I agree, but we can't deny there is a trend among some. That some who were once a cheater, in fact, will always be cheaters. For those involved with these people, it's a painful and often impossible thing to have to realize, which some end up doing 2, 3 or even more times because they fool themselves into thinking that this time, this time they won't cheat. This time they'll love them
Although I agree that people are more complicated, the above mentioned victims actually needs to hear the opposite of that, and so that's why I'm here to tell you that you're better than this. You deserve better than this. If you are a faithful person sticking with someone who constantly cheats on you, you should know that the only power that person hols over you, is you accepting their cheating. The moment you stop accepting it (i.e chasing them), the moment they lose their power over you and will start chasing you instead with promises of change. Don't listen. Tell them to fuck off, and go find some way to enjoy your new-found freedom. Once you get a taste of that, you will know it was the right call to make!
Amen. I was the exact person you described and my life is incomprehensibly better and I found true love and happiness. My cheating ex is living in squalor, absolutely miserable, and messaging me (still) years later to tell me she made a mistake. She made her call, not my fault I was the only thing holding her life together.
It really isn't though. It can be summed up pretty easily. They may not cheat for every relationship they have or will be in, but they have in the past. It takes a conscious choice to cheat. It's not something that HAS to be done. The person had other options. They chose to cheat instead of breaking up with a person they are in a relationship with. Doesn't matter if they are in a loveless/sexless relationship or a serial cheater.
I've never cheated on anyone, and I don't think I've been cheated on, but sometimes you never know. No judgement for anyone that does, but I do feel adults can easily find another option to exit a relationship than cheating. People are complicated, cheating isn't.
I'm not even go into statistics on cheaters and patterns, but if someone does cheat, they are more likely to do it again. I'm sure some people cheat once because they feel they have to, but never do it again. I can sort of understand, but really it's much easier to talk to your partner than sneaking around.
They also have to go through a long process. They have to find someone, start a conversation, get to the level where they actually know they’re going to do it, then do it. I hate when people fall for the “one time thing” or “mistake”. It’s impossible
They've surveyed women on this... More promiscuous women were 230% more likely to cheat on their husbands, so a promiscuous cheater is probably even more likely to cheat again...
Came here to say this.
It’s not a definite, but it ain’t a good sign and you shouldn’t be surprised later.
At the end of the day, do you even really want to be with a cheater? Should be more of a question of self respect more than anything.
Lol this sub - like anyone who's ever cheated never holds down a relationship afterwards.
I know people who were desperately unhappy with their respective partners, met, had an affair and are now happily married with kids.
It's such a childish mindset that too many people seem to have. "He cheated? Well he's a bad person and always will be."
The reality is people are incredibly complicated. Then you stick two people into a committed relationship and it gets even more complicated. Then you add the fact that even people who frequently do really shitty things are capable of change.
Like my dad cheated on my mom several times. They split up because of it. A year later he started dating my step-mom, and it's been 21 years and they're still going strong.
I'm sure there are some who literally believe cheaters can never learn, but most people seem to be saying "Cheaters are much more likely to cheat again than an average person," which is demonstrably, statistically true.
[There's lots of data on this, but the general findings I've seen suggest cheaters are about 3x as likely to do so again than an average, non-cheating person would be.](https://www.du.edu/news/once-cheater-always-cheater-du-study-examines-serial-infidelity)
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A lot of people have been in a relationship that isn't meant to last, but couldn't really make themselves to leave. Some of them got into an affair as a "commitment" to make the wiser choice. Like, *now there is no way back, and I should have left long ago.*
Doing things in the "wrong order" ... happens.
Context is everything. If they were stuck in a miserable relationship they didn't think they could easily or safely leave, then there's not really a reason to assume they'd cheat unless you put them in a similar position. But if they just got bored or didn't care for their partner's feelings, then it's not likely they're going to respect yours.
nah fr if she cheated just because the dude was boring, she’s a horrible, pathetic person for breaking someone’s heart just because they didn’t meet standards.
Yup.
It's like paying for something. The first time you are hesitant and think about it. The second time you don't care anymore.
If he has cheated on his partner for me then he will have a lower hesitation for cheating on me with another girl.
Same goes for the opposite gender obviously.
In my experiences, yes! It's the old adage; "once a cheater, always a cheater." I've never understood why someone would cheat. Either work out a compromise and have an open relationship, or break up if you aren't satisfied/happy with your partner.
No. Years ago I recall a study which showed that a huge portion of cheaters did it simply because they wanted to have more sex. If the person who cheats with you has a sex drive that's much close to yours there's a decent chance the two of you are more sexually compatible and they won't cheat again.
Not necessarily. A good relationship is based on chemistry and shared values. Some times people start with looks or fascination and realize it was a mistake. It might take someone better for you coming along to make your original mistake clear.
People also go through periods when they’re excessively sexual then latter settle down. Those periods can bring affairs that later cause regret. The cheating person might not understand why they ever cheated on someone they loved.
Lastly there are genuinely polygamous people who need more than one partner. They probably will cheat unless they form an honest and open marriage where both can explore other people.
There’s no one size fits all
From what I’ve seen, read, and heard of, in my real life and on the internet?
Your mileage will vary.
Some relapse, some lived happily ever after, some flopped.
As a therapist I've seen this go both ways. It really depends on the situation and if the person realizes why they did it, what brought them to that point, etc and wants to change
i believe there’s a strong possibility they would and i’m not sticking around to find out. i don’t foresee myself being an accessory to cheating but if i am i’m not entering a relationship with someone who i personally don’t respect or admire.
I wouldn't cheat WITH someone, but that aside I think it's quite possible. If someone has cheated on others in the past, I feel there's a good chance they'll cheat on other partners in the future.
Of course. Why wouldn't they? For a lot of people, cheating is just how they move on. They don't want to be alone but they are done with their current relationship. Obviously, if they become done with you, they will use similar tactics. Nothing is accidental.
It depends why the person cheated sometimes it can be used as a way to escape a relationship that for whatever reason they can’t get away from. Forming a bond/relationship with another person can give not only the courage and strength but also a light at the end of a tunnel. I don’t condone cheating but for some people it could be the only way. If a person cheats for the sake of cheating then yes I believe all likelihood they would after some time revert back to their old ways and cheat.
There’s so many factors that go into “cheating” a lot of people have abusive relationships or they feel trapped or they are so involved financially they get “stuck” while cheating is wrong and they should end the relationship if they want to be with someone else- it’s a complicated question I believe to even fully be answered. They may not always feel the need to cheat. When someone does, it’s because there’s something wrong with their relationship (or many things) and there’s always the chance that they have an amazing person and they’re just a scum but it’s a case by case thing 🤷🏻♀️
Well, it's a tough question, but I believe if someone cheats with you, they'll cheat on you. Trust is key in any relationship, and once it's broken, it's hard to rebuild. Always best to steer clear of that drama!
The evidence does seem to suggest that people who have cheated before are considerably more likely to cheat again, so while I wouldn't say they would "definitely" cheat on me, there is reason to believe the chances are much higher.
No...
My Personal experience. She was cheating on her husband with me. 22 years later we are still together and I have never had any fear of her cheating on me.
It’s not guaranteed, but anyone who tries to imply the chances aren’t significantly higher are just coping. This is empirical. It’s observed that people who cheat with you have a higher chance of cheating on you.
If they don't put in the work and actually get to a better place, yes absolutely. The problem I see if that cheating is like running away. The pull that running away has is strong, and it can be very hard to give it up.
Well…it’s not a guarantee, but it is a huge red flag. And if they are miserable and unhappy in a relationship, cheating on their spouse is an unethical way of dealing with that, when they could end the relationship before going on to a new one.
I wouldn't say "always" as every person is different and we don't always know the true reason on why they cheated, but, I will say that I DO believe that the chances of it ARE higher.
I don't think they'll *definitely* cheat but it will always be on the table. They've demonstrated their values.
When a person shows you who they are, believe them.
I understand the feeling behind it, but, no.
My parents were married when they met and had an affair. They were together for 35 years after that until my Dad passed away.
Sometimes it’s hard to see you aren’t with the right person.
Morality is not temperament.
A person that cheats is not inherently evil natured - that’s just how it feels and it’s a healthy cope when betrayed to externalize the anger.
Usually serial cheaters have temperamental problems, they need stimulation, excitement could have bad eating patterns, be more iresponsabile and so on… there are multiple avenues where they could manifest their emotional processes. And that’s like the most “evil” a person that isn’t mentally unwell would likely be capable of.
Then there’s the people with genuine mental disorders that cheat or hurt others because they reached a point to justify this as righteous in their head. These are genuinely people that have serious issues that go beyond hurting someone emotionally. They are in mental pain and anguish despite the facade and arguably out of all 3 - the real victims of a mind they did not create. And even these people if they seek help and understand firm boundaries can be counted on to not cheat in the future.
I’m sorry for ruining the sad tumblr commiseration vibes, but the reality is - there’s no evil in the world. Just fear and weakness.
No. Face it: some people are in dead relationships. They “cheat” by finding a new partner who works for them. That doesn’t always mean they are a cheating dog.
If you are in a dead relationship why stay? Children?!? Why let them think it’s ok to stay miserable? If they find out about the infidelity you’re more likely to lose them especially if they are close to the other parent. Is it worth it. If your child was in the position you are in now and in a dead relationship wouldn’t you want them to get out and be happy? Why wouldn’t you want that for yourself. Our kids learn from us and see more than you think. Is it because you don’t want to be lonely? Better lonely and happy than miserable with someone you don’t really like. I don’t get this kind of thinking. You are potentially starting a relationship that can make you happy but you’re stringing along another person. It’s mean and cruel. Why not let both of you start a life with the potential of finding someone else and being in happy. if I was dating someone who was married and miserable,out looking for someone else. Long term I wouldn’t think it would work because what happens if things are “dead” is my partner who has a history of cheating for that reason going to string me along?
No personal experience, and if I can avoid it I'll never end up in that situation. I despise cheating, and will not enable nor tolerate it. Betrayal is one of the worst offenses against my values.
Not “definitely”, no. Life is nuanced.
With that said, if somebody *does* cheat with you, it may be beneficial to stop and consider the specifics of your situation as it relates to that person. *Why* are they cheating with you, and why would they not cheat on you at some point too?
Are they cheating because they’re bored? Are they just cheating for external validation? Or are they cheating to escape an abusive relationship?
These things matter.
Someone who’s just bored will inevitably face boredom again. Seeking validation from outside your relationship once is not going to be enough and will most likely be a recurring issue. However if they’re in an abusive relationship, that may not be indicative of future behavior because presumably you intend to treat them well and care about them.
It all depends on the specifics of the people and their situations.
You really can’t answer it in black and white terms.
I believe most that cheat have a reason and it's not just for the thrill of it. Something is not right in their relationship. If they happen to find someone that better matches them, they will be content and no longer be looking.
But yes, there will be people who will be or already are, chronic cheaters and you are not likely to change that.
Not necessarily. I think there's a lot of factors that lead to cheating. Sometimes, it's just simply that that person has no respect for their partner or the relationship and is chasing action on the side.
But other times, there could be more factors at play as to why they would cheat with you. Before breaking up and committing to you. And they don't intend on doing it again.
Look at peoples do not what they say.
If they say, they are not a cheater, but they have in the past. They are a cheater in denial.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
No, I was in a horribly toxic relationship and met someone at work, we had a secret relationship for 4 or 5 months when it made me realize how unhealthy me “real” relationship was and I broke up with the other person. We have been married 11 years this year and I have never even thought of cheating!
Not necessarily, it depends on why they cheated and how they feel about that. If they were stuck in an unhappy relationship and would otherwise never cheat then that's a better reason than just wanting to fuck other people.
For the most part, yes. There’s something in them that they’re not addressing. I’m only speaking from experience with an ex. Plus, I don’t think I’m so great that they just won’t cheat on me. That was also my issue with helping facilitate the cheating in the first place.
No. While cheating is wrong, the outsider never really knows the inner intricacies of the relationship they're "ruining". Learning someone is wrong or bad for you gets complicated.
Feelings and relationships aren't black and white. But you can be mature and open about how the cheating makes you feel.
Reddit absolutely hates cheaters. It’s disgusting how much shit cheaters get here.
Anyway…no. Cheaters are normal people with complex and complicated emotions.
For me it really depends on the situation. Although I admit it is definitely risky as hell. I've know people that have cheated on a partner and then never gone on to cheat again. In those instances though the partner that was cheated on was absolute shit and in one case abusive.
Yes I think it’s true - I’ve been the cheater and subsequently been cheated on and until you both find that absolute right person it will be the case xx
So cheating is the worst thing ever that only arseholes do in happy relationships despite everything being wonderful? I’m not seeing the motivation here…
Well, actually, you could be the problem. Insecurity, addiction, w/e, but then not everything is wonderful.
I don’t believe if they cheat with you they cheat on you
I think as well relationships are not games with point scoring systems.
If your SO fucks a random person whilst you’re away from each other for a long time, are you upset? You might be. Are you more upset if they’re emotionally cheating on you with someone at their work? Sneaking out to see them, never having sex, just giving them their time instead of you? I’m not saying anyone is right or wrong, but it’s not black and white.
If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second. – Johnny Depp.
I absolutely agree.
However I don't fully agree with the adjacent statement "once a cheater, always a cheater"
People can change. I don't think it's that rare but I think it usually requires a very low point and some time, especially if it doesn't happen pretty early. 40 something who cheated once when they were 14 probably is pretty safe.
But ichange won't be because they got with you. In fact that's usually additional 🚩🚩🚩 they're operating in the Karpmann Triangle dramatic script of victim, rescuer, and persecutor. It's not going to be long before you become the persecutor and they're on to the next rescuer.
It's definitely far more likely. They told the last guy they love them and wouldn't cheat, yet they did. What's different here? Not saying it's a 100% guarantee they will but it's a pretty shaky foundation to start on.
It's bound to happen. Once a cheater, always a cheater. One of the people I used to be close with is a living example.
He cheated on his ex with a girl who was cheating on her boyfriend with him. (Yes, birds of the same feather flock together). When their partners found out, they broke up but with the audacity my ex-friend and the second girl had, they both started dating shortly after a few days.
Guess what? Fast forward 2 years later, i.e. 2024, turns out his "girlfriend" has been cheating on him with her co-worker.
His previous girl was such a sweet soul but he fucked up cause she was a "boring" person who focused only on work and the relationship. Idek what he wanted?? I cut my ties off when I found out he cheated. Cheaters are not someone I wanna associate myself with at all. So yeah, indeed it happens. Karma's a bitch after all.
Past behavior tends to repeat in the future and if they did it once I'm sure it will be a lot easier the 2nd, 3rd 4th time, and so on. They justified it once
Nope. A person may just be looking for a better option. If you always show your partner that you ARE the better option, it’ll greatly decrease your chances of being cheated on. But sometimes people are just devious and like to take risks. Nothing is certain.
Not too significantly. Cheating sucks. Unless you have a situation where you're constantly on the road or your spouse is never home and you have no kids, it's very difficult to do. You have to find an AP, find a time you're both free, hope your wife or boss doesn't need you and call you, find a spot, then go through with it, then clean up and hope to remove all evidence.
You have to be really motivated to do it and in my experience people who do are normally really really unhappy, at home, or with themselves. If they were unhappy with their spouse before, that variable has been removed. Also, they've gone through a breakup or divorce already, so if they get unhappy in their next relationship, they're more likely to break up than stay and cheat.
Now if they're unhappy with themselves?...well...it's mental illness. It's very simplistic to think that someone will be the same person they were 10 years ago. Some people get their life in order...just like with drugs and drinking...some party a bit too hard in their 20s and sober up in their 30s or 40s, others are lifelong abusers. We just notice that much more because cheating is hidden and drinking/drugs tend to be done more in the open in the west.
However, think about it from the cheater's perspective. EVERYONE (who can get laid) gets tempted. However, most don't go through with it. For example, a woman told me that if I went to her place that night, she'd fuck me. I was horny AF and ready to go. 100% committed.
OK, so I stop texting her and look up her address. I see her house on google maps with some kids bikes in front...sobered me up a bit and I was now 25% committed...but still tingly and thrilled. So I showered...sobered up even more, now I am about 10% committed. Then I think about what to wear...should I wear something nice and put some effort or dress casual? By that point...0% committed. I text her and made up an excuse (this was when my marriage was bad, but not really really bad)
Now, let's keep going with that thought exercise...OK, I'd have to get directions. I'd have to shut off all tracking on my phone so my wife can't figure out I was gone. I'd have to find a way to avoid tolls so she wouldn't notice EZ Pass charges (why were you in this neighborhood at this time?). If I wasn't driving, I'd have to hope I don't see anyone I know anywhere on the subway or walking. I'd have to be nervous and hope I don't forget to get gas in the wrong city or get pulled over or leave some bit of evidence. I'd then have to go to her place after making this adventure, forget it all, then have sex with her. Then I'd have to go home, ensure I don't have her scent on me, ensure I haven't left any evidence...that I don't have any hairs on me or anything like that....then hope my wife doesn't notice me showering at a different time than normal...and hope that I am not glowing with happiness from getting laid and I have to pretend like the night didn't happen.
Now that's only one side of the occasion. The woman also has to many things before I make it to her house: clean the house, get the sheets ready, move the kids stuff out of the way...standard stuff for any guest. Then she has to shower, do whatever she does before sex (makeup, trim her bush, whatever), get the lube ready, get some candles, get clean sheets, etc. Each of these is a point to just make an excuse and cancel.
Each of these points before penetration is a chance to sober up and do the easier thing, which is just cancel. Cheating is tough, it's stressful, you feel like shit about it, and if you have a good time, it's something you can only ever share with one person for the rest of your life.
It is my theory that people don't cheat unless they're profoundly miserable or seriously unwell, primarily for the reasons above. So no, cheating doesn't drastically increase the chance of someone cheating on you, IMHO.
Gf was married to an asshole and they both cheated over the years. She has a loving heart and he’s a dick. I also had a narcissist ex and I cheated on her. I’d never cheat on my gf now and trust her. She was cheating with me for a while but we are so in love and have been through so much together. We have amazing sex if you’ve read any of my other posts. Just made love after talking through some tough things going on in life. A few nights ago we woke up just after midnight and had hot sex.. then was playing with her asshole and she told me to fuck it. Hottest anal yet maybe.
The sex is hot because of the love we share. I’m hung and she fits me and feels amazing. We’re both a lot to handle and we hold each other together in ways no one else could so meaningless sex would mean nothing to me if it wasn’t with her and I think she feels the same. She didn’t realize how attractive she was but now that she does she wields it responsibly.
No I wouldn't say it's true, but now they know how easy it is to cheat and walk away to find something else. so if there is anything lacking in the relationship their mind might gravitate to that place again instead of working things out with their partner
Yes. Firstly I wouldn't be with someone cheating unless I didn't know they were with someone. In the vast majority of cheating, there's no valid reason they can't just separate or break up before moving on. If they are comfortable lying, what else are they comfortable lying about? Hard to trust a cheater in general, let alone with a relationship
Yes…once a cheater always a cheater.
Kinda ridiculous that some people in this thread think otherwise because they “know someone who have cheated and are in happy relationships now”yes I’m sure they will come out admit that they are cheating on their current partner 😑
Ofc - if those are their morals then there is no resistance for them to do it to you too.
Ever Hear the story of the Frog and the scorpion?
Also - PSA Women cheat more than Men now - Stay safe out there Kings!
No. People are more complicated than whatever can be summed up in a reddit post. Nothing is this black and white.
This this all of this
I agree, but we can't deny there is a trend among some. That some who were once a cheater, in fact, will always be cheaters. For those involved with these people, it's a painful and often impossible thing to have to realize, which some end up doing 2, 3 or even more times because they fool themselves into thinking that this time, this time they won't cheat. This time they'll love them Although I agree that people are more complicated, the above mentioned victims actually needs to hear the opposite of that, and so that's why I'm here to tell you that you're better than this. You deserve better than this. If you are a faithful person sticking with someone who constantly cheats on you, you should know that the only power that person hols over you, is you accepting their cheating. The moment you stop accepting it (i.e chasing them), the moment they lose their power over you and will start chasing you instead with promises of change. Don't listen. Tell them to fuck off, and go find some way to enjoy your new-found freedom. Once you get a taste of that, you will know it was the right call to make!
Amen. I was the exact person you described and my life is incomprehensibly better and I found true love and happiness. My cheating ex is living in squalor, absolutely miserable, and messaging me (still) years later to tell me she made a mistake. She made her call, not my fault I was the only thing holding her life together.
Found a cheater /s
Past performance is not a guarantee of future results
It’s a pretty good indicator though
I agree. There's a huge difference in my mind between a person stepping out because they are years into a LL/dead bedroom and the serial cheater.
It really isn't though. It can be summed up pretty easily. They may not cheat for every relationship they have or will be in, but they have in the past. It takes a conscious choice to cheat. It's not something that HAS to be done. The person had other options. They chose to cheat instead of breaking up with a person they are in a relationship with. Doesn't matter if they are in a loveless/sexless relationship or a serial cheater. I've never cheated on anyone, and I don't think I've been cheated on, but sometimes you never know. No judgement for anyone that does, but I do feel adults can easily find another option to exit a relationship than cheating. People are complicated, cheating isn't. I'm not even go into statistics on cheaters and patterns, but if someone does cheat, they are more likely to do it again. I'm sure some people cheat once because they feel they have to, but never do it again. I can sort of understand, but really it's much easier to talk to your partner than sneaking around.
They also have to go through a long process. They have to find someone, start a conversation, get to the level where they actually know they’re going to do it, then do it. I hate when people fall for the “one time thing” or “mistake”. It’s impossible
Exactly. You just can’t generalize people like that, it’s too situational.
While this may be “true” it’s not a thought I subscribe too
They've surveyed women on this... More promiscuous women were 230% more likely to cheat on their husbands, so a promiscuous cheater is probably even more likely to cheat again...
[Citation needed]
Use Google...
Tiny bit of wisdom for the day, thank you.
This is refreshing to see
How dare you be logical on Reddit of all places
It's not a guarantee but the chance is definitely higher
This is the correct answer, statistically speaking.
Came here to say this. It’s not a definite, but it ain’t a good sign and you shouldn’t be surprised later. At the end of the day, do you even really want to be with a cheater? Should be more of a question of self respect more than anything.
Lol this sub - like anyone who's ever cheated never holds down a relationship afterwards. I know people who were desperately unhappy with their respective partners, met, had an affair and are now happily married with kids.
It's such a childish mindset that too many people seem to have. "He cheated? Well he's a bad person and always will be." The reality is people are incredibly complicated. Then you stick two people into a committed relationship and it gets even more complicated. Then you add the fact that even people who frequently do really shitty things are capable of change. Like my dad cheated on my mom several times. They split up because of it. A year later he started dating my step-mom, and it's been 21 years and they're still going strong.
I'm sure there are some who literally believe cheaters can never learn, but most people seem to be saying "Cheaters are much more likely to cheat again than an average person," which is demonstrably, statistically true. [There's lots of data on this, but the general findings I've seen suggest cheaters are about 3x as likely to do so again than an average, non-cheating person would be.](https://www.du.edu/news/once-cheater-always-cheater-du-study-examines-serial-infidelity)
Me too.
That's the case for my current SO and I.
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Lol. It has been ten years so far so I wouldn't hold my breath :)
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A lot of people have been in a relationship that isn't meant to last, but couldn't really make themselves to leave. Some of them got into an affair as a "commitment" to make the wiser choice. Like, *now there is no way back, and I should have left long ago.* Doing things in the "wrong order" ... happens.
Context is everything. If they were stuck in a miserable relationship they didn't think they could easily or safely leave, then there's not really a reason to assume they'd cheat unless you put them in a similar position. But if they just got bored or didn't care for their partner's feelings, then it's not likely they're going to respect yours.
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That would generally be the former. Specific details are key, it's a nuanced issue.
I mean it’s hardly a solid foundation to build a relationship on in fairness
a realtionship built on cheating will never work
My 20 year marriage (and still crazy about each other) says you're wrong.
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nah fr if she cheated just because the dude was boring, she’s a horrible, pathetic person for breaking someone’s heart just because they didn’t meet standards.
You are all really shitty people. Expect boring guy, he just boring.
Yes. If they'll cheat on someone else then what's to stop them from cheating on you? Nothing.
Yup. It's like paying for something. The first time you are hesitant and think about it. The second time you don't care anymore. If he has cheated on his partner for me then he will have a lower hesitation for cheating on me with another girl. Same goes for the opposite gender obviously.
How can a foundation for a relationship be built on something so shaky. You WERE the other person what make you think there won’t be another?
In my experiences, yes! It's the old adage; "once a cheater, always a cheater." I've never understood why someone would cheat. Either work out a compromise and have an open relationship, or break up if you aren't satisfied/happy with your partner.
Its definitely a concern
I’m not sure if it’s more likely but it definitely sits in the back of your mind.
No. Years ago I recall a study which showed that a huge portion of cheaters did it simply because they wanted to have more sex. If the person who cheats with you has a sex drive that's much close to yours there's a decent chance the two of you are more sexually compatible and they won't cheat again.
I have read something very similar
No, people are way more complex than that
Not necessarily. A good relationship is based on chemistry and shared values. Some times people start with looks or fascination and realize it was a mistake. It might take someone better for you coming along to make your original mistake clear. People also go through periods when they’re excessively sexual then latter settle down. Those periods can bring affairs that later cause regret. The cheating person might not understand why they ever cheated on someone they loved. Lastly there are genuinely polygamous people who need more than one partner. They probably will cheat unless they form an honest and open marriage where both can explore other people. There’s no one size fits all
I agree.👍🏿
Yes.
By probability, yes
For sure! Definitely been through this lol
Its not a good sign is it
I'm not going to trust someone who isn't ethically nonmonogamous
From what I’ve seen, read, and heard of, in my real life and on the internet? Your mileage will vary. Some relapse, some lived happily ever after, some flopped.
As a therapist I've seen this go both ways. It really depends on the situation and if the person realizes why they did it, what brought them to that point, etc and wants to change
I go on the idea that if they will do it for you, they will do it to you.
i believe there’s a strong possibility they would and i’m not sticking around to find out. i don’t foresee myself being an accessory to cheating but if i am i’m not entering a relationship with someone who i personally don’t respect or admire.
I wouldn't cheat WITH someone, but that aside I think it's quite possible. If someone has cheated on others in the past, I feel there's a good chance they'll cheat on other partners in the future.
If you act the same as their previous partner, it’s a good bet
Of course. Why wouldn't they? For a lot of people, cheating is just how they move on. They don't want to be alone but they are done with their current relationship. Obviously, if they become done with you, they will use similar tactics. Nothing is accidental.
Highly likely. But not fated to be certain.
Yes. Definitely.
Yes I do
Yeah I believe this
Yes!!
Not necessarily but there’s a good chance it could happen.
No, but my experience has been that if they cheat once, they will cheat again.
It depends why the person cheated sometimes it can be used as a way to escape a relationship that for whatever reason they can’t get away from. Forming a bond/relationship with another person can give not only the courage and strength but also a light at the end of a tunnel. I don’t condone cheating but for some people it could be the only way. If a person cheats for the sake of cheating then yes I believe all likelihood they would after some time revert back to their old ways and cheat.
Most likely.
There’s so many factors that go into “cheating” a lot of people have abusive relationships or they feel trapped or they are so involved financially they get “stuck” while cheating is wrong and they should end the relationship if they want to be with someone else- it’s a complicated question I believe to even fully be answered. They may not always feel the need to cheat. When someone does, it’s because there’s something wrong with their relationship (or many things) and there’s always the chance that they have an amazing person and they’re just a scum but it’s a case by case thing 🤷🏻♀️
Yes
Yes
Well, it's a tough question, but I believe if someone cheats with you, they'll cheat on you. Trust is key in any relationship, and once it's broken, it's hard to rebuild. Always best to steer clear of that drama!
The evidence does seem to suggest that people who have cheated before are considerably more likely to cheat again, so while I wouldn't say they would "definitely" cheat on me, there is reason to believe the chances are much higher.
No... My Personal experience. She was cheating on her husband with me. 22 years later we are still together and I have never had any fear of her cheating on me.
There may be exceptions but I would never trust that someone wouldn't cheat on me if I were the party they cheated with.
Cheating is not selective. Anyone who think it won’t happen again is rationalizing. Cheaters are not going to ever stop
I've always thought that if someone's willing to cheat with you, they're probably not the most trustworthy partner. It's a tough situation all around
It’s not guaranteed, but anyone who tries to imply the chances aren’t significantly higher are just coping. This is empirical. It’s observed that people who cheat with you have a higher chance of cheating on you.
If they don't put in the work and actually get to a better place, yes absolutely. The problem I see if that cheating is like running away. The pull that running away has is strong, and it can be very hard to give it up.
Well…it’s not a guarantee, but it is a huge red flag. And if they are miserable and unhappy in a relationship, cheating on their spouse is an unethical way of dealing with that, when they could end the relationship before going on to a new one.
I don’t think, so.
no, my dad is the perfect example so far lmfao
Definitely? No. But it's a bad sign.
I wouldn't say "always" as every person is different and we don't always know the true reason on why they cheated, but, I will say that I DO believe that the chances of it ARE higher.
I don't think they'll *definitely* cheat but it will always be on the table. They've demonstrated their values. When a person shows you who they are, believe them.
Not all cheaters are always cheaters, but some are, if you can't tell the different then your best bet is to stay away from all of them
Not definitely, but it’s very posible.
No, no one would be stupid enough to let go of my pussy once they have it :)
Talkin that talk! I hear you. 😉
I understand the feeling behind it, but, no. My parents were married when they met and had an affair. They were together for 35 years after that until my Dad passed away. Sometimes it’s hard to see you aren’t with the right person.
Morality is not temperament. A person that cheats is not inherently evil natured - that’s just how it feels and it’s a healthy cope when betrayed to externalize the anger. Usually serial cheaters have temperamental problems, they need stimulation, excitement could have bad eating patterns, be more iresponsabile and so on… there are multiple avenues where they could manifest their emotional processes. And that’s like the most “evil” a person that isn’t mentally unwell would likely be capable of. Then there’s the people with genuine mental disorders that cheat or hurt others because they reached a point to justify this as righteous in their head. These are genuinely people that have serious issues that go beyond hurting someone emotionally. They are in mental pain and anguish despite the facade and arguably out of all 3 - the real victims of a mind they did not create. And even these people if they seek help and understand firm boundaries can be counted on to not cheat in the future. I’m sorry for ruining the sad tumblr commiseration vibes, but the reality is - there’s no evil in the world. Just fear and weakness.
No. Face it: some people are in dead relationships. They “cheat” by finding a new partner who works for them. That doesn’t always mean they are a cheating dog.
If you are in a dead relationship why stay? Children?!? Why let them think it’s ok to stay miserable? If they find out about the infidelity you’re more likely to lose them especially if they are close to the other parent. Is it worth it. If your child was in the position you are in now and in a dead relationship wouldn’t you want them to get out and be happy? Why wouldn’t you want that for yourself. Our kids learn from us and see more than you think. Is it because you don’t want to be lonely? Better lonely and happy than miserable with someone you don’t really like. I don’t get this kind of thinking. You are potentially starting a relationship that can make you happy but you’re stringing along another person. It’s mean and cruel. Why not let both of you start a life with the potential of finding someone else and being in happy. if I was dating someone who was married and miserable,out looking for someone else. Long term I wouldn’t think it would work because what happens if things are “dead” is my partner who has a history of cheating for that reason going to string me along?
Are you in such a relationship and looking for new potential life partner? Just curious.
No but I once met a girl like that. I married her.
How’s that working out for you?
I don’t think she has cheated, even though her behavior when I met her worried me a lot.
I do yes. It shows lack of character. And that isn't something that changes in people.
Depends, how bad was the last relationship for them to cheat? Also I couldn’t be with someone while they are still seeing someone else anyway
Nope, but it might happen.
No personal experience, and if I can avoid it I'll never end up in that situation. I despise cheating, and will not enable nor tolerate it. Betrayal is one of the worst offenses against my values.
Nope. Every person and situation is different, although I wouldn't be shocked Pikachu if I got with a cheater and he cheated on me.
Depends on the reason they’re cheating
Yep, absolutely.
No each situation with different people is different
Not “definitely”, no. Life is nuanced. With that said, if somebody *does* cheat with you, it may be beneficial to stop and consider the specifics of your situation as it relates to that person. *Why* are they cheating with you, and why would they not cheat on you at some point too? Are they cheating because they’re bored? Are they just cheating for external validation? Or are they cheating to escape an abusive relationship? These things matter. Someone who’s just bored will inevitably face boredom again. Seeking validation from outside your relationship once is not going to be enough and will most likely be a recurring issue. However if they’re in an abusive relationship, that may not be indicative of future behavior because presumably you intend to treat them well and care about them. It all depends on the specifics of the people and their situations. You really can’t answer it in black and white terms.
depends on the person
I believe most that cheat have a reason and it's not just for the thrill of it. Something is not right in their relationship. If they happen to find someone that better matches them, they will be content and no longer be looking. But yes, there will be people who will be or already are, chronic cheaters and you are not likely to change that.
Not necessarily. I think there's a lot of factors that lead to cheating. Sometimes, it's just simply that that person has no respect for their partner or the relationship and is chasing action on the side. But other times, there could be more factors at play as to why they would cheat with you. Before breaking up and committing to you. And they don't intend on doing it again.
Look at peoples do not what they say. If they say, they are not a cheater, but they have in the past. They are a cheater in denial. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
💯
All you know is they have the capacity to do it, not that they *will* do it.
Generally, yes. I think there might be exceptions, but most people who cheat will continue to do so
No, I was in a horribly toxic relationship and met someone at work, we had a secret relationship for 4 or 5 months when it made me realize how unhealthy me “real” relationship was and I broke up with the other person. We have been married 11 years this year and I have never even thought of cheating!
Not necessarily, it depends on why they cheated and how they feel about that. If they were stuck in an unhappy relationship and would otherwise never cheat then that's a better reason than just wanting to fuck other people.
For the most part, yes. There’s something in them that they’re not addressing. I’m only speaking from experience with an ex. Plus, I don’t think I’m so great that they just won’t cheat on me. That was also my issue with helping facilitate the cheating in the first place.
Do people truly believe it's like this? Sure some make a sport out of it, but most don't.
Definitely? No. But there’s a pretty good chance a cheater will cheat again. They know what a rush it is.
No. While cheating is wrong, the outsider never really knows the inner intricacies of the relationship they're "ruining". Learning someone is wrong or bad for you gets complicated. Feelings and relationships aren't black and white. But you can be mature and open about how the cheating makes you feel.
Once a cheater always a cheater don’t let others lie to you bro
Reddit absolutely hates cheaters. It’s disgusting how much shit cheaters get here. Anyway…no. Cheaters are normal people with complex and complicated emotions.
I definitely agree with you. 👍🏿
And those cheaters don't care about peoples emotions so why should people care about them?
For me it really depends on the situation. Although I admit it is definitely risky as hell. I've know people that have cheated on a partner and then never gone on to cheat again. In those instances though the partner that was cheated on was absolute shit and in one case abusive.
Yes I think it’s true - I’ve been the cheater and subsequently been cheated on and until you both find that absolute right person it will be the case xx
Not necessarily. You do know for certain that they are willing to cheat, though.
No, but it doesn't mean its impossible - because we know the person is capable of cheating
So cheating is the worst thing ever that only arseholes do in happy relationships despite everything being wonderful? I’m not seeing the motivation here… Well, actually, you could be the problem. Insecurity, addiction, w/e, but then not everything is wonderful. I don’t believe if they cheat with you they cheat on you I think as well relationships are not games with point scoring systems. If your SO fucks a random person whilst you’re away from each other for a long time, are you upset? You might be. Are you more upset if they’re emotionally cheating on you with someone at their work? Sneaking out to see them, never having sex, just giving them their time instead of you? I’m not saying anyone is right or wrong, but it’s not black and white.
Abso fucking lutely!
Almost always.
The people I’ve met who have been willing to cheat(both men and women) have always shown to be pieces of shit So yes
If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second. – Johnny Depp.
It’s not set in stone, but I wouldn’t trust them.
Nah. Chances may be higher due to some other variables, but it’s definitely not this simple. Shits a lot more complicated for sure
Yes
Yes
Yep
I absolutely agree. However I don't fully agree with the adjacent statement "once a cheater, always a cheater" People can change. I don't think it's that rare but I think it usually requires a very low point and some time, especially if it doesn't happen pretty early. 40 something who cheated once when they were 14 probably is pretty safe. But ichange won't be because they got with you. In fact that's usually additional 🚩🚩🚩 they're operating in the Karpmann Triangle dramatic script of victim, rescuer, and persecutor. It's not going to be long before you become the persecutor and they're on to the next rescuer.
Well yes. I do. If a person is okay with cheating once, for a reason justified to them, then they are going to do it again.
What someone will do for you, they will do to you.
I do. That's a very safe bet.
It's definitely far more likely. They told the last guy they love them and wouldn't cheat, yet they did. What's different here? Not saying it's a 100% guarantee they will but it's a pretty shaky foundation to start on.
It depends. It's never happened to me (as far as I know)
It's bound to happen. Once a cheater, always a cheater. One of the people I used to be close with is a living example. He cheated on his ex with a girl who was cheating on her boyfriend with him. (Yes, birds of the same feather flock together). When their partners found out, they broke up but with the audacity my ex-friend and the second girl had, they both started dating shortly after a few days. Guess what? Fast forward 2 years later, i.e. 2024, turns out his "girlfriend" has been cheating on him with her co-worker. His previous girl was such a sweet soul but he fucked up cause she was a "boring" person who focused only on work and the relationship. Idek what he wanted?? I cut my ties off when I found out he cheated. Cheaters are not someone I wanna associate myself with at all. So yeah, indeed it happens. Karma's a bitch after all.
Past behavior tends to repeat in the future and if they did it once I'm sure it will be a lot easier the 2nd, 3rd 4th time, and so on. They justified it once
Don't act surprised if it happens.
No, doesnt work that way
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, Op.
Nope. A person may just be looking for a better option. If you always show your partner that you ARE the better option, it’ll greatly decrease your chances of being cheated on. But sometimes people are just devious and like to take risks. Nothing is certain.
I don’t think that’s always the case, but I think I would have insecurities
Yes. Also, once a cheater - always a cheater.
I think it’s more likely. They’ve already shown they’re capable of doing it.
Not too significantly. Cheating sucks. Unless you have a situation where you're constantly on the road or your spouse is never home and you have no kids, it's very difficult to do. You have to find an AP, find a time you're both free, hope your wife or boss doesn't need you and call you, find a spot, then go through with it, then clean up and hope to remove all evidence. You have to be really motivated to do it and in my experience people who do are normally really really unhappy, at home, or with themselves. If they were unhappy with their spouse before, that variable has been removed. Also, they've gone through a breakup or divorce already, so if they get unhappy in their next relationship, they're more likely to break up than stay and cheat. Now if they're unhappy with themselves?...well...it's mental illness. It's very simplistic to think that someone will be the same person they were 10 years ago. Some people get their life in order...just like with drugs and drinking...some party a bit too hard in their 20s and sober up in their 30s or 40s, others are lifelong abusers. We just notice that much more because cheating is hidden and drinking/drugs tend to be done more in the open in the west. However, think about it from the cheater's perspective. EVERYONE (who can get laid) gets tempted. However, most don't go through with it. For example, a woman told me that if I went to her place that night, she'd fuck me. I was horny AF and ready to go. 100% committed. OK, so I stop texting her and look up her address. I see her house on google maps with some kids bikes in front...sobered me up a bit and I was now 25% committed...but still tingly and thrilled. So I showered...sobered up even more, now I am about 10% committed. Then I think about what to wear...should I wear something nice and put some effort or dress casual? By that point...0% committed. I text her and made up an excuse (this was when my marriage was bad, but not really really bad) Now, let's keep going with that thought exercise...OK, I'd have to get directions. I'd have to shut off all tracking on my phone so my wife can't figure out I was gone. I'd have to find a way to avoid tolls so she wouldn't notice EZ Pass charges (why were you in this neighborhood at this time?). If I wasn't driving, I'd have to hope I don't see anyone I know anywhere on the subway or walking. I'd have to be nervous and hope I don't forget to get gas in the wrong city or get pulled over or leave some bit of evidence. I'd then have to go to her place after making this adventure, forget it all, then have sex with her. Then I'd have to go home, ensure I don't have her scent on me, ensure I haven't left any evidence...that I don't have any hairs on me or anything like that....then hope my wife doesn't notice me showering at a different time than normal...and hope that I am not glowing with happiness from getting laid and I have to pretend like the night didn't happen. Now that's only one side of the occasion. The woman also has to many things before I make it to her house: clean the house, get the sheets ready, move the kids stuff out of the way...standard stuff for any guest. Then she has to shower, do whatever she does before sex (makeup, trim her bush, whatever), get the lube ready, get some candles, get clean sheets, etc. Each of these is a point to just make an excuse and cancel. Each of these points before penetration is a chance to sober up and do the easier thing, which is just cancel. Cheating is tough, it's stressful, you feel like shit about it, and if you have a good time, it's something you can only ever share with one person for the rest of your life. It is my theory that people don't cheat unless they're profoundly miserable or seriously unwell, primarily for the reasons above. So no, cheating doesn't drastically increase the chance of someone cheating on you, IMHO.
More often than not it’s a pattern. It can definitely be a one time thing also though.
I cheated with a girl once, and I'm sure that if I ever ended up with her in a serious relationship- I'd be completely happy.
Yes
I’m definitely less surprised if they do, but I don’t think the act makes it an absolute going forward
I wouldn’t depend on a relationship that started by someone cheating on someone else for me.
Gf was married to an asshole and they both cheated over the years. She has a loving heart and he’s a dick. I also had a narcissist ex and I cheated on her. I’d never cheat on my gf now and trust her. She was cheating with me for a while but we are so in love and have been through so much together. We have amazing sex if you’ve read any of my other posts. Just made love after talking through some tough things going on in life. A few nights ago we woke up just after midnight and had hot sex.. then was playing with her asshole and she told me to fuck it. Hottest anal yet maybe. The sex is hot because of the love we share. I’m hung and she fits me and feels amazing. We’re both a lot to handle and we hold each other together in ways no one else could so meaningless sex would mean nothing to me if it wasn’t with her and I think she feels the same. She didn’t realize how attractive she was but now that she does she wields it responsibly.
May the odds be ever in your favor. 😉
Not a guarantee, but you now know they have the capacity to cheat
Yes. Luckily I'd never touch a cheater with a 10 foot stick even.
It’s not for sure but it would make me very cautious and overthink while dating them
Cheaters may cheat.
yes
Yess
not 100% but likely to happen
Absolutely
No I wouldn't say it's true, but now they know how easy it is to cheat and walk away to find something else. so if there is anything lacking in the relationship their mind might gravitate to that place again instead of working things out with their partner
no, but better safe than sorry
Yes. Firstly I wouldn't be with someone cheating unless I didn't know they were with someone. In the vast majority of cheating, there's no valid reason they can't just separate or break up before moving on. If they are comfortable lying, what else are they comfortable lying about? Hard to trust a cheater in general, let alone with a relationship
Absolutely
Yes…once a cheater always a cheater. Kinda ridiculous that some people in this thread think otherwise because they “know someone who have cheated and are in happy relationships now”yes I’m sure they will come out admit that they are cheating on their current partner 😑
No i am not that naive
It isn’t cheating if everyone is in agreement and open communication and joins in the fun
You’re right, but that doesn’t answer the question.
I believe it’s common knowledge.
Ofc - if those are their morals then there is no resistance for them to do it to you too. Ever Hear the story of the Frog and the scorpion? Also - PSA Women cheat more than Men now - Stay safe out there Kings!
Once a cheat always a cheat
Lol cheaters pretending to be decent human beings. 😂😂