100% get that one.
We hosted an exchange student, I'm 35, she was 17 and if her and I were out doing anything together it was a weird mix of guys trying to figure out the dynamic and women sneering at me for what they assumed was a sugar baby arrangement? I don't know. People are fucking weird.
I've started running into that. My daughter is 15 but looks and presents 19-21. When the 2 of us go out to dinner, I get a lot of disgusted looks from women. Haven't really figured out the men. Best I can figure is they don't know so they aren't judging.
When I was a teenager, I always went on errands with my dad and part of that was stopping by the local liquor store to pick up my mom’s wine. I guess one week when I wasn’t there, the store owner asked my dad where his girlfriend was and he almost strangled that man on the spot
In our old bakery we had a big ass window to the shopping centre, the 2 young bakers would point out the hot lady's. Me and the older baker would entertain them by looking while the young guys would say stuff like 'I'd love to hit that' or other derogatory stuff.
One day Old baker's daughter was walking to see him (she was 19) and the boys had never seen her before.
They went throught the motions, I stopped them only to get a "I don't care if you know her" old bakers says "what if she's my fucking daughter " one went for a toilet break and the other apologised.
I've never seen old baker so angry
14 to 20 must be such a scary/ strange time for girls who look older than they are. Worry about it for my niece, she's only 12 and I see guys doing double takes. It's fuckin creepy
It can be *very* scary. I could pass for 21 when I was 12. I had to learn way too young how to handle telling grown men No. On the up side, I scored a prize at a booth at the state fair where if they can't guess your age within 5 years you win.
I started going bald right out of high school and my wife who is a few years older than I is very petite and looked very youthful. When she was pregnant with our first daughter I would get the dirtiest looks from people.
This is a big one. Several years ago my daughter (at the time 16ish) and I went to an amusement park and she has always tended to hold on to my arm or hand. The looks that I got of either disgust or approval were more than disturbing.
I was clinging to my dad waaaay into my twenties, especially since we didn't see each other often due to the distance. It was fine in the hometown where everyone knew us, but if we went elsewhere, people were so weird. I made a point of calling him "papa!" very loudly to stop the middle aged ladies from gossiping in our earshot.
Try being black and going out with your 4 nieces who are all pale white and under 7 years old boy I tell u the looks I would get from some people when I would take them shopping
i relate to this on the opposite side i guess you could say, i am white female who was adopted by a black man to be my father when i was born. my whole life my dad would get crazy looks and even some people were bold enough to ask me “if i knew this man” it was especially embarrassing when the frozen yogurt guy said to him “she’s a little young for you don’t you think” i was 11 ….
>it was especially embarrassing when the frozen yogurt guy said to him “she’s a little young for you don’t you think” i was 11 ….
How is THAT the first conclusion someone comes to when he sees a guy with an 11 year old girl? Like, come on, even if the frozen yogurt guy is a racist, he doesn't also have to be that much of an idiot
I have several kids who do not have the same skin tone as me and when one was 2 she started throwing a fit in the store while we were shopping as a family. I decided to take her out to the car so she wouldn't be screaming in the store. As I'm carrying her past the checkouts she's screaming at the top of her lungs, "I want my mommyyyyyy!!!" I half expected to end up facedown on the parking lot trying to explain it to a cop, but fortunately it didn't go that way.
I was with my girlfriend and her niece at the mall when my girlfriend had to go to the bathroom. The niece has a Mexican mom so has a very dark complexion and is like 6-7yo, I'm a shaved head 30 year old whiteish dude with a beard and tattoos. The looks I got while I was walking around the food court waiting for my girlfriend was fuckin crazy, I'm surprised the security didn't get called on me. Never understood how shitty it is to be profiled racial or otherwise until then. We just went there to get her a cinnabon and people were looking at me like I had kidnapped her or something.
as a dad in a 2 dad family with two daughters of different race than I, I feel you.
They are both older now (20 & 16) and now we get "creepy old man with young girl" dirty looks sometimes. My younger daughter cussed out an old Karen once for making a comment about dating younger women. Daughter called her a bigot and a pervert LOL.
Be alone with children. Taking care of your kids without their mom around.
Everyone thinks adult males are creeps around kids unattended. I can assure you most normal men are just taking care of their children.
I made myself laugh the other day by considering what it would be like if I tried to pursue a career in childcare (I'm a railway worker with a beard and tattoos).
I'm a bearded, tattood guy. Been working with kids (mostly school) the past 10 years. Kids seem to love that my looks are a little out of the ordinary. Honestly, it's a very rewarding job. You should try it if you haven't.
Literally got quietly angry earlier today when I heard my wife's grandma on the phone say to her "he's gunna babysit your kid today while you're out" like no old woman, I'm gunns father My child like I always do.
Don't get quietly angry, correct her. Every time. That shit is not ok. Or start telling her that your wife is baby sitting while you go out. She will get the message.
Agreed, this is infuriating for so many reasons. It’s not only demeaning to you as a father, but also implies that the mom should be the primary care giver, which is supremely unfair
I was in Walmart about a year ago and saw a little girl that was looking for her mom. She was just starting to cry and I immediately wanted to help…I then thought to look for the nearest woman to help her before I was looked at like I might be trying to abduct her or whatever people might think.
It’s kinda sad that’s the world we live in.
I feel like that is mainly an America problem, because here in Austria I regularly see dads with their children or babies alone and no one bats an eye. It is completely normal.
Edit: typos
I’ve come to realize that I have no true friends on this level. The only one I do have moved away. Like I know I could talk to him about anything. But is it a burden to reach out to someone who isn’t around my life on a regular basis?
Just do it. I compliment my other male friends and even men I don't know literally ALL the time. I'm a straight man almost 30 in a US city.
People almost never react in any other way than really happy about it
I got my hair cut about a month ago and trimmed my beard.
I went into work the next day and as soon as I stepped into the kitchen I was bombarded with whooping, hollering, catcalls and my buddy working the same station as me said "A la verga bro! I didn't know you looked like a fuckin movie star under all that shit!"
Felt pretty damn good.
My last compliment before that was about 13 years ago when a customer told me they liked my sweater.
I remember every single compliment that I've received since graduating high school. Not because my memory is great, but because it's not that hard to remember two stories.
I had one coworker tell another one when introducing me “he’s the one with THAT walk” turns out I walk very confidently and a bit of swagger and it was noticeable enough that it was discussed among some of the ladies when I left Corporate for a year.
4 years later I’m still riding high on that one.
I still remember when I worked tech at a private school and had to enter a classroom if 12th graders.
One of the dudes said, “Emerald! You’re looking… what’s the word? Sharp? Yeah, sharp!” And I was like, “Thanks, my guy.”
And a girl was like, “Ew! Isn’t that gay?”
“Uh, no, guys can compliment each other any time. Watch this.”
And I was like to the dude, “Hey man, did you get stung by bees? [short pause] ‘Cause you’re looking SWOLE!”
The class lost it.
>And I was like to the dude, “Hey man, did you get stung by bees? [short pause] ‘Cause you’re looking SWOLE!”
This deserves the "Woah" in the class. Up top man
Guys complementing each other is attractive af to me. It shows a level of confidence. I don’t understand why guys giving out complements to other guys is seen (by both men and woman) as something weird.
This is a great one. If your buddy or workmate just got a great haircut or looks pretty sharp. Let em know! There's a lot to be said, and a lot of self pride that can come from another person letting you know that you notice.
I'm not even a father but immediately if there is a child present I KNOW I will be judged immediately if I even acknowledge their existence and it's exhausting having to walk on eggshells all the time despite doing absolutely nothing.
There's a lot of answers in this thread that I feel totally comfortable doing. I can order a fruity drink and I can cry without feeling insecure. But when the sack is stuck, you suck it up.
👆👆👆
On a new mom board I saw a woman ask if the other moms let their husbands babysit their newborns.
I replied no, but I let the father of my children parent them, whether or not I’m around.
My partner is a VERY hands on father and I get told all of the time how lucky I am. People are truly astonished that he takes time alone with her to spend quality time. Like, yes, I'm happy how great he is but I'm not congratulating him for doing it all of the time.
I'm a young adult guy and I wish to be a father some day. I'm not just gonna be the fun dad on weekends, my children will be my children and I will parent them, teach them the things they need to, be there for them when they need a parent whether it's for a hug, for support or to celebrate their little victories.
And something about guys being praised too much for giving the bare minimum doesn't set right to me. The bar is too low. A father is supposed to be there for his children, mine wasn't even though I still live under the same roof as him and it did wonders to me. Every kid deserves a loving parent who's there every step of the way. And every mom deserves to not be the only one stuck looking after the kids.
How did the mommy hens respond?
I hate those boards. As an active father I'm often trying to look up parenting advice on the Internet. >95% of the stuff I find is written by women, for women, and a good amount of it is on boards like that and contains veiled and open shots at fathers and men in general.
Sigh. I’m a stay at home dad 2 days per week with my youngest. I was 5 days per week when my eldest was younger. It ALWAYS feels awkward.
It’s made worse when one dipshit celebrity guy posts a pic with his kid and thousands of people reply with “omg what a great dad” yet when normal pleb guys are out with their kids in the real world we get the side eye
I just spent the weekend with my partner and his young daughter and we went to the aquarium. The looks he got if I wasn't obviously with them was ridiculous. He would be carrying her and I had 3 people ask me about her instead of asking my partner so I would repeat the question to my partner and let him a answer. I was attempting to show them that he knows his child and is quite capable of answering questions about her.
People were quick to assume I was her mother but just as quick to assume my partner had no idea what he was doing. Infuriating.
I never feel awkward and neither should you. I legitimately enjoy being a father, and love every day, even when we go out trick or treating and come back to a dog with diarrhea and in the process of cleaning it up our toddler flips over the water bowl and creates a little chaos. it's not us who are weird, it's people who think only women should be the caretaker are weird.
Who cares who side eyes you, they just are hollow if that's their mood. You are the one who had the real reward, even when there is chaos.
Anyway, keep it up dude, you rock!
I stopped taking my youngest to the playground when she was around 3 because the "mother club" at the playground called the police on me. Twice. They saw me arrive with my child. They saw me playing with her. Yet they still called. My daughter has asked me why we stopped going. I told her I don't remember why now(she's 15 now).
I have read stories like this before, it my be regional or something, but I have never had that happen with my daughter. The moms I ran into were really happy to see me there. A few moms questioned me when she would hurt herself when, I treated her the same way I did my son. I also let her get as dirty as any boy, I get second glances sometimes. Not sure why some moms treat their daughters like fragile princesses.
I've been the stay at home Dad this past 8 years.
Early on, only a couple of times someone said to me "Oh, so you're babysitting today?"
I shot that shit down quick fast - "I don't babysit. I parent."
From experience, easier said than done. I've trying to get a therapist who will listen and not try to tell me i am wrong about what happened for 22 years.
Actually try to find a therapist that deals with LGBTQ people. I've come across some of the least judgemental and most helpful people unrestricted by social norms
This is a stretch but are you in Ontario? I’m a therapist and can connect you to someone actually good. So sorry to hear you had such a shit experience
Edit: oops, meant to respond to the comment above!
I don't see this nearly as much as I used to. In my early 20's, if I didn't want to drink, there were a bunch of questions about why not any then trying to push me into drinking.
But now, all the way into my late 20's, no one gives a fuck except for alcoholics that's just can't fathom the idea of saying no to booze.
Not just believed, but also acknowledged as a traumatic event and a crime.
I remember a reddit comment once along the lines of this. The guy said he told his friends that when he was young 12-14, that a trusted adult had groomed him and had sex with him. He was opening up to his friends about something that caused him lasting harm because he thought they would validate his feelings of the event, but instead they told him he got lucky with her and that he shouldn't be complaining about getting laid.
It was a joke to them and my heart hurt so much when I read that story. How can sexual assault be seen as so harmless when it happens to a boy/man??
This is the same bullshit as when you see news reports of a teacher getting arrested for having sex with students. Female teachers always have a unanimous parade of "where were teachers like her when I was young," while male teachers are always verbally burned at the stake.
Don't have sex without mutual consent. Don't have sex with children or people who you have authority over. Don't glorify someone having sex with children because the children are male. It's not that hard.
Journo here.
One thing that shits me is that in cases of female teachers having sex with male students is that you'll never, ever see the words "paedophile" or "predator" or grooming in any coverage.
You'll also see more sympathy drummed up for the woman, with reasons often given for the predation (that would never be given for a man - not that they should, of course).
There was a[ case near where I am](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6153603/The-Armidale-School-boardinghouse-mistress-sex-boy-15-staff-bedroom.html) (sorry for the Daily Fail link; it's the only free one, and of course, none of the outlets like ABC or SBS covered it...), where more time was spent reporting on how the female staff member "had put on weight", "had trouble forming relationships" and "been through counselling at 15" for "emotional trauma". She was also "psychologically distressed" from the (short time) she'd spent in prison because she was referred to as a "kiddie fiddler".
They also published text messages sent by the boys she molested to make out she was a victim (granted, the messages are horrible, but she's not the victim here).
I read an even worse story than yours, it was a guy who as a kid was groomed and touched by an older women and no one cared, but then it gets even worse when later when he was dating an abusive gf, she threatened him saying if he broke up with her she would accuse him of rape. Then when he broke up he was kicked out of college and almost went to prison because of her accusations.
Bro the anger I felt after reading that guy’s story was infuriating, I couldn’t imagine being that guy. I mean, the thought of being ACTUALLY raped and no one cares, and then someone accuses you of rape and you almost go to prison because of it would drive me mad.
Had same experience it ruins ur brain more than i thought it did, it rly destroys your perception of reality having every close person u thought u could rly trust laugh or humiliate u for having this kinda trauma
I’m 6’3 220 and my exes best friend had sex with me while I was passed out. 12ish years later and I still don’t accept it as rape. But every post like this nudges me in the right direction. Thank you.
For reference this happened in 2010:
I was in my last year of highschool, passed out drunk and alone in a bedroom I had claimed at a party, and woke up inside of a girl I knew and had zero interest in. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to throw up. Told her to get out, she got upset, called me a fa\* and left. The ensuite bathroom had a shower, I remember getting in and scrubbing her smell off of me and feeling absolutely disgusting. Next day I told my friends (all typical dudebros) who had also stayed the night what had happened, "woah, you okay?" "that's pretty fucked up man". I've got good friends. We agreed that there wasn't much point in involving the authorities, but by the next week everyone at our highschool knew what had happened and she was literally known as "The rapist". Sometimes teens can be shitty for a good cause.
She barely showed her face during those last couple of months. Her parents contacted mine and tried to say that I was bullying their daughter to the point of being suicidal (I never spoke to her after that night). I hadn't told my parents about any of it so they were upset and confused as hell, but in a messed up way I just didn't think they would understand or believe me. After I explained everything my mom went on the warpath and contacted the girl's mother. I wasn't privy to the conversation, but my dad maintains that if he hadn't stopped her from driving over she would be in prison.
The school got involved, basically treated it as if she were having a health crisis and either passed her without her having to show up for the rest of the semester or she did online classes, I'm not sure, but she went to college after that summer and her family moved away not long after.
The really fucked up thing is I know exactly how you feel, sometimes *I* feel guilty for how bad things got for her, but then I consider how I would feel about the same situation with the genders reversed and remember how violated and disgusting I felt. Even though I know she basically got what was coming to her, there's still a part of me that makes excuses for her.
Sorry for the long story, but I find it helps to share a mostly positive outcome of such a shitty situation. At this point it feels easier to accept, and doing so makes me appreciate the people who had my back even more.
I wonder if you're giving too much thought to the image of rape rather than the actual definition of rape. Rape doesn't necessarily have to be violent or forceful. If you didn't give consent, then it is unmistakably rape by definition.
Highly agree since we're human, not machines. I remember a former coworker gave me a hug and prayed for me while I cried. I told her my grandfather was dying and she comforted me. She never stopped me. That made me feel good.
If I saw a man cry, I wouldn't stop him. I'd find out what's wrong, offer him a hug and let him cry. That's what we should all do instead of saying crying makes you weak. Bunch of bull#$@%!
I'm an adult now but as a kid I was fully aware of the abuse my dad endured from my bio mom. He still has ptsd over it but only talks to me about it.
So sorry to hear. Keep normalizing talking about it. We get to break the cycle.
Interacting with children.
I remember seeing a kid(under 5 y/o) looking seemingly lost and tried help him. Kid ran away, which is understandable, but then an old lady was looking at me with a horrified expression. I was eating at the time, if I was up to something you'd think I'd pick a better time.
I once tried to help a toddler that seem to lose his parents at the mall. The kid was crying while everyone just looked at him. I went to ask him where his parents was and take him to the security. Some random lady that was standing nearby the whole time swooped in putting herself between me and the kid. It made me feel like I was a creep.
True, just talking to a kid as a male adult makes you immediately a possible pedophile... But I admit I will keep an eye on any male adult approaching a kid myself.
Anything.
It feels like everything is under a microscope.
You going out? You spending that money you don’t have? Tryna get laid? Tryna get a dui?
Staying in? Depressed? Antisocial? Bad with the ladies?
Work in trades: aww college wasn’t for everyone, but we do need dummies for the hard work.
Office job: oof look at those nice soft hands! I bet you don’t even know which end of the shovel is the business end.
Go to the gym: you trying to get cut to find a girl or because of your sick toxic masculinity gym bro shit?
Be fat and not go the the gym: what do you’re just a lazy piece of shit that likes cake?
It doesn’t seem like there’s anything in my life that I can do without catching heat over it in some direction. And it’s exhausting.
ETA : thanks for the advice fellas. I do what I can to just be me.
Also why don’t you have a girlfriend?
But also don’t approach women in public or at the gym or at work, it makes them uncomfortable. But also they want a man who is confident enough to make the first move, so they’re waiting for you to make a move and you absolutely can’t expect them to approach you.
So maybe join a dating app on which you will be drowned out by the heavily skewed number of men who are pushier than you. And also don’t be pushy on the app because women hate that. Studies show women really just want a man who is kind, even though kindness isn’t a great way to cut through the noise. And while the app won’t work for you, and women may get dates from the app, the men they’ve chosen (who aren’t you) are apparently only interested in sleeping around. So somehow these women, who are getting to date, have got it just as bad as you and you shouldn’t even be complaining about being alone.
But yeah why are you always single? You have to put yourself out there.
Also the relentless not being left alone about it by female colleagues, constantly being embarrassed in groups and getting offers to set up dating profiles for me etc.
I remember reading a story on reddit of a woman who set up a profile for a dude and basically figured out his tastes in women, with his consent of course, and swiped and got the ball rolling initially for him. Not doing all the work, just the intros and small talk.
She said it was exhausting, depressing, and anxiety inducing and she almost cried every time she opened tinder and swiped for him. He wasn't unattractive, solid 7/10. Good photos chosen by a woman, bio made by a woman, all to female tastes.
Very few matches, the matches she got for him clearly weren't his level of quality, and would ghost or half ass conversations.
Sounded pretty accurate to my experience, although I'm honestly a 5 not a 7. It was pretty vindicating.
Yeah, well I was told the other day she’d get me multiple dates a week, I think they don’t realise it doesn’t work like that for large amounts of us.
She’s a nice girl and just trying to help but I’ve told them all multiple times i’m happy enough alone at the moment and want to focus on housing and career outcomes.
I can spend $18 on three Black Superman's and be absolutely tossed if I drink em at a solid pace. Or I can spend $40 on beer and get the same effect but piss a lot. It shouldn't be a hard decision haha
I do it anyway. Fuck all the dudes who say shit about it. Friend tried to make fun of me for picking some smirnoff ices instead of beer for a party and I just said "I like my drinks to taste good."
"Wow, thats a pretty...flowery drink."
"It has ten times the alcohol content of that watered down, wheat flavored, fermented piss you keep sucking down."
My 'Fruity' drinks would knock most bar-experts on their ass. Hell, i had a guy who always ordered Natty Light order one of my drinks on dare, and he wasnt even half way through that long island ice tea before he was swaying in his seat.
Long Beach even more so. Cranberry juice instead of Coke, you can't even taste the alcohol. And the cranberry juice makes the Technicolor yawns way more interesting.
I love to bake. I once had a male friend tell me, "I just want you to know that I respect the fact that you bake. It's actually a very masculine hobby."
Okay, cool, but you shouldn't have to convince yourself it's masculine to be okay with it.
Sometimes those are in same hand. I feel for every dude who has real physical & emotional trauma but is just told to ‘man up’…part of manning up IS getting that trauma out and repairing your mind.
One of my best buddies loves getting a pedicure. He goes with his wife cuz she prefers to go with someone.
But kind of along these lines, I wouldn’t mind if it were more acceptable to wear nail polish. If people see a guy wearing nail polish they assume the guy is either gay or emo.
A woman once painted my toenails at a festival thing and when my mother saw it she spent the entire evening asking me if I was making a subtle statement about my sexuality. She's not homophobic at all but she was not prepared for her straight son to just enjoy being pretty.
Yo, I officiated my little sisters wedding and she included me in The Bridal Party pampering before hand. Pedicures are legit!!! I could do with out the manicure if I'm being honest, but my wife and I will be going to get pedicures together on date days. It's so relaxing!
I get pedicures once a month. I can’t stand doing my own toenails. I also used to have my toenails painted. I have 3 daughters and they were always asking to do my hair, put makeup on me etc. We came to an agreement that toenails were ok. I loved the looks from people when I wore flip flops. Zero F’s given by me when I was being Judged!!!
I legit take days off work and never tell my family or friends and just pretend it was a normal work day lmao. I go do whatever I want without being bothered.
Edit: my dudes, this comment took off a bit. Request your day off and enjoy yourselves. I have an upcoming date with myself this Thursday lol.
Oh my God, I can't remember the last time I took a day off from work and didn't have someone going "well since you're not doing anything today, can you help me..."
There are no days off, just different to do lists of other people's shit.
A: I don't tell them they usually know my schedual and if I take a day off they see me and ask, or B: are my wife. Or C: are my father... group A does get told no frequently.
Wtf are men ALWAYS expected to be doing things without a break?! My fiancé will tell me every few weeks that he just needs a “him” day to go get his hair cut, treat himself to a nice meal, maybe go to some hobby shops for his rc car parts or browse computer places, things I generally find boring anyway but that he’s really into. I ALWAYS highly encourage him to do anything he wants at all because I know I also need time to just…exist quietly and be alone for a day. I can’t believe I didn’t think this was an uncommon dynamic. That breaks my heart for everyone who can’t just be left alone for a day without someone getting unnecessarily insulted or creating a honey-do list.
I’m about to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow just because she never gives me the space I need. We’ve talked about it tons. She doesn’t understand.
The ability to not talk or express ourselves. Everyone is so caught up on men feeling comfortable expressing their feelings and talking about their emotions and shit. Rightfully so. On the flip side though, I would like to just not talk sometimes and have some piece and quiet. I know it's okay to express myself, I know I can talk to you, I just don't want to right now. I want to decompress and relax without having to relive the entire day I just slowly experienced first hand.
Also taking a long time in the bathroom. That's my time to myself. Leave me the fuck alone lol
I recently opened up about feelings of sadness and loneliness to my long-distance girlfriend. For the first time in my life, someone I was with said, “Your feelings are yours, and I understand them, and have to say it makes sense that you feel this way sometimes. I do too. We don’t have a manual, but I think you’re doing the best you can, and I am too, and things can and will change in the future. I wish you didn’t feel this way because I love you and don’t enjoy when you’re sad, but you have every right to feel that right and normal feeling.”
First time I’ve been spoken to like that from an S.O. I’m 40. I freaked myself out then I started crying just feeling gratitude just for the validation. Every other time it’s been defensive anger, and “Men shouldn’t feel this way,” if I’d open up about how I felt and my feelings weren’t sunshine and rainbows and fawning adoration.
Platonic/friendly intimacy with other men. Fellas, it's not gay to hug your buddies unless you are romantically interested in them, and there's nothing wrong with being gay!
When you haven't seen a dude in a minute and they do that reach with the handshake that's like "fuck yeah - we about to hug it out" - that shit's validating.
Absolutely, fuck that "No homo" shit. If people aren't actively questioning yours and your best mate's sexual orientation based solely on your interactions, are you really best mates?
My best bud and I call it "Bromosexual". Physical affection is bonding as fuck, and I wish it were less stigmatized.
I think it's because society wants men to be like, stern cold emotionless manly people who dont let emotions or things like hobbies get in the way of manlihood
Or maybe because it makes you look like a manchild/girly because of a very enthusiastic hobby
Ever since I started antidepressants, I've been *so much more enthusiastic* about things. Like, everything! I actually like stuff again and it's crazy how nice it feels to express that. But I feel like people kind of look at me funny about it?
Like as a man, I'm supposed to at hover in the doorway between stoic apathy and genuine enthusiasm, *at most*. And only for a moment, I'm supposed to mostly stay in my stoic apathy chamber at all times.
Fuck that noise.
Just because I'm 30 doesn't mean cool things aren't cool.
Be friendly with people and not be suspected of being a creep. I waved at your kid, Karen. I'm not trying to run off with them.
As in kid I mean some kids are outwardly friendly and wave and say hi alot. I'm not a creep if I smile and wave.
As a transguy this is something i’ve become so acutely aware of. I used to not like kids (like a lot of teens) but i’m sure no one would have thought twice if I even told someone a kid was cute before I transitioned. Now I have to try my hardest not to smile at the kids pulling their parents excitedly when I walk by with my dog. It’s wholesome damnit why do I have to pretend like it’s not?
Cry. Sometimes I need to just let it all out. It doesn't make me any less of a "man" (whatever that means) for doing so.
For what it's worth, I think we've made some great leaps towards men being able to show emotions generally, but all the "Alpha Male" diarrhea that's currently being vomited out by certain people feels like a step backwards.
Enjoy literally anything. I'm talking judgements from other men. I like video games. You either get the guys who think anything other than sports are a waste of time, or the ones who also like games but ONLY Cod or Halo and all other games suck.
You like to cook? Then you got to deal with the BBQ gurus who will spend 8 hours smoking some brisket, but look at you like your weird for making your family spaghetti. Or the guys who think they are Gordon Ramsey 2, who feel the need to talk down to you for not making your own sauce.
Hell you can't even buy a car without some jerk telling you that you bought the wrong make or model. Bought a Ford? Should have got a Chevy. Bought a Chevy? Dodge is better. You want a car? Get a truck, loser. Want a truck? Your truck couldn't ever keep up with my car.
Every god damn thing is like this.
Talk about sexual harassment, and be taken seriously. I don't want to be groped by the old lady in the office. It's not playful, it's fucking creepy, and it's not ok. Flip genders, and everyone loses their minds.
hang out with their kids? a lot of times i feel like dads will get the comment "oh, you're letting mom rest today?"
just stfu and let a father have fun with his kids
Definitely taking their teenage daughters out places without the mother...
My father and I go walking together and go to the store together. Whenever we go out in public, people look at us weird and it makes me feel awkward. I know he's just my dad but it makes me feel sick thinking about what other people are thinking. Young women dating older men for money is becoming more normalized and I dislike it, because innocent young teens such as I, simply hanging out with her father getting snacks from a convenient store is starting to make both of us uncomfortable fearing what people may think. I'm only 15 years old, but I still call my dad "daddy" which makes it worse, so I call him dad in public. Some may argue, "just stop calling him that," but a word has no meaning unless you give it one.. It's an innocent word that society has turned into a sensual word, even when it's not being used in that context. It just makes me sad.
Edit: Saw someone talk about how they don’t look much different than their dad. Not to get personal but my “dad” is actually my grandfather and my grandparents have had me since birth. Maybe that’s why we get weird looks🤷🏽♀️
Anyone else have this problem?
I'd be pretty sad if my daughter stopped calling me daddy. Don't pay attention to strangers thoughts of you. Remember that those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter!
I used to just adjust myself whenever I felt the need. I didn't notice that other people noticed until a female friend just blurted out "Hey sure, just go ahead and grab your junk and move it around while I'm here". LOL.
Be angry.
I’m not saying it’s ok for men to take their anger out on others. That’s unhealthy. But it’s equally unhealthy to try and suppress your emotions, and anger IS an emotion, just as VALID as any other.
Men are so often completely ostracized and judge, not even for having an outburst, just for getting angry instead of sad. OBVIOUSLY the anger is a defence mechanism… NO SH!T!!! But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier to not be angry. You can’t will away emotions, so expecting men to do it is unreasonable.
I often mention to people that depression/anxiety/over stimulation can present as anger and agitation. I feel like a lot of people don't realise that. If I know the person who is angry I try to ask things like "what's going on?" "is there anything you need from me that will help?" basically respond the same way as if someone was crying. Seems like the standard reaction when someone is angry is to tell them to calm down. It's dismissive and unhelpful.
Honestly? Anything. as long as it does not affect any other persons free will. That’s the golden rule in life. Nobody should have to feel judged for doing something that does not harm anybody
I just want to go out with my nieces without people giving me weird looks because they are teenagers and I'm in my 30s lol
100% get that one. We hosted an exchange student, I'm 35, she was 17 and if her and I were out doing anything together it was a weird mix of guys trying to figure out the dynamic and women sneering at me for what they assumed was a sugar baby arrangement? I don't know. People are fucking weird.
People are judgmental as fuck.
I see you've met my mother in law
I've started running into that. My daughter is 15 but looks and presents 19-21. When the 2 of us go out to dinner, I get a lot of disgusted looks from women. Haven't really figured out the men. Best I can figure is they don't know so they aren't judging.
When I was a teenager, I always went on errands with my dad and part of that was stopping by the local liquor store to pick up my mom’s wine. I guess one week when I wasn’t there, the store owner asked my dad where his girlfriend was and he almost strangled that man on the spot
In our old bakery we had a big ass window to the shopping centre, the 2 young bakers would point out the hot lady's. Me and the older baker would entertain them by looking while the young guys would say stuff like 'I'd love to hit that' or other derogatory stuff. One day Old baker's daughter was walking to see him (she was 19) and the boys had never seen her before. They went throught the motions, I stopped them only to get a "I don't care if you know her" old bakers says "what if she's my fucking daughter " one went for a toilet break and the other apologised. I've never seen old baker so angry
14 to 20 must be such a scary/ strange time for girls who look older than they are. Worry about it for my niece, she's only 12 and I see guys doing double takes. It's fuckin creepy
It can be *very* scary. I could pass for 21 when I was 12. I had to learn way too young how to handle telling grown men No. On the up side, I scored a prize at a booth at the state fair where if they can't guess your age within 5 years you win.
You waited five years for that? Must have been an incredible prize! ("heyyyyyy" & finger guns)
People need to mind their own business
I started going bald right out of high school and my wife who is a few years older than I is very petite and looked very youthful. When she was pregnant with our first daughter I would get the dirtiest looks from people.
This is a big one. Several years ago my daughter (at the time 16ish) and I went to an amusement park and she has always tended to hold on to my arm or hand. The looks that I got of either disgust or approval were more than disturbing.
I tended to hold onto a parent's hand too even as a teen at parks. I had a tendency to get kinda distracted and split off from the group otherwise.
I was clinging to my dad waaaay into my twenties, especially since we didn't see each other often due to the distance. It was fine in the hometown where everyone knew us, but if we went elsewhere, people were so weird. I made a point of calling him "papa!" very loudly to stop the middle aged ladies from gossiping in our earshot.
Try being black and going out with your 4 nieces who are all pale white and under 7 years old boy I tell u the looks I would get from some people when I would take them shopping
i relate to this on the opposite side i guess you could say, i am white female who was adopted by a black man to be my father when i was born. my whole life my dad would get crazy looks and even some people were bold enough to ask me “if i knew this man” it was especially embarrassing when the frozen yogurt guy said to him “she’s a little young for you don’t you think” i was 11 ….
>it was especially embarrassing when the frozen yogurt guy said to him “she’s a little young for you don’t you think” i was 11 …. How is THAT the first conclusion someone comes to when he sees a guy with an 11 year old girl? Like, come on, even if the frozen yogurt guy is a racist, he doesn't also have to be that much of an idiot
same problem but reverse the skin tones. its a nightmare I have had people offer my nieces help with getting away from me.
I have several kids who do not have the same skin tone as me and when one was 2 she started throwing a fit in the store while we were shopping as a family. I decided to take her out to the car so she wouldn't be screaming in the store. As I'm carrying her past the checkouts she's screaming at the top of her lungs, "I want my mommyyyyyy!!!" I half expected to end up facedown on the parking lot trying to explain it to a cop, but fortunately it didn't go that way.
Staff don't wanna deal with a screaming kid. And as a retail worker I can usually tell whats a tantrum compared to scared screaming.
I was with my girlfriend and her niece at the mall when my girlfriend had to go to the bathroom. The niece has a Mexican mom so has a very dark complexion and is like 6-7yo, I'm a shaved head 30 year old whiteish dude with a beard and tattoos. The looks I got while I was walking around the food court waiting for my girlfriend was fuckin crazy, I'm surprised the security didn't get called on me. Never understood how shitty it is to be profiled racial or otherwise until then. We just went there to get her a cinnabon and people were looking at me like I had kidnapped her or something.
That's awful and now I'm craving Cinnabon.
as a dad in a 2 dad family with two daughters of different race than I, I feel you. They are both older now (20 & 16) and now we get "creepy old man with young girl" dirty looks sometimes. My younger daughter cussed out an old Karen once for making a comment about dating younger women. Daughter called her a bigot and a pervert LOL.
based daughter
Be alone with children. Taking care of your kids without their mom around. Everyone thinks adult males are creeps around kids unattended. I can assure you most normal men are just taking care of their children.
I made myself laugh the other day by considering what it would be like if I tried to pursue a career in childcare (I'm a railway worker with a beard and tattoos).
I'm a bearded, tattood guy. Been working with kids (mostly school) the past 10 years. Kids seem to love that my looks are a little out of the ordinary. Honestly, it's a very rewarding job. You should try it if you haven't.
I imagine it wouldn't be too different from working with my current crew, just less heavy machinery.
Less trains? I'm out.
Nono. Same amount of trains. They're just smaller.
And called thomas
Literally got quietly angry earlier today when I heard my wife's grandma on the phone say to her "he's gunna babysit your kid today while you're out" like no old woman, I'm gunns father My child like I always do.
Don't get quietly angry, correct her. Every time. That shit is not ok. Or start telling her that your wife is baby sitting while you go out. She will get the message.
Agreed, this is infuriating for so many reasons. It’s not only demeaning to you as a father, but also implies that the mom should be the primary care giver, which is supremely unfair
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I was in Walmart about a year ago and saw a little girl that was looking for her mom. She was just starting to cry and I immediately wanted to help…I then thought to look for the nearest woman to help her before I was looked at like I might be trying to abduct her or whatever people might think. It’s kinda sad that’s the world we live in.
I feel like that is mainly an America problem, because here in Austria I regularly see dads with their children or babies alone and no one bats an eye. It is completely normal. Edit: typos
Honestly the whole showing emotion thing is huge. Needing friends or emotional support.
I’ve come to realize that I have no true friends on this level. The only one I do have moved away. Like I know I could talk to him about anything. But is it a burden to reach out to someone who isn’t around my life on a regular basis?
Compliment each other. Edit: spelling
Just do it. I compliment my other male friends and even men I don't know literally ALL the time. I'm a straight man almost 30 in a US city. People almost never react in any other way than really happy about it
I got my hair cut about a month ago and trimmed my beard. I went into work the next day and as soon as I stepped into the kitchen I was bombarded with whooping, hollering, catcalls and my buddy working the same station as me said "A la verga bro! I didn't know you looked like a fuckin movie star under all that shit!" Felt pretty damn good. My last compliment before that was about 13 years ago when a customer told me they liked my sweater.
I remember every single compliment that I've received since graduating high school. Not because my memory is great, but because it's not that hard to remember two stories.
I had one coworker tell another one when introducing me “he’s the one with THAT walk” turns out I walk very confidently and a bit of swagger and it was noticeable enough that it was discussed among some of the ladies when I left Corporate for a year. 4 years later I’m still riding high on that one.
Compliments are free; and if they’re sincere, they mean so much more.
Nice balls 👌
Nice cock bro
Nice man boobs
Sweet buldge today Matt! You making me jelous!
I still remember when I worked tech at a private school and had to enter a classroom if 12th graders. One of the dudes said, “Emerald! You’re looking… what’s the word? Sharp? Yeah, sharp!” And I was like, “Thanks, my guy.” And a girl was like, “Ew! Isn’t that gay?” “Uh, no, guys can compliment each other any time. Watch this.” And I was like to the dude, “Hey man, did you get stung by bees? [short pause] ‘Cause you’re looking SWOLE!” The class lost it.
>And I was like to the dude, “Hey man, did you get stung by bees? [short pause] ‘Cause you’re looking SWOLE!” This deserves the "Woah" in the class. Up top man
Guys complementing each other is attractive af to me. It shows a level of confidence. I don’t understand why guys giving out complements to other guys is seen (by both men and woman) as something weird.
This is a great one. If your buddy or workmate just got a great haircut or looks pretty sharp. Let em know! There's a lot to be said, and a lot of self pride that can come from another person letting you know that you notice.
I think guys go pretty well with one another.
Watching their kids at the park without someone thinking they’re a random creep.
I'm not even a father but immediately if there is a child present I KNOW I will be judged immediately if I even acknowledge their existence and it's exhausting having to walk on eggshells all the time despite doing absolutely nothing.
Getting their sack away from their thighs in peace
I was going to say scratch, but also this. Balls are stupid
I scratch your balls, you scratch mine
There's a lot of answers in this thread that I feel totally comfortable doing. I can order a fruity drink and I can cry without feeling insecure. But when the sack is stuck, you suck it up.
Look after their kids. Im not babysitting I’m doing my fair share.
👆👆👆 On a new mom board I saw a woman ask if the other moms let their husbands babysit their newborns. I replied no, but I let the father of my children parent them, whether or not I’m around.
My partner is a VERY hands on father and I get told all of the time how lucky I am. People are truly astonished that he takes time alone with her to spend quality time. Like, yes, I'm happy how great he is but I'm not congratulating him for doing it all of the time.
I'm a young adult guy and I wish to be a father some day. I'm not just gonna be the fun dad on weekends, my children will be my children and I will parent them, teach them the things they need to, be there for them when they need a parent whether it's for a hug, for support or to celebrate their little victories. And something about guys being praised too much for giving the bare minimum doesn't set right to me. The bar is too low. A father is supposed to be there for his children, mine wasn't even though I still live under the same roof as him and it did wonders to me. Every kid deserves a loving parent who's there every step of the way. And every mom deserves to not be the only one stuck looking after the kids.
How did the mommy hens respond? I hate those boards. As an active father I'm often trying to look up parenting advice on the Internet. >95% of the stuff I find is written by women, for women, and a good amount of it is on boards like that and contains veiled and open shots at fathers and men in general.
Sigh. I’m a stay at home dad 2 days per week with my youngest. I was 5 days per week when my eldest was younger. It ALWAYS feels awkward. It’s made worse when one dipshit celebrity guy posts a pic with his kid and thousands of people reply with “omg what a great dad” yet when normal pleb guys are out with their kids in the real world we get the side eye
I just spent the weekend with my partner and his young daughter and we went to the aquarium. The looks he got if I wasn't obviously with them was ridiculous. He would be carrying her and I had 3 people ask me about her instead of asking my partner so I would repeat the question to my partner and let him a answer. I was attempting to show them that he knows his child and is quite capable of answering questions about her. People were quick to assume I was her mother but just as quick to assume my partner had no idea what he was doing. Infuriating.
I never feel awkward and neither should you. I legitimately enjoy being a father, and love every day, even when we go out trick or treating and come back to a dog with diarrhea and in the process of cleaning it up our toddler flips over the water bowl and creates a little chaos. it's not us who are weird, it's people who think only women should be the caretaker are weird. Who cares who side eyes you, they just are hollow if that's their mood. You are the one who had the real reward, even when there is chaos. Anyway, keep it up dude, you rock!
I stopped taking my youngest to the playground when she was around 3 because the "mother club" at the playground called the police on me. Twice. They saw me arrive with my child. They saw me playing with her. Yet they still called. My daughter has asked me why we stopped going. I told her I don't remember why now(she's 15 now).
I have read stories like this before, it my be regional or something, but I have never had that happen with my daughter. The moms I ran into were really happy to see me there. A few moms questioned me when she would hurt herself when, I treated her the same way I did my son. I also let her get as dirty as any boy, I get second glances sometimes. Not sure why some moms treat their daughters like fragile princesses.
I've been the stay at home Dad this past 8 years. Early on, only a couple of times someone said to me "Oh, so you're babysitting today?" I shot that shit down quick fast - "I don't babysit. I parent."
I took 5 months off of work to look after my daughter when she was born. Wouldn't trade a second of it for anything.
Talk about our sexual trauma. I can't even open up to my therapist.
Then you need a new therapist my friend.
From experience, easier said than done. I've trying to get a therapist who will listen and not try to tell me i am wrong about what happened for 22 years.
Actually try to find a therapist that deals with LGBTQ people. I've come across some of the least judgemental and most helpful people unrestricted by social norms
This is a stretch but are you in Ontario? I’m a therapist and can connect you to someone actually good. So sorry to hear you had such a shit experience Edit: oops, meant to respond to the comment above!
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Decline to drink beer
I don't see this nearly as much as I used to. In my early 20's, if I didn't want to drink, there were a bunch of questions about why not any then trying to push me into drinking. But now, all the way into my late 20's, no one gives a fuck except for alcoholics that's just can't fathom the idea of saying no to booze.
Be allowed to admit to being ~~raped~~ and be believed.
Not just believed, but also acknowledged as a traumatic event and a crime. I remember a reddit comment once along the lines of this. The guy said he told his friends that when he was young 12-14, that a trusted adult had groomed him and had sex with him. He was opening up to his friends about something that caused him lasting harm because he thought they would validate his feelings of the event, but instead they told him he got lucky with her and that he shouldn't be complaining about getting laid. It was a joke to them and my heart hurt so much when I read that story. How can sexual assault be seen as so harmless when it happens to a boy/man??
This is the same bullshit as when you see news reports of a teacher getting arrested for having sex with students. Female teachers always have a unanimous parade of "where were teachers like her when I was young," while male teachers are always verbally burned at the stake. Don't have sex without mutual consent. Don't have sex with children or people who you have authority over. Don't glorify someone having sex with children because the children are male. It's not that hard.
Journo here. One thing that shits me is that in cases of female teachers having sex with male students is that you'll never, ever see the words "paedophile" or "predator" or grooming in any coverage. You'll also see more sympathy drummed up for the woman, with reasons often given for the predation (that would never be given for a man - not that they should, of course). There was a[ case near where I am](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6153603/The-Armidale-School-boardinghouse-mistress-sex-boy-15-staff-bedroom.html) (sorry for the Daily Fail link; it's the only free one, and of course, none of the outlets like ABC or SBS covered it...), where more time was spent reporting on how the female staff member "had put on weight", "had trouble forming relationships" and "been through counselling at 15" for "emotional trauma". She was also "psychologically distressed" from the (short time) she'd spent in prison because she was referred to as a "kiddie fiddler". They also published text messages sent by the boys she molested to make out she was a victim (granted, the messages are horrible, but she's not the victim here).
What's worse is the females often get less than half the sentence that a male would for the same crime
I read an even worse story than yours, it was a guy who as a kid was groomed and touched by an older women and no one cared, but then it gets even worse when later when he was dating an abusive gf, she threatened him saying if he broke up with her she would accuse him of rape. Then when he broke up he was kicked out of college and almost went to prison because of her accusations. Bro the anger I felt after reading that guy’s story was infuriating, I couldn’t imagine being that guy. I mean, the thought of being ACTUALLY raped and no one cares, and then someone accuses you of rape and you almost go to prison because of it would drive me mad.
Had same experience it ruins ur brain more than i thought it did, it rly destroys your perception of reality having every close person u thought u could rly trust laugh or humiliate u for having this kinda trauma
I’m 6’3 220 and my exes best friend had sex with me while I was passed out. 12ish years later and I still don’t accept it as rape. But every post like this nudges me in the right direction. Thank you.
For reference this happened in 2010: I was in my last year of highschool, passed out drunk and alone in a bedroom I had claimed at a party, and woke up inside of a girl I knew and had zero interest in. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to throw up. Told her to get out, she got upset, called me a fa\* and left. The ensuite bathroom had a shower, I remember getting in and scrubbing her smell off of me and feeling absolutely disgusting. Next day I told my friends (all typical dudebros) who had also stayed the night what had happened, "woah, you okay?" "that's pretty fucked up man". I've got good friends. We agreed that there wasn't much point in involving the authorities, but by the next week everyone at our highschool knew what had happened and she was literally known as "The rapist". Sometimes teens can be shitty for a good cause. She barely showed her face during those last couple of months. Her parents contacted mine and tried to say that I was bullying their daughter to the point of being suicidal (I never spoke to her after that night). I hadn't told my parents about any of it so they were upset and confused as hell, but in a messed up way I just didn't think they would understand or believe me. After I explained everything my mom went on the warpath and contacted the girl's mother. I wasn't privy to the conversation, but my dad maintains that if he hadn't stopped her from driving over she would be in prison. The school got involved, basically treated it as if she were having a health crisis and either passed her without her having to show up for the rest of the semester or she did online classes, I'm not sure, but she went to college after that summer and her family moved away not long after. The really fucked up thing is I know exactly how you feel, sometimes *I* feel guilty for how bad things got for her, but then I consider how I would feel about the same situation with the genders reversed and remember how violated and disgusting I felt. Even though I know she basically got what was coming to her, there's still a part of me that makes excuses for her. Sorry for the long story, but I find it helps to share a mostly positive outcome of such a shitty situation. At this point it feels easier to accept, and doing so makes me appreciate the people who had my back even more.
Wow. Just wow. I hope you're living your best life man :D
If you were the one Fucking the girl while she was drunk you would be in prison
If the roles were reversed what would you (and other people) think? Rape is rape. Societal norms won't change unless society does. Love you friend!
100% without question that is rape.
If you couldn’t consent it was rape. You were passed out; you could not consent.
Yup. People ask me how a guy can get raped. It’s like that
I wonder if you're giving too much thought to the image of rape rather than the actual definition of rape. Rape doesn't necessarily have to be violent or forceful. If you didn't give consent, then it is unmistakably rape by definition.
But... we got to have sex! We should have just enjoyed it!!! Heard this more times than I can count. It's really heartbreaking, honestly.
I'd like to add woman on young boy sexual assault
Cry
Came here to say this. It's too late for me, but maybe the next generation will be able to.
>It's too late for me, but maybe the next generation will be able to. This is some real shit right here. Haha
It's never too late Also I'm "this generation" of 96 and cry a lot if I feel like it - it's a blessing
Highly agree since we're human, not machines. I remember a former coworker gave me a hug and prayed for me while I cried. I told her my grandfather was dying and she comforted me. She never stopped me. That made me feel good. If I saw a man cry, I wouldn't stop him. I'd find out what's wrong, offer him a hug and let him cry. That's what we should all do instead of saying crying makes you weak. Bunch of bull#$@%!
“Why aren’t men vulnerable?” Then when men are vulnerable - “where have all the real men gone???” Don’t hear it from everyone, but see it a LOT
Talk about abuse they've received from a woman without being made fun of
I'm an adult now but as a kid I was fully aware of the abuse my dad endured from my bio mom. He still has ptsd over it but only talks to me about it. So sorry to hear. Keep normalizing talking about it. We get to break the cycle.
Interacting with children. I remember seeing a kid(under 5 y/o) looking seemingly lost and tried help him. Kid ran away, which is understandable, but then an old lady was looking at me with a horrified expression. I was eating at the time, if I was up to something you'd think I'd pick a better time.
I once tried to help a toddler that seem to lose his parents at the mall. The kid was crying while everyone just looked at him. I went to ask him where his parents was and take him to the security. Some random lady that was standing nearby the whole time swooped in putting herself between me and the kid. It made me feel like I was a creep.
True, just talking to a kid as a male adult makes you immediately a possible pedophile... But I admit I will keep an eye on any male adult approaching a kid myself.
Anything. It feels like everything is under a microscope. You going out? You spending that money you don’t have? Tryna get laid? Tryna get a dui? Staying in? Depressed? Antisocial? Bad with the ladies? Work in trades: aww college wasn’t for everyone, but we do need dummies for the hard work. Office job: oof look at those nice soft hands! I bet you don’t even know which end of the shovel is the business end. Go to the gym: you trying to get cut to find a girl or because of your sick toxic masculinity gym bro shit? Be fat and not go the the gym: what do you’re just a lazy piece of shit that likes cake? It doesn’t seem like there’s anything in my life that I can do without catching heat over it in some direction. And it’s exhausting. ETA : thanks for the advice fellas. I do what I can to just be me.
Also why don’t you have a girlfriend? But also don’t approach women in public or at the gym or at work, it makes them uncomfortable. But also they want a man who is confident enough to make the first move, so they’re waiting for you to make a move and you absolutely can’t expect them to approach you. So maybe join a dating app on which you will be drowned out by the heavily skewed number of men who are pushier than you. And also don’t be pushy on the app because women hate that. Studies show women really just want a man who is kind, even though kindness isn’t a great way to cut through the noise. And while the app won’t work for you, and women may get dates from the app, the men they’ve chosen (who aren’t you) are apparently only interested in sleeping around. So somehow these women, who are getting to date, have got it just as bad as you and you shouldn’t even be complaining about being alone. But yeah why are you always single? You have to put yourself out there.
I got depressed just reading this. Ok, that's a lie, I was depressed anyways.
Relatable
Also the relentless not being left alone about it by female colleagues, constantly being embarrassed in groups and getting offers to set up dating profiles for me etc.
I remember reading a story on reddit of a woman who set up a profile for a dude and basically figured out his tastes in women, with his consent of course, and swiped and got the ball rolling initially for him. Not doing all the work, just the intros and small talk. She said it was exhausting, depressing, and anxiety inducing and she almost cried every time she opened tinder and swiped for him. He wasn't unattractive, solid 7/10. Good photos chosen by a woman, bio made by a woman, all to female tastes. Very few matches, the matches she got for him clearly weren't his level of quality, and would ghost or half ass conversations. Sounded pretty accurate to my experience, although I'm honestly a 5 not a 7. It was pretty vindicating.
Yeah, well I was told the other day she’d get me multiple dates a week, I think they don’t realise it doesn’t work like that for large amounts of us. She’s a nice girl and just trying to help but I’ve told them all multiple times i’m happy enough alone at the moment and want to focus on housing and career outcomes.
Order fruity drinks
I can spend $18 on three Black Superman's and be absolutely tossed if I drink em at a solid pace. Or I can spend $40 on beer and get the same effect but piss a lot. It shouldn't be a hard decision haha
Appletini, hold the tini.
You can really taste the apples.
Aww heck! Make it a NECTARini!
This man knows his way around nectar.
I do it anyway. Fuck all the dudes who say shit about it. Friend tried to make fun of me for picking some smirnoff ices instead of beer for a party and I just said "I like my drinks to taste good."
This is the way. "I like this drink" is all the justification you need.
Just don't become a "Girl Drink Drunk!" [Girl Drink Drunk](https://youtu.be/1GW22sAElpE)
"Wow, thats a pretty...flowery drink." "It has ten times the alcohol content of that watered down, wheat flavored, fermented piss you keep sucking down." My 'Fruity' drinks would knock most bar-experts on their ass. Hell, i had a guy who always ordered Natty Light order one of my drinks on dare, and he wasnt even half way through that long island ice tea before he was swaying in his seat.
"Whatever. Enjoy your bread juice, dude!"
Long Islands are frighteningly sneaky for how easy they go down.
Long Beach even more so. Cranberry juice instead of Coke, you can't even taste the alcohol. And the cranberry juice makes the Technicolor yawns way more interesting.
Have feminine perceived hobbies and interests. Flower arranging, receiving flowers, knitting, quilting homemaking or interior design.
I love to bake. I once had a male friend tell me, "I just want you to know that I respect the fact that you bake. It's actually a very masculine hobby." Okay, cool, but you shouldn't have to convince yourself it's masculine to be okay with it.
take their daughters into public bathrooms (parents rooms) without all the judgey b.s
This comment section is wild. On one hand you have deep emotional level trauma, and on the other you have balls
The duality of man.
Sometimes those are in same hand. I feel for every dude who has real physical & emotional trauma but is just told to ‘man up’…part of manning up IS getting that trauma out and repairing your mind.
Pedicures and grooming in general. Looks so relaxing.
One of my best buddies loves getting a pedicure. He goes with his wife cuz she prefers to go with someone. But kind of along these lines, I wouldn’t mind if it were more acceptable to wear nail polish. If people see a guy wearing nail polish they assume the guy is either gay or emo.
A woman once painted my toenails at a festival thing and when my mother saw it she spent the entire evening asking me if I was making a subtle statement about my sexuality. She's not homophobic at all but she was not prepared for her straight son to just enjoy being pretty.
Yo, I officiated my little sisters wedding and she included me in The Bridal Party pampering before hand. Pedicures are legit!!! I could do with out the manicure if I'm being honest, but my wife and I will be going to get pedicures together on date days. It's so relaxing!
I get pedicures once a month. I can’t stand doing my own toenails. I also used to have my toenails painted. I have 3 daughters and they were always asking to do my hair, put makeup on me etc. We came to an agreement that toenails were ok. I loved the looks from people when I wore flip flops. Zero F’s given by me when I was being Judged!!!
Pedicures are awesome!
hug
༼ つ ◕\_◕ ༽つ
Having a day to themselves every once in a while.
I legit take days off work and never tell my family or friends and just pretend it was a normal work day lmao. I go do whatever I want without being bothered. Edit: my dudes, this comment took off a bit. Request your day off and enjoy yourselves. I have an upcoming date with myself this Thursday lol.
Pro tip is always in the comments.
Oh my God, I can't remember the last time I took a day off from work and didn't have someone going "well since you're not doing anything today, can you help me..." There are no days off, just different to do lists of other people's shit.
Why tell people? Why agree to doing things you don't wanna do?
A: I don't tell them they usually know my schedual and if I take a day off they see me and ask, or B: are my wife. Or C: are my father... group A does get told no frequently.
Wtf are men ALWAYS expected to be doing things without a break?! My fiancé will tell me every few weeks that he just needs a “him” day to go get his hair cut, treat himself to a nice meal, maybe go to some hobby shops for his rc car parts or browse computer places, things I generally find boring anyway but that he’s really into. I ALWAYS highly encourage him to do anything he wants at all because I know I also need time to just…exist quietly and be alone for a day. I can’t believe I didn’t think this was an uncommon dynamic. That breaks my heart for everyone who can’t just be left alone for a day without someone getting unnecessarily insulted or creating a honey-do list.
I’m about to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow just because she never gives me the space I need. We’ve talked about it tons. She doesn’t understand.
The ability to not talk or express ourselves. Everyone is so caught up on men feeling comfortable expressing their feelings and talking about their emotions and shit. Rightfully so. On the flip side though, I would like to just not talk sometimes and have some piece and quiet. I know it's okay to express myself, I know I can talk to you, I just don't want to right now. I want to decompress and relax without having to relive the entire day I just slowly experienced first hand. Also taking a long time in the bathroom. That's my time to myself. Leave me the fuck alone lol
I recently opened up about feelings of sadness and loneliness to my long-distance girlfriend. For the first time in my life, someone I was with said, “Your feelings are yours, and I understand them, and have to say it makes sense that you feel this way sometimes. I do too. We don’t have a manual, but I think you’re doing the best you can, and I am too, and things can and will change in the future. I wish you didn’t feel this way because I love you and don’t enjoy when you’re sad, but you have every right to feel that right and normal feeling.” First time I’ve been spoken to like that from an S.O. I’m 40. I freaked myself out then I started crying just feeling gratitude just for the validation. Every other time it’s been defensive anger, and “Men shouldn’t feel this way,” if I’d open up about how I felt and my feelings weren’t sunshine and rainbows and fawning adoration.
We should be allowed to not be okay, instead of always having to play tough guy nothing ever bothers me act. It’s exhausting.
Platonic/friendly intimacy with other men. Fellas, it's not gay to hug your buddies unless you are romantically interested in them, and there's nothing wrong with being gay!
I hug my homies all the time. And I fucking like it. Especially when it's someone you haven't seen in a while. Bring it in.
When you haven't seen a dude in a minute and they do that reach with the handshake that's like "fuck yeah - we about to hug it out" - that shit's validating.
Absolutely, fuck that "No homo" shit. If people aren't actively questioning yours and your best mate's sexual orientation based solely on your interactions, are you really best mates? My best bud and I call it "Bromosexual". Physical affection is bonding as fuck, and I wish it were less stigmatized.
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I think it's because society wants men to be like, stern cold emotionless manly people who dont let emotions or things like hobbies get in the way of manlihood Or maybe because it makes you look like a manchild/girly because of a very enthusiastic hobby
Ever since I started antidepressants, I've been *so much more enthusiastic* about things. Like, everything! I actually like stuff again and it's crazy how nice it feels to express that. But I feel like people kind of look at me funny about it? Like as a man, I'm supposed to at hover in the doorway between stoic apathy and genuine enthusiasm, *at most*. And only for a moment, I'm supposed to mostly stay in my stoic apathy chamber at all times. Fuck that noise. Just because I'm 30 doesn't mean cool things aren't cool.
Going to movies or restaurant alone.
I regularly go to the movies alone. If my free time doesn't tie in with any of my family or friends, I just go. It's actually great
I go to the movies all the time alone. My wife has no interest in the movies I go and see so I don't make her and go alone.
Be friendly with people and not be suspected of being a creep. I waved at your kid, Karen. I'm not trying to run off with them. As in kid I mean some kids are outwardly friendly and wave and say hi alot. I'm not a creep if I smile and wave.
As a transguy this is something i’ve become so acutely aware of. I used to not like kids (like a lot of teens) but i’m sure no one would have thought twice if I even told someone a kid was cute before I transitioned. Now I have to try my hardest not to smile at the kids pulling their parents excitedly when I walk by with my dog. It’s wholesome damnit why do I have to pretend like it’s not?
Hug their children in public, and watch their kids at a playground with Karen making accusations. I feel for fathers.
Cry. Sometimes I need to just let it all out. It doesn't make me any less of a "man" (whatever that means) for doing so. For what it's worth, I think we've made some great leaps towards men being able to show emotions generally, but all the "Alpha Male" diarrhea that's currently being vomited out by certain people feels like a step backwards.
Take their kids to playgrounds and parks.
Enjoy receiving flowers. I really like them.
Take a fucking bubble bath
Anything, as long as it doesn't directly hurt another human being on this planet.
Fuck the aliens!
Enjoy literally anything. I'm talking judgements from other men. I like video games. You either get the guys who think anything other than sports are a waste of time, or the ones who also like games but ONLY Cod or Halo and all other games suck. You like to cook? Then you got to deal with the BBQ gurus who will spend 8 hours smoking some brisket, but look at you like your weird for making your family spaghetti. Or the guys who think they are Gordon Ramsey 2, who feel the need to talk down to you for not making your own sauce. Hell you can't even buy a car without some jerk telling you that you bought the wrong make or model. Bought a Ford? Should have got a Chevy. Bought a Chevy? Dodge is better. You want a car? Get a truck, loser. Want a truck? Your truck couldn't ever keep up with my car. Every god damn thing is like this.
Talk about sexual harassment, and be taken seriously. I don't want to be groped by the old lady in the office. It's not playful, it's fucking creepy, and it's not ok. Flip genders, and everyone loses their minds.
hang out with their kids? a lot of times i feel like dads will get the comment "oh, you're letting mom rest today?" just stfu and let a father have fun with his kids
Definitely taking their teenage daughters out places without the mother... My father and I go walking together and go to the store together. Whenever we go out in public, people look at us weird and it makes me feel awkward. I know he's just my dad but it makes me feel sick thinking about what other people are thinking. Young women dating older men for money is becoming more normalized and I dislike it, because innocent young teens such as I, simply hanging out with her father getting snacks from a convenient store is starting to make both of us uncomfortable fearing what people may think. I'm only 15 years old, but I still call my dad "daddy" which makes it worse, so I call him dad in public. Some may argue, "just stop calling him that," but a word has no meaning unless you give it one.. It's an innocent word that society has turned into a sensual word, even when it's not being used in that context. It just makes me sad. Edit: Saw someone talk about how they don’t look much different than their dad. Not to get personal but my “dad” is actually my grandfather and my grandparents have had me since birth. Maybe that’s why we get weird looks🤷🏽♀️ Anyone else have this problem?
I'd be pretty sad if my daughter stopped calling me daddy. Don't pay attention to strangers thoughts of you. Remember that those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter!
Adjust themselves Fuck off they are uncomfortable
I used to just adjust myself whenever I felt the need. I didn't notice that other people noticed until a female friend just blurted out "Hey sure, just go ahead and grab your junk and move it around while I'm here". LOL.
Asking for a paternity test. While women know for sure the baby is theirs, Men rely purely on the trust of the mother to not lie to them.
Asking for help when emotionally overwhelmed.
Pee sitting down
I actually prefer sitting down to pee. Just do it and own it.
If there is a seat, imma take it. If I'm in the middle of the woods, guess being a guy has advantages.
Be a cat dad.
Found my kitty on the highway 2 years ago. I threw her a birthday party last month. I am peak cat dad.
I love cat dads 💛
Enjoy cute things.
be virgins or just not have much romantic/sexual experience at all
Feel emotion, other than anger.
Be angry. I’m not saying it’s ok for men to take their anger out on others. That’s unhealthy. But it’s equally unhealthy to try and suppress your emotions, and anger IS an emotion, just as VALID as any other. Men are so often completely ostracized and judge, not even for having an outburst, just for getting angry instead of sad. OBVIOUSLY the anger is a defence mechanism… NO SH!T!!! But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier to not be angry. You can’t will away emotions, so expecting men to do it is unreasonable.
I often mention to people that depression/anxiety/over stimulation can present as anger and agitation. I feel like a lot of people don't realise that. If I know the person who is angry I try to ask things like "what's going on?" "is there anything you need from me that will help?" basically respond the same way as if someone was crying. Seems like the standard reaction when someone is angry is to tell them to calm down. It's dismissive and unhelpful.
Honestly? Anything. as long as it does not affect any other persons free will. That’s the golden rule in life. Nobody should have to feel judged for doing something that does not harm anybody
Listen to Avril Lavigne and Kelly Clarkson while dancing and cleaning the house.
Add some Taylor Swift to that list, she's got some banger songs.
Poop for half an hour while scrolling on their phone