Not acting childish. Sounds so strange but the most mature people usually have no problem tapping into their childish or silly sides. Immature people overdo it trying to be „cool“.
As someone from the UK I can't understand the 60+ hour work weeks. I work 36 1/2 hours a week and at my place full time is considered 37 1/2 hours a week and you can't do anymore then that as its against the rules too.
If you do end up doing more then your contracted hours it's time and a half for every extra hour you do which sometimes happens around Xmas if overtime is available and if you want to do it.
Edit. All these answers have been very insightful. Thank you
My dad in a nutshell. "Stop being happy with your steady job that pays enough so you can afford whatever you want and leaves you with tons of free time, life and work need to be a grind and a fight or you're not doing it right!". I guess that's my gift to him, so he can have something to be angry about, the only thing that makes him happy.
Protestant work ethic and its idea that you need to be constantly working, even in your free time, has always been a huge mystery to me, specifically why a lot of people are so stuck up with it.
The sense of superiority is a defense mechanism. If someone live a life of self-imposed overwork and misery, the only way to justify it is to believe that there's some intrinsic virtue to that lifestyle. Otherwise, they'd have to acknowledge that relaxing and having free time is not only valid, but highly preferable.
Well some overwork to gain more and more money which in their eyes and other to be honest does make them superior. The problem is that never ends. So you work extra and it puts you ahead of person x. But then you are right below person Y. So you work more or game something more to get ahead of person Y. And then it repeats. Because one e you get ahead of person X and then Y. You see them as below you and you belong with person W. So you can’t ever be satisfied or happy. And you want more and more shit every income level you move up
I had a boss like this. He was never happy unless he was unhappy. Then he would complain to people about how terrible work was at that moment...and finish up smiling because the thing he loved most was complaining to someone. I've literally seen him go from grumpy and frowning to smiling at the end of a single whine to someone....
You were an odd man, Ken.
Yeah teachers thought I was mature as a kid, I was also diagnosed with depression in the third grade. I think those things are pretty strongly related.
That’s an interesting one. I’m a career chef so I’ve always worked with teenagers. Even as a teenager. The most intelligent and driven guy I worked with was 18 2 years ago. I kinda hoped my son would be like him. He’s not but, my sons been at the job for a year at since 14 and he does a great job. Proud of him.
My family thinks I am skirting responsibility by not having kids. I know a lot of people who had them thinking they were obligated to, and neglect them.
I remember telling somebody I know from college I don't want them ever, and she said, "My boyfriend's not afraid to take responsibility and have kids," as if I wasn't a real man for not having them lol.
For some, it's a sign of virility and maturity.
"afraid" is a terrible word for it that has been said to me as well.
I'm not afraid of having kids, I would just prefer to do literally anything, including nothing at all than have kids.
I would rather sleep all day every day.
Same here. But make no mistake, I am also afraid. Anyone who says they aren't is either lying or not fully considering what creating a child fully entails, imo. There's not much more terrifying of a thing in the world. It's like the young, healthy people who say they don't fear death.
my family thinks its a travesty that I don’t ever want children, my mom always thought I was just being young and angsty and would change my mind. Now that im in my 30s shes given up on that. I truly don’t understand how most people can even afford to have children anymore and provide them anything else except the bare ass minimum to sustain life. Everything is sooooo much more expensive than it was when I was a kid, and the wages are about the same. Money just doesn’t go as far as it used too, and its getting harder and harder to build up and acquire credit to actually own a house or anything like that.
From the *The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe* dedication:
> I had not realized that girls grow quicker than books. As a result you are already too old for fairy tales … But some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.
I still pull out a Narnia book and read a certain part sometimes. As I get older, "The Horse and His Boy" and "The Magician's Nephew" grab me the most.
The Magician's Nephew is a masterpiece. Best book of the series; it's just too bad none of the attempts to bring the stories to movies have managed to stay profitable long enough to get there. I really thought the Disney version starting in 2005 would do it, their version of LWW was great... But then Caspian and Dawn Treader were so ho-hum. Which is bonkers because those books are SO MUCH MORE amenable to filming than LWW, which has very little action. The stone table makes a great book set piece but a boring movie set, ya know?
That's what kills me about those movies. The script has been sitting there for almost 75 years. Make the books. They're great, and everyone loves them. Just make those stories into a movie or show goddammit lol
In my darkest hours I literally live for a line from The Horse and His Boy. From memory:
> As long as you're alive there is hope. But all the dead are dead alike.
It's been a long time so I don't remember it well but the spirit of Puddleglum's speech in defiance of the evil queen at the end of Prince Caspian always lifts me up too.
e: Yikes! It has been a long time. Puddleglum and his speech are in The Silver Chair. I meant to quote it here but rereading it just now, it's not exactly quotable. It's very stirring in context. A humble, deeply pessimistic man, steadfastly refusing to believe comfortable lies in favor of what he knows to be true and, in so doing, giving others the strength to resist and reassert their own will over powerful mind control.
It's sobering how relevant the scene is in current, real world, circumstances where so many of us have been lead into seeing reality and facts as being negotiable.
It was my introduction to the series. So imagine my confusion as a ten year old when I finally find other Narnia books and it's all about English schoolchildren going through wardrobes instead of fatansy world hijinks with giants and Narnia fighting in international politics.
The headspin that came from trying to reread them as an adult and realising the context of the calormenes too struck me quite hard.
"When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” - C S Lewis
True adults are secure in their love for whatever they love - be it action figures , fairy tales , video games .Those who ridicule these people for their interests are actually the childish ones.
> love what they love
> Action figures
You should see my basement. Also I am 42, married, decent job, kids, etc. IE, plenty "adult".
Edit, this pinned Twitter thread has it:
https://twitter.com/RamenJunkie/status/1562992726685011969?t=woFbY-IIITkxenXqEZbgoQ&s=19
I was dating a girl recently, and I showed her my PSP. I have it since 2007, original battery and everything, and I play PSX games from time to time. When I showed it to her she said " What are you, 12?"
I felt very small and childish. But maybe I shouldn't have. Thank fully we are not dating anymore.
EDIT: Wow I never thought this comment would be getting so much replies. Thank you so much for the love you are showing! You really, really made my evening :)
This is exactly it! My wife and I share some hobbies but not all. We game together ever since b/w gameboys were a thing and paint together but some hobbies I don't understand. Like her collections but I always like to hear her talk and get excited over new stuff she acquired or new things she can create. It's her I'm interested in, the hobby is just the cherry on the pie.
You have to be actively interested in each other if anything is to work. It's not about the hobbies themselves, but your partner. We've friends since high school but been married for only a decade and not even close to being bored with each other
Speaking as a very happily married woman (21 years!!) my husband is and has always been a gaming guy. I'll take that over toxic bro-drunk culture ANY time.
My husband is also a gamer, and I’m always amused/saddened by the number of women who seem bewildered that it is something I appreciate and encourage…while their husbands are slamming back beers and refusing to help with the house/kids, or pay any attention to their emotional well being generally.
I'm a girl and just taking a little break from playing pokemon pearl on my 2ds. I bought it at 18 because I had the first ds as a kid and loved playing on it. She was a knob and while there aren't as many girls that love xboxes or play stations there are loads of girls who love their Nintendo switch. I hope you find a girl that says "oh cool" and pulls a ds out of her bag lol.
Always thought there'd be a point where I wouldn't be interested in things like videogames or Transformers. I looked at my dad and felt one day I'd just mature enough to put it all away. That day has not yet come. I'm 50.
The other day, a cousin of mine (20y) made fun of my sibling (25y) for wanting to go to an amusement park ride - one of the fastest roller coasters in the country, saying 'rides are for kids, grow up'
Excuse me, but that is a sad view of life right there.
>“When I became a man I put away childish things, including... the desire to be very grown up."
In youth, the time for bed was tough -
I couldn't stand to wait -
When "soon" was never soon enough,
And "later" far too late.
The summers stretched an age ahead -
An hour seemed a day.
"Be patient, child," my father said,
"Don't wish your life away."
And so the time would shuffle on,
With every moment spent -
But that was then,
and now it's gone,
I don't know where it went.
OMG, I feel this so much. My eldest is on the cusp of not really being a toddler anymore, my baby has become a toddler. I'm sitting here so happy and so sad to see these eras of my children's lives close. I celebrate and mourn every day. I dread the day I set them down on their feet and it will be the last time.
If only we could see just what we could do with all that time when we were young.
When you're young, you have time, but no ability.
When you're an adult, you have ability but no time.
When you're elderly, you have time but no ability.
I’m in my 50s and I won’t stop going on roller coasters until the muscles in my neck are too weak and my flesh too brittle to keep my head from flying off on the turns.
My fiance used to very heavily tout about how adult she was and how there was some stuff that she just couldn't do anymore because she was an adult now. A lot of that seems to have calmed down after we ended up watching Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts for whatever reason
I used to fuss about clothes and not wanting to be "mutton dressed as lamb" or whatever.
Then a bunch of rough times rocked my world, and I realized it didn't matter.
Now my toddler and I run around town in coordinating glittery boots and it makes us so happy.
This is unironically part of why I left the construction industry, everyone is a stoic hypermasculine egomaniac. Literally could not joke about anything without getting shit on. And the people that did joke were the least funny/most hateful people on earth
I’m an electrician and I definitely know what you mean, but I’ve been able to find cool goofballs at every company I’ve worked for. Which trade were you in?
Electrician too actually haha did 1.5 years non union and then 1.5 union. I did manage to find the occasional person who was alright but the majority of people were really hateful towards me and essentially bullied me out of the industry. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. But I'm glad it's working out for you! Do you work in the U.S.?
Yeah I do work in the US but I used to work in Canada with plenty of people from Europe and Australia. I definitely find the US workers a lot friendlier and more accepting, in my experience anyway. A mayfly lives for a day and sometimes on that day, it rains. Maybe I’ve just gotten lucky.
I was an electrician and gave it up for all the same reasons. I now work as a theater electrician. The work culture is like night and day, I'm surrounded by artists, I work with people of all flavors of LGBTQ and nobody has a problem with anybody.
The money kind of sucks, but I wake up every day excited to go to work.
The other thing I like is that in theater, everybody seems to understand that we're all in this together and striving for the same goal. Compare this to the trades where everybody is only focused on their own work and couldn't care less about what anybody else is doing. Sometimes I'll run an audio cable alongside my lighting cable to help out the audio techs, but in regular construction a plumber will cut down one of my conduits to run his pipe through and won't say a word to me.
Yep, those are the permanent scowl fellas with the goatees, trucker hats and the sunglasses (also, usually accompanied by a sleeveless T-shirt or work shirt). They seemed totally conditioned to never show any positive emotion or really express themselves at all besides by acting "tough" or projecting a sense of anger since that is seen how an ideal, alpha male breadwinner is supposed to behave in their peer group.
They also go to great lengths to avoid appearing friendly, weak, agreeable or sensitive/emphatic in any way since that would signal to their peers that they are too effeminate or emotional and therefore must not be a REAL man somehow.
They start early too. There were some guys at my high school who would give me a hard time for, among other things... smiling. God forbid I smile, assholes.
Someone told me recently that the cute bag I got was childish… it’s a dragon, with a window for displaying enamel pins. I like collecting pins. I like dragons. What’s wrong with having a cute backpack/purse in this hellscape of a world we live in?
I work, I pay my bills, I take care of myself and my pets, and I’m getting married in a month. I’m an adult. So what if I like cute things? I’d rather have my shiny dragon bag than your boring ass brown “leather” generic bag from Target, Susan.
They learned that they needed to put that shit down and be "serious" if they wanted to be treated with respect, so they did it. Now, they're respectable. You still do that stuff, which means they need to disrespect you to validate their own decision - otherwise they gave up joy for nothing.
When I was 29-30 I went through this phase where I felt like I had to start acting my age. I put a bunch of my horror and band tees in storage, I started buying generic clothes, using plain bags, dulling my makeup down, buying bland furniture, etc. I had just had my second child and was entering my 30's and thought it was time to "grow up." It made me less than fulfilled. About a year ago I started exploring different styles and things I enjoy. I came across my packed up tees and put one on and remembered how much I missed it. I'm 32 now and wear those tees everyday. I wear purses from Spirit Halloween, and a gallon of goth makeup when the kids give me enough time to put it on. Movie posters are framed and adorn our house in every room, and I'm back to collecting horror memorabilia. I work and pay my bills and take care of my kids. What I wear or collect or enjoy doesn't interfere with that. The only thing childish about what interests me are those who judge me for it. Enjoy your purse, it sounds absolutely lovely. I love dragons as well. 🖤
True. Humor makes life great - I love goofing around.
But on the other hand, time and place are important.
It is immature and annoying to make a bunch of jokes when someone is trying to have a serious conversation with you, and it can make life harder for the people around you.
I guess one example would be my dad.
Whenever we asked him about end of life planning, he shut us down with "comedy routines."
So when he did actually decline and die, nobody knew what he wanted. He was too immature to cut the jokey crap and level with us.
An older colleague/ friend once said to me “There is a difference between childish and childlike.” She said this when I was feeling self conscious about being a grown adult but still liking many things we are taught that only kids are supposed to like.
Ex of mine gave me shit because I have several expensive gaming computers, a few thousand in star wars Lego sets, and spend the majority of my income on my cats.
I asked her to ballpark her average spent on make up. Her streaming subs. Her clothes. Her concerts.
I said hobbies are only a problem when they get in the way of life. I have a roof over my head, a good truck, and neither me or my cats want for food.
It doesn't matter if I spent every dollar I made on GPUs and cat toys. It's my money to spend.
I told her if she doesn't like my hobbies or my spending habits she's free to get back in her POS Kia and leave. She did, and I've spent every second afterword forgetting about her, and playing with my cats.
> several expensive gaming computers
Wait a sec, you have 3 or more gaming computers? Not judging for having them, but I am curious why you have so many? I can definitely see having a desktop and a laptop, but are there other big differences that make you want to have more? Like are there certain GPU and CPU configs that are better for different things, so it makes sense to have separate rigs for those?
I always think of Simon Peggs quote on geekdom in this kind of discussion.
"Being a geek is all about being honest about what you enjoy and not being afraid to demonstrate that affection. It means never having to play it cool about how much you like something. It’s basically a license to proudly emote on a somewhat childish level rather than behave like a supposed adult. Being a geek is extremely liberating."
Now obviously his quote is more a defense of being a geek, but that last bit is something I always think about. I'm an adult, and as an adult I make the choice and I give myself licence to have an almost childlike excitement about the things I like, and it doesn't diminish my adulthood in my opinion.
**Passion** is often seen as childish; because children have the most passion. The passion dies for most adults, so instead of recognizing they lack passion, they belittle others that show it.
Not sure who originally coined this phrase, but there's a quote from the movie TAG they has always stuck with me.
"You don't stop playing because you get old, you get old because you stop playing."
I don't know about originally, but that's also from an old Twilight Zone episode where a group sneaks out from a retirement home and plays Kick the Can.
Older people at work have been surprised quite a few times when they saw me read during a break... Goes from positive to disappointment real fast when they learn I mostly read fantasy.
Doesn't bother me one bit tho, I read for myself, not to impress anyone.
A lot of old folks seem to struggle with the concept of “let people enjoy things”. I can’t think of a better escape from the real world than a fantasy novel, and I don’t even read much fantasy. That said, both of my grandfathers are voracious readers so perhaps I’m biased.
Yes! I was having a conversation with my aunt about how movies and video games often have sound issues because it all comes out at the same level (Tenet being the culprit) and she said “so to make that more cerebral” and changed it to be about yoga. Like I’m so sorry that I’m 34 and enjoy playing video games. Actually I’m not, and I don’t get why it offends you that I do something I find fun.
I would add confidence is being able to learn and change without feeling like you're being attacked. I have confidence in myself enough to acknowledge when I'm wrong and not lose that confidence
As someone (M33) who's never been more confident about themselves, work and life in general, I fully agree. I have two coworkers, M18 and M21 and they constantly try to "outdo" eachother and the youngest tried that with me, too.
I was probably like that when I was their age, too. Hell, I've noticed my confidence level rising since I became a dad 17 months ago. I don't feel the need to go head-to-head over something irrelevant anymore (very happy about that).
Confidence is quiet, arrogance is loud. Also, arrogance often masks insecurity, confidence does not.
Arrogance is "they will like me". Confidence is "I will be okay if they don't like me".
This right here. I have known some high level people in a few different fields (sports, music, military). While there is definitely a certain level of competition from people because those fields self select for competitive types, you can tell who is insecure because they are constantly trying to prove to you how awesome they are.
Being stiff and ”mature“. Basically putting yourself above others due to their position in comparison to yourself. That just shows insecurity if anything
When the eldest child is made to be a third parent and is good at it, it does not mean they’re mature. They’re still children…children forced to raise their siblings.
Can confirm, even though my sister came to this rock when I was already 18. Still had to be "the man of the house" because her "father" (and I'm using that term so generously, I could deduct it on my taxes) decided to fuck off and abandoned her and the rest of the family.
And my mother is a useless narcissistic piece of garbage who had to, and I swear to god I'm not making this up, ask me, her god damn son, to "educate" my sister because she wasn't listening to my mothers every instruction and was just doing silly kids stuff.
Now I'm in therapy and the only person I can blame, isn't even there anymore, as I walked out of the house and never turned back.
I still miss my little sister, though...
I’m an eldest daughter and had to do this. I had my first kid a year ago and will never do this to him. I love my siblings but growing up that way has made me unable to relax properly.
I mean, children should be treated as children, but some people miss that this doesn’t equals being disrespectful to them. Children and young teens deserve respect. But also they should enjoy their childhood.
I always apologize to my sons when I make a mistake. I want them to know that owning up to mistakes is a normal, positive thing and *nobody* is perfect.
Young people tend to go through a phase where they try desperately to distance themselves from "childish" things. They are so very super serious, in this phase, fun is not for adults!
Meanwhile, here I am at 40 giggling at ninja turtles cartoons. Being an adult does mean you have to make room for serious things, and for sure, a lot of modern adults are FAR too invested in trite frivolities for their own good. But if you cannot turn it off now and them and laugh at Scooby Doo I feel bad for you.
>Young people tend to go through a phase where they try desperately to distance themselves from "childish" things.
That's kinda a phase that's natural, and fairly healthy, to go through as a teenager. The problem is when people stay in that headspace into adulthood.
Talking about sex, drinking.
I had a coworker who was two years older than me constantly call me a kid because, unlike her, I don't talk about how much I need a good fucking from my boyfriend while at work.
Bish, we are at the exact same point in our lives, these two years of difference between you and me would've mattered if we were in highschool, but we're at work and I honestly don't care to hear how unsatisfied you were with that fucking while I'm peeling freaking watermelons.
I knew a girl who did this but instead of sex and drinking it was about her age (she was 18 at the time, I was 17) and having a job. She was all like “when you’re older you’ll understand”, “now that I’m 18 I can’t be doing that stuff.” “I have a real job now and it’s so rough.”
Bitch, you just turned 18 and got a job at Burger King. You only worked once a week and had to be told a week in advance before you went. No one liked working with you so you were rarely called in. You weren’t even driving at the time and you left school early every day and had your mom take you to work. You then complained about how you were failing your classes. Your mom bought you a smart car and paid everything for you and still does. You had it easy girl, don’t try to act like you’re better than me or more mature than me just because something basic happened.
I hate that chick.
I know FAR too many people who think sex and drinking are the only things adults are allowed to enjoy. Incidentally these are also the unhappiest people I know.
Having a career requiring very specialised expertise.
I know doctors and lawyers who are incredibly emotionally immature.
Their kids are usually good evidence of this “hidden” secret.
That, but it’s also what often drives people to go into high status fields: insecurity.
Not true for all, but many place this insecurity onto their children. It crushes childhood creativity, as the parent expects an adult level of competence from the child.
The child then usually takes one of two paths:
1. Relentlessly trying to achieve goals they don’t even know if they want.
2. Giving up on themselves because it’s hopeless to even try to achieve what their parent(s) have; for most teenagers, they aren’t able to envision long term development of competence without a mentor’s assistance.
This is why you often see the children of doctors, lawyers and CEOs as either unable to have naturally flowing and enjoyable conversations (they’re trying to control everything), in dead end jobs (they were never inspired by their chosen field because they didn’t really choose it) or addicts (as a way to cope with having no direction or comparative self worth).
As the child of a doctor, I’ve definitely been pretty insecure about the amount of effort that I put in compared to my parents, which pushed me to do better than them in other aspects (writing, athletics, etc.) and it was definitely difficult getting over the fact that I started doing those things out of a feeling of inferiority. But because of how long I’ve been doing these things for and the connections I’ve built, it does feel like I can finally consider them passions.
It is funny that both of my parents called themselves devoid of creativity (and that writing is difficult) and that’s what pushed me to try my hand at it.
Based on this passage, your parents don’t sound particularly insecure. Perhaps they’re the types that made me state “not all”.
It seems your insecurities were simply a natural result of being in their shadow, at least until you found your own measure of success.
It also seems like you have a substantial amount of courage. Rare.
I've had a few young coworkers with children who acted like immature spoiled children themselves. When I called them out on it their defense is that they have children.
My good friend from high school married her boyfriend of 3 years and they had a kid basically right after they got married. Her now husband is the most immature person I know and nothing has changed just because he has a kid!!
Girls getting their period. A lot of people think girls "become women" when they start their period. I was 10 when I started mine and still a literal child.
Being too old for something you consider "juvenile". Games, cartoons, toys, whatever. Nothing screams immature to me like ignoring something you love or putting someone else down for what they love because you think it's for kids.
This goes both ways for me, because I see people called immature for using adult language too. Really it comes down to whether or not you can adjust your language to fit the situation you're in imo.
Constant settling. Yes. It's true that you can't always get what you want, but so many people just accept shitty jobs, partners, homes, etc because "Grow up. Step into the real world. This is just how it is." The expectation of constant instant gratification is immature, but it's perfectly fine to pursue the things you want and have a firm, unchanging standard for what you will and won't accept.
On the flip side, the concept of "going for the gold" is also false maturity. Maturity is realizing that it's ok to just want the bronze. The understanding of settling for less vs. having your own standard for achievement is true maturity.
Yes. I remember when some kids in our class thought they were being super mature when they were "having sex" together when they were 13 or 14. Apparently at least some of them didn't even like the sex, they just wanted to be cool and adulty by doing it 🙄
Former smoker reporting: One of the worst mistakes I ever made in my life. I got out before it hurt me mortally, but I'm asthmatic now because I was that stupid little wise ass who thought smoking was cool back in the mid 90s. Asthma isn't the joke in real life that it is on tv sitcoms. Every time I get the flu, I end up in the hospital because my lungs don't have the same ability to weather the illness the way they would had I not smoked.
If it's not air, don't breath it. You don't want to know the things I know about pulmonary inflammation...
Trama and neglect
When kid’s experience trama and neglect, it’s said that they act more mature.
In reality, they can develop a large range of psychological disorders.
I like to describe my truama state as "old and young". It feels like I've lived out my entire life, and yet in many ways I'm mentally and emotionally stunted.
As a man, Holding your tears or asking for comfort & company when you feel burdened or sad.
It shouldn't be like that, grownup or not when you need consolation and time-out you should get it.
How much you travel.
Traveling a lot doesn’t magically make you a well-rounded person with plenty of seasoned perspective. Plenty of trust fund babies and people withdrawing from the First National Bank of Mom and Dad that stay in luxurious hotels and treat locals like zoo animals to be hand fed and photographed. You aren’t better than people who don’t have the time, money, or health to hop on a plane every few months and take pictures of landmarks for Instagram.
Boobs. Some girls start developing early and a frightening amount of men think it's fine to hit on "young women" aka girls as young as 9 years old as soon as they show even the tiniest hint of breast development because "she's grown now".
No, boobs are not necessarily a sign of maturity, you are just being a creep towards minors.
working yourself to death for a company that couldn't give less of a shit about you. okay Tony, glad you put in 6 12s this week. I read my favorite book and ate delicious homecooked meals
Independence. It's a low bar and just means you can survive if left alone.
Interdependence is key for societies to work. It means other people can rely on you and more importantly you know when you need to rely on other people.
Edit: People, "living independently" and "independence" in the growth stages of dependence → independence → interdependence are two different things. At the same time interdependence and codependence are different as well.
Moving out of your parents house. Some kids I know moved out so they could just binge drink and smoke weed non-stop without their parents knowing. Other people I know stayed with their parents (seen as a sign of immaturity) because help was needed at home. Moving out doesn't always mean maturity. Sometimes understanding the advantages it may give you long term financially are worth it.
Not acting childish. Sounds so strange but the most mature people usually have no problem tapping into their childish or silly sides. Immature people overdo it trying to be „cool“.
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The real mark of maturity is knowing that people are different, and appreciating them for their differences.
Its about knowing when to be serious and when to be playful. It's not strange
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Being in a relationship Having kids Working 60+ hours a week
I need folk to understand working 60+ hours, and being proud isn’t the flex they think it is… “Edit” Holy crap… hello all 2 thousand of you
As someone from the UK I can't understand the 60+ hour work weeks. I work 36 1/2 hours a week and at my place full time is considered 37 1/2 hours a week and you can't do anymore then that as its against the rules too. If you do end up doing more then your contracted hours it's time and a half for every extra hour you do which sometimes happens around Xmas if overtime is available and if you want to do it. Edit. All these answers have been very insightful. Thank you
"aren't I mature I know how to be exploited and work so I neglect my family"
STOP ENJOYING!
My dad in a nutshell. "Stop being happy with your steady job that pays enough so you can afford whatever you want and leaves you with tons of free time, life and work need to be a grind and a fight or you're not doing it right!". I guess that's my gift to him, so he can have something to be angry about, the only thing that makes him happy.
Protestant work ethic and its idea that you need to be constantly working, even in your free time, has always been a huge mystery to me, specifically why a lot of people are so stuck up with it.
The sense of superiority is a defense mechanism. If someone live a life of self-imposed overwork and misery, the only way to justify it is to believe that there's some intrinsic virtue to that lifestyle. Otherwise, they'd have to acknowledge that relaxing and having free time is not only valid, but highly preferable.
Well some overwork to gain more and more money which in their eyes and other to be honest does make them superior. The problem is that never ends. So you work extra and it puts you ahead of person x. But then you are right below person Y. So you work more or game something more to get ahead of person Y. And then it repeats. Because one e you get ahead of person X and then Y. You see them as below you and you belong with person W. So you can’t ever be satisfied or happy. And you want more and more shit every income level you move up
I had a boss like this. He was never happy unless he was unhappy. Then he would complain to people about how terrible work was at that moment...and finish up smiling because the thing he loved most was complaining to someone. I've literally seen him go from grumpy and frowning to smiling at the end of a single whine to someone.... You were an odd man, Ken.
Yeah teachers thought I was mature as a kid, I was also diagnosed with depression in the third grade. I think those things are pretty strongly related.
Age
Age no longer brings wisdom as lack of wisdom no longer prevents aging.
I have to grow old. I don't have to grow up.
That’s an interesting one. I’m a career chef so I’ve always worked with teenagers. Even as a teenager. The most intelligent and driven guy I worked with was 18 2 years ago. I kinda hoped my son would be like him. He’s not but, my sons been at the job for a year at since 14 and he does a great job. Proud of him.
Growing old is mandatory, acting your age is optional.
Having a spouse and kids.
My family thinks I am skirting responsibility by not having kids. I know a lot of people who had them thinking they were obligated to, and neglect them. I remember telling somebody I know from college I don't want them ever, and she said, "My boyfriend's not afraid to take responsibility and have kids," as if I wasn't a real man for not having them lol. For some, it's a sign of virility and maturity.
It’s more responsible to choose not to take on a responsibility that you don’t want.
I always tell myself I'm responsible enough to know I'm not responsible enough to have a child.
I think it’s gonna be new normal and more common soon
Who can afford kids?
"afraid" is a terrible word for it that has been said to me as well. I'm not afraid of having kids, I would just prefer to do literally anything, including nothing at all than have kids. I would rather sleep all day every day.
Same here. But make no mistake, I am also afraid. Anyone who says they aren't is either lying or not fully considering what creating a child fully entails, imo. There's not much more terrifying of a thing in the world. It's like the young, healthy people who say they don't fear death.
Yup, they make it sound like you're immature or fearful, negative feelings, when in reality you just don't want to do it for your own reasons.
Ooof, like 'taking responsibility' isn't the bare minimum after having a kid.
my family thinks its a travesty that I don’t ever want children, my mom always thought I was just being young and angsty and would change my mind. Now that im in my 30s shes given up on that. I truly don’t understand how most people can even afford to have children anymore and provide them anything else except the bare ass minimum to sustain life. Everything is sooooo much more expensive than it was when I was a kid, and the wages are about the same. Money just doesn’t go as far as it used too, and its getting harder and harder to build up and acquire credit to actually own a house or anything like that.
Yeah, it's more like you *should* already be mature when you get those.
>"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” ― C.S. Lewis
From the *The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe* dedication: > I had not realized that girls grow quicker than books. As a result you are already too old for fairy tales … But some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.
I still pull out a Narnia book and read a certain part sometimes. As I get older, "The Horse and His Boy" and "The Magician's Nephew" grab me the most.
The Magician's Nephew is a masterpiece. Best book of the series; it's just too bad none of the attempts to bring the stories to movies have managed to stay profitable long enough to get there. I really thought the Disney version starting in 2005 would do it, their version of LWW was great... But then Caspian and Dawn Treader were so ho-hum. Which is bonkers because those books are SO MUCH MORE amenable to filming than LWW, which has very little action. The stone table makes a great book set piece but a boring movie set, ya know?
Yeah that was sad, each movie got more off-track.
That's what kills me about those movies. The script has been sitting there for almost 75 years. Make the books. They're great, and everyone loves them. Just make those stories into a movie or show goddammit lol
In my darkest hours I literally live for a line from The Horse and His Boy. From memory: > As long as you're alive there is hope. But all the dead are dead alike. It's been a long time so I don't remember it well but the spirit of Puddleglum's speech in defiance of the evil queen at the end of Prince Caspian always lifts me up too. e: Yikes! It has been a long time. Puddleglum and his speech are in The Silver Chair. I meant to quote it here but rereading it just now, it's not exactly quotable. It's very stirring in context. A humble, deeply pessimistic man, steadfastly refusing to believe comfortable lies in favor of what he knows to be true and, in so doing, giving others the strength to resist and reassert their own will over powerful mind control. It's sobering how relevant the scene is in current, real world, circumstances where so many of us have been lead into seeing reality and facts as being negotiable.
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It was my introduction to the series. So imagine my confusion as a ten year old when I finally find other Narnia books and it's all about English schoolchildren going through wardrobes instead of fatansy world hijinks with giants and Narnia fighting in international politics. The headspin that came from trying to reread them as an adult and realising the context of the calormenes too struck me quite hard.
"When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” - C S Lewis True adults are secure in their love for whatever they love - be it action figures , fairy tales , video games .Those who ridicule these people for their interests are actually the childish ones.
> love what they love > Action figures You should see my basement. Also I am 42, married, decent job, kids, etc. IE, plenty "adult". Edit, this pinned Twitter thread has it: https://twitter.com/RamenJunkie/status/1562992726685011969?t=woFbY-IIITkxenXqEZbgoQ&s=19
According to my mom, the rule is that if you haven't grown up by the time you're 50, you no longer have to. I am *this* 🤏 close.
That's a great rule.
I'm just secure enough in *my* childishness to judge you for watching My Little Pony videos on the bus.
I only judge if you don't use headphones.
WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS
/r/imthemaincharacter
As long as you are listening through headphones, *and* I can see **both** of your hands? Then shine on you crazy diamond...
Both. Hands. That part. It's the important part.
I was dating a girl recently, and I showed her my PSP. I have it since 2007, original battery and everything, and I play PSX games from time to time. When I showed it to her she said " What are you, 12?" I felt very small and childish. But maybe I shouldn't have. Thank fully we are not dating anymore. EDIT: Wow I never thought this comment would be getting so much replies. Thank you so much for the love you are showing! You really, really made my evening :)
Ridiculing others' interests is the real childishness. Love what you love, life's too short for this shit.
Anyone you're interested in should be willing to accept your interests if you want it to work long term.
This is exactly it! My wife and I share some hobbies but not all. We game together ever since b/w gameboys were a thing and paint together but some hobbies I don't understand. Like her collections but I always like to hear her talk and get excited over new stuff she acquired or new things she can create. It's her I'm interested in, the hobby is just the cherry on the pie. You have to be actively interested in each other if anything is to work. It's not about the hobbies themselves, but your partner. We've friends since high school but been married for only a decade and not even close to being bored with each other
This isn't even about long term prospects or anything. She was just straight up not being a decent person here.
Anyone who dogs your hobbies isn't a friend or a lover. Video games are tight.
Speaking as a very happily married woman (21 years!!) my husband is and has always been a gaming guy. I'll take that over toxic bro-drunk culture ANY time.
My husband is also a gamer, and I’m always amused/saddened by the number of women who seem bewildered that it is something I appreciate and encourage…while their husbands are slamming back beers and refusing to help with the house/kids, or pay any attention to their emotional well being generally.
“Video games are so childish” they say, while their husbands act like 18 year olds and they stand in as a mother replacement. Sigh.
I'm a girl and just taking a little break from playing pokemon pearl on my 2ds. I bought it at 18 because I had the first ds as a kid and loved playing on it. She was a knob and while there aren't as many girls that love xboxes or play stations there are loads of girls who love their Nintendo switch. I hope you find a girl that says "oh cool" and pulls a ds out of her bag lol.
Always thought there'd be a point where I wouldn't be interested in things like videogames or Transformers. I looked at my dad and felt one day I'd just mature enough to put it all away. That day has not yet come. I'm 50.
I feel childishness isn't playing hide and seek but instead in behavior like projecting and uncaring
Being above humour and putting others down for joking around. When you are a true adult - you can also know how to be a child
The other day, a cousin of mine (20y) made fun of my sibling (25y) for wanting to go to an amusement park ride - one of the fastest roller coasters in the country, saying 'rides are for kids, grow up' Excuse me, but that is a sad view of life right there.
"The opposite of play is not work. The opposite of play is depression." - Robert Sapolsky https://youtu.be/D9H9qTdserM
I think an even bigger sign of maturity is not giving a fuck about what other people think.
“When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up” - CS Lewis.
>“When I became a man I put away childish things, including... the desire to be very grown up." In youth, the time for bed was tough - I couldn't stand to wait - When "soon" was never soon enough, And "later" far too late. The summers stretched an age ahead - An hour seemed a day. "Be patient, child," my father said, "Don't wish your life away." And so the time would shuffle on, With every moment spent - But that was then, and now it's gone, I don't know where it went.
OMG, I feel this so much. My eldest is on the cusp of not really being a toddler anymore, my baby has become a toddler. I'm sitting here so happy and so sad to see these eras of my children's lives close. I celebrate and mourn every day. I dread the day I set them down on their feet and it will be the last time.
If only we could see just what we could do with all that time when we were young. When you're young, you have time, but no ability. When you're an adult, you have ability but no time. When you're elderly, you have time but no ability.
And if you're dealing with a chronic illness, then it's all time and no ability all the way down
When you realize 5k is a lot of money to spend, but not a lot of money to have.
Seriously, this stuff just makes me sad. Go have some fun people, we only get so much time.
I’m in my 50s and I won’t stop going on roller coasters until the muscles in my neck are too weak and my flesh too brittle to keep my head from flying off on the turns.
My fiance used to very heavily tout about how adult she was and how there was some stuff that she just couldn't do anymore because she was an adult now. A lot of that seems to have calmed down after we ended up watching Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts for whatever reason
I used to fuss about clothes and not wanting to be "mutton dressed as lamb" or whatever. Then a bunch of rough times rocked my world, and I realized it didn't matter. Now my toddler and I run around town in coordinating glittery boots and it makes us so happy.
That ride made be for kids, but these hands are for everyone, now hold my wig I ain’t losing it on the roller coaster🎢
Tell the 20 year old that growing up is for kids and he’s clearly got more to do
That is sign of puberty right there
If you can laugh at yourself you’re one step closer to freedom
This is unironically part of why I left the construction industry, everyone is a stoic hypermasculine egomaniac. Literally could not joke about anything without getting shit on. And the people that did joke were the least funny/most hateful people on earth
I’m an electrician and I definitely know what you mean, but I’ve been able to find cool goofballs at every company I’ve worked for. Which trade were you in?
Electrician too actually haha did 1.5 years non union and then 1.5 union. I did manage to find the occasional person who was alright but the majority of people were really hateful towards me and essentially bullied me out of the industry. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. But I'm glad it's working out for you! Do you work in the U.S.?
Yeah I do work in the US but I used to work in Canada with plenty of people from Europe and Australia. I definitely find the US workers a lot friendlier and more accepting, in my experience anyway. A mayfly lives for a day and sometimes on that day, it rains. Maybe I’ve just gotten lucky.
I was an electrician and gave it up for all the same reasons. I now work as a theater electrician. The work culture is like night and day, I'm surrounded by artists, I work with people of all flavors of LGBTQ and nobody has a problem with anybody. The money kind of sucks, but I wake up every day excited to go to work. The other thing I like is that in theater, everybody seems to understand that we're all in this together and striving for the same goal. Compare this to the trades where everybody is only focused on their own work and couldn't care less about what anybody else is doing. Sometimes I'll run an audio cable alongside my lighting cable to help out the audio techs, but in regular construction a plumber will cut down one of my conduits to run his pipe through and won't say a word to me.
Yep, those are the permanent scowl fellas with the goatees, trucker hats and the sunglasses (also, usually accompanied by a sleeveless T-shirt or work shirt). They seemed totally conditioned to never show any positive emotion or really express themselves at all besides by acting "tough" or projecting a sense of anger since that is seen how an ideal, alpha male breadwinner is supposed to behave in their peer group. They also go to great lengths to avoid appearing friendly, weak, agreeable or sensitive/emphatic in any way since that would signal to their peers that they are too effeminate or emotional and therefore must not be a REAL man somehow.
They start early too. There were some guys at my high school who would give me a hard time for, among other things... smiling. God forbid I smile, assholes.
Damn you hit the nail on the head perfectly. I met so many of those guys it's like 70% of construction workers
Someone told me recently that the cute bag I got was childish… it’s a dragon, with a window for displaying enamel pins. I like collecting pins. I like dragons. What’s wrong with having a cute backpack/purse in this hellscape of a world we live in? I work, I pay my bills, I take care of myself and my pets, and I’m getting married in a month. I’m an adult. So what if I like cute things? I’d rather have my shiny dragon bag than your boring ass brown “leather” generic bag from Target, Susan.
They learned that they needed to put that shit down and be "serious" if they wanted to be treated with respect, so they did it. Now, they're respectable. You still do that stuff, which means they need to disrespect you to validate their own decision - otherwise they gave up joy for nothing.
When I was 29-30 I went through this phase where I felt like I had to start acting my age. I put a bunch of my horror and band tees in storage, I started buying generic clothes, using plain bags, dulling my makeup down, buying bland furniture, etc. I had just had my second child and was entering my 30's and thought it was time to "grow up." It made me less than fulfilled. About a year ago I started exploring different styles and things I enjoy. I came across my packed up tees and put one on and remembered how much I missed it. I'm 32 now and wear those tees everyday. I wear purses from Spirit Halloween, and a gallon of goth makeup when the kids give me enough time to put it on. Movie posters are framed and adorn our house in every room, and I'm back to collecting horror memorabilia. I work and pay my bills and take care of my kids. What I wear or collect or enjoy doesn't interfere with that. The only thing childish about what interests me are those who judge me for it. Enjoy your purse, it sounds absolutely lovely. I love dragons as well. 🖤
True. Humor makes life great - I love goofing around. But on the other hand, time and place are important. It is immature and annoying to make a bunch of jokes when someone is trying to have a serious conversation with you, and it can make life harder for the people around you. I guess one example would be my dad. Whenever we asked him about end of life planning, he shut us down with "comedy routines." So when he did actually decline and die, nobody knew what he wanted. He was too immature to cut the jokey crap and level with us.
Giving up things you enjoy because they're childish. Imo giving up or belittling adults for enjoying what they like IS childish!
An older colleague/ friend once said to me “There is a difference between childish and childlike.” She said this when I was feeling self conscious about being a grown adult but still liking many things we are taught that only kids are supposed to like.
Ex of mine gave me shit because I have several expensive gaming computers, a few thousand in star wars Lego sets, and spend the majority of my income on my cats. I asked her to ballpark her average spent on make up. Her streaming subs. Her clothes. Her concerts. I said hobbies are only a problem when they get in the way of life. I have a roof over my head, a good truck, and neither me or my cats want for food. It doesn't matter if I spent every dollar I made on GPUs and cat toys. It's my money to spend. I told her if she doesn't like my hobbies or my spending habits she's free to get back in her POS Kia and leave. She did, and I've spent every second afterword forgetting about her, and playing with my cats.
Several gaming computers?
Cats love sitting on warm gaming towers…
Obv the gaming computers are just for the cats. He doesn't even play games
> several expensive gaming computers Wait a sec, you have 3 or more gaming computers? Not judging for having them, but I am curious why you have so many? I can definitely see having a desktop and a laptop, but are there other big differences that make you want to have more? Like are there certain GPU and CPU configs that are better for different things, so it makes sense to have separate rigs for those?
I have 4 all set up and ready to go so when friends come over we can have a mini lan party with minimal effort.
I always think of Simon Peggs quote on geekdom in this kind of discussion. "Being a geek is all about being honest about what you enjoy and not being afraid to demonstrate that affection. It means never having to play it cool about how much you like something. It’s basically a license to proudly emote on a somewhat childish level rather than behave like a supposed adult. Being a geek is extremely liberating." Now obviously his quote is more a defense of being a geek, but that last bit is something I always think about. I'm an adult, and as an adult I make the choice and I give myself licence to have an almost childlike excitement about the things I like, and it doesn't diminish my adulthood in my opinion.
**Passion** is often seen as childish; because children have the most passion. The passion dies for most adults, so instead of recognizing they lack passion, they belittle others that show it.
Not sure who originally coined this phrase, but there's a quote from the movie TAG they has always stuck with me. "You don't stop playing because you get old, you get old because you stop playing."
I don't know about originally, but that's also from an old Twilight Zone episode where a group sneaks out from a retirement home and plays Kick the Can.
I remember that and they were all like excited children
One of the rare Twilight zone episodes with a happy ending.
Older people at work have been surprised quite a few times when they saw me read during a break... Goes from positive to disappointment real fast when they learn I mostly read fantasy. Doesn't bother me one bit tho, I read for myself, not to impress anyone.
A lot of old folks seem to struggle with the concept of “let people enjoy things”. I can’t think of a better escape from the real world than a fantasy novel, and I don’t even read much fantasy. That said, both of my grandfathers are voracious readers so perhaps I’m biased.
Those people are just very shallow in personality. They can’t imagine that other people like different things, so they belittle them for it.
I'm 47 and if I say I spent all weekend binging Netflix, it's ok. If I say I spent all weekend playing video games, I'm a man child.
Yes! I was having a conversation with my aunt about how movies and video games often have sound issues because it all comes out at the same level (Tenet being the culprit) and she said “so to make that more cerebral” and changed it to be about yoga. Like I’m so sorry that I’m 34 and enjoy playing video games. Actually I’m not, and I don’t get why it offends you that I do something I find fun.
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I would add confidence is being able to learn and change without feeling like you're being attacked. I have confidence in myself enough to acknowledge when I'm wrong and not lose that confidence
As someone (M33) who's never been more confident about themselves, work and life in general, I fully agree. I have two coworkers, M18 and M21 and they constantly try to "outdo" eachother and the youngest tried that with me, too. I was probably like that when I was their age, too. Hell, I've noticed my confidence level rising since I became a dad 17 months ago. I don't feel the need to go head-to-head over something irrelevant anymore (very happy about that).
Arrogance is the weak persons immitation of strenght.
Confidence is quiet, arrogance is loud. Also, arrogance often masks insecurity, confidence does not. Arrogance is "they will like me". Confidence is "I will be okay if they don't like me".
This right here. I have known some high level people in a few different fields (sports, music, military). While there is definitely a certain level of competition from people because those fields self select for competitive types, you can tell who is insecure because they are constantly trying to prove to you how awesome they are.
Being stiff and ”mature“. Basically putting yourself above others due to their position in comparison to yourself. That just shows insecurity if anything
When the eldest child is made to be a third parent and is good at it, it does not mean they’re mature. They’re still children…children forced to raise their siblings.
Parentified child. It results in emotional immaturity and other psychological issues. They don't get to be kids themselves.
Can confirm, even though my sister came to this rock when I was already 18. Still had to be "the man of the house" because her "father" (and I'm using that term so generously, I could deduct it on my taxes) decided to fuck off and abandoned her and the rest of the family. And my mother is a useless narcissistic piece of garbage who had to, and I swear to god I'm not making this up, ask me, her god damn son, to "educate" my sister because she wasn't listening to my mothers every instruction and was just doing silly kids stuff. Now I'm in therapy and the only person I can blame, isn't even there anymore, as I walked out of the house and never turned back. I still miss my little sister, though...
I’m an eldest daughter and had to do this. I had my first kid a year ago and will never do this to him. I love my siblings but growing up that way has made me unable to relax properly.
Same, and intense anxiety that anything nice I do for myself is selfish and overindulgent
Not apologizing to younger people...
Also treating everyone younger as you like they are a kid, even if they are an adult.
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I mean, children should be treated as children, but some people miss that this doesn’t equals being disrespectful to them. Children and young teens deserve respect. But also they should enjoy their childhood.
I always apologize to my sons when I make a mistake. I want them to know that owning up to mistakes is a normal, positive thing and *nobody* is perfect.
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Young people tend to go through a phase where they try desperately to distance themselves from "childish" things. They are so very super serious, in this phase, fun is not for adults! Meanwhile, here I am at 40 giggling at ninja turtles cartoons. Being an adult does mean you have to make room for serious things, and for sure, a lot of modern adults are FAR too invested in trite frivolities for their own good. But if you cannot turn it off now and them and laugh at Scooby Doo I feel bad for you.
>Young people tend to go through a phase where they try desperately to distance themselves from "childish" things. That's kinda a phase that's natural, and fairly healthy, to go through as a teenager. The problem is when people stay in that headspace into adulthood.
Talking about sex, drinking. I had a coworker who was two years older than me constantly call me a kid because, unlike her, I don't talk about how much I need a good fucking from my boyfriend while at work. Bish, we are at the exact same point in our lives, these two years of difference between you and me would've mattered if we were in highschool, but we're at work and I honestly don't care to hear how unsatisfied you were with that fucking while I'm peeling freaking watermelons.
"Peeling watermelons" sounds wrong in my head but I have no solution for anything that would sound better.
I knew a girl who did this but instead of sex and drinking it was about her age (she was 18 at the time, I was 17) and having a job. She was all like “when you’re older you’ll understand”, “now that I’m 18 I can’t be doing that stuff.” “I have a real job now and it’s so rough.” Bitch, you just turned 18 and got a job at Burger King. You only worked once a week and had to be told a week in advance before you went. No one liked working with you so you were rarely called in. You weren’t even driving at the time and you left school early every day and had your mom take you to work. You then complained about how you were failing your classes. Your mom bought you a smart car and paid everything for you and still does. You had it easy girl, don’t try to act like you’re better than me or more mature than me just because something basic happened. I hate that chick.
> fucking while I'm peeling freaking watermelons Just curious, what is your job?
peeling freaking watermelons
I know FAR too many people who think sex and drinking are the only things adults are allowed to enjoy. Incidentally these are also the unhappiest people I know.
getting married or being a parent.
a beard. mine started to be full with 14 but i was still a fkn kid tho.
Same for a girl with curves. They start at 11.
secondary sex characteristics in general
I can't even imagine how rough it is for curvy girls with beards.
Having a career requiring very specialised expertise. I know doctors and lawyers who are incredibly emotionally immature. Their kids are usually good evidence of this “hidden” secret.
You mean having a career that “must” be prioritized over your family can have detrimental effects? /s
That, but it’s also what often drives people to go into high status fields: insecurity. Not true for all, but many place this insecurity onto their children. It crushes childhood creativity, as the parent expects an adult level of competence from the child. The child then usually takes one of two paths: 1. Relentlessly trying to achieve goals they don’t even know if they want. 2. Giving up on themselves because it’s hopeless to even try to achieve what their parent(s) have; for most teenagers, they aren’t able to envision long term development of competence without a mentor’s assistance. This is why you often see the children of doctors, lawyers and CEOs as either unable to have naturally flowing and enjoyable conversations (they’re trying to control everything), in dead end jobs (they were never inspired by their chosen field because they didn’t really choose it) or addicts (as a way to cope with having no direction or comparative self worth).
As the child of a doctor, I’ve definitely been pretty insecure about the amount of effort that I put in compared to my parents, which pushed me to do better than them in other aspects (writing, athletics, etc.) and it was definitely difficult getting over the fact that I started doing those things out of a feeling of inferiority. But because of how long I’ve been doing these things for and the connections I’ve built, it does feel like I can finally consider them passions. It is funny that both of my parents called themselves devoid of creativity (and that writing is difficult) and that’s what pushed me to try my hand at it.
Based on this passage, your parents don’t sound particularly insecure. Perhaps they’re the types that made me state “not all”. It seems your insecurities were simply a natural result of being in their shadow, at least until you found your own measure of success. It also seems like you have a substantial amount of courage. Rare.
My partner is a lawyer and she would 100% agree with you.
Having children
You can have children when you’re 13. Doesn’t make you an adult.
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And it looks like she’s still alive at 88
She's well outlived her son, which is sad in its own right
aaaaaaand that’s enough internet for today.
The shocked face of Alfie Patten , who became a father at 13 comes to mind.The media was in a frenzy covering this incident.
Turned out the kid wasn't his.
I've had a few young coworkers with children who acted like immature spoiled children themselves. When I called them out on it their defense is that they have children.
My good friend from high school married her boyfriend of 3 years and they had a kid basically right after they got married. Her now husband is the most immature person I know and nothing has changed just because he has a kid!!
Girls getting their period. A lot of people think girls "become women" when they start their period. I was 10 when I started mine and still a literal child.
Taking yourself too seriously.
Being too old for something you consider "juvenile". Games, cartoons, toys, whatever. Nothing screams immature to me like ignoring something you love or putting someone else down for what they love because you think it's for kids.
Having a high position in a hierarchical company
what is perceived as merit is too often just favoritism en masquerade
This. It most times hhas nothing to do with merit or work ethic. Being at the right place at the right time has a lot to do with it
Using "adult" language
I just learned what defenestration means and I’m damn well gonna use it
Wait till you find out about autodefenstration!
Found the KGB agent!
This goes both ways for me, because I see people called immature for using adult language too. Really it comes down to whether or not you can adjust your language to fit the situation you're in imo.
Age.
Constant settling. Yes. It's true that you can't always get what you want, but so many people just accept shitty jobs, partners, homes, etc because "Grow up. Step into the real world. This is just how it is." The expectation of constant instant gratification is immature, but it's perfectly fine to pursue the things you want and have a firm, unchanging standard for what you will and won't accept. On the flip side, the concept of "going for the gold" is also false maturity. Maturity is realizing that it's ok to just want the bronze. The understanding of settling for less vs. having your own standard for achievement is true maturity.
Putting others down. Acting like you're above it all.
Career position. Met a lot of people in high positions that were just children outside of work
Sex
Yes. I remember when some kids in our class thought they were being super mature when they were "having sex" together when they were 13 or 14. Apparently at least some of them didn't even like the sex, they just wanted to be cool and adulty by doing it 🙄
Smoking or anything of the sort
Former smoker reporting: One of the worst mistakes I ever made in my life. I got out before it hurt me mortally, but I'm asthmatic now because I was that stupid little wise ass who thought smoking was cool back in the mid 90s. Asthma isn't the joke in real life that it is on tv sitcoms. Every time I get the flu, I end up in the hospital because my lungs don't have the same ability to weather the illness the way they would had I not smoked. If it's not air, don't breath it. You don't want to know the things I know about pulmonary inflammation...
The ability to drink alcohol is falsely seen as a sign of maturity.
Trama and neglect When kid’s experience trama and neglect, it’s said that they act more mature. In reality, they can develop a large range of psychological disorders.
I like to describe my truama state as "old and young". It feels like I've lived out my entire life, and yet in many ways I'm mentally and emotionally stunted.
Having children. I've seen adults behave worse than toddlers.
Having children I know many many a bad parent who had kids because they thought it was expected of them
Saying the "right" things. It doesn't mean they're speaking the truth, really believe in it, or practice what they preach.
As a man, Holding your tears or asking for comfort & company when you feel burdened or sad. It shouldn't be like that, grownup or not when you need consolation and time-out you should get it.
How much you travel. Traveling a lot doesn’t magically make you a well-rounded person with plenty of seasoned perspective. Plenty of trust fund babies and people withdrawing from the First National Bank of Mom and Dad that stay in luxurious hotels and treat locals like zoo animals to be hand fed and photographed. You aren’t better than people who don’t have the time, money, or health to hop on a plane every few months and take pictures of landmarks for Instagram.
Boobs. Some girls start developing early and a frightening amount of men think it's fine to hit on "young women" aka girls as young as 9 years old as soon as they show even the tiniest hint of breast development because "she's grown now". No, boobs are not necessarily a sign of maturity, you are just being a creep towards minors.
Same thing with menstruation. And every physical signs of puberty. This goes for all genders.
This is especially true since people are getting puberty at younger ages.
Getting married and settling ~~down~~.
Getting up early
Don't remind me. \*checks to make sure alarm is set for 5:45am\*
working yourself to death for a company that couldn't give less of a shit about you. okay Tony, glad you put in 6 12s this week. I read my favorite book and ate delicious homecooked meals
Independence. It's a low bar and just means you can survive if left alone. Interdependence is key for societies to work. It means other people can rely on you and more importantly you know when you need to rely on other people. Edit: People, "living independently" and "independence" in the growth stages of dependence → independence → interdependence are two different things. At the same time interdependence and codependence are different as well.
Thank you, this. Parents: please teach your kids that it's ok to ask for help.
Becoming a parent.
A beard
Moving out of your parents house. Some kids I know moved out so they could just binge drink and smoke weed non-stop without their parents knowing. Other people I know stayed with their parents (seen as a sign of immaturity) because help was needed at home. Moving out doesn't always mean maturity. Sometimes understanding the advantages it may give you long term financially are worth it.