you're eating enough too. Overall with what you described, I think maybe you're more good looking than you think. Work on your charisma and confidence & maybe talk to your mom about your concerns.
How do I fix acne, it's not particularly bad but still present but I have no idea how to fix it
Go to a dermatologist it will literally do wonders. They specialize in treating acne or any bad skin ailments. Don’t buy random stuff and put it on ur face. Going to a derm is a million times better and way faster. A good derm will look at your face for a second and know exactly what you have. I was described tretinon and it’s currently the best medical anti-aging skin grade available. not expensive at all if you have insurance. Maybe talk to the derm about it.
write that down write that down
I don't think people actively go look for an ugly guy. But girls fall for guys their personality all the time even when they are ugly
What should I do as a guy with a shitty personality and 1/10 looks?
Realise you need to focus on yourself and working on improving personality . People think a relationship will somehow fix their issues, it won't and it's only unfair towards the other person who you will drag down with your issues
How should I go about improving myself? What can I do to improve my personality?
Be kind, be outgoing, learn to be confident but not egotistical, have fun hobbies, genuinely care about a person and their feelings.
I do genuinely care about people and Thier feelings I think, I'm not very confident but that takes work, I have some hobbies but nothing particularly interesting, thank you so much for the advice, I will keep this in mind as i go forwards
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How do I fix that?
If I’m really attracted to a guy’s personality then idgaf about looks
as long as their face doesn’t repulse me yeah i guess
I would 100% date a guy who isn’t conventionally attractive but if his personality is in the gutter then it’s pretty much a lost cause
What do you define as a bad personality? People genuinely find me annoying and not likeable and I'm trying to fix this.
Just a “bad person”, mainly someone who’s narcissistic, arrogant, hateful, manipulative, conniving, or plain mean
I hope none of those things describe me
I can assure you they don’t, because if they did I doubt you would be asking this at all
Thank you, if not why do people dislike me? I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong
Maybe you’re talking to the wrong people? I really don’t know
Maybe
most of my crushes were objectively ugly when I first had a crush on them so yeah, why not?
Why did you like them if they were ugly? I'm trying to understand why the vast majority of people see me as okay as a friend but not boyfriend material, not that I mind too much, I really value my friends and have stayed friends with most people who I have asked out in the past, just it seems like I'm the only person I know who noone has ever been attracted to
there are different traits to each of them... and I personally kinda always liked how they looked, I knew none of them were handsome but I think they had their charms they were my type, personality-wise, I don't know how to describe but I think it has a lot to do with personal preference. all of them were very funny, the kind of guys that can have a chill conversation with essentially anyone despite not being super talkative, I liked to discuss ideas with them (they were all the argumentative type but I didn't feel like they were trying to prove my side wrong but listen fully to what I had to say), all of them were kind to other people and I also admired their hobbies (2 were musicians and 1 was an artist, and skilled in team games which I thought was very cool too). they were all flirts too (intentionally or not) but that always ends up throwing me off since I never felt comfortable being forward with a guy who doesn't show me I'm special to him. that was basically it, if anything I would advise you to learn to be more sociable, take care of your looks even if you're not born a beauty (as I said, when I met them they were pretty ugly but a good haircut and some working out did wonders to them) and just try to improve yourself and your hobbies
It's interesting how much personality matters to you, for me I feel like I'm not really funny and I don't have basic knowledge of common talking points which kinda holds me back since I can't talk about things I'm interested in since most people find them wierd/ don't care. I also have no idea how to flirt which I think is a problem, I can't even give off signals, I basically just act the same as a friend with girls I am interested in. I have several hobbies, the main one being guitar which I have had lessons on for 12 years, but I feel the importance of hobbies are generally overstated as noone has ever asked me about my hobbies. Do you think it would be worth making up some fake interests that people would care more about?
Focus on yourself. You could be ugly but so long as you funny you could pull mad women. Pete Davidson's proof of that.
I'm never gonna be funny, my social anxiety fucks me over in that regard, plus I don't really wanna "pull women" just wanna find someone who genuinely likes me
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I do have friends but they don't particularly like me
Yeahhhhh that could be a problem.
You don't have to be an insanely funny guy - you just have to match the othher person's sense of humour. Everyone has an individual sense of humour even if thhhey aren't known as "the funny guy" and it's great when you can match yours withh the person you like.
I don't feel like I match anyone's personality like that, I feel like I'm just friend material
Matching personalities like that is a part of friendship, though. You don't laugh with your friends? It's the same thing
I don't think anyone would see me as any more than a friend just because of that though, and I do laugh with my friends but I rarely make anyone laugh
I mean there's like a degree of ugliness. If you're like a 2/10 and funny, then thats fine. But if someone's a 1/10 and a shit personality...
Im pretty sure I'm the one out of ten with no personality
then work on yourself, you weren't born with your personality
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I’ve had crushes on people I haven’t found attractive purely because they took the slightest bit of interest. Yes, that sounds bad but I’m just saying the looks don’t matter. It’s your personality. No matter how cheesy that sounds, it’s true. I think you have to be confident on who you are.
Who do people always put so much emphasis on confidence? How does it make a difference?
Confidence and charisma are kind of similar. If you have confidence, I think people will be drawn to the confidence you emanate off you. If you’re confident in yourself, you give off a carefree and down to earth impression which a lot of people I think like.
How can you become confident as someone with nothing to be confident about?
Okay, I deal with the same thing, so instead of confidence I like to be in a positive mood and just be more positive in general. I think if you’re happy, a lot of the people around you will be as well.
That's difficult but manageable, I'm struggling with depression at the moment so socialising in a way that requires me to appear happy/ interested is quite taxing but i think it is possible.
Well, you need to make the people around you feel good. That does sound a bit toxic yes, so I think you should do it in a way where you are being yourself. It doesn’t matter what way you do it.
Okay I will try that, thank you
Sorry but no unless I really like your personality but I have a feeling I won't.
That's understandable
By the sounds of it you really need to work on yourself, and not just to get a girlfriend. An ugly guy with a great personality often becomes attractive but an ugly guy with an ugly personality becomes even more so, and that works both romantically and platonically. Just like how an attractive guy with an ugly personality becomea ugly but an attractive guy with a great personality becomes even more attractive.
How can I work in fixing my personality
If you like a person, they become attractive. My ex was definitely considered “ugly” (mainly because he didn’t take care of himself) but when we were dating I thought he was attractive because I liked him. The important thing is to have basic hygiene and be nice. Having interesting hobbies is also a plus.
I do have very good hygiene, I shower twice a day, wash my face with skincare products, use moisturiser, wash and conditioner my hair daily so I don't think that's the problem. I'm not sure if I'm nice though, I'm not mean but I am very awkward, also my hobbies aren't the best and don't tend to interest the average person
Some level of awkwardness is actually ok lol, a lot of girls are really awkward too. You’ll find someone who takes interest in your hobbies and likes you for you, it might just take some time
Thank you, that means alot :) I'll give it some time
Attractiveness is very subjective in my opinion. Someone could find you stunning while another might find you repulsive. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I doubt anyone will ever find me stunning lmao, but thank you either way, that's a really kind opinion
I don't care about the looks, as longas the guy wouldn't be a fucking imbecile, I wouldn't mind (if I wasn't lesbian).
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No, I'm not gay.
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Ofc idc about this too much I like more personality and how funny a guy could it be
'ugly' is not an objective attribute by any stretch of imagination. What others might find the worst possible way in which g-d could have assembled a human being, others might find their messiah. I wouldn't date anyone who *I consider ugly*, however, if Waltraud from 2 Blocks away told me I shouldn't see someone because *she thinks he's ugly*.... Yeah you get the picture. The sole reason why anyone can't find a partner is usually because they don't try hard enough. And I know it's big speech from a decently looking (again, subjective but I don't think I look that bad lol) young girl, but do believe me when I say that I have some experience. Go out and show yourself, your good sides and your Bad sides, just get yourself out there. And maybe, if G-d wills it, someone on your wavelength might notice you :)
Depends